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 and let me get some things out of the way. My sobriety date is April 1st, 1994. My sponsor is

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 Michael S. My home group is the Rule 62 Men Stag in Glendale every Saturday morning at 9 30 a.m.

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 and I have a guide about understanding and those are important things for me especially the

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 sobriety date. I was told when I was new to get one and try not to change it but then fortunately

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 for me I didn't I never had to but I did bounce around AA for about taking a chip or raise my hand

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 um I never really had a sobriety day I was just court ordered in and I was just trying

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 to get my court card signed and until until I had one last drunk you know one last demoralizing

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 situation in my life and that's when I actually decided to get a sobriety date and get a sponsor

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 and work with the program. You know I come from a a middle class dysfunctional family you know

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 nothing special my dad was a was grew up in a violent alcoholic household and he wasn't a

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 bad dad but he was one that probably had the ism he wasn't a drinker per se but he had the ism and

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 he was one that could have used 12 steps in his life but he did a good job he did the best job

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 you could raise him myself and my sister and now I know when I was a kid you know sometimes it just

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 didn't feel like I always fit in with everybody and I had uh I was a shy kid I had some self-esteem

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 issues and uh you know and then as I started to get into my teens in my early adulthood I the

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 anger and started to manifest in my life in a way that was not good um I probably got drunk for the

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 very first time when I was 13 being a bunch of friends raided someone's one of the parents liquor

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 cabinet we drank and I got violently ill and uh next day I'm like man I'm not doing that again

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 and it was a week later when the guy said hey let's do that again I said okay I was down for it

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 but you know even though that that the first time it was just a awful experience but in the

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 process of taking that first drink until I got violently ill something clicked you know I felt

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 something and then you know we did it again and once again I got pretty sick and and I really

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 really didn't touch alcohol that much until I was 16 and I got my driver's license and then from then

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 on I pretty much drank regularly until I got sober I remember the first time I ever drove a car on my

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 own with no parent supervision me and my buddies were out on Friday night we'd go down to the local

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 miniature golf and hanging out arcades and and uh we score some beer we're drinking and I remember

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 getting pulled over that very first time for speeding and we had open containers I was under

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 the influence but the cop just wanted to give me a ticket so he sent me in my way and that was the

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 story of my my life that I got sober is most of the time I was driving drunk I was driving with

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 alcohol in my system alcohol in my hand and for me to go from a to b I always had some kind of

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 alcohol and uh I'm an individual between 21 and 29 I got four duis you know and um a couple drunken

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 publics I wrecked the car and you know never ever thought about stop drinking you know and every

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 time I would get all these issues with alcohol they would always send me to alcohol synonymous

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 and I know one thing when I first walked in the meeting of alcohol synonymous I mean I was in

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 terror you know and and I remember the first time I had to come in with my court guard I sat down

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 throw it in the basket excuse myself to use the restroom and then when I heard the meeting was

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 overcame I got my card left signed the rest of it and I was on my way you know and um you know as

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 I was drinking at you know through my teens and everything uh problems were to the minimum um

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 except for with my my dad because uh my drinking started to be known in the house and he was

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 starting to get a little agitated with uh you know me showing up at god knows what hour and you know

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 most of the time when I was coming home at one two three in the morning I was drunk and he wasn't

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 digging on that so um you know I started having issues with my dad with drinking and then started

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 become issues with friends and work and the drinking started to cause problems more problems

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 in my life and um you know but never did I ever think that drinking was the problem you know

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 because alcohol was a necessity in my life you know it was something that I needed to have was

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 something I was taught I was thinking about it was always in my mind where I was going to drink

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 I had no money who I know who had money who can I get drinks off of you know and either I was in

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 the process of drinking or in the process of coming to and being hung over alcohol was a most common

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 thread in my life and um where I almost wrecked my car for the second time and I bounced off a

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 guardrail that was guarding a cliff you know and and I was just lucky that the guardrail didn't

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 give out you know it was coming in the same that I could run over and you know the next day I

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 realized what was going on and check out the car and I went up to that same spot where I bounced

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 up to the guardrail and I looked over and you know then I went out and hooked up with my friends and

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 got drunk again you know it was those kind of experiences that didn't matter you know I really

