1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 It is a pleasure to be with you. 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000 I wanted to run a little for you. 3 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,000 It's a nice day. 4 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,000 She's a really, really, really kind person. 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,000 We've always had this kind of... 6 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,000 This is... 7 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,000 This is... 8 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,000 This is... 9 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,000 Thank you, Oscar. 10 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Scott. 11 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,000 Thank you very much 12 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,000 for guiding me through all the steps 13 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,800 of what's going to happen in the future. 14 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,800 Thank you, Kim, for sharing 15 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,800 such a unique experience 16 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,800 right now. 17 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,800 It's an amazing, amazing situation. 18 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,800 The sobriety date is March 3, 2006. 19 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,800 Sponsored just on 20 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,800 the 30th of November 21 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,800 and I'm excited 22 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,800 because I think someone's going to come out 23 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,800 at 8.15 and say, 24 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,860 I've never seen it. 25 00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:50,860 I think we're still in the steps, 26 00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:52,860 in the 12 steps of our course 27 00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:54,860 and I'm sure the guest speaker can share 28 00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:56,860 more experience with this step, that perspective, 29 00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:58,860 and the real question and answer period. 30 00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:00,860 So, if you have 31 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,860 something for a freeway, 32 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,860 so I can, with a clock, take the passage 33 00:01:04,860 --> 00:01:06,860 and turn left, turn right, 34 00:01:06,860 --> 00:01:08,860 first opportunity, 35 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,860 when you come in, 36 00:01:10,860 --> 00:01:12,860 it gets me focused 37 00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:14,860 first thing in the week. 38 00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:16,860 The steps of alcoholics 39 00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:18,860 and the basics. 40 00:01:18,860 --> 00:01:20,860 It shows my attention 41 00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:22,860 is still sober. 42 00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:24,860 I'm not on a plane, 43 00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:26,860 but like I mentioned, 44 00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:28,860 surfing and dancing, 45 00:01:28,860 --> 00:01:30,860 because everything was fine, 46 00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:32,860 you could control your energy 47 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,860 and I couldn't. 48 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:36,860 It started to seep into Thursday night 49 00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:38,860 and it would start Thursday night 50 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:40,860 and it would start Wednesday night 51 00:01:40,860 --> 00:01:42,860 and it would seep into Monday 52 00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:44,860 and pretty soon, Tuesday was gone. 53 00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:46,860 And so, it was a struggle 54 00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,860 of knowing my tip-top journey 55 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,860 back in the Bible 56 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,020 and keeping the weekends 57 00:01:53,020 --> 00:01:55,020 where it should be. 58 00:01:55,020 --> 00:01:57,020 I don't know. 59 00:01:57,020 --> 00:01:59,020 I'll give out this paper 60 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,020 and write down, you know, 61 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:03,020 here's my problem. 62 00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:05,020 Here's some solutions. 63 00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:07,020 And if I couldn't fix this, 64 00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:09,020 what then? 65 00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:11,020 If I couldn't come up with a solution, 66 00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:13,020 I'd be driving home from there, 67 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:15,020 cooking a stew in the morning 68 00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:17,020 and so it's not going to happen to me 69 00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,020 if I don't try. 70 00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:21,020 But if I have to lose my mind, 71 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:23,020 I can change the routine. 72 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,020 If I need to climb across the threshold 73 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,020 sometimes I don't want to work at home 74 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:29,020 because I'd say, 75 00:02:29,020 --> 00:02:31,020 I'll just stop and see, 76 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,020 I'll stop and see if I was there. 77 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,020 Okay. 78 00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:37,020 All right, so this is the moment. 79 00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:39,020 I'm going to say that I was there 80 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:41,020 because once I was there, 81 00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:43,020 I was going to be. 82 00:02:43,020 --> 00:02:45,020 So, I'm struggling to figure it out 83 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,020 and I have a job I'm coming out of. 84 00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:49,020 So, I'm struggling with this 85 00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:51,020 because as much as I love the job, 86 00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,020 I really love my boss. 87 00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:55,020 How lucky was I to have a job that I enjoyed 88 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:57,020 and I had to make up those excuses 89 00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:59,020 that I had to do it without running 90 00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:01,020 because I know I'm going to be late 91 00:03:01,020 --> 00:03:03,020 because I know I should be. 92 00:03:03,020 --> 00:03:05,020 I don't seem to have some kind of 93 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:07,020 solid truth to it 94 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,020 because my boss and I had a relationship 95 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:11,020 where we were just honest with each other 96 00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:13,020 and since we both had that solid truth 97 00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:15,020 and if that's the only truth 98 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,020 in a cloth of rice, 99 00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:19,020 then I wasn't telling really 100 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:21,020 as truthfully as I thought I was doing. 