1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,400 Thank you. Lance, alcoholic. I want to thank Oscar and the group for having me out tonight. 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,200 Grateful for one more day of sobriety. I'm sober today by the grace of a loving God, 3 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,800 good, current, and honest relationship with another man that I call my sponsor, 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:19,040 the 12-step application, and rooms like this and people like you. I grew up right here in the San 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:23,440 Fernando Valley as well, had older brothers and older sisters. I thought it was a vitamin on the 6 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:29,120 floor when I was four years old. I ate it, it was a hit of acid. Went outside, looked like an 7 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:33,040 earthquake hit, came in the house, it was on fire. My mom goes, what's the matter with him? 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,800 My brother said, hold on. He checked his stash. Oh, I know what's the matter with him. She said, 9 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,160 deal with him. And I remember at four years old, I was never going to do drugs. 10 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:45,200 And my dad owned a bar on Hollywood Boulevard called the Frolic Room. And he was also a 11 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:50,080 contractor. And also when the Christmas parade would come to town, he would set up the scaffolding. 12 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,600 So when he put us up there, the kids up on the scaffold, so we could see everyone's head and 13 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:58,560 see the, you know, Santa Claus parade. And I remember at like six years old, walking into 14 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:02,640 that bar to use the bathroom and saying, wow, that's what that drinking thing is all about. 15 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:07,120 They're having a good time in here. Not knowing, you know, you know, the ball would drop on New 16 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,440 Year's. I drink champagne and it wouldn't do nothing to me. And then when I was nine years 17 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:17,040 old, I drank two cans of Old English 800. I got the effect produced by alcohol. Right then and 18 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:21,040 there, I knew it was happening in that bar. And I knew why my older brothers and my mom and dad 19 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:25,280 drank, because they got the effect produced by alcohol. And I didn't drink every day after that, 20 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,440 but I knew what alcohol could do to me. And the next thing I'd do, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to 21 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,240 the bar, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to the bar, I'd go to the bar. And the next 22 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:32,480 thing I know, we're in fifth, sixth grade and junior high school is coming up. So we're 23 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,400 locking our bikes up on the outside of the school, riding to the junior high school, 24 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,880 hopping the fence and going in at lunch, checking out what junior high school is all about next. 25 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:46,000 And I remember Ms. McCloskey chasing us in a Mercedes, get back to school. And I remember 26 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:51,600 giving her the bird. And my mom was an alcoholic. She'd always cover for me. And you know, my dad, 27 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:56,000 we didn't get, you know, you know, my dad didn't abuse us or nothing, but we didn't get timeouts 28 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,600 when we were kids. We got knocked out, you know what I'm saying? But you really had to be screwing 29 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:04,560 up for pops to clean your clock. And I knew at an early age to duck and dodge my dad. My mom would 30 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:08,640 always cover for me. Don't let your dad find out. And I knew right then and there, I'm not telling 31 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:13,280 him if you're not, you know, and sure enough, man, I got in so much trouble. I'd get away with 32 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:18,480 murders as a little young kid, not even in junior high school yet. And then once seventh grade hit, 33 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,560 you know, the party was on. We'd have these little backyard parties, garage bands playing and 34 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,920 a couple of 12 packs of beer and 10 o'clock, everyone's got to go home. And 35 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:32,520 my friend's parents over in North Hollywood had a bar on their front porch. And he was a mechanic. 36 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:38,160 His mom was always cooking stuff for us. It was okay to smoke pot. We were 13 and we'd go camping 37 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:42,360 all the time up the Lytle Creek, Bighorn. And it was okay to drink and smoke pot. And that's when 38 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:48,000 I met the LSD brothers, Larry, Sean, and David. And their dad sold sheets of acid. And man, 39 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:52,040 you can drink on that. I'll tell you. So we would go camping and we'd have a couple of sheets, 40 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,220 you know, a couple of hits of, uh, you know, blue dragon, red dragon. And we'd just go 41 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,960 up the Canyon. We'd be gone till sunrise. We'd come back. And there's his mom would be right 42 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:04,160 there cooking breakfast for us. You know what I'm saying? Not, not saying where were you guys all 43 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:08,600 night? We're up there making avalanches. Stars are, you know, shining bears are running around. 44 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:13,280 We didn't know, but we were just having a good old time. This is 13 years old. And, uh, you know, 45 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:17,480 my, my, my mom knew if I was, you know, uh, not getting in trouble and I could do whatever I 46 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:21,240 wanted to do. And, uh, we didn't have to go to church. My older brothers and sisters went to 47 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:25,820 church because they wanted to. And I remember when I was, uh, like 10 years old, my dad said, 48 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,100 you don't have to go if you don't want to. And I said, well, I ain't going, man. Cause you know, 49 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,740 I don't want to start studying just like school. And they'd pass me from seventh grade to eighth 50 00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:38,460 grade to ninth grade. And I had all D's didn't read one book. And next thing I know on my first 51 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:42,060 day in North Hollywood high school, man, I put my books in the locker. I never went back. My dad 52 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:45,400 said, are you going to get a job? Are you going to join the service? So I went to work for my dad. 53 00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:49,440 He was a contractor. And I remember we had a job down in South central. We stopped at the pantry 54 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,640 for breakfast. And, uh, I drank two pitchers of water before the food got there. That's how 55 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,860 I was saying to myself, man, I need to start cutting back. And at that time was low and brown 56 00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:04,340 Henry wine hearts. And I was drinking, I was drinking a good 12 pack. Uh, you know what I'm 57 00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:09,900 saying? 