1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,320 I'm going to try to walk on. 2 00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:03,320 Thank you. 3 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,320 Wow. 4 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:07,080 I was just tripping on how did you get both and I finally figured it out. 5 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,200 So I'm Chrissy Brandelan. 6 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,200 I'm an alcoholic. 7 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,080 Grateful to be clean and sober tonight. 8 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,080 Grateful to be here. 9 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,560 Grateful you guys are here because I can't do it alone and I say that any time that I 10 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:19,880 open my mouth in Alcoholics Anonymous with my name because I need to remember, I cannot 11 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:20,880 do it alone. 12 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,480 I have, um, thank you Lisa for volunteering to ride down here with me. 13 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,920 Um, yeah, I've not been told I'm not the best driver in the world. 14 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,120 So thank you for coming and um, I have a sobriety date. 15 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,160 It's August 16th, 1993. 16 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:37,520 It's a date we just picked because I made it to Santa Barbara around the first part 17 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:40,960 of August and we weren't really sure when I got sober and when. 18 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,480 So we just picked that cause that was safe. 19 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:46,620 Um, but then I wanted to change it cause my best friend OD'd on that day about 10 years 20 00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:48,440 ago and my sponsor wouldn't let me. 21 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,520 Um, and I have a sponsor who has a sponsor and I work the steps as they're laid out in 22 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,520 the big book. 23 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:58,640 And now I'm working the steps as they're laid out in the 12 and 12 which at 31 years sober 24 00:00:58,640 --> 00:00:59,640 I've never done. 25 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:05,000 Um, because like I think a few years ago, I don't have any memory of being a kid. 26 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,840 Like I could remember on my fingers things that happened as a kid and I always thought, 27 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,240 well, you're not supposed to remember it if God wants you to, he'll have you remember 28 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,240 it. 29 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,520 Well, I guess all of a sudden God wants me to and I don't care to. 30 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:20,080 And so I have the sponsor who I'm working through the steps in the 12 and 12 with on 31 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,000 all this random stuff that comes up from childhood. 32 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,740 And thank you so much for leading us up. 33 00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:27,720 The first thing it's like, well, is your phone on? 34 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,320 Your baby's like so close to being here. 35 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,100 And I remember it like my grandkids are the light of my life. 36 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:38,040 This poor woman has had to listen for well over an hour and a half, two hours about what 37 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,120 wonderful, beautiful, fantastic grandkids I have. 38 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,960 I have four of them and I'm very blessed. 39 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:45,820 And after you hear my story, it'll blow your mind that I'm allowed to play with them. 40 00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:47,880 And I am a real alcoholic. 41 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:51,880 I was looking in the, when we went to eat, looking in the bathroom and we hadn't had 42 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,600 any sun in Santa Barbara for like, it felt like months. 43 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,020 I know it was probably just weeks. 44 00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:59,480 Like the sun, I go to work at four 30 and the sun would come out at four and it would 45 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,560 be windshield wiper wet before that. 46 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,920 And so the sun came out Friday and it was on. 47 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,720 I mean like Chris, come on, you're going to get some more sunny days further down the 48 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:09,720 road. 49 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,640 Um, but I am just so blessed with these grandkids of mine. 50 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:17,240 I know I'm jumping around, but I've got a weird long convoluted story. 51 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,640 I um, I fell in love with the man of my dreams when I was 13. 52 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,040 He didn't hit very hard in the beginning. 53 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,400 He had more money than I could ever spend and more drugs and alcohol than I could ever 54 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,400 consume. 55 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,880 And, and it was going on. 56 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,880 It was going on. 57 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:33,400 And um, through that time with him when I was 18, my pants got really, really, really 58 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,520 tight and my son Bob was born. 59 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:40,480 And that's how much I just drank and used and drank and used and did one to support 60 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,880 the other one just so I could keep on going. 61 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:47,160 And that's how far out there I was that I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I 62 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,960 was like seven months along. 63 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,400 And by the grace of God, he's okay. 64 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,800 Um, which physically, mentally that he's okay. 65 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,120 And then, you know, about a year later it happened again. 66 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,440 And that's my son Jim. 67 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,960 And um, and I stayed with this guy and I got busted when I was 20. 68 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,800 My kids were like one and a couple months old and, and I straightened out. 69 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:11,720 I realized that, you know, that that's what was making my life horrible and, and I divorced 70 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:16,840 this man and um, got a Doberman pincher for the front yard so that anybody that I shouldn't 71 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,080 be hanging with wasn't going to come around. 72 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:23,360 And you know, like you said, you're, you're applying yourself to the accelerated school. 