1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 - Usually many will enter one of my-- 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,720 - I wanna get that one, to give me the nervous seat. 3 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,640 My name is Randy Miller and I'm an alcoholic. 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,320 First, I'd like to thank Karen for inviting me here 5 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,840 and Greg for joining me. 6 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,240 And thank you, Tracy, for your 10 minutes. 7 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,200 You know, I knew I was an alcoholic 8 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,080 a long time before I got here. 9 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:21,240 And you're probably thinking, 10 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:22,900 wait, you know, way to go, Karen. 11 00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,360 You invited a real genius here 12 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,360 to do this as an alcoholic for a time. 13 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,320 But alcoholics, no, I had been to a bunch of meetings 14 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,960 along the way because the courts were sending me 15 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,440 and I'd wake up with, you know, 16 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,360 incomprehensible demoralization. 17 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,760 Maybe I'll go to an AA meeting. 18 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,740 And I went to all the Valley Club meetings 19 00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:40,840 when it was on, well, I think way back when it was 20 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,680 on Sadiqua, I think, when I was in my 20s. 21 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,840 Went on Lindley and, you know, on Van Owen. 22 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,080 And so, periodically, I'd go to meetings 23 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:52,440 'cause either the courts would send me. 24 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,960 And I mean, I knew I was an alcoholic. 25 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:54,800 I mean, first of all, 26 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,280 I got a whole bunch of drunk driving tickets. 27 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,000 And I'm a bad, you can ask Greg, 28 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,700 I'm a bad driver when I'm sober. 29 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:04,200 I just got a newer car for me. 30 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,040 I just bought a car for my sister. 31 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:08,160 It has, on the car, it has one of these things 32 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,000 that if you go over the line, it buzzes. 33 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,520 And so, my wife was with me last week 34 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,280 and we were driving back from, like, Ventura area. 35 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:17,240 She wanted to take a nap. 36 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,640 She was tired and she couldn't sleep 37 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:22,400 'cause the people would keep going home, right? 38 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,720 I mean, and so, I use that information, 39 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,320 the fact I knew I was an alcoholic. 40 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,760 I mean, by this time, I was drinking heavily. 41 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,240 But why do I need a bunch of people like you? 42 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,080 I mean, I knew about Alcoholics Anonymous. 43 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:34,440 I knew the success stories. 44 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:35,960 But if I know I'm an alcoholic, 45 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,040 why do I need a bunch of people like you 46 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,040 telling me what I already know? 47 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,560 And the great gift of Alcoholics Anonymous, for me, 48 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,440 is just being able, if I had an objective, 49 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:46,920 if I had a goal right here, 50 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,760 it would be to get sober and comfortable at the same time. 51 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,240 Now, I could do both of those, but not together. 52 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,320 I could be sober, but when I was sober, 53 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,600 I mean, I appeared to kind of have my act together, 54 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,200 but I was crazy, and I was always depressed, 55 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,240 and I always felt bad. 56 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,440 And I could be comfortable. 57 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,920 I could be comfortable for a period when I was drunk, 58 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,600 but I could never put the two together. 59 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,760 And just to simplify everything, 60 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:14,160 that's kind of what Alcoholics Anonymous has done for me. 61 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,480 But I was talking to the, 62 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,960 I was always talking to the wrong people. 63 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,160 I mean, I had two brothers that are younger than me, 64 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,000 and they were both drinkers, but they were social drinkers. 65 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,280 They'd drink when they had to, 66 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,080 and then in their later years, 67 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,880 they'd get things like Uber and things like that. 68 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,360 But I never did. 69 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,640 And I said, "Why do you do that?" 70 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,200 And my wife, 71 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,200 just to get the statistics out of the way real quick, 72 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,400 I've been sober. 73 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:43,040 It'll be 31 years on July 13th. 74 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:47,160 And I didn't get sober until I was 47, almost 48, 75 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,160 so you can kind of do the math. 76 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,680 I'll be 31 in July. 77 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,840 So I'll be 79 on my next birthday. 78 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,160 But all those years and all of those drunk drivings 79 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,720 and all the things that I did, 80 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,000 and I've been married to the same woman, 81 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:01,920 which is a miracle, 82 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,280 and you'll verify that by the time I'm done with work. 83 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,720 I've been married in March. 84 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,040 It was 54 years. 85 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,120 And she's been through hell. 86 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,440 I mean, I mean, it's just unbelievable. 87 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:14,480 I mean, it sounds terrible. 88 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,520 So sometimes I think I should divorce for just being dumb. 89 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,680 But, you know, so they've been married for a day, 90 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:22,600 and she's been through hell. 91 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:23,960 She's been through, you know, all of that. 92 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,120 And ironically, I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, 93 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,000 and this is kind of my old stomping grounds. 94 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,280 And I didn't drink in high school 95 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,720 because a lot of my friends, 96 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,680 most of them turned out not to be alcoholics. 97 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,920 A lot of them are dead now for various reasons. 