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 with you know. Good evening everyone. My name is Dan and I am an alcoholic. I'd like to thank

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 Elizabeth here and I'd like to thank Scott over here who I met at the Pacoima alcathon a couple

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 weeks back and he asked me to speak here at this meeting tonight and I said yeah I'd love

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 to participate in my own sobriety so thank you for that. My sobriety date is May 23rd 2005.

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 That's the day when my battle with alcohol came to an end and the real fight began.

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 The fight to learn how to live. I was born and raised in LA.

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 Brought up in a normal house you know. Didn't have any kind my dad always had alcohol but he wasn't

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 an alcoholic. Didn't really see any alcoholics but now that I think back I know that one of my

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 grandfather's friends Jose was an alcoholic. Guy always smelled of liquor and he was always drinking

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 so you know we moved through life and about the age of 13 I had a friend we would go to the we'd

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 go home to my house after school and so we just decided at that age to start experimenting with

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 things so we started finding stuff. Dad's liquor cabinet was right in the kitchen so that was easy

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 to find so we started getting into the JD and we started doing shots of JD and I didn't think we

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 were drinking that much of it but one day my grandfather comes to me he says hey are you

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 drinking your dad's liquor? I said not a lot. He goes well he blamed me for drinking all his JD

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 and he blamed Jose for it too and he tore into us and I took the fall figured it was you. I said

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 yeah okay it was me he says I know the next time just ask me I'll get you the bottle. So I had

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 people enabling me at an early age for the drinking and I was marking the bottles. At the age of 16 I

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 had a friend who was of age 21 and they lent me their ID and I went to the DMV back in the day

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 and I walked in and I walked out as Robert White 21 years old. At the age of 16 I had a legitimate

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 21 year old ID from the DMV so we'd start going to bars and to clubs and all the rest. So we even

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 got on Friday before I got the ID when we'd go out on Friday you always hit the local liquor store

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 right in our neighborhood because I looked older I started shaving at 15. I just looked like an

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 older person so I never questioned me. Then when I got the fake ID it was really easy to go into

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 anywhere and buy the stuff legally because I'm of age and that just started me off right there.

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 I would go and I would just start drinking my senior year. Bartles and James were really big

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 back in the day wine coolers and they had the four pack of those Bartles and Jane and I would buy a

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 four pack of that and I would drink it and I would get a really really good buzz. Good enough to get

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 you through the night beautiful. By the time I graduated in June I was up to buying a 12 pack

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 of beer and drinking at least six of them most times it had to be eight of them. I could give

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 away four if I give away that fifth one I may not get the buzz I want. So my progression was

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 very very quick when it came with alcohol. I'm in college we're drinking still at that time I would

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 go home and visit and dad would always buy beer in bulk was his way of buying alcohol and everything

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 else in life in bulk. So in the garage I'd go out to the garage and there was a whole um cabinet

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 that was full of cases of beer and he liked to drink hams back in the day uh so hams it was

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 hams it was and then years later he switched off the hams they stopped producing it or something

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 went up with them and uh it was Miller genuine draft in cans always in cans by the way and I

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 started taking those and I'd take bottles that he had he had all sorts of great liquor in another

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 cabin in the garage and I would take a bottle here and there from that never thinking anything of it

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 never thinking I have a problem never thinking this is not normal behavior for a young person

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 to be doing um I just figured you're young and you have fun and you're gonna party and you're

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 gonna do whatever you want. So off to college I go age of 18 living and living in the dorms the the

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 first year we partied quite a bit and the fake id we'd go up to the local liquor store and it is

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 college so you could find alcohol and everything else very easily. Second year I'm in college I

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 decided to join a fraternity uh we're in the fraternity we're doing pledging um and you know

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 you have parties and whatnot in between whenever we'd have a party I was always always the very

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 first one to arrive and I was always the last one to leave the house every single time um as the

