1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,320 - Good evening, my name is Nate. 2 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:03,040 I am an alcoholic. 3 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:07,600 My sobriety date is September 10th, 1996. 4 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,780 I have a sponsor, his name is Lloyd Saunders, 5 00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:12,000 and I have a home group, a civil group. 6 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,360 And I want to thank Ben for asking me to come out tonight. 7 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,780 Thank you, Phil, for standing in. 8 00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:19,480 I want to thank Patty and John 9 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,680 for joining us again tonight. 10 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,880 They're great friends. 11 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,240 I want to thank Danny for coming out tonight, 12 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,560 and it's always wonderful to see Danny. 13 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,720 You know, I don't know. 14 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:30,320 I was a weird kid growing up, 15 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:33,120 and I know today that I was stuck in self, 16 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,200 and I was just always thinking about me 17 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,460 and worrying about me and me, me, me. 18 00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:40,240 And, you know, I was always looking for a way out. 19 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,120 I always had a good group of friends, 20 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,660 but I just was like, I always want to say 21 00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:48,520 I was a quarter of an inch off from everybody else. 22 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,280 That's just a little bit different. 23 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,160 It was, you know, I'd look and see what's going on next door 24 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,800 and it's like, well, how come they have this 25 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,120 and I don't have that? 26 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,520 And down the street, he's got all these things. 27 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,040 I don't have any of that. 28 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,000 Never grateful for anything I had. 29 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,680 And I came from a very nice family. 30 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,800 My mother screamed a little bit too much, 31 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,320 but, you know, that was the worst of it. 32 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,240 And I was raised well. 33 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,440 I had good schools. 34 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,680 I mean, everything was good. 35 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,920 And I never realized it until I got sober. 36 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:18,760 How spoiled I am. 37 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,120 I had an older brother and a younger sister, 38 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,800 and I was the middle child trying to be quiet 39 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,280 and to just get away with things. 40 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:28,640 I was willing to get away with something today 41 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,320 that I'd have to pay for later on. 42 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,120 And that was pretty much the way my life. 43 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,880 And, you know, at times the bill came due. 44 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,880 I grew up in the Jewish religion. 45 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,680 When you're 13, you get bar mitzvahed. 46 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,760 You're turned to a man, become a man when you're 13. 47 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,520 And there's some training for that. 48 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,760 And the training was, you know, 49 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,960 I'd go to synagogue every Friday night, 50 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:51,120 Saturday night plus school and everything else. 51 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,720 And I would go to the Friday night services 52 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,880 and the Saturday morning services. 53 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,040 And after the service, 54 00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,600 they had something called the kiddush. 55 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,040 And they'd have little pieces of cake 56 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,880 and they'd have grape juice for the kids 57 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:04,720 and they'd have wine. 58 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:05,880 And if you're really older, 59 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,800 they have a bottle of schnapps over there. 60 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,000 And I never got to the schnapps, 61 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,160 but I did get to the wine. 62 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,800 And I used to walk the synagogue, 63 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:13,640 it was about a mile, 64 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:16,240 and I would grab like three of these wines. 65 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,760 And sometimes I get home and it's like, 66 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,600 how'd I get here? 67 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,760 You know, sometimes it was just, 68 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,400 you know, and nobody ever stopped. 69 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,760 Nobody ever thought this down. 70 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,400 You know, it just seemed normal 71 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,720 because that's what we drink at holidays. 72 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:32,640 So I knew that alcohol had some sort of an effect. 73 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,040 When I was 14, 74 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,280 my parents had cases of when I was up in the air, 75 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:38,480 I could just stay entertained. 76 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,800 And I went up and grabbed the bottle of Leo, 77 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,200 stuck it in my sweater. 78 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,600 I would come home from school, 79 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,720 maybe take two or three hits of it, 80 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,080 put it back in the sweater drawer. 81 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,080 I remember one time we were switching brands 82 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,880 and a small girl came over and she said, 83 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,520 "Do you have anything to drink?" 84 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:54,680 I was like, "14 years." 