1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,080 - Oh my God, you know. 2 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,500 (indistinct) 3 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:09,920 - My name is Patrick, I'm an alcoholic. 4 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,280 Thank you all for welcoming. 5 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,040 And Karen, I think you've been such a great liaison 6 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,120 and former secretary and the techs back and forth. 7 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,720 I'm really happy to be here. 8 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,560 I had a great drive out. 9 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,120 I live in West Hollywood where traffic is everywhere. 10 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,680 Wednesday night, I tried to get to my home group meeting. 11 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:27,520 It took an hour. 12 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,800 I was just spending time on a freeway, there's no traffic. 13 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,060 I gave myself all this time. 14 00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:34,320 I'm just flying down, the windows are down, 15 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,560 reminiscing about all the trouble I caused in the dollar 16 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,960 back in my youth, so I'm really, really happy to be here. 17 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:44,000 Hey Jojo, there's really not much I can say in 35 minutes. 18 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,460 We can just say it in like nine minutes and 20 seconds. 19 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:50,880 I was the most perfect example of what AA can do for us. 20 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,040 You know, once we all know about the drinking too much 21 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,700 and the using too much and all the damage that it can cause, 22 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:59,540 but man, to get to the point where AA does for us 23 00:00:59,540 --> 00:01:01,760 and gives us a good life, and I have a good life now. 24 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,640 It's a completely different life than I had before, 25 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:04,480 but I have a good life, 26 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,040 and I couldn't possibly put it any better than that, 27 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,080 so thank you very much. 28 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,120 So I'm just, I'm Irish. 29 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,600 I'm from the great state of New Jersey. 30 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,320 I like to tell stories, and I'm just gonna stop. 31 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,680 You know, it's just the way that I was born and raised, 32 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,000 so I'm just gonna tell you what it was like for me today, 33 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,400 and like I said, yeah, 34 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,680 I was born in the great state of New Jersey. 35 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,400 I come from an old Irish family. 36 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,400 My immediate family was just kind of cover-sized. 37 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,240 There were five kids. 38 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,380 My mother was one of 11 children, you know, 39 00:01:32,380 --> 00:01:35,880 so my mother, just to give you an age reference, 40 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,080 I'm the youngest of the youngest. 41 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,920 My mother was born in 1920. 42 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,560 My father was born in 1913, 43 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,280 so obviously I come from an older generation family. 44 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,440 I'm the youngest of 38 cousins, 45 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,920 and so there was just a lot, 46 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,160 just a lot of family around all the time, 47 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,840 and I knew just about all of them. 48 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,360 They were very, very close. 49 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,400 In my life, in my life here on earth, 50 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,320 and the greatest gifts I've gotten from God, 51 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,560 obviously is my sobriety, obviously my health, 52 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,420 and I'm still here and able to walk and talk, 53 00:02:02,420 --> 00:02:04,120 but my family's just been instrumental 54 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,480 in the good life that I've had, 55 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,720 and I'm blessed, and I don't take that for granted at all. 56 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,960 I know when you come to AA, you know, 57 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,800 there's many, many, many people that have stories 58 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,640 that aren't as kind and generous as mine, 59 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:18,080 and I never take it for granted. 60 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,160 I know how lucky I am, but I love them much, 61 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,380 and just got back a couple weeks with them on a Jersey Shore, 62 00:02:23,380 --> 00:02:26,800 which I do every year, and enjoy all those traditions. 63 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,680 So anyway, I grew up in this family. 64 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,160 Again, like Joda, I have to relate, 65 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,760 you know, beginning of my story. 66 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,320 There's a lot of narcotics in my story. 67 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,800 I am truly a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. 68 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,540 I believe in the same illness of purpose. 69 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:40,720 It's a challenge for people at my age to tell a story, 70 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,880 you know, if they maintain same illness of purpose. 71 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,240 I think for me, it's kind of easier. 72 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,920 Most of the narcotics that are in my story 73 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,560 only enhance my drinking, you know, 74 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,360 so it kind of makes my story a little bit easier. 75 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,720 Most of us know when you experience those kinds of things, 76 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,160 and all it did was cause me to want to drink more. 77 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,640 When I first got, when I got back to AA, you know, 78 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,440 22 years ago, and I kind of like, you know, 79 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,640 struggling with identifying whether I was an alcoholic 80 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,080 or a drug addict, and then all I had to do 81 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,160 is read the doctor's opinion really, really closely, 82 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,880 and I just had that as a start. 83 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:09,960 I can't stop. 84 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,400 I have that phenomenon of craving. 85 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,560 That was the single best explanation for my drinking 86 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,560 that I'd ever heard, I'd never understood. 87 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,080 It's not the type of person that drank 88 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,520 along with a whole bunch of other people 89 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,360 that seemed to be drinking exactly the same way 90 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,080 that I was, exactly the same. 91 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,880 At the time that all the comedy was happening, 92 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,080 I could never differentiate 93 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,760 why I was the one that was in jail, 94 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,520 why I was the one that was in the hospitals, 95 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,480 why I was the one that was always in trouble, 96 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:31,320 and they weren't. 97 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,720 It just turns out I have alcohol, you know, 98 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,280 I have alcohol that went through it, perhaps they didn't. 99 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,320 So anyway, I started off like Jojo said, you know, 100 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,160 just smoking a bit of recreational marijuana. 101 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,000 That's what we did. 102 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,880 If you're a kid in New Jersey and New York in the '70s, 103 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,120 not a lot of consequences come from that, 104 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,160 but basically just me and my friends, you know, 105 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:49,000 I was a good student, by the way. 106 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,680 I also want to say that I was not a club alum, 107 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,680 I was not in trouble, I was not disrespectful, 108 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,560 I was a really, really good student. 109 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,560 Well, we did jobs when I was young. 