Randy Miller, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, sobriety, sponsor, home group.
I mean, I knew I was an alcoholic a long time before I got here.
And I hear people, they get up and they take their six-year cake or something, and this year I finally figured out I was an alcoholic.
And I have nothing against those people, but that's their story.
But I mean, I knew a long, long time before I got here.
I mean, I knew just by the way I drank.
I knew about the phenomenon of craving.
I knew that once I started, I couldn't stop.
I knew by the 502s.
They used to call them 502s.
I mean, it's probably about drunk driving, too.
And also, I'd like to thank Tracy and Alex, too.
And so, I got just a bunch of those.
I got a whole bunch of these 502s.
Wherever I go, people would be telling me, Randy, why have you been drinking so much?
Why are you doing this?
And you hear it wherever you go, and there's always one person that says, Randy, why don't you just drink like I do?
And I was always a nice guy, and I'd say, yeah, I guess I should.
Inside, I'm going, if I drank like you, I'd kill myself.
And the 502s.
I'm a bad driver anyway.
They're just driven with me, and he knows that.
I'm just a bad driver.
I've gotten pulled over for drunk driving three times since I've been sober.
On Tuesdays, I take people bowling.
Sometimes, I give a ride home.
I was giving a guy a ride home about two months ago.
He said, you know what?
Two months ago.
He was driving along.
He said, God, Randy, you're a shitty driver.
I know it would be bad anyway.
The guy's blind.
I'm just a bad driver.
I'm fine.
I'm being geographical.
Some people need to work to go move to Hawaii or move to another state.
I made a geographical out to Saugus.
Nothing wrong with Saugus.
It was just way before I stopped drinking.
So I made a new one.
I had a new friend, and I figured my wife might be the problem.
So I moved out there.
After a while, not too long, she started giving me crap about my drinking.
The irony was I was always drinking with her, but then she started giving me crap about it.
I used to measure my distances, how it's a 25-mile drive or it's a half-hour drive.
But mine was a six-pack drive or it was a pint drive.
I didn't know what it was.
I was driving home to my new home.
It was out in, like I said, Saugus.
Back then, Bouquet Canyon was real desolate.
There was nothing much on Bouquet Canyon.
Now it's all built up, and there's condos and things on it.
I don't know what the odds of this are, but I looked down.
I had a Volkswagen convertible.
I looked down.
I had about six or seven empty beer cans.
I didn't want to throw them away when I got home because my new friend would give me crap about it.
I didn't feel like stopping and throwing them away in a dipsy dumpster.
I didn't want to throw them away in the trash bin or anything.
I just figured this is a desolate road, so I'll just start throwing them out.
I was driving along in my Volkswagen convertible, so the beer cans started tossing up.
I don't know what the odds of this are, but I hit a cop giving somebody else a ticket.
I had a name that really lasted right near where I live now.
It's right off of the 101 freeway in Fullwater.
There's a standard station still there.
I was going over at this time.
I was going over to my in-laws.
It was probably about 10 o'clock at night, and I'd been out drinking.
I can't fix them without having a couple of beers, so I made a right-hand turn from the left-hand off-ramp lane.
Right behind me was a policeman.
I wasn't even at the liquor store around the corner, but the red lights went on, so I pulled into the standard station there.
I got out of the car.
I opened the door.
I got out of the car.
I just started walking to the police station.
I saw a police car.
I was going to get in the backseat, and there's two policemen there.
Where are you going?
I said, I'm just going to get in the backseat here.
He said, no, wait.
You can't get in.
I started to get in.
He kind of nicely grabbed my arm and said, no, no.
I said, I know.
I have to take that test, right?
He said, well, yeah.
I said, useless.
I can't pass it.
He said, how do you know?
I said, I've taken it eight times.
All of the signs were there.
I guess I could tell the story.
I worked in the stock market.
You could drink.
I drank a lot.
My business started about 6 or 7 in the morning.
I usually get off work at 2 or 3.
There was a secretary there that was a pretty good friend of mine.
She said, why haven't you?
She lived in Santa Monica.
She said, Randy, why don't you?
Let's go out and drink.
Let's go.
