1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:10,000 Double distance, I'll take another one. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:20,700 I'm super excited to meet Oscar Day-Lorenton Brown. 3 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,700 He's so cute. 4 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:25,660 He's so cute. 5 00:00:25,660 --> 00:00:29,620 And Diane. 6 00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:31,810 And Stacey. 7 00:00:31,810 --> 00:00:33,810 And Stacey has seven days. 8 00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:35,810 And Stacey has seven days. 9 00:00:35,810 --> 00:00:37,810 And then Monica. 10 00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:39,810 And then Monica. 11 00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:41,810 I want to welcome you if you've been around when you're here. 12 00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:43,810 I want to welcome you if you've been around when you're here. 13 00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,810 Oh, let me tell you my sobriety date. 14 00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:47,810 My sobriety date is May 11, 1997. 15 00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:49,810 So I'm 21 years, 5 months, and 2 days. 16 00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:51,810 So I'm 21 years, 5 months, and 2 days. 17 00:00:51,810 --> 00:00:53,810 Because of Everyday Channel. 18 00:00:53,810 --> 00:00:55,810 It's a Pacific group down at Beyonder. 19 00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,810 Oh, wait, let me thank Scott, the host with the moat. 20 00:00:57,810 --> 00:00:59,810 Oh, wait, let me thank Scott, the host with the moat. 21 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,810 Thank you, Scott. 22 00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:03,810 And my sponsor, Pat Doe. 23 00:01:03,810 --> 00:01:05,810 And my sponsor, Pat Doe. 24 00:01:05,810 --> 00:01:07,810 If you might know Pat Doe, she's got a whole bunch of variety. 25 00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:09,810 She is the most amazing woman in my life. 26 00:01:09,810 --> 00:01:11,810 She's my voice. 27 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,810 She's in my head. 28 00:01:13,810 --> 00:01:15,810 You know, the bar is high. 29 00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:17,810 And I'm grateful. 30 00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:19,810 Thank you for my water foot. 31 00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:21,810 I'm from Florence, California. 32 00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:23,810 I'm the middle misfit of three. 33 00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:25,810 I will tell you that if you're new here, 34 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:27,810 or if you're back, 35 00:01:27,810 --> 00:01:29,810 you have come back. 36 00:01:29,810 --> 00:01:31,810 I came back many times. 37 00:01:31,810 --> 00:01:33,810 This is not my first sobriety. 38 00:01:33,810 --> 00:01:35,810 I don't know, but I know a lot of people that got so rid of their first sobriety. 39 00:01:35,810 --> 00:01:37,810 It's not my story. 40 00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:39,810 You know, my second sobriety, my third sobriety, 41 00:01:39,810 --> 00:01:41,810 my whatever. 42 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,810 You know what, everything I'm talking about are my God shots 43 00:01:43,810 --> 00:01:45,810 to get me where I am today. 44 00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:47,810 You know what, no matter how good, bad, or ugly, 45 00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,810 or indifferent, or horrific they were, 46 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,810 I'm so grateful for all of them. 47 00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:53,810 I don't want to change any of them. 48 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:55,810 Now, in the moment, some of them are happening. 49 00:01:55,810 --> 00:01:57,810 I don't know what I would have told you that. 50 00:01:57,810 --> 00:01:59,810 But, here's my story. 51 00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:01,810 So, I'm from Florence, California. 52 00:02:01,810 --> 00:02:03,810 I'm the middle misfit of three. 53 00:02:03,810 --> 00:02:05,810 I was a chunky kid. 54 00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:07,810 I had a younger sister, older brother, mom, dad, small family. 55 00:02:07,810 --> 00:02:10,290 We're, you know, Catholic, Irish, 56 00:02:10,290 --> 00:02:12,290 Catholic, whatever. 57 00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:14,290 But Irish and Italian, for sure. 58 00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:16,290 And, you know, I was a chunky kid. 59 00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:18,290 I really related to everything Nate and Diane were talking about. 60 00:02:18,290 --> 00:02:20,290 I was really uncomfortable in my skin when I was young. 61 00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:22,290 I was a chunky kid. 62 00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:24,290 I cared what you thought about me 63 00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:26,290 at the age of two. 64 00:02:26,290 --> 00:02:28,290 And I really remember that. 65 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:30,290 I remember, like, I cared so much. 66 00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:32,290 I remember in kindergarten, 67 00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:34,290 my mom cut my hair, and they were calling me 68 00:02:34,290 --> 00:02:36,290 James instead of Janice. 69 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,290 Well, I carried that resentment until I got sober. 70 00:02:38,290 --> 00:02:40,290 You know, I remember that. 71 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,290 I mean, my parents, they followed the rules. 72 00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:44,290 They fought a lot. 73 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,290 Does that make me not follow the rules? 74 00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:48,290 They fought a lot. 75 00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,290 They drank. As they drank, they got along better. 76 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:52,290 You know, there was a lot of pots and pans 77 00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:54,290 and things lying around the house. 78 00:02:54,290 --> 00:02:56,290 And I remember, like, you know, 79 00:02:56,290 --> 00:02:58,290 I remember I used to think... 80 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:00,290 I remember from the very beginning of my life, 81 00:03:00,290 --> 00:03:02,290 so self-absorbed and self-centered 82 00:03:02,290 --> 00:03:04,290 and self-seeking. 83 00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:06,290 Everything revolved around what I thought. 84 00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:08,290 It's alcoholism. 85 00:03:08,290 --> 00:03:10,290 People remember that before I picked up a drink. 86 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,290 My first little chemical from the neck up 87 00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:14,290 was food. I don't know about you, 88 00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:16,290 but I started overeating at a very young age. 89 00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:18,290 I was a fat little kid. 90 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,290 I hate to use that word, but I look. 91 00:03:20,290 --> 00:03:22,290 They put me on dexedrine at the age of nine 92 00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:24,290 because she worked for doctors, 93 00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:26,290 and I liked it. 94 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,290 The effect it produced from the neck up. 95 00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,290 It's a speed, right? 96 00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:32,290 So I was sitting in a house. 97 00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,290 Now, you know what I mean? 98 00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:36,290 It's natural. I don't need any medicine. 99 00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:38,290 And, you know, whatever was happening, 100 00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:40,290 we would go to the hall. 101 00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:42,290 We would go to the white ticket fence. 102 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,290 We would go and all that. 103 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,290 And then I was just done going on. 104 00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:48,290 My mom would say, you know, go out in the world 105 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,290 and feel the way. 106 00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,290 You know what? It's fine. 107 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:54,290 I became a serious people-poser. 108 00:03:54,290 --> 00:03:56,290 I felt uncomfortable in my skin, 109 00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:58,290 but yet I was accepted, friends, popular, 110 00:03:58,290 --> 00:04:00,290 all that stuff, because you know what? 111 00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,290 If you didn't like me, I'd go over and ask you why, 112 00:04:02,290 --> 00:04:04,290 and I'd find out, and then I'd change for you. 113 00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:06,290 And, you know, 114 00:04:06,290 --> 00:04:08,290 I remember my first little sippy-poo. 115 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,290 I was very young. 