- My name is Demetrius, I'm an alcoholic.
- Hi Demetrius, we need to get you home.
- That's all right.
- So I'm grateful to be here.
I'm grateful to be in a meeting.
Sorry I didn't hear as fast as early
as I normally would like to.
You know, I'm blessed to have had a full day of the day.
My life is completely different
than it was when I came to you guys
on February the 7th, 1989.
Last February I celebrated 34 years of continuous sobriety
and when I got to you folks, I was a mess.
You know, I was 22 years old and I was lost.
I was absolutely hopeless.
I'm also a proud member of a home group.
It's the Bell Fly Big Book Group.
We meet on Monday nights, city of Bell Fly, we're at 7.30.
You guys are all welcome.
My family come visit and I'm actively sponsored
by the dynamite sponsors, famous Johnny H.
He loves this program, he loves newcomers,
he's enthusiastic about it.
At our Thursday night meeting, it's a step in tradition
and he did a recap of the 12 traditions last Thursday
and then it was, like Memphis said,
just gave you a whole new outlook on Alcoholics Anonymous
in this program and obligation to this program as members.
And I'm so, so grateful for those three things.
My beautiful girlfriend over there, Donna,
I wanna thank her for, she just always supported me
and lifted me up and, you know, I'm grateful to have her
and she's like, doesn't hesitate.
She's like, "Sure babe, I wanna go."
And I'm like, "Nate, are you sure?"
Like, every time she says, "Yeah, I wanna go."
I'm like, "Why?"
(laughing)
She sends me a Zoom link and she's speaking
and she's writing my house and speaking in my living room
and I go in the bedroom and went to sleep.
I'm like, "I'm selfish."
I wanna thank Karen, right?
Yeah, for inviting me to come and share.
And I was taught to share with you guys in a general way
what it was, oh, the Zoom people,
and welcome the new people.
Really, really welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous.
You know, I hope you know that you stumbled upon a solution.
And if you be alcoholic,
based on my experience over the last 34 years,
I mean, this is the only thing that I know that works
for a continual period of time.
The answer is here, man.
This program will give you the relief
that you always saw in a dream.
And I was taught to share in a general way
what it was like, what happened in life.
Who's the guy sitting up there?
Who am I, you know?
Like, you guys are expecting like,
"Man, he's really doing it now, man."
You know, we're all human beings, you know?
So me, in my natural state, I'm restless,
I'm fearful, I'm discontented.
You know, I'm the guy that's always looking for action.
I love excitement, you know?
Wanting to be happy, you know, noisier, the better.
Favorite part of the meeting are birthdays, you know,
'cause we get rambunctious and everybody sings
and claps and, you know, acts out.
And that's me in my natural state.
And this program of Alcoholics Anonymous
has been a program of self-discovery,
and I appreciate that about this program.
So I was raised by my mom.
She got married early, had my sister and I.
My father went off to prison.
My mom was left raising my sister and I.
And I'm the kid that's always demanding
and seeking your attention.
You know, I'm that kid that's like,
"Mom, my momma, look at me, I'm always in your face,
trying to impress you, do something."
You know, I always want you to say, "Great job."
If I do something that's just normal, I wanna permeate.
And my sister, she's just that kid
that just does everything right, you know?
My mom would say, you know, we have a babysitter,
she would go to work in the morning,
and this babysitter would walk us to school.
We'd walk ourselves home.
This is elementary school, and we were supposed to come home.
We lived in this apartment building,
and babysitter was across the pool
in this apartment building in LA.
And we were the last key kids.
We'd come home, we were supposed to change our clothes,
do your homework, and then you could go play.
And literally, I remember it being rain and day
and puddle jumping on the way home.
My sister's just avoiding all the puddles
'cause they were school clothes.
And you never could go out and play in your school clothes.
And I'm the kid, like, we get to the gate,
my sister's like, "Come on, let's go inside.
"You gotta change, do your homework."
I'm like, "I'll be right there."
You know, and I got a popsicle stick,
and I'm letting it go down the guard.
I'm outside playing.
That's me in the natural.
And my sister, she's just that kid
that just always does right, you know?
My mom, she met a beautiful man.
That's my parent, and there we got married.
I love this town called Cerritos.
