1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,400 Everybody I'm Alec. I'm an alcoholic. Can everybody hear me? Okay. Yes 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:07,040 I'm sober tonight, and I'm not unhappy about it 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:13,400 Thank you Scott for asking me. I think the first thing I should do is tell Scott I lied to him 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,460 I have about 50 neckties. I used to be a new 5 00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:23,400 But there's no more under the bed in about a plastic box and I just didn't want to I was just being 6 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:29,460 Oppositional my basic nature so I am glad to be here. I dug out a jacket and a nice shirt 7 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,000 I guess I'll go with the form here 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,360 My sobriety date is August 24th 9 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:42,760 1982 I have a sponsor. His name is Leo Leo at Leo are Leo has a sponsor 10 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:48,300 His name is Tom D. And that's how it works the chain of sobriety. So I'm certainly glad to be a part of it 11 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:52,280 Thank You Dominique. Thank you for sharing, you know 12 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:57,000 Our interventions always come and at least for me came in strange ways 13 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:04,120 First time start. I can't tell about the whole room. But are there newcomers in the room? It's hard to see 14 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:10,800 Okay, cuz I shake a lot and I didn't want the newcomers think they were going into DT's 15 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:21,240 Since all the central it's no big deal. I'm glad to be here though. Oh my goodness, you know, I 16 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:28,680 I took a drink. There were no bad ideas. They're just were no bad ideas and that manifested itself 17 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:32,700 In many ways I can give you some examples 18 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:38,720 When I took a drink, it wasn't a bad idea to punch somebody in the fist with my nose in a bar 19 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:41,680 I thought I was a tough guy and I wasn't so I 20 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,440 Punched a lot of people right in the fist with my nose when I took a drink 21 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:50,760 It didn't seem like a bad idea when in the dead of winter in Chicago. I know there's two other Chicagoans here 22 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:56,480 They know what those winters are like and I had to get to work and I had a flat tire and I couldn't get wheel 23 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:57,280 off my 24 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,060 1968 Buick to change the tire because the nuts were frozen 25 00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:05,360 The lug nuts were frozen on wheel and I kept banging my knuckles 26 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:11,240 So to me it wasn't a bad idea to run upstairs to my apartment get my pistol and shoot my car three times 27 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:15,020 It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time shoot the car in the fender 28 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:21,960 The last one is probably the most telling of all and it was on my last relapse Dominique 29 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:26,840 I relapsed for four and a half years. I had come into Alcoholics Anonymous in 30 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,120 1978 in San Francisco, I was living there 31 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:36,240 I lived there for ten years and my last one was here in LA my last relapse and it was the result of 32 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,240 Actually, I'll get to that later, but I'll tell you what happened 33 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,840 I was driving down Olympic Boulevard and I guess I was 36 years old at the time and 34 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:50,960 Very loaded and a guy cut me off in a big old red Cadillac convertible and I was gonna show him 35 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,160 I had a real good idea 36 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:58,480 I'll cut him off right back and I'll block his car from moving and I'll jump out with my flat bar wrecking bar and I'm 37 00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,760 Gonna threaten this guy 38 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:05,260 Maybe bash him in the head and I come sauntering up to his car and I get to the window 39 00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:10,080 He rolls down the window. He's about 80 years old. He's paralyzed from the waist down 40 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:16,040 He has hand controls to operate his car and he looked at me said by your tough guy aren't you and I felt about this 41 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:22,240 big I just kind of hung my head put my tail between my legs and walked away and I got sober shortly after that it was 42 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,360 very 43 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,360 debilitating it was really pitiful and 44 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,240 incomprehensible 45 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:34,160 demoralization to to be that crazy and go and start a road rage thing and the guy turns out to be an 46 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:40,360 Engineerian with no legs boy. What a tough guy I was so those are the kind of bad ideas that I thought well 47 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,720 These aren't but this is not a bad idea. I'm gonna do this. There are many others 48 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:50,200 Throughout the years as a young guy. I knew two things for sure by the time I was 10 or 11 years old 49 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,440 I was gonna drink whiskey and smoke cigarettes and I knew it for sure 50 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,800 I don't know why I knew that but I knew I was gonna do that and I did that 51 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:04,320 