1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,440 What's up Quality of Life, Vas, Alcoholic. 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:03,880 So glad to be here with you guys tonight. 3 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,120 Happy Saturday night. 4 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:09,300 I wore this coat out of respect for Alcoholics Anonymous 5 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,580 and this meeting, Quality of Life. 6 00:00:10,580 --> 00:00:11,420 I love that. 7 00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:12,240 And now I'm gonna take it off. 8 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,100 All right, so I told Karen that, you know, 9 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:15,820 this is gonna be the best damn Saturday night talk 10 00:00:15,820 --> 00:00:17,700 that you guys have heard all year, right? 11 00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:18,640 But you're not supposed to do that 12 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,800 'cause you're not supposed to, 13 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,220 you're supposed to over-deliver and under-promise. 14 00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:25,300 But, you know, at least I'll stop on time 15 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:26,920 'cause this man right here is gonna light up the lights. 16 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:27,760 I love it. 17 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,500 I feel like I'm in the PG. 18 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:30,720 Which is my home group, right? 19 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,680 We got lights like this. 20 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,880 I have been going to my home group in the, 21 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,720 hey, what's up, Zoom? 22 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:37,560 Right there. 23 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,200 And I've been going to my home group 24 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,960 since the first 30 days of this variety. 25 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,480 And my variety day is January 23rd, 1990. 26 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,960 And I've, I was sober over 30 years 27 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,440 and I've spoken twice at my home group meeting. 28 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:55,600 Once when I was 19 and the other one on my 25th birthday. 29 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,680 So, and when you hear my talk, you realize, 30 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,080 no wonder they didn't ask me to speak. 31 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:01,920 You guys are so good. 32 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,240 But I don't know what the hell I'm gonna say tonight 33 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,240 other than I can guarantee you this. 34 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,600 I'm gonna share my experience, strength and hope with you. 35 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,040 And then I'm also gonna share the enthusiasm 36 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,720 that I have for my sobriety. 37 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,460 So I'm not gonna sit up here and be all maudlin 38 00:01:14,460 --> 00:01:17,660 and bitch and whine about whatever challenges I'm facing 39 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,120 because this is life on life's terms. 40 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,880 And we all have challenges that we're facing, right? 41 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,760 What's nice about Alcoholics Anonymous 42 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,560 is just one alcoholic talking to another. 43 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,480 So that we can celebrate the good stuff going on in our lives 44 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,120 and when our ass is falling off 45 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,120 or we can barely hold on with both hands, 46 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,880 we can help each other, right? 47 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,800 And we have this unique bond, right? 48 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,720 The book talks about it, well the 12 and 12 talks about it. 49 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,900 If we grab onto this thing like a drowning man 50 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,000 grabs onto the life reserve, 51 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,800 we got a pretty damn good shot 52 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,360 of staying sober one day at a time. 53 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,800 And when we do that, it's been my experience 54 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,740 that we're able to continue that our lives flourish 55 00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:53,740 and good things happen. 56 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,240 And we suck it up during the hard times 57 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,760 and we share our experience, strength and hope with others. 58 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:04,640 And we get to keep it by giving it away, damn, right? 59 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,360 What Dan said, he doesn't want to drink again. 60 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,200 That's why he keeps telling me, 61 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,360 he's a quality of life for my sponsor, right? 62 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,240 Hell yeah, right? 63 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,540 Home group and a sponsor 64 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,040 'cause he doesn't want to go back out again. 65 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,240 I don't want to go back out again. 66 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,160 My life keeps getting bad. 67 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,360 But what's easy is to be complacent 68 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,920 and forget about our primary purpose 69 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,800 which is staying sober one day at a time. 70 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,060 If I can make sure that I stay sober, 71 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,900 all the other shit seems to fall into place. 72 00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,720 What, whatever, is there like a, yeah, right? 73 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,280 Sorry about the curse word there. 74 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,980 But yeah, you know, it's funny. 75 00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:33,000 I've been like, there's so much, 76 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,200 it's not enough time, people. 77 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,260 What is this, an hour meeting? 78 00:02:35,260 --> 00:02:36,640 I mean, when you ask me to speak, 79 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,200 it's gotta be at least an hour meeting, man, 80 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,040 because it's like, I'm talking about me. 81 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:44,180 I've got a lot of ears that I want to share with you guys. 82 00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:47,040 But again, it's that enthusiasm, right? 83 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,280 I have a sponsor. 84 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:49,320 I have a home group. 85 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,840 I go to weekly meetings of alcoholics 86 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,440 when my football team is winning, 87 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,360 when my football team is not winning, 88 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,160 when I got a promotion at work, 89 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,420 when I did something and my wife is really pissed at me 90 00:03:00,420 --> 00:03:01,840 and it's very uncomfortable at home. 91 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,120 By the way, I want to thank the two ladies 92 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,860 for showing up here tonight. 93 00:03:04,860 --> 00:03:05,700 Good job. 94 00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:09,520 Break up all the test thoughts thrown in this room. 95 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,760 Yeah, and Frank says hello, by the way, Elizabeth. 96 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:13,920 I texted him, he's a good man. 97 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,440 AA brother and so for long. 98 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,560 And he's an AA brother and he's also class of 1990. 99 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:19,480 We're all home. 100 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,720 Everybody gets sober in a certain year we have banquets 101 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,120 and we get together, it's a whole thing. 102 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,320 Anyway, so PG works for me. 103 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,840 That's why it's my home group. 