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 I want to thank my good friends, Johnny and Elaine, for coming to us tonight. Good friends

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 of ours. My beautiful wife, Joy, for putting up with my nonsense for all these years. But

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 what an honor and a privilege it is to be in your meeting. Quality of life. Okie dokie.

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 We did that, I thought somebody was quacking. Doesn't it feel like a family, like a church

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 Thanksgiving meal or a Christmas in here? I really love this. I walk into a meeting,

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 I see coffee, I see chairs, I see literature, I see a secretary, I see people greeting me

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 out there. I feel safe. I feel safe. I'm blessed. My sobriety date, February 28th of the year

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 2001. I just celebrated 22 years, thank you Lord. And that's thanks to AA. That has nothing

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 to do, I did the work, but it taught me how to do it. I want to welcome the new folks

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 that are in here and say welcome home. Apparently you're not having the greatest year of your

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 life right now if you're coming in here. So what I said when I got here many, many years

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 ago that it's come to this. All these happy people. You're insane. You guys do realize

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 they're not going to drink and party anymore, right? And they're all happy. I couldn't get

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 that when I got in here, man. I was like you guys have got to be out of your minds. I have

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 a sponsor, Steve Watson. I have a home group, Pacific group. I listen to that sponsor, which

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 is more important than anything. I sponsor guys. I try and pass this gift on to other

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 folks. And I'm a lucky man that I get to do that. So I'll get into a story. Hello, zoom

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 landers. How are you folks? Must be comfortable to be at home, but we're glad you're here.

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 And Elizabeth, thank you for your share very, very much. I could relate to a lot of things

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 you were talking about and I thank you for your, for your share. Okay, folks, my job,

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 when I, when I'm asked to do this, this is my, my bottom line. My, my, my prayer is that

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 you identify with something I say tonight, some emotion, some, something that you can

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 relate to and that you make another meeting. That's what I pray for. That's really what

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 I'm here for because my story is my story. It's not your story. It's not your journey.

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 This is my journey. This is what happened, what it's like and what it's like today. And

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 so I hope that you continue your journey in here and you, and you get a good life. Like

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 I had, like a lot of folks in here, you know, or else we wouldn't be here, you know? Okay.

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 So born in Los Angeles, the youngest of three brothers in an alcoholic company. And what

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 does that mean? It means I was the fastest. That's all it means. Cause when you have two

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 older brothers, I don't know if there's any younger siblings here that I got beat on quite

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 a bit. And so when you learn to be fast, so you don't get beat on so much. And that's,

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 that's, that's, I think something to brag about. I got to be fast. Both parents, we

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 didn't know it was a night. I was born in 1960. I'm 62 years old. I'll be 63 in a couple

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 of weeks. Um, in the 1960s, uh, my parents, we didn't, there was no talk of alcoholism

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 or alcoholic behavior or, you know, why do my parents drink so much? And my father was

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 a bar drinker and my mother was a red, a red mountain, but a couple of older folks in here

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 can remember the red mountain. It's wine came in a big jug with a hook on it and 99 cents

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 for a gallon of wine. And I don't think a great 50 miles within that bottle. But my

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 mother would drink that every day. She would put her little glasses at the kitchen table

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 and she would drink that and she would wait for my father to get home from the bars. And

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 that was normal. I liked it. My dad would come home, he'd be drunk and happy and there

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 ain't nothing better than a happy dad cause you can probably, you know, get some money

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 off of him or at least he's in a good mood. Well, my mother didn't have the same feeling

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 about that. So they constantly were at each other's, you know, we watched a lot of violence

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 in that house and that's, you know, that's just, that was our house. There was no talk

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 about going to AA. There was no talk about alcoholism. There was just, you dealt with

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 it and that's, you just kind of stay out of the way. Hence why it was so fast. I remember,

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 it's funny now, but it was kind of scary back then when you're a five year old kid watching

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 your mom and dad go at it. And I mean toe to toe, my mom was, couldn't have been five

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 to my dad was five nine and my mom, she could, she could handle her own man. There is no

