My name is Chloe and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic.
My sobriety date is October the 21st, 1957.
And I thank you for the invitation
to your group meeting tonight.
And I think about coming into this fellowship,
what it meant to me.
I knew nothing of alcoholic anonymous.
Nobody had never told me anything about AA
or I never heard anything about AA.
I was a nurse at that time.
And in that nursing program,
they didn't teach us anything about alcoholism
other than an alcoholic is a drunk
and he's gonna die anyway, so we don't worry about him.
That was the attitude they had toward people
that was drinking.
So that's all the information I knew about alcoholism.
So I was introduced to alcohol at a wedding reception.
I had never had a drink
and they invited me to this wedding reception
and they insisted on telling me that this fountain
was just like Kool-Aid that you can drink this
and it won't bother you at all.
So I had my first drink at a wedding reception
and at that drink, I took that drink,
I took one drink of that fountain
and I stayed there drinking until I fell out
at that wedding reception.
So alcoholism was a problem from the very beginning
and I drank on occasions
and each time it made my life so unmanageable.
Things got so dark from drinking,
you lose your feelings of life with the alcohol.
So I didn't know anything about alcoholism.
So I had a birthday party on the 21st of October
and I had that birthday party
and I invited these people to come
and I thought these people were nice, wonderful people.
I invited a fire dancer and she set my house on fire.
I thought about that.
So I thought, well, these people are my problem.
If I get rid of these people, I'd be all right.
I would never have a problem.
These are the folks that's causing me to feel bad
and causing me this problem.
So I put all those people out of my house
after they put out the fire.
Then I laid down on my couch and I went to sleep
and then I heard a song on my radio
and it was "The Love of God"
and the guy said, "Somebody out there need to hear this."
So he began to play this song over again, "The Love of God."
He played this song about three times
and I heard this song and I got up
and I went to my radio to see what station it was on
and my radio wasn't even on.
So at that time I thought I had lost my mind.
(laughing)
So I called, I picked up the phone and called the operator
and told her I need help.
But this lady said nothing to me on the phone.
She connected me to the central office
of alcoholic analysis.
And when the woman asked me serious questions like,
"What is your name?"
I got suspicious of this woman.
(laughing)
She had maybe connected me to the mental institution
and I better be careful.
And then she asked me for my telephone number
and I knew she had went too far then.
So I was very careful about that.
I wouldn't give her my number,
I gave her my mother's number.
And I hadn't been to my mother's house in weeks,
but I gave her my mother's number
and I went back to sleep
and forgot about this telephone call.
But about 3.30 in the morning, I woke up
and I had a desire.
I said, "Maybe I go to my mother's house.
"I know she'd be glad to see me
"and I'll have dinner with her.
"It'd be a great thing.
"It's my birthday and we'll have dinner together."
So at 3.30 in the morning, I was in Detroit, Michigan.
You walk out over there in the dark at 3.30 in the morning.
So I went over there and she opened the door.
When she heard all me run at the door,
she knew something seriously had happened.
So I went in her house and went right in her room
and went to bed and went to sleep.
So I was sleeping there and the next morning,
my mother came and she woke me up
and she said I had a telephone call.
I said, "Who could be calling me here?
"I didn't even know I was gonna be here.
"So who's gonna be on the phone?"
So she went to the phone and she answered the phone
and she came back and told me that it was a lady.
She said she's from Alcoholic Anonymous
and I suggest you get up and answer that phone.
So I went to the phone and this lady
kept telling me about a meeting.
"I want you to come to this meeting."
And she kept talking about this meeting
so I thought she must be selling some products
so she wouldn't be able to buy something from me.
So I told her, "Okay, I'll come."
I said, "I'll meet you there."
She said, "Oh no, I'll pick you up."
(laughing)
No, I'll come.
She said, "I'll pick you up."
So I said she really want me to buy this stuff.
She don't come to get me.
So she came and picked me up
and she took me to this meeting
and that was my first introduction to Alcoholic Anonymous.
You know, it was a spiritual experience
because my radio wasn't even on
and it was an act of God that got me to that meeting
'cause I didn't know nothing about Alcoholic Anonymous
and I didn't know nothing about
when this radio wasn't even on
and going to this meeting and giving them my mother's number
and I hadn't been to my mother's house in weeks
and I ended up there and got this telephone call.
So it was an act of grace, you know.
So this first meeting I went to,
I didn't, I was going around asking people.
I'd say, I heard them talk about alcoholism and everything.
