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 Hey everybody, I'm Tricia. I'm an alcoholic. Really happy to be here. Thanks for that awesome

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 qualification. That's great. Thank you, Nate, for inviting me to be here. Did you say I

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 was on a list? Like I'd come here before? Is that what happened? That's cool. I'm secretary

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 of, I've been secretary of some meetings and I've compiled a list. I used to go to a lot

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 of speaker meetings years and years and years ago. And I, this is kind of when I was new

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 to LA actually, like 20 years ago. And I, when I heard a good speaker, I'd put them

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 in my phone and I'd say, speaker. And, um, and eventually I became secretary of some

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 meetings. It's kind of prophetic, but I, I'm, I'm like, I'm going to call those people.

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 Um, but, and then I created a long list, like a spreadsheet of all these people, but the

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 longer it is, the more you don't quite know if they're going to be sober when you call

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 them. Right. I mean, you gotta take a risk and you don't want to say, are you still sober?

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 But, um, anyway, I'm glad I'm sober still. Thanks Nate. And Nate spoke for me at my zoom

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 meeting recently, which was awesome. Um, I want to thank, um, my partner Jerome for being

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 here with me and my friend Kim for being here with me as well for support. Um, yeah, so

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 I love just, so how long do I speak for? Eight 25. Okay. I like sharing what you're supposed

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 to share basically, or what I heard you're supposed to share, which is what it's like,

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 what happened or what it was like, what happened, what it's like now, you know? Um, I really

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 liked that format, uh, cause it's kind of like adult story time, you know, like I'm

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 just going to tell you story and I like it when speakers do that because you know, once

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 it, while you get somebody who just likes to come up and teach, you know, like teach

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 the book and I don't like those meetings so much. I don't, I don't want anybody wagging

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 their finger at me. And, and also I really, I really think there's a lot of value in the

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 story because I, and my story is not, you know, great. So lower your expectations please.

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 But, but the point is the story is nice cause it, I think as alcoholics, we need a break

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 from our minds, you know, like I need to be drawn into somebody else's drama and story

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 so that I'm not thinking about my own, you know? And to me that's, that's a good meeting

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 is when I lose myself in somebody else's story. Um, uh, so anyway, again, my, my story is

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 not dramatic. I, my sobriety date is, um, August 20th of 1988. So by God's love and

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 grace, you know, I've been sober 36 and a half years and I'm not going to say God willing,

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 I'll be 37 in August cause I know God's willing, you know, for me to be sober. So I don't think

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 there's any question about that. It's, am I willing? Trisha willing, I'll be sober,

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 you know, 37 years, but that's a long ways from now anyway. Um, but yeah, I get sober

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 when I was 21, I'm 57 now and um, I, I have an amazing life when I count alcoholics anonymous.

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 Like I came when I was 21 and honestly I go to a lot of meetings, um, and I have all the

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 way through, I've just come to a lot of meetings and um, I had one legal drink in my life,

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 so I had one legal drink in my life. I was at, my last drink was, I was at the gorge

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 at river George in Washington state. I was at a Bob Dylan and Tracy Chapman concert and

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 um, and I had been sober for about nine months, but not an AA. I was in another program and

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 I, you know, it was recommended I don't drink and so I didn't drink and then I went to this,

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 I was really, I was dry, I was dry and miserable. So I went to this concert, which took forever

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 to get to cause it's like in the middle of the state and um, I was late, you know, and,

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 and they were passing around a bottle of wine. I hadn't had a drink in about nine months,

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 but I wasn't like sober cause I hadn't really like officially gotten sober. Um, and they

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 were passing around a bottle and I took a couple chugs off the bottle and that's it.

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 Like that's how exciting my drunk was. My last drink. But, um, but that's okay with

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 me. Um, but I had many drinks before I got, uh, before I turned 21 and um, I grew up in

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 the Northeast in the Boston area. Um, which I, I had a good life. I had a good childhood.

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 Um, I don't know if that's good or bad with whatever that means, but, um, but I had really

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 good parents. Like I had good responsible parents who gave me a really good my life.

