1
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My name's Ara, and I am an alcoholic. Alex, thank you for asking me to do this.

2
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When you called me and asked me, I'm like, why?

3
00:00:09,690 --> 00:00:14,020
And I actually spoke to David.

4
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Sobriety date is July 29, 2002, and I haven't found it necessary to take a drink or use any drugs.

5
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I smoked a little bit of PCP, a little bit of heroin, and a little bit of methamphetamine.

6
00:00:27,220 --> 00:00:32,020
And I didn't think alcohol was a problem because I never had a problem getting alcohol.

7
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So I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I caught alcoholism.

8
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I have a sponsor that I call three, four times a week.

9
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I talk to him. I'm current with him.

10
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And I call him, and I'm current with him.

11
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You know, a little bit of my background.

12
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I'm from Venezuela, Armenian, the only son, and the youngest one.

13
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So go figure.

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I want to thank Robin and Greg for your 10-minute pitch.

15
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Thank you for the language of the heart.

16
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And that's why I'm here.

17
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I'm here to share with you my experience, strength, and hope with you.

18
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And, you know, I'm not, I don't like doing this, like I said.

19
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I have, I struggle with it, but it's not about me.

20
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It's about carrying the message, and hopefully that I can do that in the next 45 minutes.

21
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Anyhow, so I'm from Venezuela, the youngest one.

22
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Upper-middle-class family.

23
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We moved to the U.S.

24
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My parents put me into a private Armenian school.

25
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I don't know the language.

26
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I don't know English.

27
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I don't know Armenian.

28
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I only know Spanish.

29
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So I'm getting picked on.

30
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I'm being, they're making fun of me.

31
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And, you know, and I became popular quickly because I started to become a little bad boy.

32
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I started doing things that other people weren't doing.

33
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And I became popular.

34
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Seventh grade, my dad left.

35
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My dad had a lot of money, and he left with all the money.

36
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And I hated my dad growing up because that money belongs to me.

37
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And he took all of it.

38
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So growing up, I hated my father.

39
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My mother was, you know, was working two jobs.

40
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My sisters were working.

41
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They were, you know, my uncles and my aunt and everybody was helping us out.

42
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Here I am being a spoiled kid.

43
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Everything is like, needs to be, they needed to make sure that we weren't spending money on things that weren't necessary.

44
00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:34,020
But my mom still took care of me.

45
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:39,020
And, you know, I mean, I'm thinking about, I mean, in ninth grade, tenth grade, Fila came out at the time.

46
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And the tennis shoes were like 180 bucks.

47
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And I wanted those tennis shoes.

48
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And my mom's like, we can't afford them.

49
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I want those.

50
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If you don't get those for me, I'm not going to, I'm going to give you a hard time.

51
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And that's what I did.

52
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Every time I didn't get something I wanted, I always gave her a hard time.

53
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So, you know.

54
00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:54,020
So I went from that private school job.

55
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I went from that private school to a public high school.

56
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I stayed there for two years.

57
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I went to Montebello High School for two years.

58
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And then my mom put me back into the private high school.

59
00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:12,060
And then it just, like, the disease, it continued where I left off when I left this school.

60
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I had the keys for all the classrooms.

61
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I was stealing the tests.

62
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I, you know, I was a really good soccer player.

63
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So what the principal did, my grades were really bad.

64
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Really bad.

65
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Really bad.

66
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And then I started doing all these things.

67
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So my, what happened was that my grades were bad.

68
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I started doing bad things.

69
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I started stealing the tests.

70
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They caught up on that.

71
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So I would be getting A's in some classes.

72
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I was getting bad grades in some other classes.

73
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And he called me in one day and he said, look, he says, we're going to be playing CIF.

74
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And he goes, your grades this semester did not, you didn't make it.

75
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He goes, but I want you, if I speak, you know, talk to your parents.

76
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I want you, if I speak, you know, talk to your teachers and they change your grade, would you be willing to do the work and do your part in it?

77
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And I said, sure, I'll do my part.

78
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And my part in that was play soccer.

79
00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:04,060
I mean, that's what I got.

80
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:07,060
He basically was telling me at least, you know, show up to class.

81
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Do your, you know, do some homework.

82
00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:12,060
And, you know, and that's what it was.

83
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:14,060
And I didn't know that I was going to graduate.

84
00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:17,060
And when I graduated, I was relieved.

85
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:19,060
All the three signatures were there.

86
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:25,060
The principal, the person that was in charge of the church, and some other guy that had to sign the diploma.

87
00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:27,060
And that was it.

88
00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:34,060
You know, being the only son, my mom did a pretty good job spoiling me.

89
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:36,060
And you know what?

90
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:38,060
I was a bad kid.

91
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:47,060
And growing up, I did worse things where, you know, here I am getting loaded, getting arrested, not being able to maintain a job.

92
00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:52,060
You know, registering for school, having, you know, three, four classes.

93
00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:56,060
And then by the third week, I was only, I only had one class.

94
00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:59,060
And by the fourth week, I dropped out.

95
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,060
So that was my thing.

96
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:02,060
I started something and I could never finish it.

97
00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:03,060
I would get a job.

98
00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:06,060
And in three months, I wanted to make a lot of money.

99
00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:08,060
And I would go ask for a raise.

