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 I'm Debbie and I'm an alcoholic. Hello and happy birthday Lori and thanks for your share. Good

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 share. I'm so Debbie I'm an alcoholic and I live in Prosper, Texas and my sobriety date is January

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 26th of 98 and I tell you that because I didn't bother getting the sobriety date when I came in

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 and also it's a custom here in Texas. They did it and I thought they were very arrogant for years

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 and now I do it it rolls out but I had tried to get into this sobriety and program early 80s and

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 I just could never get any traction. I you know my doing not the programs and so when I had to come

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 to AA again in 98 I just came for a while to hang out with y'all. I wasn't an alcoholic didn't plan

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 on staying. I just needed to stop drinking for a while and you guys were a large group of people

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 not drinking so I was going to come out come in and hang out with you okay and it was probably

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 right at six months one of the gals goes because I never got a chip either I was trying to draw

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 no attention I wore stringy hair in front of my face and a big puffy coat and I you know just came

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 into the meetings and she's like you've been here for a while you know how long have you been sober

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 and I'm like I don't have any idea well when's the last time you drank I'm like Super Bowl Sunday so

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 we figured out when that was because that was like right before Google so we had to actually kind of

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 dig and investigate and so the day after is my sobriety day and that little group there they

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 brought me a half a cake because it was my half year anniversary and a card and it just astounded

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 me that anybody cared that I was sober and that they had noticed that I'd been coming to that

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 group I had you know I'm trying to hide I'm trying to be invisible I'm just trying to do this

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 and that's kind of when I really kind of joined the program you know I'll start at the beginning

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 of my story I was born in Kansas I'm an only child I'm an only granddaughter and I'm the first

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 granddaughter on the other side so I was just spoiled rotten and all my grandparents live in

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 the same little town as me and I've got great aunts they live to be like 98 and they're twins

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 Vera and Virgie you know everybody in this little town of 10,000 people pretty much knew one side of

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 the family or something and so I just grew up and you know I thought I was special you know I was

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 a happy child I was you know loved adored we went camping I had a dog you know I played with barbies

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 I mean it was really normal had a bike you know played and you know I actually was thinking about

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 talking today and I'm pretty sure I finally nailed my first drink you know and it was we'd went up to

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 Illinois to a cousin's wedding and I was going to be the flower girl I was about 13 and the husband

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 or the husband-to-be was working that night and so her and I were supposed to be doing ride things

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 or something or rather but we went got drunk and we're riding around because I'm a kid right and I

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 remember we had to keep going to the liquor store and it was a drive-through liquor store which is

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 like what is what a famous idea you know too drunk to walk drive through but so we had to keep

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 replenishing it way back then you know and I I can remember us picking him up from work and I'm drunk

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 in the back seat prone still talking you know it's hard to shut me up nowadays but I'm pretty sure

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 that was my first drunk you know and so when it came to high school drinking I you know I jumped

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 in with both feet you know it seemed fun it seemed like what the cool kids were doing I wasn't real

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 sure how to be cool I was just trying to kind of fit in and have fun and you know it didn't seem

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 seemed very harmless and I just assumed that I would grow out of this you know my parent my

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 grandparents have been married 78 years when they passed my parents are working on 62 years

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 I mean I just figured I would get married and live happily ever after I didn't know there was really

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 much much else going on um I've been married what I've heard people say is that I can say several

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 times because it's over four so I'll just go several times okay and um and I had no idea what

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 ended in divorce it wasn't my plan I mean it was a big wedding four people on each side you know

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 big flower girls I mean the whole it didn't last six months you know and I um found another boy

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 and I ran off with him while I had family visiting me and my new husband right and um I left him to

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 take care of them I don't know that I ever went home I'm not the early 80s are pretty much a blur

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 but um that that is the selfish self-centeredness that I ended up being where I thought I was loved

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 safe protected in a family you know and within just months I'd changed you know and I'm now um

