1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,560 Hi, my name is Kathy. I'm an alcoholic and I really don't have to speak because Adam you just knocked it out of the park 2 00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:10,460 I'm not I'm really gonna end up repeating a lot of what you said 3 00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:13,760 You know if you're new if you're new here if you're old here if you're whatever 4 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:20,760 Hello everyone, especially my my dear friends and sponsors. I really appreciate you being here 5 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,280 Um, I am blessed. I am grateful 6 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:28,040 I have what they say in this program of a new freedom and a new happiness 7 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:34,440 And you couldn't told me that when I came in in January 15th 1987. I know I look really good 8 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:43,320 um, I came into alcoholics anonymous the first time because my father's secretary was sober a 9 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:49,880 few years and I was working in the office next to her and I was showing up drunk and on other things and 10 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:56,400 She knew I had a problem. And so she took me to a meeting and I wasn't ready. It's not that AA wasn't great 11 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,640 I wasn't ready. I was 18 years old and I went to the Brentwood meeting and 12 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,440 When they said, you know, are there any new people here? 13 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:09,720 I raised my hand not because I believed it but because everyone else around me was raising their hand and that's what I did 14 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,560 I'll do whatever I have to do keep you off my back 15 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:20,640 You know, it's born and raised in Santa Monica to a wonderful family of a chemical physicist and a physical chemist 16 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:26,680 I was a geek from the day. I was born. I was born on April 1st. I'm a twin, you know 17 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:32,360 The big joke in our house was we didn't get Barbie dolls. We got molecular building sets, you know 18 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,320 And I wanted to be cool and I don't know where that came from 19 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:41,260 Um, I remember when I walked into that Brentwood meeting and there were some old-timers there and they're like 20 00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:45,840 Do you remember your first drink? No, I don't his drinking was a way of life in our house 21 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:52,600 I don't remember it but boy do I remember that feeling and you touched on it Adam that feeling like when I drank I didn't 22 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:57,200 Care anymore. I just didn't want to care. I didn't want to feel guilty. I didn't want to care 23 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:02,000 I just I used to describe it as that tingly feeling of Christmas morning, you know 24 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:07,240 I'm drinking everything will be fun for a bit. Um when I was a teenager we moved to Europe 25 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:12,800 Which was where my drinking took off we lived in France and at that time there really wasn't a drinking age 26 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:19,760 And so at 13 I asked my parents for a case of Bordeaux now most parents with a child who's asking for that 27 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:25,480 Michael there may be an issue here. Um, but my parents were very impressed by my choice 28 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,320 They thought I you know and they ended up getting it obviously didn't give it to me 29 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,920 But shared it because like I said drinking was a way of life 30 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:35,920 My parents neither of them neither of them were alcoholics 31 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:42,260 But they left the environment for an alcoholic to thrive, you know, and you talked about amends and you know 32 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:45,640 I I know some people do what it was like what happened and what it's like today 33 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,860 I don't think that way so forgive me and sometimes I 34 00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:53,240 Start to say something and I don't finish so feel free to catch me after the meeting go 35 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,840 But did you you know, um, but I remember you know 36 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:02,720 We came back from Europe and I really didn't fit in because I didn't fit in rather than try to fit in 37 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,640 Rather try to be that Girl Scout again or be that you know nerdy kid 38 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:11,900 I became a punk because that way if I walked in the room, you knew I was off you didn't question it 39 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:16,360 You know if I tried to walk in like a normal person like something's weird with her 40 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:22,200 But if I walked in weird, it was out on the table. Um, I stole and I stole a lot 41 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:28,960 Um, I stole from my parents. I didn't consider it stealing when I did my inventory with my sponsor 42 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,200 I was like, you know, I borrowed this money. I'm gonna pay it back 43 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:36,440 she said, you know Kathy borrowing without asking is called stealing and I was like 44 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:41,320 It never occurred to me. I didn't think of it as stealing because it was family, you know 45 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:47,040 but I needed it because you see I'm a teenager and I'm trying to get alcohol and I'm trying to get other stuff and I'm 46 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:52,860 hanging around Hollywood and I'm going out with friends and my parents they they kind of had a 47 00:03:52,860 --> 00:03:57,980 Lacey fair attitude with us like as long as we were getting straight A's who cares what you're doing 48 00:03:57,980 --> 00:04:01,080 Just don't get into trouble fast forward to when I was 17 49 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:07,360 My mom asked me I won't say asked me my mom insisted that I move out now I say move out 50 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:12,880 I moved out she kicked me out and the reason she kicked me out was for the year the prior year 51 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,560 She had to I'm sorry. She died not too long ago 52 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:23,240 She had to take her purse put it in a file cabinet lock the file cabinet and put the key 53 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:29,240 Inside her pillowcase so that I wouldn't steal she had to watch the odometers on the cars 54 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,380 Because I would steal the cars, you know 55 00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:39,640 um, so I was asked to leave and if you're