1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,160 Speaker, Estevan. 2 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,640 My name's Estevan, I'm an alcoholic. 3 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:08,440 Oscar, thank you for asking me to be the main speaker tonight. 4 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,160 It's always a privilege and an honor 5 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:13,480 to share my experience, strength, and hope. 6 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,980 Thank you, Billy, and thank you, Tracy, 7 00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:21,800 for your first 10-minute, for the 10-minute speech. 8 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,620 Thank you, you guys. 9 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,240 You know, again, my name is Estevan, alcoholic. 10 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:33,240 My home group is Watt Alex, Woff. 11 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:39,600 My sobriety date is January 8th, 2010. 12 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:45,000 My sponsor is Milton, and this is my home group. 13 00:00:45,340 --> 00:00:49,200 And I pray and I hope I never have to change those days. 14 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,460 You know, and I just want to say 15 00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:54,960 I'm very, very grateful to be sober today, let me tell you. 16 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,620 I saw some things this weekend 17 00:00:57,620 --> 00:00:59,920 that I will share later in my pitch, 18 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,400 and that I recently saw, and it reminds me 19 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,260 that if I don't stay here and do the things 20 00:01:05,260 --> 00:01:06,740 that I'm supposed to be doing, 21 00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:08,540 and I'm not talking to the newcomers 22 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:11,060 or anybody else that's coming through that door, 23 00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:13,480 I could be there just as well, you know? 24 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,120 So that's why I say I'm so grateful to be sober. 25 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,640 So anyways, I'll try to stick to the format. 26 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,400 I'll probably go back and forth. 27 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:26,120 I am nervous, and so, you know, 28 00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:30,860 I am a Texan boy. 29 00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:34,620 I was born in Dallas, Texas, you know, right, Jerry? 30 00:01:34,620 --> 00:01:38,500 And, you know, 31 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:42,200 you know, I, yeah, I was born in Dallas, Texas. 32 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,500 I have three older brothers, 33 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,000 what they call the baby boy of all my brothers, 34 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,540 and I got a younger sister, you know. 35 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:55,260 I have four beautiful children, 36 00:01:55,260 --> 00:02:00,260 and, you know, hopefully that never changes. 37 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,040 Right, Irene? 38 00:02:05,950 --> 00:02:09,970 But, you know, and I got a, 39 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,750 you know, a stepdaughter, you know. 40 00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:17,470 Also, and I wanna thank Vanessa and Joshua, 41 00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:20,690 my lovely children, for coming here 42 00:02:20,690 --> 00:02:22,330 and, you know, giving me support. 43 00:02:22,330 --> 00:02:24,370 And I wanna thank my fiance, Irene, 44 00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,330 for standing behind me. 45 00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:31,890 for being here. Thank you, babe, for showing up with me, you know. But anyways, that's the way I 46 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:36,870 used to talk anyway, just like that. When I came from Texas, Dallas, Texas, I talked just like 47 00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:43,310 Jerry Jones. And, you know, when I got over here as a kid, people would make fun of my accent. 48 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:49,030 You know, they literally make fun of my accent. They go, you talk funny. I'm like, I don't think 49 00:02:49,030 --> 00:02:54,790 so. You know, why do you think that, you know? And, but that's how I used to talk. And I grew up, 50 00:02:54,870 --> 00:03:01,450 shoot, I grew up, you know, saying, well, back in those days, we were taught, or I was taught, 51 00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:08,470 it was yes, sir, no, sir, yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, you know, nothing else. Not like, yeah, okay, 52 00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:14,450 you know, and all that, you know, yeah, whatever. Thank you, Nate. And it wasn't like that. Not for 53 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:18,930 me growing up, you know, if I say, yeah, okay, dad, you know, you get that look. Oh, 54 00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:25,510 yes, sir. Yes, sir. Okay. Okay. You know, that's the way it was. And, you know, they were strict, 55 00:03:25,650 --> 00:03:34,310 but not to the point where they beat us. You know, I, I myself grew up, if anybody's seen Sandlot, 56 00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:40,230 and anybody's seen Bronx Tale, combine those two. That's how I grew up, you know. My dad, 57 00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:45,350 the reason I say that, because my dad used to go to a bar