There was a place.
Some of you older drinkers might remember it.
Santa Monica.
There was a bar called The Whorehouse.
It was kind of a famous bar.
It was a famous bar.
Oh God.
Here we go.
Okay.
Let's go.
It was a place, and some of you older drinkers might remember it.
In Santa Monica, there was a bar called The Whorehouse.
It was kind of a famous place, and you'd go there.
I think drinks were like, it was a dollar a pitcher.
This was quite a while ago, and 59 cents for a drink.
I couldn't buy it because you were .
Who knew, Randy?
Anyway, we were there.
I went with her, and it was a good thing.
So we were sitting there and drinking and having a good time, and that was a good thing.
She said, well, Wildlife 500?
I said, why don't you go over to my apartment?
That was a good thing.
And so we went over to her apartment, and then all of a sudden we were in a room, and she says, oh, shit.
And I said, what's wrong?
And she said, my boyfriend just walked in the front door.
He had a key.
And I thought, now that's a bad thing.
But we were up in the second floor, even higher than the second floor, and so there was only like three things I could do.
And I was never a fighter.
I mean, I was never one of those alcoholics that fought a lot.
And so I didn't want to fight, and I especially didn't want to have to fight naked.
And I defied the closet.
But after all, it was her boyfriend, and he might be there a long time, and I had to get home for dinner.
It was only about 5 o'clock, and I had to get home for dinner.
My wife was making me dinner.
And the third thing I did was, but I didn't jump out.
I looked down, and it was farther down there, and it was under the cement.
So instead of jumping, I was just hanging there.
I was just hanging.
And it was only about 5.30 or 6 o'clock, and it was the summer, and the nice families that lived in this apartment complex.
They were barbecuing and things.
And now they look out, and you see this freak kind of hanging from the window.
And people started yelling at me.
And people started yelling, hey, hey, buddy, why don't you jump?
Hey, jump.
Hey, Marge, come on, look at this guy.
Look at this guy.
I swear to God, somebody yelled at me.
Hey, buddy, you ever think of Alcoholics Anonymous?
I don't know how they knew, but whatever.
And then I went.
I'd always get it from everybody.
And it was just part of my life.
And I, comparatively, I started, I was listening to Alex.
And there were so many young people that come in now.
And comparatively, I was pretty old when I got into Alcoholics Anonymous.
But I was pretty old when I started drinking.
This is kind of my stomping grounds.
I grew up in the valley.
I lived in the valley.
And I first.
For four or five years, I lived in Hollywood.
And my parents got divorced when I was about three.
And I had two younger brothers because I was four.
And then my mom remarried.
Married a guy that was in the Marine Reserves.
And so we moved out to the valley where I grew up in Van Nuys.
And I became, I guess, really good friends with him.
I don't remember too much about it.
But we'd play catch with a ball and stuff.
And we'd go out.
And then he got called over to Korea.
And this has nothing at all to do with me being an alcoholic.
But it does have something.
It had to do with how I showed my feelings, kind of until I got into Alcoholics Anonymous.
And he was in Korea.
And I remember some people came by school and picked me up.
And I went home.
My mom was, I don't know why, she was in my bedroom.
And she was crying.
And she told me that he got killed in action.
And I just remember I cried and I cried and I cried.
And I said something to the effect when I left the room.
Because she'd already been divorced and different things had happened.
Nothing real terrible in hindsight.
But I looked back at her and I said,
Nothing is ever going to hurt me again.
And I probably didn't say it exactly like that.
But from that time on, until I got into Alcoholics Anonymous,
you never knew when I was hurting.
I mean, I never let you know for whatever reason.
And like I said, I grew up in Van Nuys.
And it was kind of the leave it to beaver era.
This was like in the 50s and 60s.
And if it was the leave it to beaver era, I was Eddie Haskell.
And I'd just say whatever I had to say.
Hi, Mrs. Johnson.
How are you?
Gosh, you look nice today.
And little Billy here.
Oh, he's cute.
He's a cute little guy.
And I'd go up to my friend's room and I'd say,
Your mom's a pain in the ass and get rid of Billy.
And I just said whatever I had.
