Got gavel working. Yeah, I'm going to gavel
Hi everybody i'm dennis i'm an alcoholic
Can you hear me now? Uh, let's see
I'm going to share my experience strength and hope with you and I will get sober and then i'll tell you how I did it
It was like
So, uh, I grew up in the valley. Um, I was like right on the borderline between east valley and west valley
You know when I was a little white bread kid and my mom was uh happily divorced from my dad who was an angry
German and they always drank at the cocktail hour at five o'clock and but uh, you know
if something went wrong potatoes and mashed potatoes and peas went flying forks were in the wall and uh,
and we called that home life, you know, and um, some of my first memories was my
Myself pushing a push lawnmower and they had driveways
they had incinerators in the back where they burned trash and in driveways where there was
Like stones up the middle and grass growing but uh, but we ended up getting uh, mom and mom and uh, dad got divorced
it wasn't a happy life and uh,
We ended up in a kind of a little ghetto apartment off of burbank and uh chandler, you know, and um, it's all drab
I think it's condos now
and uh
My mom worked for pac bell for a lot of years and went to san fernando valley state college for 12 years
And became a social worker so but my mom she gave good phone, you know, uh, so, you know
She couldn't be in the middle of screaming at us telling us to quit crying choking us out and when the phone rang
She'd pick it up and go hello. So, uh, you know, I was just missed
Uh, I was the baby and uh, you know, I got abused by my brother and sister because I deserved it
I remember I was not adjusted
I was waving a knife in front of my brother's face
I level and he told me to stop and he knocked me out and I couldn't tell if it was a right or left
But I woke up on the ground and I just struggled. Uh, my mom was uh,
Beautiful woman and had boyfriends all over the place and I don't tell this too much
but I would think that it had something to do with that I had a lot of nightmares and
My mom thought it was best when she went to go do her booty call that she took me
And she left me in the car in the driveway, you know, and of course I woke up and knocked on the door
And so I had issues I had mom issues and uh, I mean there was always like some some guys
Because she talked to everybody on the phone like they were like their new best friend and they'd come like knocking on their back door
you know barbara and uh, she'd go out with a guy that was like
Some kind of magnet for frozen food. I don't know if you promise frozen food
But she always my brother was telling me today. I don't know my brother my sister-in-law
She always had a dime up underneath her heels in case she needed to run for it
And make a phone call, but there was a drag drag driver. Tommy. Ivo and his sidekick was uh,
Robert recreary and she's running from this guy down
Sepulveda trying to take her to motel and then she'd up dating the guy he saved her life and a white charger
I think that's the true story part. So so that's the setup for for my life. And then my mom became a social worker
She was a very diverse person. She had a lot of friends
so I I I sat and hung out with some of her friends and poquima flats in the projects or
Or uh drink it. Yeah, I think the first thing I ever had was
Scotch and that was like just drinking medicine, you know, and somebody like gave that to me and uh, you know
There's no possible reason why I was going to be an alcoholic after drinking scotch, you know
But um, you know, I I made it through I made it through to high school
I went to monroe high school over here when it was a good school vikings of the valley and uh
Walked both ways and with the wind blowing, you know
And uh, it never got a car my sister got was the first one to get a car
it's my oldest sister and she wrecked it twice and
I didn't get to drive until I graduated high school and bought my own car and uh as a senior in high school
I found my first love I found marijuana and I could share about marijuana here because I didn't have a problem with it
The only thing it did was it made me thirsty when I had a really good buzz
So then I drank I got a little cotton and then what happened was I wanted to drink it for a lot longer
I found some things where you know
I could go for a few days in a row and there were shadow people involved and uh, and they were real, you know
And uh, you know, I did that and uh, I went in the military and uh, I thought that was a good idea
I I did three years. I did two and a half in germany
I learned how to drive a truck there truly. They put me in a jeep that had a
standard transmission which is a clutch and I didn't know what that was the first time I got in it and
They were laughing at me when they died at a stop sign
uh, I got a career out of it, but I was in germany for two and a half years and uh,
There was some there was a lot of hash and a lot of drinking. I really learned how to drink there. Um
New year's eve
