1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,540 - My name's Brian, I'm an alcoholic. 2 00:00:01,540 --> 00:00:02,380 - Hi Brian. 3 00:00:02,380 --> 00:00:03,540 - I'm truly grateful to be here 4 00:00:03,540 --> 00:00:05,120 in this medium of Alcoholics Anonymous. 5 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,340 I absolutely love Alcoholics Anonymous. 6 00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:10,380 I tell you, Alcoholics Anonymous does for me slowly 7 00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:12,260 what alcohol used to do for me quickly. 8 00:00:12,260 --> 00:00:13,500 When I sat down here tonight, 9 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:15,360 I was like, it was one of those days. 10 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,800 I hope there's a good speaker tonight, I really do. 11 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,860 I'd like to thank Ben for having me come out. 12 00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:22,660 I'd like to thank Dave for referring me. 13 00:00:22,660 --> 00:00:24,500 My sponsor, I have a sponsor. 14 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,560 I have a home group, it's USR Group. 15 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:30,060 My sobriety date is September 17th, 1992. 16 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:31,500 It's not my first sobriety date, 17 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:33,460 and today I hope it's my last. 18 00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:35,120 Like I said, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. 19 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,740 It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. 20 00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:38,580 And I can tell you, 31 years ago 21 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,820 when I walked into rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, 22 00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:44,160 you would have told me, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. 23 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,380 I told you, you lost your mind. 24 00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:47,100 I thought it was the worst thing that happened to me. 25 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,500 I thought my life was over. 26 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,020 Coffee cups and people dressed in suits. 27 00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:52,500 I got sober in Pacific group. 28 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:53,980 People dressed like this regularly. 29 00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:56,780 And these aren't my people, that's the police. 30 00:00:56,780 --> 00:01:00,300 You know, and I'm a daily drinker. 31 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:01,660 I'm not a binger. 32 00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:03,660 Once I start, something's gotta stop. 33 00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:05,180 You know, I needed a drink at birth. 34 00:01:05,180 --> 00:01:06,880 I had to wait until I was two. 35 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,900 And I don't remember anything about it. 36 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:13,340 But when I came to my mother, 24, 25 years, no, she's 24. 37 00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,180 I came to her and said, I've been drinking every day 38 00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:16,620 for the last 10 years, I need help. 39 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:19,220 I've been using drugs every day for the last eight years. 40 00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:20,060 I need help. 41 00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:22,440 And she goes, I knew you were an alcoholic at the age of two. 42 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:23,540 And I looked at her puzzle. 43 00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:26,460 She goes, the lady offered you a glass, a sip of wine. 44 00:01:26,460 --> 00:01:29,540 She walked out of the room and you downed the glass. 45 00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:32,000 She walked back in, saw her glass was empty, 46 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,020 refilled it, walked out, I downed it again. 47 00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:36,660 And apparently I continued to do it until I passed out 48 00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:38,100 and she had to carry me home. 49 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,020 And that's at two. 50 00:01:39,020 --> 00:01:40,620 Now I didn't say that there. 51 00:01:40,620 --> 00:01:43,680 I'm sure I wasn't saying, damn, I wanna get drunk tonight. 52 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,700 You know, I just had a natural attraction to alcohol. 53 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,740 When I was three, four years old, I get sick 54 00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:50,420 and my mom would make me a hot toddy. 55 00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:52,260 Now I can't tell you what's in a hot toddy. 56 00:01:52,260 --> 00:01:54,580 But all I know is I was sick a lot, you know? 57 00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:56,100 And I learned at a young age, 58 00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:58,700 never tell doctors what you're thinking. 59 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,460 'Cause I did that at age seven. 60 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,300 And what happened was the way that, 61 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,620 actually it was age six. 62 00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:06,300 And what happened was when I was four years old, 63 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,300 I cut off my thumb. 64 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:08,580 They sewed it back on though. 65 00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:12,220 And when I was five, right before we were in kindergarten, 66 00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,060 I broke my arm. 67 00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:14,960 Well, the neighbors broke my arm for me, 68 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,480 but that's another story. 69 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,760 And so I would have to sit on the bench in first grade 70 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,220 with my, in my sling with my cast. 71 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:25,660 And all the kids were on the jungle gym having fun. 72 00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:26,900 I wanted to go on the jungle gym. 73 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:28,060 Now kids are cool, 74 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,220 especially I was smaller than everybody else. 75 00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:32,180 And they would pick on me. 76 00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:33,960 And so they would make fun of me 77 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:35,660 because I couldn't go on the jungle gym 78 00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:37,340 and everyone else in the class could. 79 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:38,380 'Cause that was the big thing. 80 00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:39,980 When you're in kindergarten and go to first grade 81 00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,300 and you get to go on the big field 82 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:42,740 and they're sliding down the pole 83 00:02:42,740 --> 00:02:44,420 and I wanted to slide down the pole. 84 00:02:44,420 --> 00:02:45,240 I wasn't allowed to. 85 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,620 I'm just sitting there on the bench on recess every day. 86 00:02:47,620 --> 00:02:48,660 And as I'm sitting there, 87 00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,620 I decided one day to get up and go up there. 88 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,260 Teacher starts blowing her whistle. 