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Now, I would like to introduce our main speaker, Bruce R.

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Good evening. My name is Bruce Richards. I'm an alcoholic. What a great group.

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You know, absolutely insist on having fun. You know, my home group, when I first started going

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there, we used to have Halloween parties and, you know, not so much anymore. So,

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it's great to see you guys in spirit and, you know, I could have put on my Colombo outfit.

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It's my go-to costume. It's a trench coat with a, I would still wear a tie, but my hair is not

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as long as it used to be, so I can't scruff it up. But, yeah, it's, thanks, Alex, for asking me

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to be here. Thanks for inviting me out. Abraham and Tammy, thanks for your pitch. Tammy, you're

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a great sport. Yeah, I'll tell you a little bit what it was like, what happened, what it's like

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now. Yeah, I grew up here in the San Fernando Valley. Moved here when I was four years old

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to Granada Hills up at the top of Louise. And, yeah, we,

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went to school at Rinaldi Street Elementary School and I went to Robert Frost Junior High

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and I graduated from Granada Hills High School. I went to a couple of colleges. I went to

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Colleges of the Canyons for a minute and Pierce College for a little while and

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spent about six, seven years there. I still don't have a degree. Yeah, I grew up in a functioning

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alcoholic household, you know. My father was an alcoholic. My mother had her medications.

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My dad didn't drink much, you know, all that much at home. You know, he was a salesman. He worked in

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the aerospace industry and he was traveling around the country all the time. It seemed like he was

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gone two weeks out of every month and, you know, he has great stories. I never did much. You know,

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I never got out of the San Fernando Valley hard. You know, he used to talk about going on

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business trips and blacking out for two or three days and flying home on the plane, you know,

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coming back to LAX and, you know, going back to Los Angeles and, you know, coming back to LAX and,

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coming to and not knowing if he ever made any of his appointments. And yeah, I only know that

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because I heard his tape. I went later on when I got sorry, I went and heard his pitch a couple

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of times. But when I was growing up, my parents would have parties and people would show up

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carrying cases of alcohol. They'd all come out and it was hard liquor, beer, just all sorts of

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different things. And they come in and they put it behind the bar and me and my sisters and whatever

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kids were there would rush drinks back and forth to the adults. And, you know, you always got to

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pull off a beer or sip off a drink. And it was just cool. You know, alcohol from a very young

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age just had this illusion about it as, you know, that's what the adults do, you know. And later on

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at night, you know, when we go to bed, you know, the fights would start and things would be breaking

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and crashing and wake up in the morning and all those boxes of alcohol, all there were empty

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bottles, you know.

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And it was my job, of course, me and my sisters, we all gathered all the empties together and threw

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them out in the garbage can. And, you know, every adult that I knew who was of influence to me

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drank, you know, it was a nightly thing. When my dad did get home from work, he would sit down with

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my mother and we'd have dinner and then they'd have cocktails, you know. It was just a part of

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everyday life. You know, when I was in grade school, I was about nine years old and when I

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was introduced to marijuana for the first time, you know.

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I had a friend whose parents grew it on the side of their house. You know, they had it all

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netted off. So, you know, it was kind of concealed. They had plastic tomatoes tied to the plants and

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in the coffee table, you know, in their living room was a big sesh tray with a bunch of joints

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all rolled up, all different colors and everything. And my friend said, hey, let's go get high. You

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know, I'm all, what, you know, I didn't really know what it was about. You know, I knew my older

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sister was experimenting with pot and, you know, I wanted to look cool. So, you know, I had a friend

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of, you know, I started, went outside and I puffed on this little joint a couple times and, you know,

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I wasn't trying to escape from this reality. I wasn't trying to, I was just trying to be cool

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and fit in. And, yeah, I don't know what happened. You know, I don't think I got high that first

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time. I don't think I was really, I was just kind of puffing. I wasn't really inhaling and just like

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our president. But, yeah, it was all around me, you know. First time I drank with a purpose was

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got together with some friends and we planned this. We're going to get some beer before the

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high school football game. Like I said, I went to Granada Hills High School and at break, we drove

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down to this liquor store on Reseda Boulevard and we sat in the parking lot, waited for people to

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come by. And we just kept on asking people, would you buy us some beer? Would you buy us some beer?