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 parties are over I'm walking around looking for what alcohol is still left over because I still

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 needed to drink um but they took me aside one time at one of our pledgeings on a Sunday and they said

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 we have some concerns about you I'm like oh okay well what are your concerns gentlemen they said we

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 think you drink too much and I thought to myself a fraternity where all you guys do is party and

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 everything we plan is all sorts of alcohol and get everybody ripping drunk and you're telling me I

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 drink too much this may not be the right house for me then you know um but I stuck with them and

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 nothing out nothing comes out of that um you know a couple issues with people but nothing ever

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 serious I never really had any problems so I considered myself a functioning alcoholic and

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 during that time then I thought I had a what I call the career in drinking it was my drinking

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 career and I used to refer with that and I thought of that this morning because I was what I might

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 say I haven't referred to my drinking as a career in years in years but when I first came in I

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 always said it was a career why because I took it that seriously Sunday morning the paper would come

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 to the house this paper has all the ads of this for the week immediately pull out the Rite Aid and

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 the Thrifty ad and see what beer and alcohol is on sale that week at Thrifty's or Rite Aid so I

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 could go buy that on Sunday and that's what we're drinking that week some makes its Moosehead other

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 weeks it's Heineken whatever this deal was but it was always based on sale price you see I'm an

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 alcoholic but I'm a cheap alcoholic I don't like to spend a lot of money when I drink so I'd rather

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 drink a lot at home and then go to the bar and spend 20 bucks maybe and then go back to the house

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 and drink some more because to me I'm saving money so much so that when we're in the fraternity we go

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 on spring break when we go down to San Felipe Mexico because in Mexico you know everything's

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 allowed and we're drinking and we're drinking and drinking and we go to a club and again I'm a

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 cheap drunk so I taught the guys something new and it's something that I came up with and I was

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 famous for it I call the Mavericks well Mavericks were when you go to a club and it's really crowded

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 people are always buying drinks sending them on a table and going out to the dance floor and

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 dancing my mission was go around the bar and pick up all the most full ones that I could all the

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 Mavericks I could find and drink all the Mavericks that's the kind of drinking that I would do and I

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 would drink someone else's drink not knowing what was in it or it didn't matter to me what it was

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 it was alcohol right that had to go in so I had many episodes like that and I never ran into any

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 kind of problems until of course October 1990 October 1990 we were drinking again a random

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 weekday night about three in the morning a buddy of mine lived in the dorm in some apartments that

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 were close to campus and he's like just crash at my house tonight I was living in LA I'm like sure

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 let's just go to your house so follow him up he goes through a signal it was yellow starts turning

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 on me I go through it immediately lights behind me see sun cop has me pulled over because I ran

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 a red light instantly smells the alcohol on me leaves the car right there it takes me to the

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 station they take me over they booked me and that was a DUI I sat in that jail and I felt like

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 complete um completely low uh and how am I how did I get here what what did I do to get here and

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 I started thinking you may have you may have a problem with alcohol I may have an issue with

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 alcohol at that point but again it wasn't deep enough of a cut I guess so I just continued to

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 do what I knew how to do best which was continue drinking and so I continued to drink and they sent

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 me to the alcohol classes and I remember that first alcohol class I had to go to um and they

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 sit in a group and they're like well what are you going to do different next time and everybody's

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 like well I'm not going to drink I'm going to go to AA meetings mine was I'm going to knock a cut

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 and the counselor's just laughing at me he's like okay we'll see you again and I'm like the hell you

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 will less than eight months later I caught my second DUI April of 91 uh and now I've got two

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 court cases going so I'm still dealing with all the alcohol classes from the first one I got the

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 second one the judge says something like looks like you may be a habitual problem drinker problem

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 driver something like that it was in the court you remember him saying that habitual and habitual

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 stuck with me because this hat whoa really you're saying I do this all the time you don't even know

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 me because I don't have to know you look at your record um says it all I need to say see right here

