1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,940 My name is Lee. I'm an alcoholic. Good to be here tonight. Thank you, Karen, for asking 2 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:12,660 me. Very much appreciated. Thanks for having me. Quality of life. Wow. I knew you'd do 3 00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:18,620 that. You know, I think I spoke this meeting about five years ago when it was over another 4 00:00:18,620 --> 00:00:24,180 location. Remember that chant that you guys do? I don't remember that. So maybe it was 5 00:00:24,180 --> 00:00:32,240 me, maybe it wasn't. Um, to qualify, I have been sober. I took a cake on September 6th 6 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:38,120 for 25 years. That includes weekends, nights, you know, etc. No drugs either. And I still 7 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,440 consider myself a newcomer in this thing. And thanks, Abraham, for that share. That 8 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:46,840 was brought me back, brought back some memories to me when I was newer. You know, I really 9 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:52,580 struggled with this thing, you know, and welcome to the newcomers. You know, my first sponsor 10 00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:57,920 told me it's going to be a wild ride. It's going to be like a roller coaster at the beginning, 11 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:02,600 but eventually it's going to level out. Life is going to get better. Now I was a hard case, 12 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,920 so I fired that sponsor in about a week because I didn't listen very well. So I'm one of those 13 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:11,720 guys who didn't get this right away. It took me a while, but I wish I had this crystal 14 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,840 ball to show you what life was like when I was drinking and what it's like now. You know, 15 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:21,160 I really hope I can describe it to you guys because it's so different. I never expected 16 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:26,360 to have the life that I have today. Never did. You know, I grew up middle class, nothing 17 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:33,420 special about my family. We grew up in Woodland Hills. I have a brother and a sister. Never 18 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:39,240 saw my parents ever pick up a drink. Never saw them pick up a cigarette. Went to private 19 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,840 schools. Who would have thought? You know, who would have thought? You know, my sister 20 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:48,640 is a raging alcoholic. She beat me to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by several 21 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:53,560 years. And then I found these rooms. You know, I went to college, University of California 22 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:59,200 at San Diego, and I had some roommates and those roommates introduced me to drugs. You 23 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,480 know, and so it was a cool thing to do, you know, to be a college crowd, you know, take 24 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:07,520 a couple of hits on this, take a couple of hits on that. You know, I remember one of 25 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:12,680 my first drinking experiences. You mentioned one of your first. I remember one of my first. 26 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:17,840 It was, we were off campus. We had an apartment and I had three roommates and we're just kind 27 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:22,160 of shooting it around. We're getting high and all that stuff, you know, and a couple 28 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:28,960 of girls are around. I wanted to act more than I was, you know, and so I told my roommates, 29 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:34,680 you can mix anything in that kitchen, any alcohol, anything with it, and I'll drink 30 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,680 it and it won't affect me because I'm a big time drinker. Look at me, you know, and so 31 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:44,440 they proceeded to take me up on it, you know, and so they were throwing vodka, gin, bourbon, 32 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:49,120 milk. I think peanut butter was thrown in there. God knows what was thrown in there. 33 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:54,680 It was a nasty drink. I mean, just nasty. But you know, if you're an alcoholic like 34 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,360 me, you know, you got to drink it, right? You got to drink it, no matter how bad it 35 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:02,320 tastes. And so I drank the whole thing and I said, excuse me. I went outside to get some 36 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:07,360 fresh air, came back inside and everybody was laughing. I'm like, what's the joke? And 37 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,680 they said, don't you know? You went outside, you passed out for two and a half hours and 38 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:15,960 you came back inside. I'm like, what are you talking about? So I'm an alcoholic that passes 39 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:22,040 out. I like to overdo things, but I didn't really reach my height of alcoholism for many 40 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:27,460 years after that. I just did a lot of drugs, a lot of drugs, and somehow I made it through 41 00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:33,760 college and somehow, you know, because of my education, I don't know why, but I paid 42 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,440 attention, I guess, in school. And I went to, as I mentioned, private schools. I went 43 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:42,740 to UC San Diego, so I had this, I was a great interviewer, you know, I could