104 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,400 Okay, I don't know what the hell I'm saying tonight 105 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,560 because I woke up at 3.30 this morning 106 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,280 and I took about a 20 minute nap. 107 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,560 And Karen doesn't know this, 108 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,200 but I was going to ask one of my AA brothers 109 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,160 who lives in the Valley like, 110 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,840 "Dude, I'm doing a triathlon that morning." 111 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:40,680 You know what I mean? 112 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,320 And I said, yes, I would do it, 113 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,520 but I forgot I had signed up for this triathlon 114 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,880 that I've been training, continuously training for. 115 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,660 And Randy's a good guy. 116 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,440 He's got a better talk than mine. 117 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,000 So you guys would have been better off with him. 118 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,200 But that son of a bitch died two weeks ago. 119 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,360 And yeah, really good friend. 120 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,440 His service is on November 5th. 121 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:05,120 A good man, AA brother. 122 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,720 We went to the same Monday night men's staff 123 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,040 for 22 years together. 124 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,760 We carpooled to my sponsors meeting every other month. 125 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,080 You know, my sponsors are meeting all the sponsors 126 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:14,920 get together enough. 127 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,800 You know, so we went to football games. 128 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,560 We did so much together. 129 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,840 His wife found him on the floor of his side of the bed 130 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,880 on a Friday morning. 131 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,240 Took him to St. Joe's. 132 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,000 And a lot of AA brothers went Saturday night. 133 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,720 I was at a football game, 134 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,260 many of the same football games had Trojan fan. 135 00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:36,040 Outside issue, but we would go to Trojan games all the time. 136 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,320 And we had, there's a big contingent of sober people 137 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,160 going to tailgating. 138 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,000 It was fantastic. 139 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,600 Anyway, a lot of my AA brothers saw him 140 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,240 at St. Joe's ICU Saturday night. 141 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,280 I saw him midday Sunday. 142 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,960 Sunday afternoon, they pulled the plug. 143 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,760 And, but he was current. 144 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,480 He was current with his wife, right? 145 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,880 He was current with his family. 146 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,960 He was a good member of Alcoholics Anonymous. 147 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,200 And that's where you want to go, right? 148 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,480 So couldn't ask him to speak. 149 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,320 So I'm here tonight. 150 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,920 So grew up in Los Angeles to a dentist 151 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,960 and a concert pianist mother, just like Dan. 152 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,300 You know, I know why you drank 153 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,520 'cause your father left you. 154 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,880 And I know why you drank 155 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,960 'cause your mother beat the shit out of you. 156 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,320 Like, that's right, damn it, two twice. 157 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,600 The, my parents love me, man. 158 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,520 And they probably love me too much. 159 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:26,160 And they gave my brother and I everything that we needed 160 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,960 for sure and most of what we wanted, 161 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,680 which was problematic in Los Angeles growing up. 162 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,440 But they're non-alcoholic. 163 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:33,700 My brother's a heavy drinker. 164 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,080 Definition in the big book, you know, 165 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,280 definition of a heavy drinker. 166 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,440 He's a stressed out attorney, 167 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,080 really overweight on blood pressure meds. 168 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,960 And he's, you know, hits a bottle all the time. 169 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,020 But you know, hey man, it's, you know, 170 00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:45,200 the difference as it's described in the book, right? 171 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,240 If the doctor says, hey man, you keep drinking, 172 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,280 your liver's gonna blow up. 173 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:49,880 Or the wife says, I'm gonna leave your ass. 174 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,120 Or the law firm he's been working for, 175 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,600 he said, you know, this is it, man. 176 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,680 They typically stop, right? 177 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,640 That's what a heavy drinker does, they stop. 178 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,440 But seemingly you could be indistinguishable. 179 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,640 Your behavior could be indistinguishable 180 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:02,640 from a heavy drinker, 181 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,320 but the alcohol just doesn't stop, right? 182 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,800 That's us, right? 183 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,860 We're, that's who we are, right? 184 00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:11,640 A liver going out, the wife leaving us, giving up the job. 185 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,440 I like the effect produced by an uncle. 186 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,440 You know, it's funny, Dan was like, 187 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,600 hey man, I need to get sober on my 10 minute talk. 188 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,680 Sometimes I don't even get to the drunk a lot. 189 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,480 Sometimes I spend so much time talking about 190 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,960 the irritability and restlessness and discontentedness 191 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,760 I had years before I picked up a drink or a drink. 192 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:29,600 What's that? 193 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,420 What's that all about? 194 00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:31,520 Well, it's a living program. 195 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,240 I mean, it's a living, it's a living problem, excuse me. 196 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,800 And it's a program, it's a living problem, right? 197 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,080 I haven't had a drink or a drug in a long time. 198 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,180 What the hell am I doing in an alcoholic's office meeting? 199 00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:44,800 'Cause I have a problem living on life's terms, right? 200 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,960 Got a busy head, tells me crazy shit. 201 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:51,960 So, you know, it's not just a social lubricant, right? 202 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,840 Anybody drinks, everyone drinks. 203 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,200 Whatever they get, their inhibitions drop. 204 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:01,160 They can enjoy themselves in a social situation, 205 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,200 talked in the opposite sex or whatever. 