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Hi, let me introduce myself. My name is Francesco, and I am an alcoholic. I'm very grateful to be here, to be able to participate in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I owe to Alcoholics Anonymous everything that I have today, and that I used to be that way, and I want to thank Oscar for asking me to participate in here. I love you,

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the group, and anywhere that I can be able to share my experience, because I come from more than 35 years of pretending, and keeping a lot of secrets, and try to fit in, and the way that I have problems is that I don't know how to percept things. I always think that you hate me, you're not going to like me, that I have to buy you your friendship, and this is

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why I like since I was about three years old. I always thought that my brothers, they were better looking than me. I was a very short guy, and with my head is not round, it's oval, so they used to call me names at school, and I used to get so mad, and always tried to hide, you know, and I was a mama's boy. I used to run to my mom, and my mom always told me that I was going to be okay, okay, and that's just, you know, that's

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Just like, you know, that was the beginning, you know, what I learned later, alcohol make me feel part of, better than what I, you know, I feel, you know, and, and that just like, you know, they took me many, many years to, to change, you know, and I've done a lot of stuff, you know, I come from a mixed culture families.

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My father is Riley, my mom from Spain, from the east side of Spain, so she's past Jewish, and, and my grandma, I grew up with my grandma, and my grandma always told me that I was going to be a movie star, so I believe her, so that was really working on it, you know, and, you know, my first drink, it was a three years, three and a half years during the US holidays, you know, and Hanukkah,

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I just decided that, you know, the rabbi asked me to go and clean the glasses, and I noticed there was a lot of glasses that, you know, full glasses, and I tasted, and then I like it because it's sweet, and, you know, and I ended drinking too, so much that I fall asleep, and the rabbi came and found me on the floor, and he told me like, you know, probably you got hired to clean all this stuff, right?

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And that was the beginning.

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That was the beginning of really a long time, you know, drinking, and in my house, you know, I came from a house that, you know, we were seven brothers and two sisters.

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We were the ones that we used to clean the house.

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My sister never did anything, so I was just, you know, ironing, cleaning dishes, and everything, but, you know, every weekend we had a party with music, so, you know, I danced with the room because, you know, I was so short that, you know, I was not able to do anything.

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I was not able to reach any, you know, anybody, you know, because they were taller than me, and that was the beginning, like, you know, and tasting the alcohol, and I used to hang out with my father, and my father was a merchant, and we used to go to some sales, and I always sit in the back of the car, and he took me to the bar and sent me to get a drink for him and asked me, make sure that they put enough alcohol, and I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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I did.

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And I did.

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I made sure that I tasted, and I tasted, and, you know, and I like it, you know, I just

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did that, you know, every day.

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My father, he used to drink seven days a week, but he always brings some food to our house.

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He supports, I mean, nine plus, whatever, we always have some visitors, you know, and

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that was a full house, and my mom used to cook for all of us.

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And my mom was a housewife, my father, that was the one that provide, and we're supposed

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to be a happy family, but this happy family, we all have a lot of problems and a lot of

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secrets, you know, and I grew up with that attitude, I'm not going to let you know who

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I am, you know, because I was ashamed, and I don't know where that came from, but that

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was one of the, you know, the problems that, you know, that I have.

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So, when I had alcohol in my system, I was able to be someone, and when I drink, I like

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to invite a lot of people.

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I'm a very friendly guy, you know, and then when you're that friendly, and then, you know,

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when you drink like me, I'm a bad drinker, you know, but I, one time, I used to work

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in a restaurant that was called Carlos and Charlie's up in Sunset Strip, and I worked

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there since I was 14 years old.

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I was not even legal, but I was a partner of the owners, and I used to, we used to taste

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anything.

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We have a lot of gifts, because we were really good people.

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So, then, you know, before we start working, we got a shot of tequila, a line of cocaine,

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and pshoo, we were ready to go, and this is like every day, but a guy like me, I don't

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know how to say it.

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I need some more, and I used to overuse it and do it like, you know, crazy, and then

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this is like, you know, my long career of drinking and using, like, you know, because

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I didn't know how to do life, and I was going to pretend that I was capable to do a lot

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of stuff to please you.

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I'm a people pleaser.

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I want to look good.

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I don't want to be judged, you know, and pretending that I'm capable, and never ask for help,

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and that was easy.

