1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,360 Now, I'd like to introduce our main speaker, Claudia. 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:08,720 Hi, Claudia, alcoholic. I want to thank Alex for asking me to participate in my sobriety. 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:17,040 Let's see, Monday, I celebrated 22 years and it's not my first sobriety, but I'm hoping it's my last. 4 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:22,720 I remember babysitting Alex at Life's In Session, him and his sister. Remember that? 5 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,600 How old are you? I mean, I didn't know Alex then. No, I'm just kidding. 6 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:35,520 Wow. This meeting, well, not this meeting, the other meeting, Life's In Session, 7 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:45,120 what is that? List, okay, has a very special place in my heart. A lot of people in this meeting 8 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:55,120 were there back then when I got sober in 1992. Clearly, that didn't take, but so there's a lot 9 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,680 of people here that have helped me along the way, and I'm just going to share in a general way what 10 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:04,560 it was like, what happened, and what it's like today. Can I tell you guys a secret? Your bathroom 11 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:10,240 smells like weed. I love that. It's probably why I wasn't in there 10 times. I'm like, "Oh, my." 12 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:19,840 I'm all, "It almost smells so good." Anyway, I am 22 years sober. Pacific Group is my home group, 13 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:26,240 yeah, and Sharon is my sponsor. For those things, I'm forever, ever grateful, and definitely 14 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:32,640 overpaid. I am a completely different person than when I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous, 15 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:40,960 even this last time 22 years ago. That was on, what was that? Yeah, Louise at Life's In Session. 16 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:45,280 We'll get there. I'm just going to share in a general way what it was like, and what happened, 17 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:53,360 and what it's like today. I grew up in the valley, and usually people go, "I'm a valley girl," still 18 00:01:53,360 --> 00:02:01,280 am. I grew up privileged, and so I had every opportunity that you could have. I did not have 19 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:08,400 parents like Greg, so my dad didn't tell me to go punch people and do that. Thank you, Greg and 20 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:17,440 Veronica for 10 minutes, and welcome you if you're new. My parents immigrated here from Chile when 21 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:26,000 they were really young. My father's sole purpose in life was to make money and provide a good life 22 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:33,520 for his family. He was very strict, and he was very verbal. He was verbally abusive. He would 23 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:40,880 call us stupid, and do that right. I have always been the type of person that was, "No, you're 24 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:46,560 stupid, and you shut up." My older brother just would take it, and take it, and take it, and I 25 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:54,000 just never took it. I did every single thing in my life to annoy that man, from the minute I woke up 26 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,440 in the morning until when I would go to sleep. I definitely brought my parents to their knees. 27 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:07,360 My father, again, was really strict, so there wasn't a lot of ... I never saw drinking and 28 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:12,960 drugs, not like Veronica's story. We were a pretty normal family. We would eat dinner together every 29 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:19,520 night, and we would go on a lot of family trips. I have a lot of cousins. We're Latina, so 30 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:26,560 my cousins are more like my siblings, wasn't like regular cousins. We did everything together. 31 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:33,520 I thought I had such a crappy childhood until I came to AA, and realized it was not that bad, 32 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:41,920 actually. Then you come here, and you're like, "Wow." I could never listen. I remember being 33 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:47,360 really young, probably in the second grade, and my teacher saying to me, "You do realize there's 34 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:53,200 other people in the universe, right?" I'm like, "I really was like, "I don't get what you're saying." 35 00:03:54,720 --> 00:04:00,960 Very self-obsessed. I never drank because I wanted to have friends. I always had a whole bunch of 36 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:12,320 friends. I had a very social life. I was just very disrespectful, entitled, and I did not like 37 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:18,800 authority. We lived in a really nice neighborhood, and I was constantly sneaking out of my house. 