1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,920 Thank you. I had to dust this off. Hello. My name is Richard Bounds. I'm an alcoholic. 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:11,280 I'm really grateful to be here tonight. Thank you, Nate, for asking me to share my experience, 3 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:16,000 strength, and hope. It's always an honor and a privilege to be asked to share an Alcoholics 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:22,160 Anonymous meeting. Thank you, Nancy, for being a great host. I'm just grateful for this meeting. 5 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:27,200 Thank you. I can relate to a lot of what you were saying, especially about the pot parts and all 6 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:32,960 that stuff. I'll get to that in a little bit. I won't dwell on it, but my sobriety date is 7 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:38,720 May 24th, 1988. And for that, I'm forever grateful. I don't know if anybody is new here, 8 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:44,080 but if you're here and you're new and you didn't raise your hand, welcome. And I want to tell you, 9 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,800 you don't have to want to be here tonight for this program to work because that was my experience. 10 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:54,800 You know, when I came into that room on that day, May 24th, 88, I walked into Uniday and were there 11 00:00:54,800 --> 00:01:00,320 on Lancashire at the time. You could smoke back then. So I sat in the back, thought my life was 12 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:05,520 over. You know, what does sober people do? You know, I just thought my life was over. And then 13 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,960 you guys said these strange words to me as I was leaving. I didn't raise my hand or anything 14 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:13,360 because I wasn't an alcoholic. You know, I knew I drank too much, but I wasn't an alcoholic. I just 15 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:18,080 had to have this thing signed to keep my job. So I left the meeting and this guy, Bill, said, 16 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:22,240 keep coming back. Another guy named Bill. I go, why do these people want me to come back? You know, 17 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:26,400 all I heard my whole life was get the hell out and don't come back. And you guys were telling 18 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:32,320 me to keep coming back and so much gratitude. I'm standing here today and I'm just really grateful. 19 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:38,800 I always have a disclaimer that some of my story is based on other people and police reports because 20 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:44,880 I was a, I was a blackout, I was a blackout drinker. I'd wake up in jail and go, what happened? 21 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:52,400 You know, and so I said that I read the report and I go, dang, you know, I got thrown out of 22 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:57,200 most of the stadiums here. You know, I got arrested out of Anaheim. I was one of those 23 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:02,320 guys back in 1979 when slid into third base, you know, and stuff like that. Just, you know, 24 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:07,440 stupid stuff. It did not know why I was in jail. I woke up and here I'm reading this report that 25 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:12,080 what I had done, I knocked somebody down and I tried to fight a cop and I was always trying to 26 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:17,280 fight the cops, you know, which wasn't very bright. And, uh, but is that, you know, but is that stuff 27 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:23,120 why I'm here today? Uh, I too started with the other stuff, smoking before I did the drinking. 28 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:28,800 It was easy to get to where I work at the time. I worked as an usher at the Coliseum sports arena 29 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:33,520 back then and the, uh, they smoked. So that's what I did. And then, uh, when I was in high school, 30 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:38,960 anything I had my first drink, it was a, uh, I believe it was a, uh, what's the orange juice 31 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,800 and vodka or screwdriver. I think it was a screwdriver. That was like a high school drink, 32 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:47,680 I guess. Cause it was sweet. So that's what I had. And from that day on until I was 33 years 33 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:52,400 old and I got sober, I had something in my system. I was a truck driver for a local newspaper for a 34 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:56,800 while. So it was hard to come to work, you know, alcohol, my breath. So I would smoke, you know, 35 00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:01,520 but I always had something in my system. You know, I, uh, I guess I was a blackout drinker. I, 36 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:05,760 I just sat there and I just, uh, when everybody else was going home, I was going back out trying 37 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:10,880 to get to the seven 11 or the bar or, or into the market and a quarter to two, make sure I had 38 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,920 alcohol for afterwards. I, uh, I would sit there and just, uh, just drink to two, three in the 39 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:20,880 morning and then wake up the next day, all hung over and, and just not remember what I did or 40 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:26,320 anything. I must've liked Mexican food a lot back then too, because every time I look, I look at my 41 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:31,280 oven or something, whatever, maybe like a half eaten burrito or something, some place I probably 42 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:36,480 stopped at at three in the morning on my way home or something. Oh, I guess I had taco last night, 43 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,880 go to work for this terrible hangover. And then I was just sit there and say, okay, I'm not going to 44 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:44,960 drink today. I'm going to just going to go home and be good. But you know, when you start checking 45 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:49,840 out about a certain time, you realize, you know what? I don't feel so bad. And this is at the end 46 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:55,440 of my drinking. I did work nights for 19 years. And so that was easy to get alcohol then because 47 00:03:55,440 --> 00:04:00,880 I'd be in my vehicle and I'd start by seven 11 and I worked for the daily news. And so we'd be 48 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:05,760 out there distributing papers at the time. I kind of ran the nighttime operation until I got demoted. 