1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,360 [INTERPOSING VOICES] 2 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:04,880 Hey, tell me things. 3 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:05,640 Hi, everybody. 4 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:08,720 My name is Tom Lugo, and I'm an alcoholic. 5 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,320 And so I have to thank Scott for asking me, 6 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,240 inviting me to come and share, and allowing 7 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,320 me to come in person where I have to wear pants at instead 8 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:19,440 of being. 9 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,200 I feel much more comfortable doing it this way, 10 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,840 although I really hate the Zoom thing. 11 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,400 But it has its purpose, right? 12 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,800 But the feeling that I have right now in this room, 13 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:32,800 it's incredible. 14 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,080 I have to thank my man-- 15 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,600 I have to thank my man Sean and, of course, 16 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:41,760 my man Adam for driving down with me from Las Vegas 17 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,680 to come and support me today. 18 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,800 I could speak for 30 minutes about different people 19 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,760 in this meeting that mean the world to me. 20 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,280 And I don't have enough time to thank everybody, right? 21 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,840 Tammy knows how special she is. 22 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,600 Linda knows. 23 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:56,400 Eddie knows. 24 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,160 But there's a few people in this meeting 25 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,080 that are the reason why I'm sober today, right? 26 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,560 I have to tell you in a genuine way what it was like, 27 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,520 what happened, and what it's like for me today, right? 28 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:07,480 Because that's what we're supposed to do, right? 29 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:12,400 And so growing up a product of a broken home in New York City, 30 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,600 Spanish Harlem, right? 31 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,960 To be specific, grew up without a dad. 32 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,600 And most of the other families were broken homes, too. 33 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,760 But I felt different growing up, right? 34 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,560 I isolated, and I got into books. 35 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,240 And I just felt different no matter what. 36 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,560 And growing up in a Puerto Rican household, 37 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,280 drinking was always acceptable in my family, right? 38 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,400 And so it didn't matter if it was a party. 39 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,080 It didn't matter if it was a funeral. 40 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,920 Drinking was always allowed. 41 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,480 And so nobody looked down upon anybody drinking. 42 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,720 But I have a lot of evidence in my family. 43 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,880 My mother's uncle, Tio Javier, we 44 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,680 visited him once when he was in the hospital with his liver 45 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,200 poking out through here. 46 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,120 And they said he was an alcoholic. 47 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,120 I didn't know what an alcoholic was. 48 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,000 I thought an alcoholic was somebody that slept underneath 49 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,360 the staircase and had all their belongings in the shopping cart. 50 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:06,200 And so as I started to drink and my disease progressed, 51 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:06,920 I denied. 52 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,080 I spent a long, long time denying 53 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,280 that I was an alcoholic. 54 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,400 It wasn't until I came into treatment 55 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,160 that I learned about alcoholism. 56 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,600 And so growing up in New York, it was tough, right? 57 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:22,320 And so I tried as long as I could to make it work. 58 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:26,040 And my mom had had just about enough of me, right? 59 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,040 If I had the choice, I'd still be at home sucking 60 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,960 on that baby bottle, right? 61 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,480 But my mom had had just about enough she had. 62 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,600 And I had interviewed for a job in California by mistake. 63 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,840 And so my mom put me on a one-way ticket 64 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,920 and sent me out to California and took 65 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,440 my house keys at the airport. 66 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,760 And the bad part was, as you hear all over the place, 67 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,680 I brought myself along with me, right? 68 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:51,400 And so it didn't take me long to find out the connect. 69 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,840 I was still not 21, and I couldn't drink. 70 00:02:54,840 --> 00:03:01,120 But I was living in a fleabag motel off of San Fernando Road 71 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,240 somewhere in Sunland. 72 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,520 And across the street, there was this liquor store. 73 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,720 And this Chinese guy would sell me some chocolate vodka. 74 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,720 And so that became my mouthwash in the morning. 75 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,440 And I proceeded on my merry way of trying 76 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,400 to be a responsible human being. 77 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,000 But I was totally irresponsible. 78 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:22,280 I bought my same attitudes and fears and resentments. 79 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,360 And I started working for this aerospace company. 80 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,200 At the time, I was 20 years old. 81 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,440 And I was working on a top secret project 82 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,160 that nobody on the world knew what we 83 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,760 were working on for many years. 84 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,880 And I tried my best to piss that job away. 85 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,760 I tried so many times. 86 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,520 You couldn't count on me for anything. 87 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,880 But somehow, I kept my job. 88 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:48,000 And then after 90 days, I sent for my girlfriend from New York. 89 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,920 And she moved in, and we started to set up household. 