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 doubt about it. It came to a head in 1965 and five years old. Me and my brothers are

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 at the kitchen table. We're having dinner. My mother's pacing in front of the front door,

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 waiting for my father to get home from the bar and she's not looking too happy like usual,

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 but we're just trying to get the food down before the action starts. And a father walks

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 in, what's up? I'm home. And we're, we're like, Oh, I did something. And she's like,

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 where you been? And instantly within, within two minutes, they're going to add, I mean,

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 hands on punch in. And apparently my dad had had just about enough of it. So he grabbed

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 her from the back of the shirt and the back of the pants and he threw her out the front

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 window, right at the front window. And we're like, we're trying to get the food down before

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 anything else is going on. And he comes in and he's like, eh, he goes into the kitchen

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 and we're like, Oh my God, mom. So we all, me and my two brothers run over the window

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 and look, we're looking down. We can't see her. We're looking up to see where she's at.

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 She's gone like, Oh, and my father walks back in the front room and he says, kids, back

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 to the cake table and finish your dinner. So we're just finishing our dinner. So he

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 looks out the window, he looks down, he looks up and that'll teach her, right? So he walks

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 back in the kitchen and we hear a bong and we're like, well, there ain't no big clock

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 in the kitchen. So we walk into the kitchen and she knocked him out with a frying pan.

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 Just binged him out. He was out loud on the floor. Unbelievably. They got divorced. And

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 so they split up. We ended up going to my father in Baldwin Hills and my mother moved

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 to long beach and we're basically the survivors of an alcoholic family. That's, I mean, we

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 can, I can tell you a whole bunch of unfortunate stories between the two, but they basically,

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 and I love my dad. My dad was an all state, all city baseball football player. He was

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 my hero, you know, and I still, I thought that for many, many years, alcoholism just

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 didn't come into it. You know, with me and my oldest brother basically raised my middle

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 brother and me, he just kind of kept us out of the, out of that kind of unfortunate family

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 style and that life. And we survived. We are survivors of an alcoholic family. There's

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 a lot of people in here or maybe some of you are in here that are a part of that have lived

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 part of that. That doesn't make me an alcoholic at all. Not at all. It says it in the book.

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 What makes me an alcoholic? That big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is my story.

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 The official person of Alcoholics Anonymous is the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. We'll

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 get into that later, but right now we don't know anything about that. So we move in with

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 my dad. He's a bar drinker. What that means from 1965 to 1968 is that he comes home about

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 every three days and he buys us groceries and then we don't see him for three days and

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 those groceries run out in about a day. So we learn to steal food from markets in the

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 liquor stores. And so once again, we're just survivors. Now this, once again, it's not

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 why I'm an alcoholic. It's just the life that we live. The wheels fell off. You can't have

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 that kind of life. I mean, every three or four days we have to go to the bar and find

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 my dad and say, Hey dude, we're hungry. And he just, you know, he goes out, right? So

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 I got really comfortable at the age of seven, eight, nine going into bars and just sitting

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 into patent leather seats and look at my dad. He's, you know, some of you are bar drinkers.

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 Any bar drinkers in here could relate to what I'm talking about. That mirror, that magic

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 mirror that we look at. And I saw my dad looking in that mirror on the bar and I was like,

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 what, what, what is it? And it just looked cool. He looked cool having his drink and

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 we're sitting in the, in the little booth and we're having our little Roy Rogers. But

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 I just looked at him going, God, what a cool dude. Right? Well, that doesn't last long.

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 Uh, he family services gets involved. We have to move out and go live with my mother who

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 moved to long beach. This is 19. I'm, I'm eight year, eight, nine years old and she's

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 well into her alcoholism because of her drinking and uh, she's got Srosa liver and so she's

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 in and out of hospitals and we're living with her for the next three years. And same thing.