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 didn't care and you know probably because um you know somewhere in my late teens early early 20s

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 I got to the point where you know I just I just didn't care you know life was not life I was more

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 existing and as as I got later in my teens I I drank a lot with the idea that you know maybe

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 if I'm lucky if I'm driving somewhere and I go on a blackout I in abutment or something and that's

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 it because I think the last five years of my drinking uh suicide was always on my mind because

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 I just didn't like being alive because I was tormented by like walking outside and seeing

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 everyone happy you know and I wasn't a happy guy I was an angry resentful and and I I had a very

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 poor quality of life and I needed I I couldn't live on my own because I didn't know how to take

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 a paycheck and go pay bills I take a paycheck I cash and on the way home oh there's a bar and

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 you know I don't know how to budget my money I drink and then as long as I have money I could

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 drink you know and my sister's always short this month and this and that and so I was my life was

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 extremely unmanageable when I drank and I remember um I was getting to a point where uh things were

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 getting really really bad in my life and I was just got my my fourth DUI and I go to court and

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 I didn't think that no it and I had a public defender and all of a sudden they're talking

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 about putting me in jail for a year and I was like whoa you know for because I never really had any

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 real consequences on my first three DUIs they always seem to land right after a three-year

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 period and and this one was not the same and I you know I was confused because now all I do is

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 drink and go a to b when I drink I get restless and I go a to b so I went to um somehow I I went

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 to all these different lawyers and they all want all this big money I had no money I'm a 29 year

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 old guy who uh didn't have a bank account didn't have a driver's license didn't have car insurance

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 um I had a I had a social security card the only thing that really proved that I existed you know

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 and somehow I run across this guy and I was able to get money from my dad and he didn't even cost

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 much at all and I was a little surprised but we go to court and go to court we keep going to court

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 keep going to court and then finally the last time we go to court you know my lawyer and DA and the

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 judge go in the chambers they send me out to the hallway I remember sitting this long cold hallway

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 in a hard wooden bench I remember sitting there talking to God telling him let it end now I'll

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 do whatever it takes let it end now and I don't know if I was talking about my drinking and how

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 I was living my life or this court case but all I know is they didn't throw me in jail for a year

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 they did something more severe than that and they ended up giving me 240 a meetings and then a year

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 looked good to me oh my god you're in jail two four because the a meetings just didn't sit well

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 with me and what I come to figure out when I got sober that the reason why I was so afraid and so

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 uncomfortable is because deep down inside I probably understood that I am an alcoholic but

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 I never wanted to say I was an alcoholic and when I got out of court that day um I went I did

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 something that I surprised me I got home when I opened the phone book just smartphones weren't

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 there yet and in the front in the white pages it said alcohol synonymous I called the am number uh

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 no it wasn't the valley central office it was la central office but you know forgive me for not

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 calling the right one and um they told me about a meeting and I went to a meeting and I approached

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 this little small storefront and everyone was having fun and laughing and everything and I was

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 just shaking and there was a chair right by the door and I sat down and get the meeting started

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 and they say anyone here and there for the first time the first 30 days and God put up my hand and

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 I I stuttered and and thought back to tears just my name you know I'm an alcoholic and I'd like to

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 say that hey I'm not there and I never drank again that wasn't it that day for the next six months I

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 bounced in and out because that was only when I was you know I was a teenager and I drank all

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 the time and I got introduced to pot and somewhere down the road after a year or so I had a bad

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 experience with pot and I never touched it again and then in my early 20s someone introduced me to

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 cocaine and I was doing cocaine drinking I had a bad experience with cocaine I never touched again

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 yet all these incidents with alcohol I never thought about don't touch that alcohol you know

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 because it was it was something that I just needed it was like breathing drinking was like breathing

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 for me and um I remember I was uh doing other things um instead of going to jail they they

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 gave me the opportunity to uh clean the streets and freeways of Southern California so I was doing that

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 every every weekend uh as an inmate I had to go check into the county and they released me to go

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 and do my weekends and I remember the last very first Friday I didn't have to go and work in the

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 morning to go clean the freeways I had friends calling me hey we're going to this bar no no I'm

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 not drinking and I kept on saying I'm not gonna drink I'm not gonna drink and I end up with I end

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 up go meeting them and as soon as I walked from the door I didn't even hesitate I walked past them