38 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:25,040 By the time I was 13 years old, I was smoking weed on a regular basis. We were getting drunk 39 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:31,200 every weekend. It wasn't like you can get just drunk every single day when you're 13, but we 40 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:35,840 did manage to smoke weed every single day. I know this is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but 41 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:42,880 drugs are a little bit part of my story, so we'll get into that. We would drink, and my parents 42 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:48,160 would go out, and they would leave me in charge of my younger brother with my friends, and then 43 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:53,840 we would get into their alcohol. I have stories like that for days and days and days, and by the 44 00:04:53,840 --> 00:05:01,840 time I'm 14 years old, I've crashed two of my parents' cars. I'm a thief. Stealing is my most 45 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:08,080 favorite thing to do ever, and I love it. If I could steal today and be sober, I would totally 46 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:14,480 do it. I loved it. It's like the thrill. I don't even know where I learned that because I did not 47 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:21,760 grow up like that, but I loved it. We lived in a really nice neighborhood, and I was constantly 48 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:28,640 sneaking out of my house every single day. My dad put bars on my windows, but you couldn't 49 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:32,960 really put bars up because we lived in a nice neighborhood, and it wouldn't look good. He had 50 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:39,520 a carpenter come and build these wood shutter things, so it would look good. I saw them out, 51 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:44,560 and I would sneak in and out, and I would get caught with mud coming into my house, and my 52 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:50,000 dad would say, "What's wrong with you?" It wasn't me. I didn't do that, and I was just out of 53 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:54,800 control. By the time I was 15 years old, my parents put me in a rehab, my first rehab, 54 00:05:54,800 --> 00:06:00,320 but by this time I had gone to shrinks. By the time I was 10, a little bit of a crazy person. 55 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:09,120 I go to this rehab, and my boyfriend at the time that I met when I was 14, which turned out to be 56 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:15,280 my husband, Matt, as some of you remember, and tried to break me out of this rehab. I mean, 57 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:20,960 it was just a whole thing. In that rehab, I was there for two months. It's a 30-day program, 58 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:28,480 but I'm in there for two months. In a structured environment, I do really well. I do well in a 59 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:33,200 structured environment, just like this is really a structured group. This is awesome. We went to 60 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:38,880 your guys' marathon meeting at the convention, me and a couple of girlfriends from PG. If you don't 61 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:49,680 know PG, it's also a cult, but not like you guys. You guys are gnarly. When we left, my friends were 62 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:59,360 like, "Oh, my God. That's crazy how they are." I said, "You have no idea." You guys have a rep 63 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:06,800 now for being very strict. I thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, I don't even know why I just said 64 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:16,320 that. He tried to break me out. I was doing really well in a structured environment. The minute I get 65 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:22,720 out, I'm out drinking with my friends. For me, my drinking wasn't ... I mean, I didn't think it was 66 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,600 bad. I thought it was we just go out with your friends, and you get drunk, and you get high, 67 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:33,920 and everything's fine. I could have qualified to come to Alcoholics Anonymous at 15, for sure. 68 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:42,400 By the time I'm 17, my father didn't really know what to do with me, so I left home because he had 69 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:49,040 way too many expectations. He wanted me to go to school and clean my room. I left home, but this 70 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:53,600 time I have a different boyfriend that my father hates because he doesn't have the right family. 71 00:07:53,600 --> 00:08:00,720 I left, and he was a really good kid. I mean, he's a good man to this day. He just came from 72 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:08,560 just not the right person, he thought. We were off on this little ... We got an apartment. I'm 73 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:13,760 17 years old. I really don't know how to do anything. I mean, I've had my mom and house 74 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:19,600 keepers doing everything for me my whole entire life, so I don't even know how to boil water, 75 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:26,480 really. I didn't. I still don't, kind of, really. My mom would get mad at me or something, 76 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:33,520 and she'll all say to her, "I didn't come out domestic." She's crazy. Anyway, so I get pregnant 77 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:38,560 young. I'm 18 years old. All my friends are going away to school, what you're supposed to be doing 78 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:46,880 at 18. Here, I get pregnant with my son, Anthony. I had him when I was 19, and I really ... I didn't 79 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:54,480 drink while I was pregnant, thank God. I didn't do any drugs, and I tried to be a good parent, 80 00:08:54,480 --> 00:09:00,640 but my friends started coming back home from school, and it was on. It was fake IDs and going 81 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:06,960 to this club and that club. That's when everything was really fun. Alcohol, we had a really good 82 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:15,760 relationship then. We were having fun. Alcohol was my friend, and it didn't get bad until after, 83 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:21,920 but we're doing all this stuff, and I grew tired of him. I'm at a party or at some club, 84 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:29,600 I can't remember, and I run into my 14-year-old boyfriend, Matt. I ran into him, and we picked 85 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:37,200 up right where we left off, right where we left off. We were infatuated with each other, and I 86 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:45,200 loved him with my whole entire heart. He was beautiful, and I thought, "Oh, this is it." 87 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:51,440 But he drank different. He was doing things that I'd never seen before. He would go out 88 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:56,240 and stay out for two or three days. We don't live together at this time, so I don't really know 89 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:03,680 the depth of his alcoholism at that point. I get pregnant with my son, Matthew, and we move in 90 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:08,640 together. I always do everything backwards. I never do anything like you get married, 91 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:12,960 and then you have a baby, and then you buy a hat. I don't do anything. I always do it backwards. 