1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,420 (indistinct) 2 00:00:02,420 --> 00:00:05,040 - Got alcoholic. 3 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:06,160 - That's all right. 4 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,000 - Thank you guys. 5 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:11,360 My sobriety date is July 6th, 1989. 6 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,280 Appreciate you asking me out. 7 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,440 Appreciate Sergio coming out. 8 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,600 Some of the guys who are coming home to hurt me. 9 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,300 There's no end to their torturing. 10 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:22,560 (laughing) 11 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,160 - And Joe for coming. 12 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,000 - Joe Z. 13 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,280 - Joe Z. 14 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,420 - Yeah, I've known Joe for 32 years 15 00:00:30,420 --> 00:00:33,360 and he's killed every sponsor he's ever had. 16 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,640 He's had five sponsors and he buried every single one. 17 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,800 So a month after the last sponsor died, 18 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,520 he calls me up and says, "John, can we talk?" 19 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,640 (laughing) 20 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:44,700 - Okay, Joe. 21 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:46,400 - Okay, we'll try it. 22 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,040 One month later, I'm in the hospital 23 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,080 having tumors taken off my thyroid. 24 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,240 - Hey, you know I have a thyroid, thanks Joe. 25 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,480 - So I try to say to you, every day is a gift. 26 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,800 What's your sponsoring, Joe, and you're still alive? 27 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,640 - I was born in Kansas. 28 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,720 I have a sister, a year and a half older. 29 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,760 They had a family that had more degrees than a thermometer. 30 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,880 (laughing) 31 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,920 They had a logical life and drunk. 32 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,540 And you can't get sober being a liar. 33 00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:15,920 You'll notice the first paragraph 34 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,680 that we read in chapter five. 35 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,240 It's all about honesty. 36 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,800 If you can't get that, you're not gonna get the program. 37 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,080 You're not gonna get anything in life 38 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,180 as far as I'm concerned. 39 00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:27,880 You're not gonna get the program if you don't have honesty. 40 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,360 'Cause you gotta look at you 41 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,840 and you've gotta admit where you are and what you've done 42 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,680 as you guys look for a way to clean it up. 43 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,800 'Cause you can't do that bad in yourself. 44 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,160 And so it was not an easy situation. 45 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,080 And I guess when I was five, he came home one night 46 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,360 and tripped over a toy and threw me up against the wall. 47 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,080 I slid down and that night after he passed out, 48 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,020 my mom put a kid under a job, this 1950. 49 00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:53,340 And women didn't do that then. 50 00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:55,840 So she was a bad lady. 51 00:01:55,840 --> 00:02:00,680 Put a kid under each arm and the train for California. 52 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:01,800 L.A. from Kansas. 53 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,560 And we got here, we did the union station 54 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:05,840 for a couple of days 55 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,880 'cause she's trying to find out her girlfriend 56 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:08,760 she went to school with. 57 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:13,280 Finally, she found me, stayed with them for a long time. 58 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,880 And then she got a job and we got our own place. 59 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,680 And when I was eight, 60 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,200 she met this truck driver from Kentucky. 61 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,520 We were living in Southgate. 62 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,880 And he decided he was gonna take us away from all that 63 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:25,720 and show us about that. 64 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,680 So he moved us to El Monte. 65 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,240 I've never been to El Monte, 66 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,240 picture Pacoima without all the glitter. 67 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,680 That's pretty much El Monte. 68 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,560 So he moved us there. 69 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,400 All his relatives from Kentucky 70 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,480 are in like this two or three block area 71 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,520 with a compound above it. 72 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:41,600 They couldn't spell cap. 73 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,080 He spotted the C and the T 74 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,680 and they had an opinion on everything, you know? 75 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,880 And I immediately was treated like excess baggage 76 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,160 or so I interpreted that. 77 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,080 And I mean, he didn't jive with the family. 78 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,460 It got rough right away. 79 00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:59,660 By the time I'm 15 years old, 80 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:02,480 I ran away from home on a passive basis 81 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,240 and getting jobs and doing that. 82 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,880 And going back to the police would bring me back 83 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,200 and straighten that somewhat. 84 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,240 But I always had a job, you know? 85 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,560 And when I was in high school, 86 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,560 I had a great job for a Chinese restaurant 87 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,520 that they had a bar attached to it. 88 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,380 And I had to stock the bar with ice 89 00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,520 and with the alcohol and things. 90 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,000 A bottle would end up in the trash every single night. 