Jaegermeister long before I even made it here
I said, yeah, you're my shit putting somebody down tonight and I was the one that went down
I was passed out in the hallway long before midnight and they drank ouzo a greek drink and you know
They cheer us, you know the germans and uh, but but getting there, uh, a buddy of mine
there was heroin there and a buddy of mine overdosed and died of black tar heroin and
I was doing that too and uh slamming it and uh, he died. I never did it again that really hurt my soul
And then I somehow at the very end. I got an honorable discharge by my seconds and minutes
Yeah, I I beat the drug testing and I came back here and you know
It's like the party is on uh, van ice boulevard was cruising and I hung out on van ice boulevard
I hung out at firestone across from the union bank and uh, we just had a good time
Drinking was good. I went to bourbon square. Oh, that was my home bar
So many other bars red onion tennessee gin and cod and you you know, I hit the circuit, you know
And I felt like when I drank I could dance and uh, you know what the worst thing they could say was no
I got a lot of nose
But I always had good dope
and uh, and I always drank because I was always thirsty and um, and we were like getting some really good pot and and and
i'm going to get this and and i'm driving down sepulveda boulevard right about rasco and uh,
And I have 68 mustang and the tires were just a little bald and it
It gave just that little bit of rain and it and so i'm jamming down
Sepulveda boulevard and I knew that I needed tires and I hit my brakes and I don't know if you ever seen something like this
But I did a 180 and I hit the car that was in front of me
I hit him head on and my best thinking was I better get out of here and I drove through the gas station
I went by gallop and ford. I drove down a side street. I hit the brakes. I had a parked car
Then I got home. I went back to my house and I go damn. I need new tires
Not once did I think there was a problem with it and I drinking and driving was my favorite outdoor sport because I was mobile
When stuff was going on, you know, I was drinking I was thirsty
and um and that worked a lot, you know, we got a lot of good dope and uh,
My main thing was that we drink
Birmingham square I drank a lot. I danced a lot. I was witty and uh, and the good times was on and uh,
You know more than once I you know
There was like some random signs like I pulled over to talk to somebody
Uh after the bar closed and let's park underneath the freeway. I don't know if you know, but that's against the law
So chp rolls around and made us walk the line and I passed summer, you know
And uh, and then another time eight years before I ended up in a a I uh was driving down
After a game at pierce. I went to valley college. I dropped out. That was one of my claims to fame
um, and uh, my buddy goes that's a police car let's wait till he goes by and
He didn't go by and he followed me and I had pot in the car and the law at that time was 0.10
And I had 0.08. So I got away with it got away with it
So, you know, I kept going down that road, you know
And and when I came back here, I found the future ex-wife at birmingham square
and I married her and and we had the house, um, really not too far from here off sherman way the next neighborhood over
Sherman way and hantola and then we had a picket fence and we knocked it down because it was falling apart
um had a stepson he was already four and then I had
three girls and um the last time we had twins and and the separate gave birth to puppies and you know,
We're always drinking and uh, so we moved there and then I got a new neighbor. I want some but now this is like about well about the
november of uh
1993
She was done with me. She was going out karaoke in and uh, she moved out
I mean, I would have killed her but uh, I wasn't good at that either
and then uh, we had a little thing that happened in february of 94 a pretty big earthquake and um,
So she was she moved out. I went and got all her stuff. It was insured on my insurance
I put it there. I got fema money. I got insurance money. It was a good time. Um, it was a good time
I'm hanging out with a guy that was with smoke crack down by the river eating government cheese
and me and him with a smoke crack and we're drinking and and uh,
um, and i'm a school bus driver for la unified at this time and and I go special ed so, uh, you know,
And i'm gonna honestly say that I never drank in a school bus, but i've smoked pot in the school bus
I mean, you know, you just leave all the doors open freeway sweep and you know
catch a little buzz and uh you get there and you pick them up and
You do your job and then the day before school started in 1994. It was september 11th and uh,
September 10th. I went to uh, see the raiders play they played seattle. They got their ass kicked
I mean, what's nothing's new lost 38 to 9 and we're not drinking. Uh, greyhounds in the parking lot and uh,
Made it back to the valley and my future ex-wife is at a party and i'm just like bouncing off the wall