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I was a child, and, you know, my mom used to give me good advices, but, you know, I

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never knew how to finish it, and that was all my problems all the time.

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You know, my home group is Pacific Group, and my grand sponsor is Clancy, and he talks

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about, like, you know, alcohol is my solution.

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You take the alcohol away from me, and I got stuck with me.

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That is the problem.

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I need to find out how to deal with myself, and that's really a hard work, you know, and

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let me tell you that, you know, I've been to mental institutions.

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I've been to a lot of rehabs in L.A.

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I started that my first time that I got sober, that was 1994, and I got sober because I wanted

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to get my wife back.

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After that, I abused her.

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I used to scare her, but I didn't know how to be a husband.

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Okay.

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And then I didn't have the courage to ask anybody to help me out because I know better,

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and I'm going to find out, and that's my experience, you know?

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But, I mean, as soon as I, you know, I, thanks God, because, you know, and my sobriety day

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is June 6, 2002.

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For that, I'm very grateful that I, you know, I used to have a house in Santa Monica, nice

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house, in the corner, beautiful house.

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And drink my Yuzin.

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And drinking, I used to walk from Pico and 31st all the way to 6 in San Pedro to get

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$5 of speed and walk back.

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That was my best idea, okay?

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But there was one time after, you know, about a year that I decided that that was a long

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way to walk.

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So, I moved.

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I moved to 6 in San Pedro.

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I left my house, and I left it all, and, you know, that was my solution.

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You know?

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Because I was there.

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And that was like, you know, the beginning.

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And I'm the type of alcoholic that, you know, I used to buy friendship, and I started with,

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you know, like, I want to be popular.

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And I used to invite a lot of people, like, you know, over my house and make these huge

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parties, and, you know.

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And at the beginning, you know, when you do, like, you do the first line, and you start

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feeling like, oh, my God, this is good.

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It's going to be great.

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And, you know.

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You want to talk.

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You want to.

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You don't let anybody talk, and you just, you know, just doing everything, you know?

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And then, you know, it's the, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

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Let me tell you.

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Let me tell you.

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And then, you know, there's just, you know, a few hours after, you know, shots, smoking,

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because you smoke a lot.

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Then you do the second one.

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And then you start feeling better.

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Like, you know, you like everybody.

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You're in love with everybody.

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You know?

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It's just like, you know, everybody's your friend.

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Your best friend.

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And, you know, wow, you guys, you know, the best.

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And then you do another one, and then you go, like, you know, oh, man, we should start

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a business.

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We start a business.

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You're the best, best, you know?

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You know, the best chance to, you know, start a business, you know?

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And then, you know, like, you know, one more, and then you want them to move in with you.

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You know?

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And then just like, you know, everybody, big happy family, you know?

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And then, you know, hours pass.

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Well, then, you know, it's like, you know, five in the morning, and then you start seeing

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these guys, they're taking advantage of you.

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These guys, they're robbing you.

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You want these guys out of your house.

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You know?

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And then you just start, like, going crazy.

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And then, you know, the next step for an alcoholic like me is that you grab the phone, and you

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walk into the closet.

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And then you're going to tell everybody that they owe you all the things you did for them

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that you need.

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They need to, you know, to tell you that, you know.

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Sorry, you know?

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And that's where the end of that.

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And I used to do that, like, for six months at a time.

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That was my life.

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I went to the point that I used to smoke a kilo of cocaine, and I didn't know how to stop.

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And that was my life.

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I was lost.

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But by that time that I made the decision that I needed to move to downtown after, you

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know, a few months, you know, I was so lucky that there is a place, there used to be a

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place in a forest in Los Angeles, it's called the Midnight Mission.

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God took me there for the first time, you know, after I went to see a doctor, because then

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after that, I started smoking speed, and I was bleeding, I was not eating, I was skinny.

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And then I didn't realize that I was dying, even after the doctor told me, like, you know, if

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you keep doing this, you're going to die.

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And I promised him that I was going to stop.

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Think that I stopped.

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Stop?

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No.

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So for, you know, for the grace of God, I walked into the Midnight Mission because I

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got hungry.

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And that was the beginning of my recovery.

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And I'm not going to tell you that it was not easy, but, you know, this program taught

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me how to be responsible, how that I was capable to get a better life, and I worked in the

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steps.