Yeah, as soon as I could my first drunk we had moved from a melting pot neighborhood in Chicago 52 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,320 into an upscale neighborhood north side of Chicago and 53 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:12,600 It was a hot summer night and I was the only friends are the first friends 54 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:17,660 I made were guys that were to two or three years older than me and they like to torment me 55 00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:23,280 I was the skinny little guy and it was a hot summer night and they challenged me to drink a Country Club malt liquor 56 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,360 Which about 20% alcohol. I'm 57 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,040 12 years old 5 foot 10 58 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:35,160 Maybe I weighed 140 pounds ring and wet and my body was not ready for alcohol and I drank that I had had some wine 59 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:39,220 And religious service wine prior to that and always liked it 60 00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:45,920 but I'm 12 and I drank that can down and they kept urging me on and I drank a whole six-pack and I was 61 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:50,320 Blitzed absolutely blitzed and could not find my way home from my friend 62 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:55,720 Jimmy Sanford's backyard and I lived across the street and the guys had to pick me up and carry me and dumped me on 63 00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:02,740 My front steps and my poor little immigrant Polish Jewish mother came out and here's her little sunny boy 64 00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:06,000 Blitzed and that night was miserable 65 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:10,360 I spent the night vomiting until nothing but green bile was coming out 66 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:15,800 I learned how to put one foot on the ground while I was laying in bed to make the room stop spinning 67 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,280 So if you put a foot down the room doesn't spin so bad 68 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:23,760 I was miserable all night and I believe here's the difference between us and other drinkers 69 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,840 I got up the next morning and my first thought was I can't wait to do it again 70 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:32,000 You know as miserable as I could be all night a little 12 year old puking my guts out 71 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:37,320 Can't wait to do it again. So that's kind of how I drank. I drank to oblivion. I drank 72 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,680 recklessly and 73 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,360 Got into high school at a time. I got to high school 74 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:46,000 I was known as a drinker and I had two great obsessions baseball and basketball 75 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:52,000 Three baseball basketball and boots and I love to play ball. I'm gonna tell you folks. I love to play ball 76 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:58,440 I played through junior college. I was a big fish in a little pond and I was a pretty good player for you know 77 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:06,400 Your average white guy and I had the same experience with both my high school baseball coach and my junior college basketball coach 78 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:12,160 They both said to me, you know where you living the way you smell when you come to practice the way you act with your teammates 79 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:16,920 You've got a choice to me my answer and I love to play ball more than I love to do anything in the world 80 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,080 My answer was always the same. See you later coach 81 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:24,520 I've got other things to do so not that that career was ever gonna be anything more than you know, some fun 82 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,680 I was never gonna make it to the professional 83 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,000 I didn't have that kind of challenge 84 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:35,000 But the point is the Blues always took to precedent over anything that I thought was necessary. I moved on from high school 85 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,000 I 86 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:42,640 And this is a critical time in my life when I graduated high school. I was 18. It was 1964. I 87 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:51,160 I was known as a drinker in high school. I've been kicked out of school a lot many times for drinking and having bad ideas 88 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:55,160 That I thought were good ideas and all my friends 89 00:06:55,160 --> 00:07:00,760 I by this time we were living in an upscale neighborhood the kids that I went to school with and played ball with were all 90 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,040 going to big 91 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,040 universities Michigan Stanford 92 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,920 UCLA Harvard Yale 93 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:12,980 Wisconsin top schools, Illinois and I was too scared to go over to school. That's the truth 94 00:07:12,980 --> 00:07:14,980 I had terrible social anxiety and 95 00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:22,900 graduate on the bottom of my class in high school because I was the class clown and afraid that I couldn't measure up and yet 96 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:28,840 I tested out in the upper 90th percentile and I qualified for an Illinois State scholarship 97 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,760 But my what I told myself is well, I'm not good enough to play division one basketball 98 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:38,400 I'll go to a junior college instead and just stay home and really I was just too afraid to go away from home 99 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,200 I was a little chicken and I didn't think I measured up 100 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,760 So that's when the junior college coach said, you know 