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And finally, some guy said, sure. We bought him a 12 pack and I bought myself a six pack of Mickey's

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Big Mouth. My two friends bought a six pack of Michelob to share. I bought myself a six pack of

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liquor. We went to that football game that night and we got there and my friends opened up a couple

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of beers and they started drinking them. You know, we had to get to the game. It was pretty quick and

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I drank a six pack of Mickey's in about 18 minutes, I'd say. And, you know, it was my first

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time really drinking, you know, going out to get drunk. And, you know, that's a lot of malt liquor

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for a kid, you know, 17, 18 years old and 120.

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20 pounds, maybe. I was really tiny back then. And, yeah, it hit me. You know, I got into this

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football game and the world's spinning. I'm actually having a pretty good time, you know.

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And it was the night of first. I decided I was going to chew tobacco that night. The first time

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I'd ever chewed tobacco. And this guy gave me his canister and I took a thing. I was sort of

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dipping there and, man, I got that little burn going. I'm all, oh, man, this is different,

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you know. And then they forgot to tell me that I'm supposed to

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spit. So, if anybody's ever swallowed chewing tobacco, you get, it makes you ill. You know,

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the Granada Hills Highlander Band is a bunch of guys in skirts, you know. They're all sitting,

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I'm sitting up in the stands behind the band and all of a sudden I get sick and I throw up all over

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the band. And my friends rush me down the stairs, you know, quick, you know, get them out of here.

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And they rush me underneath and I'm underneath the bleachers and, you know, everybody's,

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the teachers and the parents are all looking for,

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you know, the kid who's getting sick, you know. And I'm, oh, great, I'm going to get busted. I go,

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this, I got to get out of here. And I'm looking at this fence, you know. As a kid, I can hop,

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you know, I was a real climber. I could hop a fence, no problem. Alcohol, it took effect. And

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I'm looking and it's like 12 feet, 14 feet high. I'm just all, I can't, I can't make it. I can't,

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I go, we're going to, I'm going to get busted. Oh, my God. I'm just, I'm going to be in so much

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trouble. We sat there for a couple minutes. We realized the gate was open like 12 feet away from

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us. But, you know, that night I was sitting, you know, we went to Bob's Big Boy after the football

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games. And I was sitting in my friend's car. I had driven there, but they left my car back at the

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school. And, you know, I was just sitting in the front seat and people were coming by. I was like

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the fish or the pet at the pet store, you know, and people come and tap on the glass to get your

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attention, you know. And they were laughing at me and, you know, I was laughing at them because

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they didn't realize they're standing outside the window. And I kept on opening up the door and

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getting sick. And, you know, this is the first time I went out to drink. You know, I could tell

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you thousands, probably literally thousands of stories just like this. You know, I don't know

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if that first time that I set out to drink like that, if I was, you know, overcome with the

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phenomenon of craving and had to drink all that six pack. I just watched these people in my life

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drink that way. And so I was going to finish that six pack. And, you know, I,

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I got into trouble. I always got into trouble. I got a DUI when I was 19 years old. I had already

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graduated high school and I was leaving a party. I had drank a bottle of Jack Daniels that night

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and I was kicked out of the party because I was too drunk and my friends didn't want to leave.

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And I had my truck there. So I was sitting outside and in my truck and I'd go outside to get sick.

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I always got sick when I drank.

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Um, I don't, I don't know why, uh, I just couldn't stomach all that alcohol, you know,

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tequila, um, vodka, you know, it didn't matter what it was. I, I drank anything, you know,

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uh, Seagram seven. I, I like to drink a lot. I didn't use much, uh, seven up just straight

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Seagrams. Um, you know, I, I drove home that night and, uh, my friend came tapped on the

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window and he said, it's time to go. And so I tried to drive home and I'm driving up Louise

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Avenue right by Devonshire. And, and, uh, I see a cop,

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pull up behind me and I'm all, Oh, I'm in trouble. Yeah. So I tried to, I tried to take

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off real slow and not swerve. And, and, uh, somehow he knew I was drunk. I don't know,

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but, uh, I got pulled over. I went to, I went, you know, got taken down to Devonshire division

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and yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm inside. And, and, uh, you get one phone call, they're gonna let me

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call somebody, you know, an inopportune time to get arrested. Um, my grandfather had passed away

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just like earlier that day. And my grandmother hopped a plane.

