1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,520 - Hello everyone, my name is JR and I'm an alcoholic. 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:05,520 Hey, I'll say this once, I am deeply sorry 3 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:09,020 that I'm not there, I wanted to be there very much 4 00:00:09,020 --> 00:00:12,160 and I feel very ill today, so I didn't wanna take 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,640 the chance of getting anybody sick. 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,420 Remove the spotlight, I wanna see you guys 7 00:00:16,420 --> 00:00:17,260 when I talk to you. 8 00:00:17,260 --> 00:00:19,760 Oh, that didn't work, there you go. 9 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,360 Gotcha, now I can see the room. 10 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,280 Hello everybody, so here's the point. 11 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,640 The reason is is because there are people 12 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,040 and I'm looking at you all now who I have 13 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,020 just the most tremendous amount of respect 14 00:00:31,020 --> 00:00:32,800 and appreciation for. 15 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,880 I've had experiences in quality of life 16 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,220 that have been so important to my panda 17 00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:40,720 and I've never, I know that, I have never like 18 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,520 gone out to eat with a few of you guys 19 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,560 or had long conversations with a few of you guys, 20 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:47,600 but some of you have just been so kind to me 21 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,720 and you've walked the walk so well 22 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,560 and I think most importantly, you saved the life 23 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,040 of a person that I love very dearly 24 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,840 and so that appreciation, it stays with me all the time 25 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,800 and so I always wanna have the opportunity 26 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,240 to thank you, to honor you. 27 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,560 Quality of life is fucking badass. 28 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,800 I talk you guys up, I love you guys, 29 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,160 what I do, I'm a drug counselor, a therapist 30 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,280 and so I run a lot of groups and there have been 31 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,120 entire groups on the quality of life traditions. 32 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,360 By the way, sometimes people get very angry at me 33 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,400 when I tell them my traditions. 34 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,360 They're like, what, what's that tradition right there? 35 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,080 That's bullshit, what do you mean you gotta 36 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,780 take your sponsor out to dinner? 37 00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:31,200 I love the way you guys do shit because what you did 38 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,880 was you took this, you took this friend of mine 39 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,680 and he had nothing, right? 40 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,360 Like he landed on the doorstep, 41 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,680 it turned into a treatment center, 42 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:44,680 strung out like a lab monkey and he had to go through detox 43 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,720 and he had to go through residential 44 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,240 and he didn't have no money and his family 45 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,160 wouldn't talk to him, he didn't have no friends left. 46 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,000 He was tore up from the floor up, he was bankrupt, right? 47 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,640 And then one of y'all came by and offered to take him 48 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,160 to a quality of life meeting and that guy, 49 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,280 he had that spiritual experience that we talked about, 50 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,720 the G-O-D, not God in the traditional sense 51 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,280 but we use acronyms around here, 52 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,240 sometimes you'll hear good orderly direction, 53 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,280 group of drunks, my favorite one is 54 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,440 the gift of desperation, right? 55 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,480 So my friend, he had this gift of desperation 56 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,440 and he met you all and he went to your meeting 57 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,200 and he was like, "I'm gonna do what they do." 58 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,400 And you guys had a list of shit that he would have to do. 59 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,400 In order for me to do some of that shit, 60 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,080 it's gonna take a real level of commitment 61 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:39,280 and this dude followed through with this kind of commitment 62 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,360 like something I have never seen. 63 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,920 I spend all my time trying to convince people 64 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,040 to go to meetings. 65 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,600 I will tell them where the hot chicks meetings are, 66 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,080 I'll tell them where the free food meetings are, 67 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,920 you can get pizza Friday nights over here 68 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:52,760 if you wanna go to that, 69 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,280 like anything I can fucking say 70 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,280 to trick someone into going to a meeting. 71 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,200 But with this guy, he saw quality of life 72 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,080 and he didn't need to be tricked. 73 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,240 As a matter of fact, he looked at it as, 74 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,560 "Okay, I'm finishing up residential, 75 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,200 "I'm gonna move into a sober living, I don't have a car, 76 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,640 "I don't really have an income 77 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,640 "or whatever I have is very small." 78 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,180 But I believe the quality of life people 79 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:17,000 because I go to their meeting and I listen to them 80 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,160 and I look at them and I watch them 81 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,440 and I see the example that they set 82 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,960 and I believe that if I do what you guys do, 83 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,940 I'll get what you guys have got. 84 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,840 And so let me tell you how I was introduced to quality of life 85 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,180 we'll get back to this guy 'cause I fucking love this guy. 86 00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:33,420 But I wanna tell you guys about 87 00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:35,040 how I found out about quality of life. 88 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:39,400 So as a drug counselor, I run a lot of groups and treatment 89 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,200 and I would regularly go around the room 90 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,280 and ask the people about the four point plan 91 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,260 for anybody that's not familiar with four point plan, 92 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,960 it's go to meetings, get a sponsor, get a home group, 93 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:49,800 get a commitment. 94 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,640 So I would ask people, 95 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,320 how many meetings did you go to this week? 96 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,400 Do you have a sponsor? 