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 so I caught that second DUI and that one kind of scared me a little more because now we've got the

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 two cases and it's like okay but internally I never even internalized it just yet I know

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 I got to fight the law we got to fight the court case but as soon as we're done with this if this

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 were a beer bottle you know what we'd be doing we'd be opening that thing up taking a nice little

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 swig from it because again I've never internalized it so I did all those DUI classes did everything

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 we did all the court stuff I turned 21 in July uh it was uh July of 90 in October of 90 I got my

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 third DUI you didn't do the math on that that's three DUIs in 19 months and I didn't think I had

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 a problem yet for the third one it's 1990 in Los Angeles the last place I wanted to be was in LA

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 County Jail there was a lot of tension going on so I'm like I ain't going up to wayside there's no

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 way we got a good attorney the guy helped me with my second DUI I said is there anything that could

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 be done for me he says well there's one option you could try treatment my treatment he's like

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 yeah go to a rehab center I'm like oh yeah that's it that sounds great that's not jail right he's

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 like no it's not jail I'm like all right cool let's do that so they I was able to get a spot

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 luckily at actin if anybody knows about actin rehab any of us do obviously um so I did a 90

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 day stint up at actin and for those 90 days I would bounce around from the AA meeting to the

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 NA meetings at the CA meetings now when I was out there I did coke I think maybe five times in my

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 life never did heroin never did meth never did any of the other drugs but I'd still go to those

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 meetings because their stories were fascinating because I thought wow I just drank and I'm here

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 these people did a lot harder stuff and they're here and I always found that kind of interesting

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 um the AA meetings they had there were good but again I was still questioning whether alcohol was

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 the actual issue three DUIs but I'm still thinking whether alcohol is my issue um because I didn't

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 think it was really it was other stuff it was it was the courts it was just bad luck people run into

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 bad luck in life right I've heard of that it's just bad luck bad street bad bad couple years you're

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 having just chalk it up to a bad couple years and so I get in there um I do my time in there the

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 three months and I don't drink I don't do anything and I come out with probably the most time I'd had

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 sober and since I was about 13 years old right and I'm happy and things are going well um but not

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 less than six months after that of course what did I start doing again started drinking again

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 when I got out there's one thing I never did I never read the big book I never went to an AA

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 meeting although they told me that's what I needed to do and I had been doing it for three months and

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 I knew it was a good thing to do but I didn't go to any in the neighborhood where I was at I didn't

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 do any of that stuff and the further I got away from it the easier it became to justify having

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 that drink because after all maybe maybe this time this is the one time you could start controlling

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 it you're older now Dan you can control it you're more mature and I thought well sure as hell I can

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 control it I controlled it for a bit because that was 92 didn't get another DUI but I did catch a

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 fourth DUI in 1999 which was the last one and even after that last DUI which had me do all sorts of

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 AAs and all sorts of classes I still didn't get it I would go to the meetings and I would drink before

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 the meetings I'd drink after the meetings I'd sit in the meetings and look at you people and say God

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 what a bunch of losers these folks are look at these people they reach such a horrible place oh

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 how can you allow yourself not realizing not even realizing that I was one um and so when I went I

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 didn't get that message ever and I was sent by the court so all I would do I hope there's no newcomers

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 out there on a court card I started signing my own court card because I had so many to do it took me

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 three DUIs to figure out AA is anonymous so there's never a last name attached I'm like how the hell

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 are they going to figure do they call me they're not going to do this and I'm like I'm just going

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 to sign so then again do I need to go to meetings now no because I've already done the meetings I

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 just signed off so again I had an opportunity and throughout my life I've had opportunities

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 presented to me that I never saw because I was too into my disease and into my drinking to see that

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 it was God calling out and God's always been with me um I was brought up in a Catholic household

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 my mom to this day does church regularly she's got the candle in the bathroom and all that stuff