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And, and flew out to California because, you know, she couldn't handle it to be with my mom.

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And, uh, here it is the middle of the night and they're getting a phone call from me that I'm in

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jail, you know, on a DUI. And now my father had already started to go to AA, you know,

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our paths kind of crossed. He was trying to stop drinking when I was starting to drink,

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you know, um, you know, I, I, I got home and, and, and they kept it all under the,

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under the rug. So my grandmother didn't know what, what went on. She was asking him,

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what happened last night? What happened? Where'd you go? What happened? You know,

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you know, no, no need to upset her anymore. Um, yeah, my, my father told me it's,

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this is your one and only get out of jail free card. Next time you get arrested, don't call me.

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And, uh, I said, okay, you know, I was really lucky, you know, never to get arrested again.

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Cause I was pulled over a few times when I was very intoxicated and, and, and got away from it.

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You know, one time, uh, uh, they were, they were going over my truck for everything.

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And they're asking me, have you been drinking? I'm no, sir. No, sir. I'd been up for like three

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or four days, but, uh, they got a call for a burglary or a robbery and they spun off,

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you know, um, another time I was, uh, in Simi Valley and the sheriff stopped me and,

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uh, I was dressed really nice. Uh, but I'd been drinking for, I don't know how many days straight.

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Uh, but I had enough, uh, outside issues in my system to keep me running. And, uh, I talked my

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way out of it. I had driving around in a truck. I was driving around in a truck. I was driving around

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in a truck with, uh, no registration. And, you know, uh, it hadn't been registered in,

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in two or three years. I made up some lie about how I've been working on the truck all day and

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I wanted to test drive it. And, uh, they, they wrote me a fix it ticket and let me go. Um,

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you know, I, uh, I had a, I had a experience, life experiences. Um, you know, I, I learned

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from a very young age before I ever thought about taking a drink. Uh, I wanted to control everybody.

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You know, I, I wanted, I wanted everybody to treat me a certain way.

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I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted to be the best athlete. I want, you know,

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I was selfish and self-centered from, from the earliest age. Now I wanted more than my share

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from my sisters. Um, and it drove me. I mean, it, it drove me. It made me crazy at times. You know,

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um, I had this, uh, I had this girl that I really liked, uh, and, uh, she moved away for a little

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while and I convinced her to move back. And we played house and, uh, we lived together for

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four years where, uh, we landed in, in Palmdale. I was out at the corner of 20th R out in Palmdale

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and, and, uh, rents were cheap. And I got this huge apartment. I had a garage. It was much better

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than North Hollywood where we started living together. And, uh, after, uh, four years, uh,

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she started going to church and, uh, she came home one day after about three or four months

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of going to Bible study. And, and, uh, she came home and said, you know, you're an alcoholic and

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a drug addict. And if you don't stop, I'm going to leave you. And, uh, she said, I'm going to leave you.

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My first thought was, thank God, you know, God, I'm, you know, and then I said, you know, look,

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you knew what you're getting yourself into. I've always drank this way. Have I always partied this

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way? You know, this is what I'm about. You know, this is fun. You know, this is fun. You just got

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to join in a little more, you know, and she left three weeks later, she pulled up her stakes and

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left after four years of being together, you know, and, uh, I tried quitting. I did try quitting,

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uh, for four days. I made it.