97 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,580 What's your sponsor's name? 98 00:03:54,580 --> 00:03:56,180 What's your grand sponsor's name? 99 00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:59,080 Oh, you should share him and flip out about that one. 100 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,360 What's a grand sponsor? 101 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,200 I don't know, how about that one? 102 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,120 Of course you do if you have a sponsor, whatever. 103 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,120 So then I asked them how many meetings they went to 104 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,400 and how many commitments they have. 105 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,960 So I would do this regularly and I would go around the room 106 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,600 and one day a girl in my class said, 107 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,120 "Oh yeah, I have a home group." 108 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,320 Oh no, first she would say, 109 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,320 "Yes, I have gone to seven meetings this week." 110 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,800 And I would say, "Nice, nice, right? 111 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,400 That's how many we're aiming for." 112 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,380 And then she would say, 113 00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,340 "Oh, my sponsor's name is Jean 114 00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:27,860 and her sponsor's name is Theresa." 115 00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:30,900 And I would say, "Wow, you're like the only person in the room 116 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,840 that even knows what a grand sponsor is 117 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,440 and you know her, that's excellent." 118 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,000 And then I would say, "What's your home group?" 119 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,480 And she would say, "Quality of life." 120 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,880 And I would say, "That's cool, but you know, 121 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,920 a home group is like one day a week. 122 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,640 You know, one time, one day, 123 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,120 you can't just say that the Valley Club is your home group 124 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,600 'cause there's 49 meetings a week at the Valley Club, 125 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,840 so that's not a home group, that's just the location." 126 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:50,840 And she was adamant. 127 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,060 She was like, "No, quality of life is my home group 128 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,600 and I go there every day." 129 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,120 And I thought, "Huh, that sounds fucking cool. 130 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:57,960 Tell me more. 131 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,520 How many commitments do you have?" 132 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,720 And she says, "Seven, well really more like 14." 133 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:03,960 I said, "What?" 134 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,680 Like nobody in the room has a commitment 135 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,680 and you have 14 yourself, what's that about?" 136 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,260 She's like, "Well, they require you 137 00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,360 to have a commitment every day of the week 138 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,800 because they require you to go every day of the week 139 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,760 and most of us have a commitment to open the meeting, 140 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,700 to start the meeting and a commitment 141 00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:20,440 at the end of the meeting that we have to do." 142 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,280 And by the way, I've had the privilege 143 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,800 of being of service at Quality of Life and I love it. 144 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,800 You guys will make up the most insane commitments 145 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,880 just to give people something to do, right? 146 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,000 I was the refrigerator stalker for like a year. 147 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,000 No, maybe for a few months and then I missed one day 148 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,040 and I even called and I still lost it 149 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,440 and I was so bummed out. 150 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,080 But anyways, like the refrigerator stalker 151 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,240 was the person at the end of the night, 152 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,520 they went to the refrigerator and they saw how many cokes 153 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,280 and monsters had been sold and then they went to the closet 154 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:54,520 and got the replacements and put them in the refrigerator. 155 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,320 It was the greatest commitment of all time. 156 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,440 Thank you for that. 157 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,960 I also did the sign commitment, 158 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,760 which I loved when it was across the street 159 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,160 because you had to get the sign, 160 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,000 you had to get there early 161 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,420 'cause you had to get the sign 162 00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:06,720 and then walk half a block down the street 163 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,120 and put it out in the street. 164 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,080 Remember that one, that was a good one, right? 165 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,720 (laughs) 166 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,560 I go around this room and this girl is telling me 167 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,500 all about quality of life and I'm like, 168 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,580 this shit is amazing. 169 00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:20,840 I can't even believe how good it is. 170 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:23,140 I wanna go, I wanna go and I wanna check it out. 171 00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:25,280 Took me a little while still before I went. 172 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,500 In the meantime, a few more people rolled through 173 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,320 that became quality of life members 174 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,200 and those were the people that I saw heal 175 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,640 and recover quickly and look amazing, right? 176 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:40,640 So then this girl comes in and she joins quality of life 177 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:41,960 and she answers the questions 178 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,480 the same way the other girl did 179 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,960 and when I asked her who her sponsor was, 180 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,560 she said it was the other girl. 181 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,280 I'm like, oh, I know that girl. 182 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,760 Oh shit, nice. 183 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:50,640 All right, cool. 184 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,460 So I was always happy that I knew her sponsor 185 00:06:52,460 --> 00:06:54,200 and that she was doing seven meetings a week 186 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,600 and had commitments at every meeting 187 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,920 and was doing quality of life. 188 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,360 I loved it, I was proud of her. 189 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:00,640 She was doing amazing. 190 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,240 She got a year sober. 191 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,680 This gets a little controversial. 