85 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,320 I said, "Yeah, I got my Leo on my sleeve." 86 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,400 And, you know, she'd like to guzzle that whole thing down. 87 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,160 And then come to find out later, 88 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,760 it's like, "Oh no, she's at a special school 89 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,080 because she's got a drink." 90 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,120 She'd probably find it. 91 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,080 She'd probably find it. 92 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,840 But then after 17 years, all that was over. 93 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,240 We sat down in front of the bar 94 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,640 and we intended to get drunk. 95 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,160 We wanted to see what everybody else was drinking. 96 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:23,200 And that was a pivotal moment of my life 97 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,760 because I drank enough that night 98 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,880 to get the full effects from it, 99 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,000 which I absolutely love. 100 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,200 All of a sudden, I'm not thinking about Ned anymore. 101 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,040 I'm thinking Ned's a pretty cool guy 102 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,760 and come on, let's dance and sing. 103 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,840 And just out of my shell, just like that. 104 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,320 I woke up the next morning, I wasn't feeling too bad. 105 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,880 Didn't really do any divvies that night, 106 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,120 only broke it out straight. 107 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,160 And I woke up and I just went, 108 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,760 "You know, this is something I have to do a lot more." 109 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,040 That's your high school. 110 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,760 It's like every weekend. 111 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,280 And I went off to college 112 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,400 and it was more important to be drinking 113 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,840 than it was to go to school. 114 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,440 I stuck that out for a couple of years. 115 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,560 Back then, I had the draft for Vietnam. 116 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,080 And I picked a very, very high number. 117 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,920 Everybody else was gonna go before me. 118 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,760 And school weekend, not that important. 119 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,600 I was like, "Okay, I'm gonna go to college." 120 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,280 And that's what I did, I ended up going to work 121 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:18,680 for my father eventually. 122 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,400 And, you know, I think that I was fine. 123 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,920 It was no problem at night. 124 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,680 I just wanted to sit down and have a few drinks. 125 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,520 Wasn't too bad. 126 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,680 The weekends were still a little crazy. 127 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,920 Of course, it was the late '60s, early '70s. 128 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,200 And there are other things involved. 129 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,960 And I always had my boots on. 130 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,600 I'm the only guy that kept a bottle of booze 131 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,080 over at the drug dealers house. 132 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,760 And the first thing I did when I walked in there 133 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,040 was I took a drink. 134 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,160 Actually, the drugs just went away. 135 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,760 I ended up getting married. 136 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,240 And that little lady threw help. 137 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,120 I really did with my drinking. 138 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,240 I learned I had a rare excuse in the book. 139 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,080 Didn't come home when I said I was going to be home. 140 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,840 And I had gotten a job offer in Dallas. 141 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,920 Went there and did the show up for two weeks 142 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,360 'cause I couldn't stand drinking. 143 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,400 Finally stopped drinking, went to the job. 144 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,120 I started doing okay with the job. 145 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,480 I called up my napex and said, 146 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,920 "I'm gonna come back and get you and bring you down." 147 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,440 And she said, "Are you still drinking?" 148 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,280 I don't know what to drink. 149 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,720 Just lied, just like, "And I'm still drinking." 150 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,040 Like, oh, I don't know. 151 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,680 And I brought her down. 152 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,880 And it's just for a couple of weeks, I was just perfect. 153 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,320 I was just the perfect husband. 154 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,160 I did everything. 155 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,520 My buddy's called and said, "Can you get out tonight?" 156 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,360 And I said, "Yeah." 157 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,360 I didn't know what to do. 158 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,600 She hit every bar in the house. 159 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,240 I walked back in the house at five o'clock in the morning 160 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,560 and I got that look. 161 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,640 And I said, "Oh, and that night?" 162 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,120 She said, "Are you not either? 163 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,440 "You gotta go to alcoholics." 164 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:45,080 And I was like, "I have no idea where alcoholics is." 165 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:45,920 But I called. 166 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,680 It was on Sunday night and I called. 167 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:49,800 Surprisingly, the guy said, 168 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,920 "Well, we have a newcomer meeting on Tuesday." 