So I said to them, I said,
"Do you think I'm an alcoholic?"
And the people didn't say nothing to me
so I kept worrying them.
They said, "Why don't you ask the lady that brought you?"
So I went there and I asked her,
"Do you think that I'm an alcoholic?"
I said, "You know, I haven't been drinking that long.
"Do you think I'm an alcoholic?"
And I was an alcoholic
because I fell out of that first drink I had
and that was a series of what happened every time I drank.
So I didn't know that I was an alcoholic
because I didn't know what alcoholism was.
But the lady said to me,
"Well, maybe Gloria, maybe you're not an alcoholic."
And I was so happy she died.
So I told her, so I was just so pleased.
I said, "She's able to see all of my qualities."
And she, you know, I'm not that person,
whoever that is, you know.
They say, "Maybe you're not an alcoholic.
"Maybe you're just a drunken bitch."
(all laughing)
So mad.
She made me so angry.
(all laughing)
I went to every meeting she went to for about six weeks
because I would not give her the satisfaction
of thinking I would drink the nerve of her thinking that.
So I'm following this lady all around to these meetings.
And at this meeting, I was sitting down one night
and a boy said to me softly,
"You haven't had a drink, had you?"
And I had to answer, "No, I hadn't."
He said, "You hadn't needed a drink, had you?"
And I had to answer to myself, "No, I didn't need a drink."
And that was the night I got sober and alcoholic anonymous.
Although I hadn't been drinking prior,
but I got sober that night.
And then they introduced me to this program.
They introduced me to the big book.
They introduced me to these steps
and they suggested that this is a program
that you know these principles,
if we could work these principles and you'd be all right.
So I looked at these steps
and these steps is not easy to take.
You know, these steps is very hard.
I got very irritated looking at these steps
and they telling me about these steps
and asking me things about, you know,
you had to talk to somebody else about your affairs
and you got to get a sponsor
and you got to do all these things.
I say, that's an awful lot to ask of anybody, you know?
So I wasn't prepared to do these steps in the beginning,
you know, but they insisted that just keep coming
and you're going to be all right.
Well, at the meetings I went to,
I had an opportunity to be at meetings with Bill Wilson
and listen to him share with us.
He shared mostly about service.
He kept telling us about service.
We had to get into service.
So after we was there for a short while,
you don't be there long for a short while,
you had to go out and do a 12 step call,
even though we hadn't got the understanding
of these principles yet,
but they let us go 12 step calls
to help pick up other people that was drinking
because people weren't dying out there in this disease.
So two of us would go and we would pick up people
and bring them to the meeting
and help them with their sobriety.
In those smoking rooms, they were smoking
and then you had to wash coffee cups
and you had to clean up the place and stuff like that.
So, you know, that was my beginning introduction into it.
But you know, I looked at these steps
and these steps was an opportunity for a new life
because these steps is about living.
It's about life.
If you open your mind to receive them, you know,
the steps talk about making a decision to turn your will
in life over to the care of God.
At first, I looked at that step and I said,
now this is some kind of religious organization
that they tried to introduce me to, but it wasn't that.
It was a step that would give us an opportunity
to have a life if we're willing to accept it.
So I accepted these steps, these principles of recovery,
'cause that's what the steps is,
is the principles, you know, of recovery.
So I looked at it and became willing to accept these steps.
If we grow along these steps, we don't take these steps.
We sit here and read these steps like it was just there.
All we had to do is just read them and apply them
and go to meetings and the steps would work for us that way.
They don't work for us that way.
These steps is that we had to open our mind
and open our heart and commit ourselves to these steps.
They are spiritual experience.
Each one of these steps are spiritual steps
that will give us a new way of life if we will accept it.
So beginning to look at these steps
and go through this process of recovery
and go through this process of being willing to,
be willing to let go and let God, you know,
and that was what it took for the beginning
to have a spiritual experience.
You have to be willing.
You have a spiritual experience go through these steps.
This is, that's not a journey through these steps
and that's all there is to it.
It's a spiritual experience.
There's a whole new way of life that's open to you
if you will accept these principles of recovery.
So I was very grateful for what those people
tried to teach me and I was grateful that they took the time
to show me the way and I was willing to follow
these principles of recovery.
And you know, there came a time when I was working
with some young guys and we were trying to do the book.
We would go out and study this book at night.
We would go out and sit in the car and put the,
had a flashlight and we would study the big book
at night that way.
So I thought one day I said it'd be nice
if we had a place to go so we could get into recovery.
So they said that'd be great.