91 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,440 They just had to do that, you know? 92 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,520 And I could start drinking then. 93 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:31,200 And 1962, I was 17, and Kennedy made his speech, 94 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,800 I think it was on Wednesday, on the Cuban blockade. 95 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,560 And everyone was buying in the store. 96 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,240 We all thought we were going to war. 97 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,000 And I thought it was a great opportunity 98 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:39,840 to get out of the bathroom. 99 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,000 So I joined the Air Force. 100 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,720 I went back and they sent me for it right away. 101 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,320 They'll straighten this kid up, you know? 102 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,400 Give him in the military. 103 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,240 They'll straighten me up. 104 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:48,200 By the time I was 20, 105 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,840 I was in jail in five different countries. 106 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,260 So they straightened nothing up, you know? 107 00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:54,880 It just continued on the way it was. 108 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:55,880 I went in the Air Force, 109 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,080 and the first place they sent me to was Japan. 110 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,580 And as soon as I got off the plane in Japan, 111 00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:02,420 you go in the place, 112 00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:05,660 and they make you give up all your American script 113 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:08,460 because it's worth so much money on the black market. 114 00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:11,760 And they give you what we call Mickey Mouse money, or yen, 115 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,520 to keep the American dollars off the... 116 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,540 All I had to hear is that once through Ireland, 117 00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:16,520 I'm meeting these kids, 118 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,640 these young guys are coming off the plane. 119 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,120 I'm doing the exchange for them, 120 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,440 giving them a little more. 121 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:24,760 I'm selling black market dollars downtown. 122 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,840 It was like an invitation to me. 123 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,200 And before long, one of the few guys there that had a car. 124 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,720 You know, it was a big old '51 Chevy 125 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,200 that didn't fit in their streets very well. 126 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,520 I'd get it stuck at times 127 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,320 and have to go back the next day a bit after they get out. 128 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,200 Oh dear, it would be upset, you know? 129 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,140 But my drinking was getting worse, 130 00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:44,400 and I was good at my job. 131 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:45,240 I liked my job. 132 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,760 I taught survival, 133 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,200 and we didn't know it at the time, of course. 134 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,000 In fact, I got there in '63. 135 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,960 We were having this conflict in Vietnam, 136 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,600 and the papers weren't talking about it. 137 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,600 I was getting air crew members back 138 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:02,280 to retrain for jungle survival and things like that. 139 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,640 I was good at my job. 140 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,520 But off work, I was me, you know? 141 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,600 And I didn't really have a lot of rules. 142 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,860 In '64, I was in Sinjuku, downtown Sinjuku, 143 00:05:13,860 --> 00:05:15,640 and we were drinking academic wine, 144 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,760 and I somehow or another got it in my head 145 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,040 that it was the Russians that made me leave home, 146 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,600 and Monica O'Brien, Mr. Monica. 147 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,640 So I decided we should go to the Russian Embassy. 148 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,680 Three in the morning, we went to Russian Embassy, 149 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,360 and they caught me breaking in, going over the gate. 150 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,000 And they sicced their dog on me, and I kicked their dog. 151 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,600 They pulled out their guns, they're gonna arrest me. 152 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,440 Then around the corner came the Japanese police, 153 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,540 and they're going like that, "Here come the MPs." 154 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,360 Anyway, it was a big, they were, 155 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,120 Bella Cherry was very upset, they asked 156 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,720 when I might leave Japan, and I thought it might be a good idea. 157 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:52,280 So they sent me to Columbus, Ohio, 158 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,280 right outside of Ohio State University, 159 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,880 a long-form Air Force base. 160 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,480 And I was gonna be there for three months, 161 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,720 and then go to France, and go to France for three months. 162 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,700 Well, the first thing, you know, back then in survival kits, 163 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:07,360 we didn't have any technology that we have to have. 164 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,960 The most important thing we had in survival kits were bennies, 165 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,440 because if you went down, someone had to stay awake 166 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,760 while they're looking for you. 167 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,680 Especially in Nog, you can't have a helicopter 168 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,520 circling one area very long. 169 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,320 So you gotta have people awake, so you have bennies. 170 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,120 So they put me, this is your government, 171 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,200 in charge of repositioning bennies. 172 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,840 Asking all the kids at Ohio State University, 173 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,920 thinking I was their greatest thing on earth on exam day. 174 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:33,000 They could stay up and cram because John was in town. 175 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,660 And I had that going on pretty soon. 176 00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:36,960 I had a couple of girls at Patterson Hall, 177 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,840 me and my bennies farming, I had that going. 