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 Good evening, my name is David and I'm an alcoholic.

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 First off, I'd like to thank Nathan for inviting me out tonight doing it like no one said,

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 doing anything in Alcoholics Anonymous is an honor and a privilege.

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 And thank you, Nolan, for your ten minutes, you got me a little meeting there.

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 If you're new, I want to welcome you to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I hope you found what I have

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 found here, and that is a way to live without the use of anything that affects you from

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 the neck up.

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 And I did not know how to do that for a very, very, very long time.

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 If I could manage to stay sober for the next 11 days, I will be turning 19 years sober,

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 which is nothing short of a miracle for me.

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 I took my first drink at 12 years old, I took my last one at 49 and a half years old.

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 You know, in that 37 year period, my disease took me to places that I would not wish on

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 my worst enemy.

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 You know, and my drinking didn't start out that way, my drinking started out fairly innocent.

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 I have an older sister, or have an older sister that's 13 months older than me.

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 My mother divorced my dad when we were two years old, because she grew up in an alcoholic

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 home, and after three years of marriage to him, she realized she was married to a drunk,

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 and she wasn't going to raise her kids in that environment, so she did the best she

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 could.

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 But what happened was, when I was nine years old, she met a, my mom was a cocktail waitress,

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 so she met a gentleman at the bar she was working at, and they got married, and we bought

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 a house at Wild Plenty, and everything on the outside seemed real nice.

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 I saw the effects produced by alcohol very early on, you know, they would drink on the

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 weekends and have parties, and things would go good, I'd watch my stepdad, he'd get sloppily

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 drunk, my mom would get pissed, there'd be an argument, he'd pass out, and she, she was

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 always the last one up.

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 And you know, the arguments, they really affected my sister, not me so much, I wouldn't mind

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 doing my own business, but when I was around 12 years old, my stepfather was from Tennessee,

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 and he made like, I don't know, I think it was like 20 cases of malt liquor, and he had

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 it all bottled in the garage, and I woke up one morning, there was broken glasses in the

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 sink, my stepdad was passed out on the couch, and my mom was locked in a room, and I got

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 this thought, I'm gonna go get my best friend who lives across the street, and grab two

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 six patches of this beer, and we're gonna go up in the hills behind the house and drink

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 this stuff.

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 And that's what it's all about, you know, and we did that, Kevin and I went back there,

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 we climbed up into this old carpentry overlooking the valley, and we, you know, we started drinking

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 that beer, and after about the second beer, you know, we started getting the effects of

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 it.

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 It was a little goofy, and we was joking around, and we basically, one of us lost our balance,

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 pulled both of us out, and we landed in a patch of cactus.

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 That was, that was the result of the first time I drank alcohol.

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 You know, it makes me an alcoholic, I believe, is what happened the next day, because we

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 crawled, we went down the hill, his sister pulled a stick down her butt, and we left

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 six packs sitting up there, and I'll, you know, go through the only consequences, I

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 didn't get caught, my mom didn't know nothing about it, but the first thing that happened

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 in the next morning when I woke up was, first thing on my mind is, there's still a six pack

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 of beer up there, and somebody needs to drink that.

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 So I went across the street to Kevin's house and knocked down his window, and I said, "Hey,

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 come on, let's go up and finish that beer."

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 And he gave me that look, the first of very many throughout my life, was, "Are you crazy?"

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 You know, like, my head hurts, my stomach feels like hell, and I'm still pulling stickers

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 out of my butt, and I'm like, "No, no, no, I got a solution to that, we won't get up

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 in the tree, we'll sit on the ground and drink it."

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 And he refused to go, so I went up there and drank that six pack of beer all by myself.

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 And I loved it because it took away, what alcohol did for me is it took away my fears,

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 it took away my inhibitions, it made everything okay.

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 You know, I didn't care if my mom and my stepdad beat themselves to death anymore, I had no

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 concern about that, all I was concerned about was me, you know, and around that time I started

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 working for my stepdad's tire store, so I learned how to earn money, and by the time

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 I was 16, I didn't drink every day, but I drank as often as I could, and we also started

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 smoking pot, sniffing glue, anything to get me out of my own head.

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 So by the time I was 16, I had money in the bank, I had a car, and I decided I didn't

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 want to live at my mom's house no more because she had rules, and rules didn't apply to me,

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 you know.