Two step-brothers, step-sister, and my sister,
this new step-father, you know, was living in me,
which was my step-father's home.
It was completely nothing like I'd ever seen.
And I didn't fit in in this family.
And my sister just, just I think did.
Like, it was perfect, you know, she was happy.
And I'm gonna tell you guys about the first time I drank
to wrap it up, you know.
My uncle, who has always been there for me my entire life,
he was that father's brother.
That man that always stepped up.
Like, it's just, you know, that figure in your life
that's just gonna show you what it's like
to become a man, a leader, you know,
the guy that teaches you responsibilities.
And my uncle started taking me camping
from a very, very young age.
I was probably 11 or 12, and he took me up to Yosemite,
where I had been several times.
And I brought my little buddy, Andrew,
the first day we were there.
I had a great time on this country skiing.
And that night, I'm sitting there,
laying in the bed, thinking about snowshoe hiking
the next day, 'cause my uncle always had our trips planned.
He'd be gone for five days.
He knew exactly what we were gonna do.
He knew every trail we were gonna hike,
every lake we would see, every waterfall we were gonna visit.
Everything's, you know, coordinated and planned.
And that's the type of man he is.
And I'm laying there with my buddy, Andrew.
He's restless, just like me.
He gets up, he leaves, and he comes back
to the little room we were standing in.
He has a three-letter jug of Tyrolian wine.
I was at Yosemite with my favorite uncle.
Man, I adored him in my life.
He had just gotten married to my aunt.
And they're still married to this day.
And I was not thinking about drinking.
I was not thinking about doing anything to spoil this trip.
And when Andrew came back with his jug of Tyrolian wine,
I was powerless, you know.
And as soon as he came in the room,
I grabbed the jug, and I'm like, man, I'm excited.
I romanced it.
I put it between my legs.
I'm looking at it, you know.
I tap the top, I pour himself, pour myself some.
He drinks one, I drink another.
And then we do that two or three times.
And the next thing, and it was to me
after I take a couple of sips, is, you know,
I get a little bit too excited.
And I always wanted to be a cool guy, really.
Just like this cool boy, be a little drunk, a little faded.
Everybody loved him.
But every time I drank, every time I went out,
I always went out with the best intentions.
I knew what girls I was gonna talk to,
what I was gonna wear, who I was gonna hang out with.
As soon as I start drinking, you know,
I'm like, what's that guy looking at?
You know, oh, she ain't even trying to talk to me.
And the next thing you know, I want to, you know,
start something, and that's the guy that I was all the time.
And this time in particular, we went out,
and I got a six-pack of tall cans of Budweiser.
People would leave their booze in the snow
outside of their tents, and took it.
We drank one beer piece, and I went out,
and Yosemite, I started vandalizing people's things,
and slashing people's ties, and people's pants.
So from the first time I drank, I got drunk.
From the first time I got drunk, I got arrested.
That very first time that I got arrested,
I knew what it was like to get the looks
from the people that loved and adored you,
those looks like, how could you, you know,
I'm a disappointment.
And from that age forward,
I started to carry this attitude with me,
this attitude of like, what?
Like, it's my life.
And any time I did something that I was ashamed of,
or I fell short, or I didn't measure it,
and my mom, or my dad, or my aunts,
or even my brothers and sisters
questioned me about my behavior,
always looked at them right in their face,
and said, like, what?
It's more like, what?
Like, what's the problem?
And that's the attitude that I adopted
from like, 12 years old.
The stepfather of mine was a principal in my high school,
and will you give me like a 10 minute, okay?
And then he was a principal at my high school,
and by the time I was a senior in high school,
my attitude, and my incorrigible nature,
my disrespect had gotten me kicked off of everything.
I was this kid that was just lost, you know?
And I started hanging out with these stoners,
these partiers.
All we did was drink and party all the time.
Luckily, I made it out of high school,
and all my brothers and sisters had graduated
right from high school, and went to college.
The baby, and to myself, and what I know,
and what I truly believe is I'm just a disappointment.
You know, like, I don't measure well, I'm just good at it.
And this was 1985, and if you know anything about the '80s,
it was on a bracket, you know?
It's a show on TV, it's called "Snowfall."
The '80s was just, it was different, right?
