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The invitation, Oscar, and the diligence you displayed in making sure that I would be present.

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I have been here before.

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It's always a pleasure for the opportunity to participate in my own sobriety.

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This is sort of a special time of the year for me, 4th of July having just recently passed.

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And I do talk about active duty veterans, military, and combat as part of my talk, part

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of my share with you because it's part of my story.

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I am a combat veteran.

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And so, if there are some in the room tonight, I will be at times speaking directly to you

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because I have a very definite affinity for you.

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This is a very difficult time of the year for me.

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And so, I welcome the opportunity to get out and about and not sitting at home listening

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to the firecrackers and the rockets and so forth.

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It's still befuddling to my mind how this happens to be enjoyment for so many because

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it is a duplication of actual battlefield activity.

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And if you've never been on the battlefield.

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Perhaps it does not bother you, but I have spent many days and nights on the battlefield.

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I was in combat actually 53 years ago, and I am still uneasy when a car backfires,

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just the fact of it.

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But at any rate, and I thank Bill for coming out here with me this evening.

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We've been traveling this journey together for a number of years and if anything were

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to happen to me, he could tell my story.

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I assure you.

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He's heard it often enough, but you know, I never really wanted to get sober.

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When I walked into these rooms 32 plus years ago, it was not to get sober.

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I needed relief.

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I needed shelter.

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I knew you had doughnuts.

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And when I finally stayed.

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It was not to get sober.

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But early in my sobriety, I heard a story that resonated with me.

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And which is generally how what catches most of our attention when we hear something that

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we resonate with and we begin to identify and it seems that the speaker that night was

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talking about drinking and driving, which was one of my favorite activities.

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There's nothing in the world I loved better than having a cold can of beer in between

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my legs while I was trying to shift gears and stay out of an accident.

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But it seems one night, a speaker pulled up to a stop sign.

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And instead of stopping, it just slowed down and rolled on through the intersection and

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about halfway through the intersection.

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He heard that old familiar anthem.

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So.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So he pulled to the side, and the policeman walked up to him, and he said, young man, did you see the stop sign?

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He said, yeah, I saw it.

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He said, well, why didn't you stop?

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He said, well, I slowed down.

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What's the difference?

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So the policeman backed up a little bit, and he said, if you'll just step out of the car, I'll try and demonstrate for you what the difference is.

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And as the young man backed, or as the policeman backed up, and the young man stepped out of the car, the policeman started hitting him in the head in rapid succession with that billy club.

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He said, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

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Now, do you want me to slow down, or do you want me to stop?

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And as it turns out, there is a difference.

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And that is exactly how I came into Alcoholics Anonymous.

56
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Beaten into submission.

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With nowhere else to go.

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And as it turns out, desperation and destitution actually become assets and help you to stay in the room long enough for your life to begin to change.

59
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Now, as a child, I would have never imagined that Alcoholics Anonymous was in my future.

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I am the youngest of many.

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My mom actually bore 12.

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My father was a Methodist minister all of my life.

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He did have another career.

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Prior to the ministry, but that was before my birth.

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So all I knew was the ministry.

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And growing up at home, I never opened the refrigerator and saw alcohol of any type.

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My mom and dad are past now, but I never in my lifetime saw my father take a drink.

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I never saw my mother take a drink.

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I actually never heard my father or mother use profanity.

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I've never.

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Heard or seen my father raise his voice to my mother and nor did I ever consider raising my voice to my mother either because my father was a big man and he believed in capital punishment and he loved that woman and he would not tolerate any shenanigans from any of the kids.

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I grew up in Newark, New Jersey, junior high, high school.

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If you're familiar with homes on the East Coast, particularly in Jersey, most of the.

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Single family homes are three stories and some even four because most homes and buildings there have basements.

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So the younger set because the older ones, when I was born, they were already out of the house in college away from home.

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So there was a younger four boys and we were all housed on the third floor and mom and dad rarely venture to the third floor.

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So my brother.

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Found a way to deal with me because it was very difficult to deal with me.

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My mom always said the most beautiful words I'd ever heard in my life when my brothers were angry at me, she would say to them, don't you touch the baby and I provoke them often.