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 My dad worked really hard. Um, my mom was a stay at home mom. She baked toll house cookies

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 for reals. You know, like it was very ideal. I grew up in Concord, which was a, you know,

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 nice town, historic town. I went to good schools. I had everything I could want, honestly, any,

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 anything and everything. I was the youngest of three girls. I was spoiled rotten, you

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 know, and, um, and, and it was good. It was good. I didn't, I didn't really, I mean, there's

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 nothing to complain about. Um, but when I was in middle school, I, I remember being

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 at a party, we just went to a bar mitzvah today and it was all seventh graders, you

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 know, there are 13 year olds and it was so funny to see them cause that's about, I guess

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 I was, uh, I was still 13 when I took my first drink. I was, I was at a party and there was

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 a little bottle of Southern comfort and I drank the Southern comfort and it changed

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 my personality like this stupid little bottle, you know, it's amazing cause I was kind of

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 a chubby kid. I wasn't very attractive and I was always striving to be popular and I

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 remember being at this party, I was in eighth grade and I was at this party and like just

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 from that bottle of Southern comfort, I all of a sudden felt like I had a chance with

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 Jed Esty, you know, like I was like, like the most popular, cutest kid there and I did

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 not have a chance with that Jed Esty, but I thought I did. Right. Like it changed my

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 personality where I also had this confidence and I thought I was cool. Um, and that's kind

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 of how it was with alcohol and me. Like I really liked it. I really liked drinking.

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 Um, I liked the effect. I liked not having so much self concern, you know, when I drank,

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 I liked how relaxed I was and I liked having fun. Like I was kind of crazy when I drank.

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 Um, I went to, I went to a, uh, a prep school in Concord, um, uh, a boarding school, but

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 I wasn't a boarder, but um, for high school and I didn't go to the public school, which

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 all my friends went to and my sisters had gone to the other school. So I always did

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 what they did. And I went to the school and um, there was lots of, there were lots of kids

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 like drinking and doing drugs there. There are a lot of kind of rich kids from New York

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 City and they were just faster. They were just faster living, you know? And so I started

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 drinking, um, as a freshman in high school and I just like from the get go would black

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 out. I was a blackout drinker from age like 14 and I didn't know until I came to AA that

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 there was anything strange about that. Like I didn't, I didn't know what blacking out

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 even was until I came to AA at 21. Um, and for me, it's just the way it was. Like I,

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 I blacked out. I had a lot of fun, uh, I think because people would tell me the next day

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 what we did. Like I wouldn't even remember my night and it was since it was a boarding

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 school and I would be there a lot. So I'd, I'd spend the night in the dorms with kids

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 and then we'd go to breakfast and they would tell me what I did and who I did it with.

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 I didn't know. And I was like, laugh, like nervously laughing, you know, cause some of

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 the stories were not good stories. Um, like, like I had a lot of humiliation around some

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 of the things I did. Um, but it was incredible to me. Um, I mean looking back that I thought

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 everybody blacked out. Like I just thought that's how it was. And the only times I didn't

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 black out is when I would do drugs. Okay. So like I would do, some of these kids would

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 do acid and I really had no, I was, I was quite, I was kind of a country bumpkin so

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 I wasn't very knowledgeable about anything. But I was also, I was a risk taker. I'm like,

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 sure, give it to me. I'll try it, you know? And so when I would do acid, I wouldn't black

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 out. I don't know what, I don't know what that's about, but I wouldn't black out. And

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 then I hated those nights cause it was like I was stone cold sober no matter how much

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 I drank just because I was doing this acid. I didn't have a trip either. So it was really

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 a disappointment. Um, but anyway, uh, that's how my high school was. I, I was a fine, I

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 was good enough student. I was, I did sports, I did theater, I did everything, you know,

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 I was supposed to not supposed to do, I wanted to do those things, but I, um, you know, I

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 did what everybody else did. Um, and it never occurred to me that I was an alcoholic. Like

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 it didn't occur to me as an alcoholic. Um, I had a friend in my school who was an alcoholic