49 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:10,240 And so we'd always, we're out there all drinking, you know, just partying out there and stuff. And 50 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:14,640 thank God I didn't kill anybody, but I was just sit there. And when I got demoted to daytime, 51 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,840 it was same thing. I just, that's when I would wake up with the hangover and I'd have to drive 52 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:21,520 somewhere. I'd be all whatever. And then I would just start to feel pretty good. And then I stopped 53 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:26,800 at the bar. I'm like, I know David F. I actually knew him from 37 plus years ago at a place called 54 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:32,000 Charlie O's. I just talked about it maybe. So I would, you know, and, uh, I go in there and next 55 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,560 thing you know, it'd be two in the morning again. And I did it one more time and did it one more 56 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:40,480 time. One more time. A lot of my story, like I said, I just was, I was like, so it's a blackout 57 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,440 drinker when, when I was, uh, and I didn't like people like I hated people, you know, I, I grew 58 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:51,280 up in my last name is bounce. I had red hair at freckles. It was just, it was a nightmare. My, my, 59 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:55,760 my childhood, my parents were not the greatest parents in the world. I had to learn to forgive 60 00:04:55,760 --> 00:05:00,320 them in this program. And so we moved around a lot stuff. But like I said, I went to Newcastle 61 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:06,320 elementary. I went to North Hollywood high. Like I was telling somebody over here in the corner, 62 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:10,400 I remember it used to be a piggly wiggly market, you know, that we used to go steal from back in 63 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,800 the sixties and stuff and all that. But, uh, but you know, that's just how I lived my life. I just 64 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:19,920 was out there doing every whatever. And then when I was, I think I was 19 and a half or 20, 65 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:24,160 I had decided that, uh, I didn't want to work anymore. I was working at this warehouse in 66 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:28,480 some value. I didn't want to work anymore. So I quit my job and got a backpack and I went 67 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,960 and got a Greyhound bus pass and went around the United States for nine weeks called a me against 68 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:38,400 the United States. And it was a, this was in 1974. So it's hard to believe how many years ago that 69 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:43,760 was like 50. And so I sat there and, uh, just did the thing and then hung out in the States. 70 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:48,160 We could drink in, you know, I take the boss and some of the States are 18, like Florida, 71 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:52,880 had a great time in Florida. And then I got up into these other States and drinking age was 21. 72 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,960 I didn't want to be here and I can just go up. Uh, I had some friends that lived in long Island 73 00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:01,760 and they're the drinking age was 18 and the bar stayed open till 4 AM. This was great. So I stayed 74 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:06,240 there until I got thrown out. Basically the court Jefferson police pretty much said, if you don't 75 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,960 leave, we're going to arrest you, you know, because I was troubled, just troubled. And so finally left 76 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:15,520 there. And then I ran out of money. I didn't have that much money anyway. And, uh, between the bus 77 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:20,480 and the hitchhike and, uh, I wouldn't do that trip today, but I'm 74. I felt safe. Went back home and 78 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,960 got my job back. And I thought, you know, maybe I should get married. So I met this girl work and, 79 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:31,600 uh, she was a Jehovah's witness. So the alcoholic Jehovah's witness marriage did not last very long 80 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:37,360 now officially it lasted four years, but it was over after probably four days in her mind, 81 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:42,080 because I think she thought she could change me. And I was hoping she would loosen up a little bit. 82 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:47,360 And I was definitely in the fall. There there's no doubt, you know, and when we got divorced, 83 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:52,080 this was in 1980, she even told the judge, she said, I don't want to get alimony from him. I 84 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:58,080 want nothing. I just want my name change. And this was a Jehovah's witness spiritual, and I heard, 85 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:03,040 you're not supposed to cuss. So I'll try not to, but she said, I never want to F and see him again. 