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And, uh, it was the first four days in a row sober that I had, uh, since I was 16 or 17. You

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know, I had either smoke pot, take a pill, do whatever it is, drink, you know, every single

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day trying to escape, you know, you know, every time that something happened to me in my life,

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every time somebody left me or every time one of my best friends, all of a sudden he, you know,

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he's, he's best friends with somebody else now, you know, that hurt. And I didn't, I didn't want

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that to happen. I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get

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anymore. Now I was tired of getting hurt and trying to control all you guys were just so much

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work. You know, drinking allowed me to let everybody kind of be themselves. All of a sudden

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my world shrank. I became even more self-centered and whatever you did just didn't affect me

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anymore. You know, after that girl left, I sat there, I just cried in my beer. You know, I was

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so sad. I was just devastated. I really, I actually really did love this girl. And, and I,

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I, I chose drugs and alcohol over her, you know, and you know, my, my, my, my father was sober a

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while now. And, and my sister, my younger sister was testing the waters in CA and she had got some

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time and they, the inquiry police came in and they're asking me all sorts of questions. So what

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happened? What, how, how come Denise left? What, what happened? And I don't know. You know,

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she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she,

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she just started going to church. And I guess she met some guy, you know, again, blaming it on her,

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you know, and you know now my, my, my dad and my sister let me roll. They let me tear it up.

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They watched me slowly go down the ladder, you know, and never said once to me, you need to

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stop drinking. You need to stop partying. You need to give all that up. You need to shape,

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you know, never, never did they put their finger in my chest and tell me to stop. You know my

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dad pulled me aside one time and said, you know, every now and then this disease skips, you know,

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skips some people, you know, if you ever need, you know, if you ever need help, you know, there's the

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program for you, you know, and I kept, I don't need the pro, I don't, I don't need help. Things

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are going okay. You know it may, it made it real easy. Every time that something bad happened,

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I just drink it away. You know every time I, I had to slip down that notch, I just drank it away

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and it was okay.

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You know, switching, you know, moving places. I lived in a, I lived in a pantry for a while.

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I, I, you know, I lost that apartment in Palmdale. I burned a friend. It was a good friend of mine

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who owned, you know, his family owned the, this apartment building and, and I left it in just a

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mess and I just kind of moved out and, and didn't say goodbye. And, and he got ahold of me. He goes,

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hey man, what's happening? You're not paying your rent. I go, well, I'll just take my deposit.

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And, you know, I'm, I'm,

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I don't have any money. What are you going to do? You know, and I had some friends that let me,

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let me stay at their, their condo and for free, you know, I disrupted their lives.

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His wife was pregnant, you know, and, and doing a few months and, and here I am staying in the

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guest room, which is going to be the baby's room. And, and I'm not paying any rent and I'm sitting

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out on the street drinking and doing drugs all night and then coming in the house about 2.30,

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3 o'clock. You know, I, I got to a point where, um, things were getting really bad.

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You know, uh, I couldn't excuse everything that was happening. I couldn't just drink it away

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anymore. And that, that's what's really, really got to me. Um, up to this point in my life,

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all I had to do is get plenty drunk and I just forgot about my problems. It just didn't matter

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anymore. And all of a sudden I'd give me, I'd be drunk and I'd be alone at night and I'd be

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thinking about all the crap that's starting to pile up. And, uh,

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and I can't escape it anymore. Alcohol had always worked. Oh, always worked for me. You know,

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some of the other stuff I was doing, it, it never took away the problems. Alcohol always worked for

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me. Um, you know, like I say, I, I don't know when I crossed over that invisible line, you know,

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um, I am bodily and mentally different than normal people. That's been obvious for a long

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time. Um, you know, my friend Larry explained, uh, explained the disease,

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to me, uh, when I was new. Um, when I ingest alcohol, there's a chemical reaction that

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happens in my body. Emzines are sent from my liver to my brain and pop fires off this endorphins in

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my brain. And that, that process doesn't happen in normal people. And that it, it creates that

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phenomenon of craving. And, uh, and I was, I was fighting that I was trying not to drink at this

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point in my life. I'm trying not to drink anymore. And, and, and it's, it's just getting insane.

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Okay.

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All the things that are going on in my life. And because of all the drugs I was doing, uh, I, uh,

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I, I was losing my mind. Yeah. I was seeing things and hearing things and, and, uh, it wasn't stopping

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when, uh, when I would go to work in the morning. I, that's one thing I always held onto. I had a

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job. As long as I have a job, you know, I, things aren't that bad. You know, um, the age of 30,

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uh, things caught up, just things caught up to me and I couldn't fool myself anymore.

