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Let's now introduce our main speaker, Cathy. I'm so tall up here. Hi, I'm Cathy. I'm an alcoholic.

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Thank you so much, Alex and Mariana, for inviting me to come out tonight. And I came a couple of

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weeks ago so that I could, it wouldn't be the first time I was here because I get scaredy-cat

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about that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know. So I'm not brave. The business stuff,

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my sobriety date, May 1st, 1988. And it wasn't me. We'll get to why it wasn't me. I really want

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to thank everybody for being here tonight, especially my friends over there, my sponsors

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here, my sponsees are here, my gal pals are here, and my other friend, Clint, who doesn't fit under

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the girl's heading. But you know, that's just one of the multitude of gifts from being a part

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of this program. When I was a kid, a little kid, I grew up in Central California. And there wasn't

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much in Central California back then. There were cows, and more cows. And that was about it. But

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you know, when you're under the age of five, you don't really care. So you know, I thought we had

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a perfect little life back then. And then we moved to Los Angeles when I was almost six. And we went

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from this beautiful house. Well, I thought it was because I was only

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this big. So this beautiful house to this terrible little apartment in a concrete jungle of Los

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Angeles. And my life turned upside down. And what I thought was a perfect childhood

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started to become a nightmare. Thankfully, I did not grow up in an alcoholic home. But I grew up

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in a crazy house. You don't need alcohol to live in a crazy house. There's plenty of other ways.

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And when we moved there, you know, both of my parents took on new jobs. So

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my brother and I became latchkey kids long before there were latchkey kids. And, you know,

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walking home from elementary school at five years old, and it was really, really far and crossing

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streets and things you'd never let your kids do now. And my mom had a breakdown. And she went

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literally nuts. And she was screaming all the time and crying all the time and didn't know how to

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handle. My brother was very hyperactive. So that just put her over the edge. So I had to become

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the perfect little child, because that was the role that was left. You could be the bratty kid,

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or you could be the perfect kid when you got to those are the choices. And so my mother would,

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when she would start screaming, I would run into the bedroom and run into the closet and pull all

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the clothes down over on top of me. So that a she wouldn't find me. And B, I could hear what was

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going on less. And because it frightened me and to this day, I don't like screaming people. I guess

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that's where I learned it.

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But, you know, I just that was when my life went crazy. And we lived there for a few years. And it

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was ugly. And there's a lot of I really have no memory of that time. Other than photographs remind

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me of what things look like and the places of the surrounding area. I think I blocked out that whole

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time in my life. Probably that was a better choice than actually remembering it all. And we moved to

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the San Fernando Valley from there.

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I was almost nine. And life got a little better. San Fernando Valley was not as scary as the city

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was for a little kid. We moved to Encino right behind Balboa Park. And those were the days when

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little kids could go spend the day at the park by themselves. You know, nobody, nobody was worried.

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And you get a blanket and you get a radio when you get toys and magazines and whatever. And you go

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spend the day at the park. And that's what I did to get out of my house. And so it worked out. And I

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was a little bit more comfortable. And I was a little bit more comfortable. And I was a little bit more

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comfortable. And I was a little bit more comfortable. And I worked for me for a long time. I didn't, I was a slow learner when it came to drinking. I never even thought about anything like that until my grandfather passed away when I was 14. He was probably my closest person. I loved, he was a giant of a man. At least I thought so. I found out later that my ex would have been quite a bit taller than him. But, you know, at the time as a little girl, he was just giant. And so he, you know, and I would go to visit them. They stayed in Central California. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them. And I would go to visit them

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But I developed what is now called being agoraphobic around that time. And on a daily basis, I was really okay. I didn't really notice it. But if I had somewhere to go that was out of the ordinary, it would hit with a panic attack that nobody could understand. Nobody could help me with other than the only thing that helped was going back home. Now, I don't know why that helped because that's not exactly where I ever wanted to be. But for whatever reason, that was the only thing that helped.

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that would bring, that would stop the attack from happening. So I don't know how many times

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over the course of my young life, my parents had to drive up north and come and fetch me

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from what was supposed to be a vacation. And so, you know, the years went on. I, when my

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grandfather passed away, we were already living in, in where my dad still lives in Tarzana. And

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we, life was okay. We moved to a street of brand new build houses. So all of us were in a new

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neighborhood, didn't know anyone. So we had each other and that worked. But when my grandfather

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passed away at 14, we spent a lot of time going back and forth while he was sick. And when I,

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when the night that he passed away, we were staying with family friends. The kids were,

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the parents, we weren't allowed in hospitals back then. So the parents were staying together

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at the hospitals and we were, the kids were all together at one of the family friends' houses.