192 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,320 Some of you newcomers are gonna be like, what the fuck? 193 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,160 But don't worry. 194 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,520 One day the new girl comes in and says, 195 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,500 oh, I only have a couple of days 196 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:12,760 I had to take a newcomer chip. 197 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,520 I said, really, what happened? 198 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,600 I was surprised 'cause I knew 199 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,360 that she was a quality of life member 200 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,200 and she said, well, my sponsor said 201 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,480 I had to take a newcomer chip 202 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,480 because I drank Heineken Zero. 203 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,320 Really? 204 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,880 Well, that's bullshit 'cause Heineken Zero 205 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,480 has zero alcohol in it. 206 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,480 So that's not a fucking relapse 207 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,500 and so this is when I finally came to quality of life. 208 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:35,440 Totally, listen, I'm sure this is a violation of my job. 209 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,040 It's unethical and it's probably not cool 210 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,440 with quality of life but I finally went to quality of life 211 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,120 so I could confront this girl's sponsor 212 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,400 and be like, what the fuck? 213 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,380 Why'd you take a newcomer chip? 214 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:47,120 So I walk in and I walk up to her 215 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,320 and I'm like, hey, so what happened? 216 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,680 She's like, oh, did she tell you she drank Heineken Zero? 217 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:51,680 I said, yeah. 218 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,640 She said, but did she tell you how she drank? 219 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:55,800 She said, what do you mean? 220 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,600 She said, well, she took a sitch pack 221 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,520 and she brought it home and she set it down 222 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,040 on the living room table and she drank all six 223 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,040 of them back to back. 224 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:03,960 I said, uh-huh. 225 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,760 She said, do you drink Coca-Cola? 226 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:06,760 Said, I do. 227 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,560 She said, would you ever bring a six pack home, 228 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,840 sit it down on the table and drink all six in a row? 229 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,480 I said, no, let me do that. 230 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,300 Exactly. 231 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:16,280 In my opinion, she drank that non-alcoholic beer 232 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:20,120 very alcoholically and that kinda got my head spinning 233 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,760 and I was like, the one thing I do feel about relapse 234 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,280 and what qualifies as a relapse and for me, 235 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,560 always qualifies as a relapse, whatever my sponsor says. 236 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,920 I leave that shit up to him. 237 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,360 My sponsor says I relapse and I relapse. 238 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,960 My sponsor says I didn't relapse and I didn't relapse. 239 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,120 That girl's sponsor told her that she relapsed 240 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,360 and I have no judgment for it at all. 241 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,060 But what I do now is I often play a game called 242 00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:44,240 is it a relapse? 243 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,600 And I ask all kinds of really asinine questions. 244 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,600 Well, if Heineken Zero's not relapse, what about O'Doul's? 245 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,320 'Cause O'Doul's has like a teeny, teeny weeny percentage. 246 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,760 No, yeah, maybe. 247 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,120 What about non-alcoholic whiskey? 248 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,620 'Cause fucking Bevmo made that shit. 249 00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:02,640 Or what, I started talking about drugs. 250 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,360 What about warm water injection, right? 251 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,720 You're not shooting heroin but you're filling up 252 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,160 a syringe full of warm water and putting it in your arm. 253 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,260 Is that a relapse? 254 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,480 What about a push? 255 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,840 For those of you who smoke crack, I might be the only one, 256 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,280 you know what a push is. 257 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,920 Is a push a relapse? 258 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,600 Maybe, maybe not. 259 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:22,840 You'd have to ask your sponsor. 260 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:23,680 I don't know. 261 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,640 So I love this is it a relapse game 262 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,800 and it's inspired by the girl with the Heineken Zeros 263 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:29,840 for the quality of life. 264 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,880 So anyways, here's the good news. 265 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,440 I finally found y'all, right? 266 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,880 I finally found your meeting. 267 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,220 And I think it was Sunday night was the first one I went to 268 00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:39,560 and I fucking fell in love with it. 269 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,400 I absolutely fell in love with it. 270 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,440 And now there was a handful of people that I worked with 271 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,440 who had been clients where I work and they were members. 272 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:52,440 And the guy that I told you about, the guy that I love, 273 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,240 I consider him one of my two best friends in the world. 274 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,160 He was there and he would tell me, 275 00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,800 hey JR, if you come to the meeting, 276 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,920 I'll save a seat for you. 277 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,080 And I always thought that was weird. 278 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,140 I was like, you're not really gonna save a seat for me. 279 00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:06,280 You have like a thousand friends, 280 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,360 you're probably gonna save a seat for lots of people. 281 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,000 And he was always like, no, I promise, 282 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,320 I'll save a seat for you. 283 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,760 And he always did. 284 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,960 I don't think I've ever gone in quality of life 285 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,720 where he didn't have a seat safe for me. 286 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:17,540 It's amazing. 287 00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:18,640 So I got to be there. 288 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:19,980 I got to meet you all. 289 00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,680 And some of y'all are a little intimidating. 