14, 16 beers a night. And we'd work from six in the morning till two o'clock. We'd stop 58 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:14,340 little mom and pop liquor store. We get three beers, one for me, my brother, my dad, and we 59 00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:18,800 drive home. And my dad would go in the kitchen, start cooking dinner with my mom. I'd hop in the 60 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,540 shower, hop on my bike. And I'd scoot up to the neighborhood park where the fellas are. We're 61 00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:25,980 hanging out, drinking, playing quarters, horseshoes, hanging out. And my girlfriend, 62 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,120 my girlfriend's there and we're having a good old time. And it's eight 30, nine o'clock and 63 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,640 everybody's going home. Cause I have to go to work and school the next day. The next thing I know 64 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,940 it's quarter to two. We need another 12 pack. There's me and two other guys there. And sure 65 00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:41,140 enough, man, we're, we're getting that 12 pack and, uh, man, I'm, I'm tore up the next day. 66 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,680 And I remember, man, looking at, you know, going, getting up. My mom's like, you better get in bed. 67 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,560 Your dad's getting up. It's like four 30. I'm sliding in the back door and I lay down. Let's 68 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:53,120 go to work 15 minutes of sleep. And I'm tore up, man. And I brushed my teeth, get in the car and 69 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,740 we're off to work. And I remember my dad looking in the mirror, you smell like a goddamn brewery. 70 00:04:56,740 --> 00:05:01,200 And I'm like, man, I brushed my teeth. How's he know? You know, we're always the last to know. 71 00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:05,840 And, uh, and I'm saying to myself, man, when I get home today, I'm going to take a shower, 72 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,620 get a little something to eat, watch a little TV. And I'm going to bed, man. We're having that one 73 00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:14,120 beer on the way home and ding light bulb comes on. I'm just going to go check on the fellas and see 74 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:18,020 how they're doing and see how my girlfriend's doing. And sure enough, eight 30, nine o'clock 75 00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:22,380 rolls around. Everybody's going home. And I'm saying to myself, you need to get your ass home, 76 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:27,400 and then the alcoholic persuasion comes in. It's Wednesday. You can rest on the weekend. 77 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:33,120 Bam. I convinced myself that easy. Sure enough, we're off getting another 12 pack and you know, 78 00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:37,340 and it's, I'm trying to control it. I'm trying to enjoy it. And pops is looking at me. I'm dropping 79 00:05:37,340 --> 00:05:41,220 tools off the ladder. You got the drops today, huh? And I'm like, man, I just, you know, I'm 80 00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:45,940 only, uh, what? 18 now. Now I'm 18, two years of trying to control and enjoy this thing. And I just, 81 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:51,000 if I'm trying to control it, I'm not enjoying it. And, uh, I bought an El Camino 1968 El Camino. 82 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,080 And, uh, you know, now we're going to Van. 83 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:57,520 I's Boulevard. We're cruising Van. I's Boulevard, you know, Wednesday nights, weekends. And, uh, 84 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:02,020 I'm drinking and driving, hauling ass, having a good old time. And, uh, you know, my dad said 85 00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:05,360 that you need to do something about your drink. And so I did, I moved out of the house, you know, 86 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,560 me and my girlfriend got a little apartment, you know, and I went to work for another contractor 87 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:12,880 in Glendale and I'm a carpenter and we're framing up these four and five unit apartment buildings. 88 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,340 And, uh, my girlfriend would roll up to the job at 12 o'clock on the dot every day, bring me a 89 00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:21,440 sandwich and one beer. And as soon as she'd roll up, we'd send Mark down to the neighborhood pop 90 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,520 and mom and pop market. 91 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,060 I'd get a piece of beer and come back. There was four of us on the crew and we'd each drink a six 92 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:31,800 pack plus my one beer. And we'd have lunch from 12 to one. And by one 30, we'd be, you know, 93 00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:35,560 sweating that six pack out. We're building stuff. The contractor didn't care. Nobody was getting 94 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,720 hurt. He was making money. Shit was getting built. And you know, three 34 o'clock we're 95 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:44,580 throwing our tools in our truck and we're heading home. The thing is the other guys 96 00:06:44,580 --> 00:06:48,920 would get in their trucks and go home. Me, I'd stop at the mom and pop liquor store and get a 97 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,980 six pack to get from Glendale to North Hollywood. Knowing I got beer in the fridge, 98 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,560 we'd go to the house, we'd go to the theater at home and cocktails and all that stuff. And I got 99 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:02,040 to drunk drivings in Burbank back to back. I was 20 years old and supposed to do that 18 month 100 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,720 alcohol program, but I knew I'd have to quit drinking. So I never went to the first class. My 101 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:11,840 good thinking was I'll get on the five freeway in Glendale, shoot up the Sunland Boulevard, get off 102 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:16,640 at Sunland, then come down Vineland Boulevard and miss Burbank altogether. Well, I'm not in Burbank. 103 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:21,080 They can't catch me, man. This is back in the eighties. And you know, it worked. It worked well. 104 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:25,860 have her drive, you know, and we started having kids. And back then you could drink beer in 105 00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:30,540 Burbank and a lot of my buddies lived in Burbank and we were playing horseshoes on the weekends and 106 00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:34,360 you know, you know, paying the bills time, you know, things are good, but I couldn't go anywhere 107 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:39,400 without a beer between my legs in the car. And I'd have a nice chest full of beer and cocktails for 108 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:43,960 me and then milk and sodas for her and the kids. And thank God I never wrecked the car and hurt 109 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,880 anybody. And I started getting in trouble, started going to jail, you know, do a little time here, 110 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,720 a little time there. I'd get out, you know, and, you know, straighten my act up and I'd, you know, 111 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,480 try to control and enjoy my drink and be never knowing I got a progressive disease that centers 112 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:00,960 in my mind. No matter how I tell myself it's going to be different, I pick up right where I left off. 113 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,940 And she goes, you need to do something about your beer drinking. So I did. I switched from beer 114 00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:08,980 to Captain Morgan, you know, and, you know, the only thing with Captain Morgan, I'm putting in 115 00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:13,940 big gulps and back then there were wax cups, a cup would melt my hand. So my cure for that, 116 00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:18,500 I drink them faster, you know, and, you know, it wasn't long before I was getting in a high-speed 117 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:18,860 chase. 