1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,520 Okay, hi everybody. My name is Robert Baker. I'm an alcoholic. July 3rd, 2010 is my sobriety date. 2 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:14,880 Feels like a long time ago. I've got 15 years under my belt now, and sometimes it feels like 3 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:23,280 yesterday. But first off, I really have two sobriety dates. My mother was an alcoholic, 4 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:30,560 and in 10 years she had three miscarriages. And I have a book of hers, 12 and 12, 5 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:38,080 and in the front of it, it says March 27th, 1959. And I was born six months later, so 6 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:46,720 that's my first real sobriety date. I also found out from her about when I was 19 that I had a 7 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:53,120 spiritual experience and a mind-opening experience as an infant. I had the colic, and I was 8 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:59,520 driving her crazy, coughing and gassy, and not being very well at all. And there was a native 9 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:06,560 Indian woman that lived next door. They were in West Texas in the desert, and she said, "I'll be 10 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:11,920 right back." So she goes off out into the desert, comes back, brews up some kind of a tea, and said, 11 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:16,080 "Give this to the baby. It's going to help." And so with my mother's wise thinking, she gave it 12 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:21,200 to me right away, and according to her, I calmed right down. And then she had the thought of mind, 13 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:26,240 "What did I just give the baby?" Peyote tea. I had a mind-opening experience as an infant, 14 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:34,000 and I always wondered why I still remember the scent of my mother's cologne, my sin, why I still 15 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:41,920 as an infant, six months old, one year old, remember my surroundings, patterns, the drapes, 16 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:47,680 conversations, shadows, and distinctly remember knowing what they were saying to me and trying 17 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:54,000 to have a conversation with them, and being very frustrated as an infant and a child, and find out 18 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:58,960 at 19 that I had had that mind-opening experience. It kind of blew me away, and it explained a lot of 19 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:05,680 things why I was so shy, so scared, so reserved, always scared of the dark, and nothing really 20 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:10,960 helped. But there was one thing that did help, and that was a little beer. I remember when I was four 21 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:18,960 years old, my dad used to be sitting in his La-Z-Boy chair watching Ed Sullivan or the 22 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:25,360 Jackie Gleason show, and he'd have about this much beer left. Well, I had the thought that if I just 23 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:29,840 went at four years old and got him a beer, and I could open it up with those things called church 24 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:34,720 keys, you'd pop the top on both sides. He didn't have pull tabs back in those days. And I'd hand 25 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,560 him a cold beer, and I'd take his other beer, and there'd still be a little bit left. And if 26 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:42,880 he's sitting back in his chair, I could run off and take that beer. And I got a little relief 27 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:47,360 at four and five years old sometimes, and didn't really realize what I was doing. But I remember 28 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:53,600 the feeling. All through school, I wanted everything my way, and I never followed really 29 00:02:53,600 --> 00:03:01,040 much instructions from my parents. They gave me a Schwinn bicycle when I was in junior high, 30 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:07,120 and I rode that thing all around, started a paper route. I always worked. I worked since I was 11 31 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:13,840 years old. When I got out of high school, I still really wasn't drinking much. My dad made wine, 32 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:18,080 and we'd have a little sip of that every once in a while. But I wasn't a druggie. I wasn't 33 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:28,240 an alcoholic. I really didn't partake. I stayed away from it. But on the night that my prom was, 34 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:33,760 I talked a friend of mine into coming along with me and going to my dad's house and siphoning off 35 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:43,680 about a gallon of wine out of his little store of it. And we proceeded to drink that whole gallon 36 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:51,280 of wine with orange juice and got sick as a dog. I remember projectile vomit. Always remember the 37 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:58,800 vomit. And we had it all over our suits. I had a baby blue polyester suit that I wore to prom with 38 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:07,520 a ruffled front and a big bow tie. 1977. And my buddy had a green polyester suit on, 39 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:14,400 and we were covered in red wine. And we were sitting up holding each other sound asleep in 40 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,640 his mother's house the next morning. And she walked in, took a picture of us and said, 41 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,480 "Oh, how cute." And then she made us breakfast. I don't know. It was a different time. 42 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:28,960 I started working. I'm from Pops, New Mexico, a really small town in New Mexico, 43 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:33,680 oilfield country. But I always worked in a place where I could eat and drink for free, 44 