116 00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:12,290 I had beer with a little bit of salt in it 117 00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:14,290 because we were Italian. 118 00:04:14,290 --> 00:04:16,290 I had a little bit of cold duck. 119 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,290 I had sangria, 120 00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,290 and I had a little bit of Olympia beer, 121 00:04:20,290 --> 00:04:22,290 and I had a little bit, 122 00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:24,290 you know, my dad would let me take a little sippy-sip, 123 00:04:24,290 --> 00:04:26,290 you know, and Lancer's wine. 124 00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:28,290 Does anybody remember any of these? 125 00:04:28,290 --> 00:04:30,290 And, um, 126 00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:32,290 and then there was Boone's farm tickle cake. 127 00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:38,290 Like, that stuff. 128 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,290 So, you know, I remember my family, 129 00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:42,290 and I love my family. 130 00:04:42,290 --> 00:04:44,290 My parents let us drink a little bit at the house, 131 00:04:44,290 --> 00:04:46,290 you know, and my mom was very liberal. 132 00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:48,290 And I, you know, I, like, became a little woman 133 00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:50,290 at the age of nine. 134 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,290 So I started learning about the world 135 00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,290 when I was really young, right? 136 00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,290 I was nine. 137 00:04:56,290 --> 00:04:58,290 So I'm, like, developing, and the kids are making fun of me, 138 00:04:58,290 --> 00:05:00,290 and, you know, I was uncomfortable in my skin. 139 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:02,290 And, uh, I'll tell you, 140 00:05:02,290 --> 00:05:04,290 I remember when I first started drinking, 141 00:05:04,290 --> 00:05:06,290 and not really, like, my first kind of brownout, 142 00:05:06,290 --> 00:05:08,290 but I'll just remember, 143 00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:10,290 I was having, like, three or four beers, 144 00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:12,290 and some Boone's farm, 145 00:05:12,290 --> 00:05:14,290 Boone's farm tickle cake, you know, 146 00:05:14,290 --> 00:05:16,290 that uncomfortability. 147 00:05:16,290 --> 00:05:18,290 You are lucky to be with me. 148 00:05:18,290 --> 00:05:20,290 My perception changed right away. 149 00:05:20,290 --> 00:05:22,290 You know what? I'm all that and a bag of chips, 150 00:05:22,290 --> 00:05:24,290 and you are lucky to be with me. 151 00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,290 I'm an alcoholic, because alcohol 152 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,290 changes my perception. 153 00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:30,290 That started happening very early for me. 154 00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:32,290 Now, I wasn't drinking every day at the age of 13 or 14, 155 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,290 but I remember when I picked up a drink, 156 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,290 through my early years of drinking, 157 00:05:36,290 --> 00:05:38,290 I was drinking more than the kids I was with. 158 00:05:38,290 --> 00:05:40,290 You know, I was just drinking, like, 159 00:05:40,290 --> 00:05:42,290 six or seven drinks, and everybody else 160 00:05:42,290 --> 00:05:44,290 was on their first or second one, 161 00:05:44,290 --> 00:05:46,290 and I thought, I can handle my alcohol. 162 00:05:46,290 --> 00:05:48,290 I'm a heavy duty alcoholic drinker. 163 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:50,290 I can handle it. 164 00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:52,290 Now, you know, 165 00:05:52,290 --> 00:05:54,290 from the beginning, 166 00:05:54,290 --> 00:05:56,290 I was drinking alcohol, 167 00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:58,290 but I thought not to be an alcoholic. 168 00:05:58,290 --> 00:06:00,290 So, high school, you know, 169 00:06:00,290 --> 00:06:02,290 I'm the girl that, 170 00:06:02,290 --> 00:06:04,290 I start doing the teeter-totter with, 171 00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,290 you know, the diet pills, 172 00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:08,290 and then losing a thousand pounds 173 00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:10,290 twenty times, a million times, you know. 174 00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:12,290 That's very much part of my ism, 175 00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:14,290 you know, I'm not going to go into this, 176 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,290 but when you have severe eating disorders, 177 00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:18,290 you become that liar, 178 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,290 and that cheater, and that manipulator, 179 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:22,290 and that stealer. 180 00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,290 Get that, and then by the time I picked up the drink, 181 00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:26,290 it was on. 182 00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:28,290 I'm the liar, the cheat, the thief, 183 00:06:28,290 --> 00:06:30,290 and a ho-ho-ho, and nothing will be the same. 184 00:06:36,290 --> 00:06:38,290 And then, you know, 185 00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:40,290 soon I'm escalating to 186 00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:42,290 high school. 187 00:06:42,290 --> 00:06:45,120 High school graduation for me, 188 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,120 and I like to drink, 189 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,120 and I don't like food getting in the way, 190 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,120 I don't know about you guys, 191 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,120 but I just like the effect produced by alcohol. 192 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,120 So let's drink. 193 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,120 I blacked out in my high school graduation. 194 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,120 My parents had a party for me. 195 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,120 Oops, I forgot to show up. 196 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,120 You know, that's like 17 years old, right? 197 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,120 17 years old. 198 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,120 I mean, a major disappointment to folks. 199 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,120 But I remember it all from, like, 200 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,120 I just stopped drinking Lambert, 201 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,120 and I went to bars. 202 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,120 I wanted to go early. 203 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,120 I got a job right away out of high school, 204 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,120 and I just wanted to get in the bars. 205 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,120 And I remember in Fort Cliff, like, this rain tree. 206 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,120 I just see the rain tree. 207 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,120 Every time I say that, 208 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,120 do I remember you? 209 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,120 I'm like, did we sleep together? 210 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,120 Who's kidding? 211 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,120 Who needs the ice? 212 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,120 Who needs the brown ice? 213 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,120 Who needs the glass? 214 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,120 So, you know, 215 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,120 I just remember how much I was drinking, 216 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,120 and I couldn't. 217 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,120 I'm in the bar, and I'm drinking, and I have two drinks in front of me, 218 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,120 and I can't wait for the bartender to come to me and, like, 219 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,120 order another one, you know? 220 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,120 It's just like that was happening very early. 221 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,120 So anyways, I'm, you know, started doing other things 222 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,120 that allow me to drink more, you know? 223 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,120 And that's just all of the world for me. 224 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,120 You know, to us. 225 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,120 I don't need to drink more, but 226 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,120 when I find my other party favors, 227 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,120 I can drink more. 228 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,120 I think I started going home with people, you know? 229 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,120 Last call means find somebody. 