1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,800 - Hi everybody, my name is Di and I'm an alcoholic. 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:04,440 Thank you for asking me to do this. 3 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,320 Even though you didn't ask me as my sponsor. 4 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:10,540 I've been sober since July 13th, 2002. 5 00:00:10,540 --> 00:00:12,400 The Pacific Group is my home group 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,800 and my sponsor's name is Marty S. 7 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,640 (audience cheering) 8 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:17,480 - I have an A. 9 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:18,320 - Brotherhood. 10 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,960 So I always like to start. 11 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,320 So first, let's just get this out there. 12 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:27,720 You're about to hear from a 61-year-old gay Jew, okay? 13 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,800 My sponsor, Cindy, used to tell me all the time, 14 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,080 make him laugh in the beginning, 15 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,080 but end early and you're good. 16 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,400 I was a blackout drunk 17 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,840 when I took my first drink at 13 years old. 18 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,180 I was a blackout drunk 19 00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:40,880 when I took my last drink at 42 years old. 20 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,520 A lot of stuff happened in between. 21 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,560 If you're new, our stories are all different, 22 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,040 but just remember those two things. 23 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,360 It didn't get any better. 24 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:51,040 I was not the one that was burdened with potential. 25 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,400 You hear about, you hear speakers say all the time, 26 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,360 fun, fun with problems, and then just problems. 27 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,720 I started right with problems. 28 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,040 I grew up in a small town in upstate New York, 29 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:05,080 Hubbardville, New York, population 273. 30 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,680 I was very popular in Hubbardville. 31 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,640 At my graduation party, which is a keg in the woods, 32 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:15,000 in a blackout, I announced to the entire town of Hubbardville 33 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,840 that I was gay and pointed out who I slept with. 34 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:21,720 One of which was the chief of police. 35 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,240 I didn't get any speeding tickets. 36 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,120 Anyway, the town I lived in, if you're old, 37 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,720 you know what I'm talking about. 38 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,640 They had blue laws in effect, meaning you couldn't buy 39 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,400 or possess alcohol within the town limits. 40 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,480 So I learned how to drink out of a still in the backyard. 41 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,360 I come from a long, long line of white trash. 42 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,280 The best thing you can say about them 43 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,960 is that most of their tattoos are spelled correctly. 44 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:49,440 Good people, just earthy, we'll call them earthy. 45 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,440 I'm number 10 of 11. 46 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,320 It didn't get any better from that point. 47 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,920 The next day, my parents had to put me on a one-way bus 48 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,960 to Fort Lauderdale to move in with one of my brothers, 49 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,720 because again, if you're young, 50 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,080 here's the newsflash for you. 51 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:06,080 In the '70s, in a town called Hubbardville, 52 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,560 it wasn't okay to be gay in public. 53 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:09,880 And so I was out. 54 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,440 I was in Fort Lauderdale for three days when I, 55 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,720 oh, I should mention, when I talk about my relationships, 56 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,080 here's what I really mean. 57 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,880 You pick me up on the street or in a bar, 58 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,440 and then about three or four days later, 59 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,440 you figure out I live there now. 60 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,760 That's my version of a relationship. 61 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,560 I was literally there three days, 62 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,120 and I met my first boyfriend. 63 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,320 We grew up together. 64 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,240 I was 17, he was 22. 65 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,080 Here's the difference. 66 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,280 He had just graduated from college at 22 years old. 67 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,560 He had gotten his cordon bleu in Paris. 68 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,000 He was a chef, came back, opened restaurants. 69 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,680 We opened a big catering business. 70 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,120 I was the guy standing at the register, 71 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,440 stealing money in my own restaurant. 72 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,600 Like that's, like I said, I don't leave. 73 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,920 So I was with him for 13 years 74 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,440 until he couldn't take it anymore. 75 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:57,880 One day he showed up. 76 00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:58,920 But let me back up. 77 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,960 So I went to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous 78 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,480 in 1978, that's how well I was going. 79 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:05,640 I was 18 years old. 80 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,560 I found out later most 18-year-olds 81 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,280 that don't have a drinking problem 82 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,120 never feel the need to go check out NAA me. 83 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,240 That's not my story. 