178 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:43,200 I'd go to France, and that'd be all under control. 179 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,440 And what happened there was, I found some pilots 180 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,800 that were flying to Gibraltar every other weekend. 181 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,640 I couldn't figure out why. 182 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,040 Finally, we got to be friends, and they told me, 183 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,140 and they took me with them. 184 00:06:53,140 --> 00:06:55,480 And they kept finding these cases of scotch 185 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,480 falling off of trucks in Scotland. 186 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:01,000 And I was able to get cases of black and white scotch 187 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,580 for $15 a case. 188 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:05,080 And what I would do then is take two bottles 189 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,440 and hitchhike into Paris, about 64 miles. 190 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,080 And the ladies that owned this cafe on Mont-Porlange Avenue 191 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,920 would put me up for those two bottles 192 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,800 'cause they'd make $600 from it. 193 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,640 So on this 64, 65, it was big money. 194 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,000 They had stamps, everything. 195 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,240 So they'd make a lot of money off that. 196 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,160 So I had my food, my place to live, 197 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,840 give me a key to the cafe. 198 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,200 It was really neat, but I was getting in trouble. 199 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:29,280 It was great because all the women from all over the world 200 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,460 went to University of Paris, which was right there. 201 00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:33,360 So women-wise, it was great. 202 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:34,960 But in the bars, I didn't get along 203 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,080 with the French guys at all. 204 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,000 And I got to the point I hit a lot of them. 205 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,440 (all laughing) 206 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,700 And it just seemed like the only answer to the situation. 207 00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:46,660 It was getting rough. 208 00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:50,840 And one of my trips, I was drunk on base or something 209 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,240 and I got in and we got out. 210 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,880 So I hadn't done worse in Ohio and all, 211 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,120 but this is when they came out. 212 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,360 And I cut him up pretty bad and he bit this ear off. 213 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,360 And so they sent me to jail for a year, 214 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,280 sent me to prison for a year in Germany 215 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,800 and showed you our stupidity before sentencing. 216 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,640 The judge listened to all this and he said, 217 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,220 "Do you think you might consider 218 00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:16,640 that there's some people that shouldn't drink?" 219 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,280 That was my opportunity, but I was such a jerk. 220 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,040 I said, "Your honor, it's not the drinking it's getting from." 221 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,800 And he answered and gave me a year and my attorney went. 222 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,200 'Cause they knew he was looking for a way to cut my sense. 223 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,440 Ego and stupidity together is a terrible, terrible thing. 224 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,340 So I got a year, back in the center of the year. 225 00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:34,560 And after seven months, I was able to get out. 226 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:37,240 And I shared after I got out. 227 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,880 They didn't make me make up all my time. 228 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,360 So I got out in December of '66 out of the Air Force. 229 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,080 And you know, I was trying to straighten up. 230 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,320 But what had happened when I was in prison 231 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,240 is I was introduced to LSD. 232 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,360 And you know, has anyone here ever done LSD? 233 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,760 Has anyone here been to prison? 234 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,720 Has anyone done LSD in prison? 235 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,760 Longest night on the face of the earth, 236 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,320 18 hours, I had no idea what it was. 237 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,960 Guy ripped a page off a book and said, 238 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,400 "Chew this up and swallow it." 239 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,240 So I did what I'm doing, I said, "What is it?" 240 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,960 And he says, "It's acid." 241 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,720 LSD, I didn't know what acid, 65, I don't know what acid was. 242 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,240 The longest 18 hours of my life. 243 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,880 But when I got out, I liked LSD a lot, you know? 244 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,720 And I got a motorcycle and I loved riding a motorcycle 245 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,640 on acid, but I felt safer then. 246 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,340 Any other time, ever since there was a magical connection 247 00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:26,000 between am I drinking really minimized it? 248 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,560 And then I had one bad trip and I got off of it 249 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:35,280 in the '70s, mid '70s, and sort of took back up drinking 250 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,080 where I left off, and doing a lot of other drugs, 251 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,640 mainly drinking, and trying to pull it together though, 252 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,800 'cause I wasn't dumb, you know, I got a job, 253 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,760 I got a job working for the auto club. 254 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,280 I've been in for a counter boy job, 255 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,160 and the guy started talking to me 256 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,000 and hired me as a claims adjuster. 257 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,560 And after I was working for a penny dealer, 258 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:57,560 so as a claims adjuster, they sent me to Hollywood 259 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,880 to be an attorney negotiator. 260 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,800 So it was really out of my element. 