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The first one is that, you know, to admit that I was an alcoholic, that every time

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that I touched alcohol, my life changed.

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But how that I'm going to maintain, or how that I'm going to achieve not to drink.

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In my case, is that I drink, I stopped drinking one day at a time, and I, you know, and I feel

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proud of me for not doing it.

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And that was very slow process, and going to meetings, and be able to have some people

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that, you know, the old timers in my group, they were just like, you know, they give me

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a lot of help, you know, and told me that everything was going to be okay.

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One day at a time.

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Then I was, you know, after that, I wrote something about my, that I was powerless over

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people, places, and things, because I, my wife got smart and asked me to divorce.

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And I was very hurt.

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She took a million point eight, and it left me homeless.

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And I have to start from the beginning.

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And today, I'm very...

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Very proud of what I do, and they took me a long time to be responsible, because I never

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worked in my life.

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And you know, I can tell you that I come from a very good family, but you know, the problem

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is me.

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And I moved from city to another city, and it got stuck with me.

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And for me to be, to realize that I was the problem, that took me a long time, big time,

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you know?

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And to learn how to deal with life.

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Because the problem is life.

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I don't know how to, you know, be able to be responsible every day, be in time, promise,

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do what I promise to do.

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And my sponsor, my first sponsor, his name is Sean Coleman, you know, after he sponsored

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me for five years, he decided to go out and drink.

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So that was very heartbreaking.

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But for me, it's like what I, you know, when I come to meetings, it's the...

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You know, I have to get all I can out of the meeting, you know?

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And that's how I, you know, I managed to stay sober.

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And be able to, you know, this program talks about one alcoholic talks to another alcoholic,

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and then we can find the solution.

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And you know, I got involved in HNI, and I used to go and speak in a lot of recovery

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centers, you know?

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And share my experience.

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And let me tell you that, you know, for a long time, I suffered from that alcohol-less

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body.

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Be able to ask somebody for help and tell, you know, to be honest.

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That is another, one of my biggest problems, you know?

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I didn't know how to be honest with anybody.

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You know, I worked the steps, I did, you know, my second step, I turned over the, my power

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over the care of God.

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And I let God take care of me.

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Because that's what I did.

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That's what I'm supposed to do, you know?

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And I start, you know, doing the proper things so that I can get a peace of mind, you know?

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Drink my drinking, and in party, I spent, you know, time with a lot of guys.

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I was talking to him that I spent time with Bob Dylan getting high.

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And I was only 14 years old.

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Just because, you know, I needed to be recognized.

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And I was thinking for that.

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You know, to be recognized.

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I don't know why, but there was something that I was trying to get, always.

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And you know, this program, being in the Midnight Mission, I, taught me that, you know, I was

216
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:45,820
capable to, you know, to go back to school and, and learn, you know, I'm, I'm good in

217
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:52,080
doing some, I, I'm good selling, because that's what I used to do for a living, you

218
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,080
know?

219
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,080
I, I like equipment.

220
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,080
I like money.

221
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,080
So I used to make a lot of money.

222
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,080
When I was about 22 years old, I had a lot of money.

223
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:03,080
But an alcoholic like me, I don't know how to take care of the money, you know?

224
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,540
And I ended with nothing.

225
00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:09,800
My wife is very happy because she has a house and has a lot of money, but not me.

226
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,680
That I have to start it over again.

227
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,840
And know how to start over again.

228
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,920
And learn how not to be resentful.

229
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,260
That was all my fault.

230
00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:19,840
And be able to, to take it.

231
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:24,040
And I then, I've done amends to a lot of people.

232
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,400
Like, you know, I'm a good alcoholic.

233
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:30,440
We never think that you, that we want to hurt anybody.

234
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,040
And the first one, they, they, you know, they suffer as your family.

235
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:42,280
Today, I, I can tell you that I just got back into a relationship with my daughter.

236
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:47,080
She's 34 years old and I have a beautiful granddaughter.

237
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,700
They live in San Francisco.

238
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:50,040
They're very, very nice.

239
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,040
She's hippie.

240
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,040
She likes to smoke weed.

241
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,100
And sell weed.

242
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,980
And there's, I'm okay with that, you know?

243
00:16:57,980 --> 00:16:58,980
That's their life.

244
00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:00,620
And she's really nice.