89 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,820 I started sliding down the pole. 90 00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:56,060 All the kids are going, "Go, go, go, go." 91 00:02:56,060 --> 00:02:57,660 And I'm going down the pole. 92 00:02:57,660 --> 00:02:59,140 Teacher's screaming at me. 93 00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:00,660 'Cause I'm not supposed to be on the pole. 94 00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:01,500 Get down the pole. 95 00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,580 Teacher grabs me by the ear, 96 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,080 drags me to the nurse's office, 97 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,520 drags me to the principal. 98 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:06,360 Next thing you know, 99 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,300 I'm in the doctor's office being put on red light. 100 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,760 And it made me shake. 101 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,420 So now kids are picking on me more. 102 00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:12,940 And so by the time I was nine years old, 103 00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,620 there's these older kids on the block 104 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,900 and they were drinking beer and they were, you know, 105 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:19,260 had cool cars called lowriders. 106 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:20,540 People were scared of them. 107 00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:21,900 They weren't getting picked on. 108 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:23,420 And if I knew if I'd come part of, 109 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:24,660 I won't get picked on either. 110 00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:26,100 Plus they're drinking beer like grownups 111 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,260 and I want to be a grownup. 112 00:03:27,260 --> 00:03:28,940 And I remember we snuck upstairs 113 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:31,920 and they were, their older brothers were selling wheat. 114 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,740 And they, this is back in the seventies when it was lids. 115 00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:36,760 Some of you older folks remember lids. 116 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,440 And for $10, you get a big bag of damn seeds 117 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,260 and good old Colombian gold. 118 00:03:41,260 --> 00:03:43,260 And I rolled this, we were rolling up these joints. 119 00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:45,280 We're little kids, so they look a little bit like, 120 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,300 sort of like that little tiny joint, 121 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,620 Cheech broke out and Cheech and Chong, you know, 122 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:50,820 it was all cricket and little. 123 00:03:50,820 --> 00:03:52,420 And Chong starts laughing at them. 124 00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,360 Well, that's the joint and I'm smoking it. 125 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,940 And they gave me a tall can of Budweiser. 126 00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:58,060 I'm sitting there and I'm like going to lay, you know, 127 00:03:58,060 --> 00:03:59,540 and I think I'm cool. 128 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,500 So next thing they do is they, you know, 129 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:02,820 if you want to become a part of it, 130 00:04:02,820 --> 00:04:04,720 they beat you up for a certain amount of time. 131 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:05,560 And that's what they did. 132 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,600 And then they told me they loved it. 133 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,500 So I got a, I was wearing tough skins 134 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:11,420 and it's hard to look cool in marooned tough skin. 135 00:04:11,420 --> 00:04:13,220 But I got my first pair of Levi's. 136 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:16,100 And back then they were, I had really skinny legs. 137 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,900 So they were super baggy and I'd freeze them puppies. 138 00:04:18,900 --> 00:04:20,540 And I only had one pair. 139 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:22,700 So I wore them every day and they got kind of funky. 140 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,900 But I was going to school, my white t-shirt, 141 00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:27,060 my hush puppies, I'm thinking I'm cool. 142 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:28,920 And I'm trying to straighten my curly hair, 143 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,100 combing it back and I'm going to school. 144 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,100 And someone said, where are you from? 145 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:33,300 And I told them, I got beat up. 146 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:34,540 I'm like, this isn't working out. 147 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,620 So I go back, I'm going to take a different way home. 148 00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:37,460 I get beat up again. 149 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:39,740 And so I go tell my homeboys what's going on. 150 00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:40,920 And they said, why didn't you, 151 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,060 why did you let them beat you up? 152 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:42,900 And they beat me up. 153 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:44,380 And I go, this isn't working out. 154 00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:45,820 And so what happened was, you know, 155 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,700 we're sitting there, we were drinking when we could 156 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:49,400 and get high when we could and do little things. 157 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:50,960 I'm 10, 11 years old. 158 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,260 And I met this one kid. 159 00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:54,660 He was tough, really tough for the same gang. 160 00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:55,580 And people were scared of him. 161 00:04:55,580 --> 00:04:58,380 He would beat people up for us and it was all good. 162 00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,620 And then one day he's working on his brother's car 163 00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,860 and this other gang came by and kicked out the jack 164 00:05:02,860 --> 00:05:03,800 and crushed his head. 165 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,380 And I knew at 12 years old that I can get, 166 00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:09,500 that guy died and got killed that easily. 167 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:10,500 And he was that tough. 168 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,140 My wussy fell. 169 00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:13,380 This is not gonna work. 170 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:14,300 And at the same time, 171 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,580 my friends got me involved in all this. 172 00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:17,620 The whole family, you know, 173 00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:20,460 knew they were gang banging and moved them all to Mexico. 174 00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:22,300 And so I was there by myself. 175 00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:25,180 And so skateboarding was coming out since the '70s, 176 00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:27,180 mid '70s now and got a skateboard. 177 00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:29,740 First, you know, tail tap, kryptonic wheels, 178 00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,140 urethane tires are out and I'm skateboarding 179 00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:34,980 and the skate parks opened and I'm skating away. 180 00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:37,620 And I had this other friend, came up to me, my best friend. 