84 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,400 Anyway, I turned 21 years old. 85 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:21,640 We had moved from Fort Lauderdale to Los Angeles in 1981. 86 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:25,080 I pulled into downtown, coming in and out of a blackout, 87 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,960 thought I was still in Fort Lauderdale, 88 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,200 have no recollection of the trip across country. 89 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,960 I turned 21 years old shortly after we got here. 90 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,920 So he decided to have a 21st birthday party for me. 91 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,200 I vaguely remember going to the party. 92 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,920 My next clear memory is five days later, 93 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,680 waking up in Mariachi, New Mexico 94 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,600 with five people I'd never met before in my life. 95 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,240 I never found the car that way. 96 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,440 He had to report it stolen. 97 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,080 I'm assuming I drove there, I don't know. 98 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,800 That's when it was still working. 99 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,400 I wish I were kidding, but I'm not. 100 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,080 I can't end this stuff up. 101 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,320 Drugs are a little bit of a part of my story. 102 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:03,360 I had a little recreational heroin for like 30 years. 103 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,200 But I never did heroin to get high. 104 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,800 I did it for medicinal value, 105 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,600 just to take the edge off the speed. 106 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,320 It started with Coke. 107 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,480 I think in the '70s it was Coke. 108 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,800 But like I said, I'm a Jew, so at a certain point, 109 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,480 it didn't make financial sense anymore. 110 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,760 So I switched from Coke to speed because duh, 111 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,040 like, why wouldn't you? 112 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,160 And I'm a bad blackout friend, really. 113 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,560 And I discovered if I do a little bit of speed, 114 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,240 not like an eight ball, I don't black out. 115 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,760 But then I'm a pig, so I don't sleep 116 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,400 for like 14 days at a time. 117 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,680 So I do a little heroin at the end of the night, 118 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,760 just enough to take the edge off the speed, 119 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:40,600 and I can sleep. 120 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,880 And it worked really well for a really long time. 121 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,840 I have a full sleeve tattoo to cover up the track marks. 122 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,160 That's how well it worked. 123 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:51,280 Anyway, like I said, I went to my first meeting at 18. 124 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:52,880 I was in and out, in and out. 125 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:57,440 I, after 13 years, he took off 'cause that's what they do. 126 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,600 We have very different stories of how it ended. 127 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,520 His story is I stole a credit card with a $20,000 limit, 128 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,320 and he never saw me again, that was probably the truth. 129 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:07,920 And I made an attempt at surviving. 130 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,880 I was 30 years old, and I went to the AT center 131 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,520 in Silver Lake, and I think I had a sponsor. 132 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,960 Not sure how much time I had because I'm not sure 133 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,120 I heard the whole, we don't smoke pot either thing, 134 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,160 which sounded harsh, still does by the way. 135 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,320 And when I, it was the night of my birthday, 136 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,520 my 30th birthday, a friend of mine, 137 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,080 who doesn't know anything about alcoholism, showed up 138 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,840 and took me to, I was living in West Hollywood, 139 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,240 and he took me to the bar at 2.15 in the morning 140 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,520 on the sidewalk, Santa Monica Boulevard. 141 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,600 I met him, my second hostage. 142 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,600 He, that poor kid got the worst of it. 143 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,520 He, I was 30, he was 22, and he was a genius. 144 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,040 He was about to get a second PhD in clinical psychology 145 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,440 with an emphasis on drug and alcohol reform. 146 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,480 I became his dissertation and his alma mater story. 147 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,400 I put him through hell. 148 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,120 I, and it got really bad at this point. 149 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,920 I wake up at 2.30, three o'clock in the morning 150 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,200 shaking violently. 151 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,360 I had to keep a couple of 40s under the bed 152 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,240 'cause I know I'm gonna need 'em before morning comes. 153 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,680 And after 11 years, he had all he could take. 154 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:11,920 Now, here's how it went. 155 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,320 So he moved out, he still paid the rent. 156 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:15,840 He paid all the utilities. 157 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,240 He gave me $150 a week to live on. 158 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,880 And I still had to move in the local drug dealer 159 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,040 in Long Beach and trade rent for drugs. 160 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,920 Of course, always came out at the end of the month 161 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,160 owing him money. 162 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,760 And what happened was, 163 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,800 there's a few people I always mention when I speak. 