98 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,120 But they'd drink, and I'd observe them. 99 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,960 And I'd go to a party, 100 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,680 and I'd carry a beer around with me 101 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,120 so people wouldn't bug me. 102 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:45,320 I'd have that beer last me, 103 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,760 but I never drank enough for it to click in. 104 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,880 I mean, for the genomic craving to start. 105 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,920 So I didn't really start drinking. 106 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,680 I know a lot of guys that I'm drinking alcoholically 107 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:56,840 until I was in college. 108 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:00,920 I know a lot of my friends got sober age-wise 109 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,960 before I started really drinking heavily. 110 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,360 And when I was in high school, 111 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,560 I went to a couple of local high schools here. 112 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,000 I went to Birmingham High School, 113 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,720 and then I also went to a private school called Montclair. 114 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,680 And I looked at it on paper. 115 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,400 I mean, I was captain of the baseball team, 116 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:20,160 and I was student body vice president, 117 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,960 and I was editor of the sports section of the paper. 118 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,600 And I don't like to brag from the podium, 119 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,520 but I guess I already have. 120 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,320 But I was also, back then, 121 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,480 I don't think they could do it now, 122 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,240 'cause I just couldn't do it now, 123 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,600 but they had the alphabet, you know? 124 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,160 So A, B, C, D, E, F. 125 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,960 So A was like most athletic, 126 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,320 and B was most beautiful, 127 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,440 and C was cutest, or something. 128 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,800 D was dumbest, and it'd go through all, whatever it was. 129 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:49,040 And remember, this is well over 60 years ago. 130 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,400 But I was K, and I was most kissable. 131 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,600 (laughing) 132 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:54,960 So I looked at it on paper, 133 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,680 and people would think that I kind of had my act together, 134 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,640 but inside I was always uncomfortable. 135 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,520 I remember my dad picked me up from baseball practice one day, 136 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:03,760 and he said, "God, everything seems to be 137 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:04,800 going pretty good for you." 138 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,920 And I remember saying this, and I don't know why. 139 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,600 I said, "Well, how come I don't feel better?" 140 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,440 He said, "What do you mean?" 141 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,520 I said, "I don't know, good things are happening, 142 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,240 but I never feel comfortable." 143 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,320 And what I didn't know is that that was part of my alcoholism. 144 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,320 I mean, it was part of my alcoholism. 145 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,040 I mean, there's a lot of people that aren't alcoholic, 146 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,920 so don't feel comfortable all the time. 147 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,640 So then I, when I graduated from high school, 148 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,320 I went to just a local college here, 149 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,080 and I got into a fraternity, it was a local fraternity. 150 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,880 And some of those guys, I was talking to you about Oklahoma, 151 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,080 and one of my best friends lives in Norman, 152 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,480 now we're at the University of Oklahoma, 153 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,680 but then I started doing it, 154 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,720 and I remember the night I got drunk, 155 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:44,920 and like I said, a lot of people, 156 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,040 maybe there's people in this room 157 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,600 that got sober before I got drunk, 158 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,360 'cause I was, I guess I was 19, 18, 19, 159 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,720 and I was pledging a fraternity, 160 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,280 and they were at a party, and they said, 161 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:56,640 "Miller, we want you to drink." 162 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:57,720 And I said, "Well, I ain't drinking." 163 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,040 I had my beer, my beer in my hand, 164 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,560 and they said, "No, no, we really want you to drink." 165 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,200 I said, "Well, I have a date here." 166 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,000 And they said, "No, don't worry, we'll take care of her." 167 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,560 And so they gave me a, I had a wine in one hand, 168 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:09,720 I had the Red Mountain, 169 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,520 some of the finest beverages of the time, 170 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,080 and a beer in the other hand, they had me drinking. 171 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,080 And I don't remember my exact thought 172 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,680 that that was the first time I got drunk, 173 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,320 but it was something to the effect of, 174 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,760 "No wonder they all drink," 175 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,680 because it was the first time I was ever drunk, 176 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,960 and it was the first time that I ever had that feeling. 177 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,120 And from that time on, I would thought, 178 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,680 and it was all the time, I'm drinking all the time, 179 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:35,000 and instead of my priority, if I was going to a party, 180 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,600 or if I was going someplace, or if I was going on a date, 181 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,720 or it was the alcohol, and then whatever the event was, 182 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,080 and it just took a short time, 183 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,240 because, I mean, I was an alcoholic, 184 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,480 I mean, I didn't know it just 'cause I was sober 185 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,680 and hadn't drank, that didn't really make any difference. 186 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:52,280 So after a while, and one of the reasons looking back, 187 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,480 I knew I was an alcoholic, 188 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,440 I mean, I got just a whole bunch of, 189 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,800 whole bunch of drunk driving. 190 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,360 They called it 502s then. 191 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,160 In fact, if I had the same record now, 192 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,000 and for a while there, 193 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,160 if you got two or three a few years ago, 194 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,640 then you'd be in the slammer. 