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 So I moved out.

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 You know, I did really good in school, I still went to school on my own, so I got an apartment

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 out in Convenience, and was going to school until my truck broke down, and work was closer

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 to school, so I quit school halfway through my senior year, which I was only supposed

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 to go like half-term, because I only had plenty of credits to graduate.

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 But when I left home at 16, I had two tools, I had a good work ethic, and I knew how to

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 drink and not fall down.

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 For me, drinking was a skill, something that you worked on, you know, and like I said,

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 I used to watch my mom at the parties, and she'd always be the last one up when everybody

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 else was passing out.

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 Well, I found out why, she had these little white pills with crosstown solvents that she

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 used to take, which, you know, helped her completely great.

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 So that was my second tool to add to my drinking.

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 I could drink all night with those little white pills, I loved it.

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 You know, and my drinking, you know, when I moved out, I basically burned my life to

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 the ground by the time I was 18.

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 The tire store closed up, my stepdad's drinking, and when he lost that, they started losing

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 the house.

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 So at 18, I wound up, I lost my own apartment, got kicked out, because I couldn't pay the

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 rent anymore, and I was drinking around the clock.

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 So my next good idea was, I'm going to join the military.

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 And I love the military, I love the structure, it did a lot for me, but also when it also

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 showed me that, you know, the military didn't care how much I drank as long as I showed

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 up to do my job, you know, which was great.

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 I was a helicopter mechanic, I was very good at my job, and, you know, when it came time

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 to re-enlist, after two years, they were going to let me go to flight school.

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 I passed all the tests, I was going to become a helicopter fighter between one of my dreams,

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 you know, but they said, "David, you need to quit drinking," you know, because at the

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 time I was getting in a few fights and couldn't see up close, because people would have a

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 chance to piss me off sometimes.

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 And that's what we did in the military, we drank and we fought, that's, you know, we

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 did that for, you know, for entertainment, not that we were mad at each other, because

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 we'd get in a fight one day and be best friends and that stuff.

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 And that's another thing I loved about alcohol, is that it would make me forget things that

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 happened the night before, you know, and so they told me, so I decided, I told the military,

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 "No, thank you," you know, "Nobody's going to tell me I haven't lived my life."

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 I got European out and I spent the next nine months traveling through Europe to a wine

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 festival, a beer festival, wherever there was a party, I went to it, and I loved it.

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 When I come back from the military, I got into construction very early on and started

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 making a lot of money, you know, and now when I was 22 years old, I wanted to get six drunk

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 drive-ins in one year in three different counties.

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 Back then, you can't, you can get away with back then, but not now.

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 I got three first defenses, one in L.A., one in San Bernardino, and one in Orange County.

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 And then about two months later, I got one in each one of those counties again.

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 And what my solution to that was just a little white powder called cocaine, you know, so

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 I got a problem, I never got another drunk drive-in again.

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 But what I did do was I got a cocaine habit that took probably every dime I earned for

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 the next 15 years, because I was doing cocaine alcoholically because I wanted to drink like

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 I wanted to drink, so I had to enhance that with that substance, and I couldn't snort

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 it no more because I burned a hole in my nose, so this guy got me out of free vacation.

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 You know, I was working, I was a heavy equipment operator and a bike layer for a big underground

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 company, and I was making a lot of money, I was making $3,000 to $4,000 a week, you

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 know, and nobody told me what to do with that money, so basically I'd buy case, Scott's

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 Buy the Case, he's gonna buy cocaine by the pound because God knows I don't want to run

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 out.

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 And you know, my 20s was a lot of fun, making a lot of money and living irresponsibly is

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 a lot of fun, went to a lot of music festivals, went to Vegas a lot, a lot of concerts, a

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 lot of parties, went out six nights a week, I mean, it was kind of a blur.

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 Honestly, I don't know how I survived it, but things started getting pretty shaky towards

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 the end of the 80s, I mean, between '86 and '89.

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 By this time, I'm smoking a quarter ounce of cocaine and I'm drinking around the clock,

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 and I'm still working 12 to 15 hour days, you know, on my job.

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 My solution to being on the job is, you know, we were working in San Diego, I was living

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 in Cucamonga, so I had this bright idea, why am I paying rent here, I bought a trigger

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 and I moved my trigger on the job, so when we were working, that's where I lived, and

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 we always had our compound right next to a bar, which is always convenient.