118 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,920 Man, I'm going to jail or getting the bark beat off me. You know what I'm saying? The cops don't 119 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,460 dig that. And, uh, one more time, I got one of those good deals where I was going to make a lot 120 00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:30,560 of money. And it was, uh, it was a, you know, it was a setup. I ended up doing my first prison 121 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:35,840 term in Tatchby State Prison, 1986. I did three years and, uh, you know, I'm a father now, you 122 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:39,640 know, I need to straighten my act out. I'm only going to drink on Saturday and Sunday when I get 123 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:43,300 out. And I mean it, Saturday and Sunday. And when I got out, it was Saturday and Sunday for about 124 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:47,680 two months. Then it was Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, not knowing I got a progressive disease 125 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:48,840 that centers in my mind. 126 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:53,820 And no matter how much I tell myself the consequences or whatever, it doesn't matter. King 127 00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:58,980 alcohol wins out every time. And when I step in the ring with King alcohol, it's not done until it 128 00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:03,740 whoops my ass one more time. But I'm not knowing any of this stuff. I just, I go on to the bitter 129 00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:07,760 end, not knowing it. And sure enough, man, I'm, uh, I'm working over here at Tarzana Treatment 130 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:12,460 Center. I'm building the outpatient program on it. And, uh, I remember at three 30 going down 131 00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:16,640 to my truck, man, cause I always got an ice chest in my truck and I grab a beer and I pop it and 132 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,840 I'm drinking. I look over at one of the inpatient people. I go, 133 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,680 what's this guy rubbernecking at? You know what I'm saying? And I didn't think of nothing. I threw 134 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:26,360 it in gear and went home and partied all night. And I came back to work at six 30 in the morning 135 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:30,740 and the superintendent said, Hey dude, if you can't wait till three 30 to get the AMPM on the 136 00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:33,840 corner to get a beer, I can't have you working here, man. Don't even bring alcohol on the 137 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,480 property. That a little moment of clarity, you know, maybe I'm an alcoholic, but I'm not that 138 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:41,880 bad where I need one of these places. And at that time I was drinking a case of beer, a fifth of 139 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:46,960 Captain Morgan smoking a good couple of grams of cocaine every day. And my patience got so thin. 140 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,760 The only time I would eat is if there's three, 141 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,660 four cars or less than a drive-through burger stand. I'd pull in and choke down some dollar 142 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:56,920 burgers. If there's four cars, I'll eat tomorrow. I got to go. You know what I'm saying? I would 143 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:01,000 pull up to a red light and I couldn't wait for it to change. I'd turn right. Then I'd turn left, 144 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,500 turn left again. And then the cars that were behind me were repassing me. I just, I just, 145 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:10,540 my patience, I had got to get there. You know what I'm saying? And I'd show up to work, man. I mean, 146 00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:14,920 I'm a damn good carpenter. I could talk, perform. And you know, there's something about this guy. 147 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,820 They couldn't figure it out. And I was up for like four days and they're like, where the hell were you? 148 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,420 Oh, my aunt died. She died last month. Oh yeah, that's right. You know what I'm saying? 149 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,860 And here they are. They're handing me a check one more time. And the pride and ego is telling me, 150 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,700 you know, I'll just go on to the next job. And I would, I'd go on to the next job. I'd talk my way 151 00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:35,080 in there. I'd perform and I can't have a problem. Look at me, man. I'm on top of the world. I'm 152 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,400 running the crew again. We're building stuff. You know, I, you know, it's not the alcohol. It's not 153 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,720 the drugs. And, uh, sure enough, man, there's a one more attempt to one more failure, you know, 154 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:48,580 crashing bird worse, never better. And here I am one more time, just, uh, hauling ass. I look in 155 00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:52,420 the mirror and there's those red lights, man. And, uh, one more time, I'm going down harder. I'm 156 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:56,200 going down soft. And now they got the cameras rolling. Now I'm on cops. Now I'm a movie star 157 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,760 and I'm hauling ass down Van Owen, man. I'm coming up onto hung and turn, turn on, uh, 158 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,420 to hung Avenue off Van Owen. And they had it blocked off, man. And sure enough, man, 159 00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:08,620 I pulled over and one more time I'm on my way to jail. And, uh, this guy goes, what are you in for? 160 00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:13,000 I said, I can say it's this, I can say it's that, but it all boils down to my drinking and using. 161 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,420 I didn't go to jail every time I was drinking and using, but every time I was on my way to 162 00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:21,520 jail or emergency room was because I was drinking and using, I was taking step one right there, 163 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,760 admitting my inner, my own self that I had a problem and not knowing it. And, uh, he goes, 164 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,780 well, uh, he goes, just tell the judge or a drug addict and alcoholic. And you go to this place 165 00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:33,760 called Tarzana. I said, Tarzana. I said over on Oxnard, he goes, yeah, I go, I built that place 166 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:38,140 10 years ago. And he goes, yeah, he goes, uh, I go, how's it work over there? He goes, well, 167 00:11:38,140 --> 00:11:42,160 you go there in the morning and they UA test you. And then you go to group where they teach 168 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:46,000 you of your trigger about your triggers and alcoholism and drug addiction. Then you go to 169 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:50,320 12 step meetings. I go, what are 12 step meetings? And he said, Alcoholics Anonymous is the first 12 170 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:55,120 step program. It's got the best success rate for recovery. Then there's Narcotics Anonymous, 171 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,920 Cocaine Anonymous. There's over 412 step programs. I said, wow, that sounds like a good program. He 172 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:03,100 goes, it is a good program. I said, if it's such a good program, what are you doing on the bus 173 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:07,780 handcuffed to me? And, uh, he was still, uh, doing a little speed on the side. He was mixing 174 00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:11,320 water and yellow food coloring and turning that in, in the morning and getting, you know, 175 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:15,280 getting by for a little while. And, uh, they gave him a 30 day wake up call up Bisco Lou. 176 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,760 He was on the way to wayside with me. And you know, third time he said he was going back to 177 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:22,360 court and getting state or County time. I said, wow, that sounds like a good program. And I 178 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,260 remember going to court. My attorney says, I'll take you downstairs and get your time served. 