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:39,840 either a supermarket or I worked in a restaurant for a lot of years there. We were in direct 45 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:46,400 competition with the country club. And when I was bartending, I always liked top shelf liquor. And 46 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:51,280 I was good at selling it and I was better at drinking it. I turned 21 and they took me up 47 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:56,640 to the end of the mountain gods in Ruidosa, New Mexico. And I drank a whole bottle of Crown Royal 48 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:02,560 on the way up there. I don't remember getting up there and enjoying myself the way I should have 49 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:09,360 with my buddies. We were six guys in a Delta 88 Royale, and all going up to the end of the 50 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:13,920 mountain gods. And we're supposed to be really having a good time. And I was passed out. I 51 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:19,200 remember waking up the next morning with my head throbbing. And I literally thought I was dead. 52 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:25,600 I was in this fog. So I knew I was dead because I couldn't see anything around me. And the grass was 53 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:30,640 perfect. And then a little while later, the fog started lifting. And I could see some water and 54 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:36,240 I could see some swans. And these swans are making a little noise and they're out there on the water. 55 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:41,360 And I knew I was dead. And then the sun started coming up and the clouds started to lift a little 56 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:47,280 more. I realized I'm on the golf course on a green. I'm half naked. I look up at the hotel 57 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:51,920 and all my friends are mooning me out the window. When I came out to California, I came out here 58 00:05:51,920 --> 00:06:00,960 because of trauma and geographics. I first moved to Massachusetts for this for the summer and did 59 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:09,920 way too much of everything. And like a summer of experimenting with everything. Acid, MDA, 60 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:14,720 the whole nine yards, but still always drinking. And when I came out to California, I was I was out 61 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:21,120 here for about, let's see, this was about 1976. I came out here because my roommate was a major 62 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:27,120 alcoholic. And I said I was leaving and going out to California. And he could come with me 63 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:33,920 if he wanted to. But for some unknown reason, he thought it was a very disastrous moment in his 64 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:39,840 life. So he decided to hang himself with the cable cord. And I found him and couldn't believe what I 65 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:44,560 was seeing. And I just had to get out of that little town. He was a major alcoholic. I was, 66 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:51,600 I drank a lot that I was in a major alcoholic at the time, though I'd already had two DUIs in that 67 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:58,240 small town within 10 years. So when I came out to Los Angeles, I started working up at Universal 68 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:07,440 Studios at Tony Roma's before city walk was there. And I'm in my early 30s. And that place was known 69 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:15,120 for all the 21 year old parties. And I was there for almost nine years. Well, six years. And it 70 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:20,160 was just all these 21 year olds for years and years and years. And I just was and we were 71 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:26,160 drinking all the time. And I used to drive home but never get home because I was going to all 72 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:31,920 the bars in different places. And I'd stay at friend's house. And I'd still be in the uniform 73 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:36,640 when I had to show up the next day from the uniform from the night before. And I was an 74 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:43,520 absolute mess. My, my ex, we had gone to Palm Springs for a year and run a small hotel. And 75 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:49,040 we did a lot of drugs in Palm Springs. I don't remember a whole lot about it. I only did crystal 76 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:54,720 meth once for 10 years. But again, a lot of drinking we drank until the wheels fell off. And 77 00:07:54,720 --> 00:08:01,280 my ex who had AIDS passed away in my living room after languishing for almost a year. And the night 78 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:07,120 before he passed away, I had gone out and tied a really good drunk on because I'd stopped working 79 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:13,520 and I had to relieve myself. There was no way to get away from this pressure. And I came back the 80 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:19,920 next morning and the the girl that was taking care of Dennis was really mad at me because I stayed 81 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:26,400 away for six hours too long. I'd never done that before. And he woke up and hadn't spoken in over 82 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:31,760 six weeks. And when he woke up, I said, You're speaking? He goes, Yeah, I'm scared. And I looked 83 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,440 at him and I said, You don't have to be scared. I don't know where this came from. But it just came 84 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:39,520 to me. I said, There's a little boy inside you. His name is Dennis. And he's scared. He needs to 85 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:44,400 hold your hand. Go take his hand and walk away. And he died. But I'm amazed that people need 86 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:51,120 permission sometimes. I moved back to New Mexico for a minute and came back here for a New Year's 87 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:55,920 Eve party. I don't think I had been at my back into my mother's house for more than four months. 