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 And like I said, I started having seizures from smoking coke, because of the amount I

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 was doing, and not sleeping, I was probably sleeping eight hours a week if I was lucky,

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 and that was more or less laying down and vibrating.

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 I would not do cocaine at work, I did crystal meth at work, but I still drank around the

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 clock because I always had a nice dress with me, full of beer and a bottle of Eggemeister,

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 because that was my go-to by that time.

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 You know, I was going to say, I don't know how I survived it.

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 In '89, I got a little scared, because I had a couple seizures in one night, of course

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 my girlfriend left, because I destroyed every relationship I ever got into, because they

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 would ask those hard questions, like, why do you drink so much, why are you doing so

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 much drugs, and if you start asking me those questions, you gotta go, you know, including

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 my family.

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 I basically abandoned my family, because they kept asking me the same questions.

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 And the honest truth is, I didn't have an answer for me, which is why I, you know, which

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 is why I didn't answer them, and I got to get them out of my life, because I can't answer

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 that question.

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 Why do I drink so much?

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 Because of what it does for me, you know, again, gave me that ease of comfort, it made

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 my perception of life seem manageable, so to speak, I guess, I don't know, it was insane.

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 So anyway, in '89, I got a little scared, so I talked up my stuff, threw it in my truck,

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 and of course I drove to Mama's house and said, "Mama, I need to get some help."

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 We went over to the West Side VA to a 28-day program there, you know, and I've got to be

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 honest with you, I never intended on quick drinking, but I had to get rid of that cocaine

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 head, because I knew it was killing me, and what happened was, it was a 28-day program,

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 I was in there on the second day talking to a conditioner who worked over in UCLA, and

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 for the first time I was honest about my drug use and my drinking to somebody, and she told

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 me that they had this research thing going on over at UCLA for chronic cocaine users,

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 and that would I like to join the research, and I'm like, "Well sure, I'm thinking she's

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 going to give me this magic answer to solve my drug addiction."

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 What happened was, for the next seven days, they paid me $300 a day to smoke crack while

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 they observed me, and had me answer questions, I mean, it was great, you know, and I'd go

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 back to the rehab, I'd go back to the rehab that night, and of course at an interview,

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 they had no idea what I was doing over there, you know, and somebody would bring an H9 to

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 an ambulance, so I'm sitting in the back there, blah blah blah blah, thinking about, you know,

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 what time is it, are we going back to UCLA yet?

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 So after that seven days, I asked if they had any other research things going on, and

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 they said, "Well we got this one for chronic marijuana smoking, well I haven't spoken pot

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 for 30 years, so I joined on that one for, that one was 12 days, and that one only paid

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 me $100 a day, unfortunately."

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 So basically what I got out of that rehab was about $3200 in my pocket because I collected

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 some disability, and I had this brand new plan, you know, this clinician told me, "David,

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 you're not going to quit until you're tired of living the way you're living."

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 And you know, I heard her, but I didn't hear her, so my new plan was, my problem is construction,

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 I make too much money for my own good, you know, I had no bank account because I closed

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 my bank account a long time ago, because I always had warrants after my arrest, you know,

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 people were always looking for me, at least in my mind.

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 And so my new plan was, I'm going to go to school, get a license to carry a gun, I'm

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 going to move to Vegas and become an armed spirit, I love Vegas, you can create for free

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 in Vegas, you know, that's a plan, you know, and I'll get away from the cocaine, you know,

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 this plan sounded really good to me.

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 So I did exactly that, I went out to Vegas, I still had like $3500, you know, in my pocket,

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 I got a hotel room, I go to the room, I grab the six pack of beer, I'm sitting there sipping

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 on the beer, smoking cigarette, watching the sun come down, the guy next door to me comes

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 out of the room blowing out these big puffle whites, well, it's no great familiar.

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 Long story short, three days later, I'm living underneath the bridge behind the Plaza Hotel

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 with my duffel bag, wondering what the hell happened again.

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 You know, I spent the next 10 years underneath that bridge, believe it or not, you know,

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 I still worked every day, I would, you know, I'd go out and I'd get day labored, I hooked

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 up with some guys, because I'm a hell of a worker, I could not work with two or three

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 people and I'm very talented with what I do, you know, but the minute that money would

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 hit my hand, it was like, it was a long day, I deserve a couple beers, I could have a couple

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 beers.