261 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,880 I mean, you know, they were impressed, 262 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,420 but I didn't know what they saw. 263 00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:07,500 But you know, I wasn't fit to be an attorney negotiator. 264 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,020 Yeah, and anyway, though, I could see it. 265 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:11,760 And eventually after a year or so, I quit, 266 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,000 and I just wrote my books and did acid, 267 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:14,980 and it was wonderful. 268 00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:18,280 Then I moved to Laguna Beach, and I had one bad trip, 269 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,580 and that ended that. 270 00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:22,640 But I went from that, and I got a job in a clothing store, 271 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,900 and ended up being a buyer for a chain of clothing stores, 272 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,200 and then some friends who were in the printing business, 273 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,160 said we can get you in the printing, look at all the, 274 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,480 and it was a lot of money. 275 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,440 And so I went in the printing business, 276 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:34,640 and was doing really well. 277 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,540 And then they came up with something called Photoshop. 278 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:38,640 And at the beginning of the '80s, 279 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,160 and Photoshop is what I did on film, 280 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,080 using brushes and camera exposures. 281 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,400 I did all that stuff, removing brushes, changing colors. 282 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,820 And so I knew my stuff was right, so I started selling. 283 00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:51,520 So I sold printing, and I was really doing well, 284 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,200 and I moved back to Laguna Beach, 285 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,680 and just really piling through it. 286 00:10:56,680 --> 00:11:00,120 I mean, I've got a place on a cliff in Laguna Niguel, 287 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,080 and I've got a brand new car, and I'm really doing good. 288 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,920 I'm driving to work one morning on the coast of the waves. 289 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,400 And there was this girl that came in, 290 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,080 this club I went in all the time. 291 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,360 I think she had a black hair, 292 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:12,960 and she looked like a gypsy whore, 293 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,120 and just exactly what I wanted in my life. 294 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,520 So I did a U-turn, I went back and picked her up. 295 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,200 She ended her up, and she was impressed with the new car. 296 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,880 And you know, I'm tied up, and you know, 297 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,880 not like the guys in the bar, they're looking pretty clean. 298 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,760 And she wanted to see it to come back, 299 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,800 but look, I drink okay, and she was there. 300 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,240 So I took her home, and I pulled out the cocaine, 301 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,080 and she said, "I hope you don't mind, 302 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,840 "but the only way I can get off is if I shoot it." 303 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,880 Okay, well, most guys do it, most of them. 304 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,240 They bail, basically, one right here, bail. 305 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,080 I married her. 306 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,720 I married her, it lasted eight months. 307 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,100 She was from New York, 308 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,760 and her folks were out to see us four times, 309 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,480 and we had to see, go back there for two times. 310 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,440 It was living hell, it was living hell. 311 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,000 So now my name is starting to appear in the paper 312 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,420 in Laguna for a minor incident, you know? 313 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,120 But every time I go, "John, I saw you." 314 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,640 It wasn't me, but you know, but it was. 315 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,800 So I moved to West LA. 316 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,840 I moved to West LA in '85. 317 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,040 I'm really trying, I'm working out of my place, 318 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,280 and I'm still doing well, working out of my place, 319 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,100 but things are starting to happen. 320 00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:18,120 I'm drinking, I'm watching a movie or whatever, 321 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,840 and I go to bed, and I get up in the morning, 322 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,260 and I take a shower, and I start getting dressed, 323 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:24,120 and go to my desk and everything. 324 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,920 I'm always at my desk by eight o'clock, 325 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,920 and go down to get the car, and the car's gone. 326 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,000 Damn, so I come back and call the police, 327 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,800 I call the insurance company, I rent a car, 328 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,120 and later that day, there it is, 329 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,800 parked in front of some bar, 330 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,400 and dash, I mean, ignition isn't punched out, 331 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,320 the windows are all okay. 332 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,480 So the fourth time that happened, 333 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,200 and I, to this day, does not know how I got home, 334 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,800 the fourth time that happened, 335 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,480 the police said, I called the police, 336 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:48,680 and they were quiet for a moment. 337 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,720 They said, "Mr. Henry, you seem to find a car 338 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:51,800 "for bringing anyone." 