1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,360 Hi, everybody. My name's Doug Rowell. I'm a grateful alcoholic. And I'm grateful, grateful to be an alcoholic and grateful to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. 2 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:21,000 And the reason I say that is because I remember the first time that I heard somebody say I'm a grateful alcoholic, I missed what they said for the next 10 minutes because I was figuring it out, because I'm a figure-outer. 3 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:35,020 I don't know if we got any other figure-outers in here, but I thought it sounds like the guy means he's like he's happy to be an alcoholic, like, you know, he's like, hey, thanks for the terminal illness. 4 00:00:35,020 --> 00:00:46,480 But I'm smart enough that I can figure it out that he probably means he's an alcoholic who's incidentally grateful that he got his driver's license back. 5 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:50,860 Or his boss said, OK, Billy, we're going to give you one more chance. 6 00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:52,400 You know, don't screw it up this time. 7 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,780 Or or his wife said, all right, you're doing pretty good. 8 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,420 You can sleep in the big bed tonight. 9 00:00:57,420 --> 00:01:03,820 You know, don't get any ideas, you know, because he couldn't mean he couldn't mean I'm grateful to be an alcoholic. 10 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,620 What the hell kind of that? 11 00:01:05,860 --> 00:01:06,660 That's stupid. 12 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:15,060 Yeah. So if you're new and you're wondering what I mean by I'm grateful to be an alcoholic, I'm grateful to be an alcoholic, grateful to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. 13 00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:20,200 Because, well, for one thing, if I'm not an alcoholic, what the hell is wrong with me? 14 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,280 You know what I mean? 15 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,740 I don't fire quite right. 16 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:32,060 And, you know, it's good to have a name to put on it, you know, and people with. 17 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,440 But I knew I was an alcoholic. 18 00:01:33,620 --> 00:01:37,320 I didn't. Some people come here and they find out if they're an alcoholic. 19 00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:43,880 You know, some people like, you know, get up and say, I think I'll go over that AA meeting and find out if I'm an alcoholic. 20 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:50,160 Because I knew long before I ever came to AA that I was an alcoholic and it was real handy. 21 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,800 Because people say, Jesus, Doug, why do you drink so much? 22 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:53,680 I'm an alcoholic. 23 00:01:53,960 --> 00:02:00,080 Well, he knows, you know, he has awareness of his disease. 24 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,740 I mean, giving an alcoholic awareness is like giving a baby a razor blade. 25 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:08,020 You know, it's it has some use in the right hands. 26 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:11,920 But awareness of my alcoholism really didn't help me much. 27 00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:16,480 So anyway, I want to thank I think Elizabeth invited me here. 28 00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:17,520 Is Elizabeth here? 29 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:18,460 Yeah. No. 30 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,000 OK. 31 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:19,260 Yeah. 32 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:19,540 Yeah. 33 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:19,560 Yeah. 34 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:19,740 Yeah. 35 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:19,820 Yeah. 36 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:20,060 Yeah. 37 00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:20,080 Yeah. 38 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:20,140 Yeah. 39 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:20,180 Yeah. 40 00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:20,200 Yeah. 41 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:20,700 It happens a lot. 42 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,420 A lot of times people will invite me and then they just don't show. 43 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:29,440 They're like, I don't know if this guy's any good or not, but I'm not taking chances. 44 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,180 I got family. 45 00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:31,800 It's Christmas. 46 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,960 You know, I got stuff, places to be. 47 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,080 So I don't know why. 48 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,180 I don't know why I'm an alcoholic. 49 00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:39,780 I don't come from an alcoholic family. 50 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:49,780 My dad was the kind of guy who would Saturday be maybe watching a football game or working on his car or 51 00:02:49,780 --> 00:03:09,820 working in the yard and then he stopped and have a beer, then he would go back to what he was doing, which, which is fascinates me, you know, I mean, that's not the way I advice that whatever I'm doing, if I stop and have a beer, that's what I'm doing now and whatever I was doing before couldn't have been very important or why would I stop and have a beer, you know what I mean? 52 00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:12,280 So my mother may have been an alcoholic. 53 00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:12,740 We don't know. 54 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:19,760 We could ever could tell because because she wouldn't drink, you know, I mean, it's very hard to diagnose a case of alcoholism. 55 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:35,240 If somebody won't swallow any goddamn alcohol, you know, and so, but we would, I would watch her, you know, to see, I mean, after I was sober about three years, I finally had to just come out with a two of us were sitting alone in her kitchen and I said, Mom, why don't you drink? 56 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,020 And it caught her off guard, you know, she's like, why don't I drink? 57 00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:39,160 So, yeah, why don't you drink? 58 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:39,980 Why don't you ever drink? 59 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,160 Why, why do you, why are you asking me? 60 00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:43,520 Well, I mean, are you an alcoholic? 61 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,940 And she, that really caught her off guard. 62 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,880 She was like, am I an alcoholic? 63 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:49,740 Look, there's two of us in this room. 64 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,400 Alcoholic, not an alcoholic. 65 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,360 What, what is, why are you asking me this? 66 00:03:55,660 --> 00:04:01,020 I said, okay, I was hoping to spare you this, but there is such a thing as a genetic predisposition. 67 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,380 You may be your fault. 68 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:04,020 I'm a drunk. 69 00:04:04,380 --> 00:04:06,280 So, there you go. 70 00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,720 She, oh, my fault. 71 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:08,600 Oh, my gosh. 72 00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:12,960 If only I had known, you know, am I an alcoholic? 73 00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:17,380 Have you ever seen me take a drink of alcohol in my life, in your life? 74 00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:18,220 I said, no, I haven't. 75 00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:19,660 But I know hundreds of alcoholics. 76 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:20,320 I don't drink. 77 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,820 I mean, so what's your deal? 78 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,760 And she said, I don't know. 79 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:28,340 When I was, when I was young, my friends drank and I would drink with them. 80 00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:32,280 And every time I drank, I got sick, stupid, and obnoxious. 81 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,200 So, I'd stop and I said, you got to drink through that, mom. 82 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,940 You know, yeah, I'm preaching to the choir here. 83 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:42,220 I mean, you guys, you guys know what I'm talking about. 84 00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:46,440 The promised land lies beyond sick, stupid, and obnoxious. 85 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,500 So, I don't know why I'm an alcoholic. 86 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,740 And I didn't start too young. 87 00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:53,860 Like, some people in here have heard my wife, Carla, speak. 88 00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:56,280 You know, she started drinking when she was like nine years old. 89 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,060 Well, hell, no wonder she's an alcoholic. 90 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,420 And I'm sure there's people in this room that started early. 91 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,500 I never had a drink until I was 18. 92 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:05,760 And I didn't even care about it. 93 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:09,140 Like I said, there was no drinking to speak of in my family, you know. 94 00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:14,500 My dad would have a beer and stop and, you know, mom didn't drink at all. 95 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,300 And so, there was just, there was nothing. 