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 Hi, Margo Alcoholics, and I really hate Nathan for doing this to me.

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 You know, I hate to share, I hate to lead, however, I know, but you know what, AA has

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 saved my life, you know, and I've been sober 31 years, which, you know, sometimes my behavior

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 doesn't show that.

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 And, you know, Greg, I really relate it to Greg, and this is what I thought was so fascinating

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 to me about AA is that even if I didn't relate to the drinking part, well, I relate to the

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 drinking, but the degree of drinking, or where they came from, or whatever it was, the feeling

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 inside, like, you know, what he felt like not enough, and I never felt like enough.

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 So I'm just going to share what it was like, what happened, and what I'm like today.

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 So I'm from Lexington, Kentucky, and, you know, I come from a, you know, pretty good

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 home.

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 I mean, you know, my mom and dad, you know, provided for us, and, you know, my father

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 was from New York, and my mom was from San Francisco, and I don't know how they ended

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 up in Kentucky, but, well, I do, because my dad was a ballroom dancer, right?

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 So he, Arthur Murray, had him open a franchise in Lexington, so he came to Lexington, and,

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 you know, he's Italian, he was Italian, and on my birth certificate, you know, my last,

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 real last name is Albolino, we were just talking about, I have so many name changes, as does

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 my husband, but my, so, the last name was Albolino, and his name was Luigi Tomas Albolino,

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 and he changed it to Ravel, because he went into the dance business, and he figured, because

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 no one would be able to pronounce his name, especially in Kentucky.

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 So I, I'm the youngest, my sister was born first, and I, you know, I never felt good

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 enough, she was always, you know, very peppy, very popular, you know, my dad, you know,

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 they would call her the real Italian, you know, so already I'm feeling like, you know,

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 I'm not good enough, and, you know, and I, I, so I did everything opposite her, you know,

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 she was a cheerleader, and I was like, I hate cheerleaders, I hate that, those people, I

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 don't want to be around them, so I started hanging out with, with my people, like what

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 Greg talked about, I found these people that I could skip school and drink, and I would

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 steal my mom's volumes, and in seventh grade, I remember, I stole a volume, and I took it

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 before class, and I kept dropping my pencil, and I kept falling, reaching over to get it,

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 and falling out of my chair, and, you know, they took me to the principal's office, and,

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 you know, again, it was, why can't you be like your sister?

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 So, you know, it just was, you know, that, and then my name, Margo, oh my god, I hated

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 my name, because people made fun of my name, so, because there was, I remember there's

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 a commercial, Margo the prime puppy, oh my god, I didn't even want to go to school, because

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 I had to hear that, and then there was a toy called Marvel the Mustang, oh my, you know,

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 so I tormented, I needed a drink, very, you know, just always tense, so, but what happened

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 is I started hanging out with this girl, and she had an older brother, and so that's how

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 we could get alcohol, and I remember I went to a party, and I drank vodka, and I probably

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 acted drunker than I was, but I wanted to fit in, but that's what happened, is it made

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 me feel a part of, and, you know, and I, you know, because I don't have much time, but

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 I, I, you know, obviously I didn't drink every day, because 13, but I went to school, and,

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 but I tried to drink as much as I could, and my mom had, my mom and dad had alcohol in

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 their cabinet, and so I would try to drink some of that, and, you know, and then smoke

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 a little pot, and, you know, and then by the time I was about 15 or 16, I, you know, before

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 I had glasses, well I have glasses now, because I'm old, but I had glasses, I had buck teeth,

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 I was made fun of, it was, it was, it was hard, y'all, school was hard, and then, but

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 then I, you know, then I, my glasses, I quit wearing glasses, I got braces, and by the

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 time I was 16, then I started hanging out with these, like, rednecks, I guess, it was

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 a friend that I used to go to, and, you know, they're all, well, redneck hippies, so I go

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 with them, and, you know, we drink, and, and then I met a guy, and he was married, and,

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 you know, so here's the thing is, I didn't care about anybody, pretty much, I mean, I

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 think, you know, that's kind of the way my personality was coming around, is I was like,

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 what, what, what's going to make me happy, what do I have, right, you know, what do you

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 have for me, you know, I was going to bars, using a fake ID, I met this guy, he would