164 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,760 I hope I never forget. 165 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,600 But one of the things I mentioned is Al-Anon. 166 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,520 I would be dead today if it wasn't for the program of Al-Anon 167 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,200 not because I went, the ex went 168 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,280 and got a Nazi Al-Anon sponsor apparently 169 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,720 and showed up one day and cut me off. 170 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,520 Like that was it, let me back up though. 171 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:45,960 I was trying to get sober. 172 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,040 He left the apartment fully furnished. 173 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,440 Every night, I went to bed. 174 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,040 I swore the next day I wasn't gonna do it. 175 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:52,880 And I meant it. 176 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,120 I really wanted to get sober. 177 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,800 And I'd go to sleep and I'd wake up the next day 178 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,080 and I'd drive that 140 for the night before 179 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,200 and get my first 20 bags of speed, then score a balloon. 180 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,280 And I did that every day for eight months, 181 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,480 the longest eight months of my life. 182 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,680 And like I said, he showed up and cut me off. 183 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,200 That night, that was July 12th, 2002. 184 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,080 Apparently my bottom was financial. 185 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,720 Not really, I like to dream about it. 186 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,480 I honestly thought that day I had two choices, 187 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,520 suicide or state run institution for the rest of my life. 188 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:23,400 They were my options. 189 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:27,280 And that night I had, I can only describe as, 190 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,320 I guess it's what they mean 191 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,200 when they talk about a moment of clarity. 192 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:34,000 For me, it was a split second out of body experience 193 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,000 for the first time. 194 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,840 I mean, and now think about this for a minute. 195 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,520 In and out of jail, in and out of institutions, 196 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:40,720 on and off the street. 197 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,840 My liver was so distended I could see it. 198 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,120 My hair was falling out from malnutrition. 199 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,840 All my visible veins were collapsed. 200 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,760 It didn't really seem that bad to me. 201 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,640 My alcoholic life had become the only normal one. 202 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:55,160 But that day, it was almost like I was looking at myself. 203 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,720 For the first time in my whole life, 204 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,280 I could see what I had actually become. 205 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,000 And I fell asleep that night. 206 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,920 I said that famous alcoholic prayer. 207 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,680 I prayed to a God that he didn't believe in. 208 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,040 My exact words were, "God help me or kill me," 209 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,640 because I can't do this one more day. 210 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,480 And it meant it. 211 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,520 And I fell asleep that night. 212 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,560 Which may not sound like a big deal to you, 213 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,680 but that was the first time I slept through the night 214 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,720 since the 70s, literally. 215 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,880 And I woke up the next morning, I went to the computer, 216 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,800 and I looked up "Alcoholics Anonymous." 217 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:22,720 And I found a meeting. 218 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,160 It was Saturday noon in Long Beach, 219 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,600 the Marina Pacifica meeting. 220 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,000 And another one of the people I always mentioned, 221 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:29,920 her name was Marilyn. 222 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,000 Marilyn was about 78 years old, 223 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,840 and she held my hand through that whole meeting. 224 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,280 She got me my first big book. 225 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,840 Which, as far as I can tell, 226 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,080 has belonged to five other people before me, 227 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,520 and it has all their goals. 228 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,240 That's the book I used today 229 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,920 to take my guys through the steps. 230 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,480 Anyway, they told me about a rehab I could get into, 231 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,680 'cause I still had insurance through the Al-Anon. 232 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,640 San Pedro Peninsula Hospital. 233 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,640 It was me and a bunch of longshoremen and firefighters. 234 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,280 I'm still friends with a couple of them today. 235 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,480 A few of them are still some. 236 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,480 And they took me there after the meeting. 237 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,200 The ex picked me up, took me there. 238 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,520 I'm pretty sure he slowed the guard down. 239 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,320 Not sure he stopped. 240 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,160 It was Saturday. 241 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,240 They don't do intake on Saturday. 242 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,520 Michelle was another person I always mentioned. 243 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,040 Michelle was working reception that weekend at San Pedro 244 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,760 Peninsula Hospital detox. 