101 00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:23,020 I had to, 102 00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:25,020 because it seemed to me that I couldn't just 103 00:03:25,020 --> 00:03:27,020 do it. 104 00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:29,020 The problem was I got sick 105 00:03:29,020 --> 00:03:31,020 and I'd had the flu 106 00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:33,020 and I'd had the colds 107 00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:35,020 and I'd had illnesses before 108 00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:37,020 but kidney stones and the kidney infection 109 00:03:37,020 --> 00:03:39,020 kind of knocked me down 110 00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:41,020 and I was so, so bored 111 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:43,020 and the other end of it, 112 00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:45,020 you know, 113 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,020 you go back to work and you die 114 00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:49,020 and then you feel really bad 115 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,020 and then you feel good and you feel really good. 116 00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:53,020 I was so happy to get back to work 117 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,020 and then I was so sad 118 00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:57,020 and I was so angry 119 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,020 but at the time 120 00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,020 I was just on my own 121 00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,020 and I was just sitting there 122 00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:05,020 at the office 123 00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:07,020 in this other office 124 00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:09,020 that has those hot, cold cups 125 00:04:09,020 --> 00:04:11,020 that you can put coffee in 126 00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:13,020 and she asked me what I wanted. 127 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,020 This wasn't the first time 128 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,020 that I'd said no 129 00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:19,020 and it wasn't the first time 130 00:04:19,020 --> 00:04:21,020 that she questioned me about this 131 00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:39,260 I tried, the more focused she became, and she said, I tell you what's going on, and so I felt stopped from the boss at work about what I was going through, the desperation that I'd had for a few years, and that I was only sober long because I've been so sick, and she said to me, first of all, I want you to tell this to Patrick. 132 00:04:39,260 --> 00:05:03,180 Well, Patrick was working right next door, you know, in the same apartment, and he knew me for moments. He was a big, happy, everyone had done an interesting piece of life for us, and the fact that he still was an alcoholic, you know, you can tell the department and so on, and he'd say, hey, I'm just a big alcoholic from the wild, and everyone just loved him. 133 00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:07,060 Who accepted things in a drink? I mean, smoking outside on the patio was just him and me. 134 00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:09,060 I mean, I was curious about 135 00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:09,220 what I was doing. 136 00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:09,240 I was curious about what I was doing. 137 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:09,260 I was curious about what I was doing. 138 00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:15,180 I was going to take a few days off and go to Palm Springs for a convention, and this wasn't making sense to me. 139 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:19,860 I said, so, I'm going to Palm Springs for a convention, right? What are you going to do? 140 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:25,300 There's going to be a pool party, and we're going to go to the movies, and Charles is going to perform. 141 00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:29,500 Okay, Charles, they can't do that. That's pretty good. 142 00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:34,120 So, everybody go into this, you know, they're going to be sober. 143 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,960 And so, well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I'm going to be sober. 144 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:43,740 But do I have fair, reasonable expectations that people only know they're going to be there, can be sober? 145 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:44,740 I don't certainly know. 146 00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:50,940 And so, I said, so, somebody's concerned about drugs. 147 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:55,560 And she said, no, generalist, no, we won't take anything that affects us from the neck up. 148 00:05:55,560 --> 00:06:06,340 And that ended one question we had about how she was staying sober, because I knew there could be any way I could envision myself existing without one of these substances. 149 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:07,480 We're not going to happen. 150 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:07,940 So, when... 151 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:14,200 When my boss told me I was going to have to tell Patrick, there was a lot of shame involved, and I had to meet Patrick first thing in the morning. 152 00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:18,220 And so, he came with me, and we went out to the picnic table outside. 153 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:27,800 He said, well, I just told you to tell you, I told you last night, and that is that I have a drinking problem, and I can't stop, and I'm only sober now because I've been sick. 154 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:36,140 And he proceeded to tell me, I told him in desperation, although, and he looked at me, and he said, Richard, I love you, and I want you to know I'm sober. 155 00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:37,940 And there's some other girls. 156 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:41,760 I said, I know, in my circle, and I think that they would like to reach out and be supportive, too. 157 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:42,920 What would it be like to be with you? 158 00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:48,500 And I gave them the one thing that I was feeling involved with, talked about, and they can reach out and talk to you as well. 159 00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:49,320 And they said, okay. 160 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,320 And my phone began ringing, and it was... 161 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:56,080 Circles and the magic of alcoholics anonymous began, and... 162 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:01,380 And Jeffrey, and they'd say, Richard, I'm just joking, man. 163 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:02,020 How's it going? 