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 pick me up on the corner, I was supposed to be waiting for the bus to go to school, and

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 he picked me up, and, and I didn't care, you know, and his, you know, his wife was pregnant,

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 and, you know, and they called the house, and my mom, you know, confronted me, and I

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 was, you know, said, oh, she's crazy, you know, I don't know what she's talking about,

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 so I was doing that, still hanging out with these hippies, and so my, my mom, we had,

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 we had this artist friend, my mom and dad collected art, and we had an artist friend,

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 and his name was Henry Faulkner, and he was very well known in Lexington, he was gay,

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 he was outrageous, he would walk around with his goats, or his dogs, or his ducks, or whatever

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 the heck he had, he would stop traffic, and he used to come to our house and paint, and,

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 you know, and through him, there were all these underground gay drag queens, so I went

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 from going out with these rednecks and doing that, and I came home one night, and there,

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 my mom was there, and there were, there was this guy, he was kind of cute, you know, I

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 thought he had blonde hair, and he was showing these photos, but there were photos of him

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 drenched in fake blood with baby dolls, you know, around him, and, you know, and, and

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 I was fascinated, I was fascinated by him, so I started hanging out, he had all these

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 other friends, and they would come to our house, and, you know, I remember I came home

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 one night, and, you know, we all snorted amyl nitrate, because the poppers held hands and

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 did poppers, so I, you know, I drank and did drugs with my mom, and, you know, and I, when

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 I got sober, I mean, when I got sober, and people said that wasn't right, I didn't think

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 it was a problem, so that's why it was hard for me, because I was so used, that is just

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 perspective, right, it's my, you know, my thinking, or distorted thinking, so during

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 all this, the, the one of the guys was a, had opened a bar called LMNOP, and he had

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 this band, it was a punk bar in Lexington, and they were always getting people driving

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 by and shooting out the windows, but he had a band, and it was called, the band was called

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 The Thrusters, and my husband was the drummer, and I would see him at school at, when I,

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 this was, I was going to, to the University of Kentucky, and he was too, and I would see

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 him there, and then there was a theater in Lexington, and it was the Kentucky theater,

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 and one side they showed art, they would show art films, on the other side they would show

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 porn films, which we could have both, but I met him, you know, I used to see him, you

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 know, and he looked, you know, like a nice guy, and then the next time I saw him, he

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 had, you know, shaved his eyebrows, dyed his hair blue black, and he was playing the drums,

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 wearing a, wearing a chalk strap, and I was like, I'm in love, so, you know, but that,

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 you know, so it was great, because we both drank, we were both using, we were both kind

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 of on this path, right, and, you know, he, he was a little ahead of me there, but we

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 decided to go to move to my, my parents had sold their house, and they moved to California,

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 to Santa Barbara, my mom wanted to, my dad wanted to retire there, and so we decided

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 to get out, we wanted to get out of Lexington, I wanted to be a writer, he wanted to be a

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 rock star, and we were going to go to New York, and then LA seemed easier, because my

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 mom and dad were there, and so that's what we did, we, you know, we literally loaded

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 up the truck and moved to Beverly, well we had the, you know, the dogs, and we, and we

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 moved, and we started, you know, we just, I mean, it's, it's that geographic, you know,

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 you think things are going to be different, but it's the same, so now we just had more

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 opportunities to drink, because now the bars are open all hours, and then we had friends

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 there, and, you know, and then we did a lot of coke, and a lot of crystal meth, and, you

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 know, it's like what Greg said, it was more just to help me keep drinking, and my older

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 sister had come out here, and then I had another sister from my mom's first marriage, and she

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 lived out here with her husband, and we, they became, he became our coke deal, because he's,

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 he had coke, you know, I mean, it was just a family affair, you know, but I, you know,

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 and I got a job, and, you know, and I, so my thinking, you know, there was no, you know,

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 being in Lexington too, you know, going back a little bit, you know, the Bible felt, you

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 know, my, my family, they were not religious, so God was not in my vision, it wasn't part

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 of my life, and, you know, and when you don't have God, you know, you know, you end up in

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 bad places, I mean, and that was a big deal when we got sober, you know, I, I really had