206 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,920 It's social lubrication, right? 207 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,240 For us, it's not just social lubrication. 208 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,180 It's a, we are like men who have lost their legs, right? 209 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:15,160 It is a job, the feeling of a job well done. 210 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,880 You guys have heard this, job well done 211 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:17,880 without having done a job. 212 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:18,820 I mean, that's powerful. 213 00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:20,760 That's not just being socially lubricated. 214 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:21,920 That's a game changer. 215 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,920 That's a perception. 216 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,660 That's everything, right? 217 00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:28,560 Grew up in Hollywood, took these two parents, 218 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:29,940 restless, irritable, and discontent, 219 00:07:29,940 --> 00:07:33,480 years before I drank and used, 220 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,600 started using and drinking when I could. 221 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,260 And yes, it was easier to get pot back then. 222 00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:39,480 So I did smoke a lot of pot. 223 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:40,720 This is an apocalypse meeting. 224 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,960 I'm an alcoholic, but I did a lot of drugs. 225 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,580 I did a lot, that's my story. 226 00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:50,180 I enjoyed them tremendously, and they were easier to get. 227 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:56,140 So when I used and drank, 228 00:07:56,140 --> 00:08:01,840 did I feel taller, smaller, faster? 229 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,840 That felt just okay with me. 230 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,400 That's huge, again, huge, right? 231 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,800 So this thing that my parents warned me about, 232 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,160 I was a good parent, I didn't want to drink and use drugs, 233 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,260 and it didn't matter when I was in the tree house 234 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:17,360 with the kids, and I didn't know if it was a oregano 235 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,960 and a zigzag that was going around there, 236 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,200 but I hit that thing. 237 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,520 And then any other opportunity I had growing up 238 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:27,680 in this amazing city of ours, I took that opportunity. 239 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:32,120 And 759, there's so much to say. 240 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,560 I'd smoke pot, and I'd talk to my friends 241 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,080 and discuss the day's events in high school. 242 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,720 And one of them said, "Vas, if you don't slow down, 243 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,160 "you're gonna end up going to those meetings 244 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,080 "where they hold hands and say the Lord's Prayer," right? 245 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,120 What a trip, what a foreshadowing what was gonna come. 246 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,040 Do you guys see the Lord's Prayer and hold hands in here? 247 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,620 Yeah, so he could see it. 248 00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,440 I was on this path. 249 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,860 My story is not one of a functional alcoholic. 250 00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:04,080 It was like I convinced my parents that I needed 251 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,440 to go to boarding school, right? 252 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:06,640 That was it. 253 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,640 I needed to leave Los Angeles and needed to leave 254 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,760 this loving home that they were providing for my brother. 255 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,800 I needed to go to Colorado because it's a geographic, right? 256 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,220 'Cause most people, if they change their circumstances, 257 00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:21,480 their physical circumstances, they can startle. 258 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,820 It's easier to startle, and it works, just not for us, right? 259 00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:26,600 'Cause we bring ourselves with us, right? 260 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,120 So it's amazing, looking back on the Geographics, right? 261 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,960 I mean, it's just like, wow. 262 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,400 If you had told me then I wouldn't have listened 263 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,920 because it just wasn't, you know what I mean? 264 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,560 I was always a 50-yard man in a 100-yard race, right? 265 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,580 Life was a series of 100-yard races, 266 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:43,160 but I only had 50 in me, right? 267 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,520 So because I couldn't take the contrary action 268 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,120 and finish the 100, I just pull off. 269 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,640 Sometimes I start really fast. 270 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:49,480 It didn't matter. 271 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,440 For one reason or another, I couldn't finish the damn race. 272 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,600 Whatever it is, this is metaphorically, right? 273 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,720 A race is a relationship. 274 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,080 A race is an opportunity to go to Colorado 275 00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,240 and go to boarding school. 276 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:03,280 Didn't matter what it is, a job, a friendship, a hobby. 277 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,160 I can never finish what I started, right? 278 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,120 So my life, even relatively young, 279 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,440 was just a series of burned bridges 280 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,560 and unfinished business, right? 281 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,640 Love all the cliches in the program, right? 282 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,480 I mean, there's like, 283 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,240 if you listen for the similarities, 284 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,480 the language of the heart, 285 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,520 when people talk about getting sober's like, 286 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,300 driving a station wagon or throwing all this stuff 287 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:25,560 in the back of the station wagon, 288 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,680 and you slam on the brakes and all this stuff, 289 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:28,520 you guys didn't know that. 290 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:29,840 More props for not saying that. 291 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:30,680 Yeah, there is one. 292 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,100 You know, it hits you all in the head, you know what I mean? 293 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,000 That's why it's so dangerous when you're newly sober. 294 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,920 Like, keep it simple, keep it simple. 295 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,720 Keep your head where your feet are, right? 296 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,720 Don't worry about all that stuff, you know what I mean? 297 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,080 Coming down on you. 298 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,180 'Cause typically people don't walk in alcohol to almost go, 299 00:10:43,180 --> 00:10:44,200 "Damn, it's a beautiful day. 300 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,640 "I think I'm gonna check this thing out." 301 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,480 Or become more spiritual. 