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 My name is Steve. I'm an alcoholic. Very glad to be here. Very glad to be anywhere alive

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 and sobering member of alcoholics anonymous and most particularly member of the USR group

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 of Northridge. That's my home group now. And when I sobered up that group didn't even exist

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 yet. My family drank whether or not they were alcoholics. I'm not so sure. But I'm never

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 going to a party one night and everybody's making jokes as my dad threw up his teeth

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 into the toilet. There's a good chance that maybe he was an alcoholic. But you know, I

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 was around people who drank all the time. And it looked pretty enjoyable to me. I just

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 couldn't wait. You know, I was about 12 years old when the first party that we went to that

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 everybody left the living room because the jam session was happening in the next room

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 and there's a couple of beers there. And also me and this other guy down some beers that

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 way. Oh, where's my beer? Where's my we don't know. That was part of the obsession. It's

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 like, in those days, it was like, what can you get away with? There's a lot of things

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 that had to get away with. And, you know, I was I was otherwise a good kid. I always

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 went to school and did my stuff at school. I got good grades until I was a teenager.

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 And now now I have some friends and we would ride our bicycles. We'd go by the railroad

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 tracks over here in Northridge and and we would smoke cigarettes and throw rocks and

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 stupid stuff like that. And that was just, you know, the very beginning of my rebellious

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 nature. And I just kept that kind of thing going. Eventually, I got a car 16 years old

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 when I went and got my driver's license. I already had a car ready for me. And all of

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 a sudden I had all the friends I can fit into it. And it was a kind of a big cars in 1961

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 Ford Fairland. Why? And it was fun. And then I wrecked it one month after I got my driver's

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 license. And I hadn't started drinking yet, but I was soon to. And, you know, my life

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 went on that way. My friends and I would get together, we would get some money together.

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 We asked somebody at the liquor store, go and get us some white port or if we had girls

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 with us, it was in the auto or something like that. And we would drink that stuff. One of

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 our favorites was Old English 800. It wasn't just beer. It was malt liquor, I think. Supposedly.

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 Anyway. And always the cheapest stuff, you know, because, you know, we weren't doing

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 any more bread share. And then a little later, one of our friends got a job at a liquor store.

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 And there's a nice way to get liquor delivered to you. All we had to do is have at least

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 a fake ID that somebody could show that there's a 21er there somewhere. And that's the way

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 we party. We, a friend of ours worked at the, one of our group, he had worked at the, what

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 used to be the Vons Market over, let's see where, oh, it's still there. It's still the

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 Vons Market. The one on Victory and Tampa. And we would go stand under the window on

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 the backside of the building and he would drop booze down to us and we'd catch bottles

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 of liquor and six packs of beer at a time and stuff. And got away with that for a while.

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 No job yet because nobody caught him. And, you know, we just kept, kept on that way.

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 When I was 17, I decided that, you know, I didn't need school anymore. I didn't do high

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 school. Dropped out of high school and I enlisted in the service. I went in the army and I really

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 wanted to go into the military. I really, I wanted to go, I really wanted to go to Vietnam

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 because I had talked my, my sister's first husband, he, he had been there and he had

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 been in the military. He's one of the guys that was, was signed up under a four year

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 commitment. Took him five years to do that time because he spent a lot of time in the

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 stockade and, and, uh, he would tell me about how, how cheap all the drugs were over there

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 and all the, um, the other things that soldiers do. And, um, I said, that's, that's, that's

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 my goal. That's what I want to do. I want to go with that. I want to get that. I want

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 to get all that stuff cheap and everything, you know? And, you know, my, my story is that

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 my alcohol is always my go to business, my staple item. And then the extracurricular

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 stuff was whatever you brought to the party. And that could be, you know, LSD or it could

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 be just some double-cross whites or, or any of that kind of stuff. I did a lot of it.

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 No, but that wasn't my primary problem. It was alcohol. I always had that. And, um, I

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 spent some time in the military. They didn't send me to Vietnam. Thank God. They sent me

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 to Germany. So, you know, there's just as much, there's a lot of beer there. And this

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 was in 1972 and there was, um, every town had its own beer and that's, that's what I

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 call the original craft beers, right? You know, nowadays we, every beer is a craft beer.

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 I'd never tasted one of them, but when I was in Germany, it was every, every town we went

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 to, or belonged to a team of soccer players. We pretended like we were soccer players.

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 And, uh, we, it was, uh, it was, uh, go around the German neighborhoods and, and get to play

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 soccer with the German people because, uh, you know, it's a community awareness community.

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 And I just couldn't believe how much those people could drink, you know, and it was fun.