110 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:58,960 There's nothing in my upbringing, 111 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,560 there's nothing in my early teenage years 112 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,080 that would indicate the drug that I had to later accept. 113 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,360 So anyway, yeah, that was just any given night 114 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,120 in the mid '70s where just me and a bunch of my friends 115 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:08,960 just driving around. 116 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,640 You've ever seen the movie "Wayne's World" 117 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,520 where Mike Myers, they're all in the car 118 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,040 singing to "Bohemian Rhapsody"? 119 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,880 That was completely my entire high school story, 120 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,320 just like that, except we would all sing 121 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,440 to the Julie Brothers "Blackheart," you know? 122 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,560 And I actually left work yesterday 123 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,560 and I think that song came on and I'm just, 124 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,200 ♪ Here's some fun early dinks ♪ 125 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,040 ♪ See what I mean ♪ 126 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:26,920 That's what we used to do. 127 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,040 Whatever that song was out, 128 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:28,880 that was the height of my high school years 129 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,320 and then we would just, you never got into trouble, 130 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,720 you know, and I'm kind of friendly, 131 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,480 so I need a bunch of ice cream to go home. 132 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,160 But I'm so old, the drinking age is, 133 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,640 the drinking age was 18 when I was in New Jersey 134 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,360 and graduated high school and I was a good student 135 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,480 and I went to Rutgers University, 136 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,280 which is a long way from my home, 137 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,840 and the drinking age was 18 and back then, 138 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,800 I would feel sorry for young people that went to college, 139 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,200 but we had pubs on campuses. 140 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,080 There was a Rutgers pub, there was a Princeton pub 141 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,080 and you were just allowed to drink 142 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,520 and pick food from those backers. 143 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,040 Welcome to a pitcher of beer, you know? 144 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,320 And drinking, I turned from being just, you know, 145 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:01,560 your run of the mill average stoner 146 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,240 into a really, really heavy drinker almost immediately. 147 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:07,280 Alcohol was just the key to all, you know? 148 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,320 Like I said, I grew up, I had a happy childhood, 149 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,200 like, gender indicated, you know, 150 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,080 but I have all the same insecurities 151 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,240 and all the same fears that probably many of us 152 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,080 in this room do, 153 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,480 and all of a sudden, alcohol just kind of took away 154 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,920 all my social fears and took away all of that, 155 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,520 and I drank and I drank a lot. 156 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,080 So my story kind of progresses pretty quickly. 157 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,680 I got my first drink driving 158 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,560 when I was 20 years old in New Jersey. 159 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,280 I was a bar drinker, by the way. 160 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,680 I maintained bar drinking for most of my drinking career. 161 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:34,520 I loved bars. 162 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,000 I come from Irish, my family were all bar tenders. 163 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,960 As a matter of fact, I come from one of the bowl houses, 164 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,760 little Cape Cod house that my parents bought 165 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,720 in the GI bill for $12,000 in like 1954. 166 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,120 And of course, my father and my uncle 167 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,640 proceeded to build a basement 168 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,840 with that knotty pine paneling, 169 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,240 and they built a bar, you know? 170 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,800 So I was trained in town when I was like, you know, 171 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,800 14 years old, and I love bars. 172 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,160 But anyway, I was leaving one one night when I drove driving. 173 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,160 It happens in New Jersey, 174 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,080 driving somebody else's car went off the road, 175 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,000 and it was just like, 176 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,960 they were the consequences starting right away. 177 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,480 Like none of my other friends were seen. 178 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,240 And as a result of that, 179 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,440 even though I was pretty successful in my college career, 180 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,960 you know, my alcoholism took over, 181 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,520 and I decided that I wanted to leave New Jersey, 182 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,000 and I couldn't face the consequences, 183 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,240 the insurance rates and everything. 184 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,440 So I decided that I was going to move to California. 185 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:20,920 I was going to move to Los Angeles, 186 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,240 even though I'd never been further west than Philadelphia. 187 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,760 So I just got this idea, only one person in California. 188 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,200 For those of you who might be younger or don't know, 189 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,480 that's called a geographic. 190 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,960 We tend to do it all the time. 191 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,360 You know, you're just like, this isn't working for me. 192 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,200 It's going to work there. 193 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,200 But of course, we're taking us with them. 194 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,440 Yeah, I was 20 years old. 195 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,960 It was, you know, and I just had no idea 196 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,280 that my alcoholism was going to manifest itself. 197 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:44,640 So in January of 1979, I was 20 years old. 198 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,520 My parents were heartbroken that I moved. 199 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,560 I mean, they were really cool. 200 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:48,400 I was the youngest. 201 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,880 If you're the youngest, your parents are tired. 202 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,760 I didn't have curfews or anything like that. 203 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:52,680 They loved me dearly, 204 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,320 and it really broke their hearts that I moved. 205 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,240 They, you know, they didn't stop me at all. 206 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:01,120 And I landed in Hollywood in January of 1979, 207 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,920 like $300 in my pocket, 208 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,080 and with the plans to go to UCLA 209 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,120 and all those really good plans. 210 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,480 And within three days, I got a job in a restaurant. 211 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:10,640 The one person that I knew here 212 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,760 got me a job at a place called a spaghetti factory 213 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:13,600 down in Hollywood. 214 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,760 It's called Boulevard, 215 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,320 and I had never worked in a restaurant before, 216 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,920 but I took to it like, you know, 217 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,680 like it takes the water, you know. 218 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,320 I just loved it immediately. 