195 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,080 But I was getting them all the time, 196 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,240 and I just got stupid ones. 197 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,920 I mean, just dumb drunk driving tickets. 198 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,560 I remember I, by this time, I was married, 199 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,000 and I had two daughters, 200 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,400 and I also wasn't kind of with my alcoholism. 201 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,000 I wasn't the most faithful guy. 202 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,760 And so I, people make geographics. 203 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,760 I mean, you hear people that move to New York, 204 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,480 or they ended up in Europe, or somewhere down in Mexico, 205 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,560 or they ended up in, you know, maybe in Chicago. 206 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,960 But I ended up, I took a geographic, 207 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,840 'cause I had a new friend from work, 208 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,040 and I ended up in, I ended up in Saugus. 209 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:41,880 (laughing) 210 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,520 That was my geographic. 211 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,880 So I figured my wife was my problem, 212 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,920 and I moved out, and I moved in with my new friend out, 213 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,440 and Lily of the Valley Mobile Home Park. 214 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,520 (laughing) 215 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:57,440 And she, and plus, I not only was doing these things to, 216 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,120 I mean, to my wife and my kids, 217 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,120 but it also to these other people 218 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,000 that I kind of, you know, took captive in. 219 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,400 So I was living out there. 220 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,680 And then I used to always measure my, you know, 221 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,320 like this was for more, maybe a 20 minute drive here. 222 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,240 I'd always measure my drives like this is a half hour drive, 223 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,480 or this is an hour drive. 224 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,240 That's what most of it, you know, this is a, 225 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,520 you know, a 30 mile drive. 226 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,680 But me, it was a, it was like a half pint drive, or a way. 227 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:21,520 (laughing) 228 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,920 It was, you know, a six pack drive, or, 229 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,000 and I was, and I had a little Volkswagen convertible 230 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,160 at the time, we'll get more about that in a little bit. 231 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,680 But I was driving to my new home, 232 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,080 and looked down, and I'd had an appointment, 233 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,520 and I had, on the seat next to me, 234 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,360 I had a bunch of empty beer cans. 235 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,120 And I was a little late getting to my new home, 236 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,640 and said, "Ah, shit, I wanna stop and just throw them away." 237 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,640 So I don't know what the odds of this are, 238 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,280 but I was on Bokeh Canyon. 239 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,760 And at that time, Bokeh Canyon was real desolate. 240 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,200 I mean, there weren't very many people driving on it. 241 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,800 So I had like a big car, and so I reached down, 242 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,320 and started grabbing the beer cans. 243 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,320 I don't know what the odds of this are, 244 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,600 but I just started tossing them, 245 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,800 'cause it was real desolate. 246 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,480 And I hit a cop, giving somebody else a ticket. 247 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,080 And so that person, if they're still alive, owe me, 248 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,320 because they left the person that was there, 249 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:16,120 and followed me into Lillia Valley Trailer Park. 250 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,160 And so then I was happy with my test 251 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,440 that I got fairly good at. 252 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:24,360 And I mean, just dumped drunk driving. 253 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,480 I got like, I totally got like seven or eight of them. 254 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,480 And I remember the last one that I got, 255 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,840 and I still hadn't gone to, you know, 256 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:37,480 I was on the 101 freeway, and the cold water off ramp. 257 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,880 And at the time, my wife's parents lived right there, 258 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,240 kind of close to where I live now. 259 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,520 And they were having some sort of dinner or something, 260 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,280 and it was probably eight o'clock at night. 261 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,080 And so there was a little liquor store, 262 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,840 but I was ready to turn left. 263 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,720 I said, "I better get a couple more beers." 264 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:55,720 So I made a right-hand turn from the left-hand lane. 265 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,800 There was a cop right behind me. 266 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,680 And so he followed me into the standard gas station, 267 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,520 still there. 268 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,280 And so I got out of the car, 269 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,320 and then I just started walking to the police car. 270 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,880 And I said, "What are you doing?" 271 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,880 And I said, "I'm getting in your backseat." 272 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:10,920 - Oh, no. 273 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,960 - So, I said, "Wait." 274 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,880 And I said, "No, I have to take that test, right?" 275 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,120 And he said, "Yeah." 276 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,600 And I said, "It's okay, you can just take me 277 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,440 and I can't pass it." 278 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,080 And he said, "How do you know?" 279 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,640 I said, "I've taken it eight times." 280 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,920 - Oh, that shows. 281 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,920 - And so there I was in the Van Nuys jail again. 282 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,560 In fact, the judges got to kind of, kind of know me. 283 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:33,000 And I always had the type of job where I didn't have to, 284 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,360 I mean, in my later years, 285 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,520 I didn't have to be anywhere at any certain time. 286 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,080 And so I was pretty much a daily drinker. 287 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,200 And then I'd have terrible hangovers, 288 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,320 but then I found that I don't really have to have a hangover 289 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,520 if I don't want to. 290 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,160 I can get rid of the hangover real quick. 