245 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,880 And she wouldn't let me sleep on the couch 246 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,760 until Monday morning when they did the intake. 247 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,200 And it was an 18-day program. 248 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,840 And this is, it was 2002, 249 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,560 but it was before rehabs were all necessarily 12-step. 250 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:29,880 They just detoxed you. 251 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:30,880 I mean, that was their job. 252 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,960 But they did bring in AA panels, 253 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,520 and they talked about sponsorship, 254 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,080 and they talked about regular meetings 255 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,320 on regular meeting days. 256 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,840 And I heard a little bit. 257 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,280 And when I got out, the ex let me stay on his couch. 258 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,520 He gave me $5 a week for the bus 259 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,240 and a can of top tobacco. 260 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,960 That was my network. 261 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:48,960 And I went to meetings. 262 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,800 I went to meetings in Long Beach, three, four meetings a day. 263 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,560 And they told me I had to find a job. 264 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,960 So I started looking through the LA Times. 265 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,240 We actually used to do that. 266 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:58,280 They were called the Wanheads. 267 00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,360 That's how we found jobs. 268 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,760 And they were advertising for a dishwasher job 269 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,240 at Du Par's restaurant in the farmer's market. 270 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,280 And so I went there and I applied for a job. 271 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,000 And I had to tell this woman my story. 272 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,800 I was like 27 days sober. 273 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,640 But let me paint a little picture for you. 274 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,920 I look good tonight, don't I? 275 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,600 I know, you don't have to tell me. 276 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,560 When I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I weighed 107 pounds. 277 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,640 I still barely had any hair. 278 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:23,480 I had no teeth. 279 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,760 And I was dying on the street. 280 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,760 I was completely illiterate. 281 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,080 I think I might have had a sixth grade education. 282 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,000 And I hadn't worked in 16 years. 283 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,160 And I had, you know the guy in the room, 284 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,640 the one with the tweaker twitch, 285 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,760 that doesn't know he has it? 286 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,840 You know, that was me. 287 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,280 For a good six months. 288 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,800 Anyway, I told Shirley, I said I'm sober 289 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,280 in Alcoholics Anonymous and I just need a break. 290 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,120 I'll do anything. 291 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,640 Shirley's father, the founder of the company, 292 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,000 had been sober in Alcoholics Anonymous 32 years. 293 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:50,840 And she hired me. 294 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,240 She gave me my start. 295 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,560 I was interviewing. 296 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:54,440 I got promoted. 297 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,720 I was a busboy and I was a fry cook. 298 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,800 I was a waiter. 299 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,320 I was an assistant manager. 300 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,120 And I became the general manager. 301 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,040 It's a terrible story. 302 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,760 The general manager died at work. 303 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,320 And then she threw the keys at me. 304 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,800 I was interviewing waiters 305 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,640 and I hired this kid named Jason. 306 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,320 Jason was about 22 years old. 307 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,840 Anyway, I was going to maybe one meeting a month. 308 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,320 I thought I needed her for a week. 309 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,200 I mean, I don't have a sponsor. 310 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,320 Not working stats. 311 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:20,320 I did read the book. 312 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,320 Didn't seem that complicated to me. 313 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,240 Jason must have heard me say something 314 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,280 that indicated I picked up NAA slogan. 315 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,160 And he asked if I had a sponsor. 316 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,720 I said no, 'cause I didn't know what the sponsor was. 317 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,880 And one thing led to another. 318 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,760 Jason became my first sponsor. 319 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,880 Jason was 22, straight. 320 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,960 I was 42, gay. 321 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,960 Jason took me everywhere. 322 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,000 He took me to architects of adversity. 323 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,680 He took me to Hollywood meetings. 324 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,800 He took me to gay meetings in West Hollywood, 325 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,040 which was my gay meeting story. 326 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,880 So we were at a meeting and this guy got up 327 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,480 and took a cake for a year 328 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:58,080 and thanked his boyfriend/sponsor for the cake. 329 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,280 Jason literally grabbed me by the neck 330 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:01,520 and pulled me out of the room. 331 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:05,160 I was banned from that room forward for gay meetings. 