169 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,800 I just assumed they didn't have meetings on Monday. 170 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,880 And on Tuesday, I met some young adults 171 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,040 and my thought was, "I'm not that bad yet, 172 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,480 "but it'd be nicer to be here than it is to be at home." 173 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,320 That's what I did. 174 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,360 I stayed there. 175 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,560 I didn't really have a sponsor. 176 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,120 It wasn't really sponsoring me. 177 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,720 We were more like friends. 178 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,680 And after a year of being sober, 179 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,360 we ended up getting a divorce. 180 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:17,720 It wasn't that crazy about ours. 181 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,200 It wasn't that crazy about that. 182 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,040 I did a great job. 183 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,080 I started to come home. 184 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,760 The first time we were going out of town, 185 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,440 I met this man at the airport 10 o'clock in the morning 186 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:28,280 on Sunday. 187 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,720 I said, "Why aren't we leaving so early? 188 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,840 "The flight doesn't take long till six o'clock." 189 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,480 He said, "Well, there's two football games. 190 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,600 "We gotta watch the football games before we fly." 191 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,960 And he's sitting there drinking a shabby. 192 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:38,800 He said, "What do you want?" 193 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:39,840 I said, "Get me a rum and coke. 194 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:40,840 "Just like that." 195 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,600 Not even a second thought. 196 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,480 And that started it up again. 197 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,240 And that proceeded to be... 198 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,840 I went to my first meeting in 1979. 199 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,480 I didn't really get sober until '96. 200 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,000 It was like 16 years in there. 201 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,440 I'm in and out of alcoholics and items. 202 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,560 And it was painful. 203 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,800 It was, things would get real bad. 204 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,160 I'd be back in AA. 205 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,840 I'd stop drinking for a little while. 206 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,320 There was one time in '86, 207 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,240 I was sober for two and a half years. 208 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:08,360 But then I met her. 209 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,280 And don't you know, I had to move away from that. 210 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,160 She always said, "You know, I'll take the long drive. 211 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,840 "I'll be back and this and that." 212 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,120 And you know how that... 213 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,040 It's very hard to get connected with a new group 214 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,320 when you're sober for a little while. 215 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,560 It's not like you're a newcomer. 216 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,800 And got it with just people on my dignity 217 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,760 to come in and raise my hand up 218 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,480 and say, "You know, I'm not new, 219 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,120 "but I just moved here from so-and-so 220 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,280 "to like to be a part of this." 221 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,280 No, I just have to sit quietly. 222 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,280 And I was never one of these people 223 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,400 that put my hand out to anybody, really. 224 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,400 So I was like in the back of the room, quiet. 225 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:46,120 So it was, you know, you can walk into some meetings 226 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:47,520 and people will put their hands out. 227 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,200 They'll have greeters at the door. 228 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,640 You know, some meetings just don't have any of that. 229 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,880 You walk in and you sit down and that's it. 230 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:55,880 Nobody says hi to you. 231 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:59,520 And so you really have to work your own program 232 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,440 wherever you go. 233 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,280 And I never got... 234 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,800 I never felt like I belonged there. 235 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,240 And, you know, I started drinking again. 236 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,360 And it was just, it's in it now. 237 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,880 And bad things would happen. 238 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,640 I would get DUIs. 239 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,720 I think I had a total of four. 240 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,320 They were spread out pretty good, 241 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,400 except for my last two. 242 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,120 And when I got nailed for the second one, 243 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,080 I was living up in San Luis Obispo. 244 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,640 I was managing a hotel up there. 245 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,640 And I was drinking pretty much 24/7. 246 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,640 And it really wasn't a secret. 247 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,880 And I had a second DUI up there. 248 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,680 And it's like by this time, 249 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,040 okay, they're gonna put me in jail. 250 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,080 They're gonna let me out. 251 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,440 I'll walk tonight. 252 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:38,760 You know, call up a cab. 253 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,920 They'll come and pick me up. 254 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,520 And it was like, it's not a big thing. 