179 00:12:26,260 --> 00:12:29,620 What's one more felony on your record. I said, well, I think I got a problem with drugs and 180 00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:33,580 alcohol. And I try this outpatient program. He goes by looking at your record, you've been a 181 00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:37,480 drinking, using machine for 20 years. What makes you think you're going to straighten out now? 182 00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:41,500 I said, I don't know. I heard about this 12 step thing. I want to give it a shot. And, uh, the 183 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,320 judge said, do you got anything to say, Mr. Rodriguez? I said, yeah, your honor. I think I 184 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,920 got a problem with drugs and alcohol. I want to try this outpatient program. He looked me square 185 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:51,520 in the eye and he said, as long as you don't do your violation on your parole, come back to this 186 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:55,660 courtroom. It'll give you a shot at it. And they shot me up, uh, to wayside again, before the 187 00:12:55,660 --> 00:12:58,540 parole board. And they said the same thing. What makes you think you're going to straighten out 188 00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:02,140 now? And I explained to him, I heard about this 12 step thing. I want to give it a shot. And they 189 00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:05,740 didn't mean any more violation. They shot me off to Chino. And I remember I was a week to the house, 190 00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:11,380 had a grandma seizure off the top bunk, bit half my tongue off, had black bugs flying on the side 191 00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:15,280 of my head. I was tore up. And my girlfriend, I did have at the time, I didn't know where my lady 192 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,240 and kids were because I pushed them so far out of my life. But my girlfriend at the time, they said 193 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:23,080 the candle was too close to the curtains. The house burned down, she burned down, you know, 194 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:28,060 rest her soul. And, uh, everything I owned was gone. Everything. I went down to that, uh, that 195 00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:31,840 shelter on Lancashire Boulevard. They had a bed for a parolee for one night. And I stayed over there 196 00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:36,460 at a shelter for the night. The next day I went down to that courthouse and, uh, the judge said, 197 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:39,940 go down to Tarzana Treatment Center and get enrolled. And I went down to Tarzana Treatment 198 00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:44,740 Center and I got enrolled. And it was suggested I get a big book, a sponsor, a home group, and a 199 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:48,880 loving God. And I went to my first meeting at a place called Unit A over in North Hollywood. I 200 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:53,200 said, my name's Lance. I just got out. It's just that I get a big book, a sponsor, a home group, 201 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,100 and a loving God. I got all four at the end of my first meeting and I've been sober ever since. And 202 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:01,420 that was July 25th, 2001. And they told me the truth. They said, it's not going to be easy and 203 00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:04,780 it's not going to be quick. And I did the best thing I could have done, which was dummy up. I 204 00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:08,800 forgot everything I thought I knew about staying sober, living, working, everything. My sponsor 205 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,880 took me next door to the 99 cent store. He got me a dictionary, notepad, and a bag of pens. And he 206 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,060 said, start reading this book. And when you come to words you don't understand, you look it up and 207 00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:19,600 you write it down. And when I see you tomorrow, I'll explain it to you. I had no God in my life. 208 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:24,400 I ain't been to church since I was eight, 10 years old. So I used the rooms for my higher power. If 209 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:29,080 it can work for you, it can work for me. It's real simple. It's monkey see, monkey do. We're 210 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,380 not going to tell you what to do around here. We're going to show you what to do. And that's 211 00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:37,060 when I needed somebody to show me how to do this thing called recovery. And we started reading that 212 00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:41,680 book. When it said, do something, we did it. And I'd get to that meeting an hour early every night 213 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,640 and we'd sit out in the truck and we'd read that book, you know, and I'd run into the same people 214 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:49,780 I got loaded with. I got sober in the same neighborhood I got loaded in. And they'd say, 215 00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:53,500 damn, Lance, you're looking good. What's going on? I said, I'm trying the sobriety thing. You got 216 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:59,020 20 bucks I can borrow. I tell them, yeah, meet me over a year today. They wouldn't show up. You know, 217 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:03,580 insane. And, you know, so I started going to Tarzan every morning. I'd go to Tarzan in the 218 00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:07,540 morning. Then I'd go, I'd fill out two job applications a day. My sponsor said, you got 219 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,680 to get a job and be self-supporting. And he goes, just fill out two applications a day. Within two 220 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,280 weeks, you'll have a job. On the 10th day, I got a job doing demolition work, 10 bucks an hour, 221 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:19,660 really crushed my ego and pride, but it was a job. And, you know, so I wanted to get my 222 00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:23,800 contractor's license. So I went to West Valley Occupational Center and I got the books to study, 223 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:28,360 filled out the application, and I'd get to Uniday two hours early every day. And I'd study my 224 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,080 contractor's license books. And then I'd study the big book with my sponsor. Then we'd go in and 225 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:36,220 make the coffee. You know, I had my commitments. And I'd go to Uniday every day. It was like 226 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:40,480 sobriety checkpoint for me. As long as I made it to Uniday, I was going to be okay. And I thought 227 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:45,220 about drinking every day. And I had to go to that power. God, please be with me. Help me remove this 228 00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:48,700 obsession right now. And then I'd thank him at night. God, thanks for another day of sobriety. 229 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:53,020 And in the morning, I'd read my little 24-hour day book. You know, my daily reflections. Say that 230 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:57,220 prayer. God, help me stay sober today. Simple as that. And I use the Rooms for Recovery for my 231 00:15:57,220 --> 00:16:00,940 power. And I just started doing what you guys were doing. And before I knew it, I had 30 days. 232 00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:05,560 And I'm saying, wow, I could probably do this. Man, I got 60 days. And then I got my contractor's 233 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,580 license. Along with that came a lot of responsibility. I started doing smaller jobs and 234 00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:13,180 bigger jobs. And I started hiring guys. And the next thing I know, I've got, you know, workers 235 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:17,860 compensation, EDD. I got, you know, a lot of responsibility. And I'm paying all this stuff. 