100
00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:11,060
And, you know, they would tell me, you're showing up late every day.

101
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,060
Why would we give you a raise?

102
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:15,060
Yeah, but I'm staying late and I'm working hard.

103
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And there's no one like me.

104
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:19,060
And, you know, and that was it.

105
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:24,060
Every six months, I was changing jobs and trying to figure out why I wasn't getting ahead.

106
00:05:24,060 --> 00:05:30,060
And, you know, I started calling bingo numbers at the Armenian Center four nights a week.

107
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And I was getting loaded.

108
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I was getting loaded every time I was there.

109
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I was getting loaded.

110
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I was drinking a lot of cognac.

111
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And drinking was okay with these guys that belonged to the Center.

112
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And, you know, but I was doing other stuff.

113
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:45,060
So, back then.

114
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:49,060
Back then, they would let you smoke in the halls.

115
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So, I'm up there tweaked out of my mind.

116
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And I'm calling bingo numbers.

117
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With a cigarette in one hand and drinking the Armenian coffee with the other hand.

118
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And then, you know, once I was done, I would go down, take a couple of shots, and then go back up.

119
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And that was my routine every day.

120
00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:10,060
You know, I got arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance.

121
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And, you know, my mom didn't know what was really going on with me.

122
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She just thought that, you know.

123
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:16,060
Something's going on with my son.

124
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But I don't know exactly what it is.

125
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:22,060
And, you know, my only fear was back then was that if my mom finds out.

126
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Because I didn't care about anybody else.

127
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It was just my mom.

128
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If my mom finds out that her son's a loser and an alcoholic and all the other stuff, then my life's over.

129
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:39,060
So, I would call my mom on a daily basis and check in with her when I wasn't going to show up.

130
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:42,060
And just let her know I'm at Danielle's house or I'm at my girlfriend's house.

131
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:43,060
Or I'm, you know, with whomever.

132
00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:48,060
But I would check in with her just to hear her voice.

133
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That was my thing.

134
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It was just to hear her voice.

135
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:55,060
And, you know, and I get arrested this one night.

136
00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:57,060
I'm trying to go get some stuff.

137
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And they raided the place.

138
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They raided the place.

139
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:03,060
And I got arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance.

140
00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:07,060
So, I spent the night at the Pico Rivera Sheriff's Station.

141
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You know, they let us out in the morning with a ticket.

142
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And, you know, the people that I got arrested with, they take me to the house.

143
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I get in my car.

144
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:17,060
As soon as I get home, the garage door opens.

145
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I run out of gas.

146
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:21,060
And I didn't care because I had what I needed with me.

147
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And, you know, my mom was waiting.

148
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I didn't call her.

149
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,060
And she was waiting for me.

150
00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:28,060
And she said, where were you last night?

151
00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:29,060
And I told her I got arrested.

152
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:31,060
And she didn't believe me.

153
00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:33,060
I'm like, oh, well, whatever, you know.

154
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:42,060
So, here I am, you know, filling up my backpack with my tools and my clothes and taking off again.

155
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:45,060
And this is like three, four weeks passed by.

156
00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:49,060
And one of these days that I call her, she says, hey, your brother-in-law wants to talk to you.

157
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And so, I call my brother-in-law.

158
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And he goes, hey, Ara, I asked you to call me because we have a problem here.

159
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And I'm like, what seems to be the problem?

160
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:04,060
He goes, well, he goes, I have a letter here that states that you've been arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance.

161
00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:08,060
So, the first thing that I'm thinking is that this guy opened up my mail without my permission.

162
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That's against the law.

163
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And, you know, and I didn't say anything to him.

164
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That's what went through my mind.

165
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And I said, that's a mistake.

166
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And he goes, no, dude.

167
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He goes, there's no mistake.

168
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,060
My brother-in-law is a public defender for the LA County.

169
00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:21,060
So, he checked out everything.

170
00:08:21,060 --> 00:08:26,060
So, he goes, unless there's someone with your license number and your birth date, he goes, there's no mistake.

171
00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:32,060
He goes, look, he goes, I didn't ask you to call me so I can tell you that you're in trouble.

172
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I asked you to call me so we can help you.

173
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And when he said help, I saw dollar signs.

174
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:40,060
And I said, sure, I need to register for this.

175
00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:44,060
Alcohol diversion class and it's going to cost this much.

176
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And I need a money order for this much.

177
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:50,060
And then it's going to be $45 or $35 a class.

178
00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:53,060
I don't remember exactly what the number was, but it was around there.

179
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:56,060
And they were giving me, I registered for this class.

180
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They were giving me money orders to attend these classes.

181
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:03,060
And I was using that money to go get the other stuff.

182
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:06,060
And again, I didn't have any problems getting alcohol.

183
00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:08,060
I did have alcohol at home.

184
00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:11,060
We had cases and cases of cognac.

185
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:16,060
My uncles imported alcohol from Armenia and Europe, so there was no problem getting that.

186
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:22,060
You know, there would be times where I'd wake up in the, my mom would wake me up in the morning and there's bottles there.

187
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And she goes, what is this?

188
00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:25,060
And I look at her, what does it look like?

189
00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:26,060
They're bottles.

190
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,060
It's alcohol.