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 and she was in a lot of trouble with alcohol and my school sent her to AA meetings and

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 I was the only person she confided in about going to AA meetings. Again, without any,

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 and I didn't even phase me or I would consider, I didn't even consider, I didn't consider

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 I was an alcoholic, but she would tell me about her alcoholic, like, like about our

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 AA meetings. And what's funny is I'm going to see her in about a month. I'm going to

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 my 40th reunion. Um, and she's still drinking. I'm pretty sure she's been a treatment, she's

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 been an AA, she's been, she's done it all. Um, and I don't think she's sober. Um, so,

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 you know, there, but by the grace of God go I, uh, for sure. Um, but anyway, so that's

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 how it was for me. I blacked out, I passed out, I made passes of people. Um, I didn't,

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 I didn't get honest about my drinking till I was 21 years old and I was, I asked somebody

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 to help me, a man who, um, had been morbidly obese and lost a hundred pounds and I was

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 50 pounds overweight and I asked him to help me with my food problem. I'd been in 12 step

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 programs for food and none of them worked for me. So I asked him to help me and he started

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 taking me to AA meetings cause he was now recovering alcoholic. So I started going with

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 him to AA meetings while he was helping me with the other issue. And I just, you know,

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 I was sitting in meetings and I'd think, yeah, I did that. You know, I did that. And, um,

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 and they, it was interesting cause I was young and I wasn't a self professed alcoholic, but

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 they said that they weren't going to close up all the bars just cause I was in AA. And

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 so I thought, okay, you know, and I didn't drink, I did what you guys, I sort of, I really

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 felt like I was a stray, like I was a stray that you guys just pulled in off the street,

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 you know, and I didn't really belong, but he took me in anyway. So I didn't drink for

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 two years and I came to AA meetings and I was very active cause I was with this man

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 who was super, you know, into sobriety. And at two years sober, I was at the Preston group.

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 I had moved to Texas and I was at the Preston group, um, in Dallas, Texas. And I actually

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 heard Clancy speak at there. It was like 1997 or something. Is that right? No, it was like

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 1980, if I got sober in 88, it was like around 1990 actually, um, that I was living there.

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 And I, I heard Clancy come and speak there, um, at that time, Clancy I from up in the

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 sky, which of course he now is. But, um, but anyway, so at two years sober, I was at this

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 one meeting, um, that was, it was a discussion meeting. It was a non-smoking, they had a

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 smoking room and a non-smoking room back in the day. And, um, I was at this meeting and,

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 um, whenever there was a newcomer at the meeting, they would make it automatically a first step

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 meeting. Like they were trying to help the newcomer. And so they would, the topic was

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 always boom, like first step, let's help the newcomer, which is as it should be. Right.

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 So, so that was the topic of the meeting and, and everybody would share in hopes of reaching

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 the new person. Like let's, what can I say that can get through to that guy who's new

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 and doesn't think they're an alcoholic, right? Man or woman. And guess who they were 12 step

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 in that day, you know? And so it was, you know, I was two years sober, but I had reservations.

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 Like I was two years sober. I wasn't drinking cause they told me, you know, they always

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 refund my misery. And so, um, but at that, but, but, but I had had a reservation. The

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 reservation was like, I, I liked the steps. Like I liked the God part. Like I really don't

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 have any issues with anything, but the not drinking part, you know? And so that was a

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 little bit of a problem for me, you know, cause I'm like, I'm not going to not drink

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 the rest of my life guys. Like I'm 21. Right. And so, and I had this fantasy of being able

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 to drink wine with dinner. I loved white wine and I'm like, I could, I'm going to have a

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 glass of wine at some point, you know, I'll postpone it now, but at some point I'm going

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 to have wine, you know? So that was my reservation, but I did everything else. Like I tried to

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 work the steps. I tried to do everything. I just hadn't fully accepted the first step,

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 you know, and in the book, you know, it says, well go out and try some more controlled drinking,

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 right? More than once. But thankfully I didn't do that. Um, I kept coming and at that particular

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 meeting that day at 5 PM meeting at the Preston group discussion meeting, the nonsmoking room,

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 you guys got through to me and all the clues started adding up like, like the blackouts,

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 like I'm bodily, mentally different from my fellows. Like I got it. Like I'm Bob, I'm

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 different. I black out. You had an alcohol. I have no control over that. Like I can't

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 talk my way out of that. I can't cutesy my way out of that. Like my cells are alcoholic.