302 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,320 Give back. 303 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,680 No, it's because we, you know what I mean? 304 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,440 I remember, I remember coming home 305 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,040 from boarding school Christmas of '85, 306 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,880 and my mother was always good in her emergency, 307 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:02,600 and she was at church in San Marino, 308 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,220 and there was this bus where all these kids came on. 309 00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:06,800 They had hospital wristbands. 310 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,960 From my very first meeting, 311 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,880 I heard the language of the Holocaust. 312 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,640 I heard the magic of the Holocaust. 313 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,480 I really did. 314 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,340 I'm like, "Okay, so this is the..." 315 00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:16,480 I knew I had a problem. 316 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,500 I just didn't know what the hell my problem was. 317 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,960 Again, restless, irritable, and discontented. 318 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:21,800 Years. 319 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,040 I mean, earliest memories. 320 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:23,880 Didn't matter. 321 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:24,700 You couldn't love me enough. 322 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,160 It was just, you know, there was always a problem. 323 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:28,960 Complete lack of gratitude. 324 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,400 Complete self-obsessions today, right? 325 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,320 Made my day is up. 326 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,280 That's why it's so I can pick up on it today. 327 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,320 Again, my sobriety day is January 23rd, 1990. 328 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,040 What am I doing here with you? 329 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,200 I'm here sharing my experience, strength, and hope, 330 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,040 'cause like Dan, I wanna stay here. 331 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,600 I wanna stay here, 'cause my life keeps getting better. 332 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,440 Jumping all over the place. 333 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,920 Okay, so in that meeting in San Marino, 334 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,680 so be it, right? 335 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,720 In fact, it was funny. 336 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,080 I've never went back to that boarding school. 337 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,200 My parents were like, no way in hell 338 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,200 are you going back to that place? 339 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,220 And it was funny. 340 00:11:55,220 --> 00:11:56,880 There were so many kids using and drinking, 341 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:57,840 and there was three-two beer. 342 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,920 Anybody know what three-two beer is? 343 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,500 You guys, half the amount of alcohol, 344 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,160 and you can get it when you're 18 and cold. 345 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,920 So you're just, you know, you're bloated as hell, 346 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,320 and you have to drink twice as much. 347 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,840 The, smoked a lot of pot. 348 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,120 It was one of these boarding schools 349 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,300 where you could sign this slip 350 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,000 and go skiing on the weekend or whatever, 351 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,600 and your parents would just pay the bills, 352 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,840 feel sorry for me. 353 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,160 What I chose to do, smoke a lot of pot 354 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,120 and just like drool on myself in the dorms. 355 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:20,960 You know what I mean? 356 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,880 I wanted a check-out. 357 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:23,720 I just, you know what I mean? 358 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,960 And took a lot of, I was talking to somebody about it, 359 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,240 and I said, okay, that's great, but that's all right. 360 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:32,200 You know, I mean, it, anything to get me out of me. 361 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,080 So these kids were going off the deep end 362 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,080 in this boarding school. 363 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,400 And they had this drug and alcohol counselor come in, 364 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,040 'cause all these kids were being sent to rehab, 365 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:39,880 you know what I mean? 366 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:40,720 Like, you, you, you. 367 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,320 And he came in and talked about alcohol cannabis. 368 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,160 So this guy, Bill and Bob, you know what I mean? 369 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:46,400 And I was given an assignment, 370 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,600 'cause he kind of made me saw something in me, 371 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,360 like this drug and alcohol counselor. 372 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,080 You know how we can pick each other out, you know what I mean? 373 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,800 But he's like, he gave me some assignment, 374 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,320 like, you know, tell me about the founding of alcohol. 375 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,040 So I'm gonna miss my next week when I come back. 376 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:00,520 Of course, did I do the assignment? 377 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,040 Of course I didn't do the assignment, you know what I mean? 378 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,280 So if I had gone back to that, 379 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,360 if I, my mother had come out for parents' week 380 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,000 and I had managed to get arrested 381 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,560 with the headmaster's son, fantastic, you know what I mean? 382 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,200 Then she's back on the plane to Los Angeles. 383 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,200 My dad's busy working, paying the bills. 384 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,840 You know, wide-eyed, like what the hell is going on? 385 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,320 So when I came home for Christmas, 386 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,560 making a fool out of myself, right? 387 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,160 Going to all those holiday parties, you know, 388 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:29,320 loaded and embarrassing my family. 389 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,000 And, you know, we were like tornadoes 390 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,120 through the lives of those who love us. 391 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,600 We can't even see it, right? 392 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:37,600 We got cancer? 393 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,400 You're not a tornado through the lives of people who love you. 394 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,920 But this disease you are. 395 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,720 We're gonna take everybody out, you know? 396 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:49,280 It's like cunning, baffling, harmful, and disastrous. 397 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,400 So grateful for sobriety, right? 398 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,480 One day, it's okay. 399 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,200 Christmas of '85, I went to my first meeting. 400 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,320 So my parents made this deal. 401 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,200 I admitted myself into a rehab program 402 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,360 on Fair Oaks in Pasadena Community Hospital. 403 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,680 It was just locked down in the unit 404 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,520 'cause I wasn't 18 at that time. 405 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,120 Now, if I had said no, 406 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,920 my mother, who was really good in emergencies, like I said, 407 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,320 would have gotten one of those rent cops 408 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,400 and thrown my ass in there. 