245
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,720
And I'm glad that she's back with me.

246
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:08,800
And, and I have to be grateful that, you know, I, I try to be in service.

247
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,560
You know, I sponsor several people.

248
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:16,300
And you know, I got to thank these guys that, you know, that we work together.

249
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:19,300
Some days, you know, it's not easy.

250
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,620
But it's, it's, it's excellent.

251
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,220
Like, you know, not like before.

252
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:31,300
And, you know, I, now I stay, I have a business and I'm responsible.

253
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:40,300
I'm a good member of my family and I go to, I still go to a lot of meetings, you know?

254
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:45,480
And I try to do what's best for a lot of people.

255
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,480
I help a lot of people.

256
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,300
And that's what I need to do for the rest of my life.

257
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,300
Because thanks to you guys, I, I be able to stay here.

258
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,300
And, you know, I try to do what's best for a lot of people.

259
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,300
I help a lot of people.

260
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,300
And that's what I need to do for the rest of my life.

261
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:57,460
And share my experiences, strengthen, help, you know?

262
00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:02,240
And for this is just the thing that I need to do for the rest of my life.

263
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,560
Because it's not a joke.

264
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:07,440
You know, if you knew and then you think like, you know, you come over here and like, you

265
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,200
know, like me.

266
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:14,060
I used to, I mean, I went out like, I don't know, 20 times.

267
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:20,740
You know, I mean, several times they, you know, the Santa, Santa Monica Police Department,

268
00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:23,380
they took me to, to the Brownman Hospital.

269
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:32,520
many times and I left the hospital on my own and you know and they they told me if you leave you

270
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:40,620
know you might die and I didn't care because you know that I'm a sick guy and I don't know how to

271
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:47,220
I'm not capable to manage my own life but with the help of you know Alcoholics Anonymous I

272
00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:56,960
my life changed and thanks to you guys you know and Alcoholics Anonymous and and the other thing

273
00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:03,980
I have is that I need to make it simple you know less complicated like a good alcoholic we like

274
00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:11,620
to complicate things we love to be complicated you know and that's that's how we used to live

275
00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:17,420
like you know and then you know I just decided that I'm powerless over

276
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:24,660
people places and things and I let it go and that's what I do uh most of the time not everything

277
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:32,560
you know I'm the type of alcoholic that I like to uh everything has to go my way you know and if it's

278
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:39,300
not going my way I um about a month ago I you know I just asked me to leave the courtroom because I

279
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:46,740
was trying to uh manipulate manipulate and you know you honor you don't know this is not the

280
00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:47,320
right thing

281
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:55,700
and she uh she was like will you please leave my courtroom yeah and uh you know and that's what

282
00:19:55,700 --> 00:20:02,080
happened I try not to do it like you know but once in a while they you know they comes out and um

283
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:09,460
and then you know um today you know I can tell you that every day uh you know I know where I'm

284
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:16,340
going to sleep there was time that I'm you know I didn't know where I was gonna crash and um

285
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:17,460
have a mic

286
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:24,660
I have a house I have a car it's registered I have insurance I pay my bills and I try to be

287
00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:30,700
honorable you know that was not the thing many years ago I tried to you know to do I

288
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:39,050
what you know I I can offer to another alcoholic I'm working you know the um the 12 steps with

289
00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:47,470
two people right now the uh one time one guy told me that uh he has 10 days and um he was

290
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:52,640
Tell me yesterday that he hate all, everybody.

291
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,960
And I said, that's not a problem, man.

292
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,680
We all do that, you know.

293
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,480
I do too.

294
00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:01,840
I don't care.

295
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,500
So what you do is that you come to a meeting tomorrow.

296
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:09,460
But how can I going to deal with these guys, you know?

297
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:14,240
And I just told him, like, you know, if you don't feel good, just walk away.

298
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:18,380
And, you know, take some air and come back and shake hands, you know.

299
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,740
Go around and shake hands with everybody.

300
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:21,760
Introduce yourself.

301
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,600
And he just called me before the meeting.

302
00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:28,620
And he goes, wow, that thing works, you know.

303
00:21:29,260 --> 00:21:30,640
How can you do that?

304
00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:34,260
You know, I said, yeah, well, that was my experience, you know.

305
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:39,340
And, you know, I always going to be grateful.