90 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:55,800 And so I had-- the heat was on to do the right thing, right? 91 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,680 And so I took a bus from Hollywood Way. 92 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,320 And I took the wrong bus. 93 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,680 If I would have taken this bus, and it would have gone this 94 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,240 way, I would have ended up in a nice part of town, 95 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,960 like Toluca Lake, or a real nice part of town. 96 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,240 But I took the bus this way and ended up in North Hollywood 97 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,520 on violent right between Victory and Van Owen. 98 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,520 And I got an apartment there that 99 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:20,000 had this green shag carpet. 100 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,600 And I thought, oh my god, what a place, man. 101 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,560 They got rugs, you know? 102 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,520 And they had lights in the light bulbs. 103 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:27,960 They had lights in them. 104 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,040 And I started-- I was living out of a suitcase. 105 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,440 And my girlfriend came in and moved all her furniture 106 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,560 in from New Jersey. 107 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,960 And we started to live as a couple, but I was a mess. 108 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,080 Now I call myself-- 109 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:43,120 I'm still a mess today, but I call myself a hot mess now. 110 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,280 Now I'm a hot mess. 111 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,640 I'm not a mess like I was before, right? 112 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,760 That's a term that I think they're using today, right? 113 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:54,200 But anyway, you know, what happened was my first drink. 114 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,000 I forgot. 115 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,520 I skipped way past my first drink. 116 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,400 My first drink was a normal drink. 117 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,000 But my first drunk was a family event. 118 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,640 And I don't know what it was, a birthday or baptism 119 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,440 or something. 120 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,440 And all I remember was me and my cousin, 121 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,560 we snatched a bottle of menagerics. 122 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,120 And we went up to her room. 123 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,360 And we started to pop the thing and pass it around. 124 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,680 And all I remember was, like, everybody kind of fell asleep. 125 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:20,640 And I'm still drinking. 126 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,560 And the next thing I remember was there was puke flying 127 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:24,680 all over the place. 128 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,040 And I was in the living room. 129 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,720 And everybody was kind of laughing at me 130 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:28,880 in the kitchen, whatever. 131 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,560 And I was a mess. 132 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,800 I was drunk and loaded and throwing up. 133 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,080 And I didn't know it then, but that was the pattern 134 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,840 that I was to follow, right? 135 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,440 When I take a drink, the drink takes me. 136 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,120 There's no predicting what happens when I drink. 137 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,320 And so I don't know. 138 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,120 Sometimes I could drink a few and be OK. 139 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,440 And sometimes I'm not going to be OK. 140 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,400 But normally, I end up sick and throwing up 141 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,400 in a very inappropriate place. 142 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,960 And so back to California, same thing, right? 143 00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,960 I was a mess all over the place. 144 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,880 And so I'm working at this place with a clearance, 145 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:08,080 with responsibilities, and I'm putting people's lives at risk. 146 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,080 And I didn't know. 147 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,280 But my drinking was progressing. 148 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,840 My using was progressing. 149 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:16,760 And my life was totally out of control. 150 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,160 And I could have named a million things 151 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:22,680 that was going on in my life that I knew I had a problem 152 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,120 with that needed fixing. 153 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,040 None of them had to do with alcohol. 154 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:26,600 None of them. 155 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,440 My whole last year before I got sober 156 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,520 was spent trying to quit every single day. 157 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,760 And every single day, I would start my day off. 158 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,760 I would smoke a dupe, go in the shower. 159 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,000 I would spit out. 160 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,280 Chunks of blood would come out my nose. 161 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,480 And I would pit out the shower, clean up, smoke the rest of the dupe. 162 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,320 And I felt good. 163 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,760 Up until about getting close to lunchtime, 164 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,680 I had to go and get something to drink. 165 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,760 We would call this Mexican restaurant. 166 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,920 This was my day. 167 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,160 This is every day, every day, every day. 168 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,320 We would call this Mexican restaurant up 169 00:06:58,320 --> 00:06:59,680 on San Fernando Road. 170 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,760 And we would order pictures of ice cold beer and burritos. 171 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,880 And there was many times that I went there, 172 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,560 and I never finished a burrito. 173 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,520 But I never left any of that beer on the table, right? 174 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,840 Today, the burritos don't stand a damn chance. 