255 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:43,960 But when I went to court, 256 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,520 they never had records of my DUI right before that, 257 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,920 which would have made this second. 258 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,360 And I pleaded guilty to a first DUI. 259 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,280 And like I said early on, 260 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,040 you know, I'm willing to get away today. 261 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,480 I'll pay for it later on. 262 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,520 Well, and of course they give you all these rules 263 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,080 and regulations to follow. 264 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,960 And it's just, I'm still drinking. 265 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:02,800 I'm still drinking. 266 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,560 We left court with my attorney and friend. 267 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,720 We spent, it's a great restaurant. 268 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,880 Have dinner and just drink all that. 269 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,840 You know, that's just the way I was. 270 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,600 And that job went to hell in a handbag 271 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,520 when the corporate people called and said, 272 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,320 you know, we've been talking to the accountant. 273 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,160 The accountant says, 274 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,080 you've been slurring your words and such. 275 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,920 We'd like to come up here over the property with you. 276 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,480 And I said, come on up. 277 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,480 I couldn't stop drinking. 278 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:31,000 I could not stop drinking from the causes to come back. 279 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:31,840 They walked in. 280 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,880 They took one look at me and said, you're drunk. 281 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:34,800 I said, I know. 282 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:35,920 They said, you're fired. 283 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:36,760 I said, I know. 284 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,320 I just like that. 285 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,840 I mean, it's just, you know. 286 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,240 And then it's porn. 287 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,080 Porn. 288 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,320 And then I come on back to the south 289 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,280 and I got sober with a gentleman back in '86. 290 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,880 And we actually stayed friends. 291 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,720 And he saw what was going on with me. 292 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,120 He was starting a company. 293 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,080 And I said, I just need some of the dope. 294 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,240 I just need some of the dope. 295 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,320 And I started working with him. 296 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,160 We went to meetings together. 297 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,040 He stayed sober. 298 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,400 He's got 10 years with me today. 299 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,520 He stole my best friend. 300 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,480 And it seemed like every six months I would get this itch. 301 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:09,840 And I'd be at a meeting. 302 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:10,960 I'd leave the meeting. 303 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,880 I'd start up at the liquor store, buy a chisel and lock it. 304 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,120 Go home, suck it down. 305 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,000 And I'd be back in the meeting the next night with my hand up. 306 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,480 And this was going a few times. 307 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,480 And it's just, I couldn't get honest with him. 308 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:28,160 I just had to look good all the time, say everything's well. 309 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,680 I wanted to be one of those people. 310 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,440 I said, I'm a high bottom drunk. 311 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,160 I was not a high bottom drunk. 312 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,840 I was a real high bottom drunk. 313 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:35,880 And I knew it. 314 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,400 I knew my next step was going to be in the gut. 315 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,960 And I'm trying to fool everybody. 316 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:41,720 I'm lying. 317 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,400 I listened a lot. 318 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,960 And it was very hurtful because I could never 319 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,040 complain with anything. 320 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,240 You know what it's like to walk into a meeting and say, 321 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,560 oh, you have a birthday today. 322 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:54,720 Because I signed their book sometime last year 323 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:55,440 or something. 324 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,040 And it's like, no, I can't take a kick. 325 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,720 That's the only thing I was honest with. 326 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,200 I didn't screw around too much with the program. 327 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,640 And what happened was those DUIs caught up with me. 328 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,840 There were alarms out from IRS. 329 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,040 I was scared to death to go to the DMV. 330 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,080 I was scared to death to register my car. 331 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,680 I was just so full of fear for everything. 332 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,880 My license hadn't been good in a couple of years. 333 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,240 Scared to go to the DMV. 334 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:20,880 My life was ruled by fear. 335 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,960 And it was just, people would ask me to do stuff. 336 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:24,720 And I don't know. 337 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,440 I don't know do I have to drive to it. 338 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:30,200 You know, I needed a couple of drinks just to get in the car. 339 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:34,760 And so what happened was I was sober about three or four 340 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:35,360 months. 