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You see, I will tell on you and I will bribe you and I do accept gifts.

81
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Now, my older brothers found a way to keep baby Thomas quiet.

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Because they.

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Found a way to get alcohol to the third floor where mom and dad never came.

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And in order to get baby Thomas quiet, all you needed to do was give him a little sip of bourbon or something.

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Now, I did not know at the time that I was entering a world that would change my perspective on life completely.

86
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I did not understand that, nor do I think they did, but it nevertheless was the case.

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And under the influence of alcohol, I began to notice, especially when I was in junior high and high school, because my brothers were big guys.

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And when they went out, they sort of, they were boisterous and they would fight.

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And I wanted to be like them, but only under the influence of alcohol, because without alcohol, I've never been in a fight.

90
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And you can't count that altercation I had with the young.

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Girl in the second grade, because in order for it to be a fight, most both parties have to throw a punch.

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And I was going to throw a punch, but I never got to it.

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But under the influence of alcohol, I felt as big, sometimes bigger than they did.

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And when they were rowdy and boisterous and taking advantage of people in the bars, felt right at home and joining in with them.

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And even though the drinking.

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Age in New Jersey was 21, all of the bartenders and such knew my brothers.

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And so I was sort of protected and it changed the nature, the trajectory of my life.

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And so I came to California in 19, in the winter of 1963 to go to college and play basketball and grow up to be a man.

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And as it turned out, I had developed an alcohol habit and I went to basketball practice, but I neglected to go to any class.

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And after the first year, even as laxed as things were in the early 60s, you still had to turn in your grades in order to renew your scholarship for the next year.

101
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And I had no grades.

102
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I had been there the whole year and I had nonstop.

103
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I had not received a grade from any class.

104
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So I had no idea how I was going to handle this with coach, with my parents, family, friends.

105
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I was staying with two other fellows, roommates.

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We were living in a bachelor apartment, cost $100 a month.

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And that was $33.33 for two.

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And then it revolved.

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The other third person had to pay the extra penny to make it $100.

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So it was around.

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The end of the month.

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And I didn't have my $33 that month.

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And so I was driving down Hollywood Boulevard in my roommate's car.

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I didn't have a car.

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And I saw the sign, Uncle Sam, we want you.

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And I said, well, there is a way out.

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So I went in to join and recruiter told me, he said, if you join, you sign up for three years.

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It's OK.

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I had no idea what I was going to do for the next three years.

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But then he told me, if you want to go to the South Pacific, you have to take four years.

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But when he said South Pacific, all I could see was Hawaii and hula skirts.

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And I said, give me the four.

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Honestly, I had no idea the country was at war because my life did not revolve around current events.

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My life revolved around basketball and parties.

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So I went into the service.

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And sure enough, they sent me to Hawaii, just like they said they would.

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But in October of 1965, the entire division was put on alert to go to Vietnam.

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So I said, oh, somebody has made a mistake.

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I went straight to the battalion commander.

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And I said, sir, there's been a mistake, at least ways in my case.

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I signed up for four years for the South Pacific.

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And the colonel looked at me.

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And he said, private sales?

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Where exactly do you think Vietnam is?

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So he showed me on the map, South Pacific.

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So there you go.

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Now, the point of that is, I had already developed a habit of drinking every night.

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But it was still at a point to where it seemed to be my choice.

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But when we got to Vietnam, and I was a frontline infantry soldier,

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I fought the war.

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I did not watch it.

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Alcohol became far beyond a choice.

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It became a necessity.

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It seemed virtually impossible in order to go through the barbed wire out to the field

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on a daily basis without being completely inebriated.

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I needed courage.

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And bravado provided for me on a constant basis.

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And when I suited up to go out.

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And when I suited up to go out.

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And when I was on mission to go out on patrol,

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I was not interested in carrying food and water.

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My load consisted of alcohol and ammunition.

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Things that I was going to need.

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And not one time when we cleared that barbed wire on patrol

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did I ever have a discussion with anyone about the Geneva Convention and the rules of war.

156
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I was not aware war had rules.

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My intention on a daily basis.

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Was to come home.

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And in that regard, I became willing to do virtually anything that was necessary to do.

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And some things that were not necessary.