332 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,840 Anyway, there are some good ones out there, by the way. 333 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,320 Finally, when Jason decided nothing else was going to work, 334 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,440 he brought me to the Pacific and left. 335 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,840 Like, he literally dropped me off and left. 336 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,480 Forgot another guy's, my sponsor's name was L. 337 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,000 He never took me through the steps, oddly enough, 338 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,360 but he gave me my foundation and alcoholic smile. 339 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,800 He taught me how to be a gentleman. 340 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,880 He told me how not to scrape my mouth 341 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,520 like a Brooklyn truck driver. 342 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,120 It was just awful, which by the way, in the Pacific group, 343 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,440 ever similar to this is not a popular thing. 344 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,880 Pete gave me my first suit. 345 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,040 Pete told me to show up at every meeting 346 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,280 an hour before it started. 347 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,280 He taught me how to have a commitment at every meeting. 348 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,480 And I was about almost two years sober. 349 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,440 Hadn't worked a step. 350 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,640 I was literally star craving sober. 351 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,280 The craziest newcomer in the Pacific group. 352 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:55,640 So bad that my friends got together and had a little... 353 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,960 William was my friend back then. 354 00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,000 So was Rich. 355 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,000 Rich used to, he was my AA brother. 356 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,040 Used to pick me up and take me to meetings 357 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:03,960 all over the Valley. 358 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,680 And I thought he was the nicest guy in the world. 359 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:09,120 I found out later our sponsor Pete made him do it. 360 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,240 But whatever. 361 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,280 Anyway, my friends were like, dude, we like you, 362 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,960 but if you don't get a sponsor and start working the steps, 363 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,320 like we can't be around you. 364 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,160 You're toxic. 365 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,200 And I heard a woman speak Wednesday night, 366 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,240 her name was Cindy, Cindy C. 367 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,960 And they said, "Her, you need her." 368 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:28,240 So I asked her, the meanest woman in Alcoholics Anonymous 369 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,920 to be my sponsor. 370 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,200 That woman treated me like an animal. 371 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,240 Like it was, I'm still afraid of them to this day. 372 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,400 If you've ever met Cindy, trust me, 373 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,520 everybody's afraid of her. 374 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:39,920 She's a scary broad. 375 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,040 She, every week we got together 376 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:43,720 and we would read a chapter in the big book. 377 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,360 I didn't know that she was actually taking me 378 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,680 through the steps. 379 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,960 And she sponsored me for my first seven years. 380 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,200 And then she moved away and I got another woman 381 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,680 to be my sponsor. 382 00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,360 Her name is Hilda, Hilda F. 383 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,280 The second meanest woman in Alcoholics Anonymous. 384 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,080 Apparently I have a thing for butch women. 385 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,200 Anyway, and the day after, 386 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,480 this is how I got Hilda as a sponsor. 387 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,880 If you're new, remember blackout drinking, 388 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,000 drunk at 13, blackout drunk at 42. 389 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,960 The rest is just stories. 390 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,720 I started dating a newcomer who had less time 391 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:17,960 than the guys I sponsored. 392 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,120 And then thought it was a good idea 393 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,720 to bring him to the Pacific group 394 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,280 and start parading him around. 395 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,120 Hilda was the secretary of the Sunday Night Wire 396 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,520 and I was her speaker host. 397 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,240 So the whole year I would tell her 398 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,200 all my tragic little stories about the newcomer. 399 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,400 She never said a word, she never lectured me. 400 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,480 And toward the end of the term, 401 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,360 one day she said, and I quote, 402 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,780 "You know love, I can't do the English accent. 403 00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:41,280 It's better with the English accent." 404 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,200 She said, "You know, it's usually not the newcomer 405 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,040 that drinks." 406 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,600 The next day Hilda was my sponsor. 407 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,400 And that week I was at her house reading my board step 408 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,080 and she took me through the steps again. 409 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,520 I want to say 14 years of sobriety, 410 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:56,840 super active in the Pacific group, sponsoring 14, 18 guys. 411 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,680 It's hard to keep up because you don't really drink, 412 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,040 you smoke crack, but you know, 413 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,200 super active speaking all over the country. 