219 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,880 And my plans for going to school kind of got put away. 220 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,920 If you've ever worked in a restaurant or bar business 221 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,600 when you're younger and your drinking is happening, 222 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,040 it's the perfect place to be. 223 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,240 You know, you get to sleep late. 224 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,080 You get to go. 225 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:32,920 You get to go to work. 226 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,760 You know, it's a little crazy. 227 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:34,600 You hang out with your friends. 228 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,420 You make jokes. 229 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:36,260 You make some money. 230 00:07:36,260 --> 00:07:37,760 You immediately go out and drink all that money, 231 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:38,960 and I drank at every band core. 232 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:43,680 It was a long time since I had a really great time, 233 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,840 but you know, I'm an alcoholic, 234 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,200 and, you know, 235 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,040 consequences caught up with me pretty quickly. 236 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,080 I bought, I saved up some money and bought a car, 237 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,560 and I got a 1964 Dodge Dart, 238 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,160 an herbal Slant Six engine, 239 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,640 push button transmission, 240 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,840 and I thought that was the coolest thing ever, right? 241 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:58,920 Red interior, white. 242 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,740 I have one picture of that car, 243 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:03,400 and that was the beginning of the troubles for me. 244 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:08,400 So in 1980, I got three drunk drivings in one year, 245 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,480 and even, it's pretty significant now. 246 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,080 It was even pretty significant back then. 247 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,120 I was arrested three times for drunk driving. 248 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,740 I am not a blackout drinker. 249 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,360 I really understood your story. 250 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,920 I've only blacked out a few times, 251 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,420 and that just horrified me. 252 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:22,880 I remember everything, 253 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,640 and so, yeah, those consequences were pretty bad. 254 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,600 At one point after I got the third one, 255 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,120 my sister, who's my oldest sibling 256 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,200 and my best friend in the world, 257 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,840 she dropped her band that she was doing 258 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,560 and came out, kind of kept me company, 259 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:35,680 trying to figure out what to do, 260 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,280 but you know, it was 1980, 261 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,140 and my whole family, my family are drinkers. 262 00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:40,980 They're just drinkers. 263 00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:43,520 They're not, and the only person sober in the NAA, 264 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,020 they are all hugely supportive of me. 265 00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:46,920 They're amazing. 266 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,880 I don't determine whether they're alcoholics or not. 267 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,880 I think most of them were just heavy drinkers, 268 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,800 but that's just the way that it is, so you know. 269 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,000 So no one said to me, not even take responsibility. 270 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,320 I just didn't realize that it was alcoholics. 271 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,000 Like I said, I thought it was just a bunch of mishaps 272 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,160 and misunderstandings. 273 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,360 I was only out with people, and you know, why me? 274 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,880 You know, why did this happen to me? 275 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,320 And as a result of those three drunk driving, 276 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,920 and I also want to tell you just to make it feel 277 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,640 that if anybody here has had a DUI in the past 20 years, 278 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,080 I had three drunk driving, so I didn't lose my license. 279 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,120 They made me actually come down to the DMV, 280 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,300 it was on Coahuenga at the time. 281 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:24,800 I remember going there, and they interviewed me, 282 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,480 and I was a student at UCL, and I was like, 283 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,960 "Oh, you have to keep your license." 284 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,320 I'm like, "You? Yes, I do." 285 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,720 So I did not lose my license. 286 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:33,920 But I did have to go to drug school, 287 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,440 and as a result of that, I had to go to AA. 288 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,160 So I went to my first AA meeting. 289 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,600 I know speakers love to talk about their first AA meeting. 290 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:40,680 I do remember it. 291 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,560 I know where it was. 292 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:44,880 It was in the park, San Bassini in West Hollywood. 293 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,520 And I didn't know what AA was. 294 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,560 I'm not one of those people that never heard of AA. 295 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,160 You know, thought that you'd go to AA 296 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,320 to learn to drink like a gentleman. 297 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,040 I must have culturally understood 298 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,600 that AA is so you stop drinking. 299 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,600 So I knew that, and I went there, 300 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,520 but it was the first time I'd ever been in an AA meeting. 301 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,200 This was, you know, and I remember the thing 302 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,640 where people said, "Hey, I'm an alcoholic," 303 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,880 and everybody was, and I'm like, "That's beautiful. 304 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:06,920 "You know, that's just great." 305 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,280 You know, I'm like, "Oh my God, 306 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,000 "these people are absolutely wonderful. 307 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,600 "I understand how this must be, you know, 308 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,440 "how this must work and things like that, but not for me." 309 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,920 I mean, I'm 20 years old. 310 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,560 I'm 20 years old, you know. 311 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:22,040 I mean, I'm going to UCLA, I got a job, you know. 312 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:26,120 And so I had to figure out a way to get through, 313 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,600 and I did have to go to school for a year and do that. 314 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,600 And the only way to really do that, 315 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,720 I think, is to like, you know. 316 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,480 So I, if any of you, I'm hoping everybody here 317 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,320 has some medicine, but if any of you are on court cards, 318 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,360 I'm not mind-forged, you know, so I'm not, there we go. 319 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,360 But I actually found the woman whose name, 320 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,360 there was one woman's name who was in charge of sundown 321 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,040 and was at Cedars High, I managed to forge her, 322 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,560 and I found her years later and made an event for that. 323 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:54,120 I did forge those things, I just wasn't ready to start. 324 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,960 You know, it was just that simple, 325 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,520 and consequences came the following year. 326 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,480 Even worse, this is what happens to me. 327 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,040 I'm sad, I drank half a part of the drinking every night. 328 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,800 I was coming home, walking home from the bars near me, 329 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,040 and I was crossing the street on San Juan Boulevard, 330 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,720 and I didn't get my bar, and I flew up in the air, 331 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,840 and I landed, and then the car ran over me. 332 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,880 And I was just, this was serious. 