86 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:08,320 This is what she said in court. That's how bad I screwed up her life. So I went fine. I just saw 87 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:12,640 it as an open invitation. You have to continue drinking without having, you know, like that was 88 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:17,360 the nag. And so I just continued. That was my life. Just, just getting in trouble, getting thrown 89 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:22,640 out of places. He's been a lot of football game, Raider nation, by the way, got thrown out of the 90 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:27,920 Coliseum twice, the same game. I don't think I throw it out that I stuck back in, got thrown out. 91 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:33,920 I saw the same cops again, you know, when I get my, but I never took responsibility. That was my 92 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:39,120 fault. I was always, if I had done this, when I got one of my DUIs, if I'd only gone down ban on 93 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:43,680 instead of victory, I wouldn't have gotten caught. There's more cops on victory. Why did I do that? 94 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:48,080 You know, it never dawned on me that because I was drinking too much, why end up in jail. And then of 95 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:52,320 course, when I was in jail, like I said, I would start a fight back then they could do chokeholds 96 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:57,280 and all that. So soon I got a few chokeholds, but not me, but you know, well-deserved well-deserved 97 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:02,160 and it was just, and then I just, just kept drinking and didn't care. Like I said, I hated 98 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:06,400 people. I didn't like people. When I, when I got drunk, I was drinking and I was more tolerable. 99 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,320 I called myself an active drunk. I wasn't one of the ones that just went and sat in the corner of 100 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,640 a bar or I stayed home. I was always out doing stuff, which means I was getting in trouble 101 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:19,360 because I was always out somewhere until I got thrown out or asked not to return. I said, 102 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:25,520 I couldn't tell you how many times I got told never come back. And then I got a DUI in 1986. 103 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:31,760 And then they said, I got sentenced to court card, right? So I thought, okay. So I went to a meeting, 104 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:36,400 think it was Radford, but I couldn't swear to. And I went there and I thought to myself, well, 105 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:42,880 here I am 33, 31 years old. So I thought, okay, a bunch of old bald fat guys. And I thought, okay, 106 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:47,600 I'm not like any of these people. This, this is useless. And then of course my brilliant brain 107 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:52,240 said, wait a second, this place is, this is anonymous. They can't check this. So I brought my 108 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:56,720 card into the bar and I started saying, Hey, just define your name and initial, just don't spill any 109 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:02,480 beer on it. Got it all signed, brought it to the judge. Judge was all, yeah, you're good. And all 110 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:07,520 this stuff. So I was all proud of myself, but all I did was just, you know, just fooled myself. You 111 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:12,080 know, I wouldn't take care of myself. Another time I had things forged. Like I never understood 112 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:16,880 why people were standing on the corner of Oxnard and Van Nuys Boulevard and the building there. 113 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:21,360 You know, so I was one of them because I got another DUI and it was like alcohol school or 114 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:25,520 something. And I think that time, no, I didn't have to have a car sign, but they had, they made 115 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:29,040 me, you're supposed to read a book. And I found out that book was the big book. And of course I 116 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,880 didn't care at the time. So I think I paid somebody in the bar 20 bucks to read the book for me and 117 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:37,760 write a little report because I always went the easier, softer way. I wasn't going to do it. So 118 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:43,680 one of my last big major drunks was I went to the, uh, the Renaissance fair when I was out in the 119 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:48,960 gourd. This was in 88 and just same thing, woke up. I was always broke, you know, get paid on 120 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:53,120 Thursdays broke by Friday because of the other stuff. I couldn't drink that much, but you know, 121 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:58,080 the other stuff took a lot of my money and I just sat there and I woke up and I went to the bar. 122 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,760 I don't even know if it's still there. The red chariot on Burbank. I went there and, uh, no, 123 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:06,000 it wasn't the red chair. It was the red chariot. But anyway, uh, the bartender there said, why don't 124 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:11,920 you try AA? You know, her husband, I guess was in prison and he got sober in AA and I go, no, AA 125 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:16,000 don't work. You know, because I went to that one half a meeting or whatever I did. So I knew that 126 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,720 AA didn't work. So I said, no, it doesn't work. And then, uh, I got called into work and they said, 127 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,720 if you don't do anything, we're going to have to get rid of it. So I went to their EAP and their 128 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:29,760 employment