291 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,160 So what you usually find at 6.30 in the morning 292 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,200 at some local bars right around here 293 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,480 was me sitting there, 294 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,720 kind of dressed like I am now a lot of times 295 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,840 and drinking. 296 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:01,360 And a lot of times there'd be maybe 10 people in there. 297 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,120 Between the 10 people, maybe there'd be 50 teeth 298 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,160 and 30 of them were mine. 299 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:14,160 So, you know, so I'd be in there and then I'd go to work 300 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,040 and I'd just get, you know, 301 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,480 have a drink enough to get kind of rid of the hangover. 302 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,760 And so I had all these things. 303 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,200 Then I had a job right down the street here. 304 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,720 It was a mortgage company 305 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,360 and a friend of mine from college, it was his company. 306 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,000 And so I was working there. 307 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:33,320 They had a theme party one night, right here. 308 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,960 And it was, you know, costume, roaring 20s type thing. 309 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,080 So I rented an outfit and I had, I had a mustache. 310 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,200 And so I had a black shirt and a white tie 311 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,240 and I had the spats and I had a phony gun 312 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,480 and I had, you know, the fedora and I looked pretty cool. 313 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,080 But, and I had, at that time I had this girl 314 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,280 that was a friend of mine and she was just a friend 315 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:53,680 and she'd drive me and she worked there 316 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,320 and she'd drive me into a lot of places. 317 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,480 But I still had that same little Volkswagen convertible 318 00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,920 at the time, so it was parked there, 319 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,680 but I was planning on her giving me a ride home. 320 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,360 And then, I don't know, it was about one in the morning 321 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,640 and it was kind of coming to an end. 322 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,880 And then her husband showed up for some reason. 323 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,720 I can't remember what the whole deal was. 324 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:11,760 I said, oh, I'll just drive home. 325 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,280 And I was, I mean, really drunk 326 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,120 and I was driving up Lindley right here. 327 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,560 And I don't know if you can see now, 328 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,800 but my nose here was kind of screwed up. 329 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,080 And the next thing I knew, and so I was driving home 330 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,320 and I always got passing out, falling asleep mixed up, 331 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,880 but I did one of those two things. 332 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,400 Thank God, you know, I'm one of those people 333 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,280 that like probably a lot of you can relate to this. 334 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:34,640 I look back at all of the thousands and thousands of miles 335 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,840 that I drove drunk that I never heard anybody with myself. 336 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,520 And I drove back from Mexico. 337 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,920 I remember with my two daughters in the backseat 338 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,200 when they were like 12 and 10. 339 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,880 And I mean, all kinds of things like that. 340 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:48,160 But the next thing I knew, and I just barely remember it, 341 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,720 there was a bunch of people over me 342 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:54,120 and they gave me the Northridge Hospital right here. 343 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,600 And I didn't know what was going on and the nurse, 344 00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,560 the nurse was in there. 345 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:00,720 I said, "What's going on?" 346 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,640 I said, "I know it's an accident, but what's going on?" 347 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,080 And said, "Well, you're lucky you're alive." 348 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,680 What had happened is I had fallen asleep or passed out 349 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,280 and I hit a, remember, I'm a little old, 350 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,680 so I hit a parked Cadillac 351 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,760 and I went to the windshield of the car 352 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,560 and it kind of ripped my, it ripped my, 353 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,280 and I had all these scars and sores all over. 354 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,520 And I had, by this time they had gauzed me all up 355 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,360 and I looked like the mummy. 356 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,280 I had, you know, you could see, you know, 357 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,240 I had eye slips and I could talk and stuff. 358 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,160 And the nurse was there and I heard her in the hall 359 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,960 and I could tell the police were coming 360 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,120 'cause I heard her saying, "Yeah, no, he was drunk. 361 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,440 He was really drunk, I'm thinking on it." 362 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,400 She said, "I can't get another drunk driving ticket." 363 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,400 So she came back and said, "Where are my clothes?" 364 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,520 And she said, "Right in the closet, 365 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,640 but your white tie is all pink and from blood 366 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:45,720 and the clothes are there." 367 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,120 I said, "I just want to know 'cause they're rented." 368 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,240 So she left. 369 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,080 And so remember I have all this, I looked at the mummy, 370 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,360 I have all this stuff all over my face 371 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,960 and it's about four or five in the morning by this time, 372 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:57,800 about four in the morning. 373 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:02,800 And I, when I tried to call my wife to come and get me, 374 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,840 but by this time she had the phone off most of the time. 375 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,480 And so I decided to hitchhike home. 376 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,080 And so it's four in the morning. 377 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:14,000 You're off in the streets out there trying to hitchhike home. 378 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,160 I had my hat on and I had my shirt on 379 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,160 and I'm trying to hitchhike home 380 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,360 and nobody would pick me up. 381 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,920 And so finally I called my next door neighbor 382 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,120 and my wife came down. 383 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,800 That's one of those, you know, 384 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,480 incompetent demoralization. 