101 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,200 You got a choice to make and I left and I stopped playing ball. That was the end of it 102 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,880 Um, and you know, it's just a heartbreak, you know 103 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:56,560 when you give up the things you love and alcohol always takes first first precedent the what happened that first 104 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:01,240 Winter break for Christmas all my friends came back from the fancy schools 105 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:07,000 They're all going to be doctors lawyers and executives really upscale bright people that I went to school with 106 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:11,660 and many of them did become doctors lawyers and big shots and 107 00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:17,880 Film industry etc, etc, and they were smoking power. So I'm like, I guess we're crazy 108 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,040 You're gonna burn holes in your brain. You can't do that 109 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:25,100 Why don't you just drink with me drinking is so much better and they thought I was kind of a loser within a year 110 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,360 all of a sudden it was 111 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,240 1965 my hair got real long 112 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:37,360 He got a broken heart went to a party and a young lady said gee, you're kind of a bummer at this party 113 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,240 You're bringing everybody down come in the kitchen 114 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:44,160 I'm gonna make you feel better and she stuck a needle in my arm and my nut my life was never the same 115 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,960 It was it all bets were off from a kid who had a crush 116 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:52,160 Aspirin and put it in orange juice to take aspirin. I started eating pills and smoking dope and shooting dope 117 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:59,520 My life was never the same again, and I didn't draw a sober breath again until I finally did get sober in 1982 118 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,600 Got through college transferred to University, Illinois 119 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:09,140 Graduated with the high GPA somehow that double life we can lead astounds me to this day 120 00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:14,840 We can be totally screwed up on booze and drugs whatever other substances 121 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:19,320 We want to take and yet perform in another arena and I did that 122 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:25,360 I was able to graduate get a bachelor's degree and I taught school. Can you imagine? I taught your children this drunken guy 123 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:31,140 I went to school like drunk. That's when I shot my car. I was a school teacher. I'm a grown man school teacher 124 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:37,600 I got out and shot my car cuz I couldn't change wheel and I'm teaching special ed go figure. I met a woman 125 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,440 around this time and 126 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,760 we got married right about the time we should have been breaking up and 127 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:49,320 It was ten years of a dance of death. We were not meant for each other 128 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:55,240 We do have one son. I'll get to that momentarily, but I met that woman. We moved to San Francisco 129 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:59,320 I went into the business world and became a road salesman in Northern, California 130 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:07,000 My territory was the 12 Bay Area counties. And by this time, I'm a full-blown alcoholic. There's booze in the car 131 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:12,360 There's booze in my briefcase. There's booze in there wherever I go. There's booze. I drank in the shower in the morning 132 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:17,680 I hate from her. I'm told the 12 Bay Area counties are beautiful. I travel them extensively 133 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:23,280 I don't remember a lot because I was drunk most of the time and that's how I lived my life as a drunk 134 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:29,280 So fast forward now a little bit. This is critical when I when we ended that marriage 135 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:33,560 It ended with me and an alcoholic drug addicted rage 136 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:42,000 Breaking furniture smashing things in the apartment. I punched a window and severed the tendons in my right hand blood everywhere a horrible horrible 137 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:48,880 Dramatic breakup broken furniture broken doors broken windows and I left and she was five months pregnant at the time 138 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,120 it's the kind of guy and when I drink and I use and I left and 139 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:56,100 She moved to Chicago back Chicago to be a family and raise our son 140 00:10:56,100 --> 00:11:00,400 The good news about that is my son has never seen me load. He's 43 years old 141 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:05,300 his mom was smart enough to keep me away from them for the first four years of his life until I could be 142 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:08,140 sure that I'm a sober guy for real and 143 00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:15,180 So for the last 39 years, he's never seen me load it ever once so that's a great gift for me shortly after 144 00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:21,360 We had split up. I found an apartment and that apartment was an exact replica of who I'd become 145 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:27,100 It's real good on the outside. I had a sports car. I had nice clothing as a salesman 146 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:30,020 I was earning a lot of money on the road. The apartment was 147 00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:33,500 Had a view with little rounded bay windows in the back 148 