333 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:16,840 You know, this is my mother, 334 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,840 and this will be bad, it was the worst day of her life. 335 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,240 And I was really, really bad, really, really badly hurt. 336 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:26,520 And my parents were called, and I woke up in ICU. 337 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,760 When I woke up, my family was there. 338 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,960 My parents and two of my siblings, 339 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,400 it was really, really bad. 340 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,960 And the whole time, of course, I am like, I'm in trouble. 341 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,760 They're like, it's me. 342 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,680 I never, thank God for the steps, 343 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:43,880 and thank God for events that I got to live long enough, 344 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,360 and got to make amends to my parents, 345 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,240 'cause at the time, I never thought about 346 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,480 how hard that was for them. 347 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,360 The stuff that we do to our parents. 348 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,240 You know, when you're 20 years old, and 22 years old, 349 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,320 and you think you're indestructible, 350 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,200 you know, and the harm and the hurt that I caused, 351 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,800 and even the dream driving, and all those things, 352 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,640 I just never got. 353 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,280 'Cause you know, I'm selfish to the core. 354 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,880 I mean, I'm a nice guy, I recall my mom on Sundays, 355 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,320 but I am selfish, and self-seeking, 356 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,880 there's no doubt about it, and I was worried about myself. 357 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,560 And so that was quite an event for my family, 358 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,280 and they came and supported me 100%, 359 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,320 and then, you know, I was laid up for a couple of years, 360 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,920 and then, but eventually, you know, 361 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:21,120 through some good doctors, I learned to walk again, 362 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,880 and I went back to work, and I went back to work 363 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,720 in the restaurant business, and as a result, 364 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,440 even though I was in that intersection, 365 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:29,440 it was two o'clock in the morning, 366 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,720 but even though I was in that intersection, 367 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,440 not sober, they pulled, you know, 368 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,720 they pulled a pile of outside substances in my pocket, 369 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,160 because I had those in my pocket every minute of the space. 370 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,400 But even though I got money, you know, 371 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,160 I got an insurance settlement, because it was California, 372 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,760 and I got a whole bunch of money in 1984, 373 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,800 and I remember the day that I got the money, 374 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,400 I was with my best friend, who is still my best friend now, 375 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,760 40-something years later, and we're like, 376 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,840 "Yeah, this is gonna last us for a while," you know? 377 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,600 And we immediately went and deposited it in my bank, 378 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:02,080 and it was on for me, so I was born in '58, 379 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,440 so if you wanna relate age group wise, 380 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,520 I don't know how old everybody is, but so it was 1984, 381 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,800 and it was Los Angeles, and I was working in the restaurant, 382 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,760 you know, in Beverly Hills, and I had all this money, 383 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,520 and it was on, it was just on, so, 384 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,840 and even if you've had your glory days, whatever they were, 385 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,320 and again, I'm not the kid that just crashed and burned 386 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,640 in '19, I managed to maintain some sort of work ethic, 387 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,200 and even though I was getting run over, 388 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,520 and setting myself on fire, and getting arrested, 389 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,000 I still managed to forge ahead with life, you know? 390 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,280 But it was 1984, and I had all this money, 391 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,640 and it was on, it was just on. 392 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,080 You know, I've always been blessed with good friends. 393 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,040 I was really socialized by having that large, large family, 394 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,160 so it was easier for me to make friends, 395 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,080 and especially in bars, you know, bars and clubs, 396 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,200 make friends, concerts, all that sort of stuff. 397 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,160 So, then we were out in the '80s, good in Hollywood, 398 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,520 it was kind of a good time, you know, 399 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,320 like I said, for our little glory days, you know, 400 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,280 and I had all that money, and me and like, 401 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,400 eight of my friends went on, you know, for months, 402 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,720 but it was, you know, it was those clothes, 403 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,320 I bought all clothes, and I had all padded jackets 404 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,720 out to here, Don Johnson, Miami Vice, 405 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,400 earrings coming out of your ears out of here, you know, 406 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,000 and I went to Zeke have a reachy pants, 407 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,440 I had buckles, you know, my hair was spiked out to here. 408 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,920 And just went kind of on a wild rampage, 409 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,760 I spent a lot of money, I'm really into music, 410 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,680 I'm totally into rock and roll and pop music, you know, 411 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,800 so I was, I saw Prince on the Purple Range War 412 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,680 from the second row, in a two piece little suit 413 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,440 that I had bought, you know, it's just all that wildness, 414 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,800 and I just thought that this money was gonna last forever, 415 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,520 and it was having a good time, 416 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,800 and I was working the whole time, but I have to tell you, 417 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,320 I started to hurt on the inside. 418 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,080 I started to realize that, you know, 419 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,160 all the things that life had given me, 420 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,280 all the good things, alcohol started to take away, 421 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,360 and it was kind of a slow and steady draw, 422 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,880 but things like I used to play music, 423 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,200 I used to play the guitar, I didn't stop playing that, 424 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,400 you'd go on vacations to beach vacations, 425 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,440 but you didn't leave the hotel room, you sent all this money 426 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,240 to be at the beach, but you're still in your hotel room, 427 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,520 'cause you can't get out, you know, those kinds of things, 428 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,920 and I was aware of more and more of that, 429 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:08,920 and sometime around, I just realized, 430 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:13,160 there was one day, and I always went to work, I'm Irish, 431 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,400 my father told me, if you don't work, you don't get paid, 432 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,240 you always have to go to work, 433 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,760 my parents are still the most amazing work ethic in us, 434 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,720 and so I worked, and I was a manager of the restaurant, 435 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,960 and hanging out with waiters who didn't recall 436 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,200 and say that to me, even though I had left them before, 437 