191
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,060
She goes, you're drinking our expensive cognac.

192
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:32,060
If I'm not going to drink it, who's going to drink it, you know?

193
00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:36,060
So she hid those, she hid those cases from me.

194
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,060
She put it in her closet.

195
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:39,060
She put a lock on her door.

196
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:40,060
I knew how to get in.

197
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:42,060
I knew, I found out where it was.

198
00:09:42,060 --> 00:09:43,060
I started taking it from there.

199
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,060
She noticed that I was taking the alcohol from there.

200
00:09:45,060 --> 00:09:50,060
This woman was driving around in her car with her, in her trunk with the cases of alcohol.

201
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:52,060
So I am an alcoholic.

202
00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:54,060
I am an alcoholic.

203
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,060
Alcohol makes things better.

204
00:09:56,060 --> 00:10:05,060
So, you know, so I, it's time for me to go to these, to go to court and, you know, to give the judge a progress report.

205
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,060
And, and I said, I have to come clean.

206
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:10,060
I have to come clean with my sister.

207
00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:12,060
I have to come clean with my, with my brother-in-law.

208
00:10:12,060 --> 00:10:19,060
And, and I called my sister and I said, look, I said, the last three months I've been, I said, the money you've been giving me, I've been using it for other stuff.

209
00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:26,060
And my sister, she said, you know, that money that we're giving you, that's the money you're taking away from our kids.

210
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:29,060
We could be buying our kids stuff that they need.

211
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:33,060
She said, that being said, she says, don't, she says, don't, don't, don't call us.

212
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:34,060
Then we don't, we, we're not going to help you with anything.

213
00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:36,060
We're not going to help you with anything anymore.

214
00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:42,060
So that being said, I didn't stop, but I went to court and I, and, you know, I went to court and, you know, and I like to pick.

215
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:43,060
So I was a picker.

216
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,060
I like to pick my face.

217
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,060
I like to, I like to cut.

218
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:47,060
I have tattoos.

219
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,060
I, I didn't like my tattoos.

220
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:50,060
So I was cutting my tattoos off.

221
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,060
They came back.

222
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:57,060
And, and, you know, and I went to court with, with all these scabs on my face.

223
00:10:57,060 --> 00:11:00,060
And, and I told the judge, I can't do this by myself.

224
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,060
So she, she said, okay.

225
00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:03,060
She says, what do you want to do?

226
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:04,060
And I said, I need help.

227
00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:10,060
I need to go to a program where I'm under 24 hour, you know, supervision.

228
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,060
Cause I can't do this by myself.

229
00:11:12,060 --> 00:11:13,060
So she said, okay.

230
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,060
She gave me a month.

231
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,060
I partied like a rock star for a month.

232
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:19,060
I went to the Salvation Army in Carpinteria.

233
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,060
That's where I met all of you.

234
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:24,120
And I went, this isn't for me.

235
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,120
No, I'll stay here for six months.

236
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,120
Do it.

237
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,120
And then I'm back at it.

238
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,120
I would take a 24 hour pass.

239
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,120
I would get drunk because alcohol wasn't the problem.

240
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,120
When you go back, it doesn't.

241
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,120
I mean, I wouldn't recommend this, but this is what I did.

242
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,120
I would get drunk.

243
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,120
I would go back 24 hours later.

244
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,120
It doesn't show.

245
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,120
It didn't show in the system.

246
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,120
So I was doing that.

247
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,120
I thought my problem was the other stuff.

248
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,120
You know, so I was there for four months.

249
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,120
They told me to get a sponsor.

250
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,120
They told me to work these steps.

251
00:11:52,120 --> 00:12:01,120
They, they, they wanted me to call my sponsor and read this book and work these steps and find a higher power of your own understanding.

252
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:05,120
And I looked at them and I'm like, what are they talking about?

253
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,120
There's no way I'm going to tell that man my deepest, darkest secret.

254
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,120
It's none of his business, you know?

255
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,120
And I didn't.

256
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,120
I worked the steps by myself.

257
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,120
And one day I had that imaginary sponsor.

258
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,120
I gave him a name.

259
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,120
They called that sponsor.

260
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,120
You know, they called me and they said, we called your sponsor.

261
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,120
You haven't been working the steps.

262
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,120
You're going to stay here for another month and you're going to be on restriction.

263
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,120
So I said, you know what?

264
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,120
I'm done.

265
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,120
I don't need you guys anymore.

266
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,120
Give me my two.

267
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,120
They gave me two bags, trash bags of clothes.

268
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,120
I wanted that.

269
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,120
I said, give me my clothes.

270
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,120
I'm out of here.

271
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,120
So I left.

272
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,120
I called my brother-in-law and I said, come and pick me up.

273
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,120
These guys, they want me to do this and this and this.

274
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,120
So he came and picked me up and it took two weeks.

275
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,120
I started smoking PCP with the alcohol.

276
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:54,120
I had a girlfriend at the time that she was my, you know, she was partying with me and she wouldn't let me do anything.

277
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,120
I thought that was pretty selfish.

278
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,120
So it took two years.

279
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,120
Two years I became homeless.

280
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,120
Two years I, you know, I started losing my teeth.

281
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:07,120
In two years, my sisters, both of them said, we don't want our kids to know that they have an uncle like you.

