Iona L, Quality of Life, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, sobriety, sponsor, home group. Please spell
the speaker name as Iona.
Iona L, Quality of Life Saturday for enrolling on MAI?...
Coastal...
Coastal.
Iona L, Quality of Life, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, sobriety, sponsor, home group
and whatever, and Silencio, and all those names.
Like I said, I really wanted to be Mexican.
So I learned that lifestyle.
So when I got to maybe meet my girlfriend,
I was hanging out with the girls that just got sent out there from California.
I was in Alaska.
I said, we'll start over.
So we were having a cure-drop catchies at night.
Now we're getting ready.
We got some alien infants and some humans.
And so I tried it.
And they chews up my hair.
So it's taken a family.
Stilt-tow boots and some bikinis and a family.
And we went to the ticket with the homies.
And it was great.
It was great.
And the pop-tarts or the paper fans,
they got me a piece of paper that I would snoop and draw.
And I would use, so I'd crochet.
And they passed me the chain.
And it's just clear.
It's clear.
And it was a big, so bomb.
It had a little bit of a channel in it.
It was extra dry chain.
And I took a swing.
I passed with the chain.
I took a swing.
And that's orange juice.
It's in Alaska.
For some of you guys, you guys look really young in here.
Some of you guys do.
Some of you are too loud to know.
You're my age.
Thank you.
So it's been 10 years.
And I took a swing.
And I went to the bug wall that night.
I took a swing.
I got in front of the fish tank.
And I took a swing.
And it was a new peace and freedom that I chased.
I just smiled.
I was calm.
I was in front of the fish tank all night just smiling.
They were agreeing.
I can't tell you.
My clothes weren't clean that night.
I didn't go get any bites that night.
I was in front of the fish tank.
And I chased that hard.
And I chased that quick.
And by the end of my freshman year, I'm getting picked out of school.
Because I have a worst semester of abstinence and I can't show up to school without drinking
or without fighting.
You know, it was about platforms and physical back then.
And I was 15.
And it was great.
It was great.
It was always the beginning of the same thing.
I don't know how it was here.
You just throw on some lipstick.
You throw some cleavage.
And you're set to go.
You know, it was not hard to party when I was growing up.
You know, there was a liquor store.
The guy liked my good thing.
What I was able to do was give him a pair of her socks each time I bought liquor.
And I've since made amends to him.
I did not know how creepy that was until, like, it was a submit.
And I was like, I don't know.
I don't know.
He was like, you came a few years ago.
He was like, you came in like gave me socks.
You know.
And I thought that was a pretty stupid thing to say.
I don't know.
I didn't do it.
Iona L, Quality of Life, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, sobriety, sponsor, home group
Iona L, Quality of Life, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA,
sobriety, sponsor, home group
Iona L, Quality of Life, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, sobriety, sponsor, home group
I didn't realize until my spouse had took me through that involution that I hadn't been at home since I was 13.
Did you deserve an opportunity?
Was it me thinking about environment?
What did you do?
That justifiable angle that reset was good.
I didn't know I needed to be this bright person with this bright red dress to make you happy.
Because I didn't just come out, right?
That's cheesy. That's cheesy. That's not me.
I want femininity.
But that's how much I'll be helped to know this has given me my spirit and my soul.
Because people would pick up my clothes.
The women would laugh when I say that I wanted to kill them.
I'd say, what are you doing after the day?
What are you even going to?
I'm like, oh my God.
I'm a 60-year-old woman.
When I first got sober, there was not a lot of young people in my home groups.
And thank God, because I might have been a slut.
I'm so grateful.
I try to tell my spouse, he's not today, he's done first year, and I can't even blame him.
I'm like, just keep going to meetings.
I'm like, what are you going to do?
When I spoke to her, what she did with me, I don't know.
She said, what kind of drink do you want to drink?
I said, I drink daily.
She was like, then you need to get to a meeting every day.
I went to a meeting every day.
My first three years of summer, I went to work.
I would get to a meeting.
I would go for a drink.
I would sit in my living room at 530.
The meeting was going to open until 630 or 7 when they would start setting up.
And I would sit there, and I would look in my living room mirror waiting, waiting for
someone to open the door, because I had no place safe to go but the road.
And that parking lot was the safest place I had to go my first three years of summer.
And in summer, for the people who felt barely to have the meeting before the meeting and
the meeting after the meeting, if it wasn't for commitment, I don't know where I would
be.