92 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:18,960 He would do things like, "I'm going out for a pack of smokes," and end up in Guadalajara, 93 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:24,800 Mexico for three months. I'm serious. You can't get back if you lose your passport, 94 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:32,400 and whatever. It's a lot of drama. He comes back. My son's born, and he's about nine months old. 95 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:40,080 I told him, "You're out of control." I'm out of control, but he's out of control worse than me. 96 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:49,120 I said, "You have to go to AA." We ended up at Life's in Session. That's so weird. 97 00:10:49,120 --> 00:11:01,840 Lies? What is it? Lies in Session. Not really. We go to Life's in Session. I remember the first 98 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:08,880 night we went there, it was Nolan's watch. I thought these people were so bizarre. I thought, 99 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:15,040 "What are they doing?" I remember Steve Sterling was the secretary at a meeting. He looked like 100 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:19,200 Alex a little bit with the suit and the tie. I thought, "Oh, he must be the president of AA." 101 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:25,520 I literally had no idea. None. I knew nothing about Alcoholics Anonymous, 102 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:29,440 even though the seed had been planted when I was 15 years old. I was so clueless. 103 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:37,840 I became an alcoholic. I really wasn't going to Life's in Session because I wanted to be sober. 104 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:44,160 I really didn't believe that I had a problem. I really didn't. I was really sick. People would 105 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:50,720 call me Typhoon Mary because I would tell newcomers, "You don't have to do that. You don't have to go 106 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:56,160 to 90 meetings in 90 days." They would go out and drink. Bad crap would happen to them. I'm like, 107 00:11:56,160 --> 00:12:02,400 "Do do do do do do." It was ugly. I'm basically there because Matt's there. I want to make sure 108 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:13,360 that he stays sober. A lot of you have been to Life's in Session. It's very active. They do the 109 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:20,640 watches and the parties and camping and softball and all this stuff. Matt really got into that. 110 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:27,040 I think his first sponsor might have been Bruce. Maybe it was Sterling, Steve Sterling. 111 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,880 He's doing what he's supposed to be doing. He has a sponsor. He's working the steps. 112 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:40,640 I have a sponsor that I never talked to ever because she was annoying. She told me a bunch 113 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:48,320 of stupid shit. I'm like, "No, I'm not doing that. No, no, no." I was just not listening to her. 114 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:57,600 I got sicker and sicker and sicker. If you're an alcoholic of my type and you're going to meetings, 115 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:02,800 you're not drinking, you're not working a step, you have absolutely no connection with God or any 116 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:13,120 spiritual program, I commit felonies. That's what I was doing. I was robbing people's mailboxes. 117 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:19,760 I know. It's so crazy. I was doing a lot of credit card forgery. I was straight up robbing 118 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:27,040 people at the stores. I would go to the mall. I would wait for someone to try on a pair of shoes 119 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:31,600 or something. I'd just walk away with their purse. Then I'd go and use the credit card. 120 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:37,600 I don't even know where actually I learned any of that because my father was pretty straight. He 121 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:43,600 worked really hard. He had a really good work ethic. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. I was doing 122 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:51,360 all kinds of crazy stuff. I would go to Target. Nobody knew. None of you guys knew what I was 123 00:13:51,360 --> 00:14:00,240 doing because I had a lot of secrets. A lot of secrets. I would go to Target. I would fill my 124 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:09,600 card up with VCRs and boomboxes. That's a radio you used to keep up here. A lot of Legos. I don't 125 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:15,520 know what that was about. I really don't. I have a daughter. I got pregnant at license 126 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:25,680 session while I was sober. We had built this nice little life. Matt, my husband at the time, 127 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:33,680 was in the movie business. He had a really good living. It was nepotism. His dad was an 128 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:39,200 Emmy-winning sound mixer. He had a lot of roads that were open to him that most people wouldn't 129 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:46,240 have. He had a lot of advantages. He was making a lot of money. Life was good except for I had 130 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:53,200 this whole secret life. I get busted a couple times. This is like in a three and a half year 131 00:14:53,200 --> 00:15:00,880 period. I get busted a couple times. The last time, I was on my way to take the kids to Chile. 