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 a hard time with God, because I had, you know, my mom was like, no, no, no, right, you know,

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 it's patriarchy, and, you know, and, and, you know, we just didn't do that, anyway,

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 so we're out here doing our thing, you know, drinking, you know, and I got a job, and,

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 you know, and I, I don't know how to work for people, I mean, I don't want to, you know,

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 it's like, I know better, you know, I have that ego, and it's like, you know, I, I don't

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 want to do what you want me to do, and, you know, and I was fired, you know, and so, you

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 know, what, you know, when you get fired, at least I, I walked home, it was a long walk,

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 and then we, you know, partied, and, and that kind of seemed to be our life, and, and while

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 this was going on, Lydian, you know, he was doing his, he started a band, and he was,

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 you know, trying to make music, it was, you know, he was playing, and he's a good musician,

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 so he was trying to do his thing, but he, he decided to do this, this act where he would

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 wear a paper dress, and strip and do a flame dance, now the flame dance was, I don't want

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 to tell his story, but you got to see what I was around here, so he, we had learned,

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 we had, there was a black drag queen in Lexington called Toni La Flame, I kid you not, and she

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 did a flame dance, and so, you know, I mean, it was a good act, it didn't go too far, but,

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 so he was doing that, so he was doing his thing, and getting, you know, and getting

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 deeper and deeper into, into drugs, and, and, you know, and I was with him, you know, but

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 of course I was, you know, by then I had a job, a pretty good job, and he was doing,

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 he was doing deliveries, and he was, you know, using my car, you know, and getting tickets,

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 and, and, you know, and so what ended up happening is I, you know, I got pregnant, and, you know,

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 and I, you know, drinking, still drinking, or whatever, but, and I was probably about

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 maybe two or three months, and I went to do a checkup, and, you know, and Lydian was out,

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 like doing whatever, right, it was like in the morning, and the baby had died, so, you

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 know, I, you know, went searching for him, and I remember like the coke dealer that we

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 used to use, he lived up in the, up in the hills, and I, and like this garage, or like

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 a room, had no electricity, no running water, you know, and I went up there, kicked the

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 door, kicked it open, you know, looking for him, because I wanted him to be with me, right,

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 and I didn't know where he was, so I, you know, I had to, you know, have the baby taken

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 out, and, you know, and I had, I had terminated a couple of pregnancies, you know, when I

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 was in Lexington, and I really thought I was being punished, you know, I thought I, God

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 was punishing me, that this was, this was, I deserve this, this is what was going to

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 happen to me, and, you know, and they, you know, I went, I actually had a bottle of wine

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 with me, I don't know how the doctor gave me a Valium, and I remember I, you know, they

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 did the procedure, and then, you know, I went with, to my sisters and drank, you know, and

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 I think Lydia came back the next morning, and, you know, and I told him, you, you have,

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 you have to get sober, and, you know, it wasn't of course me, because, you know, I'm perfectly

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 fine, and I said, or, you know, I'm leaving you, or whatever, right, so, you know, and

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 then I went and met my friend at a bar and drank, but, so, you know, so what basically

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 happened is, he, he went to a meeting, and I remember he came back, and I was like, well,

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 how was it, and he said, well, they talked a lot about God, and I was like, yeah, no,

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 not for me, you know, I don't, we don't want to do that, but we were, you know, I mean,

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 there was no choices, there was no choices for us, so he, we had a friend who had gotten

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 sober, and he was from Lexington, and he, he took, lit, he, you know, started taking

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 him to meetings, and he was doing his thing, so in the meantime, you know, the car gets

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 booted, you know, and we can't drive it, and I'm just out of my mind, you know, and now

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 I'm, you know, I'm not, he's getting sober, and good for him, right, so, but I'm still

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 hanging with my friends and drinking any chance I could, because I didn't want to, what, didn't

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 have a problem, didn't think it was my, my problem, but what happened was, he, he wouldn't

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 fight with me anymore, you know, he, he would go to a, he was getting better, he would go

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 to a meeting, and I would be sitting on the couch just out of my mind, and he would get

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 up and go to a meeting, and so he told me I had to go to Al-Anon, well he didn't say

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 you had to, he suggested it, and, you know, I, I just, I'm just always fighting, you know,

