1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:30,000 Randy Miller, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, sobriety, sponsor, home group. 2 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,100 I mean, I knew I was an alcoholic a long time before I got here. 3 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:40,660 And I hear people, they get up and they take their six-year cake or something, and this year I finally figured out I was an alcoholic. 4 00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:44,440 And I have nothing against those people, but that's their story. 5 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,840 But I mean, I knew a long, long time before I got here. 6 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,000 I mean, I knew just by the way I drank. 7 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,700 I knew about the phenomenon of craving. 8 00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:54,140 I knew that once I started, I couldn't stop. 9 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,100 I knew by the 502s. 10 00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:57,400 They used to call them 502s. 11 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,500 I mean, it's probably about drunk driving, too. 12 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,240 And also, I'd like to thank Tracy and Alex, too. 13 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,460 And so, I got just a bunch of those. 14 00:01:04,460 --> 00:01:07,240 I got a whole bunch of these 502s. 15 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,400 Wherever I go, people would be telling me, Randy, why have you been drinking so much? 16 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,400 Why are you doing this? 17 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:19,360 And you hear it wherever you go, and there's always one person that says, Randy, why don't you just drink like I do? 18 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:23,400 And I was always a nice guy, and I'd say, yeah, I guess I should. 19 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,900 Inside, I'm going, if I drank like you, I'd kill myself. 20 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:29,300 And the 502s. 21 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:31,200 I'm a bad driver anyway. 22 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,200 They're just driven with me, and he knows that. 23 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,200 I'm just a bad driver. 24 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:41,200 I've gotten pulled over for drunk driving three times since I've been sober. 25 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:52,650 On Tuesdays, I take people bowling. 26 00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:57,740 Sometimes, I give a ride home. 27 00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:58,680 I was giving a guy a ride home about two months ago. 28 00:01:58,680 --> 00:01:59,680 He said, you know what? 29 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:00,680 Two months ago. 30 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:01,680 He was driving along. 31 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,580 He said, God, Randy, you're a shitty driver. 32 00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:07,580 I know it would be bad anyway. 33 00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:08,580 The guy's blind. 34 00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:10,580 I'm just a bad driver. 35 00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:13,580 I'm fine. 36 00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:16,220 I'm being geographical. 37 00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:21,220 Some people need to work to go move to Hawaii or move to another state. 38 00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:25,220 I made a geographical out to Saugus. 39 00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,220 Nothing wrong with Saugus. 40 00:02:27,220 --> 00:02:29,220 It was just way before I stopped drinking. 41 00:02:29,220 --> 00:02:30,220 So I made a new one. 42 00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:33,120 I had a new friend, and I figured my wife might be the problem. 43 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,120 So I moved out there. 44 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:40,120 After a while, not too long, she started giving me crap about my drinking. 45 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,120 The irony was I was always drinking with her, but then she started giving me crap about it. 46 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:51,120 I used to measure my distances, how it's a 25-mile drive or it's a half-hour drive. 47 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:55,120 But mine was a six-pack drive or it was a pint drive. 48 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,120 I didn't know what it was. 49 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,220 I was driving home to my new home. 50 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,120 It was out in, like I said, Saugus. 51 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:06,120 Back then, Bouquet Canyon was real desolate. 52 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,120 There was nothing much on Bouquet Canyon. 53 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,120 Now it's all built up, and there's condos and things on it. 54 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,120 I don't know what the odds of this are, but I looked down. 55 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,120 I had a Volkswagen convertible. 56 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,120 I looked down. 57 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,120 I had about six or seven empty beer cans. 58 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:24,120 I didn't want to throw them away when I got home because my new friend would give me crap about it. 59 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:28,120 I didn't feel like stopping and throwing them away in a dipsy dumpster. 60 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,020 I didn't want to throw them away in the trash bin or anything. 61 00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:35,020 I just figured this is a desolate road, so I'll just start throwing them out. 62 00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:41,020 I was driving along in my Volkswagen convertible, so the beer cans started tossing up. 63 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:47,020 I don't know what the odds of this are, but I hit a cop giving somebody else a ticket. 64 00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:57,610 I had a name that really lasted right near where I live now. 65 00:03:57,610 --> 00:04:00,610 It's right off of the 101 freeway in Fullwater. 66 00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:03,610 There's a standard station still there. 67 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,610 I was going over at this time. 68 00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:07,610 I was going over to my in-laws. 69 00:04:07,610 --> 00:04:11,610 It was probably about 10 o'clock at night, and I'd been out drinking. 70 00:04:11,610 --> 00:04:18,610 I can't fix them without having a couple of beers, so I made a right-hand turn from the left-hand off-ramp lane. 71 00:04:18,610 --> 00:04:21,610 Right behind me was a policeman. 72 00:04:21,610 --> 00:04:27,610 I wasn't even at the liquor store around the corner, but the red lights went on, so I pulled into the standard station there. 73 00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:28,610 I got out of the car. 74 00:04:28,610 --> 00:04:29,610 I opened the door. 75 00:04:29,610 --> 00:04:30,610 I got out of the car. 76 00:04:30,610 --> 00:04:31,610 I just started walking to the police station. 77 00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:32,510 I saw a police car. 78 00:04:32,510 --> 00:04:35,510 I was going to get in the backseat, and there's two policemen there. 79 00:04:35,510 --> 00:04:36,510 Where are you going? 80 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:39,510 I said, I'm just going to get in the backseat here. 81 00:04:39,510 --> 00:04:40,510 He said, no, wait. 82 00:04:40,510 --> 00:04:41,510 You can't get in. 83 00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:42,510 I started to get in. 84 00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:44,510 He kind of nicely grabbed my arm and said, no, no. 85 00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:45,510 I said, I know. 86 00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:46,510 I have to take that test, right? 87 00:04:46,510 --> 00:04:47,510 He said, well, yeah. 88 00:04:47,510 --> 00:04:48,510 I said, useless. 89 00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:49,510 I can't pass it. 90 00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:50,510 He said, how do you know? 91 00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:57,510 I said, I've taken it eight times. 92 00:04:57,510 --> 00:04:59,510 All of the signs were there. 93 00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:01,510 I guess I could tell the story. 94 00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:03,510 I worked in the stock market. 95 00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:04,510 You could drink. 96 00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:05,510 I drank a lot. 97 00:05:05,510 --> 00:05:06,510 My business started about 6 or 7 in the morning. 