73 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:27,880 I truly believe that us alcoholics, everyone in this room are the smartest people on the 74 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:28,880 planet. 75 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:33,400 When you get us focused long enough, we can complete anything. 76 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,480 We're like, I would love to have IQ tests in alcoholics mom cause I think we're off 77 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,320 the charts compared to normal people. 78 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:44,560 And um, and so just, you know, my, by me not doing that, I got, I got the outside stuff 79 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:45,560 together. 80 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:46,880 I got a job with Alcoa. 81 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,600 I was in charge of three States. 82 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:56,440 I was softball or baseball player agent and a soccer referee and all PTA, all those things. 83 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,800 I was like the best mom in the world from the outside. 84 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,200 But if you came in my house, I was a dry drunk and you didn't put your backpack away. 85 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,320 You got picked up and slammed against the wall for not putting your backpack away. 86 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:10,400 Um, and, and for 10 years that that happened with no program of any manner, shape or form, 87 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,760 I didn't know what existed. 88 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,880 And so of course I ended up getting, getting loaded again. 89 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,280 My family didn't think I was alcoholic. 90 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:22,180 Um, and you know, I went from having it all to living on the streets and I think probably 91 00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:23,280 less than a year. 92 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,840 My boss asked me to sign a letter of resignation. 93 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:30,440 I didn't want to resign, but she gave me a year's compensatory pay and the year's insurance. 94 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:36,300 So I resigned and I went from, um, from doing all that to my mom said, if I ever contacted 95 00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:38,560 my kids again, she'd take them away from legally. 96 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,560 I went to, I went to jail a lot. 97 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,540 You said, you know, Oh, I went every time I turned around, I went to jail again. 98 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:47,540 And because I was still officially employed, they kept letting me out. 99 00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:55,380 I got arrested 11 times in 41 days, um, just by ROR, ROR, ROR, six drunk drivings, but 100 00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,420 I wasn't alcoholic you see. 101 00:04:57,420 --> 00:05:02,000 And um, and that last one was a drunk driving with a grand theft auto. 102 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,000 And so they kept me for a while. 103 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,360 And while I was in jail, my mom sent my kids to Minnesota to stay with my husband and I 104 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,520 lost my house. 105 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:14,060 My mom was sweet enough to put most of our stuff in storage. 106 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:15,580 My kids came home from Minnesota. 107 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:18,260 Their home was gone, their mom was gone and all this stuff was gone. 108 00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:24,720 And uh, and uh, I got out of jail and I, you know, I tried, I, any of you who had a mom 109 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:29,600 when they were drinking and using knows that you can convince them anything. 110 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:34,340 And, and I tried and I would do this thing where I do good for a couple of days and then 111 00:05:34,340 --> 00:05:37,940 I'd go to work and then they wouldn't see me for three days or all week maybe. 112 00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:40,920 And one day I came home and I put my key in the lock and it didn't work. 113 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:46,320 My mom said, I'm keeping the kids, here's a bag of stuff if you want it and if you don't, 114 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,320 don't contact us again. 115 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,920 As far as we're concerned, you're dead. 116 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,820 I took my little red gym bag and walked away, started sleeping on the ice. 117 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:57,980 At that point I was such a mess and so skinny that even the lowest of lowest of lowest companions 118 00:05:57,980 --> 00:06:00,100 wouldn't let me hang out in their house. 119 00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,440 You know, could I just brush my teeth and wash my underwear? 120 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:03,440 No. 121 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,320 Oh, go to a bathroom somewhere. 122 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,520 And so this fellow said, you want to move to Detroit? 123 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:11,080 That burned my parents in a long, long, long, long time and they said we could stay with 124 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,080 them. 125 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,040 Sounds like a good idea to me because I was in Sacramento at that time and Sacramento 126 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,040 winters are cold. 127 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:20,960 I mean, they're not cold like Detroit winters, but they're cold and, and I don't like rodents 128 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:26,240 and I found that the best place to sleep, it is not in cardboard boxes, but to scooch 129 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:31,360 down underneath the ivy, the way that ivy grows in a, in a blanket and scooch down under 130 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,640 the ivy and he stayed pretty relatively warm, but there's rodents in there. 131 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:39,840 And so I got on a bus and I went to Detroit and I cleaned up my act again, you know, and 132 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,680 they would have, um, martinis. 133 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:46,940 And I thought that's the silliest little thing anybody invented, you know, most of you probably 134 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:52,080 have had martini or seen one, a glass this big around, like this deep, what's the point? 135 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:58,320 We'd have a martini before dinner and then we'd have, um, liqueur in, in these like glasses 136 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,380 that tall, this big around, like real fancy. 137 00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:04,720 They were rich 22nd floor of a 40 story building. 138 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,680 And I just, I didn't get the point. 139 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,220 And I didn't know then I'd never been to alcohol. 