409 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,480 But listen, at that point, it was like white flag, man. 410 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,320 You know, is this it? 411 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,160 Fine, fine. 412 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,520 You know, like whatever the hell it is. 413 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,840 I've tried other things. 414 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,600 I've tried to be good. 415 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,120 Do you think I, I went to boarding school 416 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,520 so I could go to like, I'm gonna go to Colorado, 417 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,000 embarrass my family, 418 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,960 have them spend all this hard earned cash 419 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,960 so I could just be a complete loser, lunatic kid. 420 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,920 No, I want her to start, I want her to do better. 421 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,160 It's gonna be different this time. 422 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:40,880 I'm gonna finish that 100 New York race. 423 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,720 So I didn't have the tools to do that, dude. 424 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,320 I didn't have the tools to finish, you know what I mean? 425 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,240 It was fascinating. 426 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,320 Alcoholics anonymous gives me the tools, what concepts? 427 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,480 Wherever the hell the steps are. 428 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:50,840 Those are the tools and the traditions. 429 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,280 Thank God for the traditions, thank God. 430 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,600 Or people like me would rip this place apart, right? 431 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,960 I was raised with the idea of the rugged individual. 432 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,080 My dad's like a rugged individual, you know what I mean? 433 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:00,920 Screw the group, you know? 434 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,400 If you take care of yourself, the only profit is, 435 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,600 any one of us is not more important 436 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,080 than the group of alcoholics anonymous 437 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,000 because for this thing to stay here, 438 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,280 you know, the group, you know what I mean? 439 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,080 I need you more than you need me. 440 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,080 Just my little tangent on the traditions, right? 441 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,040 Ah, thank God, thank God for those traditions. 442 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,280 The new secretary of your job is to uphold the traditions 443 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:20,880 of this meeting, right? 444 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,520 So we can stay here and say so and move the steps. 445 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,360 So the tools, right? 446 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,480 I didn't have the tools to finish the next 50 yards 447 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,040 or however many damn yards I needed to finish 448 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,400 when I just couldn't finish the race. 449 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,640 So my parents would come visit, the rehab, 450 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,200 Tuesdays and Saturdays, whatever. 451 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,460 This was in the mid 80s. 452 00:15:38,460 --> 00:15:39,840 You know, now everybody gets an MRI. 453 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,200 You step your toe, you get an MRI. 454 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,160 My mom's like, my kid's got brain damage, 455 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,000 you know what I mean? 456 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,360 So I kept getting an MRI in the mid 80s. 457 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,120 I'm like, no, let's get an MRI. 458 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:47,960 'Cause I couldn't put a sentence together. 459 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,640 I was so scrambled. 460 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,520 I was like, I didn't know what end was up 461 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,920 and I couldn't find my ass, my backside with both hands. 462 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,440 And I remember getting an MRI. 463 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,980 And she walked me back to my dorm room 464 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,520 in Pasadena Community Hospital. 465 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,720 And I said, "Mom, I'm all effed up." 466 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,880 And she looked at me in a way that only a mother 467 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:09,960 looks at his son. 468 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,580 And it was this look of like, 469 00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:13,320 there's something wrong with you, kid. 470 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:16,840 And you're the problem all like wrapped up into one, right? 471 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,480 And she put her hands on my shoulders 472 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,160 and she looked me in the eye and she said, 473 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,320 "Son, we're gonna un-eff you," right? 474 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,360 I'll never forget that, right? 475 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,200 That was '85, Christmas, Pasadena Community Hospital. 476 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,760 That was my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. 477 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,800 My sobriety day is January 23rd, 1990, right? 478 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,760 Where I got to my home group the first 30 days 479 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,040 of this current sobriety. 480 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,800 My experience in Alcoholics Anonymous, 481 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,480 one day at a time is a year's accumulate, right? 482 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,240 And I stay sober and keep marching along, 483 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,920 and trudging the road with you people. 484 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,600 It's been a process of un-effing myself, right? 485 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,440 Let's do it together. 486 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,200 Let's un-eff each other. 487 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,160 We can help each other. 488 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,240 We can do that, right? 489 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,680 One alcoholic talking to another. 490 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,600 It's like, "All right, you know, let me go to church. 491 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,220 My boys are altar boys." 492 00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:01,240 It's got, no one's even going to church anymore. 493 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,360 Church is fantastic. 494 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:06,540 My program and the maintenance of my spiritual condition 495 00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:10,160 with my higher power is rooted in Alcoholics Anonymous. 496 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,600 Going to church is fantastic. 497 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,440 My wife's not an alcoholic. 498 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,820 Trying to raise my kids in a good way. 499 00:17:14,820 --> 00:17:16,480 The God of my understanding, I found here. 500 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,760 And just like it was read tonight by Elizabeth, 501 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,040 that we pray for the knowledge of his will for us 502 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,200 and the power to carry that out. 503 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,840 Let's keep it simple, people, right? 504 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,720 Like, in the morning, help me. 505 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,240 And in the evening, thank you. 506 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,200 And magical things happen. 507 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,680 Like I pay my taxes and be a good worker among workers. 508 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,840 And instead of embarrassing that family that loved me, 509 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,220 now a family member among family members. 