96 00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:18,460 The guys I knew in high school that drank. 97 00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:20,080 Did not make it look attractive. 98 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:28,040 So, what happened was my friend Morris, who was, you could, I guess he was like my sexual sponsor, you know. 99 00:05:28,340 --> 00:05:32,820 And Morris said, I was going out with this girl and Morris said, 100 00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:36,280 if you want to get a home run with this girl, you're going to have to get her drunk. 101 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,580 And because we used to use his baseball terms. 102 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:45,540 I don't know if anybody in here ever, I know, no, I said, there's just some people in here that are long in the tooth like me. 103 00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:47,980 You know, they didn't, I don't think, I don't know young people. 104 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,000 And play that baseball game. 105 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:56,040 But we used to have like, there was a first base and a second base and a third base. 106 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,560 And then, of course, a home run. 107 00:05:57,580 --> 00:05:59,760 And I don't even remember where the bases are now, you know. 108 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:01,640 It doesn't matter. 109 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,080 There's not enough bases anyway. 110 00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:04,680 And plus, you know, I'm like, I'm married. 111 00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:07,060 I mean, you know, step up to the plate and slide home. 112 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:16,460 But, but, but at the time, that home run thing was very attractive. 113 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,280 And Morris said, so I went. 114 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:20,040 I grew up in Garden Grove. 115 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:21,540 So I went and stole it. 116 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:25,420 It seemed to me that Rainier Ale was the national beverage of Garden Grove. 117 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,420 That's what all the guys in high school drank was like quarts of Rainier Ale, you know. 118 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,080 And so I went and stole a quart of Rainier Ale. 119 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,680 There was a liquor store up on Garden Grove Boulevard. 120 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:35,760 And I could run in the back. 121 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:39,080 And I grabbed a bottle of that and ran out the back door and got away with it. 122 00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:44,420 And so when this girl and I went and parked by the railroad tracks the next time, now I got my bottle. 123 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,080 You know, I got my ammunition. 124 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,180 And I reached under the seat. 125 00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:51,040 And I pulled out this quart of Rainier and cracked the top on it. 126 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,040 And I had a pull. 127 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,020 And it tasted like carbonated dishwater. 128 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,520 And I handed it to her. 129 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:56,540 And she took the pull. 130 00:06:56,940 --> 00:06:58,320 And so, and handed it back. 131 00:06:58,380 --> 00:07:00,200 And so we just passed this bottle back and forth. 132 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,260 It took us about maybe five minutes at the most. 133 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:03,920 And I got a buzz. 134 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,180 And it started coming on slow. 135 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,240 And then I was like, well, I like this. 136 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:08,780 This is good. 137 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,500 You know, I like this. 138 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:13,200 And so, and it turned out this was the first time. 139 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,660 Morris was right. 140 00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:17,120 This is the first time I ever had an alcohol buzz. 141 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:18,160 And also. 142 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,580 This was also the first time I ever had sex in front of a witness. 143 00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:25,740 So, so I was like, yeah, I'm going to do, I'm going to do this, both of these things. 144 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,500 Much as I can the rest of my life. 145 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:30,040 You know, like we talk about commitment in AA. 146 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:31,040 That's a commitment. 147 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,820 I was like, yeah, okay, I'm in. 148 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,840 And, and so, you know, I just, that's how I started drinking. 149 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,440 And, and I don't think I drank alcoholically from the gate. 150 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,300 For one thing, I was only 18 years old. 151 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,540 I couldn't legally buy it. 152 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:47,760 And I had started playing guitar in, when I was in high school. 153 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:56,400 And at that time I was in the early sixties, people talk about the sixties when you, people say the sixties, they're really not talking about the sixties. 154 00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:03,760 They're talking about 65 to 75, you know, that's, uh, because in, in 1962, that was happy days. 155 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:04,600 You know what I'm saying? 156 00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:15,040 You know, the only cool thing in, in 1962 was the Fonz and, um, and then in 64, the Beatles came to town and that changed everything. 157 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,260 So I graduated in 63, right in the middle. 158 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:17,860 And, um. 159 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:25,480 So, uh, but I had started playing guitar and that's when the, the music that was on the radio was mostly like the Kingston Trio and Peter, Paul and Mary. 160 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:32,780 And then, you know, and then you get into the folk music and find out about Pete Seeger and Woody Guthrie and Lead Belly and all these old, old guys. 161 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,600 And it was really cool. 162 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:39,500 Then Bob Dylan and, and, uh, uh, you know, that new generation of old folk singers. 163 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,920 And I, I tried to get into doing that. 164 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:47,800 And, and then, uh, the Beatles hit and it was, uh, the English and the British invasion and, and rock. 165 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,480 And, and, uh, I started playing rock and roll and, and, uh, hate Ashbury and all that. 166 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,440 And, and so I kind of slid into that. 167 00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:56,400 I got an electric guitar and I started playing in bands. 168 00:08:56,540 --> 00:09:00,240 And, and, uh, at one point I thought I better move up to Hollywood. 169 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,360 I was living in Orange County and I thought, and I was working in bars. 170 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:09,380 I was under 21, but I was working in bars, um, you know, singing and playing guitar and bass. 171 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,880 And, and I moved up to Hollywood. 172 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,560 I had a friend that lived up there and he was a musician. 173 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,600 And so I moved in with him and this other guy. 174 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,680 We were all three musicians living in Laurel. 175 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:23,860 Canyon was a great place to live in like a 19, in the early sixties or the late sixties, 68, 69. 176 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:29,040 And I got in a band called the Rock Wall and we were playing clubs up and down Sunset Boulevard. 177 00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:36,360 It's a great job, you know, um, and, uh, people want to always want to buy you drinks and stuff, you know, and girls want to go home with you. 178 00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:36,920 It was fun. 179 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:42,860 Um, and, uh, and, but what happened was there was a musical that came to town. 180 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,260 And, um, is it, I like Broadway musicals. 181 00:09:46,260 --> 00:09:47,540 I mean, I, you know, I was up. 182 00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:53,700 Uh, in Sunset Boulevard playing rock and roll and, uh, you know, and Motown stuff and some country stuff. 183 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:59,840 And, and, uh, we, you know, we like doing all that, but I just have a soft spot in my, my heart for Broadway musicals. 184 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:14,060 There's something about the music man and the flower drum song and, and, uh, uh, Oklahoma, you know, where, where, uh, a couple of walking down the street and, and you can see they're starting to fall in love and they touch and you can almost feel the spark from the audience. 