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 and I always have my fist up, and always, you know, and I was like, I'm, no, but, but

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 I was so miserable inside, because I had nothing, I was so empty, you know, that I, something,

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 I needed something, so I went to, I started going to Al-Anon, and oh my god, I hated it,

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 everybody cried, it seemed like, and they were so loving, and you know, I think, you

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 know, Greg talked, I didn't, I didn't want anyone to talk to me, I didn't want to know,

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 I didn't want to share anything with you people, I had my, you know, my arms up, and, and I,

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 you know, I think God put somebody in my life, he put this woman in my life who was so tough,

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 you know, she said, I remember, I was like complaining about Lydie, and he's like, oh,

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 in the car, and you know, she goes, well, why did you keep giving him the car to use?

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 I went, because he needed it, you know, it just was like, she was trying to help me see

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 my part in things, and so she told me, she goes, I want you to get a piece of paper and

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 write, God's responsibilities, your responsibilities, and Lydiean's responsibilities, and she goes,

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 now keep your eyes on your own column, you know, and she took me to meetings, and what

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 the one thing is, she took me, we would go to open AA meetings, and she told me that

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 she wanted the girls that she sponsored to not drink for a year while they did the steps,

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 and I remember thinking, no, you know, I just thought, I was like, I just remember, you

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 know, thinking, okay, first of all, it's none of your business what I do, you know, whatever,

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 you know, I just, so, I mean, I kept drinking, and I kept trying to find Al-Anon, my Al-Anon

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 girls to drink with me, and no one, you know, and by this time, you know, I had a baby,

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 had a baby girl, and you know, and my, one of our really close friends was dying of AIDS,

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 he was dying, but I remember, I had an opportunity to go out and drink free, I mean, come on,

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 so I asked, I remember calling him and asking if he would babysit, and he just said, Margot,

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 I can't, you know, I mean, I, you know, I just, it was like, I didn't even think, you

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 know, my head was so crazy, you know, I just was like, but, but out, you know, and so I

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 got my Al-Anon sister to do it, and I went out and drank, so the problem is, is that,

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 you know, I, my drinking started getting less and less, because I'm surrounded by these

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 people, alcoholics, and you know, and then going to the meeting, the open AA meeting,

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 I found I was like laughing, you know, and I was kind of relating to what they were saying,

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 and you know, then I, I had, I got pregnant again, and God, I'm gonna start crying when

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 Greg was talking about his baby being premature, because Dalen was premature, my baby, he was,

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 but he was a little, he was a hefty two pounds, 15 ounces, and that was hard, he was in the

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 knee queue for, you know, for a couple of months, and I remember, you know, you know,

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 you have my head, just all the stuff going on in my head, and I can't drink like I want

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 to, and I'm going to Al-Anon, and they're feeding me this, I'm going to open AA meetings,

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 and I'm just insane, so when he came out, he was on an apnea monitor, and we had to,

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 you know, just watch him, and I immediately went to my mom's house in Santa Barbara, so

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 I could drink, because I couldn't drink at home, it was, you know, so I went up there,

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 I remember I had, you know, my daughter and my son, and you know, I'm supposed to stay

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 relatively alert, you know, at night, and I remember both, I was there for the weekend,

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 and both nights I drank till I passed out, I said fall asleep, but passed out, you know,

200
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 and you know, I'm lucky nothing happened to him, you know, and that's, so I, my Al-Anon

201
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 sponsor was good friends with Dr. Paul, and so we used to go and hear him talking, I could

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 always relate to him talking about the committee in your head, you know, and I would, you know,

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 because I would have, you know, I'd be asleep, and I'd wake up, and the committee, well,

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 the committee would be like, hey, you know, wake up, we've been talking about you, you

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 know, remember that, you know, that mistake you made at work, yeah, they're probably gonna

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 fire you, you're really, you know, you don't, you know, and you know, you know, let's talk

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 about your mother, you being a mother, you really suck, you know, I had that, that committee,

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 and so when we would meet with him, I, we went to lunch once with him and his wife Max,

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 and I remember she said, she was talking about when he got sober, and they said to her, you

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 know, you need, you should probably not drink to support your husband, and she said okay,