when I was a kid. It was called 58 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,630 Casablanca, you know. And my mom used to, 59 00:03:49,030 --> 00:03:54,090 I guess, out in the middle of the night, about 11, 30, 12 o'clock at night, maybe one o'clock in 60 00:03:54,090 --> 00:03:59,370 the morning. She goes, we're going to go get your dad. And I'd be like, okay. You know, I was maybe 61 00:03:59,370 --> 00:04:05,690 like five years old, maybe six, seven. And we'll go, I go in there to go get your dad. Not my mom. 62 00:04:05,690 --> 00:04:11,390 My mom wouldn't go in there. She'd say, go get your dad. So I go in there, you know, and everybody 63 00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:16,730 knew me. Everybody knew it. Hey, Steve-O, you know, hey, this and that, you know. And I said, 64 00:04:16,810 --> 00:04:19,010 hey, you know, and I go, you see my dad? He goes, hey, Steve-O, you know, hey, this and that, you 65 00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:25,810 know. And I go back there and they go, hey, wait, before you go back there, here, take this to the 66 00:04:25,810 --> 00:04:30,250 guys back there. And I'd be taking them drinks, you know, and I'd take the drinks back there to 67 00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:35,350 the guys back there. They'd be, I mean, playing cards and all this stuff, you know, and drinking, 68 00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:41,950 you know. And I thought to me, that was attractive, man. This is what I want to do. This looks so 69 00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:48,070 cool. It looks so tough. Because back in the days, all men, whether you're a farmer or whatever, 70 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:53,570 you wore a shirt and tie, you know. And my dad always wore one of those hats, you know. And, 71 00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:58,390 you know, I go, this is cool. And I'd go give the guys their drinks. Hey, Mio, what's happening? And 72 00:04:58,390 --> 00:05:02,750 all this stuff, rubbing my head and all this and giving me tips and all that stuff. And I'd be, 73 00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:08,370 then here comes my mom. Where are you? I go, oh, I, oh my God, I sent you in here to get your dad 74 00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:13,470 and you're over here, over there, you know, talking to the guys. So I go, come on, dad, 75 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:17,330 she wants to go and stuff. And my dad would be all drunk. And he, 76 00:05:18,070 --> 00:05:23,110 he had a gambling problem, you know, much less drinking problem, you know. But can I call him 77 00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:28,730 an alcoholic? I don't know. That's for him to admit, not me, you know. But, so, you know, 78 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:34,430 he'd come home with us and all this other stuff, you know. And go home like normal. It was no big 79 00:05:34,430 --> 00:05:39,950 thing. And the reason I say Sandlot, because all we did, we didn't have telephones. We didn't have 80 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:45,370 cell phones. We have none of that. No PS4, PS3, anything like that. So we're out playing all the 81 00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:48,050 time. You know, we're playing with our friends and all that stuff. And, you know, we're playing with 82 00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:51,310 our friends and all that stuff. Sandlot ball, football, whatever it was. And that's the way 83 00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:56,870 it was in those days. And, and I loved it. You know, we'd stay out and then all you hear is my 84 00:05:56,870 --> 00:06:02,630 dad calling us, you know. Hey, mijo, you know, I'll go to the park and pick us up and say it's 85 00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:08,810 time to go home. So, you know, we'll go home and all that. Just like nothing. And, you know, I 86 00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:14,630 would, I was close to my dad, you know, when, you know, I, I love my dad. I really did. Even though 87 00:06:14,630 --> 00:06:19,590 I saw him do some things that I don't think it was appropriate, like hit my mom a couple of times, 88 00:06:19,950 --> 00:06:26,270 you know. And so I really, I didn't think, I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think like, okay, 89 00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:30,630 it's not too bad. You know, mom and dad aren't going to split up or anything. It's not that bad. 90 00:06:30,830 --> 00:06:38,610 So I remember, you know, my dad, my mom coming home and next thing you know, he, he, he pulls 91 00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:44,030 her from, you know, she comes in, he's hiding behind the door. He grabs her and he, he wails on 92 00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:44,530 her, man. 93 00:06:44,630 --> 00:06:48,890 And it scared the hell out of me. You know, my brother would pound on, on his back and this and 94 00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:53,530 that, you know, stop and all this. And next thing you know, the next day they're making up and all 95 00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:57,330 this stuff, you know, and say, okay, well, it's normal. And then next thing you know, we're going 96 00:06:57,330 --> 00:07:01,770 to cocktail parties. They had cocktail parties in those days. That's what they call it. You know, 97 00:07:02,270 --> 00:07:07,970 my uncles and them, they go to cocktail parties. You know, I go, this is cool too. Cause I'd be 98 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:12,870 playing with my cousins and my friends and while they're out drinking and dancing and all this 99 00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:14,310 stuff. And, you know, it was cool. 100 00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:18,790 That's the way I grew up and I just think anything was wrong with it. So I go, okay, I want to grow 101 00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:23,750 up like this too, but I'm not going to hit my, my wife. I'll never hit my girlfriend. I'll never do 102 00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:29,330 that. That's something I won't do. Well, that's in the future. Uh, so anyways, you know, I grew up 103 00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:35,370 like that. And, uh, you know, uh, we, uh, next thing I know we're packing up the car station 104 00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:41,110 wagon with this man. And I remember him a little bit, but I'm like, who the hell is this guy? You 105 00:07:41,110 --> 00:07:44,610 know? And, uh, next thing you know, we're coming to California. 