175 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:21,000 I hate to say it, but my life is totally different than what 176 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,560 it was when I walked in here. 177 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,800 And if you're new here, I want you 178 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,400 to know that if Alcoholics Anonymous can work for me, 179 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,000 it can work for anyone. 180 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,360 I resisted this program. 181 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:37,080 I resisted being an alcoholic until the jig was up. 182 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,960 I went to this treatment program, 183 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,080 and I met Bruce at the treatment program 184 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,480 before he was an alcoholic. 185 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,760 I think Bruce was a wine connoisseur there. 186 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:50,120 And so my sponsor calls that a wino with a checkbook, right? 187 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,200 And so me and Bruce, we hit it off, right? 188 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,200 And we used to sit in that treatment program. 189 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,700 And I'm only going to talk about me. 190 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,240 I would blame everything on my wife. 191 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,360 And we would justify our crap. 192 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,340 And we created a bond and a friendship 193 00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:07,260 that lasts till today. 194 00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:08,240 Bruce is a brother. 195 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,720 It doesn't matter how far our phone conversations go. 196 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:12,600 We're brothers. 197 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,600 And that treatment program, my last drink-- 198 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,100 I'm going to talk about my last drink. 199 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:19,400 My last drink was a typical night for me. 200 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:23,440 My wife, at this time, was pregnant with the second child, 201 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,080 right, when she was pregnant with my son. 202 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,520 When my son was born, I wasn't sober. 203 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,080 I didn't know how to be a dad. 204 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,040 And there was times when I was incapable. 205 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:37,360 I had to take care of my son until my wife got home. 206 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:38,820 And he was just a little baby. 207 00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:42,040 And he would come up to me with crap coming out of his diaper. 208 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,840 And I would push him into the room 209 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,400 and throw some toys in there. 210 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,560 And I would continue doing what I was doing, what I had to do. 211 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,460 And I was incapable of taking care of that guy. 212 00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:54,880 And the last night drinking was a Saturday night. 213 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,840 And we had made plans to go out. 214 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,080 We're going to go out to dinner, honey. 215 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,380 We're going to go out to dinner. 216 00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:01,280 And I went out, and it was a typical thing. 217 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,500 Eight hours later, 10 hours later, I stumbled back in. 218 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,200 I'm drunk. 219 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:05,960 I'm loaded. 220 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,520 I look at her, and I see that look on her face. 221 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,880 And so I go to the bathroom. 222 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,520 I put water in my face and try to clean up and act like I'm OK. 223 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,320 And I look at her, and she's pregnant with our daughter 224 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,020 at that time. 225 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:20,600 And my son is a little baby. 226 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,480 And I go, honey, we're going to go out to dinner. 227 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,720 I just need to kind of just take a little nap. 228 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,560 And I go, and I lay down, and the room was spinning. 229 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,840 And I had that moment of clarity that I hope everybody has that. 230 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,120 And for some reason, a thought came to me. 231 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,920 And it was, Tom, you need help. 232 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,360 And I said, God, please help me. 233 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,280 I don't know what to do. 234 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,440 God, I need help. 235 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,400 I don't know what to do. 236 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,320 And I got up off that bed, and I went to the wife. 237 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,120 And I said, honey, I have a problem, and I need help. 238 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,280 And I'm a mess. 239 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,040 And she threw the phone book at me. 240 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,600 And she goes, damn it, if you need help, you go get you some help. 241 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,480 I'm out of here. 242 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,120 And I went through that stupid phone book. 243 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:02,840 And I went right past AA, because I'm thinking psychiatric help. 244 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,280 I'm thinking treatment center. 245 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,320 I'm thinking shikshed or whatever the hell, right? 246 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,920 And I go through, and I find this number, and I call this guy. 247 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:14,080 And I proceed to interview this guy for a friend of mine 248 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,160 that I know needs help. 249 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,980 I mean, you've heard it, but this is the God's honest truth. 250 00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:22,320 I call this guy up, and I go, I have a friend that I think has a problem. 251 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,120 And I start talking to this dude. 252 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,480 And he goes, well, what kind of insurance do you have? 253 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,160 And so I tell him, I work for Lockheed. 254 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,200 Oh, you're good, man. 255 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,000 You're good, right? 256 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:30,680 Automatic. 257 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:36,160 And so they made an appointment for me for an evaluation free of charge 258 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:36,860 for Monday. 259 00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:39,720 And so long story short, we didn't go out to dinner that night. 260 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,880 Sunday, I just laid in bed the whole day. 261 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,760 Monday, I got up, and I went to work. 262 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,040 After work, I came home. 263 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,280 I was feeling a little better. 