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 and I don't know why I heard, it was like, it was no big deal to her, like stopping drinking

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 was like, like okay, like no big deal, and I, and all I could think is like, oh my God,

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 it was like, that was meant, alcohol meant so much to me, it was such, you know, that

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 I was like, I, how did she do that, you know, what, how, I don't understand, so I talked

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 to Dr. Paul, and he, you know, I mean, he 12-stepped me pretty much, and he told me,

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 go to, he goes, go to some open AA meetings and see if they kick you out, he goes, raise

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 your hand and see if they kick you out, and, and at that time too, I'd done another inventory,

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 my Al-Anon sponsor said, you need to read to an alcoholic, and so I, I did, I read it,

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 and you know, and it's so funny, of all the stuff that I did, and I did some really awful

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 stuff, the thing I didn't want to tell her, is that I had been borrowing money from Al-Anon,

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 I was the treasurer, and I meant to pay it back, but then I was like, oh, whatever, I

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 mean, I can't keep track, so, you know, and I, and I was almost out the door, I'll never

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 forget, I just, you know, because I've done things, you know, I read things that, you

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 know, that I had done, and, and, you know, and, and that's so, what's so wonderful about

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 the four-step, you know, and then she shared with me, and, you know, and, and, you know,

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 and I felt like I wasn't such a dirty person, right, and then, you know, and learning to

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 trust in God, but I was walking out the door, and I was not, that of all things, I was not

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 going to tell that, it was so, and I stopped at the door, and I went, okay, there's one

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 more thing, and I told her, because I knew I was going to have to go back to the, my

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 home, used to be my home meeting, and stand up, and say what I did, and I did have to

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 do that, and it was, and they all laughed at me, and that, you know, that's what, you

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 know, that's what I, you know, this, this program, as much as I've, I've bought it,

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 and, you know, and, you know, this and that, it has saved my life, you know, and I'm so

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 happy that I've had sponsors that are louder than my head, and, you know, I mean, my first

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 sponsor, she would just tell me nice things like, go to a meeting, take the cotton out

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 of your ears, and put it in your mouth, you know, and no one wants to hear what you have

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 to say, which I was really insulted, because I was like, I'm a college graduate, and she's

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 like, yeah, nobody wants to hear what you have to say, you know, and, and I needed that,

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 because I'm not, you know, I'm not like, light candles, and take a bath, and feel, you know,

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 comfortable about myself.

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 I need, I need that strong sponsorship, and I need, and the, the people I related to were

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 these really gruff, mean guys that would say things, and I was like, oh my god, I relate

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 to that, that, that anger, you know, and that feeling, and, you know, but again, I had to

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 go through the steps, you know, because if I hadn't gone through the steps, I would be

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 drinking again, and going through the steps and having those character defects, because,

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 you know, that, that was really hard, because, you know, I would just think, you know, people

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 wouldn't annoy me, I wouldn't have to say these things, you know, this person hadn't,

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 you know, cut me off in traffic, you know, then I wouldn't have to flip them off, but

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 they need to be, you know, so changing that behavior, you know, and, and doing, you know,

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 I remember I went to my, the job I was at, and I asked for a raise, and they said no,

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 and my immediate reaction was, well, I'm going to quit, right, and so, of course, I called

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 my sponsor, and she said, no, no, you're not going to quit, you're actually going to now

253
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 give 120%, you're going to give more, so it's that kind of, that opposite thinking of absolutely

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 not what I would be, my first thing, is do the opposite, act better than you feel, you

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 know, be kind to others, you know, because I, you know, my husband knows I have a really

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 sharp tongue, and, you know, a strain of tongue and pen, and, you know, and those twisted

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 personal relationships that I had, that I had to make amends, you know, for, even though

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 I thought they deserved it, you know, I remember I went to, I was going to the Pacific group,

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 and I pulled up in the parking lot, and I was like, there's no parking, and the girl

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 goes, well, if you got here earlier, and I flipped her off and said, F you, you know,

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 and I knew right away, as soon as I did that, I was like, God, you know, I knew I was going

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 to, you know, make amends, and that's growth for me, because you should be like, I don't

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 care, but, you know, but I knew, I don't like, I can't feel like, I can't do that anymore,