They go. Oh, we were gonna take your keys. Well, they weren't fast enough. So, um, I dove in the pool
And then i'm now i'm a really wet drink
But it was september 11th really hot night and uh, then I went home and I I took my daughter home
I just put it home
I hung out with my brand new neighbor that saw a side of me that he never wanted to see
And uh, and then I decided to go back down to the party
So, uh, I'm over there sherman west sherman way and uh, the leaves and i'm jamming down
And i'm gonna make a left right where the 7-11 is on the corner and uh, it's 155
Remember looking at the uh, at the speedometer and I made a left and you know
I don't know about in reverse cambers
But the road dips down in a way and hit the brakes and then I hit that pole head on at the corner
right across the streets of paramedics and um
If I don't hit the pole, it's just it's right through 7-11 l.a.pds inside
They're getting slurpees for the night because it's a hot september 11th night and I I had my seat belt on a lot of times
I went without seat belts and I broke the windshield with the top of my head
And uh, I was picking class out of my head for a month
They gave me a little piece of paper called an admin per se which meant I had my license for 30 more days
And then and then my license went away and this was the day before school started for la unified
So this is not a good thing for my career. I was six years as a school bus driver
I used to work for calling in water before that as a truck driver
So, uh time came and went they go. We're not going to let you renew your license and
By my birthday of october 27
I didn't have a job and I went through the court system and the judge I thought I had a problem the judge concurred
He sentenced me to six meetings of aa and um, and and i'm a military guy
And I came into my purse and I was on I was on uh community service at the golf course
Um in balboa in cino golf course, and I don't know if anybody golfs here
But if you ever fire a ball or two and one of the workers on the course
It had that happen. That was real and I had a hard hat
but they never got me but uh
I had to go do 160 hours of community service and then I was in the uh, drunk driving class
If it was class, I could have taught it and um, and my mom's helping me out. I'm living alone. I don't have a job
She's paying my uh, my mortgage and she's like I started going to the drunk driving class and and uh,
She's like would take me because my car was totaled. My license was gone. My job was done
I thought I had a few problems, you know, I was on the uh, it was like a slow speed bronco chase
You know, I mean things were not I was not on a winning streak. It was definite losing streak and uh,
I walked in the first meeting at uh, sherman away and louise. It was a four o'clock meeting
And um, it was called a sober wheels meeting used to be a general motors meeting
And uh, there was another group that happened to be there for many more of the years that I attended that that meeting
I think they were called life's in session
and uh, I knew a lot of the guys at that time and you know, I never claimed that I was a member of that but
I would show up to the uh to the barn, you know with where there was no sponsors
And I was a soda guy. I don't know if anybody's had the soda commitment
So I had a soda coming in and then I didn't have enough hand
So I put my big book in this on top of the sodas and by the time came the following week
Obviously, I didn't look in there. I couldn't find my big book
So, uh, I I took it and I opened it and it fell in the water and it was like the chia pet big book
I mean, it was a really big book. So, um, I had to get another one
and so I was I was doing that and uh, you know, I think I let it I looked like like, uh, either angus from
Dirty deez done dirt cheap, but I I wore shorts
It was so hot in that freaking barn and I wore a tie, you know
a little bow tie and you know trying to try to be part of and uh,
I did other meetings beside license session and I really I really enjoyed the uh,
watch parties and um, that was like
It was I really thought that the uh, the the camaraderie the fellowship it was above and beyond
So so I that my first meeting was december 7th of 1994
And as I walked in there, uh, they told me that I never had to drink again if I didn't want to or if I wanted to
And that was news to me and I heard in the reading if you want we have and are willing to go to any link
To get it and I didn't know what anybody had. I did not want what I had anymore
It wasn't working and I read it a higher power of my own making not my own understanding
So I was a little befogged and uh, I smoked pot, you know, I was in the dope smokers union and uh, but
Somebody got promoted that day at the golf course and that was the summer seven and we went to uh, the el torito
It was no longer there on ventura boulevard and uh had a couple margaritas
I went home smoked a few bong loads and walked to that meeting. They said well how many days you had?