88 00:08:55,920 --> 00:09:01,920 I had lived out here for like nine years. And I came back to that. And I stayed about a month or 89 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:07,600 so, a couple of months. And then the '94 earthquake hit. And I knew that that was my sign to come back 90 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:13,200 because everybody here was in trauma. And I wanted to help. And I went back and got all my pre 91 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:18,800 earthquake dishes, brought them back to Los Angeles, and started a new life. I didn't have 92 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:23,600 a job at the time. And I met my husband, Robert, who's out in the audience here tonight, my little 93 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:32,880 Alan also has 15 years now. We've been together for 31 years, going on 32 years of wedded bliss, 94 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:40,080 if you can call it that. I put him through a lot the first 15 years. I didn't really know how to 95 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:44,640 have a really good relationship because I was basically a battered husband. The first 96 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:52,960 relationship I had spoken about with Dennis was very volatile, very angry, very upsetting. And I 97 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:58,400 had pulled into my cell thinking, "Well, this is what I deserve." And I find somebody walks up to me 98 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:04,000 in a club and says, "Hi, are you hungry?" I looked at him. I said, "I don't even know you. And I don't 99 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,240 know your name." And he goes, "My name's Robert." And I said, "Right. Who put you up to this?" And 100 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:12,720 he showed me his driver's license. And his name's Robert. I'm Robert. And in about 15 minutes, 101 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:18,160 20 minutes, he had me out having pancakes and pork chops at Sidon's Restaurant in North Hollywood. 102 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,880 And the rest was history. I always asked him at the time because I said, "Don't ever hit me." And 103 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:27,200 he goes, "Why would I do that?" Because I was battered. And I drank a lot. I wasn't drinking 104 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:33,520 a lot at the time. But for 15 years, I had really bad bouts of drinking where I almost burned the 105 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:41,600 house down one night. It was very embarrassing to our friends and family. He had a wonderful family 106 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:49,120 that accepted me as a brother. And I started working for the city of Los Angeles. I worked 107 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:55,840 for the city of Los Angeles for 25 years. And during that first 15 years of our relationship, 108 00:10:55,840 --> 00:11:02,080 I would go off to Elysian Park or Island Park where I was working at the time. And by 2.30, 109 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:07,200 time to get off work, I'd stop at a place and get a couple of beers, go to Griffith Park, 110 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:13,280 drink those. So I could drive all the way to North Hollywood, get a couple of more beers at 111 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:18,480 another place and fortify that with a little vodka and then try to find a trash can to get 112 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:23,840 rid of the evidence. I did that on a daily basis for years. So I could go home and start drinking. 113 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:29,520 And during that time, I had had a dream. And it scared me. It always scared me. In fact, 114 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:34,880 I would get up in the middle of the night and drink to make the dream go away. I dreamt that 115 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:40,480 I was in a vehicle without a front end and I was driving across the valley with somebody and we 116 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:46,720 parked under a tree next to a blue fence with kids play equipment and a light on in the backyard. 117 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:51,120 And down the street, there was a bicycle tied to a light post. And when I turned, there's always 118 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:55,680 this black figure at the steering wheel. And I thought it was death coming to get me. There was 119 00:11:55,680 --> 00:12:00,400 also a wall of crosses in the background. It always scared me. I woke up in the middle of 120 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:08,080 the night sweating sometimes with vomit in my face and, and choking. It seems to be a theme with us 121 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:12,720 alcoholics. We forget about the vomit, don't we? Every single morning getting up and then throwing 122 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:16,800 up in the shower for 20 minutes so we can get ready to go to work. That was lovely. But that 123 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:22,000 dream was always there. So for almost eight years, I had that dream and it scared me and I never 124 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:28,480 talked about it. And on the last night that I drank, it was July 2, 2010. I remember saying for 125 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,720 the first time, "Do I have enough medicine for the weekend?" So I went to Costco, I got the big blue 126 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:39,120 bottle of Sky Vodka because it had a pint that was taped to it and you get that for free. It was $19.95 127 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:45,280 and at Albertsons, it was $30. So if I buy two, I'm getting, you know, I'm getting, I'm getting a 128 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:51,040 deal. I did that for years. Always filled up the decanters around the house and, and tippled and 129 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:57,120 