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 I am not that person, I've got to, you know, act better than I feel, and do the opposite

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 of what I'm going to do, so I had to freaking make amends, so I went in and confessed to

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 my sponsor, and she told me, and I did, and so it's really hard, because she, I was waiting

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 for her to go, no, I probably shouldn't have said that, and she didn't say that, she just

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 said, that was a really annoying, but, you know, I mean, my, you know, my mom was super

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 disappointed that we were sober, that we got sober, really disappointed, I'm not kidding,

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 so this, you know, I mean, and she, because all the people that I hung out with, all these,

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 all my little gay friends and drag queens, they're all sober, you know, and we, they,

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 you know, and it, and that is a miracle from what we came from, and, you know, and I, you

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 know, right now, you know, I mean, we, we have a great life, I have a really good life,

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 and the only reason I have it is because of AA, it's because of the steps, and because

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 I listen, and grudgingly sometimes, not with a good attitude, I'm getting better, but I

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 do, you know, what I'm supposed to do, and because now when I'm mean to somebody, or

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 if I say something, you know, that tense step, it's like, I don't feel good, I used to like

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 it, you know, it's like, oh, you want to give me that, I'll give you, I'll give it right

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 back to you, I don't do that anymore, it's just, I'm not that person, I try not to be,

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 and you know, and, you know, right now I'm dealing with my, my sister is drinking, she's

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 drinking herself to death, you know, and I think, I'm supposed to be an example, why

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 aren't I an example to her, that, you know, she's sitting in Santa Barbara, just drinking,

283
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 just sitting and drinking, and, you know, calling me, and, and, you know, she called

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 me the other day, and she, when she starts feeling bad, and she said, I need help, I

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 need help, and she cried, and I feel so bad, and I told her, I said, I don't know, I said,

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 you need to go to AA, I don't know what to tell you, what it's done for me, and she,

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 the other day, she went, oh, I'm past AA, I'm, and I, she goes, no, I'm long past what

288
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 AA, you know, and I'm like, what, what, what does that mean, you know, that's the disease,

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 I mean, I, I get to see this disease, like, you know, because I, and I think, what if

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 I kept drinking, what if, what if Lydia and I kept drinking, you know, what kind of, I

291
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 mean, I, I know that I have that in me, you know, my mom kept drinking too, and she would

292
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 be really mean, and, and, you know, and she, she was in a senior living, and nobody liked

293
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 her, but she said it was because she looked better than all of them, you know, you know,

294
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 but I know I would be that person, you know, it's, it's, you know, I would, I would be

295
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 that person, you know, I got, you know, and I, and my sister, it's, there's nothing I

296
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 can do, and the thing is, is she has money, she has a place to live, you know, she has

297
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 all this, and, you know, and that is the, the brutality, and the, the, you know, the,

298
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 God, I can't think of any words, just alcoholism, like, it doesn't matter, it just doesn't matter,

299
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 and it is hard, you know, and, and I don't know if she's going to want to take those

300
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 hard steps, you know, and I, and I told her, I said, there's nothing I can do, and, you

301
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,800
 know, and then she said she was going to go to a meeting, and the most I did is I found

302
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:44,520
 meetings for her, and gave them to her, and, you know, and I haven't heard from her today,

303
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:49,280
 so I, you know, it's, it's hard, I don't know, you know, it's a hard thing, and, you know,

304
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,200
 I, so I have to, you know, I have to talk to my sponsor, because I, you know, I, I've

305
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,600
 said I feel like I'm allowing her to drink, you know, she's like laying at her own feces,

306
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,440
 I mean, it's bad, but it's, you know, but that's that alcoholism, it doesn't matter,

307
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:05,240
 it doesn't matter, you know, it doesn't matter that she has sober, you know, that her, her

308
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:09,880
 daughter's getting married, you know, and, you know, and I think, I, you know, I just

309
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:14,500
 think, my God, I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky that I get to go, go to meetings, and listen,

310
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 and keep an open mind, you know, because I used to not be able to do that, but listen,

311
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:22,120
 and not listen for the differences, or, you know, how they got where they got there, but

312
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:26,280
 what their feelings were, and, you know, and, you know, our plan, you know, we're getting