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 treated the bartender asked for a picture and a shot another shot and I went back to the table

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 with them and next thing you know it I am coming to on the guy's couch I don't know what happened

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 they're laughing at me they're telling me my night what happened and that Saturday I've been going to

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 this one meeting in Glendale it was a beginner's workshop it's only meeting in Glendale I I could

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 find that didn't have a break a lot of meetings in Glendale are an hour and a half and they got

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 this 15-minute break and all these people want to come up to you say hey how you doing here's my

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 number call me and so I found a meeting where I didn't get it correct so I showed up to this

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 meeting and and there's only six people there I'm like oh this is not gonna be good and everyone

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 shares and we got 15 minutes and the room looks at me and someone said would you like to share

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 and I said uh my name is Neil not caller I don't 24 hours and right after that meeting I asked the

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 lady who was in charge which I couldn't find that they were secretary if I could do something she

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 had me come back next week a few chips and I talked to this guy up to the meeting I said I

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 don't know what I'm doing what what am what am I supposed to do he said get a sponsor I said what

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 I do that he goes it's a men's tag and Thursday nights go there that's where you'll find a sponsor

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 and find a sponsor I got a big book and I work some steps and you know I like to tell you that

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 my life was just a bed of roses I was happy joy some free but I wasn't pushed forward in a half

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 years I I was not drinking and I had commitments and I work steps and I was not happy yet my life

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 wasn't all that great you know I was like you know is this the best it can be you know I'm like

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 you know this this the sober thing is not all what it's perfect to me and I remember when that

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 court case they they told me for seven years I cannot have any mind mood altering chemicals

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 alcohol or others in my system and four and a half years and I'm looking at the counter I go I got

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 another 19 months until I get past that and instead of waiting the 19 months and start drinking again

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 I did I did a couple things that were instrumental in my growth and sobriety I got a commitment at

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 central office answering phones I found a meeting Tuesday night and all they did is go through the

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 12 steps and 12 and 12 all we did is read the 12 steps it constantly and I started to put my hand

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 at the newcomers and I started working with others and that's when I started to understand sort of

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 what's going on and I started to be a part of AA I started being in the middle of the herd instead

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 of the four and a half years of being on the edges of AA and no wonder I was unhappy and and my

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 quality of life wasn't very good because I wasn't really doing anything no not that quality of life

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 my personal not no sense you know and um you know that's when you know in the also certain book

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 intensive work with non-alcoholic and share my sobriety doesn't say that exactly that I'm

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 paraphrasing but that's what I started to do and then my life started to change you know and

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 I started to be happy and I started enjoying sobriety and I started to wake up with gratitude

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 from not every single day but I was grateful and from a guy who was a very selfish self-centered

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 self-serving person when I drank you know you could not rely on me because hey can you come

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 help oh yeah no problem then if I would go drink that night I would never show up you know my dad

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 would always count on me to be there here or show up on time I never would because you know I was

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 coming to I was didn't know where I was I had to figure out you know where the car was and do all

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 that so I wasn't a responsible person and I was very selfish and self-centered but then as I

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 started doing working with others I started to understand that you know being of services gets me

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 ahead of me you know I started to be selfless you know in a way and um that's when that's when I

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 really started to like myself and that's one of the reasons why I was so unhappy because I wasn't

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 a different person I was the same guy for the most part without drinking and then down down another

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 10 years I was somewhere 17 years sobriety and my dad had passed and I had um had this friendship

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 that I met with when he was in the air and that friendship blew up and I lost my job and and

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 thinking about drinking and I remember walking out of my apartment going downstairs half a block ways

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 at 7-eleven I bought alcohol and I come back and I and I was down and determined to get drunk and

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 put the key in the door and I turned it and as I walked in I for whatever reason I put the beer

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 in the fridge I went in my bedroom and I started reading the big book I started writing some stuff

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 I prayed I went to bed and you know I started looking at my life you know I worked with others

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 and I could take a few steps but I was really wasn't flying steps in my life especially six and

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 seven I wasn't living clean you know and and that's what I had to do I had to look at some

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 of the meetings that were going to and some and and how I was building my relationship with God

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 and I started to work on praying in a way that I was really connecting with God I wouldn't say hey

