1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,920 - Hey, thank you, Bill. 2 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,440 Hi everybody, I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic 3 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,680 and I'm glad to be here and I'm glad to be sober. 4 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,640 I have to apologize, I'm sick. 5 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,320 And so, you know, I might cough in the middle of this, 6 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,360 but you know, any day that I'm sober is a good day. 7 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,880 You know, in the big book, "Fred's Story," 8 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,960 when it talks about Fred, 9 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,360 it talks about how Fred said that his, 10 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,560 he wouldn't trade his worst day sober 11 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:26,880 for his best day drunk. 12 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,800 And that's how I feel, you know? 13 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:33,640 And I'm extremely grateful for you, Ben, 14 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,600 to bring me over and to speak. 15 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,400 And Bill, thank you so much for your 10 minute pitch. 16 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,920 It's very difficult to get everything in at 10 minutes. 17 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,400 And so I appreciate what you did. 18 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,360 I too did not drink as a child. 19 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,600 And that's, you know, you find that kind of weird 20 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,040 and a lot of people like to brag. 21 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,160 Some people have you believe they were drinking 22 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,080 in their mother's womb because they want to say 23 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,720 they drank at an early age. 24 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,800 I didn't drink until my senior year of high school. 25 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,200 And I was with some friends on my front lawn 26 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,800 and it was homecoming game, 27 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,080 homecoming football game in high school. 28 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,880 And they passed me a bottle. 29 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,120 I don't even know what it was. 30 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,760 They passed me a bottle and I drank it. 31 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:19,880 I drank it all. 32 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,800 And I didn't pass it around to everybody. 33 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,720 And that was my first drink. 34 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,120 My first drink was a big, long drink. 35 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,000 And I went to the high school football game 36 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,840 and I promptly threw up on a cheerleader, 37 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,200 the head cheerleader. 38 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,800 And that's how I started my drinking career. 39 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,960 And it got worse after that. 40 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:43,720 When I was growing up, I always felt different. 41 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,560 I always felt isolated. 42 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,400 I felt that I didn't fit in. 43 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,160 And I'm a musician in high school. 44 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,800 I was in the band, you know, playing at the dances, 45 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,000 playing and talking about fraternity and sorority parties, 46 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,040 playing at those. 47 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,600 And I got into playing music too. 48 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,840 And it made me feel like I was a part of. 49 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,200 Wasn't really full blown drinking. 50 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:12,200 I was fortunate enough to get the call 51 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,880 when the Coasters or the Drifters 52 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,440 and the Isley Brothers would hit Los Angeles. 53 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:22,200 And I would get the gig to perform with them 54 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,240 because they didn't carry any musicians with them. 55 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,920 And so I was really having a good time. 56 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,960 I played at Gazari's in Hollywood 57 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,320 for a year after high school. 58 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,920 Got signed to a record deal with Mercury Records 59 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,400 when I was 18 years old. 60 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,000 During the height of the Vietnam War. 61 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:44,840 During the height of, 62 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,800 and I'm glad that Bill dropped that in his story 63 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,040 because that's a big part of my story. 64 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,280 I've got this combat infantry man badge. 65 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,840 That means that I was actually in combat. 66 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:01,840 And so I was in this marvelous band 67 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:05,320 playing in San Francisco during the summer of love, 68 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,280 a real hippie, really enjoying life. 69 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:12,120 And our record, the day that our album was released, 70 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,360 I got drafted. 71 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,480 I got drafted the day the album was released. 72 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,000 Well, you know, tried to get out of it, 73 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,040 but it didn't work. 74 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,880 You know, they took me anyway. 75 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:22,720 And before I knew, 76 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:23,960 and I knew what I was gonna do. 77 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,960 I knew that I was cannon fodder for the Vietnam War. 78 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,920 And you might be young, don't know about that war, 79 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,480 but it was a horrific war. 80 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,200 Really, really bad. 81 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,640 And some very traumatic things happened to me 82 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:39,560 while I was there. 83 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,600 Really horrific things. 84 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,600 I won't even share with you, 85 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:45,600 but let's say they were very, very, very ugly. 86 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,240 And so I came home from Vietnam 87 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,000 and I wanna talk about my sobriety. 