230 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,120 That was like 20, you know, 231 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,120 I'm in my, like, 19, 20, 21, 232 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,120 and, you know, I got my first gut shot. 233 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,120 Big gut shot. Big gut shot, because I got my first drunk 234 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,120 driving, and here, let me 235 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,120 paint the picture. This is how I drank. 236 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,120 So, I fall out of my car. I'm about a block 237 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,120 away from my house. I fall out of my 238 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,120 little car, and it's a female 239 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,120 officer and a male officer. 240 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,120 Proceed to tell the female officer that she is a 241 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,120 lesbian, and she is going to rape me. 242 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,120 That doesn't go over very well. 243 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,120 And then I have 244 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,120 the male officer 245 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,150 call it. 246 00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:43,150 Now, it is 247 00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:45,150 .30. It is very 248 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,150 accurate. So, back in those days, it was 249 00:08:47,150 --> 00:08:49,150 .10. It was .30. 250 00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:51,150 And I remember, I think 251 00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:53,150 I was called in when I was 252 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,150 56 years old. So, this has been going on 253 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:57,150 for a while. And I remember what they 254 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,150 said. They said, honey, you are 255 00:08:59,150 --> 00:09:01,150 probably not here by mistake, and if you don't 256 00:09:01,150 --> 00:09:03,150 pay attention, we guarantee you'll be back. 257 00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:05,150 And I'm like, so I remember 258 00:09:05,150 --> 00:09:07,150 my first AA meeting. I'm in the back. 259 00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:09,150 I'm not relating to you. I'm hearing the differences. 260 00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:11,150 I'm hearing the differences, not 261 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,150 similarity. Although, I knew something 262 00:09:13,150 --> 00:09:15,150 intuitively not right. And I 263 00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:17,150 fulfilled those obligations. And I remember 264 00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:19,150 you know, I would go to 265 00:09:19,150 --> 00:09:21,150 AA, and I would just feel so 266 00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,150 sorry for you. But I remember when I was in an 267 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,150 AA meeting, I was salivating for a drink. 268 00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,150 You all were talking about drinking. 269 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,150 So, I'm 21. You know 270 00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,150 what? I spent until I'm 271 00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:33,150 35 trying to get here to stay here. 272 00:09:33,150 --> 00:09:35,150 From 21 to 35. And so, 273 00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,150 I'm forever grateful. 274 00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:39,150 I'm forever grateful for every single 275 00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:41,150 solitary mistake. Every single 276 00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:43,150 solitary demoralizing experience 277 00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,150 because I've had several of them. 278 00:09:45,150 --> 00:09:47,150 I'm 279 00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:49,150 so grateful for every time 280 00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:51,150 I took back my will and I drink. 281 00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:53,150 I mean, because let me just tell you how this goes. 282 00:09:53,150 --> 00:09:55,150 21, I'm living like this. 283 00:09:55,150 --> 00:09:57,150 Okay. So, I'll do anything for 284 00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:59,150 attention. You know, I, all my friends were 285 00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:01,150 getting married in my early 20s. And you know, 286 00:10:01,150 --> 00:10:03,150 I wasn't. Nobody was really 287 00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:05,150 wanting to marry me. So, at weddings, I just 288 00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:07,150 get surprised, get all the attention 289 00:10:07,150 --> 00:10:09,150 and really want to stay here. 290 00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,150 I don't need a blackout drink. 291 00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:15,150 You know, I'm a great man at weddings. 292 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,150 Short dress. 293 00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:23,150 You know, and these are the kinds of things I do 294 00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:25,150 always. 295 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:31,150 You know, but I'm drinking. So, I don't remember. 296 00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:33,150 So, you know, 297 00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:35,150 right? 298 00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:37,150 I cannot tell you that I went, 299 00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:39,150 I have this drink for you and everybody else. 300 00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:41,150 But you do. 301 00:10:41,150 --> 00:10:43,150 So, I'm in my 20s. Life is going on. 302 00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:45,630 I'm a secretary by trade. 303 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:47,630 You know, and I'm 304 00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,630 also the kind of girl that has maybe a boyfriend 305 00:10:49,630 --> 00:10:51,630 over here that would be good 306 00:10:51,630 --> 00:10:53,630 for this. Maybe money. 307 00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:55,630 And there might be a boyfriend over here that might 308 00:10:55,630 --> 00:10:57,630 be good for me for something over here. 309 00:10:57,630 --> 00:10:59,630 And then there might be one. So, monogamy wasn't really 310 00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:01,630 my thing. I got another drunk driving 311 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,630 at the age of 24. 312 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,630 And that's that second view. 313 00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:07,630 Another super God shot for me. 314 00:11:07,630 --> 00:11:09,630 You know? Big God shot. 315 00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:11,630 Oh, and I've seen a therapist, but I'm lying to her. 316 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,630 I don't know what it is about that. It doesn't work very well 317 00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,630 when you're seeing a therapist and you're lying. 318 00:11:15,630 --> 00:11:17,630 I always lie about how much I drink, too. 319 00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:19,630 Because, like, I'm drinking straight vodka 320 00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:21,630 in my early 20s already. 321 00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,630 And I always say, well, I'm three beers. 322 00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:25,630 Like, every time I get arrested, 323 00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,630 I have three beers off for a bottle 324 00:11:27,630 --> 00:11:29,630 or two or three of vodka. 325 00:11:29,630 --> 00:11:31,630 But I remember my second view. 326 00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,630 My disease and her disease 327 00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:35,630 is progressive. So, you know, 328 00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:37,630 my second view, I'm always right around 329 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,630 the corner from my house in one of my dive bars. 330 00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:41,630 Because, you know, I went to really nice 331 00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:43,630 bars until I couldn't get into really nice 332 00:11:43,630 --> 00:11:45,630 bars anymore. Because I just do things that are 333 00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:47,630 so unacceptable to the human race. 334 00:11:47,630 --> 00:11:49,630 And so, 335 00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:51,630 and I like dive bars. 336 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:53,630 I like to go down, you know, 337 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,630 near little brothers. 