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 She's in and out. She's having spinal taps and blood transfusions in the hospital for

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 three, four months at a time. Once again, we're living by ourselves. It's not a big

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 deal. Thank God. A park and recreation. I know a lot of guys in here grew up at park

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 and recreation played ball at the park and got us out of the house. My mom's in the hospital,

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 but you know, we, we kept going and we survived and, but unfortunately she didn't. And at

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 the age of 40 years old, she passed away from Srosa liver and I'm 11 years old and I'm wondering,

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 you know, what's up, why is, why would God take a mother from her kids? And it just doesn't

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 make sense to me. So, uh, she had an open casket and um, I'll never forget. This is

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 something that you just don't forget. When I go to her open casket at the age of 11,

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 um, I see the effects of what alcoholism built due to us and it's, there's gotta be some

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 people in here that have seen and have gone through similar things of when you see somebody

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 die of alcoholism, it's a painful, slow, rough, hard death. If you ask me, it just is. My

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 mother is discolored. It doesn't look like you're on staring at her inside the casket

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 cause I'm looking at her going, this is not my mother. Where is my mom? What are you trying

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 to pull on me here? Cause it doesn't look like her. It's the first effects of what alcoholism

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 does to her family. But yet I just go, nah, it's not that. I remember hearing her friends

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 go, poor Colleen, if she would just not drink, she'd be okay. You know, and I believe that.

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 I believe that, you know, she just needed to control her drinking. So we moved back

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 with my father in Santa Monica. He's still drinking the bars, but he's trying to get

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 his act together. You know, for a year he gets his act together and a year later I come

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 home from school and there's a padlock on her. You know, we moved from an apartment

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 to a motel room because my father's, he's just, he can't handle it. He's trying to be

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 a good dad, but he just can't do it. So I come home, there's a padlock on the door and

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 I'm sitting on the stool going, the stoop in front of our door going, what's going on?

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 So my dad comes home at six, six 30 like usual from the bar. Happy. Now look at my dad, what's

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 up? There's a padlock on the door, right? What's going on? He goes, Oh, hang on. Let

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 me go pay rent. So he goes to the car, he comes back, pops lock open with a crowbar.

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 He goes, son, rent's paid. That's my dad. So, and this is my year, you know, so at the

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 age of 13, I am, me and my brothers had to split up and we all went our separate ways

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 to family and friends. And by the time I'm 15, I'm on my own. I'm on my own. I'm not,

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 I'm not thinking, you know, this is normal. You know, at 15 years old, music, when you

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 grow up in the sixties, a lot of us, some of us grew up in the sixties, not young kids,

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 but there was a thing called, there's the Beatles. I remember watching the Beatles on

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 Ed Sullivan. I was a little kid and the Rolling Stones and, and then it went into, you know,

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 all kinds of music. Motown was one of my favorites. Motown was that you could dance to that stuff,

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 but music was my solution from the age of five to the age of 15. And then at the age

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 of 15, I'm, I'm, I moved in with my brother's apartment in Santa Monica and I have to stay

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 on his couch and you guys have heard of couch commitments. I'm like, I got a couch commitment

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 at 15. I'm not even drinking it. That is not right. It doesn't look good for me. So he's

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 drinking Budweiser's him and his friend were 18 years old and they were drinking Budweiser's

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 and I'm watching them and I remember drinking a beer at like 14. I hated it. You're nasty.

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 It didn't do anything for me, but it's incredible how when you need alcohol and you for us and

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 you drink it at the capacity we do, how it does take care of the problems. And at 15

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 music no longer became my solution to life drinking and beer. And like I said, Budweiser's

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 nasty, man. This is horrible. My opinion, my brother loves it, but I couldn't stand

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 it. Uh, but if you put enough of them down, it don't matter. I'm not thinking about my

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 mom not being there. I'm not thinking about my dad not being in my life. I'm not thinking

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 about why do all my friends have at least one parent and I got none. Why am I? Why,

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 why, why, why, why? You know, it's the alcoholic anthem, I think. Um, so I started drinking

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 and uh, this is, I'm, I'm sitting in Santa Monica and I'm going to the beach. I mean,