385 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,600 And my two daughters were in the car and there I was. 386 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,600 And so the next day I went to one of these urgent care 387 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,280 places that I think was right, not very far from here. 388 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:40,120 And I went in and the doctor, she was a, 389 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,400 and I kind of told her what had happened. 390 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,320 You're the guy that snuck out of Northridge Hospital 391 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,160 last night. 392 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,000 And I said, "Yeah." 393 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:46,960 And I said, "But what's wrong?" 394 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,760 I said, "Well, your nose is," you know, 395 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,920 I still didn't know exactly 'cause I still had all this gauze 396 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:51,760 and I didn't know. 397 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,800 He says, "Your nose," you know, he ripped your nose off 398 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,120 and they pulled the thing off and all these things. 399 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,240 So that same day they called the plastic surgeon, 400 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,560 which was on, and he kind of, you know, sewed up my nose. 401 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,040 And I stayed there for a couple of days 402 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,880 and the guy that was my boss and he was also an alcoholic 403 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,760 and he died from heart disease probably 20 years ago. 404 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,760 But I had to go get my car 'cause I had to, 405 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,080 and it was total, but I had some paperwork in there 406 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,680 and some things I had to get out of the car. 407 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:21,320 And so we were at the impound lot. 408 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,920 And so all of a sudden he goes, "Oh my God, look it, look it." 409 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,120 I said, "Yeah, no, Howard, I know it, it's total." 410 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,240 He says, "No, no, look it." 411 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,120 And so where I had gone to the windshield 412 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,520 and all this, you know, the glass and stuff like this, 413 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:35,560 and on the tip of one of the pieces of glass was my nose. 414 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,040 Was my piece of nose. 415 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,760 And so my mind's already working. 416 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,800 And so what I did is I took that little piece of nose. 417 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:49,080 I mean, like I said, I know I'm an alcoholic, but I wanted to go to AA all the time. 418 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,640 So I figured, I mean, I always believed in God at some level. 419 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,640 And so what I did is I figured I'd work my own program. 420 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,960 So what I did is I took, he had to show you how long it was. 421 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,040 He had a hole or a camera in his car. 422 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,360 I said, "Take a picture of the car." 423 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,480 So I took a picture of the car and if you looked at the car, 424 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,880 you'd say, "There's no way the guy lived through that." 425 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,760 'Cause I mean, it was all both ways. 426 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,200 Of course, it had the engine and the band. 427 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,680 It was just like a little party. 428 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,920 And so I took the piece of nose. 429 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,720 It looked like one of those crummy potato chips 430 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,240 you see at the bottom of the thing. 431 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,360 So I took a picture of the car. 432 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,280 And so I took the picture and I put it in my bathroom 433 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,560 and then stuck my nose to it. 434 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,960 I scotch taped the nose. 435 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,120 And like I said, I always believed in God. 436 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,720 So I'd get up in the morning and I'd pray. 437 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:32,720 I'd say my prayers. 438 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,080 I'd look at the, I'd look for, so I'd look in the mirror 439 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:39,760 and I was all, you know, my nose was all fouled up 440 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:44,000 and I saw band-aids all over me and I'd say my prayers. 441 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,920 And kind of the realization that I was lucky 442 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:47,960 to live through this. 443 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,160 And so I did this for a while and I didn't drink, 444 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,520 you know, during that whole time. 445 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,040 My new program was pretty good. 446 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:58,320 And so I'd get up and then one morning I was, you know, 447 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,080 shaving, kind of going right past the car. 448 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:05,520 And the steam from the sink came up and in my picture 449 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,040 and the nose, they kind of floated down to the ground 450 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:12,560 and my dog Bob came in and he ate my nose. 451 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,200 And so that was it. 452 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,640 And so I still, I put your picture up in that program, 453 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,240 you know, it was working for a while and then it didn't. 454 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,520 I mean, you always find a reason, you know, 455 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,920 one more reason to go and maybe I'll just have one drink 456 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,720 or maybe there was a bar by this time. 457 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:33,400 My favorite bar was just right here on Roscoe and Tampa. 458 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,160 I think it was called the College Inn. 459 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,720 And so I, that would kind of be my place. 460 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,640 So one day I was driving along and, you know, 461 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,960 you always rationalize, you always make, 462 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,480 maybe it'll be different this time. 463 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,600 So I said, I'm just going to go in there and have one beer 464 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,520 to see if I can do that. 465 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,080 So I did, I went in, I had one beer. 466 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,080 I could do that right now. 467 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,760 I could go to a bar probably and say, 468 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,080 I'm only going to have one beer. 469 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,000 I'm not going to test it out, but, and so I did that. 470 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,600 And then I went and I did that for a couple of nights 471 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:05,000 and the people at the bartender knew that I was an alcoholic. 472 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,840 You're playing with fire here. 473 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:07,960 Just going to, it'll be okay. 474 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,800 And then it was two beers. 