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,960 and one day I didn't make it to work, 438 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,040 because I was driving downtown, 439 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,400 and I had never been in before, 440 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,400 I was looking for a job that I didn't even do, 441 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,080 and I couldn't get to work, and that was a line for me, 442 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,080 you know, we all have lines that we're not gonna cross, 443 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,240 and that was the one, and so in 1988, 444 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,200 I went little to no warning, I just went into rehab, 445 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,240 I was exhausted, I was really, really tired, 446 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,760 and I also only had about 5,000, 447 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,920 (mumbles) 448 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,320 and I got sober in 1988, 449 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,280 I got sober in the care unit at Cedars, at 30 days, 450 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,480 and I was excluded, a lot of them would be sent back, 451 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,600 you know, how good you felt in Tarzana after three months, 452 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,400 that's how I felt, that's how I felt back then, 453 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,640 I just couldn't believe, 454 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,680 first of all, I couldn't believe that I wasn't older, 455 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,200 I don't think people talk about hangovers a lot, 456 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,200 but I had this hum over some state of the bottle 457 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,560 every single day, from 1979 to 1988, 458 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,960 I mean, just, where you just feel like hell, 459 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,760 luckily I worked in the restaurant business, 460 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,400 until I discovered the morning drink, 461 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,680 until I had myself to take a morning drink, 462 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,600 (mumbles) 463 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,240 just held them till five o'clock, 464 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,880 you know, I was always hungover, 465 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,200 you know, and I would always show up to work, 466 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,200 show up to work, be at last night's clothes, 467 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,880 I'd show up to work at your clothes, 468 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,160 I'd show up to work with no sleep, 469 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,000 and I'd show up to work, and then I didn't, 470 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,800 and got sober, and I just felt great, 471 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,480 and I met a man who sponsored me, 472 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:48,880 we're still friends to this day, 473 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,240 he lived in the neighborhood, 474 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,760 and his name is Rick R, 475 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,400 he lives down in Plano, Texas now, 476 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,520 and he lives in a brand new restaurant here in Beverly Hills, 477 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,480 and I had a great experience, I did the steps, 478 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,920 I got sober, I was so happy not to be over, 479 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,880 I was so happy to have my phone bill paid, 480 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:05,560 and now back in those days it wasn't online, 481 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,040 it wasn't turned off, 482 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,800 all of those things that I just took for granted, 483 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,200 I was so bad at competing if I had money in the back, 484 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,680 I couldn't make all those things happen, 485 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,960 and I got sober, and I did all the steps, 486 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,600 and I really, really was happy to be sober, 487 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,880 so meetings, I've had regular friends, 488 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,760 and that worked for a while, 489 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,880 and what happened to me was life got busy, 490 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:30,880 and my meeting schedule got a little bit lighter 491 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:31,880 as the years went by, 492 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,480 and I went from like whatever for bad meetings, 493 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,400 and the years just kind of ticked by, 494 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,440 and I want to tell you, I'd retrospect, 495 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,520 you know with those meetings, 496 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,560 I never took a commitment, 497 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,040 I could not take a commitment for some reason, 498 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,440 I would be the first person if you say, 499 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,680 "Oh, we need help cleaning up," 500 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,560 I'd be the first one to raise my hand, 501 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,320 and I want to work with the thought of taking a commitment, 502 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,680 and putting AA first, somehow I've missed that, 503 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,560 you all told me to do that, but I didn't do it, 504 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,000 and you can all kind of guess what happened, 505 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,280 you know, life happened for me, 506 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,120 like it happens for all of us, 507 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,800 and it was the 80s, and into the 90s, 508 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,840 and I had relationships, I'm not good at relationships, 509 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,000 relationships broke up, and I'm an emotion-based person, 510 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,160 and I told you that I love music, 511 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,080 so like when I break up, it's just devastating to me, 512 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:18,280 and I, you know, like, I got so sad over break up 513 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,680 in the late 90s that I started listening to country music, 514 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,120 you know, it's just like, like James Taylor, 515 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,640 and Joni Mitchell, and Jackson Brown, 516 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,160 just weren't sad enough for me, 517 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:30,720 you know, I feel so much, it's always been my problem, 518 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,800 I really do, I just feel too much, 519 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,760 I'm not quick to anger, I'm quick to sadness, 520 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,040 I'm quick to melt coffee, you know, 521 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,960 and so what happened for me was a lot of my friends, 522 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,080 I'm sure I'm not the only one in this room 523 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,800 that lost a lot of friends in the 80s and 90s, 524 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,040 in whatever reason, a lot of my friends are dying, 525 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,360 and one of my closest friends was his major caregiver, 526 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,000 and I was so busy doing that, 527 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,920 I got a job at another restaurant in West Hollywood, 528 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,960 I was a general manager, and I was just all busy, 529 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,520 and running around trying to take care of him 530 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,680 and be his caregiver, and the night that he, 531 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,560 I was a dry drinker, I was a dry drinker, 532 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,920 they didn't even realize it, you know, 533 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,600 I was not, you agree, I was not responsible to anybody, 534 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,680 and I was overwhelmed, and the night that he died, 535 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,280 there was a hospital that's gone out down on the shore, 536 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,920 that's, it was called everybody hospital, 537 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,400 the night I was running the restaurant, 538 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,120 I was in the restaurant, and his nurse called and said, 539 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,360 "Good morning, I just passed away," 540 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,000 and I went over there, and while I was waiting 541 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,120 for the quarter to arrive, I took one of his pills. 