341 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,760 And my sponsor said, it's time to go back to court 342 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,960 and go up to Santa Barbara and settle this thing 343 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,360 and do whatever you got to do. 344 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,640 I said, they're going to put me in jail. 345 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:44,680 Oh, now you're an AA. 346 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:45,680 They're going to let you. 347 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:46,600 I said, no, they're not. 348 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,440 I said, they told me they were going to put me in jail. 349 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:49,720 I said, I'm going to jail. 350 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,280 And that Sunday, I was so full of fear. 351 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,400 I woke up, found myself a lucky market. 352 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,040 And I'm sucking this down. 353 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,720 I'm sucking down a bottle of vodka. 354 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,040 And I go back and it's like, that's enough. 355 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,600 I'll get a bottle of rum this time. 356 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,520 That sounds good. 357 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,000 Suck down another bottle of rum. 358 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,600 And then I get this great idea. 359 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,200 We should drive up to Santa Barbara now. 360 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,320 And I've got friends up there I'm going to stay with. 361 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,360 That's my best thinking. 362 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,280 That is my absolute best thinking. 363 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,560 And the problem is, once I start drinking, I can't stop. 364 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:18,720 I have no control. 365 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:20,160 Monday, I'm calling the office. 366 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,200 I'm really tired. 367 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,840 I can't make it to Tuesday. 368 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,320 Wednesday, I stopped drinking Wednesday. 369 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,240 And the Thursday, I was in terrible, terrible shape 370 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,520 because I can't handle a booze like I used to. 371 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,800 And we made the court Friday morning. 372 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,120 And I get in front of the judge. 373 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,320 And she said, oh, Mr. Wilson, I'm sorry. 374 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:38,440 Hey, you're here. 375 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,640 Are you ready to go to jail? 376 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,560 Yeah, the office kind of thing you need. 377 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,880 And they sent me off to the pharmacy for a couple weeks. 378 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,680 And I still didn't resolve anything. 379 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,400 They didn't get to hear my story. 380 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:54,640 So I came back, there was a girl answering the phones for me. 381 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,680 And she just looked at me. 382 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:56,880 She said, you're coming with me to me. 383 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:57,400 It's OK. 384 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,400 Wait, what about you? 385 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,720 I'm out of ideas. 386 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,480 It's the except Ohio Street, too. 387 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:03,520 And I get in line. 388 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,560 And there's a lot of people there. 389 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:09,360 I really like small things. 390 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,120 So there's too many people here standing in line, 391 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,960 just going by and saying, you know. 392 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,280 That's like-- and it's all in front of me. 393 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,280 It's just I turn around and say, how are you doing? 394 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:20,800 What? 395 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,640 And she said, do you really want an option? 396 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:23,440 He said, yeah. 397 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:24,880 He said, step into my office. 398 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,520 We walked around the side with you. 399 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,720 And I proceeded to tell this man everything is wrong in my-- 400 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:31,720 there's nothing good. 401 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,400 There must be as good as I still have a job. 402 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,080 And it's just a small job. 403 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,120 And he said, here's my number. 404 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,360 Give me a call on the number. 405 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,600 And he laid out a program for me. 406 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,560 He said, you're going to do everything 407 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,320 that this group does. 408 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,280 That means going to all the meetings. 409 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,160 If there's a watch, somebody's turning on, you're there. 410 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,280 If there's a birthday party, you're there. 411 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,040 If there's a funeral, you're there. 412 00:13:56,040 --> 00:14:00,440 I expect you in the D.R. to play softball Saturdays. 413 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,440 I mean, it was just-- 414 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,680 I just went, OK. 415 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,920 And it's just-- I had this thing in the back of my car. 416 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,840 It had been carrying around for years. 417 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,080 And it was an embossed suicide. 418 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,920 And I pulled it out of the back of the car 419 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,440 and it put it in my book. 420 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,200 And I started saying it every day. 421 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,480 It's something like, God, please help me set aside everything 422 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,600 I know about alcoholics and help me have a new experience. 