Okay, hi everybody. My name is Robert Baker. I'm an alcoholic. July 3rd, 2010 is my sobriety date.
Feels like a long time ago. I've got 15 years under my belt now, and sometimes it feels like
yesterday. But first off, I really have two sobriety dates. My mother was an alcoholic,
and in 10 years she had three miscarriages. And I have a book of hers, 12 and 12,
and in the front of it, it says March 27th, 1959. And I was born six months later, so
that's my first real sobriety date. I also found out from her about when I was 19 that I had a
spiritual experience and a mind-opening experience as an infant. I had the colic, and I was
driving her crazy, coughing and gassy, and not being very well at all. And there was a native
Indian woman that lived next door. They were in West Texas in the desert, and she said, "I'll be
right back." So she goes off out into the desert, comes back, brews up some kind of a tea, and said,
"Give this to the baby. It's going to help." And so with my mother's wise thinking, she gave it
to me right away, and according to her, I calmed right down. And then she had the thought of mind,
"What did I just give the baby?" Peyote tea. I had a mind-opening experience as an infant,
and I always wondered why I still remember the scent of my mother's cologne, my sin, why I still
as an infant, six months old, one year old, remember my surroundings, patterns, the drapes,
conversations, shadows, and distinctly remember knowing what they were saying to me and trying
to have a conversation with them, and being very frustrated as an infant and a child, and find out
at 19 that I had had that mind-opening experience. It kind of blew me away, and it explained a lot of
things why I was so shy, so scared, so reserved, always scared of the dark, and nothing really
helped. But there was one thing that did help, and that was a little beer. I remember when I was four
years old, my dad used to be sitting in his La-Z-Boy chair watching Ed Sullivan or the
Jackie Gleason show, and he'd have about this much beer left. Well, I had the thought that if I just
went at four years old and got him a beer, and I could open it up with those things called church
keys, you'd pop the top on both sides. He didn't have pull tabs back in those days. And I'd hand
him a cold beer, and I'd take his other beer, and there'd still be a little bit left. And if
he's sitting back in his chair, I could run off and take that beer. And I got a little relief
at four and five years old sometimes, and didn't really realize what I was doing. But I remember
the feeling. All through school, I wanted everything my way, and I never followed really
much instructions from my parents. They gave me a Schwinn bicycle when I was in junior high,
and I rode that thing all around, started a paper route. I always worked. I worked since I was 11
years old. When I got out of high school, I still really wasn't drinking much. My dad made wine,
and we'd have a little sip of that every once in a while. But I wasn't a druggie. I wasn't
an alcoholic. I really didn't partake. I stayed away from it. But on the night that my prom was,
I talked a friend of mine into coming along with me and going to my dad's house and siphoning off
about a gallon of wine out of his little store of it. And we proceeded to drink that whole gallon
of wine with orange juice and got sick as a dog. I remember projectile vomit. Always remember the
vomit. And we had it all over our suits. I had a baby blue polyester suit that I wore to prom with
a ruffled front and a big bow tie. 1977. And my buddy had a green polyester suit on,
and we were covered in red wine. And we were sitting up holding each other sound asleep in
his mother's house the next morning. And she walked in, took a picture of us and said,
"Oh, how cute." And then she made us breakfast. I don't know. It was a different time.
I started working. I'm from Pops, New Mexico, a really small town in New Mexico,
oilfield country. But I always worked in a place where I could eat and drink for free,
either a supermarket or I worked in a restaurant for a lot of years there. We were in direct
competition with the country club. And when I was bartending, I always liked top shelf liquor. And
I was good at selling it and I was better at drinking it. I turned 21 and they took me up
to the end of the mountain gods in Ruidosa, New Mexico. And I drank a whole bottle of Crown Royal
on the way up there. I don't remember getting up there and enjoying myself the way I should have
with my buddies. We were six guys in a Delta 88 Royale, and all going up to the end of the
mountain gods. And we're supposed to be really having a good time. And I was passed out. I
remember waking up the next morning with my head throbbing. And I literally thought I was dead.