put on a suit, 44 00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:48,320 get in front of you, say the right things, you know, and more times than not, you'd give 45 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:53,540 me an opportunity, you know? So in my mind, I guess I'm thinking the interview, once I 46 00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:58,440 get it, it's over because then I just wouldn't report to work, right? And so my wife and 47 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:04,900 I, we weren't married at that time, but she, she loves to talk about this. I must have 48 00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:10,800 gone through 20 jobs in three, four years. Mink is really good at getting the job, you 49 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:15,200 know, just not good at the execution of that. It's like when I first got to AA, you know, 50 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:21,080 how people hand you phone numbers and such, I'd have all these slips, pieces of paper, 51 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:26,400 guys that wanted to help me with my phone numbers, with their phone numbers, et cetera. 52 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:31,680 Really good at getting the phone numbers, just not good at the execution, right? Because 53 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,920 those phone numbers eventually would go in the drawer and I would have, God, I don't 54 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:40,240 know how many. And my wife, the great Al-Anon she is, you know, at that time she was starting 55 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:45,400 to get her recovery, but she would, when she would get nervous about, you know, my drinking 56 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:50,820 on those pieces of paper would make them make the way out of the drawer and go like onto 57 00:04:50,820 --> 00:04:56,120 a counter and then they'd get on my desk somehow, you know? So she was trying to urge me, you 58 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,960 know, and the great program of Al-Anon taught her eventually to detach that this guy's going 59 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:05,380 to have to find his own way, you know, no matter how much she wants. You know, the people 60 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:10,600 that are closest to us, right, pay the biggest price. They really do, you know, because they 61 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:15,520 love us so much and they want to do whatever they can. And so like my wife, you know, she 62 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,360 thought she wasn't pretty enough because I wouldn't stop drinking. I didn't love her 63 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:24,080 enough because I wouldn't stop drinking, you know, and the great program of Al-Anon taught 64 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:29,800 her had nothing to do with that. I had this disease and until I found recovery, that disease 65 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:35,480 took over my life. So, you know, so I finally dumped the drug thing. My mom actually was 66 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:41,480 in a head nurse and she was starting a program called Narcotics Anonymous. And so I started 67 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:46,120 going. I went to five, six, seven meetings. I don't know, a handful of meetings. I got 68 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:50,840 the message, stopped doing the drugs and thought I was recovered. You know, I didn't hear about 69 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:55,880 you might substitute one for another. You got to keep going. You're never fully recovered. 70 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,040 Didn't hear those messages. All I heard, hey, I'm not doing it anymore. I don't need you 71 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:03,840 because it's still all about me. Right. I don't need you. So I kept my interview process 72 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:08,960 going and found a good job. And I found out that since I wasn't doing the drugs and I 73 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:13,280 wasn't lazy and paranoid, the things that come around that world, I was able to start 74 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:17,920 working and start doing what I was being paid to do as a good employee. And I started becoming 75 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:22,960 fairly successful doing it. But I also found that drinking with the team after work was 76 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:27,480 very enjoyable. And so I started drinking, you know, and eventually started substituting 77 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:32,560 the drugs with the alcohol and it was getting worse and worse and worse. I remember Woodley 78 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:39,400 Park, Woodman Park, the park off of Van Nuys Boulevard. There's a big park there like Riverside 79 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:47,040 and Van Nuys Boulevard. I was out drinking with my team at a bar, of course, and one 80 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:53,040 of my female colleagues proceeded to tell me, just hang on here, that I was overweight. 81 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:57,400 Now we're very, I don't know if you know this about, but we're very sensitive about things. 82 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,960 How dare you call me over even though I was really overweight at the time. How dare you 83 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:07,040 call me overweight? So I proceeded to tell her that she wasn't, I'm going to try to put 84 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:12,320 it in the nicest terms possible. She wasn't well endowed. She didn't, she wasn't very 85 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:18,240 happy about that. And so this ended up about three hours later, about one o'clock in the 86 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:24,560 morning I believe, into a 100 yard dash in the park to see who was more physically in 87 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:30,520 shape for all this drinking. We do crazy things when we drink, right? And they're funny today. 