And then I played Little League right over here, not too far, on Balboa.
And when I got in high school, I looked good on paper.
I mean, I was captain of the baseball team.
And I was student body vice president.
And I was sports editor of paper.
So, I mean, I looked real good on paper.
And I don't like to brag, but I already did.
But they also had those days when you had like the alphabet.
So, A was most athletic.
B was the most beautiful.
D or whatever was the dumbest.
And I was K.
I was most kissable.
Anyway.
See my friends.
They get drunk.
And they throw up.
And they get in a fight.
And they get their toe beat out.
And someone would come over to my house the next day with his hangover snack.
And, you know, I was 17 or so.
And I said, What do you drink for?
I mean, I don't get it.
I mean, you made an ass of yourself.
You got beat up.
I mean, I don't get it.
But I never, like I said, I carried a beer around.
But I never had enough to get drunk.
And so, when I graduated from high school, which was just right over here at Birmingham High School,
I went to college, and I joined a fraternity.
And even there, I kind of, you know, and I didn't really drink.
And then, finally, one night, I was at a party, and this guy that maybe was appropriately named, his name was Bill Pugh.
I still remember that.
And he said, Now, I want you to drink.
I said, Well, you know, I don't drink that much.
And I said, Well, what about my date?
She said, Don't worry.
We'll take care of her.
And so, I gave him a beer in one hand and a wine in another, in my other hand.
And I know a lot of guys.
Well, Alex is a good example.
I know.
I know a lot of guys that got sober before I really started drinking, age-wise.
And so, I was drinking, and I was putting the wine down and the beer down.
And every time I'd stop, these guys would say, Come on, drink, drink, drink.
And all of a sudden, I was drunk.
And I don't remember the exact feeling I had.
I mean, the exact thought I had.
I remember the feeling.
But it was something, the effect, the thought I had was, No wonder those guys drink.
And from that moment on, my life changed.
My priorities changed.
Everything in my, it changed.
Now, I didn't drink every day.
But I remember looking forward to the weekends.
And I wasn't looking forward to the weekends because I was going to have a nice date or I was going to be at a good party.
I was looking forward to the weekends because I knew I could drink again.
Probably within seven or eight months, I was known as one of the big drinkers at the school that I went to.
And the fraternity I was in said, Oh, man, don't go drinking with Miller because you're going to end up drunk.
And I was kind of a natural.
I mean, I was just good.
And so, I mean, everything changed.
I got out of school, and then I got a job in, like I said, the stock brokerage business.
And when I was there, during Christmas vacation, I met my wife.
And she was, first of all, she was a real student.
In all of college, she only got two B's in all of her whole career in college.
I also only got two B's.
Dad was the bishop of the whole Lutheran Church in all of California and Arizona and Washington.
So, I got to tell you.
My father-in-law was mighty proud of his son-in-law on many occasions.
But anyway, so we ended up, we got married.
And this March, I'm still alive and things go good.
I've been married for 50 years.
Now, I've been sober for 26.
So, she had 24 pretty bad years.
I was not only an alcoholic and didn't come home.
I don't know how she stayed married to me because I was not only an alcoholic.
I was just a dick.
I mean, I can't.
I just did good.
And I mean, I'd say, I'd say things that were just horrible.
I look back on, I remember in the summer, I hated the summer because the summer, she was a teacher.
And during the rest of the year, she'd be off to school.
And, you know, she'd be leaving and she'd be taking my daughter to school.
And so, she'd be out of the house by like 7 in the morning.
So, she didn't know if I was sleeping in.
By this time, I had a job and I was doing home loans, mortgages, things.
And she'd be gone.
So, she didn't know if I was sleeping until 10 in the morning.
Or what I was doing.
I remember one morning, just as an example, she came in and I was, after I'd gotten home, you know, real late, 2 in the morning, I was laying in bed.
And it was just like, oh, God, here she comes.
And so, she came in and said, God, you know, if you put as much time into your work and doing things.
I don't know where she picked it.
This was about 19, it was probably about 1982, something like that.
And she just picked a number.
I don't even remember the exact number.
But she said, you know, if you put as much effort into it.