542 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,200 It had been 10 years since I had put anything in, 543 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,960 but I just looked back, I was so sad, I was so overwhelmed, 544 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,200 and I had no friendly direction, and I justified it, 545 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,680 I'm like, I need this, I need some sort of relief, 546 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,760 I just need this, and I took one of his Valium City 547 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,200 in the parking lot, and I knew, 'cause I've been training, 548 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,600 and I was no longer the ASO, and I knew it, 549 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,560 and I just didn't care, you know, I just was like, 550 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,960 I was just going where it was going, 551 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,600 and that was the end of that sobriety after 10 years, 552 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,720 and you can all guess, I'm gonna speed it up a little bit, 553 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,360 but you can all kind of guess what happened. 554 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,600 I didn't plan on drinking, I didn't plan on doing other 555 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,080 drugs, I didn't plan on my life going completely down 556 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,240 the drain, but it took a little bit while, but it did, 557 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,120 it was probably four or five months before I like, well, 558 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,840 and I was like, I knew AA, I'm like, well, here I am, 559 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,560 I'm just like, let's just see how this goes, 560 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,400 it's really how it was, I wasn't really AA, 561 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,520 I had just walked away, I had just bent off the stage, 562 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,240 off of AA, right into the abyss, 563 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,040 and that's what had happened to me, and so, 564 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,040 picked up a drink after about five months, 565 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,200 still working, and trying to hold on, 566 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:24,240 and then, so, when I get to speak or share, 567 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,120 like, you know, I always, this is my story, 568 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:31,480 and I just try to, this disease is progressive, 569 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,840 and we hear it all the time, and I'm just one of the few 570 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,280 that's been lucky enough to have experienced it 571 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,920 and got to come back, and stay back for a chunk of time, 572 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,040 it is so progressive, I can't even, I wish, 573 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,800 somehow I wish I could tell you what was going on 574 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,520 in my head that time, because it just was, 575 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,440 how bad things, you know, and all the lines that I said 576 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,240 I would never cross, so I became unemployable, 577 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,960 which it happened in my youth, 578 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,320 my, I never put a needle in my arm, 579 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,160 but of course I did, I progressed into a whole other drug 580 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,520 that I had never experienced before, 581 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:06,040 and I was so appalled during my 10 years of sobriety, 582 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,480 because I saw what it did to my friends, 583 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,400 and I became addicted to that drug. 584 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,680 Thank God for alcohol. 585 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,200 It took me a little while after I got sober 586 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,360 to realize why I didn't go completely crazy, 587 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,800 although my life completely fell apart, 588 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,440 'cause I drank a bottle of alcohol a day, 589 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,960 which all my other friends thought was no, 590 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,880 it's no good drug, but I did, and yeah, 591 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,000 put needles in my arms, my life was, I lost everything, 592 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,720 I lost everything, I still had my house, 593 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,680 and my family of course was completely alarmed, 594 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,040 and they, they got my sister-in-law, 595 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,680 but my family for years, and then my sister again, 596 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,800 they came and took turns coming out looking at me, 597 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,880 and I was working, and I weighed nothing, 598 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,200 and I wasn't sleeping, and I was putting needles in my arms, 599 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,400 and I was drinking daily, and they were hardly good, 600 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:43,920 they couldn't understand what had happened, 601 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,320 and I just didn't know any way out. 602 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,560 I had no friendly direction, I was just lost, 603 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,000 and so my sister scooted me out, my family scooted me out, 604 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,360 but they took me back to New Jersey, 605 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,840 and I left my house behind, my dog left everything, 606 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,760 and I flew with my roommate, 'cause of course 607 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,520 I had moved in my drug dealer, 'cause wouldn't you? 608 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,240 And that's a true story, and then I went back, 609 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,720 and I went back to my sister's house, 610 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,800 her big house over in New Jersey, in Denver, New Jersey, 611 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,120 and I said I was gonna get sober 612 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,680 in this little AA meeting next door, 613 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,760 which I had been to before, and I went to it, 614 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,320 and I got a job as a waiter at a restaurant down the street, 615 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,760 and I was living in the back room of my sister's kitchen, 616 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,320 she was raising a family, and they were so good to me, 617 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,760 and I was determined to stay sober, 618 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,040 and get away from that life, 619 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,280 and it took me a couple of months, 620 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,400 but you know, when I got thirsty, I just got thirsty, 621 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,080 and I was not near a computer, I was not near a bank club, 622 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,880 I was not near companions, I was not near anything, 623 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,520 I was in suburban New Jersey, in a suburban house, 624 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,280 and I found a liquor store down the street, 625 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,040 where I would sneak off and go down to just drink, 626 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:41,480 no drugs, no clamor, no this, you know, that, just booze, 627 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,280 and I would sneak the bottles back in the house, 628 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,360 and you know, when you hear those old-timer stories 629 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:49,160 about throwing away bottles, when you hear somebody 630 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,000 all the time like, I didn't know what to do with the bottles, 631 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,200 or they found the bottles, or I hid the bottles from my wife, 632 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,280 I'm like, what's with that? 633 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:55,840 Just throw the bottle out in the trash, you know, 634 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,960 but when you're doing it, oh, they accumulate, like really, 635 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:03,560 and they pile up, you know, so I got to, you know, try to sneak them out, 636 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,800 and I had full use of my nieces, my 16-year-old nieces car, 637 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,200 I worked a car, and you know, it was just kind of hard for me, 638 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,240 and my bait managed to kind of guess what was going on, 639 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,680 so I sat in that room anyway, I'm in that room, you know, 640 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,160 it's like, it's like, what am I going to do here? 641 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,960 And I just sat there sitting there thinking, you know what, 642 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,640 I'm lying down, you're not, you know, I've been diagnosed as depressive, 643 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,040 and all that sort of stuff, like we've all been to doctors, you know, 644 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,560 not depressive, I'm not crazy, I'm a drug addict, I'm a drug addict, 645 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,200 just a drug addict, like from the, I've come full circles now, 646 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,960 and they were like, oh, vodka, you know, it's just a single drink, 647 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,120 and I had a moment of clarity, and I'm like, I got to do this, 648 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,640 I'm trying to do this, and through a whole series of things, 649 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:48,080 I got back, I got back to Los Angeles, and my brother, 650 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,200 just some connections, and got me to Tarzan. 