132 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:07,680 We had our passports and our tickets. We were ready to go. I decided I was going to go do one 133 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:16,000 last robbery. I went to and I got in trouble. This time, I got in trouble with a bunch of different 134 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:22,880 IDs and credit cards and evidence. That's what they call it. Evidence. I had to go to court. 135 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:29,360 It was like this whole thing. It was funny too. I was thinking back of how the judge would look 136 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:35,440 at the paper. He would look at me. He would look at the paper. He would look at me. I didn't fit 137 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:40,160 the profile, I think, because I didn't really look like a criminal. It was being charged with seven 138 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:46,560 felony counts. Oh my goodness. I had a really good lawyer. They decided it would be a good idea if I 139 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:51,680 went to the mental institution so that my case would look good, even though I was definitely 140 00:15:51,680 --> 00:16:00,880 mental. I go to the mental hospital. I was there for two days. Then I thought to myself, 141 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:07,760 this was a bad idea. People are just being way too dramatic. It's not that serious. I need to go home. 142 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:15,280 I checked myself out, but they had run all these tests on me. I was diagnosed with being bipolar 143 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:22,560 and blah, blah, blah, and something else. Then I decided to go home. In that period of two days, 144 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:27,840 Matt has decided, my husband at the time, had decided to go out and use and drink. He was gone. 145 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:37,200 That just started a whole mess of problems. I knew my mother-in-law was coming over. I took all these 146 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:43,200 pills that the doctor has prescribed me. I really didn't want to die. I just wanted to create my own 147 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:51,120 drama. I put all the pills out so that she would definitely call 911 because I really don't want 148 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:59,360 to die. I'm such an ass. But she doesn't call 911. She calls my family. Bad idea. A bunch of 149 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:05,040 chilanes, all dramatic. It was not pretty. My aunt's slapping me. My uncle's trying to walk me. 150 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:12,320 Matt just happened to roll in at that exact minute and said, "We got to get her to the hospital." 151 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:17,120 Had they waited a little bit longer, you'd have a different speaker here tonight because what I took 152 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:25,120 makes your heart stop. I got my stomach pumped. I was very familiar with getting your stomach 153 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:30,880 pumped. I got my stomach pumped when I was 13 years old for alcohol poisoning. Normal people 154 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:36,320 don't get their stomachs pumped at 13 years old for alcohol poisoning. It just doesn't happen. 155 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:44,720 They were just about ready to release me after they pumped my stomach. My mom says to the doctor, 156 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:50,960 "You cannot release her. She's dangerous. She's hurting herself." She was scared. 157 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:56,000 He's like, "Well, I can't keep her." She says, "Well, she did it with the kids at home." 158 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:04,080 Done. Locked down. Off I go. This time, I can't check myself out because clearly I'm insane. 159 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:12,880 I'm in the hospital for 45 days. I get out at three o'clock. At seven o'clock, I was drunk. 160 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:20,240 Just like that. Just like that. This time, my alcoholism was a different animal. 161 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:27,760 It was no longer about just having fun and getting dressed up and looking cute. This was straight up 162 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:36,640 drinking seven days a week, 24 hours a day. I was doing a lot of smoking crack. I know. I'm sorry. 163 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:45,200 Not sorry because it just got me here faster. I was doing things that I don't even know how 164 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:49,040 I would do them. Veronica parked her car at Wendy's because she didn't realize you had to 165 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:55,200 pull in all over here. I was horrified. I thought, "That looks so dangerous. I'm afraid to go walk 166 00:18:55,200 --> 00:19:00,880 around my neighborhood at night even though I live in a nice neighborhood." By this point, 167 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:05,840 and why I tell you that story is because of how different it was back then. I would go 168 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:12,320 to Sepulveda in the middle of the night at three or four o'clock in the morning by myself to go 169 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:19,120 score drugs. I sold all my jewelry. I sold all my stuff. I only had one thing to sell left. Thank 170 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:28,000 God I didn't sell my ass, but that was coming. I have TVs that I would haul down to Sepulveda 171 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:36,400 to go get what I needed to get. This is pre-flat screen. We're talking regular, regular TV. Who 172 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:43,680 does that? Now, I can't even imagine doing that. My kids suffered a lot. It was crazy, 173 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:50,960 crazy times. We're both doing all this stuff, and it's going back and forth. I tried to get sober. 