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And I couldn't live the way I was living, uh, on, uh,

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the 1930s.

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1994 earthquake. Uh, I'm sorry if anybody was put out by that, but that's the event that

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started into action. The series of events that, uh, got me sober. You know, uh, I was, uh, with

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my, uh, with my girlfriend at the time. And, uh, it was, it was, it's very odd. You know,

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it was the first time in, in years that I didn't do any drugs that night. And I made a nice meal

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cause I was trying to make up. I tried carjacking her a few weeks earlier and things had been really

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rough. And, uh, uh, she came up to me and she said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

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sorry. I made this nice meal. And, and, and I was up at like three o'clock in the morning. I was

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watching Gettysburg, you know, the movie Gettysburg goes on for like four and a half hours. And, uh,

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I was just, my, my head was buzzing. I drank a little wine that night. Uh, but I didn't really

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get messed up. And, and, uh, in the middle of the night, the earthquake hits, you know, I was,

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I was barely asleep and I lived at, uh, Devonshire and Balboa. And, uh, I thought the world was

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coming, coming down, man. It was, it was scary. You know, there was, I, I heard, uh, the electrical

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transformers exploding outside. I could hear wood timber snapping and breaking. And, and, uh, I grabbed

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my girl and we get out of the, get out of bed. I'm standing there naked and she's wrapped around me.

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And I, I got this little doorway in the back of my apartment and it's literally going back and

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forth like this. And I'm all, she starts praying. She starts praying to God and I'm standing there

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naked thinking I'm going to die. And I got absolutely no contact with any kind of higher

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power, nothing. And I, I had, I had had that as a kid. You know, my mother gave that to me as a

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kid, taught me how to pray, how to get down on my hands and knees. Uh, I wasn't really formal with

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the church, but I had this concept of a higher power at a very young age, you know, and standing

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there, I had nothing. And I told my girlfriend out loud, pray for me, pray for me. Um, you know,

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I, uh, it was shortly after that. I, I, they condemned my apartment.

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They red tagged it. So I had nowhere to go. Uh, FEMA came and wrote me a check for $2,400

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and said here, and that started my last run. And, and, uh, I went to my friends and said,

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Hey, I need a place to stay. Uh, is it cool if I stay here? You know, no, you can't stay here.

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No, that's not going to be good. You know, I had a friend who had a room for rent and he wouldn't

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let me stay there, you know, and I had cash and, uh, he goes, no, no, Bruce, you can't stay.

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So where do I go back to mom and dad's now? Uh, so I, I went back and it just opened my eyes to

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what I was doing. You know, my, my last blackout, you know, I had nowhere to go to party. I'd kind

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of staying away from all my, my, my party pals. And, and, uh, so I was driving around in my truck

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and I had this Frisbee. I kept on the side of my seat full, full of cocaine. And I had a 12 pack

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of beer or a case of beer just on the floor of the truck. And I just drive around and drink and,

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and, and do my drugs. And, and I drive from the Valley out to Palmdale and come back over the two

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and, and all night long. Sometimes I go out to Ventura and back down the one-on-one, you know,

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and, uh, I came to out of my last blackout. I was on Balboa and, and Van Owen, and I was sitting

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there. I drove up to a intersection and I, I kind of was like shocked awake and there's, you know,

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lights going around and police and fire trucks, and there's a big accident. And I'm,

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I, you know, flash awake and I'm all, I didn't know if I was in the accident, if I was getting

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arrested or what. And, and, uh, I looked down and, and my drugs were still there and there's a bunch

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of empties on the floor. And, and, uh, there's a cop standing at the front of my truck going like

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this and I'm all, and I made a left-hand turn to avoid the accident and drove on. And, and, uh,

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you know, just, I just couldn't, I could not do this anymore. I couldn't do it anymore. Um,

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I reached out to my younger sister. Yeah. Uh, my younger sister had seven years in CA at the time.