185 00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:17,520 And, and one of them starts to sing to the other one and the other one sings. 186 00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:22,700 Back and they're singing a duet and then everybody in town comes out and they dance all up and down the streets. 187 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:23,800 You know, that's it. 188 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,760 See, that's the way I think life should be. 189 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:31,460 So, uh, so there was a musical that came to town, a new musical called hair. 190 00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:43,840 And it was, uh, that that's, that's everything I love Broadway musical and, uh, smoking dope and getting naked and, you know, and the hell no, we won't go. 191 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,500 And it was like, oh my God, I went to see this show and I fell in love. 192 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:47,520 Yeah. 193 00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:54,840 I remember that there was a character named Burger who stripped down to a loincloth and insulted the audience and swung on a rope and screamed rock and roll. 194 00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:57,160 And I thought, I could do that. 195 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:03,580 And, uh, so the, I called the Aquarius Theater the next day and, uh, the receptionist said, Aquarius Theater, may I help you? 196 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,660 I said, yeah, I want to be in your show. 197 00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:08,220 And, uh, today this, this could happen today. 198 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:13,900 If, if you did what I did today, they would say something like, who is your agent? 199 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:16,280 Uh, please have your representative call us. 200 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:17,660 And maybe we can make an appointment. 201 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,140 This is 1969. 202 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,020 And, uh, and they were hiring people off the street. 203 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,060 If you could sing and dance. 204 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,000 So she said, I said, I want to be in your show. 205 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,680 She said, just a minute, I'll connect you. 206 00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:29,140 And so she connected me to the company manager. 207 00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:30,040 He said, can I help you? 208 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,180 I said, I want to be in your show. 209 00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:32,080 He said, you do, huh? 210 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:33,180 Can you sing and dance? 211 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,380 That's what I do, man. 212 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,140 I said, I'm a, I sing and dance. 213 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:39,240 And I never danced a step in my life. 214 00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:41,120 You know, I'm up on the stage playing. 215 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,500 I could sing and I thought maybe I can sing good enough that they don't care if I can dance. 216 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,940 Also, I'm, I'm watching you dance. 217 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,640 Good dancing, bad dancing. 218 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:51,920 I mean, how hard could it be? 219 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,140 So, um, the guy said, well, okay. 220 00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:57,020 I said, yeah, that's how I pay my rent, man. 221 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:58,380 I sing and dance. 222 00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,060 Yeah, you betcha. 223 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,940 And, uh, so he said, uh, what are you doing Friday at one o'clock? 224 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,040 I said, you tell me. 225 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,660 He said, uh, we're having auditions Friday at one o'clock. 226 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,320 What's your name? 227 00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:08,280 I told him my name. 228 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,340 I gave him my phone number. 229 00:12:09,340 --> 00:12:13,420 And he said, uh, come down, down to the Aquarius at one o'clock on Friday. 230 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,780 Bring a piece of sheet music you like to sing. 231 00:12:15,780 --> 00:12:17,480 And we'll give you a, give you a run. 232 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:22,140 So like, I haven't been on the phone five minutes and I'll, I got an audition in a couple of days. 233 00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,240 This is a Wednesday morning or Wednesday afternoon. 234 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:28,560 I went right down to Wallach's Music City on Sunset, went through all their sheet music. 235 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:34,780 I found a song that, that I sang at night when the club I was working in was a fun song for me to sing. 236 00:12:35,060 --> 00:12:38,460 And so I, uh, I went, I went home and I practiced it. 237 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:42,880 And then when I got to the, to the club that night, I said, hey, let me sing this song a couple of times tonight. 238 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,000 I got to practice. 239 00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:45,360 I got an audition on Friday. 240 00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:46,260 So I did. 241 00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:48,340 And then Thursday I did the same thing. 242 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,620 And then Friday morning I got my guitar out. 243 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:51,960 I'm practicing this song. 244 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,740 I'm going to, you know, get it so, so, so it's tight, you know, tight. 245 00:12:56,100 --> 00:13:02,000 And, uh, I broke a string on the guitar and, uh, it's, um, it's hard to explain now. 246 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,240 In 1969, like hippies were like, oh, bad karma, dude. 247 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:15,620 You know, so, um, so, uh, I went into my roommate's room to see if he had the string that I broke and, and right in the middle, his dresser was a mess. 248 00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:20,880 But right in the middle of it was a little clean spot with a white envelope said G string. 249 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,100 And it's like G string, good karma, dude. 250 00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:27,680 So, uh, but underneath the envelope was a little white capsule. 251 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,160 And I said, I wonder what that is. 252 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,980 Oh, cause, um, we didn't have a PDR. 253 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,220 You know, you pretty much had to swallow test everything. 254 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,020 It's a good test. 255 00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:37,980 Uh, it's, it's a very effective test. 256 00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:41,220 Forget about heavy machinery and automotive, whatever. 257 00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,360 If you eat it, you're going to know precisely what it does. 258 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,380 And this turned out to be THC. 259 00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:47,100 Synthetic marijuana. 260 00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:48,900 And it's a nice buzz. 261 00:13:49,260 --> 00:14:00,660 And, uh, so I, I got, I about, so I went down and, uh, put away my stuff and put the string back on my guitar, practicing more, a couple more times, went down, fired up my Harley. 262 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:04,720 I went down Laurel Canyon onto Sunset Boulevard and down to the Aquarius. 263 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:05,820 It's about four miles. 264 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,420 And it was like, whoa, whoa. 265 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,640 And, uh, got down to the Aquarius and put the kickstand down. 266 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,760 I, it seemed like it took me about three minutes to swing my leg. 267 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,700 And I knew what cool was. 268 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,380 Nobody ever accused me of being cool. 269 00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:23,520 I knew what cool looked like. 270 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,340 And I knew what cool was. 271 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:25,160 Man, that guy's cool. 272 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:25,820 Yeah, he is. 273 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,160 He's cool. 274 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:26,540 You're not. 275 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,180 And, uh, um, but I was cool that day. 276 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,160 And, uh, I sort of floated up the stairs at the Aquarius Theater. 277 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,800 I got my, and my hair was real long over my shoulders. 278 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:44,280 And, and I had, uh, I had these hip hugger bell bottoms on, you know, they were like, like Paisley print and bells about that big. 279 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,640 And so when you walk, they go. 280 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,380 And no shirt on. 281 00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:53,820 I just, I was wearing this vest with six layers of foot long, red, white, and blue leather fringe. 