181 00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:38,900 He goes, I found this money. 182 00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:41,340 And we go up to his uncle's house and there's this drawer. 183 00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,940 He pulls it out and there's stacks 184 00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:44,380 and stacks and stacks of cash. 185 00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:46,260 They were telling him, I don't know what they were doing, 186 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,180 but they had money. 187 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,060 And we take 20s and 50s, they never knew. 188 00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:51,540 And we had new skateboards and bicycles. 189 00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:53,500 We'd buy butt every day. 190 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,780 And I'm 13 years old now and it's summertime 191 00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:59,520 and we're smoking a joint and we're all good. 192 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,580 And we were talking about something happened day before. 193 00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:03,420 And his sister goes, look at you. 194 00:06:03,420 --> 00:06:04,980 And I didn't know what the hell she was talking about. 195 00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:07,700 Didn't remember what happened, what she was talking about. 196 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,220 And she goes, you're 13 years old 197 00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:10,700 and you're already forgetting stuff. 198 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:11,540 What are you gonna be like 199 00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:13,180 when you're 18 smoking that stuff? 200 00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:14,100 Scared the hell out of me. 201 00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,260 I'm never gonna get high again, I'm not gonna drink again. 202 00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:18,340 Now, I tell you when I leave tonight, 203 00:06:18,340 --> 00:06:20,380 I'm not gonna drink and I'm not gonna get off. 204 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,000 I am as confident as I possibly can be. 205 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,680 Because for 31 years, I have not taken a drink. 206 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,620 I was that confident that day 207 00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:30,020 that I was never gonna drink and never gonna use again. 208 00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:32,020 I quit smoking cigarettes, I quit everything. 209 00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:34,140 And within three months, what happened was, 210 00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:35,500 my neighbor came over. 211 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,100 They're kind of watching me from my parents' 212 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:38,620 sort of Christmas shopping, it's December. 213 00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:40,820 And they were drinking Bacardi and Coke. 214 00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:43,220 I was at their house and they're grownups 215 00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:44,460 and I wanted to be a grownup. 216 00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:47,340 Yeah, I drink Bacardi and Coke, I drink it down. 217 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,420 And I remember this like it was yesterday. 218 00:06:49,420 --> 00:06:52,500 I remember sitting in my, going back home to my house. 219 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,220 My parents not home, watching football on a Saturday. 220 00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:57,140 College, it was December, 221 00:06:57,140 --> 00:06:59,460 it was some minor bowl game or something, 222 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,500 right before Christmas. 223 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,580 And I thought, if that much alcohol made me feel that good, 224 00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,740 how much would a lot of alcohol make me feel like? 225 00:07:05,740 --> 00:07:07,020 And I walked into the kitchen. 226 00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:09,700 In that kitchen was fifths of different kinds of alcohol. 227 00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:10,860 My mom's an alcoholic. 228 00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:13,260 I say that because she drank every day of her frickin' life. 229 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:15,460 And I grabbed a clear bottle. 230 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,780 Now the Bacardi and Coke burned when it went down. 231 00:07:17,780 --> 00:07:20,100 But when I grabbed that clear bottle, which was vodka, 232 00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,780 I went back on, so then I grabbed the gin 233 00:07:22,780 --> 00:07:23,820 and did the same thing. 234 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:26,140 I grabbed the tequila, did the same thing. 235 00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:27,820 By the time I got to the fourth bottle, 236 00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:30,380 I started stumbling backwards when I tried to put it back. 237 00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:33,780 Now I felt cool and I wanted to show 'em how shrunk I was. 238 00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:35,820 So I'm all proud, stumbling back to them. 239 00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:37,580 And I hear one go, "Look at me, he's drunk." 240 00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:39,700 And the other one goes, "No, he's not drunk. 241 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,980 "He's just faking, we just gave him one drink." 242 00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:44,500 Goes, "No, look at him, he's messed up." 243 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,060 And I'm looking at 'em, I'm kinda like, you know, 244 00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:48,380 swaying a little bit there. 245 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,140 And one of 'em trips me just because they have fun 246 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,060 with the drunk kid. 247 00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:54,180 Boom, I go down, I get up, they do it again. 248 00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:56,420 But they soon realize that they're supposed to be watching 249 00:07:56,420 --> 00:07:58,100 me and my mom's gonna be home soon. 250 00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,420 Now they're panicking. 251 00:07:59,420 --> 00:08:01,260 Now I remember being put in a shower. 252 00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:03,020 I remember coming out of the shower and throwing up. 253 00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:05,420 I remember them giving me coffee and throwing up. 254 00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:06,980 I remember them being put back in the shower. 255 00:08:06,980 --> 00:08:08,500 I remember their sister screaming at me, 256 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,020 their mother screaming at me. 257 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:11,380 My mother's screaming at them. 258 00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:13,300 Their mother's screaming at my mother. 259 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:14,900 Everyone's screaming at everybody. 260 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,300 And what's happening is I'm going in and out of a blackout 261 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:18,460 over a two-day period. 262 00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:20,780 And I can tell you, I used to take mushrooms. 263 00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:21,660 Love the mushrooms. 264 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:22,740 When I was 16 years old, 265 00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:24,380 I decided to start doing everything. 