475 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,200 Then I was off and running again. 476 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,720 And then I was there and I was drinking in the morning 477 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,840 and I was working, by this time, 478 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,080 I was working at Great Western Bank and, 479 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,400 but I didn't have to be at work at any certain time 480 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,160 'cause I was a salesperson. 481 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,720 But I'd call in periodically and say, 482 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,160 I'm not really going to be in today. 483 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:30,640 And so I had a weekend where I was really bad 484 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,240 and I called in to my boss and I said, 485 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,120 I'm probably not going to be in for about three 486 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:35,960 or four days. 487 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,800 I said, what's wrong? 488 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,000 And I don't know where this came from, 489 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,920 but I said, I have, I have a mononucleosis. 490 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,040 And so, and so I went out and I drank 491 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,360 for two or three days and I was, you know, 492 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,520 and then I had to go back to work at some point. 493 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,880 And so I went in, I was sitting at my desk 494 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,320 and my boss came out and she said, 495 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,160 what are you doing here? 496 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,800 And I said, well, I'm well. 497 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,960 He said, well, you have mononucleosis. 498 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:58,800 I said, yeah. 499 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,440 And he says, well, that's highly contagious. 500 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,560 So I need a note or something from your doctor. 501 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,720 And so I went to the same urgent care place. 502 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,760 I said, Nate, the doctor remembered me 503 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,000 and I said, can you write me a note? 504 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,040 It says, I don't have mononucleosis. 505 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,920 I said, did you ever have mononucleosis? 506 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,160 And I said, no, I never had it. 507 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,640 It just write me a note saying I don't have it. 508 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,000 And she wouldn't do it. 509 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,280 And so I went back and my boss went into her office 510 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,880 and I sat down with her and I said, 511 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,080 I got something to tell you. 512 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:24,920 He says, what's that? 513 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,480 And I say, I think I'm an alcoholic. 514 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,960 And she said something very profound, duh. 515 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,320 But Bray Westman just started sending people 516 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,160 to treatment center. 517 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,280 And I was the first person. 518 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,680 So I went to a treatment center 519 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,760 at Valley Presbyterian Hospital on Vanholland. 520 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,120 And I was the first patient from Bray Western Bank. 521 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,920 And they spent, I mean, a lot of money 522 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:46,080 through their insurance. 523 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,240 So I was there for four, five weeks. 524 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,320 I think it happened there. 525 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,960 It would be like all of us being in the same, 526 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,160 and so I became real close to them. 527 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,280 And I had a picture. 528 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:02,440 I have a picture at home with five of us, four guys. 529 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,920 I became really good friends with, and there's a picture. 530 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,640 And the other four guys were all dead within two years. 531 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,360 And I started thinking, man, this is a bad deal. 532 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:14,360 And I really never was too much into drugs, 533 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:17,320 but so various reasons they all did. 534 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,960 And I had it. 535 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,120 And my neighbor, by the time I lived up in West Hills, 536 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,960 my neighbor was my sponsor. 537 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,560 Now I knew he was an alcoholic. 538 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,800 Well, actually I didn't know at first. 539 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,000 My daughter was babysitting his kids. 540 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,600 And I said, where does he go all the time? 541 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,440 He's always coming. 542 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,200 You have a good gig, you're babysitting. 543 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,640 And she said, dad, I think he has the same thing you do, 544 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,880 but he goes to meetings. 545 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,400 I said, well, that's good for him, but I don't want it. 546 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,760 So then I started making rules. 547 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:48,280 My number one rule is I'm not gonna drink in Los Angeles. 548 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:53,040 And so I had a friend, female friend again, 549 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,480 that had a place in Oxnard. 550 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,160 So I said, why don't you come with me? 551 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,800 And I played tennis, and she played tennis. 552 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,280 So why don't you come in for the weekend? 553 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,680 And so I started rationalizing. 554 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,040 I started doing it once more. 555 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,840 I stopped at a liquor store in Tampa, 556 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,440 and I waited until I crossed West Lake Boulevard. 557 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,360 If anybody's interested, 558 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,120 that's kind of the borderline of Ventura. 559 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,840 So I drank that six pack on the way. 560 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,480 And that whole weekend, I just got really drunk. 561 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,080 And I'll fast forward here and see. 562 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,160 I mean, I really went on a roll then. 563 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,280 And it just got worse and worse. 564 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,640 And my life finding was, she couldn't do this anymore. 565 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,200 And I was this terrible husband. 566 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,400 Besides being an alcoholic, 567 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,440 never knowing when I was gonna be home. 568 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:34,520 I remember the summers. 569 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,080 I hated summers because she was a teacher, 570 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,400 and summer she'd be home. 571 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,040 But during the pregnancy, she'd be gone. 572 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,360 So I could stay in bed until 11 or whatever. 