290 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,880 All right, just to be fair. 291 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:28,200 I wanted to join the quality of life meeting list 292 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,840 and I wasn't able to. 293 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,680 And that's cool because let's be honest, 294 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,560 I figured this out when I got into AA. 295 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:37,280 I really don't wanna be in a group that would consider me 296 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,800 to be okay to be one of their members. 297 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,920 But the quality of life, the reason I couldn't get into it 298 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:46,040 was because there were three mandatory meetings per week. 299 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,540 And on those days, at least on one of those days, 300 00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:51,680 if not two of them, I had school. 301 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,640 When I started going to quality of life, 302 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,720 I guess this would make it about five years ago. 303 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,320 I had just gotten accepted into a master's program 304 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,800 and I was going to school a couple nights during the week. 305 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,720 And one of those at least was a day 306 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,000 that quality of life required you to be there. 307 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,880 So unfortunately, I never got onto the list, 308 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,720 but I know a lot about the list. 309 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,120 And I know a lot of you folks in here and I love you all. 310 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:16,240 You're amazing. 311 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,560 I have to bring up, 312 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,480 I thought about when I was invited to speak here 313 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,580 that I would have to bring up a friend of ours 314 00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:25,840 who was a major part of this group 315 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,440 who is no longer with us. 316 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,080 And his name was Wano. 317 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,160 And I loved Wano. 318 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,680 And this is the second time I believe 319 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,800 that I was asked to speak at quality of life. 320 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,840 And the first time after I spoke, 321 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,460 Wano put a Facebook post up 322 00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:42,360 that said there was an incredible speaker tonight. 323 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,000 And it was so flattering. 324 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,680 He was such a magic personality. 325 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:49,120 He was so fun. 326 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,360 He was so smart. 327 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,000 He was so loving. 328 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,340 So understand that he's one of you all, right? 329 00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:55,180 He's a claw. 330 00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:58,080 And you all, it's not just that you're strict 331 00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,320 and it's not just that you're good 332 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,120 at helping people stay sober. 333 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,760 You're also very loving. 334 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,120 A couple of cold fish in the room, I'll be honest. 335 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,900 But no, deep down, you all are loving. 336 00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:10,120 If you weren't, you wouldn't be saving people's lives. 337 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:10,960 All right? 338 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,960 So Wano was there at the birthday. 339 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,500 I went to a quality of life birthday, 340 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,560 which I had so much fun at, 341 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,080 because at the quality of life birthday, 342 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:24,000 they set two people in a tent on these two chairs, 343 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,020 one normal size, 344 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:27,940 and the sponsee gets the little tiny baby chair. 345 00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:31,100 And the sponsee will hand the sponsee gifts, 346 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:33,300 and the sponsee will open gifts. 347 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,040 So I'm at this guy's birthday, 348 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,520 and this guy starts opening gifts. 349 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,520 And the first gift he opens is a bath towel. 350 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,200 And he holds it up very confused. 351 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,400 He looks at all of us and he goes, "It's a bath towel." 352 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,960 And Wano yells out, "It's so that you can take a shower." 353 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,360 It was so funny, 354 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,960 because the next gift he opened was a dress shirt. 355 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,920 And Wano said, "That's so you can get a job." 356 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,800 It was so perfect. 357 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,380 And it was exclusive to you all, man. 358 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,080 I ain't never seen that shit anywhere else. 359 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,000 And I loved it. 360 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,000 And there was a cookout that day. 361 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,680 And I think I was one of several people 362 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,200 to bring hamburger buns. 363 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,380 And there's something about the way you all fellowship 364 00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:14,440 that's just, it's fucking unique, and it's special, 365 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,280 and it makes people feel a part of, 366 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,360 and it's so important, it's so important. 367 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,200 His addiction, alcoholism, 368 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,540 had me feeling like I wasn't a part of anything. 369 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:26,880 And I don't wanna talk much about my origin story, right? 370 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,240 I was thinking a lot about this too, right? 371 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,760 'Cause I have an origin story, 372 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,600 and it's pretty colorful, right? 373 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,400 It's like Spider-Man's origin story, 374 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,560 he got bit by a radioactive spider. 375 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:42,420 And Fantastic Four got blasted by space rays. 376 00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,760 And the Hulk, or Dr. Manhattan, 377 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,960 got trapped in a nuclear explosion, right? 378 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,680 So a lot of superheroes have cool origin stories. 379 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,380 And so I wanted to talk about my origin story, 380 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:56,020 because it's interesting. 381 00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,080 And it might explain why it turned out 382 00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,880 to be such a superhero. 383 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,920 So I was born in 1970. 384 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,800 My parents were part of the hillbilly mafia, okay? 385 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,480 I was born in Kentucky, and they were junkies. 