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 Yeah, and I'd go in and I'd have a couple beers and then I'd have a couple of shots

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 a day, and actually I know I'm stepping out the door and talking to the next few behind

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 the bar, picking up another quarter of your crap, and actually I know it's four o'clock

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 in the morning, and this went on for 10 years, day in, day out, and I gotta tell you, you

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 know, living on the streets and being around people that are on the streets, you see human

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 beings do some horrible things to each other, I mean, I don't know, alcohol helped me survive

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 that, because I don't think if I was drinking, I could have, I would have did what a friend

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 of mine did one night, I was sitting up underneath the bridge and I used to drink with this guy

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 by the railroad tracks, and I seen him walking down the tracks one night about one o'clock

202
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 in the morning, drunk as a scoundrel, and I saw him laying down on the tracks and throwing

203
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 his blanket over him, 10 minutes later, the Amtrak took him away, you know, and my thought

204
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:10,720
 was like, okay, we're gonna put that back here, if it ever gets that bad, you know,

205
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 that'd look painless, but you know, what happened was how I got off the streets out there was

206
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 my mom got sick with her diabetes, and apparently I'd given my sister a number of a guide that

207
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 I worked for in Vegas, and he came downtown to downtown Las Vegas and found me sitting

208
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 in the clock on a del on Sunday, which is where I spent my Sundays, because I had champagne

209
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 brunch for free, and told me I had to get home to see my mom's student dying, he bought

210
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 me a plane ticket, because I didn't have anybody, and God bless his family, I had to go back

211
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 and do an event with him, I'll get to that in a minute, because that's kind of funny,

212
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:52,300
 but I went back home, you know, I went to my, I went and saw my mom at the hospital,

213
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 she died the next day, you know, when she saw me, and you know, my brother and sister,

214
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 they basically, I have a little brother that's 11 years younger than me, and they helped

215
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 clean out the house, and then they left, and so I stayed there with my stepdad, and we

216
00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:11,560
 decided to buy a house over in Whittier, and at this time when I came back, I, you know,

217
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 I got rid of the cocaine habit, I just quit cocaine, I just couldn't do it no more, but

218
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 I went back, you know, I never stopped drinking, but I did get away from the anger, I just

219
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:25,120
 went to, you know, maintaining, I guess you would call controlling my, controlling and

220
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 enjoying my drink, or I was controlling it, because I wasn't enjoying it, because when

221
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,960
 you drink like that, it just makes it worse, as far as I'm concerned.

222
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 My problem when I don't drink the way I want to drink, is I'm left with every reason why

223
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 I did, and I'm left with all the things that I did in my past that I can't live with, because

224
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 I was a liar, a cheat, and a thief, and I hurt a lot of people along the way, a lot

225
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 of them, there were strangers, no, you would think hurting a stranger wouldn't bother you,

226
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 but when you wake up with that on your mind in the morning, I get a drink, I've got to

227
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 make that stuff go down, and I thought I'd drowned all that crap, but all of a sudden

228
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 this stuff starts floating through the top every morning, and that's how I'm waking up,

229
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 you know.

230
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,760
 I used to call waking up pissed off, my sponsor called me restless, irritable, and discontent,

231
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:12,600
 you know, I'm like, that's it, I've been waking up that way for years, you guys have words

232
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,000
 for this, what happened here?

233
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 And so over the next six years, I was living there one year with my stepfather, my mom

234
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 had died, my stepfather worked 37 years for his school district, and when he retired,

235
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 basically, he was drunk, basically, he'd wake up in the morning, have a cup of coffee, and

236
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 then he'd drink beer all day long, scratch in the evening, and then pass out, and you

237
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,960
 know, and I'm watching him, his health go to hell, and I'm watching him, you know, drink

238
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 himself to death, mind you, I'm in the garage doing my thing, and by this time, after about

239
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:49,960
 the second year, in Whittier, like I said, my drink was somewhat controllable for about

240
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,620
 six months, and then I thought, yeah, you might stream back into the picture, because

241
00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:57,720
 I love that stuff, it gets me there, I could time, I could take two shots, and I could

242
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:01,460
 time it, it's like, after about two minutes, it's like, oh, here we are, the problem is