I go what community service they meant sobriety not a clue and um, I haven't had a drink since that day
They I said i'll give it a chance and I smoked that bag up
In the union, I you know, i'm not giving it away. I'll smoke you up. I'm not
Flushing it. Yeah, I wasn't gonna do that. So, uh the bag
We ran out and uh, and I was a few years off a few days off on my sobriety
I thought it was 12 12 and then two years then I did the math and my last my sobriety date
Surgery 12 10 it became 12 12 of 1994. So I just celebrated 30 years sobriety one day at a time
That's the only thing i've done right. It's not take a drink not do a drug. I'm in a no matter what club and uh,
They said to get a sponsor and I was also I was also going to that sober wheels meeting on that wednesday at four o'clock
And um, I got somebody in uh, you know, the guy never called me number one. I didn't like that
That's a joke, but it's true. And then um, and then I was supposed to meet up with him and do some step work and uh,
There was always a problem
So I ended up with another guy that he reached out and and made me feel part of something
I got involved in alcoholics anonymous and we did we did a lot of step work and we um, we even did like the third legacy
You know, it kind of talks about where you're from, you know, henry tebow sister ignatia
You know, and it's all this all this stuff about where he came from
You know, I mean just some deep deep pull on where alcoholics anonymous came from and I became part of something because it
It says you're a member of alcoholics anonymous when you say you're a member and I can remember looking in my mirror, you know
And not everything was going great, but I stood there and something
Hey, you know and uh, but I wanted I wanted to have fun
And if I wasn't gonna have fun like the fun that I was having before
And so, uh, I got involved with inner group and I knew where because I always had to find it. Where's the dances?
went
just going to the dances and
And i'm staying sober one day at a time. It's really not that difficult. You know, i'm doing the work
I'm reading i'm reading, you know, and and then you know, I mean, you know if you're a newcomer, you know, uh,
You tend to whine a little bit anybody ever wanted when they were new. Okay. Yeah, i'm anybody honest here
And uh, and uh, I remember that uh, one guy he connected with me he goes, you know
You wouldn't be complaining you're just explaining so, you know, he wanted to listen, you know
And uh, and I was grateful for that and that was the sunday night meeting that was there and that was uh,
Expect a miracle and I don't know we tended to have potlucks and you know, somebody called expect a meal at one point
But uh, but you know, I stayed sober, you know, and I worked with my sponsor
And and there's really no no bad news there, you know
I've never had a problem where I thought that I could drink again
And that's all that is is a a good idea that I could drink again
And I became a grateful member of aa and then I got involved with the inner group
So I went to inner group for a lot of years. I was the inner group representative. I brought back the information
Um, and when I was about two years in I got involved with the san fernando valley aa convention
Somebody had me go over there. I got on that committee and then when I had about three years
I started going up to happy campers at lake pyro
It's a campfire meeting under the stars third Saturday of the month from march to october and we're currently doing that
And i've been the coffee guy for about the last six years
There's no spirit of rotation there and I handled the money and there's a reason why and it's just a great time
You know, we had 120 people there last time and we barbecued everybody ate bring your favorite side dish. It's a good time
you know, it's a little cold in the beginning gets a little warm in the middle and then cold at the end as far as
as the year goes so
i'm grateful member of that and uh some of my first miracles in aa
Because when I got here I the first person that I met is still a friend of mine and her husband
bernard b
He he they ended up getting married and I was the best man at their wedding
And that was a miracle that I could perform that duty and and you know be polite even do my job and not be yeah
Because I I failed that assignment on more than one occasion and um, you know
you make lifelong friends here and and i've got a lot of gratitude for that and and we're still all friends and
We all have more than 30 years sobriety and uh, I never saw that comment. I didn't come here for that
All I wanted was serenity when I got here and I would try to grab onto it, you know
sands of the
I got happily divorced. It's one of the first things that happened because you know
I hadn't married that future ex-wife that I met at bourbon square
And that's all she pretty much was and I had those kids and and I was a I was an absentee father inside the home
I laid on the couch and just did a shitty job and and then when I left there
The ex-wife she got another guy that was worse than me and and laid right on the same spot that I did and
Um, i'm glad you know, I in the beginning
I couldn't figure out why my mom had an ulcer when I was in the military. I tell her mom everybody's doing her
I kind of figured