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 anytime we give her anything she prays on it for for months and years and at the age of about 13

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 is when I divorced God uh I had done my confirmation and I had written a beautiful

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 letter to God because that was part of our process and I remember that I had written this great letter

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 and I never got anything out of it I never got anything but God never answered my letter so he

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 pissed me off and I'm like well screw this and I was going to a Christian school and I'm watching

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 adults as a kid as a teenager and I'm watching adults backstab each other dirty talk each other

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 all the time and I'm like and this is religion so religion turned me off and I was done and that was

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 it and then it was like I knew that there was a God but he was mean he wasn't taking care of me

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 he was taking care of other people so it took me a long time um I continued drinking I was married

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 we got married in 97 in 2000 we had our firstborn here with me tonight thankfully um and uh and then

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 things started to change a little it's like okay now you have more responsibility but what didn't

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 change my patterns and my behavior because I still needed to drink and my drinking at this point was

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 let's just call it excessive I could not start a day no matter how many times I told myself no

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 matter what I would say or do could not start that day without the drink my drink every morning is

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 coffee but back when I was drinking it was not coffee it was usually a 40 ounce beer and I'd

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 start every morning with a 40 ounce beer and that would continue throughout the day because I had a

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 good break in time uh I happened uh yeah I'll get to that in a sec um I had a break in in my in my day

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 and I would go and I would go drink during that break and it was continuing then after school

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 after I was done working I'd go and I'd get my my alcohol again now that goes on and that goes on

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 and I'm drinking and I'm the type that would drink while I drive every time if I'm going half a mile

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 away I have to have a drink with so the drink is always with me fast forward to uh 2001 sorry uh to

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 2005 um I have a weekend away my daughter had just turned four years old you know the daughter's two

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 years old I take her camping for the weekend to a spot that I love to go to because it connects me

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 with nature the entire time I was there I was drinking Sunday morning rolls around go fishing

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 drinking while I'm there drinking during the day back up go home drinking on the way home

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 stop off in San Gabriel and I stopped at a gas station because I needed to go to the bathroom

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 and so did my daughter so I pour myself a drink this time it was a coke and whiskey and coke never

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 usually drank whiskey but you know when you're alcoholic you got to change things up a little

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 bit beer is not working maybe whiskey will whiskey's not working maybe the vodka will

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 God is not working let me try tequila for a while and so I was always kind of changing the recipe

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 but never really changing the actual drink right it was still going in and so I pour my drink I

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 parked the car I didn't realize when I parked I parked in a handicapped spot I come out of the

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 bathroom my daughter I'm putting her in the car and there's a San Gabriel police officer standing

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 and he just said something and I muttered typical Dan I muttered something under my breath like I

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 always do and then it's like what and I'm like and then and then of course when he says what

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 and what happens to me I snap and I get surly too like what I'm like what the hell I'm just putting

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 my daughter in the car this and that he's like sir come over here please and I walk over you must

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 like look inside or something I don't know he walks over he's like I don't even need to give

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 you a field test right now I know you've been drinking and I'm gonna just let you know if you

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 get in that car right now I'm gonna pull you over for a DUI and your child's gonna have to go with

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 us and this and that and I'm like okay well that's not gonna work what do you want me to do because I

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 don't care what you do sir I'm not telling you what to do I'm letting you know if you do this

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 this is what I'm going to do and if it's not me pulling you over it's going to be one of my

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 partners down the street now he's in my head like oh man this is not good how am I getting out of

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 this one only thing I could do I call my wife she lives over here we live in Granada Hills drives

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 from Granada Hills my other daughter all the way to San Gabriel it's over off Huntington drive

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 gets my daughter takes her puts her in the car then she takes my keys she takes the keys with her

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 she starts to leave at that point I absolutely lost it all and I start going crazy and I start

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 yelling at her profanities insulting her she drives out of the parking out of the gas station

