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 I'm Rich, I'm an alcoholic. Thank you Ben for the privilege of being here this evening to share my

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 experience, strength and hope for all of you. And I want to thank God for the gift of sobriety. I

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 forget, did you say anything? I want to thank him for my life today as well. And my life has changed

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 drastically the past couple weeks and I was sharing it with a few people. I think I was

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 supposed to be here last week or the week before, I don't remember. But I had a mild concern with my

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 heart, put it that way. And I ended up in a hospital so I couldn't come here that Saturday

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 night. And it has changed my life drastically the past couple weeks and what do I need to do

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 and to feel better as well. But I'm glad I'm here tonight. I have a good life still no matter what

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 happens. I want to thank my good friend Raymond for driving me this evening up here. It only took

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 us an hour and a half so we made good time. And we had our meeting before the meeting. We got to

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 share about a lot of things. My personal life, his personal life and the program of Alcoholics

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 Anonymous as well, you know. So we got that taken care of tonight. We'll have another meeting when

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 we leave here tonight telling how the speaker sucked, you know, basically. And we'll have that

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 talk on the way home as well. But you know what, I never got up one morning and say I'm going to

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 join Alcoholics Anonymous down the road. That wasn't on my plan of agenda that those years,

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 you know. I come from a good family, mom and dad were art workers and I'm the oldest of five

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 siblings in my family. And if I could do things differently today when I was out there drinking,

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 I would have done things a little. I would have taken the dick's block over or something,

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 you know. But it didn't happen that way for me. I always wanted to be a good kid. That was the

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 bottom line. I grew up in the neighborhood that wasn't very, very nice. I'll put it that way,

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 my elite. I saw a lot of things happen as a youngster. I saw a lot of shootings,

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 stabbings, robberies, rapes, you name it. Most of that stuff was done with people under the influence

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 of something, okay. It wasn't a normal reaction to do. I think I'll pull a 502 this. I mean,

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 what's an armed robbery code? I figure what it is. But I think I'll do this today. I wasn't

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 like that when I grew up, you know. But I try to stay out of trouble and do the things that was

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 right to make my family happy. I did well in school. I played a lot of sports. And I don't

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 know if I actually come from an alcoholic family, but alcoholism does run in my family of aunts and

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 uncles and cousins, okay. My dad was a normal social drinker. I didn't understand that.

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 And I lost an uncle on my mother's side from alcoholism and two cousins on my father's side.

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 And they both passed away the same way from cirrhosis in the liver. And, you know,

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 we had a lot of parties at our hospital. My dad was in a band at that time. And a lot of events

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 would happen at our home of people drinking and having a good time. That's what I saw. I thought

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 it was a good time. And I used to go with my father to these parties and weddings and so on

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 and so forth. And I'd be sitting against the wall at a table by myself. And I would watch everybody

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 in the dance floor having a good time, okay. They were all laughing. They had drinks in their hands.

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 And I thought this is what people do, okay. My dad was up there on stage performing, playing

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 the guitar. And I compared both sections, the stage and the floor. My dad would have a beer

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 Budweiser on his amplifier. He would finish that beer in one hour, 45 minutes to an hour to finish

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 that one beer. I'm watching these people here drink three or four or five beers in that hour.

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 And they seem to be having a better time. I wanted to be like them, okay. So as I got older,

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 you know, I started to go out and do different things. And I was down at my friend Ruben's house

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 one Friday night. What time do I stop? I was at my friend Ruben's house. And there was a party

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 going on across the street. And he says, "You want to go check out that party?" I go, "Sure,

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 sounds like a good idea," you know. So we went across the street and they had a gate on the left

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 and a gate on the right. So we went to the gate on the right. And at the gate, they handed me a

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 weapon and a cup of Budweiser and a big cup. So we took both. And Ruben did the same thing. He took

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 both things, the weapon and the drink. We went to the backyard and that's where everybody was

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 partying. And I started to hang by the keg of beer. And I made sure that my cup stayed full

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 every time I drank it, okay. It never went empty. And I liked the effect produced by alcohol. That

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 was my first drink ever. And I love the effect, like I said. And I didn't know where I was going

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 to go with that drink. I had no clue whatsoever. Would I be having more down the road or would it

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 be other parties? I wasn't thinking about that. I was just thinking about the effect that night.