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 I loved it. I had my, I know parents, I had no, no responsibilities. I just had to work,

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 make some money, go to school. My oldest brother, he literally told me that cause he was a party

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 or two. Um, he literally told me, he goes, Johnny, I don't care what you do. And back

153
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 in those days, I mean, we, we, we did pill quaaludes and speed and all that other stuff

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 that we have out there that we use that some of us are used to using. And like I said,

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 for the new people in here, I don't care what you do. I don't care if you drink or do pills

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 or do heroin or do fentanyl and whatever it is. What I don't like is the way I feel when

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 I wake up. So I will put whatever I can in my system to change that feeling. That to

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 me is alcoholism and uh, and alcohol fixed me. Alcohol fixed me. I drank from 15 to 40,

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 25 years and I did, uh, let's see, here's the highlights of my reel. Um, let's see.

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 By the time I'm a 17 years old, uh, on 4th of July, no 16 a year later, it was the bicentennial

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 1976. Uh, me and three friends, uh, we steal 25 cases of beer from a local cafe on the

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 morning, early morning, the 4th of July. Cause we want to have fun on the 4th of July. And

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 uh, I can tell you, I drank, I think I drank about a case that day. If I remember, I don't

164
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 remember after about this third or fourth, uh, six pack, but uh, that's me at 17. Um,

165
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 let's see by 19. Um, I'm drinking so much beer that, you know, I'm going to the beach

166
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 body surfing and, and, and playing Frisbee and football and sports. I love sports. I

167
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 grew up playing sports and, uh, but the beer belly started showing up. And if you're at

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 the beach beer belly, the chickies don't dig the beer bellies. Well, some chicks do, and

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 that's fine with me. It doesn't matter to me that I didn't dig it. So I went to my drink

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 that I drank for many, many years, which was Bacardi and Coke. Any run drinkers in here?

171
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 Any run drinkers? Run, run, run. Come on. Here's a tidbit. If you throw a couple of

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 lines in there, you become international. That's Cooper library time. And that became

173
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 my drink for 20 years, 20 years. And, uh, I remember, uh, my 21st birthday, uh, once

174
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 I kind of skip over this, but I don't want to spend too much time on my drinking. Um,

175
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 um, I was going to bars at 19, uh, sneaking in because back then, if you had long hair,

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 I'd walk up to the bar bartender and I'd say, you know, double, double Bacardi Coke. And

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 if you tip good, they didn't care because they weren't really checking IDs back then.

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 And so I got 19 years old, I'm already in bars. So by 21, I'm getting taken out by the,

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 uh, I worked for, uh, Santa Monica bank, uh, and, uh, we go to a bar I've been frequently

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 for almost two years and the guys look at me, he goes, Hey, John, what's the big celebration

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 for? I go, man, I just turned 21. He goes, what? For two years, man. He goes, I could

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 have lost my license. Do I care? I don't know rats, but no, because I just want my alcohol.

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 So that's the guy. But anyway, um, all my friends are like, what do you want? And they're

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 lining drinks up for me. And what did they line up back then? Anybody who read onion

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 days? Anybody remember the red onion days? How about that? Huh? Dollar dollar, uh, long

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 Island ice tea night, Thursday night dollar. So they lined up 13, 13 long Island ice teas.

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 Guess how many I drank? 13. Do I remember? Uh, but they said I did. That was another

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 proud moment of my life. Um, I woke up about three days later, about three days later,

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 missed work. Didn't even call in. I remember coming in and out and just wanting more water,

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 waking up, getting water, going to the bathroom and passing out again. Three days later, I

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 knew something was wrong. Going to the doctors who was a friend of mine's dad who had been

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 watching me for many years and taking care of me. And I go into him if there was anything,

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 any problems. And he looked at me and he goes, John, let me ask you something. He goes, what

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 happened? I go like drink a couple of drinks. He goes, well, how many? He goes, you look

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 like you have alcohol poisoning. And I did. And he goes, he goes, you realize you could

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 have died. And I go, nah, see, I'm not like my mom. I'm not like my dad. I can handle