So I said, I'll call a real estate person and see about it.
So I called this real estate man and told him
I wanted him to show me some property.
And I hadn't forgot, I didn't have no money,
but that was okay.
(laughing)
So I called the man and the man took me out
and showed me a house.
He took me at night and showed me this house.
And he said, you know, this is, I can't take you inside
because it's, it doesn't have any lights on,
but you could see it if you think about it.
And I'll come the next day and show you the house.
So I say, I'll just walk around and look at the house.
So I walked around the house and everything.
And then I told the man, I said, well, I tell you what,
why don't you let me add a key and let me go inside
and look at it, you know, tonight.
And I'll let you know tomorrow
whether I want this house or not.
Man say, well, I can't do nothing like that.
You know, cause I don't give you my key.
So I said, well, I had $3, you could have this $3.
So I gave the man the $3 and the man looked at me
and for whatever reason, he gave me the key to his house.
And I was able to go in the house and look around.
And I called up my friends.
I said, come on over, let's have a meeting.
So they came over and my camera was like,
we had a meeting that night and we collected enough money
where I was able to call the guy the next day
and rent the place.
So that was the beginning of a treatment facility.
They had no treatment facilities in Detroit at that time.
That was the first treatment facility
that was open in Detroit at that time.
So, you know, if we are willing to let go and let God,
he will direct your life.
You know, he would take you where you need to go
and he would develop you where you're supposed to be.
We have, each one of us have a purpose in life
and that purpose need to be fulfilled.
But it's only when we're willing to let go and let God,
that God will direct us to the fulfillment
of the purpose of our life if we let it.
So we started treatment programs
and we started several treatment programs
that I was able to work with Motown Records
that was in Detroit at that time.
And I was able to work with several entertainers there.
And when they decided to come to California,
I came with them to California
and we started some programs here in California.
But God directed that program and started it
and we had men living in the house.
We have a treatment facility with men
and they would, you know, these men was great guys.
Like these great guys I said, they were great guys.
I had no problem with these men.
I lived in the house with them
and had no problem with none of these people
for years that I've worked in rehab.
I worked for about 25, 50 years working in rehab
with rehab centers and working with people in recovery.
So I'm saying that this program will work
and you will find your purpose in life.
You'll be directed to your purpose in life
if you open your mind and receive this program as it is.
You know, this program is a gift from God
because everything you need, you grow along these steps.
You never complete them.
It's a process of continuing to grow.
You know, sometimes people think,
well, I undid the 12 steps that are now,
I'm just going to meetings.
You don't finish these steps.
These steps is a daily experience
that we work through this process
of these steps that we're working out like.
The 10th step is one that keeps us connected
to the rest of the steps.
And that's a daily experience that we go through.
So I'm grateful that I was able to do that.
I was grateful for the people that I met along the way.
There was so many, I was able to go to conferences
with Bill Wilson and one of the conferences
that we went to, I will never forget it
because it was about 3000 people there.
He had us stand and hold hands and sing a song.
And his sound was, "It's no secret what God can do.
"What he's done for others, he will do for you.
"And with arms wide open, he welcomes you.
"It's no secret what God can do."
And that has always stayed with me in that room that night
with all those people committed to singing that song.
And he led us through that process of recovery.
And he would often lead us to being a service
and he didn't play around with people.
He didn't have no working with you
and let you not have any program.
You had to have a program and you had to be active
and you had to be busy.
So I was grateful for that
because he taught us the right way.
He taught us how this program will work in your life
and the life you will have if you follow these directions,
if you follow this rule and open your heart to it,
it will work for you.
So I had a chance to,
one of the experiences that I had was going to Ohio
and going to Akron.
You talk about Akron, but I lived in Detroit
so I was close to Akron, but I never went.
But I decided to go to Akron
'til I had to speak at a conference in Akron.
So going to Akron on that plane, it was like going home
because Akron is a home for alcoholic anonymous.
It's our home whether we wanna accept it that way or not.
It's where this program began and where it grew from,
Akron, you know.
And going to that home and being in the house
where Bill Wilson, where Dr. Bob was
and things were so different with him.
He had an altar with a Bible and a big book
and you had to do both of them to be in his program.
And so that was the experience that we lived with you
and we all need to go to Akron.
You need to go home and see where this program began.
You need to meet and it was,
they could shut down the streets and everything in Akron.
There was these guys, these men.
It was about, oh, about two or 3,000 men
that was on motorcycles that came from all over the world
that came to Akron that day
and they drove these motorcycles through Akron
to Dr. Bob's grave and they put flowers on his grave.
