Let's now introduce our main speaker, Cathy. I'm so tall up here. Hi, I'm Cathy. I'm an alcoholic.
Thank you so much, Alex and Mariana, for inviting me to come out tonight. And I came a couple of
weeks ago so that I could, it wouldn't be the first time I was here because I get scaredy-cat
about that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know. So I'm not brave. The business stuff,
my sobriety date, May 1st, 1988. And it wasn't me. We'll get to why it wasn't me. I really want
to thank everybody for being here tonight, especially my friends over there, my sponsors
here, my sponsees are here, my gal pals are here, and my other friend, Clint, who doesn't fit under
the girl's heading. But you know, that's just one of the multitude of gifts from being a part
of this program. When I was a kid, a little kid, I grew up in Central California. And there wasn't
much in Central California back then. There were cows, and more cows. And that was about it. But
you know, when you're under the age of five, you don't really care. So you know, I thought we had
a perfect little life back then. And then we moved to Los Angeles when I was almost six. And we went
from this beautiful house. Well, I thought it was because I was only
this big. So this beautiful house to this terrible little apartment in a concrete jungle of Los
Angeles. And my life turned upside down. And what I thought was a perfect childhood
started to become a nightmare. Thankfully, I did not grow up in an alcoholic home. But I grew up
in a crazy house. You don't need alcohol to live in a crazy house. There's plenty of other ways.
And when we moved there, you know, both of my parents took on new jobs. So
my brother and I became latchkey kids long before there were latchkey kids. And, you know,
walking home from elementary school at five years old, and it was really, really far and crossing
streets and things you'd never let your kids do now. And my mom had a breakdown. And she went
literally nuts. And she was screaming all the time and crying all the time and didn't know how to
handle. My brother was very hyperactive. So that just put her over the edge. So I had to become
the perfect little child, because that was the role that was left. You could be the bratty kid,
or you could be the perfect kid when you got to those are the choices. And so my mother would,
when she would start screaming, I would run into the bedroom and run into the closet and pull all
the clothes down over on top of me. So that a she wouldn't find me. And B, I could hear what was
going on less. And because it frightened me and to this day, I don't like screaming people. I guess
that's where I learned it.
But, you know, I just that was when my life went crazy. And we lived there for a few years. And it
was ugly. And there's a lot of I really have no memory of that time. Other than photographs remind
me of what things look like and the places of the surrounding area. I think I blocked out that whole
time in my life. Probably that was a better choice than actually remembering it all. And we moved to
the San Fernando Valley from there.
I was almost nine. And life got a little better. San Fernando Valley was not as scary as the city
was for a little kid. We moved to Encino right behind Balboa Park. And those were the days when
little kids could go spend the day at the park by themselves. You know, nobody, nobody was worried.
And you get a blanket and you get a radio when you get toys and magazines and whatever. And you go
spend the day at the park. And that's what I did to get out of my house. And so it worked out. And I
was a little bit more comfortable. And I was a little bit more comfortable. And I was a little bit more
comfortable. And I was a little bit more comfortable. And I worked for me for a long time. I didn't, I was a slow learner when it came to drinking. I never even thought about anything like that until my grandfather passed away when I was 14. He was probably my closest person. I loved, he was a giant of a man. At least I thought so. I found out later that my ex would have been quite a bit taller than him. But, you know, at the time as a little girl, he was just giant. And so he, you know, and I would go to visit them. They stayed in Central California. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them
But I developed what is now called being agoraphobic around that time. And on a daily basis, I was really okay. I didn't really notice it. But if I had somewhere to go that was out of the ordinary, it would hit with a panic attack that nobody could understand. Nobody could help me with other than the only thing that helped was going back home. Now, I don't know why that helped because that's not exactly where I ever wanted to be. But for whatever reason, that was the only thing that helped.
that would bring, that would stop the attack from happening. So I don't know how many times
over the course of my young life, my parents had to drive up north and come and fetch me
from what was supposed to be a vacation. And so, you know, the years went on. I, when my
grandfather passed away, we were already living in, in where my dad still lives in Tarzana. And
we, life was okay. We moved to a street of brand new build houses. So all of us were in a new
neighborhood, didn't know anyone. So we had each other and that worked. But when my grandfather
passed away at 14, we spent a lot of time going back and forth while he was sick. And when I,
when the night that he passed away, we were staying with family friends. The kids were,
the parents, we weren't allowed in hospitals back then. So the parents were staying together
at the hospitals and we were, the kids were all together at one of the family friends' houses.