assistance program and that's when they gave me another card and I said, okay, I got to 129 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:34,160 keep my job. So when I first, like I said, I wasn't an alcoholic. I didn't know what alcoholics was. 130 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:38,960 I know that I didn't live on sixth and main, fifth and main. So I couldn't be alcoholic. I still had 131 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:44,400 my job, even though by that time I was flopping on my mom's couch and an apartment in North Hollywood, 132 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,480 because everything else I had lost, you know, I didn't care if I paid my rent or paid my thing, 133 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:53,120 but I paid my bar tab, you know, I get in the bar tab was important. I could do without electricity 134 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,600 and I could do without gas and all this stuff because, but I had to pay my bar tab, you know, 135 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:02,240 so I was just sitting there, I'm flopping on the couch and stuff. People had got, they're just sick 136 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:06,480 of me, you know, you know, flopping through the house. I was like my mom's. And so I started, 137 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:10,640 she lived on my anchor sham and I found out this place called Unity was on my anchor sham. So I 138 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:15,760 thought, okay, I'll try this place just to get this thing. Maybe I'll just, uh, learn to just 139 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:22,720 drink beer and smoke pot because tequila and Coke was my problem, not beer pot. So I started going 140 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:27,120 to these meetings. And like I said, the first meeting you guys said those strange words keep 141 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:31,280 coming back and all these people want me to come back. And so I just kept going back cause I didn't 142 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:37,760 want to lose my job. And so I get my things signed and it had to be probably about 30 days or 143 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:42,320 something. And my brain was starting, was clearing up. And all of a sudden I had that first revelation. 144 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:47,200 I hadn't been arrested in 30 days. I hadn't woken up, but I hangover in 30 days. You know, 145 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:51,760 I knew where I was the night before the last 30 nights and all this other stuff. And then this 146 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:57,760 is what was the key for me for Alcoholics Anonymous is I started listening to the similarities instead 147 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:02,480 of the differences. And that's when I realized I'm an alcoholic, you know, whether I want to be or 148 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:08,240 not, I'm an alcoholic. So what am I going to do about it? So I just kept going back to the meeting 149 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:13,280 after I had my last day signed off when I went to that first meeting after that is when I said, 150 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:18,240 okay, I guess I'm really coming to AA because I didn't have to be there. That was the first meeting 151 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:22,720 in 41 days. I didn't have to be there for 50 days, whatever it was. And so then I just start going 152 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:27,280 back now. I wasn't going to do any of this stuff. I can tell you that, you know, even a day they had 153 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,920 the, you know, like here, they had the, uh, the steps on the walls. They had all the bricks there 154 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,440 with the sobriety. I didn't know little for sobriety days. I'm thinking, God, why are these 155 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,840 people? What? Maybe this was 88. So I'm thinking, wait a second. These people are five years old 156 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:44,480 because, you know, they had some data like 81 or something, you know, what is this? And I found 157 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:49,040 out what it was. So, you know, I just, uh, started going to me, but I wasn't going to do this stuff 158 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:53,360 because I'd never gone to church and it wasn't cause I was anti church or anything. Like I said, 159 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,840 we had kind of a, as this isn't why I was an alcoholic because my parents weren't the best 160 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:02,480 of parents. My mom and my stepdad is the fact that, uh, I'm an alcoholic because when I drink, 161 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:06,560 I can't stop. You know, I had that craving, but when people were going to church on Sundays, 162 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:11,520 I was in my grandfather's bar with my parents and South gate learning how to shoot pool. So 163 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,520 there they'd give me the money and they'd go drink and get drunk and they give me whatever it was, 164 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,040 Shirley temples or whatever, and a bunch of quarters. And I was just, me and my brothers 165 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:23,200 was just go shoot pool. So we just never went to church. So it wasn't like I was pro God, 166 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:28,400 anti God, just never went. So when I saw this God stuff up here, I thought, oh great, 167 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,320 it's going to be some religious thing, you know, and all this other stuff, you know, back then, 168 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,440 I don't think they do it anymore. Every time you went to a market, there was always somebody 169 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:41,040 trying to recruit you, you know, for the religion, whatever and stuff. And I'm like, great, this is 170 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:45,200 going to be religious. And then I thought, okay, I'm going to be religious. I don't know what sober 171 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,680 people do because everything I did involved alcohol. If there wasn't alcohol, I left. And so 172 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:54,480 I shared that. And somebody pointed out the first word in the second step where it said came to 173 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:59,360 believe it didn't say you had to believe you must believe you will believe. So it came to believe 174 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,440 just come to the meetings, don't drink and hopefully one day you'll have your higher power, 175 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:08,000 which I did, I finally came to believe in a power greater than myself. And God is my higher power. 