And that's an experience you really need to feel
that these men come from all over the world at that day
and put flowers on his grave.
So that was so many experiences you find in this program
that you could live with that will carry you.
And it was so many, going out and doing 12 step work,
it was, you didn't just,
you had to go and skid row in places like that
and work directly with people.
You had to take them and clean them up sometime
and you had to give them a pass, do different things
to get them to a position
where they were able to come to meetings
and be able to function in this program.
So, what we see today is so easy.
We just come and we just sit to do two meetings a week
and we done did our share, you know?
But that's not the way it works, you know?
We had to, each one of these meetings
is a part of our growth and development
and should be of service.
We come to learn how to help other people to find their way.
And it's sad that we sit here
and watch young people die in this disease
when you have the answer.
In your sobriety, you have been given the answer
to how this program works.
You have been given the answer to sobriety
and you've been given the gift of sobriety.
And yet we sit in these rooms comfortable with ourselves
and watch all these young people out here
die in this disease of addiction.
And you have the same process
will work for them as work for us.
And we need to be willing to be a service
to step outside of these meetings,
congratulate in each other
and go out and do something to help these young people.
So, I'm just grateful
and I thank you all for the invitation to invite me here.
However, I did my time.
Oh, it was about this young man
and they lived on the farm in the country
and it wasn't no, they had nothing.
There was no cars, no, they didn't even have a mule.
They had nothing.
And the father had to go to town
to get grow food at the market.
He had to walk through the woods to get to town.
And this little boy, he asked his father, he said,
"Daddy, the next time you go to town,
would you take me?"
And the father promised him
that he would take him next time he went to town.
But these people live with very few of anything.
They had nothing.
So, the day came that the father had to go to town
and the little boy asked him, could he go with him?
And the father told him, yes.
So, they went walking through the woods, going to town.
And on the way to the journey to the woods,
the little boy got a little tired
'cause it was a long way to the woods.
So, the little boy asked his father,
he said, "Daddy," he said, "I'm tired, can I sit down?"
So, the father found a little tree trunk
for him to sit down on.
And he said, "You sit here until I come back."
He gave him a light.
He said, "Hold this little light till I get back."
And the little boy said, "Yes."
Well, after the father had left,
there was some people came along and they saw the little boy
and they started making fun of him.
They said, "What are you sitting out here for
in the woods by yourself?
Why are you sitting there with nothing?
What's wrong with you?"
And they made fun and laughed at the little boy
and everything.
But the little boy, he sit there and he held the light
and the people moved on.
It began to rain and it poured down rain on the little boy.
And the little boy got soaking wet,
but the little boy held the light.
It got dark, it got night, the little boy got afraid
because he saw shadows and he thought it was animals.
So, he was afraid, but the little boy held the light
till he saw his father coming down the road.
So, his father came down the road
and he ran and met his father.
And he said, "Well, daddy," he said, "some people came by
and they made fun of me.
They laughed at me, but I held the light.
In your recovery, there will be people
that will make fun of you, that will criticize you
and not understand what you're doing,
trying to go to meetings and trying to stay sober,
trying to do the right thing.
But you know, we have to hold the light.
We have to hold the message of recovery."
And then the rain, he said, "Daddy, it rained on me
and I got soaking wet, but I held the light."
So, there will become times when you will go through trouble
and you go through some goods and some bads
sometime in recovery.
But you know, we have to hold on to this gift of,
this God-given gift
'cause God gave us our gift of recovery.
We didn't get sober on our own, it was a gift from God.
But so, we need to hold on to this light of recovery.
And then it got, we get afraid sometimes.
We think we can't make it, you know,
we think of the rents, do things,
have not got laid off on my job.
All these things happen to us,
but we wanna, don't know what to do.
But if we hold on to this information, to these principles,
to this way of life, that it will work for us.
If we hold on to it, you know.
So, you know, and running this race of recovery,
when we get to the end of the line,
when we get to that place we wanted to go to,
we get to our Father.
We could say to our Father that, you know,
Daddy had rained on me, and people made fun of me,
and I had got afraid, but I held the light.
And God will say to us, "Well done," if we do His will.
So there is a process, there is a gift in recovery.
I've had a completely beautiful life in recovery.
I've, God has blessed me tremendously,
and it came from just a willingness to be willing,
and a willingness to follow, and do what was asked of me.
And that's what I do today.
And I thank you for inviting me to your meeting.