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 When I take a drink, I want more alcohol. That's just how, it's what I do. I didn't

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 have a craving. I think I was too young and hadn't progressed to the point of craving.

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 I didn't, I didn't sit around like Jones and be Jonesing for a drink. But once I drank,

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 I just over drank. It's just how it was. I didn't have an off button, you know, and then

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 the blacking out thing, I get no control over that. So there was that clue. And then in

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 that meeting, people are sharing about their drinking because it was a first step meeting

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 and somebody shared about peeing on themselves in a blackout. And I'm like, Oh my God, like

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 I forgot about that. You know, like I would pee on myself in a blackout. And I was usually,

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 cause I was under age, I was usually at somebody's house at a party, which is incredibly embarrassing,

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 like an overnight party, you know? And so very tricky. So anyway, I had done that. And

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 then the idea of drinking to do things you're afraid to do. And I would drink to like try

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 out for plays cause I would feel more courageous or I would, I drank to ski, to go skiing because

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 I was terrified. I was afraid of everything. I was such a scaredy cat. And so skiing made

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 me scared, but if I drank, then I could just barrel ass down the hill and it was no problem.

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 So, so these clues do, you know, using alcohol, do things I was afraid to do, blacking out,

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 you know, passing out. Certainly I was very promiscuous when I drank. I mean the whole

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 thing around, you know, peeing on myself, like it all added up in that one meeting.

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 I was like, who am I kidding? Like, I'm an alcoholic. I'm not gonna, you know, once an

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 alcoholic, always an alcoholic. And at that meeting, it's like, I finally joined AA, but

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 I was two years sober, you know? And so I just always tell people like, you don't have

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 to go out and try it. Like it's, it's, it's pretty cushy to hit bottom sitting in an AA

175
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 meeting much better than down at the County jail, you know? And so anyway, that's what

176
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 happened for me again, very uneventful, but that was the day that I threw in the towel

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 and I thought I can't, I can't drink. Like, I mean, it's, it's not going to get any better,

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 but thank God I gave myself those two years, you know, of just sitting in meetings and

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 I'll tell you, there's not like people who are 21 here, many young people, of course,

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 but not anyone who is 21, it looks like, but maybe online, but they told me some really

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 good things because we have lots of young people coming into the meetings now. They

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 told me not only that they weren't going to close up all the bars just because of an AA,

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 but they also told me if you've had enough to get you to one AA meeting, you've had enough.

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 One AA meeting. If you, if you darken the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, it might be

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 time to quit. You know, they also told me that there's no degrees of alcoholism. There's

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 just degrees of trouble, you know, which is true for me. Cause I remember I was sitting

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 in cause I was, you know, I was sober all through my twenties and it was, and I was

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 hanging out. So I ended up hanging out with that guy for a long time. And he was, he was

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 helping me, he helped me. And then we just banged around together and try to help other

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 people. We were kind of vigilantes, but, um, took ourselves a little too seriously and,

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 um, but for good reason, right. We've been really passionate about recovery. Um, but

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 anyway, where was I going with that? Um, not sure, but, um, let me see. Anyway, I've just

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 had a, I've had a really good life of sobriety is the, is the point. I, um, went back to

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 school. I had taken time off from college. I went back to school and finished school

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 like in my mid twenties. Um, that was great. Um, I mean to finish my college degree, that

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 was great. Um, I worked, I failed at the things I worked at. I tried to be an entrepreneur.