88 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:35,000 They're not funny when they happen. So we, there were people around us and I remember 89 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,740 a guy that I was really close to said, I was wearing a suit by the way, you know, that 90 00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:44,480 I was just came from work to the bar and started drinking. You better stretch, novel idea. 91 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:48,360 Better stop smoking. And I proceeded to tell him I can be here no matter what, don't worry 92 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,400 about it. And I remember it was also pretty cold at night. And so went into this hundred 93 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:56,360 yard dash. I did take the jacket off, but I was wearing the tie still and I was wearing 94 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:03,300 the dress shoes and all that. And about 30 yards into that race, I felt this immense 95 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:09,320 pain in my leg, in my foot. And I went crashing down and it turned out I ruptured my Achilles. 96 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,860 Now, now I know it's, but this is all it took to get me here, right? So there's a happy 97 00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:17,280 ending to all this. I want everybody to know, cause this is important to me. We're still 98 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:22,880 very sensitive even though we're in recovery, right? I was winning that race at the 30 yard 99 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:27,800 mile. I had her, I just had to stay on my feet. Oh man, the things that happened to 100 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:35,400 us, you know, and, um, you know, I got married and the drinking, um, was getting worse and 101 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:40,220 worse. And finally, you know, my wife kicked me out, you know, I was living it actually 102 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:45,640 in her condominium at the time it was hers. And she just walked in one day and said, I 103 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:52,220 need you to be gone, you know? And so, um, and so I left, you know, um, and I started 104 00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:59,320 doing better and I started like climbing the food chain at the business I was in and good 105 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:04,200 things were happening and she had heard about it and it was her birthday. And so, so why 106 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:08,480 don't we just go out for your birthday, sexy happy birthday. And we got together again 107 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:14,040 and we've been together ever since, uh, 33 years or so. Um, but you know, we're, we're 108 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:18,780 sensitive. We're also pretty smart because I thought that came in my mind was I don't 109 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:23,600 want to go back to her place where she can kick me out again like that because it's her 110 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:29,560 place. She owns it. So I had a proposition for her. Let me buy into it. Let me buy 50% 111 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:34,560 into it. So I own half of it, figuring it, make it harder for her to kick me up. Cause 112 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:40,120 I wasn't done with drinking. I wasn't done. And she agreed to it. So I owned half of it. 113 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:44,280 And so my drinking, you know, just spiraled out of control. And, and, and I remember getting 114 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:49,240 to my first meeting of alcohol synonymous. So my sister had gotten there years before 115 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,880 me. She was a violent, violent alcoholic, a lot of problems with the police. And so 116 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:59,800 we draw these lines, you know, my line was not really a violent alcoholic. I drink in 117 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:04,520 excess. I'll admit that, but I'm not violent. I don't get in trouble with the police. There 118 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,880 for, I can't really be an alcoholic. Cause the alcoholics that's what happens to them 119 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:13,920 or they're unemployed and they're on the street. These stereotypes that we have, you know, 120 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:18,520 sometimes as we grow up of what a real alcoholic is, you know, since I didn't have drinking 121 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,400 in the family, I had a grandmother, by the way, it was a terrible alcoholic. I didn't 122 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:27,400 know at the time, but I didn't know these things, you know, so, um, eventually, uh, 123 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:34,880 went out, um, got arrested. I got a DUI about, uh, show where I live. There's a private gate 124 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:39,000 in these houses and all I go to the private gate, right. The private gate, I got a DUI, 125 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:44,120 you know, some guy, um, I don't know if he caused the accident because he tried to extort 126 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:49,480 money from me or what it doesn't really matter. Point is I got a DUI, went to jail. I got 127 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:55,000 out on my own connoisseurs in the morning and, uh, my sister and her boyfriend showed 128 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:59,600 up, said, you need to go to alcohol