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 I moved to the big city you guys will laugh it's Tulsa, Tulsa, Oklahoma and I just thought I could

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 get lost down there because there were so many people and I would just be able to go down there

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 and do whatever I want and nobody would find out I'd never get caught um just my big plan right

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 and when when I grow up you know 20 something but when I grow up I'll just grow out of this

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 and then I'll get back to this little white picket fence pork swing kind of lifestyle I mean that was

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 that was what I really expected to happen um but at that point the um the car crashes and the

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 DUIs and you know in and out of jails and and then I I started going in and out of treatment centers

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 these treatment centers were not the insurance paid ten thousand dollar big book kind of thing

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 um they were um how whatever your family could donate it was the type of treatment center that

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 you would um plastic it was it was kind of rough and um plastic mattresses and um when you went in

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 they would put you in the shower and spray you down with quill so that you wouldn't bring any

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 more bugs into the house you know you had to sit there and and my attitude they left me in the

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 shower with that burning quill on me quite a while because because I'm an asshole you know and um you

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 know I'm the type that shows up to the treatment center and I don't have anything I'm homeless

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 carless jobless and they tell me to go down the hall and pick out clothes that might fit you know

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 and that's how that's that's me managing my life okay and none of that really scared me I mean it

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 was uncomfortable um you know some violence some you know bad situations and um and that is the

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 early 80s and I was in treatment for about nine months and I've written my mom letters and she

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 has some of those letters and I can tell I had that spiritual experience that little awakening

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 I mean you can see it in my words you know and and I had something and I got out of treatment

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 I actually graduated finally I completed something right I've never completed anything in my life and

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 I completed and I got this little reward coin for completing and my plan was to go back to Tulsa

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 live in this halfway house and stay sober and you know get a job get a car you know and be a

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 real person you know kind of what I expect I think people expect of me that's my plan that's what I

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 want to do and within a week or two you know I'm bringing boys home that I'm not supposed to be

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 having them in my room I'm drinking I'm sneaking I'm you know and I'm kicked out of the house now

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 and I'm back on the streets doing what I do and and I say that is because I had something I had

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 something something changed in my heart but I didn't continue growing it I didn't continue

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 that spiritual awakening I didn't continue practicing principles to enlarge that spiritual

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 life okay and I tried for several years well maybe two in and out of the program you know come to the

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 and I'd go to different groups around town and I'd have different sobriety dates at different groups

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 I'd write them in my big book and then you know after you scratch so many out it's like toss it out

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 the window get you another book you know it got disgusting to try to do this program I'd go to one

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 of the big groups in Tulsa and from Joe and Charlie the second Joe that was his home group I mean it

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 was a good home group I mean it's a solid three legacy group you know they practice all the steps

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 traditions concepts and I couldn't get sober there they would meet in the big room and then tell

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 everybody to go to the the smaller rooms the breakout rooms for different meetings I never

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 could decide where I fit you know I would get so frustrated because I wasn't sure where the cool

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 people were supposed to go and where I should go and I'd end up leaving I wouldn't even stay for

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 the meeting because I couldn't figure it out you know I never ask anyone you know nothing like that

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 I just left you know and so that was my taste of me trying to do AA on my own you know it's I tried

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 to do a force well I did a four step I don't poor lady just listened to me ramble you know about how

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 horrible everybody was to me um and so I thought I had worked AA you know and I'd hear people say

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 well pray in the morning you won't drink my god I can I can get down on my knees that day and pray

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 that I won't drink and I'm out drunk and I don't want to be drunk and I'm drunk I'm in the bar

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 again I'm running the deal I'm doing my I'm doing what I do um so that was like 81 I know I was in

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 treatment in 81 because we got out of out of class one day to watch princess Diana get married and if

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 you look it up that was in 81 so I know 81 I was in treatment okay so and then I am um married a

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 couple more times a lot of just it's just a big tangle all of that and near the end I had been