339 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,280 And they wouldn't take the police report bigger than hell, 340 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,600 I found it later in that day, and it wasn't very far. 341 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,400 But I don't know how I got home all those nights, 342 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,040 and so that's going on. 343 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:01,880 It's starting to scare me, 344 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,120 I'm not finding any way to stop it, you know? 345 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,880 And then one morning, I get a phone call, 346 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,280 and it was from my best client, 347 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,360 it was an account that our company 348 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,080 had been trying to open forever and ever, 349 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,680 and they couldn't get in, and I opened it. 350 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,600 I was very, very proud of that. 351 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,080 It was Carnation Foods, 352 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,440 and the lady was just a phenomenal lady, 353 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,880 but she was very strict, but we got along good. 354 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,240 And she did what I told her I knew, and gave me a lot of work. 355 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,320 And she said, "I know you said I didn't wake you last night, 356 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,080 "but I gotta go over these numbers." 357 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:27,920 I don't remember, called her, 358 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,360 so we went over the numbers, and before she hung up, 359 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,440 she said, "You know, I gotta tell you, 360 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,040 "I gotta tell you, if I didn't have so much respect for you, 361 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,160 "I would swear you were home alone, South." 362 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,120 And we hung up. 363 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,200 The sun had not come over my courtyard enough yet 364 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,360 to where my front window wasn't more clear 365 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,600 than it was with the... 366 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,760 And I saw me for the first time in years. 367 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,080 I was a blotted, runny-eyed, red-nosed drunk, 368 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,920 mid-aged drunk, 44 years old at that time. 369 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:54,760 I said, "There's nothing else 370 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,720 "I could put underneath that picture." 371 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,560 And I had, evidently, on my credenza. 372 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:03,040 At night, I would take numbers of these recovery centers 373 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:03,880 and tape it. 374 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,600 Everybody would talk, but for some reason, 375 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,960 I hung up from her, and I told her, 376 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:08,800 "Hey, hey." 377 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,200 And they said, "Well, have someone call you back." 378 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,080 The guy called me back, said, "Pour everything out, 379 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,200 "and meet me such and such. 380 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,640 "We'll take you to a meeting." 381 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,720 And so I did it, and I went into this meeting on Friday night. 382 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:21,360 Fourth and Wilshire, and everybody was wearing a necktie. 383 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,680 Everyone was dressed to the nines, 384 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,680 and they were absolutely kind, and loving, 385 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,360 and helping, like all these business cards. 386 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,160 I drove home that night, and I had one feeling 387 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,840 that I had never had about anybody ever before. 388 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,040 These people are authentic. 389 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,760 What are they gonna do when they find out about me? 390 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,920 How this, I don't see a welcome mat for anyone like me. 391 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:42,760 I don't know. 392 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,680 And so that was, you know, I said the next day, 393 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,280 they picked me up, which was nothing. 394 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,800 And all this went on, and I got a sponsor, 395 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,720 and tried to do what, you know, I was asked to do, 396 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,760 and he didn't read the book. 397 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,840 And eventually, you know, after a couple of years, 398 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,640 for a year, I married this girl on the program, 399 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:00,480 and everyone was excited. 400 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,360 It was almost like a shotgun wedding. 401 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,440 People, her sponsor, Donna Byrne, 402 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,440 you made your mind dying for me to get, 403 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,080 you know, settled down and whatnot. 404 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,320 And that's how I was 15 years sober, 405 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,560 and we're driving along, 406 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,160 and I'm upset with something that's in the rain. 407 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,400 And she says, "You know, 408 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,480 you've lived on the west side of LA now, 409 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,760 longer than you were in prison, 410 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,320 longer than you were in El Monte, 411 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,040 but everything that happens, that's the guy that shows up. 412 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,040 That's the guy, you're always that guy. 413 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,480 You're gonna kill somebody on the road for nothing." 414 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,080 It's an argument, but a strange thing happened. 415 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,080 It was trying to be hit a lot of a life, 416 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,000 so at this point, he's with my sponsored guy, 417 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,600 and I had to get a new sponsor. 418 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,840 And so I'm at my Roxbury meeting, 419 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,160 and there was this guy there 420 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,760 that was the secretary at the time, 421 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,760 and he's 6'4", 280 pounds, he rode off. 422 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,880 And my sponsor had every nice car he ever saw. 423 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,800 The only corner side of the dashboard. 424 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,520 He was not that guy, so this guy was opposite. 425 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,400 That's good. 426 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,200 So I knew, he said, "Sure." 427 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,960 And he wrote us a address down, and he had it to me. 428 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,960 He says, "Now, be at my place in Manhattan Beach 429 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,960 Saturday morning at 7.30. 430 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,680 Bring your book and your marker, 431 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,240 and you're never gonna read the book." 432 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,640 Oh, you don't understand. 