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 gets to the corner Sunday afternoon I am yelling at the top of my lungs at her I jump on the hood

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 of her car like a madman and I'm pounding it like this I'm like give me my keys and I'm going crazy

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 I just wanted it losing it I remember though distinctly I looked over to the gas station

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 there was some poor gentleman who just on a Sunday wanted to fill up his gas his car with gas before

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 he goes to work on Monday and he's watching me the whole time and he's just looking like what the

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 hell am I witnessing here and it was me absolutely losing it I get off the car she goes she takes off

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 I'm like what am I going to do now what do I always do when I was in a jam mom how you guys doing

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 all right here's the situation so I had a little mix up and so Lisa's coming she's taking the keys

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 to the car and she's taking them back home so what I'm going to need is a ride from here to Granada

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 Hills and back here again so I could take my car and my folks are like okay because they didn't

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 understand alcohol as my dad when he found out that I drank and that I couldn't control it after

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 the second or third view I don't forget which one it was he's like just Danny just stop just stop oh

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 that's sweet thank you dad just stop you know like stopping was the thing I couldn't stop that was my

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 problem I couldn't stop for the life of me this Sunday though I go back my parents come they pick

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 me up all the way home grab the keys all the way back to San Diego by this time now I hadn't had

209
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 a drink in about three hours so I'm obviously sober good enough to drive home that's for sure

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 so I do I get the keys and I drive all the way back home I get to the house my wife's not there

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 my girls aren't there the dog's not there everything is just quiet and I'm pissed I'm leaving

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 voicemail after voicemail we I don't remember if we had cells I'm leaving message after message

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 and it's just nasty and what was there for me though a big bottle of rum still and so I

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 proceeded to have a few more drinks that evening of rum I'm not thinking that I was going to stop

215
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 but the next morning Monday morning something miraculous happened that Monday morning

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 I did not and I wanted to because I had the bottle sitting right in the garage ready to roll wanted

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 to have a drink and I decided no today you're not going to have not after last night that was uh that

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 was ugly you're not going to happen this morning and I remember I sat on the computer and I typed

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 up a letter like I'd done many times before to my wife saying this is it I'm not drinking anything

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 I'm done with alcohol but like many times I had said that and promised it and it was an empty

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 promise and it was it was it was not true because I never followed through that morning a miracle

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 happened by God's grace that morning I didn't have a drink that day at lunch time I had a break I'm a

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 school teacher I teach high school so I had a conference period so I had time and there was

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 literally the San Fernando group was just down the street from where I was working I was working

225
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 over at Sylmar high school and it's literally right down the street less than half a mile away

226
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 and I'm like perfect I need to go to this AA thing and see if I can get it this time so I went and I

227
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 sat in there and I heard some messages and I was like okay okay maybe there's something there for

228
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 me didn't drink though during that conference which is big because I always drink go back to work

229
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 that evening I decided you know what let's go to a meeting tonight so I went to a meeting the people

230
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 were there were okay they were very welcoming and stuff but I didn't connect with anybody at all

231
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 so I decided all right let's try this again the next day was Tuesday that morning another miracle

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 I didn't drink that morning again that that lunch time I go to that meeting at lunch over in San

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 Fernando that afternoon that evening I'm looking for a meeting there happened to be one less than

234
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 half a mile from my house I didn't want to go to it it was too close to home I thought oh my

235
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 neighbors are going to see me going to this AA because I thought they'd have like AA alcoholics

236
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 are here losers join us and my neighbors would see that and be like oh crap our neighbor's an

237
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 alcoholic not that they didn't think I was an alcoholic when I'm watering my lawn for three

238
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 hours at a time drinking beer after beer after beer you know that's never said maybe no um but

239
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 that was I walked into that meeting it's a Tuesday night it's a Granada Hills Canal Light acceptance

240
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 group I consider that my home group I walked in there that night and something was totally

241
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 different and I remember because it was a very large group at the time we probably had about