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 married a couple more times and I was fired from a beer only job where it was so easy I mean we

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 flew kites in the back parking lot I mean this is you know maybe five customers it's an easy job

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 I got fired from there I mean all I have to do is you know show up you know and I can't handle that

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 and I am I can't figure out what to do now you know I tried to enroll in school that didn't work

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 I took the money got an apartment now I don't have any more money because I drink my money

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 I drink my tip money I can't ever get I can't ever get enough up to for the rent and um I did

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 look this up too and in 1980 93 there's a huge tornado that came through Tulsa tore up a couple

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 truck stops and I um I actually had a little shoeshine booth out at one of those truck stops

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 and one of the tornadoes came within a quarter mile of the apartment I was living in and I stood

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 outside on the balcony and just watched it you know you can hear it you can hear the braking you

108
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 can hear the trees popping I don't want to hide you know please take me I don't know how to do

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 this I don't know how to get out of life but I don't know how to stay in life right and that's um

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 93 and my spreading dates 98 so after that and I'm still here you know everybody's down in the

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 parking lot and you can still hear the panes of glass breaking you know that are loose and falling

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 and I just go go get my bottle and lay back down in my bed well actually I had my bed kind of tipped

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 up and I was hiding in it I live alone and I'm hiding in my my little apartment um but it's like

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 I can't even do this right you know so I um I got out of that I made a geographic I found another guy

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 that I had known and moved to Kansas City okay and that is going to be my cure he doesn't really

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 drink and he doesn't mind if I drink and he drives all the time so I'm okay I'm not driving now so

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 that should solve a big problem I have somebody that doesn't care about the way I drink they'll

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 take care of me they love me you know I'm okay right problem solved got it I move up there and

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 I'm terribly unhappy I get a little job um actually he gets me the job and you know I'm

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 living I'm staying in the basement part of this house that is not finished and that's where I

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 drink all night I drink down there all by myself you know um there's a nice little house up top

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 but I'm staying in this wet dank basement and that's where I drink um ended up being in a big

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 um so that I'm not sure about those five years okay but 97 in 97 my boss that I worked for he's

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 like Deb you need insurance I'm like that'd be great so he got me this little insurance policy

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 this is the first time I've had insurance since I'd left home I haven't been I had an appendicitis

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 one time but I haven't been to the doctor I mean I don't do those things so um he got me insurance

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 okay and about a month later the guy that drives all the time we've been out at a big party and

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 it's about 4 a.m and we're coming home and another drunk driver comes on the wrong way on a big

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 highway four lanes overpass and none of the cars can get out of the way so we hit them head on and

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 my my driver was um knocked out passed out in my lap and I'm I have a scar from like here to here

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 healed up really nice but um I'm in that car and I can't get out because you know when the firemen

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 come you know I'm flirting with the fireman I've got the guy passed out conked out in my lap

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 I'm bleeding you know bleeding from and I'm flirting you know it's just I I have no sense

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 of reality okay so but that wreck garnished me a whole bunch of money just because I was hurt you

135
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 know and anyway I got you know six figures more money than this girl had ever had okay so now I

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 have insurance and I have the money so I move away from the him I buy a little house get a little dog

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 I put a big eight foot stockade fence around it so that I can do whatever I want in the backyard

138
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 I I've arrived I have everything okay it should all work now you know but I'm I'm now I'm having

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 to go to the bar to find somebody to be happy with because I'm not happy by myself I'm not complete by

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 myself I have nothing you know um my mom would send me these little Norman Vincent Peale things

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 positive thinking things and it's like that sounds really great and that I can be happy

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 I can't stay there I can't stay you know I can't ever get there um so my drinking is come it's um

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 people are trying to take me home now to keep me from driving because I'm too drunk and um you know

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 I end up going to the doctor because I had something on my ear they did some blood work

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 and they told me I had hepatitis c okay and those words I could not say back then okay they told me