243
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:06,200
 that you just gotta maintain that throughout the day, oh, and my sister moved to, moved

244
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 to Kansas, so basically, I felt like I was stuck with my stepdad, and I'm watching him

245
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:16,800
 drink himself to death, basically, I'm looking at my future, and I got on December 1st of

246
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:22,360
 2006, I woke up very irritable, very discontent, my stepfather just got out of the hospital

247
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:27,120
 with pneumonia, he's smoking two packs a day, and he's still drinking throughout the day,

248
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:31,440
 you know, throughout the day, and I went to the garage, I called my sister, cussed her

249
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:36,760
 out, knocked my sister about nine o'clock at night, I found myself inside that house,

250
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:41,880
 cussing my stepfather out, telling him how he ruined my life, how he caused my mother's

251
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,880
 death, and if he didn't straighten his shit out, I was gonna dig a hole and throw his

252
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:51,080
 ass in, which probably wasn't very smart, I was holding on to handheld crossbow, which

253
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:56,400
 I modified to shoot 60 and couldn't get under the stucco wall, and I wasn't gonna shoot

254
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:01,720
 him with it, you know, I think he took it all wrong, but long story short, an hour later

255
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:07,520
 I was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon, a felony assault on an elder, and a felony

256
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:12,760
 terrorist stretch, I woke up from one year in jail, asking the judge, what the hell,

257
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:17,520
 it was just a drunken army, you know, in my mind, I mean, I could picture the whole thing,

258
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,280
 I didn't see what the problem was, but now I'm looking at six years in prison, you know,

259
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:28,960
 and they had me up at Wayside for, they gave me six months, six years of felony probation,

260
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:33,040
 with a six year suspended sentence hanging over my head, and they let me out of jail

261
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:39,240
 on January 1st of 2006, they should have released me earlier, but I had a restraining order

262
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,320
 hearing on the 29th, so they wanted to make sure I was locked up, that I didn't make it

263
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:47,360
 to the restraining order hearing, so when I got out of there, I basically had to close

264
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:53,120
 on my back, because in that 30 day period, my stepfather got rid of all my tools, got

265
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:57,800
 rid of my truck, all my clothes, and had a three year restraining order in Michigan,

266
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:03,200
 the only other person that would actually talk to me was my natal father in San Bernardino,

267
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:08,680
 I spent the next 26 days across the street, and this guy that I smoked crystal meth, he

268
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,400
 was living in their garage, trying to come up with another plan, because this was not

269
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:16,360
 the first time that I've burnt my life to the ground, I had done it several times over

270
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:20,600
 the years, but something was different this time, I couldn't come up with another excuse,

271
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:27,120
 you know, or drink myself up into, drink myself into another plan, and what happened was,

272
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:33,120
 you know, on the 27th, I was tired and I was desperate, and this girl that was living in

273
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:38,160
 the house, I saw her, she stashed a bunch of sleeping pills, and I got a hold of them,

274
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,520
 drank those things down, I wrote in the back of this bible that I brought back from jail,

275
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:47,160
 and, you know, God, I have no family to speak of, contact the VA, they'll get rid of the

276
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,280
 bottom, but I washed those pills down with the cordia in my suit.

277
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,680
 What happened with that was about three hours later, apparently after I tore that garage

278
00:19:54,680 --> 00:20:00,040
 apart, took the shelves down, I, yeah, Irene come into the garage and said, "David, you

279
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:04,720
 gotta go," and I walked out of that garage cold stone, so we went up, I need to get to

280
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,280
 San Bernardino, talk to my dad, and I need to get myself some help, because I knew there

281
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:14,240
 was a VA out there in San Bernardino level, which is actually where I was born, and, you

282
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,240
 know, I wanted to get some help.

283
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:21,200
 When I got to my dad's, my step-mom, of course, I called my half-brother and half-sister,

284
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:25,040
 and that Sunday morning, they had a little pow-wow at church about what are they going

285
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,880
 to do with David because I showed up.

286
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:31,040
 They knew my dad wouldn't ask me to leave, for a lot of reasons, a lot of it was his

287
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:36,400
 own guilt for not being in my life for a lot of it, and I, you know, I played on that.