264 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,340 I said, honey, I'm sorry about what happened over the weekend. 265 00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:48,920 Oh, no. 266 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,000 We have an appointment. 267 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,520 She had her bags right there by the door. 268 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,080 And so my back was against the wall. 269 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,900 And so reluctantly, I went to that interview at that treatment center. 270 00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:02,960 It was VISTA Recovery right here off of Van Nuys, Sepulveda, and Sherman Way. 271 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,160 It was a business thing. 272 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,200 And I go in there, and this guy's talking to me. 273 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,280 And he's telling me about alcoholism and how it ravaged his family. 274 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,160 And he was a professor, and it ruined him. 275 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,080 He lost his family. 276 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:14,960 He lost his job. 277 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,240 And I felt really sorry for that guy. 278 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,880 I go, man, I'm so sorry to hear that. 279 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,280 My case was different, but I wasn't saying nothing. 280 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:27,000 And I just did not think that I had a problem that needed help. 281 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,720 And maybe I need to cut down on some of that reefer smoking stuff 282 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,440 or maybe some of that non-addictive powdery stuff that was going up my nose. 283 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,400 Maybe I might need to cut down on that, but I don't have an alcohol. 284 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,560 I don't have a drinking problem. 285 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,320 I don't have these types of problems. 286 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,680 Like, man, these bills are driving me nuts. 287 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,320 This job is driving me nuts. 288 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:49,840 And so the guy can see through the BS in my eyes. 289 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,680 And he says, I'm going to ask you two questions. 290 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:56,360 And he goes, do you believe if you continue to drink and use 291 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,720 the way you're doing that you're going to live much longer? 292 00:11:58,720 --> 00:11:59,440 And I said, no. 293 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,100 Then he put that hook in my back. 294 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,960 He says, do you want to live or do you want to die? 295 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,760 And I could not answer that question. 296 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,640 I swear to God. 297 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:10,440 I looked at my wife, I looked at my son, and that look again. 298 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,600 And I said, I want to live. 299 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,800 I want to live, right? 300 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,680 So he throws these papers for me to sign my life away. 301 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:21,640 And $15,000 later, he gives me this big book with the 12 and 12 302 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,760 and the guide, the steps, one, two, and three, 303 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,440 hazelton guide wrapped in cellophane 304 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,080 and throws me into this group and throws 305 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,840 my wife into another group. 306 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,680 And I'm walking there, and I see people. 307 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,600 And I don't see faces because I'm not 308 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,080 capable of looking at people in the eye like I am today. 309 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,440 I see shoe tops. 310 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,680 And I'm looking down on the floor, and I'm walking in there. 311 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:46,720 And it's a treatment. 312 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,480 It's like a counseling session. 313 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,280 And I don't know what's going on. 314 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:51,260 I have no idea. 315 00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:52,400 There's steps on the wall. 316 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,480 I don't know what that means. 317 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,760 I don't know what none of that crap means. 318 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,920 I'm just sitting there. 319 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,920 And I was incapable of looking people in the eye. 320 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,520 And I signed up for that stupid treatment program. 321 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,320 And the best thing that they did was 322 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,600 that they educated me to alcoholism 323 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:11,360 as a disease with a set of symptoms and a prognosis. 324 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,520 And if left untreated, it was jail and sanity of death. 325 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:15,440 I understood that. 326 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,920 Three other things I understood. 327 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:20,400 When they said pitiful, incomprehensible demoralization, 328 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,320 I never heard that term before. 329 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,920 But when they said it, I knew exactly what that meant. 330 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,720 I knew exactly what that meant. 331 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,200 I still wasn't an alcoholic back then. 332 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,680 I still wasn't an alcoholic. 333 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,640 And so part of that stupid treatment program 334 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,720 was that during the weekends, we had to go to meetings. 335 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,640 And one of those meetings took place at that treatment program 336 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:41,960 on Thursday night. 337 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,840 They had this stupid group that would make all this noise 338 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,160 while we're trying to do counseling therapy. 339 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,440 And there was this group. 340 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,200 And they would make all kinds of noise. 341 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,200 And I would hear laughter and all this crap. 342 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,840 And they'd go, hey, you got to go to that meeting. 343 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:54,680 I don't need to go to that meeting. 344 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:55,520 You need to go to that meeting. 345 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:56,680 Everybody needs to go to meetings, Tom. 346 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:57,800 You need to go to meetings. 347 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,480 And so I go to that stupid meeting. 