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 We had never won a game. Matter of fact, that we, if we ever scored, I don't remember, um,

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 but we, uh, they threw parties afterwards. After the game was done, we'd go have a party

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 with them and they'd have keggers all over the place. All this time, I'm just, I'm just

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 building up my, uh, I don't want to say my war stories. And then all the things that

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 we did had, um, at one time I decided that I wanted to, I wanted to deal some drugs because

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 I wanted to be able to fund my, uh, activities. And, um, and I used to deal hash and the soldiers

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 would buy it for me till later. I found out that the same guy that was selling me, the,

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 the wholesale was, um, selling it cheaper to somebody else. So they get, they were making

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 more money than me. That's what kind of businessmen and, and, um, and there was, there was trouble.

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 We had, uh, occasionally there was blacks versus whites because, uh, they've just was

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 that way in the seventies, you know? And, um, only that never really lasted very long

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 cause we all party together. Yeah. And, uh, no, when I met back, uh, back home, I, uh,

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 just picked up where I left off. You know, I would get drunk and I would drink so much

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 that I would pass out and throw up at the same time. So that was a mess quite often.

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 And that went on for a few more years, another dozen years, maybe, you know, actually it's

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 probably less than that. But anyway, oh, there's one thing I did when I was 16 years old. Now

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 the first time I ever went to an AME it was, uh, I believe by mistake. A friend of mine

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 and I were walking around the beautiful downtown Reseda right down here, the corner of, uh,

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 Reseda Boulevard and, and, uh, Shimmer Way where the Pat's store used to be, where the

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 Alanis Club used to be at the top. Only I didn't know it was the Alanis Club. All I

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 knew was that my buddy and I were looking to steal a battery out of a car somewhere

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 because my battery was dead. And we, uh, we, we heard this applause and laughter and we,

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 we went and checked it out and they gave us some copy and we sat down and the room was

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 a little dark. There was a guy giving a drunk a while, like, I'm doing that. And he said,

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 no, it's not for us. We left. And there's, there's a whole lot of trouble that I nearly

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 got into. Me and that same guy, we tried to rob two pharmacies, or actually two of them.

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 The first one, it worked out fine. We, we busted the glass door. We went and hid and

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 looked over the hill, you know, see if anybody was going to come and they didn't. They said,

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 all right, there's no alarm. We went in and stole some drugs. And another time we, we

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 tried to do that. And instead of just him and me, it was four of us. And we busted the

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 door open a little differently, but we busted it open. And, uh, and we went and hid somewhere.

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 We didn't hide very well. And when the cops came around to check out the store, they saw

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 us in a car. We were pretending like we were sleeping and they were threatening us. They

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 compared the crowbar in the, in the trunk to the scratches on the door. And I don't think

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 they had anything going on there, but you know, I spent a weekend in jail at that time

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 and, uh, you know, it was just story after story like that. And, uh, you know, I, I was

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 doing, um, doing heroin for a while because one of those, uh, one of those pharmacies

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 had a good supply of needles, you know, outfits, you know, all nine others. I partook in that

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 with my buddy. Cause you know, we had it there. It's what we were going to do. And I showed

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 it to this girl. I started dating and she freaked out. I just said, you know, maybe

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 I shouldn't do that kind of stuff. And then somebody quit poking needles in my arm, but

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 they didn't stop me from drinking. They didn't stop me from doing a lot of other drugs. Um,

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 and uh, you know, eventually we got married. Now this girl saw me at my worst. She married

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 me anyway, you know, and her parents were lovely people. And I think I fell in love

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 more with her parents than I did with her, but, um, they were Italian and her mother

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 was the best cook as ever existed. And, um, and she probably still is. She's really old

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 now though. And, uh, man, we got married and she just started my beers. We really need

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 that so much beer or whatever it is we're drinking. One year on an Easter Sunday, we

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 went to a family event, um, her family or her cousin who made his own wine, big old

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 wine vat in the backyard, you know, and, and, uh, and he would fill up a one gallon jug

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 and he had them out on the tables outside. And most of them spoke Italian to each other.

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 So I didn't get into that crowd too much, but I I'd like to be in there with one of

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 the bottles of wine next to me. And, and I would pour some in the glass and I'd drink

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 it down or a little more in my glass. And my wife said, I don't know how you did it

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 because your glass was never full. It's never going to leave my quest. Uh, anyway, I drank

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 too much. And there were, there were many people that hung around with a party with

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 that, that I would look at and say, man, if I ever got that as him, I'd have to do something

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 about my drinking. You know, I was in control. And when the wife started getting that, she

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 says, you know, you drank too much. I think we should separate. Oh, we separated. And

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 I moved and moved in with my mom, lived with her. I think we did that for about a month,

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 maybe, maybe two. And, uh, and my mom said, look, you're not moving with me forever. So

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 I'll pay you to have to go to the marriage council. So my first, uh, contact with a mental

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 health professional and, uh, I would go there and, uh, get a cup of coffee before I go into

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 the session. And, and I was putting some sugar in my coffee. I usually just drank it regular