My sponsor, too, she raised my hand.
I got into service within like my first six months of her.
I had a commitment.
I never.
It's like, just like I had a guy for every bond.
She said I can start sponsoring.
She told me at 30 days sober I can start sponsoring women.
I had no clue.
I was sponsoring, and I called my sponsor.
I was like, what are we doing?
What are we doing?
So she would call me to call these women.
I would be like, just pause and play.
I tell them to pause and play, and I hang out with them.
And when I tell my sponsor, and then when they call me back after pausing and playing,
I would have some guidance for them.
And I love that.
Because that's still the solution today.
Just pause and play.
And because of the steps that happen, so when I actually pause and play, I don't always
need it to be my sponsor, because I have been told to be one for the rest of my life.
That used to baffle me.
Alcoholics is a way of living.
Alcoholics is not just a drink, but a symptom.
And that's the message that had ducted me from a routine.
And before I knew something was wrong, I went to therapy.
And I was in a routine, and I was making, and I was all that stuff, and ADD, and I
was saying to myself, that was true.
But there was something there.
I was like, no, but there's something there.
But there's something there.
So my sponsor started to read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous with me right from
the beginning.
To read those first 165 pages, I found myself in the doctor's opinion.
And the doctor's opinion told me, it would not satisfy me to be told that I was not adjusted
to life.
That there was something else.
That book has depth and weight.
I found me in that book.
I found me in the podiums.
I still identify.
I am still finding my story.
And I found my story in my memory with the women I work with.
I find my courage.
I'm like, God, with the women I work with.
It's incredible that it's going to be okay, even though I'm scared all of a sudden.
I'm not scared because I'm trying to make them not scared.
It's so thankful that I was willing to go to anything for victory over my alcoholism.
I was so thankful that my sponsor asked me that question.
I was so thankful that she told me, that she asked me, are you ready to take direction
with that debate?
And this was this other white chick who was a punk rock chick, and I'm a true lover.
And for some reason, I told her yes.
I told her yes when I turned my love of my life over to her.
She didn't stay still.
So that's about five years sober now.
That really saved my life.
The sponsor I have has been my sponsor for over 15 years.
I just celebrated 16 years, and I love my sponsor.
She's this little Barbie looking thing from Orange County, and she has ass nails.
And I tried to do great with her once.
She said, I have children.
We made one of them.
So don't you talk like that to me.
I just replied and said, great.
I was like, oh, okay.
That was great.
So now I get to tell my sponsor what I do with your thoughts.
And for free, I'm doing this.
All right.
This is Life and Dance.
We are rocking today.
It should not be nice.
And I don't want to be bumping my way right now.
This is music right now.
I don't want to be here.
I should not be happy, Joyce, and free.
I'm so thankful I have that strong foundation.
I didn't vote my first year.
My husband teased me my entire first year because I would try each time I share.
I would go to this Friday night meeting.
It's Friday night.
And he liked me.
We started dating when I was like two.
So we've been together for 14.
We've been together for a minute.
I didn't know how to communicate.
I didn't know how to be a sponsor with things.
Like, oh, my God, they're hiring me for subordination.
I don't know how to tell them.
I'm like, it's a great subordination.
She's like, really?
I'm not your boss.
And I was like, well, yeah.
I was like, that's not important.
Sorry.
I was like, oh, don't you even apologize.
She can't be a manager.
You're not getting a beard.
I could tell her that my boss had told me to start working in a major in project team meetings.
And she would tell me that I had to be open-minded.
She'd learn how to say, hmm, that might work.
Or, hmm, you're going to be a major.
And this is because I saw her trying telling her that someone told me something that I
think that they shouldn't have told me.
I'm breaking my check-ins.
My check-ins are working.
We believe they told me this.
And she was like, well, yeah.
And I'm thankful for that.
She taught me how to communicate with people instead of wanting to bang their heads against
the side of them.
And she told me to start standing right away.
And I hate God.
I thought of God as that guy that my mom was pretending to be.
And so when Bill started reading the book, I'm so thankful Bill's story was right there.
The story was right there right after the doctor's opinion, because Bill shared his whole story.
But what Bill shared in his story was that he didn't need to believe in a religious God.
It could be anyone whom he wanted.
So I'm so thankful that I got to read that before we got into all the other stuff, because
I already had it out.
I didn't need to get back into religion.
And so how I prayed to my God in the beginning was like, all right, big guy, I don't even
care about you, but I'm supposed to pray to you because my sponsor told me to and whatever,
whatever, whatever.