288
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,880
 What happened was this friend of his family that I knew when we were kids, a guy named

289
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:47,440
 Raymond P., showed up at church that day, and got into a conversation, and he asked

290
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,480
 him, "Wait a minute, before you guys go attack him, let me talk to him."

291
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,640
 You know, Raymond came to the help house, and as far as last time I saw Raymond, he

292
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,920
 was living on the streets of San Bernardino, the help was harrowing that.

293
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,920
 I honestly thought he'd be dead.

294
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:04,560
 When he told me, "David, if you want some help, I went to this program called New Directions

295
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,440
 at Westside VA, it's a year-long program.

296
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,400
 They've got a lawyer that will help you out with your legal issues.

297
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,440
 Do you want to go?"

298
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,600
 Yeah, I mean, Raymond looked great, and so I said yes.

299
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:20,560
 Now alcohol can play there, too, because they were going to get me right up to that Sunday

300
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:25,120
 morning, and before we got in the car, I had to stop at the liquor store and get me a half-pinty

301
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:29,440
 a divisor and get me a 24-ounce Budweiser, and I'd drive taffeta drinks to Aberdeen

302
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:35,200
 and Brentwood to get me through that front door, because what you didn't see, a little

303
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:39,840
 disclaimer, this is not what I looked like when I walked into that program.

304
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,560
 I had hair all the way down my back, I had a mustache down to here, I had four teeth

305
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:48,640
 up in my head, and what you couldn't see is I had a hole in my soul that you could drive

306
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:53,600
 the truck through, and I was desperate, you know, desperate enough to ask for help, probably

307
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:58,480
 for the first time in my life, you know, and out of that desperation, I found the ability

308
00:21:58,480 --> 00:21:59,760
 to hear somebody else.

309
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:05,520
 I went up to detox that night, a six-foot-four black man sat across the table from me, and

310
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,880
 he looked me straight in the eye and said, "David, your problem's not drugs and alcohol,

311
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:09,760
 your problem's you."

312
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,960
 And I slid back in my chair, and I'm like, "How the hell can you say that?

313
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:13,840
 You don't even know me."

314
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,840
 And for the next 10 minutes, this man went on to tell me about how he lived on the streets

315
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,520
 of Compton, pushing a cart, drinking and smoking every day when he didn't want to.

316
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,280
 You know, he had a big book, an old big book sitting in front of him, and he slid across

317
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,800
 to me and said, "I found myself in that book, I think you're playing yourself."

318
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,760
 And I tried to give it back to him, he said, "No, I want you to keep this."

319
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:35,520
 And he said, "I want you to pass that on to me as you help other people."

320
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,280
 You know, and I'm grateful for that program.

321
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:41,680
 It was a year-long program, a lot of it's structured, to say the least.

322
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:46,640
 We weren't allowed to go anywhere for 30 days, and anywhere we went for the next six months,

323
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:50,400
 we had to have somebody else with us, nothing alone.

324
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:54,880
 But what that program did for me is it gave me time to work this program like it's designed

325
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,000
 in the big book.

326
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,120
 After about 30 days, I went to a meeting over in Brentwood.

327
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:04,560
 It was a three-person panel, and I see it as gratitude now, but at the time, this was

328
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,080
 like my second AA meeting.

329
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:10,240
 These people were emotional and crying in the beginning, the middle, and the end of

330
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:10,880
 the story.

331
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,360
 And I'm like, "Oh, God, shoot me now.

332
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:16,080
 If I'm going to do this the rest of my life, I'm going to drink."

333
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:20,960
 And then the next week, one of the guys in the house talked about going to this meeting

334
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,680
 on the other end of campus, which was Sunday night, Ohio.

335
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,520
 You know, and I walked into that room.

336
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:30,560
 I got greeted at the front door with this long greeting line, you know, with smiles,

337
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:31,520
 very welcoming.

338
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,480
 I go out to the parking lot, people are laughing and joking.

339
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,840
 I'm like, "I don't know what the hell they're doing here, but I could do this."

340
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:43,440
 You know, and I've been part of that meeting for the last 19 years, and that became my

341
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,440
 home group, Pacific Room became my home group.

342
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:50,160
 I got a sponsor over on that wall, you know, and I didn't know it at the time, but he

343
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,080
 only had like two months to ride.

344
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:58,240
 But what he did have was 15 years in and out of AA, and so he walked me through the book

345
00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,840
 as his design.