synonymous. So I went to my first meeting, they ate the 129 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:06,960 valley club, uh, not where it's at now when it was, um, Tampa. Thanks. That's like for 130 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:13,080 you. Anyway, it was sitting in that room and I remember looking around the room and Sam 131 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:18,040 stuff. I'm not like these guys and girls like this, you know, I just, I'm a smart guy. I 132 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:22,540 just got to figure it out. You know, there has to be some formula here where I can drink, 133 00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:27,100 you know, and work and still have my marriage intact. But there has to be this formula and 134 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:31,440 I'm going to be the guy that figures it out, you know, and I tried to figure it out for 135 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:36,600 the first two years. And boy, I got to tell you, that was a miserable two years because 136 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:41,240 I don't know if you guys have heard, I heard that a rex you're drinking boy wreck my drinking. 137 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:47,240 I was a happy go lucky, you know, I'm in the bars, I'm in the clubs type of guy. Now I'm 138 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:53,200 sitting and just crying in my drinks for whatever the reasons are. I'm a sad alcoholic, you 139 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:59,120 know, and I can't seem to get this thing. And people that, um, I've been going to meetings 140 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,320 with, you know, I always went to meetings late, by the way, I don't know that trick, 141 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:06,880 you know, go a little bit late. You don't have to associate too much with the people 142 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:11,400 in that meeting. You leave a little early, you know, you kind of cut it loose a little 143 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,920 bit and all instead of getting right in the midst of it. You know, that was my, one of 144 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:20,240 my favorite tricks. So, you know, I, you know, I am going to meetings with these guys and 145 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,520 all, but they're, they're getting time and I'm not, I'm still getting 30, 60 days. We 146 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,860 used to have a meeting. I don't know if they still do a plat big meeting on Friday night 147 00:12:27,860 --> 00:12:32,720 at a church. I used to hate that meeting. And the reason I hated it was because it was 148 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:36,760 a 60 day routine. If you're newer than 60 days, you got to stand up. And there's at 149 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,080 that time there were a couple of hundred people there, right? I was standing up like it seemed 150 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:43,920 like every fricking week, you know, cause I couldn't get 60 days, get 30, I get 45 and 151 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:50,240 I'm back to being a newcomer. I get 30, just humbling, very humbling, very demoralizing. 152 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:55,320 And I just thought, you know, that fun has gone in life. I don't know if newcomers, all 153 00:12:55,320 --> 00:13:00,600 newcomers think that I sit in meetings and I hear guys that come in and say, Hey, when 154 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,680 I went to my first eight meetings, I felt at home. I heard the message. I felt like 155 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:08,320 one of them. I didn't feel that at all. I felt just the opposite, just the opposite. 156 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:13,160 And so the message here more than anything is hope. Cause I really believe if I can get 157 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:18,400 this thing, anybody can, I mean, seriously, anybody can. So, you know, I'm going around 158 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:25,160 and about and then I had the spiritual awakening as I call it. I had just gone to a Friday 159 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:31,200 night meeting at the Friday night meeting. I had no plan. I went to a liquor store after 160 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:35,920 the meeting, got a bottle of vodka, got drunk off my ass, was thinking about doing a geographic. 161 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:41,360 I won't get into too many details there. It wasn't pretty. And the one thing I did right 162 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:45,440 was I had a donut commitment at the Valley Club and I had that donut commitment. They 163 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:49,880 extended it cause I was special and figured I needed it. I had that donut commitment for 164 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:55,680 over a year. And that, cause I'm in the business world. So when you make, you know, when you 165 00:13:55,680 --> 00:14:00,160 make a commitment like that, you, you really have to stand up to it. Cause that's how I 166 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:04,600 was successful in business. So, so no matter what, I kept making that donut commitment 167 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:09,560 to the point where the old timers would seek me out and say, okay, next Saturday morning, 168 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:14,200 cause it was a Saturday morning, early meeting. This is what I want. This is my donut order. 