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 that in October and I couldn't say them until January I feel like that was the most horrible

147
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 nasty thing that could have ever happened to me that's what hit me okay um I felt like I was

148
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 contagious dirty and that if I did sleep with somebody else I'd give them this disease and then

149
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 they'd come back and kill me so it wasn't any noble cause I was trying not to spread it I just

150
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 felt I felt completely repulsive you know and this is somebody that's worked you know I've on the

151
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 barter system all my life to get my you know my home my my drugs my drinks my whatever I need my

152
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 clothes and now that's gone I'm now hopeless I'm now helpless I can't do anything else and for me

153
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 that's what what did it and I'd just gotten that insurance you know so I I have a doctor and the

154
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 doctor sent me to a specialist and I went to the specialist and I can't say these words and that

155
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 doctor said the nurse says you know why are you here and I said well that other doctor sent me

156
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 and she's like well no I understand that but why are you here so I burst out into tears and I ran

157
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 out of the room and ran home so um I couldn't say it I could not say that you know and the um this

158
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 doctor I mean he's a specialist he's the one that's got the good stuff for the eight hepatitis C

159
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 in 97 you know he's the guy calls me at home that night you know some tramp drunk he takes the time

160
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 out of his day to call and go would you please come back okay and so I go in and I get back in

161
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 the room you know when the nurse says okay he'll be in here in a minute and she lays the chart down

162
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 and I you know being the nosy person I open it up to see what they're saying about me right and in

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 big red letters it says do not ask patient why she's here so but that doctor he told me that I

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 would have to stop drinking in order to get on these experimental drugs and I can still be in

165
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 that office today with those long skinny blinds and looking outside at that park area and I told

166
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 him I can't it was the first time I'd admitted to him or to myself that I could not actually stop

167
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 and he's and he put his hand on my shoulder he's like yeah you can and he sent me to a psychologist

168
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 and she talked to me and remember the long stringy hair with a big puffy coat and she wouldn't even

169
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 turn on the lights for me it was a very dark room and I could just kind of barely talk to her

170
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 and she sent me to church and I went to church and they told me to come to a singles barbecue

171
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 afterwards and I'm scared because I sleep with everybody I meet I can't go to that now I can't

172
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 go back to church either you know I go back church is not for me and she's like you know what I know

173
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 you're not an alcoholic why don't you go to AA it's this large group of people that are not drinking

174
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 and you're trying not to drink too aren't you yeah that's what I'm trying to do you know and and I

175
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 went and I didn't ask for anything I didn't tell you I was new you probably knew because I've you

176
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 know have a big ugly coat that has a big bleach spot on it and um you know but I came and I just

177
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 quit smoking too actually I was so sick I couldn't hardly drink anything but water if it wasn't too

178
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 cold and I would nibble on a baked potato I just bake it in the microwave and just nibble on it

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 that that's what I was doing and I quit smoking because it was making me sick and I go to this

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 big room okay big for Tulsa or for Kansas City there's maybe 80 to 100 people in there and the

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 tables are all set up in a big circle and they said okay and everybody that's a non-smoker go

182
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 in there it was this little bitty room with old men that carry their books you know and these

183
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 old people and all the fun people out there laughing and playing you know they were all

184
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 out there I had just quit smoking I have to go in that other stupid room you know I'm I'm appalled

185
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 and I I go okay this is a person that you take away lose my driver's license not a problem I have

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 to not have a car to not drive it doesn't occur to me not to drive I mean I'm defiant and now

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 I actually walk into this other room and that's where I sat my um I couldn't hardly introduce

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 myself they worked me up they they made a little card for me that says I'm Debbie I'm an alcoholic

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 I'm grateful to be here and I pass and then I would hold my breath to make sure that they would

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 pass and not call say anything else to me and they would move on I mean just total fear sweaty palms