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 That's as far as I went with it. And I got up the next day with my hangover. And I loved the effect

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 of a hangover. And I said, "What's the cure for an hangover?" And someone handed me a beer at the

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 house where I was staying at. And that would lead to other drinking and other parties, so on and so

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 forth, down the road. And I started to go with guys that my parents didn't want me to be with,

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 okay. I thought they were social guys. They have a different classification for them, okay. And

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 most of them, these guys were all gangbangers. And I started hanging out with these guys, you know,

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 and my life changed. I started to do some things that I would normally never would have done sober,

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 okay. And I got into a lot of fights down there. And people got hurt. And I got hurt one night. I

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 almost got shot one night, you know. That was the lifestyle that I was starting to lead towards,

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 okay. And instead of walking away from those individuals, I stuck with them. And I happened

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 to be at a high school back in 1972. And we were confronted by five other individuals from a

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 different area. And a fight broke up between five of them and three of us. And one of them died,

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 okay. And, you know, I went home thinking I wouldn't get arrested. And I got picked up

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 that night. And I was charged with 187 with the other guys, eight of them. And that really changed

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 my life, you know. I ended up going to LA County. I was telling her I went to LA County for almost

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 a year fighting the case, you know. And what happened was I was finally committed to the

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 California Youth Authority. And that was my first arrest. And I was under the influence of alcohol

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 all day long. And I don't remember exactly what happened that day. I don't know if it was a

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 blackout, what they call it now. But I was lost for words. And they ended up sending me to the

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 Youth Authority for my first offense. And I ended up doing four years. And actually, I've done more

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 time for that crime as well, mentally. And I tried to drink it away when I got out. I tried to drink

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 it away of the guilt, the pain, whatever it was. I wanted it to just walk away. But it's never been

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 that way, okay. And while confined, I did drink in there. We used to pay counselors to bring us in

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 booths. And they did, you know. So we drank there every week just about. Like we didn't miss a party,

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 you know. Drugs in there were a lot of drugs in there. Better stuff in there than they are here,

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 you know. But we did all that stuff, you know. And eventually when I left, you know, I went back

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 home and tried to make up for my lost drink in the years I was confined. And alcohol left me off my

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 next drunk where I left off that drunk when I got arrested, you know. The time factor was four years

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 plus. But it felt like the party was just there last week with an effect of produced by alcohol,

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 you know. And I drank a lot and I drank hard. And I started mixing my drinks with hard liquor and

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 beer and things of that nature, you know. I wasn't into drugs at that time. And what happened was,

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 you know, I moved back to Northern California because I knew somebody up there that lived up

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 there was a young lady I was dating at the time. And she tried to control my drinking. And I don't

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 like control factors in my life, okay. I had enough of it for four years. And I wasn't going

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 to let somebody outside control my life. And she tried to do that, you know. And we were married

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 at the time. And I didn't feel comfortable in that relationship at all. And what happened was

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 one night I was drinking and she called me an alcoholic. And I took offense to that. I never

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 heard of the word alcoholic anyway. And I took offense to that. So we ended up getting divorced

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 down the road, okay. By now she was right. And as time went on, you know, I went to a lot of

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 nightclubs, so on and so forth. Disco was in at the time. And I used to go to the clubs Thursday,

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 Friday, and Saturday, you know, and booze it up. And I had a great time. I had a great time,

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 you know. And that's where I was introduced to Coke at those clubs. And I started doing that

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 stuff. And, you know, that really changed my life. It really took me downhill faster than the booze

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 did. And, you know, and I got to the point where I was involved in a relationship with another

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 young lady. And we had a kid in that relationship, a little boy. And my life was really spiraling

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 downhill quite fast. And she thought it by my parents that I was doing drugs, you know. And I

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 came home loaded from work one Friday night. And I was at the time my Duke, my condo, and they showed

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 up. Mom and Dad showed up. And I was trying to explain to them the effect produced by cocaine.

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 It didn't work. It didn't work. I was so loaded and drunk, you know. And you're trying to make

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 them feel at ease with this stuff. And it's not working. And my mother said, "Maybe you need to

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 go to a treatment facility." And I said, "Okay, I'll give it a shot." So a week later, I'm in a

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 treatment facility up in Stockton, a 28-day program. And I went in there not knowing what

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 to expect. I thought they were going to show me how to drink, basically, you know. And I was

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 totally wrong. And they gave me a lady counselor. Her name was Kathy Norman. And Kathy actually saved

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 my life, you know. And I wasn't going to give in to them anything about myself, what I thought,

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 what I felt, what was my thinking. I wasn't going to give them anything, no info. But Kathy took me

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 in an office by her name, one by one, and she tore me to pieces, okay. She broke me. It felt like

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 the walls fell. Finally, that's what I was looking for to do when I was out there drinking and using.

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 And she did one heck of a job on me that I started to listen to the people from Alcoholics Anonymous

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 when they used to bring those panels into that facility. And I could identify with these guys,

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 but I wouldn't tell you that I was like you. No, I held on to that. So when I left that place,

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 after 28 days, I went to meetings. And if you're new, don't do what I did. I went to meetings. I

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 did not participate in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

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 I never read it. I had a 12-in-12, but I never opened it up. And what good is that if you're not

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 going to work the program? And I went to meetings for three and a half years, and I was dry. I was

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 miserable. And I had that reservation in my head that I had another drunk in me. I held on to that

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 reservation to the end. And I was at a meeting on a Friday night, listening to a lady speak.

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 She gave a hell of a talk. And I says, "You know what? Let's find out if I am real alcoholic." So

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 I left that meeting. We had spirits whatsoever. I went to a liquor store, bought me a fifth,

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 if I ever will, and a small pack of butt. And I said, "Let's get it on." And that's what I did,

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 okay? And my son, I had gotten custody of him because his mom did some bad things,

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 so they gave me custody of him. The court system did. And he was disappointed that I had gotten

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 drunk that night. Very disappointed. And I've never forgotten that look. I'm a little rich.

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 I've never forgotten it, you know? And I drank, and I gave away all that dead time. And I stayed

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 out for about a little over two years of drinking every day. I was a daily drunk. And it was getting

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 to the point where I couldn't even get drunk anymore. That's how bad it was for me. And it

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 talks about in Chapter 3 more about alcoholism, the effect produced by alcohol. Not only that,

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 but it says I got to that stage of my drinking career that I had no other drunks in me, you know?

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 And I knew that I had made it myself that I was an alcoholic. And that was my first step of recovery,

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 making that admission. And what happened, how I got back to the program, I come home on a

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 Saturday night from a bachelor party. And we did a number out there, you know? And Sunday morning,

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 I am so drunk, sitting on my recliner drinking a beer. And he comes in with the babysitter that

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 morning. And I see the look on his face and her face. And it was like a face of not anger,

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 but they were disappointed, put it that way. And my son walks into his bedroom, and he comes back

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 out. And he throws my one-year medallion, and it hits me in the forehead. This is a little

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 six-year-old doing this. And he says, "Dad, why don't you try the program of alcoholics one more

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 time at my work this time?" And that was my breaking point. And that was my surrender that

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 morning on that Sunday. And it was February 29th that year, it was a leap year. And that was my

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 last drink. And I said, "What did this little boy know that I didn't know? What was he trying to

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 tell his dad? Who is the parent in this relationship? You know, where did he hear this

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 from?" Well, I had been taking them for meetings with me when he was a little boy, a little guy.

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 And he heard all this stuff in meetings, okay? And I came into my sobriety's March 1st of '92.

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 And I've been back ever since, and I haven't been necessary for me to leave these rooms.

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 And I am so totally grateful that Junior was there that morning. For some reason,

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 there was a rude awakening that I needed to hear. And I don't know if it was a spiritual awakening

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 or what, but it worked. And so blessed, you know. And I came into a place called License Session on

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 a Monday night in the valley, Dallas. And I walked in in that meeting that Monday night. And I know

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 what I was going to expect to hear that night. And there was a lot of laughter in that meeting.

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 It was a big meeting. There was a lot of conversations going on that made sense.

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 And I haven't heard a conversation in a long time to me that made sense. But I heard it that night.

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 I heard a lot of recovery that evening. I heard the good speaker that night as well.

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 And I decided to give that group a chance of me being there with them. And they let me stay.

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 That was the most important part. They let me stay. And I used to go to meetings back then.

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 I didn't have a sponsor. Sponsorship is very important if you don't have a gift.

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 And I'll never forget this one guy. He would always ask me, "You got a sponsor yet? You got

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 a sponsor yet?" And it was really getting on my nerves. And that was Steven Al. Okay. And Fufu

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 would bring these words out, you know, and he would stutter. But I understood what he was saying

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 about sponsorship, you know. And he bugged me for two weeks. Just to shut him up, I got a sponsor.

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 Okay. I didn't want to hear it anymore. So I got Steve Lowe as my sponsor. He was my first sponsor.

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 And Steve gave me some direction, put it that way. He gave me a foundation as well. And one thing I'll

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 never forget what Steve Lowe told me that night, that Saturday night when I asked him to be my

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 sponsor, he took me out to the parking lot and he says, "I got two things to ask you. Are you

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 willing to go to any length to stay sober this time?" And I said, "Yes, sir, I am." And he says,

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 "Do you believe in God?" I said, "Well, you know, Steve," I said, "I know there's something up there.

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 I just don't know what it is or where it's at. But I believe that something happens for a reason.

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 I don't know if it's God's willing or what. But to answer your question, yes, I do." Okay. He says,

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 "Okay, I want you to do those two things with me and call me every day and go to a meeting every

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 night with the group, either an hour before the meeting." And I said, "What an order." But I was

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 willing. I was willing to do all that stuff. And he says, "Get a commitment." What's a commitment,

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 you know? The only commitments I knew was relationships. But I would screw those up as

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 well. But he told me, "Get a job at the meeting and be a service." That's what he told me. And

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 my first commitment was watching the asterisks at the Monday night meeting. And I loved that

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 commitment. Okay. I took it so seriously. I would basically buff the asterisks out, you know. And

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 there were six of them, six big red ones. And that was a smoking meeting back then and we smoked it.

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 But I enjoyed that commitment. It made me feel a part of it. And I would get other commitments

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 as well down the road and be a service to you, license session. I have never been a prime example

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 of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'll be honest with you on that. I've always stayed in the middle,

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 like was mentioned by Nate, you know, stay in the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've always done

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 that. And Steve told me, he says, "You know, if you can do this for a year, you'll have a

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 watch and a party at the end of the year." He says, "But I'll guarantee you one thing." I said,

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 "What's that, Steve?" He says, "Your life will be different." And I go, "Really?" And at the end of

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 one year, my life was different. It was totally different, you know. He got me involved in the

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 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I admitted to myself that I was alcoholic, you know, and I knew

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 I had surrendered at that time. And the steps that I really wanted to get to was the fourth and fifth

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 step, you know, because those are the ones that were really eating at me. I knew there was a God

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 out there and I wasn't it. But when I did that list of all my defects that I had caused out there,

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 I put it down in paper and I got to share a fifth step with Steve, okay. And that's when I felt part

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 of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's actually when I felt part of license session, when I completed

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 that fifth step, you know, and I felt part of the group, you know. And over the years,

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 I found many members that I consider them my friends and good standing as well. And I got a

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 watch a year later with Steve M. We had the same sobriety date and year and we had a double watch

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 and we had a double party as well. And, you know, I stayed with the group for five and a half years

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 until I moved on to another group. And I've always been an answer seeker. I'm always searching for

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 answers, you know, from you and everybody else in the group. You know, if I would have read this

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 book more often, I would have found my answers. I really would have, okay. Because everything I've

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 heard to the speaker from the podiums has been from out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous,

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 you know. And I'm not a rocket scientist in this program. I'm not after 32 years of sobriety. I

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 still make mistakes, you know. I don't want to use a face that because I'm human, I make mistakes,

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 you know. No, I'm idiot, you know, basically, you know. And if that's where all the answers are in

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 the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know. And when it came to the reading the doctor's

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 opinion, you know, about alcoholism and why I crave alcohol, you know, I found all that in that

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 book. I am moving over to the Pacific group back in '97, I believe it was. And it had to do with a

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 speaker one night that came to license session, the speaker that was Sharon Cena. And she mentioned

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 about answers, okay. I go, oh, that's where you have to go to the date group to get the answers.

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 That's why I left, you know, had nothing to do with any resentments or I wasn't getting

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 along with my sponsor back then, which was David F. And, and he did a great job with me, you know.

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 But I went into PG and he got me a sponsor over there by the name of Pete L. And he was my

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 sponsor for almost five years, I guess. And he decided to leave Alcoholics Anonymous, you know,

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 he made that decision that he was an alcoholic after all. And so I had to find another sponsor

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 right away. And I got my sponsor, Tom, who's my sponsor these days as well. And I got him that

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 Wednesday night. And Tom and I have tried this thing for the past 18 to 20 years, something like

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 that. Okay. And he, he, he heard my fist step one more time, I gave it to him. And Tom has guided me

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 in the right direction for all these years. He listens to all my crap. Okay. Every Monday,

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 Wednesday, and Friday at 830, find out what's going on with me, you know, and my life is totally

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 different just by hanging around him and the members of Alcoholics Anonymous at the Pacific

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 group. You know, I have a lot of examples, many examples. Before COVID, our average attendance,

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 there was about 850 members at the Wednesday night meeting. And it shrunk down quite a bit,

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 we're down to about maybe 600. And the rest are on Zoom. And then I saw the Zoom total the other

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 night was 300 something. And you know, I've done a lot of things in sobriety. I've done a lot of

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 things. Don't ask me about relationships. Okay. As I suck, basically, I've had three divorces,

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 okay. One of them I really ruined. I was with Caroline. She used to go with me to license

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 session. And she was a very dedicated lady to that program as well, you know, and I took an

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 action where it was all totally my fault. I realize that today now, you know, and I broke that lady's

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 heart. I really did. I had to make an immense to her. She forgave me for what I did, you know,

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 verbally put it that way. And she has forgiven me, you know, and she's a good friend to this

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 day. Still, how far she's not doing very well. I put it that way. She was much older than me. And

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 she's in a private hospital right now. And I owe a lot to her because she sat there every Saturday

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 night with me at license session every Saturday. She never complained. She felt a part of the group

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 itself. She loved the people there, the guys and the girls, you know, and, you know, I moved on,

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 you know, I'm single still, and I've got my own place in Whittier. And I've been able to be a

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 service for my parents before they passed on, you know, mom died real fast from a heart attack,

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 and my dad died from dementia. And that was really hard to watch over him. Very difficult. I don't

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 know anything about watching other people like that, you know, and no experience whatsoever.

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 I was always making phone calls to Thomas and my dad's doing this, my dad's doing that, you know,

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 just stick with him, Richie would always tell me just be part of it with him, you know, and

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 watch what he does. And that's what I did, you know, and my relationship with my son today is

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 totally different, you know, I'm very proud of him that he hasn't become like me. Okay.

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 He hardly ever drinks. I think I ruin his drinking. I really do. I've never seen my son

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 all these years drunk, not one time. And I blame myself for that, which I'll take credit,

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 you know, but you know, I've always watched him what he has one or two drinks, and that's it.

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 I don't understand that kind of drinking. I don't. I've never had a social drink in my life. I drank

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 like a pig for one, you know, I was obnoxious a lot of times. But that's the way alcohol affected

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 me. You know, I, I got to do a little bit of traveling as well in sobriety, gone to places

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 that I thought I'd never go. Then the meetings in Hawaii, which I really like the meetings, they're

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 a little different as well. But I've been there five times, and I never thought I'd ever make it

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 one time, you know, and then back east in New York, Manhattan twice. And, you know, I've got

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 to do other things besides meetings, you know, I want to share this one story with you that I

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 got to do in Manhattan. And a lot of it happened with all my ego. And Carolyn says, let's get on

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 that little buggy with the horse. I said guys from Norwalk don't get on buggies with a horse.

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 First of all, you know, she goes, you know how many miles you're away from Norwalk? I had no

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 idea it was over 3000 or something, you know, and she goes, Come on, I want to get on that. I don't

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 want to get on that. Okay, let's get on it. So I asked the guy with the little hat, how much does

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 it cost? You know, so he tells me, we get on the little buggy, and I have no idea where we're

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 going. And he's going down this one street. I don't know if it's an avenue or street,

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 when I start to enjoy a little bit of it, you know, maybe makes a left turn, and we're going

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 down this other street, and he comes to a stop. And I happened to turn to my right, and there's

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 a guy there on the sidewalk with a brown paper bag drinking a bottle of wine, and he's barfing

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 at the same time. And I looked and I told her, there I am right there. I had to come all the way

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 to New York to see that, you know, and what crossed my mind was after when we took off again,

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 I felt for that man that was drinking that bottle of wine. And I said, I wonder if he ever got sober,

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 you know, I'll never know if he ever got sober, you know, but it was that effect that night that

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 brought a tear to my eye of seeing that because I used to walk around with a brown paper bag and a

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 bottle of wine, you know, and I knew I was no different than that man. You know, I was just

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 lucky to find the meanings of alcoholics anonymous. I was very, very lucky, you know,

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 and we went through the whole course, you know, when we started and I really enjoyed it. I really

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 enjoyed it. I had a good time there, you know, I went up to the Twin Towers to the 116th floor,

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 I think it was, and looked down and that was an amazing view. I would have missed all that if I

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 had been drinking. I know I would have missed it. And, you know, I come home and I go to a specific

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 group and get involved in that group and start doing the things that they do there. Not be very

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 judgmental, but I still am okay. They're not doing it right, you know, they've been doing it

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 right for since 1962, I think it is, you know, Clancy started the group and got to spend time

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 with him one-on-one of my mistakes and bringing them up to his attention and listen to his

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 direction as well, besides my sponsors. You know, I always wanted to compare my sponsor with Clancy's

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 direction to see if they're on the same scale and they are. Okay, there's no different change

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 and it was blessed to be part of his group as well that he started this group, you know, because not

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 only do they have a lot of structure like quality of life does or license session as well, but I've

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 held on to the ideas that the sponsorship has given me. I have never discarded anything that

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 I've done since day one. I'm still doing the same crap every week, every night, calling my sponsor

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 when I need to, going to the meetings, have a commitment as well and listen to other alcoholics

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 if they need some type of help, especially the newcomers, you know. I am so blessed to be sober

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 today all this time, you know, and my life is good. My life is good no matter what I'm going

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 through. I want to share real fast about my relationship with Chris. I met Chris online on

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 Facebook on a dating website. I'm sharing this with Raymond and she says if you want to meet me,

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 meet me at this church on Sunday morning at nine o'clock and I showed up and I don't know what to

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 expect. There was a Christian church and I sat there and I listened to the pastor give a sermon

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 and I've been going back ever since for over a year and a half now and that has changed my life

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 as well, okay. I don't understand a lot of stuff in that Bible. I'm always asking a lot of questions,

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 just like I do with the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I still ask questions, you know. I'm

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 not an expert on alcoholism. I'm not an expert of being a some type of pastor. I'm not in that

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 stuff, you know, and Chris knows I always humbled myself by asking her questions because she's been

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 doing this for 16 years, you know, and I feel out of place at times, but she tells me to hang in

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 there. You'll pick up the word of God. You'll pick up the word of Alcoholics Anonymous one day at a

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 time, you know. She goes, I'm blessed to have met you as well because you're different. That's what

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 she tells me that I'm different, you know, and she's different to me, very different, you know,

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 and I'm so blessed to have her in my life, had the members of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life,

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 and hopefully they'll be back for another gig next year. Thanks.