106 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:50,870 You know, back in 69, you know, and, uh, I'm already like, uh, what, 12 years old, you know? 107 00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:56,150 And I'm like, why are we coming to California with this man? Well, it so happens my mom was 108 00:07:56,150 --> 00:08:01,910 having an affair with him and we left my dad. I remember it was during work time. He was at work 109 00:08:01,910 --> 00:08:05,910 and we leave. And I thought, well, I didn't think too much of it. I thought we were going to go 110 00:08:05,910 --> 00:08:12,230 back, but we didn't, we never went back to, uh, Texas. And when I used to get ridiculed about my 111 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,750 talk and all that stuff, I hated California. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I 112 00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:18,630 hated California. I, I did. I didn't want to be here at all. Cause I thought you'd talk strange 113 00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:23,430 and you were me. That's what I thought, you know, and some are still me, but anyway, that's beside 114 00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:29,190 the point. Uh, you know, and I didn't want to be here, you know, my older brothers, they didn't 115 00:08:29,190 --> 00:08:33,030 care, you know, cause I already had two older brothers. They were already here in California 116 00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:38,070 anyways, you know? And, and, uh, you gotta understand my dad was in the air force. 117 00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:43,670 He was in the air force. Here's, uh, uh, what'd you call it? An engineer, architect engineer. 118 00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:49,750 He was educated, well-educated, graduated from college and this and that. Now we're leaving with 119 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:55,910 this man who he can't even speak English. Like what the hell, you know, instead of calling it a, 120 00:08:55,910 --> 00:09:00,150 Hey, get that chair out of the way, get that share out of the way. What the hell, you know, 121 00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:04,070 I feel like I'm in Scarborough. Hey, come here, man. What's she talking about? Like that, 122 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:08,550 you know, that's how we talked. And I'm like, we used to laugh. I mean, I'd be laughing. I go, 123 00:09:08,550 --> 00:09:13,270 Oh my God, this guy hardly speaks English. What the hell is my mom doing with this guy? You know, 124 00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:18,950 and, uh, back in the days we had another word for him, but now today we call them border brothers, 125 00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:25,830 you know? And, um, you know, and the thing is, is that, you know, here he was, he used to work in 126 00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:32,550 a, in a strawberry fields. He used to, he used to pick strawberries for a living, you know? So this 127 00:09:32,550 --> 00:09:39,510 guy is totally different than what we're used to. And, but he also carried a mean stick. Don't call 128 00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:43,590 each other stupid. Don't say shut up in the house. And yes, you're still going to, 129 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:50,150 tell me yes, sir. No, sir. And that's it. Now, if I'm not ready to ridicule for my accent. And when 130 00:09:50,150 --> 00:09:56,310 they'd call me and tell, I'd say, okay, so I'm coming home then. Oh my God, the guys are going, 131 00:09:56,310 --> 00:10:01,910 why the hell are you saying, sir? I go, that's my dad. Don't you guys say that? They go, no. And I'm 132 00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:07,510 going, Oh, okay. So I, for the longest time, I never said, yeah, anyways, I never used to do 133 00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:13,110 that. I never did that to my mom and my dad, even as I grew up, I never did that. So as I got older, 134 00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:18,470 you know, I, I attended this school was here, junior high. And, uh, I remember my brother and 135 00:10:18,470 --> 00:10:25,430 my stepdad at, uh, 13 years old. Um, they got me drunk. They bought those little course cans, 136 00:10:25,430 --> 00:10:30,950 like those eight ounce course can with a flip top, you know, and I think I drank like two and a half 137 00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:35,830 and I was wasted. I was drunk talking to the TV and this and that, and thinking I was hot stuff. 