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 you know horrible and now listen to me chat y'all are gonna have to tie me and shut me up right but

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 um that's who came in you know I couldn't talk I couldn't um I didn't catch on to the meetings

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 you know on like Tuesday nights a big book study every Tuesday night and this guy chairs every

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 Tuesday night you know Thursday nights it's 12 and 12 study I had it took me several months to

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 realize what book to take because it was Tuesday night it was a big book study I couldn't tie those

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 things together um I didn't know the Lord's Prayer when I came in and they say it up there you know

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 that's what they closed the meeting with and they're like you know who wants to take us out

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 and they all say some kind of crappy little start I don't know what I'm supposed to say I don't even

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 know this prayer that you want me to ask it's like oh god don't call on me don't call on me right and

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 so they um I couldn't hardly read the big book my sponsor had me read step one out of the 12 and 12

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 every night which I thought was just unreal I don't know if you guys have seen it it's almost

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 three pages every night they want me to try to read this I mean I could hardly read right so

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 she wrote down the third step prayer and a note card for me and I was to get on my knees at night

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 say my little prayer say thanks for the day and then in the morning get on my knees and say please

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 right I live alone with a one-eyed blind dog her name was muffin she was very cute and um I am

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 embarrassed to get on my knees okay I get down on my knees my fingernails are in my my palms because

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 I am so pissed off that I am having to do this it is so embarrassing so beneath me I don't even

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 know about this god thing and I go read my little card and I stare up at the corners of the ceiling

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 nothing nothing was there this is so embarrassing right you guys are just making a fool of me making

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 me get down here and nothing's happening nothing you know I'd wake up in the morning and I we had

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 little alarm clocks that had red digits on them and I'd look over at the little red digits and

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 it'd say 449 and then the third edition that acceptance page is which was always talked about

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 was on page 449 and I'd look over at that clock and I'd go cute god so the very same thing I

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 couldn't find at night I'm chatting with in the morning I mean it's just those little things I

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 believe something was doing that you know um I was scared to not pray because finally it was kind of

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 working I wasn't drinking I wasn't obsessed I mean I took a different route home so I didn't go past

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 the bars that I usually stop at I would drive past my sponsor's house so that my heart would

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 go a little bit slower and then I would go sit at the clubhouse the clubhouse parking lot until the

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 meeting opened because I didn't know what to do I had no how but no hobbies no I didn't do anything

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 I drank you know neon light here I come um and so I had to retrain all of that I had a little

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 posting note on my dashboard that said ptl for patience tolerance and love because I am

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 such a tangle of knots that even if if the light turns red and you didn't speed on through I'm

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 pissed if the light turns green and you're not going yet I'm pissed I mean I just want to ram

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 you because I am so angry I had I'm I've got no buffer right so I had ptl patience tolerance and

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 love patience tolerance and love and that's how I go to the clubhouse right I mean fingernails just

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 oh anger and um somebody got in my car one day and they were like ptl oh praise the lord I'm like oh

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 no no you know not that um but one of those days I I realized that I'm not driving home with my

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 fingernails clenched I'm not just you know barely hanging on to get to the meeting um the the steps

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 that I took I took that fourth step and I told rebecca she was one of those gals that when she

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 came in the club everybody go you know their voice goes up just a little bit because they're so happy

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 to see her and I was like oh my gosh you know and so when I did my fourth step with her and she'd

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 tell me other little things like yeah I came around from the bar and I kicked that guy in

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 the chin I'm like you were in a bar you know because she cleaned up so much the lady that

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 came in no you couldn't see her anymore you know and that's what started to happen to me is that

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 person that came in full of fear and anger and this isn't for me you know not believing this whole um

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 god is you understanding I don't know much about god but I was pretty sure that isn't anything that

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 I'd ever heard and I thought I'd probably the lightning bolts would come get us or something

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 but you know I'm I'm game my my thing ain't working so I'll try yours but thank goodness