Your work and as you're doing, you're screwing around and you're drinking and all the things you do.
You could make $200,000 a year.
And I just looked up at her and I said, baby, if I made $200,000 a year, you'd be history.
And I saw the tears coming down.
And that was just an example of what a jerk I was.
And so, you know, she started.
And you can't really say anything.
It's sort of like when you're in court and the judge or somebody says, strike that.
You've already said it.
And it was just things like that all the time.
So, it wasn't only my actions.
Not knowing.
If I was going to come home, coming home drunk.
All of these drunk driving things.
And somehow, you know, and I apologize all the times and say things.
Finally, actually, when I made my amends with her, it had to be living amends.
I couldn't say anything.
There was no words.
Verbally, I couldn't say anything.
So, with my sponsor, we decided living amends would be a better thing.
So, anyway, it just got worse and worse.
And talk about in our book.
I was always a bar drinker.
So, I continued being a bar drinker.
But I found out that, you know, I didn't really have to have a hangover for very long if I didn't want one.
So, I was still drinking at the bars right around here.
In fact, one of my favorites was right by the airport there.
Right by the flyaway there.
It's a Hispanic bar now.
But I'd go there.
And so, instead of drinking at 4 or 5 in the afternoon, I started drinking.
I'd be there at 6 o'clock in the morning.
And sometimes, I'd be dressed kind of like I am now.
And I'd drink vodka.
I'd always drink vodka in the morning.
And orange juice, grapefruit juice, I guess, was healthy.
Yeah.
So, I'd drink in the morning.
And sometimes, I'd get to work.
And I worked, actually, on Sherman Way down almost all the way for a long time.
And so, I'd drink there.
And then, I'd get to work.
And, honestly, I mean, I was kind of productive.
But not nearly as productive as I could have been.
And then, I mean, things just started getting worse and worse and worse.
And sometimes, I wouldn't come home.
Like I said, I moved out.
And I moved in with somebody else for about a year.
And I'd just keep, you know, all the time.
I mean, all the time I was drinking.
And so, then, I started doing that book talks about this, too.
As you start making your little rules, I'd say, okay, well, I'm only going to drink beer.
And I'm only going to drink a beer every half hour.
And so, I'd drink a beer.
And I'd have 29 minutes left.
And I'm still drinking.
Well, then, I started.
And I was getting all these drunk driving tickets.
And I met a team.
So, I got a.
I had a designated driver.
It was a girl that was a friend of mine.
She was just a friend.
And so, she'd drive me around.
So, at this time, I worked right down Sherman Way here.
Not too far.
And it was a mortgage company.
And I worked there.
And they had a party one night.
They had a.
It was a theme party.
It was a roaring 20s party.
And I had a hat on.
And at the time, I had a beard.
And I had a white shirt.
And a black shirt.
And a white tie.
And I had a beard at the time.
It looked pretty cool.
And so, I went there.
And then, about 1.30 in the morning.
Her husband showed up.
So, there goes my designated driver.
But I had the same little Volkswagen convertible I was talking about.
And so, maybe I can drive home.
So, I was driving up Lindley.
And I always got passing out and falling asleep.
I kind of got it mixed up.
And so, I was driving up Lindley here.
And I hit a parked Cadillac.
And the next thing I knew, I was in Northridge Hospital.
And I looked like the mummy I was in.
I was in one of those gowns.
And my face was completely wrapped.
And gauze and stuff.
And they just had two slips, you know, from my eyes and my nose and my mouth.
And I asked the nurse that was in there.
I said, what happened?
She said, well, you were just in a terrible accident.
You're lucky you were alive.
And so, I was talking to her.
And then, I heard her out in the hallway.
She was talking to the police.
And so, I thought, man, this isn't good.
Because if they come, I'm going to get another drunk driving ticket.
And by this time, even then, I would have probably gone to jail.
And so, I asked her, where's my clothes?
She said, Randy did it in the closet.
She said, but your white shirt's all pink.
And some of it's ripped.
And it's not.
I said, I was just wondering what it was.
Because some of it's raining.
And so, she left the room.
And when she left the room, I ran over to the closet.