573 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:45,560 And I remember one morning, 574 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,880 just to show you what a jerk I was. 575 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,760 I was probably 10 in the morning. 576 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,640 I was feeling terrible, getting over. 577 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,640 And she came in, and she was just at what's in split. 578 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,480 What are you doing? 579 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,320 I mean, what? 580 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,000 And if you're not an alcoholic, you can just observe it. 581 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,000 You just don't understand it exactly. 582 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,320 And so she started. 583 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,800 Says, you know, if you put as much effort into your work, 584 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,400 and into doing constructive things, 585 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,560 you do your drinking, 586 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:13,080 you could probably make, you know, $150,000 a year. 587 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,120 At that time, it was really a lot. 588 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:15,960 I had a hangover. 589 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:16,800 I was feeling terrible. 590 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,120 And I just looked at her and I said, 591 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:21,520 "If I made $150,000 a year, you'd be history." 592 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,240 And I was just such a jerk. 593 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,320 I mean, just when I look back, and anyway. 594 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,920 So this guy is my sponsor now. 595 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,840 Finally, I went to some meetings with him, 596 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,680 and I went for about two months, 597 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,480 and then went out for my last run. 598 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,680 And it was an end up with a hit-and-run accident. 599 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,400 So I went down and he knocked on his wall. 600 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,480 And I said, "Okay, I'll try your deal." 601 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,320 And he said, "Well, you're losing everything." 602 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,120 I said, "You gotta put AA before everything." 603 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,040 I said, "Oh, geez." 604 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,360 I said, "Well, before my marriage, 605 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,720 your marriage is just hanging by a thin thread." 606 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,040 I said, "And for my kids?" 607 00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,120 He said, "Just listen, Randy. 608 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,160 I'm not saying you have to love AA more, 609 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:02,520 but AA has to be here, 610 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,920 because none of this down here will work." 611 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,920 So I started going to meetings on my Friday date, 612 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,120 like I said, it was July 13th, 1992. 613 00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:13,720 And he's been my sponsor the whole time. 614 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,920 But I couldn't quite put AA where it should be. 615 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,280 I remember in my first month, 616 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,800 I missed the Wednesday night meeting. 617 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:20,640 I said, "Where were you?" 618 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,680 And I said, "Well, I had really good scenes. 619 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:23,760 I was at the Dodger game." 620 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,560 And he said, "Get the Dodger shortstop to sponsor you." 621 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:30,240 And he walked away, and so I started going. 622 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,080 I'll tell you AA what it did for me, 623 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,240 'cause I was always talking to the wrong people. 624 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:38,120 I was talking to people that wanted my best interest, 625 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:39,400 but they weren't alcoholics. 626 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:40,760 And the great thing, I'm just so simple. 627 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:41,920 The people you have to talk to 628 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,160 are the people that have the same disease. 629 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,000 And that's the one thing. 630 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,040 I remember one of my first meetings, 631 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,160 it was the big Pacific group meeting, 632 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,680 and there was a whole bunch of people. 633 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,160 I just randomly sat next to this lady, 634 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,000 and I was talking to her, 635 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:56,840 and she said, "How are you?" 636 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,840 And I just went through all this petty crap. 637 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,640 And just coincidentally, she was the main speaker then. 638 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,680 And she got up in like in her first two minutes, 639 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,240 so I just met a new friend, Randy, 640 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,360 and he's having kind of a hard time. 641 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,720 But four or five minutes later when she was talking, 642 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,760 I realized she was in the throes of cancer. 643 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,360 And I didn't literally do this, 644 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:18,200 but it was just like, "Oh God, what an idiot I am. 645 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,040 I'm telling her about my little piddly crap 646 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,320 where I can't quite get the fourth step right, 647 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,520 and I can't do this, and I just feel like a jerk." 648 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,320 And I couldn't say anything to her that night 649 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,080 because at that time the speaker would be 650 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,600 at the back of the room and shake everybody's hand. 651 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,800 But the next week I went up to her and I said, 652 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:34,960 "God, I feel like a jerk." 653 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,880 And she didn't hardly remember, I don't think, 654 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,160 but she said, "Why?" 655 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,440 And I said, "Because I was going through 656 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,160 all my little crappy things that were going on in my life, 657 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,680 and you have cancer, I mean really bad." 658 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,200 And then she said, "Well, what are we doing?" 659 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,960 And I said, "What do you mean, what are we doing?" 660 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,400 And so we were just talking, and so she looked around. 661 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,280 And so all these people were talking in little groups 662 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,760 and stuff like that, and she said, 663 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,280 "Well, what are all these people doing?" 664 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,080 I said, "Oh man, an AA quiz." 665 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,640 And so she said, "It's one alcoholic talking to another." 