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 my alcohol because that's what we say because it's our solution, right? It is mine. And

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 he goes, well, let me break this down for you. You know, Slicko. Uh, he goes, what's

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 your drink of choice? I go Bacardi coke with two lines and he goes, well, let me tell you

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 the two lines are acid, the Coke sugar Bacardi sugar. He goes, I can tell that your esophagus

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 and your stomach line is deteriorating at a rapid rate. And if you keep this up, you

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 might not make 30. And I was like, can't be. So he goes, well, there it is. You can do

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 with that information, what you want. So I went home and like a smart alcoholic, what

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 did I do? We take out the lines because that's what's killing you. You know? So I kept drinking

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 Bacardi and Coke for the rest for the next 20 years. Stupid idiot. Um, so that's a 21.

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 That's what I'm doing at 21. Okay. Nothing happens except I start collecting DUIs. Anybody

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 DUI collectors in here? I have six, six. You don't want to get those in a row. That's really

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 bad. So you got to spread those out in a 20 year career like I did. And because I was

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 doing computer work, I had a lot of lawyer friends that used to, and back then mad, wasn't

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 mad at us. Uh, they are now and they, you know, they don't put up with that stuff anymore

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 because we are dangerous people. At least I am. Um, so I, uh, my first one was 21. I

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 got one at 27. I got another one at 31. I got another one at 35 and then I got, uh,

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 two more, two more in 97, three more. And, um, so at the age of 25, my father's doing

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 really bad. He's now, uh, my father now lives in the back of a bar. It's called the gas

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 light. Anybody know about gas light in Santa Monica? Gas light, man. I, I went there too.

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 My dad was famous there. Well, he's living in a car in the parking lot out back and I'm

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 feeling bad about him. So I said, dad, come into him, come live with me in my apartment.

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 I'll help you out. I'm in my evangelical, uh, trying to help him out with my spiritual

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 life of partying. And I tell him, you can't, you can't drink, but you can stay with me.

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 Uh, get your, try and get your life together. Cause I want him in my life. I'm thinking

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 about getting married. I want to have kids. I want him to have grandkids. I'm not going

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 to be a dad like him. I'm going to prove it to him. And I want him to see that you can

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 be a good dad and, and a good grandfather. Well, he wanted nothing to do with it and

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 he couldn't stop partying. And so, um, uh, he ended up having cancer. I had to take him

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 to the doctor at, this is in, uh, when I'm 25 years old and the doctor told him, well,

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 actually Kate, you took me aside. He goes, come here, John, I need to talk to you before

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 I speak to your dad. They did test on him and they go, your dad is dying. He's dying

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 from cancer of the throat and neck. And he's also dying from alcoholism. He goes, he's

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 a, what is he 50 back then? He was 50, I don't know, 52, 52 years old. And he goes, you need

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 to tell him to stop. And I go, me, you tell him to stop. He ain't gonna listen to me because

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 who do we listen to? I don't listen to anybody, but I think my dad's gonna listen to the doctor.

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 The doctor pulls him in and says, Al, uh, you do have cancer. We think we can keep that

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 at bay, but you've got to stop drinking. You're dying of alcoholism. And my dad and I'm sitting

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 right here, right? My dad's talking to the doctor right there and I'm sitting going,

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 come on, dad, straighten up. And my dad looked at this gentleman in the face and he said,

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 I don't care. I want to die. There's a couple of things in my life that I won't forget.

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 That's my mom and my dad saying that that's tough. That's a tough one. You ain't going

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 to forget that stuff, man. And so I'm pissed because now, now I know he doesn't give a

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 rat's ass about me or anything else. He just wants to drink himself to death. Kind of father

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 would want to do that. An alcoholic father would want to do that because we don't, he

241
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 doesn't have a solution. He doesn't have this program and that's a heartbreaking thing.

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 So two years later, I get married. I have an instant daughter who I adore to this day.