I got dressed.
And I got dressed.
And remember, I still have all this gauze.
I looked like a mummy.
I was completely covered up.
I put my hat on.
I ran out on Roscoe Boulevard.
And I tried to hitchhike home.
And nobody would pick me up.
I finally folded my eyes to my wife.
I looked at my wife.
And this is one of those things you remember.
I came to my daughter's this morning at 12 and 10.
And they just look at their freak dad that's all messed up.
And it's about 4, 30, or 5 in the morning.
And the next morning, my dad and my brother came over.
I'm still in this.
I guess I got into an accident, a bad accident.
So, they took me to urgent care.
I was on, I think, Tampa and Devonshire or something.
So, I went there.
And so, all of a sudden, the doctor, the lady, she took all the gauze off.
And she kind of jumped back.
And.
And this whole part of my nose was missing.
Plus, I had all these cuts and stuff that they really hadn't started to stitch because I left.
And she said, are you the guy that snuck out of Northridge Hospital last night?
Yeah, I thought I was supposed to leave.
Took me back there.
And then they called in a plastic surgeon.
This part of my nose is actually my ear.
It took this part.
It was filthy.
It was kind of fouled up.
And that was about 30-some years ago.
But.
So, then I was in there for a couple of weeks.
I was in there for a couple of days.
And my friend that is dead now from this disease came and picked me up.
And we went over to where my car was, the impound account.
I mean, the impound a lot.
And I just had to get some of the books and stuff that I had and some of my paperwork out of the car.
And all of a sudden, he goes, you can see it's a car.
And, I mean, if you looked at the car, you'd figure I was dead.
And he goes, oh, God, Randy, look.
And I said, no, how would I know?
It's told him.
He said, no, no, no, look, look right there.
And so, where I'd gone through the windshield.
And, I mean, it was like all the jagged edges like this and stuff.
And right on the tip of one of the jagged edges was my nose.
And it had been ripped off.
And so, I'm not too smart with my life, but I still have some common sense.
I've got an idea.
And I'm still not ready.
I've been to a lot of AA meetings because they would send me all the time.
So, being kind of smart, I took the little piece of nose.
It looked like one of those crummy potato chips.
You find me doing that.
And Howard had a camera in his car.
And so, he took a picture of the car.
And so, what I did is I went home and I created my own program.
I don't want to go to these meetings all the time.
And to me, Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought it was a great program for you.
But to me, it didn't seem logical because I know I'm an alcoholic.
If I know I'm an alcoholic, why do I need a bunch of people like you telling me what I already know?
So, what I did is I put this picture.
I put it up on my mirror in the bathroom.
And I always believed in God.
I mean, that was the advantage I had.
I just always believed in a higher power than God.
And so, I get up every morning and I pray.
And I go in and I look at the picture of this car.
And I look at my face and I look at the nose that was attached to it.
And so, it worked pretty good until I started healing a little bit.
And I was shaving one morning and the steam was coming up from the sink.
And the picture.
It was on the mirror.
The scotch tape became detached.
And the picture just kind of floated down to the ground and the nose kind of fell off of it.
And my dog, Bob, came in and he ate my nose.
I put the picture back up.
I kind of lost some of it.
I lost the steam cap.
It's a bad program.
And so, I was still going to bars and things and stuff.
I was drinking, you know, O'Doul's or whatever and stuff.
And one good, you know, fatal day came.
I was in the bar with him.
I said, give me a Coors Light.
And I was off and running again.
It was the same thing over and over again.
The bars in the morning, the same stuff.
Everything was the same.
And I also go on these binges for like four or five days.
And I'm just running the buck.
But I had the type of job where I didn't have to be any place.
Like I said, I was still doing kind of production.
I worked at Great Western Bank at the time.
I was an independent contractor for them.
So, I'd call in sometimes with the flu.
And I'd say, I'm not.
I'm going to be in for three days.
And I don't know where this came from.
But one morning, I called in.
And I said, I have mononucleosis.
So, I met my boss.
She was female.
And she said, okay.
And so, five days later, I came in.
I was sitting at my desk.
And she comes by.
And she said, what are you doing here?