I was in this fog. So I knew I was dead because I couldn't see anything around me. And the grass was
perfect. And then a little while later, the fog started lifting. And I could see some water and
I could see some swans. And these swans are making a little noise and they're out there on the water.
And I knew I was dead. And then the sun started coming up and the clouds started to lift a little
more. I realized I'm on the golf course on a green. I'm half naked. I look up at the hotel
and all my friends are mooning me out the window. When I came out to California, I came out here
because of trauma and geographics. I first moved to Massachusetts for this for the summer and did
way too much of everything. And like a summer of experimenting with everything. Acid, MDA,
the whole nine yards, but still always drinking. And when I came out to California, I was I was out
here for about, let's see, this was about 1976. I came out here because my roommate was a major
alcoholic. And I said I was leaving and going out to California. And he could come with me
if he wanted to. But for some unknown reason, he thought it was a very disastrous moment in his
life. So he decided to hang himself with the cable cord. And I found him and couldn't believe what I
was seeing. And I just had to get out of that little town. He was a major alcoholic. I was,
I drank a lot that I was in a major alcoholic at the time, though I'd already had two DUIs in that
small town within 10 years. So when I came out to Los Angeles, I started working up at Universal
Studios at Tony Roma's before city walk was there. And I'm in my early 30s. And that place was known
for all the 21 year old parties. And I was there for almost nine years. Well, six years. And it
was just all these 21 year olds for years and years and years. And I just was and we were
drinking all the time. And I used to drive home but never get home because I was going to all
the bars in different places. And I'd stay at friend's house. And I'd still be in the uniform
when I had to show up the next day from the uniform from the night before. And I was an
absolute mess. My, my ex, we had gone to Palm Springs for a year and run a small hotel. And
we did a lot of drugs in Palm Springs. I don't remember a whole lot about it. I only did crystal
meth once for 10 years. But again, a lot of drinking we drank until the wheels fell off. And
my ex who had AIDS passed away in my living room after languishing for almost a year. And the night
before he passed away, I had gone out and tied a really good drunk on because I'd stopped working
and I had to relieve myself. There was no way to get away from this pressure. And I came back the
next morning and the the girl that was taking care of Dennis was really mad at me because I stayed
away for six hours too long. I'd never done that before. And he woke up and hadn't spoken in over
six weeks. And when he woke up, I said, You're speaking? He goes, Yeah, I'm scared. And I looked
at him and I said, You don't have to be scared. I don't know where this came from. But it just came
to me. I said, There's a little boy inside you. His name is Dennis. And he's scared. He needs to
hold your hand. Go take his hand and walk away. And he died. But I'm amazed that people need
permission sometimes. I moved back to New Mexico for a minute and came back here for a New Year's
Eve party. I don't think I had been at my back into my mother's house for more than four months.
I had lived out here for like nine years. And I came back to that. And I stayed about a month or
so, a couple of months. And then the '94 earthquake hit. And I knew that that was my sign to come back
because everybody here was in trauma. And I wanted to help. And I went back and got all my pre
earthquake dishes, brought them back to Los Angeles, and started a new life. I didn't have
a job at the time. And I met my husband, Robert, who's out in the audience here tonight, my little
Alan also has 15 years now. We've been together for 31 years, going on 32 years of wedded bliss,
if you can call it that. I put him through a lot the first 15 years. I didn't really know how to
have a really good relationship because I was basically a battered husband. The first
relationship I had spoken about with Dennis was very volatile, very angry, very upsetting. And I
had pulled into my cell thinking, "Well, this is what I deserve." And I find somebody walks up to me
in a club and says, "Hi, are you hungry?" I looked at him. I said, "I don't even know you. And I don't
know your name." And he goes, "My name's Robert." And I said, "Right. Who put you up to this?" And
he showed me his driver's license. And his name's Robert. I'm Robert. And in about 15 minutes,
20 minutes, he had me out having pancakes and pork chops at Sidon's Restaurant in North Hollywood.