433 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,680 I got 15 years, you know, I've read the book. 434 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,800 I'm like, "Be at my place Saturday morning." 435 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,040 And that was it, and he walked away. 436 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:18,200 So I remember that alarm went off that Saturday at 6 o'clock, 437 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,240 and I said, "What's that?" 438 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,760 Said the new sponsor, said, "Paint," but I went, you know? 439 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,440 And he said, "When I went in, 440 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,480 now open your book to the first page. 441 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,240 I want you to write the name Bill Wilson." 442 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,200 Bill wrote the book. 443 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,240 Now, he marked the book up with a fellow in New York 444 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,760 by the name of Jules, write Jules' name down. 445 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,960 And then Jules then came out to LA and sponsored Chip Cornell. 446 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,600 Write Chip's name down. 447 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,760 He said, "Chip was my sponsor, so put my name down. 448 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,160 Put your name under mine. That's your lineage." 449 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,600 And we mark up the book, and we read it with people. 450 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,480 We do it the way Bill marked it up. 451 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,440 It's nothing to do with my opinion, 452 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,560 nothing to do with this guy's opinion. 453 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,200 This is how Bill marked it up. 454 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,200 And we could talk about different opinions, 455 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,680 but that's the only way we mark it up. 456 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,120 And so I started reading that book, 457 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,520 and things started happening. 458 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,080 The program kicked me. 459 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,360 What an amazing thing. 460 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,320 And all of the things that I thought started disappearing, 461 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,160 you know? 462 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,160 And I started understanding the more I read the book 463 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,080 and the more I read with other people, 464 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,520 the more I understood me. 465 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:18,840 You know, but it went in. 466 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,520 I started in the program with a really negative place. 467 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,040 Where I started in, my concept of God 468 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,600 was that there's a God about five minutes in an alley. 469 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,200 That was my concept of God. 470 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,800 And so now all of a sudden, things are changing, 471 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,840 and I'm starting to kind of wonder about this. 472 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,640 And I'm starting acknowledging that something's working, 473 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,480 you know? 474 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,400 And I would get different things. 475 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:41,720 You know, we all talk, you hear people say, 476 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,120 "Yeah, I worked those steps back in such and such time." 477 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:45,280 I have to work them every day. 478 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,280 Every day of my life, I'm working some steps, 479 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,120 somewhere in some situation. 480 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,760 And I have to do that, and I read with a lot of people. 481 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,160 And the people I read with, 482 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,560 I insist they read with a lot of people. 483 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,120 And we keep passing the thing on. 484 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,360 I think that's what we're there. 485 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,320 And I've started understanding 486 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,800 that God has always been there. 487 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,480 He's always been there and always been a part of my life 488 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:06,560 and always getting me through. 489 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,920 And the longer I think about some of the scrapes 490 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,560 that I've walked out of, impossible, impossible, 491 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,600 but I've walked out of them. 492 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,560 And I don't even tell them from the podium, 493 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,400 because a lot of them are unseen. 494 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,560 And they're also, 495 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,480 they're not the things I brag about anymore, 496 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,000 but I've learned in the program 497 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,240 that the bad things in your life are lessons, 498 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,720 and the good things are blessings. 499 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,280 And if you got rid of all the bad things, 500 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,120 you'd have to get rid of all your wisdom, 501 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,480 'cause that's where you got your wisdom. 502 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,280 You didn't give very much wisdom for the good things. 503 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,480 But when you screwed up, 504 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,920 it made an impression on your mind, 505 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,720 and that's where you learned. 506 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,360 I've taken that and gone with it. 507 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,680 But there's still a lot of things 508 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,720 that I don't wanna talk about. 509 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,720 That it was just, I was a jerk, you know? 510 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,600 And I did how I wanted to do things 511 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,120 that I didn't have a whole lot of regard for other people. 512 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:52,720 And sometimes it got very violent, and that's gone now. 513 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,560 And I watch how that happens. 514 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,520 And it's amazing. 515 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,280 You know, you can't put it down, 516 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,480 but I'm reading with some guy once, 517 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,360 and I think I had 18 years sober, 518 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,080 and we finished the book and we're reading the 12 and 12, 519 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,200 and all of a sudden I got the seventh step. 520 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:08,800 It just, I had never got it before, 521 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,600 but it hit me like a ton of bricks. 