306
00:21:39,940 --> 00:21:44,220
And, you know, last month I lost my young.

307
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,920
Younger brother from a heart attack, you know.

308
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:56,160
And a year ago I had to admit myself with a heart attack, double heart attack.

309
00:21:56,560 --> 00:22:03,380
Today I'm wearing a pacemaker because I don't have any veins on my heart.

310
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:11,580
So God has a plan for me, you know, that I need to be here.

311
00:22:12,580 --> 00:22:14,300
And I'm going to try to do.

312
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,140
My best.

313
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,900
And I spent a year hating everybody.

314
00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:20,820
Why me?

315
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,520
And my rabbi told me, why not you?

316
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,340
You know, you were the one that was smoking.

317
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,680
Nobody put anything on your mouth.

318
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,680
You were the one that, you know, did it.

319
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:36,660
And I came to the terms that, you know, everything that happened to me is my own problem.

320
00:22:36,820 --> 00:22:42,580
And what I have to do is, as long as I keep my life simple, everything else gets in place.

321
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:44,320
So, you know.

322
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:50,680
For the rest of my life, you know, I have to come to Alcoholics Anonymous.

323
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:52,020
I do H&I.

324
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,280
I speak, you know, in a lot of panels.

325
00:22:56,140 --> 00:23:00,880
And I asked to be the main speaker in a lot of places.

326
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:07,990
And it's always good that I can express myself about what happened to me.

327
00:23:08,090 --> 00:23:14,170
If anybody knew, you know, can get anything from my speech.

328
00:23:15,010 --> 00:23:18,310
I'm going to be grateful for the rest of my life.

329
00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:21,360
And thanks God that I'm still here.

330
00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:28,280
You know, there was a time that, you know, I didn't know what was going to happen next day.

331
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,640
But when I, you know, there was a guy in my group.

332
00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:38,870
They told me, like, you know, you get, you make five phone calls to an Alzheimer's and just check it.

333
00:23:38,990 --> 00:23:40,870
And they got me, you know, the solution.

334
00:23:41,530 --> 00:23:45,090
I always found, you know, that it's much easier to talk.

335
00:23:45,110 --> 00:23:49,610
To another alcoholic and not get in pain.

336
00:23:50,030 --> 00:23:51,130
Because we were easy.

337
00:23:51,750 --> 00:23:54,910
We get, you know, to the place, to the dark place.

338
00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:57,530
And it's not going to work.

339
00:23:57,670 --> 00:23:59,730
It's not, I'm not going to be capable.

340
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:03,830
And today is not the case with me.

341
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:06,310
And, you know, how much time do I have?

342
00:24:06,350 --> 00:24:06,970
Five minutes?

343
00:24:07,830 --> 00:24:07,990
Yeah.

344
00:24:08,110 --> 00:24:13,550
So, you know, for the newcomers, you know, I, you know, I'm working, you know, the steps.

345
00:24:13,550 --> 00:24:14,970
I work the first step.

346
00:24:15,110 --> 00:24:19,250
And I made it that I'm an alcoholic, that I cannot manage my own life.

347
00:24:19,530 --> 00:24:25,320
And then that I have to always think about, you know, my last run.

348
00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:34,220
And, you know, I came to believe that there is a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

349
00:24:34,460 --> 00:24:44,060
And then, you know, turn my life over the care of God, as I understood, is that's the three steps that, you know, that saved my life.

350
00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:44,940
Yeah.

351
00:24:44,940 --> 00:24:45,120
Yeah.

352
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:45,140
Yeah.

353
00:24:45,140 --> 00:24:45,280
Yeah.

354
00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:55,680
Like, you know, when I do a four step with my sponsees, it's just like, you know, and for me, that was the step to be honest with me and others.

355
00:24:56,360 --> 00:25:08,640
We're all going to think like, you know, I'm not going to share this with anybody because you think like, you know, you unique and we're not, you know, we all the same.

356
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:13,960
And then for that, it's just like, you know, what I have to do.

357
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:33,220
I have to practice that every day, you know, and in many places, you know, and they, I share my four step with my sponsor and, and I think I thought that, you know, that he was going to judge me.

358
00:25:33,620 --> 00:25:43,960
And that was the opposite that, you know, he never told me anything like, you know, he told me, just keep doing what you do it because he said, you know, it's working.