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 Um, you know, but I stayed, everything I did, I stayed in touch with AA. Like I was coming

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 to meetings all the, like all the time and it really served me well. Um, and so, um,

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 I'll just share a little bit about my life all, all throughout. I mean, it's been 36

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 years. I won't share it all 36 years, but for anybody's benefit, um, all those years

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 weren't great. You know, I had times when I was really down, I struggled. I used to

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 struggle with depression, actually, um, undiagnosed depression. And you know, I was my, my, uh,

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 the guidance I got was pretty, probably pretty aligned with what a lot of people here might

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 have gotten super like, um, purist, you know, like nothing from the neck up kind of, kind

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 of sponsorship and, and I never, I would get depressed. Um, but I never really went to

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 a doctor about it or anything, but I'll just share my experience and I don't have an opinion

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 about what people should do. I'm just going to share my experience. Um, my experience

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 was even though that was really hard for me, that those bouts of depression, um, if I would

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 lean into a, and kind of depend more on the program, I would come out of it. And I also

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 discovered things about myself and what I discovered about myself was that, and I only

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 discovered this, you guys like, I don't know, nine years, eight years, maybe seven or eight

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 years ago, seven or eight years ago, I started a business because I always had the entrepreneurial

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 spirit and I really enjoyed helping people with food issues because I had been 50 pounds

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 overweight and I'd used spiritual principles to heal with the help that I gotten. And so

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 I basically, uh, started a business and I don't know if it's cause I help people with

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 a problem I used to have or if it's cause I'm super creative in my, I mean, my business

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 gives me opportunity to be creative in lots of different ways. You know, I have a podcast,

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 I wrote a book, I coach, I'm very extroverted in the work that I do and creative. Um, but

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 the point is I learned about myself that I need to be creative when I'm creative. I don't,

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 I'm not depressed. Bottom line when I'm creative, I'm not depressed. I've not been depressed

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 for eight years or so, you know, and what I also learned is at the times I was depressed,

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 the way I got out of it is, um, is action. Surprise, surprise. Um, partly, uh, physical

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 activity, like I would play tennis or I do something physical that helped me being physically

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 active helps me keep my mind, um, in a good place and all this is all in addition to AA,

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 you know, never as a substitute. Like I, I need AA for mental, the best mental health

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 I can have is when I'm, you know, in AA meetings. That's why I go to a lot of meetings. I go

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 to morning zoom meeting the one Nate's spoke at. I go daily, you know, or at least five

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 days a week I go to a morning zoom meeting. I love zoom. I was so happy to see all these

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 people here when I walked in, you know, I'm like, Oh my God, it's a hybrid meeting. So

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 I feel right at home with zoom. Um, you know, thank God you guys are holding the doors open

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 for us to be here physically. Um, but I think, I think, you know, the, the, the real gift

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 of the pandemic was alcoholics anonymous on zoom. It's incredible to me, you know, we

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 list our morning meeting on, um, on the online international online directory and we get

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 people, we usually get around 50 or 60 people at our meetings, but newcomers, lots of new,

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 I would never see as many newcomers as I see on zoom at my, at my normal breakfast or morning

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 meeting. We never had that many new people, but people are hanging on by a thread in this

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 morning meeting. And I need that. Like I need to see the newcomers like counting days, right?

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 That's what keeps it real for me. So anyway, I'm grateful for zoom. Um, and, uh, in that

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 aspect of AA, cause I think it really helps a lot of people. Um, but obviously it's not

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 a reputation for this. This is powerful to be here in this room. I love this room. It's

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 sweet. Um, but anyway, so, uh, that being physically active, leaning into the program,

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 doing more, there's always more you can do in AA. In my experience, you can't really

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 max it out here. Obviously you might need extra help or outside help, whatever. Do,

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 do what you need to do, right? Do whatever it takes. That's my model. Like do whatever

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 it takes. Right. Um, but my experience is there's always more for me to do here and

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 I need to, I need to be honest with myself. Like, am I doing enough? Am I doing all that

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 there is to do? Cause the more I do, the better I feel. It's just the way it is. Like it's

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 not rocket science. You know, the more service I do, I do a lot of service at my zoom meeting

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 and I, I have to work on my attitude sometimes cause it's, it's, it's left up to like a very

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 small few people and it's a fricking zoom meeting. It's not like service there is that