522 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,200 Man, all the things, all the people, 523 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,800 no one did anything to me. 524 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,360 What they did, I took the interpretation as bad. 525 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,040 But they were doing the best they could. 526 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,760 They're just bozos on the bus like me. 527 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,960 But I messed up everything that happened. 528 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,120 You know, that was on me. 529 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,080 That wasn't on them. 530 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:30,160 So me being able to look and let go of all that stuff 531 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,160 made my life a lot easier, an awful lot. 532 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:37,720 You know, I retired in 2017, and it's been good. 533 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,280 You know, every once in a while I would drive Uber 534 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,200 for a little extra money or something, 535 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,240 and I have a story that I tell, 536 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,680 but I know I'm gonna finish early. 537 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:46,760 That's just what I do. 538 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,720 But I was driving Uber, and I had, 539 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,080 I got a call to pick up this girl on Hollywood Boulevard. 540 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,000 And when I got here, she was in a wheelchair, Italian girl. 541 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,320 And she would have been about five, 542 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,120 seven, 130-pound gorgeous. 543 00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:01,080 And her mom was with a wheelchair. 544 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,800 Did I say wheelbarrow before? 545 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:03,640 Wheelchair, okay. 546 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:09,080 Her mommy gave me, her mom's about five, five, 140. 547 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,000 And her mom picks her up from a wheelchair 548 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,000 and puts her in her seat. 549 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,560 Adjust her butt so I know she's really paraplegic. 550 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,160 You know, so I put the wheelchair in the car. 551 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,040 We're going down the road, we're laughing. 552 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,280 We're having a good time. 553 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,680 This is a tough story to tell. 554 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,200 And she said, "Is this your full-time job?" 555 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,200 And what I do is I don't tell people I'm in AA. 556 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,480 I have a business card thinking about it. 557 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,680 There's no AA on it. 558 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,720 What I tell people is, "Well, you know, I'm a veteran, 559 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,440 "so I go to the VA and help guys 560 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,520 "try to recover from alcohol and drugs." 561 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,240 Or I go into Central Jail, I go to the Twin Towers, 562 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,760 I go to Skid Row factories, but that's what I do. 563 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:42,600 And I was telling her that, 564 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:43,880 and she said, "That's what happened to me. 565 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,280 "A drunk driver broke my heart. 566 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:46,120 "Just thank you." 567 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,000 All those times I was in a blackout. 568 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,840 Why would I live it? 569 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,120 There isn't just one person. 570 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,000 These are two people that are now in prison. 571 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,040 They're like, "Mom can't leave her. 572 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,360 "She can't even get off the pot and off by herself." 573 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,480 As long as mom's alive, that's her job. 574 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,120 I couldn't have done that to somebody. 575 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:02,960 What do you do? 576 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:03,960 What do you do when you do that? 577 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,200 How do you live with that? 578 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,760 And I didn't not do it because of me. 579 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,080 I do believe I've been looked after. 580 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,800 All the times I thought I wasn't, 581 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,440 I think I've been looked after. 582 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,520 And it's an interesting place to go. 583 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,600 And it comes down to, again, 584 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,960 if you can look at yourself honestly 585 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,360 and be ready to pick yourself apart 586 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,000 like you should and be able to want to do better 587 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,200 and admit that you have to, 588 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,040 you can do anything. 589 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,320 You know, I have a great life now, geez. 590 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,200 I can't tell you how many guys I sponsor 591 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,280 'cause I don't count them. 592 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,680 You know, I count Joe because Joe's just my job. 593 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,000 You know, I have to count Joe. 594 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,640 (all laughing) 595 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,840 You know, I sponsor Sergio is another big job. 596 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,640 But I mean, there's so many people I know 597 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:46,720 and I don't count 'em 598 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,680 'cause I never wanted them to be noticed enough 599 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:49,640 that I got a name. 600 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,960 And we read and they read. 601 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,680 You stop and think about that at the end of the day. 602 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,080 And I think, why does this work? 603 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,560 Why do we have this disease that absolutely will kill us? 604 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,200 And we don't have to take medicine. 605 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,880 We don't have to go to therapy. 606 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,760 And we don't have to have any of that trials done. 607 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,760 We come in and we start helping another human being. 