98 00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:07,510 I usually get off work at 2 or 3. 99 00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:08,510 There was a secretary there that was a pretty good friend of mine. 100 00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:09,510 She said, why haven't you? 101 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,510 She lived in Santa Monica. 102 00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:11,510 She said, Randy, why don't you? 103 00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:12,510 Let's go out and drink. 104 00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:13,510 Let's go. 105 00:05:13,510 --> 00:05:14,510 There was a place. 106 00:05:14,510 --> 00:05:15,510 Some of you older drinkers might remember it. 107 00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:16,510 Santa Monica. 108 00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:17,510 There was a bar called The Whorehouse. 109 00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:18,510 It was kind of a famous bar. 110 00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:19,510 It was a famous bar. 111 00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:20,510 It was a famous bar. 112 00:05:20,510 --> 00:05:21,510 It was a famous bar. 113 00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:22,510 It was a famous bar. 114 00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:23,510 It was a famous bar. 115 00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:24,510 Oh God. 116 00:05:24,510 --> 00:05:25,510 Here we go. 117 00:05:25,510 --> 00:05:26,510 Okay. 118 00:05:26,510 --> 00:05:27,510 Let's go. 119 00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:28,510 Let's go. 120 00:05:28,510 --> 00:05:29,510 Let's go. 121 00:05:29,510 --> 00:05:30,510 It was a place, and some of you older drinkers might remember it. 122 00:05:30,510 --> 00:05:31,510 In Santa Monica, there was a bar called The Whorehouse. 123 00:05:31,510 --> 00:05:32,890 It was kind of a famous place, and you'd go there. 124 00:05:32,890 --> 00:05:35,590 I think drinks were like, it was a dollar a pitcher. 125 00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:39,590 This was quite a while ago, and 59 cents for a drink. 126 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:43,730 I couldn't buy it because you were . 127 00:05:43,730 --> 00:05:44,730 Who knew, Randy? 128 00:05:44,730 --> 00:05:45,730 Anyway, we were there. 129 00:05:45,730 --> 00:05:47,710 I went with her, and it was a good thing. 130 00:05:47,710 --> 00:05:52,330 So we were sitting there and drinking and having a good time, and that was a good thing. 131 00:05:52,330 --> 00:05:53,330 She said, well, Wildlife 500? 132 00:05:53,330 --> 00:05:54,730 I said, why don't you go over to my apartment? 133 00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:55,990 That was a good thing. 134 00:05:56,910 --> 00:06:02,990 And so we went over to her apartment, and then all of a sudden we were in a room, and she says, oh, shit. 135 00:06:03,210 --> 00:06:04,950 And I said, what's wrong? 136 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:07,510 And she said, my boyfriend just walked in the front door. 137 00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:08,470 He had a key. 138 00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:10,570 And I thought, now that's a bad thing. 139 00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:18,810 But we were up in the second floor, even higher than the second floor, and so there was only like three things I could do. 140 00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:19,770 And I was never a fighter. 141 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:22,410 I mean, I was never one of those alcoholics that fought a lot. 142 00:06:22,410 --> 00:06:25,270 And so I didn't want to fight, and I especially didn't want to have to fight naked. 143 00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:28,990 And I defied the closet. 144 00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:33,850 But after all, it was her boyfriend, and he might be there a long time, and I had to get home for dinner. 145 00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:36,930 It was only about 5 o'clock, and I had to get home for dinner. 146 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,350 My wife was making me dinner. 147 00:06:40,450 --> 00:06:48,890 And the third thing I did was, but I didn't jump out. 148 00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:51,530 I looked down, and it was farther down there, and it was under the cement. 149 00:06:51,770 --> 00:06:53,570 So instead of jumping, I was just hanging there. 150 00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,110 I was just hanging. 151 00:06:55,390 --> 00:07:01,150 And it was only about 5.30 or 6 o'clock, and it was the summer, and the nice families that lived in this apartment complex. 152 00:07:02,110 --> 00:07:03,850 They were barbecuing and things. 153 00:07:04,030 --> 00:07:06,890 And now they look out, and you see this freak kind of hanging from the window. 154 00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:08,790 And people started yelling at me. 155 00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:12,730 And people started yelling, hey, hey, buddy, why don't you jump? 156 00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:13,470 Hey, jump. 157 00:07:13,530 --> 00:07:14,950 Hey, Marge, come on, look at this guy. 158 00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:15,550 Look at this guy. 159 00:07:15,790 --> 00:07:17,870 I swear to God, somebody yelled at me. 160 00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:20,170 Hey, buddy, you ever think of Alcoholics Anonymous? 161 00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:22,650 I don't know how they knew, but whatever. 162 00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:24,850 And then I went. 163 00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:27,370 I'd always get it from everybody. 164 00:07:28,370 --> 00:07:30,370 And it was just part of my life. 165 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:34,890 And I, comparatively, I started, I was listening to Alex. 166 00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:38,110 And there were so many young people that come in now. 167 00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:44,530 And comparatively, I was pretty old when I got into Alcoholics Anonymous. 168 00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:46,230 But I was pretty old when I started drinking. 169 00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:48,410 This is kind of my stomping grounds. 170 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:49,750 I grew up in the valley. 171 00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:50,790 I lived in the valley. 172 00:07:51,290 --> 00:07:52,410 And I first. 173 00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,410 For four or five years, I lived in Hollywood. 174 00:07:55,730 --> 00:07:58,370 And my parents got divorced when I was about three. 175 00:07:58,450 --> 00:08:00,590 And I had two younger brothers because I was four. 176 00:08:00,890 --> 00:08:03,050 And then my mom remarried. 177 00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:05,770 Married a guy that was in the Marine Reserves. 178 00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,910 And so we moved out to the valley where I grew up in Van Nuys. 179 00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:13,290 And I became, I guess, really good friends with him. 180 00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:14,830 I don't remember too much about it. 181 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,910 But we'd play catch with a ball and stuff. 182 00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:17,450 And we'd go out. 183 00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:19,190 And then he got called over to Korea. 184 00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:22,450 And this has nothing at all to do with me being an alcoholic. 185 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,490 But it does have something. 186 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:27,890 It had to do with how I showed my feelings, kind of until I got into Alcoholics Anonymous. 187 00:08:28,130 --> 00:08:29,210 And he was in Korea. 188 00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:31,810 And I remember some people came by school and picked me up. 189 00:08:31,950 --> 00:08:32,810 And I went home. 190 00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:35,110 My mom was, I don't know why, she was in my bedroom. 191 00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:36,370 And she was crying. 192 00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:39,890 And she told me that he got killed in action. 193 00:08:40,290 --> 00:08:43,650 And I just remember I cried and I cried and I cried. 194 00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:46,770 And I said something to the effect when I left the room. 195 00:08:46,910 --> 00:08:50,250 Because she'd already been divorced and different things had happened. 196 00:08:50,370 --> 00:08:51,730 Nothing real terrible in hindsight. 197 00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:53,570 But I looked back at her and I said, 198 00:08:53,670 --> 00:08:55,170 Nothing is ever going to hurt me again. 