348 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,680 And then they go, hey, you need to get a chip. 349 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,880 And so I'm, Tom, alcoholic addict, sex maniac, 350 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,840 marijuana [INAUDIBLE] 351 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:06,720 all of the above. 352 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,360 Shut up, sit down, and listen. 353 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,640 Oh, shit, so I sit down and they go, you need to get a sponsor. 354 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,440 And I look at this guy next to me. 355 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,960 And this guy, thank God, thank God 356 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,280 that this guy couldn't sponsor because it was Gonzo. 357 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,760 I don't know if you guys know, but people know Gonzo. 358 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,680 And I go, can you sponsor me? 359 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,800 And he goes, I don't know. 360 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,000 I need to ask my sponsor. 361 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,480 And his sponsor said no. 362 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,800 And so I was like, thank God. 363 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,320 And so I picked this puny looking little white dude 364 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,400 that I could manipulate, this guy named Wayne Beck. 365 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,040 And I hooded his guts. 366 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,400 And that guy, he says, you want to talk about sponsorship? 367 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,160 He says, you give me a call tomorrow at exactly this time. 368 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,920 And if you don't call me, then I'll know what your answer is. 369 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,840 And so I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 370 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,840 hold on a second. 371 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,080 And so I went on my merry way. 372 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,040 And I started-- something told me to get this knucklehead 373 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,040 a call, right? 374 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,760 And when I called him, he goes, if you want me to sponsor you, 375 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,600 you got to do this, that, this, and the other. 376 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,000 He says, your problems are my problem. 377 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,320 You call me before you take any action. 378 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,880 I will guide you through the steps. 379 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,320 I will guide you through the big books. 380 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,120 And you don't have anything to worry about, 381 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,120 as long as you call me. 382 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,040 If you're five minutes late, don't bother 383 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,200 calling because I'm busy. 384 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,800 And so right away, fingers in the chest, 385 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,760 I'm thinking, who the hell did this guy think he is? 386 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,720 And so, again, I'm still not an alcoholic. 387 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,200 I start going to these meetings. 388 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,880 I start meeting these crazy people. 389 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,480 I don't fit in because I'm Tom alcoholic addict, blah, blah, 390 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,440 blah, blah, blah, blah. 391 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,280 And I'm sitting at the meeting one time. 392 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:30,920 We had a break. 393 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,400 And this guy goes, hey, Tom, all you 394 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,080 need to do to fit in here is just be an alcoholic, man. 395 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,920 Everything else will take care of itself 396 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,680 if you take care of your alcoholism. 397 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:39,240 Oh, wow. 398 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,520 And I'm sitting at a meeting. 399 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,560 And normally, I would sit by this fire hydrant. 400 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,560 And I would lay down and go to sleep. 401 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,160 And there was this speaker that night. 402 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,120 And the speaker's name was Johnny Ackland, 403 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,040 I think his name was. 404 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,640 He was a Scottish aristocrat. 405 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,560 And he spoke with a heavy brew. 406 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,760 And I couldn't understand a stinking word 407 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,240 of what this jerk was saying, right? 408 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,520 And he goes, if you'll be alcoholic like me, 409 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,080 then do what I do. 410 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,240 And he starts talking. 411 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,320 I can't hear a damn thing of what he's saying. 412 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,880 And then he starts talking about his alcoholism. 413 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,240 And he starts talking about hearing things 414 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,600 that weren't there and seeing things that weren't there 415 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,160 and making love to his wife. 416 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,280 And she wasn't there. 417 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,880 And I go, oh, shit. 418 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,120 And I go, the secret is out. 419 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,040 And I started to cry. 420 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,680 And I identified, right? 421 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,960 At that moment, I became an alcoholic. 422 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,280 I go, if this guy's an alcoholic, 423 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,800 then that means I'm an alcoholic. 424 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,760 And I got scared. 425 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,160 And he gave me an answer. 426 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,120 He gave me a program of recovery. 427 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,400 He goes, do what I do. 428 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,400 And so at that point, I bought Alcoholics Anonymous, 429 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,880 the whole freaking package. 430 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,680 And I had to learn how to cry first. 431 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,000 I had to get those tears out and realize 432 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,720 that it was my grief and my pain that brings us here. 433 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:53,080 But it's our recovery that keeps us here, right? 434 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,320 That's what I've learned. 435 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,960 Because I had to get all that pain out 436 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,600 in order to let the laughter and the music of the spirit 437 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,480 come in, right? 