00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:37,600 I'd had a view of the Bay Bridge the Oakland Bay Bridge and the Berkeley Hills 149 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:43,700 It's just beautiful, but there was nothing inside nothing just like me nothing inside 150 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:49,560 All look good on the surface the sports car nice clothing haircut, you know by this time I'm a clean-cut guy 151 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:55,160 I'm not a hippie anymore making a living out there and the apartment had nothing on the inside didn't have it 152 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,840 I didn't have a picture a plant a pet nothing 153 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:03,880 I had a Murphy bed a coffee pot Mysterio and that's how I live my life. I had isolated myself by this time 154 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,900 I was totally alone back then in those days 155 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:10,800 There were only that we knew of there were only three sexes and I couldn't get a date 156 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:15,400 Second date with any of them. No one was going out with me a second time because of my baby 157 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:21,820 No one was getting in a car with me a second one woman who I was arranged date with someone arranged a date 158 00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:26,160 She got in my car in about five minutes. She said can you pull over please? I pulled over the curb 159 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:30,960 She got out. I never saw her again. She heard her mumble something about I don't know what and she was gone 160 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:35,360 You know, you couldn't get in a car with me. I was lunatic drunken driver 161 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:40,360 I wrecked that car five times in four months. It was a beautiful brand cheesy 162 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:48,640 Really sweet little car and I kept wrecking it wrecking it wrecking it and by April of 1978 when my son was born 163 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:52,320 Coincidentally like these coincidences that happened in our lives 164 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:57,940 I got an intervention not the classical intervention that you hear about with people in the room and a professional 165 00:12:57,940 --> 00:13:03,800 Interventionist it was a friend who called me who had come to visit San Francisco from Chicago childhood friend 166 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:09,120 I've known him for over 60 years. He called me and he said, you know, I'm sick of your BS 167 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:12,740 You treated me horribly while I came to visit you you are an a-hole 168 00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:16,040 You become that I don't know what happened to you 169 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,320 But you got to do something about it and you should call our other friend Barry 170 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:25,160 That's why would I call Barry's a junkie because Barry is staying sober a was not mentioned 171 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:32,440 I couldn't believe it Barry was the worst heroin junkie I ever knew he came from a wealthy family his dad-owned nursing home 172 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:36,920 He had a key to the narcotics box. You guys can fill in the blanks after that 173 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:43,960 He was D where and I a was a mention. I said well, why Barry what so he's not getting high anymore 174 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:48,880 He goes to somewhere and talks to people which I found out later is a I called my friend Barry 175 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:53,920 It was a Friday night in San Francisco. I was in that apartment. I cut the legs off my favorite chair 176 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,640 So when I fell out of it 177 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:01,980 I didn't fall too far so I could low ride in that chair could hold all my paraphernalia on the big arms 178 00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:05,520 It had listening to my razor blade music, which was Billy Holiday 179 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:10,720 I drank a whole jug of real cheap vodka and my body was very drunk 180 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:16,420 But my mind was clear as a belt and I made that phone call to my friend Barry who stole my closest friend for 63 years 181 00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:20,520 And I called him when we talked and talked and talked and talked and by the end of the conversation maybe an hour 182 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:26,160 He got me to say well, I guess I'm an alcoholic and he said good now everybody knows and I said 183 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:30,800 What am I supposed to do now say do you call a I did the next day on a Saturday? 184 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:36,360 I called a and some guy with a squeaky little voice like Mickey Mouse got on fire - alcohol synonymous gonna help you 185 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,360 What I do he said 186 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,320 Drunk here. I don't know what to do. He's got a meeting little me 187 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,880 I told them where I lived there was a meeting right around the corner and the meeting 188 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:51,560 Was on 15th and Guerrero Street if any of you know, San Francisco back then that was you know 189 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,560 The mission and just kind of run down 190 00:14:54,200 --> 00:15:01,120 Beat up area and that meeting was everything you hear people say that they're afraid alcoholics 191 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:08,040 Anonymous might be it was a little storefront with a big plate-glass window a single bulb hanging down in the middle of the room 192 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,040 There was a guy who got up and sat down and got a cup of coffee 193 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:15,960 We weren't a trench coat and put it back and put the coffee got the coffee and got back and put it on the ground 194 