282 00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:54,480 You know what I'm saying? 283 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,940 Like I'm a walking wind chime. 284 00:14:56,940 --> 00:15:02,160 And, uh, so I floated up the stairs at the Aquarius and it was, and they had already started the audition though. 285 00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:06,980 I'm, I'm standing at the top of the auditorium, watching them audition down on the stage. 286 00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:09,260 And, and, uh, I almost forgot why I was there. 287 00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:11,640 I'm thinking, God damn, these hippies can sing and dance, man. 288 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,460 And somebody said, Doug Rowell is Doug Rowell here. 289 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:15,720 And I said, I said, yeah, yeah. 290 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,900 I went running down the aisle and up on stage and handed the sheet music to the piano player. 291 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,220 And he opens it up, big grin. 292 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,260 He starts to play. 293 00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:29,860 There's about four or five people sitting in the front row judging the auditioners and they're kind of nudging each other. 294 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:32,640 And one guy says, man, we love your energy. 295 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:37,560 Um, can you, can you do something a little mellower just so we kind of get a range of what you can do? 296 00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:38,660 I said, yeah, yeah, no problem. 297 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:44,900 I went into this Otis Redding's dock of the bay, you know, acapella, but the piano player knew the tune. 298 00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,280 And, and he picked it up and we were, he was in my key. 299 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,260 We were right in the pocket, man. 300 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,520 Looks like nothing gonna change. 301 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,800 Everything still remains the same. 302 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,140 I made myself cry. 303 00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:02,120 And, uh, they said, cool, man. 304 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:02,600 We love you. 305 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:03,740 We just got to see you dance. 306 00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:04,640 I said, play. 307 00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:07,340 By then I just felt like I could do no wrong. 308 00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:08,920 You know, I said, play. 309 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:10,860 And the guy started to play and I start to move. 310 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,680 And I wish I had a video because I have a feeling that. 311 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:24,220 Initially, I look like the offspring of Joe Cocker and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, you know, sort of a, but, uh, but it got good to me, you know, and I'm seeing my hair come around. 312 00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:28,020 I'm getting trails off of this hair and trails off of the fringe. 313 00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:30,720 And I'm just in this tornado of trails. 314 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:34,100 And I heard somebody say, Jesus, can he dance? 315 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,020 I knew it. 316 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:36,660 I knew it. 317 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,940 And, uh, so they said, come on down here. 318 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,060 They said, listen, we, we, uh, we want you, man. 319 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,880 We want you, uh, um, not for the Hollywood show, which I thought I was. 320 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:45,740 I was auditioning for. 321 00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:48,240 They said, we just started a company in Las Vegas. 322 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,320 Can you be in Las Vegas on Tuesday? 323 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,040 It's Friday. 324 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:51,840 Play the weekend. 325 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,300 Um, yeah, I can. 326 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,900 So I went home and I, I told my roommates, uh, we got to get a new roommate. 327 00:16:59,020 --> 00:16:59,880 It wasn't a problem. 328 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,060 Everybody wanted to live in Laurel Canyon in those days. 329 00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:03,380 So that was no problem. 330 00:17:03,860 --> 00:17:09,100 Uh, I told my band that night, I said, uh, I gotta, I'll play the weekend, but I gotta go to Las Vegas. 331 00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:10,020 I'm going to be in hair. 332 00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:11,160 Cool, man. 333 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,560 We knew a lot of musicians. 334 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:13,640 So that wasn't too hard. 335 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,520 I had to find a. 336 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:19,790 A home for my dog and a little Vietnamese restaurant said they would take them. 337 00:17:20,030 --> 00:17:24,290 And, uh, so, uh, I thought they said they wanted to watch dog. 338 00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:34,230 I think they said we want to walk the dog, but, uh, anyway, so, uh, Tuesday morning, Tuesday morning, I got, uh, all my stuff in a duffel bag and put it on my back and fired up that Harley. 339 00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:43,470 It was an old police Harley with a tank shift, you know, and, uh, uh, and ate a tab of orange sunshine and headed off across the desert for fame and fortune. 340 00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,870 And I got there. 341 00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:53,190 And I got there and reported in, and it took me about three days to, to learn all the lines and the, and the harmonies and the steps and stuff. 342 00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,330 And so I'm part of the hair company now. 343 00:17:55,750 --> 00:18:00,670 And, uh, and there was a little vignette parts and I would get these little vignette parts at once in a while. 344 00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:04,450 And it was just fun, fun, bunch of people to, to hang out with and play with. 345 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,890 And then they gave me the understudy of one of the lead roles. 346 00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:14,670 Then when we finished up in Vegas, we became the first national tour of hair and they gave me the lead role of burger, the obnoxious speed freak, sex. 347 00:18:14,670 --> 00:18:14,850 Crazy. 348 00:18:14,870 --> 00:18:18,530 Crazy leader of the tribe, you know, there was a stretch, but I could do it. 349 00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:30,050 And, uh, uh, so, uh, but we went off, we went right, went to Indianapolis and then Columbus and Pittsburgh and all these places, three and a half years touring United States and Canada. 350 00:18:30,630 --> 00:18:34,650 Um, you know, two weeks here and three weeks there and a week there and whatever. 351 00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:44,330 And, uh, we, we started out in the audience and then we go on stage and after the show, we go out and get people in the audience, come up on stage with us and dance. 352 00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:51,110 And, and so people would say sometimes, uh, Hey, listen, we own a bar just up the street, about two blocks up the street. 353 00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:53,190 We'd like you guys to come and be our guests tonight. 354 00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:54,950 Just drink for free all night. 355 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:55,730 Okay. 356 00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:56,530 We'll do that. 357 00:18:56,530 --> 00:18:59,550 And, uh, somebody would go, Hey man, you like pot here? 358 00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:00,650 Sense of me and Maui. 359 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:00,890 Wow. 360 00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:02,970 We Panama red Acapulco gold. 361 00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:04,730 Give us all this great dope. 362 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:05,570 You like acid? 363 00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:08,510 Osley, purple haze, orange sunshine, window pain. 364 00:19:08,610 --> 00:19:09,410 Hey, Hey, Hey. 365 00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:12,810 And, uh, got a witness. 366 00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:17,810 And, uh, so some girl would come up, Oh my God, I love you take me. 367 00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:18,810 Okay. 368 00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:26,810 Uh, so it was like sex, drugs, and rock and roll set to music and, and at union scale, you know, so, uh, it was a good job. 369 00:19:26,810 --> 00:19:38,810 And, uh, when I, when that show was over, it's funny when I, when I finally got sober and I got a sponsor and I heard somebody say our drinking was, but a symptom of deeper underlying causes and conditions. 370 00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,810 And I thought, that's what it is. 371 00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:41,810 It's hair. 372 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:42,810 That's what I told myself. 373 00:19:42,810 --> 00:19:43,810 I told my sponsor. 374 00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:45,810 I found my deeper underlying cause and condition. 375 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:46,810 He said, Oh really? 