666 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,840 And she said, "You know, if you remember that," 667 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,480 she says, "that's where you're gonna get your input, 668 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,200 and the people you need to share with, 669 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,040 the people you need to talk to. 670 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,720 I mean, you want to talk to your wife, 671 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:13,880 and you want to talk to your friends, 672 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,120 and you want to talk to whoever's close to you. 673 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:17,600 But you don't hide it. 674 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,120 I mean, you're not gonna be hiding anything 675 00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:20,920 because they all know where you're at. 676 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,320 But where you're gonna get the input 677 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,920 is not necessarily somebody with 30 years or 40 years. 678 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,720 You're gonna get input from them, 679 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,400 but just sharing one alcoholic to another. 680 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,600 And I never forgot that. 681 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,520 And I mean, there's just things that you learn 682 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:35,360 while you're noggin. 683 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,360 You're not even thinking about it. 684 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:39,680 I mean, I lied so much when I was drinking. 685 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,400 Somebody asked what color this tie is. 686 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,960 I would say red, because I just lied to lie. 687 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,560 And because it's almost every question that was asked to me, 688 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,320 I had to lie, especially to my wife or to my employers. 689 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,560 And so one night I was at the Wednesday night meeting, 690 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,200 and I was sitting in the little circle, 691 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,880 and there was a girl that I had talked to, 692 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,000 and some of my old bad priorities came back in thoughts. 693 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,640 And remember, I was a lot younger then. 694 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,320 And I said something to her about, 695 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:07,640 should I get some coffee or something? 696 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,040 She says, "Randy, aren't you married?" 697 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,960 And I said, "Instead of, I couldn't cry, tell the truth." 698 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,160 I said, "Well, sort of." 699 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,800 I said, "Tell the truth." 700 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,640 And so on the way home with my sponsor, 701 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,520 I said, "Yeah, that's what happens." 702 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:21,880 So we're gonna have to work on this, Randy. 703 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,760 It's gonna take you a little while. 704 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,960 So I'll pretend like I'm you and you're her. 705 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,080 We'll both do the same thing. 706 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,720 And so I, "Okay, aren't you married?" 707 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,920 The answer to this is yes. 708 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,680 And because I lied for everything, 709 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:38,040 it's just kind of the little things that you learn 710 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,280 and that you become grateful for. 711 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:44,240 There was a good friend of mine, he had a bedside panel, 712 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,160 and I don't know if any of you know, 713 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,440 I don't know if they have those anymore, 714 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,800 but you actually go to the hospital, 715 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,600 you go into the alcoholic ward 716 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,920 and talk to different people and say, "I'm from AA," 717 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:54,760 and you go through it. 718 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,160 And then the nurse came up and said, 719 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:57,000 "You better not go into that." 720 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,400 And that guy is a real jerk. 721 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,800 And so I said, "Oh, we're doing really well." 722 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:05,120 So we went in there and he said, we walked in, 723 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:06,120 "Are you from AA?" 724 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:07,280 And we said, "Yeah." 725 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:08,600 And he gave us the finger. 726 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,640 And he said, "Get the hell out of here, I wanna talk to you." 727 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,040 So he kept going and stuff. 728 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,640 He said, "I guess you didn't understand me." 729 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,920 And he gave me the finger with both hands. 730 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:16,800 And so we left. 731 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,680 But I was laughing when we were leaving. 732 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,240 And my friend said, "What are you laughing for?" 733 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,080 And I said, "Look at that guy. 734 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,280 "I mean, he's all hooked up to all these tubes 735 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:24,920 "and green is a good color. 736 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,400 "I mean, this tie is green 737 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,600 "and green is a good color for the front lawn 738 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:29,440 "and the Christmas tree. 739 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,360 "This guy's a great color for a human being." 740 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,200 And this guy was, 741 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,240 all of these things were, he had all of these tubes in him 742 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,600 and he knew he wasn't gonna live for much longer. 743 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,200 And I just left and I said, "God, Dad, doesn't he get it?" 744 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,320 And we went and had a nice lunch. 745 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,840 But AA by far is the best thing that's ever happened to me. 746 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,400 And I was kind of a slow learner. 747 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:54,400 But the key to my program and the key to me being, 748 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,480 like I said, sober and comfortable at the same time as you, 749 00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,960 because like I said, I've been married 54 years. 750 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,000 Most of you I've never met in person. 751 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,960 Maybe we drank together at some point, 752 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,520 but I've never met before. 753 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,440 But you know more about me on a certain level 754 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,640 than my brothers do, than my wife does, 755 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,600 than my friends that aren't alcoholics do. 756 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,120 And that's the secret of Alcoholics Anonymous. 757 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:19,560 It's been, I mean, there's not even a close second. 758 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,720 That is the best thing I ever did. 759 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,680 And that goal that I wanted, 760 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,840 sobriety and comfort at the same time. 761 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,040 It's not always there, but most of the time it is. 762 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,280 And it's thanks to people like you. 763 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,160 So thanks a lot. 764 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,480 (crosstalk)