282
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,120
You're a loser.

283
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,120
And they called me some other stuff too.

284
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,120
And I'm not going to, I'm not going to say it.

285
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,120
I'm cleaning the language.

286
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,120
My mom told me, I wish you were never born.

287
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,120
She says, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish you were never born.

288
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,120
And again, I didn't stop.

289
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,120
I didn't stop.

290
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,120
I continued doing it.

291
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:29,120
And, you know, I finally, I finally, finally had a moment of hope.

292
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:36,120
Had a moment of clearance in, in the back of my car in front of someone's house that my car wasn't running anymore.

293
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:40,120
And here I have my 99 cent cologne deodorant.

294
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:48,120
I had it going on by the way, you know, and, and this man would come in and knock, knock on the door on my, on my window and say, dude, you're scaring my family.

295
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,120
You gotta go.

296
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,120
You gotta go, man.

297
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,120
I'm like, well, I, I can't, my car doesn't start.

298
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,120
You know, and, and I called my mom the next day.

299
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,120
I called my mom the next day and I said, come and pick me up.

300
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,120
I'm done.

301
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,120
Um, so she came and picked me up.

302
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,120
No, actually she came and picked me up.

303
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:07,120
I went to my ex-girlfriend's house and, uh, I gave her, she gave her money.

304
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,120
She said, let him stay here for one night.

305
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,120
Um, so her and her friends went out to party.

306
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,120
I stayed there before they left.

307
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,120
She, uh, they gave me a Corona and a line.

308
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,120
I did that Corona.

309
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,120
I smoked.

310
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:26,120
I mean, I, I, I did that line and I, and I, and I drank the Corona and I went to sleep and I called my mom in the morning and I told her, come and pick me up.

311
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,120
I'm done.

312
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:35,120
So living in Chatsworth with my mom's, with my sister, um, we lost the house and she, from Chatsworth, she drove all the way down to Rosemead, picked me up.

313
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,120
I called my sister.

314
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,120
Um, I actually called my brother-in-law and I said, look, I said, I'm done.

315
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,120
I'll do whatever it is that you want me to do.

316
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:47,120
And he goes, look, dude, he goes, your, your sister doesn't, not only doesn't want you here, she doesn't want you in this neighborhood.

317
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,120
So if you're going to pull one of your tricks, it's, it's not going to happen.

318
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,120
I said, no, no, I'm ready.

319
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,120
Um, so I, uh, I went over there.

320
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,120
He talked to me for a couple of minutes.

321
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:57,120
Um, so I'm not from the Valley.

322
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:01,120
I didn't know what Sepulveda Boulevard is or was.

323
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,120
Um, so he put me in a hotel and motel on Sepulveda Boulevard.

324
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,120
Thank God I didn't know what Sepulveda was.

325
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:17,120
I went downstairs and I, and I called my ex-girlfriend and I told her that, um, I said, I am, uh, I'm going into the Salvation Army tomorrow morning and I'm going to get sober.

326
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,120
And she had this awful laugh.

327
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,120
And she said, you're the devil.

328
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,120
She says, you're not going to get sober.

329
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,120
And that's my first resentment.

330
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,120
Um.

331
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:32,120
So July 29, 2002, I walked into the Salvation Army over here in Canoga Park, weighed 143 pounds, a vision for you.

332
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:38,120
Um, I hadn't shaved for God knows how many months I shaved and I had scabs all over my face.

333
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:43,120
Um, you know, um, I, um, I was in that program for seven and a half months.

334
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:48,120
The only thing that I did right that seven and a half months, I, I didn't drink and I didn't use.

335
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,120
Um, I sold from the Salvation Army.

336
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,120
Why?

337
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,120
Because they owed me.

338
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,120
Um, you know, and, and, um.

339
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:58,120
And, um, and, and, you know, and, and I did, and I, and I still had that stinking thinking.

340
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,120
And that stinking thinking, I reacted to it.

341
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,120
Um, so they told me that I needed to get a sponsor.

342
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,120
They told me that I needed to work the steps.

343
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,120
They told me that I needed to get a higher power of my understanding.

344
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,120
Um, and this time I did it.

345
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,120
This time I did it.

346
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:16,120
Um, I was kind of, I was kind of like doing it, but not doing it.

347
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,120
And Alan remembers.

348
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,120
Um, you know, I would go to a meeting every three, four weeks and, and say, hey, check it out.

349
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,120
I'm not really doing anything.

350
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,120
But I'm still sober.

351
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,120
Uh, you guys are fools.

352
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,120
Um, but I wanted what you guys had.

353
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,120
And in order for me to get what you guys had, I needed to do what you guys were doing.

354
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,120
Um, so I got into service.

355
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,120
I started going to meetings an hour early.

356
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,120
I started hanging out with my sponsor.

357
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,120
I started calling him at the time he wanted me to call him, not 10 minutes later so I

358
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,120
can leave him a voicemail.

359
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,120
Um, I started working the steps.

360
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,120
I started working the steps.

361
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,120
And, uh, you know, and, and, uh, here I am doing all these things and, and, you know,

362
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:48,120
and, and like life's getting busy and, and I have this big smile on my face and I'm glowing

363
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:53,120
and I don't know what's going on.

364
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,120
I'm just following the guys.