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 hard. Okay. I mean you guys are like dressed up, you know, Nate's on the corner like waving

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 me down. You're like, there's, there's, there's a lot more real service going on here and

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 assuming like you had to like turn on your computer, you know, it's not that hard and

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 yet still people are reticent at times, you know, and um, and so I get kind of bitchy

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 like I'm like in my head, you know, everybody's depending on me to do stuff, you know, so

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 I have to like talk myself and I'm like, now Trisha, you know, who's the one who benefits

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 the most? Oh yes, that's me. Okay, fine. You know, but I have to have those conversations

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 with myself at times. Um, but I do, I do enjoy the meetings and I, and it does benefit me.

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 I get, when I show up and I have a service commitment, I pay closer attention and it's

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 easy to not pay attention at a zoom meeting. You know, God knows. So, um, so I am the one

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 who benefits, but anyway, so that was my little thing about depression in case it's helpful

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 to anybody. Like there's, there's like this program gives you the tools to learn about

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 yourself and to be able to help yourself. You know, that's a beautiful thing and it's

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 always grace. Like anytime I ever came out of those dark spots, um, you know, it was

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 the grace of God, but I'm grateful to have been here long enough to kind of found and

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 it's, it's always a day at a time, but I do feel like I found my way with that stuff,

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 you know, on account of sobriety and just keeping at it, you know, keeping at it. Um,

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 I do so much of what you guys tell me to do. I, I start my day on my knees. I have a pillow

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 by my bed and I, I kneel on the pillow first thing. Well before I go to bed, I hit my knees.

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 You know, um, when we are tired at night, we constructively review our day. So I, I

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 do that in a very short abbreviated way. And then I say the seventh step prayer, um, on

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 my knees to finish out my day. And I have the pillow there to remind me first thing

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 in the morning to slide out of bed onto my knees. I hit my knees and I asked God for

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 a sober good day. You know, I do also prayer, like I like to walk and pray as well. Um,

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 kind of helps me stay connected. Um, I read some things. I used to read pages 86 to 88

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 in the big book. I haven't done that in a long time, but I like to read a page out of

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 Emmett Fox who was a friend of Alcoholics Anonymous in the early days. So I read that

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 around the year of them at Fox page. I read some other spiritual stuffs a little bit out

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 of the Bible, um, just to help me get centered. You know, I, I've, it's vital for me to get

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 my head right. You know, in and of myself, I'm worrying and fretting and taking charge,

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 you know, so I have to be reminded that I'm not in charge, um, that God's in charge. And

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 so just some readings that helped me do that is super helpful. And then I go to a morning

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 meeting, which I find super helpful as well. Um, and then I sponsor people, you know, when

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 asked and try to be as available as I can and share my experience, strength and hope,

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 you know, and I just have like an amazing life. I do love being an entrepreneur. I love

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 having a business. It does keep me challenged. It keeps me creative. It keeps me, you know,

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 out of trouble, I think, um, keeps me in service. Um, so I appreciate that opportunity. I, um,

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 I had married that man who 12 stepped me. I had married him and was married to him for

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 10 years. Um, and he was quite a bit older than me. And then, um, and then I, uh, left

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 him, you know, it wasn't, it was not working for me. Uh, you know, and we remained very

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 good friends. Um, and he died a year, a little over a year ago, sadly died at 79. And, um,

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 I think about him every single day. Like he really, he was like, he, he changed my life.

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 Like he saved me. Like he saved me. He raised me, you know, I was, I was not easy, you know,

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 so he really helped me, um, and gave me so much wisdom. He died with like close to 50

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 years of sobriety, you know, so I'm eternally grateful to him. Had a lot of grief this past

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 year about that, you know, just missing him. It was a tricky dynamic cause we remained

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 really close friends and I was, he was older, so I was family to him, you know, he, he wanted

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 to stay in close touch. I was family to him, but then I had to like have boundaries, you

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 know, I have a beautiful man in my life that we've been together for four years. So it

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 was just, it was, I was walking a tight rope. It was tricky, you know, and I have regrets