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And when my parents came to pick me up, because my mom had told me

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that we were going to be in a new neighborhood, we were going to be in a new neighborhood.

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So when they came to pick me up, of course, we knew that my grandfather had passed away by that

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time. We weren't allowed to be there. And I told my mother at that point in time that I would never

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love anyone again. That was my mission in life. I was not going to do it because I didn't like the

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way it felt. And when we had the funeral at our house, we, I found out that lots and lots of

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people don't finish their drinks. Who knew? So I was the good little girl that was there. And I

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always was. So I was cleaning up after everybody. And I found that all those things go really well

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together. It didn't matter what they were drinking right up until you threw up. And then you started

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again. And I learned that pretty much from day one. And I wasn't really much of a drinker. You

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know what, when you grew up in, in the atmosphere that I did and things were expected of you and

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things like drinking as a teenager were not one of those things. So I really didn't drink that much.

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Until I graduated high school, then all of that came together. At one time, I was introduced to some new

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friends that I didn't know before. They introduced me to dry goods, for lack of a better term. And so,

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you know what, now I had all sorts of things to choose from, because I went to school with a bunch

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of very straight laced, very sort of upper middle class Jewish kids who didn't drink. At least I

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didn't see it. When when other people were talking about drinking, I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

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I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

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When when other people were talking about how everybody was doing it, it was like, I never saw

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anyone do it ever. So for me, I was way behind the curve. But I decided to catch up really, really

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fast. And so you know, I once I graduated high school, I moved to the North Valley and I went

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to Cal State Northridge for two weeks. That was as long as I could last because classes got in the

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way of things that I'd much rather do. So that was the end of college. But I had this great apartment

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right off campus. And I, so it was like I was going to college, I just didn't actually learn

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anything. But I did learn that you can go through a whole lot of drugs and alcohol in a very short

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period of time, which I wasn't really ready to afford. So that's when the really pitiful years

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started. I went to mom for everything. I had this wonderful mother, who thankfully never ever found

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Al-Anon.

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And she,

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whatever I needed, she was there for me. The more pitiful I got, the more she threw at me.

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And life was pretty darn easy, other than the fact that when you wake up four to five days later,

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you just don't really know what happened. But you know what, there was a lot of fun to be had

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during those years. And I enjoyed that pretend going to college time. But finally, I had to get

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a job. And that was not pretty. By the time I was even really looking, I mean, I had my little

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job, but I had to get a job. And I had to get a job. And I had to get a job. And I had to get a job.

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from the time I was 16 and 17. Back in those days, you had to dry clean everything. So my first job

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was at a dry cleaners. So I got everything done for free. That made sense to me. So that I could

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tell people that I was paying all this money, and just take the money and run. So I, you know,

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finished all those years. Well, now it was time for a big job. My parents finally figured out I

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wasn't going to college. They were a little slow on the pickup on that one. But they finally figured

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it out. So I,

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you know, got it together enough to take on jobs. I had really interesting jobs. Not that the jobs

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were that interesting. But the fact that they never fired me was interesting. I mean, I literally

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couldn't put two weeks together a full paycheck without missing a day. I don't know how anyone

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did that. That was just like too many days in a row. And, you know, I convinced myself I could do

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anything for one day in a row. But don't ask me to pull on that second day. It's really debatable.

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So, you know, I had all these jobs that kept me for years, being probably the worst employee ever.

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And but yet they kept me and it worked out because occasionally I'd make a few bucks.

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And finally got to the point in my 20s, where I was going downhill fast. I had roommates,

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my poor roommates, I you know, I was not an easy person to live with. And because you never knew

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what I was going to be. And I was like, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college. I'm

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going to go to college. I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college.

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I mean, if, if I had understood the concept of bipolar back then, I know that I didn't actually

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have it. What I had was stoned and sober. And those for me were the up and the down. So for me,

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you know, they never knew what they were going to get. And I wrote them into all kinds of mischief

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that they never should have been a part of, especially my one roommate who was dating a cop

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who showed up at the door. And, you know, everything was out in the open. And how do you

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not let the cop in? And, you know, I was like, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to college.