365
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,120
I'm following the guys.

366
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,120
I'm doing what they're asking me to do.

367
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,120
No questions asked.

368
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,120
I'm just doing it.

369
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,120
I'm just doing it.

370
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,120
I'm doing it.

371
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,120
I'm just doing it.

372
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,120
I'm just doing it.

373
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,120
I'm just doing it.

374
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:13,500
I'm just doing it. I'll figure it out later. I was railroaded into becoming a GSR and, you know,

375
00:17:13,580 --> 00:17:16,740
I had about a year and a half at this time and I'm calling my sponsor. I'm like, I don't want

376
00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:20,360
to do this commitment. I really don't. It's two years. I don't know if I want to stay sober that

377
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:25,400
long. And every day I would call him and I would talk to him about this. I was like spinning on it.

378
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:30,800
And he goes, Ara, he goes, if you don't want to do it, all you need to let, you just need to let

379
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,880
the guys know that you don't want to do it. And I said, okay, I think I can do that. He goes,

380
00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:39,960
give it a month, give it a couple of months, and then you can tell them. That's if your ego lets

381
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:44,840
you. I'm like, what is that supposed to mean? He goes, you'll figure it out. It was the best

382
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:49,700
commitment I've ever had at the GSR. You know, so I went to PRASA, you know, Pacific Region

383
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:54,380
Alcoholics Anonymous Service Assembly. I went twice and I had a blast and I had a blast and

384
00:17:54,380 --> 00:17:58,940
I understood how the wheel of Alcoholics Anonymous turns. You know, the wheel keeps on turning.

385
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:00,760
Long meetings.

386
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,920
I enjoyed it. I didn't have anything else to do but to go to meetings. And there was a time where

387
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:10,560
my sponsor was telling me, he goes, this is very rare of me. He says, I don't say this to anybody.

388
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:15,140
He goes, but he goes, you're doing a lot. You're doing a lot more than what I've seen other people

389
00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:19,300
do. He goes, I don't want you to get burned out. I don't want you to get burned out. And I told him,

390
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:24,180
I said, Eric, and I said, I don't have anything else going on with me. And I said, I have a lot

391
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:27,720
of friends in AA. I'm having a lot of fun. He goes, okay.

392
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:35,000
Um, so, you know, I, I, um, you know, I'm working these steps with, with my sponsor and, and

393
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:42,200
and, you know, life's getting good. It's getting busy. Um, you know, I, I, I completed that program

394
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:52,350
weighing 224 pounds, happy, joyous, and chunky. Um, you know, I, I quit smoking and, um, and I

395
00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:57,790
had to do, I had to make those amends. And on top of that list, it was me on top of that list was my

396
00:18:57,790 --> 00:19:05,630
mom, my dad, my sisters, my uncles, my ex-girlfriends. So when it came time to do my

397
00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:11,730
dad, I didn't really want to do it. And we kind of, not kind of, we went back and forth a little

398
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:16,690
bit and he's done with me. He was done. He goes, look, dude, he goes, when you asked me to sponsor

399
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:20,250
you, I asked you if you're willing to go to any length for your sobriety. And he goes, and this

400
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:25,110
is one of the things that you need to do. And I said, oh, he goes to you. He hung up the phone

401
00:19:25,110 --> 00:19:30,310
on me. He says he didn't, but I know that he hung up the phone on me. So he goes, you call me

402
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:34,270
when you're ready. And boom. So I'm renting a room in Reseda. I spin around the room for about

403
00:19:34,270 --> 00:19:38,630
five minutes and I call him back and I'm like, okay, what do you want me to do? How do you want

404
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:42,710
me to do this? And by this time, he goes, you have a pen and paper? And I said, yes. Wrote down

405
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:47,090
everything he wanted, you know, he asked me to do. So I called my dad. I haven't seen my dad or

406
00:19:47,090 --> 00:19:53,870
spoken to my dad for years, for years. And again, I want this man to die. I want his money. It's my

407
00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:55,090
money. That's my money.

408
00:19:55,270 --> 00:19:59,970
And that's why I didn't want to make that amends because it's my money, you know? So I call him

409
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:08,070
and I call him and, hi dad, this is Ara and hi. And, you know, I'm sober now. I'm working at the

410
00:20:08,070 --> 00:20:12,890
Salvation Army. I'm making minimum wage. I'm trying to, again, I'm trying to whizzle my way

411
00:20:12,890 --> 00:20:19,110
out of this. And I'm making minimum wage. And, you know, if I owe you any money, I can pay you

412
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:24,850
$50 a month. And, you know, I, I went on a trip to Venezuela in three weeks. I,

413
00:20:25,110 --> 00:20:29,770
I spent like 10, $15,000. I don't know. I was trying to catch up on that money that he owed me.

414
00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:35,570
So that was one of the things that came up when I was writing, you know, the amends. And he goes,

415
00:20:35,630 --> 00:20:39,490
oh, you're working. Yes. Oh, you're, you're, you're happy, right? And I'm like, yeah. And he hung up

416
00:20:39,490 --> 00:20:44,290
the phone. I'm like, oh my God. So I called my sponsor and I said, I did exactly what you asked

417
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:48,510
me to do. And I said, he didn't say come over here. Everything's yours. And, you know, my sponsor

418
00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:53,350
laughed and he goes, all right. He goes, we never spoke about that. What we spoke about was you

419
00:20:53,350 --> 00:20:54,870
clearing your side of the street.