88 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:55,400 My sobriety date is May 13th, 1988. 89 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,280 1988, I got sober. 90 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,120 I was 40 years old, 40 years old. 91 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,880 And when I came home from Vietnam, 92 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,760 that's when I discovered alcohol. 93 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,240 That's where I discovered drugs. 94 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,200 That's where I became mean. 95 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,320 I became mean, egotistical, selfish, dishonest. 96 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:17,760 I was an egocentric, a self-pitying, egocentric, 97 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,200 master of confusion. 98 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:27,640 A self-seeking, self-pleasuring producer of confusion. 99 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:32,640 And I came in to AA because around 1985, 100 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,080 the Vietnam veterans started to come out. 101 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,440 They started to come out of the woodwork. 102 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,440 Thank you, David, class of '88. 103 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:46,440 And I started attending a meeting 104 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,840 that was called the FNGs, the F and New Guys. 105 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,040 Not supposed to touch here, 106 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,400 but you know what the F stands for, the F and New Guys. 107 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,720 And we broke every single tradition there is in AA. 108 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,360 It wasn't open to anybody. 109 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,480 You had to be a combat veteran. 110 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,720 Well, you had to be a veteran, a combat veteran, 111 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,560 and you had to be Hispanic. 112 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,040 And we were like a gang. 113 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,400 We're meeting at the Vet Center in East Los Angeles. 114 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,760 And it was just a bunch of guys trying to get sober, 115 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,120 trying to help each other stay sober. 116 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,640 And that's what I really learned about the fabric 117 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,320 of alcohol synonymous, the love, the togetherness. 118 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,280 When we're together, it's a we program. 119 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:30,720 When we're together, we do things. 120 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,680 It's a we program, but I have to take the action. 121 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,360 Faith without works is dead. 122 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:40,360 So early '80s, I took a hostage in 1974, my wife. 123 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:44,920 We just celebrated 50 years of marriage, 50 years. 124 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:49,800 And that's like, she deserves every award there is 125 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,680 for bravery, for putting up with me. 126 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:56,200 Because as I said, I was very mean, very mean. 127 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,160 And I treated her accordingly. 128 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,200 It was ugly. 129 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,200 It's something that I'm not proud of. 130 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,720 But I was drinking, carrying on, 131 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,440 trying to make a living in music during the disco crisis 132 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,640 when all the bands lost their jobs. 133 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:17,480 And in 1977, we had our first child and I was drunk. 134 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,400 I was drunk when my wife went into labor. 135 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,560 I couldn't drive her to the hospital 136 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,000 because I was too drunk. 137 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:29,520 And my friend who eventually died of this disease 138 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,280 had to drive her to the hospital. 139 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,280 I get to the hospital and everybody's crying. 140 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:39,960 My mother, my father, my wife's parents, my sister, 141 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,960 everybody is crying. 142 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,320 And I walk in, I go, what's going on? 143 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,600 And the doctor comes up to me, he says, 144 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:51,600 your baby has a 50/50 chance of surviving the night. 145 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,280 She had a bacteriological infection in her blood. 146 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,040 And he says, we're gonna have to wait 147 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,320 and see how she does during the night. 148 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,880 I went out to the parking lot and I did that prayer 149 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,480 that Bill was talking about. 150 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:08,400 I did that prayer and I got on my knees in the parking lot. 151 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:12,400 And my prayer was, God, please let her live. 152 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,520 If she lives, I'll quit being a musician. 153 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,640 It wasn't anything about just quitting drinking 154 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,880 or quitting drugs. 155 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,240 My problem was that I was a musician. 156 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,480 That was the problem. 157 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,680 And so, you know, she lived, thank God she lived. 158 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,080 She's healthy now. 159 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,040 And I didn't get sober. 160 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:36,040 I would come home after work and see my baby in that crib. 161 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,520 And I would cry and I'd say, I want to be a sober husband. 162 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,720 I want to be a sober father. 163 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,600 But I couldn't get sober for my children. 164 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,440 I couldn't get sober for my life. 165 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:51,160 I couldn't get sober for anyone but me. 166 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,960 You know, they say that this is a program 167 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,560 for people that want it, not for people that need it. 168 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,400 I certainly needed it all those days. 169 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,760 But when I finally wanted it, I got sober. 