199 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,810 And I probably didn't say it exactly like that. 200 00:08:57,890 --> 00:09:00,770 But from that time on, until I got into Alcoholics Anonymous, 201 00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,690 you never knew when I was hurting. 202 00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:05,370 I mean, I never let you know for whatever reason. 203 00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:07,510 And like I said, I grew up in Van Nuys. 204 00:09:07,570 --> 00:09:09,210 And it was kind of the leave it to beaver era. 205 00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:11,510 This was like in the 50s and 60s. 206 00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:15,070 And if it was the leave it to beaver era, I was Eddie Haskell. 207 00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,890 And I'd just say whatever I had to say. 208 00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:18,930 Hi, Mrs. Johnson. 209 00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:19,490 How are you? 210 00:09:19,590 --> 00:09:20,890 Gosh, you look nice today. 211 00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:22,430 And little Billy here. 212 00:09:22,670 --> 00:09:23,490 Oh, he's cute. 213 00:09:23,590 --> 00:09:23,890 He's a cute little guy. 214 00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:26,450 And I'd go up to my friend's room and I'd say, 215 00:09:26,510 --> 00:09:28,470 Your mom's a pain in the ass and get rid of Billy. 216 00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:30,730 And I just said whatever I had. 217 00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:35,890 And then I played Little League right over here, not too far, on Balboa. 218 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:41,030 And when I got in high school, I looked good on paper. 219 00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:45,250 I mean, I was captain of the baseball team. 220 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,630 And I was student body vice president. 221 00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:50,290 And I was sports editor of paper. 222 00:09:50,430 --> 00:09:53,330 So, I mean, I looked real good on paper. 223 00:09:53,330 --> 00:09:55,290 And I don't like to brag, but I already did. 224 00:09:55,570 --> 00:10:00,990 But they also had those days when you had like the alphabet. 225 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:02,870 So, A was most athletic. 226 00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:04,270 B was the most beautiful. 227 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:06,050 D or whatever was the dumbest. 228 00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:08,630 And I was K. 229 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,130 I was most kissable. 230 00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:10,810 Anyway. 231 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:23,650 See my friends. 232 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,210 They get drunk. 233 00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:26,350 And they throw up. 234 00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:27,270 And they get in a fight. 235 00:10:27,370 --> 00:10:28,430 And they get their toe beat out. 236 00:10:28,550 --> 00:10:32,270 And someone would come over to my house the next day with his hangover snack. 237 00:10:32,790 --> 00:10:34,430 And, you know, I was 17 or so. 238 00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:36,090 And I said, What do you drink for? 239 00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:37,950 I mean, I don't get it. 240 00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:39,930 I mean, you made an ass of yourself. 241 00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:40,970 You got beat up. 242 00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:42,310 I mean, I don't get it. 243 00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:45,450 But I never, like I said, I carried a beer around. 244 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:47,890 But I never had enough to get drunk. 245 00:10:48,090 --> 00:10:54,090 And so, when I graduated from high school, which was just right over here at Birmingham High School, 246 00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:57,910 I went to college, and I joined a fraternity. 247 00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:00,410 And even there, I kind of, you know, and I didn't really drink. 248 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:07,410 And then, finally, one night, I was at a party, and this guy that maybe was appropriately named, his name was Bill Pugh. 249 00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:08,390 I still remember that. 250 00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:09,830 And he said, Now, I want you to drink. 251 00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:11,770 I said, Well, you know, I don't drink that much. 252 00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:13,630 And I said, Well, what about my date? 253 00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:14,670 She said, Don't worry. 254 00:11:14,730 --> 00:11:15,570 We'll take care of her. 255 00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:20,390 And so, I gave him a beer in one hand and a wine in another, in my other hand. 256 00:11:21,170 --> 00:11:22,530 And I know a lot of guys. 257 00:11:22,610 --> 00:11:23,810 Well, Alex is a good example. 258 00:11:23,870 --> 00:11:24,070 I know. 259 00:11:24,070 --> 00:11:27,930 I know a lot of guys that got sober before I really started drinking, age-wise. 260 00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:31,350 And so, I was drinking, and I was putting the wine down and the beer down. 261 00:11:31,430 --> 00:11:34,430 And every time I'd stop, these guys would say, Come on, drink, drink, drink. 262 00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:35,910 And all of a sudden, I was drunk. 263 00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:39,250 And I don't remember the exact feeling I had. 264 00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:40,910 I mean, the exact thought I had. 265 00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:41,690 I remember the feeling. 266 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:45,790 But it was something, the effect, the thought I had was, No wonder those guys drink. 267 00:11:46,250 --> 00:11:49,570 And from that moment on, my life changed. 268 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,970 My priorities changed. 269 00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:52,610 Everything in my, it changed. 270 00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:53,850 Now, I didn't drink every day. 271 00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:56,290 But I remember looking forward to the weekends. 272 00:11:56,390 --> 00:12:01,030 And I wasn't looking forward to the weekends because I was going to have a nice date or I was going to be at a good party. 273 00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:03,650 I was looking forward to the weekends because I knew I could drink again. 274 00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:09,590 Probably within seven or eight months, I was known as one of the big drinkers at the school that I went to. 275 00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:14,250 And the fraternity I was in said, Oh, man, don't go drinking with Miller because you're going to end up drunk. 276 00:12:14,290 --> 00:12:15,890 And I was kind of a natural. 277 00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:16,770 I mean, I was just good. 278 00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:19,670 And so, I mean, everything changed. 279 00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:23,830 I got out of school, and then I got a job in, like I said, the stock brokerage business. 280 00:12:23,970 --> 00:12:29,610 And when I was there, during Christmas vacation, I met my wife. 281 00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:34,690 And she was, first of all, she was a real student. 282 00:12:35,310 --> 00:12:40,270 In all of college, she only got two B's in all of her whole career in college. 283 00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,110 I also only got two B's. 284 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:52,010 Dad was the bishop of the whole Lutheran Church in all of California and Arizona and Washington. 285 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,010 So, I got to tell you. 286 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:56,390 My father-in-law was mighty proud of his son-in-law on many occasions. 287 00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:59,970 But anyway, so we ended up, we got married. 288 00:13:00,430 --> 00:13:03,970 And this March, I'm still alive and things go good. 289 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:06,110 I've been married for 50 years. 290 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,590 Now, I've been sober for 26. 291 00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:12,770 So, she had 24 pretty bad years. 292 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:17,710 I was not only an alcoholic and didn't come home. 293 00:13:17,710 --> 00:13:21,890 I don't know how she stayed married to me because I was not only an alcoholic. 294 00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:22,910 I was just a dick. 295 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:23,730 I mean, I can't. 296 00:13:23,850 --> 00:13:26,070 I just did good. 297 00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:30,090 And I mean, I'd say, I'd say things that were just horrible. 