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 I get married to my first wife and I'm getting married because I'm going to be a different

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 dad. I'm getting married because problems are starting to be obvious. I'm getting married

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 because I think I can do this. I think it's going to fix my alcoholic problem. It doesn't.

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 Anybody use that excuse to get married? I did. And it did not work out just like Elizabeth

247
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 was talking about. You know, in a couple of years I have another son when I'm 29 years

248
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 old because I think that's going to fix it. That doesn't fix it. By the age of 31 I have

249
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 to leave because we're putting hands on each other now because she can't put up with my

250
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 drinking and I can't put up with her because it's her fault. And now the kid's fault that

251
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 I can't go out and have fun all the time. And that's the kind of father I turned out

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 to because the apple does not far too far from the tree guys. It just doesn't. When

253
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 alcoholic families, I've seen they say that the alcoholic is a family issue. It really

254
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 is. It absolutely is. But, but more importantly, now that I've been here for a period of time,

255
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 alcoholic recovery is much more important. It can happen. It can happen. So 31, we get

256
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 divorced. I'm on my own. My father, I remember when my father passed, I had to, I had to

257
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 close his eyes. I had to go in there and drink a half a bottle of Jack Daniels just to let

258
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 him know how I felt. And there's another, there's a, so I've seen both of my parents

259
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 die from this disease and yet not once did I ever think that I'd have this problem. Never

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 once did I think that alcohol was my issue. It was my solution. It is what makes me feel

261
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 good. It can't be why I'm getting DUIs or losing employment opportunities or I've lost

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 my family. I've given those two kids away because it's just people just, the cops are

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 after me and everybody's treating me bad cause that's what, you know, it's always poor me

264
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 for alcoholics. It's never my fault. It's always somebody else's fault. That's something

265
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 I found out when I did the steps, you know, that it's, it's been me the whole time. So

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 blah, blah, blah, blah, more DUIs. I'm in front of a judge at the age of, let's see,

267
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 1997. I'm 37 years old. I'm in front of a judge after my sixth DUI. Here's a quick story.

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 So I get a call from my brother, my 37th birthday, and he says, Jonno, cousin Nancy passed away

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 from drugs and alcohol. She was 43. And so I don't have a license. I don't have insurance,

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 but what am I going to do? I told them, my oldest brother said, you know what? We need

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 to celebrate her life because I need to go out even though I'm not supposed to be driving

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 and going out because I just got my, my fifth DUI two months ahead of that. So I go, I'm

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 going to, I'm going to go down to main street in Santa Monica and I'm going to celebrate

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 her life. So I get my car, I go down there and I drank, I think 20 drinks in two hours

275
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 and I started heading to the marina back to the red onion cause that's the hot spot and

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 I get pulled over by a motorcycle cop and I know that the end is, is not good because

277
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 I'm loaded. I am. I am. I know it's the end of times. So he pulls me over and he's a motorcycle

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 cop and he's got, he looks like the Terminator cop, you know, the motorcycle cop, the helmet.

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 And I just got, here's the keys, dude. Here's my wallet. I'm not going to be needing these

280
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 anymore, but you can have them. I'm just going to mosey on down the road here. It's, it's,

281
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 it's December 23rd, two days before Christmas. And the only thing I'm thinking about is my

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 kids are not going to see me on Christmas. I can't let this happen. He'll understand

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 if I tell him, I go, Mike, my cousin passed away and, and I'm, he's having me blown into

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 a breathalyzer. I blew a two, two, a point, a point, two, two. And he's like, no, he goes,

285
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 I'm here to keep people like you off the streets. He goes, you're a menace to society cause

286
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 he's, he's looking at, he's heard about my record and I'm like, well, that's not very

287
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 nice. You're not, you're not very sympathetic to my plight. So I kind of made a decision

288
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 right then and there. And I said, oh my God, look at that over there. And yes, he did.

289
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 He looked and when he looked back, he was like, where'd that little son of a bitch go?

290
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 Jesus, I was gone. Took off cause I'm a fast alcoholic. Remember I told you about that.