170 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:08,240 So it's the early '80s, about 1985, 171 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,720 and I'm driving down the street 172 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,360 and I see a sign, Vet Center. 173 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,160 And when I got home from Vietnam, 174 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,440 I threw away all my medals. 175 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,160 I threw away all my awards, threw it into a coffin 176 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:23,000 at River Park at a protest, an anti-war protest. 177 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,840 I threw everything into a coffin with the other guys. 178 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,000 And I'm driving down the street. 179 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,120 Now I've got children. 180 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,040 I've got three children. 181 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,720 I'm driving down the street and go, oh, Vet Center. 182 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,320 I wonder if they can help me get my medals back. 183 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,120 I'm not a hero, just the regular medals you get. 184 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,880 And so I went in there and this woman is ultimately, 185 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,960 this woman that saved my life, her name was Natalie. 186 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,920 And I walked into her office and I asked her, 187 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:51,920 can you help me get my medals back, my awards, my ribbons? 188 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,240 And she said, yeah, we could do that. 189 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,120 We can do that. 190 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,600 As long as you're here, 191 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,360 we're not part of the Veterans Administration 192 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,640 and we're funded by the amount of traffic that we generate. 193 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:09,480 And so would you mind filling out this little questionnaire? 194 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:10,880 Oh sure, no problem. 195 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:14,760 I get that questionnaire and the page one just says, 196 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,800 rank, serial number, where did you serve? 197 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,400 Where did you take your training? 198 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,200 All this easy stuff. 199 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,120 I go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 200 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,400 Then I turned the page. 201 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,720 Did anybody ever die in your arms? 202 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:31,720 Did you ever start asking all of these really ugly questions 203 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:35,200 that I wanted to cry because somebody did die in my arms 204 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,200 to get on my best friend, Herman Johnson. 205 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,520 And I broke down and I started crying. 206 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:44,160 And for the very first time in my life, I said the words, 207 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,440 I'm an alcoholic and I need help. 208 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,080 And she said, well, we can certainly help you 209 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,960 with that alcohol. 210 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,440 We have a meeting every Monday night. 211 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,720 This was the FNGs and she says, why don't you attend it? 212 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,880 So I started attending that meeting, I didn't get sober. 213 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,360 This was 1985. 214 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:07,400 I used to say that I bounced in and out of AA 215 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,400 for three years. 216 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,800 I don't say that anymore. 217 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:16,800 What I say now is that I wasn't in AA until I was in AA, 218 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:21,400 until I picked up the book, got a sponsor, 219 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,720 started reading, started following directions 220 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:29,200 and started really being a part of the FNG group. 221 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,960 That's when I got my sobriety. 222 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,840 So it wasn't easy. 223 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:37,760 If there's any newcomers here, I wanna welcome you. 224 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,120 Maybe you didn't wanna identify, but there's no shame. 225 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,280 There's no shame in identifying as a newcomer. 226 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,400 We all were newcomers at one point. 227 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:49,000 So it's as you know, if you've been sober for a while, 228 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,520 you know the early sobriety, how difficult 229 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,040 it might have been for you. 230 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,760 It was certainly difficult for me. 231 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:59,600 And I was at work one day and my wife called me 232 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,600 and it's our son. 233 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,080 We had the daughter, then we had a son. 234 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,400 And my son was about two years old. 235 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,600 My wife called me, she said, we have to give Andrew 236 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:15,600 an injection every night or he's gonna be four feet 10 237 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,280 because he's got a growth hormone deficiency. 238 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,520 So that meant at 90 days of sobriety, 239 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,400 I found myself sitting at my kitchen table, 240 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,880 fixing a needle, fixing a needle. 241 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:32,120 And when I went to go give my son his injection 242 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,120 the very first night, of course he was crying 243 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,440 because he could see that his dad was coming at him 244 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,040 with a needle and he started crying. 245 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:46,760 And all of a sudden he became that kid that we killed 246 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,240 in Vietnam and I started crying. 247 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,960 And I started, I just, I stormed, 248 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,320 I threw the needle on the ground 249 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:58,120 and I stormed out of my house. 