1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,560 - My name is Marty, I'm an alcoholic. 2 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:02,400 - I don't know how to be. 3 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:03,960 - I wanna thank Ben for asking me to come out 4 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,080 and share with you guys tonight. 5 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,160 Happy birthday to Bruce. 6 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,840 It's just so cool tonight. 7 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:12,200 'Cause my sister's here, who I've known for 61 years, 8 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,760 and she's my best female friend probably. 9 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,000 And my best male friend just showed up. 10 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,300 I won't break his anonymity, 11 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:21,960 but his name really sounds like Wayne Butler. 12 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,020 It's right along that line somehow. 13 00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:27,740 And the unfortunate thing is he's got like two days 14 00:00:27,740 --> 00:00:29,040 of sobriety more than me. 15 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,520 I've been living with that for 46 years. 16 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,000 I always tell him it's quality, not quantity. 17 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,760 And he goes, "How would you know?" 18 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,120 (laughing) 19 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,320 That's what he gives with two days of sobriety. 20 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:43,520 I have a sobriety date that's November 10th of 1977. 21 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,840 I have a home group, it's an online group, 22 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,560 called Stay Connected, we meet every morning at 9 a.m. 23 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,760 And I have a sponsor, his name's Carl Morris. 24 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,680 And the irony is I called Carl as I was driving in tonight. 25 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:57,040 And this is the meeting where I first met Carl 26 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,360 a long time ago. 27 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,760 And so I was just driving in and I said, 28 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,160 "Hey, I'm gonna go speak at the meeting 29 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,440 where I think it was the first time I ever saw you." 30 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,520 He had like four years of sobriety back then. 31 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:11,360 And so anyways, just a lot of good memories, 32 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,960 especially with Cindy and Wayne being here, 33 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:13,920 it's pretty cool. 34 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,560 And then I went to Alex's Bar Mitzvah. 35 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:17,680 I didn't wanna say the wrong one 36 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,280 because they sound a lot alike to me. 37 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,020 And then Greg got asked to speak for me 38 00:01:22,020 --> 00:01:24,380 at a Sunday night Ohio street a long time ago. 39 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:25,220 That was pretty cool. 40 00:01:25,220 --> 00:01:26,640 And there's a lot of history here. 41 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,320 And thank God, because I haven't dreamt. 42 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,160 As one speaker used to say all the time, 43 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:35,440 "This not drinking thing has a lot to do with this program." 44 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,080 And I drank so much, I used to drink my bottled water. 45 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,640 That's how much I drank, you know? 46 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,860 And Bill, don't make that face. 47 00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:46,640 If you make that face, that means you tried it. 48 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:51,740 Born and raised over here in Riverside, San Bernardino area. 49 00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:52,920 I'm the youngest of three. 50 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,000 My sister and my brother are both older than me. 51 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,320 We were raised by our father, a German guy. 52 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,400 And my mom's 100% Eskimo, I didn't know my mom. 53 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,200 She left when I was 11 months old. 54 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,320 And I guess the divorce was so bitter and bad 55 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,000 that we moved into the brand new house. 56 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,280 Pictures of mom didn't go back up on the wall. 57 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,320 So I didn't know what my mom looked like, I really didn't. 58 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,520 But I knew one thing for sure, 59 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,000 is I didn't look like this German dad. 60 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,640 My German dad's six foot two, 61 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,400 blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. 62 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,480 And that's who I thought I was gonna look like. 63 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,520 And all three of us kids did our own thing, man. 64 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,620 And we did it good. 65 00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:29,000 And I don't know when I started everything 66 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,400 because I met my mom at my high school graduation. 67 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,600 And I was a year sober. 68 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,760 And when I got done with the graduation, 69 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,040 she says, "What are your plans now?" 70 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:38,920 I says, "I don't have any." 71 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,720 She says, "Why don't you move to Alaska then?" 72 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,640 And what flashed through my head real quick 73 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,200 was one of those great podium stories 74 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,120 that you get to hear from the podium periodically 75 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,080 where I've connected with my mom 76 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,860 and we have a great relationship now. 77 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:52,120 That's not our story. 78 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:56,240 I went up to Alaska and I pulled that lady out of a bar, 79 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,400 almost every single night. 80 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:02,260 And she lost custody of us three kids in the early '60s. 81 00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:05,640 And most women didn't lose custody of kids back then. 82 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,840 The only reason she lost custody of all three of us kids 83 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,360 is 'cause she's a really bad drinker. 84 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,720 So here it is 16 years later and she's still a bad drink. 85 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,440 Now fast forward all the way up to last week, 86 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,240 our mom's 86 years old 87 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,480 and she's in the hospital detoxing off of fentanyl. 88 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,560 She's still doing it. 89 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:26,440 And there's a question of if she was force fed 90 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,200 the fentanyl or not, but she's just a bad drunk. 91 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,280 That's the bottom line. 92 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,520 And my dad was also a bad drunk too. 93 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,520 And like I said, me and my brother and sister, 94 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,560 we were all doing our own things. 95 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,520 I gotta tell you this, my sobriety date 96 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,200 is with this guy named Gary. 97 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,280 And I talked to Gary on my way in too. 98 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,440 And we went to middle school together 99 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,320 and we're gonna play golf together next week 100 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,080 'cause Gary now has 12 years of sobriety. 101 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,040 So you just never know how this stuff is gonna affect you. 102 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,760 And that's part of my story later on in sobriety. 103 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:59,780 But I hung out with primarily this young kid 104 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,600 I met when I was nine years old. 105 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,940 He's straight out of Louisville, Kentucky. 