140 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:14,460 So I didn't realize or have any clue that when they gave me this, um, martini or this 141 00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:19,200 little liqueur thing after dinner that they had woken up the beast and I'd be crazy all 142 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,200 night long. 143 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,920 And so then I finally realized that if I went down, it was a great big building and it had 144 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,600 like, it was like our parking lot. 145 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:30,880 We were just in, it had restaurants and party stores and everything on the first floor. 146 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:35,600 I'd go down and I'd get my, um, little pints of vodka and I put them in my socks and I'd 147 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,280 walk real quiet to my room and I'd hick down the pipe before dinner. 148 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,400 And then that would be plenty to have that little martini. 149 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,760 And one night, you know, Terry said something he probably shouldn't have. 150 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,320 And I picked up this big marble statue and I swung it at him and he ducked and it hit 151 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:54,180 the plate glass window and his parents suggested we move and I might want to try alcoholics 152 00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:55,180 and others. 153 00:07:55,180 --> 00:07:56,180 So we moved. 154 00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,180 I cleaned up again. 155 00:07:57,180 --> 00:08:01,520 I stopped drinking before I stopped again and uh, and that lasted for like about six 156 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,520 months. 157 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:03,520 I got a great job. 158 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:04,520 I'm such a workaholic. 159 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,960 I have to like really 30 years later, really reign that in. 160 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,600 Um, no, but I'm getting old, falling apart. 161 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,600 It's easier. 162 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:16,320 Um, and I got a job at tiger stadium, head of the security for the visiting team. 163 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,320 Life was good. 164 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,700 And then the next thing you know, I'm getting loaded one more time. 165 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:24,020 And Terry and I got in a fight and see the thing about me and liquor is I'm the, I think 166 00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:29,440 I'm the real Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde because like I try to run people over with cars when 167 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:30,440 I drink. 168 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,800 I get drunk driving when I drink. 169 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:36,840 Uh, the final icing on the cake there, Terry was the guy I moved back with was I was in 170 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:40,140 the bathroom and he wanted in and I wasn't going to let him in and we were fighting through 171 00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:41,700 the bathroom door. 172 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:47,340 And so he kicked in like above the door handle and below the door handle. 173 00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,340 Like it was just like that one. 174 00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:52,160 It didn't have the three latches and the top and the bottom went over and I came up with 175 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:57,200 the butcher knife to get him and he cold cocked me, a uppercut to my nose, black guys immediately 176 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:01,940 knocked me out, tied, tied me up with a telephone cord and called my mom and said, I'm sending 177 00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:02,940 her away. 178 00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:06,160 She tried to kill me tonight and thank God he was a little teeny guy. 179 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:10,280 Thank God he was fast cause I would not, I don't want to kill anybody really. 180 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,860 Um, it's the liquor that makes me think I need to kill people. 181 00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:15,780 Um, and I, my mom said, no, I'm not taking her. 182 00:09:15,780 --> 00:09:20,100 I remember an old family friend, Tim Whitcomb, he used to sit out in our backyard. 183 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:24,180 We had like that blow up pool or the one and a half foot pool for the kids. 184 00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:25,180 Sacramento. 185 00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:26,180 It was hot. 186 00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:29,540 I was just saying I liked the heating, playing sprinklers, do the slip and slide, do all 187 00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:30,540 that stuff. 188 00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:36,660 And he used to sit by the pool and drink this big 32 ounce plastic tumbler of whiskey and 189 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:37,740 they were cannery. 190 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:38,740 So perfect. 191 00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:41,800 Six months on, six months off, they all shot dope and drink whiskey. 192 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,380 All the people that hang out together and they were like a lot older than me. 193 00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:50,180 They were my brothers and sisters friends and um, and he had said, come to Santa Barbara. 194 00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:54,840 The sun shines all the time, but he knows how much I like the sun. 195 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,820 And so I called him and he said, yes, of course you're welcome with wife and I have a spare 196 00:09:58,820 --> 00:09:59,820 room. 197 00:09:59,820 --> 00:10:00,820 You can sleep there. 198 00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:01,820 Welcome to come on out. 199 00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:03,740 Because I was about to be homeless in Detroit. 200 00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:07,220 Um, and I, that, that sounded scary to me and it's cold. 201 00:10:07,220 --> 00:10:11,180 I made it one winter and it is, it is like so cold. 202 00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:13,820 And especially from California, we don't know what a Coke is. 203 00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:18,380 Like my mother-in-law would say, go get your Coke and she said, that's a jacket, that's 204 00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:19,940 not a Coke or your gloves. 205 00:10:19,940 --> 00:10:20,940 Yeah. 206 00:10:20,940 --> 00:10:22,440 And we don't know what winter wear is. 207 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:27,540 And um, and so it took Terry and I made a, took me about 10 days until I got to California. 208 00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:32,620 I got one of those passes for, um, 149 anywhere in the United States. 209 00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:35,700 So you could get off the bus and get back on and get off the bus and get back on. 210 00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:38,260 And I came to so many places. 