250 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,800 And I was heading to Bailey's Liquor Store 251 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,080 in Whittier, California, because I had credit there. 252 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:08,400 And I knew that if I could make it to Bailey's Liquor Store 253 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,000 and get a bottle of Jack Daniels, 254 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,600 that Jack would push all that guilt down, 255 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,600 would push all the shame down 256 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:20,600 and let me continue living the way I had been living. 257 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:25,160 But something miraculous happened to me 258 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,080 on the way to the liquor store. 259 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,680 And that was, I realized that I wanted to stay sober 260 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,120 more than anything. 261 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,800 And if it meant that I had to feel the guilt, 262 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,640 I would feel it. 263 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,920 If I had to feel the shame, the remorse, 264 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:43,280 all of the feelings that were bubbling up in my life, 265 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,200 being sober, I would do it. 266 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,360 I would do it. 267 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,720 And I did it. 268 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,680 And I called my sponsor. 269 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:53,560 And I said, "Daddy, there's a beer in my refrigerator 270 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,960 and it's calling my name." 271 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,640 You know how we are as newcomers. 272 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,080 And he says, "Fred, Fred, Fred, let me ask you, 273 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,080 do you have a bottle of ketchup in there?" 274 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,120 I go, "Yeah, is it calling your name?" 275 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,920 And he made me realize how ridiculous it was. 276 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:10,920 I stayed sober because I wanted sobriety more than anything. 277 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:16,040 And that was the first of my outer body experiences, 278 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:20,160 so to say, my PTSD experiences, 279 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,760 because man, I was in the jungle. 280 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,040 I was there and it was real. 281 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,680 So I stayed sober. 282 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,440 Well, let me tell you about my sobriety. 283 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,680 My sponsor, of course, man, 284 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,560 my sponsor had to be a combat Vietnam veteran. 285 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,800 And I found a guy that did three tours 286 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,160 and he became my sponsor. 287 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:45,160 And he came home from his third tour of Vietnam 288 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,240 and he killed a guy. 289 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,240 And he went to prison. 290 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,520 He got sober in prison. 291 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:53,520 So as one of his sponsors, I was taught about HMI. 292 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:59,840 Take meetings to Terminal Island in Long Beach 293 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,000 to the prison there. 294 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:06,000 Take meetings to Chino Prison in Corona. 295 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:11,120 Take meetings to the local jail in Temecula. 296 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,160 H and I, H and I. 297 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,400 And that kept me sober. 298 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,520 That really kept me sober. 299 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,200 I built a foundation of sobriety 300 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:24,160 that I could call upon and rely upon. 301 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:29,160 So in 1995, I had seven years of sobriety. 302 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,120 My first major experience, 303 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,920 I went to the World Convention in San Diego 304 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,440 and it was amazing. 305 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:41,000 I found out how big Alcoholics Anonymous is, 306 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,360 how big it is, international. 307 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,920 I found out how big it was. 308 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:50,720 And that same year, I had a chance to go back to Vietnam. 309 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,760 I had a chance to go back to Vietnam and I jumped at it. 310 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:58,440 I wanted to do it because I wanted some kind of healing. 311 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,480 Call it a nine-step, call it whatever you want. 312 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,760 But I had to go and I went. 313 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,280 But before I went to Vietnam, 314 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,200 I got five big books from New York in Vietnamese. 315 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,040 Five big books in Vietnamese. 316 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:17,600 I got the Southbound Literature in Vietnamese 317 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:22,440 and I had it in a bag and I took it to Vietnam. 318 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,320 And I was in Ho Chi Minh City, Saigon. 319 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,360 And the very first night we were there, 320 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,440 I went back with a group of veterans, 321 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:34,440 about 18 veterans from my unit, the 11th Armored Calvary. 322 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:39,800 And we went back to meet the enemy 323 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,280 and for them to show us where they ambushed us, 324 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,680 how they ambushed us and all this stuff. 325 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:49,800 So we had a big banquet that first night of introductions 326 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,640 and people spoke. 327 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,160 When it was my turn this week, 328 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,040 I went up there and I said, 329 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:59,040 "Look, you guys, a lot of us American veterans 330 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,680 "came home with drug and alcohol problems. 331 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,720 "And I'm wondering if you fellas experienced the same thing." 