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Some things that essentially I understand today would be classified even as war crimes.

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But this is where we were.

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It seemed to me each individual had been questioned about their willingness to go into a free fight.

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And the reason the brass, top brass, questioned the people about free fire zones is because

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when you went into a free fire zone, you were expected to not leave anything living.

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And that included men, women, children, plants, animals, anything that would sustain the enemy.

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Because a free fire zone essentially was where the enemy resided.

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And theoretically, as we were told, the military had canvassed free fire zones before we went into them

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with leaflets and megaphones and so on and so that if you are not with the enemy, please leave this area.

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And so theoretically, when we got there on mission, the only people remaining in that area were enemy.

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And so you had to...

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You had to either voice a strong objection to being in a free fire zone or you had to comply.

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Because everyone's life around you depended upon your actions.

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And I realized that others' actions influenced my own particular survival.

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And so there were many things done.

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When I came back to the States, I was a very, very angry man.

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All of my friends had graduated from college.

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They all had BMWs and Mercedes-Benz in their driveways, 2.4 kids.

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They were all working for corporate America, Shell and Exxon and IBM and I wanted everything they had.

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And I did not want to do what they did to get it.

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Needless to say, I felt very...

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Entitled.

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Now I managed, even with a severe drinking habit, I managed to matriculate at the University of Southern California on an academic fellowship the second time around.

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I had taken a grenade in the bottom part of my body, so basketball was not really an option any longer.

185
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And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

186
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And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

187
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And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

188
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And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

189
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And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

190
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And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

191
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:41,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

192
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:42,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

193
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:43,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

194
00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:44,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

195
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

196
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

197
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:47,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

198
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

199
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

200
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

201
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

202
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,300
And so I always had the option of an academic fellowship.

203
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:58,200
allowed me to take the certified public accountants exam, which I passed.

204
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And I hung my license up after a couple of years with one of the international CPA firms

205
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and became certified.

206
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:12,200
I hung my license up in Beverly Hills, and it was a license to steal.

207
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I guarantee you, if you came into my shop with some square business proposal because

208
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you needed your books kept, I would tell you where to go.

209
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That was not my interest.

210
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:32,440
While I was a student at USC, I served my junior year as the president of the business

211
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:33,100
fraternity.

212
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:40,080
And in that capacity, I had the privilege of meeting Noah Dietrich.

213
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:48,440
Noah Dietrich was the financial advisor and CPA for Howard Hughes, who at the time was

214
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,800
the richest man in the world.

215
00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:50,780
And I said,

216
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:58,020
I want to be the black Noah Dietrich, and I need to find me a black Howard Hughes.

217
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:01,960
Now, the closest I got to that was a local drug dealer.

218
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:05,800
He was making about $100,000 a month cash flow.

219
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:12,820
And I said to him with all earnestness, if you follow my business advice, you will never

220
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have to work again.

221
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:18,380
Now, what I didn't understand was he wasn't working then.

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And he never paid me.

223
00:17:20,420 --> 00:17:25,080
He never paid my invoice in cash or check.

224
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He paid it in product.

225
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Exactly.

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And it hastened my entry to you.

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So, as I said in the beginning, I crawled into Alcoholics Anonymous, beaten into submission.

228
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:42,640
I was like a cat trying to have sex with a skunk.

229
00:17:42,740 --> 00:17:47,520
In other words, I didn't get all I wanted, but I got all I could stand.

230
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,520
And I still was not willing.

231
00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:52,840
To commit to staying sober.

232
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,280
So, it turns out I had a bench warrant out for my arrest.

233
00:17:56,280 --> 00:18:00,120
I had been arrested in that last year seven times.

234
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:04,660
The last time I got arrested, I was going two miles an hour in a parking lot.

235
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:05,720
I couldn't figure out.

236
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,100
But I can't stay on the street.

237
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:13,580
But I consistently brought my war record up.

238
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,780
I'm a highly decorated combat soldier.

239
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,340
I consistently brought up my war record to the judges.

240
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:25,320
And they consistently, until the last one, yielded to it.

241
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:30,680
But the last time I did that, the judge said, yeah, but I want you off the street.

242
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,840
And I want you off the street for a year.