138 00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:41,830 And my mom got so ticked off at him. Cause the next day I was throwing up my guts. I was sicker 139 00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:42,790 than a dog. I go, I was sicker than a dog. I go, I was sicker than a dog. I go, I was sicker than a dog. I 140 00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:48,230 go, I'll never do that again. You know, uh, you know, I'll never do that again. Well, as I got in 141 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:53,510 eighth grade, I did that again, but it was on my own. We had a liquor store where we used to be 142 00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:58,950 able to go and, and we'd be able to buy beer and booze and all that stuff. So there I am in junior 143 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:05,590 high at, uh, it's a story son. So, you know, just don't follow as example, but anyways, uh, 144 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:12,230 so, uh, you know, here I am at an eighth grade at eight, 7 30 in the morning drinking, getting those 145 00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:19,990 slits, uh, courts. We used to buy those slits courts and, uh, getting drunk before school and 146 00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:25,830 then going to school like that. And I thought it was okay. You know, plus when you get ridiculed 147 00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:30,550 and you're getting laughed at, I didn't care anymore who laughed at me or who said what they 148 00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:35,670 did. I didn't care. I was drunk and everything. You talk to me any ways you want to. I didn't care 149 00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:40,230 nor did I think I was tough or big and bad and everything, because I never wanted to, you know, 150 00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:41,430 I'm not a fighter, you know, I'm not one of these guys. I'm not a fighter. I'm not a fighter. I'm not 151 00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:46,470 one of these guys who, who, you know, call you out and say, Hey, let's go outside. And, you know, 152 00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:50,150 I'll be one of those guys. Let's go outside. Let them go out that way. And I'm going out the back 153 00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:56,870 way. You know, I'm not one of those guys, you know? And, uh, so, uh, and, but, you know, that's, 154 00:11:56,870 --> 00:12:02,790 that's what I did in junior high. I started drinking early and from junior high, it went to, 155 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:07,270 uh, it went to high school. It went all the way to high school, you know? And, uh, you know, 156 00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:11,270 I wanted to be a professional athlete. I want to play professional football and everything. 157 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:17,990 And so, but again, you know, I, uh, I started drinking again. I was drinking very, very heavy, 158 00:12:17,990 --> 00:12:22,390 you know, and, and when you're on the football team, that's what you do. You know, I remember, 159 00:12:22,390 --> 00:12:28,710 uh, cause I went to Hoover high school here in Glendale and I'm thinking I get from junior high 160 00:12:28,710 --> 00:12:35,190 Roosevelt out there in Glendale. And you're talking about at that time it was, uh, the surfers 161 00:12:35,190 --> 00:12:41,270 and the Chicanos, you know, and whatever it was in between, you know, and there was like a, a big, 162 00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:46,790 big thing about, we're going to have a rumble, you know, actually a rumble surfers against the 163 00:12:46,790 --> 00:12:51,590 Chicanos. And, you know, they would ask me, well, what side are you going to be on, man? And I'm 164 00:12:51,590 --> 00:12:58,070 going, fuck, I'm American, man. I don't know. You know, I'm like, you know, they go, oh man, 165 00:12:58,070 --> 00:13:03,350 you know, uh, excuse the cuss words, you know, sorry about that. You know, it's hard to tell a 166 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:08,550 real story without a cuss word. Come on. You know, I mean, you know, heck with you. You know, I'm, 167 00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:16,390 you know, see, even Bruce is saying, do it, man. Bruce is going, go with it, man. Go with it. 168 00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:21,750 Yeah. But anyways, so, you know, that's the way it was. I'm like, cause I used to be ridiculed 169 00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:27,190 because they tell me you don't look Mexican. You don't look Hispanic. And I'll be like, 170 00:13:27,190 --> 00:13:32,790 I'll show you the food stamps if you want to see it, you know? Uh, but the reason I say that, 171 00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:40,230 the reason I say that you laugh because that's the way I felt. We all wore, all the Mexicans, 172 00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:41,110 all the Hispanics, all the Chicanos, all the Chicanos, all the Chicanos, all the Chicanos, 173 00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:46,550 all the Hispanics were on food stamps. The wife was at home while the husband's working or the 174 00:13:46,550 --> 00:13:53,110 dad's working and we're living on food stamps. And I had a big resentment for that a lot. And I 175 00:13:53,110 --> 00:13:58,390 remember my mom telling me to go to the store and get some stuff. And you guys are so lucky today. 176 00:13:58,390 --> 00:14:04,470 Who's on that? Cause I had that too. Today, you guys get a credit card. We had stamps, stamps, 177 00:14:04,470 --> 00:14:10,470 not a piece of plastic or anything. So you'd have to get those stamps out and they collect them 178 00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:11,030 right there. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, 179 00:14:11,030 --> 00:14:14,470 tear them out of your book right there. And there's a line right there. And I'm like, 180 00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:21,350 oh my gosh, you know, I go, really? And I really didn't want to be a Chicano. I didn't want to be 181 00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:26,150 Hispanic. I was so embarrassed, but I didn't know at the time that my mom and dad were doing the 182 00:14:26,150 --> 00:14:31,590 best they can to raise five, uh, three kids. You know, I didn't know that they're doing their best 183 00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:38,310 to feed us and to clothe us and this and that. All I thought was about me and trying to look good 184 00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:40,870 and not trying to look like somebody that was on food stamps. So, you know, that's, that's, that's, 185 00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:45,910 that's what I was doing. I hated it to the max. I really hated it. And so when I used to drink, 186 00:14:45,910 --> 00:14:50,710 I could care less. I could care less what you thought of me. I could care less what I was doing. 187 00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:55,430 I could care less what you were doing to me, you know, as long as I was getting drunk and this and 188 00:14:55,430 --> 00:15:02,870 that. I didn't do drugs yet, but I was drinking a lot. And you know, uh, so that ran up for a 189 00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:10,230 long time. The way I felt about being Hispanic that always felt that we're always ridiculed, 190 00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:15,910 laughed at. And, but yet people, when they say you don't look Chicano or Hispanic, that made me 191 00:15:15,910 --> 00:15:21,030 feel good. It really did. Cause I go, well, let me look, well, maybe they think I'm Italian, you know, 192 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:26,630 maybe they think I'm something else, you know, that'd be great. You know, but of course I didn't 193 00:15:26,630 --> 00:15:32,310 have the accent, you know, ghoul and all that stuff. I didn't do that, you know? So the thing 194 00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:40,070 is I wanted to be everything else, but Hispanic. I lived in a fantasy world when I used to watch old 195 00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:45,190 movies, uh, Cary Grant and all those guys with a shirt and tie and a cigarette and all that. 196 00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:51,110 And the bar around the ladies, I wanted that. I wanted it look glamorous. Cause back in the days, 197 00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:57,030 they made it look glamorous, you know? And, uh, you know, that's the way I wanted to live. And 198 00:15:57,030 --> 00:16:02,230 that was my fantasy world. So again, when I was drinking and using, I, I could be anything I 199 00:16:02,230 --> 00:16:06,710 wanted to be, you know, and I didn't care what you thought of me, you know? And, uh, you know, 200 00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:09,510 that carried on for a long time. Uh, and it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, 201 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:14,310 uh, and it just kept me out there more and more and more, you know, every time I never tried 202 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:19,350 getting sober. I, I just thought what the hell for my life's going to be born, you know, who gets 203 00:16:19,350 --> 00:16:24,230 sober, you know, at 20 something years old, I go, I don't do that. My life's going to be, 204 00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:29,110 always going to be boring. So I ended up meeting the girl of my life and we ended up getting 205 00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:33,590 married. I'm getting married at, I think I'm older than my brothers when they got married. 206 00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:39,110 Cause I got married at 23, you know, and they got married in the, you know, 20, 21. So, 207 00:16:39,510 --> 00:16:44,870 I think that lasted for two years. Now, remember I said, I never hit, hit a woman. You don't call 208 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:51,030 an alcoholic, a drunk. You don't call them an alcoholic either, but she did that. You call me 209 00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:57,510 a drug addict cause it sounded more sophisticated for some reason, you know, but you call me an 210 00:16:57,510 --> 00:17:02,950 alcoholic and you're calling me somebody that's pushing a cart, carrying a bottle in a bag, uh, 211 00:17:02,950 --> 00:17:07,910 somebody on the streets on the curb. Don't call me that. That's low life. She called me that. 212 00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:08,950 I chased her outside. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. I hit her. 213 00:17:08,950 --> 00:17:14,470 I hit her. I hit her. I hit her twice. And now this is the guy who said he would never do that 214 00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:19,830 cause he saw his dad do that to his mom. But I ended up doing that. And the great remorse was 215 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:25,270 I went inside, put all the alcohol in the drain and everything. Come Friday, I'm out there again. 216 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:31,910 She still remembers, but she's forgiven me, I think. And this is a routine, repetitive routine. 217 00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:38,710 So we ended up splitting up after two years. And then I meet somebody a couple years later and I go, 218 00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:44,390 great. She's a party girl. I'm a party guy. You know, I met her at Circus Disco, you know, 219 00:17:44,950 --> 00:17:50,630 and, uh, that's when the disco is out, man, you know, but, uh, I met her there. We got together. 220 00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:55,510 She partied. I partied. I like to do coke. She likes to do coke. She likes to drink. I like to 221 00:17:55,510 --> 00:18:00,950 drink. She likes to stop. I like to drink. I like to do coke. She likes to stop. I like to drink. I 222 00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:07,830 like to do coke, you know? And, and that's the way it was. And we ended up having three kids, you know, children. 