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 My name's Amy and I'm an alcoholic, and thank you so much for having me here.

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 I'm packing my Halloween costume tonight.

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 I got a mask and cape out in the car and, you know, fun night ahead.

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 You know, my sobriety day is October 11th, 1995.

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 I got sober when I was 24 years old, and I just celebrated 27 years of sobriety this

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 month, and I'm so grateful that I got sober when I did.

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 You know, I've always had this thought that, in hindsight, I was so young when I got sobered

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 up and, you know, I've had this thought for a long time that if I didn't get sober when

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 I did, I probably would have had a whole different life, a not so good life, or I may have died

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 out there.

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 And, you know, making that decision at 24 was a turning point in my entire life, you

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 know, because I went in a different direction.

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 I pretty much grew up in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm so grateful for that experience

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 today because, you know, I don't come from an educated family, and, you know, it's because

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 of the people in Alcoholics Anonymous that I have the life that I have today.

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 You know, I was told by our old timers where I had sobered up, my home group is the Pacific

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 group, but I sobered up in a little club in Covina called the 502 Club, and, you know,

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 a lot of good old timers around me all the time, and, you know, they would say things

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 to me like, "Amy, I think you need to register for school," or, you know, "Amy, did you fill

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 out those forms?"

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 And because that's how irresponsible and unthinking I was back then, you know, I had

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 to be constantly followed up on, and I'm so grateful that, you know, for their patience

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 and their kindness and have so much gratitude for the result of their suggestions, and because

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 I have this amazing wife today, you know, I don't talk about drinking a lot because

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 my thought is that, well, we all know how to drink and we know how to do other things

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 too, and we know how to get in trouble, and, you know, we need to learn how to stay sober

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 in Alcoholics Anonymous and live that life, but I could tell you what my bottom was like.

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 I weighed 90 pounds, 24 years old, and I weighed 90 pounds, and I was not a vision for you,

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 and I was doing a lot of other things out there.

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 I was doing drugs, obviously, because I was so skinny, and I was, you know, I was going

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 through the motions of getting drunk and high one night, and it stopped working for me.

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 I couldn't get drunk and I couldn't get high, and I've heard this just a few times in the

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 rooms over the last 27 years because it just stopped working, I didn't get high, and I

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 didn't get drunk.

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 You know, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about this.

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 It's called "The Jumping Off Place."

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 We can't imagine life with alcohol, and we can't imagine life without alcohol, and that's

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 where I was at 24 years old, and at 24 years old, I was married, and my husband and I were

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 doing the same thing, and well, needless to say, we didn't have a really good marriage

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 either, and it was a totally alcoholic marriage, and that marriage didn't last because of alcohol,

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 and I was watching my friends at that time go off and have these amazing lives.

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 They would get married, and they would have kids, and they would buy a house, and I just

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 didn't know how to get there, and I knew something was wrong with me because I couldn't achieve

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 normal things like that.

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 I couldn't even achieve going to school, and so, full flight from reality, full flight

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 from reality, right?

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 As it says in the doc, full flight, and I remember making the decision to use drugs

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 and alcohol because I didn't want to feel a single feeling, and I drank for so long

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 just not wanting to feel, and today, I feel just about everything, and I'm so grateful,

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 good or bad, I'm grateful for that, and when I was newly sober, I was a very inquisitive

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 kid at 24, I would ask the old-timers around me, I said, "How does this thing work?"

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 I thought there was some cliff notes to this program or some shortcut that I can get from

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 A to B and get sober and be happy, and it just didn't work like that, but I asked them,

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 "How does this thing work?"

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 They would tell me things like I needed to get a sponsor, and I needed to work the steps,

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 and I needed to do certain things to obtain emotional sobriety, and at that point in my

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 life, I was just at my wits end, and the day I got, I haven't relapsed since then, and I

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 really don't know what that feels like, and I don't want to find out because at 24 years

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 old and weighing 90 pounds, I was knocking on a desk door at 24, and I didn't even know

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 I was dying.

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 That's full flight from reality.

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 I didn't even know that that wasn't normal to weigh 90 pounds, and it wasn't healthy

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 either, and so I just stayed in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I got to do Life on Life's

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 Term in Alcoholics Anonymous with the help of a lot of people in my life, and I've done

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 pretty much everything sober, just a couple things.