510 00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:41,080 Okay, the hell times ain't mean enough. 511 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,360 That woman who said, "We're going to un-F you," 512 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,960 died February 1st, 2022. 513 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,360 And you hear it from the podium all the time, 514 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,600 that I was able to be there. 515 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,080 What a gift of sobriety. 516 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,280 I was able to be there for my mother and my father 517 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:56,280 upon her passing. 518 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,680 I was there that day, right? 519 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:58,800 I was current with her. 520 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,800 I had made a living amends to that woman who was alive. 521 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,800 It just, she was proud of me. 522 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,360 Oh, hold it together. 523 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,160 The, that's Alcoholics Anonymous. 524 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,360 You know, my brother's an attorney, non-alcoholic. 525 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,000 Who's the executor of the estate? 526 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,040 This guy right here, this guy. 527 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:14,880 Why? 528 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,320 Because I'm so fantastic and, you know, 529 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,440 intelligent and good looking. 530 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,320 It's because of the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous 531 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,360 working in my life. 532 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,080 My family sees it, right? 533 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,260 They see it. 534 00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:26,440 So just like my buddy who died 535 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,220 was current with his wife and his family. 536 00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:31,080 When my mother passed, you know, I was there for her. 537 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,060 I was there prior to her passing, you know what I mean? 538 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:36,440 So it's kind of a interesting thing. 539 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,880 You know, I've heard it for years in the podium. 540 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,360 And I'm so glad that that happened to me, 541 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,880 that that was my experience as well. 542 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,320 And listen, if we stay sober long enough, 543 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,120 these good things happen to all of us, right? 544 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,240 We can be of service to our families 545 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,420 and to the people at work 546 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,220 and maybe letting somebody cut in front of us 547 00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:53,060 in the freeway. 548 00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:56,160 These two alcoholic parents, 549 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,100 I'm still married, my dad's still alive, 94. 550 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,280 My father doesn't need to come 551 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,800 to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to take contrary action. 552 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:04,640 I do. 553 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,280 My contrary action is doing things that we don't want to do. 554 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,200 Imagine that, like I'm not a child. 555 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,200 I'm a man, right, who takes contrary action 556 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,120 with the help of the 12 steps of the program 557 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,640 and a sponsor and people like you in rooms like this. 558 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:18,720 Contrary action. 559 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,160 My sponsor always preaches it. 560 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,120 You know, it's we don't care what you think 561 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,200 or how you feel and just what action did you take? 562 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,520 Especially when you're uncomfortable 563 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,200 and you don't want to take an action. 564 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,840 You know, again, my father doesn't need Alcoholics Anonymous. 565 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,440 All right, I do, fine. 566 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,520 And I'm gonna stay here just like Dan 567 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,760 because I need the tools of the program 568 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,120 to help me take contrary action. 569 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,960 And ultimately, contrary action is gonna help me finish 570 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,400 that 100 yard race and I'm gonna grow up slowly over it. 571 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,360 Slowly in Alcoholics Anonymous, right? 572 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,100 So un-F-ing myself means growing up here 573 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,560 and growing up here is taking contrary action 574 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,680 and finishing one race at a time 575 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,320 and building a life here, a life worth living. 576 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,480 There's this place called Quality of Life, damn right. 577 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,360 I don't need to be someone who lives a life 578 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:01,560 of quiet desperation. 579 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:02,840 You've seen those people out there. 580 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:03,840 Do they have what you want? 581 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:04,720 Hell no. 582 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:08,280 We've got this opportunity of these amazing lives. 583 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,400 Look at the crap, whether you like motorcycle racing 584 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,040 or going to the opera or whatever it is, you're jammed. 585 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,160 You can find other people doing it so good 586 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,960 in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, right? 587 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,560 There are people that have gone before, 588 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,200 ahead of us where we can, the old timers, right? 589 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,360 And not just the old timers, 590 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,780 but not just people who have been sober a while, 591 00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:28,320 but the people who have been putting this thing 592 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,440 into practice and their life is flourishing, right? 593 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:32,600 We know who is alive. 594 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,080 Listen, at any point in time, if I stop working the steps, 595 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,300 I get squirrely, my back's up against the wall, 596 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,840 I'm in a lot of pain. 597 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,240 I've got a low threshold for pain. 598 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,800 It doesn't sound very manly, right? 599 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:42,640 You know how it is. 600 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,640 Like these new people come in here and they're like, 601 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:45,480 "How are you doing?" 602 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,880 "Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." 603 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,380 The next thing you know, they're loaded, right? 604 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:49,220 I'm not fine. 605 00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:51,120 The pain of my actions, 606 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,760 when I'm not taking appropriate actions, 607 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,640 are so acutely felt by me 608 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,240 that I get so fricking uncomfortable 609 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,800 that it keeps me close to Alcoholics Anonymous, 610 00:20:58,800 --> 00:20:59,640 keeps me in the sentence. 