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 you didn't make me define my god you know and thank goodness that I don't have to like keep him

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 in a little box once I get it you know this can grow it's that energy that source that connectedness

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 that oneness that all of us can feel and um you know it's that heart that heart it touches my

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 heart you know the um promises that they use night step promises they would read those at the end of

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 the meeting and people go and I thought they were so sad I thought it was really sad that people

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 would actually hope for that I mean there's nothing tangible in them you know it doesn't

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 say that my bank account's going to be full it doesn't say that my bills are going to go away

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 it doesn't say that I'm going to have this cool groovy job it says you know um the release they'll

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 disappear you know the problems are removed that financial insecurity it just it's it's separated

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 you know and it's not something that I work for but it's something that just happens you know

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 somewhere between the bedevilments on 52 and the promises up there on 83 ish somebody's had a

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 transformation here because I'm no longer you know angry my my personal relationships are going a

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 little bit smoother you know the um I'm getting responsible you know if I say I'm going to be

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 there I'm actually there and I intend to be there it's not just say yeah I'll be there you know I

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 will or I want who cares you know but but I that's a commitment you know and I and I keep those

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 commitments the very best I can anymore um so I guess I'm finding up so my life in sobriety I

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 thought it would look like this I thought when I came in and I got sober and I got my first year

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 you know and I get to go give somebody or not give but see her get her one year chip tomorrow

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 which will be so much fun she's actually in here um you know I didn't plan on staying you know and

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 now it's this life that I wouldn't have dreamed that I would have wanted and I'm a person that I

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 wouldn't have dreamed that I would have cared anything about knowing and I'm actually happier

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 than I've ever been it's like how the hell has that happened you know um you know I didn't have

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 any kind of career thoughts I didn't have any of that kind of stuff in me I don't have that um I

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 had a friend that got me a job that ended up I'm good at I have a talent I didn't go to school you

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 know I graduated high school barely um but it ended up that I'm good at that stuff you know I

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 can slice and dice the spreadsheet and analyze stuff and I they worked you know and um and I

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 showed up and I continued to try to give you my best as part of those amends for all those employers

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 I just kind of you know I sucked you know um you know I I try to give back you know in any

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 situation that I'm in nowadays whether it's in my community in my neighborhood you know um I'm the

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 person that they used to have to call the police on I would kick your windows out in the apartment

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 complex if you pissed me off you know and now my neighbor um has a three-year-old little boy his

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 birthday's on the same day and I go watch him in the morning sometimes she's a nurse and he's a

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 fireman emt you know and sometimes their shifts don't they overlap they trust me to go in their

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 home and watch their child you know that is not the person that came here you know um you know

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 and it's they say it's it it's a simple program but it's not easy you know and it says several

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 times in there these are painstaking steps you know and vigorous action and strenuous

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 I'm gonna have to try really hard to change what my natural normal way is and the more I do that

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 the more often it's more smooth the relationships the contact that I have with other humans is more

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 harmonious you know and when I do have that discomfort that disease you know in my heart

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 it's what am I doing you know where is it that I'm trying to be self-seeking you know what am I

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 trying to get out of this am I trying to get your perception to change with me am I trying to get

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 you to think something more of me than what what I deserve you know um what am I trying to do because

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 if it's you know that chalk on what is it fingernails on a chalkboard there's something

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 going on in me you know otherwise I'd just be watching you be uncomfortable but if I'm

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 uncomfortable there's something in here you know um I'm not real good at doing a nightly inventory

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 but I try to look at myself every day um I do it as rads just on the top of the paper for

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 because I thought it sounded cool you know I put r-a-d-s and that's for um resentful afraid

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 dishonest and selfish I just try to look and see where was their uncomfortableness in my in my day

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 in my environment in my um interactions with humans you know um and it's maybe it's not that I did

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 anything wrong but what could I have done better you know what could I have done a little bit