438 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:05,240 And so today, when you see me crying, it's tears of joy, 439 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,880 baby, because I can't believe what Alcoholics Anonymous 440 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,080 has done for this guy. 441 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,280 You know, I met these guys. 442 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,880 And then I was still a mess. 443 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,200 I'm going to this meeting. 444 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:20,120 And I see this fine Black girl from New York, her attitude 445 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:20,840 sassy. 446 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,160 And I was attracted to her. 447 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,760 And then the next week, she comes in. 448 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,840 And she introduces me to her husband, David Figueroa. 449 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,720 And we've been inseparable since that day. 450 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,600 The miracle is that we grew up in the same neighborhood 451 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,040 in New York, blocks away from each other, 452 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,040 and met in Alcoholics Anonymous. 453 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,680 And we've been inseparable. 454 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,480 This is my brother that I would take a bullet for this guy. 455 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,440 I hope it doesn't have to happen tonight. 456 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,280 [INAUDIBLE] 457 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,640 I didn't bring my back up with me, man. 458 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:55,840 But anyway, my daughter was born around my six-month anniversary 459 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,120 of Alcoholics Anonymous. 460 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,800 And I didn't go to the meeting because I was at the hospital. 461 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,280 And my daughter was born. 462 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,240 And I didn't know what to do that day. 463 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,800 I thought I was going to drink. 464 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,960 I swear I was scared. 465 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,400 The same feelings came up. 466 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,880 And I walked down the aisle. 467 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,240 And up through the door pops this guy 468 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,440 with two cups of coffee from McDonald's. 469 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,920 And he goes, Tom, I thought you might be thirsty. 470 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,600 And he saved my life that day. 471 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,400 And there's many other days that this man 472 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,760 has been there in my life. 473 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,120 And again, we don't have to talk on the phone 474 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,320 to know that we're brothers. 475 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,360 And so if you have a hard time in Alcoholics Anonymous 476 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,440 and you can't find a sponsor, get a friend. 477 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,440 Get a best friend. 478 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,880 And if you've got a good best friend, 479 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,520 he'll force you to get a sponsor, right? 480 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,880 And so there was a couple of us that ran around. 481 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,680 Because we were crazy back then. 482 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,800 And they told us the men stick with the men 483 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,360 and the women stick with the women. 484 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,000 And so we founded this group. 485 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,520 It was called the Winners, right? 486 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,920 And so this guy Renato, he was from 487 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,200 some freaking foreign country. 488 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,360 He couldn't say winners. 489 00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,440 He said the wieners, the wieners, the wieners. 490 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,840 And so we became the wieners. 491 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,480 And we started to stick around and stay around. 492 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:08,840 And we started to go on this merry way of recovery, man. 493 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:12,200 And I'm telling you, from then to now, right? 494 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:17,000 Today I stand here sober since February 22nd of 1988. 495 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,240 Not by anything great that I've done. 496 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,520 Mainly by the people I surround myself with, right? 497 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,960 I had to be willing to do what I was told to do. 498 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,240 But I've managed to stick myself around in the middle 499 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,520 of some really great people in my life. 500 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,960 And today, how much time do I got, Dick? 501 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:35,920 - That's four and a half. 502 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:36,960 - Thank you very much. 503 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,680 Today, two and a half years ago, 504 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,920 I working with that same company. 505 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,880 I took a job in Nevada, in Las Vegas. 506 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,080 And I left everything behind and I moved to Las Vegas. 507 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,400 And I hated the management over there 508 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,520 where I was working at. 509 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,520 And it was a big drinking environment. 510 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,240 But I loved what I was doing, man. 511 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,840 I had, at this time I got 30 something years 512 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,080 with Lockheed Martin. 513 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,680 I hold a top secret clearance with extra stuff attached 514 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,040 to it that only the president has more higher clearance 515 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,160 than I did, right? 516 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,080 I had a position of trust only by the graces of alcoholics. 517 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,320 And now my sponsor told me, 518 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,680 you will make living amends to your job. 519 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,080 You're gonna be the first one in there. 520 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,360 You're gonna plug the coffee in. 521 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,120 You're gonna be responsible for giving them eight hours pay 522 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,920 for eight hours, eight hours of work for eight hours pay. 523 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:23,880 And I practiced that. 524 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:28,760 And I really was responsible at work, right? 