298 00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:35,230 I look back on, I remember in the summer, I hated the summer because the summer, she was a teacher. 299 00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:37,850 And during the rest of the year, she'd be off to school. 300 00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:40,690 And, you know, she'd be leaving and she'd be taking my daughter to school. 301 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,850 And so, she'd be out of the house by like 7 in the morning. 302 00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,370 So, she didn't know if I was sleeping in. 303 00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:49,170 By this time, I had a job and I was doing home loans, mortgages, things. 304 00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:52,010 And she'd be gone. 305 00:13:52,110 --> 00:13:53,830 So, she didn't know if I was sleeping until 10 in the morning. 306 00:13:54,010 --> 00:13:54,970 Or what I was doing. 307 00:13:55,170 --> 00:14:03,490 I remember one morning, just as an example, she came in and I was, after I'd gotten home, you know, real late, 2 in the morning, I was laying in bed. 308 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,790 And it was just like, oh, God, here she comes. 309 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:12,550 And so, she came in and said, God, you know, if you put as much time into your work and doing things. 310 00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:13,450 I don't know where she picked it. 311 00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:17,570 This was about 19, it was probably about 1982, something like that. 312 00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:19,110 And she just picked a number. 313 00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:20,930 I don't even remember the exact number. 314 00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:23,830 But she said, you know, if you put as much effort into it. 315 00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:28,390 Your work and as you're doing, you're screwing around and you're drinking and all the things you do. 316 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,610 You could make $200,000 a year. 317 00:14:30,810 --> 00:14:35,670 And I just looked up at her and I said, baby, if I made $200,000 a year, you'd be history. 318 00:14:36,070 --> 00:14:38,810 And I saw the tears coming down. 319 00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:41,050 And that was just an example of what a jerk I was. 320 00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:42,270 And so, you know, she started. 321 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:43,750 And you can't really say anything. 322 00:14:43,890 --> 00:14:47,430 It's sort of like when you're in court and the judge or somebody says, strike that. 323 00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:48,750 You've already said it. 324 00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:51,210 And it was just things like that all the time. 325 00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,510 So, it wasn't only my actions. 326 00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:53,270 Not knowing. 327 00:14:53,270 --> 00:14:55,390 If I was going to come home, coming home drunk. 328 00:14:55,490 --> 00:14:56,990 All of these drunk driving things. 329 00:14:57,190 --> 00:15:01,270 And somehow, you know, and I apologize all the times and say things. 330 00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:05,150 Finally, actually, when I made my amends with her, it had to be living amends. 331 00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:06,510 I couldn't say anything. 332 00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:07,890 There was no words. 333 00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:09,870 Verbally, I couldn't say anything. 334 00:15:10,090 --> 00:15:13,590 So, with my sponsor, we decided living amends would be a better thing. 335 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,730 So, anyway, it just got worse and worse. 336 00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:16,910 And talk about in our book. 337 00:15:17,870 --> 00:15:19,550 I was always a bar drinker. 338 00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:22,830 So, I continued being a bar drinker. 339 00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:27,930 But I found out that, you know, I didn't really have to have a hangover for very long if I didn't want one. 340 00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:30,370 So, I was still drinking at the bars right around here. 341 00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:32,510 In fact, one of my favorites was right by the airport there. 342 00:15:32,570 --> 00:15:33,950 Right by the flyaway there. 343 00:15:34,210 --> 00:15:35,770 It's a Hispanic bar now. 344 00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:37,050 But I'd go there. 345 00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:40,350 And so, instead of drinking at 4 or 5 in the afternoon, I started drinking. 346 00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:41,990 I'd be there at 6 o'clock in the morning. 347 00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:44,550 And sometimes, I'd be dressed kind of like I am now. 348 00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,110 And I'd drink vodka. 349 00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:47,610 I'd always drink vodka in the morning. 350 00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:51,230 And orange juice, grapefruit juice, I guess, was healthy. 351 00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:51,390 Yeah. 352 00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:57,210 So, I'd drink in the morning. 353 00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,490 And sometimes, I'd get to work. 354 00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:03,790 And I worked, actually, on Sherman Way down almost all the way for a long time. 355 00:16:03,970 --> 00:16:05,150 And so, I'd drink there. 356 00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:07,290 And then, I'd get to work. 357 00:16:07,490 --> 00:16:09,810 And, honestly, I mean, I was kind of productive. 358 00:16:09,950 --> 00:16:13,670 But not nearly as productive as I could have been. 359 00:16:13,670 --> 00:16:17,090 And then, I mean, things just started getting worse and worse and worse. 360 00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:19,410 And sometimes, I wouldn't come home. 361 00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:20,490 Like I said, I moved out. 362 00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:22,370 And I moved in with somebody else for about a year. 363 00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:25,770 And I'd just keep, you know, all the time. 364 00:16:25,990 --> 00:16:28,530 I mean, all the time I was drinking. 365 00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:32,170 And so, then, I started doing that book talks about this, too. 366 00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:37,110 As you start making your little rules, I'd say, okay, well, I'm only going to drink beer. 367 00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:39,690 And I'm only going to drink a beer every half hour. 368 00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:42,390 And so, I'd drink a beer. 369 00:16:42,570 --> 00:16:44,130 And I'd have 29 minutes left. 370 00:16:44,130 --> 00:16:44,990 And I'm still drinking. 371 00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:47,650 Well, then, I started. 372 00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:50,170 And I was getting all these drunk driving tickets. 373 00:16:50,470 --> 00:16:51,430 And I met a team. 374 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:52,810 So, I got a. 375 00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:55,490 I had a designated driver. 376 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:57,150 It was a girl that was a friend of mine. 377 00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:58,050 She was just a friend. 378 00:16:58,170 --> 00:16:59,210 And so, she'd drive me around. 379 00:16:59,390 --> 00:17:02,010 So, at this time, I worked right down Sherman Way here. 380 00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:02,810 Not too far. 381 00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:04,590 And it was a mortgage company. 382 00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:05,350 And I worked there. 383 00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:06,990 And they had a party one night. 384 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:07,470 They had a. 385 00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:08,630 It was a theme party. 386 00:17:08,790 --> 00:17:10,730 It was a roaring 20s party. 387 00:17:10,870 --> 00:17:12,090 And I had a hat on. 388 00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:13,170 And at the time, I had a beard. 389 00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:14,650 And I had a white shirt. 390 00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:16,230 And a black shirt. 391 00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:17,010 And a white tie. 392 00:17:17,230 --> 00:17:18,330 And I had a beard at the time. 393 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,430 It looked pretty cool. 394 00:17:19,870 --> 00:17:20,670 And so, I went there. 395 00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:22,510 And then, about 1.30 in the morning. 