243
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:39,920
Now, I will allow you to go to the VA Medical Center and find a program that lasts a year.

244
00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:43,180
Because if you don't, you're going to spend a year in state prison.

245
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:49,180
And, of course, when I went to the VA, I brought the war record up again, which was easily verified.

246
00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:53,860
And so they didn't have a program for a year.

247
00:18:54,000 --> 00:19:11,080
But they told me I could stay in this three-month program for at least a year in deference to a person who came to them with the kind of decorations and accolades that I had received on the battlefield.

248
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,000
And so initially, so I was sober.

249
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,740
I was in a program, but I was sober.

250
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:20,320
Not sure I was going to stay sober, but I was sober that day.

251
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:25,240
And the most I could do, really, was to stay physically sober.

252
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:30,080
Now, as it turns out, the program works a lot better if you are sober.

253
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:34,520
And so you get it when you get it, but you don't always get it right up front.

254
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:40,220
I remember my sponsor told me he wanted me to respect pedestrians.

255
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,080
And when I came to a red light, he said, I want you to stop.

256
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:50,080
And when the light is yellow, that does not mean speed up to get through the intersection before the light turns.

257
00:19:50,340 --> 00:20:00,680
The yellow light means slow down, so when you get to the intersection, you can then come safely to a complete stop.

258
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:05,880
Novel idea, but I tried it, and he told me he wanted me to not litter.

259
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:16,680
I had a two-pack-a-day smoking habit when I got sober, and it was not unusual for me to flick a cigarette out of the window onto the ground.

260
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,320
And I didn't understand exactly what that had to do.

261
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:26,000
I didn't have anything to do with staying sober, but what my sponsor was trying to teach me was how to be a good citizen.

262
00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:29,880
Because I hadn't been a good citizen in a long time.

263
00:20:30,580 --> 00:20:35,200
I used to tell my sponsor, I said, yes, I was involved in white-collar crime.

264
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,360
My sponsor said, no, you weren't.

265
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,640
You weren't involved in white-collar crime.

266
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,000
You were an embezzler.

267
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,120
That didn't sound quite as glamorous as white-collar crime.

268
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:46,540
But he was right.

269
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,700
And so he said, I want you to work.

270
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:49,840
And I said, well.

271
00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:53,360
You know, I have a passive income.

272
00:20:53,660 --> 00:20:55,320
I don't really need a job.

273
00:20:55,440 --> 00:21:01,780
He said, well, I want you to work because I want you to have something to do in between meetings.

274
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,660
And I don't care how much you make.

275
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:04,040
Okay.

276
00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:09,460
I understood that, but I was sort of hedging my bet.

277
00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:12,760
I remember once I found this temporary work.

278
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:18,320
This company needed some financial records reviewed and such.

279
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:20,260
And it was just going to be.

280
00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:25,460
And so I was there for a few weeks and they told me to come show up the next morning at 9 a.m.

281
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,460
I got there at 11.

282
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:35,780
So the CEO and chief financial officer, I suppose they chalked it up to maybe he got lost.

283
00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:37,440
But I knew exactly where I was.

284
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:42,920
And so they put me in this office and they said, here's the papers we want you to study.

285
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:47,540
And I had a briefcase with me, but nothing was in it.

286
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:49,160
I mean, I hadn't worked in years.

287
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:49,860
And so.

288
00:21:50,340 --> 00:21:52,800
And they explained everything to me.

289
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,320
And then they walked out.

290
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,400
And when they walked out, I looked at my clock.

291
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,240
It's about 1130.

292
00:21:57,340 --> 00:21:58,240
It's lunchtime.

293
00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:00,020
When they walked out, I walked out.

294
00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:03,260
I came back about two normal executive lunch.

295
00:22:03,260 --> 00:22:06,480
And when I got back to the office, they had put me in.

296
00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:08,340
I noticed my briefcase was gone.

297
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:13,640
So I went to the CFO and I said, you know, I think somebody has taken my briefcase.

298
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,320
He said, no, here it is.

299
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,440
He said, we can't use your services.

300
00:22:18,820 --> 00:22:20,160
My whole thinking.

301
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:21,660
Was off.