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 I haven't gotten married sober yet, but the old timers, they still say, "You need to

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 just stay single," but I don't know, whatever.

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 It's just not God's will for me right now, and I get that question, "How does this

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 thing work?"

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 And I got to do a lot of service in Alcoholics Anonymous through the years, lots of service,

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 and I think that's what I'm going to talk about a little bit tonight because I kept

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 asking that question for years.

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 How does this thing work?

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 And it's just kind of a baffling question in my mind, and how does this thing work?

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 I take direction from people that I was told to go to school.

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 Alcoholics Anonymous gave me two business degrees.

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 I think I might be doing something right.

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 Alcoholics Anonymous gave me a business.

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 I think I might be doing something right, but I learned how to do these things.

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 I've learned how to follow direction in Alcoholics Anonymous by the commitments I hope held in

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 Alcoholics Anonymous.

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 Every time I wanted a new commitment, I would ask how that works, and it just kind of became

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 an ongoing joke where I got sober because I wanted to know how it works.

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 That means I wanted the commitment, and so whenever they would just railroad me into

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 some commitment, but I had no idea what I was doing, and I learned a lot of life skills

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 doing that.

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 I mean, in a secretary's position, you learn how to manage people and have relationships

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 with people and different personalities, and I learned that stuff here in Alcoholics Anonymous

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 in the rooms, and I learned how to pay my bills here.

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 When I got sober, I had no money, and I slept on my mom's couch while I sobered up, and

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 I graduated from my mom's couch to my own place eventually, and that's part of having

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 a life beyond my wildest dreams right there, having my own place.

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 I got really involved in general service some years ago, and I'm not going to talk about

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 that because it bores a lot of people, but I'm going to tell you how it affected my life.

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 Because I've asked how it works so many times, and I got railroaded into so many commitments,

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 so I've gone a long way in general service, and I keep asking, "How does this thing work?"

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 And a couple years before the pandemic, I was traveling a lot, and in Alcoholics Anonymous,

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 I traveled the whole state of California in general service, and I got to meet our staff

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 in New York, which was totally amazing to me because they told me how it worked in three

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 days.

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 It took them three days to fully explain how this thing worked, which was a total epiphany

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 to me, and I'm like, "Okay."

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 And so what I take from what I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I implement it in

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 my life.

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 I'm an adult in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I've spent my whole adult life sober.

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 And so I take the skills that I learned in the rooms, and I put it in my life.

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 And today I currently serve as an Area 5 officer, and that just happened this month, too.

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 And it's just something I worked myself into, and it's a gift, and I'm very grateful for

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 that because I'm going to learn something new now.

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 I also asked a lot of people when they go out, I asked them why they go out.

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 It's been a 27-year investigation for me because I asked that to everyone who goes out, and

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 no one's had a good enough reason for me to go out.

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 I mean, they say I went out because my girlfriend dumped me or my boyfriend dumped me, or the

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 bottom line is we went out because you were an alcoholic, and that's the only reason why

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 we drink is because we're alcoholics.

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 And I got a girl that I was sponsoring that has no time right now, and we had an epiphany

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 about a week ago together on the phone, and we found out that even though it's legally

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 sold over the counter, like alcohol, it doesn't make it safe.

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 Just because it's legal, it doesn't make it healthy or natural.

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 That was her reasoning for drinking is that it's legal, and we're addicts and alcoholics

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 here, and I can tell you, I could abuse the crap out of a coupon at a store because I'm

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 an alcoholic.

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 And I still have some of that ism in me that's part of my addiction.

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 And even stopping smoking sober, I stopped smoking about eight years ago, and that was

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 the biggest turning point in my sobriety, because it was probably the most mature thing

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 I could have done for myself, because out in the world, it's not acceptable to smoke

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 in most places anymore.

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 And well, here's me when I'm going out to lunch with the CFO of the company, I'm thinking

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 about where I could have my next smoke.

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 I mean, that's addictive thinking.

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 Rather than enjoying her lunch with Ed Lynch, I want to know where I could have a smoke.

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 I mean, that's just, you know, you know, addictive thinking right there, sober, you know, sober.