made a mess. But that night I drank a whole bottle of Sky Vodka between three o'clock and 5.30 when 130 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:01,680 Robert walked in the door. And I was pretty messed up, but we still got dressed and we were on our 131 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:06,800 way to theater that night in North Hollywood. And we get there and I had already peed my khakis and 132 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:12,080 that was a, that was a theme. I was a peer. I peed myself all the time. I said I always had a jacket 133 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:17,040 with me and I'd cover up the front, not thinking that it's showing in the back. I walked myself 134 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:21,440 out of the theater through the back door because I went out to the back to pee because it looked 135 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:26,000 like there was 20 people in line at the, at the restroom. I'd come to find out there was only two 136 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,120 guys at the in line and I got around to the front of the building and I couldn't figure out which 137 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:36,480 building to get back into, which theater. There's only one, the Portale on Lancashire Boulevard. 138 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:41,840 And about five minutes later I remembered that at home I kept throwing up and trying to get vodka 139 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:47,600 in me that afternoon until it finally started going in. I asked God, is this the last drink 140 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:52,000 that I have to take? I was looking at a palm tree out my window and I drank that whole bottle down. 141 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:56,880 And then I realized as I'm laying there on the sidewalk on Lancashire Boulevard, watching the 142 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:01,840 water go by in the curb, that God had kicked my ass to the curb. Literally the police drove up in 143 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:08,240 these little green bikes. They got an ambulance and off I was going to, I think it was St. Joseph's. 144 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:13,920 And what they did, they called everybody in my phone, every girl that I knew they called every, 145 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:19,360 and they get down there and they say, where is his husband? Well, I have him down as the important 146 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:24,640 person to call in my phone now. But they called him, they get down there. Belle, my friend Belle, 147 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:28,400 had slapped me across the head. I was passed out completely. And she was like, oh no, he didn't 148 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,800 bring us down here for this, did he? And I found out later that Robert was ready to, you know, 149 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,840 he was packing up and ready to leave. And I pulled all the needles out late in the morning, early in 150 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:42,720 the morning and said, I want to go home. And they said, no, Mr. Baker, you have to sit, lay down, 151 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:48,960 you are done. And I'm leaving, I'm not arrested. So I ended up going home. I told Robert I wanted 152 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:53,600 to go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I asked a friend to come and get me the next morning. 153 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:58,320 And he said, okay. So he took me to a meeting the next day. And I realized I'm riding in a vehicle 154 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:03,280 without a front end. And we park under a tree next to a blue fence with kids play equipment. And 155 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:08,240 there's a bicycle tied to the tree, the streetlight down the street. And I'm crying because I know I'm 156 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,480 going to die now because I am awake. I look over and it's just my friend Kenny and a wall of 157 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:17,680 crosses behind him. And it's the Comercio men's meeting in Woodland Hills that I went to for my 158 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:21,680 first meeting. And Kenny says, what's wrong? He says, why are you crying? And so I just figured 159 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:25,520 out you're supposed to be here. And I said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I know. We all know you're supposed 160 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:31,600 to be here. He gave me this book, this magical book that is falling apart. It's all marked up. 161 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,720 I didn't want a book. I didn't want to know about a book. I didn't want to know you. I didn't want 162 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,320 to talk to you. I didn't want to know anything about it. But I took this book home. And that 163 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:41,920 night I closed my eyes and opened the book and I said, okay, God, if you really want me here, 164 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:46,640 I had the audacity to ask God for a sign after all that had happened. I opened up the book and 165 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:50,880 under my finger it read, nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. 166 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,960 That's the first sentence I read out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I thought it 167 00:15:54,960 --> 00:16:00,960 was a pretty good sign. I started going to different meetings. And as I had been passed out 168 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:08,560 for the last 15 years and not available for Robert, I'm at meetings now. And he's like, 169 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:13,600 well, what am I supposed to do? And two weeks later I said, well, maybe I hear there's a place 170 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:20,400 for you too. He didn't like that idea. But he found his own way and found Al-Anon. And we 171 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:26,080 basically at the time had to reintroduce ourselves to one another and become friends again and enjoy 172 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:30,640 each other's company and learn how to live together. And we've done that for the last 173 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:36,400 15 years. And during that time, I have gone to so many different meetings. I've gone to Canada with 174 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:44,080 my buddy Don Crandall a couple of times. We've been to the Atlanta International Convention in 2015. 