106 00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:05,880 And he's about as Southern as you can get. 107 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,640 He's about as hillbilly as you can get too. 108 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,600 And if you have low self worth, low self esteem like I do, 109 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,520 you hang out with a set of people long enough, 110 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,840 you'll start dressing like them, 111 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,920 walking like them and talking like them. 112 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,520 And that's exactly what I started doing. 113 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,640 I started talking with a Southern draw. 114 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,160 Now I'm a little Eskimo that's never left Riverside, 115 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,000 but somehow I picked up a Southern draw, 116 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,160 walking out of my own house, 117 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,040 looking at my own family saying, "How y'all doing?" 118 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:32,720 You know, make things about yay long stuff is over yonder. 119 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,600 And I'm married today 120 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,360 and I still haven't got rid of that word yonder. 121 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,440 My wife said, "Well, where's whatever?" 122 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,920 And I said, "Oh, it's over yonder." 123 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,380 And she says, "You know you're not a hillbilly, right?" 124 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,840 So we're all doing our own thing and our dad was a bad drunk. 125 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:52,680 My mom lost custody of us 'cause she's a bad drunk. 126 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:53,880 But I'm here to tell you, 127 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,640 my sister makes it till midnight, 128 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,520 she'll have 47 years of sobriety. 129 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,920 I've got 46 years, she's got 47. 130 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,840 Our current mom, hint, hint, has 48 years of sobriety 131 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,960 and our dad has 49 years of sobriety. 132 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,520 And then that older brother that I have 133 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,640 has just celebrated 20, I think 25. 134 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,360 We don't know how long he's sober. 135 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,000 But anyways, and then, 136 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,240 sometimes I get to talk about, sometimes I don't. 137 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,880 But when I was 25 years old, 10 years sober, 138 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,880 I'm selling cars over here at Kramer Chevrolet 139 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:24,840 in Santa Monica. 140 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,140 And my sister calls me up and says, 141 00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:28,320 "Hey, guess what, we have an older brother." 142 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,480 I went, "Duh, we've always had an older brother." 143 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,740 She says, "No, we have one older than him." 144 00:05:32,740 --> 00:05:35,640 And part of my dad's fourth step came out of nowhere. 145 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,280 And this kid was given up for adoption at birth 146 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,760 and our dad just didn't care to tell us about that. 147 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,120 So we met him and he now has, 148 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,420 I don't think he's sober anymore, 149 00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:48,900 but he had 35 years of sobriety, you know? 150 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,160 So like coming to our house is like going to rehab, you know? 151 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,020 One of us are gonna get you so. 152 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,280 And so I was doing my own thing. 153 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,680 So I'll talk about myself. 154 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,160 I can talk a lot about my whole family 155 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,860 because we're all here, we're all around here. 156 00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:05,920 But I was hanging out with this hillbilly kid 157 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:07,380 that turned me on to everything. 158 00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:09,840 And I was not a kind of guy. 159 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:13,760 I did a lot of mean stuff, but I did it quietly. 160 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,960 By the time I got to you guys, I had two DUI stories. 161 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,280 I had three breaking-in enterings. 162 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,440 I'd been kicked out or dropped 163 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,960 out of five different high schools. 164 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:27,440 And I was on summary probation for harboring a runaway. 165 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,280 And so I had issues by the time I got to you guys. 166 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,240 I was only 15 years old when I came in. 167 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,640 I came in Alcoholics Anonymous 168 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,640 and I was the last one in the family to come in. 169 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,320 My dad had three years of sobriety. 170 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,800 My sister had eight months of sobriety. 171 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,820 My brother had a few more months than I did. 172 00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:43,660 But like I said, he didn't stick around. 173 00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:46,880 And then I came in November of 1977. 174 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,800 And when I came in, we were all living out in Simi Valley. 175 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,280 Didn't know where Simi Valley was, I really didn't. 176 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,200 But I'm the last in the family drinking and using. 177 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,200 And my family's leaving every single night 178 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,480 in Simi Valley to go to another AA meeting. 179 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,120 And I just felt so sorry for them. 180 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,700 They just like, to me, they're geeking out, you know? 181 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:07,000 And what I did notice is that my family would dress up 182 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,920 on Friday nights and they would come 183 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:12,220 to the San Fernando Valley for a dressed up AA meeting. 184 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:15,680 Ooh, doesn't that sound exciting? 185 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,480 So my sister did her second 12 step call. 186 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,080 If you ever hear my sister's story, 187 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,840 she talks about doing a 12 step call. 188 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,480 I mean, it worked 'cause he's got 48, 189 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,720 whatever years of sobriety. 190 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,680 The first call didn't work out very well. 191 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,720 But the second call worked out a little bit better. 192 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,760 She asked me to go to this Friday night meeting 193 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,560 that my whole family was going to. 194 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,120 Why don't you just go listen to this guy speak 195 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,360 and see if you can identify with any of the feeling. 196 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,400 And I didn't have feelings back then. 197 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,840 So I just thought it was an interesting request. 198 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,000 And I thought, well, they do dress up every Friday night, 199 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,600 so let me go see what this is about. 200 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,560 The whole drive from Simi Valley to the San Fernando Valley, 201 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,360 they kept telling me, you're gonna like this speaker. 202 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,320 You're gonna like this speaker. 203 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,160 You're gonna like this speaker. 204 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,340 And I'm going, no, I'm not, no, I'm not, no, I'm not. 205 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:59,120 And I got to hear what I guess was called 206 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,920 the West Valley Speaker meeting, 207 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,480 which I think turned into the Platte Avenue Speaker meeting. 208 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,360 We used to call it Herb's meeting 209 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,360 'cause there's a television star with the first name of Herb 210 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,280 that went to this meeting. 211 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,000 So we just called it Herb's meeting. 