525 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,040 And so I moved to Las Vegas 526 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,200 and then there's another guy back there, Pete. 527 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,520 He got tired of hearing me complaining 528 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,200 about the misery of my job. 529 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,920 And he goes, Tom, if you're working for Lockheed 530 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,280 at 62 years old, I'm gonna fine you 531 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,800 and put a bullet in your head. 532 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:44,640 (laughing) 533 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,200 And so I retired one day before my 62. 534 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:53,200 And I drove out the gate and I got my phone 535 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,760 and I called Pete, hey, Pete, what are you doing? 536 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,520 He goes, I'm in New York trying to get that contract going. 537 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,320 I go, Pete, cancel the contract, man. 538 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,720 I retired, I retired. 539 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,000 And he goes, you're lucky, Tom. 540 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,240 He goes, I love you like a brother, 541 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,080 but I shoot you in the heart, Pete. 542 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,040 Nobody messes with Pete Falcone from Brooklyn. 543 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,600 And so this guy, Pete, I've been with him since day one. 544 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,640 And he came into our group and then the bottom to us, 545 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,240 we were serving coffee in the back. 546 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,880 And he goes, hey, are you Puerto Rican? 547 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:20,960 Yeah, you're Puerto Rican. 548 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,960 And David goes, here, let me give you my card. 549 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,040 Hold my wallet. 550 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,440 And he goes, how much time you got? 551 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:26,280 He goes, I got three days. 552 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,760 David goes, get in my wallet back. 553 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,320 And this guy, this guy, he struggled. 554 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,320 He came in here, he had a pickup truck 555 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,720 that only opened on one side, right? 556 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,920 And the window didn't go down. 557 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,200 He had bills, he had people chasing after his life. 558 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,840 And somebody said, hey, Pete, can you make coffee? 559 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,440 Yeah, I can fill in for coffee. 560 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,880 All of a sudden, he got handed the coffee commitment. 561 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,960 And me and Pete, I would be there for serving coffee. 562 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,080 I'd be there early. 563 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,480 And me and Pete created a bond that is amazing. 564 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,000 My family, when I talk about my family, 565 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,720 I'm talking about Pete's family. 566 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,120 And Pete has allowed me to make amends. 567 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,560 And part of my amends was to my grandmother 568 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,960 when she passed away in New York. 569 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,320 And I went back, I was so drunk and loaded during the whole time 570 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:15,080 that I was so resentful and so guilty over that. 571 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,520 My sponsor says you will make a living amends to your grandma. 572 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,200 And whenever somebody shares about having a loss, 573 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,520 you be there for that person. 574 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,000 And you support that person. 575 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,280 Pete came up to me one day. 576 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,000 He goes, hey, my cousin's husband already died. 577 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,240 And I haven't been with my family in years. 578 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,160 I'm estranged. 579 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,480 I go, hey, I got an idea, man. 580 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,200 I go, you're going to go to the funeral. 581 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,240 No, I can't go out there. 582 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,160 You're going to go to the funeral. 583 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:38,040 How am I going to go? 584 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,440 I'm going to go with you, bro. 585 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,040 And he allowed me to walk him through that 586 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,560 and to see the miracle that occurred that night. 587 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,400 Not in my life, man, but in somebody else's life. 588 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:52,560 When that dude walked in, it was engulfed by love of his family 589 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,320 like nothing ever happened. 590 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,000 His aunt, when he introduced me to his aunt, 591 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,600 they started taking my number down 592 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,600 like I was Jesus Christ the Savior. 593 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,880 And they were thanking me for bringing 594 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,120 Ju-Ju back into the family. 595 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,760 And they go, if you ever can't find him, can we call you? 596 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,200 I go, yeah, you can call me. 597 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,200 And my man is a part of his family. 598 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,480 It makes me proud. 599 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:16,600 There's another guy here. 600 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:17,520 Where's Hector at? 601 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:18,280 Is he here? 602 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,240 There's another-- my man back there. 603 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,920 That's a kid that I wouldn't bet a wooden nickel on his ass. 604 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,560 And my man is a shining example of this program 605 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,400 and this recovery so much that I speak 606 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:36,200 about him at my Men's Stag on Saturday morning in Vegas. 607 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,720 When I talk to this, there's a guy in there, Tristan, 608 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,840 that is really suffering with recovery 609 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,120 because he thinks his case is different, and he struggles. 610 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,800 He's got tattoos all over his head and his neck, 611 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:52,200 and he thinks that he's not worthy and he's less than. 612 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:56,000 And I just-- when I look at him and I see my man Hector, 613 00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:00,640 and I remember how Hector came into this program, he was-- 614 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,600 you would look at this guy and run away, right? 