223 00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:15,510 And we were together for about 10, 11 years. Uh, I tried being sober for about six years, but, you know, 224 00:18:15,510 --> 00:18:20,630 I got to give O'Doul's credit, man, you know, and, and Cutty Sarks or whatever they were, the, 225 00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:27,430 the Cutty Coors Cutties or whatever, non-alcoholic. My girl at the time, you know, oh, he's not drinking 226 00:18:27,430 --> 00:18:31,910 anymore. Great, great. We'd have a party at my house. People would bring beer and everything. 227 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:36,950 I'd go to the bathroom, get the beer, go to the bathroom, get the Coors Cutty or whatever, empty it, put the alcohol in there, walk away. 228 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:49,110 Now, after nine of them, she's going, you've been drinking? No, I haven't. You know, I haven't been drinking. I'm hung. Oh, hold on, babe. 229 00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:54,070 You know, go somewhere else, you know, so she don't know that I've been drunk. So, uh, you know, 230 00:18:54,070 --> 00:19:00,470 that saved me for a minute. Those, those O'Doul's and stuff. So, you know, but, uh, anyway, so we ended 231 00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:05,190 up splitting up because she couldn't handle anymore. You know, I was on the deep end. I was already 232 00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:06,790 losing it. And, excuse me, I was on the deep end. I was already losing it. And, excuse me, I was on the deep end. I was already losing it. And, excuse me, 233 00:19:06,790 --> 00:19:08,550 I was already losing it. And, excuse me, I was already losing it. And, excuse me, so then after that, 234 00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:15,750 I meet somebody else, you know, I'm 40 years old. I'm 46 years old. She's 26 years old, you know, 235 00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:23,510 and, uh, she didn't like to party too much. She did party, but not like I did, you know, and we ended 236 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:31,350 up having my son right here. And, uh, I'm like, oh my God, I must've really been messed up because 237 00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:36,550 I'm like, I'm done with kids. And then next thing you know, at 46 years old, I'm having another one, 238 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:43,350 16 years later after my last one, I'm like, what the heck, you know? And, uh, so we ended up 239 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:50,070 staying together for about 11 years. And like I said, I like to drink, you know, I like to do Coke. 240 00:19:50,070 --> 00:19:54,790 She didn't like to drink. She didn't like to do Coke. I like to drink. So that story ended up the 241 00:19:54,790 --> 00:20:00,310 same way. We ended up splitting up. So, you know, I, but at the time I go, I got to do something 242 00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:06,310 about this. So I came to, uh, to a licensed session. And I remember you guys with your 243 00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:12,710 smiles and stuff. I'm like, oh, this is so crock of, I go, they all smiling. Hey, how you doing? 244 00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:18,470 How you doing? You know? And I'm like, what the, what is this man? You know, they seem so happy, 245 00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:24,070 joyous, and I guess free, you know, and a lot of people would say I want what they want. And I'm 246 00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:30,630 like, I don't want anything. What you guys want, you know, I don't cause it looks so, so phony, 247 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:36,230 so ridiculous, you know, because this is, you know, I, oh, I don't know, but I went cause I wanted 248 00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:41,750 to save my relationship. So then Nolan, uh, I don't remember how it happened, but everybody 249 00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:44,870 asked you if you have a sponsor, you got a sponsor, you got a sponsor. Here's my card. 250 00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:49,430 You got a sponsor. You got a sponsor. I'm like, oh my gosh. You know? So then Nolan, I guess he 251 00:20:49,430 --> 00:20:53,590 asked me if I have a sponsor and I go, no, I go, you want to be my sponsor? So he ended up being 252 00:20:53,590 --> 00:20:58,150 my sponsor. And he told me I had to do all these things. And I wanted to do all those things 253 00:20:58,150 --> 00:21:04,630 because I wanted to keep my relationship. And I'm thinking, oh my God, 90, 90 days, read the big 254 00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:12,790 stuff. I'm like, I go, okay, I will. So one day he's, he's in a Saturday meeting. I call him. I go, 255 00:21:12,790 --> 00:21:17,990 Hey, Nolan. He goes, uh, Hey, Estevan, what's going on? I go, I won't be at the meeting. 256 00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:23,350 And he goes, what's up? I go, I'm at Disneyland. He goes, stay at Disneyland. I'm like, oops. I go, 257 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:29,510 I don't think he took it too well, you know? Uh, but he didn't fire me. I don't think so. Did you 258 00:21:29,510 --> 00:21:34,630 know after that? He don't remember either, you know? Uh, cause I was like a quick turnaround, 259 00:21:34,630 --> 00:21:40,470 uh, you know, and, uh, he continued to be my sponsor. And then after we split up from life 260 00:21:40,470 --> 00:21:45,990 in session, he asked me if I wanted to stay with him and stay. I go, well, yeah, of course, you 261 00:21:45,990 --> 00:21:52,310 know, I do, you know? And, uh, so we ended up here at Quality of Life and, and then, uh, that didn't 262 00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:59,190 last too long. I ended up going back out and then, uh, I came back in and I asked Eddie if he