386 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,520 And what they would do is they would rob everything, 387 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,360 mostly drugstores, but they would rob everything. 388 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,180 My mom actually went into labor 389 00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:19,320 in the middle of a bank robbery. 390 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,760 So I was born addicted to heroin during a bank robbery. 391 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,640 Like I said, pretty cool origin story, right? 392 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,520 So I was always destined to become a punk rock superhero. 393 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,360 I was always destined to be the JR 394 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,120 that you all see here tonight. 395 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,780 I grew up bouncing around from home to home. 396 00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:37,840 I never lived with a family, 397 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,560 the same family more than one period of time, 398 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,240 which programmed me, right? 399 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,600 I'm a psychologist, and I study rats a lot, 400 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:51,600 and I study old conditioning experiments a lot. 401 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:56,600 And think of the way Pavlov brainwashed his dog 402 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,480 into slobbering by ringing a bell, right? 403 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,760 I was a child, I was brainwashed into believing 404 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,520 that no one could love me, right? 405 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,240 That I would never be a part of a family, 406 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,320 and I could never fit in, 407 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,400 and I could never be connected to anyone, 408 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,440 and that I would have to learn to live 409 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,680 in a way where I could isolate and take care of myself. 410 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,880 And I believe that, and it took a long time 411 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:23,000 before that conditioning and that brainwashing would change. 412 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,660 So of course I became an addict and an alcoholic 413 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,920 because I believe no one ever would love me, 414 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,720 and that I was different and special and terminally unique, 415 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,560 and that I probably should die doing drugs. 416 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,400 When I was a teenager, 417 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,620 I did have an older half-brother, half-sister. 418 00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:43,540 My older brother died from a intravenous cocaine overdose. 419 00:15:43,540 --> 00:15:45,800 He was 27, he joined the 27 Club. 420 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,280 And I think somewhere around then I thought, 421 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,800 yeah, that's gonna be me, right? 422 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,580 Like I'm gonna die that way too. 423 00:15:51,580 --> 00:15:56,080 And I made it past 27, but at 30 I started shooting heroin. 424 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,900 And more than one night I thought, oh, I did too much. 425 00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:03,920 And mom is gonna have to bury me next to my brother 426 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,080 through the same thing. 427 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,880 This is scary, horrible beliefs that I carried with me. 428 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,680 Oddly enough, so I did a lot of drugs 429 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,400 and I went to a lot of rehabs, 430 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,440 but I didn't get into hard drugs. 431 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,600 I didn't start shooting drugs until I was 30 432 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,480 because that's when I met her, right? 433 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,320 You knew her? 434 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,000 Oh, come on, you know her. 435 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,600 You know, you've seen her. 436 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,780 I always say I knew she was the girl for me, right? 437 00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,080 When I saw her standing outside a detox. 438 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,800 Or I knew this girl, I knew this girl was the girl for me 439 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,620 when I saw her crying homeless in the rain 440 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,820 with a pet rat on her shoulder, right? 441 00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:40,440 So I thought, this is the kind of girl 442 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,640 that would go out with me, hopefully the girl with a rat. 443 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,940 I took this homeless girl and her pet rat 444 00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,560 to the cheesecake factory because they had bread 445 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,280 on the table and she could feed the rat 446 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,280 while we were eating. 447 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,560 His name was Greg, good dude. 448 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,160 So me and her, oh no, that was Ben. 449 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,480 Greg was the heroin addict rat, he came later. 450 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:03,800 So we go out and we're eating and she says, 451 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,080 you know I'm a heroin addict. 452 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,880 And I said, no, I don't believe it. 453 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,800 She said, no, if I don't do heroin every day, 454 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,000 I get violently ill. 455 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,520 And so I thought about it for less than one second 456 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,560 and I thought, well, if anybody is qualified to save you, 457 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:16,400 it's me. 458 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,960 And so I strapped on my cape and I said, 459 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,700 here I come to save the day, right? 460 00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:24,480 I became captain, save the junkie girl. 461 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:25,600 And what I didn't know, 462 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,140 and some of you may have heard this before, 463 00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:29,720 but if you haven't, let me be the first one to tell you. 464 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,800 If you start dating a heroin addict, you don't save them. 465 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,040 That's not how that shit works. 466 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,280 You become a heroin addict. 467 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:39,080 So that's what was next in the origin story. 468 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,480 At age 30, I got strung out in heroin. 469 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,600 And for the next seven years, it was God awful. 470 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:49,600 At 37, on June 24th, 2008, I was drinking and musing. 471 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,120 And I had to stop drinking and musing 472 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:57,120 'cause I had developed necrotic tissue, gangrene, 473 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,240 flesh eating bacteria, MRSA, 474 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,120 medically resistant staph infection. 475 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:05,840 What had happened was I had these sores growing on my arms 476 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,200 and they would not heal. 477 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,200 And when I went to the doctor, the doctor said, 478 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,960 we're gonna have to amputate your arms. 479 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,240 And I was like, but I'm using them. 480 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,160 So I went to like five doctors, 481 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,560 four of them said amputation. 