176 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,920 And this was after I also finally admitted to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic, you know, 177 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,680 that was the first step I had to admit that because I still wasn't convinced a little bit because I 178 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:21,920 still had my job. I still wasn't going down living on skid row. But I just finally admit it. And then 179 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:26,480 I did the other step. And then when I got to step four and five, because remember, I hated people. 180 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,960 And so there's still so even though I was sober, I still didn't trust people. So there was that 181 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:36,560 trust factor. So I'm not gonna do this, you know, can do this. So I sat there and just kept putting 182 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:41,120 it off. Now I was enjoying sobriety, you know, many years and many pounds ago, I was a pretty 183 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:46,320 good athlete. So I was I signed up for the the softball leagues, silver softball leagues, 184 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:52,320 I was playing a classy saying I had to shave, which I did, I go mustache softball. Well, 185 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:57,680 you see what left, you know, so I was playing softball there, they had a sober bowling league 186 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:02,960 at Granada Hills Bowl before the earthquake back then knocked it down. And I always have to laugh 187 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:10,640 about swearing, because I was proud of this at the time. But in 1989, and 1990, I won a certificate 188 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:15,280 bowler with the biggest gutter mouth two years running, I still got those certificates somewhere 189 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:19,200 in the house. But you know, I had to learn that that was a character defect and blah, blah, blah. 190 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:24,640 So I really tried to be respectful. And I try not to cut sometimes it comes out. But I really tried 191 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:29,760 not to sit there and throw out f balls, which is basically my that was my language back then. I 192 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:34,480 just wasn't that good in school either. I barely got out of high school. So I just you know, that 193 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:39,200 was my language. You know, I just everything was f this and f the world and all this stuff. But I 194 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:45,280 try not to do that today. So so I was I was in the bowling league, they had a sober ski and thing and 195 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:51,040 all kinds of stuff. So I'm doing all this activity. I'm having fun, you know, playing softball with 196 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:56,320 the Friday night of Dickens me, they had a team, I played on that team and just doing some other 197 00:15:56,320 --> 00:16:03,200 stuff. And then up my mentality, my brain, I was still I was going crazy. I was always upset still 198 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:07,600 still pissed off all the time, probably one of those awards and all this stuff. I was just 199 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:12,400 always pissed all the time. And then somebody had some up to me and said I had a sponsor, but I was 200 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,640 one of those guys that, you know, had a couple of sponsors, you know, cuz I was always gonna beat 201 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:21,280 the system, you know, so you know, so I just asked the same question till I got the answer that I 202 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:25,840 wanted to hear. And I said, Yeah, cuz someone told me I could do that. So anyway, I ended up, 203 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:32,160 but Mike, you, you like you, he was a, he was my first sponsor. But anyway, so he got me sort of 204 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:37,600 steered in the right direction. And then all of a sudden, I was just going nuts. And I just started 205 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:42,960 writing my fourth step. And that was under another good advice, you know, funny listening to people. 206 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,960 And they said, Don't worry about the fifth, right, the fourth noise, you know, don't worry about the 207 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:51,680 fifth. So I sat there and did it finally. And then I had to start worrying about the fifth when I was 208 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:56,240 done. And so my sponsors just said, Hey, we're going to get on the five freeway, and we're going 209 00:16:56,240 --> 00:17:00,240 to drive north until you're done reading it. So that's what we did. We end up somewhere outside 210 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:04,480 of Bakersfield or something, you know, we just just drove up there. And then we did six and seven, 211 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,840 whatever. And then we came back, I had a little over two years when I did this. So like I said, 212 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:12,720 no 30 day wonder or anything that just took me a while. And