169 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:18,560 So I have these paper bags of donuts for the old timers that would pass out with their 170 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:22,800 donuts. And then it was like four or five dozen cause it's a huge meeting. Huge. I missed 171 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:27,520 it. I missed it. Friday night, got drunk, drank all hours in the morning, missed it. 172 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:32,400 I said, fuck it. I'm sorry. You guys have a law here. I rule here. I think I have to 173 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:38,080 put some money in something. So let me know what that penalty is. Um, screw it. Um, and, 174 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:43,320 uh, and two members, um, that go to that meeting knew I was in trouble and they came to my 175 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:47,500 house and they sat with me the entire weekend, you know? And right then and there I said 176 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:52,900 to myself, you're either in this thing cause it's driving you crazy. You're just a miserable 177 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:58,200 SOB. You're either in it or you're out. That's it. You can't tread this line anymore. It's 178 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:03,920 not working for two years. It hasn't worked at all. And so I decided one more time to 179 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:09,920 come back to AA, but to do the suggestions and to do it the way that people have been 180 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:14,680 telling me to do it. Um, but I haven't done it. I'm far from perfect. I didn't do my steps 181 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:19,680 for five years. Yeah, I know. Five years. I wouldn't recommend that to anybody, but 182 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:24,640 that is my story. You know, because I'm obstinate, I'm stubborn. I still think I know the right 183 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:29,920 way to do it. Right. And when I finally got that sponsor that said, if I'm going to sponsor 184 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:34,120 you doing your steps and you're starting your steps right now, you know, I needed that type 185 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:39,760 of guidance. What a release, what freedom, you know? Um, but I went back to AA. I found 186 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:44,600 what I consider the best offense to this group by the way. Right. But I found, I think the 187 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,720 best home group around. Right. It's I know, but you know, if you don't feel that way about 188 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,880 your meeting, then it might not be the right meeting for it. I feel that way about my need. 189 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:57,120 Right. It's a men's stag meeting every Tuesday and Thursday at St. Mark's church. I think 190 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:02,540 you had a speaker of Brett who was here several weeks ago. I saw Brett when he first came 191 00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:07,160 in the rooms, et cetera. You're a great guy. He's moving out of the area, unfortunately. 192 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:12,400 But um, I found this group and I started doing what they told me to do. You know, um, they, 193 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,560 they knew I was off since they kind of went, they tread lightly around me, but I needed 194 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:22,240 the men to really call me on my stuff, you know? And, um, and I haven't had a drink since. 195 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:26,320 I mean, that's a miracle, right? I mean, wow. You know, we say it's simple and everything's 196 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:31,420 out front of you. It's big book, you know, steps, you know, working with others and we 197 00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:36,220 all talk about it. Um, but it's not easy because as an alcoholic, I don't want to be told what 198 00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:40,520 to do. And even as a recovering alcoholic, I've gotten better over the years. I don't 199 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,720 know if that's age or being in the program of AA for a while. I've gotten a lot better 200 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:49,840 about being told what to do, but, uh, if my wife was here, she would maybe not be agreeing 201 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:56,440 with that. I'm not sure. Um, but you know, I remember when I was newer and I would go 202 00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:02,040 to meetings and it'd be somebody up at the podium, you know, she had a podium here, um, 203 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:07,060 up at the podium saying, it's all in the big book. You've got to read the big book cover 204 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:13,400 to cover, know it left and right. And I know people that say it's all in the steps. I worked 205 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:19,360 those steps, you know, people say it's working with others, you know, um, getting that spiritual 206 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:23,920 contact and getting your higher power and all that. Well, for me, at least I didn't 207 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:29,320 talk in terms of me. Um, it was a combination of those things. I had to find the right combination 208 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,640 for me for somebody else. It might be more meetings, somebody else. It might be they 209 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:38,200 get on their knees five times a day. You know, you have to find the right combination. I 210 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:43,840 had to find the right combination for me that allowed me to go out there in this world and 211 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:49,520 be able to be fairly normal. But the key is not being, not having to pick up a drink. 