174 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:56,160 I tried to go back to Alcoholics Anonymous, but I could not stay sober for longer than 175 00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:03,760 20 days. I just couldn't do it. I had taken all the mirrors out of my house. I woke up one day, 176 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:08,160 and I thought, "You know, I got to go back to Life's In Session because that's the only place 177 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:13,120 that I think can help me because I couldn't get sober." I came back to Life's In Session, 178 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:21,040 and somebody would walk up to me because clearly I looked new. They'd say, "Hi. I'm so-and-so." 179 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:26,480 I'd say, "Hi. I'm Claudia." They'd say, "Oh, my God." They were really mean. 180 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:34,720 I don't know who it was, but it was one of you guys. One of you guys said, "We should take a 181 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,880 picture of before and after. What happens when you go out and put Claudia's picture up there?" 182 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:48,480 So funny. I'm like, "How rude." I was, let's see, a whopping 200 pounds. 183 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:59,200 Yep. I was yellow. I had sores all over my face. I was completely 100% unrecognizable. My family 184 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:05,920 members, if I would run into them, would not recognize me. I came back to Life's In Session, 185 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:14,240 and I was sober for six months. Every single day, I wanted to drink and use. Every single day, 186 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:21,920 I had this big hole in my gut. But this time, it was different. I had made friends. I got a sponsor 187 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,720 that I was actually working with, but I still wanted to drink and use. Matt was working on a 188 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:33,120 show, and he would stay sober during the week, and then he would drink on the weekends. I had somebody 189 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:38,320 from Alcoholics Anonymous sleep at my house every single weekend, all weekend, for six months 190 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:45,200 straight. That's the love that that group gave me because I needed it. I was in really bad shape, 191 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:54,000 and my kids suffered, and everything was just crazy. So I drank one last time, and I remember 192 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:58,720 calling my friend, Susan Martinez, and I said, "Can you cover my cake? Because I'm a cake 193 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:03,200 commitment person at the Monday night meeting." She said, "Why? Why can't you go?" I said, "Because I 194 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,040 drank, and I just can't do it." She says, "Well, I'm not going to cover your commitment, and I'm 195 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:13,600 going to make sure nobody else covers your commitment." God, I mean, wow. I thought, 196 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:20,240 "What a bitch." But at my ego, of course, I'm like, "No, it has to be cake there. I mean, hello." 197 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:27,280 I didn't even have 11 hours of sobriety. The whole meeting, she kept nudging me like, "You better 198 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,400 start telling people. You better start telling people, because you got to raise your hand." 199 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:36,320 Anyway, when it came time to newcomers, I raised my hand with 11 hours of sobriety, and then the 200 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:42,880 next day is February 24th, 1998, and I have not found it necessary to drink in you since then. 201 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:51,600 The desire, the obsession was lifted that day. That day was lifted when I raised my hand with 202 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:58,640 11 hours of sobriety, and it's a lot easier to stay sober if that's been lifted. It's really hard. 203 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:07,360 I mean, you can do it, but it sucks. I just did everything that I was supposed to do here, but 204 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:12,080 what happened for me is that I needed to go somewhere where there was a lot of women with 205 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:16,720 a lot of sobriety, and we really didn't have a lot of that license session at that time. 206 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:23,280 I still kept my commitments that I had here, like I was the secretary of Friday night meeting, 207 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:30,800 and so I was part-time license session, and so I went to Pacific Group, and I got Sharon to be my 208 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:36,560 sponsor, and I'm doing the deal over there, and they're just like you guys. They do the same, 209 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:41,760 except for they don't write it down, but whatever, but they do the same stuff that you guys do here 210 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,160 at Quality of Life, which- Quaff. 211 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:50,720 Quaff, yes. If you're new here, you're in a really, really, really good place. This is an awesome 212 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:57,600 group of people that you should be lucky to be around. I'm doing the whole Pacific Group thing, 213 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:04,960 and I'm Little Miss PG, and I'm going to all my meetings in the yard and doing all this stuff, 214 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:10,560 and no, we don't have to pick up dog poo or horse poo. That's a lie. It doesn't even exist. 215 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:18,240 He didn't even have any horses, okay? No pony. I never saw no pony at the yard. It's funny. 