242
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 40 members or so we have a good amount of tables and I would sit I sat at the outside the first week

243
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 and what I did though the third day is I didn't drink again and now I've got a streak going and

244
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 now this is feeling pretty good right I went to a meeting again and then someone in one of the

245
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 meetings says well when I first got sober you know you got to do 90 meetings in 90 days well hell

246
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 there was you got to do 90 people are sober this is what it is there's the there's the answer just

247
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 go to 90 meetings in 90 days and you'll be sober so I did I went to 90 meetings in 90 days I tried

248
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 all sorts of meetings why because to me a meeting is like a bar we go into different bars and some

249
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 of them have really good vibes and we're how this is it this is the this is the spot right here I'm

250
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 hanging here for a while others you walk in you're like okay let's walk out and you don't even order

251
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 a drink right same with a meeting to me I go in it's alcoholics so we would be at the bar um and

252
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 some kind of you hit you connect others you're like oh god okay this is no thank you I'm sober

253
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 you're sober that's good um so it took me a while to find the right concoction of meetings I was

254
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 going to rafters at the time and I'd go on Sunday because they have a good participation speaker

255
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 meeting in the evening and I remember I'd go to the club houses similar to this and I'd always see

256
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 this little this little piece of fabric a white flag a white flag at all these meetings and I

257
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 always wonder why do these people have a white flag scratching my head pondering this by the way

258
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 I teach social studies history is one of my favorite topics wars and stuff like that flags

259
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 in general I enjoy I love history of flags couldn't put two and two together two and two together

260
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 sitting there in a meeting on a Sunday night about 90 days in it's over I'm looking at the

261
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 white flag above the speaker don't know what the heck he's talking about but I'm just looking at

262
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 the flag white flag white flag what the heck is it and then think surrender just came to me I'm like

263
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 there it is surrender and I didn't put it together like surrender because to me always surrendering

264
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 was defeat if you surrender you you lost you're surrendering you lost I don't accept loss like

265
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 that I can't I'm a fight I gotta fight and then I realized surrender to what surrender to the the

266
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 battle that you have with this addiction called alcohol and right then it kind of started to

267
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 connect a little more because I had surrendered the fact but I was still grappling with the fact

268
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 that I wouldn't be able to drink for the rest of my life and the rest of my life I came in at the

269
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 age of 36 that was a long time ahead of me I was lucky to have lived the 36 I thought I did a lot

270
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 of stuff that boy I should be six feet under but I was still here so I'm like okay well this is good

271
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 it gets me to go to different meetings I'm I started finding the other ones but the surrender

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 part when I finally did realize surrendering to alcohol was what I needed to do that's when things

273
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 really started to change and I was like on a pink cloud for that whole first year and I'm doing my

274
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 meetings regularly and I'm meeting people I'm reading the book this and that I celebrate one

275
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 year sober and I'm thinking this is great this is the way it's going to be everything's going great

276
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 god is working great things in my life a week after I celebrate that first year I'm in a meeting

277
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 at school I start getting overheated and then I realized I'm not doing well I go outside the

278
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 secretary walks by she looks at me she says you look like crap I'm calling 911 911 comes over

279
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 paramedics are there and have 30 seconds and they start putting probes all over me my colleagues are

280
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 walking out of this meeting now students are walking by waving at me and they're like sir

281
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 you're having a major heart attack I'm like what they're like yeah you're having a major heart

282
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 attack right now so what we're going to do is put these wires on you we're going to get you in the

283
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 gurney we're going to take you over to the hospital you'll see an anesthesiologist cardiologist will

284
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 be there and we'll the procedure take care of you I'm like okay like sir you're really calm for this

285
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 right now and it's I think it was that year sobriety I had I'm like okay because it's you know

286
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 I heard a lot about god's will and god's going to do what he's going to do so I was at a place where

287
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 I was like okay what do you want me to do freak out on you guys because what what good is that