414 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,840 I got this weird lump on my neck 415 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,080 and I didn't pay attention to her anymore, 416 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,540 but it didn't go away. 417 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,100 So I went to the doctor and they were like, 418 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,960 "Oh, you're having an infected lymph node." 419 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,160 They gave me antibiotics and it would go away. 420 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,060 And then it would come back. 421 00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,400 This went on for six months. 422 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,000 Finally, I had gotten a new job, new insurance, 423 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,640 and I went to a new doctor and they did a biopsy. 424 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:21,840 By the time they found it, 425 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,320 I had stage four cancer 426 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,760 and it had already started to spread into my brain. 427 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,320 And I had to go through chemo and radiation 428 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,640 and I didn't handle chemo very well. 429 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,280 Some people do, I did. 430 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,760 I couldn't walk, I couldn't go to meetings. 431 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:38,680 And I had distanced myself so far from Alcoholics Anonymous. 432 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,080 And in turn, my sponsor, they didn't know how to get back. 433 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,280 And I started to get better. 434 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,680 But during that time, this guy kept calling me 435 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,320 and checking on me, "Are you okay, this is Marty." 436 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,320 We'd bring guys to the house and bring meeting. 437 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,600 And I didn't even really know this guy. 438 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,440 Swear I didn't. 439 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,960 Turns out he was the brother 440 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,640 of the meanest woman in Alcoholics Anonymous. 441 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,480 I didn't know that at the time, I think I knew. 442 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,600 Anyway, when I was back on my feet, I called Marty 443 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,600 and I said, "I need help." 444 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,240 And Marty brought me back to Alcoholics Anonymous. 445 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,320 Marty's brought me back to Alcoholics Anonymous 446 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,160 a couple of times. 447 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,000 But anyway, Marty took me through the steps again. 448 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,920 Marty does this thing with people that have had some time 449 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,200 and have been through the steps 450 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,120 where you work all 12 steps in one day, which I did. 451 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,040 So I've worked the steps three times, three different people, 452 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,760 three fairly heavy hitters of Alcoholics Anonymous. 453 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,560 No one way was better than the other. 454 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,640 I've had three different spiritual awakenings 455 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,840 as the result of these steps. 456 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,480 And Marty got me super active in the program again. 457 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:35,560 When the pandemic hit, 458 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,840 the company I was working for shut down. 459 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,200 Oh, I left out an important part. 460 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,040 Thank God he's not on Zoom. 461 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,920 I actually have a husband who I have 462 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,640 because of Alcoholics Anonymous sponsored direction. 463 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,280 When I did my tip step with Hilda, 464 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,200 she said to me, 465 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,480 "Don't you ever want to be in a relationship again?" 466 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:52,680 My answer was no, good. 467 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:53,880 She said, "Yeah, I don't believe that." 468 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,720 She says, "You don't know how to date, you're a whore." 469 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,240 Hilda, there was some truth to that. 470 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:02,760 She literally gave me sponsored direction to sign up. 471 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:03,720 Well, not direction. 472 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,240 It was a strong suggestion 473 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,320 that I should sign up on match.com 474 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,520 and get some practice dates under my belt. 475 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,440 Husband was my first date. 476 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:12,680 Like I said, I have a history. 477 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:13,920 We dated for a year 478 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,440 and I wasn't allowed to move in with him for a full year. 479 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,640 In fact, the lease on his apartment was up 480 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,120 when we were together 11 months 481 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,800 and I had to call Hilda and get permission for him 482 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,840 not to really lose and move in. 483 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,320 And then we lived together for a year. 484 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,480 And the week that Prop 8 fell, we got married. 485 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:30,920 And if I don't screw it up, 486 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,720 on July 20th, we'll be married nine years. 487 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,080 But the only reason I have a husband, 488 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,880 who by the way, isn't in the program. 489 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,920 He's the guy that leaves a half a bottle of vodka 490 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,800 in the fridge for like six months. 491 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:41,920 It is annoying. 492 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,160 We were moved anyway to call and get to that. 493 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,160 So when the pandemic hit, my restaurant shut down, 494 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,480 my husband and I packed up and decided to move to Vegas. 