211 00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:42,940 I'm one of those people that comes to places with people who I don't know who they are 212 00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:43,940 or what I've done. 213 00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:49,260 Um, and I came to, in the back of the bus, I came to on these stone stairs in Chicago, 214 00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:50,260 big stone stairs. 215 00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:52,700 Someday I'll go to Chicago and see if I could find them. 216 00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:53,700 Cause it was weird. 217 00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:59,980 Uh, I came to in like this little bathroom in Wyoming that said, um, Greyhound stops 218 00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:02,180 here, you know, on a little cardboard deal. 219 00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:07,260 And then I came to, oh, I forgot to tell you, I got on the bus with like one of those big 220 00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:12,520 camping gallon Coleman thermoses with the little button to dispense. 221 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:16,540 And I was drinking vodka and cranberry by then because my urine had turned to that color 222 00:11:16,540 --> 00:11:17,980 of Coca-Cola or coffee. 223 00:11:17,980 --> 00:11:21,900 So I thought I needed the medicinal things of the cranberry. 224 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:25,660 And so I got on the bus with that and so I would pass out and come to them, pass out 225 00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:26,660 and come to you. 226 00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:32,580 And I came to an Oxnard and I was a Sacramento and then I moved to Detroit and I was a Detroiter. 227 00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:35,860 And all I could think of is I do not want to be an Oxnardian. 228 00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:37,700 I just don't want to be an Oxnardian. 229 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:41,820 And my vodka was dry and I don't know what I do with my money when I drink, but it just 230 00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:46,180 dissipates to the air like, yeah, I don't know if I lose it or spend it or give it away. 231 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:47,500 People steal it. 232 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:54,660 And some nice person bought me some sour cream and onion Doritos and put me on the bus to 233 00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:55,660 Santa Barbara. 234 00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:59,460 And I got there and most, I don't know how many of you have been to Santa Barbara, but 235 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:02,940 it was a little building on the corner, like little building on the corner. 236 00:12:02,940 --> 00:12:07,740 And across the street was the Carrillo Hotel, which was sort of like for the veterans and 237 00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:10,380 the homeless people and the low income and that sort of stuff. 238 00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:15,160 And I got off that bus and I just thought, what have I gotten myself into? 239 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:19,620 You know, this little podunk town, I'm not going to last a day without going to jail. 240 00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:23,460 And Tim went there and I just didn't know what I was going to do. 241 00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:27,460 Tim often says, I was not a vision for you because when I'm drinking and using, I don't 242 00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:29,760 have time for washing and brushing and that sort of thing. 243 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:34,460 So I hadn't taken any hygienic care of myself for the 10 days that I was gone. 244 00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:39,100 So I was, you know, I smelled high heaven and then I see this guy and he's got a shaved 245 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:40,660 head like a dude like you. 246 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,820 And he's got this shirt on that is as white as my sweater. 247 00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:45,380 And he's like, Christie, is that you? 248 00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:50,880 The Tim I know has long hair, enough lunch in his beard for us both to share. 249 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,940 You know, not many of you are old enough to remember the pride if your jeans stood in 250 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,660 the corner alone because they were so greasy. 251 00:12:57,660 --> 00:12:58,660 That's the Tim I knew. 252 00:12:58,660 --> 00:13:01,600 And then here's this man, his shirt was so white. 253 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,600 And he said, welcome. 254 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,600 I'm glad you're here. 255 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,600 And he gave me a hug. 256 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,500 He took me into his home, had me take a shower and put on some clean clothes, took me to 257 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,140 my first meeting of Alcoholics and Nuts where you guys said, welcome. 258 00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:11,140 I'm glad you're here. 259 00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:14,700 You never have a drink again if you don't want to and even when you want to, you don't 260 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:15,700 have to. 261 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,700 Amazing. 262 00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:19,460 Took me home, told me to go to bed, don't get in any trouble tomorrow while they're 263 00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:20,460 at work. 264 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:21,460 They'll see me tomorrow night. 265 00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,780 They gave me a key to their house. 266 00:13:23,780 --> 00:13:28,440 When back then, I'm not very good at like hitting the street and selling myself. 267 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,460 So I just, I can't pull it off. 268 00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:33,100 I steal people's identities. 269 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,760 And back then it was really easy without the internet. 270 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,700 And I thought, you fools, you know, I'm going to rob you blind while you're at work. 271 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:40,700 But I didn't. 272 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:44,360 I went and laid out by their pool and I passed out and I started detoxing and they picked 273 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,580 me up, told me to take a shower, took me to my meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous where like 274 00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:50,540 all at different place, different people. 275 00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:51,540 Welcome. 276 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:52,860 We're glad you're here. 277 00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:55,600 That handshake that just, don't ever have to drink again. 278 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,940 And I just thought to myself, I am a scandalous biot. 279 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:00,460 You don't want me in your life. 280 00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:01,460 I steal. 281 00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:02,460 I lie. 282 00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:03,460 I cheat. 