288
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 going to be if I freak out on you like all right so they took me in and they did the procedure and

289
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 they put two stents in there but then I was sitting there and then I started questioning god again

290
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 and I'm like why why this why why would you give me a heart I did a year sobriety isn't that enough

291
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 of you I mean what do you want from me seriously I thought that was like man I drank all those years

292
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 I did all those years now I got a year sobriety and this is the gift that you give me on my my a

293
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 week after my birthday and I was pissed I was upset and it got me then from a good place here

294
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 I was riding on pink clouds to a darker place but the one thing I didn't do when I got to that

295
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 darker place is time was take a drink because I had met some men in this group and thank you

296
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 they're here tonight um to support and I appreciate that from everybody um they were there they were

297
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 there for me in those times and they would talk to me and they were just how you doing and we just

298
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 talked and that was huge because before that I would just isolate I would if I start isolating

299
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 then I would drink during my drinking when I started drinking it was social drinking it was

300
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 all about being social right and then towards the middle and certainly at the end of it the last

301
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 thing I wanted to do when I was drinking was be social and I would spend many hours in my man

302
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 cape called the garage drinking in the garage and that was it and my wife always told me she was

303
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:06,400
 that's not like normal that's not you know people who socially drink go to bars you're just like in

304
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 the garage I'm like yeah but I'm just tired of people you know at this point I was tired of

305
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:15,920
 people and uh what I had to realize when I came back into the program and got into the program

306
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 was that I needed these people actually um there have been times in the program in the 17 years

307
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:25,360
 that I've been sober where I've kind of gotten away from the program a little bit it happens life

308
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 comes over and you think you're doing okay and then I started sometimes getting small little

309
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,600
 resentments against a meeting or someone at a meeting and that would kind of blow it I've come

310
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 to realize now you can't ever allow anything like that to happen at any meeting someone may say

311
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:43,760
 something that offends you or something you just gotta let that stuff go um I have changed so much

312
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:50,240
 I think especially in the last few years um I go to a regular men's stag my men's us are thursday

313
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:56,160
 night closed meeting uh of alcoholics um and there's a so much sobriety in that room and

314
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:01,840
 when I first got started going there years ago it was like 80 men every thursday uh then covid hits

315
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,560
 and then the numbers come down they still left it open we average about 30 men a week now in there

316
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:12,400
 um but that's that's part of my program now for sure and moving forward has to be um because those

317
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:19,200
 men help keep me grounded they help keep me in sobriety and anytime I have an issue with with home

318
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 or or work or personal whatever it is I can go to any one of these now and talk to them and they'll

319
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:29,280
 help me out I never had that before I was one who always did things on my own I don't need your help

320
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,880
 thank you I could figure it out I can do and I would do everything on my own can I give you a

321
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:38,080
 hand no I got I got can I help you no I got it I got it took me a long time in this program to

322
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:43,120
 figure out that we do need help I need help and I need to reach out and I need to ask for help and I

323
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:47,840
 in turn need to help others when they ask for help as well and that's been very big and key to help

324
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:53,440
 keeping me sober all this time um went through the steps I believe that the steps and I've talked to

325
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,360
 other people that I think they should teach this I guess I should we should I should teach the steps

326
00:26:57,360 --> 00:27:02,240
 as a lesson at school without the kids knowing just because I think it gives them that good

327
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:08,960
 foundation but ironically in my daily job of teaching young people the program comes up all

328
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:13,200
 the damn time I do have those who are very observant in my classroom will notice the

329
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:18,320
 serenity prayer is up on the wall serenity prayer sits right above my my door right right walking

330
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:23,200
 into my classroom on the inside of my class it sits in there one student has noticed it in all

331
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:28,080
 these years because his dad happens to be in the program and he was in al-anon he was in teen teen

332
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:33,440
 al-anon um but it's there every day I remember when I first got sober I couldn't stand the kids