423 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,560 And that's what I did. 424 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:24,800 That's what I did. 425 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,720 And I started-- it's just in the back of my mind. 426 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,760 I'm thinking, six months for me, I'm going to feel differently 427 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:31,720 and I'm going to drink. 428 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,000 And this is like my last shot. 429 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,920 I always said, even early on in Alcoholics Anonymous, 430 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,840 one day we'll save my life. 431 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,080 And I just didn't know when I was going to go. 432 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,080 And I didn't know. 433 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,400 It was just telling me. 434 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,120 And it's just-- I started watching my feet. 435 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,760 And my feet were doing-- 436 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,600 I ended up getting my-- 437 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,480 well, I had to sober about three months. 438 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,960 I'm going to all the meetings and doing everything. 439 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,680 And then my sponsor said, it's time 440 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,940 for you to go back to work and get this whole thing 441 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,400 straightened out so you don't have 442 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,440 to live with it anymore because it's killing you. 443 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,680 And if you get stopped, the judge is taking you to jail. 444 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,720 They're not going to even ask you your name. 445 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,080 They got-- they know you. 446 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:10,560 Why? 447 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:11,800 They're just going to jail. 448 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,560 So I go to Purdue, or you go to the courthouse, 449 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,280 and they're getting a public defender out there. 450 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,720 They said, they're going to probably 451 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:19,720 want to put you in jail. 452 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:20,280 I said, I know. 453 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,280 I just got out of jail. 454 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,380 I said, here's the deal. 455 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,960 I said, I just walked in here on my own delicious. 456 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,440 I said, if I have to go to jail, I said, I'll come back. 457 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,320 Vacationed. 458 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:29,920 I'll take my vacation in jail. 459 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:30,960 I can't go today. 460 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,160 He said, I'm going to get away one more time. 461 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,320 Talk to the prosecutor. 462 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:35,680 Let's back out. 463 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:36,960 And he said, OK, I got it. 464 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:37,640 Caltrans. 465 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,320 Caltrans, you can do it on the weekends. 466 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,000 You can do it on the weekends, holidays. 467 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,680 I said, can't they do something where I can be helpful? 468 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,480 Work in a rehab center or something? 469 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,440 And he said, no, it's got to be Caltrans. 470 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,760 But of course, I said, yes. 471 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,560 And I got in front of the judge, and the judge 472 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,280 said, Mr. Ospeth, he's here. 473 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,240 He disappeared on us for five years. 474 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,740 He said, I think you're going to disappear for another five 475 00:15:57,740 --> 00:15:58,240 years. 476 00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,740 I'm going to give you one more shot. 477 00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,640 And I said, thank you, judge. 478 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,880 Left there, signed up for Caltrans. 479 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,120 And that was my meetings, everything, 480 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,960 and I'm doing Caltrans on the weekends. 481 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,720 And I'm just a busy guy, and I'm doing. 482 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,040 And before you know it, six months came and went. 483 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,360 I didn't even think of a drink. 484 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:16,620 I didn't think about a drink. 485 00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:19,040 I didn't have to lie to any of my new friends there. 486 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,440 I did not lie to my Spanish friends or anything. 487 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,320 And I had that new friend. 488 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,320 I had that new friend. 489 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,280 I was still-- now I'm a little bit scared. 490 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,840 OK, what's going to happen in a year? 491 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,000 But it's like, if I just keep doing what I'm doing, 492 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,000 it should be all right. 493 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,680 And you know, in a year, I got a watch. 494 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,640 And people actually showed up for it, 495 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,720 because you always think nobody's going to show up. 496 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,400 You know, it was really, really nice. 497 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,760 It was really, really nice. 498 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,640 And after that year, it's like, well, I'm not a newcomer. 499 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:47,840 What am I going to do now? 500 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,960 As I have a new job, I got to pass this on to the next guy. 501 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,800 And I was OK with that. 502 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,920 It's like, this is good. 503 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:54,800 This is a good thing. 504 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,720 And you know, after I had a year, my sponsor said, well, 505 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,000 do you want to drop a meter? 506 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,460 I said, I don't want to change anything. 