And I wanna tell you guys that I was raised absolutely right.
Everybody in my family has a college degree,
and parents have advanced those degrees.
You know, I was taught all right for more.
You know, morals and race with spiritual values.
And I'm the guy that is out all night, you know,
rippin' and runnin', you know, tryin' to jump dope dealers,
and partin' all night, and chased by the cops.
When it was all said and done, you know,
I'm this guy that's absolutely homeless,
that was livin' in Santa Ana.
My parents had dropped me off.
This is after I had my first stent in a treatment.
Well, I was introduced to you guys in '86,
and I went to a place called Sierra Tucson.
That's it, you know.
I went there, not believing that, 19, almost 20,
and I'm an alcoholic.
I was like, no way.
Like, this is, but I knew I had issues,
and I needed some help, and I went and didn't stay sober,
and I came back home to California.
And I'm gonna tell you, you know,
I started doin' things that I couldn't imagine
that I would do.
You know, I started out selling drugs for an organization
that was a real drug organization,
and after that, it didn't work.
You know, I started lovin' and doin' no good,
and after that, it didn't work out.
My parents gave me a shot to live with them.
By now, they're livin' in Lake Forest,
and I beat that, and my mom dropped her baby off
at the YMCA in Santa Ana,
and she paid my rent for three weeks, or whatever it was.
And then you got this little room with just a bandana.
That's all it was, you know, a 20-year-old kid,
and I'm livin' at the YMCA,
and it's just like the dope kid, you know,
an alcoholic dope kid.
And by the time I get kicked out of there,
I'm the guy that, when you drive up to pump your gas,
I run up from underneath the awning with a squeegee,
and I'm like, "Yo, yo, yo, let me hit your windows.
"I got you, I got you."
And I'm the guy that's scrubbin' your windows,
askin' you for change, and a couple of dollars.
I'm the guy that's standin' in the line at the park,
and waitin' for the people from the church
to come bring sandwiches, and I knew every spot to go to.
I'm the guy that would be walkin' down the street here,
and every car door that I walk by, I would jiggle the bar.
If it didn't matter, if the door opened,
I'm gonna sit inside, and I'm gonna run this to your car
and see if there's some change in there.
I'm the guy that's hidin' down the bushes
when you come up after work to go to the ATM,
to pull cash out.
I jump out of the bushes, and I hit you over the head
with a bottle, and I take whatever's comin' out of the deal.
I'm the guy that, when you're walkin' into the grocery store,
that runs up behind you, and smashes your purse,
and runs off.
My family is livin' in a five-bedroom house,
my mom and dad in Lake Forest, can't even have space for me.
My oldest brother had graduated from Rice and University,
and he's in his career.
My second brother had graduated from University of Texas,
and he's in his career.
My step-sister had graduated from Cal State Fullerton.
She was a teacher, and my sister had graduated from UCLA,
and she was an accountant, and my parents' baby
is the guy that's jumpin' out of the bush,
and I was not raised that way.
See, but my alcoholic thinkin' helps me to believe
this is a normal life for me.
You know, my illness, I sold out to that,
and I was okay with it, and I was, you know,
that's where I was, and I'm lucky,
because I got rescued by Orange County Police Department,
and they sent me down, and I remember I did a year
for somebody, for a robbery, and I'm so dumb,
I'm not, I'm just a punk, you know, I'm not a real criminal.
I don't block nothin' out, you know, until I get one winnin',
and when they got me, they put me in a lineup,
and they made us line up, this is the first time
I'm standin' there, you know, you can't see whoever's
on the other side, and they put me in this little robe,
and the detectives come back, and it's like,
we got you, we got you for purse snatching on this street,
we got you for purse snatching over here,
over here, and over here, and I was like, absolutely not.
I never snatched, I did, I never did that.
(laughing)
And he, they didn't even care, and I literally told 'em,
like, the first, you know, like, I did it,
and I'm a punk, right, I'm like, they said I could go
to prison for a year, and I'd be out in six months,
or you could stay in the county for the whole year,
and I was like, prison, county, and I'm like,
I'm stayin' in Orange County for a year, I did that,
and I got out, and I didn't stay sober right then,
and I'm lucky, my parents let me come back with them,
and they started, my mom started taking me to these meetings,
and I wanna tell you guys, right,
that I fell upon some people that understood
what their obligation to this program was.