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And she was responsible for getting rid of him. You know, those kind of fun little things.

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Thankfully, I avoided, I don't know how to this day, I'll never know how I avoided the DUI

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and all of those things. In fact, I got pulled over many times while drinking. Somehow the brain

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just sobered up when the lights went on in the rear view mirror. And I had a friend one night I

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was taking home and, and the cop comes up, have you been drinking? I'm like, no, sir. And my friend

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next to me in the passenger seat is laughing hysterically, saying, yeah, we've been at the

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bar all day. It's great fun. And I all I wanted to do was put a gun to her head. It wasn't really

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an option. But, you know, thankfully, I was able to avoid it. I really don't know to this day how.

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And then around the age of 27, I was well into my addiction. Parents hadn't seen me in ages.

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I was still living in the valley. But, you know, my poor mom would come to the

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door and knock and cry. And, and I would never open the door. And I don't know why she didn't go

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to the manager and just have them open it. I don't know, got lucky there too, I guess. But, you know,

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I just, I just couldn't see anyone because I was not fit to be employed. I was not fit to be a

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family member. I wasn't fit to be anything at that point. And so I was home all the time. I was in

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the back of a very large walk-in closet. And I had one friend who would deliver my drugs and alcohol

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to me because I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't function. Didn't shower for days and

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days on end. Didn't, you know, I was not living. And I didn't allow myself really to sober up

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enough to even feel the pain of what I was going through. If it started to feel bad,

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I just drank some more. And I didn't have to face it or look at it. My parents were,

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I guess I was 27-ish, were going on a three-week vacation. And they decided to ask me,

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to watch the house while they were gone. Worst choice they ever made. So while they were gone,

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I sort of borrowed money that didn't belong to me and wasn't mine to borrow. I guess some people

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would call it stealing. I chose to call it borrowed because they were family and didn't

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even give it a thought. It didn't occur to me how wrong that was because I needed what I needed.

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And when they got back, they've kind of figured out that there was a big loss while they were

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gone that they knew they weren't a part of. And I was basically busted by my folks for drinking and

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using and taking all that money. I had two choices at that time, depending on which parent you go

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with. My dad said, send her to jail. My mom said, send her to rehab. Now, none of us knew much about

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things like rehab back then. So the only one I knew of was fancy girl rehab in the desert. So if

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I was going to go to rehab, I was going to go to the Betty Ford Center. I don't know if anybody else

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in here is an alumni of the Betty Ford Center, but I took my very first four step with very famous

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band brothers. So I thought rehab was fun. You know, I hear a lot of people don't feel that way

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about it. But for me, it was really fun. I walked in that first day. Sorry, my voice is leaving.

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I walked in that first day and there was a gal that was leaving. And I heard the counselor say

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to her, I have great concerns for you. So I knew what the game was. You know, it's get an A

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from the people in charge. So I was like, I'm going to go to rehab. And I was like, I'm going to go to

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rehab. And she was a perfect little rehab girl, followed all the directions, did all the stuff.

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And when that when I left there 30 days later, that very same woman said to me,

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you are the picture of sobriety. I won that game. I was drunk in 48 hours. So I didn't really win

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anything. But for me, I wasn't ready to do anything about my problem yet. Anyway,

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it took me another year, another year of drinking, using really hard. And I was just so broken.

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And so beyond my ability to do anything about my problem. And I was like, I'm going to go to rehab.

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And really, I felt like I was beyond any sort of help from anyone. I really didn't think there

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was anything out there that could help me. I thought I was just going to die in the back

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of that closet all by myself. And nobody would notice for a while. I told that took out a piece

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of paper. Why I did this, I still don't really know. But it had the name of a sobriety house

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in Arizona, in Prescott, Arizona. If anybody's been to Prescott, Arizona,

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cutest little town on the planet. So I went to Prescott, Arizona to this sober living house.

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And I was there for a year. I was too afraid to come home. I was too afraid to have to get any part

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of my world back in my world. And not that my world had much in it to begin with, but I still

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knew where the people lived. So that was as much as I needed to be away from. And I got sober in

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this little town of Prescott, which is an entirely sober town, by the way. I don't think there's

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anyone there that isn't sober. And these cute little white haired ladies sitting in the meeting

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rooms every day.