332 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,880 Now, you can't ask that in a dictatorship, okay? 333 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,080 Because nobody said they had a problem with alcohol. 334 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,280 Everybody's, "Oh, no, no, we're fine, we're fine. 335 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,800 "No problem, no problem." 336 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,480 That denial, right, it's ingrained in them 337 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:25,240 because there were government minders watching them. 338 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,240 So that first night I meet this colonel, 339 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,360 Colonel Conn from the Viet Cong. 340 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,160 And he was a rascal, a real rascal. 341 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,000 And I really liked this guy. 342 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:42,000 And we hung out and his son was killed in a B-52 raid. 343 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,840 I had Herman that died. 344 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,720 I had other events in Vietnam 345 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,400 that I wanted to be on the spot. 346 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:54,080 And he took me to the places that I wanted to go to. 347 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:58,840 And we wound up going to a cemetery and burning incense 348 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,000 and being there together and hugging each other 349 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,000 and crying about the damage that both of us had done 350 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,080 to the other side during the war. 351 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,960 So I hung her out with him. 352 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,480 And like I say, he was a real rascal. 353 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,600 And so I was there for 14 days. 354 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,120 And on the last night we get together 355 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:24,480 and I've got the big books in Vietnamese and stuff. 356 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:29,400 And so we're sitting at a banquet for us to come home. 357 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,240 And the, well, no, I'm sorry. 358 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,200 We're in the courtyard before the banquet 359 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,320 and the interpreter came up to me and he says, 360 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,200 "The colonel wants you to know 361 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,800 that since he heard you speak the first night, 362 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,000 he's been trying to quit drinking 363 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,040 and he's been successful two times." 364 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,080 This isn't two weeks. 365 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,760 He was successful in not drinking two nights. 366 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,320 And I said, "Oh, tell the colonel to wait right here." 367 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,480 And I ran up to my room and I got the big book 368 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,080 in Vietnamese and I brought it back to him. 369 00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,160 And I told the interpreter, 370 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,240 "Tell the colonel that if he wants to quit drinking 371 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,760 and to be happy and to be at peace to read this book." 372 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,360 Oh man, it was so grateful. 373 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,120 Thank you, thank you so much. 374 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,960 Really full of gratitude. 375 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,960 And we go to that banquet at the end of the visit. 376 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,480 And I'm sitting next to Colonel Khan. 377 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:23,640 And I'm talking, this is a banquet room full of guys. 378 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:27,240 And they come to pour me a drink and I say, "No, thank you." 379 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,480 And the colonel says, "No, thank you." 380 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,160 And the fellow with the alcohol goes 381 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,680 all the way around the room, pours everybody a drink, 382 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,400 and they go, "Cheers!" 383 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:37,640 And they take that drink. 384 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,800 They come back to me, "No, thank you." 385 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,720 The colonel, "No, thank you." 386 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,440 For everybody around the drinks, they take another toast. 387 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,000 "Yeah, third time." 388 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,200 I say, "No, thank you." 389 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,960 The colonel says, "Thank you." 390 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,280 And he takes that drink. 391 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,440 And the next thing I know, 392 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,800 the interpreter's leaning into me and saying, 393 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,200 "The colonel wants you to know 394 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,920 he has not read your book yet." 395 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:02,040 And so, this is a great, great story 396 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,640 about the power of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. 397 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:06,760 Yeah, I love this book. 398 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:07,720 I study it. 399 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,040 I'm not an expert, 400 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,160 but I've been studying it for some 30 years. 401 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,320 And it's incredible. 402 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,000 Page 133, it says, "We're not subscribed to this life 403 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000 as being a veil of tears, 404 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,840 though it once was for many of us." 405 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,280 And it goes on to say that after all, 406 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,480 we made our own misery. 407 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:31,480 We made our troubles, we think, basically of our own making. 408 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:36,200 And on page 133, it says, 409 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:40,040 "Avoid, then, the deliberate manufacture of misery." 410 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,680 And that's been a good point for me, 411 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:48,680 is trying to avoid the deliberate manufacture of misery. 412 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,920 I'll give you an example. 413 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,720 During, as I said, we've been married 50 years. 414 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,760 It's really difficult. 415 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,560 It's really difficult. 