And then uh, just the the ex-wife and you know everything that she went through with
With the next I think he was worse than me, you know, I mean
But you know my kids got bored of the brunt of that and i've been given an opportunity
They're all grown adults now with their own families and uh, I was able to come back and uh, make
living a mess and it's funny my daughter she just turned 40 and she's got her own kids and
I'd always told her that my kids were always going to love me and remember me
If only in therapy and uh, and she had been in a lot of therapy so she cried she cried over that
So recently she's in another thing
And um, she I was getting good grades for me
And and i'm grateful for that because she knows what she's going through as a parent and uh, so i'm grateful for my kids
and uh
My uh, my dad he ended up dying about 24 years ago. Oh, yeah yesterday another another day
It was d-day. I mean you guys know what that means 81 years ago. We invaded normandy and
you know all the names of the peaches and uh, you know started the drive to end the
World war ii and uh and recently i'm a veteran
So, uh, and I I don't have a pedal campaign that I was involved in I was in the war on drugs. I'm selling alex
He's got way more time. I did three years and two and a half was in germany and and I survived it, you know
But there's no war it was right after vietnam and and so my buddy he's sober
He plays at the bfw's everyone last night and uh, um
And I want to be a member of vfw and I have to like do some footwork and make sure you treat your dd2
214 like uh
I don't know where mine is in a mine is in a box somewhere
So i'm working on it and i'm trying to be of service to any vet that might need it
And my dad was a korean war veteran that never said a word about it and uh, there's a book and he's in there
And it was like a vignette. He was a squad leader and he was never afraid
His he was there every day as a platoon leader and uh, i'm sad that I never got to talk to him about it
But my stepmother's still around 89
She was always my other mother my regular mother my real mother
She passed away about eight years ago or came up on that she got alzheimer's and uh, I was never going to be able to
Help her and she died of a heart attack. God had a plan. So that's all in sobriety. That's all in sobriety and uh,
You know what?
There was never any idea that I needed to drink again, uh that I needed to uh,
Have an adult beverage and I don't know if anybody's gone across any things
Where you felt like you needed a drink and uh, you know talk to somebody if you come up with something like that
You know because because we've learned that we never have to do anything alone here
In an army as we talk about being a family of understanding. I mean like you guys should should know that being quality of life
you know and then it's just you know, you go through stuff and you've got people that know what you're going through and uh,
It's not going to bring us about some of the people we lost and you know throwing names out here
I probably heard 20 years and but I was a friend to be a member and I don't know I got away with it
You know, I got to enjoy uh, the the fellowship that you guys had and not be a real true member of us
But I was a member of aa so I I got him where I fit in
That's the kind of sobriety that I have and uh, i'm a grateful member of aa and what do we got going on now?
If you guys you know, uh, there's there's plenty of service opportunities if you want to do something above the meeting level and uh,
You know, there's intergroup
You know and you bring back the information, uh from uh from central office from actually from new york
Um, there's a convention planning meeting. We just got started up again
Anybody ever been to our convention out in san fernando valley, you know, there's there's stuff to do there
I mean, it's low low maintenance kind of stuff and you meet other people and um, and you know
You're growing sobriety and i've definitely grown in sobriety
so this is the only coat that fits anymore and uh, I uh, I was uh, I got
I became uh, I lost the bus driver gig and I ended up going back to culligan water and uh,
I I did that for 29 more years and uh, 30 years sobriety and and uh, and actually that week that uh,
My I had a worker's comp case that it came through. I had my birthday
and it was all came together one time and the my whole thing was I didn't make it all the way till my
30th anniversary, but uh, you know i've stayed sober I hit that mark and um,
You know, uh, it's a journey. It's not a destination if you're new here if you're old here
Um, I look at my life and I and I look at all the miles that my body has traveled
Not the time, um, you know
My body has moved across this planet for 30 plus years and I was a truck driver and I thought it was some big stuff
But you know, I was local for culligan water and I you know, I told somebody down in mexico
Because I would go on vacation down there and I was like one of the only ones that didn't drink
So I was an individual but I told some over the road trucker, you know, so my driver I go
Yeah, i've driven a million miles and then he goes two and I go I got rice, you know, it wasn't something that uh
that I needed to uh, um be that proud of you know, so i'm just a proud member of
I call it synonymous and uh, you know, I so big I kind of got involved with this veterans group that they have up in this