283 00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:04,460 You don't want me in your life. 284 00:14:04,460 --> 00:14:06,620 Come on, let us love you until we could love yourself. 285 00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:09,900 And every night, every day I passed out and detoxed. 286 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:10,900 I was sick. 287 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,680 And, and every night they took me to a meeting, took me to dinner, different meetings, different. 288 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:19,160 And then one night, and I felt bad because I know it's a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, 289 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,620 but when I got sober, I wasn't an alcoholic. 290 00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:22,780 I was a dope fiend. 291 00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:25,460 And it took me about a year and a half to catch alcoholism. 292 00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:29,620 And thank God I did because there's a simple, quite easy cure for alcoholism. 293 00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:33,900 And so I started feeling guilty because I knew in my heart of hearts, I was not alcoholic, 294 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:35,360 but y'all were so nice to me. 295 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,980 And so Tim told me, just keep on lying. 296 00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:39,620 They don't care if you lie about being alcoholics, just tell them the art. 297 00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:42,660 And so I just kept telling you all I was and I just kept on coming. 298 00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:46,540 And then we went to this meeting on a Tuesday night and my memories zip, but I remember 299 00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:50,740 it being on Tuesday night and they had real coffee cups, um, ceramic ones. 300 00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:55,540 And after the meeting, this lady said, could you please help me be my coffee cup rencer? 301 00:14:55,540 --> 00:14:59,540 And when I got sober, I, I sorry about the drugs, but they're a big part of my story. 302 00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:02,820 You know, I was smoking crack with heroin and drinking vodka all day long. 303 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:09,220 So when you took all that away, my seizures, tremens or something like that and make these 304 00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:11,500 noises and my body parts would go. 305 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,940 And she asked me to be her coffee cup rencer. 306 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:17,700 And I was so afraid and I like thought I was going to die. 307 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,900 It felt like hours. 308 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:22,500 We were rinsing thousands of coffee cups and we got through it and I didn't break any of 309 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:23,500 them. 310 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,820 So excited that we had gotten through them all and we hadn't broken a single solitary 311 00:15:26,820 --> 00:15:31,580 cup and she thanked me profusely and I was ready to run and she said, wait, wait, hon, 312 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:35,040 could you come back next Tuesday and be my coffee cup rencer again? 313 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,040 And I like panicked. 314 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,940 And I said just a second and I ran out and I'm like, Kim, she wants me to come back again 315 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:40,940 next week. 316 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,180 I don't have a car and I don't know where I'm going to leave it. 317 00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:45,900 And he said, get your ass in there and tell her you'd be honored, which when you called 318 00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:50,440 to ask me to speak, I said, I'd be honored because that's what I was talking about. 319 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,740 And I went back in and I was her coffee cup rencer again the next Tuesday. 320 00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:58,020 And I realized after I got sober for a while that I probably really was her very best coffee 321 00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:04,240 cup rencer ever because chances are it was a wash, rinse, dry and put away commitment 322 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,740 that it wasn't cut out into four parts. 323 00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:11,540 But she was so kind and she knew I wasn't capable of anything other than just a little 324 00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:12,540 part of her. 325 00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:14,180 I couldn't have been a washer and getting the lipstick off and stuff. 326 00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:17,060 There's no way I could have gotten that done, but I could rinse. 327 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:21,380 And I became a part of alcoholics anonymous being their coffee cup rencer. 328 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:25,880 So what you said about get a commitment at every meeting you go to, clean those ashtrays, 329 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:26,880 do your thing. 330 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:30,260 And, um, you know, I didn't ever try to stop drinking. 331 00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:32,300 I didn't ever want to wait. 332 00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,740 I did all my slipping long before I found the rooms. 333 00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:39,420 And I'm so grateful that I just accidentally got so that Tim never told me he had 10 years, 334 00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:41,860 never told me he didn't shoot dope and drink whiskey no more. 335 00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:42,860 So I wouldn't have come. 336 00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:43,860 My life was perfect. 337 00:16:43,860 --> 00:16:45,260 My family had disowned me. 338 00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:46,260 There was nobody in my way. 339 00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,580 Oh, mom, when are you coming home? 340 00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:52,540 You know, I was such a bad mother and I never would have got sober. 341 00:16:52,540 --> 00:16:56,980 And I got sober and, um, my son, Jim, who's the one that lives in Santa Barbara. 342 00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:59,380 He, when he was 12, he declared me dead. 343 00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,160 He declared me dead long before my mom did. 344 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:05,380 He got on his little red stingray with his golf clubs on his back, pedaled away and said, 345 00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:08,860 see ya, wouldn't want to be ya and moved in with his dad. 346 00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:12,460 And when people asked him, why do you live here and not in sunny California, he'd say 347 00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:13,700 my mom died. 348 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:18,860 And that's just how it was for years until his dad really did die and he had nowhere 349 00:17:18,860 --> 00:17:19,860 to go. 350 00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:24,860 He was on the streets of Minnesota and, uh, and he came out here and he hated me. 351 00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:26,540 He despised me rightfully so. 352 00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:29,780 He called me every word in the book, the C word, the B word. 353 00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:30,780 It wasn't Chrissy. 