482 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,660 One of them said, stop using heroin. 483 00:18:19,660 --> 00:18:22,000 I really didn't hear anything I could work with. 484 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,600 So I went to my suboxone doctor 485 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,440 and if you have a heroin habit, you have a suboxone doctor. 486 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,820 And he said, we can save your arms. 487 00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:32,500 And he sent me to a place called the One Care Therapy Clinic. 488 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,700 And this is gross and I'll run through it real quick, 489 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:38,160 but they would put my arm in a whirlpool for a half hour, 490 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,120 pull it out and cut the necrotic tissue out with a scalpel. 491 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,160 And they'd do the same thing to the other arm. 492 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,000 And when they were done, 493 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,460 they would lather both of the arms up with Neosporin, 494 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:49,920 wrap them in these big ass bandages, send me home. 495 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,040 I would get home, I would take the big ass bandages off. 496 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,840 I would shoot up in the same spot because I couldn't stop. 497 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,760 Just like you couldn't stop drinking or taking pills 498 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,340 or smoking weed or whatever it is that was your jam. 499 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,280 I couldn't stop. 500 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,240 And I thought, I'm gonna end this way. 501 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,280 I'm gonna die this way. 502 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,400 But I didn't wanna die. 503 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,600 I wanted a different life. 504 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,800 And I had this woman in my life who's still with me, 505 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:11,960 she's my wife now. 506 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,280 And she used to tell me, she used to say, 507 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,280 by the way, I met her in the waiting room 508 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,520 at detox at Tarzana. 509 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,400 So she used to tell me, she used to say, 510 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,080 you're going to get sober, JR, 511 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,920 and you're going to do wonderful things 512 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,240 and you're going to help people. 513 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,880 And I'd be strung out and shot out 514 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,560 and never believed that in a million years. 515 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,640 But she used that currency, 516 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,880 the most valuable currency known to man. 517 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,800 She used that hope on me. 518 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,240 If you can use that on someone, sometime this week, 519 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,200 if you can give someone some hope, I invite you to do that. 520 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,640 I do that as often as I can. 521 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,320 And it really does more for me than anything else. 522 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,320 I'm a junkie. 523 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,560 I'm addicted to sex, drugs, video games, 524 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,420 anything that fucking feels good. 525 00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:53,840 I want to do lots of, 526 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,700 but nowadays nothing feels better than hope. 527 00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,560 When I see someone get hope. 528 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,600 Nowadays, I work as a licensed therapist at Kaiser 529 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,420 and we get patients with liver disease, 530 00:20:07,420 --> 00:20:10,280 people who are fucking dying, their livers are dying. 531 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:11,560 They'll come out of a coma 532 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,320 and then they'll end up in my office. 533 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,460 And I'll tell them about the quality of life. 534 00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:16,880 I'll tell them about the four point plan. 535 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,240 I'll tell them about go to meetings, get a sponsor, 536 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:20,560 get a home group, get a commitment, 537 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,400 do this shit every single day. 538 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,920 And I've seen people get sober, get healthy, 539 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,960 get so healthy that their doctor 540 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,400 has taken them off the transplant list 541 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,240 because their liver has recovered, 542 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,160 because they went to meetings and stopped drinking. 543 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,640 It's that hope thing, man. 544 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,800 I throw it to them. 545 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,720 I get it back 10 times. 546 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,800 It's really beautiful. 547 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:44,080 So very simply, I was a homeless heroin addict. 548 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,360 I went to the program. 549 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:46,480 I got a sponsor. 550 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,080 I got really into commitments. 551 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,420 And I was at a meeting one time and the guy said, 552 00:20:50,420 --> 00:20:54,080 "If you stay sober, someday you too will have bills." 553 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,520 And I thought to myself, 554 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,140 man, that would be fucking cool, right? 555 00:20:58,140 --> 00:20:59,840 I didn't have no bills. 556 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,040 I had, I fucked for rent, right? 557 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,920 Like I didn't have, my name was never on the lease. 558 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,040 I never bought a car. 559 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,560 I never had a credit card. 560 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,880 And if I had a bank account, 561 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,200 it's just so I could rob those check cashing places, right? 562 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,520 Like I didn't have shit. 563 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,160 So when the guy said, "If I stay sober, I can get bills." 564 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,600 I was like, fuck, I wonder if he's right. 565 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,480 That'd be cool. 566 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,360 I know, be careful what you wish for, 567 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:26,360 but I got a fucking ton of bills and I'll be honest, 568 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,040 they kind of make me happy. 569 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,880 Like I'm in school, all right? 570 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,360 I've been in college for 12 years. 571 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:32,960 Do you know how much that costs? 572 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:37,120 I owe like almost a million dollars to somebody. 573 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,160 It's cool, I'll pay it back someday. 574 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,920 They told me just keep going to school 575 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,760 until you've done so much in school 576 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,240 that you can get a good enough job 577 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:45,720 to pay back all the money you borrowed. 578 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,880 So I'm gonna stay in school at least for a couple more years. 