And when my parents came to pick me up, because my mom had told me
that we were going to be in a new neighborhood, we were going to be in a new neighborhood.
So when they came to pick me up, of course, we knew that my grandfather had passed away by that
time. We weren't allowed to be there. And I told my mother at that point in time that I would never
love anyone again. That was my mission in life. I was not going to do it because I didn't like the
way it felt. And when we had the funeral at our house, we, I found out that lots and lots of
people don't finish their drinks. Who knew? So I was the good little girl that was there. And I
always was. So I was cleaning up after everybody. And I found that all those things go really well
together. It didn't matter what they were drinking right up until you threw up. And then you started
again. And I learned that pretty much from day one. And I wasn't really much of a drinker. You
know what, when you grew up in, in the atmosphere that I did and things were expected of you and
things like drinking as a teenager were not one of those things. So I really didn't drink that much.
Until I graduated high school, then all of that came together. At one time, I was introduced to some new
friends that I didn't know before. They introduced me to dry goods, for lack of a better term. And so,
you know what, now I had all sorts of things to choose from, because I went to school with a bunch
of very straight laced, very sort of upper middle class Jewish kids who didn't drink. At least I
didn't see it. When when other people were talking about drinking, I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
When when other people were talking about how everybody was doing it, it was like, I never saw
anyone do it ever. So for me, I was way behind the curve. But I decided to catch up really, really
fast. And so you know, I once I graduated high school, I moved to the North Valley and I went
to Cal State Northridge for two weeks. That was as long as I could last because classes got in the
way of things that I'd much rather do. So that was the end of college. But I had this great apartment
right off campus. And I, so it was like I was going to college, I just didn't actually learn
anything. But I did learn that you can go through a whole lot of drugs and alcohol in a very short
period of time, which I wasn't really ready to afford. So that's when the really pitiful years
started. I went to mom for everything. I had this wonderful mother, who thankfully never ever found
Al-Anon.
And she,
whatever I needed, she was there for me. The more pitiful I got, the more she threw at me.
And life was pretty darn easy, other than the fact that when you wake up four to five days later,
you just don't really know what happened. But you know what, there was a lot of fun to be had
during those years. And I enjoyed that pretend going to college time. But finally, I had to get
a job. And that was not pretty. By the time I was even really looking, I mean, I had my little
job, but I had to get a job. And I had to get a job. And I had to get a job. And I had to get a job.
from the time I was 16 and 17. Back in those days, you had to dry clean everything. So my first job
was at a dry cleaners. So I got everything done for free. That made sense to me. So that I could
tell people that I was paying all this money, and just take the money and run. So I, you know,
finished all those years. Well, now it was time for a big job. My parents finally figured out I
wasn't going to college. They were a little slow on the pickup on that one. But they finally figured
it out. So I,
you know, got it together enough to take on jobs. I had really interesting jobs. Not that the jobs
were that interesting. But the fact that they never fired me was interesting. I mean, I literally
couldn't put two weeks together a full paycheck without missing a day. I don't know how anyone
did that. That was just like too many days in a row. And, you know, I convinced myself I could do
anything for one day in a row. But don't ask me to pull on that second day. It's really debatable.
So, you know, I had all these jobs that kept me for years, being probably the worst employee ever.
And but yet they kept me and it worked out because occasionally I'd make a few bucks.
And finally got to the point in my 20s, where I was going downhill fast. I had roommates,
my poor roommates, I you know, I was not an easy person to live with. And because you never knew
what I was going to be. And I was like, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college. I'm
going to go to college. I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college.
I mean, if, if I had understood the concept of bipolar back then, I know that I didn't actually
have it. What I had was stoned and sober. And those for me were the up and the down. So for me,
you know, they never knew what they were going to get. And I wrote them into all kinds of mischief
that they never should have been a part of, especially my one roommate who was dating a cop
who showed up at the door. And, you know, everything was out in the open. And how do you
not let the cop in? And, you know, I was like, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college.