And those were my prayers.
And those were my prayers in the beginning.
She said, I don't care, but I was initially conversating with God.
We were conversating with something greater than human.
And those were my prayers.
My prayers are I'm grateful I get to be here with you.
I'm grateful I get to be here with Vanessa getting in the coin with me and driving me
home.
I don't know what she's doing there.
I got chimes.
Oh, God, look, I have a great boy.
Three-ish.
I have a great boy right here.
I met him a month ago and he was my best.
He was pleasant.
Just like me.
He was a great boy.
He was pleasant.
I got chimes.
I have a great boy.
Three-ish.
I have a great boy.
There's a guy right here.
I met him a month ago and he was my best.
His cousin just got a little over three years sober and we were just talking about his
cousin last night and what happened to him.
Well, he may be going to other meetings and hopefully he wins.
But my plan is that first year, we're excited.
That first year is a gift.
That first year, get in the middle of your home group.
I got in the middle of my home group because what happens is after like first year, that's
a gift.
of my home group. Because what happens is after that first year, that's a gift. And if you're not
connected, if you're not reaching out, you're gone. These relationships, do those five, three
calls, 20 calls a day. I don't care. Do those calls. Get out of your home group. That first
year is a gift. And after that, it's all in you. Are you willing to lay down and put as much effort
into Alcoholics Anonymous as you did your drinking? As you did hating your family? As you
did killing your son while I was? I don't know why. I just didn't want to die. I just didn't
want to feel dead. I used to wake up every day wishing I would be dead. Wake up dead. I know
it sounds so weird. I was just a wish. You know, I'm excited when my husband tells me I'm beautiful
at my makeup. You know, that's a gift. I did my makeup and the color is charming. My brush looks
terrible. Oh my God. So I get the hair thing. I don't know how to communicate. He comes from a
different kind of family than I do. He's so bad.
They thought getting sober meant getting perfect. And I have to read this line over and over and
this is, this is, this came from me for a lifetime. It's not about getting perfect.
It's about learning how to be the person that God wants you to be one day at a time,
or a little bit at a time. I didn't know I wanted to be that person because I was nice for me,
because I didn't say something mean to you that that would give me peace. For me, because I picked
up the phone for a meeting when I was growing up. I was at first, by the end of the show, I'm like,
oh my God, that gave me joy.
I wanted to be this good person. I didn't know I wanted my thoughts all to evolve. I didn't know I
wanted my thoughts all to evolve. You guys showed me that. You guys showed me that because when I
would say shoot it out, you guys would forgive me. When I would come here with attitude, when I would
get rid of things that you guys would forgive me, I thought that's not okay. I got to tell you that
in a play play. I didn't want to become a woman in here. I did not know I wanted to be. I did not
know that that was going to give me peace and joy. I've been around kids for a long time. I was
trying to have kids.
It's a whole journey in itself with ups and downs and we didn't even know if we were going to stay
married. Because we only got married because we loved each other, not because of this ideal that
we wanted. And seven years ago, I had went into cardiac arrest at work and I died. And they
rushed me to the hospital. They bring me back. I went to the hospital. I said, you hated,
hated, unhappy people. Hated you people that got your families back. They got to have kids. They
got to have all this.
But I knew, I knew that hurt went first. I knew that anger went first because I was sober my first
year. I knew what it was like to show up angry, full of hate and rage because I did that my first
year. And so when I had different, seven years sober, seven years ago was I had some program in
me. I knew how to talk a little better than I thought. I knew how to stick out my hand for the
moment. I got so many sponsors that year. It was insane. Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous. I
think I was the only one that was filled up on the phone. I was sponsored by a ton of people today.
I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so
grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. I'm so
foster kids, and I'm joking about the one of you guys, and I showed up. I showed up happy. I showed
up angry. Consistently, as I stuck out my hand, I couldn't look them in. I couldn't look them in.
I've been medically realized, because when that had happened to me about seven years ago,
my health has never been the same. I've had these autoimmune disorders that they don't know what to
do with. I get to do Alcoholics Anonymous. My husband just had foot surgery, and so both of
us have not been good. People are showing up and bringing in a small group to our home. Thank God
we have sponsors, and we're keeping this out of self. People get what they can do in the midst of
it. My sponsor's like, hey, let's minimize what's happening. Let's hope you guys are new,
because that's how we secure ourselves. And you know, she told me,
what is those things? And I don't know who to define first. But now we know how to actually say
things like, I don't look at it that way. It'll come back to this. And that's really cheesy.