They stuck their hand out to me,
and they basically dragged me to meetings.
You know, I knew something was wrong with me,
I knew I had a problem, but I thought
that if I just get off this stuff, right,
and I just don't drink, I'm gonna be good.
Like, come on, I'm young, right?
22 years old, like, I got this.
And I was just going through the motions,
and my first three and a half, my first four years,
I was in another fellowship that I don't mention by names,
because if you be alcoholic,
we're in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous,
and our program is not aligned with anything.
You know, we absolutely stand alone,
and although there's other programs
that utilize our steps and tradition,
they're completely different,
and the illness of alcoholism is,
to me, is completely different from addiction.
And if you be alcoholic, I really hope that you,
you know, dive in our book and see, you know,
what your problem is.
Grateful, because I stayed physically sober,
anything, nothing, everything,
physically sober for four years,
and here's what my life looked like.
I was still a jacker, I was still a hustler,
still a loud, disrespectful, obnoxious,
didn't have a job, didn't have a driver's license,
had nothing going for me in my life,
and I'm physically sober, and I was miserable.
I'm the guy that tries to go to bed at a decent time,
and I get in the bed, I'm completely showered,
I'm physically sober, I'm like,
got big plans for tomorrow,
'cause my life's gonna change tomorrow,
and I go to bed, and my head says,
"No, man, like, sleep?"
"No, not tonight."
So I said, "Okay, well, I'm gonna get out to bed,
"I'm gonna do push-ups."
And I'm the guy that's working and going to sleep,
and I'm physically sober, and I'm so grateful
that I met my first sponsor, his name is Bob Decker,
and I met him at my home group, the Bellflower Bigfoot Group,
and this man always hung out in the front of our meeting,
and he was tall, he was just the perfect man, you know?
And had a great smile, beautiful wife,
he was just clean, and he was calm, you know?
And my spirit's restless, it's tumultuous, you know?
I'm, like, disruptive, I'm, like, not just irritating,
you know, that's who came to you guys, you know?
I don't fit in, I don't blend in, I don't want to,
I don't wanna be one of many, you know,
always wanna stand out and be different.
And he took me, and I go approach him,
'cause I knew he was the guy
that I wanted to ask for help, right?
I'm physically sober, dying, like, I'm ready to leave,
like, 'cause, like, I need relief.
I ask him, like, "Hey, Bob, can we hang out?"
It's before our meeting on Monday, and he's, like,
"Yeah," he said, "We're gonna go to the Muffins
"and get a chicken pot pie we used to go before our meeting."
So I got a '63 Buick Wildcat, car is clean as a whistle,
but it's got no reverse.
The door, the hinges broke on the driver door,
so when you open it, it's tagged down, right?
Car looks clean, but it's got issues, right?
I got a stereo system in it, like you won't believe,
so Bob gets in the car, and he's, like,
"Oh, you know your car?" I'm like, "Yeah, Bob,"
I turn the music up, I'm like, "Oh, oh, big image."
So I got to put the car in drive,
I would bump it off the parking bump,
pop it up in neutral and throw my foot out,
and with the door open, and Bob's looking at me,
and he's, like, "How long you sober?"
I'm like, "Yeah, Bob, I've got four years, man,
"I'm coming up on five," and he was, like, "Okay."
So we drive, we go to Muffins,
and I ask him to sponsor me, and here's what happened.
You know, I found this man that shared his life with me.
You see, when I looked at my brothers, sister,
my father, and my mother,
and I saw where they were in their life,
and where I was, I could never get there, you know?
They were completely,
had a completely different path than I had,
and Bob was a rider, you know?
He was a jacker.
He was a bad guy when he wasn't sober,
and I saw how he was living now.
He was quiet, he was calm, he was peaceful,
he was respectful, he made great money,
he had a beautiful wife, he loved her,
and adored her, and respected her,
and treated her like a queen.
Like, and he wasn't no chump, you know?
He wasn't, like, he wasn't, you could tell, you know?
But he would never, like, raise his voice,
or you didn't see him get angry, you know?