236 00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:23,860 And I went by my kid's dad's house, granddad's house, their granddad's house in Burbank. And 237 00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:26,920 he gave me a phone number for my kids. And I called and left a message. 238 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:32,200 And it was one of those automated machines. Please leave your name after the tone. And I left 239 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:36,820 a message. And I leave a message every Tuesday night. And, you know, I was just hoping that 240 00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:41,980 they'd call back eventually. And I, you know, started just sponsoring guys. Then I got a year 241 00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:45,700 of sobriety. Then I got two years of sobriety. Next thing I know, you know, I got five years 242 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:49,540 of sobriety. I'm making tens of thousands of dollars. Dating all kinds of women. What more 243 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:53,560 could a guy ask for? You know, I started cutting back on my meetings. That's when the alcoholism 244 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:57,160 started coming back into my mind where it centers. They're not paying me enough. She's 245 00:16:57,220 --> 00:17:00,520 gonna treat me right. The traffic's getting thick. And next thing I know, a drink's starting 246 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,660 to sound good. That's when I got involved with H&I, which is hospitals and institutions. And I 247 00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:08,500 started doing H&I work. I got a panel at Tarzana Treatment Center. I tried getting cleared for 248 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:13,300 jails. Took me five years to get cleared for L.A. County jails. And I started doing panels up at 249 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:17,620 Tehachapi State Prison. Psych wards. They had a panel over at PIP, which is People in Progress 250 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:22,240 over in Sun Valley for the parolees. And my little brother was on parole. His condition was not to 251 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,260 drink. I know his parole officer because I know them all. And he came to work for me full time. 252 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:32,560 He's been sober living. 13 months was up. And he was off parole. He goes, I'm gonna quit working 253 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,680 for you. I'm gonna go back to school and get my heavy equipment operator's license to drive 254 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:40,240 tractors and stuff. And I said, okay. And he really had no one to answer to. And because I go 255 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,540 to a meeting every night, he wasn't working for me and going to a meeting every night. And then he 256 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:47,620 came into unit A drunk like two weeks later. And I told him, hey, leave the bottle outside. Come 257 00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:51,820 inside. Maybe you'll hear something. I got that call a week later to come identify his body. Where 258 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:55,960 was it that night? Do what I'm doing right now at PIP. I had my panel up there. And my sponsor told 259 00:17:57,220 --> 00:18:00,160 me, hey, if you're sober, you can't keep anyone sober. You can just be an example of what this 260 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,900 program has to offer. And, you know, I took him downtown. I cremated him. I made him a nice little 261 00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:09,340 maple box and put his ashes in there, put a picture of him on it and brought him around all the 262 00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:12,100 meetings for everyone to say goodbye to him. You know, and I laid him the rest of my mom and dad 263 00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:16,000 up at San Fernando Mission. Alcoholism, jails, institutions, and death. You know, if I don't 264 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,020 treat this with the 12 steps, I need to treat it with alcohol. I know for me to drink is to die, 265 00:18:20,020 --> 00:18:25,180 you know. And I ended up, I was sober seven years before I got a phone call from my kids. And we 266 00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:28,900 hadn't had dinner. And having dinner within an hour, my kids said, Dad, we don't care what you 267 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:32,800 did in the past. It's what you're doing today that counts. Because they could see I was a changed man 268 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:37,180 as a result of these 12 steps. You know, I can't bullshit a bullshitter. I'm only bullshitting 269 00:18:37,180 --> 00:18:42,100 myself. And your kids can see right through you. Your parents, you know, your husband, your wife, 270 00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:45,700 or whoever it may be. It's not what we say around here. It's what we do around here. It's our 271 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:50,020 actions. If we take the action, our mind will follow. And a lot of stuff didn't make sense when 272 00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:54,100 I was new. But I did it anyways. And I look back now, thank God I did that stuff. It's real simple. 273 00:18:55,180 --> 00:18:58,720 I did it because I do what I do. And if I'm sick and tired of getting what I'm getting, I might want 274 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:03,340 to change what I'm doing. And the first place I go is to that power. Call my sponsor. Talk to any one 275 00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:06,940 of you guys. I've got hundreds of people I can talk to and let them know what's really going on 276 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:10,120 in my life. And they're not going to judge me for what I'm going through. The only stupid question 277 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:14,020 is the one I don't ask. And the day I think I have all the answers is the day I'm doomed. The day I 278 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:18,340 think I don't need to suit up and show up and come out here is the day Lance starts taking self back. 279 00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:23,500 When I start taking self back, then the alcoholism starts coming back and I suffer. Nobody beats me 280 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:26,860 up rather than I beat myself up, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If you did what 281 00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,220 I did to myself, I would have killed you. But I need to slow my roll and ask myself, 282 00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:33,880 how much pain am I going to put myself through? When am I going to put the ego and pride aside 283 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,840 and ask for help? The sooner I do that, the sooner I get the answers I need, which are the truth. 284 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,380 Because I want to hear things and see things for what I want them to be or what they should have 285 00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:44,740 been or what they could have been. When I start seeing things from a different perspective with 286 00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:49,480 an open mind, maybe they are right. Maybe I have been wrong all these years. Maybe there is a 287 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,440 different way to see things and live. That little bit of willingness and open-mindedness has got me 288 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:58,840 really far in sobriety and very comfortable in my sobriety. I have alcoholism, not wasm, 289 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:03,760 but the main thing is I don't have to suffer from it today. Why? Because I go to that power day in 290 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,600 and day out and it's with me. I have a conscious contact with that power all the time. They told 291 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,140 me when I was new, if you're going through hell, just keep on going and believe me. My feet have 292 00:20:11,140 --> 00:20:17,200 been hot plenty of times. My girlfriend, Julie, had 10 years of sobriety, really good girl and 293 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:23,080 just millions of dollars in the bank, just really beautiful woman. She didn't want to explain to 294 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:27,820 anybody. She took her life. Her five-year anniversary of her death was a few days ago. 295 00:20:27,820 --> 00:20:33,760 It's sad that we can't talk to people. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem and 296 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:38,740 it sucks. I was able to quit smoking cigarettes 11 years ago. The money I saved from smoking 297 00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:42,640 cigarettes are used for down payment on a ranch up here in Canyon Country. Bought 11 bedrooms, 298 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:47,140 seven baths on five acres, four guest houses, pool, beautiful property. Burned to the ground 299 00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:50,980 two years ago. Everything I own burned to the ground. Where was I? Doing what I'm doing right 300 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:52,960 now in Santa Barbara. Thank God I was going out to work. I was going out to work. I was going out to 301 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,620 Santa Barbara because I would have been there with my ego and pride with fire hoses trying to 302 00:20:56,620 --> 00:21:00,640 put that thing out. I got to Main Street in Ventura. My son calls me. He goes, Dad, the fire's 303 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,240 coming down the canyon. I said, get the hell out of there. And sure enough, I turned my phone on. 304 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:08,200 I could see each building just blowing up. And my girlfriend at the time, she says, you want to go 305 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,680 back? I said, there's nothing we can do. So, he stayed the weekend out there. And my older brother, 306 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:17,080 Rick, he was on parole. He's been on parole for a long time. And I remember when I was 13 going up 307 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:21,800 San Quentin to visit him. He was in a halfway house. And he got a resentment at somebody. And 308 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:27,580 he got a hotel room that weekend. It's a pole, but I got loaded, OD'd, and died. And I was cleaning 309 00:21:27,580 --> 00:21:32,200 up the ashes at my ranch. And I was spreading his ashes. And it sucks, man. Family disease. And I 310 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:36,460 got another brother that's out there right now. And all I can do is be here for him. I'll carry 311 00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:41,700 the message. I can't carry the person. It's a program of attraction, not promotion. And I'm 312 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:46,100 just grateful that my feet are trained to be at certain meetings on certain nights. I get to the 313 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:51,380 end. I meet the new guy. We study the book, man. Get him into the step application. Gets me out of 314 00:21:51,380 --> 00:21:55,000 my head. And it gets him into the step application. I've got a life worth living today, you know? 315 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:59,100 Staying sober is not easy. If staying sober is easy, everybody be doing it. Takes the real man, 316 00:21:59,140 --> 00:22:03,300 the real woman. Put the ego and pride aside and ask for help. And stay committed to do this stuff. 317 00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:06,560 You know, I've learned a lot of things to do in sobriety. I've learned a lot of things not to do 318 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,340 in sobriety. As long as I have an open mind, I'm learning something, you know? When I slow down and 319 00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:13,880 get right here, right now, I'm right where I need to be on a Saturday night. Right here with you 320 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:18,860 guys. Everything's okay. It always has been. It always will be. It's just my mind tells me 321 00:22:18,860 --> 00:22:23,060 different. I should be here. I should be this, this, that. You know, I've got the unsatisfiable 322 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:27,540 mind. I think if I just get this, I'll be okay. If I just get that, it's never enough. And I thank 323 00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:31,200 God every morning for everything he's given me and everything he's taken away. You know, I get up 324 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:36,060 every morning, two hours before I have to leave the house. I do my prayer and my meditation. I do my 325 00:22:36,060 --> 00:22:42,440 little workout. I think of the 24 hours ahead. 86, 87, and 88 in this book tells you how to pray. I 326 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:43,860 got my 24 hours a day. I got my 24 hours a day. I got my 24 hours a day. I got my 24 hours a day. I got 327 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:49,280 my daily reflections. I read a few other books as well. You know, and I get that quiet time alone 328 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:53,680 and it's what I need and it's been working really well. I ended up getting two shops right down the 329 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:58,940 street here, well, Fulton and Sherman Way. And I'd get there every morning at five o'clock and 330 00:22:58,940 --> 00:23:02,100 the guys would get there early too before they started getting the tools going out to the jobs. 331 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,200 And you know, I'm in the office doing my prayer and meditation. They wouldn't bother me because 332 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:09,360 they knew, you know, that's what I, you know, I need to do. And I couldn't get it at the house 333 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:13,500 with my girlfriend because, you know, she, she's who she is. I mean, she needs, 334 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,060 her time and I need mine. So, you know, I'd be at the shop every morning. I'll tell you, 335 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:21,100 my day goes a lot smoother. I know for me, sobriety must come first. Then I go out and 336 00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:25,460 sign that next job or I take that trip to Maui or do whatever I'm going to do. You know, and 337 00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:29,300 what the program has really given me is a constant thought of others and how we might meet their 338 00:23:29,300 --> 00:23:32,980 needs. It's what I can do for you today, not what I can get. You know, when I started turning that 339 00:23:32,980 --> 00:23:37,580 around in a different perspective to be a maximum service to God and the people about him and other 340 00:23:37,580 --> 00:23:43,580 alcoholics, my life has gotten a lot, lot more nicer, a lot more smoother. No expectations. You 341 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,660 know, there's a lot of people in these rooms that'll pray for you. And there's a lot of people 342 00:23:46,660 --> 00:23:50,200 in these rooms that'll pray on you. You spot it, you got it. How'd you get rid of it? That's what 343 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:54,540 I want to know. You know, I let people know what's really going on in my life, you know? And for that, 344 00:23:54,620 --> 00:23:59,040 I'm clear. I'm transparent. I need to be. Because if I'm not, I'm trying to hide these mistakes. 345 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,600 I'm trying to hide these lies. And that's the stuff I drank and used on, you know? How comfortable 346 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,260 do I want to be in my sobriety? I'd be really comfortable. Why be in a 12-step program and not 347 00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:09,700 apply the 12 steps in your life? You know, how much pain am I going to put myself through? 