175 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:49,520 We've traveled a lot. I got a lot of windshield time with him and a lot of other guys and women. 176 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:56,080 We like to travel. And then my mentor passed away. He was always one to say, you should always wear 177 00:16:56,080 --> 00:17:00,560 a tie when you're leading. You should always wear a tie when you're speaking. You should always wear 178 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:06,400 a tie on your birthday. And somewhere in that first couple of years, the first year, I was asked 179 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:11,200 to speak. And I said, I really like this. And I said, I'm going to cure everyone in AN. I'm going 180 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:16,880 to wear a funny tie and I'm going to go out and buy a bunch of ties and be known for my ties and 181 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,880 as if any of you drunks out there would realize I had a tie on in the first place. And I wasn't 182 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:26,160 asked to speak again for two years until I literally got humbled. But during that time, 183 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:32,080 I bought about 500 ties. And if you're a newcomer or not and you need a tie, you're more than welcome 184 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:38,160 to one of these ties tonight. Please take one. I still have at least 300 ties to give away. I 185 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:43,600 have guys coming up to me a year later, two years later, eight years later. I've been saving this 186 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:48,320 ugly tie. I want you to give me my cake. I'm wearing your tie. So it means a lot to me when 187 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:53,920 these guys come up and they're happy they've got an ugly tie. I've got a nice ugly tie on myself 188 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:59,440 tonight. Step six was big for me. We're entirely ready for God to remove all these defects of 189 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:04,240 character. I'm still waiting and it's been 15 years. I still have defects of character. 190 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:12,160 And in the 12 and 12 on page 63 is step six. And the prayer that I use is the third step prayer in 191 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:19,840 the big book. And it asks me to ask God to remove my difficulties. And it's on page 63 in the big 192 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:26,480 book. I find that to be an odd coincidence that God put that there for me. I have had so many 193 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:32,560 wonderful experiences in Alcoholics Anonymous. My first meetings at the Valley Club, several 194 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,440 of the women said you've landed in your family of understanding. And I understood that. And my 195 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:42,960 friend Robin, she basically put her wings around me and took care of me because I was afraid. We're 196 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:48,400 all in fear when we first come into Alcoholics Anonymous. And we have to give ourselves permission 197 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:54,480 to do this thing and allow ourselves to open up and open up to the fellowship and the possibility 198 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:59,760 that somebody out there cares. And that's what it's the big sign at the Valley Club says we care. 199 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:05,760 And I believe it. The only thing that kind of kept me organized in my first year were these 200 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:11,200 meeting directories. I wrote down every single meeting that I went to for the first year. I've 201 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:16,400 got seven directories. Every person that led the meeting, every person that got a little obsessive, 202 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:21,120 every person that led the meeting, the topic, where it was located, and telephone numbers. 203 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:28,560 And I can tell you the day that I met my first sponsor, Dave, and all the different things that 204 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:35,120 happened to me in that first year. And it's a wonderful thing to write things down and have a 205 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:40,160 ledger of your history as you're coming through and coming into Alcoholics Anonymous. If you've 206 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:46,000 never done it before, I highly suggest that you just start writing your own history. You'll be 207 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:53,360 amazed what you were doing 10, 15 years ago when you start reading and where you are today. 208 00:19:53,360 --> 00:20:01,040 After Don passed away, I wasn't getting in the car with guys and gals and driving around. I wasn't 209 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:06,000 going to a lot of different meetings. I go to seven meetings a week right now. And I'm retired, 210 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,320 but I'm kind of blown away that I actually go to that many meetings. And it doesn't even feel like 211 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:15,760 it sometimes. Don always said pick a home group and be part of that home group and always go to 212 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,840 that meeting. And if you miss a meeting, it's because there's a death in your family, yours. 