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 different how could I have been kind instead of came in with more of a defense you know because

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 I know you're getting ready to get after me so I'll just come in just a little bit harder so I'm

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 ready to take it why can't I come in soft you know if I've um if I've gotten right with my higher

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 power and I know I'm doing my best to do what I believe he would have me do today you can say

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 whatever you would like to about me I can consider it and I can listen but it doesn't make me that

294
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 person it doesn't make me that that thought and that is such a huge thing from a person that came

295
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 in with no opinion whatsoever you know one of the counselors said that's your opinion I'm like oh my

296
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 god I got an opinion I was so excited to have my first opinion but um you know it's you know I live

297
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 in a house now that has everything that is in it has some kind of attachment to heart in it you know

298
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 it's um you know I've got words above all my windows that say you know believe serenity harmony

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 gratitude you know it's I still want those reminders just like that first posting note on my

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 little my truck you know I still need those reminders that I don't have to be kind I don't

301
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 need to protect anything you know um you know I've done a lot of my amends I had to do and I'll talk

302
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 about this for just a second I had to make amends to somebody that had done something to me when I

303
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 was a child and it was because of the way I had used the character assassination with them so much

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 and and this is for everybody that has to do this in all these situations it's not a you do this

305
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 that it's a prayer and discussion and guidance through sponsorship and and somebody else that's

306
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 worked through it but I was able to go to that person and say and tell them that you know I made

307
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 it bigger than and longer than it was and it was crueler and then like he had brought his new wife

308
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 back to the family for Christmas and I was cruel to that woman I tormented her I booby trapped her

309
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 little stuff you know I was mean and I let and they've since divorced but I let him know that

310
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 I was sorry that I did that and I didn't provide a welcoming environment thank you and um and he

311
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 broke down crying he had felt like my alcoholism and my lifestyle and everything that I had done

312
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 was his fault you know and um and that relationship was able to heal you know so that when I go into

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 a family event I don't worry if they're going to be there he is or isn't you know and if I can walk

314
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 through all my life like that where if I see anybody out of my past I can either reconcile it

315
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 you know or or clean up my sight make amends for the harm that I've done whatever I've taken

316
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 you know I can stand tall in that I don't have to be proud of what I did but I can be proud of what

317
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 I am trying to do through this program and through you know through my higher power um it's it's fun

318
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 to be able to read all these different books you know and with and I would have said I had a really

319
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 good program you know before all this pandemic and all the changes went on you know and I've

320
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 ended up having to change we're getting to change sponsors um because of changes you know and I it

321
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 was hard but there's been so much growth you know and um and being able to stay more open-minded

322
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 I've been able to read different books that I normally wouldn't have read opinions that I

323
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 don't know that I really always agree with and I can read them with an open mind and consider it

324
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 might be true because any new idea that wasn't mine I thought it had to mean that I was wrong

325
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 and just because it's different doesn't mean I'm wrong it's just different you know and that that

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 to me is such a freedom um I know the the 11th step says that you know sought through prayer

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 meditation to improve our conscious contact um and seeking the knowledge of his will for me and the

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 power to carry that out that's my prayer you know because I can't I still get tangled up I don't

329
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 have no note cards anymore but I can still get really tangled up in prayer you know trying to

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 decide what you need what they need you know well God bless them you know well God don't why why

331
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 why don't I just need him to watch them why can't I have him watch everybody and so if I just see I

332
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 can get tangled up quick if I just pray that that you have the knowledge of God's will and the power

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 to carry that out wouldn't it be great I mean if we could all get that little connection and actually

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 have the power to complete that you know or at least practice it or walk in that direction you

335
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 know change our sails just a little bit and move towards that I think that would be better for you

336
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 than anything that I could dream up for you so um I'm done I've really enjoyed being able to share

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 I don't tell my story very often so I appreciate you guys staying engaged with me and I can see

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 highs and people and I really appreciate y'all all right thank you