376 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:47,810 What is it? 377 00:19:47,810 --> 00:19:48,810 Hair. 378 00:19:48,810 --> 00:19:49,810 Okay. 379 00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:50,810 We'll cut your hair. 380 00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:51,810 Not my hair. 381 00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:52,810 Hair. 382 00:19:52,810 --> 00:19:53,810 The show. 383 00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:54,810 Remember I told you I was like toured around, you know, it was like a big star and everything. 384 00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:55,810 Oh yeah. 385 00:19:55,810 --> 00:19:56,810 Yeah. 386 00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:57,810 I forgot about the big star, you know? 387 00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:58,810 Cause you're like a drunk now. 388 00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:03,810 And, uh, um, I thought he said, I thought you were loaded when you auditioned for that show. 389 00:20:03,810 --> 00:20:04,810 Yeah. 390 00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:05,810 Yeah. 391 00:20:05,810 --> 00:20:10,810 He goes, okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, maybe it wasn't the show that made you an alcoholic. 392 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:11,810 Yeah. 393 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,810 I had a, had a problem from the gate. 394 00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:18,810 And so I don't know, you know, anyway, um, I came back here and I, and I was auditioning for stuff. 395 00:20:18,810 --> 00:20:23,810 I had a little girl by then, met a lady in the, in the show when we hooked up and she had a, had a baby. 396 00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:29,810 And so we had this little girl and we came back to Hollywood and she started working at Kelly girl temps. 397 00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:33,810 And I started going around and auditioning for stuff and visiting friends. 398 00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:36,810 And I put a, I got a car seat at Goodwill and made a bracket. 399 00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:40,810 So it fit on the back of my Harley and right around Hollywood with this infant. 400 00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:43,810 And a car seat on the back of my scooter. 401 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,810 And I mean, it was just craziness. 402 00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:49,810 And, uh, I would visit friends, you know, and we, and we get loaded. 403 00:20:49,810 --> 00:20:53,810 And then I put her back in that car seat on the bike and, and right around Hollywood. 404 00:20:53,810 --> 00:20:57,810 And I've just, it's embarrassing now, you know, to think about it. 405 00:20:57,810 --> 00:21:02,810 Uh, but, uh, finally her mother just said, look, I can't do this anymore. 406 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:07,810 You know, um, I want you to stay in your, in your daughter's life if you want to, but not in mine. 407 00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:08,810 I can't do this. 408 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:09,810 You got to go. 409 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,810 So I did. 410 00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:15,810 I left and, and I ran into a guy that was the prop man on the show when we were touring. 411 00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:17,810 And he said, uh, what are you doing? 412 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,810 I said, I said, oh, I'm up. 413 00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:21,810 I got this, I'm up for this Jack in the Box commercial. 414 00:21:21,810 --> 00:21:25,810 And, um, I got a call back for two gentlemen of Verona. 415 00:21:25,810 --> 00:21:27,810 So he goes, well, you're parking cars. 416 00:21:27,810 --> 00:21:30,810 Cause I was working in the parking lot right then and had parking his car. 417 00:21:30,810 --> 00:21:33,810 He said, go down to the stage hand union and tell him I sent you. 418 00:21:33,810 --> 00:21:34,810 So I did that. 419 00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:38,810 And then I, uh, I got an, uh, got a job as a stage hand and I did that for 25 years. 420 00:21:38,810 --> 00:21:41,810 Half of it loaded and half of it sober. 421 00:21:41,810 --> 00:21:44,810 And, uh, I, um, I don't know. 422 00:21:44,810 --> 00:21:49,810 Uh, I just, I started out in that union, like like, um, you know, I could pay attention. 423 00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:53,810 I would listen to what people told me to do and do it and, uh, and get along. 424 00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:54,810 All right. 425 00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:58,810 And, and, you know, I'm smart enough to follow directions, but the longer I was there and 426 00:21:58,810 --> 00:22:02,810 then I started being the cocaine dealer on a, uh, soap opera. 427 00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:07,810 And, and that was like, that was a big ego feeder, you know, I'm like, Hey, I'm selling 428 00:22:07,810 --> 00:22:09,810 to the big stars and directors. 429 00:22:09,810 --> 00:22:12,810 And, and, uh, I, this is an AA. 430 00:22:12,810 --> 00:22:15,810 I can look around this room and see that, uh, I don't have to explain. 431 00:22:15,810 --> 00:22:17,810 I mean, this is an AA meeting. 432 00:22:17,810 --> 00:22:19,810 I'm an alcoholic to the core. 433 00:22:19,810 --> 00:22:23,810 If God ever made anything better than Bushmills, Irish whiskey, he kept it for himself. 434 00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:26,810 But, um, uh, but I, you know, I use drugs. 435 00:22:26,810 --> 00:22:31,810 I mean, I, and, and I don't, uh, I don't want to offend anybody, you know, that, uh, 436 00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:34,810 Alcoholics Anonymous is not a drug treatment program. 437 00:22:34,810 --> 00:22:36,810 It's, it's, it's a, it's a program designed to. 438 00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:38,810 Treat alcoholism. 439 00:22:38,810 --> 00:22:41,810 And, uh, my wife says it better than anybody I've ever heard. 440 00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:46,810 She said, it's not a, it's not a violation of our fifth tradition about our primary purpose 441 00:22:46,810 --> 00:22:48,810 to mention drugs in an AA meeting. 442 00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:52,810 It's a violation of the tradition, not to mention alcohol. 443 00:22:52,810 --> 00:22:57,810 And, uh, so, but, you know, still just out of respect for the old timers, you know, that, 444 00:22:57,810 --> 00:23:02,810 uh, if I had known, I didn't know, you know, when I was doing it, I mean, somebody said, 445 00:23:02,810 --> 00:23:04,810 uh, hey man, try this, you know? 446 00:23:04,810 --> 00:23:07,810 If I had known where, where I was going to end up, you know, I would have said, you know, 447 00:23:07,810 --> 00:23:11,810 hey, listen, I would love to, but I'm going to be speaking at an AA meeting in 40 years 448 00:23:11,810 --> 00:23:13,810 and, you know, I don't want to piss anybody off. 449 00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:19,810 Uh, so, uh, anyway, but I only used, um, every fucking drug I ever heard of, you know, except 450 00:23:19,810 --> 00:23:21,810 for the ones that I've heard of since I got sober. 451 00:23:21,810 --> 00:23:24,810 And I, you know, you wonder about them. 452 00:23:24,810 --> 00:23:25,810 Uh, okay. 453 00:23:25,810 --> 00:23:27,810 I tell you, ecstasy is a good name for a drug. 454 00:23:27,810 --> 00:23:28,810 I don't know. 455 00:23:28,810 --> 00:23:33,810 Uh, anyway, um, anyway, I, uh, my life was, was taken advantage of. 456 00:23:33,810 --> 00:23:34,810 I was taking a dump. 457 00:23:34,810 --> 00:23:35,810 I started hurting myself. 458 00:23:35,810 --> 00:23:40,810 You know, I, I, I fell off of a, I skied off a cliff up at, uh, Big Bear. 459 00:23:40,810 --> 00:23:42,810 Uh, it wasn't an accident either. 460 00:23:42,810 --> 00:23:43,810 I thought I could make it. 461 00:23:43,810 --> 00:23:49,810 Um, the way I like to ski, I like to get there at 830 when the lifts first open and the snow 462 00:23:49,810 --> 00:23:54,810 is all groomed, you know, and get on the lift and, uh, take my gloves and hook them on my 463 00:23:54,810 --> 00:23:59,810 vest and reach over here and get my little vial of cocaine and just do a little one-on-one 464 00:23:59,810 --> 00:24:02,810 wake up and then reach over here and get my wasp, my flask and have a little shot of 465 00:24:02,810 --> 00:24:05,810 whiskey and put that away. 466 00:24:05,810 --> 00:24:09,810 Get out my windless pipe and enjoy the scenery all the way up the hill and then, uh, get 467 00:24:09,810 --> 00:24:14,810 off and put everything down and grab that boda bag, have a shot of white wine and then 468 00:24:14,810 --> 00:24:19,810 take off down the hill, which to be fair, it may have helped me on the first run, you 469 00:24:19,810 --> 00:24:24,810 know, to, to loosen up some, but after about 20 or 30 runs, you're really in no condition 470 00:24:24,810 --> 00:24:27,810 to be involved in an athletic event. 471 00:24:27,810 --> 00:24:30,810 And so, um, this, uh, there was a, there was a cliff. 472 00:24:30,810 --> 00:24:31,810 There was a place. 473 00:24:31,810 --> 00:24:35,810 You come down towards this cliff and make a hard left and go around this long trail. 474 00:24:35,810 --> 00:24:39,810 And I saw, saw a couple of people go off that cliff and it looked fun. 475 00:24:39,810 --> 00:24:41,810 It was right after the winter Olympics too. 476 00:24:41,810 --> 00:24:46,810 So, uh, you know, I, this, uh, they go like, I don't know, 700 meters or something, you 477 00:24:46,810 --> 00:24:49,810 know, that I figured 50 foot cliff, big deal. 478 00:24:49,810 --> 00:24:54,810 So, uh, but, uh, you know what you watch those winter Olympic guys when they're airborne, 479 00:24:54,810 --> 00:24:58,810 as soon as they're airborne, they lean over the front of their skis and it looks really cool. 480 00:24:58,810 --> 00:25:01,810 And I thought they did it because it looks really cool. 481 00:25:01,810 --> 00:25:06,810 It turns out if you don't do that, your skis go straight up in the air. 482 00:25:06,810 --> 00:25:11,810 And then now you're heading for the planet with the skis on top and your head on the 483 00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:13,810 bottom, which is never recommended. 484 00:25:13,810 --> 00:25:18,810 And, uh, so that's the way I landed and my landed on my shoulder and broke my shoulder. 485 00:25:18,810 --> 00:25:20,810 And I was out of work for six weeks. 