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 And just because we're sober doesn't mean we're well people either.

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 You know, and, you know, I've had so many companies sober, you know, I could totally

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 see myself and feel every just about anything today.

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 You know, I know when my mom's upset before she even calls me and because that's how well

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 I know my mom today, you know, and I'm like, I would, you know, I talked to her this morning,

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 I says, I know you're upset.

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 And that's why I'm calling.

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 And so how do you know this?

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 And I just know today when you know, intuitive, intuitive thoughts, you know, intuitive thoughts

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 for granted with intuitive thoughts today.

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 And and but so you know, it's been a long journey growing up in alcohol synonymous and

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 you know, I've gotten I got divorced sober, I didn't have to drink over that my my husband

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 who I drank with, he, you know, six years of sobriety, when I was six years sober, he

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 thought it was okay to drink near beer.

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 And what says right on the bottle, it's clear as day, it says non alcoholic beer.

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 Okay, we are alcoholics.

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 So that beer is not for us.

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 And that's that is, that is the way I read that when I saw that in my refrigerator.

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 And I'm so glad I read it that way because he wanted me to drink with him again, you

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 know, but at six years of sobriety, you know, I was, you know, wanting to wanting to live

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 a different way, you know, I had a different program enough recovering me to know that

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 non alcoholic beer means that it's not for me, it's for non alcoholic, you know, not

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 an alcoholic like myself, you know, and that's just, you know, the thinking I had at that

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 period in my sobriety.

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 And so I'm so glad I thought that way, because I could tell you now that my my ex husband

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 who we are, you know, we divorce am equally and alcoholics anonymous, no lawyers, we just

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 signed some papers and split, you know, what belongings we had and and but we are friends

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 today.

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 And I could tell you that he is on his fourth marriage right now.

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 And he only has 10 years of sobriety and we got sober at the same time.

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 And I have 27 years of sobriety now because I knew at six years of sobriety that near

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 beer that said non alcoholic beer on it was not for me.

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 And so you know, I saved myself years of drinking years of pain being married to him and and

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 because I read it that way and but we are friends today because of this program and

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 you know, I he he reached out to me not too long ago and you know, he told me I him and

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 his wife came back to me and and thank me because I saved their marriage because you

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 know, he was having the same problems with her that he had with me and like, this is

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 why we didn't get along and this is the why we have to remain friends and this is why

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 we cannot communicate as long as you're married and because I was hurting his wife by even,

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 you know, talking with him, you know, and so, you know, I'm glad that I could, you know,

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 see those things today and have relationships, you know, in uncomfortable situations with

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 people and I'm calling, you know, he had calling him a friend from afar because even though

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 we're friends, I've asked him not to communicate and just so he can have a happy marriage.

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 So it's all good to me, you know, and so I get to learn these lessons and alcoholics

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 anonymous because I listened to your stories and I've learned from you and you know, I

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00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:11,800
 could tell a couple years my dad couple years ago, my dad passed away and that was, you

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00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:17,080
 know, a big aha moment for me because, you know, my parents are divorced and I had to

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 figure that thing out.

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 I had to plan his funeral and well, my dad was a Vietnam vet and so I called somebody

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 in the program that was a Vietnam vet and I got to give him the burial that he wanted

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 because I didn't know how to, you know, access that and you know, it's because, you know,

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 and so now my dad got to have, you know, his funeral the way he wanted because of alcoholics

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 anonymous, you know, and because I called somebody and, you know, you know, here I am,

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 you know, two, three years later and my mom is terminal right now and I'm about to become

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 an orphan and I'm okay with that because I have you guys and I've accepted that and she

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00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:09,920
 hasn't really accepted her death yet but I have, you know, and, you know, it probably

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 happened within the next, you know, six months to a year and I get to be a good daughter

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 today.

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 I travel so much that, you know, I cannot take her to her appointments with her doctor

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 but I can call her, you know, as often as I can and, you know, try to make her feel

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 good about herself and, you know, I told her, you know, I keep repeating myself to her the

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 same things that you guys have told me but I tell her that she doesn't have to worry

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 about me today because I have you guys and she doesn't owe me anything and just think

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 about herself and not to buy me anything on my birthday or on Christmas because she needs

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 to take care of herself, you know, she's given me her whole life, you know, she owes me nothing

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 and, you know, and I owe it to her to be available to her, you know, and, you know, tables have

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 turned in my family, you know, where I'm, you know, making these decisions for my parents,

200
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 my mom, you know, she has, you know, old age elements and her memory is not the greatest

201
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 and so now I'm making decisions for her, you know, and she trusts me to do that and it's

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 because of you guys and Alcoholics Anonymous.