And I said, well, I'm ready to work again.
She said, do you have a note or something?
And I said, no.
She said, well, you have mononucleosis.
That's highly contagious.
I need a note from the doctor.
So, I went back to the same urgent care place I went for my nose.
The same doctor.
And she remembered me.
And I said, do you write me a note, doctor, just saying I don't have mononucleosis?
Did you ever have it?
I said, no, I never had it.
Just write me a note saying I don't have it.
And she wouldn't do it.
And so, I went back to my office.
And I said, I've got to talk to you in a second.
So, I went into her office.
And I said, I have something to tell you.
And she said, what?
I said, I think I'm an alcoholic.
And she said something very profound.
Duh.
And again, it was a great lesson in time.
And the treatment center, it was at Valley Presbyterian Hospital.
So, I went to a treatment center.
I was there for about five weeks.
And the good thing about that, looking back, I mean, there's a bunch of good things about it,
was it was the first time in my life I was ever talking to my fellow alcoholic sober.
I mean, it was a good experience.
I had a great time.
And I have a picture at home.
And sometimes, I mean, I like Alcoholics Anonymous so much.
And I have such a good time in Alcoholics Anonymous.
To be honest with you, I forget what we're dealing with.
I forget about the fatality of this disease and what it can do.
And I have a picture at home of my pals.
One guy was an assistant director in Dallas.
And one guy was an architect from England.
And one guy was a realtor.
And the other guy was at General Motors.
He still exists on Van Nuys Boulevard.
And I have a picture at home with myself.
And the four other guys, I mean, with my arms around me.
You know, we're all sitting there.
And, you know, we're all sober.
And all four of those guys are dead now.
And soon after we got out, in fact, two of them, I gave the eulogy for.
One guy died in England.
And I look at that sometimes.
And I realize how lucky I am.
And I sometimes forget about the death.
That it's a good thing and a bad thing.
The good thing is I enjoy Alcoholics Anonymous so much.
My friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, Nolan and Rich, I've never seen them drunk.
I mean, I've heard their stories.
I've never seen them drunk.
And I forget about that sometimes.
But anyway, I was there.
And then I stayed sober for about a year and a half or two years.
And I go to AA meetings, you know, once a month, whether I needed it or not.
I didn't get a sponsor.
I didn't do anything.
And then another problem that we have, a lot of people have, and for us it can be fatal, is our rationalization.
And we start thinking.
And we start thinking, well, if I don't do this, if I don't do this.
And I had another good friend at the time.
And she.
She was a tennis player.
We played tennis.
And so she had a place up in Oxnard, this tennis ranch.
And she called me and said, why don't you come in?
She told me when it was.
And so I started thinking about it.
And so I started.
What I'll do is I just won't drink in Los Angeles.
You know.
So I knew exactly where the border was from Ventura.
And so I stopped and got a six-pack of beer.
And it was in Westlake Boulevard.
And so as soon as I opened it, I was off and running again.
It was just.
You know, same old thing.
By this time, I had moved out to West Hills.
And I don't know if this was a God thing or if it was just a coincidence.
Probably just a coincidence.
But the guy that lived two houses down from me is now my sponsor.
And so I remember my daughter at the time used to babysit for his kids.
And I used to say, where does that guy go all the time?
I mean, he's always gone.
They had a pretty good meeting.
And so one day, my oldest daughter came home.
She said, do you know where he goes, Dad?
And I said, where?
And she said, he has the same thing you do.
But he goes to.
He goes to meetings.
And so I kind of registered that.
And I was still drinking.
And I ended up with a hit and run accident.
And I was just.
I mean, my wife was about ready to leave me.
I mean, everything hit the fan.
My life was falling apart.
And so I went down.
And I finally.
And he was just a good guy.
I mean, he was just a good guy.
He was a good neighbor.
So I went down and knocked on his door.
And I said, I'm ready to try it your way.
And so I went out in the street.
And he said, OK, well, Randy, if you're going to do it this way,
he said, you've got to put Alcoholics Anonymous before it.
And I said, well, what about my marriage?
He said, well, listen to me.
He said, first of all, you're just hanging by a real thin thread.