And she was responsible for getting rid of him. You know, those kind of fun little things.
Thankfully, I avoided, I don't know how to this day, I'll never know how I avoided the DUI
and all of those things. In fact, I got pulled over many times while drinking. Somehow the brain
just sobered up when the lights went on in the rear view mirror. And I had a friend one night I
was taking home and, and the cop comes up, have you been drinking? I'm like, no, sir. And my friend
next to me in the passenger seat is laughing hysterically, saying, yeah, we've been at the
bar all day. It's great fun. And I all I wanted to do was put a gun to her head. It wasn't really
an option. But, you know, thankfully, I was able to avoid it. I really don't know to this day how.
And then around the age of 27, I was well into my addiction. Parents hadn't seen me in ages.
I was still living in the valley. But, you know, my poor mom would come to the
door and knock and cry. And, and I would never open the door. And I don't know why she didn't go
to the manager and just have them open it. I don't know, got lucky there too, I guess. But, you know,
I just, I just couldn't see anyone because I was not fit to be employed. I was not fit to be a
family member. I wasn't fit to be anything at that point. And so I was home all the time. I was in
the back of a very large walk-in closet. And I had one friend who would deliver my drugs and alcohol
to me because I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't function. Didn't shower for days and
days on end. Didn't, you know, I was not living. And I didn't allow myself really to sober up
enough to even feel the pain of what I was going through. If it started to feel bad,
I just drank some more. And I didn't have to face it or look at it. My parents were,
I guess I was 27-ish, were going on a three-week vacation. And they decided to ask me,
to watch the house while they were gone. Worst choice they ever made. So while they were gone,
I sort of borrowed money that didn't belong to me and wasn't mine to borrow. I guess some people
would call it stealing. I chose to call it borrowed because they were family and didn't
even give it a thought. It didn't occur to me how wrong that was because I needed what I needed.
And when they got back, they've kind of figured out that there was a big loss while they were
gone that they knew they weren't a part of. And I was basically busted by my folks for drinking and
using and taking all that money. I had two choices at that time, depending on which parent you go
with. My dad said, send her to jail. My mom said, send her to rehab. Now, none of us knew much about
things like rehab back then. So the only one I knew of was fancy girl rehab in the desert. So if
I was going to go to rehab, I was going to go to the Betty Ford Center. I don't know if anybody else
in here is an alumni of the Betty Ford Center, but I took my very first four step with very famous
band brothers. So I thought rehab was fun. You know, I hear a lot of people don't feel that way
about it. But for me, it was really fun. I walked in that first day. Sorry, my voice is leaving.
I walked in that first day and there was a gal that was leaving. And I heard the counselor say
to her, I have great concerns for you. So I knew what the game was. You know, it's get an A
from the people in charge. So I was like, I'm going to go to rehab. And I was like, I'm going to go to
rehab. And she was a perfect little rehab girl, followed all the directions, did all the stuff.
And when that when I left there 30 days later, that very same woman said to me,
you are the picture of sobriety. I won that game. I was drunk in 48 hours. So I didn't really win
anything. But for me, I wasn't ready to do anything about my problem yet. Anyway,
it took me another year, another year of drinking, using really hard. And I was just so broken.
And so beyond my ability to do anything about my problem. And I was like, I'm going to go to rehab.
And really, I felt like I was beyond any sort of help from anyone. I really didn't think there
was anything out there that could help me. I thought I was just going to die in the back
of that closet all by myself. And nobody would notice for a while. I told that took out a piece
of paper. Why I did this, I still don't really know. But it had the name of a sobriety house
in Arizona, in Prescott, Arizona. If anybody's been to Prescott, Arizona,
cutest little town on the planet. So I went to Prescott, Arizona to this sober living house.
And I was there for a year. I was too afraid to come home. I was too afraid to have to get any part
of my world back in my world. And not that my world had much in it to begin with, but I still
knew where the people lived. So that was as much as I needed to be away from. And I got sober in
this little town of Prescott, which is an entirely sober town, by the way. I don't think there's
anyone there that isn't sober. And these cute little white haired ladies sitting in the meeting
rooms every day.