wanted 263 00:21:59,190 --> 00:22:03,910 to be my sponsor. And he told me I had to do the same thing. I go, okay, the same routine, same 264 00:22:03,910 --> 00:22:04,390 routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay, 265 00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:05,990 same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I go, okay, same routine. I think I did all that. Didn't I, 266 00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:14,870 Eddie? No? Okay. Uh, so, so anyways, uh, so, you know, I was really trying, you know, he was 267 00:22:14,870 --> 00:22:19,750 taking me through the book and everything, but I just, I just went back out. I went back out, 268 00:22:19,750 --> 00:22:27,030 you know? And, uh, so I'm out there thinking I can do this. And my, uh, his mom, uh, Joshua's 269 00:22:27,030 --> 00:22:30,790 mom at the time thought she could give me an anabuse that'll do the trick. So I'm like, 270 00:22:30,790 --> 00:22:34,150 I'll do that. I'll do anabuse, you know? So I'm working at a, 271 00:22:34,390 --> 00:22:39,030 at a college over here. And so on the way home, and I've taken anabuse in the morning. On the way 272 00:22:39,030 --> 00:22:44,230 home, I'm going, oh, the urge hit. So I go, let me get an airplane shot. So I get an airplane shot. 273 00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:49,190 I go, I'm not bad. I get close to the house. I stop at another liquor store. I get an airplane 274 00:22:49,190 --> 00:22:53,110 shot. Next thing you know, I'm coming home and she goes, oh my God, Estevan, look at your eyes. 275 00:22:53,110 --> 00:22:59,110 And I go, what? If you're new here, don't take anabuse. You know? Uh, you know, I ended up in 276 00:22:59,110 --> 00:23:04,230 emergency. I thought I was going to die. You know, she's going quick, quick, help me. And I'm like, 277 00:23:04,390 --> 00:23:11,110 you know, uh, because that stuff will kill you, you know? Uh, now I'm not saying go out and get 278 00:23:11,110 --> 00:23:15,910 drunk and all that. Don't get me wrong, but you know, if you're not finished, you're not finished. 279 00:23:15,910 --> 00:23:21,350 That's the bottom line, you know? And, uh, so that didn't do the trick. We ended up splitting up, 280 00:23:21,350 --> 00:23:25,910 you know, and I ended up splitting up from here. And, uh, I don't know if you, a lot of, you know, 281 00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:30,070 that are new or whatever, they call me in and out because that became my nickname in and out. 282 00:23:30,070 --> 00:23:34,230 Uh, I had Al, my sponsor for a minute. I, I stayed in the 283 00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:40,870 sober living. That didn't work. I, uh, Mark was my sponsor. Uh, I forgot who else was my sponsor. 284 00:23:40,870 --> 00:23:46,470 I think Eddie twice. He was my sponsor. And I'm like, I think I'm running out of people, 285 00:23:46,470 --> 00:23:53,590 you know? And, uh, so, but this last time, man, uh, you know, I came in this last time and I, 286 00:23:53,590 --> 00:23:58,470 I was hurting. I was hurting. I knew what I had to do, but it was too hard, man. It was 287 00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:04,070 too hard for me to do what you guys wanted me to do, you know? And, uh, I was literally dying. 288 00:24:04,070 --> 00:24:08,630 Out there. And I remember Nolan saying, man, when you came in, you were gray. You look like you're 289 00:24:08,630 --> 00:24:15,670 dead. You're walking dead, you know? And, uh, I came in again, you know, and, uh, I did the things 290 00:24:15,670 --> 00:24:20,790 I asked Milton to be my sponsor, you know, Milton, man, you got a sponsor yet. Are you going to do 291 00:24:20,790 --> 00:24:25,750 the same things or why you, you have fun yet? Are you done? And I'm like, will you be my sponsor? 292 00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:29,830 He goes, I'll think about it. And I'm going, okay. So by the end of the night, he said, okay, 293 00:24:29,830 --> 00:24:33,830 I'll be a sponsor. You got to do this, this, this. And I, I did it this time. I was done. 294 00:24:34,070 --> 00:24:38,470 I was done, you know? And, uh, you know, let me tell you something. If you're new here, 295 00:24:38,470 --> 00:24:43,830 anybody promises you anything, anybody tells you your problem is going to go away. You know what 296 00:24:43,830 --> 00:24:49,110 they don't, your problems don't go away, but what happens? You find a solution to your problems. Now, 297 00:24:49,110 --> 00:24:54,070 if I cannot give you a solution, somebody will, they'll give you suggestions of what you need to 298 00:24:54,070 --> 00:24:59,350 do. Nobody ever promised me. Oh, now that you're together, your, your girl is going to stay. 299 00:24:59,350 --> 00:25:03,830 Your kids are going to go back to you. They're going to love you and this and that, and all this, 300 00:25:03,830 --> 00:25:07,830 you know, all these flowers are going to bloom and all this. No, you know, it's not going to happen, 301 00:25:07,830 --> 00:25:13,830 but what will happen is that you will start seeing slowly that things start getting better. 302 00:25:13,830 --> 00:25:19,830 You will start seeing that you can man up or women up to the problems and find that solution. 303 00:25:19,830 --> 00:25:24,070 You won't be scared to open the mailbox and see there's a bill for you either. You know, 304 00:25:24,070 --> 00:25:27,990 you'll be able to get your license. You'll be able to do all these things. If you're 305 00:25:27,990 --> 00:25:33,670 willing to do the things that you're told to do, they say suggestions, bull crap. They're, 306 00:25:33,670 --> 00:25:37,990 it's really telling you, they're telling you, these are the things you need to do. 307 00:25:37,990 --> 00:25:43,110 See, cause I don't look at suggestions. When you give me a suggestions, I do what I want. When I 308 00:25:43,110 --> 00:25:47,590 look at a suggestion now, while you guys tell me by suggestion, I look at it, this is what you better 309 00:25:47,590 --> 00:25:52,470 do or your ass is going to be on the street. You know, um, I'm going to try Dan. I'm going to try, 310 00:25:52,470 --> 00:25:57,350 you know, I was at the Shell station this, this Friday morning and I've seen a lot of people, 311 00:25:57,350 --> 00:26:01,430 a lot of people go out and they never made it back. And they're still walking around the streets. 