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:21,880 Got a donut through the donut got up a street guy very, you know, disturbed street guy 195 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:26,320 There was three or four people in the room and the secretary's name was Rocky 196 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:32,080 He was an ex-prize fighter and he was drunk. I said, I love this. This is for me. I love this place 197 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,020 This is great. This is a age. I had no clue 198 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:40,880 Well, I came to find out that AA was not bad at all, but it had attracted me that underground 199 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:46,280 Weird feeling that low living low life always attracted me 200 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:53,120 I was talking earlier to someone about San Francisco and when I was married, I had a pocket full of credit cards 201 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,840 I had a company car. We lived in very nice apartments 202 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,280 We had plenty money and every time I run away from home 203 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:05,500 Which I did regularly because we fought non-stop day and night this woman and I I'd go right to the tenderloin 204 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,960 I had a pocket full of credit cards. I could have gone to the mark 205 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:14,260 I could have gone to the high at downtown or any of the fine hotels gotten a sweet right to the tenderloin to some cheap 206 00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:19,620 You know, no bathroom in your room. All you got's a sink and a bed for whatever eight bucks a night 207 00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:23,120 That's where I felt most comfortable. So, you know that tells a lot about who I am 208 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:28,440 Anyhow, I started going to some meetings met a man and I said my sponsors name is Leo 209 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,480 I've had three significant sponsors in my sobriety 210 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,440 I met a man in San Francisco 211 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:38,720 His name was everyone and I really want everyone to hear this two things are struggling finding a sponsor 212 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:45,440 They can't find the right sponsor Erwin and I were polar opposites absolute polar opposites 213 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:49,400 He was short and fat and bald and gay and funny-looking 214 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:53,200 and I was tall and handsome and not funny-looking and 215 00:16:53,200 --> 00:17:01,080 Mostly straight and he was the perfect sponsor for me. He taught me the ABCs of alcoholics and then he got me going right away 216 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:05,040 He saw that I had social anxiety and I shared before meeting started 217 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:09,780 That's first thing he told me to do is you're gonna be the greeter the greeter. I have terrible social anxiety 218 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:13,080 I can't be the greeter. Yeah, you're gonna be the greeter. Okay, I'll be the greeter 219 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,800 I couldn't say no to the guy whatever he asked me to do then he said you're gonna make coffee 220 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:22,000 I'm not making a coffee and of course as you all know once they started making the coffee don't touch my coffee 221 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:28,600 It's my coffee. I got this. No, I don't I don't need your help. Leave it alone. So Erwin gave me the ABCs be a service 222 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,040 he got me into 223 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,160 H and I right away. He was the 224 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,160 administrator for the 225 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:42,000 Institution part of the hospital institution committee in Northern California. So we were going we went to all the prisons 226 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,160 He had me dragging around but I didn't stay so I stay so I'll break up relapsing 227 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,520 I relapsed and really I was not ready to get sober and I kept relapsing for four and a half years 228 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:56,440 The relapsing would last a week ten days a month. I'd get six months. I'd get 18 months. I get a year 229 00:17:56,440 --> 00:18:02,560 I took dirty cakes. I took 30 chips and in 1988. I moved to Los Angeles for business reasons and 230 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,520 I'm gonna try to speed this up and get sober. I 231 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:11,440 Was living with a really nice young woman and we she moved down here with me 232 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:15,160 she was a bit younger than I about ten years younger than I was and 233 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:22,120 at the time and we moved down here to LA and she had never seen me drink and we were sitting in a little apartment on 234 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:27,400 the west side of Los Angeles that I'd found and I said look look what it says here in this big book it says if 235 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:31,600 Any one of us can do the right about face and drink like a gentleman our hats are off to him 236 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,520 I said take your hat off. We're going out to the Santa Monica Pier 237 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:38,080 We're gonna have a couple drinks and have a good time and we did we're not Santa Monica Pier 238 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,240 I had a couple scotches 239 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:46,160 Nothing happened at all the voice of higher power didn't come down say Alex you really screwed up this time 240 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:52,560 You're a bad bird nothing yet. Everything was fine within a week within a week. I was getting in fistfights again 241 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,840 I was I wrecked the apartment 242 00:18:54,840 --> 00:19:00,440 I was wetting the bed