212 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,480 And I never knew the name of this meeting 213 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:14,720 till I was nine years old. 214 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:18,080 But so I drove out with my family to come to this meeting. 215 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,900 And the guy that I got to hear speak 216 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,280 on my very first night in Alcoholics Anonymous 217 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:23,440 was a guy named Norm Alpe. 218 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,440 And Norm Alpe used to give one hell of a talk. 219 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:26,600 When he walked into the room, 220 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,200 you felt him walk into the room. 221 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,400 He was full of energy. 222 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,000 He loved Alcoholics Anonymous. 223 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,700 He loved newcomers. 224 00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,140 This dude was on fire. 225 00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:37,120 And the day, he probably walked into the day he died 226 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,680 about Alcoholics Anonymous. 227 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,840 And he had a whole bunch of little one-liners, you know. 228 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,200 The one that I was gonna hold onto 229 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,680 because here's what was happening back then in my life. 230 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,600 My family would all go to AA every night 231 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,520 and they'd come back with either a friend or two each. 232 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,860 So there could be up to like eight or nine people 233 00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:54,800 in our living room. 234 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,960 And the meeting after the meeting was at our house. 235 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,760 And that sucks when you're trying to get high and drunk. 236 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,520 You know, your whole family comes home, 237 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,480 they're all fired up about some AA meeting. 238 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,200 But they'd sit around and they'd talk about the speakers 239 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,040 that heard that. 240 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,640 And I never felt part of my family. 241 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,480 Now I really didn't feel part of my family 242 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,600 because I never heard any of these speakers. 243 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,580 But when I went and heard Norm speak, he said this one line. 244 00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:19,620 And back then, you know, there's a big old podium like this. 245 00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:21,340 It's at a church in San Fernando Valley, 246 00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:23,400 somewhere over there in Topanga, I think. 247 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:24,680 But it was an open aisle 248 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,120 and there's five chairs on this road, 249 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,960 five chairs on this road and one way back. 250 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,800 And Norm looked at the front row 251 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,040 'cause my dad's always believed 252 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,120 in sitting in the front row. 253 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,080 He's 86 years old. 254 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,740 And he would still be in college today if he could, you know. 255 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:39,400 He loves college. 256 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,180 And he always believed in sitting in the front row. 257 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,120 Sit up front, kids. 258 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:42,960 Sit up front, kids. 259 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:43,800 Sit up front. 260 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,040 So we're all sitting there. 261 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,500 And when I said earlier that our current mom 262 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:51,640 is 48 years sober, it's 'cause this is our sixth mom, 263 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,160 you know, and I think it's magnificent. 264 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,000 If you get one PhD behind your name, 265 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000 my dad has two of them. 266 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,240 And he has a marriage family therapist license. 267 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,480 Yeah, think about that one for that quick second. 268 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,400 And, but we went to this meeting and there was my dad 269 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,360 in the front row, first chair. 270 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:09,320 There was possible mom number three, mom number four. 271 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,320 And then there was my brother, my sister, and myself. 272 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,680 And Norm said this one line 273 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,200 and he looked at all three of us kids. 274 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,560 Because I was 15, that makes my sister either 16 275 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,480 or also 15 at that time of year. 276 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,280 No, 16 maybe. 277 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,880 And my brother was 17 or 18. 278 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,520 Depends on what time of year it was, I don't know. 279 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,240 But he looked at all three of us kids and he says, 280 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,000 "It doesn't matter how much you drink, where you drink, 281 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,300 "but what matters is what it's doing to you. 282 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,420 "And if alcohol's tearing up any part of your life, 283 00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,760 "you're in the right place." 284 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,480 And then he said, while he looked at us three teenagers, 285 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,840 he says, "You can be eight or 80." 286 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,700 And I held onto that line in my head 287 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:44,200 because when we went home, I was gonna attempt 288 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,640 to try to feel like I fit in with my own family. 289 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,620 And so I sat in the living room with everybody else, 290 00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:50,120 which I normally didn't do. 291 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,840 And they would light up another pot of coffee, 292 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,320 like they hadn't had enough of that crap 293 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,360 to drink for the night. 294 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,960 And they'd sit around and talk about the speaker. 295 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,160 And you've all been to participate each meeting. 296 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,520 And so a little round robin goes right around the room. 297 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,240 And you know when it's your turn to share. 298 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,000 Person's sitting next to you sharing. 299 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,360 So you start going on in your head 300 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,760 what you're gonna share. 301 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,560 And that's exactly what I did. 302 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,680 My sister's sitting right next to me. 303 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,000 I'm thinking, I'm gonna say that line 304 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,920 that it doesn't matter if you're eight or 80. 305 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,680 If alcohol's tearing up any part of your life, 306 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:18,860 you're in the right place. 307 00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:20,200 That was the line I was gonna rehearse. 308 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,020 And I was going over and over in my head about it. 309 00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:24,160 And then what does my sister do right next to me? 310 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,920 She says, "I like that line." 311 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,600 He said, "But it doesn't matter if you're eight or 80." 312 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,160 And I thought, that bitch. 313 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,000 I mean, excuse me. 314 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,440 That moon person, you know? 315 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:35,720 'Cause I don't know if you can identify 316 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:36,940 with this as a newcomer. 317 00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:37,960 And I didn't turn around to see 318 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,360 if there's any newcomers here. 319 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,920 And if there is, welcome. 