338 00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:57,630 I get all dressed up, you know, when I go into 339 00:11:57,630 --> 00:11:59,630 dive bars. I feel like you fell 340 00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:01,630 on the ball. But, you know, like, 341 00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,630 that second view, I hit and ran. 342 00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:05,630 I mean, no, I didn't hit and run that one. 343 00:12:05,630 --> 00:12:07,630 The third one was hit and run. 344 00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:09,630 But the second one, I hit, like, 345 00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:11,630 guys start calling me. 346 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,630 You know, they were in 347 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,630 my wake. 348 00:12:15,630 --> 00:12:17,630 I'm going 349 00:12:17,630 --> 00:12:19,630 so fast. 350 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:24,620 I hit all these cars and then I 351 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,620 towed my car in this huge 352 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,620 pool truck. But honestly, I was 353 00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:30,620 going so fast, I would hit going, you know, 354 00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:32,620 I was going, like, to a wall. 355 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:34,620 And my little car was behind the little car, 356 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,620 you know. And you know what? God, 357 00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:38,620 God got me. I mean, I'm 358 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,620 so grateful I never hurt anybody 359 00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:42,620 because I had three DUIs and I used to 360 00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:44,620 drink all the time. I used 361 00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:46,620 to drink and drive all the time. Anybody else? 362 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:48,620 Drink and drive, drink 363 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,620 and drive, drink and drive, 364 00:12:50,620 --> 00:12:52,620 drink and drive, drink and walk, 365 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,620 drink and get on the bike, drink and get on the bus. 366 00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:56,620 I lost my license so many 367 00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:58,620 times. I get on the bus, but I 368 00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:00,620 got a big old bottle of vodka in my purse. 369 00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:02,620 From one stop to the next, I'm 370 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:04,620 in a blackout. Pretty soon, the bus 371 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,620 driver stops and the cops are 372 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,620 picking me up and taking me to jail. 373 00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,620 I mean, I black out. I go crazy places. 374 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,620 It happens over and over again. 375 00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,620 You know, and I end up in places with people 376 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,620 that I should not be with, you know. And for 377 00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,620 goodness sakes, who are you and what did we 378 00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:20,620 do? 379 00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:22,620 You know, aspiring to be a stripper. 380 00:13:22,620 --> 00:13:24,620 That was my big goal in life at the time. 381 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:26,620 I couldn't even get a job doing that. 382 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:29,100 I know. 383 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,100 Girls knew, you know, 384 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,100 when you're a prostitute, I mean, like, I should have got paid 385 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,100 for it. I would have been a millionaire. 386 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,100 I need to laugh so hard 387 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,100 on y'all. 388 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:45,100 So, I'm in my twenties, and I get that 389 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,100 second DUI. You know, 390 00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,100 again, once again, the cops pull me 391 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,100 over. All these people are coming out. 392 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,100 What damage I did to them. 393 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,100 And I thought, oh, poor me. I just 394 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,100 totaled my car. Poor little me. 395 00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:59,100 And I still was damaged. Of course, I didn't 396 00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,100 need to take them to take me 397 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,100 to the hospital. And, you know, 398 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,100 it's a .31, so I 399 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,100 like to drink. And I went into, 400 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,100 you know, I had to go to, 401 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,100 oh my gosh, it was like 36 402 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,100 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I thought, how could 403 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,100 I ever do that? 404 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,100 And that's the drunk driving. And you know, 405 00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,100 that's not what they made me sign 406 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,100 this contract that I wouldn't drink. And you know what? 407 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,100 I won't drink. I won't drink. But you know what? 408 00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,100 I couldn't not drink. Couldn't. I'm a liar. 409 00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,100 I'm like, yeah, I'm in my classes going, 410 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,100 yeah, I'm sober. You know. 411 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,100 I was really, really, 412 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,100 really 413 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,100 I was really, I was depressed. 414 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,100 I'm the one in the family that's always coming 415 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:39,100 home with the chaos 416 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,100 and the ruined cars. And 417 00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:43,100 I didn't really know what 418 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,100 alcoholic meant. I just knew 419 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,100 I didn't want to be that. You know? 420 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,100 And we have alcoholics in our family. 421 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:51,100 I have, you know, I have a friend and uncle 422 00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,100 that was an alcoholic. And I never 423 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,100 wanted to be like him. But honestly, I lived 424 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,100 my life just like he was. You know, I do 425 00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,100 crazy things. And I drank like 426 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,100 him. And so I remember 427 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,100 you know, you're the smartest people I 428 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,100 know. We're hard workers. I'm a hard 429 00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,100 worker. And you know, when I couldn't show up 430 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,100 for that job and I was starting to 431 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:11,100 just, I had to drink. 432 00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:13,100 You know, I got in my first, my 433 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,100 first rehab. And I like to talk about 434 00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:17,100 this because I've been to a few. But 435 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,100 I was about 26 and a half, 436 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,100 27 years old. And this is 437 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:23,100 where I got into Delamo Hospital 438 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,100 in Torrance. And this was a 439 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,100 sobriety that lasted for three and a half years. 