302
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:25,740
I was physically sober, but I was not acting sober.

303
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,240
Now, here's what happens when you're sitting in these rooms long enough.

304
00:22:29,340 --> 00:22:33,980
When you're sitting in these rooms long enough and you're listening to others share.

305
00:22:33,980 --> 00:22:41,240
And I was making some changes in my life, but I was keeping many, many secrets.

306
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,160
And I heard you guys at the podium.

307
00:22:44,340 --> 00:22:45,180
I got sober.

308
00:22:45,540 --> 00:22:49,420
I owed the IRS $13,000 and I paid it off.

309
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:50,300
I'm sitting now.

310
00:22:50,420 --> 00:22:51,640
There where you are now.

311
00:22:51,740 --> 00:22:55,240
And I'm listening to this and I'm thinking, no, no, no.

312
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,000
Every dime I make is money.

313
00:22:59,180 --> 00:23:01,860
But here's what happens when you're keeping secrets.

314
00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:03,940
At first, I thought it was indigestion.

315
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:06,260
And then at worst, maybe heartburn.

316
00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:14,240
But what happens is when you are watching your peers, watching their lives change, watching their lives get better.

317
00:23:14,420 --> 00:23:19,840
And then you realize you're in pain because you're lying and you're not changing.

318
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:20,280
And here's what happens.

319
00:23:20,380 --> 00:23:21,300
Here's what I learned.

320
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:29,280
If anyone out there tonight is in any kind of pain, pain is not the time to leave the program.

321
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:34,540
Pain actually, as it turns out, is the harbinger to growth.

322
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:43,120
I have not made any leaps and bounds in the growth area without experiencing pain first.

323
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:49,460
Because pain tells me it is now time to make changes to eliminate the pain.

324
00:23:49,460 --> 00:23:51,140
And so I went to my sponsor.

325
00:23:51,300 --> 00:23:53,220
I said, there's time for me to get honest.

326
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:58,300
And I told him, you know, I did a whole lot of things and I owe a whole lot of money.

327
00:23:58,300 --> 00:24:01,580
And I heard my sponsor say, which gave me a ray of hope.

328
00:24:01,860 --> 00:24:04,840
He said, we're going to need to take care of that.

329
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,720
And I'm thinking, we?

330
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,140
Oh, he's going to help me?

331
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,160
I can do this.

332
00:24:09,260 --> 00:24:11,220
So he sent me home.

333
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,740
He told me, take all the time you need.

334
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,220
Write down as much as you can remember and let me know when you're ready.

335
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,440
So to the best of my ability.

336
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:25,800
And I will say now, most of the scams that I ran were in South Bay.

337
00:24:25,980 --> 00:24:29,060
So I didn't do a lot of damage out here in the Valley.

338
00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:32,940
So I'm hoping there are no amends to make in the room tonight.

339
00:24:33,140 --> 00:24:35,520
But I sat with him.

340
00:24:35,660 --> 00:24:37,500
I showed him my list and we came.

341
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,480
And I was about five years sober.

342
00:24:39,780 --> 00:24:43,420
And the first count, because more is always revealed.

343
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:47,920
But the first count was 469,000.

344
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:48,920
Yeah, it seemed insurmountable.

345
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:50,960
It was insurmountable to me as well.

346
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,340
But I had the ability to earn.

347
00:24:53,340 --> 00:25:04,060
And so in 1988 at the Southern California Convention, I was sitting across the table from a fellow and his wife.

348
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:08,340
And he wasn't sharing with me, but I was eavesdropping.

349
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:15,440
And he was telling these two ladies, he said, yeah, when I got sober, I owed $250,000.

350
00:25:15,980 --> 00:25:18,980
And he was sober in the 20s at that time.

351
00:25:18,980 --> 00:25:23,280
So you go back 32 for me and then 20 for him.

352
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:29,140
So $250,000 seemed to equate pretty much to the number I had come up with.

353
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:39,800
And he said, and his wife, the Al-Anon sitting next to him, he said, the first 10 years of my sobriety, we didn't spend any money unnecessarily.

354
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:41,520
And she said, mm-hmm.

355
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:45,960
And he said, we did not take vacations for 10 years.