579 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,000 By the way, school's fucking awesome. 580 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,880 So now I wanna revisit my friend 581 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,000 who you guys saved his life, okay? 582 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,560 Because he was fucking amazing. 583 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,080 He went to y'all and he liked what he saw 584 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,440 and he wondered what you had 585 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,380 and it wasn't gonna be easy for him, right? 586 00:22:07,380 --> 00:22:09,140 He didn't live at his parents' house. 587 00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:10,920 He didn't still have his car. 588 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,000 He didn't even have a fucking bicycle, all right? 589 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,360 He had a bus pass. 590 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,560 If he was lucky, he had a bus pass. 591 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,260 And in order for him to catch a bus 592 00:22:19,260 --> 00:22:22,840 where his sober living was to get to quality of life, 593 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,360 oh, by the way, quality of life had this other rule. 594 00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:28,440 You had to show up an hour early for your commitment, right? 595 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,740 So the bus was gonna take an hour for him to get there. 596 00:22:31,740 --> 00:22:34,420 So that means in order for him to go to the meeting, 597 00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:37,640 he's gotta leave two hours before the meeting starts. 598 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,120 If the meeting starts at eight, 599 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,760 that means he's gotta be at the bus stop at six, okay? 600 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,480 And he did it and he did it every fucking day. 601 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:45,320 It was amazing. 602 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,640 I never saw anybody worked out hard for their recovery. 603 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,000 It blew me away day in and day out. 604 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,120 And the thing that was happening with him was, 605 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:55,200 oh man, this is just, I'm gonna get all mushy. 606 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,600 He just seemed to get fucking nicer 607 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,920 and cooler and more loving, right? 608 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,040 Like I know I said you guys are a little cold, 609 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,060 a little stuffy, a little intimidating, 610 00:23:05,060 --> 00:23:07,280 but man, you transformed my friend 611 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,800 into like the sweetest, kindest, most lovingest dude. 612 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,120 And this dude, he was like me. 613 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:13,220 He didn't have no fucking bills. 614 00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:15,960 He lived in a fucking car and he did a bunch of drugs, right? 615 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,440 And you guys like shape-shifted him. 616 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,960 You molded him out of clay. 617 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,460 You made him this little fucking sweetheart 618 00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:24,000 that now you all love him. 619 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,120 I know, I've been there. 620 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,040 I've seen you, you all love this guy. 621 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,140 He went to a meeting every day 622 00:23:29,140 --> 00:23:31,280 and it took him an hour to get there on the bus. 623 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:32,600 He had to get there an hour early. 624 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:33,440 He sat through the meeting, 625 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,160 which was an hour, an hour and a half. 626 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,280 And then after the meeting, 627 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,060 he was there for as long as it took 628 00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:39,120 to get his commitment done 629 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:41,520 and make sure every other commitment was done. 630 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,720 And then he would catch a ride home, 631 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,340 hopefully from someone, right? 632 00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:46,180 And if he didn't, 633 00:23:46,180 --> 00:23:48,000 he was prepared to go hop on the bus again, 634 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,120 but he wasn't gonna not go to that meeting. 635 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,520 You guys taught him this. 636 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:52,840 What's he got now, five years? 637 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,040 Did he get five years this year? 638 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,960 Did his head pop out of his ass this year? 639 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,160 He's shaking his head yes. 640 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,960 I'm gonna say, yeah, he got five years this year. 641 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,520 But he did more than just that. 642 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,760 We talked about more than just paying bills, right? 643 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,920 We talked about self-esteem. 644 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,720 We talked about reconnecting with our families. 645 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,400 This dude, he loves his kids. 646 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,800 He wanted to be a father. 647 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,600 And like, he is the fucking, 648 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,240 he's the poster child, man. 649 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,200 Like he, well, one thing he did was 650 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,440 he fucked the nurse at the treatment center, 651 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,800 which, boom, automatically makes him 652 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,400 a G pimped out badass right there. 653 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:25,540 Like who does that? 654 00:24:25,540 --> 00:24:26,840 Every time I went to treatment 655 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,480 and I saw the hot chicks working there, 656 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,100 they never paid me no mind. 657 00:24:30,100 --> 00:24:32,500 But apparently he's got that special thing, right? 658 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:33,560 So one, he did that. 659 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,080 He got his kids back. 660 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,360 He got a job. 661 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:37,680 He got an education. 662 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,200 He married the girl. 663 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,280 He moved into a fucking gated community 664 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:42,800 and a house on the pool 665 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,280 in the same community as his fucking kids. 666 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,000 And now he spends all the time 667 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,280 with his kids that he wants to. 668 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,800 He is my fucking hero. 669 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,100 I look at this guy and I'm like, 670 00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:53,800 how the hell did you do that? 671 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:54,700 It's amazing. 672 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:56,400 But here's the thing, here's the secret. 673 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:57,560 I helped a little bit. 674 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,040 You all helped a lot. 675 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,600 Quality of life gave this dude 676 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,840 a life beyond his wildest dreams. 677 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,520 If you had asked him five years ago, 678 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,440 do you think that this is what your life will look like, 679 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,440 he would have said, no, I hope so. 680 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,360 But no, that shit sounds impossible. 