420
00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:59,170
That's what we're doing here. Not him telling you come over here. Everything's yours.

421
00:21:00,190 --> 00:21:05,110
So he goes, just consider yourself lucky that he didn't ask you to pay that money back. You know,

422
00:21:05,110 --> 00:21:10,850
and I, and I, and I, I was pissed. I was upset. I caught another resentment and I said the hell

423
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:14,830
with him. He goes, pray for him. I said, there's no way I'm going to pray for him. He goes, well,

424
00:21:14,850 --> 00:21:19,550
let me know how that goes. The pain became really bad that I started praying for him,

425
00:21:19,730 --> 00:21:24,950
for me to, not for him, for me to let go of that resentment. And it went away three,

426
00:21:25,110 --> 00:21:30,770
months later, my sister calls in and says, look, dad's, dad's having some issues. We're married.

427
00:21:30,870 --> 00:21:35,130
You're not married. You have time. Go check it out. See what's going on with him. And, and I said,

428
00:21:35,130 --> 00:21:39,850
before I make it that decision, I need to talk to my sponsor. So here I am calling my sponsors

429
00:21:39,850 --> 00:21:43,090
thinking that he's going to say, you've made your amends. You've cleared your side of the street.

430
00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:46,890
You don't need to do anything. I tell him what's going on. He goes, you call him, get his address

431
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:50,870
and go over there. And I said, there's no way I'm doing that. There's no way. Hung up the phone

432
00:21:50,870 --> 00:21:55,090
again, spun around the room for five minutes, called them back, had a pen and paper ready.

433
00:21:55,110 --> 00:21:58,970
Step-by-step, get his address, go over there, got his address, went over there,

434
00:21:59,450 --> 00:22:03,830
knock on the door. And here's this cute little old man that I fell in love with.

435
00:22:04,150 --> 00:22:09,810
And all those years I've hated him. He lived in Pacoima in a single apartment, did not have

436
00:22:09,810 --> 00:22:14,930
money. He had Alzheimer's. He didn't even remember that, that, that I called him that day.

437
00:22:15,170 --> 00:22:19,950
He hadn't taken a shower in months. He didn't have any food in the refrigerator. The person

438
00:22:19,950 --> 00:22:23,430
that was taking care of him, stole everything that he had and was stealing everything that,

439
00:22:23,430 --> 00:22:25,070
you know, whatever money he was getting.

440
00:22:25,150 --> 00:22:29,590
From the government was taking that from him. She was just paying the rent and the electricity.

441
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:35,730
So the last eight months of my father's life, I was able to make a real amends and I saw him

442
00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:40,470
take his last breath. And it wasn't, if it wasn't for me taking sponsor direction, I wouldn't have

443
00:22:40,470 --> 00:22:45,390
been able to do that. So now when my sponsor asks me to do something, I give him a hard time,

444
00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:49,990
but I do it. No, I don't give him a hard time. I just like to, I just like to argue a little bit,

445
00:22:49,990 --> 00:22:54,690
but I do it because I know that, I know that the reason that I got a sponsor is to take direction.

446
00:22:54,690 --> 00:22:58,590
The reason that I have friends in Alcoholics Anonymous is, is because I need to bounce these

447
00:22:58,590 --> 00:23:04,610
things off my friends. You know, that's, that's one amends I made that, you know, and, and, and when

448
00:23:04,610 --> 00:23:09,550
my father passed away, I thought that no one was going to be there. Here's my AA family and their

449
00:23:09,550 --> 00:23:15,730
wives, the Al-Anons, they're, they're, they were there. And I was blown away by the support. And

450
00:23:15,730 --> 00:23:20,490
that just took me to a different level in my program where I said, this is my family. This

451
00:23:20,490 --> 00:23:24,670
is where I belong. This is what I need to do for the rest of my life. One day at a time.

452
00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:29,810
Sometimes one second at a time. And, you know, and I do have that higher power of my own

453
00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:36,270
understanding, which I choose to call God. And, and, you know, and, and my wife and I, we, we pray,

454
00:23:36,270 --> 00:23:40,930
we pray, we hit our knees every morning and, you know, she says her prayer. I say my, my prayer.

455
00:23:40,930 --> 00:23:46,330
And every night I hit my knees and I thank God for giving me another day sober. The only thing

456
00:23:46,330 --> 00:23:51,010
that I wanted to do in my life is to stop drinking. That's what I wanted to do. And I got a lot more,

457
00:23:51,010 --> 00:23:52,630
a lot more. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut. I got my teeth cut.

458
00:23:52,630 --> 00:24:00,140
Um, I got my teeth back. Um, you know, I, I, I'm making a living amends to my mom,

459
00:24:00,220 --> 00:24:05,160
to my sisters. You know, they, they, uh, you know, my grandmother passed away. There's,

460
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,080
we're, we're 12 cousins from my mom's side and, you know, and who do they call? They call,

461
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:12,980
they call the alcoholic. They call me until, you know, the coroner comes and picks up, you know,

462
00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:17,700
I went, I went over there and sat down with my aunt, my, and my mom. I'm like, what's going on

463
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:22,160
over here? How come, you know, how come I'm here? Um, you know, the other day, my sister, my, my

464
00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:26,300
something, she says, you know, she says, if my parents die, if something happens to them,

465
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:32,800
she says, you're going to be in charge of all, all the stuff that we own. And I went, ha, you know,

466
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:39,000
and, and, um, that, that, that only happens here in AA. Um, I've, uh, you know, I went to Canada,

467
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:44,620
my wife and I went to Canada, she's in Al-Anon and we were invited to go speak over there.