440 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,100 I love to talk about this. I'm sure you all 441 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,100 can relate if you've been around long enough 442 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,100 or maybe you had this experience and you also 443 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,100 went out. Dry time. You know? Dry time. 444 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,100 Where I'm sober, but these 445 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,100 beautiful steps and these beautiful traditions 446 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,100 are good for you, but you don't really need 447 00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:43,100 to do them. And I want to paint 448 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,100 a picture of how I lived my life like that 449 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,100 when I'm sober. But not emotionally 450 00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,100 sober. And I don't have a God because 451 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,100 it's me. And I don't have the steps. And I 452 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,100 don't have you. And I don't live by these 453 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,100 traditions. So I got sober. And I'll tell you 454 00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:57,100 everybody's happy when 455 00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:59,100 I'm not drinking. Physical sobriety for 456 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,100 me, my whole family's happy. 457 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:03,100 The community is safer. 458 00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:05,100 It's really two mixed things. Life 459 00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:07,100 alcoholic, choc-holic, man-holic, 460 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,100 you know, whatever. A-holic. 461 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,100 But that's how it goes. Three and a half 462 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,100 years, I'm sober. And 463 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:15,100 you know, that first year I worked 464 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,100 programs. You know, I was in Delamo Hospital 465 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,100 and, you know, we were just like 466 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,100 you were talking about, we went through steps 467 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,100 and, you know, we had groups 468 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,100 and we went to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. 469 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,100 You know, the key is we go to Alcoholics Anonymous 470 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,100 meetings. The key in any rehab that I've 471 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,100 ever been in is that you go to Alcoholics Anonymous. 472 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,100 But here's how my life goes. So 473 00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:35,100 my first little joggy poo was 474 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,100 I was an office manager. 475 00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:39,100 And this is where I met my brother-in-law. 476 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,100 I introduced my brother-in-law 477 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,100 to my sister because she's so adorable 478 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,100 and he's so adorable. And I introduced them. But here's 479 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:47,100 how it goes. So I'm the office manager 480 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:49,100 and I do not have a sponsor. 481 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,100 And I kind of go to meetings. And I'm kind of 482 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,100 and I'm really sober. But I'm 483 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,100 not emotionally sober. I'm not looking at any steps. 484 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,100 It would have been the rehab. 485 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,100 I don't have a sponsor because they tell me what to do 486 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,100 and I just really don't need that. 487 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,100 And, you know what, I 488 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,100 God is 489 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,100 somewhere there, but really I'm in control. 490 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:09,100 So I had two 491 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,100 I had two drunk drivings and I 492 00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:13,100 broke the law by getting a speeding ticket 493 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,100 and I forgot to show up in court. 494 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,100 Because I'm not really responsible 495 00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:19,100 or accountable to anything that I'm doing, right? 496 00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:21,100 I'm not talking to a sponsor. I'm not telling 497 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,100 anybody because I'm so ashamed. 498 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:25,100 And so, they come to my 499 00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:27,100 office and there are two officers 500 00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:29,100 and they go, now I'm the office manager 501 00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:31,100 don't you know, in the big building. And they 502 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,100 arrested me and took me away. 503 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,100 Now, when they took me away 504 00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:37,100 and I'm sober, by the way 505 00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,100 and I had like a year and a half of sobriety 506 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,100 or a year and something. 507 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,100 Took me to jail. Now I'm sober in jail. 508 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,100 And, oops, I forget. I'm also 509 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:47,100 in charge of the petty cash quarter. 510 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,100 Now I am entitled to borrow when I 511 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,100 need it. However, I borrowed it all. 512 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,100 So, when I was in jail 513 00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,100 I was like, holy poo. 514 00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:57,100 I came back to my little office job 515 00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:59,100 and my brother-in-law, who was a bigwig there 516 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,100 all fantasized over me. 517 00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:03,100 But I'm sober. I'm sober. 518 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,100 Life continues to go on like this. 519 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,100 What else did I do in that? 520 00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,100 In another job. 521 00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,100 I'm working in aerospace now. 522 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:13,100 I'm working at Rockwell International. 523 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,100 I did this great job as 524 00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:17,100 executive secretary. 525 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,100 But now what I'm doing is 526 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,100 I'm having an affair with my boss. 527 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,100 Actually, he's not married. 528 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,100 He has a girlfriend and another girlfriend. 529 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,100 One at home and one in the office and me. 530 00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,100 This is how I live when I'm sober. 531 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:31,100 I don't have a sponsor. 532 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,100 I don't have you. 533 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:35,100 And I don't have a God. 534 00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,100 And, of course, I hate my life. 535 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,100 But I'm fine. Of course I'm gonna drink. 536 00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,100 Three and a half years. 537 00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:43,100 And so I love that y'all told me that it would be worse 538 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,100 when I picked up a drink and I went, 539 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:47,100 nah, maybe for you. 540 00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:49,100 So I picked up that drink three and a half years later 541 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,100 and 542 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:53,100 I'll never forget it. 543 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,100 And you know, in a matter of a couple of days 544 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:57,100 I very quickly got another drunk driving. 