354 00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:35,140 Um, he just despised me and he got in this accident where he shattered his knee and had 355 00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:39,680 to have this big old surgery and he had to learn to trust me just a little bit. 356 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:44,580 And you guys, I'm like four years sober working, doing like being a straight mom, cooking dinner 357 00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:45,580 and stuff. 358 00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:49,100 And he still got his stuff in a safe in his bedroom bolted to the floor because he does 359 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,100 not trust me. 360 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:55,260 And, um, and we just co-existed and he was a mean, right? 361 00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:56,260 And like I say, right? 362 00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:57,260 Please. 363 00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:58,260 So mean, horrible child. 364 00:17:58,260 --> 00:17:59,260 Uh, now he's my boss. 365 00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:00,700 He's been my boss for the last 13 years. 366 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:05,620 He's a wonderful man, a product of Alcoholics Anonymous because he uses all our little things 367 00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:06,620 on us. 368 00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:07,980 Like, Oh, that's bothering you. 369 00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:10,300 I didn't realize that happened in your square. 370 00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:11,900 It's like, Oh, it didn't. 371 00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:16,260 But, um, yeah, he uses all the little slogans cause he's been in here since he was 16 and 372 00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:17,740 he's 47 now. 373 00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:22,340 And so that little boy, you know, like I said, we co-existed, I fed him and put a roof over 374 00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:23,340 his head. 375 00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:25,700 He hated me and I didn't much care for him. 376 00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:31,700 And when he was 20, 22, I think 20 or 22, he was a foreman on a construction job and 377 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:36,660 a chainsaw snapped back, hit a knot, snapped back. 378 00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:40,540 The thing that's supposed to shut it off was broke and it hit him in the face and that 379 00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:42,640 like cut through like that. 380 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,660 And I got that call and my mother wants to get, there's been an accident. 381 00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:50,260 So I went to the hospital and there's my little boy, his whole head bandaged up. 382 00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:51,620 He never lost consciousness. 383 00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:57,660 Um, and, and they're wheeling him off to surgery and he said, no, you can't take me to surgery. 384 00:18:57,660 --> 00:19:01,140 And they're like, yeah, we have to chainsaw cut through your face. 385 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,940 And he said, no, I will jump off this gurney if you don't stop. 386 00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:08,900 And I told the lady, I said, he will, you know, he's a little, not the nicest kid in 387 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:09,900 the world. 388 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:13,540 Um, you tell me I can't cuss, but I, yeah, he just wasn't a nice boy. 389 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:17,740 And she said, honey, you have to go to surgery the longer, the longer we leave it, the harder 390 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:18,740 it'll be. 391 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:22,500 And he said, no, you have to wait until my mom's AAs get here, which is why I tell you 392 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:23,500 my last name. 393 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:24,500 And she said, what? 394 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:28,000 And he said, I just got my mom back and I don't want her to get loaded over this. 395 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,260 So no, you can't take me to surgery till my mom's AAs get here. 396 00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:35,060 And you know, new house three was just blocks down the road and they heard a brandyland was 397 00:19:35,060 --> 00:19:39,380 in the hospital because somebody in our program bothered going to school and becoming a nurse 398 00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:41,140 and said, we just admitted a brandyland. 399 00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:44,420 And I mean, how many brandylands are there in the nation? 400 00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:46,700 Those new house people surrounded me. 401 00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:50,260 And then the lady said, the scrub nurse, Chris said, I've got 20 years. 402 00:19:50,260 --> 00:19:51,260 Don't worry. 403 00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:52,260 We'll take care of your mom. 404 00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:53,260 And they took him into surgery, you know? 405 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,420 Um, and it was, that was the turning point for us. 406 00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:56,940 I mean, yeah, it was horrible. 407 00:19:56,940 --> 00:20:00,520 It was, I remember the doctor, like he'd been in there about eight hours and the doctor 408 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,380 came out and he said, do you have a strong stomach? 409 00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:04,380 And I said, yeah. 410 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:08,140 And he said, okay, well come on in here to this room and mask and stuff. 411 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:13,460 And he had like this silver tray of parts leftover, you know, chainsaws, grab and rip. 412 00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:17,820 And he had little bone pieces and sinuses and stuff on a tray. 413 00:20:17,820 --> 00:20:21,260 And he said, I haven't been able to figure out where all these pieces go. 414 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:23,340 Do you want to stop now? 415 00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,580 Cause he's been under for a long, long time or do you want me to keep on trying it? 416 00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:30,260 And I said, you know, if it was your little brother, cause he was a young doctor, but 417 00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:31,260 was your little brother. 418 00:20:31,260 --> 00:20:32,260 What would you do? 419 00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:33,260 And he said, I'd stop. 420 00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:34,260 So I'm up. 421 00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:38,980 You know, the recovery from that was another two years and I got to prove myself as a sober 422 00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,980 member of alcoholics. 423 00:20:40,980 --> 00:20:46,860 I got to prove myself by going to work, coming home at break, fixing him lunch, emptying 424 00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:49,980 his little pee pee jar, fixing him dinner. 