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I've become the little white haired lady. But back then, as a 29 year old, what I thought was a kid,

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these women took you under their wing. They went through steps with us. They were there. We went

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to meetings two or three times a day. This place was was no joke. And the women that ran it were

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just, you know, miracles in my mind that they could spend so much of their time sober and could

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handle a bunch of brats, Southern California brats, which were all that were living in this

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house.

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And handle all of us. But you know what they did. And I learned something. Well, I learned a lot of

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things. But something that I learned and took away from that house was that the gift of this

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program is not a one minute thing. Getting sober, I think is the first miracle that happens to any

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of us. The fact that we could put it down and leave it down is in my mind a miracle. And I know

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that that's way beyond anything I could do for myself. So I think it's a miracle. And I think it's

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in a lot. I don't know how the sober living is now. But I think back then God lived in those

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houses and was speaking through the women who were teaching us. And we all were able to get

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sober. I spoke to one of them actually a couple of months ago that was in that sober house with

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me. And she's still sober today as well. And, you know, it's it's crazy because all I wanted was to

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get my parents off my back. That was all I really wanted. And I think that's what I wanted. And I

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that was the biggest wish I had when I got there. And when I left there, I felt like anything is

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possible. And I don't know that I had ever felt that ever in my whole life. I didn't come from a

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positive space of you can be anything you want. You know, I came from stressed out, crazy people.

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So I didn't learn that. And I didn't learn that that was a really even an option. And so I moved

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on and I came back home. I found a little apartment. I started working my

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program. I got a sponsor right away. I went back to college. That had been a huge dream for me.

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And something that I had felt badly about all the years was that I never had done it. Two weeks

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didn't really count. But what I was smart enough to realize at that point, that we didn't go to

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Cal State Northridge for our records. I just started somewhere else. Because two weeks with

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a bunch of fails probably would not have been a great way to start my college career. So I,

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you know what, I went back to college and my sponsor went through it with me. And, you know,

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I had a great little house and I had a wonderful dog and I had a hobby competing with my dogs and

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and I worked and I went to school. And for the first time in my life, I was a productive member

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of society. I, you know, people used to joke about that, you know, go become productive member of

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society. I didn't even know what that was. Because I could only do one little piece of all of those

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pieces at a time. And I didn't know what that was. And I didn't know what that was. And I didn't know

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what that was. And I didn't know what that was. And I didn't know what that was. So for me, it was huge

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to be able to feel that way. And to be able to get some of the gifts that this program talks about.

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And, you know, and here comes the cautionary part of the tale. If you're brand new, close your ears.

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When I was about 10 years sober, I decided I had it. I knew it all. I wasn't going to get anything

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else. I was full. And, you know, the promises had all come true. I bought the house, I bought the car,

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I had a great job.

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You know, I'd finished school, obviously, long before that. And life was perfect. What else could

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I possibly need? And I stopped going to meetings. And I didn't have a sponsor. We just drifted

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apart. And I didn't even realize it until the time was going on that I hadn't been to meetings

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for years. When I finally came back to meetings, which was just over three years ago now,

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um, I had been dry.

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For 17 years. Now I didn't drink, because there's a whole lot of other ways to get in trouble

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without drinking, when you have an addictive personality. So I just exercise some of those

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for a while. And you know what, and I got in plenty of trouble. And I treated people badly.

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And all of those things that I had been working on for years to get better, were gone in a minute.

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And, you know, that's why they talk about how much we need to be here, you know, that there's

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to this puzzle than just meetings, or just a sponsor, or just anything. All of the pieces

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of this puzzle are needed to work together to keep us somewhat sane, because that's about as

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far as I can get. And a whole lot happier in general. But three years ago, I moved back to

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this valley. My father is old. And he needed someone to live in his house. So I came back

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to this valley, I had been living away. And I decided the only way I was going to get a break

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from him, maybe was to go back to meetings. There's an idea. And so I did. And basically,

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the people in this program, and especially the women were unbelievable. When I came back

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to these meetings, I was welcomed in with open arms. And everybody, I just connected with everyone.