And the rest was history. I always asked him at the time because I said, "Don't ever hit me." And
he goes, "Why would I do that?" Because I was battered. And I drank a lot. I wasn't drinking
a lot at the time. But for 15 years, I had really bad bouts of drinking where I almost burned the
house down one night. It was very embarrassing to our friends and family. He had a wonderful family
that accepted me as a brother. And I started working for the city of Los Angeles. I worked
for the city of Los Angeles for 25 years. And during that first 15 years of our relationship,
I would go off to Elysian Park or Island Park where I was working at the time. And by 2.30,
time to get off work, I'd stop at a place and get a couple of beers, go to Griffith Park,
drink those. So I could drive all the way to North Hollywood, get a couple of more beers at
another place and fortify that with a little vodka and then try to find a trash can to get
rid of the evidence. I did that on a daily basis for years. So I could go home and start drinking.
And during that time, I had had a dream. And it scared me. It always scared me. In fact,
I would get up in the middle of the night and drink to make the dream go away. I dreamt that
I was in a vehicle without a front end and I was driving across the valley with somebody and we
parked under a tree next to a blue fence with kids play equipment and a light on in the backyard.
And down the street, there was a bicycle tied to a light post. And when I turned, there's always
this black figure at the steering wheel. And I thought it was death coming to get me. There was
also a wall of crosses in the background. It always scared me. I woke up in the middle of
the night sweating sometimes with vomit in my face and, and choking. It seems to be a theme with us
alcoholics. We forget about the vomit, don't we? Every single morning getting up and then throwing
up in the shower for 20 minutes so we can get ready to go to work. That was lovely. But that
dream was always there. So for almost eight years, I had that dream and it scared me and I never
talked about it. And on the last night that I drank, it was July 2, 2010. I remember saying for
the first time, "Do I have enough medicine for the weekend?" So I went to Costco, I got the big blue
bottle of Sky Vodka because it had a pint that was taped to it and you get that for free. It was $19.95
and at Albertsons, it was $30. So if I buy two, I'm getting, you know, I'm getting, I'm getting a
deal. I did that for years. Always filled up the decanters around the house and, and tippled and
made a mess. But that night I drank a whole bottle of Sky Vodka between three o'clock and 5.30 when
Robert walked in the door. And I was pretty messed up, but we still got dressed and we were on our
way to theater that night in North Hollywood. And we get there and I had already peed my khakis and
that was a, that was a theme. I was a peer. I peed myself all the time. I said I always had a jacket
with me and I'd cover up the front, not thinking that it's showing in the back. I walked myself
out of the theater through the back door because I went out to the back to pee because it looked
like there was 20 people in line at the, at the restroom. I'd come to find out there was only two
guys at the in line and I got around to the front of the building and I couldn't figure out which
building to get back into, which theater. There's only one, the Portale on Lancashire Boulevard.
And about five minutes later I remembered that at home I kept throwing up and trying to get vodka
in me that afternoon until it finally started going in. I asked God, is this the last drink
that I have to take? I was looking at a palm tree out my window and I drank that whole bottle down.
And then I realized as I'm laying there on the sidewalk on Lancashire Boulevard, watching the
water go by in the curb, that God had kicked my ass to the curb. Literally the police drove up in
these little green bikes. They got an ambulance and off I was going to, I think it was St. Joseph's.
And what they did, they called everybody in my phone, every girl that I knew they called every,
and they get down there and they say, where is his husband? Well, I have him down as the important
person to call in my phone now. But they called him, they get down there. Belle, my friend Belle,
had slapped me across the head. I was passed out completely. And she was like, oh no, he didn't
bring us down here for this, did he? And I found out later that Robert was ready to, you know,
he was packing up and ready to leave. And I pulled all the needles out late in the morning, early in
the morning and said, I want to go home. And they said, no, Mr. Baker, you have to sit, lay down,
you are done. And I'm leaving, I'm not arrested. So I ended up going home. I told Robert I wanted
to go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I asked a friend to come and get me the next morning.