164 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:02,820 How's it going? 165 00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:05,580 You know, there's a meeting tonight at Sunset in Vermont. 166 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:06,660 I'll save you a seat. 167 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:07,520 It gets really busy. 168 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,520 And so I feel glad that I'll have a seat there for you. 169 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,700 But I said, hey, there's a meeting at Burbank, and they're going to be meeting again. 170 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,900 And they're going to be meeting, so I'm going to introduce myself. 171 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,040 If you're going to be there, I'll come and say hello. 172 00:07:20,220 --> 00:07:25,660 And actually, my first meeting I went to was the lovely meeting on the effects and marketing. 173 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:31,380 And I went to the meeting to expect, and to have a meeting that was noticeable. 174 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:36,200 And so I noticed if there was a little thing going on in the crowd, it was a trick. 175 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:36,640 So... 176 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:37,200 So... 177 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,240 So I stayed away from this, and I thought, no, but I'm not going to do it. 178 00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:41,960 That was not what I was going to do. 179 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:42,940 I was going to do it. 180 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,100 And I was going to pay them all. 181 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,020 I mean, it's true. 182 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,360 I mean, it's personal people. 183 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:54,160 And so I saw grandmothers and grandfathers, and just regular, the cross-section of America was in that meeting. 184 00:07:54,300 --> 00:08:00,480 And I was waiting to check out that literature table, and I didn't, because I was just, I was too fearful. 185 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,820 I was afraid that was a trap. 186 00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:03,780 But I started going to meetings. 187 00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:07,260 So I went to check who saved me a seat when I was going to the meetings. 188 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:13,080 I was kind of feeling a bit divided, and then I suddenly realized that, you know, I had to figure it out. 189 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,700 So I called Patrick, and I said, Patrick, can I go to pick that kid up? 190 00:08:16,780 --> 00:08:18,900 And so we came out, and sort of, I couldn't turn. 191 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,500 So I just went to the meeting and said, we don't go to meetings. 192 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,400 On that day, I went to the meeting, and I went to the special meeting on the weekends. 193 00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:26,980 And I didn't know what I was going to do. 194 00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:29,220 I was like, oh, that's Michael. 195 00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,300 I mean, I don't have to do anything with the men. 196 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,040 And then one day, yeah, I went back to the meetings again. 197 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,180 And that's what's all sobered down. 198 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:37,260 It's a little yes. 199 00:08:37,660 --> 00:08:41,220 And I said, oh, and I didn't know, but it says it won't here. 200 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,460 Sometimes we'll have to check it out. 201 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,080 We have to go find out what's the future zone. 202 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,860 Is this really a problem? 203 00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,460 It was a Thursday night. 204 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,080 So I decided to go to a men's style. 205 00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:53,680 I could sound like a filming camera reel. 206 00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:55,940 I got there, and I got seated on my seat. 207 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,800 And it was the first time I'd ever been in a speaker. 208 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,960 Shows for a little bit, and then he calls on people in the audience to come up and speak. 209 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,920 And that's, like, the most terrifying thing I can think of. 210 00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,660 So I slouched down in my seat. 211 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:07,480 And he knew. 212 00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:08,620 But he couldn't call on me. 213 00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:11,420 But the first person that he did call on came up to the podium. 214 00:09:11,580 --> 00:09:13,460 And he goes, guys, got a new sponsor. 215 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,500 She has a plan. 216 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:16,840 He's going to go to meetings. 217 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:17,740 He has it. 218 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,400 And that's how he's going to stay sober. 219 00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:21,560 But the weekends, not so sure about it. 220 00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:24,160 And he suddenly went back and said, hey, that's my plan. 221 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,240 I'm going to speak to my team. 222 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,660 And then for the reaction, a lot of men in the room couldn't hold it. 223 00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:31,200 This was not the first time that plan had been proposed. 224 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,500 And also, they didn't know that that plan probably didn't work. 225 00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:36,540 So that was their problem. 226 00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:40,180 It was so, oh, I think I better take this a little more seriously. 227 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,480 He was going to meetings. 228 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,680 Still kind of, you know, he was getting tough. 229 00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:46,080 Because it's a subtle fall. 230 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:52,320 And I was watching in some of my meetings these pillars of sobriety that had fallen far below what I did. 231 00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:53,580 I was starting to relapse. 232 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,460 And he had shook me. 233 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:58,100 And not for the picnic table, but for a couple of minutes. 234 00:09:58,220 --> 00:09:59,060 How lucky was I? 235 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,880 I had a right-hand stroll. 236 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,560 And the right-hand stroll, the whole time in, the weekend, there was a lot of scuttling. 237 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:05,900 It was a picnic table. 