312 00:26:01,430 --> 00:26:06,070 I saw a guy the other day and I look, I'm at the Shell station. I'm looking, I go, is that what's 313 00:26:06,070 --> 00:26:11,350 the name? And I look, yeah, I don't want to give it a name, but I go, is that, and I call his name 314 00:26:11,350 --> 00:26:17,350 and he looked, he was on his knees, like a, like a dog, like that. And I go, Hey, it's me. And I 315 00:26:17,350 --> 00:26:23,350 call his name. Let's just say John Doe. And he looked and he, and he came looking, look at me. 316 00:26:23,350 --> 00:26:29,350 And he came walking and, uh, this guy was tore up, tore up. And I love this guy, man. You guys are 317 00:26:29,350 --> 00:26:30,950 like brothers and sisters to me. We're like brothers and sisters. We're like brothers and sisters to me. 318 00:26:30,950 --> 00:26:35,510 We're like a band of brothers and sisters. We're fighting this thing together. So when you see 319 00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:39,830 somebody out there that has been in here, it's going to affect you. If it doesn't, then you 320 00:26:39,830 --> 00:26:45,670 better check yourself because I'm not above this at all. You're not above this at all. And I saw him 321 00:26:45,670 --> 00:26:51,670 and, uh, I gave him five bucks and I told him, I go, I love you, man. I know you might not buy 322 00:26:51,670 --> 00:26:57,030 something to eat, but Hey, I love you. God bless you, man. And he's like, uh, okay, man. Okay. 323 00:26:57,030 --> 00:27:00,790 And he took off. I told my girl, Irene about it. I told my daughter and my 324 00:27:00,790 --> 00:27:04,230 kids, you know, when Oscar asked me to speak tonight, I thought he was going to ask me to be 325 00:27:04,230 --> 00:27:09,510 a 10 minute speaker. I'm like, okay, that's cool. Cause Lisa texts me one time and she said, you're 326 00:27:09,510 --> 00:27:13,590 going to be the 10 minute speaker. And I'm going, okay. And he goes, I go, what? He goes, well, 327 00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:17,750 I want you to be my main speaker. I'm like, okay. It's an honor and a privilege, you know? And I'm 328 00:27:17,750 --> 00:27:24,550 like, you know, uh, and then, uh, but he calls me at four o'clock. So he gives me about three, 329 00:27:24,550 --> 00:27:30,070 what? Four hours to think about it, you know? And my main concern was how am I going to look? 330 00:27:30,070 --> 00:27:34,230 Seriously? Does this tie? I'm asking Bay. I go, Bay, does this tie go with this? Right. She's like, 331 00:27:35,270 --> 00:27:41,670 yeah, yeah, exactly. She goes, she goes, I don't like that one. I'm like, oh, you know, but, uh, 332 00:27:41,670 --> 00:27:49,830 you know, life for me has got 100% better. 100%, 110%. I'm a working man today. I work with Eddie, 333 00:27:49,830 --> 00:27:54,150 you know, we're laughing all the time. We're making fun of people in our group all the time, 334 00:27:54,150 --> 00:27:59,910 taking their inventory, you know? Yeah. You know, it's great. You know, what else we got? 335 00:27:59,910 --> 00:28:06,470 Talk about, you know? No, but we love you guys. Uh, you know, I'm engaged. I got engaged in, 336 00:28:06,470 --> 00:28:12,310 in, uh, Christmas. Uh, that couch gets cold, man. So I have to say that. No, I'm just joking. 337 00:28:12,310 --> 00:28:20,150 I love you. Uh, but you know, I got my kids in my life again. I'm lo I love them to death. 338 00:28:20,150 --> 00:28:25,590 They love me to death. I got grandkids that look up to me. We laugh, but this wouldn't 339 00:28:25,590 --> 00:28:30,090 to all be impossible. If I would have just, if I would have stayed out there and drank that last 340 00:28:30,090 --> 00:28:35,110 beer or did that last hit, this would not have been impossible for me today. So was it nerve 341 00:28:35,110 --> 00:28:40,390 wrecking to come up here tonight? Yeah, it was. Because I wanted to make sure, see, I'm always 342 00:28:40,390 --> 00:28:44,810 one of those guys where, well, I want to look good. I want to make sure you guys laugh. I want 343 00:28:44,810 --> 00:28:48,910 to make sure you guys cry. I want to make sure you guys like me. And that's the way I always live my 344 00:28:48,910 --> 00:28:53,830 life, man. But today, you like me or not, I shared a message. If it didn't get through to you, there's 345 00:28:53,830 --> 00:28:57,890 going to be somebody that might hit your story, man. And that's the beauty of this thing. This 346 00:28:57,890 --> 00:29:02,470 is a good meeting. This is a good group. But there's other groups out there. If you can't 347 00:29:02,470 --> 00:29:07,390 find it here, find it somewhere, you know. And you will find your story. You will hear your story, 348 00:29:07,510 --> 00:29:13,250 you know. But see, Dan's asleep. See, he didn't see me cry a little bit, you know. So a little 349 00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:19,990 bit. Oh, thanks. Thank you. I use it though. But anyways, you know, I love you guys. I love you 350 00:29:19,990 --> 00:29:23,790 with all my heart. Do I want to be here all the time? I'm not going to say yes. 351 00:29:23,890 --> 00:29:28,070 Because I don't. Because I think I got another life. I got a life to live. But you know what? 352 00:29:28,230 --> 00:29:33,630 I can't live it if I don't have what you guys taught me is a higher power in my life today. 353 00:29:33,810 --> 00:29:38,750 Today, I got a God in my life. And I'm not afraid to say that anymore. I'm not embarrassed to say I 354 00:29:38,750 --> 00:29:43,770 got a God today. Because there's a time I didn't want to say God. But I got him in my life today. 355 00:29:43,930 --> 00:29:48,590 And I pray that you guys find yours. Oscar, thank you very much. I love you guys. I'd like to thank 356 00:29:48,590 --> 00:29:52,270 my sponsor, my higher power as a whole, and Quaff. Thank you for letting me share.