320 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,080 But when I was a newcomer, 321 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,040 I really think people knew what was going on 322 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,000 up inside my head. 323 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,760 And I felt like you guys judged me for what was up there. 324 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,680 And when she said that, 325 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,880 I thought this is a full on conspiracy theory. 326 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,480 She knew what I was gonna say 327 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,880 without me even saying anything. 328 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,760 That's how deluded I was back then. 329 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,600 I really thought she could read my mind. 330 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,840 And I thought the only reason she's doing that 331 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,000 is to get me go back to hear this guy Norm Alpe speak again. 332 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,820 And I thought it was just a cruel thing 333 00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:07,120 because I told my family, 334 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,280 I'm gonna go back with you guys next Friday 335 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,420 'cause I wanna be sure that Norm Alpe speak again. 336 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:14,840 Not once did all three of my family members let me know 337 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,840 that next week's speaker was gonna be somebody different. 338 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,080 They kept their mouth shut. 339 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,160 And I figured that was the way 340 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,360 that they're gonna get me to my second meeting. 341 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,600 'Cause sometimes your second meeting 342 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:24,920 is the hardest meeting to get to. 343 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,120 And so I went back the next week, 344 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,280 full on expecting to hear this guy named Norm Alpe speak. 345 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,160 And he wasn't speaking, I was bummed. 346 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:33,120 But here's my blessing. 347 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,840 The guy that spoke the next Friday night 348 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,120 was a guy named Chuck Chamberlain, Chuck C. 349 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,840 And to me, there's not a better introduction 350 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,320 to AA than hearing Norm speak one night 351 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,320 and the very next time you go there's Chuck C. 352 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,800 That's a hell of an introduction to alcoholics anonymous. 353 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,420 And that night I heard Chuck C speak 354 00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:48,880 is when my sister sort of dropped 355 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,560 that second 12 step call on me. 356 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,720 Why don't you try to identify with the feelings? 357 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:53,800 And that man got up there. 358 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,880 He was 62 years old with 29 years of sobriety. 359 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,080 I was only 15. 360 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,320 And I don't even know if I'm an alcoholic. 361 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:01,140 But at the end of the meeting, 362 00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:02,680 I raised my hand as an alcoholic. 363 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,720 'Cause what he shared, I could identify with. 364 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,220 I could not identify with the fact 365 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,040 that he wrecked the Chevy car 366 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,700 and he's no longer gonna go buy Chevys 367 00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:12,360 because that's why he wrecked the car. 368 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,860 It wasn't because of the alcohol. 369 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,960 He's getting kicked out of his house. 370 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,920 He's gonna be thrown out a business woman, a window. 371 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,880 And the window didn't open. 372 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,120 I mean, all this stuff, 373 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,680 I couldn't identify with any of that stuff 374 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:24,880 'cause I was only 15. 375 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,400 What I identified with is all the crappy feelings 376 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,640 behind all that stuff. 377 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,920 And so I raised my hand as an alcoholic and I was scared. 378 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,240 I didn't know I was scared back then. 379 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,160 I just did whatever you guys said you did. 380 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,960 If you guys said you went and got a big book, 381 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,640 I found out what a big book was and I buy a big book. 382 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,360 Or I think I spelled my first one. 383 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,680 And you said you read the 12 and 12. 384 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:47,880 I found out what that was. 385 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,760 And you guys said you went and got a sponsor. 386 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,800 And I went, okay, I'm gonna go get a sponsor. 387 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,640 Don't even know what a sponsor is, but I'm gonna get one. 388 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,600 And this is how shallow I was when I was 15 years old. 389 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,880 I looked around the Simi Valley Alana Club 390 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,040 and I picked this guy who had the coolest name. 391 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,480 I didn't even know what kind of program he was. 392 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:04,840 I didn't know how long he was sober, 393 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,360 but I just thought he had a cool name. 394 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:07,520 That's how shallow he was. 395 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,320 'Cause I wanted to go up to the podium some night 396 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,080 and his name was Stormy. 397 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,160 And I thought, I wanna go up to the podium some night 398 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,360 and say, my name's Marty, I'm an alcoholic, 399 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:16,960 and Stormy's my sponsor. 400 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,960 I just thought that had a cool ring. 401 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,740 Within seconds I found out where he got that nickname from. 402 00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:24,080 This dude was Stormy. 403 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,680 And he says, you're that young kid trying to get sober. 404 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:27,520 I went, yes. 405 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,240 And he says, how long are you sober now? 406 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,640 I says, I think I got like 31 days. 407 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,160 And he said, well, your first order of direction 408 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,300 is to quit sharing 'cause you shared every meeting 409 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:37,140 that you go to. 410 00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,360 And we wanna hear the message, not the mess. 411 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,960 And I went, okay, that's a weird request. 412 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,240 Wants me to stop sharing and I got great stuff 413 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,960 to share with all these old people. 414 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,720 And he says, and by the way, I don't like the way you think. 415 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,360 'Cause every time you share you talk about 416 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:51,200 what you're thinking. 417 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,120 I don't like the way you think. 418 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,600 And I thought, what does this have to do 419 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,520 with AA and sobriety, you know? 420 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,240 He says, so if you're ever gonna use the word think 421 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,360 around me, I'm gonna hang up or walk away. 422 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,320 And I just thought, wow, now I know where he got 423 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,520 that name Stormy from. 424 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:03,960 And sure enough, he did exactly that. 425 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,980 He says, that was on like a Tuesday that I asked him 426 00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:07,820 to sponsor me. 427 00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:11,360 He says, on Thursday, I'm gonna go speak in Thousand Oaks 428 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,440 and I want you to meet me there. 