416 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,920 And my wife, during the pandemic, 417 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,080 we're all shut in together, the two of us. 418 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,560 And her battery on her phone's always going dead. 419 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,280 And I'm, "Ah!" 420 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:11,120 Like that. 421 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,560 "Change your phone, change your phone." 422 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,120 Until I realized that all I had to do 423 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,600 was, when she was in bed, 424 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,040 plug your phone in and start charging it. 425 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,440 It's a huge difference. 426 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:26,120 That is what Alcoholics Anonymous has been to me. 427 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:29,240 It's been something that's been able, 428 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,080 I've been able to have some deep, 429 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,680 effective spiritual experience 430 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,800 that's realigned my thinking, you know? 431 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,640 That's taken me to, "Ah, ah, ah," 432 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,120 to plug the phone in for you, you know? 433 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,080 And where do you get that? 434 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,360 You get that from working the steps. 435 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:47,680 Working with others, the big thing. 436 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,120 Working with others, you know? 437 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:51,280 Sponsoring people. 438 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,040 I'm being sponsored by the people he's sponsoring. 439 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,880 Not feeling like I'm at, 440 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,600 like I've got it all, but the end, 441 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,680 that I'm your sponsor. 442 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,040 No, man. 443 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:06,240 When I sponsor people, I work the steps with them. 444 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,840 And I'm working the step. 445 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,560 You know, I don't tell you how many point steps I've done. 446 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,600 It's been a lot. 447 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,080 And you know, this whole thing about 448 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,880 uncover, discover, discard, 449 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,840 I had a real problem with my friend Herman 450 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,200 dying in my arms. 451 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:26,360 It was a vision that I carried around for a long time, 452 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:29,040 that memory of him dying. 453 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,840 September 6, 1969, a Saturday afternoon, 11 a.m., 454 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:33,760 that's when it happened. 455 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,320 I was sure of this. 456 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,000 I was positive that this happened. 457 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,560 My whole life revolved around it. 458 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,800 I still wear his boot lace, you can't see it, 459 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,960 but the guys, they stripped his boot laces 460 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,400 and made a little thing that I wear. 461 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,720 So what happened was I was carrying around 462 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,040 all of this emotional baggage, a lot of it. 463 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,840 And I was having these, 464 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,920 4th of July's were horrible for me. 465 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,800 I couldn't be around fireworks. 466 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,880 I couldn't be around explosions. 467 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,400 I couldn't be around helicopters. 468 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,960 And it was all stuff that I was doing to myself. 469 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,800 Well, when I went to Vietnam in 1995, 470 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,680 there was a film crew 471 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,520 that was following a doctor that went with us. 472 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,600 And what happened is they started to follow me 473 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,960 and they started to film me. 474 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,840 And 10 years ago, nine and a half years ago, 475 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,120 I wrote a book. 476 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:31,840 I wrote a book about my experiences in Vietnam 477 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,040 and it was published. 478 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,880 And it was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize. 479 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:40,520 And I won best new author at the age of 65. 480 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,520 That's the power of sobriety. 481 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,640 That's the power of sobriety. 482 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:49,640 And I wrote this book and when it was published 483 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:53,920 and it was available, a guy on active duty read it 484 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,200 and he wanted to get Herman's etching, 485 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,720 his name off of the wall. 486 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,680 And he went to Washington DC to do it. 487 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,280 He found out Herman's name was not on the wall. 488 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,440 Didn't find it anywhere. 489 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:04,600 He found Herman. 490 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:05,880 He found Herman. 491 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,360 And when I talked to Herman after all the tears, 492 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:13,080 he told me that he never received his purple heart. 493 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,240 Never because we were in an eight hour battle, 494 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:17,760 an eight hour fight. 495 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,880 He came to without a shoe, 496 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,560 looked and had a toe tag on his toe 497 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,920 and it was put back on a machine gun. 498 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,560 So he never got his purple heart. 499 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,680 So I arranged for him to get his purple heart 500 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,880 and we had a reunion at the wall in Washington DC. 501 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,680 And the film crew that was filming in 1995 502 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,840 came out to film it. 503 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,400 And it was really amazing thing. 