396 00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:24,570 Her husband showed up. 397 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:26,350 So, there goes my designated driver. 398 00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:29,830 But I had the same little Volkswagen convertible I was talking about. 399 00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:32,130 And so, maybe I can drive home. 400 00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:34,590 So, I was driving up Lindley. 401 00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:38,530 And I always got passing out and falling asleep. 402 00:17:38,610 --> 00:17:39,730 I kind of got it mixed up. 403 00:17:39,870 --> 00:17:42,570 And so, I was driving up Lindley here. 404 00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:44,570 And I hit a parked Cadillac. 405 00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:46,750 And the next thing I knew, I was in Northridge Hospital. 406 00:17:47,210 --> 00:17:49,110 And I looked like the mummy I was in. 407 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,410 I was in one of those gowns. 408 00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:52,270 And my face was completely wrapped. 409 00:17:52,830 --> 00:17:53,810 And gauze and stuff. 410 00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:57,670 And they just had two slips, you know, from my eyes and my nose and my mouth. 411 00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:00,870 And I asked the nurse that was in there. 412 00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,050 I said, what happened? 413 00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:03,530 She said, well, you were just in a terrible accident. 414 00:18:03,730 --> 00:18:05,050 You're lucky you were alive. 415 00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:07,230 And so, I was talking to her. 416 00:18:07,290 --> 00:18:08,490 And then, I heard her out in the hallway. 417 00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:09,930 She was talking to the police. 418 00:18:10,510 --> 00:18:13,370 And so, I thought, man, this isn't good. 419 00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:15,450 Because if they come, I'm going to get another drunk driving ticket. 420 00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:18,590 And by this time, even then, I would have probably gone to jail. 421 00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:20,470 And so, I asked her, where's my clothes? 422 00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:22,290 She said, Randy did it in the closet. 423 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:23,690 She said, but your white shirt's all pink. 424 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:24,530 And some of it's ripped. 425 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:25,110 And it's not. 426 00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:26,950 I said, I was just wondering what it was. 427 00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:27,750 Because some of it's raining. 428 00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:29,190 And so, she left the room. 429 00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:31,150 And when she left the room, I ran over to the closet. 430 00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:31,970 I got dressed. 431 00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:32,790 And I got dressed. 432 00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:34,210 And remember, I still have all this gauze. 433 00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:35,050 I looked like a mummy. 434 00:18:35,150 --> 00:18:36,430 I was completely covered up. 435 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:37,270 I put my hat on. 436 00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:39,030 I ran out on Roscoe Boulevard. 437 00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:40,570 And I tried to hitchhike home. 438 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,510 And nobody would pick me up. 439 00:18:45,510 --> 00:18:47,930 I finally folded my eyes to my wife. 440 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:51,750 I looked at my wife. 441 00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:53,050 And this is one of those things you remember. 442 00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:56,350 I came to my daughter's this morning at 12 and 10. 443 00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:59,390 And they just look at their freak dad that's all messed up. 444 00:18:59,450 --> 00:19:01,350 And it's about 4, 30, or 5 in the morning. 445 00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:05,990 And the next morning, my dad and my brother came over. 446 00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:07,010 I'm still in this. 447 00:19:07,090 --> 00:19:09,650 I guess I got into an accident, a bad accident. 448 00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:11,710 So, they took me to urgent care. 449 00:19:11,970 --> 00:19:15,090 I was on, I think, Tampa and Devonshire or something. 450 00:19:15,430 --> 00:19:16,070 So, I went there. 451 00:19:16,270 --> 00:19:21,030 And so, all of a sudden, the doctor, the lady, she took all the gauze off. 452 00:19:21,070 --> 00:19:22,190 And she kind of jumped back. 453 00:19:22,530 --> 00:19:22,890 And. 454 00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:25,770 And this whole part of my nose was missing. 455 00:19:26,110 --> 00:19:31,170 Plus, I had all these cuts and stuff that they really hadn't started to stitch because I left. 456 00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:35,170 And she said, are you the guy that snuck out of Northridge Hospital last night? 457 00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:38,030 Yeah, I thought I was supposed to leave. 458 00:19:38,590 --> 00:19:39,610 Took me back there. 459 00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:41,630 And then they called in a plastic surgeon. 460 00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:45,330 This part of my nose is actually my ear. 461 00:19:45,630 --> 00:19:46,610 It took this part. 462 00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:47,770 It was filthy. 463 00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:48,690 It was kind of fouled up. 464 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,470 And that was about 30-some years ago. 465 00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:50,790 But. 466 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:53,090 So, then I was in there for a couple of weeks. 467 00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:53,730 I was in there for a couple of days. 468 00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:57,990 And my friend that is dead now from this disease came and picked me up. 469 00:19:58,070 --> 00:20:00,390 And we went over to where my car was, the impound account. 470 00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:02,230 I mean, the impound a lot. 471 00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:08,550 And I just had to get some of the books and stuff that I had and some of my paperwork out of the car. 472 00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:11,170 And all of a sudden, he goes, you can see it's a car. 473 00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:13,490 And, I mean, if you looked at the car, you'd figure I was dead. 474 00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,490 And he goes, oh, God, Randy, look. 475 00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:16,910 And I said, no, how would I know? 476 00:20:17,270 --> 00:20:18,390 It's told him. 477 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,610 He said, no, no, no, look, look right there. 478 00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,670 And so, where I'd gone through the windshield. 479 00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:26,230 And, I mean, it was like all the jagged edges like this and stuff. 480 00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:30,070 And right on the tip of one of the jagged edges was my nose. 481 00:20:30,290 --> 00:20:32,150 And it had been ripped off. 482 00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:38,450 And so, I'm not too smart with my life, but I still have some common sense. 483 00:20:38,590 --> 00:20:39,490 I've got an idea. 484 00:20:39,610 --> 00:20:40,410 And I'm still not ready. 485 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:44,290 I've been to a lot of AA meetings because they would send me all the time. 486 00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:47,530 So, being kind of smart, I took the little piece of nose. 487 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:50,410 It looked like one of those crummy potato chips. 488 00:20:50,610 --> 00:20:51,510 You find me doing that. 489 00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:57,110 And Howard had a camera in his car. 490 00:20:57,730 --> 00:21:00,590 And so, he took a picture of the car. 491 00:21:00,830 --> 00:21:04,050 And so, what I did is I went home and I created my own program. 492 00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:06,610 I don't want to go to these meetings all the time. 493 00:21:07,730 --> 00:21:11,490 And to me, Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought it was a great program for you. 494 00:21:11,870 --> 00:21:15,270 But to me, it didn't seem logical because I know I'm an alcoholic. 495 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:20,150 If I know I'm an alcoholic, why do I need a bunch of people like you telling me what I already know? 496 00:21:20,310 --> 00:21:22,770 So, what I did is I put this picture. 