359
00:25:44,180 --> 00:26:03,200
And, uh, for that, I just, I'm going to be grateful to, to that guy, you know, and, um, and, you know, I, I, um, I have this, uh, all time in, in my group that his name is, it was, uh, Frank Jones, Frank Jones.

360
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:10,540
Uh, I always used to come to the meetings and check in with him and he always told me exactly what I needed to hear.

361
00:26:10,740 --> 00:26:12,760
I'm a selfist, self-centered.

362
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:14,280
And then I...

363
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:30,940
And I need to work with the newcomers and for that, I just, you know, I'm very grateful for that guy for, uh, for my life, for, uh, you know, to keep me sober, you know, as the, uh, for a guy like me, it's not easy to stay sober, you know?

364
00:26:30,940 --> 00:26:44,340
And, um, you know, this time that I got the operation, um, they asked me the, if I needed some morphine, you know, and I told them, no, I don't even need anesthesia, just go ahead, you know?

365
00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:47,610
And the doctor went like, are you crazy?

366
00:26:48,310 --> 00:26:50,310
Say, no, I'm an alcoholic.

367
00:26:50,750 --> 00:26:57,030
I'm an alcoholic and I cannot, you know, take anything that, you know, they're affecting from my neck up.

368
00:26:57,730 --> 00:26:59,210
And he goes, are you sure?

369
00:26:59,630 --> 00:27:03,430
You know, it's gonna, it's gonna make you feel good.

370
00:27:03,430 --> 00:27:16,650
And I said, yeah, probably, you know, but, you know, an alcoholic of my type, if I take a little bit of that, you know, today, I, you know, I'm taking a lot of medications, but I mean, I stay away from drugs and alcohol.

371
00:27:16,650 --> 00:27:19,850
They just like, you know, I, I have to be very careful.

372
00:27:20,730 --> 00:27:32,650
And, uh, you know, there's just, uh, uh, to maintain my, my, uh, my head clear is that I have to be coming to meetings, share with another alcoholic.

373
00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:39,970
And, uh, you know, be able to, uh, participate in Alcoholics Anonymous for the rest of my life.

374
00:27:40,530 --> 00:27:54,570
And, um, right now, I stay, you know, working, you know, um, the steps that, you know, they remind me all the time, you know, um, all the things that I need to do to maintain my sobriety.

375
00:27:55,110 --> 00:28:02,570
And, um, I have been struggling a lot with the, you know, to making amends with, uh, alcoholics.

376
00:28:02,650 --> 00:28:06,050
I don't know about you guys, but, um, I don't get along with my family.

377
00:28:06,210 --> 00:28:07,950
And that's a big issue, you know?

378
00:28:08,130 --> 00:28:16,770
And, uh, and I talked to my sponsor in class, he, and he goes like, you know, you have to surrender, you know, it's nothing you can do.

379
00:28:16,770 --> 00:28:20,390
And you have to make amends to all of them for your part.

380
00:28:20,730 --> 00:28:22,610
And, uh, I'm not working on it.

381
00:28:22,750 --> 00:28:30,480
And some days I'm telling you that I'm not feeling like, you know, phew, this is going to change me, you know?

382
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,660
And, um, but that will be good for me.

383
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:39,820
For my sanity and, uh, you know, it's just, you know, um, this is what this program has been teaching me.

384
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:46,940
Like, you know, be accountable and try to do what's best for others, not for me.

385
00:28:47,380 --> 00:28:49,460
Because I want everything for me.

386
00:28:49,620 --> 00:28:50,800
I'm a selfish guy.

387
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:57,780
And, um, try to be, um, you know, the best that I can be in every day in my life.

388
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,580
It's not easy some days.

389
00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:02,640
And, um...

390
00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:07,750
Like today is the, you know, um, I got here early.

391
00:29:08,860 --> 00:29:12,120
And that was before I didn't know how to get anywhere early.

392
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,320
And I've been responsible.

393
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,640
I will go to the courthouse and I'm there.

394
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:25,820
And, um, in thanks to this program, I'll be able to do that for a long time, you know, for 18 years.

395
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:33,380
And, uh, I believe that I'm going to be finished a little bit early because I, you know, I think I did enough.

396
00:29:33,540 --> 00:29:35,440
Thank you for letting me share.

397
00:29:35,660 --> 00:29:36,100
Thank you.