213 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:25,200 He always told me that a home group meeting is your one and only home group meeting that 214 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:30,960 you vote in. That's what we do in Alcoholics Anonymous. I've heard that some people have two, 215 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:35,440 three, four different home groups. That's why I go to seven different meetings, but I don't vote 216 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:43,440 in but one of those meetings. It's just the way I was raised in Alcoholics Anonymous. 217 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:49,120 And that's one of the things that I've taken away from Alcoholics Anonymous. You can support 218 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:54,800 all these different meetings. You can support the convention and you can support when you 219 00:20:54,800 --> 00:21:02,800 do H&I work and take the message of Alcoholics Anonymous into all kinds of different places. 220 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:09,440 But what I've tried to take along with me is just that message from my friend. I never realized 221 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:16,080 that I would miss him so much. And I mean, the man passed away in his mid 80s and I always thought I 222 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:23,360 had enough time to be with him more and more. Don't ever take advantage of any of your time 223 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:28,480 here in Alcoholics Anonymous. I noticed tonight, and it was wonderful, that everyone in the room 224 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:34,000 came up and introduced themselves to me and shook my hand and said hello. And I love that. I hadn't 225 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,960 seen that a lot down here when I first came into Alcoholics Anonymous. And when Don took me up to 226 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:48,000 see Cecil Corregal, he turned 66 years old in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I went to his meeting 227 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:55,200 and everybody in the room had a big book. And when anybody read anything partial of step three, 228 00:21:55,200 --> 00:22:00,160 a portion of step five, we all read it out of the big book like I did tonight. It keeps me off my 229 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:05,760 phone. It keeps me centered. That's another reason why my book is falling apart. I've read it at 230 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:11,520 every single meeting for the last 15 years. Alcoholics Anonymous started in someone's living 231 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:17,280 room. And in Canada, the two meetings that I went to all have sofas like this. They had sofas around 232 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,960 the room. Every single person went around the room and shook everyone's hand and everybody had 233 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,880 their book. And the other thing that I learned when I was up there was Don was sitting on the 234 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:31,040 bed one morning in the room we were sharing and he was reading. And I said, "Excuse me, 235 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:37,440 what are you reading?" He goes, "I'm spending five minutes with God." I went, "Oh my God. Excuse 236 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,200 me. I'll leave you alone. You two are busy." So he asked me later, he goes, "Do you want to know 237 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:46,480 what that is?" And I said, "Yes." And he said, "It's page 84 to 88 because that's the owner's 238 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:50,560 manual to that thing between your ears. It's written in plain English. It says that we do 239 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:57,760 this for a lifetime. It tells you exactly what to do and in order on a daily basis, step 10 and 11. 240 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:03,840 You don't have to go back and do a complete step four ever again if you're living in 10 and 11 241 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:08,560 because you do an inventory every single night." And he said, "So it's page 84 to 88. It's the 242 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:15,520 prayer, third step prayer on 63. It's the seventh step prayer on 76. And in the 12 and 12, it's the 243 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:22,240 prayer of 99." And he says, "I've been doing that every single day for the last 35 years and I've 244 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:28,000 been doing it myself now. I did it constantly for five years and now that information is stuck in my 245 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:33,520 head. And I realize and know what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to do and how I'm to do 246 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:38,320 it. I hear people all the time saying in Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been here for five years and I 247 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:43,360 don't know what to do. Something's sneaking back and I don't know what to think and I don't know 248 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:48,320 where to go. Well, all I can say is they're not reading their book. Talk to somebody. Call me. 249 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,720 We'll go through the book together. You don't have to do it alone. I've read this book so many times 250 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:59,120 with so many different men and a few women and it's my pleasure and honor to give this away and 251 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:03,840 show them a new and better way of life that was given to me. It's a very humbling experience for 252 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:09,840 me and when I find I don't have very much more to say, like right now, it's God tapping me on 253 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:15,200 the shoulder saying, "You're done," and sit down. So thank you very much, True Quality, for letting 254 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:21,680 me. That never gets old. Thank you for asking me to be here tonight and thank you so much and don't 255 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,840 forget your ties.