486 00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:25,810 And then I got back to work and I ended up going to a party one night and it was Friday 487 00:25:25,810 --> 00:25:29,810 night with a party and, and, um, everybody went, we partied all night long. 488 00:25:29,810 --> 00:25:30,810 And then the morning came. 489 00:25:30,810 --> 00:25:33,810 And in the morning there was about four of us left. 490 00:25:33,810 --> 00:25:37,810 And the woman that owned the house said, if somebody would take me to the store and get 491 00:25:37,810 --> 00:25:38,810 some eggs, I'll make breakfast. 492 00:25:38,810 --> 00:25:39,810 So I said, well, I'll do it. 493 00:25:39,810 --> 00:25:41,810 And my scooter was parked across the driveway. 494 00:25:41,810 --> 00:25:43,810 So we went out and fired it up. 495 00:25:43,810 --> 00:25:48,810 And, and I remember that morning so clearly, just as, as I fired, it was a kickstart, of 496 00:25:48,810 --> 00:25:49,810 course. 497 00:25:49,810 --> 00:25:53,810 And just as I kicked it, boom, boom, boom, you know, I had that Harley rumble and the 498 00:25:53,810 --> 00:25:58,810 sun just broke across the horizon and the sky starts to turn from black to blue to bluer, 499 00:25:58,810 --> 00:25:59,810 you know? 500 00:25:59,810 --> 00:26:00,810 And, and that's a real sexy look. 501 00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:01,810 And it was April. 502 00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:02,810 So it wasn't hot or cold. 503 00:26:02,810 --> 00:26:03,810 It was just brisk. 504 00:26:03,810 --> 00:26:04,810 And, uh, the wind in our hair, there was no helmet law then. 505 00:26:04,810 --> 00:26:05,810 So the wind in our hair and the sunrise and the Harley rumble, everything about it was 506 00:26:05,810 --> 00:26:06,810 sexy. 507 00:26:06,810 --> 00:26:07,810 So we both thought we should make love in the great outdoors. 508 00:26:07,810 --> 00:26:08,810 And, um, I don't know if you're familiar with downtown Burbank, but you know, it's 509 00:26:08,810 --> 00:26:09,810 not a, it's, it's not a place with a lot of great outdoor lovemaking venues. 510 00:26:09,810 --> 00:26:10,810 They, we found a four story parking structure and, uh, and we thought, well, you know, it's 511 00:26:10,810 --> 00:26:11,810 not a, it's not a place with a lot of great outdoor lovemaking venues. 512 00:26:11,810 --> 00:26:30,810 They, we found a four story parking structure and, uh, and we thought that's great cause 513 00:26:30,810 --> 00:26:31,810 we'll be up there. 514 00:26:31,810 --> 00:26:32,810 The sky's open. 515 00:26:32,810 --> 00:26:33,810 Nobody can see us. 516 00:26:33,810 --> 00:26:34,810 So, but the gate was locked. 517 00:26:34,810 --> 00:26:39,110 So we rode the bike around to the back and went up the fire escape and the fire escape 518 00:26:39,110 --> 00:26:40,110 door was locked. 519 00:26:40,110 --> 00:26:41,110 And I said, Hey, listen to fire escape. 520 00:26:41,110 --> 00:26:41,210 Has to be locked. 521 00:26:41,210 --> 00:26:41,330 Got the door. 522 00:26:41,330 --> 00:26:42,990 has to be unlocked from the inside. 523 00:26:43,170 --> 00:26:45,010 I'm going over the wall, open the thing. 524 00:26:45,090 --> 00:26:45,810 So I jumped up. 525 00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:49,790 I made the jump up to the wall, but I couldn't get the part of getting over the wall. 526 00:26:50,350 --> 00:26:52,230 Part of it was that it was thicker than I thought. 527 00:26:52,330 --> 00:26:53,390 So I'm not hanging like this. 528 00:26:53,430 --> 00:26:54,350 I'm hanging like this. 529 00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:58,210 So that, but mainly I think it's because I had a 0.40 blood alcohol level. 530 00:26:58,850 --> 00:27:03,110 And the reason I know that is because this was the parking structure of St. Joseph's 531 00:27:03,110 --> 00:27:03,490 Hospital. 532 00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:11,690 So when I fell off of that parking structure, 54 feet, I remember watching the building 533 00:27:11,690 --> 00:27:14,230 going by going, that's a stationary building. 534 00:27:14,330 --> 00:27:18,770 I must be falling and landed on my feet and my knees buckled. 535 00:27:18,810 --> 00:27:23,890 And I kicked myself in the ass and broke my pelvis in two places and snapped the heel 536 00:27:23,890 --> 00:27:27,190 bone off my right foot and shoved it through my foot like a bowling ball. 537 00:27:27,330 --> 00:27:29,910 And so it broke every little bone in my right foot. 538 00:27:29,970 --> 00:27:31,430 And I didn't walk away from that one. 539 00:27:31,430 --> 00:27:33,370 I'll tell you, my friend thought. 540 00:27:33,370 --> 00:27:34,390 I was dead at first. 541 00:27:34,470 --> 00:27:39,350 And then when she realized I was alive, she ran into the ER and said, hey, my partner 542 00:27:39,350 --> 00:27:42,190 just fell off the parking lot and it broke him. 543 00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:43,770 He's easy to find there. 544 00:27:44,370 --> 00:27:49,330 So they put me in the hospital and I was in there for 10 days while they tried to figure 545 00:27:49,330 --> 00:27:50,810 out how to put my foot back together. 546 00:27:51,770 --> 00:27:54,970 And people would come in and visit me and bring me gifts, you know. 547 00:27:56,550 --> 00:28:03,010 It never occurred to me to say to the doctors, I know you're giving me Demerol and Percodan 548 00:28:03,010 --> 00:28:03,350 for the. 549 00:28:03,370 --> 00:28:06,650 Pain and I'm self-administering cocaine and Irish whiskey. 550 00:28:06,650 --> 00:28:08,150 Is that going to be a conflict? 551 00:28:08,430 --> 00:28:11,010 And then I guess if it was, it was never too bad. 552 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,290 But I got out of there. 553 00:28:12,370 --> 00:28:17,090 It took me five months to learn to walk and without a stick of some kind. 554 00:28:17,230 --> 00:28:20,890 And so during that time, my friend, Teddy, who I love to drink with Teddy, she was fun 555 00:28:20,890 --> 00:28:21,410 to drink with. 556 00:28:21,430 --> 00:28:23,090 She was just a wild woman. 557 00:28:23,230 --> 00:28:26,210 And she got sober while I was recuperating. 558 00:28:26,210 --> 00:28:32,270 And she went from this crazy drunk lady to a lady, to a real lady. 559 00:28:32,450 --> 00:28:32,630 I mean. 560 00:28:33,370 --> 00:28:36,410 Within two weeks, everybody who knew her said, have you seen Teddy? 561 00:28:36,730 --> 00:28:37,950 Oh my God, I can't believe it. 562 00:28:37,970 --> 00:28:38,670 What a transition. 563 00:28:39,550 --> 00:28:40,970 And so, and I still loved it. 564 00:28:40,990 --> 00:28:46,890 She was still funny and smart, but she just couldn't stop talking about AA and speakers 565 00:28:46,890 --> 00:28:51,310 and, and big book and steps and sponsors and meetings. 566 00:28:51,310 --> 00:28:53,370 And finally I told her, look, Ted, I'm good. 567 00:28:53,510 --> 00:28:54,590 Everybody's glad for you. 568 00:28:54,690 --> 00:28:56,130 You know, I don't know what you're trying. 569 00:28:56,190 --> 00:28:58,930 If you're trying to draft me into your deal or what, but I'll tell you this. 570 00:28:59,130 --> 00:29:03,150 If I ever see alcohol interfering with my life, I probably will go to AA. 571 00:29:03,370 --> 00:29:06,270 And she said, what, what would you call interference, Doug? 572 00:29:06,350 --> 00:29:06,930 Brain death. 573 00:29:07,170 --> 00:29:11,850 I mean, God, you, you've been told not to come to your daughter's, my 12 year old daughter's 574 00:29:11,850 --> 00:29:12,850 house drunk anymore. 575 00:29:13,190 --> 00:29:18,690 You, you, you skied off a cliff and took, you know, and miss six weeks of work. 576 00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:21,550 And you, you fell off a four story parking structure. 577 00:29:21,650 --> 00:29:23,230 I mean, what would you call? 578 00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:24,850 I said, okay, okay. 579 00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:25,630 Hold it right there. 580 00:29:25,630 --> 00:29:30,150 I see where you're going with this, but, um, I don't think that accidents should count. 581 00:29:30,510 --> 00:29:33,350 Um, you know, anybody fall off a four story. 582 00:29:33,350 --> 00:29:35,870 Building is going to get hurt, drunk or sober. 583 00:29:35,990 --> 00:29:38,970 You're just, you got alcoholism mixed up with gravity, honey. 584 00:29:39,570 --> 00:29:41,870 And, uh, so she's like, okay, whatever. 585 00:29:41,870 --> 00:29:46,070 But I, but I started thinking about every, every time I'd have a little quiet moment, 586 00:29:46,130 --> 00:29:48,090 I pictured Teddy's face saying, what would you call? 587 00:29:48,310 --> 00:29:51,150 What would you call a interference, Doug? 588 00:29:51,250 --> 00:29:51,770 Brain death. 589 00:29:51,970 --> 00:29:53,510 I thought brain death is on the table. 590 00:29:53,830 --> 00:29:57,890 I missed it on these last accidents, but I could catch it on the next one. 591 00:29:57,890 --> 00:30:02,950 And, uh, if I keep drinking, I might end up in a wheelchair or a bed the rest of my 592 00:30:02,950 --> 00:30:06,710 life, unable to feed myself or go to the bathroom by myself and know it. 593 00:30:06,770 --> 00:30:08,870 And I can't think of anything scarier today. 594 00:30:08,870 --> 00:30:10,370 And it scared me so bad. 595 00:30:10,410 --> 00:30:12,450 I rushed right down to AA three years later. 596 00:30:12,850 --> 00:30:18,010 And, um, I'm compulsive about some things, but recovery, not so much. 597 00:30:18,030 --> 00:30:23,090 But I, I went to my first meeting and, uh, I got there early and, uh, I just kind of 598 00:30:23,090 --> 00:30:26,770 stood or whiz over at that, at, uh, uh, Valley Press Hospital. 599 00:30:26,850 --> 00:30:30,870 They said, and they had a subterranean community room and they had meetings in this, a Friday 600 00:30:30,870 --> 00:30:31,430 night meeting. 601 00:30:31,750 --> 00:30:32,890 And I got there early. 602 00:30:32,890 --> 00:30:36,650 And people were sitting up chairs and hugging and laughing and making coffee and setting 603 00:30:36,650 --> 00:30:37,810 up literature and stuff. 604 00:30:37,810 --> 00:30:41,850 And I just leaned against the wall over by the double doors, looking irritated. 605 00:30:41,850 --> 00:30:44,910 So nobody would talk to me, but that doesn't keep people away. 606 00:30:44,910 --> 00:30:47,210 You know, you were, Hey, you're new. 607 00:30:47,270 --> 00:30:48,790 And I go, no, I'm not beat it. 608 00:30:49,090 --> 00:30:53,390 And, uh, and most of them would, you know, uh, they didn't want to put up with that. 609 00:30:53,390 --> 00:30:55,910 But one guy came over, this guy, Hank, he goes, you're new. 610 00:30:55,970 --> 00:30:56,810 And I said, no, I'm not. 611 00:30:56,910 --> 00:30:57,970 Oh, I haven't seen you here before. 