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And I have friends and I have a life because of coming back to this. But you know what,

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there's still more work to do, especially when you've been away,

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for a long time. And you've relearned and regenerated every bad behavior you ever knew,

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except possibly picking up that first drink. But everything else was there. And it was just bright

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and shiny. And I just thought it was so swell, until it wasn't. And it wasn't for a long time,

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just like drinking wasn't fun. For those last years, this type of, I can't even call it sobriety,

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because it really wasn't. But being dry, was just a

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miserable. And so I got myself a sponsor took me a little while, because well, you know, I've been

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sober a long time, haven't worked program in 17 years, but I've been sober a long time. So I thought

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it was all that. And I found a true gift from God, my sponsor, who's in this room, who I'm going to

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talk about now. She was able to get through to someone like me, who even though I was a little bit

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drunk, even though I hadn't been drinking, I was so closed off. And even all of these women who

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welcomed me so wonderfully, I couldn't, I couldn't let it in. It couldn't come in, it bounced off,

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it flew away, it did whatever it did. And she's, you know, we went through my steps, which of

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course, I hadn't done in a long time. And it was hard work. You know, I think that you're that

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you're all good on your steps, if anybody's got a few years of sobriety, and they, you know, have

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already worked their steps.

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And they think I'm good, I'm stepped. No, because we don't become perfect. We just become a little

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better than we were. But there's always more work to be done. And having put all of that aside for

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so long, I had a lot of hard work to do. You know, I thought when I sat down to do that four step boy,

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I was just gonna, you know, I'd have two things to put on there, two, maybe three pages and pages

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and pages later, I found out that wasn't the case. Because being as crazy as I had become,

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even in sobriety,

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I didn't even I couldn't look at it. I didn't know. And it took somebody and she worked really

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hard with me. I got to tell you, it was I was not an easy step taker person. I wasn't. Dig in my

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little feet, pout my little face, say, Oh, I just need another month. That didn't work out for me

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very well. And so you know what, she was exactly what I needed. And she still is. And we've been

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through the steps. And now I have the gift of taking my sponsees.

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Through them. And it's been such a gift for me. I forgot, you know, it had been such a long time

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since I'd had any of that part of this program. That's so important. Working with others taking

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your steps doing the work. You know, when I got here, like the gentleman who shared earlier,

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talking about it wanting the easier, softer way. Oh, yeah, that was so my way. And you know,

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if something needed a paragraph, if I could get it through in one line, I'm all over that.

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Be taught that there's more to do than that. That there's more to to dig for and look for and,

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and to be found. Working a half ass program is I guess that's what I wanted to do. And I found out

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it wasn't an option. And I had to do it all. And she walked through it with me every step of the

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way. And you know, for people that are new, you can see 12 steps. Oh my god, 12. That's like way

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too many. It's going to take way too long because I want this thing in the next 42 minutes.

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And, you know, that's who we are. And, you know, and I was one of those. I admit it. And I had to

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settle down and listen and be taught. I don't know how many times my sponsors put me on silence

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at meetings. Because I tend to open my mouth before I actually think. And so because of that,

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I need to listen more. And that's what I do when when I am told to. Otherwise,

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I don't.

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But no, I'm just kidding. But you know, this life in sobriety, you know, when when they when they

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talk about the promises, and they talk about the gifts of this program, and and I absolutely was

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100% sure that that would apply to everyone but me, because my head was in such a bad place when

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I came back here. And I knew that there was just nothing nowhere for me to go. You know,

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I was going to be stuck in this sad, pitiful, depressed space, just like I felt I was,

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when I was a kid, stuck in the sad, scary place. And all of these women, each of them have played

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a part in, you know, the gifts that that I get to see today, that actually make it through into my

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heart. And I know that, you know, my life isn't easy today. Now, I've thought for sure, when I

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came back to these meetings, just like I thought the very first time I got sober, everything was

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going to be piece of cake, no issues, no troubles, I wouldn't trip over anything for the rest of my life.

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And unfortunately, that is not the case. And when I came back here to live, I thought it was going

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to be the worst penance that anyone ever had to pay in their whole life, because I was going to

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be taking care of my elderly dad. And I looked at meetings as a way to get out of the house.