615 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,080 My man has turned his life around in a way 616 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,040 that I could never imagine, where 617 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:14,000 he is a shining example of recovery in his family, right? 618 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,880 And those are the gifts that I get to see today. 619 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,040 Now, I also have a few people that I've 620 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,800 lost in recovery, right? 621 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,200 I always think about my man Reggie, 622 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:28,600 who was really a great AA guy, but he had a weakness, 623 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,760 and he followed it, and he passed away, 624 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,000 and he never got the deal, right? 625 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,880 I think about our brother Michael Holland, 626 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,320 who we lost last year, a great guy with a great personality. 627 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,920 When I was newly sober, I was working in a treatment program, 628 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,000 and there was this guy, Dean Barnes, 629 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,080 that would come in off the streets, 630 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,480 and he would get some time, and he would clean up, 631 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,800 and he was the shining example. 632 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,080 The one thing he couldn't do, he wouldn't hold hands 633 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,120 during the Lord's Prayer. 634 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:57,480 I'd see him in meetings in town, and he wouldn't hold hands. 635 00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,280 And then one day, I got called in. 636 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,680 They go, hey, Dean Barnes is in the emergency room town. 637 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:02,440 Go get him. 638 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,480 And I went and I got him, and it was too late. 639 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,360 He bled out on the freaking floor, 640 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:08,120 and he never made it, right? 641 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:12,240 And so you have to be willing to do whatever you're told, 642 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,560 whatever it is, right? 643 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,640 I have my best friend in the whole world. 644 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:16,280 Sorry, David. 645 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,320 Sorry, Bruce. 646 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:18,440 Sorry, Pete. 647 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,280 My best friend Ron Coleman, man. 648 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,840 That guy taught me how to live in sobriety every day. 649 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,160 I met him through a resentment, right? 650 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,920 I had a meeting in Palmdale, and I was secretary of the meeting, 651 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,480 and I brought this guy in, that famous speaker that 652 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:33,840 would sing the Lord's Prayer. 653 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,400 And I had this guy say I was really proud. 654 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:37,680 Yeah, I did a damn good job. 655 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:38,360 Yeah, this guy. 656 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:39,480 I bought this guy. 657 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:40,480 And Ron come up to me. 658 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,080 He goes, you know that violation of seditions? 659 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,480 You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 660 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,240 How the hell does this guy think he is? 661 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,280 I go to my sponsor at the time, Whitey. 662 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,920 I go, who in the hell does this guy-- 663 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,040 he goes, you see that guy? 664 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,440 Whatever he's doing, you better be doing. 665 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,600 And so I go, son of a bitch. 666 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:59,160 And so me and Ron, we developed a friendship that was like-- 667 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,440 he was my brother. 668 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,840 He was welcome to come into my house any time, day or night. 669 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,120 And that guy, we and him put so many miles on the road, 670 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:08,720 and then he had a bump in his throat. 671 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:09,640 And he got sick. 672 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,360 And it turned into cancer and it spread 673 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,960 throughout his whole body. 674 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,480 And I would go visit him in the hospital. 675 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,240 And I say, Ron, how's it going? 676 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,760 He goes, I'm fine, Tom. 677 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:19,680 How are you doing? 678 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:20,920 You're the one that looks-- 679 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:21,960 he goes, I'm fine. 680 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,120 I'm good with God. 681 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:26,080 And then it got so bad he couldn't speak no more. 682 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,120 And he would write me a little note. 683 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,760 And he was being fed through a tube. 684 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,040 And he goes, can you get some Popeye's chicken 685 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,960 and throw it in that thing for me, you know? 686 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,760 And we were going to a soccer tournament. 687 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,240 And I had to go to a hospital. 688 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,960 And we said goodbyes, right? 689 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,760 And I was in a soccer tournament in San Diego 690 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,640 when my sponsor buzzed me and called me 691 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,920 and said Ron died in his arms. 692 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,400 And I missed that guy, right? 693 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,000 But Ron was a dynamic speaker. 694 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,760 And Ron always ended his talk with a special way. 695 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,400 And I said, hey, Ron, can I use your line? 696 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,360 And he goes, as long as you give me credit for it. 697 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:04,000 And so I'm going to end by this. 698 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,120 Ron used to always say, I used to get up in the morning 699 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:08,600 and say, good God, it's morning. 700 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:11,680 And today when I get up, I say, good morning, God. 701 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:12,880 Thank you for letting me share. 702 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,640 [INAUDIBLE]