429 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,980 And that's what he said. 430 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,280 But what I heard, 'cause I was a newcomer, 431 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,280 what I heard was that he just wanted me to get to a meeting. 432 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,920 And I couldn't get from Simi Valley to Thousand Oaks. 433 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,060 I'm only 15 years old. 434 00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:25,080 I don't have a car, I don't have a driver's license. 435 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,760 And as he politely pointed out, 436 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,120 because I had two DUI stories, he says, 437 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,780 well, it hasn't stopped you before. 438 00:15:30,780 --> 00:15:33,760 So I didn't go Thursday night to hear him speak 439 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,960 because I thought he just wanted me to get to a meeting. 440 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,040 So I went to a local meeting and I was supposed 441 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,080 to call him every morning. 442 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,120 I called him on Friday morning and his first words 443 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:43,800 out of his mouth was, where were you last night? 444 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,820 And I said, well, you asked me to meet you 445 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,000 at the Church of the Oaks. 446 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,540 What I thought I heard you say was, we got disconnected. 447 00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:51,680 Well, that's interesting. 448 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,060 So I called him back up and I was gonna tell him, 449 00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:55,760 I think we just got disconnected. 450 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,760 I said, Stormy, it's Marty, I think we just, 451 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,520 we got disconnected again. 452 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,600 Well, I said, like, what's going on with this guy? 453 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:03,840 So I called him back the third time. 454 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,060 I says, I don't know what's going on. 455 00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,600 He says, let me tell you what's going on. 456 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,600 I already told you I don't like the way you think. 457 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,900 And you start off your first conversation with those, 458 00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,680 I thought, and thought is the past tense of thinking. 459 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:14,680 So I hung up on you. 460 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,520 I went, wow. 461 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,040 And he says, the second time you called, 462 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,320 you started off with I think, and I hung up on you again. 463 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,480 What's this guy up to? 464 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,680 So needless to say, he didn't stick around very long. 465 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:24,800 'Cause I fired him, you know? 466 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,760 If your sponsor's not doing the right thing, 467 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,440 you gotta get rid of him, right? 468 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,440 So I went and got this guy, 1000 Oaks, 469 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,840 named Tire Shop Joe, still shallow. 470 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,440 The only reason I got Tire Shop Joe to be my sponsor, 471 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,960 I'm 15 years old with a couple months of sobriety, 472 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,040 Tire Shop Joe had five, not four, not three, 473 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,120 he had five daughters. 474 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,280 And I was hedging my bets. 475 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,160 Like maybe I can get in with one of those daughters, 476 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,040 you know? 477 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,160 And sure enough, I scored, you know? 478 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,920 I went to the Church of the Oaks on Thursday night, 479 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,240 and at this meeting hall, there was an AA meeting one room, 480 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,480 there was an Al-Anon meeting across the hall, 481 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,320 and there was an Alateen meeting over here. 482 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,720 And I'm only 15 years old. 483 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,520 I'm 15 and a half now, 'cause I got my driver's permit. 484 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,760 And back then, you were able to drive at 15 and a half. 485 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,740 My dad bought me a car, and so I was styling, man. 486 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,240 I went to this meeting, and the people at AA 487 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,380 were way too old for me. 488 00:17:16,380 --> 00:17:19,480 So I'm not gonna do the coffee break with my own people. 489 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,400 I went down the hall to this Alateen meeting, 490 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,520 and I saw this little hot chick in the neck, 491 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,920 and I'm still shallow, and I had to ask her out, 492 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,560 'cause her name was Gigi. 493 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,860 Isn't that a cool name? 494 00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:30,400 I wanted to date Gigi. 495 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,760 So, "Hey, Gigi, everybody's going to do parts 496 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,140 after the meeting, will you go with me?" 497 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,360 She says, "Yeah, I'd love to." 498 00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,040 She says, "I've gotta ask my dad though." 499 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,680 She came back up to me, she said, "My dad says it's okay." 500 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,720 I went, "Cool." 501 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,880 And so we went to do parts, and I stuck her on the inside 502 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,620 of the booth so she couldn't get out, right? 503 00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:49,860 And I'd like to show off to my brand new sponsor 504 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,920 that I got a hot chick, you know? 505 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,860 So tire shop Joe come walking in to do parts, 506 00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:57,560 he walks right up to the table, I got my arm around Gigi 507 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,300 'cause I want to show off, and she goes, "Hi, Dad." 508 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:05,320 Oh, man, it was the hardest movement of my right arm 509 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,160 of my whole life, you know? 510 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,480 It was to try to back my arm off his own daughter. 511 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,920 And he says, "I want to talk to you about this." 512 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,640 Uh-oh. 513 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,280 You know, and back then, there was not a lot of creativity 514 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,320 to nicknames, you know? 515 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,920 He was Tire Shop Joe because his name was Joe 516 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,000 and he owned a tire shop. 517 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,920 I mean, there's no creativity. 518 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,280 And we had a guy in our group named Carpenter Mike, 519 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,680 one more time, no creativity. 520 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,560 His name was Mike and he was a carpenter, you know? 521 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,680 When I started off on this path of recovery 522 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,820 and just doing whatever you guys said that you did, 523 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:36,440 I followed this lady a lot, you know? 524 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,200 She left home, my brother left home, 525 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,480 and I was still underage. 526 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,880 I graduated from high school from Simi Valley, 527 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,040 and I had to move off to Roseburg, Oregon with my dad. 528 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,240 I graduated from high school. 529 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,000 I've got two years of sobriety and I'm 17 years old. 530 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,560 I got a high school diploma on my back pocket, 531 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,040 and I thought after two years of sobriety, 532 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,240 I was only busing tables at Denny's. 533 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,600 And I felt like I should have been at least a CEO, you know? 534 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,440 And so displeased with my progress, I looked at Cindy 535 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,680 and I thought, "Here is my gauge on Cindy." 