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 often. Like I didn't do it right. You know, I didn't do it right. I wasn't as nice to

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 him as I wish I had been. You know, my, the boundaries I set were kind of harsh for him

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 and it just, uh, I have a lot of sadness, you know, um, but I, you know, there's nothing

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 I can do about it except keep on keeping on really, you know, and I do talk to him, I

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 pray to him, you know, and, and just feel like his spirit is somewhere, somehow, somehow

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 we're good. You know, I do feel like we're good. Um, thank you. Um, uh, but that's part

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 of life, right? That, you know, death is part of life. Death is part of life. My mom was

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 diagnosed with Alzheimer's, uh, this year or the end of last year. Um, my sisters and

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 my mom and I just took a trip to Mexico. The four of us do that every year. Um, we're going

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 to keep doing it as long as we can. She's with it for the most part, but she's losing

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 her short term memory. But we, you know, my sisters are in 12 step programs as well. So

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 the 12 steps have been really good to my family and we, we care for her and, and, um, you

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 know, we just love her to pieces. She's 88. My stepdad's 90, 90 years old. They just came

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 to visit us and we got to be of service to them in LA. Uh, so, you know, life's in session.

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 Life's life's amazing. Um, you know, it is. And, um, and this program gives me the tools

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 I need to be able to deal with life on life's terms without checking out, you know, there's

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 no reason to check out, you know, and my feeling is the past several years, my feeling is that

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 like really the only problem I have is just being able to like my job and what makes everything

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 easier for me is realizing they're just feelings like all we're talking about are like anything

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 that happens in life. It's not the thing, it's the feelings and feelings aren't easy,

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 but feelings are what I medicated with alcohol and food and other things. But if I'm willing

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 to just kind of be with my feelings, you know, obviously get support from others, from God

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 and do the work, like the writing, I need to write out my feelings when I'm really jammed

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 up, write about it, talk about it, pray about it. That's kind of my short, my shorthand

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 of working the steps, write about it, talk about it, pray about it. You know, when I

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 do that, I can deal with it. Like it's, I can, I can handle it, you know, but if I didn't

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 have this program and I didn't, didn't do the things that I do on a daily basis, I wouldn't

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 be able to handle things. I just know that it would get overwhelming and I never felt

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 like I never have felt like I would, if I drank again, I've never felt like I would

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 drink because I wanted to drink. I don't think alcoholics and recovery want to drink. I think

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 alcoholics and recovery might want relief from their feelings, you know, and my experiences,

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 the further I get away from, you know, my daily practices and from AA, the harder it

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 is to deal with life. And I've experienced this. If I don't go to, you know, if I'm traveling

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 or whatever, you know, I don't go to meetings for, you know, six, seven, eight days, life

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 feels heavier to like problems feel heavier to me. Something in my business just feels

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 harder, like harder to deal with. And the more meetings I go to, the more I'm like,

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 Oh, okay, we're just going to do this. And I deal with it and then I'm onto the next

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 problem. And it just kind of, it's just like going up to bat and hitting, you know, hitting

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 the ball. I just, I get, I go to bat and hit the ball and it's like, okay, now we're going

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 to hit the next ball. But when I'm away from AA, everything's harder for me. And then the

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 feelings can get overwhelming. And so if I ever took a drink, I think it's just cause

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 I didn't have, you know, not profit, but I just, it seems like what happens and you know,

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 when you go to meetings, you do find out what happens to people don't go to meetings. It

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 seems like people get away from the meetings and they get away from the solution that enables

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 them to deal with the problems, you know? And so I'm, you know, by the grace of God,

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 I'm here. I want to stay here. I hope you stay here. It's just a day at a time, but

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 don't stray because there's such a solution here, you know, and it's a small price to

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 pay, you know, an hour a day is a small price to pay for an incredible life. So thank you

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 all for my life. Thank you.

350
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:44,800
 Alright.

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 My home

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 [inaudible]

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 Everybody.

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 See you soon.

355
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:49,800
 Thank you.

356
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:49,800
 Great day.