608 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,080 How the hell does that work? 609 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,120 It doesn't make sense. 610 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,720 And then you stop and figure, 611 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,120 maybe that's what we're supposed to do in life. 612 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:15,880 Maybe what we're supposed to do is walk each other home. 613 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,000 And there's nothing more complicated than that. 614 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,000 And all the other things we do, they're window trimmings. 615 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,800 But when you're helping other people 616 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,200 and we're walking each other home, 617 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,000 that's a pretty nice life. 618 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,040 That's pretty good. 619 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,120 You know, no one has to get up every day 620 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,240 with a burden on their head. 621 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,520 They got no one to share with. 622 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,600 They got plenty of people they can talk to. 623 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,320 They got plenty of people with answers. 624 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,480 The wonderful story on 217 that I always quote 625 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,840 because it's a guy that's gonna, he's sober 626 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,560 and he's gonna set up his desk above the garage 627 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,640 and get a bottle and type and sip and you know. 628 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,520 And he's backing out of the driveway and he said, 629 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,600 "You know, I'm at least gonna tell my wife." 630 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,440 So he pulled it back in and he goes in. 631 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,640 She's staying in the living room. 632 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,360 He says, and he tells her what he's gonna do. 633 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,320 And they both just stand and look at each other 634 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:58,240 and start laughing. 635 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,520 Because those thoughts, once they're out of your mouth, 636 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,360 they no longer have any power over you. 637 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,280 You keep them inside and they start building a case 638 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,440 and lifting weights and building a wall over here 639 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,680 and they become a fact. 640 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,520 You get that stuff out of your mouth 641 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,120 to somebody that cares and someone that's sober, 642 00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:17,640 they're gonna tell you, "You're full of crap. 643 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,000 What are you talking about?" 644 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,280 And you're gonna agree. 645 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,440 It's a really funny thing. 646 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,120 We're back to the honesty again. 647 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:27,920 But you're in a program, you never have to travel alone. 648 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,520 You never have to go through anything alone ever. 649 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:31,880 It's the greatest thing in the world. 650 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,880 The rest of your life, you got people to help you. 651 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,320 You got people that are listening to you. 652 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,760 So I love meeting with new guys coming in 653 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,040 and you guys are the lifeblood. 654 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,960 You're gonna be the ones next, you know, 655 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,080 that keep carrying this through. 656 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,720 We always want to treat the new people with kid gloves 657 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,360 and let them know how much they're wanted. 658 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,480 It's important. 659 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,560 You know, these guys that I met last night 660 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,280 for the recovery home and try to see 661 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,600 if I can go start reading with them on a Thursday night 662 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,720 and get them started. 663 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,320 One guy's from Washington, D.C., 664 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,160 another guy's from Lake Havasu, 665 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,160 another guy's from North Carolina. 666 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,880 But they can at least take this back and start. 667 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,480 So if they want to call and talk on the phone, 668 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,160 I know a lot of guys just pick up the banger 669 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,840 and mock it up as I do. 670 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,720 And they'll have someone to talk to forever 671 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,200 to read the book through. 672 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,360 And then they can start reading with someone else. 673 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,080 So again, it's an opportunity. 674 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,720 I didn't know I was going to speak last night 675 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,440 and tonight those things just come. 676 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:25,880 But what a nice little gift. 677 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,000 I found another way to get that message out 678 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,320 across the United States. 679 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,280 Not that I'm gonna go to one recovery home. 680 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,840 You know, it's a nice situation. 681 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:33,880 I couldn't have planned it. 682 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,840 Anyway, I don't ever go over and I hate it when people do, 683 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,240 but I'm so grateful you guys are here. 684 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,080 I really am. 685 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,280 I'm glad you guys are here. 686 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,120 If you walk in, it just feels like AA. 687 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:45,960 It's good. 688 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,840 You're always safe when you walk in AA. 689 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:48,680 So thank you. 690 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:49,680 - Thank you. 691 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,640 - Thanks John. 692 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:52,480 - Thank you. 693 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,320 - Thank you for sharing. 694 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:54,160 - Thank you. 695 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,000 - Thank you.