468
00:24:44,660 --> 00:24:51,460
And I haven't left the country since I've gotten sober. And, um, and man, I'm, I'm excited. I'm

469
00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:52,560
going to go speak, you know, blah, blah, blah in Canada.

470
00:24:52,660 --> 00:24:56,340
How cool is that? They wouldn't let me in the country. You know, they wouldn't let me in the

471
00:24:56,340 --> 00:25:00,360
country. They said, ma'am, you can go, but he needs to stay. And I'm like, I started shaking.

472
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:03,880
I'm like, what, what's, what's going on? You know, the officer asked me, have you been arrested

473
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,020
once? And I said, yes. And she's looking at my record. She says, you've been arrested more than

474
00:25:07,020 --> 00:25:12,820
once. And I said, you asked me once. I told you, yes. Um, so she started reading out the things

475
00:25:12,820 --> 00:25:18,020
that I got arrested for. And, and, uh, I said, look, and I said, we were invited here from

476
00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:22,640
your AA group here in Canada. Um, and luckily we had something,

477
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:27,420
on our phone, which had my name on it. You know, she went, came back. She said, sit there for two

478
00:25:27,420 --> 00:25:33,240
hours. We'll, we'll, we'll let you in, but you have 72 hours. Um, the reason I'm sharing this

479
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,840
with you is because I thought that everything was taken care of. I came back and, you know,

480
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:43,280
I have, I have family that, that are lawyers and judges and stuff. And, you know, back in the day

481
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,600
before I got sober, if I would have asked them to do something for me, they wouldn't have done it

482
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:52,080
because I'm not working. Um, uh, I, I wasn't being a productive member of society. You know,

483
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:56,640
when I came back and they found out that this had happened, Marbella and La pulled me aside and said,

484
00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:00,840
we're going to help you clear up all that stuff. And, uh, and they did that. And, and I usually

485
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,940
don't share about this because I don't want people coming up to me after and saying, Hey,

486
00:26:04,940 --> 00:26:12,100
can you do this? I'm not going to do it. No. Um, you know, there was, you know, I, uh,

487
00:26:12,100 --> 00:26:17,640
that day that I went to go see my dad, um, it was, it was, uh, it was humbling because

488
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:22,600
he opens the door and he's looking at me and, and, uh, and I go, hi. And he, I knew some

489
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:27,800
thing wasn't right. And he's looking at me and, and, and I go, um, I go, I'm your son, Ara.

490
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,280
And he takes his glasses off and he looks at me and he goes, my, my son has hair. You don't have

491
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:39,540
hair. Um, so, um, you know, I made another amends to a close friend of mine and he doesn't want

492
00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:43,940
anything to do with me, nothing. Um, but I'm glad that he gave me after like the third,

493
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:50,180
third approach, like years later, he gave me that one minute. I said, just give me one minute. And,

494
00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:52,560
uh, and I made that amends. And I said, look, I said,

495
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,420
I know it's not gonna, it's not gonna change anything, but I want you to know that I'm sorry

496
00:26:56,420 --> 00:27:01,720
for all my actions. And he told me, he goes, you were like my brother and you disappeared. And I

497
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:06,600
said, I know, I'm sorry. And I walked away and I walked away and I was like, wow, I didn't know

498
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:11,900
that I could hurt people that bad. Um, you know, my, my, uh, my life is full now. I'm married. I

499
00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:17,960
have a beautiful wife. While you were doing the readings, she said her primary problem is me. Um,

500
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,580
we have a, we have, we have a, we have a good life.

501
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:27,800
I believe it's normal because I mean, I tell her that. And she says, what do you mean normal?

502
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:33,160
And, and all the relationships that I've been before getting sober, I was getting arrested.

503
00:27:33,620 --> 00:27:38,860
Um, there was furniture flying around. Um, you know, and, and, and I'm ashamed to share this

504
00:27:38,860 --> 00:27:44,940
with you, but I, I, I like to choke, you know, I, I'd like to, I like to, I like to put knives to,

505
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:50,320
I, I like to put knives to people's throats and, and, and do all that stuff. You know,

506
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,480
it's like, you pissed me off and, and I'm going to,

507
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:58,200
I'm going to do this. Um, and, and, you know, and, and, and I'm not that guy anymore. And,

508
00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:01,380
and, you know, she looks at me, she says, you're like one of the sweetest guys I've met. And I

509
00:28:01,380 --> 00:28:06,360
said, yeah. And I said, I'm making my amends to all the women I hurt through you. And, and that's

510
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:11,700
the honest truth. Um, you know, we, we, we have a really good relationship and, and, you know,

511
00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:18,400
she accepts me for who I am. Um, I don't have to, I don't have to show some kind of front or

512
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,380
something and pretend that I'm someone else, even with you guys. Um,

513
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:28,900
this is who I am. I'm a little bit crazy. Um, I realize it, it doesn't make it okay. If I,

514
00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:35,340
if I do crazy stuff, um, you know, my sponsor says we're all here because we're not all there.