681 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:15,080 But y'all taught him to work hard and do what it took. 682 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,840 And so when I came on here and I told you guys 683 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,200 that I have this love and appreciation for you, 684 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,000 I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. 685 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,440 You all saved my friend's life, right? 686 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,500 You took a fucking homeless junkie 687 00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:29,520 and turned him into a productive member of society 688 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,000 who gets to be a father and a husband 689 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,080 and a professional and a student. 690 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,880 And he's my fucking hero. 691 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:37,040 And you did that to him. 692 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,220 So whenever I go and I see you guys, 693 00:25:39,220 --> 00:25:43,320 he comes here for his birthdays and shit 694 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,280 or every once in a while you guys will ask him to speak. 695 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,000 And I'll try to come out to that little room 696 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,240 that you're all in right now when he's here in town 697 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:51,560 because I love him so much. 698 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,720 And I love to see the fellowships 699 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,860 that you guys all share, right? 700 00:25:56,860 --> 00:26:00,820 Like I said, I couldn't accomplish that 701 00:26:00,820 --> 00:26:02,440 because my schedule didn't allow it. 702 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,840 But I do love you all 'cause of who you are 703 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,540 and how cool you are. 704 00:26:07,540 --> 00:26:09,240 And my path is my path, right? 705 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,080 Like I'm not necessarily a quality of life guy, 706 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,040 even though I love quality of life and I'll go when I can. 707 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,400 But I also go to other AA meetings. 708 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,440 I'll go to AA at the Valley Club, right? 709 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,320 And then I'll go to NA, right? 710 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,420 Narcotics Anonymous 'cause they have nicer motorcycles. 711 00:26:25,420 --> 00:26:28,440 Couple years ago, I got a nice car. 712 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:29,800 So I started going to AA. 713 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,200 I do both, right? 714 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,840 I like to embrace my bisexuality. 715 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,480 You can call me because I really can identify 716 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,280 as an addict and an alcoholic. 717 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,520 So you just say, "Hi, Anna." 718 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,880 So I understand that that requires 719 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,160 that I put $2 in the basket, but I'm cool with it. 720 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,840 I still go to three meetings a week. 721 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:49,820 I work a lot. 722 00:26:49,820 --> 00:26:52,000 I'm currently having problems in my job. 723 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,300 I'm a therapist in addiction medicine at Kaiser on Sunset 724 00:26:55,300 --> 00:26:56,240 and we're on strike. 725 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,520 So I'm not doing my regular full-time job, 726 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,680 but I am like farming myself out since I got licensed. 727 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,240 I'm going to other treatment centers 728 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,040 and letting them rent my services from here and there. 729 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:10,680 And you'll never believe what I tell them. 730 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,740 I go to these places and I say, 731 00:27:12,740 --> 00:27:14,600 "You should go to meetings and get a sponsor 732 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,580 and get a home group for good commitment." 733 00:27:16,580 --> 00:27:17,640 I swear to God. 734 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,200 I do this in school too. 735 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,700 By the way, I don't know if you guys know this, 736 00:27:20,700 --> 00:27:22,960 but most therapists don't know shit about addiction. 737 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,160 Honestly, you would think everyone would have to know 738 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,080 everything about addiction, 739 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,120 but most of them don't know shit about addiction. 740 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,800 So I'm in college with like 50 other kids 741 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,640 that are in my doctoral class with me. 742 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,300 And I'm one of two guys who knows about addiction. 743 00:27:37,300 --> 00:27:40,400 And so what I'm doing is I'm writing a thesis. 744 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,120 I'm writing a dissertation, right? 745 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,440 You have to write like a book in order to get a doctorate. 746 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,600 And in my book, I'm saying that, you know, 747 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,520 the treatment modalities that we're using right now 748 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,440 are not effective, that, you know, 749 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,120 I've been sober for 16 years and in the past 16 years, 750 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,480 people have continued to die from overdoses. 751 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,260 And so I think that what you're doing isn't working. 752 00:28:00,260 --> 00:28:02,320 So I think you should try something different. 753 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,640 And this is the part where you guys are gonna laugh. 754 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,480 I told him, I think you should have him 755 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,080 do the four point plan. 756 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:09,640 Have him go to meetings, get a sponsor, 757 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,200 get a home group, get a commitment. 758 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,520 If I get a fucking doctorate behind my name 759 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,320 because I told them what you guys told me, 760 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,600 yeah, how cool was that? 761 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:19,420 It's a dream. 762 00:28:19,420 --> 00:28:21,760 It's a dream come true to be a homeless heroin addict 763 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:23,720 who became a doctoral student 764 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,980 and a guy who's living a life beyond his wildest dreams. 765 00:28:26,980 --> 00:28:29,040 It's really incredible. 766 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,560 I get to experience hope. 767 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,400 I get to share that hope with other people. 768 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,800 My printing quality of life, I've shared it with him. 769 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,080 I've watched him get a life 770 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:40,920 beyond his wildest dreams as well. 771 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,760 And it's just been a hell of a fucking journey. 772 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,240 Oh, and guys, I apologize. 773 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:47,880 I forgot I wasn't supposed to cuss here. 774 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:48,720 I cuss my foot. 775 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,840 I really do fucking love quality of life. 776 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:57,400 So I guess I need to thank God Quality of Life, 777 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,160 my sponsor as a whole, all of you for letting me share. 778 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,000 Thank you.