266 00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:25,700 And I took these mushrooms, 267 00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:27,660 and I was on top of the Dover Building, 268 00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:29,580 and they're filming a movie called Blue Thunder. 269 00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:30,980 Some of you might have remembered it. 270 00:08:30,980 --> 00:08:32,580 It's about a police helicopter. 271 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,260 Well, we didn't know they were filming Blue Thunder. 272 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:35,780 All I saw was four helicopters, 273 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:36,820 bright lights everywhere, 274 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:40,060 and I swore aliens were landing 'cause I was peaking. 275 00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:43,180 I took off running down the street as my friend, 276 00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:46,220 and he was running after me, and I swore 277 00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:47,780 I was never gonna take mushrooms again. 278 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:48,620 Just take acid. 279 00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,540 Took eight hits of two hits of four-way black dragon, 280 00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:52,820 which equals eight hits. 281 00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:53,980 I was playing with shredded money, 282 00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:55,620 throwing it in the air, watching the trail. 283 00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:56,700 Started coming out of the wall. 284 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:57,820 It started attacking me. 285 00:08:57,820 --> 00:08:58,900 I stopped taking acid. 286 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,780 I used to smoke PCP in high school, 12th grade. 287 00:09:01,780 --> 00:09:04,580 My boys would come get me and show a pass to the teacher 288 00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:06,500 or say, "I gotta go to the dean's office," 289 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,620 and we'd go straight to my car 290 00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:09,580 and go score down in South LA. 291 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:12,180 One day, I smoked three sherms and a super cool, 292 00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:13,980 or actually three super cools and a sherm, 293 00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:16,420 and cars are making laps, cars are making rides, 294 00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:18,100 cars are stopping, cars are going. 295 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,860 It became a car honked its horn, 296 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,660 and that was just way too much to handle. 297 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:24,700 I ran and hit under my car for three hours 298 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,580 as people in school would look under the car 299 00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:27,700 and point at me and laugh. 300 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,300 I stopped PCP that day. 301 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,500 But at 13 years of age, when I almost died 302 00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:33,860 of alcoholic poisoning, 303 00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:35,420 the only thing that came to my mind was, 304 00:09:35,420 --> 00:09:37,220 "Next time, I just won't mix it." 305 00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:39,220 And that's what makes me an alcohol. 306 00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:40,940 Alcohol went with everything. 307 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:43,020 Going to the movies, a little bit there. 308 00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:45,940 A little bottle, a little half pint, 151. 309 00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:46,780 Movie's better. 310 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:48,460 If I'm going to a keg party, 311 00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:50,540 I gotta bring a six-pack and sit in my car 312 00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:52,980 and drink down that six-pack before I go into the party. 313 00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:54,980 If I'm going somewhere on a date, 314 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:56,940 I gotta be in a blackout practically. 315 00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:59,380 I'm scared to death, but alcohol takes away that fear. 316 00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:03,380 And when I was 16 years old, I made a conscious decision. 317 00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:05,620 People in high school started trying to figure out 318 00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:06,620 what they're gonna do in life. 319 00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:08,300 Go to college, join the military. 320 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:09,620 Mine, I wanna be a stoner. 321 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:10,500 I wanna party. 322 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,380 I'm gonna party for the rest of my life. 323 00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:13,660 And the way that all came about, 324 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:14,500 'cause I was in 10th grade, 325 00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:15,540 I was still trying to be good 326 00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:16,580 'cause I was still getting over 327 00:10:16,580 --> 00:10:18,380 and freaking almost drinking myself to death, 328 00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,100 and I'm trying to put it together and do the right things 329 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,060 in case you'll drink here, in case you'll drink there. 330 00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,040 And a friend of mine said, 331 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,380 "I found the greatest thing in the world, 332 00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,500 "and I'm coming over, picking you up in 20 minutes." 333 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,340 Went up the mall, broke out a bindle. 334 00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:31,020 They go, "This is Peruvian flake." 335 00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:32,900 Broke out lines, and I did 'em. 336 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,460 And I didn't really enjoy it, 337 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:37,340 but for some reason after that, I started praying for it. 338 00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:39,580 I literally, "God, please let me get cocaine today." 339 00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:43,080 And the great thing about cocaine is you can drink. 340 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,780 It goes so well with it. 341 00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:46,340 It goes perfect, 'cause you could drink longer. 342 00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:48,420 You don't get binge, you don't get sick. 343 00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:49,380 You can just drink. 344 00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:52,220 You have a hangover, you do a line, you can have a drink, 345 00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:53,740 and then you're good to go the next day, 346 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:54,900 'cause I'm a daily drinker. 347 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:58,140 And so I did that until I was about 90 pounds. 348 00:10:58,140 --> 00:11:00,840 And what happened was I was getting out of control. 349 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:01,680 It really was. 350 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,420 It was just, I was smoking it now on a daily basis, 351 00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:05,420 and things are going on. 352 00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:08,500 And I moved out to, moved to Las Vegas 353 00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,320 for my first attempt. 