212 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,360 That's the key. No matter how, you know, and we all go through it. Life's good. Life's 213 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:59,080 not so good. Life's happy. Life's sad. Oh gosh, I just got laid off. Whatever the case 214 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:04,160 may be, whatever happens to us, if you're an alcoholic like me, one day I cannot afford 215 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:09,320 to do is to pick up that drink because I, uh, I was a scout for a long time and I came 216 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:13,880 back to meetings, a lot of arrows in me, you know, um, and I tried every which way, you 217 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:19,360 know, to try to defeat this on my own. And the only thing I found that works is this. 218 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:22,880 So if you're new or you go out and scout, you know, and try it, but I'm telling you, 219 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:29,160 it's this, this works. We were reading a vision for you. I, my Thursday night is a big book 220 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:34,280 study and we were doing a vision for you. And I love just reading about the history, 221 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:39,640 how it started word of mouth and social media and I don't want the tools we have today. 222 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:45,640 Word of mouth. And the reason it grew initially was success because people were able to stay 223 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:50,880 sober when nothing else worked. And that's the key. This is it. I went through a lot 224 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,720 of sponsors by the way, last house on the block, you know, last house on the block for 225 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:59,920 me at least, you know, and so my life, I have about 10 minutes I think. Let's talk about, 226 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:06,080 let's talk about my life, you know, how it's changed, you know? It's a movie with Jack 227 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:11,400 Nicholson. He just talks about trying to be a better version of himself. You know, how 228 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,360 many times I look at the mirror on the outside. Yeah. You can put on a suit, you can put on 229 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:18,680 a tie and somebody doesn't know you. They look at it and say, okay, you guys be doing 230 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:24,640 pretty well. On the inside. I was miserable. You know, I would look in a mirror and I did 231 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:30,280 not like what I saw because I remember I just couldn't do anything without drinking, you 232 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:35,880 know, and all the commitments I made and promises talks about in the big book. And I made these 233 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:42,480 promises. My wife and I, we do a lot of couples, um, shares on, she's been in Al-Anon. She's 234 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:48,200 a great Al-Anon story by far given my recovery. You know, so my Al-Anon wife came to me one 235 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,080 night when I was still drinking and said, I'm going to go to Al-Anon. And I said, I 236 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:58,080 forbid you. I have never forbid my wife to do anything. I've been the biggest champion, 237 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:03,140 go out, you know, and conquer whatever you need to conquer, you know, do whatever you 238 00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:08,720 need to do. You know, I support everything, but this case I forbid you. So my wife, the 239 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:14,400 great Al-Anon she is, she just went, you know, and did it, uh, you know, on the slide, you 240 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:19,340 know, she did it for a year or something on the slide, you know, and I had no idea cause 241 00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:23,480 she'd go traveling in her business. And when she was out of town, she'd go to Al-Anon meetings. 242 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:28,000 I had no idea, you know, and I was so busy in my disease. I didn't notice that maybe 243 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,880 she was detaching a little bit more, you know, not getting so involved. You know, I don't 244 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,960 know, you know, I remember when, uh, one week when she came home, I had a one week and gone 245 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:40,740 crazy, spent a lot of money in bars, buying people drinks. Cause that's how I feel important. 246 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:45,200 You know, back then I had no other reason to feel important, you know? And so I remember 247 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:49,840 coming home, I'm like, I'm in a lot of trouble here because we got some credit card bills 248 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,880 coming in and I'll have to be able to explain these ones away, you know? And so, you know, 249 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:58,680 we're great, you know, on our strategies. And so I said, honey, got some good news and 250 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:03,500 some bad news. What do you want first? Like, well, give me the good news, Mike. This weekend, 251 00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:08,760 when you were gone, I finally figured out I am an alcoholic. And so she's actually crying 252 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:13,640 tears of joy, you know, cause our loved ones, she wants what's best for me. What's the bad 253 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:18,320 news? Well, we might have some credit card bills coming in that might be a little extensive, 254 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:23,880 but we'll figure out how to get and pay those. Okay. So, um, yeah, so, you know, we're, we're 255 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:29,240 great at stuff like that, but you know, life has really changed. So I have a relationship 256 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:34,400 with my wife today. That's built on trust. You know, it was, there wasn't a lot of trust 257 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:39,160 at the beginning. So by the way, if you had asked me at the beginning of this journey, 258 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,580 Lee, what are your priorities? This is what I would tell. And this is what I did tell 259 00:21:42,580 --> 00:21:48,840 people job number one, because my job, I got to be able to, you know, support my family. 