348 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:15,340 I'm very fortunate enough. I got to pin the badge on my son. He's a firefighter, 349 00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:20,120 Santa Fe, New Mexico. My other son, Lance Jr., is studying to be a lawyer. He's with his mom 350 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:26,060 in Henderson. My other son's in UCLA right now. He speaks French, Mandarin, and Russian. He's 351 00:24:26,060 --> 00:24:31,780 going to China in July. He already did four years in the Navy. My daughter, Heather Rose, is up in 352 00:24:31,780 --> 00:24:37,860 Akadolsi. She works at Starbucks. And my youngest son is an accountant. I've got all five of my 353 00:24:37,860 --> 00:24:39,680 children in their life. And me and their mom, it's just a lot of work. And I'm very fortunate enough 354 00:24:39,700 --> 00:24:43,720 we've been trying to get back together, but it just hasn't worked. It hasn't worked out. We've 355 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:48,580 been off and on for 32 years. And I'm just grateful. I'm just grateful for one more day 356 00:24:48,580 --> 00:24:52,760 of sobriety, you know, today. The years are easy to get around here. Some days are a bitch to get 357 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,940 through. And I need to remember, I don't have to go through anything alone ever again. And that's 358 00:24:55,940 --> 00:25:00,140 a God-honest truth, man. I meet with my sponsor every Tuesday night. I still talk to him every 359 00:25:00,140 --> 00:25:04,620 day. The guys I sponsor call me. I go to regular meetings on regular nights. Monday night, I'm at 360 00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:09,260 Stepping Stones, which is a favorite part of the big book. Tuesday nights, I'm at Unity Day, 361 00:25:09,260 --> 00:25:13,640 six to seven, speaker participation. Wednesday, I'm back up at Stepping Stones, 362 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:18,540 five to six o'clock step study meeting. And then Thursday, I'm at Sunset Group over here in 363 00:25:18,540 --> 00:25:23,200 Sherman Oaks at the Senior Center on Van Nuys Boulevard. Friday nights, I'm in the office. I 364 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:29,800 got to do my paperwork, invoicing, and estimates and stuff like that. And it's barbecue day. The 365 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:34,520 guys come up, get their paychecks, and we barbecue at the ranch. And then Saturday's date night, 366 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,220 I usually go out on a date Saturday night. I've been dating, me and my daughter have been going 367 00:25:38,220 --> 00:25:38,720 out lately. 368 00:25:39,260 --> 00:25:44,080 And still date night, right? Unless I'm asked to come out here and share with you guys. And then 369 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,760 Sunday night, I'm over at Toluca Lake Speaker Meeting, where I've been going since I got 370 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:53,980 sober. And on the first Sunday, I'm at the fire camp over on Little Tonga Canyon, bringing books 371 00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:58,460 and literature to the guys that are doing time over there on the fire crew. And then the fourth 372 00:25:58,460 --> 00:26:02,560 Sunday, which is tomorrow, I'll be at Tarzana Treatment Center and Detox East. I got a panel 373 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:08,760 over there. And then on the second Wednesday, I've got Wayside Supermax panel in the 500 dorm. And the 374 00:26:09,260 --> 00:26:11,360 first thing I do is I bring books and literature to the guys that are doing time over there. And I 375 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:16,580 bring books and literature to the guys in there. And I go anywhere I want in that facility, 376 00:26:16,660 --> 00:26:22,000 non-escort. And I used to be a trustee there, a trusted inmate. And the cops look at me, 377 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,500 thanks for coming in. I said, you got it, Sarge. Thanks for having me. And it used to be the other 378 00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:31,580 way around. And I explain to the guys, man, I tell them, man, I've got a life worth living today, 379 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:36,340 man. I don't have to endure another day. I've got a life worth living. Everything's going to be okay, 380 00:26:36,340 --> 00:26:39,240 no matter what I'm going through. And I tell them, when you come back, I'm going to be back. And I'm 381 00:26:39,260 --> 00:26:43,780 just get a big book, a sponsor, a home group, and a loving God. Come to your first meeting. And 382 00:26:43,780 --> 00:26:49,100 I've seen a few guys get out, come to the meetings, get a sponsor, do the steps, lights come on. Now 383 00:26:49,100 --> 00:26:53,760 they're passing it on and they've got a life worth living. It's real simple. You take the action, 384 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:58,560 the mind follows. We can't do it for you. There's a lot of new people in here. And I'll tell you 385 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:03,440 what, man, my life just started when I walked off Chino 17 years ago. And like the book says, 386 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:08,080 I barely scratched the surface. I tell people, man, please be patient with me. I've got a lot 387 00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:13,760 of lessons to learn. God's still working with, you know, I'm sober today, man. I don't ever want 388 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:18,040 to forget where I came from either. You know, true humility. I need to be right sized, man. We're all 389 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,420 equal in here. Simple as that. I'm just trying to get through one more day of sobriety. Trying to 390 00:27:21,420 --> 00:27:24,620 get through one more day without picking up a drink, hurting anybody or doing something I'm 391 00:27:24,620 --> 00:27:28,080 not supposed to do. And if I lay my head down tonight, I've had a pretty damn good day, you 392 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,280 know, and I should have been doing this whole, my whole life. And I want to pat on the back for it. 393 00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:35,760 You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? But, uh, you know, we're, we're, I'm an alcoholic, 394 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,860 you know, now, you know, people would always ask me, what's the matter with you, Lance? And I tell 395 00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:44,760 them, I don't know. I never knew. I never knew what was the matter with me. I suffered from 396 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:49,500 alcoholism, left untreated. Now I know what's the matter with me. Selfish, self-centered, 397 00:27:49,900 --> 00:27:54,640 self-seeking. I turn all that stuff around, man. Think about others, do for others. It's not what 398 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:59,140 I can get. It's what I can give. Bam, right then and there, my whole life and whole perspective 399 00:27:59,140 --> 00:28:04,200 of living in the day I'm in has got a whole new meaning. I'm really, really enjoying life now. 400 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,660 It took a few years of sobriety. 401 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:09,360 I recognize this stuff. Where's mine? I need this. I need that. Then you get to the point 402 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:12,780 where shit, that ain't cut it, man. I'm still suffering. What's the matter? Oh yeah. Go to 403 00:28:12,780 --> 00:28:16,820 that power. Ask that power. Help me be a maximum service. Get out of the way. What can I do for 404 00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:20,260 someone else? Dishonest thoughts cross my mind. I don't act on them. Not that you guys are going 405 00:28:20,260 --> 00:28:24,240 to find out, but that's the stuff I drank and used behind. Life is good today. Life is really 406 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:29,840 good today. I, uh, you know, I go mountain biking. Uh, I met a girl, she's training for a triathlon 407 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:35,740 and, uh, went mountain biking. She blew me into the weeds. She's all, you don't do much 408 00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:40,640 cardio, do you? And I thought I was in good shape. She was, you're not going to have a heart 409 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:45,700 attack, are you? And, uh, she took it easy. You know, ego and pride smasher, you know what I'm 410 00:28:45,700 --> 00:28:50,340 saying? But I, you know, Hey, I told her, Hey, I don't ride like you do, you know, but I'll try 411 00:28:50,340 --> 00:28:55,840 to catch up. So, and, uh, yeah, really nice woman. And, uh, yeah, she goes to the beach three days 412 00:28:55,840 --> 00:29:01,720 a week. I mean, she swims like two hours a day, rides 25 miles and runs two hours. And, uh, I, 413 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,540 you know, I'm in pretty good shape, but man, yeah. And she's 57. 