354 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,140 And the reason I went to Vegas 355 00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:14,500 is because, one, my partner in construction, 356 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:15,980 he was moving to Vegas. 357 00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:17,340 The other was, at the time, 358 00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:19,580 it was a felony just to have a seed of pot, 359 00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:21,820 and it was five years they were giving people. 360 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:24,500 I don't know that anybody actually got five years for a seed, 361 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,220 but that's what I was told when I went there. 362 00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,380 And so I didn't do any cocaine in Vegas. 363 00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:31,580 But what I did do, my mom gave me an American Express card. 364 00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:33,940 And every single day that I was there, 365 00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:36,220 I'd buy a case of beer on my way home from work. 366 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,200 And every day I would need to buy another case, 367 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,340 'cause I just pound beers until I go to sleep. 368 00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:43,580 And some nights we would go out to Sam's Club Casino, 369 00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,500 and I would sit there at the nickel slots 370 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,660 and drink White Russians, love White Russians. 371 00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:50,980 And so what I realize now, when I was able to get sober, 372 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:51,900 because a lot of times, 373 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,660 'cause when I came here and weighing 95 pounds at then, 374 00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:57,540 drugs seemed to be the bigger problem, 375 00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:59,020 but alcohol was the root. 376 00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,940 Alcohol is what caused everything else to happen, 377 00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:04,700 all the spiraling that came out of control. 378 00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:08,020 So once I realized that, it helped me stay sober. 379 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,580 Because when I first came into the 12 step program, 380 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:11,660 I went to CA first. 381 00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:13,020 Never could stay sober. 382 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:16,620 I came into Alcoholics Anonymous and couldn't stay sober. 383 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:18,740 Our 10 minute speaker, he did a great job. 384 00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:23,620 I too, chronic relapser, he said he 10, I'm at 15. 385 00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:25,980 My first sponsor would tell me go home and get, 386 00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:28,460 in this sobriety, would tell me go home and get your chips, 387 00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:29,940 we need to play a poker game. 388 00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:34,120 And what happened for me was, I was with this girl, 389 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,380 she was dealing, and we would party together. 390 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:39,680 And one day, she went to go score, and she went upstairs. 391 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,780 I'm in my car, still up there, still up there. 392 00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:43,460 Bitch is getting hot, I'm cussing. 393 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:46,460 She's still up there, I'm tired of coming down. 394 00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:48,100 20 minutes, 30 minutes. 395 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,220 Oh, that's messed up. 396 00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:50,580 I'm going home, pissed off. 397 00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,420 I get home, phone rings, it's her. 398 00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:54,940 About an hour later, click call, civil brand. 399 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,220 She went up there, and DEA opened the door, 400 00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:59,280 and just snatched her up and arrested. 401 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,700 That's why she was stuck up there. 402 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:03,420 Now, it's just another day in the life. 403 00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:07,200 I've been arrested, my friends have been arrested. 404 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,660 I've been shot at nine times. 405 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:10,940 I've been twice held at gunpoint torture, 406 00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:14,020 begging for, trying to figure that last sentence, 407 00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:17,180 that one sentence that will stop them from killing me. 408 00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:19,980 And I didn't think much of this, but when she got out, 409 00:13:19,980 --> 00:13:22,840 she said, "Yeah, my celly's getting out tomorrow. 410 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,060 "We need to go pick her up." 411 00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:25,320 I said, "I'm not picking her up. 412 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,520 "You're lucky I picked you up." 413 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,300 And she goes, "No." 414 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,980 I said, "No, we're not doing it." 415 00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:31,900 So now, our next day, we're at my house, 416 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,980 and we're partying in my bedroom, and phone rings, 417 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,260 it's her, and she had a eighth of cocaine 418 00:13:36,260 --> 00:13:37,140 and a case of beer. 419 00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:39,140 I don't know about any of you, 420 00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:40,780 but I couldn't get in my car fast enough. 421 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:41,620 I was in love. 422 00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:43,060 She had what I needed. 423 00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:46,060 And she came to my house, and I lived at my parents' house, 424 00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:47,140 and so I moved her in. 425 00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:50,180 And she was the first girl I met that drank like I did. 426 00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:52,580 We would fight over that last beer on a six pack. 427 00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:56,220 And we would argue all the time about going to go, 428 00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:59,580 how to pull scams and get, she was great. 429 00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:01,340 And then one day, her friends took her away, 430 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,380 and I was devastated. 431 00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:05,000 And I said a prayer, "God, please help me." 432 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000 And a voice came in my head, "Sure, make your life better." 433 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,300 That's when I went to my mother, 434 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,980 and told her I'd been using drugs for eight, 435 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,600 drinking for 10, and needed help. 436 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,580 And she went into a rehab, absolutely miserable, 437 00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:17,140 hated it, but I loved being sober. 