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She doesn't have time now. Um, she, uh, I re I asked her to take me to a meeting. I said, I,

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you know, I can't, I can't do this anymore. I said, I'm dying. And, uh, she made me promise

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that I wouldn't drink. I wouldn't do any drugs. I wouldn't take anything that affects me from the

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neck, neck up. And I said, yes, it was March 24th, uh, 1994. And, uh, I used to say that I came to

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AA and I never had another drink, but I forgot about that time when I had that DUI and I had

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to go to AA meetings. So in 19,

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uh, uh, I went to the rafters four or five times and got my court card signed. And, and I, I related

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to what was going on there. I thought, you know, everybody drinks that way, but, but, uh, you know,

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she drug me around the meetings for my, my first few weeks. And, uh, you know, the very first

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meeting I ever went to, I was over in, uh, off of Lancashire Boulevard. And I don't remember much

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about anything, you know, it was a participation and then there was a speaker and, and, uh, I just

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kind of looked around and I was like, oh, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on.

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And I looked at everybody's shoes, see who had the new shoes on. And after the meeting,

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these guys all grabbed me and, and, uh, took me out to, to coffee after the meeting, or they were

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taking my sister out to coffee after the meeting. And I was coming along or, and, uh, we stay there

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till like two, two 30 in the morning. And, uh, you know, there's a guy there who's an amateur

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magician and he was doing card tricks and he's pulling little fuzzy balls out of my ear. And I'm

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get this guy away from me.

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You know, my head is spinning, you know, I can't quiet it down. This guy's doing, uh, I found out

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later on that, uh, that coffee shop closes at midnight. Um, the owner was at the meeting I was

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at, but I, I didn't put that together and, and they stayed open, you know, late because they

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figured if I left there too early, I was, I was going to go out. So, um, you know, I, I came back

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a couple of weeks later and, um, I got a big book. My, my sister bought me my very first big book and,

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and, uh, I sat down outside of the Beverly center. I, I, I worked at a, an office supply place,

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a stationary store in Beverly Hills. Uh, so I went down to subway at lunch and I opened this book.

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That's a, that's a lot of reading for me. You know, I'm not a big reader. I don't, I don't like

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to read and never enjoyed it, but, uh, I opened up the big book and I started looking at it and

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I'm all, well, I saw this chapter, chapter five, how it works. And I figured, well, I'll just start

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there.

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Now just start on, I just figured I need to figure out how it works. You know, there's probably a

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diet plan and exercise program and, you know, some, some meetings and, you know, how many

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meetings a week you have to go to. And, uh, I read through it. I read, I read through chapter

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five and it made no sense that nothing, nothing resonated with me. I don't remember really reading

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the word God or anything. And after the ABCs, it goes on in the next few pages to describe the

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alcoholic. And, uh, I was, I was brought to tears. Yeah. I was weeping.

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The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes me better than any piece of literature better than

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anybody's ever tried to talk to me before. It just nailed me. The director that wants to run the whole

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show. That's been me since the first time I was thrown into a social situation. I wanted to run

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everything now. And as long as everything worked and I got my way, life was fine. When things

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didn't work out my way, it was, it was awful. Um, later on alcohol made it less important to

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control everything. Um, you know, I, uh, I was really moved. I really was, well, I was kind of

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amazed and, and then people were explaining to me, this book was written in the 1930s and I'm all

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that's that really like, how'd they know so much about me before I was ever bummer. Yeah. Uh, you

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know, the next week I went to that meeting again, we're going to the same, she was taking me to a

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meeting. I was going to the same meetings every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every,

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seven days a week. And, uh, we get there and there's an African-American woman who was the

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speaker that night and I'm all, oh, this is going to be a bad meeting. Now I've been going for a

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week now. I'm ready to start judging the meetings. And, uh, she got up there and they went through

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their thing and I listened to her and, uh, she had absolutely nothing in common with me, but the way

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she talked about her drinking and her feelings just overwhelmed me. You know, she, she, I identified

304
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again for the second time in a, in a quick amount of time in AA.

305
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Yeah. Um, now I didn't know what AA was. I had no idea about the disease of alcoholism. You know,

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I watched my dad and my sister come here and I thought it was a place you come to hang out once

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you're not drinking anymore. You know, you guys all get dressed up in costumes and stuff and you

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go, you know, you play softball and you go bowling and, and, you know, go on picnics and you do all

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sorts of fun stuff. You know, I had no idea about the disease, you know, it, it, it, it, and it took

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me a long time to figure it out in AA.