497 00:21:23,090 --> 00:21:24,770 I put it up on my mirror in the bathroom. 498 00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:26,490 And I always believed in God. 499 00:21:26,690 --> 00:21:27,850 I mean, that was the advantage I had. 500 00:21:28,050 --> 00:21:31,010 I just always believed in a higher power than God. 501 00:21:31,210 --> 00:21:32,810 And so, I get up every morning and I pray. 502 00:21:33,010 --> 00:21:35,170 And I go in and I look at the picture of this car. 503 00:21:35,370 --> 00:21:39,530 And I look at my face and I look at the nose that was attached to it. 504 00:21:39,730 --> 00:21:45,970 And so, it worked pretty good until I started healing a little bit. 505 00:21:46,170 --> 00:21:51,530 And I was shaving one morning and the steam was coming up from the sink. 506 00:21:51,730 --> 00:21:52,530 And the picture. 507 00:21:53,090 --> 00:21:54,010 It was on the mirror. 508 00:21:54,130 --> 00:21:56,450 The scotch tape became detached. 509 00:21:56,630 --> 00:22:00,790 And the picture just kind of floated down to the ground and the nose kind of fell off of it. 510 00:22:00,790 --> 00:22:06,410 And my dog, Bob, came in and he ate my nose. 511 00:22:06,890 --> 00:22:08,350 I put the picture back up. 512 00:22:08,450 --> 00:22:09,390 I kind of lost some of it. 513 00:22:09,530 --> 00:22:10,610 I lost the steam cap. 514 00:22:10,810 --> 00:22:11,790 It's a bad program. 515 00:22:12,650 --> 00:22:16,390 And so, I was still going to bars and things and stuff. 516 00:22:16,510 --> 00:22:19,590 I was drinking, you know, O'Doul's or whatever and stuff. 517 00:22:19,770 --> 00:22:22,890 And one good, you know, fatal day came. 518 00:22:22,890 --> 00:22:25,170 I was in the bar with him. 519 00:22:25,290 --> 00:22:26,450 I said, give me a Coors Light. 520 00:22:26,590 --> 00:22:28,030 And I was off and running again. 521 00:22:28,150 --> 00:22:30,230 It was the same thing over and over again. 522 00:22:30,330 --> 00:22:32,310 The bars in the morning, the same stuff. 523 00:22:32,690 --> 00:22:34,790 Everything was the same. 524 00:22:36,350 --> 00:22:39,230 And I also go on these binges for like four or five days. 525 00:22:39,330 --> 00:22:40,630 And I'm just running the buck. 526 00:22:40,710 --> 00:22:44,170 But I had the type of job where I didn't have to be any place. 527 00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:46,270 Like I said, I was still doing kind of production. 528 00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:47,990 I worked at Great Western Bank at the time. 529 00:22:48,150 --> 00:22:50,290 I was an independent contractor for them. 530 00:22:50,290 --> 00:22:52,090 So, I'd call in sometimes with the flu. 531 00:22:52,270 --> 00:22:52,790 And I'd say, I'm not. 532 00:22:52,890 --> 00:22:53,810 I'm going to be in for three days. 533 00:22:53,990 --> 00:22:55,250 And I don't know where this came from. 534 00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:56,550 But one morning, I called in. 535 00:22:56,690 --> 00:22:59,070 And I said, I have mononucleosis. 536 00:22:59,630 --> 00:23:01,890 So, I met my boss. 537 00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:02,330 She was female. 538 00:23:02,550 --> 00:23:03,070 And she said, okay. 539 00:23:03,570 --> 00:23:06,190 And so, five days later, I came in. 540 00:23:06,270 --> 00:23:07,170 I was sitting at my desk. 541 00:23:07,210 --> 00:23:07,970 And she comes by. 542 00:23:08,090 --> 00:23:09,650 And she said, what are you doing here? 543 00:23:09,710 --> 00:23:11,090 And I said, well, I'm ready to work again. 544 00:23:11,270 --> 00:23:12,710 She said, do you have a note or something? 545 00:23:12,790 --> 00:23:13,550 And I said, no. 546 00:23:13,790 --> 00:23:15,210 She said, well, you have mononucleosis. 547 00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:16,330 That's highly contagious. 548 00:23:16,450 --> 00:23:17,750 I need a note from the doctor. 549 00:23:17,750 --> 00:23:22,770 So, I went back to the same urgent care place I went for my nose. 550 00:23:22,930 --> 00:23:23,950 The same doctor. 551 00:23:24,430 --> 00:23:25,590 And she remembered me. 552 00:23:26,110 --> 00:23:31,750 And I said, do you write me a note, doctor, just saying I don't have mononucleosis? 553 00:23:32,710 --> 00:23:33,470 Did you ever have it? 554 00:23:33,550 --> 00:23:34,530 I said, no, I never had it. 555 00:23:34,710 --> 00:23:36,690 Just write me a note saying I don't have it. 556 00:23:37,270 --> 00:23:38,630 And she wouldn't do it. 557 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:42,270 And so, I went back to my office. 558 00:23:42,830 --> 00:23:44,690 And I said, I've got to talk to you in a second. 559 00:23:44,810 --> 00:23:45,950 So, I went into her office. 560 00:23:45,950 --> 00:23:47,250 And I said, I have something to tell you. 561 00:23:47,750 --> 00:23:48,850 And she said, what? 562 00:23:48,970 --> 00:23:50,390 I said, I think I'm an alcoholic. 563 00:23:50,510 --> 00:23:52,330 And she said something very profound. 564 00:23:52,550 --> 00:23:52,910 Duh. 565 00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,770 And again, it was a great lesson in time. 566 00:23:55,930 --> 00:23:59,950 And the treatment center, it was at Valley Presbyterian Hospital. 567 00:24:00,890 --> 00:24:02,950 So, I went to a treatment center. 568 00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:05,690 I was there for about five weeks. 569 00:24:05,830 --> 00:24:09,030 And the good thing about that, looking back, I mean, there's a bunch of good things about it, 570 00:24:09,150 --> 00:24:13,870 was it was the first time in my life I was ever talking to my fellow alcoholic sober. 571 00:24:13,870 --> 00:24:16,150 I mean, it was a good experience. 572 00:24:16,310 --> 00:24:17,510 I had a great time. 573 00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,030 And I have a picture at home. 574 00:24:19,230 --> 00:24:22,410 And sometimes, I mean, I like Alcoholics Anonymous so much. 575 00:24:22,470 --> 00:24:24,470 And I have such a good time in Alcoholics Anonymous. 576 00:24:25,070 --> 00:24:28,350 To be honest with you, I forget what we're dealing with. 577 00:24:28,410 --> 00:24:30,990 I forget about the fatality of this disease and what it can do. 578 00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:33,450 And I have a picture at home of my pals. 579 00:24:33,570 --> 00:24:35,650 One guy was an assistant director in Dallas. 580 00:24:35,790 --> 00:24:37,910 And one guy was an architect from England. 581 00:24:38,490 --> 00:24:40,930 And one guy was a realtor. 582 00:24:40,930 --> 00:24:42,610 And the other guy was at General Motors. 583 00:24:42,830 --> 00:24:44,970 He still exists on Van Nuys Boulevard. 584 00:24:45,090 --> 00:24:46,930 And I have a picture at home with myself. 585 00:24:47,750 --> 00:24:50,570 And the four other guys, I mean, with my arms around me. 586 00:24:50,770 --> 00:24:51,730 You know, we're all sitting there. 587 00:24:51,970 --> 00:24:52,990 And, you know, we're all sober. 588 00:24:53,270 --> 00:24:55,050 And all four of those guys are dead now. 589 00:24:55,130 --> 00:24:59,630 And soon after we got out, in fact, two of them, I gave the eulogy for. 590 00:24:59,710 --> 00:25:00,610 One guy died in England. 591 00:25:00,770 --> 00:25:02,110 And I look at that sometimes. 592 00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:03,730 And I realize how lucky I am. 593 00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:06,490 And I sometimes forget about the death. 594 00:25:06,730 --> 00:25:08,330 That it's a good thing and a bad thing. 595 00:25:08,430 --> 00:25:10,970 The good thing is I enjoy Alcoholics Anonymous so much. 596 00:25:10,970 --> 00:25:16,170 My friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, Nolan and Rich, I've never seen them drunk. 597 00:25:16,410 --> 00:25:17,490 I mean, I've heard their stories. 598 00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,210 I've never seen them drunk. 599 00:25:19,270 --> 00:25:20,790 And I forget about that sometimes. 600 00:25:21,010 --> 00:25:22,210 But anyway, I was there. 601 00:25:22,330 --> 00:25:25,270 And then I stayed sober for about a year and a half or two years. 602 00:25:25,650 --> 00:25:30,530 And I go to AA meetings, you know, once a month, whether I needed it or not. 603 00:25:30,610 --> 00:25:31,530 I didn't get a sponsor. 604 00:25:31,750 --> 00:25:33,290 I didn't do anything. 605 00:25:33,590 --> 00:25:40,450 And then another problem that we have, a lot of people have, and for us it can be fatal, is our rationalization. 606 00:25:40,450 --> 00:25:41,770 And we start thinking. 607 00:25:41,930 --> 00:25:44,210 And we start thinking, well, if I don't do this, if I don't do this. 608 00:25:44,330 --> 00:25:46,870 And I had another good friend at the time. 609 00:25:47,010 --> 00:25:47,230 And she. 610 00:25:47,750 --> 00:25:48,610 She was a tennis player. 611 00:25:48,690 --> 00:25:49,330 We played tennis. 612 00:25:49,490 --> 00:25:52,450 And so she had a place up in Oxnard, this tennis ranch. 613 00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:54,490 And she called me and said, why don't you come in? 614 00:25:54,530 --> 00:25:55,470 She told me when it was. 615 00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:57,270 And so I started thinking about it. 616 00:25:57,330 --> 00:25:58,010 And so I started. 617 00:25:58,410 --> 00:26:01,110 What I'll do is I just won't drink in Los Angeles. 618 00:26:01,650 --> 00:26:01,810 You know. 619 00:26:02,670 --> 00:26:05,910 So I knew exactly where the border was from Ventura. 620 00:26:05,910 --> 00:26:09,130 And so I stopped and got a six-pack of beer. 621 00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:11,790 And it was in Westlake Boulevard. 