438 00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:19,740 First time I ever had more than three days and years, 439 00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:20,900 I had to be in jail for that. 440 00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:24,980 And I felt good, and I got my 60-day chip. 441 00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:27,860 I remember I got my 30-day chip. 442 00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:31,060 When I got my 30-day chip, I remember 10 years before that, 443 00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:33,540 my friend got out of rehab, got a 30-day chip, 444 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,140 and showed it to me, and I laughed at it, 445 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:36,860 and go, "Who can't get 30 days?" 446 00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,660 There I am 10 years later, finally getting a 30-day chip. 447 00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:42,180 And what happened was, she came back, I left the rehab, 448 00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:43,820 but I wasn't gonna drink, and I wasn't gonna use, 449 00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:45,580 just like I tell you I'm not going to the rehab. 450 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:49,200 And what happened was, she, one day, after I got 60 days, 451 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,740 and I had 64 days to be exact, she goes, 452 00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:54,520 "You have 64 days, you can drink just one." 453 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,180 And there's three of us, and we got a six pack. 454 00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:58,420 Now, I'm not a mathematical genius, 455 00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:02,500 but I do know if I drink two before you drink one, 456 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:03,980 I get three. 457 00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:04,820 Simple, man. 458 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,340 But I said I was gonna drink two. 459 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:09,500 Now, I never tried this before, controlling my drinking. 460 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,060 You know, drinking just two is something you tell the police, 461 00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:13,220 it's not something you do. 462 00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:16,700 And I'm sitting there, looking, just, they're talking, 463 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,220 they're having, me and my girlfriend and a friend, 464 00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:21,180 my friend, are having a conversation. 465 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:22,540 I'm thinking about these tricks, 466 00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:24,540 but I'm down my first one, I'm on my second, 467 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,740 trying to get that second down. 468 00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:27,840 They're alcoholics, too, and I didn't pull it off. 469 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,660 And I remember my skin was falling. 470 00:15:29,660 --> 00:15:31,220 But I'm gonna, I control them. 471 00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:32,300 I only drink two. 472 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,300 Buddy of mine got out of the Army the next, that day, 473 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,820 and said, you know, I told him I don't party no more. 474 00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:38,840 He goes, "You can have one." 475 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,220 I said, "Yeah, I had two today." 476 00:15:40,220 --> 00:15:41,580 So, yeah, I could do that. 477 00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:44,140 We went to the bar, we spent $260 at the bar, 478 00:15:44,140 --> 00:15:46,420 $480 at the crack house. 479 00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:48,860 The sun's coming up, the birds are screaming, 480 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,340 and there I am, hiding behind a curtain 481 00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:53,460 in a motel room, going, "Shh," once again. 482 00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:56,100 And I went in and out of alcoholics anonymous. 483 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,740 I wanted to be sober, I got a sponsor. 484 00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:00,080 I called them occasionally. 485 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,740 I got commitments, and once in a while, 486 00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:03,420 I actually did them, but I'd go out. 487 00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:05,460 I get about 30 days, I go insane. 488 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,740 I am restless, irritable, and discontent. 489 00:16:07,740 --> 00:16:09,860 And the longer I'm sober, the more I hate you. 490 00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:12,780 The longer I'm sober is I want to murder someone. 491 00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:14,020 I can't live like this. 492 00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:16,500 And I got to the point where I could no longer live sober, 493 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,020 and I could no longer live drunk, 494 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,060 and I decided I'm gonna end it all. 495 00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:21,700 And I went to a friend's house to get a gun 496 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:23,560 to blow my brains out, and he wasn't home. 497 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:24,400 I figured, you know what, 498 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,020 I'm gonna go get a 12 back and a 20. 499 00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:28,220 Once again, the sun's coming up, the birds are screaming, 500 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,140 and what am I gonna do, and I call my sponsor. 501 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:34,460 And he met me with me, and now I have three days. 502 00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,740 I'm at the Friday Night Men's Stag Pacific Group, 503 00:16:36,740 --> 00:16:39,780 in this guy with hair that looked like one of the Smurfs. 504 00:16:39,780 --> 00:16:42,060 He stood straight up, about five feet tall, 505 00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:44,540 gay as can be, the opposite of any human being 506 00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:45,780 I'd ever even speak to. 507 00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:47,260 He looked at me and said, "You're gonna die." 508 00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:48,220 And he walked away. 509 00:16:48,220 --> 00:16:49,360 He walked up to me again and said, 510 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,180 "You're gonna die," and walked away. 511 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:52,700 So he started walking towards me again. 512 00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,020 I'm just gonna sock him in the mouth. 513 00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:54,940 That's my plan. 514 00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:57,580 Now, he said something to me that I will never forget, 515 00:16:57,580 --> 00:16:59,980 and it's a secret I was never gonna tell anybody. 516 00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,700 He said, "I will walk you out of the gates of hell, 517 00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,980 "but I will not walk back there with you." 518 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,760 See, I swore that I'd died and gone to hell, 519 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,060 and hell was here on earth. 520 00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,320 And I'm picking up the tab 521 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,900 for something I did horrifically in a previous life. 522 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,620 I thought of myself as the biggest piece of crap there was. 523 00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:18,100 And the truth of the matter was, I am. 524 00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:18,920 I was. 525 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:19,760 And I said, "How? 526 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:20,740 "How are you gonna do this?" 527 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,300 He said, "I'm gonna take you to the Big Book alcohol tonight 528 00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:24,420 "and just come to my house tonight. 