then I really felt like I was part 213 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:18,240 of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now I felt like I was in then I started doing the amends thing. I never did 214 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:23,120 see that wife again, I had no idea where she was at. But I was able to my sponsor, you know, 215 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:27,360 write a letter and just kind of read the letter to the air, basically saying, Hey, I'm sorry for what 216 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:32,320 I had done and stuff and went around and money amends are easy. Yeah, I came up to people I say, 217 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,440 Hey, I owe you whatever, and they didn't even know I'd ripped them off. So you know, they're all 218 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,600 happy that I'm giving them money. So those were easy, you know, but trying to do the personal 219 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,920 ones, especially when it came to my stepdad and my mom, those were tough. But you know, 220 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:49,920 through sponsorship and stuff, I had to focus on my part when they used to leave town. And I was 221 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:54,800 sneaking their house and hold these big parties and the cops would be coming and all this other 222 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,800 stuff. And you know, I had to talk my part, you know, because I felt the time that they owed me, 223 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:03,600 you know, so I, you know, I was able to do my amends. And we ended up having a cordial my mom 224 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,600 actually, and I'm getting sober at channel launch, which was kind of cool. So that that worked out 225 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:13,440 good. And I ended up having a cordial relationship before he got for stepdad died and my mom. And so 226 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,920 I was grateful that I was able to do that. And then through my sobriety, you know, things are 227 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:22,560 going well. And then a friend of mine for Hey, actually was talking to him on the way here. He 228 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:29,680 lives up in Oregon now. Yeah, we're talking that he had asked me this was in 1990. I bought a house 229 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:33,920 in Van Nuys, you know, there's all x, you know, here I am, you guys need to text to go when you 230 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,440 can give me a car, you know, back remember, they used to have those little gas cars and all that. 231 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,200 And now they were lending me money to buy a house. I owned a house and everything was good. And my 232 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:46,720 friend Jorge, he's got about the same amount of time I got, he asked me to help him do a security 233 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:52,400 up at the central office on New Year's Eve, he used to have like a big party. So this was this 234 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:57,520 particular year was in Redondo Beach. So I was up there at the door, and she walked in, and we just 235 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:03,040 started talking. And I said to Jorge, I said, I'm gonna get to know this person. And so we ended up 236 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:08,080 talking, she tried to dish me, she's a little bit older than I am. So she thought I was 41, 237 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:13,360 she was 55. So she thought that I was too young for her. So she tried to dish me and stuff. But I 238 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:18,720 was I just sat there, you know, and she's we're coming up on 29 years of marriage. And you know, 239 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:25,680 things are going well, you know, she's, she's got 46 years, so I'm still a newcomer in the family, 240 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,480 you know, but for us, we do separate meetings, you know, we don't do meetings together, 241 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,160 people in our area didn't even know we were together till we went to the local convention, 242 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:38,160 because, you know, we even when we lived in LA, and, you know, she went to her meetings, 243 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,800 I went to my meetings. So we kept our program separate, but we brought the sobriety home to 244 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:47,280 have a sober household. And so that's what worked for us. You know, I see couples that come to 245 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:51,360 meetings all the time, and that works for them. Great. That wasn't us. You know, we don't work 246 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:55,520 well together. And also other stuff, we always pride ourselves that you know, that opposite 247 00:19:55,520 --> 00:20:01,200 subtract for the poster children for that and all that, because here's a sophisticated woman from LA 248 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:06,080 and I who she's just had an alcohol problem. And then I was wasn't a nice person here, 249 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:10,720 down here, you know, and stuff. So like I said, things are going well. And so things are going 250 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:16,880 well. And then in 1999, I got diagnosed with cancer. And oh, great, now I'm gonna die. You 251 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,720 know, that's first thing I went to, you know, I went, I went there, I thought, okay, you know, 252 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:25,120 things are going well, happy, I just got married and all this other stuff. And now I'm going to 253 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:30,080 die. But okay, but then people started sharing, they said, go to go to meetings, share about it, 254 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:35,440 other people will tell their experience. And I did that. And so I started hearing from people 255 