total insanity all within a week and it came to one night where I was so out of control 243 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,160 She had to contain me now. She was a big gal 244 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,280 She was like 510 wiry and she had to contain me 245 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,880 So I ended up woke up the next morning with a black eye and a fat lip. Um, she beat me up 246 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,280 I couldn't I was out of control 247 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:17,920 She had her try to do something with me and I don't get women out. Um, so I guess she kicked my butt 248 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:23,160 There you have it. She was pretty tough. Anyways, she was raised with a bunch of men and she was a toughie 249 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,520 So she kicked my butt and boy that was it. I decided well 250 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:34,160 That's it need to get sober and I made amends to her and she said no by January of 1982 251 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,880 She said no 252 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:41,800 I've got to leave. I can't trust you anymore. She left she moved back to Michigan and I was just fine. That's fine fine 253 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,800 You know, I'm the now generation of a cool guy. That's good. You go back. My heart was broken 254 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:51,040 I didn't want to leave and I'm going to meetings and I can't tell anybody how much pain I'm in and I'm a jerk and 255 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:57,120 I'm a liar and I'm a phony so I'd come to the meetings late leave early and had no sponsor and couldn't talk to anyone 256 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:00,520 And I got too big an ego, but I'm also an approval junkie 257 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:06,600 So I'm lying to people because what happened is I need what do we got 956? Oh my god my phone 258 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:13,180 Are you kidding me? I think says 815 something's really messed up. Someone just flashed a phone at me. What time is it people? 259 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:19,680 That's how much time you have. Oh, how much you're ten minutes ten minutes super fast forward had to get sober again 260 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,120 She left I was broken-hearted 261 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:27,780 I started eating qua ludes by August of 1982 because I don't want people to smell alcohol in my breath 262 00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:30,960 And I was going to meetings. I was down to 138 pounds 263 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:36,560 I'm six foot one and I was dying on my floor in West Hollywood and a couple guys showed up. I had coincidence 264 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,680 I was on the floor. I couldn't get up. They shook me out 265 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:44,960 They put me in the shower and they said you ought to call your sponsor up in San Francisco. I did that 266 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:50,040 I called her when I was whining. I said Erwin, it's hard to stay sober and he said 267 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:55,960 How would you know and hung up on I said I'll show I'll show him and sober ever since I want to fit 268 00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,240 Forward as I said real fast. I've done a lot of H and I work 269 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,640 I got a sponsor here right away again a guy who was my polar opposite 270 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,560 soft-spoken 271 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:13,480 Former Roman Catholic priest from Colorado. I'm a loudmouth Jew from Chicago and John and I were together for 25 years 272 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:18,000 Um, he was my sponsor until he passed away trusted me with his whole life at the end of his life 273 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:24,200 How does that happen a guy like me who just total guy who's coming in your house going to your medicine cabinet? 274 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:29,420 Stealing your meds drinking you're all the booze in the house dating your sister hitting on your brother 275 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:34,440 Annoying your mother this guy trusted me with his whole life. How does that happen at the end of his life? 276 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:39,720 I had power of attorney. I did get married again a second time in AA and I think it's important 277 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:43,760 I talk about this because that marriage had an end to after 15 years 278 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,760 She's a wonderful person, but we decided that we both like girls too much 279 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:52,480 So it was time for us to part company and which was fine. That's who she is 280 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,240 That's who she is 281 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:59,480 But here's the difference that marriage ended the exact opposite of my first two sober people no broken hearts 282 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:06,560 No broken furniture. No broken hands. No broken windows. Just two broken hearts didn't want to attend but that's the way it was 283 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:11,800 So that's the result of being being sober. I've been restored to my family my sister my brother 284 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:16,040 I'm allowed in their house my brother who looked at me for 20 years into my sobriety 285 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:20,680 He gave me that look whenever we'd get together on a visit look on his face said to me 286 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:26,160 What's that crazy SOB gonna do next and he let go of that and now when I do visit Chicago 287 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:31,840 He lives way down in Hammond, Indiana. My sister lives way up in Vernon else. It's about a hundred miles 288 00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:36,580 He drives that hundred miles just to have a cup of coffee with me. What a difference. What a