622 00:26:12,690 --> 00:26:16,750 And so as soon as I opened it, I was off and running again. 623 00:26:16,910 --> 00:26:17,310 It was just. 624 00:26:17,310 --> 00:26:18,630 You know, same old thing. 625 00:26:18,730 --> 00:26:20,950 By this time, I had moved out to West Hills. 626 00:26:21,290 --> 00:26:24,690 And I don't know if this was a God thing or if it was just a coincidence. 627 00:26:24,990 --> 00:26:25,850 Probably just a coincidence. 628 00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:30,030 But the guy that lived two houses down from me is now my sponsor. 629 00:26:30,370 --> 00:26:34,430 And so I remember my daughter at the time used to babysit for his kids. 630 00:26:34,650 --> 00:26:36,650 And I used to say, where does that guy go all the time? 631 00:26:36,750 --> 00:26:37,490 I mean, he's always gone. 632 00:26:37,570 --> 00:26:38,390 They had a pretty good meeting. 633 00:26:38,590 --> 00:26:40,870 And so one day, my oldest daughter came home. 634 00:26:41,030 --> 00:26:42,570 She said, do you know where he goes, Dad? 635 00:26:42,630 --> 00:26:43,110 And I said, where? 636 00:26:43,230 --> 00:26:46,670 And she said, he has the same thing you do. 637 00:26:46,790 --> 00:26:47,150 But he goes to. 638 00:26:47,150 --> 00:26:47,670 He goes to meetings. 639 00:26:48,110 --> 00:26:50,570 And so I kind of registered that. 640 00:26:51,270 --> 00:26:53,450 And I was still drinking. 641 00:26:53,630 --> 00:26:57,050 And I ended up with a hit and run accident. 642 00:26:58,330 --> 00:26:59,390 And I was just. 643 00:26:59,670 --> 00:27:01,710 I mean, my wife was about ready to leave me. 644 00:27:01,810 --> 00:27:03,090 I mean, everything hit the fan. 645 00:27:03,170 --> 00:27:04,350 My life was falling apart. 646 00:27:04,630 --> 00:27:05,410 And so I went down. 647 00:27:05,550 --> 00:27:06,250 And I finally. 648 00:27:06,450 --> 00:27:08,390 And he was just a good guy. 649 00:27:08,530 --> 00:27:09,490 I mean, he was just a good guy. 650 00:27:09,590 --> 00:27:10,210 He was a good neighbor. 651 00:27:10,210 --> 00:27:11,910 So I went down and knocked on his door. 652 00:27:12,330 --> 00:27:16,330 And I said, I'm ready to try it your way. 653 00:27:16,330 --> 00:27:17,950 And so I went out in the street. 654 00:27:18,070 --> 00:27:20,830 And he said, OK, well, Randy, if you're going to do it this way, 655 00:27:21,290 --> 00:27:24,030 he said, you've got to put Alcoholics Anonymous before it. 656 00:27:24,270 --> 00:27:25,910 And I said, well, what about my marriage? 657 00:27:26,070 --> 00:27:27,250 He said, well, listen to me. 658 00:27:27,310 --> 00:27:29,930 He said, first of all, you're just hanging by a real thin thread. 659 00:27:30,650 --> 00:27:35,510 And I said, I'm supposed to love Alcoholics Anonymous more than I love my family. 660 00:27:35,690 --> 00:27:36,850 He said, I didn't say that. 661 00:27:36,930 --> 00:27:39,550 He said, Alcoholics Anonymous has to come first. 662 00:27:39,790 --> 00:27:41,850 Nothing down here is going to work. 663 00:27:42,010 --> 00:27:42,290 Nothing. 664 00:27:42,290 --> 00:27:45,990 Whether it's your family or your work or whatever it is, 665 00:27:45,990 --> 00:27:47,630 it's not going to work. 666 00:27:47,770 --> 00:27:50,410 And so I started going to meetings with him. 667 00:27:50,790 --> 00:27:52,690 And actually, I went out one more time. 668 00:27:53,050 --> 00:27:54,770 And then I took an earnest. 669 00:27:54,870 --> 00:27:56,990 Then I asked him to be my sponsor. 670 00:27:57,170 --> 00:27:59,010 And that was 26 years ago. 671 00:27:59,050 --> 00:27:59,890 That was 1992. 672 00:28:00,330 --> 00:28:01,610 And I started going to meetings. 673 00:28:01,770 --> 00:28:03,730 And I didn't really want to go to meetings. 674 00:28:04,030 --> 00:28:08,510 And Alcoholics Anonymous, when you're not even thinking about it, 675 00:28:08,510 --> 00:28:09,950 it's just little things that happen. 676 00:28:10,070 --> 00:28:12,390 And you look back, and it just changes your life. 677 00:28:12,390 --> 00:28:14,550 I remember, you know what? 678 00:28:14,710 --> 00:28:15,730 I went to one of my first. 679 00:28:15,730 --> 00:28:17,790 When she and I made this big meeting. 680 00:28:17,790 --> 00:28:20,910 And this gal was up there, and she was talking about it. 681 00:28:20,910 --> 00:28:22,050 She was telling her story. 682 00:28:22,050 --> 00:28:25,270 I said, yeah, and I did this tonight with these guys. 683 00:28:25,270 --> 00:28:26,290 And I was with these guys. 684 00:28:26,290 --> 00:28:27,170 And I'm just quoting her. 685 00:28:27,170 --> 00:28:28,790 She's a kind of a whore. 686 00:28:28,790 --> 00:28:31,970 And so I was sitting next to my sponsor. 687 00:28:31,970 --> 00:28:33,590 And when she was done, she gave a good talk. 688 00:28:33,590 --> 00:28:35,770 And he said, what do you think, Randy? 689 00:28:35,770 --> 00:28:37,850 And I said, I think I wish I would have known her then. 690 00:28:39,430 --> 00:28:43,030 But then, from that, I learned, because stories are different. 691 00:28:43,030 --> 00:28:44,850 I mean, you heard three different stories tonight. 692 00:28:44,850 --> 00:28:45,570 You heard her. 693 00:28:45,570 --> 00:28:48,230 You heard the two 10-minute speakers. 694 00:28:48,230 --> 00:28:48,730 Do you mind? 695 00:28:48,730 --> 00:28:50,010 All three different stories. 696 00:28:50,010 --> 00:28:52,850 And so what you have a tendency to do, at least I did, 697 00:28:52,850 --> 00:28:54,130 is look for the differences. 698 00:28:54,130 --> 00:28:56,010 And so we talked on the way home. 699 00:28:56,010 --> 00:29:00,030 And then the same meeting about, I don't know, probably a couple months later, 700 00:29:00,030 --> 00:29:02,730 I was, you know, I had 600 people there. 701 00:29:02,730 --> 00:29:03,950 And I was sitting next to this gal. 702 00:29:03,950 --> 00:29:04,850 And she made a mistake. 703 00:29:04,850 --> 00:29:07,430 And she just said, she just asked me how I was. 704 00:29:07,430 --> 00:29:08,970 So I told her. 705 00:29:08,970 --> 00:29:10,450 I just kept going, I don't know. 706 00:29:10,450 --> 00:29:12,490 My work, and then AA stuff. 707 00:29:12,490 --> 00:29:14,370 And I haven't spent this much time doing this. 708 00:29:14,370 --> 00:29:15,410 And I can't spend as much. 709 00:29:15,410 --> 00:29:19,650 And I was just basically bitching to her about all my little things. 710 00:29:19,650 --> 00:29:24,250 And just coincidentally, or another coincidence, she was the main speaker that night at the 711 00:29:24,250 --> 00:29:25,250 meeting. 712 00:29:25,250 --> 00:29:32,170 So she got up and she started out, my new friend Randy, and I was having a few problems. 713 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:36,530 And about 10 minutes into her talk, I realized she was in the throes of cancer. 714 00:29:36,530 --> 00:29:40,850 And I didn't literally do this, but it's one of those things where I just go, oh, God, 715 00:29:40,850 --> 00:29:41,850 you idiot. 716 00:29:41,850 --> 00:29:44,530 And so I'm thinking, I'm complaining to her about my little piddly crap. 717 00:29:44,530 --> 00:29:45,530 And she's going through cancer and all this stuff and chemotherapy and everything. 718 00:29:45,530 --> 00:29:46,530 And I didn't say anything to her that night. 719 00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:47,530 It was that time when the speaker was looking back at the room and everything. 720 00:29:47,530 --> 00:29:48,530 And then the next week, I went up and I said, first of all, I apologize to her. 721 00:29:48,530 --> 00:29:49,530 I said, Pat, I apologize. 722 00:29:49,530 --> 00:29:50,530 She said, for what? 723 00:29:50,530 --> 00:29:51,530 First of all, I don't even know if she remembered me exactly. 724 00:29:51,530 --> 00:29:52,530 And she said, for what? 725 00:29:52,530 --> 00:29:53,530 And I said, I was bitching to you about all my little things. 726 00:29:53,530 --> 00:29:54,530 And comparatively speaking, compared to you, my issues are nothing. 727 00:29:54,530 --> 00:29:55,530 And she said, for what? 728 00:29:55,530 --> 00:29:56,530 And I said, I was bitching to you about all my little things. 729 00:29:56,530 --> 00:29:57,530 And comparatively speaking, compared to you, my issues are nothing. 730 00:29:57,530 --> 00:29:58,530 And she said, what were we doing, Randy? 731 00:29:58,530 --> 00:29:59,530 I said, we weren't doing anything. 732 00:29:59,530 --> 00:30:00,530 I was just complaining. 733 00:30:00,530 --> 00:30:01,530 And she said, no, what were we doing? 734 00:30:01,530 --> 00:30:02,530 She's an AA quiz. 735 00:30:02,530 --> 00:30:03,530 And she says, okay, it's getting on her plate. 736 00:30:03,530 --> 00:30:04,530 And I said, it's a little bit confusing. 737 00:30:04,530 --> 00:30:24,450 Because while I wasauthomulu, Bob, how do you predict how many tire 738 00:30:24,450 --> 00:30:25,450 or trials there is or years? 739 00:30:25,450 --> 00:30:26,450 Well, it's in 2008. 740 00:30:26,450 --> 00:30:27,450 So there's a minefield! 741 00:30:27,450 --> 00:30:31,410 We're not always talking to anybody, which I think you will. 742 00:30:31,570 --> 00:30:37,510 You're going to find as you travel along this road, there's going to be times when your life is going to be going great. 743 00:30:37,790 --> 00:30:41,510 And you're going to be talking to somebody else that's new or something's going to be happening in their life. 744 00:30:41,730 --> 00:30:43,010 Wheels are going to be falling off. 745 00:30:43,410 --> 00:30:48,150 And the opposite, there's going to be times when it's just the opposite. 746 00:30:48,570 --> 00:30:50,590 And there's a lot of things in Alcoholics Anonymous. 747 00:30:50,590 --> 00:30:57,130 And what I learned from that, and I still carry it with me, is that everything, everything is important to me in Alcoholics Anonymous. 