504 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,680 I went to meetings in Washington DC 505 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,600 because I'm a meeting maker. 506 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,840 I don't rest on my laurels 507 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,920 because I know I'm headed for trouble if I do. 508 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:55,440 And so to get back to this Herman story, 509 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:56,640 we were reunited. 510 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:57,840 We were reunited. 511 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,120 And it was really, really something. 512 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:05,040 And he, Herman, wanted to start drinking. 513 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,120 I gave him the big book. 514 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,480 So these are amazing gifts that I've received 515 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:14,480 in Alcoholics Anonymous, amazing sobriety gifts. 516 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,080 Look, eight minutes, okay. 517 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:20,440 So let me tell you, with the pandemic, 518 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,920 I could see that the country was closing down 519 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,480 from the East Coast to the West Coast. 520 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,680 Down the West Coast, we didn't have it as bad 521 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,480 as they had it in New York. 522 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:36,480 And so I started going to a Zoom meeting in New York 523 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:42,600 and it was like a whole new way of experiencing 524 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:46,640 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and sobriety. 525 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,560 I'm really grateful for Zoom. 526 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,080 I'm here tonight because of Zoom. 527 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,640 I couldn't drive out to the Valley to receive it right now. 528 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:59,640 Man, I'm 75 years old and at the comfort of my own house. 529 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:04,120 I am wearing pants and I am wearing shoes. 530 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,360 I'll let you know that right now. 531 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,360 I'm fully dressed, okay. 532 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:13,360 And so taking the meetings to the prison was eye-opening 533 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:19,440 because I saw such amazing things at Terminal Island. 534 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,880 I saw one fellow come into the room and he goes, 535 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,440 I said, how are you doing, man? 536 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,440 How are you doing? 537 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,760 He said, well, I'm just checking it out. 538 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,440 I said, oh well, check it out. 539 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,360 You're welcome to be here and participate. 540 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:39,360 He said, well, I was following Phil, Phil's on the yard 541 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:41,880 and he's got something in his eyes. 542 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,880 It was something that I really wanted to find out 543 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:45,720 what was going on. 544 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,440 So I followed him to this room. 545 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,280 I go, well, it's sobriety. 546 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:51,680 That's what you see. 547 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,640 It's peace, it's contentment. 548 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,360 It's everything that comes without the drink. 549 00:25:57,360 --> 00:26:02,360 And it was amazing to see that on the yard 550 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:06,880 in a federal penitentiary, somebody had the eyes, 551 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:11,080 the wide open eyes of sobriety that was so attractive 552 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:13,680 to somebody else that had brought them into the room. 553 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,360 That's the power of AA. 554 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:20,760 I was told once, Fred, when you're dealing with other people, 555 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,440 be the best example of the big book you can 556 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,920 because you might be the only big book they ever see. 557 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,000 So try to live your life accordingly. 558 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,560 That's what Bill Wilson said. 559 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,720 And with the pandemic came a book, 560 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,240 I don't know if anybody read it, writing the big book, 561 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:41,160 a history of how the big book was written, big book. 562 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:46,160 And in that I saw where originally Bill Wilson said, 563 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:50,200 "Turn your life over the care of a higher power. 564 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:55,200 Admit your faults, do an inventory and make restitution." 565 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,880 Make restitution, the ninth step. 566 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,360 And act accordingly, act sober, act accordingly. 567 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,960 Do not be the creator of misery because you were. 568 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:07,920 Fred, you were, you were the creator of misery. 569 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,400 I could talk to your wife, I could talk to your family. 570 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,360 They say that you created misery. 571 00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:14,160 So what's the answer to that? 572 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,800 Avoid them, the deliberate manufacturer of misery. 573 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,720 Act like a sober man, act like a sober woman. 574 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,600 Act like a sober person, sober people. 575 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,040 We got crazy people in AA, don't get me wrong. 576 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,040 I mean, there's crazy people. 577 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:33,040 It's a disease and we get some really, really wild people 578 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:37,280 but the bottom line is they're all trying to get sober. 