611 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:00,980 I want to get picked off, right? 612 00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:02,560 I love the analogies in Alcoholics Anonymous. 613 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:03,400 I love them. 614 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,240 None of them remind. 615 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,680 Your boat is not tied to the dock. 616 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,200 In calm waters, it pretty much stays there, right? 617 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,040 In the marina, when I have a little, you know, 618 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,640 rough waters and that boat ain't tied to the dock, 619 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,120 it's out to sea, just like that. 620 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:19,080 So I keep my boat tied to the dock of Alcoholics Anonymous. 621 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:19,920 Right? 622 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:20,740 I mean, you know, 623 00:21:20,740 --> 00:21:23,740 that's because the pain of my poor behavior 624 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,660 is acutely painful and I don't want to drink and use again. 625 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:27,880 So I've got to make amends. 626 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,400 I've been working for this company since 2010. 627 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,160 It's a large national senior living. 628 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,680 So I'm a director of sales, right? 629 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,480 Surprised, sales, good at it. 630 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,720 You know, I've been sober and I win all these awards, right? 631 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,160 Like, I won awards. 632 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,440 I was a drug rep for a drug company for years in sobriety. 633 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,800 Won awards. 634 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:46,620 Because again, why? 635 00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:48,800 Because I'm so great and I'm good looking and intelligent. 636 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,240 Oh, because I do what we do around here, right? 637 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,240 I have commitment. 638 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:54,800 I have commitments at my meetings. 639 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:55,640 I show up. 640 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,640 I try to help others. 641 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,240 And when you do that in sales, 642 00:21:58,240 --> 00:21:59,600 it's all about being of service. 643 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,920 It's amazing, simple. 644 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,360 I let my ego get in the way. 645 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,680 There was this woman who took issue 646 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,760 with signing one of our leases. 647 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,360 And instead of, I let my ego, right? 648 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,280 January 23rd, 1990, right? 649 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,320 Listen, if you follow me around with a GoPro, 650 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,920 do you think that guy's got like, you know, 651 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,720 shit, 33 years sober? 652 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,960 Sometimes I act like a jerk. 653 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,000 I was going to say a different one. 654 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,040 Ask my wife. 655 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,560 I can be very self-centered even in sobriety, right? 656 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,720 So I got into it with this customer. 657 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,600 Customer is always right, even when they're wrong. 658 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:30,440 You guys know that, right? 659 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,000 It's a principle of alcoholics. 660 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,760 Oh, you know, so like I stood my ground. 661 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,680 I couldn't stop myself. 662 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,360 And she didn't want to sign the lease. 663 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,200 And there was a responsible party clause. 664 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,080 And I said, what do you want me to do? 665 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,120 Sign your, what do you want me to be 666 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,600 the responsible party for you? 667 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,840 And she's like, my attorney said, I don't need to sign it. 668 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,400 And I said, I said, well, maybe your attorney 669 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,120 should be the responsible party of the lease. 670 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,320 You know, I shouldn't have done that. 671 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,920 So I was really into the sale. 672 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:56,760 It went to hell. 673 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:57,600 I ruined it. 674 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,720 You know, it was on me. 675 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,120 Walked into my boss's office. 676 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,160 It was on me. 677 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,280 And it's funny, I talked to a bunch of sober men. 678 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,400 One of them was like, dude, perhaps, why don't you just 679 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:07,720 text her and apologize? 680 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,360 Well, there is a concept, right? 681 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:10,480 So I texted her. 682 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,280 Texted her, I apologize for upsetting you on the phone. 683 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,240 You know, text, you know, whatever. 684 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,080 You know, the communication from this morning 685 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:18,360 never heard back from her, right? 686 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:19,160 It doesn't matter. 687 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:20,440 I knew I wasn't going to hear it. 688 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,920 There was a high probability that I wasn't going to hear back 689 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:23,880 from this woman, right? 690 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:24,680 Well, what did I do? 691 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:25,920 I took the contrary action. 692 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,760 I apologized for my actions, right? 693 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,080 And I said, listen, whether you move forward with this or not, 694 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,200 I want to apologize. 695 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,000 And I wish you well. 696 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:32,480 Wow. 697 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,480 One dude I called who's sober. 698 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:35,960 And I didn't even think to do that. 699 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:36,640 But I did it. 700 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,480 And I took a screenshot of the text. 701 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:39,360 And I sent it to him. 702 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,760 I had to make sure that he knew, like, thanks, bro. 703 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:42,360 I needed that. 704 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:42,960 I needed that. 705 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:43,480 OK. 706 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,320 I went to this fancy school when I was a kid. 707 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,240 Over here in Sherman, it was called Buckley. 708 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,760 Then you wore, like, ties and blazers. 709 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,320 Every year, they had this thing called Field Day. 710 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,120 Most kids loved it because it was like, 711 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,400 you got to play outside and free dress. 712 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,000 And the culmination of this Field Day 713 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,360 was a 4.40 race on the track. 714 00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,480 4.40 means one lap around, right? 715 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:03,960 One lap. 716 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:04,960 I hated that damn thing. 