612 00:30:58,030 --> 00:30:58,510 What's your name? 613 00:30:58,570 --> 00:30:59,490 I said, my name's Doug. 614 00:30:59,690 --> 00:31:02,250 Uh, you haven't seen me here because I haven't been here before. 615 00:31:02,250 --> 00:31:03,930 So mystery solved, take a hike. 616 00:31:04,570 --> 00:31:07,230 And, uh, he said, oh, that's, that's new to us, man. 617 00:31:07,230 --> 00:31:08,710 That's like, that's new. 618 00:31:08,790 --> 00:31:09,950 Like you're new to us. 619 00:31:09,970 --> 00:31:11,670 I said, okay, I'm new to you. 620 00:31:11,710 --> 00:31:12,050 I'm new. 621 00:31:12,110 --> 00:31:12,950 Like I'm new. 622 00:31:13,010 --> 00:31:16,610 Like I never been here before, but I'm not new, like a new member. 623 00:31:16,790 --> 00:31:17,110 Okay. 624 00:31:17,530 --> 00:31:18,970 I didn't come here to stop drinking. 625 00:31:19,050 --> 00:31:22,350 I don't know what I look like out there, but I'm not in here going, Hey, help me, help 626 00:31:22,350 --> 00:31:22,490 me. 627 00:31:22,490 --> 00:31:23,930 I'm drowning in a sea of alcohol. 628 00:31:24,070 --> 00:31:28,950 I like drinking, you know, and I, and I see, you know, I'm, I'm not a joiner, man. 629 00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:30,250 I just, that's not who I am. 630 00:31:32,250 --> 00:31:32,890 I'm desperado. 631 00:31:33,090 --> 00:31:34,090 I'm a, I'm a misfit. 632 00:31:34,290 --> 00:31:36,410 I never, I never fit any place in my life. 633 00:31:36,470 --> 00:31:37,330 I didn't fit in school. 634 00:31:37,450 --> 00:31:38,850 I barely fit in the workplace. 635 00:31:38,850 --> 00:31:40,790 I don't even fit in my own goddamn family. 636 00:31:40,790 --> 00:31:44,570 So I don't think I'm going to fit here in Alcoholics Anonymous for Christ's sake. 637 00:31:44,870 --> 00:31:45,870 Hug, hug, laugh, laugh. 638 00:31:45,950 --> 00:31:46,450 Isn't it good? 639 00:31:46,510 --> 00:31:47,130 We're not drinking. 640 00:31:47,650 --> 00:31:49,450 I, uh, I like drinking. 641 00:31:49,530 --> 00:31:51,290 I, I drank on the way here, pal. 642 00:31:51,330 --> 00:31:55,070 So I don't know if that tells you anything, but I'm pretty sure I'm not your target market. 643 00:31:55,190 --> 00:31:57,310 I absolutely intend to drink on the way home. 644 00:31:57,390 --> 00:31:58,550 So what do you think? 645 00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:01,310 He goes, I tell you, I like you, man. 646 00:32:01,310 --> 00:32:03,670 You're going to fit right in. 647 00:32:04,090 --> 00:32:08,390 And, uh, and you know, I thought, God, could I have been any more articulate about how 648 00:32:08,390 --> 00:32:09,370 I wasn't going to fit in? 649 00:32:09,790 --> 00:32:10,710 But he was right. 650 00:32:10,730 --> 00:32:11,150 Of course. 651 00:32:11,210 --> 00:32:15,950 You know, you see some, I love to see some arrogant shit like me, you know, and it's 652 00:32:15,950 --> 00:32:18,630 not going to fit in and go, oh man, you're, you're in for it. 653 00:32:19,030 --> 00:32:24,430 Uh, but, uh, anyway, they started the meeting and people read stuff and, uh, they had a 654 00:32:24,430 --> 00:32:25,290 birthday that night. 655 00:32:25,910 --> 00:32:29,670 Secretary says, we have a birthday tonight for Ruth for 18 years. 656 00:32:30,050 --> 00:32:30,750 And I thought, oh, cool. 657 00:32:30,790 --> 00:32:31,150 They celebrate. 658 00:32:31,150 --> 00:32:31,830 They celebrate people's birthday. 659 00:32:31,930 --> 00:32:35,370 I was looking around for, for Ruth, you know, some 18 year old, tiny, tiny. 660 00:32:36,010 --> 00:32:39,970 And, uh, uh, so, um, uh, Ruth gets up. 661 00:32:40,030 --> 00:32:41,750 She's the only one walking towards the stage. 662 00:32:41,770 --> 00:32:45,690 If you know that room over at Valley Press, they have a stage, you know, regular curtain 663 00:32:45,690 --> 00:32:48,210 stage and you had to go upstairs to get to it. 664 00:32:48,330 --> 00:32:52,890 So, um, Ruth is walking towards the stage and I'm thinking that's gotta be Ruth. 665 00:32:52,970 --> 00:32:53,930 She's the only one walking. 666 00:32:54,070 --> 00:32:55,470 She's 50 if she's a day. 667 00:32:55,470 --> 00:32:59,210 And I thought, God, if she's 18, she should stop drinking tonight. 668 00:32:59,950 --> 00:33:01,130 But she didn't look bad. 669 00:33:01,130 --> 00:33:01,930 I mean, she looked good. 670 00:33:02,010 --> 00:33:06,130 She was just, you know, she was dressed up, made up and coiffed, you know, and she's 671 00:33:06,130 --> 00:33:06,970 taking a cake. 672 00:33:07,250 --> 00:33:09,610 And, uh, and so I thought, okay, this is, this is AA. 673 00:33:09,750 --> 00:33:10,550 They don't drink here. 674 00:33:11,030 --> 00:33:12,570 Ruth hadn't had a drink in 18 years. 675 00:33:12,650 --> 00:33:13,890 I told you I'm gonna figure out her. 676 00:33:14,290 --> 00:33:15,410 So I thought, huh. 677 00:33:15,930 --> 00:33:17,830 And I said, whoa, happy birthday, Ruth. 678 00:33:17,930 --> 00:33:19,070 My God, I queued the choir. 679 00:33:19,210 --> 00:33:19,770 I didn't know. 680 00:33:20,150 --> 00:33:24,150 You know, everybody starts singing happy birthday, 200 people singing happy birthday 681 00:33:24,150 --> 00:33:26,070 in four different keys at the same time. 682 00:33:26,210 --> 00:33:26,990 I'm a musician. 683 00:33:26,990 --> 00:33:30,890 I recognize contrapuntal harmony from bad singing. 684 00:33:31,130 --> 00:33:34,070 This was bad singing and, and nobody seemed to care. 685 00:33:34,070 --> 00:33:36,750 But me, I couldn't be the only musician in the room. 686 00:33:37,010 --> 00:33:40,030 They had a piano on stage and nobody was playing it. 687 00:33:40,030 --> 00:33:42,730 I thought somebody, somebody in here can fake happy birthday. 688 00:33:42,730 --> 00:33:44,170 I'm a guitar player and I can do it. 689 00:33:44,370 --> 00:33:45,550 Maybe I should maybe run up there. 690 00:33:45,550 --> 00:33:45,890 Hold it. 691 00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:46,890 Folks here. 692 00:33:46,890 --> 00:33:50,450 I come to save the day, you know, and get everybody in the same key. 693 00:33:50,450 --> 00:33:54,470 And then I thought, shut up, you know, that hero thing almost never works out for you. 694 00:33:54,470 --> 00:33:55,630 Why don't you just shut up? 695 00:33:55,630 --> 00:33:56,530 It's a short song. 696 00:33:56,750 --> 00:33:57,130 Okay. 697 00:33:57,130 --> 00:33:57,910 Happy birthday. 698 00:33:57,910 --> 00:33:58,930 Keep coming back. 699 00:33:59,170 --> 00:33:59,890 Ruth gets up. 700 00:33:59,890 --> 00:34:00,690 My name's Ruth. 701 00:34:00,690 --> 00:34:00,970 I'm an. 702 00:34:00,970 --> 00:34:01,970 Alcoholic. 703 00:34:01,970 --> 00:34:02,970 Hi, Ruth. 704 00:34:02,970 --> 00:34:03,970 Oh my God. 705 00:34:03,970 --> 00:34:06,390 This is like kindergarten for grownups. 706 00:34:06,390 --> 00:34:11,410 My friend Scott Redman used to say, this is some level of lameness I never knew was available 707 00:34:11,410 --> 00:34:12,410 to me. 708 00:34:12,410 --> 00:34:18,790 And Ruth says, I want you to know that over these last 18 years of sobriety, I've attended 709 00:34:18,790 --> 00:34:22,010 a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous every single day. 710 00:34:22,010 --> 00:34:24,650 And I, I didn't know you could go to a meeting every day. 711 00:34:24,650 --> 00:34:29,850 Plus for 18 years, really, you know, I'm just, nobody seemed to be bothered by that. 712 00:34:29,850 --> 00:34:30,850 But me, I'm shocked. 713 00:34:30,970 --> 00:34:31,970 I looked at this other cool guy. 714 00:34:31,970 --> 00:34:32,970 I knew he was cool. 715 00:34:32,970 --> 00:34:33,970 Cause we were the only ones standing up. 716 00:34:33,970 --> 00:34:34,970 You know that we're the cool section, but he wasn't cool. 717 00:34:34,970 --> 00:34:35,970 And he's coming over to me now and he's going, Hey, I'll tell you what, stay sober a year. 718 00:34:35,970 --> 00:34:36,970 We'll give you one of them cakes. 719 00:34:36,970 --> 00:34:37,970 I don't think so. 720 00:34:37,970 --> 00:34:38,970 Stay. 721 00:34:38,970 --> 00:34:39,970 Don't drink for a year. 722 00:34:39,970 --> 00:34:40,970 And I get a cake. 723 00:34:40,970 --> 00:34:41,970 Really seemed to me, if you don't drink for a year, they ought to give you like a car, 724 00:34:41,970 --> 00:34:42,970 you know? 725 00:34:42,970 --> 00:34:43,970 Uh, but I, I was so shocked. 726 00:34:43,970 --> 00:34:44,970 I couldn't even make fun of him. 727 00:34:44,970 --> 00:34:45,970 I said, I, I, I'm, uh, I'm not much of a pastry eater. 728 00:34:45,970 --> 00:34:46,970 You know, I, uh, if I wanted a cake, I just stop at, you know, Vaughn's on the way home. 729 00:34:46,970 --> 00:34:47,970 I think they're like five bucks, you know, or I could not drink for a year. 730 00:34:47,970 --> 00:34:48,970 Hmm. 731 00:34:48,970 --> 00:34:49,970 Let me think about it. 732 00:34:49,970 --> 00:34:50,970 But I ended up getting a big book at that meeting. 733 00:34:50,970 --> 00:34:51,970 Secretary said, this is our big book. 734 00:34:51,970 --> 00:34:52,970 Alcoholics Anonymous. 735 00:34:52,970 --> 00:34:53,970 And I said, I don't drink for a year and I get a cake. 736 00:34:53,970 --> 00:34:54,970 Really seemed to me, if you don't drink for a year, they ought to give you like a car, 737 00:34:54,970 --> 00:34:55,970 you know? 738 00:34:55,970 --> 00:34:56,970 Uh, but I, I was so shocked. 739 00:34:56,970 --> 00:34:57,970 I couldn't even make fun of him. 740 00:34:57,970 --> 00:34:58,970 I said, I, I, I'm, uh, I'm not much of a pastry eater, pal. 741 00:34:58,970 --> 00:34:59,970 You know, I, uh, if I wanted a cake, I just stop at, you know, Vaughn's on the way home. 742 00:34:59,970 --> 00:35:00,970 I think they're like five bucks, you know, or I could not drink for a year. 743 00:35:00,970 --> 00:35:01,970 Hmm. 744 00:35:01,970 --> 00:35:02,970 Let me think about it. 745 00:35:02,970 --> 00:35:03,970 But I ended up getting a big book at that meeting. 746 00:35:03,970 --> 00:35:04,970 Secretary said, this is our big book. 747 00:35:04,970 --> 00:35:05,970 Alcoholics Anonymous. 748 00:35:05,970 --> 00:35:06,970 It's the basic text of our program. 749 00:35:06,970 --> 00:35:07,970 The only authority on AA. 750 00:35:07,970 --> 00:35:08,970 If you're new tonight, please don't leave without that book. 751 00:35:08,970 --> 00:35:09,970 We sell it at our costs. 752 00:35:09,970 --> 00:35:10,970 And I thought, not to me, honey. 753 00:35:10,970 --> 00:35:11,970 I'm stealing the book. 754 00:35:11,970 --> 00:35:12,970 And then we had a bunch of them on a literature table. 755 00:35:12,970 --> 00:35:13,970 I'm going to have to sell it. 756 00:35:13,970 --> 00:35:14,970 I'm going to pick it up, act like I'm fascinated with it. 757 00:35:14,970 --> 00:35:15,970 Wow. 758 00:35:15,970 --> 00:35:16,970 Really? 759 00:35:16,970 --> 00:35:17,970 Oh man, this is great. 760 00:35:17,970 --> 00:35:18,970 This is really going to help me with my alcoholism, some, some, some, my sublimity. 