536 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,920 Still shallow, folks. 537 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,080 By the way, that shallowness has never left. 538 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,320 46 years later, I'm still pretty shallow. 539 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,000 But I looked at my sister Cindy 540 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,560 and my gauge on her was that she was always busy. 541 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,840 And when she left home, she went and joined this group 542 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,200 over here on the west side of Los Angeles 543 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,280 called the Pacific Group. 544 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,040 And my judgment on her was that she never had a dollar 545 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:26,880 in her purse. 546 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,400 She was always busy, but she smiled a lot. 547 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,600 That was my gauge on my sister. 548 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,800 My brother, on the other hand, 549 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,600 went and joined the United States Navy. 550 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,840 And my gauge on my brothers, 551 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,200 he always had that sailor cash in his pocket. 552 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,840 He had short hair and he never smiled. 553 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,720 So when it came my turn to be displeased 554 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,840 at how much my progress was in Alcoholics Anonymous, 555 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,640 I went, "Which one do I follow?" 556 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,600 'Cause I follow one of the two all the time. 557 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,840 'Cause I have no self-worth, no self-esteem. 558 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,240 It's easier to make friends with Cindy's friends. 559 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,200 It's easier to make friends with my brother Mike's friends 560 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,200 instead of me trying to go get my own friends. 561 00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,960 And so I just looked at them 562 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,560 and I remember those three gauges on each one of them. 563 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,640 And so I went for the pocket full of cash. 564 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,120 'Cause I thought, "Well, cash? 565 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,840 "I can get a smile on my face, you know? 566 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,400 "I can act like I'm busy." 567 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,240 So I went and joined the United States Navy 568 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,440 with two years of sobriety. 569 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,320 And I'm here to tell you, 570 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,640 you can join the military with two years of sobriety, 571 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,200 do four years in there, 572 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,720 and come out with six years of sobriety. 573 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,320 It is possible, it's hard, but it's possible. 574 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,320 And I tell you that story because while I was in the Navy, 575 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,600 I was able to go to 10 different countries. 576 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,600 And I've been to meetings with Alcoholics Anonymous 577 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,360 in 10 different countries. 578 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,240 I'm the guy that I know I can call up central office 579 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,160 in New York and say, "My name's Marty, I'm an alcoholic. 580 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,000 "I'm in Singapore." 581 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,240 And they would always give me a name and phone number 582 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,040 of no matter which port I went to, 583 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,320 they'd give me a name and a phone number. 584 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,640 And I'd call up that so-and-so and say, 585 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,480 "Hey, I'm here with the 7th Fleet 586 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,760 "and I'd like to get to a meeting." 587 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,320 And they would always come by and pick me up 588 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,160 and take me to meetings. 589 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,360 So I've been to meeting 10 different countries. 590 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:58,080 I've been to meetings where I don't even know 591 00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,800 if I went to a meeting, to tell you the truth, 592 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,680 'cause they spoke a different language. 593 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,800 My example is I went to a meeting in Busan, Korea. 594 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,320 And I walked in a little bitty room, 595 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,720 half of the size of this room, 596 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,440 and there's five Korean guys in there. 597 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:10,760 And I don't even know if it was a meeting. 598 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,720 It was at a church, it was the only room that was lit up. 599 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,680 And I walked in and they had a thick blue book 600 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:16,920 and they had a thin blue book. 601 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,200 And I thought that was the big book and the 12 and 12. 602 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,000 But it was written in Korean language. 603 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,920 So I don't know for a fact if that was the big book 604 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:23,760 and 12 and 12. 605 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,160 And they were drinking tea and I thought tea, coffee, 606 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,720 tomato, tomato, whatever. 607 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,800 And so I sat into this meeting 608 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,960 and they were speaking in Korean and I don't speak Korean. 609 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,000 I speak English and they didn't speak English. 610 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,920 But one of the guys got done sharing, 611 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,100 think he shared, I don't know. 612 00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:38,680 And when in Southern California, 613 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,400 when somebody gets done sharing, what do we do? 614 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,760 So I'm the only one clapping in the room. 615 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,920 Oh, I guess they didn't clap in Korean. 616 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,880 You know, so the next guy shared it. 617 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,240 I clapped again. 618 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,900 Oh, they didn't clap. 619 00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:52,800 So I think they all five got done sharing 620 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,560 because all five heads just turned and looked at me. 621 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,280 Oh, must be my turn to share. 622 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,680 So I shared in English. 623 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,080 And when I got done sharing, 624 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,800 all five Korean guys looked at each other 625 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,480 and went, yeah, they clap for the American, you know. 626 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:07,440 And so I've been to a meeting, 627 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,520 I've been to a meeting in Bayran, 628 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,520 which is right next to Iran, back in the '80s. 629 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,120 It was not okay to talk about alcohol in public 630 00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,620 'cause alcohol is illegal. 631 00:22:17,620 --> 00:22:19,760 If you get caught with any type of alcohol offense, 632 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,080 they cut off your right hand 633 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:22,640 'cause that's sentencing you to death 634 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,360 'cause their Muslim belief is really strong. 635 00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:27,000 The only reason you use your left hand 636 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:27,880 is go to the bathroom. 637 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,240 So if they cut off your right hand, 638 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,440 they're sentencing you to death. 639 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,440 So we were instructed to not get drunk out in public, 640 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,040 not to talk about alcohol. 