And I said, I'm supposed to love Alcoholics Anonymous more than I love my family.
He said, I didn't say that.
He said, Alcoholics Anonymous has to come first.
Nothing down here is going to work.
Nothing.
Whether it's your family or your work or whatever it is,
it's not going to work.
And so I started going to meetings with him.
And actually, I went out one more time.
And then I took an earnest.
Then I asked him to be my sponsor.
And that was 26 years ago.
That was 1992.
And I started going to meetings.
And I didn't really want to go to meetings.
And Alcoholics Anonymous, when you're not even thinking about it,
it's just little things that happen.
And you look back, and it just changes your life.
I remember, you know what?
I went to one of my first.
When she and I made this big meeting.
And this gal was up there, and she was talking about it.
She was telling her story.
I said, yeah, and I did this tonight with these guys.
And I was with these guys.
And I'm just quoting her.
She's a kind of a whore.
And so I was sitting next to my sponsor.
And when she was done, she gave a good talk.
And he said, what do you think, Randy?
And I said, I think I wish I would have known her then.
But then, from that, I learned, because stories are different.
I mean, you heard three different stories tonight.
You heard her.
You heard the two 10-minute speakers.
Do you mind?
All three different stories.
And so what you have a tendency to do, at least I did,
is look for the differences.
And so we talked on the way home.
And then the same meeting about, I don't know, probably a couple months later,
I was, you know, I had 600 people there.
And I was sitting next to this gal.
And she made a mistake.
And she just said, she just asked me how I was.
So I told her.
I just kept going, I don't know.
My work, and then AA stuff.
And I haven't spent this much time doing this.
And I can't spend as much.
And I was just basically bitching to her about all my little things.
And just coincidentally, or another coincidence, she was the main speaker that night at the
meeting.
So she got up and she started out, my new friend Randy, and I was having a few problems.
And about 10 minutes into her talk, I realized she was in the throes of cancer.
And I didn't literally do this, but it's one of those things where I just go, oh, God,
you idiot.
And so I'm thinking, I'm complaining to her about my little piddly crap.
And she's going through cancer and all this stuff and chemotherapy and everything.
And I didn't say anything to her that night.
It was that time when the speaker was looking back at the room and everything.
And then the next week, I went up and I said, first of all, I apologize to her.
I said, Pat, I apologize.
She said, for what?
First of all, I don't even know if she remembered me exactly.
And she said, for what?
And I said, I was bitching to you about all my little things.
And comparatively speaking, compared to you, my issues are nothing.
And she said, for what?
And I said, I was bitching to you about all my little things.
And comparatively speaking, compared to you, my issues are nothing.
And she said, what were we doing, Randy?
I said, we weren't doing anything.
I was just complaining.
And she said, no, what were we doing?
She's an AA quiz.
And she says, okay, it's getting on her plate.
And I said, it's a little bit confusing.
Because while I wasauthomulu, Bob, how do you predict how many tire
or trials there is or years?
Well, it's in 2008.
So there's a minefield!
We're not always talking to anybody, which I think you will.
You're going to find as you travel along this road, there's going to be times when your life is going to be going great.
And you're going to be talking to somebody else that's new or something's going to be happening in their life.
Wheels are going to be falling off.
And the opposite, there's going to be times when it's just the opposite.
And there's a lot of things in Alcoholics Anonymous.
And what I learned from that, and I still carry it with me, is that everything, everything is important to me in Alcoholics Anonymous.
The big book is important.
The steps are important.
Traditions are important.
My AA brother's important.
I mean, everything in Alcoholics, and this sounds like blasphemy, but even more important than my higher power is you people.
I mean, to me, it's kind of part of the whole thing.
But like I said, I've been married for 50 years almost.
I have some friends that I've had since college.
I have two brothers that they're just big drinkers.
They're not alcoholics.
I have friends that go way back.
And most of you, this is the first time we've met.
This is the first time we've seen each other.
And you guys know more about me.
You know more how I feel when I'm, actually, when I'm sober than they do.
They're not alcoholics.
And that's why I need the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, because the hub of my wheel are the people that are in Alcoholics Anonymous.