238 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:06,520 I said, okay. 239 00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:07,040 I'm a doofus. 240 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,700 I'm not going to be a doofus. 241 00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:09,320 I can't. 242 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,840 I can't make a picture. 243 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,720 I'm not going to let anybody change my journey. 244 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:13,220 Don't do it. 245 00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,180 I can't do this. 246 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:15,320 I'm not going to make it. 247 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,700 Instead of sobriety, I thought, well, I'll eat this. 248 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,120 And he said, can we get through today? 249 00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:21,540 So I said, it's a little early. 250 00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,340 I can only do that through the morning. 251 00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:25,580 He said, that's all it is. 252 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:26,440 That's all I do. 253 00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,020 Let's just get through the morning together. 254 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:29,880 Let's put one thing in front of the other. 255 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,080 And let's act as youth. 256 00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:32,640 And we're just going to get through the morning. 257 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,640 And we'll let the afternoon take care of itself. 258 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,320 We're not going to full plan this. 259 00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:39,780 We're just going to do it one day at a time, one step at a time. 260 00:10:39,780 --> 00:10:41,320 We're not concealing it again. 261 00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:45,120 It's a miracle that these circumstances in my life are taking place. 262 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:49,220 And one of the problems that I had earlier was the God thing. 263 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:50,580 And we call it higher power. 264 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:51,520 And I need to say God. 265 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,000 And he was like, I don't know. 266 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:58,440 He says, I'm from a small town in the middle of Idaho. 267 00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,960 And everybody in my neighborhood, it's the same religion, included me. 268 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,620 And I deeply respect the people of that religion. 269 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:06,620 And I respect the religion itself. 270 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:09,460 But higher powers, I understood it in my religion. 271 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:11,220 I didn't like smoking and drinking. 272 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,940 I didn't even like coffee drinkers. 273 00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,960 I didn't like gay people. 274 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:15,820 And that was a problem. 275 00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:19,400 So I was in a world, showing hands at the end of the meeting. 276 00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:20,700 It's sort of a large prayer. 277 00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,740 There was some noise I was willing to. 278 00:11:22,940 --> 00:11:24,340 I couldn't be all day about that. 279 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:28,580 And while I was being told that my life could be better if I killed morning and night, 280 00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:29,740 I was in another town. 281 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,740 I was a little zoned for the night. 282 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:31,940 I was a little zoned for the night. 283 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,560 I was having a very low higher power that didn't really come right into my thing. 284 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,340 It wasn't important for me. 285 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,340 And I didn't feel anything. 286 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,860 I was in front of him, hanging out. 287 00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:42,900 And he was so involved in this comfortable silence. 288 00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:46,580 And he said, out of the blue, almost like he was talking to himself, 289 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,920 I think I'm going to have higher power to be good. 290 00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:52,200 And it was like a light bulb went off over my head. 291 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:59,720 Because I realized then that I'm not going to have power to be evolved into some higher power that I'm loving, 292 00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:00,500 that I'm forgiving. 293 00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:01,940 So I really recognized it. 294 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,920 So I was just trying to be the best I could be. 295 00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:08,640 I was just trying to get sober, still sober, one night, one drink at a time, 296 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,140 and want to help somebody else. 297 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,340 And you know, that's the difference. 298 00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:14,840 Because I was there, I wasn't going to pray morning and night. 299 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,960 And I was a lot scowling when we held hands and said the Lord's Prayer. 300 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:23,220 You know, as we all know, there is a time when it's just down in your higher power 301 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,760 that's going to keep you from your dream. 302 00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:27,500 Because you're reaching out to others who are going to be helpful. 303 00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:29,000 They might not be reachable. 304 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,260 And I have higher power because I have a connection there. 305 00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:35,180 So I'm very lucky because as much as Patrick helped me get sober, 306 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,940 it was on my 90th day that he was there for my story of work. 307 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,440 Because as good as he was at his job, 308 00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:43,940 he didn't like it, he didn't like the deliberate structure, 309 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,740 he wanted to be independent again. 310 00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:49,720 And so he saw me next door in the office next door, 311 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,280 go through those 90 days, and then he was on his own. 312 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,660 This is my sponsor now. 313 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:57,460 And the new boss who celebrated every milestone with me, 314 00:12:57,460 --> 00:13:00,600 for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 315 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,420 she's on the top and moved to the state of Maine 316 00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:07,960 and came out to give me my final cake at my Sunday morning meeting. 