651 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,200 Yeah, I was on the county's dime, I don't know if we had a room, 652 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,600 you had, JoJo, but I was on the far end with, 653 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:02,600 there were I think 12 of us in that room, I was so desperate, 654 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,560 you know, I was so desperate, and the morning that I was supposed to go, 655 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,160 I had a brother who moved out, he lived up, 656 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,280 he was very successful in business, he lived up at the top of Nichols Canyon, 657 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:18,760 and he was taking me begrudgingly, I think he thought I didn't deserve another chance or whatever, 658 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,840 and he came down to pick me up that morning when I went to Tarzana, 659 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,760 and I wasn't ready, and if any of you remember the day that you got sober, 660 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:28,200 or the morning you got sober, or the night you got sober, what sort of state you were, 661 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,840 hours before you got to treatment, or your first day of eating, 662 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,640 or you got to bed sober, I was not in good shape, 663 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,520 you know, and he came down and picked me up, and I just was like heading in, 664 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,160 I wouldn't go right away, and he pulled up, and went, 665 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,440 he drove back up the hill, all the way back up to his house, 666 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,160 there was no cell phones then, called my father, who was 91 years old at the time, 667 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,560 he was like the best man that I've met in my life, the man I admired most, 668 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,200 because he took contrary action his whole life, I didn't even need to, 669 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:55,320 and, you know, and provided for his family, and he called my brother, 670 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,960 and said, get your pass back down there, and pick him up, 671 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,960 and my brother, who had never walked in a lot at the time, 672 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,520 he begrudgingly came and picked me up, and drove me out to Tarzana, 673 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:08,360 and drove me there, and that was, you know, that was on April 24th of 2001, 674 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:11,280 and that's not my sobriety game, because who doesn't go, 675 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,760 who doesn't swallow too badly, and when you're gone, yeah, I did, 676 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:18,440 but yeah, I got to Tarzana there, and I stayed there for about five months, 677 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:24,040 and I was miserable, and I was ashamed, and I was all in what my life had become, 678 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,480 and what I had done to my family, and what I had done to my body, 679 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:31,520 picked up Hep C, all of the things, just everything, you know, all of that had happened, 680 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:36,720 and I was just absolutely mortified, there were days in Tarzana where I could have stopped in the district there, 681 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,720 and I do follow the rules, and I did everything I was supposed to do, 682 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,120 but there were a couple of days where the chances just left me alone, because I couldn't get out of bed, 683 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:45,680 you know, I had to get all of that out of my system, but, you know, 684 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,320 I count, I count April 25th, my second day there, but I woke up there as my day of sobriety, 685 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,360 and I did, I did everything that they asked, even though I hated it, 686 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:59,480 and I was respectful, and did all that, and yeah, the time came to leave, and I got out, 687 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:06,400 and I had to, they introduced us to A&A there, but I knew I had to make a choice as to how I was going to do A&A, 688 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:11,040 I come from West Hollywood in Beverly Hills, where they have excellent A&A, really, really good A&A, 689 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,440 you know, and I, they needed B4, and those people were wonderful, you know, 690 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,960 they didn't turn their backs on me, I turned my back on them, so, 691 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:22,040 but I made this choice, and I aligned myself with a, with a one-streamer, 692 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,440 because I had been taken there, there was a man, Chris, thanks to my friend Chris for coming out and hanging, too, here, 693 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:31,600 Chris is my brother now, he knows all these people, and I have an A, a brother named Bob A, 694 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,560 and when we were in, towards the end of the day, he used to come on Wednesday nights, and just take us out, 695 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,400 and I didn't, and they took us to PG, the big Wednesday night meeting, and I'm like, 696 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:44,240 okay, I, I, I, I, I would have gone to the 7-Eleven just to get out of there, and even took me to church, 697 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:48,600 anywhere, just let me go, I'm sure, oh, and so I've been exposed to some really, you know, 698 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:53,520 A, I don't, I don't think serious is the right word, but just A, where I felt I would be held accountable, 699 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:57,560 I could keep myself accountable for not wandering away like I had before, 700 00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:02,720 and, and that's where I've stayed, you know, for the past 22 years, 701 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:08,120 I am the least likely person to be in a highly regimented, you know, 702 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:13,560 but I, because I have found that, left my own devices, I won't wander away from anything, 703 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,480 you know, I need to be held accountable, and I need commitments, 704 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,920 and I need small Cs, and I need a sponsor that's on my ass, 705 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,560 and all of those things that I didn't do the first time, 706 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:26,280 you know, you all are doing them, you're all still sitting there with your originals and random days, 707 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,800 that didn't happen for me, because I just didn't listen, 708 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,360 I just went in one ear and out the other, and I thought I could do it my own way, 709 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:38,680 so since then, I've managed to put together a pretty good life, 710 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,280 for those of you that might be newer or younger, 711 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,400 and as I said, I was four and three years old, I felt completely out of place, 712 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,840 I would go to this, the home group meeting, if any of you have been or heard of that, 713 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:53,040 so at that time, I had about 800 people in it, and I was miserable, but I went anyway, 714 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,800 you know, luckily I smoked at the time, and so I could go out the smoking section 715 00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,160 and try to talk to those people, and people shaking hands and trying to talk to me, 716 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,960 and all I kept saying were people younger than me, more successful than me, 717 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:06,840 looking in better health than me, you know, and I just, I just cowered, 718 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,000 but I stuck it out, you know, I just stuck it out, 719 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,320 I don't know where I got the willingness from, you know, 720 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,200 they say that getting sober is just, you know, a matter of willingness, 721 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,560 and I don't know where it came from, but I have it, I couldn't, you know, 722 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,880 I could never do that, I don't think I could ever muster that again, 723 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,840 but I don't know if I could ever muster the phone call that I said, 724 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,920 where I'm going to send it that morning, you know, I call that a moment of grace, 725 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,920 I think all of us have it on our sobriety day, or whatever it was, 726 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,480 the spark that got you to where you're sitting in the seat tonight, 727 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,040 with either one day or 38 years, one million years of sobriety, 728 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,640 there's some moment of grace that got you sitting here, 729 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,600 