515
00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:42,860
Um, and, um, you know, Bruce, Bruce and Eldad are good friends of mine. Bruce is one of those guys

516
00:28:42,860 --> 00:28:48,700
that, that, that, you know, and, and I, and I say this with love, not with, with, with thing. He's

517
00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:52,680
like a, he's like a fly on, he won't let, he won't leave you alone. Just like someone,

518
00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:56,960
someone came up to you and said, you know, yelled out, you need a sponsor. This guy came

519
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,820
after me. He's like, what are you doing after? What are you doing tomorrow? What are you going

520
00:28:59,820 --> 00:29:04,660
to do? You know? So I call him every day. He calls me, we talk to each other every day. I give him a

521
00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:09,660
hard time. And, and, um, you know, I have friends like that where I can call in and, and come clean

522
00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:15,000
with if my sponsor's not around, I can call people and I can talk to them and I can become current

523
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:21,560
with them because if I keep those thoughts in my head and I have some really crazy thoughts,

524
00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:29,780
I will go crazier. You know, um, I've this past year, I've been, you know, I opened up my own

525
00:29:29,780 --> 00:29:36,280
business. I, I, I left my career and I, and I started to do something on my own with, with a

526
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:41,740
business partner. And this is territories where I haven't touched. And, uh, you know, I thought that

527
00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:45,480
if you want to know what your character defects are, get into a relationship. If you want to know

528
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:49,700
what your character defects are, have a partner in business and all these things are sneaking up.

529
00:29:49,700 --> 00:29:52,680
No, these things are sneaking up and, and, and, uh, you know,

530
00:29:52,700 --> 00:29:57,680
and, and, and sometimes I act on them and sometimes I don't, um, you know, and, and I talk

531
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:02,580
everything, I, everything, everything that, that I do, I, I, I talk to my sponsor about,

532
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:09,620
and, uh, you know, and, and, and I'm blessed that, that we are blessed that we have a program that

533
00:30:09,620 --> 00:30:15,860
where we can go talk to people and, and, and bounce things off. Um, you know, um, and I,

534
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:20,360
and I've been struggling with it and, you know, and, and, uh, I always tell Jodi and I said,

535
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,760
you know, when something's going on with her and I said, where's God?

536
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,600
And all this, and, and she threw that back at me. She goes, where's God in all this?

537
00:30:26,900 --> 00:30:31,840
And thank you. Um, you know, where's God in fear, fear, insecure. I'm being insecure. I'm thinking

538
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:35,660
that I'm, I mean, I don't want to share with you what, what's going through my head, but, but, you

539
00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:41,120
know, you know, my business partner is family and, and he goes, it's, it's okay, dude. We're okay.

540
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:46,280
It's not, it's not, we're, we're good. Don't worry about it. Um, and, uh, you know, I was reminded

541
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:51,300
that both of us got into the business to have a successful business, not to, not to screw each

542
00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:56,360
other up. Um, you know, and, and, um, you know, I go to, I go to three meetings, three to four

543
00:30:56,360 --> 00:31:02,700
meetings regularly. Um, I go to two men's stag meetings. Uh, my Thursday night meeting is,

544
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:08,980
has been my home group for the last 17 years. Um, that's unity service and recovery. Uh, Friday

545
00:31:08,980 --> 00:31:15,080
night, I go to a men's stag in Woodland Hills. It started by the guys from the Pacific group.

546
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,980
Monday night, I go to another meeting. That's an offshoot from the Pacific group, uh, Encino Hills

547
00:31:19,980 --> 00:31:21,200
speaker meeting.

548
00:31:21,300 --> 00:31:25,980
And sometimes on Wednesdays, when I have the opportunity, I go over the hill and I go to that

549
00:31:25,980 --> 00:31:31,760
meeting. Um, I love meetings that have structure. This is Alcoholics Anonymous. It's not anything

550
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:37,100
else. It's Alcoholics Anonymous. Um, I want to welcome all the newcomers. Um, you know,

551
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,580
if you didn't hear anything that I had to say today, this is the only thing that's important.

552
00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:46,340
Don't drink no matter what. Don't drink no matter what. Um, you know, there's this guy that a friend

553
00:31:46,340 --> 00:31:51,200
of ours that Bruce is sponsoring. He went out, he calls me, he goes, Hey dude,

554
00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:55,100
can you save me a seat? So I text them back and I said, I'm not saving you a seat. You need to get

555
00:31:55,100 --> 00:32:00,080
a commitment. I said, come and save your own seat. Um, and, uh, I called him today and he went out.

556
00:32:00,180 --> 00:32:04,900
He goes, I went out last night. I said, okay, I guess, uh, your desire to drink is a lot stronger

557
00:32:04,900 --> 00:32:11,120
for your desire to stay sober. And, uh, I think I have a pretty good chance if my desire to stay

558
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:16,460
sober is a lot stronger than to go out, drink. I have a pretty good chance to stay sober tonight.

559
00:32:16,580 --> 00:32:16,840
Thanks.