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 So I do life today, I'm life's terms in Alcoholics Anonymous, I get to travel a lot because of

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 me having my own business and my business was a result of working the concepts in my

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 life and that's through, you know, if you go through those concepts on the wall, that

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 is exactly how our, how Alcoholics Anonymous runs on a business level and not too many

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 people, they're kind of like, you have to have a sponsor to help you through that, you

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 really do and so, you know, that is how a business runs on a business level and when

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 I started my business, I did it very alcoholically, I had no business plan, I had no budget, I

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 had, you know, money to start a business, I started overnight and it was just an idea

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 I had and but, you know, as I was going along with my business, I'm like, I need a business

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 plan, you know, and I went, I have two degrees in business and I know this, you know, but

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 I did it alcoholically and so that, you know, I put that as my business plan in my business

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 until I figured, you know, one out and I have one now and, you know, and but, you know,

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 the point is, I'm living those concepts today in Alcoholics Anonymous in general service

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 and I'm living those concepts in my life today and the results of that is a business love

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 and I would say a new perspective on Alcoholics Anonymous, I have a sponsor and a grand sponsor,

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 my sponsor is Pala Partin and my grand sponsor is Polypistol and they're both in another

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 state and so I use a lot of people around me in Alcoholics Anonymous for the day to

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 day stuff, I will not call my sponsor, like people in my home group know more about me,

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 I think, than my sponsor now, you know, and which is okay and, you know, and so I get,

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 you know, I learned from a lot of you in Alcoholics Anonymous because my sponsors are in a, my

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 sponsors are in a different state, I don't get to go hang out with her in a meeting ever,

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 you know, I get to see her in about a couple of weeks, I get to see her two or three times

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 a year but, you know, I don't get to, you know, I have to use my friends in Alcoholics

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 Anonymous, they used to use fellowship and I can tell you my phone rings all day long

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 with you guys calling me and I love that because I'm going crazy in my business most days and

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 if I stop for five to ten minutes and I talk to somebody in Alcoholics Anonymous, I come

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 back down to earth where I belong, you know, it's just kind of mellow and, and, you know,

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 I like, I like that and so, you know, there's another thing that's really in the background

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 in my life and I like to share about this because it is a message, it's my brother's

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 story, my brother was diagnosed a couple years ago with about 20% of his heart left and that's

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 because he's active and out in his disease today and, you know, today sober I'm watching

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 my brother die of alcoholism and I watched, I used to drink with my brother when we were,

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 you know, teenagers, we did the teenage thing together and, you know, and he never stopped,

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 he never stopped and he never grew up either, he, I could say he, you know, he trusts me,

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 you know, my mom but, you know, I, he used to be a really smart guy, you know, back in

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 the day and now most of his brain is gone and he's just kind of there and he has 20%

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 of his heart left and, and I have to watch that today and he, you know, he's, he's just

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 a couple years older than I am, I'm 53 years old, I'm 52 and he's 54 and he's dying of

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 alcoholism and that's what, um, the drugs and the alcohol does to your body over a long

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 period of time, they disintegrate your organs and, you know, and if he, I don't expect him,

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 you know, I expect him to expect to be alone in my family, you know, very soon and I have

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 to accept that today but I'm okay with that today because I have alcohol, it's anonymous

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 in my life, I have a lot of people around me, I have, even when I walk into a room like

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 this, you know, I, it's like you have instant friends, I've never been to this meeting but

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 I feel like I belong here and I'm so grateful that that's in my life today, um, you know,

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 I got, uh, I don't know, I've just, uh, I, I've, I've had a, a big financial lesson over

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 the last year and I got into, um, a timeshare, um, situation thinking that I could afford

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 that and it turns out that I can afford that and, you know, now I'm selling that timeshare

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 and I'm going, you know, crazy because it's in another country and so, you know, even