579 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:42,320 As a musician, I played many bars, 580 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:46,040 many bars where I would look at the people out there 581 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:50,000 and I would say, yeah, we all have the same problem, 582 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,440 same problem, but at Alcoholics Anonymous, 583 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,480 I'm with people that have the same solution, 584 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,520 the 12 steps, the big book, sponsorship, 585 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,600 altruistic way of living, altruistic way of living, 586 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,480 kindliness, love, purity, you know. 587 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,560 It's really a beautiful way of life 588 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,720 and I'm really grateful to be a part of it. 589 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,440 So with the release of my book, 590 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,120 I was thrown into this other world. 591 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:22,680 Oh, and Bill, I saw your bookstore closed. 592 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,560 I love bookstores. 593 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,800 I love reading, I love books. 594 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,440 And that's a shame, you know. 595 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,880 I don't know if it was due to the pandemic or what, 596 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,920 but you know, a lot of people had a lot of problems 597 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:38,880 but something good came of it and that was Zoom. 598 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,800 Something good came of the pandemic. 599 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:45,120 And if I look at my life, whatever I'm going through, 600 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,560 I try to look for what's good. 601 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,880 I try to look for what is decent and honorable. 602 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,760 And we read it every minute. 603 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,000 We're not saints. 604 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,680 The point, what's the point? 605 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:03,600 The point is we choose to grow along spiritual lines. 606 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,080 It's not a religion. 607 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:06,800 You guys know that it's not a religion. 608 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,360 Big book says God is, I understand God 609 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,920 and my concept of a higher power probably won't work for you. 610 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,160 Your concept of higher power probably wouldn't work for me. 611 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,840 But the thing is, I'm not God. 612 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:20,920 You're not God. 613 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:21,760 We're not God. 614 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,240 You know, and once we make that decision, 615 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,040 not a decision, that realization, 616 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,440 that my sponsor, when I worked the steps, 617 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:32,240 he told me, Fred, he says, is your life unmanageable? 618 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:33,480 Yeah. Yes. 619 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,920 And he said, well, I know what it was. 620 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:41,920 Whenever anybody is hesitant on the first step, 621 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:46,640 it's always make a list of the things that you can control. 622 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,560 Give me a list of what you can control. 623 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,120 And there's nothing on there except me, you know, me. 624 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,600 And I just love it. 625 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,760 I love speaking. 626 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,080 I love being, listening to speakers. 627 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,480 I just love being at meetings. 628 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:05,480 I've got something like 13,077 days or something like that. 629 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,960 And there's a guy in my home group, 630 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:13,080 older guy, older than me, more sobriety than me. 631 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:17,000 And what he says is, some people have too many years 632 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:18,760 and not enough days. 633 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,680 And I've marked those days like a newcomer. 634 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:25,320 I've marked those days because they're precious to me. 635 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,600 I don't want to give them up. 636 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,280 I don't want to come back and say, 637 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,400 I'm Fred, I got 30 days back. 638 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,280 I hear that in my New York meetings, back. 639 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:33,640 Where did you go? 640 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:34,960 You know, we've been here. 641 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,200 So don't leave before the miracle. 642 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,920 That miracle, never know what it's going to be. 643 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:40,960 That's what I was taught. 644 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,360 Don't leave before the miracle. 645 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,640 Expect great things. 646 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:45,480 Why? 647 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:46,720 Well, because you were amazed 648 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,640 before you were halfway through, weren't you Fred? 649 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:51,080 You know, I got a minute left 650 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,640 and I want to just tell you all, 651 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:57,520 I hope that you stay connected to alcohol and synonymous. 652 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,840 I hope that I stay connected to alcohol and synonymous. 653 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,760 I know people with 30 plus years 654 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,840 that just stopped going to me, especially with the pandemic. 655 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,640 Oh, I don't want to go to zoom because I can't hug people. 656 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:10,800 Yeah, give me a break. 657 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,440 You know, is your sobriety based upon hugging people? 658 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,560 No, man, your sobriety is based on the 12 steps 659 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:18,360 in the program of alcohol and synonymous. 660 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:19,320 If it's not that, 661 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,240 I know you're not going to be around for a long time. 662 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:26,400 So thank you then for letting me come and share. 663 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,280 Thank you all that are here 664 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,800 and just so grateful to be here. 665 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:32,040 Thank you so much.