545 00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,100 It was a hit and run. 546 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,100 Very quickly. Very, very quickly. 547 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,100 That job that I was on at Rockwell 548 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,100 I was, you know, like I told you guys, 549 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,100 hard worker. 550 00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,100 I'm really doing well on this job 551 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,100 and I'm dry so I'm not spiritually connected. 552 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,100 But you know what? I'm a people pleaser 553 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,100 so I know how to do that. 554 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,100 My pull is so big. 555 00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:19,100 I never want to forget that pull. 556 00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:21,100 What was lacking was God, 557 00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:23,100 fellowship, steps, principles, 558 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,100 tradition, you know, friends, 559 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,100 relationships, you know, relationships. 560 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,100 Because then I'm also having that affair 561 00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,170 that I was also having another one. 562 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,170 It's like I just live drunk but I'm sober. 563 00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:35,170 Painful, painful, painful, painful. 564 00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:37,170 And then the delusion of 565 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,170 I forgot how bad it got. 566 00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:41,170 It takes what it takes to be able to be here 567 00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:43,170 and to want to be here, you know? 568 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:45,170 When I was a corporate I just thought, 569 00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:47,170 I don't know if this is like forever for me. 570 00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:49,170 Really, I think I'm just going to be okay. 571 00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:51,170 For a little bit. 572 00:19:51,170 --> 00:19:53,170 I can drink like a lady. 573 00:19:53,170 --> 00:19:55,170 Well, I think I'm a pig, I'm telling you. 574 00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:57,170 From 91 to 97 575 00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,170 when I get sober. 576 00:19:59,170 --> 00:20:01,170 I have to shut up in 10 minutes, right? 577 00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:03,170 15 minutes? Okay, thank you. 578 00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:05,170 When I picked up that drink 579 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,170 in 91 to 97 580 00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:09,170 it got bad. 581 00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:11,170 It was already not good and it got... 582 00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:13,170 Oh, I forgot to tell you too. 583 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,170 I remember one time, 584 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,170 this is the kind of girl I am too. 585 00:20:17,170 --> 00:20:19,170 I think you kind of get how I drink. 586 00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,170 You know, I wake up pregnant 587 00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:23,170 not sure how that happens. 588 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,170 I never want to forget. 589 00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:29,170 I don't have children 590 00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:31,170 but I have babies and AA. 591 00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:33,170 So you know the story. 592 00:20:33,170 --> 00:20:35,170 I never want to forget the incomprehensible demoralization 593 00:20:35,170 --> 00:20:37,170 that I lived over and over and over 594 00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:39,170 and over and over again. 595 00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:41,170 It's the first drink that gets me hurt. 596 00:20:41,170 --> 00:20:43,170 So, 597 00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:45,170 in 91, I had been on this job 598 00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,170 for like three and a half years 599 00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:49,170 and I'm like the only employee of the year 600 00:20:49,170 --> 00:20:51,170 and I pick up a drink again. 601 00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:53,170 The top security in the government 602 00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:55,170 is writing me up. 603 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,170 Now, I forgot to tell you what I'm doing. 604 00:20:57,170 --> 00:20:59,170 This is so incomprehensible demoralizing 605 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,170 but I'm stealing the government desks 606 00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:03,170 and money and food. 607 00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:05,170 I like to steal food. 608 00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:07,170 I like to steal food in everybody's refrigerators 609 00:21:07,170 --> 00:21:09,170 and one day I'm at my desk. 610 00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:11,170 Now, I'm drinking on the job at this point. 611 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,170 I was with the government 612 00:21:13,170 --> 00:21:15,170 for eight years. Three and a half years. 613 00:21:15,170 --> 00:21:17,170 I was sober. Four, I was sober. 614 00:21:17,170 --> 00:21:19,170 And three and a half, I wasn't. 615 00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:21,170 It's just like night and day. 616 00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:23,170 Oh my God, here she comes. 617 00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:25,170 Because I'm a great worker. 618 00:21:25,170 --> 00:21:27,170 I'm a great worker like you all are. 619 00:21:27,170 --> 00:21:29,170 I'm a great worker. 620 00:21:29,170 --> 00:21:31,170 That job tried to get me sober like three times. 621 00:21:31,170 --> 00:21:33,170 EAP program. 622 00:21:33,170 --> 00:21:35,170 I went to another program over here 623 00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:37,170 and another program over here. 624 00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:39,170 Three months here, six months here, nine months there. 625 00:21:39,170 --> 00:21:41,170 I'm so grateful that I have had all of these 626 00:21:41,170 --> 00:21:43,170 doing it Janice's way 627 00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:45,170 and knocked to the bottom of the bottom of the bottom. 628 00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:47,170 I'm so grateful because I'll never forget. 629 00:21:47,170 --> 00:21:49,170 I'll never forget. 630 00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:51,170 And it took what it took. 631 00:21:51,170 --> 00:21:53,170 In 95, oh wait. 632 00:21:53,170 --> 00:21:55,170 Let me tell you about my desk. 633 00:21:55,170 --> 00:21:57,170 Once I'm in here and I'm eating a sandwich at my desk. 634 00:21:57,170 --> 00:21:59,170 You know what? 635 00:21:59,170 --> 00:22:01,170 I drink until 3 o'clock in the morning 636 00:22:01,170 --> 00:22:03,170 and then I wake up at 6 o'clock and I'm still lit. 637 00:22:03,170 --> 00:22:05,170 I'm lit. 638 00:22:05,170 --> 00:22:07,170 I had like two big bottles of vodka. 639 00:22:07,170 --> 00:22:09,170 All I need to do is drink a little bit of water 640 00:22:09,170 --> 00:22:11,170 and I'm lit again. 641 00:22:11,170 --> 00:22:13,170 That's how I go to work. 642 00:22:13,170 --> 00:22:15,170 You know, I stole somebody's sandwich. 643 00:22:15,170 --> 00:22:17,170 Ronald stole your sandwich. 644 00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:19,170 Everybody knows I steal food. 645 00:22:19,170 --> 00:22:21,170 I'm the only one that things don't know. 646 00:22:21,170 --> 00:22:23,170 I'm the only one. 647 00:22:23,170 --> 00:22:25,170 I steal food. 648 00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:27,170 I eat it at my desk. 649 00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:29,170 That's probably going to throw it up too 650 00:22:29,170 --> 00:22:31,170 because you're not a barber-scarfer. 651 00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:33,170 But anyway. 652 00:22:33,170 --> 00:22:35,170 That's a whole other program. 653 00:22:35,170 --> 00:22:37,170 But seriously, you come up to my desk 654 00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:39,170 and you're like, 655 00:22:39,170 --> 00:22:41,170 Yes I do. Could you make another one tomorrow? 656 00:22:41,170 --> 00:22:43,170 I'm like, sure. 657 00:22:43,170 --> 00:22:45,170 Everybody knows. 658 00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:47,170 They let me go. 659 00:22:47,170 --> 00:22:49,170 Because the ombudsman was writing about me. 660 00:22:49,170 --> 00:22:51,170 You don't want that in government. 661 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,170 So, 1995. 662 00:22:53,170 --> 00:22:55,170 I'm going to get sober now. 663 00:22:55,170 --> 00:22:57,170 1995 to 1997. 