260 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:54,880 Number two, you know, is my health. And maybe number three is sobriety. Maybe, maybe even 261 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:59,500 after I started getting some time, that was still my answer in my heart case, you know, 262 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:03,040 and at some point in time, and I don't know when, I don't know who it was like in the 263 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:08,320 first two years, three years for some, at some point in time, that whole thing flipped, 264 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,560 you know, it just flipped where now if you ask me sobriety is my number one priority, 265 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:16,080 number one, you know, you know, family number two, you know, and I can't really talk about 266 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:20,700 job much anymore, but when I I'm retired, but when I was working job would be number 267 00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:25,920 three because for me, I could always get a job somewhere, you know, but without my sobriety, 268 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:31,280 I have nothing took me a long time to figure that out. You know, one of the neat things 269 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:38,360 about getting some sobriety for me is because of my work and my role, I, I didn't have to 270 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:45,240 keep quiet about it. And so over the many years, a lot of men and some women have come 271 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:50,160 to me to talk to me about alcoholism. And hopefully I've been able to help, you know, 272 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,920 because it's always been known, you know, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I never really 273 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:58,060 wanted to hide that, you know, I came out very quickly, you know, with that, because 274 00:22:58,060 --> 00:23:01,680 I wanted to be accountable, you know, and I figured the days of disappearing and all 275 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:07,920 that needs to go by the wayside. So very vocal, you know, to, you know, people to work for 276 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:13,320 me, colleagues, that I'm recovering alcoholic as a result, you know, men have come up to 277 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:18,840 me, you know, and I've tried to help them, you know, and, and it's not an excuse either, 278 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:24,320 you know, I've had to be very tough on people who worked for me at times when they haven't 279 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:28,940 gotten this thing, because it's not an excuse to miss work. It's not an excuse to not perform 280 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:35,560 and things like that, you know, and it's got, sometimes you have to be tough. So, so my 281 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,480 marriage is built on trust and it wasn't that way at the beginning. My wife called me, "Where 282 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,080 are you?" "Well, I'm at a meeting." "Really?" You know, and then once one week and she called 283 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:47,280 me, she's out of town, she called me, like, "I just had this dream that you're out drinking. 284 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:52,640 What's going on? You don't sound good." You know, that type of thing. So I, about two 285 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,080 years into this, I said, "I'll put this to bed." "I deserve it." You know, and listen, 286 00:23:56,080 --> 00:24:00,160 we make our bed. You know, how many times did I tell her I had been drinking, you know, 287 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,280 and I have been drinking, you know, and so you make your bed, you know, so I said, "I'm 288 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,840 going to put this to rest." "I'll do this one time." So this is the time you just tell 289 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:13,560 me, you got one card on this, I'll go to a lab and get tested. Easy deal, you know, and 290 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,960 she said, "I want you to get tested." I said, "One time." So I went and got tested and of 291 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:21,560 course I was clean and she didn't trust me like the very next day, you know, it still 292 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:26,400 took some time for her to really trust me, you know, but she does today, you know, she 293 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:31,700 does today. I've had family members in the program of AA, you know, my sister and I, 294 00:24:31,700 --> 00:24:36,280 so this is a good story, my sister, and this is, this is a great example of the program 295 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:42,540 of AA bringing family together. So when my sister was out drinking, well, it was miserable, 296 00:24:42,540 --> 00:24:49,080 she had two kids and I found out she was driving with those two kids in her car while drinking. 