I've become the little white haired lady. But back then, as a 29 year old, what I thought was a kid,
these women took you under their wing. They went through steps with us. They were there. We went
to meetings two or three times a day. This place was was no joke. And the women that ran it were
just, you know, miracles in my mind that they could spend so much of their time sober and could
handle a bunch of brats, Southern California brats, which were all that were living in this
house.
And handle all of us. But you know what they did. And I learned something. Well, I learned a lot of
things. But something that I learned and took away from that house was that the gift of this
program is not a one minute thing. Getting sober, I think is the first miracle that happens to any
of us. The fact that we could put it down and leave it down is in my mind a miracle. And I know
that that's way beyond anything I could do for myself. So I think it's a miracle. And I think it's
in a lot. I don't know how the sober living is now. But I think back then God lived in those
houses and was speaking through the women who were teaching us. And we all were able to get
sober. I spoke to one of them actually a couple of months ago that was in that sober house with
me. And she's still sober today as well. And, you know, it's it's crazy because all I wanted was to
get my parents off my back. That was all I really wanted. And I think that's what I wanted. And I
that was the biggest wish I had when I got there. And when I left there, I felt like anything is
possible. And I don't know that I had ever felt that ever in my whole life. I didn't come from a
positive space of you can be anything you want. You know, I came from stressed out, crazy people.
So I didn't learn that. And I didn't learn that that was a really even an option. And so I moved
on and I came back home. I found a little apartment. I started working my
program. I got a sponsor right away. I went back to college. That had been a huge dream for me.
And something that I had felt badly about all the years was that I never had done it. Two weeks
didn't really count. But what I was smart enough to realize at that point, that we didn't go to
Cal State Northridge for our records. I just started somewhere else. Because two weeks with
a bunch of fails probably would not have been a great way to start my college career. So I,
you know what, I went back to college and my sponsor went through it with me. And, you know,
I had a great little house and I had a wonderful dog and I had a hobby competing with my dogs and
and I worked and I went to school. And for the first time in my life, I was a productive member
of society. I, you know, people used to joke about that, you know, go become productive member of
society. I didn't even know what that was. Because I could only do one little piece of all of those
pieces at a time. And I didn't know what that was. And I didn't know what that was. And I didn't know
what that was. And I didn't know what that was. And I didn't know what that was. So for me, it was huge
to be able to feel that way. And to be able to get some of the gifts that this program talks about.
And, you know, and here comes the cautionary part of the tale. If you're brand new, close your ears.
When I was about 10 years sober, I decided I had it. I knew it all. I wasn't going to get anything
else. I was full. And, you know, the promises had all come true. I bought the house, I bought the car,
I had a great job.
You know, I'd finished school, obviously, long before that. And life was perfect. What else could
I possibly need? And I stopped going to meetings. And I didn't have a sponsor. We just drifted
apart. And I didn't even realize it until the time was going on that I hadn't been to meetings
for years. When I finally came back to meetings, which was just over three years ago now,
um, I had been dry.
For 17 years. Now I didn't drink, because there's a whole lot of other ways to get in trouble
without drinking, when you have an addictive personality. So I just exercise some of those
for a while. And you know what, and I got in plenty of trouble. And I treated people badly.
And all of those things that I had been working on for years to get better, were gone in a minute.
And, you know, that's why they talk about how much we need to be here, you know, that there's
to this puzzle than just meetings, or just a sponsor, or just anything. All of the pieces
of this puzzle are needed to work together to keep us somewhat sane, because that's about as
far as I can get. And a whole lot happier in general. But three years ago, I moved back to
this valley. My father is old. And he needed someone to live in his house. So I came back
to this valley, I had been living away. And I decided the only way I was going to get a break
from him, maybe was to go back to meetings. There's an idea. And so I did. And basically,
the people in this program, and especially the women were unbelievable. When I came back
to these meetings, I was welcomed in with open arms. And everybody, I just connected with everyone.