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 papa you know just because you know they say pray and I just do it you know but I wasn't really

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 praying I wasn't really you know giving myself and really accepting God back and then my life

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 started changing again you know and and you know I I took I was off about a year and a half without

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 a job and I got back in the workforce and sponsoring again and then grateful to be sober

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 you know and I started to um I started to apply these principles in my life I started to really

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 work on being me and and really work on doing God's will and and really focusing on the character

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 defects and and the ones especially cause problems in my life because you know it was always through

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 my sobriety I would be doing something and I'd be happy now sudden boom for 30 seconds I would just

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 go into a rage and then then I would know be normal again and you know I just didn't understand

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 why couldn't figure it out you know and the more I worked on six and seven and then it was suggested

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 to maybe there was other avenues I should do and I did I went out and got some help and I worked on

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 some things and the biggest resentment on my list was my dad and I made my men's in him and through

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 my sobriety our relationship was still rocky until the last five or six years and our relationship

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 started to get really really good because that's when I really figured out that I worked the steps

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 I change he doesn't work except he doesn't change so I started to accept the man for who he was

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 and I kept on working on me and we had the best relationship his last five years even to where

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 last year of his life he got sick and he got to the point where you know he couldn't tie knots

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 you know he lost a lot of weight he couldn't wear rings because his fingers are so skinny and I used

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 that to pick them up and put them and if I didn't find these stages in my sobriety where I was able

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 to find more growth and how to figure out how to really work this program to where really God

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 manifests through me and I'm able to be the person I want to be you know I would have missed out on

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 being there for my dad when he when my mom really needed me and after he passed I spent the first

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 year every weekend with my mom I would commute to her house and spend the whole all the weekend with

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 her and that was my living amends to my mom who I lost in 2020 and that was a hard thing too times

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 God worked I was able to walk through it with grace and dignity you know I wasn't feeling all

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 this pain and sorrow and take it out on people and this and that I was able to be you know a good

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 good person I was able to be me you know and that's that's this program that that works and

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 it works only if I work it in and it's a God that works only if I let in and and the only way I let

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 them is I build a relationship and get to know them better and I truly I mean I I feel a God

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 conscious all the time I wake up and and I connect and connect again sometimes I'm like I connect 10

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 times in a day if I have to because you know I'm not a perfect person and I like to pull back and

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 self will run right but you know I'm I'm learning I'm a work in progress I'm in April 29 and and

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 you know and even then I'll even today I'm working products and as long as I can stay in that in that

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 frame of mind that when I wake up today I'm gonna learn something new about how to be a better

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 person how or learn more about who I am and learn more about how to apply this to my life you know

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 then I'm in good shape I get to the day where I got this figured out then I'm in I'm in I'm in bad

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 bad shape you know and I like that I like that idea that you know I'm a work in progress I was

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 told that when I got here I had to be teachable and I'm still teaching you know and and where I

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 get a lot of the lessons from and where I learn the most from is when I work with others I mean

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 they're the best teachers in my life when I got new guys or just someone I'm working steps with

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 and we're doing whether it be a big book 12 and 12 there's a few of the books I use that are

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 very step oriented and that's where I learn the most from the guys I work with you know and you

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 know that's that's the thing I enjoy more I love going to meetings and I hear people share about

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 what's going on and I get to identify you know that's where I can meet people to work with but

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 there's nothing better than that one-on-one you know just like Bill and Bob sit at the kitchen

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 table that is the just the best when it comes to being so it's working that one-on-one with that

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 person you know and uh I'm glad I was never a big oh yeah let me go hurry up and go sponsor

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 my sponsor was pushing me out there at one year's over I'm like no no no I resisted it for for years

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 um because I was afraid I was what if I tell them the wrong thing what do I do the wrong you know I

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 got all you know I was just afraid I didn't know you know and that was the problem because I didn't

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 know once I started getting into the to the steps in the 12 and 12 then that step study I started

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 to understand and then I was like okay let me put my hand out too because now I started to feel

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 confident that you know I I might know a little bit more than the guy helped because prior to that

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 I didn't think I knew that much you know because I know but the only thing I did right was don't

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 drink one day at a time you know that's what they told me no matter what don't drink no matter