216 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:30,640 I was doing all this stuff. Meanwhile, Matt, when I got sober that second time after I went 217 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:37,440 out after having six months, I needed to go. I needed to leave that relationship because I knew 218 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:42,960 that I would not stay sober in that environment, and a lot of members from this group helped me 219 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:48,400 move. I got my own little apartment, and it was really hard because, again, I love that man. 220 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:57,120 You guys were here. I love that man. I got an apartment. I went to the welfare department to 221 00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:01,040 try to get food stamps, and then the line was too long, so I thought, "I'm just going to get a job 222 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:08,000 because it's got to be easier than that." I was like, "Oh, that's a lot." I got a job at the 223 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:14,080 grocery store in the flower department because I knew that they paid well, and they had good 224 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:19,360 medical benefits. I needed that for my children. At this point, it's all about my kids. I'm doing 225 00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:24,640 the flower thing. I have a little side hustle. I always have a side hustle on all kinds of stuff. 226 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:32,320 I still have a side hustle. I'm in sales today, so I do a lot of hustling. It's a perfect job if 227 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:40,720 you're an ex-thief. Go into sales. So good. You can literally steal for legal stuff. Not really, 228 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:48,240 but you know. I had this flower business side hustle, and I'm able to provide for my children. 229 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:54,160 I never got any child support. I didn't really do it all by myself, like Eddie told me when I 230 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:59,600 walked in here. I had a lot of help from a lot of people throughout. I always used to say I was 231 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:05,200 a single mom, but I have never had to do anything by myself as long as I've been an Alcoholics 232 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:12,160 Anonymous with this group, with License Session, with Pacific Group. I was doing that, and I'm 233 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:17,280 again four years sober. Matt was in and out doing whatever he was doing. I think he might have been 234 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:23,600 locked up a couple times. I'm not really sure. He had resurfaced, and he had moved in with his 235 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:30,880 parents. I thought it was good for the first few months, and then he went into a drunken stupor, 236 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:37,920 and he shot and killed his father. When you think that you're only affecting yourself, 237 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:44,800 you're affecting a lot of other people around you. My kids are a victim of a violent crime. 238 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,760 Before he shot and killed his father, he had strangled his girlfriend. 239 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:59,680 We're talking about a person who's just like me. He was never a career criminal. He was funny 240 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:10,720 and cute, and he was smart, but alcohol took him. I'm pretty sure, and he loved his father. He loved 241 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:15,520 him. I'm pretty sure he didn't wake up that day and think, "I'm going to drink today. I'm going 242 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:22,240 to use today, and I'm going to kill my dad." He's never going to be able to come to a meeting 243 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:29,440 and listen to the 12 traditions and the steps and Chapter 5 and listen to somebody stay sober. He's 244 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:37,920 done. He got two lifetime terms with no possibility of parole. His life is over, over. He's not going 245 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:45,680 to walk his daughter down the aisle. He didn't get to see his kids graduate from any school. Done. 246 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:55,120 I was pissed. I was really angry. That happened on a Sunday. On Tuesday, I was at my regular Tuesday 247 00:27:55,120 --> 00:28:00,320 night Ohio Street meeting. Thank God for strong sponsorship. Thank God for strong sponsorship 248 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:05,440 because my sponsor didn't let me change anything. I'd walk around the meetings crying, and I was 249 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:12,560 angry. You see people get sober, and then their families get back together, and everything's happy. 250 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:23,200 That just wasn't my plan. That just wasn't what happened for us. Again, thank God for Alcoholics 251 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:30,080 Anonymous because I was able to just work through that with the grace of God. God has always given 252 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:35,280 me every single thing that I've needed. Had I not left that relationship, I probably would have been 253 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:41,360 the one that got killed. That's clear. I probably would have because I have a big mouth. It would 254 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:51,040 have been me. It's gnarly. When you think this is a revolving door, guess what? It ain't. It's not a 255 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:56,320 revolving door. How many people have we seen come in here and then die because they go back out 256 00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:01,040 thinking it's going to be different? It's never going to be different. It's never going to be 257 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:07,600 different. It's going to get worse. I did that flower thing for a while, and then little by 258 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:13,920 little, I would just get better jobs. I met a