And I have friends and I have a life because of coming back to this. But you know what,
there's still more work to do, especially when you've been away,
for a long time. And you've relearned and regenerated every bad behavior you ever knew,
except possibly picking up that first drink. But everything else was there. And it was just bright
and shiny. And I just thought it was so swell, until it wasn't. And it wasn't for a long time,
just like drinking wasn't fun. For those last years, this type of, I can't even call it sobriety,
because it really wasn't. But being dry, was just a
miserable. And so I got myself a sponsor took me a little while, because well, you know, I've been
sober a long time, haven't worked program in 17 years, but I've been sober a long time. So I thought
it was all that. And I found a true gift from God, my sponsor, who's in this room, who I'm going to
talk about now. She was able to get through to someone like me, who even though I was a little bit
drunk, even though I hadn't been drinking, I was so closed off. And even all of these women who
welcomed me so wonderfully, I couldn't, I couldn't let it in. It couldn't come in, it bounced off,
it flew away, it did whatever it did. And she's, you know, we went through my steps, which of
course, I hadn't done in a long time. And it was hard work. You know, I think that you're that
you're all good on your steps, if anybody's got a few years of sobriety, and they, you know, have
already worked their steps.
And they think I'm good, I'm stepped. No, because we don't become perfect. We just become a little
better than we were. But there's always more work to be done. And having put all of that aside for
so long, I had a lot of hard work to do. You know, I thought when I sat down to do that four step boy,
I was just gonna, you know, I'd have two things to put on there, two, maybe three pages and pages
and pages later, I found out that wasn't the case. Because being as crazy as I had become,
even in sobriety,
I didn't even I couldn't look at it. I didn't know. And it took somebody and she worked really
hard with me. I got to tell you, it was I was not an easy step taker person. I wasn't. Dig in my
little feet, pout my little face, say, Oh, I just need another month. That didn't work out for me
very well. And so you know what, she was exactly what I needed. And she still is. And we've been
through the steps. And now I have the gift of taking my sponsees.
Through them. And it's been such a gift for me. I forgot, you know, it had been such a long time
since I'd had any of that part of this program. That's so important. Working with others taking
your steps doing the work. You know, when I got here, like the gentleman who shared earlier,
talking about it wanting the easier, softer way. Oh, yeah, that was so my way. And you know,
if something needed a paragraph, if I could get it through in one line, I'm all over that.
Be taught that there's more to do than that. That there's more to to dig for and look for and,
and to be found. Working a half ass program is I guess that's what I wanted to do. And I found out
it wasn't an option. And I had to do it all. And she walked through it with me every step of the
way. And you know, for people that are new, you can see 12 steps. Oh my god, 12. That's like way
too many. It's going to take way too long because I want this thing in the next 42 minutes.
And, you know, that's who we are. And, you know, and I was one of those. I admit it. And I had to
settle down and listen and be taught. I don't know how many times my sponsors put me on silence
at meetings. Because I tend to open my mouth before I actually think. And so because of that,
I need to listen more. And that's what I do when when I am told to. Otherwise,
I don't.
But no, I'm just kidding. But you know, this life in sobriety, you know, when when they when they
talk about the promises, and they talk about the gifts of this program, and and I absolutely was
100% sure that that would apply to everyone but me, because my head was in such a bad place when
I came back here. And I knew that there was just nothing nowhere for me to go. You know,
I was going to be stuck in this sad, pitiful, depressed space, just like I felt I was,
when I was a kid, stuck in the sad, scary place. And all of these women, each of them have played
a part in, you know, the gifts that that I get to see today, that actually make it through into my
heart. And I know that, you know, my life isn't easy today. Now, I've thought for sure, when I
came back to these meetings, just like I thought the very first time I got sober, everything was
going to be piece of cake, no issues, no troubles, I wouldn't trip over anything for the rest of my life.
And unfortunately, that is not the case. And when I came back here to live, I thought it was going
to be the worst penance that anyone ever had to pay in their whole life, because I was going to
be taking care of my elderly dad. And I looked at meetings as a way to get out of the house.