425 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:55,100 I almost starved the boy to death though, because like one pork chop takes up a whole 426 00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:57,200 dinner plate if you grind it up. 427 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,860 And I didn't realize that, you know, he's a five pork chop eater and I'm giving him 428 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,580 one pork chop. 429 00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:06,960 And I ground up his food for him and it was the beginning of our relationship again. 430 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:11,220 And my son Bob came back to me and like I said, I've got these grandkids today that 431 00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:12,660 Oh, go for the moon. 432 00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:16,380 I would just love to be a full time grandma, but I am too financially insecure to quit 433 00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:18,580 my job at this point in my life. 434 00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:23,780 And I've got these grandkids that they trust me with, you know, that my boy, he, he, my 435 00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:27,980 boy in Sacramento, he's always been like, how does this, he got in an accident a couple 436 00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:30,260 of years later where he went off a motorcycle. 437 00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:34,720 He went off a cliff at 78 miles an hour and he got some brain damage and a broken back 438 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,020 and was paralyzed on one side. 439 00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:37,420 He got messed up pretty good. 440 00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:41,260 And my son was lying to me and saying, well, he just broke his arm or something, but you 441 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:43,340 know him, he's mama's boy, a pussy. 442 00:21:43,340 --> 00:21:45,100 He needs his mommy for a broken arm. 443 00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:50,700 And um, and he is, I mean, my young son is rough and tumble and tough and has a pain 444 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,120 threshold out of the world. 445 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:57,880 And my oldest son is much more emotional and sensitive person, shall we say to put it nicely. 446 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,580 And he called me the other day and he, at 48 years old, he needed his mommy. 447 00:22:01,580 --> 00:22:04,220 I'm so sorry for the reason he needed his mommy. 448 00:22:04,220 --> 00:22:09,440 His wife had had a biopsy from her breast cause she might have cancer and he wanted 449 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:10,440 to go in with her. 450 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:15,940 And poor Bob was just at his wits and I hope he never hears this passed out on the floor. 451 00:22:15,940 --> 00:22:20,980 So he went to be there for his wife during a horrible procedure and he passed out. 452 00:22:20,980 --> 00:22:25,180 And he was sad and mad and like I probably every feeling that below paper you get in 453 00:22:25,180 --> 00:22:27,420 recovery home says, and he called his mommy. 454 00:22:27,420 --> 00:22:30,180 He told me it'll be okay when I do that. 455 00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:33,540 I'm fine as long as I'm holding the bloody face together. 456 00:22:33,540 --> 00:22:37,240 But the second somebody else is there to take over, I hit the floor. 457 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,500 And we know he does it too. 458 00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:40,460 He passed out at the birth of his kids. 459 00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:44,180 Um, there's just some of us that we think we're all tough and we aren't. 460 00:22:44,180 --> 00:22:48,140 But the fact that he called me because he needed the love and support just knocked my 461 00:22:48,140 --> 00:22:49,140 socks off. 462 00:22:49,140 --> 00:22:51,200 And you know, just, just stuff. 463 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,180 My son Jim's in my life, the one that declared me dead. 464 00:22:54,180 --> 00:22:57,340 And like I said, he's been my boss for, I don't know, around, I think around 13 years 465 00:22:57,340 --> 00:22:58,340 now. 466 00:22:58,340 --> 00:22:59,340 And he says, you know, take it easy. 467 00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:00,660 You're 67 years old. 468 00:23:00,660 --> 00:23:03,420 You've given a, I've worked at this company for 30 years. 469 00:23:03,420 --> 00:23:07,580 He said, you've given 120, 130% your entire career. 470 00:23:07,580 --> 00:23:12,220 Shave back and give 90% and you're already doing more than most of your coworkers. 471 00:23:12,220 --> 00:23:15,460 You know, you don't have to give 120% anymore. 472 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:18,500 You can, you can chill out without totally retiring. 473 00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:22,300 And the other day I think Friday it was, I just got a new bike and I was all excited 474 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:23,300 about my new bike. 475 00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:27,300 Oh, there's a learning curve to change from a bike you've been riding for 21 years to 476 00:23:27,300 --> 00:23:28,300 a new bike. 477 00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:33,520 Um, and the kids said, come on, drive out to campus point out at UCSB, watch a surf. 478 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:37,540 So I get my bike out there and I'd forgotten my lock and you know, my old bike I could 479 00:23:37,540 --> 00:23:41,380 set at the bottom of the stairs if somebody steals it, they must really need it. 480 00:23:41,380 --> 00:23:46,660 Um, but now I got this new bike, so I can't, it's like, um, and I'm watching my granddaughter 481 00:23:46,660 --> 00:23:51,500 surf and I'm watching my 47 year old son surf and then they notice I'm there and they come 482 00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:57,140 out of the water and they're like doing their little happy dance and then they go back and 483 00:23:57,140 --> 00:24:00,740 finish surfing just so I know for sure which sports they were. 484 00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:05,920 And um, they're just, they're just a blessing in my life, uh, such a blessing in my life. 485 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,500 And they asked me to come over for mother's day tomorrow. 486 00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:12,780 You know, that wasn't something I remember one particular mother's day before I lost 487 00:24:12,780 --> 00:24:18,660 the house when my pager was completely full because poor Bob had paged me all day long 488 00:24:18,660 --> 00:24:22,620 cause he had a mother's day celebration all set up and I never made it home and that kind 489 00:24:22,620 --> 00:24:24,140 of stuff doesn't happen today. 490 00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:26,980 I got, when I said I was fabulous, I am fabulous. 491 00:24:26,980 --> 00:24:32,260 My body does not coincide with what I'd like it to do because I went to this orthopedic 492 00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:38,020 surgeon when I was 42 and I took my x-rays and I had, back then I had chronic degenerative 493 00:24:38,020 --> 00:24:43,100 disc disorder and scoliosis and all these things and he held it up to the window and 494 00:24:43,100 --> 00:24:47,340 he's like, well baby, that's a perfectly normal spine of a 69 year old woman. 495 00:24:47,340 --> 00:24:51,580 I'm like, dad, I'm 42 and he's like, yeah, you've been rode hard and put away wet too 496 00:24:51,580 --> 00:24:52,700 many times. 497 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:57,900 And so I do have a lot of aches and pains and arthritis because you know, I, um, my 498 00:24:57,900 --> 00:25:01,860 mom always said move forward in high gear and forget to engage my brain. 