317 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,860 And we were still very much in touch and close to each other. 318 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:15,020 And I could not put together those circumstances again. 319 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,360 I couldn't guarantee that that was ever going to happen. 320 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:22,560 So when I was studying so much, I realized I had to be in all of that. 321 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,720 Because it just wasn't going to work any other way. 322 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,920 Because those days were desperate. 323 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,300 And things passed. 324 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,280 Oh, I can't remember. 325 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,480 Before I got sober, I was running. 326 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,480 I was running around. 327 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,480 I was running around. 328 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,480 And someone was in the cleaning room trying to figure this out. 329 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,480 And I'm like, I'm in this office, and who else is going to have to quit that job that I love? 330 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,480 I was going to have to live outside, because it was a pretty long evening, March 3rd. 331 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,480 And I thought, I can live outside. 332 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,480 I'll leave some cash for my rooming, and maybe I'll use the shower. 333 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,480 And by the way, the tracks are just down the street. 334 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,480 So there's a margin between the business and the tracks. 335 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,480 And I thought, I'll just pick it up. 336 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,480 But it's not going to bother anybody. 337 00:13:58,480 --> 00:13:59,480 It's not going to bother me. 338 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:00,480 And yes. 339 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,480 That's going to be my solution. 340 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,480 So, thankfully, that didn't happen. 341 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,480 But I was going to be drunk, which was the notion of what was going on. 342 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:14,480 And so I went to the doctor for a consultation for some situation I was feeling. 343 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,480 And the doctor kept on describing. 344 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,480 And my third day, it turned upside down. 345 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:20,480 I was spying on the bed. 346 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,480 And he was in the wheelchair. 347 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,480 And he sat me down in the wheelchair. 348 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,480 And I thought, OK. 349 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:25,480 I'm fairly good on hand. 350 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,480 I bought a stick shift comb. 351 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,480 And he said, you've got a stick shift. 352 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,480 And I thought, I'll take the car back home. 353 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,480 And I said, no. 354 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,480 I'll go right back. 355 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:34,480 And he said, no. 356 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:35,480 It's yours. 357 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,480 And I was like, oh, my gosh. 358 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,480 And I decided to go get out and surrender. 359 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,480 And I was supposed to do it here. 360 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,480 And he said, you're out of control. 361 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:44,480 Surrender to this. 362 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,480 And I don't think that I was going to live on money, too. 363 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,480 I was going to go buy the wrong tracks. 364 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,480 I've been friends for 30 years. 365 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,480 And he was with me in the hospital. 366 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,480 And the doctor came in and introduced himself. 367 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,480 And I was still out of control. 368 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,480 And I was told a bit about what was going to happen. 369 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,480 And this isn't what he said. 370 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,480 This is what I figured. 371 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,480 I knew this right back there. 372 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,480 But if I'm going to tell you what's going to happen, we're going to have a whole year 373 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,480 and do some surgery on your heart. 374 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,480 And what can I get at this? 375 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:10,480 We do this all the time. 376 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,480 Every day. 377 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:12,480 Sometimes things happen. 378 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,480 But not everyone's going to make it. 379 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,480 And he was not quite that thought about. 380 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,480 But that's like, oh, my gosh. 381 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:21,480 And Roger, who's now in the program, like Will, is coming on board. 382 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,480 And he's telling me, oh, what is this? 383 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:25,480 Wait. 384 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:26,480 What's going on? 385 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,480 I don't understand. 386 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,480 I don't know. 387 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:29,480 What does it feel like for you? 388 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,480 And I've been surrendering through the day. 389 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:35,480 And I said to him, you know, you've been working with me for quite a bit these past 390 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,480 years. 391 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,480 And I thought, people that I am a friend of, I don't have to make any quick phone calls 392 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,480 to make amends to people, because I'm taking care of that. 393 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:47,480 And so what is going to happen is, you know, the campaign goes a few miles on the other 394 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:48,480 side. 395 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,480 And so I had to call Rogers for a fellow appointment. 