507 00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:03,160 I said, something will happen where things will change, 508 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,880 and it'll be part of a-- and sure enough, 509 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,320 I picked up the panel. 510 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:10,280 I was going to the kids' lockup in Norwalk 511 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,200 and did that until they changed the law. 512 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,120 And those kids were sent to jail. 513 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,920 They were originally keeping them there until they were 25. 514 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,640 And then they turned 18 now. 515 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,720 I was like, no, I'm sorry. 516 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,760 You can't be here anymore and get off the jail. 517 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,120 And then I got another panel after that. 518 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,840 And then central office. 519 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:29,360 You know, our group is very, very good at passing things on. 520 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,680 And how I got that panel was, you know, 521 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,880 a guy asked me to come and do it with him. 522 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,400 And the next month, he asked me to come and do it with him. 523 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,800 And the next month said, I'm moving out of town. 524 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:39,800 You've got to take this. 525 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,680 You know, and that's the way central office went, too. 526 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,140 Somebody invited me to one of the meetings. 527 00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:47,120 And he said, I'm moving out of town. 528 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,760 He said, I want you to take this. 529 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:52,560 So I became a zoned delegate and, you know, 530 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,200 then ended up spending a lot of time in central office 531 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,160 and being chairman down there. 532 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,400 You know, but the best part of that was working the phones. 533 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,280 The phones were great. 534 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,480 I'd do it Friday night. 535 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,560 And that was a joy. 536 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,300 You know, it was just one thing after the other. 537 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,200 Everything just meshed together. 538 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,840 There were little trips. 539 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,920 I used to go to Monterey. 540 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,360 We'd do this thing up in the mountains, 541 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,800 mountain high every year. 542 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,960 And these are things that I would never do on my own. 543 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,080 And it's like, they're showing me how to do this. 544 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:24,280 They showed me how to show up for a memorial service 545 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,000 and how to conduct one. 546 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,320 You know, when I was-- 547 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,280 and somewhere in here-- 548 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,240 I'm not sure how my time is, but somewhere in here, 549 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,160 I had somebody walk into my office. 550 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,800 And she was looking for a job. 551 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,360 And we were helping the girls at the house, I hope, 552 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:42,160 because the guy I'm working is still my best friend, Pat. 553 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,000 And he's sober, and he's very involved in the program. 554 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,080 He's very involved down in South Bay. 555 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,800 And he was helping the girls look for work, 556 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,160 because we had an extra computer. 557 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,800 And Janice walked in. 558 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,120 And it was fun. 559 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,120 She came up to Pacific group a few times. 560 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,240 Her sponsor took her up there. 561 00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,960 And then we lost track of each other. 562 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:03,200 And somewhere down the line, we were at a memorial service. 563 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,720 And I said, do you need a ride home? 564 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:05,400 She said, yeah. 565 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,480 I gave her a ride home. 566 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,240 I found out she's working like two blocks from us. 567 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,840 She said, let's have lunch on Fridays. 568 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,760 Now, we did lunch on Fridays for awfully long. 569 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,960 And we finally went out on a date. 570 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,760 We came up here to the Valley to the Al-Anon alcohol 571 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:19,680 speaker meeting. 572 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,760 And that was our first date. 573 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,880 And my sponsor, Ms. Watson, you know. 574 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,680 And you know, it's worked out well. 575 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,880 We married 15 years, 5/4. 576 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:36,200 And we've been together for 25, 26 years now. 577 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,560 And I've never been successful in a relationship. 578 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,080 My sponsor gave me a lot of help, a lot of help. 579 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,040 I needed it. 580 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,520 I needed it. 581 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:48,200 2007, I got a call from my dad. 582 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,840 And he said, your brother passed away. 583 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,160 And I said, I'll be there in the morning. 584 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,400 He said, I'll make a plane reservation to get out there. 585 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,120 And my brother, I don't know. 586 00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:01,160 His ex-wife swore that he had an alcohol problem. 587 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,280 I gave him the book. 588 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:02,960 He said, yeah. 589 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,920 He said, that's me in there. 