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 black and I started putting sugar in my coffee. And she made that statement where, you know,

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 when alcoholics stop drinking, they, they have to replace some of the sugar, but they,

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 they lose by not drinking. So I stopped putting sugar in my coffee and, uh, went to the therapist

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 for a while. And I was, I was beginning, I was beginning to see a beginning to feel that

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 I was beginning to know that I was that guy that's getting too bad. And, uh, finally,

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 uh, we had had this marriage counselor when we were separated and, uh, I had gone to a

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 friend's house and she was best friends with his wife. So I went there and I got drunk

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 that night and I was going to stay on their couch. So I wasn't trying to control. I was

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 just on it. And, uh, and then he got drunk and they got the arguing over, um, him commenting

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 about my marriage, you know, cause I was there cause I've separated and all that. And, um,

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 so I decided because they were in a real argument and then went home and on the way home, I

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 totaled my family car. It was a 1975 Grand Prix, a nice car only lasted a few months

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 for me. And, uh, it had a few of those. And, uh, so I was at this, I was at my in-law's

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 house one day and I was putting a new starter in the car in, um, my mother-in-law's car.

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 This guy comes over, he says, his name is Ralph and he's an alcoholic and he has seven

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 drunk driving arrests in the state of Colorado. He doesn't drink anymore because he goes,

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 Hey, and okay. I know he talked to me. I don't know for how long. And I sure think he said

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 a lot more than that, but that was what I heard. And that's what I needed to hear. And,

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 uh, it didn't happen right away. A couple of weeks later, maybe I called him up and

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 he started taking meetings. He took me to a meeting where, where the USR group meets

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 now in the same room. And on a Tuesday night at that time, it was a little bit different

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 kind of meeting and it was a mixed meeting. And, uh, and that first night I was introduced

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 to this young lady. She was, I think they said she was 21 years old and she had four

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 years of sobriety. And I said, well, if she can do those, I can, you know, maybe this,

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 this is going to happen. You know, I still kept coming around. I kept listening to make

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 sure I listened and I heard my story. Even in the guy that was in the front of the room

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 with a dent in his forehead. I think his name was Earl and he, uh, I always studied then

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 in a bar fight or something, got that thing. And I found out later that, um, actually it

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 was his wife that gave that, uh, anyway. Uh, and he had spent half his life in prison behind

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 bars and not all at once. I mean, you know, a little here, a little there, a few years

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 there, um, just kept going back. He finally sobered up, but, um, and identified with him

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 because of how this insidious disease takes over everything, you know, and we have no

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 defense. The compulsion to do stupid stuff is, is as part of that, uh, alcoholism. And,

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 um, when I knew that if I had stayed drunk, I'd have, I'd have really gotten stupid. I'd

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 have, I'd have been behind bars eventually. I'd spent some, you know, overnight, a weekend

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 in a holding cell before I was never really, uh, the only thing I ever really got booked

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 for was possession of marijuana. And it was about a gram. I had, you know, just about

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 enough for a joint. And, uh, initially it was a felon. They dropped the charges to,

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 uh, the serving the piece. I was good. I got it expunged and that all cleared up. I think

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 that puts me in the category of one of those that says he stopped in time, you know, and

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 I just can't think of any other way to put that. Um, and in some of it, I was afraid

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 to drink. I was afraid to go farther down. And, um, I, uh, started going to meetings

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 on a regular basis. One night, this, uh, this woman heard me talk from that meeting I was

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 going to in the beginning was, uh, it was a podium participation, a problem discussion

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 meeting. And, uh, and that, what that meant was if you got something to get off your chest,

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 you got to raise your hand, you got to get up there right away because otherwise, you

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 know, you won't get the opportunity. And, uh, so I would get up there just about every

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 week and I'd have something that's usually about my wife, but then we, uh, we did get

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 back together when I sobered up. And, uh, the people in that room were the ones that

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 I remember giving me the foundation of alcohol somehow. Um, and one of them, uh, was a guy

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 by the name of Bill Smith. Now, um, Ralph was my first sponsor. He was the guy that

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 first took me to meetings, but I decided I needed this guy that was big and loud and

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 sounded tough. I needed somebody like that. So I asked him to be my sponsor and, um, he

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 told me you got to go to these meetings here, you know, and, and I didn't go into those

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 meetings that way. I don't know if that's why he fired me later or not. 30 days he fired

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 me. So you're not willing to work a program. I did not get drunk. I, uh, I wasn't gonna

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 let that interrupt my sobriety. Um, you know, a year later when I took a cake, um, I asked

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 him to give me a cake at one of the meetings so that he knew that he had that impact on

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 me. And, um, I have a wedge, uh, a few sponsors. My sobriety date is July 3rd of 1981. So,

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 um, there's been a lot of time there and, um, except for the sponsor I have currently,

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 um, they've all passed away. Not necessarily while they weren't my sponsor, but, you know,

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 they've gone to that big meeting in this, um, and I'm grateful to every single one of

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 them and the other people that went in that meeting and other meetings that were influential

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 in my sobriety. Usually I like to drop names and show me wherever they know me. Ziggy was

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 one, a few others. And now, um, with the first wife and I, after five years of sobriety,

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 it was five years drunk and five years of sober. And we still didn't like each other.