man in Alcoholics Anonymous 18 years ago, and we're 259 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:20,960 still together to this day, which is so crazy. Other than being sober, I really don't do things 260 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:28,960 for that long period of time. I'm super ADD, so I go to the next thing real quick. He was able to 261 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:37,920 be a father to my kids, and they love him. They call him dad. Little by little, my kids never 262 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:44,720 walked around here acting like they were victims. I didn't walk around here like I was a victim 263 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:49,520 because I wasn't. I was a willing participant in every single thing that I've ever done. 264 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:58,960 I had a lot of different sales jobs. I left the flower business because my partner 265 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,760 his house burnt down, and he died in the fire. God, my life is so tragic. 266 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:10,080 It's not really. I have a really good life today, but that just happens. I'm life's in session, 267 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:15,200 right? Things happen. Just because you're sober doesn't mean it's always going to be the sunny 268 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:22,960 side of the street. Just things happen. I decided that was a lot of work, and it was a backbreaker, 269 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:27,280 and I never had any holidays. I was always working, working, working. I started working 270 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:32,960 at this company, and I really didn't want to start working there, but my sponsor, thank God, 271 00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:38,960 she's smarter than I am, and she said, "We'll just do it." I was there for almost 12 years. 272 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:44,960 I was the number one rep in the whole entire country out of thousands and thousands of 273 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:50,560 employees. Why? Not because I'm so great, because I would suit up and I would show up. 274 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:55,040 It's everything that I've learned here, commitments. Everything that I've learned 275 00:30:55,040 --> 00:31:00,560 in Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been able to take it out into the real world, because we can all 276 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:04,400 act nice when we're in here, but it's how you act when you're out there that really counts. 277 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:12,880 I tried to do that today. The owner of the company, about three, almost four years ago, 278 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:18,880 decided to sell that company. My boss retired, and then we got some douchebag new manager. 279 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:28,320 Because I'm the queen, so I think that I can do whatever I want, I reported him, and it was a 280 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:37,280 whole thing. Three months later, my contract was terminated. Because I was an independent contractor, 281 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:46,080 they can do that, and it's not a regular job. I was really running on a lot of fear. I'm like, 282 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,560 "What am I going to do? I'm going to sell my house. I'm going to have to do this." 283 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:55,120 You know how we get. Everything is going to just go down the toilet. I might as well drink. 284 00:31:55,120 --> 00:32:06,880 About a week, maybe a week and a half after that, the old owner of that company had bought a 285 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,880 different company. He's like, "Oh my God, it's awesome that you got let go, because now you can 286 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:17,280 come work for me." That's a God shot, not because I had this new job. There's millions of jobs, but 287 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:26,560 because the quality of my life and my old company. The quality of my life was really not that good, 288 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:35,200 because I was working a minimum on a slow week, 80 hours a week. I got to my meetings and I did 289 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:41,360 all that, but I was work, work, work, work, work, work, work. I was like a fiend. This new job has 290 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:50,560 able to give me a different outlook. I can be home for dinner and I can go to my regular meetings and 291 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:58,400 not have to be running on fumes. God did that for me, because left to my own devices, I would 292 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:04,960 have never done that on my own, for sure, 100%. Again, God has always provided for me for everything 293 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:10,560 that I've done. I'll talk a little bit about my kids and then I'm pretty much done, but my oldest 294 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:16,800 son, my kids have grown up in Alcoholics Anonymous. We had childcare at Life's In Session. We had 295 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:23,280 childcare at Way of Life, which is our Saturday night meeting. I have a lot of family, so I've 296 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:30,400 always been able to go to all my meetings. I'm lucky like that, again, God. They've grown up in 297 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:37,920 Alcoholics Anonymous. My older son just won an Emmy at Fox Sports in the editing department, 298 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:43,600 and his team, I know, so happy. He might be the only one in our entire family that actually loves 299 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:50,560 to go to work, because he loves his job. My job is okay, but I don't love it. I wish I would win 300 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:57,120 the lottery and not have to go there ever again, but that's not going to happen. My kids are all 301 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:05,520 happy, healthy