590 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,600 But he said, I stopped drinking it. 591 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,720 It doesn't really affect me anymore. 592 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,320 He said, I got this church. 593 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,120 But he passed away way too early. 594 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,480 And, you know, he was trying to settle a moral service 595 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,080 and do the things that we do. 596 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,680 And I didn't know how to do that because of alcohol. 597 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,840 And, you know, it's amazing that I 598 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,440 can get up in front of a group of people and speak. 599 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,560 I was so fearful of that for the longest time. 600 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,960 I was in a fear that I could overcome an alcohol phenomenon. 601 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,320 I've been-- one of the things in my immense 602 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,160 was just my parents. 603 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,160 My parents were my favorite young man 604 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,120 because I disappeared for so long. 605 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,080 I started falling down the floor all the time. 606 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,320 It's-- I would leave on a Thursday night 607 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,560 and come back on Sunday or Monday. 608 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,280 And I would do that five, six times a year. 609 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,280 I got a call. 610 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,440 You know, five years later, your mom's got cancer. 611 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,320 Went down the floor, got to the airport, went to Florida, 612 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,920 stayed there until she passed. 613 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,200 And it's a gift of this program. 614 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,720 I was able to do something like that with me and my father. 615 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:07,880 And then we started going. 616 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,520 Yeah, we were still gone. 617 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,040 So we had to take care of the guys, make sure he's got home. 618 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,600 You know, and he eventually passed. 619 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,760 He was-- he was 94 years old. 620 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,840 You know, every time I would leave, 621 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,960 I'd call him the next day after I got home. 622 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,280 He said, when are you coming back? 623 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:24,280 When are you coming back? 624 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,520 You know, he wasn't marking the bottles any more. 625 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,280 I mean, that's why I've given me so many gifts. 626 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,160 I'm still working the same job that I had 29 years ago. 627 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,920 You know, we just sold the company. 628 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,040 We're still going to work there another year or two. 629 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,600 Bless-- what a blessing. 630 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:44,200 It's just-- and to be working with my best friend, 631 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,520 to go to meetings with him and see what he's done. 632 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,520 You know, I mean, it's just-- this life is unbelievable. 633 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:54,240 Five years ago, Janice's-- she started to get to be in trouble. 634 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,040 And I was just spending a night or two there every weekend 635 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,200 anyway before she just went to company. 636 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,560 She just went home. 637 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,480 And so five years ago, I just said to Janice, I said, 638 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,760 you know, this is getting silly. 639 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,920 I said, aren't there two or three nights a week? 640 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,400 I said, you're there on the weekend. 641 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,960 I said, this just doesn't make sense. 642 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,240 I said, let's move down there. 643 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,960 I said, I'll be closer to your office. 644 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,480 And that's what we did. 645 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,040 And she was very happy to have us. 646 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:20,280 And Janice, a fantastic, fantastic caregiver. 647 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,440 Just unbelievable. 648 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:25,040 And she drove the doctors crazy. 649 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,200 And I had quite a few things with her. 650 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,560 And, you know, it's just-- anyway, after five years, 651 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,040 she passed away in December. 652 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:36,040 And, you know, it was another gift in the classroom. 653 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,880 I was in the server, and I've done any of that. 654 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,760 I probably still wouldn't be alive. 655 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,440 It's just the gifts of this program are just unbelievable. 656 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:44,520 And it's everyday life. 657 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,760 You know, I get up in the morning, the first thing I do 658 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,920 is start meditating and say my prayers. 659 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,440 I send out some texts to some of the guys. 660 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,760 And then I can get on with my day. 661 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,040 And then the day before I go to bed, I just say, thank you, 662 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,840 God, say my prayers over again. 663 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,400 And, you know, I've had a wonderful spiritual experience 664 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,360 in this program. 665 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:05,760 I wasn't-- I had that spiritual experience when I was in jail. 666 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,240 I don't want to do this anymore. 667 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,160 And then I had the spiritual experience, 668 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,560 and I got through the book and through working with you. 669 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:12,640 Really good to be here. 670 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,840 - Thank you so much.