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What I didn't know going in was how truly remarkable it was going to be. In some ways,

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I felt like a brand newcomer. And my sponsor reminded me in some ways I was. But you know

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what, I still had so much information, I still had so much information, I still had so much information,

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I still had so much information, I still had so much information, I still had so much information,

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inside, if these little things light up, I don't think I'll be able to see them. You know, inside,

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I still, I had a lot of information that I had taken in, in the years that I was going to meetings

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and was being a part of things. But this was so much different. I had grown up a lot in those

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years, I had changed. And the people that I met now were so remarkable to me. And, you know, yeah,

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I've been sober a long time, or like,

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let's just say not drinking a long time, excuse me, but seeing these women that didn't miss the

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information over the 17 years that I missed, they were galaxies ahead of me in their knowledge,

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and in their peace and serenity that they'd learned. And in all of those things that I

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thought I should have and didn't. So of course, again, I thought I was broken. And what I was,

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thankfully, you catch up a whole lot more quickly than you learned it the first time. And when you're

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new, really new, new, new, everything that people, a lot of things people talk about or say, or you

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hear them that they're feeling, you think maybe you can't have that, that, you know, maybe they

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got lucky and read the right page out of something or did something. And they get to be those lucky

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ones. But the truth of the matter is, as I have found in my own life, nothing is out of reach

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when you're sober. Everything is out of reach when you're drunk.

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And so when I look at my life today, it's not all perfect. I still have that dad. He's keeping on

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keeping on. But you know what, I have been constantly learning more about patience and

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tolerance, learning more to work my steps in every area of my life, not just the ones I feel like it.

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And it's, if you do the work, it's, you know, it's a very simple program for very complicated

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people. And we've all heard that at some point or another.

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And so we have a tendency to make things way bigger and way harder than they may or may not

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have to be. So, you know, this dealing with my dad thing, yeah, it gets on my last nerve every

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now and then, but I'm lucky to have any left. You know, I still have some left at the end of

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dealing with him. And when I come to meetings, I go to meetings almost every day. When I come

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to a meeting, it fills me right back up so that I can go back out there and do it again tomorrow.

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And I never thought that was even possible. And there are so many gifts,

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dear, and the people and the, you know, I thought that you, A, you didn't get gratitude until you

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like won the lottery or had a boat or something like that. Okay. I'll feel grateful then. But

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I have been learning and I continue to learn. It's the tiniest things that if you can take a

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second to really look at it, at what a gift it is. And the fact that we all got up this morning

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and we weren't hung over and we're sitting here tonight and we're not, hopefully not praying to

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get out of here.

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And I hurry because we have to go somewhere and drink. What a gift. How can we not all be

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full of gratitude for that? You know, I haven't had a craving for a drink in a very long time,

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but I also am not craving self-destructive behavior as much as I did before, because that

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for me is my fallback. If things start to look too good, I'm more fearful of success than failure

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any day of the week. And so if I start to think things are going too good, okay, what can I do to

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make it a mess on some level? And I'm not doing that on a daily basis anymore. So whatever your

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things are, you know, we all have different stuff. We all came in from different places,

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but what we all do have today is the gift of sobriety. If you're new, if anybody, can I see

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the hands of people under a year of sobriety? That's awesome, everyone. You know what? That

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first year is no piece of cake. I'm not going to stand up here and tell you. It was just a

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rose petals and unicorn.

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But you know what? Hopefully all of you have a sponsor and all of you are working a program

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and all of you are taking advice from people who have come before. We all only have today,

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but what people who have been around a little longer have, it's been a little longer since

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that last drink. And we've allowed information to come in, in between that last drink and now.

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And because of that, maybe it makes sense to listen just a little bit to somebody who's been

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here longer.

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And, you know, there's nothing you can't do. You know, when I got sober at 29, I was a kid and those

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rooms were full of little white haired ladies and little white haired guys. And there weren't a lot

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of younger people in sobriety back then. And now they're coming in at 17, which didn't really exist

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back in the 80s. So, you know, I'm so thrilled for all of you that can be here so young and have

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a whole sober life.

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And, you know, what a gift for all of you, if you can keep that. And, you know, some people go in and

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out. If that's your path, we just all pray that you may get back because none of us can get you

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drunk and none of us can keep you sober. But what we can do is still be sitting right here when you

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decide to come back. And I, oh, I see a light. I don't know what it means because I don't have my

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glasses on. But what I just want to finish with is, you know, I haven't done a long speak for,

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for a long time. And I was really nervous coming here tonight. And I, I hope I didn't bore

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everybody silly. But you know what I, this program never ceases to amaze me, especially when you're

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working with newer people, and what they can do and what they can accomplish if they put their

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minds to it. And it's not a matter of willpower around here. Thank God, or I wouldn't have lasted

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five minutes. It's a matter of belief that a power greater than you can walk you through from today

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till tomorrow.

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And then we'll start over again tomorrow. Thank you for letting me share.