499 00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:07,140 And I don't want to, I'd want to blame the Goleta road and work department, but on the 500 00:25:07,140 --> 00:25:12,940 way home from that beach ride, I just splayed out in the middle of Hollister and Kellogg 501 00:25:12,940 --> 00:25:18,300 just wrecked on my brand new bike and some people came and um, and picked me up and one 502 00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:22,420 lady picked me up and another man picked my bike up and got me over to the curb and they 503 00:25:22,420 --> 00:25:26,060 were all kind and she's like, I'm going to call to take you to the hospital cause you're 504 00:25:26,060 --> 00:25:27,060 bleeding bad. 505 00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:28,700 And I'm like, no, that's not that bad. 506 00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:29,700 I can make a home. 507 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:32,080 Um, but you know, oops, it was a boo boo. 508 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,080 Nothing really hurts. 509 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,920 My elbows a little sore, but nothing really hurts bad. 510 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,860 And it was just scrapes when you get old, you bleed a lot. 511 00:25:37,860 --> 00:25:44,340 Um, and it is, it's like every little wound is like a head wound that just, um, but I'm 512 00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:47,740 going to get back on my bike tomorrow and it's not going to stop me. 513 00:25:47,740 --> 00:25:50,560 It's not going to stop me from teaching my kids to water ski. 514 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,900 It's not going to stop me to teach my grandkids how to do a wakeboard, um, that I'm just going 515 00:25:54,900 --> 00:26:00,200 to keep on going because I have this life beyond my wildest dreams and um, yeah, I don't 516 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,200 know. 517 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:02,200 This is just so fancy. 518 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,420 Um, one more thing and then I'll shut up. 519 00:26:05,420 --> 00:26:07,660 It is such an honor and a privilege to be asked to speak. 520 00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:12,740 We were looking for this space and if you haven't ever been here, even with great instructions 521 00:26:12,740 --> 00:26:15,340 sent by Nate, it was really hard to find. 522 00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:19,340 And so we're driving and driving and we finally spotted, I said, ask those guys on the bicycle. 523 00:26:19,340 --> 00:26:20,780 She goes, no, I'm not asking. 524 00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:23,220 I'm like, no, no, I'm not asking. 525 00:26:23,220 --> 00:26:24,220 We're looking, looking, looking. 526 00:26:24,220 --> 00:26:25,220 We finally found it. 527 00:26:25,220 --> 00:26:29,140 And I said, it's deja vu because I have to say I've done things alcoholics a lot and 528 00:26:29,140 --> 00:26:33,240 looks that are so embarrassing that you would think it would make me not ever say I'd be 529 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:34,240 honored again. 530 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:38,380 I was asked to speak at the Pacific group and because this was supposed to be like mostly, 531 00:26:38,380 --> 00:26:39,380 you know who that place is. 532 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:43,300 It's a really big meeting with a really long hallway down the middle walkway. 533 00:26:43,300 --> 00:26:47,580 And it was way before cell phones and any of this. 534 00:26:47,580 --> 00:26:51,820 It was, I think I had like nine years sober and so we went with the map list on the paper 535 00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:53,580 and we found the meeting hall. 536 00:26:53,580 --> 00:26:54,580 Cool. 537 00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:55,580 Good. 538 00:26:55,580 --> 00:26:56,580 That's all great. 539 00:26:56,580 --> 00:26:57,580 Sean wanted coffee and I wanted a snack. 540 00:26:57,580 --> 00:26:58,920 So we went, we were like two hours early. 541 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,500 We went to get it, couldn't find our way back. 542 00:27:01,500 --> 00:27:03,060 I have no sense of direction. 543 00:27:03,060 --> 00:27:05,540 We're like in the car and like what ways west? 544 00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:10,320 She's like, we both scuba dive and so no sense of direction. 545 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:11,860 I don't know what I said. 546 00:27:11,860 --> 00:27:12,860 I have no clue. 547 00:27:12,860 --> 00:27:16,660 Here, let me start pushing buttons in this new, I just got a new car, new fancy car that 548 00:27:16,660 --> 00:27:17,660 I've got. 549 00:27:17,660 --> 00:27:20,340 And then I'm making the, all the, everything in the car do things. 550 00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:21,340 Not nice. 551 00:27:21,340 --> 00:27:24,940 And because I know there's a little thing that says the directions in that car, I just 552 00:27:24,940 --> 00:27:26,060 didn't know how to find it. 553 00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:29,860 And so we finally get our bearings and find this place and go. 554 00:27:29,860 --> 00:27:33,300 They were reading chapter three when I got to that meeting finally. 555 00:27:33,300 --> 00:27:38,220 And so I came walking down that big, long aisle and of course I had to have hard shoes 556 00:27:38,220 --> 00:27:41,340 on that day while they're reading chapter three and I'm the main speaker. 557 00:27:41,340 --> 00:27:46,260 I don't know if or what I said that night, I was so embarrassed, but because I know God 558 00:27:46,260 --> 00:27:48,740 needs me to be a part of alcoholics anonymous. 559 00:27:48,740 --> 00:27:52,720 So maybe what I asked him before I came up here tonight, God, could you help me say one 560 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,540 thing that might help one person in this room tonight? 561 00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:57,060 And I know he says, sure. 562 00:27:57,060 --> 00:27:58,260 Then one more thing and I'll shut up. 563 00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:03,700 I told my sponsor that it's hybrid and at our meeting, it's not our hybrids, not fancy 564 00:28:03,700 --> 00:28:04,700 like this. 565 00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:05,700 And so the people are this big. 566 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:08,300 And I said, I'm really uncomfortable with it being hybrid. 567 00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:10,980 Like a bunch of strangers will be there and I don't even know. 568 00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:15,020 And then I get here and it's all this, I'm like, how do they have this one going and 569 00:28:15,020 --> 00:28:19,500 that one going and it's all nice and fancy and just, you guys have made me feel as comfortable 570 00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:20,500 as could be. 571 00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:22,020 And for that, I'm truly grateful. 572 00:28:22,020 --> 00:28:25,380 And I do, I got a life beyond my wildest dreams and it's fabulous. 573 00:28:25,380 --> 00:28:29,460 So if you're new here or if you're old and haven't worked the steps of alcoholics anonymous 574 00:28:29,460 --> 00:28:34,300 as they're laid out in the big book, I highly recommend you do because it just cleans everything 575 00:28:34,300 --> 00:28:39,200 up and, and it'll do for you what it's done for me because it promises it in the print 576 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:43,060 in the black and white part promises it will rocket you into the fourth dimension. 577 00:28:43,060 --> 00:28:44,360 And that's been my experience. 578 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:45,220 So thank you guys.