291
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 I got away. I actually got away. Helicopter, you know, the cartoons, people when you're

292
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 crawling under the little characters are crawling. That was the under cars, under bushes. I got

293
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 away, but I was a fugitive. So I had to turn myself in 30 days later after moving out of

294
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 my apartment after saying goodbye to the kids and the ex and this and saying, I'll be back.

295
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,860
 Well, yeah, I did a year in county jail for that. You're in county jail and you think

296
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 I'd learn. I didn't, you know, I didn't learn. Um, 2001, three probation violations on top

297
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 of those 60 wise I've in front of the same judge and they're not, they don't like that.

298
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 They just little tidbit. They don't like to see him five times in two years. He goes,

299
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 the DA wants you in Chino state prison for two years. And I don't see why not because

300
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 my, my filing is thick. It's not good. And I tell, I look at that. I go, your honor,

301
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 I go, I think I'm an alcoholic and he, this is just what I'm saying. He's reading the,

302
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 you're not paying child support. You're now doing drugs and alcohol and I said that he

303
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 popped his head up and he put his glasses down and he goes, you're kidding me. I didn't

304
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,780
 think that was very nice. Just admitted I was an alcoholic. The hardest thing I've ever

305
00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:05,460
 had to do in my life. You know, for 25 years I've been, I've been telling everybody I'm

306
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 not an alcoholic. This guy and I'll be dinged if I didn't get my moment of clarity and my

307
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:14,600
 moment of grace. Another one, cause it's not the only one I've received. I've received

308
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 hundreds of grace periods. I just, I get better and then I go back to my, my solution, which

309
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 is, you know, it's killing me. So he lets me go to recovery home February 28th of 2001.

310
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 I'm in there and I had a choice. Do I want my kids to feel like I do and not have a dad

311
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 around parent around or do I have an opportunity to change this thing around? Well, I came

312
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:40,780
 into here and I saw all you happy people and I was like, this is not good. This is bad.

313
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 But what happened was that changed my life because I came to the intersection of willingness

314
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 and desperation folks. I had been traveling up desperation road for many years. I finally

315
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 stopped off at the, at the corner of willingness and I took a look and they told me, you had

316
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 a sponsor, do these steps, get that book and apply those steps in your life and your life

317
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 will change like ours. And I kept, I'm not the sharpest tool, not the dullest tool on

318
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 that tool shed, but I'll tell you what, I started watching around and you guys were

319
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 laughing like you guys were doing there earlier and having fun. And I was like, wait, you're

320
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:15,300
 either crazy or something's going on here. And so the first year my, my sponsor said,

321
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 get involved, be of service. You've got a sponsor. We're going to do the steps, make

322
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 something your home group. This meeting can be your home group, get a commitment at that

323
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 home group, be of service. And just for a little while. And I, and I, I dove in because

324
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 in four months I got my apartment back. My kids started coming back into my life. I started

325
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:36,320
 paying those bills off and I'm telling you, I had some serious lawyer bills and spousals,

326
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 everything. And I said, well, I heard that it helps you get paid these bills off. Yeah,

327
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:45,000
 that's why I'm in here. So the sponsor stuff, does that mean I get a check every month?

328
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 I start paying these bills off on time. And my sponsor looked at me, he goes, no, you

329
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 idiot. He goes, no, we'll teach you how to become a productive member of society. And

330
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 I go, well, what about being a father? I don't have, I don't have good experience with that.

331
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,800
 You know, my dad was never around. He goes, the men in Alcoholics Anonymous will teach

332
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,880
 you how to be a good father. Oh, what about, you know, working? Well, they'll teach you

333
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:09,760
 how to be a good employee and I'll be damned. They did. And it did. I got involved. I went

334
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 to meetings. I made meetings. I got commitments at all those meetings and I took it serious.