great difference 289 00:22:36,580 --> 00:22:39,000 My son is a whole other story 290 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:44,920 Very complex relationship right now. We're on hiatus from each other 291 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:52,240 He did ten years on the federal penitentiary for whatever and he's not one of us, but he's got other problems. He's college graduate 292 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:56,800 He's not a gang banger. He's bright guy, but he did had to do ten years. He's not smarter than the FBI 293 00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:04,240 He thought he was and right now we're on hiatus in our relationship. We're not talking. He's got to work stuff out and that's fine 294 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:08,280 It's his stuff. He's a 42 year old man. It's his stuff not mine and I'm okay with that 295 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:13,800 I would prefer that we were still talking but we're not but I was restored to him for a long long time and he's never 296 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,560 Seen me loaded. I'm grateful for that. I'm gonna finish with this thought, you know 297 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:21,080 I've been with the same woman now for 20 years to my best pal 298 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:28,720 She worked in treatment at 70 years old. She said when I was 70 she said to me you're sitting around you're semi retired 299 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:34,040 You're playing your guitar. You're smoking cigars. You're drinking coffee. Is this what you're gonna do with the rest of your life? 300 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:40,400 I said well, yeah sounds pretty good to me said no, I think you should do some do be more helpful be more productive 301 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:45,040 Well, what should I do? She said why don't you go to Pierce College and take the addiction studies program? 302 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,520 So I did and I've been working in treatment for five years now. It's kind of cool. Sometimes I like it 303 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:54,600 Sometimes I don't my attitude before was content prior to investigation treatments bullshit 304 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:59,360 Just gonna choose my language treatments baloney go get a big book at a sponsor and shut up 305 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:05,800 But I learned a lot about what treatment can be. So oftentimes there's some great choice. Here's the best news this weekend 306 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:06,920 We're going away 307 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:13,540 down to San Clemente to be with our grandkids who have 10 year old twin grandsons and a four year old with autism and they're 308 00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:18,200 Allowed to stay with both of us were both so can you imagine when they say to their mom mom? 309 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:23,000 Can we go in the car with grandpa else just an hesitated middle-sized. Of course, you can't quite a great gift 310 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:28,360 What a great gift those guys light me up the sober life, you know, John was my sponsor for 25 years 311 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:35,160 He passed away. I immediately got another sponsor Leo. So here's what I did. I do meditation John 312 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:41,720 My first sponsor pushed me into meditation. I've had the same meditation practice for 30 35 years. I do meditation 313 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:47,040 I work steps. I do a 10 step regularly a written 10 step very simple. It's just 314 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:54,440 Resentment and fears give it up to my higher power read it to my sponsor care it up. Give it up. We do it together 315 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,700 I go on retreats. I have been a regular attendee of meetings 316 00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:05,200 I go three to five meetings every week for 39 years nevertheless and three meetings a week minimum 317 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,280 So I'm a member of good standing and alcoholics anonymous. I'm in the middle of the herd 318 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,640 I stay a part of I have a sober posse 319 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:17,060 They've been with me most of them for well over 30 years and I got some new young guys 320 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:23,200 Which bring great new blood into my life and great, you know sense of energy and excitement young guys 321 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,100 You know getting sober and I love it 322 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:29,100 So I'm doing all the stuff that I was taught to do way back in San Francisco in 323 00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:32,660 1978 get involved be a part of be of service 324 00:25:32,660 --> 00:25:39,520 worksteps find some kind of higher power that you can find a way to have a spiritual awakening in your life and leave some sort 325 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:40,960 of spiritual 326 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:45,080 Existence and my whole thing is the golden rule if I can live by the golden rule 327 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:49,160 I'm in pretty good shape do want the others as you'd have him do unto you can't go wrong with that 328 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:57,920 I'll finish father Terry the Monsignor Terry Roman Catholic priest my sponsor is a Roman Catholic priest and we were having dinner or lunch one day 329 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:04,080 We're talking about the existence of God and I'm a I'm a non God guy and there are two God guys and I said well Terry 330 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,060 You guys you got the you know, the red phone the hotline to God 331 00:26:08,060 --> 00:26:14,240 What's it all about and he said I don't know. It's just a big mystery if it's good enough for the Monsignor that it's a mystery 332 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:20,740 It's good enough for me. Thanks for having me tonight. This has been a lot of fun. I love a I'm glad to be here 333 00:26:20,740 --> 00:26:22,740 And I'm also glad it's over