495 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,840 Built a life in Vegas, bought a house in Vegas. 496 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:54,920 Oh, this is the half a bottle of vodka story. 497 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:55,760 We're packing. 498 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,640 He's packing the half a bottle of vodka. 499 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,680 Seriously, drink it or throw it away. 500 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:00,560 I don't care which. 501 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,920 Anyway, he threw it away. 502 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:07,640 And got super active in Connect the Dots in Vegas, 503 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,440 over resentment with Marty, 504 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,720 who wanted me to keep doing the Wednesday night Zoom meeting 505 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:13,840 and I didn't want to do it. 506 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,880 I got a new sponsor 'cause that's who I am 507 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,840 for 17 years of sobriety. 508 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,680 Over another resentment, I left Connect the Dots, 509 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:24,120 a justified resentment, the worst kind of an alcohol. 510 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,960 So this is me with 18 years of sobriety. 511 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,480 I don't have a local sponsor. 512 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,800 I'm not going to meetings. 513 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:30,960 I almost got divorced. 514 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,960 And when an ormy is gonna put you out 515 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,240 because you're not going to meetings, trust me, it's bad. 516 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,840 I got fired from my job. 517 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,800 I only had a handful of friends that would take my calls. 518 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,360 He was one of them and had no problem telling me, 519 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,560 Mary, you're nuts and you're going to drink. 520 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,520 He calls me Mary. 521 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:47,360 It's all fake. 522 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,360 What do you think I call it? 523 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,120 Marty, I'm having a nervous breakdown. 524 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,120 Marty, I need help. 525 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,600 He's like, oh yeah, I've been waiting for this call. 526 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,840 Marty got me right back into AA. 527 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,120 I found a little home group in Henderson 528 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:02,520 called the Green Valley Group. 529 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,520 It's just like this. 530 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,720 It's about this size. 531 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,800 During the pandemic, they never shut down. 532 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,360 And I went back to AA, started sponsoring guys. 533 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,800 The company that I worked for that shut down 534 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,760 actually recruited me to come back. 535 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:15,600 They flew me out. 536 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,640 Actually, I was with William. 537 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,120 We had lunch at one of the restaurants 538 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,600 and I texted my old boss. 539 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,480 Anything, one thing went to another. 540 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,080 And I live in Vegas. 541 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,320 I have a house in Vegas. 542 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,560 I have a husband in Vegas. 543 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:26,880 I work in Los Angeles. 544 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:27,720 True story. 545 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:28,560 So I go back and forth. 546 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:29,380 How long? 547 00:19:29,380 --> 00:19:30,220 Oh, okay, perfect. 548 00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:32,280 So I traveled back and forth from Vegas to LA 549 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:33,880 every other week on my daysong. 550 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,680 I remember newcomers, black out drunk at 13, 551 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,280 black out drunk at 42. 552 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,000 That's the only thing you need to remember. 553 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,320 Fired for my job at 18 years just writing. 554 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,560 That's what happens to me when I don't go to meetings. 555 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,040 And I'm not current with a sponsor. 556 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,800 Those things are still true today. 557 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,440 So if now that I'm back in LA, 558 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,800 I sponsor a few guys here. 559 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,040 I still sponsor guys in Vegas. 560 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,160 I have a great job. 561 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,840 They just offered me. 562 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,480 I just got a fat raise, a fat raise. 563 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:01,520 I'm not a millionaire. 564 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,880 But keep in mind, I started as a dishwasher 565 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,080 and I became the lowest paid assistant manager 566 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,240 for Johnny Rockets. 567 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,760 The only one that they ever hired 568 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,240 was the felony on the record. 569 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,840 I had six, but I was honest about it. 570 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,160 I dispute one of them that was harboring a future. 571 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,800 I still don't think, which was probably an illegal, 572 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,960 you know, in the backseat of my car smoking crack, 573 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,240 but apparently it was a future. 574 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,400 I worked my way up to regional director. 575 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,520 I became a regional director for Sizzler. 576 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,160 I was the food and beverage director 577 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,120 for the international terminal at LAX. 578 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,000 I started with a sixth grade education. 579 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,280 I went to school online. 580 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,460 I got a GED. 581 00:20:37,460 --> 00:20:39,600 I got an AA, I got a BA. 582 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,840 It's not the life I would have told you I wanted. 583 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,720 It's way better than the one I could have ended up with. 584 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,200 So let me just put it in real simple terms. 585 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:51,080 It's been 19 years since I've come out of a blackout 586 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,960 and had to find a piece of mail 587 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,960 to find out where I passed out the night before. 588 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,160 It's been 19 years since I've had to wake up in the morning 589 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,800 and try to find my car and then check it for clothing 590 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,200 or blood, which I used to do. 591 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,000 It's been 19 years since I put a dirty needle in my arm. 592 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,040 If it doesn't get any better than that, 593 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,440 trust me when I tell you it would have been good enough, 594 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,480 but it did get better. 595 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,320 And I'm not the guy that came from running. 596 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,960 I'm not the guy that came into Alcoholics Anonymous 597 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:18,880 with an MBA. 598 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,160 I come, like I said, from white trash. 599 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,080 All I did was Alcoholics. 600 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,360 That's literally all I did. 601 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,200 I went to meetings. 602 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,200 I showed up early. 603 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,040 I stayed late. 604 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,280 I had commitments, made a handful of friends, 605 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,160 and I followed sponsor direction. 606 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,000 That made zero sense, which by the way, with 19 years, 607 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,840 most of it still makes no sense. 608 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,280 Hilda was my favorite. 609 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,720 She made me be nice to a cashier at 7-Eleven, and I hated. 610 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,000 I was like, but I really hate her. 611 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,240 She's like, yeah, I understand that. 612 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,480 You have to act like you don't. 613 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,600 I know that woman today. 614 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:48,440 I know her kids. 615 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,360 I know her family. 616 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,760 She knows my sobriety game. 617 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:51,800 She's actually a good person. 618 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,640 Oh, I know. 619 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,120 I have an incredible life today, 620 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,480 and I owe everything I have to, 621 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,120 oh, if you're new, get this part too. 622 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,240 I owe everything I have in life, everything, 623 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,040 to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 steps. 624 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,320 Very, very. 625 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,960 I'm getting ready to sell my house in Vegas 626 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,440 'cause it's worth like way more than we paid for it, 627 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,160 and we're moving back to LA. 628 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,000 Like, you understand? 629 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:13,840 Are you hearing this? 630 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:14,760 I bought a home. 631 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:15,800 I'm selling a home. 632 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:16,640 I have a car. 633 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:17,760 I have a driver's license, 634 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:21,960 and I didn't scrape the registration sticker off your car, 635 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,360 which by the way, I used to do as well. 636 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,760 So if I don't screw it up, in 11 days, 637 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,160 I'm gonna be 20 years sober. 638 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,040 I could not get 30 days. 639 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,000 I used to see people take chips for, I could believe 30. 640 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,280 I would see people take chips for 60 days, 641 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,360 knew they were lying. 642 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,760 60 days with nothing, like nothing, upon nothing. 643 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,120 I didn't believe it until I got 60 days, and then 90 days. 644 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,040 I'm gonna be married to the same person 645 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,320 who actually knows we're married 646 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:50,600 and will be relatively happy to see me when I go home again, 647 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,360 and was sad to see me go when I left yesterday, 648 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:54,600 I think for nine years. 649 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,600 Whose bank is this? 650 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,440 Again, all I did was this. 651 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,360 And when Cindy was my sponsor, 652 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:02,040 this is the most important thing I have to leave you with 653 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,280 if you have less time than me. 654 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,280 Cindy told me that if there was any hope for me, 655 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,480 that at every meeting, probably in my row, 656 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,000 better find somebody that had less time than me. 657 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,880 And whether I meant it or not, see what I can do for them. 658 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,000 And I'm here to tell you that I've done that 659 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,800 to the best of my ability for almost 20 years now. 660 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,960 And the end result is, I'm still sober. 661 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:21,800 Thank you.