346
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:04,880
 But what he also did is he shared his mistakes with me, you know, and he helped me build

347
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,240
 a solid foundation.

348
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:12,160
 I stayed in that program for a year, not because I wanted to, because at six months, I was

349
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:12,400
 well.

350
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,080
 I was ready to go and start going to work, put my life back together, and he's like,

351
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,080
 "David, why don't you finish what you started?

352
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,000
 Have you ever finished what you started?"

353
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,280
 You know, and that hit home.

354
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,400
 He'd ask those questions again that I didn't have answers for.

355
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,160
 I couldn't deny what he was saying.

356
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,720
 And Mark and I walked this path.

357
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,440
 He taught me how to be a service dentist, you know.

358
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,440
 We had some old-timers in our group that got sick, and he had me, by the minute I got a

359
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,480
 truck, he had me go picking them up, bringing them to meetings.

360
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:43,120
 And those old-timers saved my life, because they not only shared the blessing to alcoholics

361
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:47,280
 anonymous, but they also shared, you know, the mistakes that they made in hopes that

362
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,600
 I wouldn't cause more damage.

363
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,800
 Just my friend Gary used to tell me, "You're going to make the same mistakes."

364
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:57,280
 But hopefully, if I can give you a heads up, you won't, you know, won't have to make

365
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,640
 as many events as I did.

366
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:04,080
 And being a service, it saved my butt, you know, in more ways than one.

367
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,160
 I got involved with the SoCal convention.

368
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:12,720
 I went to my first SoCal in 2007, and I made the mistake of telling my sponsor how much

369
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,200
 I enjoyed it, and he's totally made this investment.

370
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:19,600
 Well, in January, they have planning meetings the second Sunday of every month, why don't

371
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,920
 you go there and see how they put a convention together.

372
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,480
 And I've been doing that since then.

373
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:28,640
 In 2023, they voted me as chairman, if you want to call it that.

374
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,480
 Basically, I guess it was my turn.

375
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,200
 They nominated me, and then they closed nominations.

376
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:40,160
 It didn't sound like much of a, didn't sound like I had much of a choice, but I love that

377
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,920
 because it really opened up my fellowship beyond my whole group.

378
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:49,920
 I mean, I go on to the Pacific group, which is a huge group, but I can go anywhere and

379
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,960
 feel the part of like, you know, I was looking for this place.

380
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:57,600
 Just before I got to the driveway, I see one of the guys in the suit and another guy standing

381
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,480
 there, so I said, "Okay, here's where I'm going."

382
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,760
 You know, it's during COVID.

383
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:06,880
 I couldn't stay in the Zoom meeting, so I, you know, I was, I go to the beach every morning

384
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,760
 and watch the sun come up because I live in Santa Monica, number one.

385
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,480
 Oh, but that's where I talk to God every morning.

386
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,760
 You know, I share my plan with God, and I say, "Okay, what do you got?"

387
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:21,360
 You know, but, you know, my life is, well, my point as far as the convention goes, in

388
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:24,320
 2023, I was chairman of SoCal Convention.

389
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,320
 If you don't think God has a sense of humor.

390
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,800
 The real funny thing about that is on the property where we had the convention at, which

391
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:36,320
 was city of industry, was, oh, probably a block, block and a half more I grew up on.

392
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:41,280
 It was on that property when I was 12 years old when I picked my first drink, and 55 years

393
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:45,680
 later, I'm leading a meeting with 2,000 people, and it was all synonymous.

394
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:51,520
 Yeah, I mean, it's like going full circle, but it was, you know, for me, it was really

395
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:56,080
 amazing to wake up in the morning, I'm looking out at the balcony on the 11th floor, and

396
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,840
 I'm looking at my junior high school where I used to drink beer at lunchtime when I was

397
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:04,000
 in seventh grade, you know, and now I'm sitting up there leading an AA convention.

398
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,360
 And it's just by showing up, I'm nothing special, you know.

399
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:11,760
 My first sponsor of mine died at four and a half years, he took another drink, you know,

400
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,600
 and within a year, he was dead.

401
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:18,480
 And when he got me, when I got him as a sponsor, he gave me his phone number.

402
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:23,760
 He gave me this gentleman named David, David Alman, and so on, and he gave me this guy

403
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,440
 named Tom B, his phone number.