And he said, okay. So he took me to a meeting the next day. And I realized I'm riding in a vehicle
without a front end. And we park under a tree next to a blue fence with kids play equipment. And
there's a bicycle tied to the tree, the streetlight down the street. And I'm crying because I know I'm
going to die now because I am awake. I look over and it's just my friend Kenny and a wall of
crosses behind him. And it's the Comercio men's meeting in Woodland Hills that I went to for my
first meeting. And Kenny says, what's wrong? He says, why are you crying? And so I just figured
out you're supposed to be here. And I said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I know. We all know you're supposed
to be here. He gave me this book, this magical book that is falling apart. It's all marked up.
I didn't want a book. I didn't want to know about a book. I didn't want to know you. I didn't want
to talk to you. I didn't want to know anything about it. But I took this book home. And that
night I closed my eyes and opened the book and I said, okay, God, if you really want me here,
I had the audacity to ask God for a sign after all that had happened. I opened up the book and
under my finger it read, nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
That's the first sentence I read out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I thought it
was a pretty good sign. I started going to different meetings. And as I had been passed out
for the last 15 years and not available for Robert, I'm at meetings now. And he's like,
well, what am I supposed to do? And two weeks later I said, well, maybe I hear there's a place
for you too. He didn't like that idea. But he found his own way and found Al-Anon. And we
basically at the time had to reintroduce ourselves to one another and become friends again and enjoy
each other's company and learn how to live together. And we've done that for the last
15 years. And during that time, I have gone to so many different meetings. I've gone to Canada with
my buddy Don Crandall a couple of times. We've been to the Atlanta International Convention in 2015.
We've traveled a lot. I got a lot of windshield time with him and a lot of other guys and women.
We like to travel. And then my mentor passed away. He was always one to say, you should always wear
a tie when you're leading. You should always wear a tie when you're speaking. You should always wear
a tie on your birthday. And somewhere in that first couple of years, the first year, I was asked
to speak. And I said, I really like this. And I said, I'm going to cure everyone in AN. I'm going
to wear a funny tie and I'm going to go out and buy a bunch of ties and be known for my ties and
as if any of you drunks out there would realize I had a tie on in the first place. And I wasn't
asked to speak again for two years until I literally got humbled. But during that time,
I bought about 500 ties. And if you're a newcomer or not and you need a tie, you're more than welcome
to one of these ties tonight. Please take one. I still have at least 300 ties to give away. I
have guys coming up to me a year later, two years later, eight years later. I've been saving this
ugly tie. I want you to give me my cake. I'm wearing your tie. So it means a lot to me when
these guys come up and they're happy they've got an ugly tie. I've got a nice ugly tie on myself
tonight. Step six was big for me. We're entirely ready for God to remove all these defects of
character. I'm still waiting and it's been 15 years. I still have defects of character.
And in the 12 and 12 on page 63 is step six. And the prayer that I use is the third step prayer in
the big book. And it asks me to ask God to remove my difficulties. And it's on page 63 in the big
book. I find that to be an odd coincidence that God put that there for me. I have had so many
wonderful experiences in Alcoholics Anonymous. My first meetings at the Valley Club, several
of the women said you've landed in your family of understanding. And I understood that. And my
friend Robin, she basically put her wings around me and took care of me because I was afraid. We're
all in fear when we first come into Alcoholics Anonymous. And we have to give ourselves permission
to do this thing and allow ourselves to open up and open up to the fellowship and the possibility
that somebody out there cares. And that's what it's the big sign at the Valley Club says we care.
And I believe it. The only thing that kind of kept me organized in my first year were these
meeting directories. I wrote down every single meeting that I went to for the first year. I've
got seven directories. Every person that led the meeting, every person that got a little obsessive,
every person that led the meeting, the topic, where it was located, and telephone numbers.