761 00:35:18,970 --> 00:35:19,970 And, uh, walk right out the door and I had a feeling they even noticed they'd say, let 762 00:35:19,970 --> 00:35:20,970 him go. 763 00:35:20,970 --> 00:35:21,970 So I, I, I, uh, I did a book and I, uh, I'm in a bookshop. 764 00:35:21,970 --> 00:35:22,970 I'm in the bookshop. 765 00:35:22,970 --> 00:35:23,970 I'm in the bookshop. 766 00:35:23,970 --> 00:35:24,970 I'm in the bookshop. 767 00:35:24,970 --> 00:35:25,970 I'm in the bookshop. 768 00:35:25,970 --> 00:35:26,970 I'm in the bookshop. 769 00:35:26,970 --> 00:35:27,970 I'm in the bookshop. 770 00:35:27,970 --> 00:35:28,970 I'm in the bookshop. 771 00:35:28,970 --> 00:35:29,970 I'm in the bookshop. 772 00:35:29,970 --> 00:35:30,970 I'm in the bookshop. 773 00:35:43,970 --> 00:35:45,430 and I still think that might have happened, 774 00:35:45,530 --> 00:35:46,370 but she screwed it up. 775 00:35:46,710 --> 00:35:47,930 She said, if you're new tonight 776 00:35:47,930 --> 00:35:49,470 and you're financially embarrassed, 777 00:35:49,690 --> 00:35:51,030 we understand it, we've been there, 778 00:35:51,070 --> 00:35:52,170 we want you to have the book. 779 00:35:52,430 --> 00:35:54,590 We'll make very liberal credit arrangements 780 00:35:54,590 --> 00:35:57,330 including nothing down and nothing a week 781 00:35:57,330 --> 00:35:59,210 till you get back on your feet 782 00:35:59,210 --> 00:36:01,650 and that sounds loving and generous 783 00:36:01,650 --> 00:36:03,530 unless you're going to steal the book 784 00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:06,210 because now I'm thinking, oh my God, 785 00:36:06,270 --> 00:36:07,290 now if I steal the book, 786 00:36:07,350 --> 00:36:08,430 they're going to think I'm homeless. 787 00:36:08,990 --> 00:36:10,110 I have my pride. 788 00:36:10,190 --> 00:36:10,990 I will steal from you, 789 00:36:10,990 --> 00:36:12,570 but I won't accept your damn charity. 790 00:36:12,570 --> 00:36:15,810 So now I got to stay to the end of the meeting for sure 791 00:36:15,810 --> 00:36:16,890 and I got to buy the book 792 00:36:16,890 --> 00:36:18,810 and so I don't know how much, 793 00:36:18,870 --> 00:36:19,690 it's probably 20 bucks, 794 00:36:19,790 --> 00:36:20,790 you know, it's a hardcover book 795 00:36:20,790 --> 00:36:23,050 and so and I go up to her and I say, 796 00:36:23,130 --> 00:36:24,730 excuse me, ma'am, can I buy one of your books? 797 00:36:24,890 --> 00:36:25,790 She said, oh, the big book? 798 00:36:25,910 --> 00:36:27,370 Yeah, the big book. 799 00:36:27,450 --> 00:36:28,490 Yeah, I've seen bigger. 800 00:36:28,630 --> 00:36:31,130 How much is that big book? 801 00:36:31,810 --> 00:36:33,930 She said, it's 4.65, do you have it? 802 00:36:33,970 --> 00:36:38,410 It's $4.65, yeah, yeah, here's a five, keep the change. 803 00:36:39,010 --> 00:36:40,490 She said, I'll get your change. 804 00:36:40,490 --> 00:36:42,270 No, listen, lady, listen to me. 805 00:36:42,270 --> 00:36:44,270 I want you to keep the change 806 00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:46,210 and use that change to help a drunk 807 00:36:46,210 --> 00:36:48,150 because I'm on my feet, okay? 808 00:36:48,530 --> 00:36:50,630 So I got my book and on the way home, 809 00:36:50,850 --> 00:36:52,710 I got a bottle, I got a fifth of whiskey 810 00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:54,650 and I got home, poured three fingers of whiskey 811 00:36:54,650 --> 00:36:55,930 and I started to read this book 812 00:36:55,930 --> 00:36:57,710 and there's this chapter in there. 813 00:36:58,050 --> 00:36:59,910 I didn't really read it. 814 00:36:59,990 --> 00:37:00,830 I didn't step on it. 815 00:37:01,050 --> 00:37:02,590 Like I can, most books, 816 00:37:02,670 --> 00:37:04,830 I can look at the title of a chapter 817 00:37:04,830 --> 00:37:06,770 and pretty much know everything in the chapter. 818 00:37:06,890 --> 00:37:07,850 It's this gift that I have 819 00:37:07,850 --> 00:37:10,370 and so like doctor's opinion, 820 00:37:10,370 --> 00:37:12,250 I've had doctor's opinion, you know, 821 00:37:12,630 --> 00:37:13,970 shouldn't drink so much, okay? 822 00:37:15,390 --> 00:37:17,010 Bill's story, who cares? 823 00:37:17,510 --> 00:37:18,810 Chapter two, there's a solution. 824 00:37:18,950 --> 00:37:20,270 That's a sales pitch, you know? 825 00:37:20,570 --> 00:37:21,930 There's a solution to your problem. 826 00:37:22,210 --> 00:37:24,850 Yeah, chapter three, more about alcoholism. 827 00:37:24,930 --> 00:37:27,570 Sounds like it could be the most boring piece of literature 828 00:37:27,570 --> 00:37:28,610 in the English language. 829 00:37:29,130 --> 00:37:31,610 Chapter four, we agnostics got my attention 830 00:37:31,610 --> 00:37:34,950 because I was an, I called myself an atheist. 831 00:37:35,110 --> 00:37:35,810 I wasn't an atheist. 832 00:37:36,250 --> 00:37:38,470 I would have been a good atheist if I had more faith 833 00:37:38,470 --> 00:37:41,470 but I guess what I was was an agnostic 834 00:37:42,270 --> 00:37:43,630 and so I thought, here, here it is. 835 00:37:43,630 --> 00:37:45,910 This is how the smart people stay sober without God. 836 00:37:46,350 --> 00:37:48,310 So I poured three fingers of whiskey 837 00:37:48,310 --> 00:37:49,430 and I read that whole chapter 838 00:37:49,430 --> 00:37:51,230 and I thought, I don't even know what I just read. 839 00:37:51,630 --> 00:37:54,510 I'm looking for how the smart people stay sober without God. 840 00:37:54,810 --> 00:37:56,790 My grandmother was a Pentecostal minister. 841 00:37:56,930 --> 00:37:59,530 She opened a Skid Row mission on Beacon Street 842 00:37:59,530 --> 00:38:01,010 in San Pedro in the 50s 843 00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:04,770 and when I would go down there 844 00:38:04,770 --> 00:38:08,430 and there was a sentence in chapter four 845 00:38:08,430 --> 00:38:11,110 that says, we found God doesn't make too hard terms 846 00:38:11,110 --> 00:38:12,250 on those who sin. 847 00:38:12,250 --> 00:38:14,490 And I never heard anybody say that. 848 00:38:14,610 --> 00:38:16,630 Any religion that I thought I knew about, 849 00:38:16,730 --> 00:38:17,490 Western or Eastern, 850 00:38:18,290 --> 00:38:20,510 and I didn't know anything about any of these religions. 851 00:38:20,650 --> 00:38:23,110 I just had my drunken opinion of organized religion 852 00:38:23,110 --> 00:38:26,350 but my grandmother's Pentecostal church, 853 00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:29,070 they would say, you know, they call me, 854 00:38:29,710 --> 00:38:34,470 you know, we're very sure that God makes hard times 855 00:38:34,470 --> 00:38:35,470 on those who seek him. 856 00:38:35,790 --> 00:38:38,650 Boy, you know God will not even hear your prayers 857 00:38:38,650 --> 00:38:40,010 unless you're baptized 858 00:38:40,010 --> 00:38:42,010 and I don't mean sprinkling, 859 00:38:42,250 --> 00:38:44,590 sprinkling on the forehead like some Methodist 860 00:38:44,590 --> 00:38:47,270 that I'm talking about total sublimation. 861 00:38:47,770 --> 00:38:48,790 Total sublimation. 862 00:38:48,890 --> 00:38:51,250 Boy, that's why we got a tank of water for Christ up here. 863 00:38:51,310 --> 00:38:51,710 Come on up. 864 00:38:52,050 --> 00:38:52,870 Come on up, son. 865 00:38:52,910 --> 00:38:53,990 We're going to soak you down, 866 00:38:54,410 --> 00:38:55,110 pull you up, 867 00:38:55,210 --> 00:38:56,690 washed in the blood of the Lamb. 868 00:38:56,790 --> 00:38:57,670 Praise Jesus. 869 00:38:57,790 --> 00:38:58,170 Amen. 870 00:38:58,650 --> 00:39:00,070 Somebody get the boy a towel. 871 00:39:00,510 --> 00:39:03,110 And I thought, I am not getting wet in this room. 872 00:39:03,330 --> 00:39:05,730 I, you know, I don't know what was going on 873 00:39:05,730 --> 00:39:08,510 but I thought maybe she told them I touched myself. 874 00:39:08,510 --> 00:39:12,110 You know, maybe they could be sending my ass to Jesus. 875 00:39:12,250 --> 00:39:13,210 For my own good. 876 00:39:13,210 --> 00:39:14,110 I don't know, you know. 877 00:39:14,550 --> 00:39:15,230 Well, I'll tell you what, 878 00:39:15,230 --> 00:39:16,930 I'm going to miss that boy's guitar playing 879 00:39:16,930 --> 00:39:19,390 but thank God he don't have to abuse himself no more. 880 00:39:19,630 --> 00:39:20,430 So I'm out of there. 881 00:39:20,430 --> 00:39:22,010 I'm just going, I'm going home. 882 00:39:22,010 --> 00:39:22,630 I said, you know what? 883 00:39:22,630 --> 00:39:24,750 I got brand new Levi's on shrink to fit. 884 00:39:24,750 --> 00:39:28,070 See, so like I wouldn't be able to ride my bicycle home. 885 00:39:28,070 --> 00:39:28,910 So I'm out of there. 886 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,260 But this book said, we found that God doesn't make too hard 887 00:39:33,260 --> 00:39:34,560 terms on those who seek him. 888 00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,940 And I wanted to find out about this God. 889 00:39:38,020 --> 00:39:40,940 And I came back to AA and my first eight months in AA, 890 00:39:41,140 --> 00:39:42,360 I didn't have a home. 891 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:43,140 Group a sponsor. 892 00:39:43,140 --> 00:39:43,840 I didn't read the book. 893 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:44,680 I didn't take the steps. 894 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:45,940 I didn't know what a tradition was. 895 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:47,420 I didn't have a commitment anywhere. 896 00:39:47,420 --> 00:39:48,320 I didn't believe in God. 897 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:49,440 And I was drinking every day. 898 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:53,100 And except for that, I had a pretty good program, which my 899 00:39:53,100 --> 00:39:54,680 whole program was keep coming back. 900 00:39:54,860 --> 00:39:55,640 That's the only thing I did. 901 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:55,940 Right. 902 00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:58,160 Kept coming back for eight months. 903 00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,820 And finally I, I fell on my knees and asked God for help. 904 00:40:01,860 --> 00:40:03,140 I didn't even mean to fall on my knees. 905 00:40:03,140 --> 00:40:05,840 I spilled whiskey on the bed and I was sucking the whiskey out of 906 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,500 the bedspread and I noticed it. 907 00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:10,580 I said, God, if you're there, please help me. 908 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:12,340 And it's been 32 months. 909 00:40:12,340 --> 00:40:13,540 Two years since that day. 910 00:40:14,350 --> 00:40:16,410 And, uh, my life's gotten better every day. 911 00:40:16,410 --> 00:40:16,690 Thanks. 912 00:40:16,690 --> 00:40:17,350 Let me share with you.