404
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,040
 I'm like, okay, I've got yours.

405
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:28,240
 Well, who are these two guys?

406
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,560
 He said, that's my sponsor, that's his sponsor.

407
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,480
 Anything happens to me, you go to him.

408
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,400
 Anything happens to him, you go to him.

409
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:39,120
 Tom B is my sponsor now, because two years ago, my sponsor of 14 years, he gave it out

410
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:42,320
 and he passed away from health complications.

411
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:47,520
 But what that man did for me, not only, not from what he said, but through his actions,

412
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:52,000
 Tom would have lived, you know, in gratitude every day, no matter what's going on.

413
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:57,040
 My father got sick and I went to the hospital and go see him, you know, he's laying in this

414
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,720
 bed and it didn't look like my father.

415
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,160
 He was old, he was emancipated, and I got scared.

416
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,720
 That was probably the closest I've ever had to taking a drink.

417
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:09,120
 And I went outside and called my sponsor up now, and of course he answered the phone and

418
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:13,440
 he went on to share with me almost the exact same thing that happened with his father.

419
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,880
 And what he told me was, he said, David, there's nothing you can do for him.

420
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:21,920
 He says, your job is to make your family feel better, but also the most important thing

421
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,680
 is to let your father know that you're going to be okay if he leaves, you know, to give

422
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,520
 him the peace of mind to be able to leave this earth without worrying about you.

423
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:33,680
 Because what I didn't understand when I got, when I was out there drinking is the harm

424
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:34,880
 I did to my family.

425
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,400
 My family didn't know where I was at 99% of the damn time.

426
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:44,880
 And when I did show up, I had a bunch, I was either in jail, going to jail, broke, you

427
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,560
 know, I needed something.

428
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:52,080
 And when my life was going good, there was nowhere, I was nowhere to be found, you know?

429
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:57,680
 And that's, that's the selfish and self-segregation that I didn't think I had, you know, but I

430
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,200
 did and Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me to make all that right.

431
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:06,640
 You know, my little brother got married in Kansas, I think I was about six years sober.

432
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:11,120
 My niece came up to me and she had a couple glasses of wine and she looked at me and she

433
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:11,840
 gave me a hug.

434
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,600
 She said, Uncle David, I used to hate you.

435
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,000
 I'm like, what, what did I ever do to you?

436
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:21,760
 She said, David, growing up, my mom used to cry herself to sleep every night not knowing

437
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:22,560
 where you were at.

438
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:27,600
 My sister and I were very close and I didn't, you know, I didn't know I affected her up

439
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:32,400
 bringing to that extent, you know, this woman don't drink because of what she saw, you know,

440
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:33,440
 myself and her mother.

441
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:37,120
 You know, a couple of years ago, my sister got sick.

442
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,280
 She had cancer, she beat it.

443
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,120
 And, and then it came back.

444
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,680
 And when I got the news, I jumped on a plane.

445
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:48,560
 I actually bought two plane tickets, called my niece up and we flew to Kansas and she

446
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:49,920
 was in hospice for a while.

447
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:54,960
 Then she got better, you know, cancer had spread everywhere and she didn't want any

448
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:55,760
 more treatment.

449
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,040
 And so my niece, I asked my niece, I said, what do you want to do?

450
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:00,320
 And she said, I want to bring her home.

451
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:01,440
 But I said, okay, let's go.

452
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,040
 Where are we going to put her?

453
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:04,160
 I'm like in my apartment.

454
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,240
 I said, I got a two bedroom apartment.

455
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,200
 My sister spent her last two months in my house.

456
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:14,800
 The first month was alright because we used to be able to go to the beach and be conscious

457
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:15,760
 most of the time.

458
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,800
 But the second month, you know, she basically figured the way.

459
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:23,520
 But the day she died, I get up that morning just before I got to the beach, I go in the

460
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,160
 bedroom and I brush her hair and ask her how she was doing.

461
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,640
 And her last words to me was, David, thank you.

462
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:29,440
 I'm at peace.

463
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,320
 You know, and that's, that's, that's all synonymous.

464
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,360
 I couldn't have done that without what I was taught this year.

465
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,120
 So if you're new, please stay around.

466
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:38,560
 You've got to get a life in front of you.

467
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:39,200
 Thank you.