641 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,540 But what I did is I called the central office in New York 642 00:22:37,540 --> 00:22:39,320 and said, hey, I'm going to Bayran. 643 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,200 And they gave me one name and one phone number. 644 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,880 And I called this guy up, not knowing what was going on, 645 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,280 but I called him from a pay phone. 646 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,200 I says, hey, my name is Marty, I'm an alcoholic. 647 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,720 I got your number from the central office in New York, 648 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:50,960 in the United States. 649 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,880 And he says, what's the pay phone number you're at? 650 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,320 I rattled it off to him. 651 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,200 And he says, yeah, I'm him. 652 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,280 And then we got disconnected. 653 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:58,400 I thought, that's weird. 654 00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,560 And then the phone rings back. 655 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,960 So I picked it up because I'm the only one standing there. 656 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:02,800 He says, hi. 657 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:03,640 He said, you Marty? 658 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:04,480 I says, yeah. 659 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:05,320 He says, I'm Mike. 660 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:06,140 We just called. 661 00:23:06,140 --> 00:23:06,980 I went, okay, cool. 662 00:23:06,980 --> 00:23:08,280 I says, I'm trying to get to a meeting. 663 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,320 He says, we meet every ninth day 664 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,800 'cause we can't meet the same time, same place, 665 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:13,840 week in and week out. 666 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:14,800 I went, really? 667 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:15,640 Okay. 668 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:16,960 And then our phone got disconnected again. 669 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,480 And then he called me up the third time. 670 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,840 And he says, by the way, he says, 671 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,320 our phone calls are all monitored over here. 672 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:23,800 And because we're going to be talking about 673 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,160 what we shouldn't be talking about, 674 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,680 which was alcohol and Alcoholics Anonymous. 675 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,640 He says, every one of our phone conversations at the max 676 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,640 will be a minute and 37 seconds. 677 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,160 And then I've got to hang up. 678 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,480 Oh, that's why we kept getting disconnected. 679 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,480 It turned out to be a very choppy conversation, you know, 680 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,360 'cause he'd tell me a little bit and hang up. 681 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:43,000 He'd call me right back and tell me a little bit 682 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:43,840 more than hang up. 683 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,320 So I was supposed to meet him 684 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,680 outside of the American Red Cross building. 685 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:49,760 And we were going to stand on the curb together, 686 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,360 not acknowledge each other. 687 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,520 And he was going to run downstairs, open the door, 688 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:54,960 run inside and slam the door shut. 689 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,080 And then I was supposed to give him 30 seconds. 690 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,960 And then I can run downstairs, open the door, 691 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,520 get inside, slam the door shut. 692 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:01,680 So I did exactly that. 693 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:02,760 And I said, what was that about? 694 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,320 He says, they can't know we're meeting. 695 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,160 So I've been to a meeting in Iran 696 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,760 where it was illegal to go to a meeting, you know. 697 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,240 I 12-stepped because I became the counselor 698 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,520 on drug and alcohol abuse on the ship that I was on. 699 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,360 I became the counselor because I was the only person sober 700 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,560 on that whole boat, you know. 701 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,520 And I must have done, 702 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,160 in the three and a half years I was on that boat, 703 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,520 I must have done 50 or 60 12-step calls 704 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,000 on guys that got in trouble behind alcohol and drugs. 705 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,520 And none of them ever stayed so. 706 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,840 And I was discouraged, man. 707 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,640 I mean, I was really discouraged. 708 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,320 And I get my very last phone call from the captain. 709 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:34,360 I was a short timer, 710 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,040 which means I only had weeks left in the United States Navy. 711 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,920 And I get my last call from the captain says, 712 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,520 hey, you need to talk so-and-so out of B Division. 713 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,040 He missed ships moving and you got to do your magic. 714 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,240 And I'm like, okay. 715 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,080 And I'm just like, 716 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,000 I don't want to do another one of these 12-step calls 717 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,800 'cause none of them ever worked. 718 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,000 So I went to the pier and I called my sponsor. 719 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,200 He didn't pick up his phone. 720 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,080 Back then we didn't have phone machines. 721 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,840 There's no answering service. 722 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,200 You just let it ring forever. 723 00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,680 And they either answered or they didn't. 724 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,040 And so I called them up and he didn't answer his phone. 725 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,560 Next person in grade to call up is my father. 726 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,280 I mean, he has three years more than I do. 727 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,160 So I called up my father. 728 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,160 He didn't answer neither. 729 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,360 So the next great person that calls, my sister, Cindy. 730 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:11,720 I called her up and he says, Cindy, 731 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,480 I got to do another one of these 12-step calls 732 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:14,640 and none of them ever worked. 733 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,920 And she said, whoa, whoa, whoa. 734 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,360 What do you mean none of them ever worked? 735 00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:19,080 I'm like, yeah, now these guys have stayed sober. 736 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:20,680 She says, are you still sober? 737 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:21,600 I'm like, yes. 738 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,520 And she says, then every single one of them worked. 739 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:24,520 And I thought, you bet. 740 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,840 I mean, you, you bad person, you know? 741 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,080 So I had to go back and do that 12-step call. 742 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,840 And I've only got a couple minutes left. 743 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,800 And I want to tell you a couple of things. 744 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,000 I, like I said, I did 50 or 60 of these 12-step calls 745 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,000 and none of them ever stayed sober. 746 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,160 But now that we have a Zoom presence, 747 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,200 I have literally spoken all over the world. 