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 sober, you know, these are the decisions I make, you know, but, you know, you could always

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 sell it and that's okay, it's all, you know, it's a lot of, I don't, I don't make any decisions

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 that aren't reversible right now and because I have so much going on in my life and, and

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 that's what I've been taught too, if you're making decisions, you know, make them so they're

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 not reversible, you know, I can get a, I can move out of my place anytime I want, I rent,

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 I can move out, you know, I could sell that timeshare, I could, you know, do, you know,

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 because it's, I make reversible decisions today and, and which keeps me very safe. Um,

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 and so, so much gratitude this month. Um, I've been, um, going, I've been on the birthday

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 train all month. Um, I've been going everywhere in Alcoholics Anonymous and, um, I've had,

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 um, so much love and so much, um, affection around me, um, this month that I am overwhelmed

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 with gratitude. Um, I, uh, I don't know, I think I'm just getting a loss for words here

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 too. And, and I've, I've shared, I've shared a great deal about it. You know, I want to

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 tell you the reason why I don't share a lot about my drinking is because I had a head

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 injury when I was at my disease. And I don't remember most of it. I really don't. And,

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 you know, um, and that's why I need to go to a lot of meetings, um, because every once

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 in a while, some newcomers will get up here and they will say something, just something

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 they did, you know, and, and, um, and it brings back that little part of my memory. And cause

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 there's a lot of it. I don't remember. And, and that's, you know, I only have sober memories

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 today, which I just totally baffles me, you know, because, you know, I listened to a lot

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 of people's drunk logs and, and I can't do that up here. I have to talk about recovery.

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 I have to talk about service. I have to talk about what's going on in my life today. Um,

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 just because I had a head injury when I was in my disease and I don't remember any of

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 it. I mean, that's 24 years of my life that I don't remember. And so, you know, alcohol

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 and drugs took 24 years of my life away from me that I have no memory of. I remember I

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 was, you know, standing in the park with my family this last Easter Easter. And my, my

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 little cousin had this little car and it brought back a memory of my brother when I was small.

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 This little car did, cause it was the same kind of car and things like that, um, get,

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 get, you know, get my memory moving today. But, um, what happened, my head, how my head

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 injury happened was, um, I, uh, I decided to move in with a person, a man that was not

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 so nice to me and he hit me and he hit me in my head so hard that I lost my hearing

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 and my right ear. And that's where my alcoholism takes me as places.

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 And you know, because of that decision in my drinking, I don't have a memory of most

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 of my life. And, you know, I was there too, you know, I, I made the decision to stay there,

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 you know, that's my part in it, but you know, I didn't know what I was moving into at that

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 age. You know, I was pretty young when I did that. And so that's why, um, that happened

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 in my drinking. And, you know, I, I'm always there for, um, women that are, are, are suffering

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 from domestic abuse today, because that is a part of my life today. And, um, I'm, I remembered

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 that happening, but I don't remember anything else. And, um, you know, I had this experience

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 a few years ago and it's something that happens when you're in general service, you get a

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 good look back on your past. And that was one of the things that was shown to me, um,

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 because this person that hit me, um, passed away and I was contacted, um, by my old drinking

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 friends invited to his funeral and I didn't go and I'm like, that would not have been

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 a good choice. You know, my drug dealer contacted me. Yeah. And so I'm like, you know, I'm a

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 sober woman in alcohol synonymous today, and I don't need to go there today, you know,

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 but just that phone conversation and a few of my people in my past, um, came back into

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 my life and, um, I got a good look back on certain things that happened in my past, even

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 though I don't remember, you know, I had, you know, you know, there is only one person

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 from my past that's in my life today is, um, another man has as much stuff as right as

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 I do. We drank together and I could tell you, um, in that experience, he was there and he

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 was telling me the truth about what's going on with this group of people. And I walked

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 away and, um, I'm so grateful that, you know, he was in my, my life before that happened.

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 And so, um, anyways, I'm so grateful to be sober today. I'm so grateful for my life today.

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 I'm grateful for all the service that I get to do in alcohol synonymous. Cause you know,

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 I've, you pray for God's will and eventually you get there. I think that's God's will for

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 me today. And, um, thank you so much for having me.

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 Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight.