1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000 I'm Mike, I'm an alcoholic, grateful to be here tonight. 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,960 Thank you, Marty, for your lead, that was really pretty. 3 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,240 And Dan, I gotta find out who cuts your hair 4 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,160 because that's like one of the best high and tights 5 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,620 I've ever seen in my life. 6 00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:13,360 I'm not happy with my guy right now. 7 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,680 (all laughing) 8 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,220 Wanna thank you for asking me to come and share tonight, 9 00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:19,480 Ben, I really appreciate it. 10 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,280 I have, my wife is on Zoom. 11 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,960 She said, "Don't call on her, whatever you do." 12 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,680 I said, "It's not that kind of meeting, you can relax." 13 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,480 She's home taking care of our son. 14 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,440 And I have my friend Jamel over here who's online with us. 15 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,160 He's just left LA a little while back 16 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:35,520 and he's living in Pennsylvania. 17 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:36,980 He's got a couple of years of sobriety. 18 00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:39,200 I have the privilege and honor to work with him. 19 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:43,200 And I have my very, very dear Tatusz sitting here with me. 20 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,720 Tatusz in Polish means father, okay? 21 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:49,240 I met Roman in the program 23 years ago 22 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:50,800 and he's been like a father to me. 23 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,200 On June 23rd of this year, 24 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,720 if I stay sober for about another 22 days, 25 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,320 I'll have 21 years of sobriety. 26 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:03,640 And 21 years of sobriety came from all of the people 27 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:04,640 that came before me. 28 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:08,080 Mostly the old timers with experience, strength and hope 29 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,800 that they shared with me on how to stay sober. 30 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,820 I have a sponsor, his name is Lloyd S. 31 00:01:12,820 --> 00:01:13,660 I have a home group. 32 00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,480 My home group is the Pacific group. 33 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,800 And my sobriety date, like I said, is 6/23/03. 34 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:19,680 Let's see here. 35 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,020 Did I say my name is Mike, I'm an alcoholic? 36 00:01:22,020 --> 00:01:22,860 I said that. 37 00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:25,600 My name is actually Raymond Edward Michael Collins 38 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,320 and I am an alcoholic, an Irish alcoholic. 39 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:31,600 Let me just start by saying, it was a great day today. 40 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,140 I took my son and my wife and we went over to the park. 41 00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:37,200 There was a Cub Scout event going on 42 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:41,040 and they call it a bridging ceremony 43 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,600 where the Scouts, some people waving, nodding their heads, 44 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,740 where the Scouts, they graduate from the year 45 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:50,040 that they're in and they go to the next year 46 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:54,360 and Scouts, they go from tiger to wolf, wolf to bear, 47 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,380 bear to wee below. 48 00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:57,280 And you would wonder how I know about this. 49 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,280 Well, about eight months ago, 50 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,320 I got roped into being a Cub Scout leader, 51 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,440 simply because I showed up at a meeting 52 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,040 and they said, we need volunteers. 53 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,680 We need volunteers because the pack after COVID has died 54 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,000 and we need to bring it back. 55 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,180 So we need a volunteer, you know? 56 00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:16,600 And there was 20 parents sitting in the room 57 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,300 and nobody was raising their hand. 58 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:21,120 And the old leaders are walking back and forth sweating. 59 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,320 You know, you could wear this shirt, you could be the leader, 60 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,680 you could salute the flag, you could say the Pledge 61 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,920 of Allegiance, you could help these kids 62 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,660 and nobody's raising their hand. 63 00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:30,820 Finally, I said, I'll do it. 64 00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:33,400 And then another person, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. 65 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,120 'Cause what do we learn in AA? 66 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,680 We raise our hand. 67 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,120 When someone asks us to do something, we don't say no. 68 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,080 And, you know, Ben asked me to share and I said, sure, 69 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:42,980 I'd love to share. 70 00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:46,440 And I just did a commitment for a year at Ohio Street 71 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,320 in West LA as the secretary. 72 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:53,320 And that is, what is it, 52 weeks in a year, 52 speakers, 73 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,000 you know, on Sunday morning with a suit on. 74 00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:00,280 And I took the commitment, I took it grudgingly, you know, 75 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,560 grudgingly, they nominated me and voted 76 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,220 and they voted me in. 77 00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:07,260 They'd asked me first before they elected me, 78 00:03:07,260 --> 00:03:09,560 would you like to be the secretary? 79 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:10,960 Because that's your tradition. 80 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,840 If you wanna elect somebody, ask them if they can fulfill 81 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,820 the commitment and I said, sure. 82 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,500 I said, let me get back to you on that. 83 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:18,680 So what did I do? 84 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:19,940 I called my sponsor. 85 00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:22,560 I said, they nominated me for secretary. 86 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,320 What do you, I'm not sure about this. 87 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,200 So what do you think? 88 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,440 You know, 'cause I run stuff by my sponsor, 89 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,280 important things. 90 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,740 And he goes, well, I'll tell you what I did. 91 00:03:30,740 --> 00:03:32,840 You know, I did that commitment and it was one 92 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,400 of the best things I've ever done in my sobriety. 93 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,920 My sponsor has a way of suggesting things to me 94 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,500 and telling me what he did. 95 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,800 So that meant take the commitment, right? 96 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,120 So I took that commitment and I just finished 97 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,020 that secretary ship about a month ago. 98 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,400 And it was the best year of my life 99 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,660 because Ben can attest to this. 100 00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:57,720 When you're the secretary, you have to collect a speaker 101 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,340 and you have to hope the speaker is gonna come 102 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,180 and do a good job. 103 00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:01,680 And you're gonna sit there and you're gonna listen 104 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,120 to every word they say. 105 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,800 And normally when I'm in a meeting, I'm not listening 106 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,060 to every word that the speaker is saying, right? 107 00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:10,120 I'm usually in my head, you know, I'm thinking, 108 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,640 well, you know, someone shares and I think I start thinking 109 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,640 about what happened to me and he was sharing about partying 110 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,480 and I was thinking, man, I like to party 111 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,200 and life is boring sometimes, but you know, 112 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,800 I have all these thoughts going through my head, 113 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:26,200 but when you're the secretary, you're hearing every word. 114 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,280 And anyway, my wife tells me, she says, look, you know, 115 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:33,360 there's only two kinds of shares that people remember, 116 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,600 right, there's only two kinds of shares 117 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:36,880 that people remember. 118 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,920 If I share tonight and have the greatest share 119 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,820 you've ever heard in your life or one of the top five, 120 00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,360 you're gonna remember it, right? 121 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,840 If I have the worst share you've ever heard, 122 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,720 you're gonna be like, remember that guy that came up here, 123 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,180 you're not gonna forget it. 124 00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:55,080 So my wife said to me, she goes, you're not gonna have 125 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,320 the greatest share in the world, that's not gonna happen. 126 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,940 She said, just don't embarrass yourself. 127 00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:01,760 So this is my wife, right? 128 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,520 But she's right, she's right on the head. 129 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,600 So she said, just shoot for the middle, you know, 130 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,040 shoot for the middle. 131 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,280 And all right, so let me get started here. 132 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,560 Grew up in Brooklyn, New York, born July 4th, 1965. 133 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,640 Caught the tail end of the '60s and really was growing up 134 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,080 in the '70s because by the time '75 rolled along, 135 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,280 I was 10 years old, the Vietnam War was hot and heavy 136 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,480 coming to an end. 137 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,680 Disco had come around, rock and roll had, you know, 138 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,280 been going strong through the '60s into the '70s, 139 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:35,080 then came disco and then all the other good stuff. 140 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,740 And it was a good time to be 10 years old. 141 00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:41,280 It was a better time to be 13 because that was 1978. 142 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:44,560 And that's when the drinking and the smoking 143 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,880 and all the other fun stuff started happening. 144 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,420 I'm one of six children. 145 00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:52,680 In 1968, my father died when I was three years old, 146 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,080 left my mom with five kids. 147 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,760 Mom remarried to, I have a stepdad. 148 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:01,760 And, you know, it was the perfect little middle class family 149 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,960 in Brooklyn. 150 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,680 And then we grew up in Bedford Stuy. 151 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:05,960 If anyone ever heard of that, 152 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,060 Bedford Stuy was a really bad neighborhood. 153 00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:10,600 And then we moved on up to the east side 154 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,040 to a place called Marine Park, 155 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,600 which is more toward the water, which I loved. 156 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,740 And everything seemed to be perfect on the outside. 157 00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:22,240 On the inside, I like to just say, 158 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,720 let's see, who's that, anybody here? 159 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:28,720 Okay, on the inside, I like to say by the time I was 14, 160 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:32,320 I'd been shot, stabbed, molested, raped, and beaten. 161 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,200 Not bad for a 14 year old, right? 162 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,780 And that's not an exaggeration. 163 00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:38,260 But everything looked great. 164 00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:40,480 And I was in public school till sixth grade. 165 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,800 And then, you know, my mom, 166 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,120 she had the wherewithal to say, you know what? 167 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,440 Is this thing being recorded? 168 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,620 Oh boy, I take all that back. 169 00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:48,460 No, that did not. 170 00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:50,520 So my mom said, we're gonna send him to Catholic school 171 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,240 and that's gonna straighten him out. 172 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,760 And I went to Catholic school for seventh and eighth grade. 173 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,160 And then I met all of the kids from the neighborhood 174 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,160 who I knew some of them, 175 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,080 but I was finally in Catholic school with them 176 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,720 in an all boys school, St. Thomas Aquinas. 177 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,360 And then it really took off 178 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:08,880 because there was like at that school, 179 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:12,220 what the favorite pastime in the neighborhood was, 180 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:15,340 was they had boxing matches in the gymnasium, 181 00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:18,900 smoker's matches where the police were boxing 182 00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,400 with the fire department. 183 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,200 There was all kinds of neighborhood organizations 184 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,460 boxing each other. 185 00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:26,520 We had boxing class in Catholic school, you know? 186 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,560 I mean, it was fighting. 187 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,520 And then what else do you do when you're Irish 188 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:31,600 and you live in Brooklyn? 189 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,720 You fight and you drink. 190 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,880 So we started doing a lot of drinking 191 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,880 and I'm not gonna do a big drunk a lot, 192 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,680 but I'm gonna tell you this, 193 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:44,000 that drinking really, really changed my life. 194 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,160 It made things a lot better for me. 195 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,080 A lot better for me 196 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,320 because I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. 197 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,200 I mean, how are you supposed to know 198 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,360 anything's wrong with you when you're 10, 199 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,720 11, 12, 13, 15 years old? 200 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,840 Even like when I got sober, 201 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,520 they were like, someone talked about alcoholism. 202 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,760 And I went to a meeting. 203 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,000 I still didn't know what alcoholism was, 204 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,200 that I wasn't alcoholic. 205 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:07,940 What happened to me as a kid? 206 00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:09,520 I mean, it took so long, 207 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,520 but you know, that first two times I drank, 208 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,400 there was a bar, you know? 209 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,400 They say the last house on the block in AA, 210 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,800 you hear all these sayings. 211 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,840 And there was a bar right next to my house. 212 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,040 My driveway was here. 213 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,440 I was the last house on the block 214 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,120 and there was a driveway and there was a bar right there. 215 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,280 And it was Charles's bar and old Irish family, 216 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,460 then the apostrophe, then Zappas and you know, rock bands. 217 00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:34,400 They were in there and I would work there on the weekends. 218 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,000 And I got to meet one of the owner's nephews. 219 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,100 And he was 13, I was 13, 14. 220 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,840 And we would drink on Saturday morning, 221 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:43,800 drink on Sunday morning. 222 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,080 We went over to his house and he said, 223 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,000 we're having a party on my house in Troy Avenue. 224 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,920 We all went down there to the party 225 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,320 'cause we stole a bottle of vodka from the bar. 226 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,340 Now I went out there and everybody grabbed the bottle. 227 00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:57,640 And this is the first time I drank hard liquor. 228 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,800 When the bottle went around, everyone took a pull. 229 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,080 And then it came to me and I was chugging. 230 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,160 And they had to rip it out of my hand. 231 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,600 And about an hour later, I was falling down, 232 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:08,720 falling down drunk. 233 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,320 And then they put me, my friend put me in his bicycle. 234 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,800 He had one of those butcher's bikes, 235 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,080 if you know what that is. 236 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,520 It's an old fashioned bike with a cart on the front 237 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:18,600 that they put the meat in. 238 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,480 And he worked for a butcher and he put me in that cart 239 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,000 and drove me home and dropped me on my doorstep and took off. 240 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,960 That was the first time I drank hard. 241 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,520 The second time I drank hard, 242 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:32,300 I drank Southern Comfort and fell out of some bleachers 243 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,560 in the stadium and they dragged me home. 244 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,200 So that was the first two times of hard drinking. 245 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,000 And you know what, I made it through, 246 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,560 I made it through seventh and eighth grade. 247 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,200 I made it to ninth grade. 248 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,600 And I wanted, I had these great dreams 249 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,480 of being a marine biologist because I love the ocean. 250 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,280 So I had to write all these letters 251 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,020 to go to Beach Channel High School 252 00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:54,720 because it was out of my district. 253 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,180 And I really wanted to go there. 254 00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,440 And so I wrote all these letters and they accepted me. 255 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,500 So now I'm in a high school for marine biology 256 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,520 that's on the water in Rockaway. 257 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,480 And I'm going out in little row boats with motors on 'em 258 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,400 and collecting plankton samples. 259 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,880 And we have fish tanks in the room and it was beautiful. 260 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:12,720 And I loved it. 261 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,320 And I'm like, this is great. 262 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,320 And about three months into that high school, 263 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,680 which was ninth grade, I met all the Irish guys 264 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,560 from St. Thomas that had come down there with me. 265 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,240 And before school started, 266 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,200 it was like fast times at Ridgemont High, 267 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,360 if you guys know about that. 268 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,640 And these guys were out there smoking and drinking 269 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:30,960 at eight o'clock in the morning. 270 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,920 And I was like, wow, that's pretty cool. 271 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,480 So I started doing that. 272 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:39,220 And then they said, well, just check into homeroom 273 00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:42,000 and then you won't get an absentee slip for the day. 274 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,040 So we'd check in, we'd take the bus to Rockaway. 275 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,400 I'd check in and then we'd go to the store 276 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,200 and we'd go to my buddy's house. 277 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,640 We'd buy a case of beer and a dozen bagels 278 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,840 and we'd smoke some things and we'd go out to his boat 279 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,800 and go fishing all day. 280 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:56,880 And then I would come home 281 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,280 and my mom would say, how was school? 282 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,220 I said, it was great. 283 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:00,060 It's really hot out there. 284 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,120 We were on the boat all day. 285 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,600 And she'd go, oh yeah, my boy, he's doing his, 286 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,680 marine bow, it's just in the making. 287 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,040 So my high school career lasted that year. 288 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,660 And then Beach Channel High School said 289 00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:10,720 at the end of the ninth grade, 290 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,940 I went to 10th grade for about a month 291 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,480 and they were like, you don't belong here, 292 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,960 go back to your local high school. 293 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,360 That lasted, my local high school lasted 294 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,740 about two or three months. 295 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:21,440 And then I said, I gotta get out of Brooklyn. 296 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,000 You know, 'cause this is not working. 297 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,680 I had friends that were going to jail. 298 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,760 I had some friends that were in really bad shape. 299 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,440 And then I had some friends that were doing good. 300 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:29,680 I was not doing great. 301 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:32,520 So a couple of my friends said, let's join the Marines. 302 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,140 And I said, that sounds like a good idea. 303 00:11:34,140 --> 00:11:35,640 I could get out of New York, right? 304 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,040 And join the Marines. 305 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,120 That's how I got out of New York in 1982. 306 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,740 I did some years in the Marine Corps and I had, 307 00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:46,240 I went overseas, Beirut happened. 308 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,760 It was a lot of stuff happening. 309 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,980 I worked real hard at keeping it together 310 00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:50,820 while I was in Marine Corps. 311 00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:53,520 They let us drink, but you know, I was in the infantry. 312 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,160 So I trained hard and I drank hard and I kept it together. 313 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,880 And then a couple of years into my career, 314 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,360 it started falling apart. 315 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,680 It started falling apart. 316 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,080 And we would still, we were going overseas, 317 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,740 going to a lot of different places, 318 00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:08,200 a lot of conflict happening. 319 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,240 And by the time I got out of the Marine Corps, 320 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,060 there was nothing more I wanted to do with them. 321 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:13,920 When I came in, I was proud to be a Marine. 322 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,320 I was happy to be in the Marines. 323 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,060 I had acquired some skills. 324 00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:20,440 I was, you know, I had a lot of relatives in the military, 325 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,040 my uncle's grandfather, and I couldn't wait to get out 326 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,820 because I wanted to drink and I wanted to do what I wanted. 327 00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:28,760 And that was it. 328 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:32,320 I got out of the Marine Corps and I got out in '85 329 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,360 and the next 10 years were a blur 330 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,320 because I was damaged goods. 331 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,760 You know, I was damaged in childhood. 332 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,360 I was damaged in the military. 333 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,960 And when I got out of the military, it was game on. 334 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,600 And you talk about a functioning alcoholic. 335 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,480 I tried, everything in my life looked right, 336 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,340 just like that little childhood, it all looked good 337 00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:54,380 on the outside, except I kept losing jobs. 338 00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:55,840 I kept getting in trouble. 339 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,240 I kept getting DUIs. 340 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,820 I kept getting, losing relationships. 341 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:02,360 And it was just a really busted up life. 342 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,680 And you know, you talk about, you know, 343 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,720 I went out drinking one night, it was Orange County. 344 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,000 And this is what happens to me. 345 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,360 I go out drinking and I'm drinking tequila. 346 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,880 Well, I don't stop at one or two or three shots. 347 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,520 I drink a dozen shots. 348 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,300 And the next thing I'm in the parking lot, 349 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:20,840 fighting with three guys. 350 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,120 And the next thing you know, I'm fighting with cops. 351 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,040 And then they got me in jail and you know, they go, 352 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,880 all right, we got a great place for you. 353 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,400 You're going in the rubber room. 354 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,960 And I go, bring it on. 355 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,840 I'm not afraid of the rubber room. 356 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,760 So they say, take off all your clothes. 357 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:35,820 And I'm like, what do you mean? 358 00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,600 They go, take off all your clothes. 359 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,580 And I go, really? 360 00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:39,600 And they go, yeah, take them off 361 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:40,960 or we'll take them off for you. 362 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,200 So now I'm in naked in the rubber room. 363 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,780 This is where my drinking brings me, 364 00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:46,480 but I don't have a problem. 365 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,720 Yeah, so it was brutal. 366 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:49,920 It was really brutal. 367 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,800 And you know, I wanna give props 368 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,480 to the first man who ever took me to AA. 369 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,680 And I was living in California 370 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,400 and I had met somebody back East. 371 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,920 And they said, look, you're a Marine. 372 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,240 I know this guy, he's a businessman in DC. 373 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,400 He's opening a radio station in Virginia. 374 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,940 It'll be a perfect thing for you. 375 00:14:09,940 --> 00:14:12,960 And they said, come out to Virginia, meet this guy. 376 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:13,800 I interviewed with him. 377 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,520 He said, I'm opening a radio station. 378 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,520 It's in Virginia. 379 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,240 You're gonna, your job will be to manage the station. 380 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,960 You know, stay there on the weekends. 381 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,120 You know, the station's on automation 382 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,960 from midnight till 5 a.m. 383 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,080 There's a tower and automation system. 384 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,120 Your job will be if the station goes down 385 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,700 and the alarm goes off, you reboot the automation. 386 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,440 You have the security for the station. 387 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:36,280 It's a great thing. 388 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,200 I said, I'll do it. 389 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,360 It sounds like a great job. 390 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,320 And so he took me on 391 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,940 and the gentleman's name was Ernest, Ernie Evans. 392 00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:46,880 And he said to me, he knew I was an alcoholic 393 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,600 because being around him for just a few months, six months, 394 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,880 he knew I was an alcoholic. 395 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,960 He never told me, I'm an alcoholic. 396 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:53,800 This is a program. 397 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,080 This is the way it works. 398 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,120 He said, I want you to come with me. 399 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,320 We're gonna go to a meeting. 400 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,540 And I said, okay. 401 00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:01,240 I said, let's do it. 402 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,160 So he brought me to an AA meeting in Elkton, Virginia. 403 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,920 And I went to the meeting and everybody was happy. 404 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:07,920 You know, it was great. 405 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:08,800 Everybody's happy. 406 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:09,840 Everybody's sober. 407 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,040 And I'm like, wow, this is really, really cool. 408 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,800 You know, and I met a nice little gal over there too, 409 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:15,900 a little Southern gal. 410 00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,880 And yeah, we had a great time. 411 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,400 And I'm like, wow, this is a great thing, you know? 412 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,800 And I went like once or twice 413 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,080 and then I never went back again. 414 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,720 And then the station wasn't doing good. 415 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,320 He leased it out to somebody else. 416 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,100 He said, you could stay here at the station. 417 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,280 You can use the station. 418 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,120 You can live here. 419 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,440 You can use the truck. 420 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,140 I said, you know what, Ernie, I'm gonna move on. 421 00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:37,980 You know, I'm gonna catch a job in town. 422 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,120 I've got a girlfriend over here. 423 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,080 I'm gonna do my thing. 424 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,680 And I moved on. 425 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,160 I stayed friends with him. 426 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,320 He hired another guy that he didn't even know 427 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,520 to watch the station. 428 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,560 And a year and a half later, he got cancer and died 429 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,720 and left the station to the kid, a house in Miami 430 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,880 and all kinds of money. 431 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,000 I was like, you know, opportunity, 432 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,200 my good alcoholic opportunities, 433 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,720 the opportunities that went away. 434 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,300 But you know, being drunk and the condition I was in, 435 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,160 if anybody would have left me anything, 436 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,160 it probably would have brought me to the end 437 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,280 that much quicker. 438 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,440 And, but he introduced me to AA 439 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,100 and it went on and on and on. 440 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,980 And I left Virginia. 441 00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:16,240 I came back to LA and I continued to get in trouble, 442 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,440 continue to scrape by, continue to not do well. 443 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:22,520 And what happened was I was working at a place 444 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,200 called National Bartender School. 445 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,200 Okay, I said, 'cause I could bartend, right? 446 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:30,320 So I went down to this job on Wilshire and Normandy 447 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,520 and I said, I can bartend. 448 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,240 They say, well, we need an instructor. 449 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,320 I said, well, yeah, I could do it, you know? 450 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,040 And I worked my way in there, you know, 451 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,240 'cause I'm a good drinker, right? 452 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,480 So who can't bartend, right? 453 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,800 I got the job as an instructor and they liked me. 454 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,240 And I worked there for about six months a year. 455 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,720 Then they said, look, man, 456 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:51,180 we're gonna make you the director of education. 457 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,740 I go, whoa, all right, a title, right? 458 00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:56,160 So they made me the director of education. 459 00:16:56,160 --> 00:17:00,360 And I got a post secondary education title for signed 460 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,440 by Pete Wilson, the governor, you know, 461 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,920 because I'm a big time instructor now, you know? 462 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,800 And we would go downstairs. 463 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,320 Now, the guy who owned the bartending school, 464 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,640 he was missing a pinky. 465 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,280 And I think they were chained to schools 466 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,180 and he was a mobster. 467 00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:14,640 The school was owned by mobsters. 468 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,240 And my manager was this guy that ran the school. 469 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,280 He was the manager and here I am director of education. 470 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,920 And we would go downstairs every night to the Brass Monkey 471 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,720 with all the students and we take them drinking, right? 472 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,960 'Cause the Brass Monkey's a great little karaoke bar 473 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,040 and we get real hammered. 474 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,300 So life was going good once again for a little while, 475 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:36,200 but I went down and the owner, 476 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,780 the manager that I was working for, 477 00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:39,600 he said to me, "Come on, man." 478 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,720 And he goes, "We were all drunk at the bar." 479 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:42,720 And he goes, "Come on, man." 480 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,400 He goes, "Will you drive my car? 481 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,720 "Will you take me over there?" 482 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:46,840 And I go, "Take you over where?" 483 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,280 He goes, "I wanna go to Alvarado." 484 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,520 And I go, "Alvarado?" 485 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,480 He goes, "Yeah, I wanna go buy some stuff." 486 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,420 You know, and I go, "Dude, I don't do that. 487 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:56,480 "You know I don't do that, that's not my thing." 488 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,760 So he said, "Please, please, I don't wanna drive my car." 489 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,640 So I drive the car down there to Alvarado. 490 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,120 He scores, the next thing I know, we're lit up. 491 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,880 The police rip us out of the car. 492 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,860 I'm dressed up, I have my dress clothes on, 493 00:18:09,860 --> 00:18:11,440 and it's all good. 494 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:15,820 And then they rip us out of the car, no Miranda rights, 495 00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:17,280 and they throw us in the back of the car 496 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,300 and they take us to jail, right? 497 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:22,840 So here I am, I'm just the driver, right? 498 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,520 So anyway, I got out of that situation 499 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,120 because actually I was booked 500 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,800 for felony crack possession, okay? 501 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,120 Nice night, nice night hanging out with my boss. 502 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:38,120 And so I'm driving and we're pulling away. 503 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,680 I'm not even gonna give you the details, 504 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,360 but I'm going up for a felony crack possession. 505 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,600 We get out of it because we get lawyers 506 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,200 and they didn't find anything 507 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,640 because I helped my boss out by saying, 508 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:49,760 "Here, give it to me." 509 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,040 And then I threw it in the back of that car 510 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,120 and we got out of it. 511 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:54,040 But it took some lawyers and some money. 512 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:58,560 But one more time, so the cop, they got nothing on us. 513 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,920 So the cop says to me, he pulls me out of the cell 514 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,280 and they're trying to shake us down 515 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,880 because there's two of us. 516 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,380 Well, he said this, he said that. 517 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,880 So the cop says, he says, "All right." 518 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,160 The cop says, "All right." 519 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,600 'Cause we're alcoholics, we're good actors, right? 520 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,060 The cop says to me, "All right, just tell me what happened. 521 00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:15,480 "Tell the truth." 522 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,780 And he goes, "And I'll talk to the judge. 523 00:19:17,780 --> 00:19:19,960 "We'll make it easy on you, it'll all work out." 524 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,880 I go, "All right, man, here's what happened." 525 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:23,720 And the cop's like, 526 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,200 he thinks I'm gonna give it to him, right? 527 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,280 I'm gonna confess, right? 528 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,040 'Cause we want, that's the right thing to do 529 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,240 to confess to a cop to a felony, right? 530 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,840 So they can, 'cause they got no evidence. 531 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,160 So I tell the cop, I go, "All right, here it is, man." 532 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,540 I go, "Here's what happened." 533 00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:39,300 I go, "We were driving down the street 534 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:42,040 "and all these guys jumped out." 535 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:46,320 So I stopped the car and my boss had the window down 536 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,400 and the guy shocked my best in the face, so I took off. 537 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,600 And he was like, "You bastard." 538 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:51,760 He threw me back in the cell. 539 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,120 Excuse my language, we're not cussing here. 540 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,940 He threw me back on the cell and I go, 541 00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:57,580 "Well, what about my phone call?" 542 00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:59,200 And he goes, "Oh yeah, that's right. 543 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,520 "You're supposed to get a phone call." 544 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,340 He goes, "Give me the number. 545 00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:02,180 "Who do you wanna call?" 546 00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:03,800 I go, "I wanna call my girlfriend." 547 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,120 He goes, "All right, give me the number." 548 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,520 So I give him the number and then he comes back to my cell 549 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,240 because I didn't give him the evidence, right? 550 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,480 He comes back and he's laughing. 551 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,800 He goes, "I called your girlfriend for you." 552 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,400 I go, "All right, is she coming to get me?" 553 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,240 He goes, "No." 554 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,800 He goes, "I told her you were buying crack for hookers 555 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,480 "and she said all your stuff's on the lawn, you're done." 556 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,560 And I'm like, "Wow." 557 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,080 I had a diamond ring in my suit pocket 558 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,440 that I was gonna give her and propose to her. 559 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,720 She threw all of my stuff out on the front lawn 560 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,320 and when I got home the next day, 561 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,000 there wasn't even a sock left. 562 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,620 I mean, there was an empty bag. 563 00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:37,840 All of my stuff gone and I lost my girlfriend that night. 564 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,780 But that's what happens when we go out drinking, right? 565 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,480 We go to jail, we lose our girlfriend. 566 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,680 Sometimes we go to jail and insane asylums 567 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:46,840 and all that other good stuff. 568 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,000 So when that happened, I woke up the next day. 569 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,020 After I got out of jail and she was gone, 570 00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:54,380 for the first time in my own accord, 571 00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:56,080 I said, "I have a problem." 572 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,840 And I remembered Ernie had taken me to AA. 573 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,760 So I called in my phone, actually, let's see, 574 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:07,760 it would have been like 1992 and I had to, 575 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,080 we didn't have cell phones in '92, did we? 576 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,840 No, I had to go to a pay phone. 577 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,840 I had to look in a phone book and I found AA, 578 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,160 central number and I called the central office 579 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,920 and I said, "You know what, I might have a problem. 580 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,040 "I might have a problem and I need to go to a meeting." 581 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,180 And they said, "All right, go to this place 582 00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:24,160 "called the Marina Center." 583 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,160 So I said, "All right," so I went to a noon meeting 584 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,160 at the Marina Center and when I walked in, 585 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,240 when I walked in, Roman knows the Marina Center, 586 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,920 this is where I met Roman, this is the '90s. 587 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,440 You guys know everybody's walked into a room. 588 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,760 There's people there that love you and care about you 589 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,760 that you don't even know and I walked through that door 590 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,920 and without even knowing, I'm an alcoholic, 591 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,800 without even knowing why I'm there, 592 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,660 even know what alcoholism is, everybody that was in that room 593 00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:54,000 knew who I was and why I was there. 594 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,120 And everyone was like really nice to me and friendly 595 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,680 and I'm like, "Wow, this is really," it was a good vibe. 596 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,760 And I was like, "Wow, this feels really good." 597 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,320 And then at the end of the meeting, 598 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:05,960 this old guy, Bill Whitaker, he's like, 599 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:10,000 "Hey, you know, we clean up, we do commitments here." 600 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,600 He goes, "You wanna help us out?" 601 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,760 He goes, "Grab a mop," and I was in the Marines, 602 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:17,720 I know how to mop, so I grabbed a mop and I'm swabbing 603 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,080 for the first time since I've been in the Marines 604 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,640 and I'm feeling like I'm part of it and I'm doing something 605 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,560 and I'm like, "Wow, this is really cool." 606 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,280 And they said, "Well, come back tomorrow." 607 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,560 And then they said, "Come back tomorrow, 608 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,520 "morning is a meeting at 6.45." 609 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:33,560 Wow, so I came back and this is where my sobriety began 610 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,600 because I met a guy named Papa Joe 611 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:40,600 and Papa Joe would show up at the 6.45 meeting at 5.15 612 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,600 in the morning, 5.30, and he'd make a pot of coffee 613 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,840 and he would sit with the dirtiest, smelliest drunks 614 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,480 just wet and stinking and he'd hold their hands 615 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,920 and he would pray with them and he had a long, light beard, 616 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,320 he was an Irishman from Boston, he was a devout Catholic 617 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,120 and he would sit there and pray with them 618 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,440 and he would tell you, I sat with him, 619 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,600 he introduced himself and he papped me on the leg 620 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,120 and he said, "Kid," he'd hold my hand, 621 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:06,960 he said, "You're in the palm of God's hand." 622 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,320 He said, "You just put the plug in the junk, kid, 623 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,800 "and you just keep showing up." 624 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,600 And he would sit in his corner and five or six people 625 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,240 that he was helping at any given day 626 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,760 would be in that corner with him 627 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,880 and it was the first person 628 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,920 who really reached out to me in AA. 629 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,400 And he had a little green prayer book, 630 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,200 a 12-step prayer book, and he would write his name in there 631 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,480 and underline all his favorite prayers 632 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,680 and Papa Joe would put his phone number. 633 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,320 Roman has one, I have one. 634 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,240 There's probably 500 people on the west side to this day 635 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,600 that still have that book in their bookcase 636 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,240 because he would give you that book and say, 637 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,160 "These are some of my favorite prayers." 638 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,600 And he showed up at that meeting 639 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,880 and he was one of the first people that helped me. 640 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,880 And you know, I wanna say this, 641 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,280 that how much time do I have? 642 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,240 Okay, perfect, I'm a really, really hard case, 643 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,520 a really hard case. 644 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,880 I went in and out for 10 years. 645 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,480 I went in and out for 10 years 646 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,800 because I was not willing 647 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,400 to do the fourth and fifth step completely. 648 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,320 There were things that I was holding onto 649 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,920 that I was never gonna let go of. 650 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,280 And man, there was so much I wanted to say, 651 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,160 but it's that 10 years of in and out, 652 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,440 I would get six months, three months, six months, 653 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,640 nine months, 12 months, 14 months, 654 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,720 I had a record relapse, 18 months, a record I relapsed. 655 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,800 And I thought I'm never gonna get two years. 656 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:22,800 It's not gonna happen. 657 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,960 And I didn't wanna do that fifth step. 658 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,920 And what happened was every time I would get a sponsor, 659 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,960 I would tell them everything on that fifth step, 660 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,560 except for one or two things. 661 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,200 And then I would relapse after that. 662 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,680 So I started to become convinced 663 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,120 that it was because I didn't do a thorough fifth step 664 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:39,600 that that was the problem. 665 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,400 And a lot of people had told me, 666 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,520 and what I learned in AA was that there was nothing 667 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,240 that I could say that hasn't been said already. 668 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,160 And the person hearing my fifth step really did not care 669 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:51,720 about what I had to say. 670 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,040 They just cared that I said it 671 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,600 because they knew that anything that I carry, 672 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,000 and I met a guy named Dirty Jack, 673 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,480 that's who this league called him. 674 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,120 He was a mechanic. 675 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,720 He had about 65 years of sobriety when he died. 676 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,960 And he had helped thousands upon thousands of people. 677 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,600 And I did an inventory with him. 678 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,400 And when I was going to do the inventory, 679 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,560 he said to me, "I don't care." 680 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:15,480 He said, "You get a matchbook, a cigarette pack." 681 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,280 And he said, "You write down the two or three 682 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,840 or four things that you're never gonna let go of." 683 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,000 He said, "You write down the things that are in your heart, 684 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,120 that are in your mind that you have thought about 685 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,920 every day of your life, 686 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,400 that you still think about all the time. 687 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,040 It's the things in your mind and in your heart 688 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,920 that you always think about that I've never let go of you. 689 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,600 That's the things I want you to write. 690 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,160 You can write them on a piece of paper. 691 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:40,720 You don't need to do columns and all that." 692 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:41,640 He said, "Do that." 693 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:42,760 And he said, "We'll meet up." 694 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:44,240 And we met up at the Crest House, 695 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:45,760 which is a place on Washington. 696 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,280 And he said, "All right, so I'm reading my fifth step to him 697 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,400 and he's eating breakfast. 698 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:50,800 And he says, "What else you got?" 699 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,680 And I go, "I read all five, six, 10 things, 11 things." 700 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:54,520 I go, "That's it." 701 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,400 He goes, "All right, well, you sure about that?" 702 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:57,440 And I go, "Yes, I'm sure." 703 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,680 And he goes, "Is there anything else?" 704 00:25:58,680 --> 00:25:59,520 And I go, "That's it." 705 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,160 And he goes, "Are you sure about that?" 706 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,360 I go, "I'm sure, that's it." 707 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,040 And he goes, "There's nothing else." 708 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:05,880 I go, "Nope." 709 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,040 He goes, "Not one more thing." 710 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:11,640 And I go, "No, there isn't." 711 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:12,480 And he goes, "Are you sure about that?" 712 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:13,320 I go, "I'm sure." 713 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,160 He goes, "Positive." 714 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,000 And I go, "I'm gonna kill you." 715 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:15,840 We went back and forth, I wasn't gonna let go. 716 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,920 And he just kept, he knew, he knew I had something. 717 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,800 And after he asked me like 10 times, 10 times, 718 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,480 I go, "There is one more thing." 719 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,840 And he goes, "All right, let's have it." 720 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,120 So I go, "I did this and that, and I did that." 721 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,600 And he's eating bacon and eggs. 722 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,160 And he didn't even look up at me. 723 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,080 He didn't even look up. 724 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,360 He didn't go, he didn't go, "Wow." 725 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:38,400 You know, it's funny, I did a fishnet with Papa Joe 726 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,480 about 10 years earlier. 727 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,520 And I told Papa Joe some crazy, crazy stuff. 728 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,160 And he goes, "Well, you know, my baby." 729 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,560 He goes, "It can happen." 730 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:48,960 You know, I never did anything like that, 731 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,680 but you know, I understand, you know. 732 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:52,240 People do things, you know. 733 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,160 And that wasn't the bomb I dropped. 734 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,160 You know, I just gave him some of the mediocre stuff. 735 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,860 But Dirty Jack, he didn't even flinch. 736 00:26:58,860 --> 00:27:00,200 And he said, "What else do you got?" 737 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,200 And I said, "That was it." 738 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,160 And he goes, "All right, great." 739 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,760 He goes, "Now we're gonna do six and seven." 740 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:04,720 And I was like, you know, 741 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,760 that was the stuff I've been holding for 30 years, 30 years. 742 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,160 And I walked out of that Crest house. 743 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:11,400 Some of you guys are smiling. 744 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,360 You know what it's like when you let go of that stuff 745 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:14,720 that you're never gonna let go of? 746 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,600 And I walked out of there and I felt all right. 747 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,800 And you know, about five years earlier, 748 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,280 about seven years earlier, 749 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,600 I'd worked with a guy who had really hard time. 750 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,040 He was in the Navy and he'd gotten out of the Navy 751 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,760 and he had a problem with some hard stuff. 752 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,080 And I sat down with him to do a fifth step. 753 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,440 And he said, "Man, there's some stuff." 754 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,080 He goes, "Listen, I can't talk about that. 755 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:37,480 There's some things I can't tell you." 756 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,040 And I turned around to him and I said, 757 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,920 you know what, I wanna tell you a little something about me. 758 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,520 And I don't know where it came from. 759 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,240 I told him three of the most grotesque, 760 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,320 shameful things I've ever done. 761 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,720 I told him three things, all right? 762 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:50,840 And he started crying. 763 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,000 And he said, "Those are the three things I can't tell you. 764 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,440 Exact three things." 765 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,360 He said, "Those are the three things I can't tell you." 766 00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:58,160 So if you think there's something 767 00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,600 that you can't say to somebody, 768 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,040 I mean, that is the wrong way to think about it. 769 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,720 I got rid of the 100 pound bag that I was carrying. 770 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,640 And my life changed after that. 771 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,080 Is that a couple of minutes? 772 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:09,920 Five minutes. 773 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,480 My life changed after that. 774 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,480 I didn't get the Cadillac and the boat 775 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:15,880 and the helicopter I always wanted, 776 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,520 but I got to stay sober. 777 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,560 And I hit two years for the first time in 10 years, 778 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:21,400 12 years. 779 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,280 And Romans wearing a hat, it's a retreat. 780 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,520 It was a search for serenity retreat. 781 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,480 And I met a group of men at the Friday Morning Men Stag 782 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:31,840 at Claire in Culver City. 783 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,320 And these men were, there was a bunch of old timers there. 784 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,640 And there was guys that were really committed to sobriety, 785 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:39,600 really committed. 786 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,560 And there was about 40 or 50 guys in that room. 787 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,760 And it was a Friday Morning Stag at 6.45. 788 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,800 And it was a crosstalk. 789 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,000 And sometimes people got really sensitive 790 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,960 and got really hurt because you'd say something like, 791 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,360 "My wife left the other day." 792 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,160 And then someone from the side would say, 793 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:55,320 "Oh, lucky you." 794 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:56,640 You know, and then it'd be like, 795 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,760 people would want to fight and people were upset. 796 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,880 But it was a great meeting because it was laughter and joy 797 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,120 and then pain and honesty. 798 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,760 And then what they did earlier was they went on a retreat 799 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,920 and they went up to a place called Highland Springs 800 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:10,760 in Beaumont. 801 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:11,920 And they said to me, 802 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,240 "We want you to come to the retreat." 803 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,320 And year after year, I would say, "Ah, I'm not good." 804 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:17,920 So finally they nailed me down 805 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,240 into my third year of sobriety. 806 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,800 And they said, "Come to the retreat." 807 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,440 I said, "Oh, I don't have any money." 808 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,600 You know, they said, "Oh, well, we'll give you a scholarship. 809 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:25,960 We have a scholarship fund." 810 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,360 She's laughing, she's knowing what's coming next. 811 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,600 I said, "Well, I don't have a ride. 812 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:30,920 You know, it's like two hours for me. 813 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,240 I don't have a car." 814 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,560 Well, we got a ride for you, get in the car. 815 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,560 So I went to that retreat and my life changed again. 816 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:41,360 Okay, because that retreat was the most amazing thing 817 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:42,680 I'd ever been at in my life. 818 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:46,560 And this Thursday night, I'll be going to a retreat, 819 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,400 a dog on the roof retreat in Northwest Washington 820 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,720 for the weekend with about a hundred guys. 821 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,760 And this will be my third time at that retreat. 822 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,320 And what happened at that retreat, 823 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,880 Roman's been to about 10 or 12, 15 of those retreats with me. 824 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,480 What happens at that retreat is we work the 12 steps. 825 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,120 You know, we work the 12 steps. 826 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,000 We have a Saturday night speaker. 827 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,160 We played horseshoes. 828 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:08,120 There was a jacuzzi. 829 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,560 We smoked cigars. 830 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,200 We took nature walks. 831 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,880 We did like some great, great stuff. 832 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,840 And you know, I didn't want to go to that retreat 833 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,080 and I didn't want to go to that retreat. 834 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,800 And when Sunday came around, I didn't want to leave. 835 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,640 Okay, so content prior to investigation. 836 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,560 The retreats have been some of the greatest high spots 837 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:28,400 in my sobriety. 838 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,160 I want to talk a little bit about today. 839 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:33,120 I'll have 21 years of sobriety coming up if I stay sober. 840 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,120 My wife is online. 841 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:35,960 She has 14 years of sobriety. 842 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,560 We have a nine-year-old son that's going to be 10. 843 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:42,000 So he hasn't had a drink in almost 10 years, you know. 844 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,640 He's been to a lot of meetings. 845 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,120 I mean, we had him in meetings when he was newborn 846 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,840 in the stroller, one, two, three, five. 847 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,760 He's been in the last year at all of the Sunday meetings 848 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:52,600 with my wife. 849 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,800 And it's just great, you know. 850 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,280 It's just great. 851 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,160 I'm blessed today. 852 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,760 I have my friend Ben. 853 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,400 I texted him before the meeting. 854 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,420 He showed up. 855 00:31:01,420 --> 00:31:04,140 I've had the privilege of getting to help him 856 00:31:04,140 --> 00:31:07,720 walk down the path and show him what we're doing, you know. 857 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,640 And I got a couple other guys, 858 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,520 Jamel's over there in Pennsylvania. 859 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,780 And you know, I get to give it away. 860 00:31:13,780 --> 00:31:15,120 Do I do a great job? 861 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,320 Am I 100%? 862 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,320 You know, do I do 110%? 863 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:19,520 No, I'll admit it. 864 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:20,720 I'm a little spread thin. 865 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,200 But what I do is I wake up, I stay sober. 866 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:24,240 I send readings out. 867 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:25,280 I take phone calls. 868 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:26,400 I call my sponsor. 869 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:27,380 I show up at meetings. 870 00:31:27,380 --> 00:31:28,720 I try to be a service. 871 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,720 You know, I'm blessed to have Roman in my life, you know. 872 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,440 He's the closest thing I've ever had to a real dad, you know. 873 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:35,840 I get to hang out with him. 874 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:36,660 He calls me up. 875 00:31:36,660 --> 00:31:37,500 He needs something. 876 00:31:37,500 --> 00:31:38,640 I get to go over there and do it. 877 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,760 I'm stressing out with my life. 878 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:42,720 Roman has done it all. 879 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:43,540 He's lived life. 880 00:31:43,540 --> 00:31:44,960 The man is 94. 881 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,300 I call him up with a problem. 882 00:31:46,300 --> 00:31:48,540 He has an answer for me, you know. 883 00:31:48,540 --> 00:31:50,160 He gives me the answers I need. 884 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,400 I have people in the program. 885 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,440 I have a sponsor with 34 years of sobriety 886 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:55,920 and 30 years in Allen. 887 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,060 I have a black belt sponsor. 888 00:31:58,060 --> 00:32:00,660 Any marital problem I have, I have an answer. 889 00:32:00,660 --> 00:32:02,040 I have a solution. 890 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,920 Man, and I get to go up and be with these guys 891 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,720 in Washington next week. 892 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,600 And my wife said to me, she goes, 893 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,680 "How come I don't get to go on a retreat? 894 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:11,600 "You get to go here. 895 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:12,680 "You get to go do this. 896 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,100 "You get to go do that." 897 00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:14,940 She gets mad. 898 00:32:14,940 --> 00:32:16,260 I go, "You can do whatever you want. 899 00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:17,700 "You wanna go away with your girls for the weekend. 900 00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:18,540 "Just let me know. 901 00:32:18,540 --> 00:32:19,360 "I got you." 902 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:20,200 I go, "Oh, I can do that?" 903 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,420 I go, "Yeah, you can." 904 00:32:21,420 --> 00:32:23,280 (laughing) 905 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:24,160 But I love it. 906 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,280 She's got her meetings. 907 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:26,400 She's got her girls. 908 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:27,720 And you know what? 909 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,400 You know, the steps, if you're new, 910 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:31,760 if you're struggling, if it's hard for you, 911 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,280 I have a minute left, I'm done. 912 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,200 Okay, just keep it simple and just keep showing up 913 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,000 and the rest will take care of itself. 914 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,040 I wanna thank you all for having me out here tonight. 915 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,560 I feel really blessed to be here 916 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,980 and I just wanna say that this room, 917 00:32:44,980 --> 00:32:46,480 when I walked into this room, 918 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:47,880 I'm like, I like this room. 919 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,080 This room feels good. 920 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:50,600 So thank you for having me tonight. 921 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:51,440 Appreciate it.