And I can tell you the day that I met my first sponsor, Dave, and all the different things that
happened to me in that first year. And it's a wonderful thing to write things down and have a
ledger of your history as you're coming through and coming into Alcoholics Anonymous. If you've
never done it before, I highly suggest that you just start writing your own history. You'll be
amazed what you were doing 10, 15 years ago when you start reading and where you are today.
After Don passed away, I wasn't getting in the car with guys and gals and driving around. I wasn't
going to a lot of different meetings. I go to seven meetings a week right now. And I'm retired,
but I'm kind of blown away that I actually go to that many meetings. And it doesn't even feel like
it sometimes. Don always said pick a home group and be part of that home group and always go to
that meeting. And if you miss a meeting, it's because there's a death in your family, yours.
He always told me that a home group meeting is your one and only home group meeting that
you vote in. That's what we do in Alcoholics Anonymous. I've heard that some people have two,
three, four different home groups. That's why I go to seven different meetings, but I don't vote
in but one of those meetings. It's just the way I was raised in Alcoholics Anonymous.
And that's one of the things that I've taken away from Alcoholics Anonymous. You can support
all these different meetings. You can support the convention and you can support when you
do H&I work and take the message of Alcoholics Anonymous into all kinds of different places.
But what I've tried to take along with me is just that message from my friend. I never realized
that I would miss him so much. And I mean, the man passed away in his mid 80s and I always thought I
had enough time to be with him more and more. Don't ever take advantage of any of your time
here in Alcoholics Anonymous. I noticed tonight, and it was wonderful, that everyone in the room
came up and introduced themselves to me and shook my hand and said hello. And I love that. I hadn't
seen that a lot down here when I first came into Alcoholics Anonymous. And when Don took me up to
see Cecil Corregal, he turned 66 years old in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I went to his meeting
and everybody in the room had a big book. And when anybody read anything partial of step three,
a portion of step five, we all read it out of the big book like I did tonight. It keeps me off my
phone. It keeps me centered. That's another reason why my book is falling apart. I've read it at
every single meeting for the last 15 years. Alcoholics Anonymous started in someone's living
room. And in Canada, the two meetings that I went to all have sofas like this. They had sofas around
the room. Every single person went around the room and shook everyone's hand and everybody had
their book. And the other thing that I learned when I was up there was Don was sitting on the
bed one morning in the room we were sharing and he was reading. And I said, "Excuse me,
what are you reading?" He goes, "I'm spending five minutes with God." I went, "Oh my God. Excuse
me. I'll leave you alone. You two are busy." So he asked me later, he goes, "Do you want to know
what that is?" And I said, "Yes." And he said, "It's page 84 to 88 because that's the owner's
manual to that thing between your ears. It's written in plain English. It says that we do
this for a lifetime. It tells you exactly what to do and in order on a daily basis, step 10 and 11.
You don't have to go back and do a complete step four ever again if you're living in 10 and 11
because you do an inventory every single night." And he said, "So it's page 84 to 88. It's the
prayer, third step prayer on 63. It's the seventh step prayer on 76. And in the 12 and 12, it's the
prayer of 99." And he says, "I've been doing that every single day for the last 35 years and I've
been doing it myself now. I did it constantly for five years and now that information is stuck in my
head. And I realize and know what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to do and how I'm to do
it. I hear people all the time saying in Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been here for five years and I
don't know what to do. Something's sneaking back and I don't know what to think and I don't know
where to go. Well, all I can say is they're not reading their book. Talk to somebody. Call me.
We'll go through the book together. You don't have to do it alone. I've read this book so many times
with so many different men and a few women and it's my pleasure and honor to give this away and
show them a new and better way of life that was given to me. It's a very humbling experience for
me and when I find I don't have very much more to say, like right now, it's God tapping me on
the shoulder saying, "You're done," and sit down. So thank you very much, True Quality, for letting
me. That never gets old. Thank you for asking me to be here tonight and thank you so much and don't
forget your ties.