414 00:29:05,740 --> 00:29:10,060 And, uh, I'm just grateful. I got to meet her. I call her the organic wonder woman. She's all 415 00:29:10,060 --> 00:29:15,120 organic. She's got a food line and all that stuff. And she really knows what to eat to keep you, 416 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,740 you know, healthy and, uh, and going and stuff. What's good for you and so forth. And my daughter's, 417 00:29:19,820 --> 00:29:24,540 uh, a vegan, uh, organic girl too. So they got along really good and it's really cool. And, uh, 418 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:28,020 you know, I'm still, I'm still learning. I got, you know, I got a lot to learn, like I said. And, 419 00:29:28,140 --> 00:29:32,800 uh, you know, I do, uh, my Brazilian jujitsu on Tuesday nights. I get an ass whooping and pay for 420 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,720 it. All right. So again, for my homeboys and a 12 pack. 421 00:29:35,740 --> 00:29:39,540 You know what I'm saying? But, uh, you know, I'm, you know, go surf and I do all the things 422 00:29:39,540 --> 00:29:42,720 that I wanted to do. You know, one day I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. No, 423 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:46,140 I'm living. I'm finally doing the stuff. You know, I've been blessed with some really good 424 00:29:46,140 --> 00:29:49,700 clients, man. Why? Cause I practice these principles and all my affairs. You know, 425 00:29:49,740 --> 00:29:54,060 I got like four or five jobs going to my, my routine is I get up two hours before I go to 426 00:29:54,060 --> 00:29:58,660 the furthest job. That way I work on the job for a couple hours and I come back, 427 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,540 get the guys going. I know which meeting I'm going to that way. I can get to the meeting 428 00:30:02,540 --> 00:30:05,280 an hour early and meet the new guy there, do my meeting. 429 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:09,780 And then I get home, I make my lunch, take a shower, do a little paperwork, say a prayer 430 00:30:09,780 --> 00:30:13,320 and go to bed, get up in the morning and do it again. I've got a real simple life today. 431 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:17,380 You know, real simple life. You know, my, uh, my buddy wanted to put some bees on the 432 00:30:17,380 --> 00:30:21,680 ranch. So he put some bees up at the ranch and, uh, the bear came and opened up the box 433 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:25,220 and he, uh, he ate the honey and his Queens flew away. And he said, I'm taking my bees 434 00:30:25,220 --> 00:30:28,700 out of here. And I said, okay, I'm going to get my own bees. So I got my own bees. And, 435 00:30:28,700 --> 00:30:33,040 uh, I've been keeping, I've been keeping bees now for like six years. And, uh, I built 436 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,140 this, uh, bad-ass bear cage for it. 437 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,260 Put the bees in there with the screen on it. So the bees can get through the screen 438 00:30:38,260 --> 00:30:41,700 and the bear can't get in. I see the tracks around it. And, uh, me and my daughter, we 439 00:30:41,700 --> 00:30:45,260 extract the honey. We just got like a 180 bottles of honey. I brought one tonight. It's 440 00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:49,620 up there. You guys have some, and it's a hundred percent raw organic. And, uh, the fire came 441 00:30:49,620 --> 00:30:53,220 through, burned everything. Everything was burned to the ground, but the bear cage was 442 00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:56,840 fine. And the little honeybees were okay. And then the flood came right after that. 443 00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:01,400 And the water came up. I mean, I got 22,000 acres that drained through my property, which 444 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:05,080 is 19 square miles, about as big as a Valley. And that water came up. 445 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:11,960 And, uh, the honeybees survived again. And I was just in the, uh, bear cage today, checking 446 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,480 on them. They're doing great. And then my neighbor had some, uh, some bees in his Eve 447 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:21,600 up in his, uh, second story. So Mr. Nice guy, I am I'll take care of it. I cut his Eve open. 448 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:26,080 I'm up there for four hours. There were Africanized bees, really aggressive up there. I had to 449 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,320 suck them all up with a vacuum and I had to cut all the comb out and all the honey was 450 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:34,260 dripping on me and everything, but you know, good neighbor. So I did that today, you know, 451 00:31:34,260 --> 00:31:35,260 and, uh, it felt really good. 452 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,460 Being able to help my neighbor. He didn't know what to do. I can hear him buzzing in 453 00:31:38,460 --> 00:31:41,720 the wall. I think they've been there for a week or two. They've been there for like two 454 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:47,320 years. I guess his hearing's going, but, uh, but who knows, you know, I just, you know, 455 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,420 so I can, I do things like that today. And it was, what do I do? I said, you don't know 456 00:31:50,420 --> 00:31:54,820 me anything. And, uh, yeah, it's just been a blessing. I'm, uh, I just lined my Creek 457 00:31:54,820 --> 00:31:58,980 with boulders for erosion. I almost got my permits to rebuild. And, uh, you know, I'm 458 00:31:58,980 --> 00:32:02,960 just grateful, man. I'm just grateful. I can, you know, embrace this journey that I'm going 459 00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:06,620 to do. You know, you knew guys, if I could zap you with 10 years of sobriety, I wouldn't 460 00:32:06,620 --> 00:32:10,460 do it. Why? Because I wouldn't rob you of the journey that you're going to have each and 461 00:32:10,460 --> 00:32:14,040 every one of you guys are going to have your own journey in this thing called recovery 462 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,040 with your sponsor. 463 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,960 And once you get this thing, you're going to pass it on to the next guy or the next 464 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:22,240 gal. And then, you know what? They pass it on. And that's, that's all we do around here. 465 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:26,000 It's one alcoholic talking to another simple as that. You know, I trust in God, a clean 466 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:30,200 house and I work with others. I keep it that simple. Everything's okay. Everything has 467 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:35,340 been, everything will be 90% of the shit that I worry about never happens. So all the time 468 00:32:35,340 --> 00:32:38,540 I put towards worrying about something, I can be putting towards something positive, 469 00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:42,760 like helping the next guy. You know, I donate blood every 56 days. It takes pressure off 470 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,840 by heart and it's good for your body to remake the blood. And I don't, you know, get money 471 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,440 for it or nothing, but look at all the times I was in the emergency rooms, you know, I'm 472 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:54,060 all positive and my blood can be used for anybody. You know, what's the reward on that 473 00:32:54,060 --> 00:32:57,480 is? I get a little email, like a month later, your blood went, your blood went to like New 474 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,440 Jersey to, to help little Susie. 475 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,500 You know, transfusion, you know, that's the bright spot of that right there. I'm not bragging 476 00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:08,200 or nothing, but it's stuff like that. I do today. I'm a changed man today. I'm not the 477 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:12,800 same guy who walked off Chino 17, 18 years ago. And I continually grow towards this new 478 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:17,080 person and I need to remember I'm sober today. It's what I'm doing today. That counts. Not 479 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,000 what I'm going to do or what I used to do. What have I done today? You know, so if you're 480 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,440 new or if you've been here a while and you're struggling with this thing, man, just drop 481 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,520 the ego and pride and ask for help, man. We're not going to judge you for what you're going 482 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,620 through. We're here to help you. You don't ever have to go through anything alone. I 483 00:33:30,620 --> 00:33:34,420 sure haven't. And I won't have to. And I know that now, you know, constant thought of others 484 00:33:34,420 --> 00:33:37,860 and how we might meet their needs. It's what I can do for you today. So thanks for having 485 00:33:37,860 --> 00:33:39,320 me out, Oscar. Thank you.