664 00:22:57,170 --> 00:22:59,170 Well, nope, I'm not sober. 665 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,170 I drank like a fish. 666 00:23:01,170 --> 00:23:03,170 Around the clock, pop-up vodka. 667 00:23:03,170 --> 00:23:05,170 Morning to day, I lost that job. 668 00:23:05,170 --> 00:23:07,170 My dad was diagnosed with horrific cancer. 669 00:23:07,170 --> 00:23:09,170 1995 to 1997, I did not drop. 670 00:23:09,170 --> 00:23:11,170 My last drink lasted for two years. 671 00:23:11,170 --> 00:23:13,170 I didn't drop sober. 672 00:23:13,170 --> 00:23:15,170 Not one day. Not one minute. 673 00:23:15,170 --> 00:23:17,170 I was drunk the whole time. 674 00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:19,170 You know what? 675 00:23:19,170 --> 00:23:21,170 Those things that aren't really supposed to be happening to women 676 00:23:21,170 --> 00:23:23,170 are happening to you all the time. 677 00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:25,170 I will sell my soul to the devil 678 00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,170 to get a drink. 679 00:23:27,170 --> 00:23:29,170 I have pizza delivery boys coming to my house. 680 00:23:29,170 --> 00:23:31,170 I don't have any money, but 681 00:23:31,170 --> 00:23:33,170 I'm still getting pizza. 682 00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:37,170 You know, they call me, 683 00:23:37,170 --> 00:23:39,170 Hey, how about a pizza? 684 00:23:39,170 --> 00:23:45,150 I always knew that I never needed everything. 685 00:23:45,150 --> 00:23:47,150 I always knew. 686 00:23:47,150 --> 00:23:49,150 I always knew I'd take my will back. 687 00:23:49,150 --> 00:23:51,150 I always knew. 688 00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:53,150 It was so hard for me. 689 00:23:53,150 --> 00:23:55,150 So much work. 690 00:23:55,150 --> 00:23:57,150 In May 11, 1997, I got into the house of hope. 691 00:23:57,150 --> 00:23:59,150 I didn't really have any friends. 692 00:23:59,150 --> 00:24:01,150 Because you know what? 693 00:24:01,150 --> 00:24:03,150 If you knew where I'd been, you couldn't tell me where to go. 694 00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,540 I didn't really want to have anything. 695 00:24:05,540 --> 00:24:07,540 I hated myself. 696 00:24:07,540 --> 00:24:09,540 I hated myself so much. 697 00:24:09,540 --> 00:24:11,540 All the names in the book that I don't say from the podium, 698 00:24:11,540 --> 00:24:13,540 I would just answer them. 699 00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:15,540 I never want to forget. 700 00:24:15,540 --> 00:24:17,540 I got in the house of hope. 701 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:19,540 And I lived there. 702 00:24:19,540 --> 00:24:21,540 And I remember, by this time, 703 00:24:21,540 --> 00:24:23,540 my family, oh my gosh. 704 00:24:23,540 --> 00:24:25,540 My poor family. 705 00:24:25,540 --> 00:24:27,540 My dad is dying of cancer. 706 00:24:27,540 --> 00:24:29,540 And that didn't even get me sober. 707 00:24:29,540 --> 00:24:31,540 He's like, kid, my cancer's not killing me. 708 00:24:31,540 --> 00:24:33,540 You are. 709 00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:35,540 It didn't even get me sober. 710 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,540 Honey, baffling, powerful. 711 00:24:37,540 --> 00:24:39,540 But what happened for me is, in May 11, 1997, 712 00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:41,540 I got into the house of hope. 713 00:24:41,540 --> 00:24:43,540 And I started this journey. 714 00:24:43,540 --> 00:24:45,540 And I'm really grateful that May 11, 1997 is my sobriety day. 715 00:24:45,540 --> 00:24:47,540 And I want to keep it. 716 00:24:47,540 --> 00:24:49,540 I love my sobriety day. 717 00:24:49,540 --> 00:24:51,540 I want to keep it. 718 00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:53,540 If you're new, Stacey and Will, Catherine, 719 00:24:53,540 --> 00:24:55,540 I love my sobriety day. 720 00:24:55,540 --> 00:24:57,540 You can keep it. 721 00:24:57,540 --> 00:24:59,540 You can. 722 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,540 Absolutely. 723 00:25:01,540 --> 00:25:03,540 And so, what happened for me is, 724 00:25:03,540 --> 00:25:05,540 I'm so grateful for the house of hope. 725 00:25:05,540 --> 00:25:07,540 And I'm so grateful for the women that have sponsored me. 726 00:25:07,540 --> 00:25:09,540 From the beginning to today. 727 00:25:09,540 --> 00:25:11,540 And I will tell you, 728 00:25:11,540 --> 00:25:13,540 the one thing I didn't like about sponsorship 729 00:25:13,540 --> 00:25:15,540 is they told me what to do. 730 00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:17,540 And that's exactly what this alcoholic means. 731 00:25:17,540 --> 00:25:19,540 And what happened for me is, 732 00:25:19,540 --> 00:25:21,540 God had a way for me that I needed to get off the street 733 00:25:21,540 --> 00:25:23,540 to be with women. 734 00:25:23,540 --> 00:25:25,540 And then have a sponsor that was part of the Pacific group. 735 00:25:25,540 --> 00:25:27,540 And Molly would pick me up from San Pedro 736 00:25:27,540 --> 00:25:29,540 and bring me down to the west side. 737 00:25:29,540 --> 00:25:31,540 Now, I love Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. 738 00:25:31,540 --> 00:25:33,540 I love club meetings. 739 00:25:33,540 --> 00:25:35,540 I love to go and hang out with the guys. 740 00:25:35,540 --> 00:25:37,540 What I found for this alcoholic 741 00:25:37,540 --> 00:25:39,540 was that the women stick with the women 742 00:25:39,540 --> 00:25:41,540 and the men stick with the men. 743 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:43,540 And I'm like, 744 00:25:43,540 --> 00:25:45,540 you should stay with the men for a year. 745 00:25:45,540 --> 00:25:47,540 I'm like, sure. 746 00:25:47,540 --> 00:25:49,540 She goes, yeah, they don't want anything to do with you. 747 00:25:49,540 --> 00:25:51,540 I'm like, you sure? 748 00:25:51,540 --> 00:25:53,540 She's absolutely right. 749 00:25:53,540 --> 00:25:55,540 You know what? 750 00:25:55,540 --> 00:25:57,540 I got into the Pacific group my first year. 751 00:25:57,540 --> 00:25:59,540 I didn't turn myself in until I had a year and a half sobriety 752 00:25:59,540 --> 00:26:01,540 because they were a little too serious. 753 00:26:01,540 --> 00:26:03,540 But I will tell you, 754 00:26:03,540 --> 00:26:05,540 these are some of the highlights 755 00:26:05,540 --> 00:26:07,540 that have held me in really good stead, 756 00:26:07,540 --> 00:26:09,540 was that the women stick with the women 757 00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:11,540 and the men stick with the men. 758 00:26:11,540 --> 00:26:13,540 And that's what I need. 759 00:26:13,540 --> 00:26:15,540 And the women gave me their numbers. 760 00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:17,540 And I called them and they called me back. 761 00:26:17,540 --> 00:26:19,540 That probably was happening in other areas in my life in AA, 762 00:26:19,540 --> 00:26:21,540 but I just never gave it a shot. 763 00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:23,540 And this is like, 764 00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:25,540 for any Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, 765 00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:27,540 this is just as profound for this alcoholic. 766 00:26:27,540 --> 00:26:29,540 We don't chant when we read. 767 00:26:29,540 --> 00:26:31,540 And this alcoholic needed to hear what was being read. 768 00:26:31,540 --> 00:26:33,540 I needed to shut off, 769 00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:35,540 because I want to chill. 770 00:26:35,540 --> 00:26:37,540 I want to tell you, I want to say all those things. 771 00:26:37,540 --> 00:26:39,540 And I needed to shut up and listen 772 00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:41,540 to the language of the heart 773 00:26:41,540 --> 00:26:43,540 and the literature that has 774 00:26:43,540 --> 00:26:45,540 that saves our lives. 775 00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:47,540 Because I've read it over and over again and never picked. 776 00:26:47,540 --> 00:26:49,540 I never lived it. 777 00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:51,540 I can talk it, but I can't walk it. 778 00:26:51,540 --> 00:26:53,540 And talking it and not walking it, boy, it's painful. 779 00:26:53,540 --> 00:26:55,540 It's really painful. I've done it. I know. 780 00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:57,540 I'm so forever grateful that I know the difference today. 781 00:26:57,540 --> 00:26:59,540 I have to shut up in two minutes? Five minutes? 782 00:26:59,540 --> 00:27:01,540 Okay, thank you. Thank you. 783 00:27:01,540 --> 00:27:03,540 Oh, because the lights aren't on yet. Thank you. 784 00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:05,540 The House of Hope was not easy. 785 00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:07,540 And I'm so grateful that it wasn't. 786 00:27:07,540 --> 00:27:09,540 The journey has been one day at a time. 787 00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:11,540 And I'm so grateful to tell you that I've worked for it. 788 00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:13,540 It didn't come to me. Nothing came easy. 789 00:27:13,540 --> 00:27:15,540 I'm so grateful. 790 00:27:15,540 --> 00:27:17,540 The House of Hope, we had to learn how to clean. 791 00:27:17,540 --> 00:27:19,540 And if it wasn't clean enough, 792 00:27:19,540 --> 00:27:21,540 we had to do it again. Five minutes. 793 00:27:21,540 --> 00:27:23,540 And you know what I want to say, right? 794 00:27:23,540 --> 00:27:25,540 You know what I want to say. 795 00:27:25,540 --> 00:27:27,540 I didn't know the Pacific group 796 00:27:27,540 --> 00:27:29,540 what they were until I got there. 