Everything was not a big deal,
and he always talked about this meter in our gut,
you know, this gauge that we're carrying in our gut,
and he shared his life with me,
and for the first time when I came to ALAA,
it's the first time that I had any hope.
You see, because I came here absolutely hopeless.
I thought, physical sobriety, I'm winning.
Like, yeah, man, I'm winning.
No, man, I was selling myself short,
and Bob encouraged me to take these steps,
and I'm so grateful that I did,
and he talked me through this process
of taking our inventory,
and I remember I did my complete inventory,
and I wrote everything down, every single thing,
and we got together, and I'm sharing it with him,
and I'm telling him everything,
and he was like, "You did that?"
I'm like, "Yeah, Bob," and I shared something else.
He was like, "Man, that was like five months ago.
Wasn't I sponsoring you?"
And I'm like, "Yeah, Bob," and I'm like,
he's like, "Put his head out," and he told me something,
and I'm like, "Bob, he's supposed to make me feel better,"
and he's like, "No, no, I'm supposed to tell you the truth,
but I'm so grateful that."
This man shared his life to where we built a relationship
where I could trust this man to give this guy everything,
'cause the first time that I was completely honest
about everything, and the thing that was revealed to me
when I shared the truth about myself with another man
is that I'm afraid.
I'm a scared individual, but if you knew me,
you would never, ever say that I was scared.
You would say, "Oh, Dean Jenna, he crazy.
He ain't scared of nothing."
That's what you would say, "Oh, he low. He crazy.
Like, he ain't scared," but it was revealed to me
when I did my inventory that I was afraid of everything.
Fear always stopped me in my tracks,
or fear always made me run right through it.
Fear said, "Man, you better take off on this, dude."
Fear said, "Nah, you can't get a job.
Like, what you gonna do?"
Fear said, "Nah, you can't be in a relationship.
If the girl really knew you,
she wouldn't want to be with you," you know?
Fear said, like, "You know, you can't go back to school.
Like, come on, man. Look at you,"
and it controlled every single area of my life,
and when I was done, my sponsor directed me
to find a relationship with God, and I'm so grateful.
Even though I'm born a Christian, I am a Christian.
I know who my God is,
but my relationship with God was not personal.
It was something that was given to me by my family,
and I just tried to emulate what I had seen happening
for my entire life.
It was nothing personal about my relationship,
and he directed me to page 86, 87,
and it's, like, for dummies, you know?
It says, "Upon awakening," and it gives us instructions.
It says, "When we retire at night," you know,
and it gives us instructions,
and I started taking those instructions on my knees,
and I just kept moving through with the steps,
and I started to get some power,
and my life started to take off, you see?
And I'm so, so grateful because Bob helped me
to develop this relationship with this God,
and literally, that's the thing that sustains me
because my life is not without problems.
It's not without, you know, issues,
and I wanna tell you guys, you know, in 2006,
you know, I'm living high on the hog.
My life looks great.
I'm married.
I've got this little boy, man.
If you knew my son, you'd be like,
"This is going to be so easy."
Oh, you see me on Instagram or Facebook.
You know, I'm, like, super poster, you know,
and, like, all these great things my son is doing,
you know, me going to church every Sunday,
you know, this great company that I have.
It's awesome, you know, my clothes are nice,
my car is nice, everything looks great, right?
My marriage is absolutely falling apart,
and on this day, I'm going to buy furniture
because I'm leaving my home,
and I'm going to move in with my buddy,
and I have a full-blown heart attack,
and so I have full cardiac arrest,
and I'm so grateful my buddy Rick was with me,
you know, and I wouldn't want, and they came,
but they brought me back to life,
and I was like, "It's a trip."
Two weeks after that, they put a little pacemaker
and a defibrillator in me,
and two weeks after that, I'm in a heart attack,
and my little defibrillator doesn't hurt.
That's my arrhythmia, and the thing malfunctioned
after it shocked me six times,
and ate five back up, which it's not supposed to do,
and it shocked me five more times,
and it brought me back.
That was the second heart attack,
and they go back to the doctor,
and they're like, "Oh, you know,
"I guess it's a little bit heavier than what we thought.
"You know, we're gonna swap this thing out.
"We're gonna give you three leads,
"and you know, we're gonna hit you with a mouth shot,
"and guaranteed, if you ever have another one of those,
"this'll stop it, and you'll be fine."