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 So, um, we got divorced and, um, she kept the house. It was over here on Sherman Way.

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 We lived there for a long time and, uh, and she kept the house for a long time. We bought

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 it at, at $37,900 in 1977. And, uh, and, uh, she sold it for over half a million about

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 five years ago. So I don't know what it's worth now, but, um, anyways, I, uh, I started

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 going to meetings on a regular basis. Uh, some of it was because this guy by the name

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 of Bill Smith, that loud guy, uh, always said he had the first name of one co-founder in

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 the last name of the other. And, uh, he was destined to be here and I'll call it smiles.

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 And, uh, I, uh, I asked this other guy to be my sponsors and it was Bill Pippen. And,

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 uh, he was a great guy. He was a part of the Burghay. So a lot of times in the east part

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 of the valley, it was kind of far away from that. We went to him and he was kind of a

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 circuit speaker, so he was kind of busy a lot and I never knew where he was. And that's

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 because I never called him. Um, so that sponsorship is allowed, especially after we started doing

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 my fifth step. And then I've got to look at that fourth category there, you know, what,

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 what's the driving force behind life. So then I found this other guy, Doug, and, uh, another

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 great man. He was my sponsor for approximately 20 years, maybe a little more before he passed

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 away. And he did pass away while he was my sponsor. And, and I didn't know how to react

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 to that. It took me a while before I started looking for somebody else to be my sponsor.

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 And I had that in mind, I don't know how big of a sponsor Mike Kerry, I don't know if you

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 know him, but he was, he was not a great guy, but he passed away before he became my sponsor.

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 You can't stop it. Um, I found that it stays sober for a long time. People start dying

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 that, you know, and sometimes a little more unexpected than otherwise. After I had separated

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 from my first wife, I was, I started hanging around a group of guys, we started to get

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 together and have a poker game once a week. We did it on Friday night, and it was a lot

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 of fun to get together and play a little poker, you know, nothing big, you know, nobody was

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 losing their shirt. And we just had fun together. And I moved in with this guy. He was kind

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 of new, and he asked me to come live with him in this house. And we started a meeting

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 there on that Friday night. We, we would play poker and then have a meeting. And then one

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 night, we got a few calls about people trying to find out where the house was where we had

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 because we were in the house. And I said, Mark, we got to get more chairs. We had about

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 30 people coming in one night, you know, and that went on for a while. We called it the

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 Westhale spiritual, and we read the appendix in the back of the book on spiritual experience.

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 And my spiritual experience is one of those that's an educational variety, because I've

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 been sober a long time because all these things that I have in my life that are good because

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 I'm sober, you know, I know that they're all from God. And we used to call them God shots.

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 Anyway, getting here, I guess I've talked a little too much on the first part. I have

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 been sober a long time. And I had a period of sobriety where I had docked off from meetings

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 for a little while I go into one a month for maybe about a year. And I said, I got to change

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 something again. And I started looking for a new home group because my work schedule

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 changed and I couldn't go to the one I was going to at the time on Monday nights. I went

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 back Tuesday night to the same place that I started at that meeting that was there was

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 not there anymore. And it was this book study group. Then after and I finally found a sponsor

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 that I can talk to and listen to. And I was Bob Fisher, I actually knew him since we were

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 both new. He had just a little over 60 days more than me. And so he was my sponsor until

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 he passed away two years ago. And now David is my is my sponsor. I love Alcoholics Phenomenonist.

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 The USR group is a group of men that get together, they help each other. And we also do a lot

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 of activities. Last night we were at the convention at midnight for a marathon meeting. And we

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 do that every year. And we do aquathons. And I need that. I was lucky enough to be secretary

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 of that meeting for a while. And they made me work for it. Come on, I've been sober a

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 long time. And isn't supposed to go one minute. Anyway, it's all about service. And I've been

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 to H&I. Matter of fact, I got to serve as the director of H&I for a year, way back when.

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 And Bob Fisher is the one that kind of shuffled me in there long before he ever became my

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 sponsor. And I'm really enjoying life. I did marry again. And we have a 20, he's 23 now,

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 next month to be 23. And he, he's a great kid. I'm just going to say when, when my first

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 wife and I were separated, we went to the convention at the same time, she took the

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 kids to Alateen. And for a while I was bringing them to this, I guess it's not this room another

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 room like it. And I was bringing them to Alateen meetings. And that's it. Thank you very much.