313
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 near retirement, and, you know, I'm, as I said, Italian, and I just, you know, I got

314
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 my Italian citizenship, and, you know, and that's what we want to do, I mean, I don't

315
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:40,760
 know, we want to go to Italy, you know, and retire there, and see what happens, you know,

316
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:46,340
 and, you know, I have, you know, my daughter has had, you know, she's, she had Crohn's,

317
00:24:46,340 --> 00:24:51,760
 she was really sick, and we didn't know what it was, and, you know, and I, you know, I

318
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:56,360
 just did the next indicated action, and I had AA helping me, and I remember thinking,

319
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:59,360
 she's never going to be able to, you know, because this is the thing, is my thinking

320
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:03,840
 is so, you know, negative sometimes, that I just think, I know the answers, and, you

321
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,320
 know, and then God's like, oh no, this is what's going to happen, right, you know, this

322
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,440
 is how it's going to be, and I thought, she's not going to be able to have children because

323
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,360
 of her Crohn's, because she had part of her alien removed, and, you know, and I'm like,

324
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 and she wanted kids, and I'm like, oh my God, so we, you know, she's had three kids, so

325
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:23,000
 hello, you know, so, you know, and she just had, so, you know, I have to remember what,

326
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:27,240
 what my thinking is, you know, it's like, I have to remember, is, is God in there, you

327
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:31,920
 know, when I'm thinking this, is this where, you know, is this, am I including God, or,

328
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:36,840
 or why do I think I know what God has plans for anyone, you know, for my daughter, or

329
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:41,160
 for my son, you know, they have their God, and, you know, our son, you know, he came

330
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:46,400
 out to us when he was 15, and, you know, and I remember, I, I, he always, his room was

331
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:51,440
 always so messy, and I, and I said to him, I'm like, I mean, if you're gay, shouldn't

332
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:56,040
 your room be a little cleaner, you know, and he goes, that's a stereotype, I'm like, yeah,

333
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,880
 but it's a good one, you know, it's like, come on.

334
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:04,720
 So he's, you know, and he's, he has his past, too, I mean, it's, you know, life happens,

335
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,520
 it's just like what Greg was saying, I mean, it's like, just because I'm sober, you know,

336
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,440
 bad things don't happen, you know, my, you know, daughter doesn't get Crohn's, my son

337
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:17,500
 isn't born premature, my, you know, my sister isn't drinking herself to death, you know,

338
00:26:17,500 --> 00:26:21,840
 and my older sister Leanne, who was, you know, like our, kind of our rock, you know, she

339
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:27,320
 got pancreatic cancer out of nowhere, out of nowhere last year, and she died like three

340
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:32,260
 months later, and it was awful, you know, and she was, she used to say, I'm the Switzerland

341
00:26:32,260 --> 00:26:36,840
 between you and your, you know, you and Lucia, because she wouldn't get in between us, and

342
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:41,820
 she was, you know, it, that was like a really big loss, you know, but it's, that's what

343
00:26:41,820 --> 00:26:45,760
 happens, you know, and there's nothing I can do about it, you know, and it, and it was,

344
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 it was hard.

345
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:51,400
 So anyway, I, you know, like I said, things happen, and, you know, and then I just get

346
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:56,320
 to go to a meeting, or I sponsor someone who's crazy, and I think that's, God puts people

347
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,840
 in your life, and she's like, oh my God, she's got her, you know, she's got her fists up

348
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:04,000
 like I did, you know, and everyone's always out to get her, and, you know, and, and, you

349
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,800
 know, it just, you know, I have a good life, despite all that I have a good life, the kids,

350
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:12,800
 my daughter and her husband live in the house in front, and, and our house, and we built

351
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,800
 an ADU, and we live in the back, and so every day those little girls, you know, come in

352
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:21,960
 our, come in our house, and we call, you know, I'm Nona, no grandma, it's Nona, and no no,

353
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:27,200
 you know, and, you know, and it's a wonderful life, and I absolutely wouldn't have that

354
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,840
 if it wasn't for AA.

355
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,720
 People like you show up at meetings doing commitments that I freakin' hate to do, but

356
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,480
 I do, and, you know, because that's what keeps me sober.

357
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,400
 So anyway, thank you for having me.