Two weeks after that, full-blown heart attack again,
walking until he's, what, a six-year-old?
Three heart attacks in a month, and now I'm sitting here,
I'm worried, you know, I'm anxious, you know, and I'm afraid.
Literally, I thought I was gonna die,
and I was so grateful that I had this relapse,
actively sponsored, and I had this relationship
with this guy, because I had to dive
into that relationship with God,
'cause that was the only thing
that was gonna give me some peace,
and I remember, by now, I'm sponsored by Johnny,
and one of the things that sometimes I forget,
you know, my sponsor, Bob, actually, I relapse.
It's even hard for me to say,
and I thought, like, man, like,
what is this program even all about?
Like, what am I gonna do, stay sober for 25 years,
and wind up being after, like, this is just,
and I was, like, really devastated.
I asked Johnny to sponsor me,
and I'm grateful that he was sponsoring.
I call him up, and I tell him,
"Hey, spots, you know, I had three heart attacks,
"and I'm about to die, but before I die,
"I'm sending my wife to go fill this prescription
"for this anxiety medicine, because, you know,
"I should have some peace before I go."
And he's like, "Well, before you do that,
"I'm gonna have Glen take you to a meeting,"
and Glen's one of my eight brothers
that I don't even like.
Let me go with it.
Glen comes pick me up the next morning,
which was a Saturday, and takes me to this place
called Charlie Street in Costa Mesa,
and Charlie Street's a detox center,
and I'm sitting in there, and I'm so anxious
that I sit like this, and I'm with the family,
and I mean, I didn't even take normal.
And Glen's there, and he's talking to everybody,
'cause he's Mr. 12 Step, and he's moving all around.
The meeting starts, and now I'm sitting there,
and this guy's sharing, and then that guy's sharing,
and after three or four people, I'm judging everybody.
I'm like, "What's that person talking about?"
Now it's like 15 minutes to go, and I'm like,
"This leader sucks.
"They haven't even called on me," right?
I'm thinking like, "When are they gonna call on me?"
And then finally, they're like, "Hey, you," you know?
And then they start sharing, and then next thing you know,
I feel great, and me and Glen are five in the gym.
I can't continue, and I found out that I feel best
when I'm thinking about myself,
and I'm grateful for that.
I dove in deep in a relationship with my father,
and I had to do some things, you know,
that were just a little bit extra outside of him,
and I'm grateful that I had the instructions
to even dive deeper, have that relationship.
But I wanna tell you guys, you know,
I was just trying to be the best dad that I could,
and you know, I was in this business
that was on the front of the economic meltdown,
and you know, I just had some fear around that.
But because I was actively sponsored,
and I was invested in this home group, you know,
I wasn't like riddled with fear
about what my life's gonna be like, you know,
as a whole world economy is unfolding,
and I just kind of maneuvered through.
And I do want you guys to know
that as I start going on, you know,
this little boy that I have, who, you know,
I thought his life was just tailored perfectly,
was having no issues, you know,
and I had all these big, big plans for him.
When he was 18, he got arrested for really bad product.
I was in 2018, June of 2018,
and when he got arrested, I remember,
I was at work and in my office,
and he had already been in some trouble,
and I got the call, and I remember,
I'm just trying to make it off the sales floor
to like this conference room
that's maybe the distance of this room.
Gets halfway there, I fell to my knees,
and I just, the whole family's just crying,
like you couldn't believe like the pain that I felt
was just, just dropped me,
and I crawled the distance of this room
to make it to this conference room,
and I'm sitting in this room just screaming and crying,
like, "Why not? Why me? Why my baby? Why mine?"
And I leave out of work, and I look across the parking lot,
and I look at this liquor store that's worked
with this company a long time,
and the liquor store has always been there.
It just, it said some Bacardi 151.
That'll do it. That'll give me the relief.
That was the phone.
And I'm beelining it out the parking lot,
screaming in person, "God, like, I'm dying.
I can't endure this pain. I want relief."
And I'm so grateful.
I pull my cell phone out, and I call my sponsor,
'cause my sponsor didn't pick up the phone,
and as I'm walking, I call one member.