748 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,520 And I have now ran into five guys 749 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,960 I spoke to 40 years ago when I was in the Navy. 750 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,880 And they would yell my name on the Zoom meeting 751 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:51,720 that I was speaking at. 752 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,000 I spoke in Atlanta, Georgia. 753 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,120 And this guy started yelling, Marty, Marty, Marty. 754 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,720 So who are you? 755 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,320 'Cause none of us look the same. 756 00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,520 We're all 40 years older. 757 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,880 Most, most of us guys look pregnant, you know? 758 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,360 And so I went, yeah, this is Marty, what's up? 759 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,000 And he says, you don't remember me. 760 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,680 He says, I was on the, on the USS Cook with you 761 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:10,880 40 something years ago. 762 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,720 And you tried to take me to AA. 763 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,120 And I wanted nothing with what you had to offer. 764 00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,520 And I'm here to tell you, I got nine years of sobriety. 765 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,360 'Cause when I hit bottom, I knew where to go. 766 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,080 See, and all I did was planted a seed. 767 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,040 So my sister is right 768 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,760 that every one of these 12-step calls work. 769 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,440 So I have anywhere from nine years 770 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,480 to 20 something years sober of guys I talked to 40 years ago. 771 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:29,440 And to me, that's pretty cool. 772 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,080 So if you're sitting in this meeting tonight 773 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,400 and you think you're not doing much, you just don't know. 774 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,360 You might be sitting next to somebody who just, 775 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,880 I don't know, digs your presence, 776 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,680 likes your beanie cap or whatever the deal is. 777 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,560 But whatever you do, don't get a beanie cup like David F. 778 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:46,200 I think he's on a relapse. 779 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,040 He's wearing a New York beanie cap. 780 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,400 Show him on you, David. 781 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,840 And I got out of the Navy. 782 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:53,680 I met a girl in a Pacific group. 783 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,840 We got married, had a couple kids together. 784 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,960 One of my confidants is my buddy Wayne. 785 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,800 And I went through a rough, rough time. 786 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,960 At a week from hell, me and this girl had two kids together. 787 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,720 And my son got jumped and beaten so badly 788 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,040 he needed facial reconstructive surgery. 789 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:09,880 It was on Monday. 790 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,520 On Tuesday, I found out I was gonna be losing 791 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,760 office building for the family business. 792 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,400 On Wednesday, oh, time's up. 793 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,440 On Wednesday, I was charged 794 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,560 with two felony counts of tax evasion. 795 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,280 On Thursday, I learned that we were gonna lose 796 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,120 the house that we'd been living in for 12 years. 797 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,120 And then on Friday, my wife announced a divorce 798 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,720 after 18 and a half years of marriage. 799 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:27,920 That's just one hell of a week. 800 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,280 And I called my buddy Wayne. 801 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,000 And the last one was, hey, my wife left me too. 802 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,760 And all he said was, thank God. 803 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,360 He said that was a bad relationship 804 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,560 from the minute I met her, you know? 805 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,160 And that's why we have friends in AA folks. 806 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,480 They pick up on stuff. 807 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,640 So I'll end with this because my time's out, 808 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,360 or at least Jojo thinks my time is out. 809 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:48,960 I was told by Ben I get to talk 810 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,320 as long as it took me to drive here. 811 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,000 But it took me three hours and 20 minutes to be entered. 812 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,200 And he's cutting me off way too early. 813 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,240 But I'll end with this. 814 00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,200 I don't know what everybody's solution is. 815 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,920 And sometimes I don't even know what my solution is. 816 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,200 That's why I still have a sponsor. 817 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,640 But it reminds me of a story of a guy 818 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,920 that was an Alcoholics Anonymous who's a pharmacist. 819 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:08,640 And his pharmacy started doing good. 820 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,860 So he went out and hired his first employee, 821 00:28:10,860 --> 00:28:12,720 a guy out of a meeting, a noontime meeting, 822 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,720 'cause that's where unemployed people are, is at Newners. 823 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,920 And so he went out and got his first employee. 824 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,720 And so the pharmacist went up to the pharmacy 825 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,200 the very next day, and it was already lit up. 826 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,480 The open sign's blinking, 827 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,480 and people are walking around and said, "The pharmacy." 828 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,000 And he's like, "Hey, this is pretty cool." 829 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,720 He walked in, so I saw a guy leaning 830 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,560 just heavily up against the wall. 831 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,880 And he acknowledged him, and he walked back to the pharmacy, 832 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,120 and there's this newcomer. 833 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,900 Big old smile on his face, and the pharmacist says, 834 00:28:35,900 --> 00:28:37,160 "Hey, you opened up early." 835 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,000 And he says, "Yes, sir." 836 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,540 He says, "I was so grateful that you gave me a job, 837 00:28:39,540 --> 00:28:41,360 "I thought I'd open up early for you." 838 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:43,080 The pharmacist says, "That's great, but what's wrong 839 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,000 "with the guy leaning heavily up against the wall 840 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:45,920 "by the front door?" 841 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,400 The newcomer says, "Well, sir, he came in for a cough, 842 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:49,840 "and I couldn't get ahold of you." 843 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,120 And the pharmacist says, "What'd you do?" 844 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,520 The newcomer says, "Well, I gave him a whole bottle 845 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:53,560 "of laxatives." 846 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:54,860 And the pharmacist says, "You idiot, 847 00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:57,420 "you can't treat a cough with laxatives." 848 00:28:57,420 --> 00:29:00,640 Newcomer says, "You wanna bet he's afraid to cough." 849 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,240 So, you know, that was just his solution. 850 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:04,680 Like I said, I don't know what yours is, 851 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:05,840 and I barely know what mine is, 852 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,600 but it seems like if I do a little bit of prayer meditation, 853 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:09,800 a little bit of reading a big book, 854 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,760 a little bit of sponsoring, a little bit of being sponsored, 855 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,080 a little bit of commitments, a little bit of writing, 856 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:16,920 I end up with a great life, thank you.