thinking of your family, a little more relaxed about where you are, 730 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,440 and, you know, and the world around you a little bit more peaceful, 731 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,120 that you're not that tornado that's causing all that trouble, 732 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,560 you know, and I had that moment of grace, 733 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,200 and I just, I'm just trying to hold on to it as best that I can, 734 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,360 you know, I never, I never planned on being so active in AA 735 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,080 when I was 65 years old, I thought maybe you could retire out of it, 736 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,640 you know, but I'm still caring, I don't know what I thought, 737 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,640 you know, I take it one day, like the most simple, simple phrases, 738 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,200 like one day at a time, I got that phrase, 739 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,160 it's the hokiest phrase that makes so much sense to me, you know, 740 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:12,440 and like I said, I thought I'd be like some sort of different class of sober, 741 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,320 but I'm not, I'm just another drunk, it could go like this tomorrow, 742 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,360 I have learned, I don't think I really understood, you know, 743 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,280 Chris and I go to a Facebook study on Monday, 744 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,160 it's been going on for years, we take that book really slowly, 745 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,320 like one paragraph at a time, and in that book, you know, 746 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,720 I learned that I really truly am an alcoholic, 747 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:33,200 I always knew I had a drinking problem, I called myself an alcoholic, 748 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,040 I identified and believed I was an alcoholic in my first life, 749 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,560 it wasn't until I read that book, you know, 750 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:42,680 that I spiritually understood that I'm an alcoholic, 751 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,680 you know, and I've had trouble, I grew up very Catholic, 752 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,320 I had no trouble with God, I had no first variety, 753 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:52,360 I had a spiritual experience, I had a really conscious contact with God, 754 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,160 and it's been a struggle for me, and I hate to admit that, 755 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,280 sitting as a speaker in front of, you know, 30 people, 756 00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,760 but it has been a struggle for me, and I struggle, 757 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,880 I don't struggle now, it's just a journey, you know, 758 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,720 but I lost that conscious contact with God, 759 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:10,120 and I couldn't understand it unless I write it for my sponsor many years, 760 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,800 you know, my second year, I'm like, I don't get this, 761 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,680 I'm just not getting it, you know, and he said, 762 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,560 well, you know, you had a gift, and you gave it back, you know, 763 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:20,240 so I've had to kind of like work for my spirituality, 764 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,880 and I know when I was in Tarzana, you know, people are like, 765 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,040 I don't have any self-esteem, I don't have self-esteem, 766 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,760 you get self-esteem by doing esteemable acts, you know, 767 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,120 and the most esteemable act you can do is stay sober to your family and friends, 768 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,120 and look where it is in your life, you know, 769 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,080 and so I just try to do a series of what I'm considered to be esteemable acts, 770 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,720 just take contrary action, it's all about contraction, 771 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,840 you know, I mentioned my dad, my dad was my hero, 772 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:45,400 he was just a quiet, hard-working, hard, two and a half jobs all-time strong, 773 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:47,840 you know, working class Irishman from New York City, you know, 774 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,640 migrated to New Jersey and raised us, 775 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,160 and like I said, he took contrary action every day by going to work, 776 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,480 and he did it not because he had to, because he just did it on the match, 777 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,440 you know, and I so admire that, I have to work at my society, 778 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,640 thank you so much, I have to work at what I do, 779 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,800 and I have to stay at it, and that's why I stay active, 780 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,200 like I said, I've never planned on this, but here I am, you know, 781 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,240 and I do that by going to regular meetings, 782 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,960 and having commitments at my meeting, and taking phone calls, 783 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:15,000 and, you know, and saying my prayers, you know, and just being grateful, 784 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,080 I'm so grateful for the work that I do, you know, 785 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,200 there's so many people, you know, I laugh and perhaps in your life too, 786 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,240 you know, there are many people that are gone and dead that did, 787 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:24,640 there are some that did a lot more than me, 788 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,080 but there's some that did a lot less than me, 789 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,120 that have harder stories and easier stories, 790 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,280 I don't really know why I'm here, you know, 791 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:31,960 I do know how, I have a thing, you know, 792 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,400 so I don't know how I've stayed sober, 793 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:34,600 I mean, I do know how I've stayed sober, 794 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,120 because I follow what you guys do, 795 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,160 I follow what my sponsors told me to do, 796 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,320 I follow what guys like Chris with more time than me have done, 797 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,160 you know, and that's how, I know why I'm sober, 798 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,200 I know how I've stayed sober, I do, 799 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,880 and I've done all the steps, and so I understand that, 800 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,480 and it's just a matter of work, 801 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,360 and I just try to keep at it, you know, 802 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,800 and I'm just grateful to be alive, 803 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:55,640 and, you know, my life is really pretty good, 804 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:59,440 I'm like, I haven't, I live within two blocks 805 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:00,520 of where that car accident was, 806 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,640 I was run over in the corner of St. Monica, 807 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,920 I lost again, and I live within two blocks of that, 808 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,960 they almost killed me, and, you know, 809 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:08,840 I'm lucky to still be able to work, 810 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:12,760 maybe be alive, 65, you know, I got all my hair, 811 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,600 you know, it's like, life is good, you know, 812 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,840 I really truly love it, and what I love about AA, 813 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:17,680 I'm sorry to keep reading this, 814 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,360 but your story in 10 minutes, you know, man, 815 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:21,160 that just said it right there, like, 816 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,960 how different, how what, your life has changed, 817 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,320 you know, my life has changed, 818 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,560 you did it in three months, it's taken me like 20 years, 819 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:28,760 you know, when a dream is too wide, 820 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,000 and I just so love what you had to say, 821 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,640 because I am, I am this way, and I have a pretty good life, 822 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:36,840 and it is because of AA, because of people like you, 823 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:38,440 and the examples that you've given me, 824 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,520 so thanks all, and have a good year. 825 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,640 - Patrick, thanks, Joe. 826 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:45,400 - Thank you, Joe, thanks for having me. 827 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:46,440 - Have a great night.