297 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:53,880 Now I'm a drinker too, you know, but to me, again, I haven't, at that point I didn't consider 298 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:58,980 myself an alcoholic, I was the guy that just drank. So I went through child protection 299 00:24:58,980 --> 00:25:06,960 services and I got custody of those two kids, you know, she hated me, she hated me. My father 300 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:11,400 disowned me, came to my house one day and said, "You're not my son, you know, the kids 301 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,500 belong with the mother, do what you got to do." You know, so I had those kids for two 302 00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:20,880 years and actually my drinking slowed down a little bit because I was very conscious 303 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,080 about, "You're not going to drink around those kids." So when I was able to, you know, when 304 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:29,560 my wife watched the kids or one of my sons watched the kids, I'd go out and drink and 305 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,440 I'll find a, "Hey, I'm not going to be around them," but I was still drinking. After two 306 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,960 years, she came to the rooms of AA, she got sobriety, she worked the system like she should, 307 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,560 and I was able to happily give those two kids back to her. Today, my sister and I are very 308 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,800 close and how many times over the years has she thanked me for what I did? Unfortunately, 309 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:51,520 my father had a heart attack and passed away. We never really closed that bomb, you know, 310 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:57,200 was just unfortunate. I remember when my father passed away, I went to his wake drunk, went 311 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,840 to his funeral drunk, it was another service, I'd have been drunk. I remember when my mom 312 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,120 passed away and I was in the program with AA, she had cancer, it took two years for 313 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:13,000 her to pass. I was the sibling that was in the area. I remember going to her chemo meetings, 314 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:17,640 her doctor meetings, holding her hand for two years, being able to say everything I 315 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:22,460 needed to say to her and to say my goodbyes. That's the joy of Alcoholics Anonymous, because 316 00:26:22,460 --> 00:26:26,480 without Alcoholics Anonymous, that never would have happened. So there are so many rewards 317 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,900 here and the big book spells out rewards, but there are so many rewards as a direct 318 00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:36,440 result of us getting sober. My life today is, you know, it's not, it's not glamorous. 319 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,760 You may say it's not very exciting, you know, but I tell you it's fulfilling. You know, 320 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:44,500 I have a wife, great relationship with her. As I mentioned, very trusting. I'm retired. 321 00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:48,900 I hang out with some guys, you know, I go to meetings, you know, I play a lot of golf, 322 00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:54,440 you know, et cetera. It's a great life. It's a life that I never thought through the chaos 323 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,480 of my drinking that I could ever have, you know, cause when you brought me in, when I 324 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:03,200 was drinking, it was a tornado, just a tornado. You know, we all have our drunkalocks. So, 325 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:07,980 you know, I owe everything to the program of AA. I owe everything to the guys in my 326 00:27:07,980 --> 00:27:12,040 home group. These guys would do anything for me. Just like I would do anything for them. 327 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:17,280 And we have over the years, you know, um, this program has made me, you know, a better 328 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:22,980 when I was working a better colleague, a better boss, you know, a much better boss, a better 329 00:27:22,980 --> 00:27:28,040 husband, better friend, just a better member of society. And let me just say, before we 330 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:33,080 end this again, I'll go back to, I am so far from being perfect. I have my bad days and 331 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:38,480 my good days. I have my days. I go off, you know, but the difference is most of the time 332 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:43,240 I catch myself and most of the time I can become a better person. A lot of times I can 333 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:48,040 apologize for my actions. This is a guy that when he goes to the store and sees a person 334 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,880 struggling, putting groceries in a car, goes and asks if you'd be assistance. There's a 335 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:57,280 guy on a plane when an older lady has to try to get her luggage up and nobody's helping 336 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,340 here. It was out of his way saying, ma'am, do you need some help? That's what the program 337 00:28:00,340 --> 00:28:05,760 of AA does for us. You know, I love it. I really, again, thank you so much for letting 338 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:10,440 me share. It's such a great deal. Again, for newcomers, I wish you had this crystal ball. 339 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,760 You could just like have this glimpse, but this journey is about you, right? You're going 340 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:17,720 to have to find out for yourselves what this journey is about. I tell you, my experience 341 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,960 says firms of AA, anything is possible. Anything. Thanks for letting me share.