529 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,420 "We'll play Scrabble, and we'll talk about it." 530 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,240 So me and him, these two lesbians, 531 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,940 went to his house, played Scrabble. 532 00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:32,420 And we sit down, and he said, 533 00:17:32,420 --> 00:17:34,000 "Now, whatever you do, don't lie, 534 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,420 "'cause we always can tell when a newcomer's lying, 535 00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:37,700 "their lips are moving." 536 00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:39,140 (laughing) 537 00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:41,020 And so the first thing I did was make up a word 538 00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,100 that didn't exist to put on the Scrabble board, 539 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,020 and I got 'em. 540 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,100 I said, "You know, it's right here in the dictionary." 541 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:47,940 Kid, look. 542 00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:49,140 "Okay, we bullied you." 543 00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:49,980 And I'm thinking, "You have to change it. 544 00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:52,420 "You can tell when a newcomer's lying, huh?" 545 00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:54,180 'Cause that's just one thing. 546 00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:55,140 When I was under, 547 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,980 well, I never got convicted of a felony. 548 00:17:56,980 --> 00:17:58,080 I was good at it. 549 00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,340 Sobriety, I can't lie at all. 550 00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:02,540 My first year of sobriety, go to your yard, Clancy's house, 551 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,620 and whenever I tell a lie, 552 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,780 my sponsor would make me go up to that person and go, 553 00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:06,620 "You just lied to him. 554 00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:09,480 "Go up to him and apologize and tell him that you lied." 555 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,620 And I got tired of doing that, and I stopped lying. 556 00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:13,100 And what would happen in the beginning 557 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,140 when I would tell the truth, 558 00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:15,980 my stomach would hurt, the nervous feeling. 559 00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:18,340 But then, eventually, it stopped hurting 560 00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:19,380 when I told the truth. 561 00:18:19,380 --> 00:18:21,180 It started hurting when I would tell a lie, 562 00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,460 and my life was starting to change 563 00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,340 through the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. 564 00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:27,260 No, I would hear the speaker talk about writing letters 565 00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:29,860 to her father, and I'm sure I'm not gonna be that. 566 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,920 I put my parents through hell. 567 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,500 I did have police kick in the door. 568 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,020 I've come home with bullet holes through my car. 569 00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:38,620 They've seen me run out the door 570 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,220 after people with baseball bats. 571 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,980 They've seen me hit people with sticks. 572 00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,980 They've seen gunshots where I'm diving. 573 00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:47,940 It got to the point where my mom knew what, collect call, 574 00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:49,380 what county jail was calling, 575 00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:52,420 'cause back then, they had their own operators in the '80s. 576 00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:53,900 And she'd go, "Oh, it's wayside," 577 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,580 'cause of my friends when they get locked up with common. 578 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:59,380 When my mother died, eight years of sobriety in my arms, 579 00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:02,020 she told me how proud she was of me, how much she loved me, 580 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:03,820 how she wouldn't trade me with anyone else. 581 00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:05,060 What a great son I am. 582 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:06,940 And that's because of alcohol, it's anonymous. 583 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:08,460 My father died during COVID. 584 00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,000 His entire family called me and said, 585 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,700 "What a wonderful father, what a wonderful son I was." 586 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:15,660 How good care, how I took good care of my father. 587 00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:17,700 'Cause he, the reason I live in the valley now 588 00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:18,820 is because of him. 589 00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:19,860 He had open heart surgery 590 00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:21,420 and I had to bring him somewhere flat. 591 00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:22,580 So I got a house on the valve. 592 00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:26,940 Before I moved him in, when I was about 13 years sober, 593 00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:29,740 because he wasn't able to take care of himself anymore, 594 00:19:29,740 --> 00:19:30,660 'cause he had dementia. 595 00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:31,500 And when he moved in with me, 596 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,900 I believe he was like a stupid teenager by the time 597 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:36,260 he passed away, it was like he was a three month old baby. 598 00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,020 And I lived through it with all that with him 599 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:39,380 because of Alcoholics Anonymous. 600 00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:41,860 You know, everything I achieved in life, 601 00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:44,340 everything I have is 'cause of Alcoholics Anonymous. 602 00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:46,540 A lot of people say, and I hear it all the time, 603 00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:47,740 "I gotta take care of my family. 604 00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:50,300 "I gotta take care of you, I gotta go get a job." 605 00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:52,220 I recently changed careers. 606 00:19:52,220 --> 00:19:55,040 Today, I had a busy day, I was supposed to. 607 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,220 I was asked to speak. 608 00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:59,100 I immediately dropped everything for this 609 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,780 because Alcoholics Anonymous is the most important thing 610 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:02,620 in my life. 611 00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:04,380 I don't say no, if I wanna do it or don't wanna do it, 612 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:06,460 does it, it's not in the equation. 