748 00:30:57,330 --> 00:30:58,450 The big book is important. 749 00:30:58,570 --> 00:30:59,610 The steps are important. 750 00:31:00,030 --> 00:31:01,110 Traditions are important. 751 00:31:01,290 --> 00:31:02,570 My AA brother's important. 752 00:31:02,730 --> 00:31:10,030 I mean, everything in Alcoholics, and this sounds like blasphemy, but even more important than my higher power is you people. 753 00:31:10,230 --> 00:31:12,650 I mean, to me, it's kind of part of the whole thing. 754 00:31:12,930 --> 00:31:16,710 But like I said, I've been married for 50 years almost. 755 00:31:16,710 --> 00:31:20,130 I have some friends that I've had since college. 756 00:31:20,130 --> 00:31:23,210 I have two brothers that they're just big drinkers. 757 00:31:23,290 --> 00:31:23,710 They're not alcoholics. 758 00:31:24,350 --> 00:31:25,650 I have friends that go way back. 759 00:31:26,110 --> 00:31:28,130 And most of you, this is the first time we've met. 760 00:31:28,290 --> 00:31:29,730 This is the first time we've seen each other. 761 00:31:29,990 --> 00:31:31,690 And you guys know more about me. 762 00:31:32,090 --> 00:31:37,830 You know more how I feel when I'm, actually, when I'm sober than they do. 763 00:31:38,050 --> 00:31:39,170 They're not alcoholics. 764 00:31:39,250 --> 00:31:45,850 And that's why I need the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, because the hub of my wheel are the people that are in Alcoholics Anonymous. 765 00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:48,970 That's what I miss when I first said it's not logical. 766 00:31:49,250 --> 00:31:50,050 AA is not logical. 767 00:31:50,250 --> 00:31:54,730 It's not logical to me, but it's the people, it's the people that you have to talk to. 768 00:31:54,930 --> 00:31:58,810 I can talk to, I can talk to my good friends I've had for 50 years. 769 00:31:59,010 --> 00:32:05,490 I just went to Oklahoma with two of my good friends that there's four of us there, but they're not alcoholics. 770 00:32:05,690 --> 00:32:09,370 You know, they're glad that I'm sober and not dead. 771 00:32:09,570 --> 00:32:13,290 But but we talk about old stories, but they're not alcoholics. 772 00:32:13,490 --> 00:32:16,090 They don't you know, they don't they don't get it. 773 00:32:16,290 --> 00:32:19,050 That's what's great about Alcoholics Anonymous. 774 00:32:19,530 --> 00:32:26,570 And I remember I was talking, I was talking to this lady that some of my old habits didn't didn't didn't die right away. 775 00:32:26,770 --> 00:32:30,890 And so I was sitting there talking to her and kind of wording around a little bit. 776 00:32:31,090 --> 00:32:37,970 And so kind of at the end of our little conversation, there's about four people sitting around and said, Randy, aren't you married? 777 00:32:38,170 --> 00:32:42,970 And I said, sort of talking to my sponsor on the way home. 778 00:32:43,170 --> 00:32:44,970 And I kind of related that story to him. 779 00:32:45,170 --> 00:32:46,730 And he said, well, maybe not too bright. 780 00:32:46,930 --> 00:32:47,970 Let's work on this. 781 00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:52,610 And he said, I'll be her, you be you, I'll be you. 782 00:32:52,810 --> 00:32:57,050 And he says, the correct answer to this, if somebody asks you a question like that, is yes. 783 00:32:57,250 --> 00:33:02,090 And what I didn't realize is well into well into my time in Alcoholics Anonymous. 784 00:33:02,290 --> 00:33:04,290 I mean, if you're an alcoholic, you have to lie. 785 00:33:04,490 --> 00:33:05,930 I mean, there's no way you can tell the truth. 786 00:33:06,130 --> 00:33:09,770 I mean, because people are going to be asking you questions like, where were you? 787 00:33:09,970 --> 00:33:10,970 What have you been doing? 788 00:33:11,170 --> 00:33:14,330 So it's just automatically a lie. 789 00:33:14,530 --> 00:33:18,450 The worst start of the sentence used to be get off all your lies. 790 00:33:19,050 --> 00:33:21,610 And I was telling my girlfriend, she said, 791 00:33:21,810 --> 00:33:27,330 I use any new year's and the thing is so comforting and alcoholics, 792 00:33:27,530 --> 00:33:29,730 not some kind of from now we were talking about it. 793 00:33:29,930 --> 00:33:32,290 And it was like, why did I lie when the truth was true? 794 00:33:32,490 --> 00:33:34,930 And since then, I don't lie anymore. 795 00:33:35,130 --> 00:33:40,410 I don't need to lie anymore just because of the just because of the way that I live. 796 00:33:40,410 --> 00:33:41,970 My my life now. 797 00:33:41,970 --> 00:33:45,490 So the only time I ever lie now is I'm going to hurt somebody's feelings. 798 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:48,690 But I mean, just just the different things that you 799 00:33:49,050 --> 00:33:51,890 have along the way and a lot of times you don't even know it. 800 00:33:52,090 --> 00:33:54,850 I mean, this this program is so valuable. 801 00:33:54,850 --> 00:33:56,490 And of course, just like anybody else that's 802 00:33:56,690 --> 00:33:59,810 been in this program for any period of time, you're going to have things that 803 00:34:00,010 --> 00:34:03,650 happened to you, I mean, still life and the meaning of this. 804 00:34:03,850 --> 00:34:05,930 I think tailed on life's session. 805 00:34:06,130 --> 00:34:08,130 That's true. 806 00:34:08,330 --> 00:34:11,050 And, you know, the ups and downs and everything. 807 00:34:11,250 --> 00:34:17,770 So I had about maybe 15 years ago, my my wife had a massive heart attack. 808 00:34:17,970 --> 00:34:18,610 In fact, 809 00:34:19,050 --> 00:34:22,250 she was she she she was fine and she healed. 810 00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:25,130 But she I mean, coded blue and we're at Tarzana Hospital. 811 00:34:25,330 --> 00:34:30,490 In fact, she said, how you're the one that that abused yourself your whole life. 812 00:34:30,690 --> 00:34:31,810 How come I have the heart attack? 813 00:34:32,010 --> 00:34:33,650 I mean, it's just one of those things. 814 00:34:33,850 --> 00:34:35,610 And so, I mean, stuff like that. 815 00:34:35,810 --> 00:34:39,890 And my sponsor told me, gave me a lot of good information. 816 00:34:39,890 --> 00:34:41,650 But he never told me about the Nasdaq. 817 00:34:41,850 --> 00:34:44,610 So I just lost my shorts in the stock market. 818 00:34:44,610 --> 00:34:46,770 My last, you know, the majority of my money. 819 00:34:46,770 --> 00:34:48,490 And then you have that financial fear. 820 00:34:48,490 --> 00:34:51,090 And so I went through that that fine, probably. 821 00:34:51,290 --> 00:34:56,130 I mean, maybe the worst thing that happened is the only people I loved more 822 00:34:56,330 --> 00:35:01,690 than myself were my two daughters and my oldest daughter is really pretty and nice 823 00:35:01,890 --> 00:35:05,610 and have those married at this time and came and I was over your house. 824 00:35:05,810 --> 00:35:08,930 I had a little pain in my shoulder and so I'm going to have it checked. 825 00:35:09,130 --> 00:35:13,650 And as it turned out, she had Hodgkin's lymphoma and she had cancer. 826 00:35:13,850 --> 00:35:15,690 And so she had to start going to treatments. 827 00:35:15,690 --> 00:35:18,290 And my wife would take her and her husband would take her. 828 00:35:18,490 --> 00:35:23,730 And my job was just simply to take care of my little grandson, who was about three years old at the time. 829 00:35:23,930 --> 00:35:25,010 He's twenty two now. 830 00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:31,490 And and so I used to take care and we play and we play ball and we do all kinds of things on very hard. 831 00:35:31,690 --> 00:35:32,850 And it's just fun. 832 00:35:33,050 --> 00:35:36,770 And so she'd come home from her from the hospital and she always, you know, 833 00:35:36,970 --> 00:35:40,330 she'd be crying because she found out something else, something else was going bad. 834 00:35:40,530 --> 00:35:48,370 And so her hair was all gone and she was sick and she'd have to chemo and be sick for about three or four days. 835 00:35:48,690 --> 00:35:50,850 And I mean, nothing I could really do about it. 836 00:35:51,050 --> 00:35:57,090 And so she came home one night and she was crying, but a different type of crying. 837 00:35:57,290 --> 00:35:58,330 And she was kind of happy. 838 00:35:58,530 --> 00:36:00,530 And so I said, well, what's going on? 839 00:36:00,730 --> 00:36:02,690 And she said, well, everything's kind of OK. 840 00:36:02,890 --> 00:36:03,690 You know, I'm in remission. 841 00:36:03,890 --> 00:36:04,970 Oh, God, that's great. 842 00:36:05,170 --> 00:36:06,690 So she was still crying. 843 00:36:06,890 --> 00:36:07,850 And so she thanked me. 844 00:36:07,850 --> 00:36:09,570 She said, thanks, dad. Thanks for being. 845 00:36:09,570 --> 00:36:10,850 And I said, I didn't do anything else. 846 00:36:11,050 --> 00:36:12,890 I was taking care of CJ. 847 00:36:13,090 --> 00:36:14,730 And she said, yeah, but you were here. 848 00:36:14,930 --> 00:36:16,650 And and that's the key. 849 00:36:16,850 --> 00:36:18,210 Before, I never was there. 850 00:36:18,210 --> 00:36:18,930 I was there for anybody. 851 00:36:19,130 --> 00:36:24,090 You know, when you get into this program, people can count on you and people know 852 00:36:24,290 --> 00:36:26,970 where you're going to be and people know what to expect. 853 00:36:27,170 --> 00:36:32,010 And and and so and so she came over and she hugged me again. 854 00:36:32,210 --> 00:36:33,690 And just thank you for being there. 855 00:36:33,890 --> 00:36:37,090 And just just like she thanked me for being there for her. 856 00:36:37,290 --> 00:36:39,130 I thank all of you for being here for me. 857 00:36:39,330 --> 00:36:40,010 Thanks so much.