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:40,400 from different states, whatever, say, Hey, I'm so and so and you know, I beat cancer, 256 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:45,840 just follow doctors directions, which I didn't do before. See, part of my story when I was out there, 257 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,440 you know, I have a limp and all that I had a hip replacement not too long ago. So that's why I'm 258 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:54,560 still limping off of that. But before that, I never went back to adopt never went back. So like, 259 00:20:54,560 --> 00:21:00,240 when I had, I got into a bar fight, placed in this bar on Sherman Way and Woodman, I got a bigger 260 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:05,200 bar fight and tore up my tendons and my broke my ankle and stuff. And I went back into the fight, 261 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:09,040 you know, because that's what we did. And then I that's when it'll say, I woke up with a blackout, 262 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:14,480 I woke up the next day wondering, why is my ankle hurt? Looking over there. So I went to Kaiser, 263 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:18,560 they almost threw me out of there. Because here I'm at Kaiser Panorama City on the balcony, 264 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:23,840 you know, blasting deep purple, you know, smoky and all this stuff. They're rushing and getting 265 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:27,840 me I had people birthday, what do you need? I need beer and pots what I need, you know, 266 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:32,720 so they finally got me out as soon as possible. And then the group of friends from the bar, 267 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:37,760 Charlie O's, we would they all went to Kern River, whatever. And like I said, I was the athlete. So I 268 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:43,840 said screw this, I want to water ski. So I put my cast in the river, cut it off and start water ski 269 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:50,320 and and a couple other times I broke my thing here, cut that cast off, you know, I never went 270 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:55,920 just that was my thing. I never went back. I took out my own stitches. I just never went. So now I 271 00:21:55,920 --> 00:22:01,200 was going back to the doctor following directions. And I can tell you even to this day after my hip 272 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:06,000 replacement, I'm so nervous about doing something that I'm not supposed to do. I'm constantly I was 273 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:10,560 under calling them. Okay, can I do this? Can I do that? Am I allowed to do this? How long am I 274 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:15,040 supposed to do this and stuff? Because I'm following directions, you know, but back then, 275 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:19,680 no, I did, you know, and so so I went to the thing and I'm cancer free. I've been cancer free, 276 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:25,040 you know, I went up on 26 years, 26 years. Yeah, it hardly was 2025. And so, you know, 277 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:29,440 all the stuff and then things are going well in LA going to meetings in Westchester trying to get 278 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:33,680 things, you know, new and also my wife's daughter got married, moved to this place called Apple 279 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:38,560 Valley, Apple Valley, you know, we got I got to Victorville lots of times because I like to 280 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:43,760 gamble a little bit. And so we got we went to Apple Valley and then Lynn got pregnant and Jackie 281 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:48,160 said I want to move. I could be near my daughter. So I said, Okay, I had quit the newspaper for 282 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:53,200 personal reasons and stuff. And so I said I can whatever I got a job actually at the local paper 283 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:57,920 up there because with my experience, they put me as the home delivery distribution manager up there. 284 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:04,000 So I had a job daily press. So we moved to Apple Valley and been there 23 years and just had to 285 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:08,480 get a whole new set of meetings and start to go to meetings there. I said, Where's the meeting book? 286 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:12,400 You know, I'm expecting like a little booklet. They give me like a sheet and I said, Oh, these 287 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,320 are means in Apple Valley. They don't know these are all the meetings up here in the high desert. 288 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:21,840 And so but anyway, you know, we're not perfect. So have character defects. So I'm going through 289 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:26,320 a little resentment thing with some of the meetings there. Thank God for you guys. And 290 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:31,760 thank God for shakers because shakers, you know, my sponsor go Gary A goes to shakers. And so I 291 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:37,520 come into shakers once a month driving just to see my friends and all that. And so we've been living 292 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:42,000 up there and just enjoying life, you know, then ended up moving away because she didn't like the 293 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,920 desert. You know, you gotta like wind and dirt, you know, to live up there, but she didn't like 294 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:51,440 it in five minutes. That's cool. And so I we still live up there. And we love it. You know, we just 295 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:56,640 we do the sober thing. I was part of their convention for long for many years. This last 296 00:23:56,640 --> 00:24:02,080 weekend, I had the honor of leading the old timer, the long timers me for the convention there. And 297 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:07,520 that was that was pretty cool. I had my wife reluctantly is one of my speakers. And