356
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:47,740
And she said, mm-hmm.

357
00:25:47,740 --> 00:25:48,740
And he said.

358
00:25:48,980 --> 00:25:53,100
And in 10 years, we had paid off all of that money.

359
00:25:53,340 --> 00:25:56,140
And now we are free.

360
00:25:56,340 --> 00:25:58,260
And she said, mm-hmm.

361
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:02,500
I'm listening, but I'm thinking to myself, hell, I'm already free.

362
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,520
I ain't getting ready to do any of that.

363
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,900
But the pain set in and the time came.

364
00:26:07,060 --> 00:26:12,900
And I set about the opportunity of ameliorating this debt.

365
00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:16,520
And as my sponsor said, Thomas, they don't want your money.

366
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,440
They just want their money back.

367
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:19,400
And I got that.

368
00:26:19,660 --> 00:26:22,040
And then the state of California helped me out.

369
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,440
And I did not expect that.

370
00:26:24,420 --> 00:26:31,900
Because you remember the scratch-off game that associated with the TV show, Spin, Spin, Spin?

371
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,900
I hit the scratch-off, Spin, Spin, Spin.

372
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:42,340
And I went up to Sacramento to take the TV show, spun the wheel, won $100,000.

373
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,220
And that took care of 20%, 25% of the money I owed.

374
00:26:46,220 --> 00:26:48,400
Because the state of California wasn't about.

375
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,060
They weren't about to send me a check until they paid themselves.

376
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,300
And then, as it turns out, they paid the IRS also.

377
00:26:54,940 --> 00:26:56,420
But they were on my list.

378
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,600
So I was going to have to do it anyway.

379
00:26:58,820 --> 00:27:02,820
So my sponsor didn't help out, but the state of California did.

380
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,200
And I appreciated it.

381
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:08,620
But in 10 years, I was free and have been so ever since.

382
00:27:08,780 --> 00:27:13,860
Then the one thing I had to realize as I read the conference-approved literature,

383
00:27:14,060 --> 00:27:16,860
the big book and many other pieces of literature.

384
00:27:16,860 --> 00:27:18,420
And if you've only read the big book, you're not going to be able to read the big book.

385
00:27:18,540 --> 00:27:22,020
You're still at the beginning of the program.

386
00:27:22,220 --> 00:27:25,020
Remember, Bill wrote the big book three years old.

387
00:27:25,220 --> 00:27:29,660
But he wrote prolifically for another 32 years and completed the program.

388
00:27:29,860 --> 00:27:31,260
And so I understood.

389
00:27:31,460 --> 00:27:34,580
Our movement was founded on spiritual principles.

390
00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:40,260
And though I told you my father was a Methodist minister,

391
00:27:40,460 --> 00:27:44,220
I did not bring the God of my father into this program.

392
00:27:44,420 --> 00:27:46,780
In fact, in my world, I was God.

393
00:27:46,980 --> 00:27:48,260
But that was not going to.

394
00:27:48,420 --> 00:27:53,780
I was going to be able to live happy, joyous, and free.

395
00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:58,400
And so I had to develop a higher power of my own understanding.

396
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,860
One that I would be willing to pay homage to.

397
00:28:02,060 --> 00:28:05,780
And one that would allow my life to change.

398
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,900
To be humble and to be useful and to be willing to my fellows.

399
00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:15,400
And so I adopted all of the principles of the serenity prayer.

400
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,220
I asked for the serenity to accept the things.

401
00:28:18,420 --> 00:28:20,060
I cannot change.

402
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:20,720
That's you.

403
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:22,100
I have no power over you.

404
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,220
Nor do I wish any.

405
00:28:23,340 --> 00:28:26,140
But for the courage to change the things I can.

406
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:26,960
Which is me.

407
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,700
I can change me.

408
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,000
And I have.

409
00:28:30,180 --> 00:28:32,320
And I am still changing.

410
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,300
Mostly for the better.

411
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,240
And the wisdom to know the difference.

412
00:28:36,380 --> 00:28:39,580
Which essentially is tending to my business.

413
00:28:40,060 --> 00:28:41,200
Leaving yours alone.

414
00:28:41,540 --> 00:28:41,940
Thank you.