It's okay. He doesn't get tired of listening to me speak. I think I'm a much better speaker than
I am.
I listen to my husband and his journey. If I get to see the man he's become in my life,
I know everything he says is true. I'm keeping patient. He's been trying. I don't know how he
put up with me. I don't know how he put up with me. He must be because me, I'm beautiful today.
I remember my grandma passed like this a couple years ago. And you guys showed me how to do her
thing. I didn't know what to do, because I know my aunts and my mom, they're smoking crack. I
got this going on at the funeral.
And I think you guys got to help me put on that funeral. So my grandma had a good funeral.
But I was a good person. I really wish I could have been at the funeral. But I was the best I could
be at that time. At the end of my birthday, my grandma would not say goodbye, because she was
scared of me. She didn't know if she was going to get home. I was just scared. And I got to be
with my grandma. I got to bring her a whole strawberry shortcake Sunday. I was smoking and
doing all that thing. I know, because my parents are sick. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.
I know. I know. I know. But I got to know how to be there for my family. So my sister said,
go there right now. I got to go get to a meeting. So I got to know how to be there for my family.
And stay sober. And I got to be with you guys. I was going to be sick. And I wish I could have
been there. My granddad got to be there. His dad and his son. He was speaking English, but we
communicated. I don't know how to be very fun. So one night, it was just night. Where's Deidre?
And it was like, she's really gorgeous. And, you know, she doesn't have a boyfriend. She's got a
and, you know, communicated like that.
And his family always tells me,
I thought you wanted some medicine.
I couldn't tell you what I was going to do.
But I remember when I told her that.
I'm going to look something.
All she saw was kindness,
thoughtfulness, and service.
And that's you guys.
I didn't know what she was doing.
If I could sit here and go
try to risk my life at 3 o'clock in the morning
to go do what I need to do,
why can't I ask a secretary for a commitment?
If I could sit here
and look at the things I did over the years,
why can't I look for a woman at the hammock?
I remember the kind of things that started to talk to me
when I was nearly sober.
The thought that I was down to do it
for my drug and for my drug,
but I can't do it for a woman who's dying,
it's like I think,
and so my women give me attitude.
I get that.
Those are the women I go to.
I live in the 2-to-1s,
because that's who I was,
because I got married to a woman I was new to.
And I think that's what I would do.
I don't know.
They still look at me,
and those are the ones I like,
and I'm like,
oh my gosh,
I look like this.
I don't know.
I think it's crazy.
Like, I looked at those,
and I was crazy.
I don't know.
I don't know what to sponsor with them today.
I don't like their attitude,
three, five years into disability.
I don't know.
That replies too,
because it always ends up happening to me.
I need to be comfortable
with my skin and Alcoholics Anonymous.
I need to be that kind,
gentle, loving woman.
I don't want to be that food controller.
That is not right.
I don't want it to be at all.
I just want it to be
a good person with no time.
And you guys help me see that.
You guys help me see
that life without drinking,
life without hurting people first,
I've been hurt sober.
But you guys showed me that
I can get through that.
Life is a journey.
And so when somebody said
that they try to do what they would
when they were nearly sober,
that is what I try to do today.
So it's related to family.
Is it ready?
Right, sorry.
I do, 16 years later,
I'm doing what I tried to,
what I've been doing,
since I was nearly sober.
I get to a meeting.
I call my sponsor.
That's fine.
I become the sponsor I wanted to be.
Well, I'm not my sponsor used to be.
And I'm like,
I'm going to be a person
when I'm really not sober.
I might not be.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
And I got a little bit.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight
and they took too long
to do my brush.
And that was,
I don't know,
things like that.
It's much more clear in my life
that makes me realize
that my life's a miracle.
So for those of you
who are in the group,
please,
I beg of you,
put as much effort
into your Alcoholics Anonymous.
I don't know.
You did.
You were drinking.
Like, honestly,
this is a really tight meeting
to relax.
You know,
we got so many
good guys.
This is the spot.
You heard that this meeting
can offer another meeting
that's been around
for a little over 30 years.
This meeting's still strong.
There's a range of people
that are in
for the time of this meeting.
That's a good meeting.
So if you're in that current meeting,
get in the middle
of this whole group.
You're in the right place.
Thank you for letting me share.