I call my friend, the guy that's in my office,
and he's picking on the phone,
and he just says to me, "Stop walking. Just stop walking."
And I stop, and I'm at the edge of the parking lot,
and I'm yelling at him, and he's like,
"Just, like, I don't know."
And then I'm telling him, like, "This is it.
Here's what I'm gonna do."
And the next thing you know, my sponsor chimes in a line,
and I don't even know how he got on the call.
And he's like, "Timo."
And I'm bouncing, and he starts asking me what's going on,
and I tell him, and he's like, "Oh, yeah."
And I sit down at work, and he told me to leave work
and meet him at the marina,
and I didn't hesitate to say yes.
And I'm like, "I'll go meet you at the marina,
and if it's not better," and we went down to the marina.
He and I went to this morning meeting.
It wasn't even eight o'clock in the morning yet.
He talked to me for a little while.
By the time 12th noon had came around,
I had forgotten about what had just happened to me.
And I'm so, so grateful for that
because I could have thrown it all.
And I want to tell you guys, you know,
the stepfather that raised me, I was not a good son.
The man treated me just like he treated his black children.
I'm so grateful for this program of alcoholics and monuments
because after I got sober and I completed the steps,
I was able to amend that relationship,
and I was able to repair it.
And I was the kid, I was the son to this man
where we had a really, really great relationship,
a close relationship, and he died kind of suddenly
about 30 days after he went to the doctor,
when he thought it was a hernia.
It was cancer, and I was by his bedside.
Every single day, and I'm grateful that I had the ability
to be there with him every single day.
And when he passed on, it wasn't his firstborn son
that carries his name or secondborn son.
Then he asked to do some of his personal things for him.
I had a really good relationship,
and I was given that privilege.
And I'm so grateful because the program
had given me an opportunity to be clean and be free.
That part of the transition, and that blood-borne father
of mine that was never in my life,
he was never, he was a guy that I always resented
for not being that type of dad.
And it would always come up, you know,
and I'd be like, "God, I don't wanna work through it,"
but there it is.
You know, in 2016, he wasn't able to work anymore.
He didn't work very much in his life.
Well, before that, you know, he called me one day,
and he's crying on the line, and he was like,
I'm like, "Man, what's up, pops?"
And he was like, "God, I need help."
And I'm grateful because my sponsor and father,
oh, here's one right here, I'm sorry.
(laughing)
Sissy.
- Oh, okay.
- Sissy.
He had 12 step in when he had got sober,
and he was able to work.
He was trying to build a little life for himself,
and yeah, he called, and he was sober in 2016,
and this guy, he had no place to go
that he could really continue in his life.
And I'm grateful that I had an opportunity
to welcome him into my home.
He's been there, you know,
and the sister of mine is really literally my best friend.
I'm the type of brother, when she gets up
and walks away from her electric typewriter
back in the day when she was in college,
I'm the brother that grabs it when she's in the bathroom
and takes it and ponds it.
And I don't even rip her little term paper
that she's typing on that too.
And with the third board nephew, you know,
she had called me and asked me
if she could name her son, actually.
And my mom, who has always loved and adored me,
you know, I was a guy that had no feed at my parents' house.
You know, my mom trusts me with everything in her life,
and she calls me and asks me for advice.
See, this program has given me an opportunity
to rebuild, reshape, and repair my life
to where I can walk through my life
with problems and challenges as if there is none.
And I don't have these highs and these lows.
I have no shame or remorse,
and it doesn't mean that I don't fall short,
but the thing that I feel most comfortable about
is that if you be alcoholic like I'm alcoholic,
what would it say?
And we have an obligation to this program
to continue on and to give what was given to me.
That's why I do not say no.
That's why I don't have to finally come out
and speak in for you guys.
Okay, like, why do they ask me, you know?
Oh, boy, I'm kinda shocked at it,
and I wanna tell you guys this.
This is the thing that absolutely mesmerizes me,
and I always look for relief,
and I knew that a bottle would give me relief.
As soon as I cracked the top of a 40-ounce or whatever it was
before it touched my lips, I felt bad.
This program of Alcoholics Anonymous is designed
to give me that exact same relief that we always saw.
Drink it.
Promise you, if you stick to it and you do the work,
you'll find it as well.
Thank you for allowing us.