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Um, now I, I, I got a sponsor. Um, I asked my, under my sister's direction, find somebody you

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like who likes, you know, who has what you want and ask them to your sponsor. All right. And there's

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this guy, Jimmy and Jimmy showed up there, you know, at the meetings in a Porsche and he had a

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couple of different girlfriends and he was an ex Navy SEAL. He was a semi-professional baseball

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player. Uh, he was a stunt man and, uh, he had everything I wanted, you know? And, uh, so I

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asked Jimmy to be my sponsor and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

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and Jimmy's said, Oh yeah, he didn't decline. You know, he said, fine, fine, fine. Call me,

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call me every night after the meeting, call me at, uh, whatever. I forget what time it was,

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but he goes, call me at night. It wasn't in the morning or anything. And I, I hadn't had another

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sponsor. So I thought calling at night was right. But, uh, so he'd see me at the meetings and I

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couldn't even talk to him. I was so scared. I was so scared. And, uh, Jimmy, uh, Jimmy was my

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sponsor for a while. He taught me how to hit my hands and knees and pray. He, uh, I told him, uh,

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I don't believe in God. And he goes, I didn't ask you to believe in God. I asked you to get down

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on your knees and pray. And, uh, I go, okay. And I started doing those things. Eventually Jimmy

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wanted me to stop going to a meeting. I went to on a regular basis and, and, and, uh, go to a men's

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stag. And I said, I can't, that's too much. So I stopped calling Jimmy. Yeah. I went around AA for

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a long time without a sponsor. I went eight months and, uh, I was doing everything because

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I was starting to have fun. Now I was going out to dinner and hanging out and I realized I could

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have fun and be sober. Uh, I shared that one night that I didn't have a sponsor. I don't know what

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I'm doing. I don't know what AA is about. And this guy came up to me and said, Bruce, you need to

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get a sponsor. That's what, that's how you figure out what you're doing around here. You know, it

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gives you some direction and tells you what to do. And I, uh, this guy came up to me after every

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meeting, every meeting. And I finally, I see him coming across the way. And I'm like, so Bruce,

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did you find a sponsor yet? I said, no, Mike, would you like to be my sponsor? And he said,

335
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no. He goes, I wouldn't like to be, I have to be, that's my debt in AA. Um, now I got busy. I did

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my steps. I didn't think, you know, my first initial thought on everything is this is stupid.

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This is stupid. Why do I got to write or write all this stuff down? And, and, uh, you know,

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I, I resented that girl so much for leaving me. I resented her. I loved her still. And I resented

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her. And, uh, by the time I was done doing my, my fifth step, I thank God for taking her out of my

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life because whether she was there or not, I was going to drag her through the,

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you know, and because she left, found the strength to leave. Uh, she didn't have to endure

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the next, you know, six, seven years of my life. Um, you know, my, my sister, she, uh, she went

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out on pain medication. She had a, a sore knee and, and someone gave her narcotics, the doctor

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prescribed narcotics. And, and, uh, now she's, uh, she's homeless. Some of the time she's living

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in shelters and she's been in prison. And, and, and, you know, we have these talks where I ask her,

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you know what you're doing, right? You know, you understand what you're doing. And she says,

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yeah, I go, all right, I'll leave you alone. When you need help, let me know. She had a great job.

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She has a son, you know, I try to take care of her son. He's, he's a, he's 24 now, but it breaks

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my heart. Um, you know, I, uh, I got married in sobriety to a great woman. What she saw in me,

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I don't know. I was, I was literally less than 30 days sober when we met. And, uh, you know,

351
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it was okay. Cause I, like I said, I didn't have a sponsor. So.

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Well, we have a family now. You know, I, I have two sons of my own. Uh, I have a stepdaughter,

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put her through college. My, my boys are all over the place, but they're good kids.

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Uh, I have some great friends who came out to see me to support me. Thank you guys. Makes it a

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little easier. Um, thank you guys for asking me to come out. I really appreciate it. Thank you.