What I didn't know going in was how truly remarkable it was going to be. In some ways,
I felt like a brand newcomer. And my sponsor reminded me in some ways I was. But you know
what, I still had so much information, I still had so much information, I still had so much information,
I still had so much information, I still had so much information, I still had so much information,
inside, if these little things light up, I don't think I'll be able to see them. You know, inside,
I still, I had a lot of information that I had taken in, in the years that I was going to meetings
and was being a part of things. But this was so much different. I had grown up a lot in those
years, I had changed. And the people that I met now were so remarkable to me. And, you know, yeah,
I've been sober a long time, or like,
let's just say not drinking a long time, excuse me, but seeing these women that didn't miss the
information over the 17 years that I missed, they were galaxies ahead of me in their knowledge,
and in their peace and serenity that they'd learned. And in all of those things that I
thought I should have and didn't. So of course, again, I thought I was broken. And what I was,
thankfully, you catch up a whole lot more quickly than you learned it the first time. And when you're
new, really new, new, new, everything that people, a lot of things people talk about or say, or you
hear them that they're feeling, you think maybe you can't have that, that, you know, maybe they
got lucky and read the right page out of something or did something. And they get to be those lucky
ones. But the truth of the matter is, as I have found in my own life, nothing is out of reach
when you're sober. Everything is out of reach when you're drunk.
And so when I look at my life today, it's not all perfect. I still have that dad. He's keeping on
keeping on. But you know what, I have been constantly learning more about patience and
tolerance, learning more to work my steps in every area of my life, not just the ones I feel like it.
And it's, if you do the work, it's, you know, it's a very simple program for very complicated
people. And we've all heard that at some point or another.
And so we have a tendency to make things way bigger and way harder than they may or may not
have to be. So, you know, this dealing with my dad thing, yeah, it gets on my last nerve every
now and then, but I'm lucky to have any left. You know, I still have some left at the end of
dealing with him. And when I come to meetings, I go to meetings almost every day. When I come
to a meeting, it fills me right back up so that I can go back out there and do it again tomorrow.
And I never thought that was even possible. And there are so many gifts,
dear, and the people and the, you know, I thought that you, A, you didn't get gratitude until you
like won the lottery or had a boat or something like that. Okay. I'll feel grateful then. But
I have been learning and I continue to learn. It's the tiniest things that if you can take a
second to really look at it, at what a gift it is. And the fact that we all got up this morning
and we weren't hung over and we're sitting here tonight and we're not, hopefully not praying to
get out of here.
And I hurry because we have to go somewhere and drink. What a gift. How can we not all be
full of gratitude for that? You know, I haven't had a craving for a drink in a very long time,
but I also am not craving self-destructive behavior as much as I did before, because that
for me is my fallback. If things start to look too good, I'm more fearful of success than failure
any day of the week. And so if I start to think things are going too good, okay, what can I do to
make it a mess on some level? And I'm not doing that on a daily basis anymore. So whatever your
things are, you know, we all have different stuff. We all came in from different places,
but what we all do have today is the gift of sobriety. If you're new, if anybody, can I see
the hands of people under a year of sobriety? That's awesome, everyone. You know what? That
first year is no piece of cake. I'm not going to stand up here and tell you. It was just a
rose petals and unicorn.
But you know what? Hopefully all of you have a sponsor and all of you are working a program
and all of you are taking advice from people who have come before. We all only have today,
but what people who have been around a little longer have, it's been a little longer since
that last drink. And we've allowed information to come in, in between that last drink and now.
And because of that, maybe it makes sense to listen just a little bit to somebody who's been
here longer.
And, you know, there's nothing you can't do. You know, when I got sober at 29, I was a kid and those
rooms were full of little white haired ladies and little white haired guys. And there weren't a lot
of younger people in sobriety back then. And now they're coming in at 17, which didn't really exist
back in the 80s. So, you know, I'm so thrilled for all of you that can be here so young and have
a whole sober life.
And, you know, what a gift for all of you, if you can keep that. And, you know, some people go in and
out. If that's your path, we just all pray that you may get back because none of us can get you
drunk and none of us can keep you sober. But what we can do is still be sitting right here when you
decide to come back. And I, oh, I see a light. I don't know what it means because I don't have my
glasses on. But what I just want to finish with is, you know, I haven't done a long speak for,
for a long time. And I was really nervous coming here tonight. And I, I hope I didn't bore
everybody silly. But you know what I, this program never ceases to amaze me, especially when you're
working with newer people, and what they can do and what they can accomplish if they put their
minds to it. And it's not a matter of willpower around here. Thank God, or I wouldn't have lasted
five minutes. It's a matter of belief that a power greater than you can walk you through from today
till tomorrow.
And then we'll start over again tomorrow. Thank you for letting me share.