797 00:27:29,540 --> 00:27:31,540 I just remember these things like this. 798 00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:33,540 You know, the chanting. 799 00:27:33,540 --> 00:27:35,540 I started learning how to listen 800 00:27:35,540 --> 00:27:37,540 to our literature. 801 00:27:37,540 --> 00:27:39,540 That's why I thank you for reading. 802 00:27:39,540 --> 00:27:41,540 Because it saved my life. 803 00:27:41,540 --> 00:27:43,540 And then, you know, what happened for me, 804 00:27:43,540 --> 00:27:45,540 my first year of sobriety, 805 00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:47,540 I was not picture-perfect poster child 806 00:27:47,540 --> 00:27:49,540 of AA once again. 807 00:27:49,540 --> 00:27:51,540 My sponsor said, don't get in a relationship. 808 00:27:51,540 --> 00:27:53,540 And I said, okay. Okay, I won't. 809 00:27:53,540 --> 00:27:55,540 You know. 810 00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:57,540 And my dad is severely ill. 811 00:27:57,540 --> 00:27:59,540 I'm so forever grateful. 812 00:27:59,540 --> 00:28:01,540 I love my dad. 813 00:28:01,540 --> 00:28:03,540 We got to be with my dad. 814 00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:05,540 Let me just paint a picture. 815 00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:07,540 I wasn't allowed to be in my parents' house. 816 00:28:07,540 --> 00:28:09,540 But sober, I was. 817 00:28:09,540 --> 00:28:11,540 I got to be with my dad when he was really sick. 818 00:28:11,540 --> 00:28:13,540 And he saw me sober. 819 00:28:13,540 --> 00:28:15,540 And I got to promise him. 820 00:28:15,540 --> 00:28:17,540 I got to promise him. I got to promise my dad. 821 00:28:17,540 --> 00:28:19,540 Dad, they said I have to do it for me this time 822 00:28:19,540 --> 00:28:21,540 through my backup plan. 823 00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:23,540 No matter why you come to AA, when you come to AA, 824 00:28:23,540 --> 00:28:25,540 until it turns out to be what it is. 825 00:28:25,540 --> 00:28:27,540 I can't tell you how many times I came for dad. 826 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,540 And my sponsor, you know, I lied to her. 827 00:28:29,540 --> 00:28:31,540 And you know what? 828 00:28:31,540 --> 00:28:33,540 And I got in so much pain. 829 00:28:33,540 --> 00:28:35,540 Finally I learned that lying in sobriety 830 00:28:35,540 --> 00:28:37,540 and doing things behind my sponsor's back was not cool. 831 00:28:37,540 --> 00:28:39,540 And she fired me. 832 00:28:39,540 --> 00:28:41,540 And you know, then I lost my dad. 833 00:28:41,540 --> 00:28:43,540 And then I made a commitment to Alcoholics Anonymous. 834 00:28:43,540 --> 00:28:45,540 I made a commitment, went down and turned myself into that home group. 835 00:28:45,540 --> 00:28:47,540 Turned myself into the Pacific group. 836 00:28:47,540 --> 00:28:49,540 And you know what? 837 00:28:49,540 --> 00:28:51,540 The Pacific group is awesome. 838 00:28:51,540 --> 00:28:53,540 It is structured. 839 00:28:53,540 --> 00:28:55,540 I am an unstructured person by nature. 840 00:28:55,540 --> 00:28:57,540 I don't want to do things. I want to do what I want to do. 841 00:28:57,540 --> 00:28:59,540 I want to do what you want me to do. 842 00:28:59,540 --> 00:29:01,540 And you know what? 843 00:29:01,540 --> 00:29:03,540 I had to learn how to do what someone else wanted me to do 844 00:29:03,540 --> 00:29:05,540 in order to change my perception of my actions. 845 00:29:05,540 --> 00:29:07,540 So again, it's a program of action. 846 00:29:07,540 --> 00:29:09,540 It's not a program of action. 847 00:29:09,540 --> 00:29:11,540 It's a program of action. 848 00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:13,540 So I started going to all the meetings. 849 00:29:13,540 --> 00:29:15,540 I got a sponsor. 850 00:29:15,540 --> 00:29:17,540 I started going to six meetings a week. 851 00:29:17,540 --> 00:29:19,540 I got commitments at all those meetings. 852 00:29:19,540 --> 00:29:21,540 Commitments is a little job before the meeting. 853 00:29:21,540 --> 00:29:23,540 And that's where I started learning how to have friends. 854 00:29:23,540 --> 00:29:25,540 Hey Brittany, how are you doing tonight? 855 00:29:25,540 --> 00:29:27,540 Let me say and let me shut up. 856 00:29:27,540 --> 00:29:29,540 Let me remember one thing you tell me. 857 00:29:29,540 --> 00:29:31,540 My brain is really on. 858 00:29:31,540 --> 00:29:33,540 What do you think of me? What do you think of me? 859 00:29:33,540 --> 00:29:35,540 Are you thinking about me right now? 860 00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:37,540 What are you thinking about me? 861 00:29:37,540 --> 00:29:39,540 Let me talk about it. 862 00:29:39,540 --> 00:29:41,540 And I started learning that really early. 863 00:29:41,540 --> 00:29:43,540 And then take the actions the feelings will follow. 864 00:29:43,540 --> 00:29:45,540 What does that mean? 865 00:29:45,540 --> 00:29:47,540 What does it mean? 866 00:29:47,540 --> 00:29:49,540 You know, I better sit around and think about it. 867 00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:51,540 When feelings will follow. 868 00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:53,540 My sponsor would say, I don't know when the feelings are going to make you feel better. 869 00:29:53,540 --> 00:29:55,540 Do it anyway. 870 00:29:55,540 --> 00:29:57,540 And calling a sponsor every day at the same time. 871 00:29:57,540 --> 00:29:59,540 Such a tall order. 872 00:29:59,540 --> 00:30:01,540 And then I couldn't wait to do it. 873 00:30:01,540 --> 00:30:03,540 I get to the meeting early and I couldn't. 874 00:30:03,540 --> 00:30:05,540 You know, I'm like, oh my God. 875 00:30:05,540 --> 00:30:07,540 And then I get there and I have a meeting before the meeting. 876 00:30:07,540 --> 00:30:09,540 And that's where my perception started to change. 877 00:30:09,540 --> 00:30:11,540 And my life started to change because I started doing these things at my job. 878 00:30:11,540 --> 00:30:13,540 And then my job started to get better. 879 00:30:13,540 --> 00:30:15,540 Because you taught me how to suit up and showed up. 880 00:30:15,540 --> 00:30:17,540 And that's better than I feel. 881 00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:19,540 Like, this is a really good one. 882 00:30:19,540 --> 00:30:21,540 Better than I feel until I feel better about the way I act. 883 00:30:21,540 --> 00:30:23,540 So. 884 00:30:23,540 --> 00:30:25,540 It's a really tough day, Oscar. 885 00:30:25,540 --> 00:30:27,540 Oh my gosh. 886 00:30:27,540 --> 00:30:29,540 You know, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. 887 00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:31,540 Ben, oh my gosh, my day's been so hard. 888 00:30:31,540 --> 00:30:33,540 Oh Nate, my day's been so hard. 889 00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:35,540 Oh God, Karen, my day's been so hard. 890 00:30:35,540 --> 00:30:37,540 Let me just walk around the whole room and tell you about how bad my day is. 891 00:30:37,540 --> 00:30:39,540 No. 892 00:30:39,540 --> 00:30:41,540 Tell my sponsor, tell a friend, and then go be of service to you. 893 00:30:41,540 --> 00:30:43,540 Act better than I feel until I feel better about the way I act. 894 00:30:43,540 --> 00:30:45,540 Pretty soon I like the way I act. 895 00:30:45,540 --> 00:30:47,540 Then I like Janet. 896 00:30:47,540 --> 00:30:49,540 What a concept. 897 00:30:49,540 --> 00:30:51,540 Like brilliant stuff. 898 00:30:51,540 --> 00:30:53,730 You know, and it's so simple. 899 00:30:53,730 --> 00:30:55,730 One minute. 900 00:30:55,730 --> 00:30:57,730 One minute. 901 00:30:57,730 --> 00:30:59,730 One minute. 902 00:30:59,730 --> 00:31:01,730 All of the steps. 903 00:31:01,730 --> 00:31:03,730 And the steps. 904 00:31:03,730 --> 00:31:05,730 And seeing my part. 905 00:31:05,730 --> 00:31:07,730 I'm a part of all of it. 906 00:31:07,730 --> 00:31:09,730 Yeah, I'm a part of all of it. 907 00:31:09,730 --> 00:31:11,730 A couple things I wasn't a part of. 908 00:31:11,730 --> 00:31:13,730 But most of it was all part of it. 909 00:31:13,730 --> 00:31:17,300 You know, and then amends. 910 00:31:17,300 --> 00:31:19,300 Amends. 911 00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:21,300 John's above. 912 00:31:21,300 --> 00:31:23,300 Okay, I have to tell you. 913 00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:25,300 I love you so much more. 914 00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:27,300 And I'm so sorry I got stuck in my drunk. 915 00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:31,300 But I'm taking care of my 88-year-old mother who kicked me out of my house so many times. 916 00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:33,300 Who hated me. 917 00:31:33,300 --> 00:31:35,300 And who loves me today because she relies on me. 918 00:31:35,300 --> 00:31:37,300 I take care of her. 919 00:31:37,300 --> 00:31:49,300 Because you taught me how to be a good daughter, sister, aunt, wife, friend, Alcoholics Anonymous member, child of God, sister, aunt. 920 00:31:49,300 --> 00:31:51,300 Those are big roles. 921 00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:55,300 I didn't get to do 21 years, 5 months, and 2 days ago. 922 00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:59,300 And I am an employee among employees. 923 00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:01,300 I mean, I run a business. 924 00:32:01,300 --> 00:32:03,300 But it doesn't matter that I run a business. 925 00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:05,300 Because I'm just a worker. 926 00:32:05,300 --> 00:32:07,300 You taught me how to do all that. 927 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:09,300 I love you. 928 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:11,300 I can't wait to be here with all of you one more day every day. 929 00:32:11,300 --> 00:32:13,300 Thank you for having me.