so she 298 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:12,800 bought it out. But then she said she would do it. So she came and did it. I bought the CD just to 299 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:17,840 prove that Yeah, you did it and all that. But uh, but you know, sobriety is good. And we're having 300 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:23,120 a good time. Oh, it was really it was a no brainer when Nate asked me to share and he said I could 301 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:28,560 use a zoom capacity. And I said no, I said I want to drive up here. I said I see guys on zoom all 302 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:32,800 the time. I want to meet everybody in person. I said, you know, I drive to LA all the time. 303 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:37,120 We're season to get all those the Clippers, we go to radar games, wherever. So if I'm going to 304 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:41,840 drive back and forth for basketball games, why wouldn't I drive back and forth from myself? 305 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:47,200 You know, that's why I drive into Glendale. It's our so you know, I used to drive a lot longer than 306 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:52,800 that to pick up drugs and alcohol if I needed to. So I wanted to come out here. And of course, 307 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:57,840 my brain saying Do I really want to go? Of course I do. You know, and I'm so glad that I did it to 308 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:02,240 meet everybody in person, you know, and it's just really, it's really cool. And I can tell you that 309 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:08,160 claw thing does not sound nearly as impressive on zoom as it does be. Okay, that makes it all 310 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:14,320 worthwhile. You know, I'm here hearing that, you know, but uh, you know, I just, I love alcohol 311 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:18,400 synonymous, you know, and that's why I share if there's anybody who's new who doesn't want to be 312 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:23,520 here, it does work because I clearly didn't want to be here. You know, 37 plus years ago, 313 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:28,640 I thought my life was over, you know, what a sober people do, you know, I had no idea what sober 314 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,640 people did. Well, you know what they do? We do everything that we can do drink and I remember 315 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:37,760 being there. Me and 10 of our friends from shakers, we went to a Dodger game. And it was kind of funny 316 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:42,720 because we said it was like 10 designated drivers at this game. Anyone know something? I didn't 317 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:47,680 start a fight. I wasn't arrested. And I remember being there and I had a blast. We're all you know, 318 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:53,360 we're all sharing, you know, this probably wasn't very healthy. Anybody who's a health freak, but 319 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:58,240 you know, they bought a couple helmets of nachos that were passing those around overall. And with 320 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:03,360 10 guys, there wasn't a napkin or white be in sight. But you know what, we were happy. We were 321 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:09,600 having a blast, you know, all this stuff. And my wife's the opposite. She she's constantly but you 322 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:15,680 know, we were having fun. And even at this stage of my sobriety, I'm going out there, we're having 323 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:20,480 fun. You know, I'm still in the profession that I do, you know, I don't want to retire. I'm a realtor 324 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:24,400 out there. So you know, I don't I don't want to retire. I don't I don't need to retire and just 325 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,720 keep doing what I'm doing at my own pace. You know, so my wife and I were doing like road trips 326 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:34,160 and we do stuff like that. And we were having fun. Yeah, I would have missed it all. If Bill probably 327 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,320 didn't say keep coming back, you know, or if you guys didn't share your experience, strength and 328 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:44,080 hope or had something I could relate to. Because before just on the surface, I was not you guys, 329 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:50,320 you know, but now I'm so grateful that I was and I still am. And in my last minute, I just want to 330 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:56,640 say I've said this a few times on my shares. Thank you to this meeting for being a true hybrid. I you 331 00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:01,760 know, I've been going to a lot of meetings on zoom, and they call them hybrids. You don't get 332 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:08,320 the participation from the audience in the zoom as you do with the people live here. It's a constant 333 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,880 interaction, you know, share and all this stuff. Usually it's the live people and the zoom people 334 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:17,360 and stuff. And so that's why I became part of one be part of this group again. And I just, 335 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:21,280 like I said, I used to come here when I was licensed session, which is what you say now, 336 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:26,560 and stuff. And I was not structural. That's why I didn't join the group because I was anti, 337 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:31,840 but I love coming to Saturday to the speaker meetings. And I did that for years. But anyway, 338 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:37,200 now I love the structure. Tell me how that works. So I'm done. Nate, thank you again very much for 339 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:41,680 asking me to come out here. And I'm really glad to be here tonight. Thank you.