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 you know and and in that time where I where I wanted to drink and I bought that beer and I put

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 it in the fridge all I remember is two three weeks later I'm looking in the fridge for something to

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 eat I see this bag in the back of the fridge oh I thought it was leftover Chinese food I pulled out

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 it was that beer I totally forgot it was there it's been sitting in that fridge for and that's

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 how it is when I do this program right that stuff doesn't doesn't bother me it doesn't it's not you

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 know going into the grocery store in the quickest way get to the cheese go to the liquor aisle I do

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 that you know um I believe what it talks about in the big book about on page 101 where the guy runs

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 up to the iceland you know because he can't deal without he's hiding from alcohol but then here

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 comes the eskimo knocking on ziggler you know looking to get him drunk you know and I read that

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 story and that that tells me that you know I can't hide from it you know I just got to have power

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 greater myself you know alcohol was the greatest power in my life until I got sober and I found a

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 guy that was more powerful than alcohol you know and that's that's the other thing I I enjoyed this

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 guy you know I never didn't think there was a guy I just didn't think he was there and when I needed

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 god it was only when it was served me oh there's lights in the back oh god please get me out of

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 this one oh god please you know I put the mans that's not there for me to put the mans that's

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 there for me to ask what I can do you know and that's what I learned you know and that selfish

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 self-centered guy is not that self selfish I mean it runs through me but you know I give it to god I

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 get connected and I like not worrying about me my problems which I have but you know I just you know

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 I just rather focus on other things and you know I do the footwork to get my problems resolved

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 whether they resolve in the way I want it to or they just resolve the way god wants them to you

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 know and I don't know what your idea is about AA and being sober but um if you're like me and

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 you're not sure and you're a little afraid and no I don't want to give up my alcohol my drugs my

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 my best friend you know don't be afraid you know buy into it jump in the deep end feet first and

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 just do what the other people do that's what I found out you know if you do what this person does

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 and and they seem to be living life right then I do that you know and that's today you know I hear

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 someone say hey I do this you you you you seem pretty solid sobriety let me go try that and I

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 do like oh this guy you know he's on something this works you know and and that's the thing you

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 know it's it's an ever evolving uh thing with my sobriety about how to implement what is written

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 in that big book and put it to use in my life and that's the key thing a lot of people can

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 quote chapter and verse page and paragraph about something but yet they don't know how

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 to apply it to the life to make it work in theirs stay so you know and that's not about being smart

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 about how to quote it's about understanding how to apply it that's the whole thing it's a basic text

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 you know it's I'm in the school of sober lip you know that's what I'm in I'm in the school of sober

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 living how to live sober because it wasn't alcohol that was I was the biggest problem in my life and

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 I had I didn't have the skills and the tools to live out there in this world because I was

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 overwhelmed but alcoholic anonymous the 12 steps in the guide of understanding and most importantly

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 the people in the a helped me develop tools because I remember when I got here I was like

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 guy who was living in a cave for 29 years I had no social skills I used to sit with guys after a

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 meeting they talk and I was it's like watching a tennis match you know he says he says and they

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 ask me I say yes no yes no maybe I remember the first time I had a whole sentence I had like eight

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 words in the sentence and they're looking at me like whoa hey you're getting the hang of it here

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 you know I had to learn how to be sociable you know I was a person who didn't like people you

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 know people here who who regardless of my demeanor or my roughness or my lack of social skills they

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 invited me places they brought me in and made me feel a part of and that's that's big because

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 prior to that I wasn't getting invited places I mean there was several years where where I wasn't

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 welcomed at my parents house for holidays because it's a problem you know don't know how who's going

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 to show up happy and the right person shows up we don't know who's going to leave especially

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 if there's alcohol you know and the behavior was a big problem too but uh you know today I had a

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 good day today I behaved and I let god work and I look at my men's day we fellowshiped up for

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 and and I just it was a good day and I had this company you know I keep looking at the screen

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 through my wife was logging in but I guess she's heard me enough she rather go to bed early than

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 me talk about whatever and you know even this traffic that I hit I was like oh man I'm gonna

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 be late I never I'm never late but you know I got here right when I get supposed to get here so now

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 I know one thing about uh alcoholics now they have a hard time stopping and with that I'm gonna say

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 thank you and god bless