333
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:37,200
 in the classroom whenever they're having a fit in there because I was a yeller at the beginning when

334
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:41,680
 I first started teaching I'd yell and I'm loud obviously so I was louder than them and then I

335
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:45,360
 got sober and then it changed because then they would be going on I just sit there quietly just

336
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:50,480
 just wait just wait it out just patience and that has helped so much whenever they would really get

337
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:54,320
 to me I just turn to the whiteboard pretend I'm about to write something and say the serenity

338
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 prayer and that always helped out and then I turn right back to them and I'm back again and then

339
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,640
 there's little things that you pick up in the program right we have one gentleman who's in the

340
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:07,680
 program he's a little mentally out there but he has some nuggets of wisdom every year and then one

341
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:12,960
 of them was you never have a whole bad day you could always restart your day just restart it and

342
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:17,840
 when he said this at a meeting and this guy's a little loony right I just I instantly thought

343
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:22,160
 of the staples red button when that red button came out a number of years ago and so in my head

344
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,720
 it's a red button and restart your day if I am having them just hit that restart do a serenity

345
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:32,640
 prayer start it right over again and now I can honestly say that's true I never have a bad day

346
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:37,920
 I have bad moments of the day perhaps bad spots but I always am able to work those out and

347
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:41,760
 almost every day ends up being a good day why is it a good day because today I didn't dream

348
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:47,680
 and if I could do that today and then continue tomorrow then I have a chance this program has

349
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:52,480
 been an amazing thing if we do have any newcomers or those who have less sobriety keep coming back

350
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,880
 keep coming back keep coming back is all I can say I've seen this program work miracles I've seen

351
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:01,680
 people who were like a revolving door in and out in and out and then they finally get it when they

352
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:06,000
 finally get it it's such a good feeling because I remember when I finally got it it was such a good

353
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:11,680
 feeling the welcoming I've never felt more welcome than when I go into AA meeting and I think it's

354
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:18,080
 because there's similar people who think like I do and who acted like I did and who have also

355
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:24,000
 changed their life or in the process thereof of changing it so it's very powerful I have to thank

356
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:29,760
 again and I didn't say it but I'd like to thank God the one my higher power who I call God is by

357
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:35,440
 the grace of God I am here today I shouldn't be here to tell you my story I should be dead based

358
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,280
 on that heart attack alone and based on other things that I've done but I'm not so that means

359
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:45,680
 to me that God has a mission for me and God does have something for me to do and so I'm here and

360
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:51,760
 so I pray daily I'm grateful on a daily basis I have so much in life to be grateful for especially

361
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:56,320
 in today's day and age with all the stuff that's going on out there I have a great house great

362
00:29:56,320 --> 00:30:02,160
 family got a roof over our head we got great jobs secure financially in terms of that so I can't

363
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:10,240
 complain about a single thing today um but I know that if I choose to stop doing what I'm doing I

364
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:14,000
 know what's going to happen I'm going to get right back into it it's not going to take long and I know

365
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:18,240
 I've heard this story many times I like going to meetings on people relapse it's like oh man I

366
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:22,720
 stopped for this many years and then it went so much and I just know that when it goes so much

367
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:28,320
 worse and as some people have said I could have a lot of relapse in me but I don't know how much

368
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:32,480
 recovery I have in me if I go out there and if I go out through those doors tonight and go dream

369
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:37,360
 I'm not promised ever walking back through that door again and that scares the heck out of me

370
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:42,560
 that's something I do not want to face for sure if this is working now and this is a simple program

371
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:47,360
 for complicated people well I'm complicated let's keep it simple baby and let's just do the things

372
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:54,240
 we have to do pray be be have gratitude for what you do work with others read the book carry the

373
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:59,280
 message where you can and as long as I'm doing that I think I have a chance thank you all for

374
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:03,040
 being here and allowing me to share this my share with you