335
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:19,040
 And I found out that, yeah, you know what? If I keep doing this, this program became

336
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:24,760
 my solution. I don't have to use drugs and alcohol anymore to feel good. And yes, is

337
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,680
 you've taken the only thing I've known for 25 years away. What am I supposed to do to

338
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:34,040
 replace that? And what was it for just a commitment for five minutes? I do that commitment and

339
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:38,600
 guess what? I feel good. Young man greeted me at the parking lot when I came in here

340
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:42,120
 today. It's not much, but I'll tell you what. Thank you very much. Cause I wouldn't have

341
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:46,640
 known where to park person who made coffee. Thank you for making me the coffee. Perfect.

342
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:51,340
 Thank you for inviting me and letting me share my story. This is my story. It might not be

343
00:25:51,340 --> 00:25:56,520
 your story, but here's, here's, here's the whole thing. You have an opportunity to change

344
00:25:56,520 --> 00:26:01,360
 your life. Do you want to do it? Are you desperate enough? And are you willing enough to do it?

345
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:05,040
 Because it's free. That's a buck or two in the basket. When you can afford it. I was

346
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:09,720
 spending a hundred, $200 a night in bars. Are you kidding me? This is cheap. I put $5

347
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:13,920
 in the basket every time. Now I still save like, I don't know, $80 a month and I got

348
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:18,680
 a free life and I got it. And in that life, those kids came back and I got a business.

349
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:23,300
 I've been doing computer business for 30 years now, something like that. I've been in computers

350
00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:27,640
 for 40 years. I've had my own business. I met this beautiful young lady four years into

351
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,020
 my sobriety and I'll tell you what she's the biggest gift sobriety could have brought me.

352
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 She is a spiritual loving kind human being who who's made my life full. We try to have

353
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 some kids that didn't work out two times. We lost pregnancies. That was tough. She lost

354
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 her father. That was tough. She lost, she's lost her aunt. She's she just recently lost

355
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:50,200
 her mother. We go through things when you're sober. Doesn't mean I got to go out there

356
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:55,960
 and trash my life up again, man. Today it's more important for me to realize that I have

357
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 a chance to go through anything in life. Even those memories of my mother's image and my

358
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:05,480
 father's image and all the, all the damage that's happened to me when I was a kid and

359
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:10,000
 I was alone in those homes. Bad things happen to kids when, when you're alone. And it happened

360
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:13,920
 to me too. And you know what? That's not why I'm an alcoholic. I know I'm an alcoholic

361
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:18,800
 because I love alcohol. And when I drink alcohol, I drink it excessively. And I can't stop that

362
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,880
 first drink. That's just a warm up. When I used to go to bars, anybody like this, you

363
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,800
 go into bars. I nodded the guy. He'd have my double Bacardi and Coke waiting for me

364
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:33,800
 at the bar. I'm already feeling good before I drink. That is an alcoholic. Ask any normie

365
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,240
 out there. Hey, do you feel good? But before you have the actual drink, they're like, what

366
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:41,520
 are you talking about? Are you crazy? That's not a normal thing. And that was for me. I

367
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 don't know about you guys, but I don't care what you're doing. You're dope or your skills.

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 If you know you're on your way there and it's making you feel good. You got a problem. You

369
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 got a problem because it's already right. I'm not lying. I'm not lying. Zoomers. What

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 a life I have. We've been married 19 years together, 20. And we, we have a home. We have,

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 we are respected members of the society. My kids are my life. My son is doing good. My

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 daughter is doing good. They're not like me because they've seen, but the most important

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 thing is if they ever had a problem, they would know where to go because you guys have

374
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 taught me that it's safe here. They're safe here. If you're here and you're new, this

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 is your opportunity to change your life. And, and it works. If it didn't work, we wouldn't

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 be here. I wouldn't be here if it didn't work. And I've tried everything in those 25 years

377
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 to get a new solution. Alcoholics Anonymous is the only solution that works in my 22 years

378
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 for people like us. It'll work for me. It'll work for you. So unending, I like to end with

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 my favorite sand for my favorite singer, Bruce Springsteen. Don't judge me. I believe in

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 the love that you gave me. I believe in a faith that can save me. I believe and I hope

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 and I pray that we continue our journey in Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank you for my life.