613 00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:08,420 If someone comes up to me and asks me something, 614 00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:10,340 I will do it, you know. 615 00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:13,380 I got Luis staying with us, he's probably the best. 616 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:17,060 And I've had, when I got divorced after my first marriage, 617 00:20:17,060 --> 00:20:18,020 I was devastated. 618 00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:21,500 And what I did was got really active in Alcoholics Anonymous 619 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,700 and I moved a bunch of newcomers in with me. 620 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,660 I had three in the backyard, 621 00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:27,520 I had two on my floor in the living room, 622 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,500 I had other bedrooms and I didn't do it to make money. 623 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:31,700 It wasn't a profit thing. 624 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:32,860 If you had 20 bucks, great. 625 00:20:32,860 --> 00:20:33,860 If you had no money, great. 626 00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:35,300 Whatever you need, you need food. 627 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,900 Here, I never locked my doors. 628 00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,260 Any newcomer could walk in. 629 00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:41,120 Anyone in Alcoholics Anonymous is welcome in the house. 630 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,900 And I can tell you how the countless people, 631 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:43,980 I can't even put in, so many, 632 00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:45,380 I can't even put a number on it. 633 00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:46,860 He's by far the quietest. 634 00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,820 You know, in fact, I was thinking about it. 635 00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:51,540 You know, I've sponsored many, many people 636 00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:52,620 in Alcoholics Anonymous. 637 00:20:52,620 --> 00:20:55,380 I had one guy, I got him to 30 days. 638 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,740 I said, "We're taking a chip tonight." 639 00:20:56,740 --> 00:21:00,100 I said, "No, I got 30 days and I'm taking the day out." 640 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,100 And I said, "Dude, you gotta come to the meeting tonight." 641 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:04,220 37 minutes later, he was arrested. 642 00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:07,620 Left my house and got arrested, 37 minutes later. 643 00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:09,380 Came to my house the following Monday, 644 00:21:09,380 --> 00:21:10,500 which is a little bail slip. 645 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,340 Said, "Damn man, you were right." 646 00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:13,740 Yeah. 647 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,260 I had another guy actually literally sentenced to me 648 00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:20,060 from Missouri, suspended 10 year sentence. 649 00:21:20,060 --> 00:21:22,260 All he had to do was work at Rhinotech 650 00:21:22,260 --> 00:21:24,740 and live at my house and go to seven meetings a week. 651 00:21:24,740 --> 00:21:27,420 Simple task, that's better in 10 years, right? 652 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:28,260 Not to him. 653 00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:30,480 He goes, he got about 45 days and goes, 654 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,580 "Dude, I just can't do it, I need to get high." 655 00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:34,820 And I say, "You know what's gonna happen if you get high?" 656 00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:37,660 And I'm driving, he left the house, I'm driving. 657 00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:40,580 I see him hiding behind a tree 'cause he sees me, 658 00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:42,660 like creeping, and I shake my head. 659 00:21:42,660 --> 00:21:44,780 I don't see him again, then 10 years later, 660 00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,220 I'm at the Wednesday night meeting 661 00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:48,380 and he comes walking up to me, "Remember me?" 662 00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:50,020 I go, "Yeah, where you been?" 663 00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:51,180 Prison in Missouri. 664 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:54,660 Another guy, I told him to take a commitment 665 00:21:54,660 --> 00:21:55,580 at Thursday night. 666 00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:59,020 I go, he wouldn't do it, he didn't show up at Friday. 667 00:21:59,020 --> 00:22:00,900 Saturday, I go speak at Twin Towers 668 00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,020 and he's freaking sweeping in blues. 669 00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:03,860 I go, "What happened?" 670 00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:05,220 He goes, "I should've took the commitment." 671 00:22:05,220 --> 00:22:08,100 You know, I have seen, done so much 672 00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:10,780 because of alcoholics, and I've just been able to travel, 673 00:22:10,780 --> 00:22:14,100 have an amazing life with an amazing life, you know? 674 00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,380 Louis says, "You've been with me, do we fight?" 675 00:22:16,380 --> 00:22:17,980 No, 'cause of alcoholics, and I'm just like, 676 00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:20,220 "Well, like, we've been together for, what is it, 677 00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:21,260 20 years now?" 678 00:22:21,260 --> 00:22:23,140 So we're trying to snap every now and then, 679 00:22:23,140 --> 00:22:24,180 but it's just natural. 680 00:22:24,180 --> 00:22:27,260 But I love her more now than I did 20 years ago. 681 00:22:27,260 --> 00:22:29,140 She's the best thing that ever happened to me. 682 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:30,420 And the amazing part about her, 683 00:22:30,420 --> 00:22:32,700 I'm gonna tell this quick story and then I'll be done, 684 00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:34,700 is I used to party with her brother. 685 00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:36,140 Her brother's now schizophrenic. 686 00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:39,220 He, her brother was, he's just a bumbling idiot. 687 00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:41,380 He was back then, but I was a bumbling idiot. 688 00:22:41,380 --> 00:22:44,380 It got so bad for me that I was too low of a companion 689 00:22:44,380 --> 00:22:45,700 to even hang out with him. 690 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:49,180 She wouldn't have anything to do with me, literally. 691 00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:51,260 Like, just look at me in disguise. 692 00:22:51,260 --> 00:22:53,500 Flash forward 'til I'm 13 years sober 693 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:54,580 and she's in love with me. 694 00:22:54,580 --> 00:22:55,420 How does that happen? 695 00:22:55,420 --> 00:22:56,700 Alcoholics anonymous. 696 00:22:56,700 --> 00:23:01,060 Alcoholics anonymous is absolutely the greatest thing 697 00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:03,140 that's ever happened to me in my life. 698 00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:05,340 And I guarantee each and every one of you, 699 00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:07,020 if you make alcoholics anonymous 700 00:23:07,020 --> 00:23:08,660 the most important thing in your life, 701 00:23:08,660 --> 00:23:10,140 within a year's time, you'll say, 702 00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:12,580 alcoholics anonymous is the greatest thing 703 00:23:12,580 --> 00:23:13,620 that's ever happened to you. 704 00:23:13,620 --> 00:23:14,460 Thank you.