That's what I miss when I first said it's not logical.
AA is not logical.
It's not logical to me, but it's the people, it's the people that you have to talk to.
I can talk to, I can talk to my good friends I've had for 50 years.
I just went to Oklahoma with two of my good friends that there's four of us there, but they're not alcoholics.
You know, they're glad that I'm sober and not dead.
But but we talk about old stories, but they're not alcoholics.
They don't you know, they don't they don't get it.
That's what's great about Alcoholics Anonymous.
And I remember I was talking, I was talking to this lady that some of my old habits didn't didn't didn't die right away.
And so I was sitting there talking to her and kind of wording around a little bit.
And so kind of at the end of our little conversation, there's about four people sitting around and said, Randy, aren't you married?
And I said, sort of talking to my sponsor on the way home.
And I kind of related that story to him.
And he said, well, maybe not too bright.
Let's work on this.
And he said, I'll be her, you be you, I'll be you.
And he says, the correct answer to this, if somebody asks you a question like that, is yes.
And what I didn't realize is well into well into my time in Alcoholics Anonymous.
I mean, if you're an alcoholic, you have to lie.
I mean, there's no way you can tell the truth.
I mean, because people are going to be asking you questions like, where were you?
What have you been doing?
So it's just automatically a lie.
The worst start of the sentence used to be get off all your lies.
And I was telling my girlfriend, she said,
I use any new year's and the thing is so comforting and alcoholics,
not some kind of from now we were talking about it.
And it was like, why did I lie when the truth was true?
And since then, I don't lie anymore.
I don't need to lie anymore just because of the just because of the way that I live.
My my life now.
So the only time I ever lie now is I'm going to hurt somebody's feelings.
But I mean, just just the different things that you
have along the way and a lot of times you don't even know it.
I mean, this this program is so valuable.
And of course, just like anybody else that's
been in this program for any period of time, you're going to have things that
happened to you, I mean, still life and the meaning of this.
I think tailed on life's session.
That's true.
And, you know, the ups and downs and everything.
So I had about maybe 15 years ago, my my wife had a massive heart attack.
In fact,
she was she she she was fine and she healed.
But she I mean, coded blue and we're at Tarzana Hospital.
In fact, she said, how you're the one that that abused yourself your whole life.
How come I have the heart attack?
I mean, it's just one of those things.
And so, I mean, stuff like that.
And my sponsor told me, gave me a lot of good information.
But he never told me about the Nasdaq.
So I just lost my shorts in the stock market.
My last, you know, the majority of my money.
And then you have that financial fear.
And so I went through that that fine, probably.
I mean, maybe the worst thing that happened is the only people I loved more
than myself were my two daughters and my oldest daughter is really pretty and nice
and have those married at this time and came and I was over your house.
I had a little pain in my shoulder and so I'm going to have it checked.
And as it turned out, she had Hodgkin's lymphoma and she had cancer.
And so she had to start going to treatments.
And my wife would take her and her husband would take her.
And my job was just simply to take care of my little grandson, who was about three years old at the time.
He's twenty two now.
And and so I used to take care and we play and we play ball and we do all kinds of things on very hard.
And it's just fun.
And so she'd come home from her from the hospital and she always, you know,
she'd be crying because she found out something else, something else was going bad.
And so her hair was all gone and she was sick and she'd have to chemo and be sick for about three or four days.
And I mean, nothing I could really do about it.
And so she came home one night and she was crying, but a different type of crying.
And she was kind of happy.
And so I said, well, what's going on?
And she said, well, everything's kind of OK.
You know, I'm in remission.
Oh, God, that's great.
So she was still crying.
And so she thanked me.
She said, thanks, dad. Thanks for being.
And I said, I didn't do anything else.
I was taking care of CJ.
And she said, yeah, but you were here.
And and that's the key.
Before, I never was there.
I was there for anybody.
You know, when you get into this program, people can count on you and people know
where you're going to be and people know what to expect.
And and and so and so she came over and she hugged me again.
And just thank you for being there.
And just just like she thanked me for being there for her.
I thank all of you for being here for me.
Thanks so much.