396 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,480 This is a fellow that recognized my symptoms. 397 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,480 And he had done a lot of reading on this. 398 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,480 And he was looking at the chart. 399 00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,480 And he saw that it was on the computer. 400 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,480 And he was looking at the surveyed top of the blind man. 401 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,480 And he said, see here? 402 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,480 That you don't drink alcohol or do drugs. 403 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,480 And I said, that's right. 404 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:07,480 It's May 3, 2006. 405 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,480 And she said, how did you do that? 406 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,480 I said, well, I have to show it to all the people I know. 407 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:10,480 And so I said, Paul Ricardo, in the building, in the drawing. 408 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:11,480 And he closed the door. 409 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,480 And he explained to me how all of the bonus cards had been given to my team. 410 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:13,480 And I made a big point over there, too. 411 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:14,480 And I said, well, you know what? 412 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,480 You know what? 413 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:16,480 You know what? 414 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,480 This was all about. 415 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:18,480 And he had some questions. 416 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,480 What does it mean? 417 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,480 What is it? 418 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,480 What are the 12 steps he's going to take with his wife to the meetings? 419 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,480 And it made some of the words that were making sense. 420 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,480 So we talked about it. 421 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,480 The stats and the traditions and what the sponsor is. 422 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,480 I told her a little bit about it. 423 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,480 And he said, well, I don't know. 424 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,480 I don't know. 425 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,480 I don't know. 426 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,480 I don't know. 427 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,480 I don't know. 428 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,480 I don't know. 429 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:32,480 I don't know. 430 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,480 I don't know. 431 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:34,480 I don't know. 432 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:35,480 I don't know. 433 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,480 I don't know. 434 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:37,480 I don't know. 435 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,480 I don't know. 436 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,480 I don't know. 437 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:40,480 I don't know. 438 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,480 I don't know. 439 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,480 I don't know. 440 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:43,480 I don't know. 441 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:44,480 I don't know. 442 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,480 I don't know. 443 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,480 I don't know. 444 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:47,480 I don't know. 445 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:48,480 I don't know. 446 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,480 Meant to say, the live-in was to me, to be sober, and the through it was about, it's 447 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,480 about alcoholics reaching out to a mother. 448 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,480 It's the purpose of sobriety. 449 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:58,320 And I've been so grateful to be on the opportunity on the other side of that call. 450 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:02,240 Someone's called and said, Richard has met somebody that I have seen both of these would 451 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:03,240 do. 452 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,400 Here's their name and phone number. 453 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,240 Can you reach out to them and to them? 454 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:17,800 and I'm grateful for my dear, dear friends that I've met and some of the closest friendships 455 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,160 of people that I've met here. 456 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:25,160 I mean, there was a cell phone and substitute con pick-up in the parking lot and the person 457 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:29,560 who's doing it was ill that day, so she called me last Sunday and she said, can you pick 458 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,400 up the con for me? 459 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,240 And I said, of course. 460 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:36,020 And so sitting in front of me, I got the one that was visiting with the one that was behind 461 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:38,260 me, because one of those had not been here before. 462 00:17:38,580 --> 00:17:41,340 And I recognized that she was, this was her first time at the meeting. 463 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:45,900 So we're chatting and I said, George, do you want to help me pick up con's after the 464 00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:46,060 meeting? 465 00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:49,520 And we will get in line and thank the speaker. 466 00:17:50,020 --> 00:17:50,900 And she did. 467 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:54,460 And while we were picking up con's, I went online to thank the speaker. 468 00:17:54,720 --> 00:18:00,300 We talked about all the situation and shared some information so that we can see each other 469 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:00,660 again. 470 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,300 And I think that she's going to be there tomorrow morning. 471 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,860 And it's just, it's a lot of work to be doing. 472 00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:08,460 And I think I knew when she popped up in the room, it was a lot of work. 473 00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:09,420 Thank you so much for having me. 474 00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:10,640 I'm sure it was a lot of fun. 475 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:13,340 And let's move into the air shine. 476 00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:13,500 I was.