717 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,480 So this whole 50-yard thing. 718 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,000 You know, I only got 50 yards. 719 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,880 And a 100-yard race isn't just figurative. 720 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:11,600 It's literal. 721 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,760 So damn it, I had to start this race. 722 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,000 And I would start fast. 723 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,040 And I had my heart in it. 724 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,520 And I was like, damn it. 725 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,560 I never quite finished. 726 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,040 I could pull off. 727 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,280 So it's funny how years in a sobriety, 728 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,360 you look back on things, and I ran my first 10K 729 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,520 in my first or second year of sobriety 730 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:34,160 with two guys from my home group that have long since blown out. 731 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,040 No idea if they're-- 732 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,560 I hope they're still with us. 733 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,040 They're going to meetings elsewhere. 734 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,360 They're probably not, right? 735 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:40,320 You don't stand to me. 736 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,640 We're the lucky ones because we're in a meeting tonight. 737 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,920 So first 10K, like, dude, 30 years ago. 738 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,880 Why did I wake up at 3.30 this morning? 739 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:48,880 Why have I done anything? 740 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,320 I took a 20-minute nap and probably 741 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,840 didn't make much sense tonight because I 742 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,320 did a triathlon this morning. 743 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,960 So crazy weather. 744 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,480 It was raining through the whole-- 745 00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,120 so it was a swim, bike, and run. 746 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,040 The wife and the kids were there to support me. 747 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:02,800 It was awesome. 748 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,560 My fourth grader missed this soccer game. 749 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:05,160 They won. 750 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,000 So it was all right. 751 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,760 But to support me at this triathlon. 752 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,200 And why do I tell you that? 753 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:10,800 To brag. 754 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:11,840 Well, a little bit. 755 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,040 What about, it's like, I did a triathlon this morning 756 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,200 in the rain. 757 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:16,920 You guys want to talk to me afterwards. 758 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,800 I can give you all the details of my times and stuff like that. 759 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:24,480 But I'm saying it because I finished the damn thing 760 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:25,000 this morning. 761 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,560 Sure as hell it wasn't first, not even in my age group. 762 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,880 By the way, I turned 55 in July. 763 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,400 So I'm now in a new age group, 55 to 60. 764 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,640 So I'm like the youngest in my age group, which is bitching. 765 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:37,920 I'm like, you know what I mean? 766 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,640 I'm going to kick ass now in this age group. 767 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,760 But I finished, you know what I mean? 768 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:46,680 And I've been finishing a lot of races 769 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,840 because I've been here a long time. 770 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,240 This isn't, again, weekly meetings 771 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,720 of alcoholics on us with commitments. 772 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,000 So it doesn't matter whether I'm in a good mood, bad mood. 773 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,200 My team's one and not. 774 00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:57,680 Did I? 775 00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:58,160 Am I? 776 00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:58,880 No, three minutes. 777 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,160 But it was like showing somebody how spiritual I was actually 778 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,440 finishing on time. 779 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,160 You know, what a blessing. 780 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,600 I've been given so much here. 781 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,640 I hope you find what I've found here. 782 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,480 And I hope we can stay together one day at a time 783 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,920 and our lives will continue to get better. 784 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,480 And we'll be able to help others. 785 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,200 And I'm a good father sometimes. 786 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,800 I mean, yeah, lay down. 787 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:28,240 For the most part, I'm a good semi-decent husband, wife. 788 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,240 Some days are better than others. 789 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,120 I try to put the principles of the program-- 790 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:33,160 let me tell you something. 791 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,240 The hardest place to put the principles of the program 792 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:40,520 into work, into action, is in the home, right? 793 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,680 With my immediate family, like my father or my brother, 794 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,040 in my home, right? 795 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,720 It's easy to behave at work because who's 796 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,680 going to put up with all that BS? 797 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:49,880 No one's going to be in it. 798 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,120 So I'm more well behaved at work. 799 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:54,400 I'm really good in the meaning of alcohol exonamis, right? 800 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,960 I'm actually like a really great guy. 801 00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:00,280 But I'm a little tired, hungry. 802 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,920 I can really act like a jerk because I'm human. 803 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,880 And we live life on life's terms. 804 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,080 And we get to take contrary action. 805 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,680 And we can grow up around here. 806 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,840 And that's what it's all about. 807 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,000 And not necessarily for me, but I've 808 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,000 laughed more on alcohol exonamis than any other place, right? 809 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,520 Somebody tells me a joke, I don't think it's so funny. 810 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,160 But if somebody trips in the cafeteria 811 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,040 and hurts themselves, I think that's funny. 812 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,640 It's just a weird, sick sense of humor. 813 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,280 But I've laughed more here because I 814 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,000 listen to the similarities. 815 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,000 And it makes sense. 816 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,640 You are my people. 817 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,560 We can grab on that life preserver together. 818 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,280 I want to thank you for helping me grow up here, 819 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:43,720 helping me un-F myself, and finish every race I start.