Up in santa carita and uh, um, I don't have my dv2 14
So, uh, I got somebody like helped me immediately and called like a number above the president and they called me the next day
And they said i'm eligible and let's i'm the gatekeeper or you know, i'm the keymaster. I don't know
It's like uh, you know, and i've got like a caseworker and I really have no needs, you know
They first they want to go right to mental health and I go
I mean when you start talking like the insurance companies go well, you know, we can deliver meds
No, uh, we can have somebody come into your home
No, I said, you know, I live alone, but i'm not lonely. I've got thousands of friends
That's what I see it being a member of alcoholics anonymous and um, and they are like people are intrigued by that
But I got to stand up and tell people where I was at 370 danger battalion
Uh, 75 76 to 78 total 75 78 and uh, and then I I took a leap of faith because maybe I could help somebody
I have my own anonymity, but I chose to to give it away. So
Um, I told him and i'm sober 30 years in alcoholics anonymous and if I wasn't I wouldn't be here today
So I hope to be able to help some people out
I mean they're you know, and I don't really want to go to the va
They got a bad rap, but uh, I think they're doing a lot better and they're trying to do better. So
Um, I have some people that are advocating and I just want to be helpful
And uh, and I want to be a member of vfw
Because I would be probably the only guy that doesn't drink there. That's all
Uh, but my buddy's band plays there. He just played at the granada hills one and I live up in santa carita
So, uh, I just think I could be of help. I got retired in december and uh,
If anything i've ramped up my meetings, you know, I say yes all the time, you know, uh to nate i'm doing i'm doing a meeting on
monday night at the uh
Stepping stones and then I come to my regular meeting on monday night on rinaldi and I did a three o'clock zoom meeting
I'm doing a zoom meeting in ireland and i'm the one with the accent and they'll say they'll say shit like
And then they'll go, uh, you know, it's like a commercial it's like and then they go, uh awareness without action is bullshit
You know, it's like and they got people that kind of just took a 50-year cake, you know
And chuck c came out there with and did a talk a new pair of glasses and that was like like, you know
A hundred years ago. So, uh, they got some damn good sobriety and people that are really doing the deal and
So that's an important part. We started that in the pandemic and uh, i'm still doing like a thursday pandemic meeting
You know because other people don't want to get out their ass and and i've been I don't mind sitting on my ass every now
and then it's like
being being uh
I went to the dodger game on thursday and uh, you know
Got a ticket and parking for 50 bucks apiece and just just trying to do stuff and uh, you know
And I didn't have a drink, you know and laughed at everybody that did you know, what's this shit with mitchell?
Hey, i'm building it all but you know, I've become a grateful member of aa and my stepmother's still alive and i've been in service
To her and I called her the day before. Uh,
The day before mother's day and I go yeah, I didn't get your card. Yeah, there's not gonna be any flowers
You know, she wasn't happy. So I mean I had a plan and so I showed up on mo on sunday
And then she got that book where it talked about my dad's service in the military and just talked about stuff and she's not remembered
Stuff at 89, but i'm a member and I got to go hang out my brother my my favorite brother
I call him because he's my only brother and I have one sister that's older and my favorite sister-in-law
And they invited me to uh, the orpheum and it's almost 100 years old
We saw a silent movie in the world
All the music that they play in a silent movie and so it was a good time and i'm the only thing I got
Enough time to do this. So, uh, it makes me a grateful member of alcoholic synonymous
I'm glad you're all here tonight and being part of my sobriety and i'm sure you'll see me
You'll probably hear me because i'm a guy that has a face for radio in a voice for radio
And you'll probably hear me before you see me. So, uh, i'm really glad to be here tonight. And uh,
thank you nate for having me out and uh,
He called me in a and invited me and I really didn't know who it was. I didn't have him in my phone
He's in my phone now and I go yeah, i'll do it. Uh, let's talk later
And then I said who exactly is this, you know, you say no, you know, it's like, uh, you know, I love nate's a great guy
So, uh, I just wish you guys all the best one day at a time. Hopefully you're doing the deal
Hopefully you uh have a big book about college synonymous. I can go steady on you and do it in one breath
No, I can't and uh, just do the deal and uh, you know work with a sponsor and uh, you know
Don't use your big book as a coaster if you got a coaster ring on there. You're doing something wrong
So get a different coaster get a classroom. So, uh, i'm gonna stay sober one day at a time
If I keep doing what i'm doing and thinking the way i'm thinking i'll never drink it again at least till midnight
So y'all keep coming back. Thank you so much for having me out great group. Love you guys