citizens. They're not stealing my cars. They're not stealing my stuff. I'm not 302 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:12,800 picking them up from the police station, which is really crazy because their gene pool is not that 303 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:21,760 great, especially my ... No, it's not good. My middle son, Matthew, he could probably come 304 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:29,040 into these rooms. He does drink a lot, but his life, he hasn't gotten to the point where it's 305 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:36,400 affected his life yet. I'm going to say yet. He went to U of A. He graduated with a biochemist, 306 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:45,120 and that's kind of hard to do, and now he does home loans. I don't know why I paid for all that 307 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:56,160 school, but yay, Matthew. He's like me. He's a hustler, and he works. I can't really figure out 308 00:34:56,160 --> 00:35:01,600 what his deal is, but he knows where ... He'll joke and say, "Don't worry. If I need to go there, 309 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:10,560 I'll get Clancy to be my sponsor." Stupid. Then I have my daughter who is ... She's a millennial. 310 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:18,000 Well, they're all millennials. Millennials are very rough, and it's like, "Where can I make 311 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:27,920 a million dollars without having to do anything?" Yeah, but she's still in school, and she is 312 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:38,400 hopefully going to graduate at some point and leave my house. She's 24 years old, and she's 313 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:45,280 never ... I mean, I got 22 years, so she really has no idea of how it used to be like. She really 314 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:49,280 doesn't. Matthew a little bit, and Anthony a little bit more because he's a little older, 315 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:56,560 but anybody who knows me today knows that I live for my children. Every single thing that I've done 316 00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:03,040 has been for them because they had it the worst, and I'm at the point now where I'm sober longer 317 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:07,760 than I ever drink, so they tried to use that guilt thing on me at first, but that doesn't work 318 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:14,720 anymore. Bob, I'll just talk about my husband a little bit because it's hilarious. He's a really 319 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:22,000 good man, and if you know Bob, he is literally the most conservative human on the planet, 320 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:33,280 like really conservative, and more than Bruce-y. He's very conservative, and a banker. He's a 321 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:40,080 financee guy, and about a year ago, he decided that he was done with corporate life and that 322 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:48,480 he was going to become a bodyguard for a rapper. Yeah, bodyguard for a rapper. He has no experience 323 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:57,440 being a bodyguard. I don't even know if he knows how to fight. Nothing, but the reason he got that 324 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:04,640 job is because he's 6'5". He's a big dude, and when you meet people in AA, you know this guy, 325 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:10,880 this guy does this. There's always the guy. You always know a guy, and so I told my sponsor, 326 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:16,080 "This is definitely not going to work out." We're talking midlife crisis, but like old 327 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:24,240 midlife crisis. Usually, you get that at 40, not 50, and so I'm like, "Dude." So bad, but I had 328 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:28,560 to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business and do what I needed to do, keep my side of the 329 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:34,560 street clean, and it turned out really, really well for him. He is doing really good, and he 330 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:42,480 is traveling super, super first class. Not like regular people first class, but rapper people 331 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:51,200 first class, and he's going to Italy and Paris and all these fabulous places. Meanwhile, my job, 332 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:59,120 I get to go to Beaumont and Victorville and Paris, California. How does that even happen? It's like 333 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:05,120 it should be reversed. I should be going to these fabulous places, but how it happens is by being 334 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:11,840 sober. If you're new today, I really welcome you, and I hope that you stay here. Not everyone's 335 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:19,520 story is so crazy like mine, but if you stay here long enough, then it'll just happen for you. 336 00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:24,800 Remember, this is not a revolving door, and I really hope that you get some friends because 337 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:30,080 sometimes, for me anyway, it's hard for me to go and tell myself I'm my sponsor. I got to tell 338 00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:34,240 them a couple of my friends first, and then they're like, "You're an idiot, so you should 339 00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:42,240 do that." I get that a lot. I'm sober, but it doesn't mean I'm not ... I'm always trying to 340 00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:47,520 hustle. That's my thing. If I can hustle you, I'm going to try to do it because that's just my 341 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:54,560 nature. I can't help it, but the things that I do today are different. How I talk to people are 342 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:59,600 different. How I treat people are different. Again, if you're new, I hope that you find 343 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,920 some friends here and find a sponsor and stick around and stay a while. Thanks.