an alcoholic like me you have lots of friends and I have a lot of 56 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:43,680 Friends who are my lower companions. Um, you know 57 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:49,360 It's really interesting because that same mother years later because of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous 58 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,320 Asked me to be power of attorney over her finances now 59 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:58,160 I have a twin sister and an older sister who never bounced a check. I 60 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:06,240 Stole thousands of dollars. I wrote so many bad checks and this was right when check systems was starting 61 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:12,240 I'm old and years ago. They didn't have that and when I was in Europe at one point I wrote close to 62 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:18,920 $15,000 worth of checks to American Express and I said it was to an account that had it back home and it didn't and 63 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:23,040 When I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I still had a checking account 64 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:23,880 I was you know 65 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:30,600 I had done stuff but I didn't feel the repercussions till I wrote a check to a woman in our group and the check bounced 66 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:35,040 And all of a sudden I get notified by the banks that you can't have an account here anymore 67 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,660 And I remember running around on a Friday to seven different banks 68 00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:46,640 Trying to get an account and I'm nine months sober, you know, it was I it was like I wanted that sobriety check in the mail 69 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:51,640 I'm sober now, you know, I've changed, you know, and they're like no 70 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:57,580 No, you haven't and I remember my sponsor's late husband Vince talked to me in the yard 71 00:05:57,580 --> 00:06:01,540 The yard is a Saturday thing that we went to in our group and he said cap 72 00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:04,760 You're gonna have to live off of money orders and you're gonna have to make this up 73 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:10,520 You're gonna have to clean up your your financial affairs and it's funny because I married a man in who was also 74 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,760 sober member in our group and we were married a little bit and he's like 75 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,840 I want to get you on my account and I'm like sweetie telling you I can't and we went down to the bank 76 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:22,700 I'll never forget this and we're there in the guys like what can I you know, how can I help you? 77 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:25,480 And Jim's like I'd like to put her on the account and he's like, okay 78 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,120 And what's your social and I tell him and he goes I'm sorry 79 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:32,400 What's your social and I tell him and he goes and he looks at my husband and husband he goes 80 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:36,440 Yeah, we can't and I looked him I said I'm not making this up, you know 81 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:41,240 My father when I when I got sober and started making my amends 82 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:46,660 I went into my father's office and I said dad I stole from you and I owe you money and I'm 83 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:52,360 Gonna pay you back and he's like hold on and he grabbed a ledger out. Yeah, he had he had money 84 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:58,160 I wasn't even gonna tell him about that. I had stolen and compound interest and thank goodness 85 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:02,760 My sponsor told me amends are not just an apology 86 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:06,020 It's doing what makes them forgive you, you know 87 00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:12,040 and what I can tell you is years later this same father also made me power attorney over his 88 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:19,340 Finances and my older sister is an accomplished doctor. My twin sister is an accomplished scientist and I'm the alcoholic 89 00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:20,720 But they saw it 90 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:27,440 You know, um Denise Denise and I met I was speaking at this meeting and I was telling the story of you 91 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:31,280 See if you're standing in between me and my alcohol you're gonna lose 92 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:36,660 I I have no scruples to walk through you and I was about to get kicked out of UCLA 93 00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:42,640 I was a student there and I knew if I got kicked out of UCLA, I get no support from my family 94 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,120 You know, they would cut me off 95 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:48,720 So and my father is Denise knows because she worked with them was a professor there 96 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:53,920 so I went to the counselor and I said the reason I'm not doing one showing up to class is 97 00:07:53,920 --> 00:08:00,440 Because my dad's having an affair with a student and I know you can't say anything and you know and she couldn't 98 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:06,180 She's the counselor and I went to my father's office that same day and I walked in and I'm crying 99 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,800 Cuz I'm good at crying, you know 100 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:13,880 These days I cry sincerely back then I cried manipulatively and I said dad 101 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:19,320 I think I have a chemical dependency issue because you see I'd learned it from the secretary 102 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:24,400 I think I have a chemical dependency issue. I'm gonna go away for a bit and get help 103 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:30,360 Oh and here's your American Express card because he had put me on it because he's an idiot. No, I love it 104 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:35,480 I said, here's the card. I'm not going to Europe. I'm gonna go get help and he's like good 105 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,280 I hope so. That's a great I walked out of that office 106 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:44,600 I had already had the replacement card in my pocket because I had reported that one stolen and I had the ticket and went off 107 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,560 To Europe and back then you couldn't follow your accounts online 108 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:56,520 and my dad years later told me he remembers the day the American Express bill came in and he ran in the backyard to 109 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,680 My mom and said she's in London 110 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:06,680 Think about the pain I caused you know after I had about two years of sobriety my parents got divorced and if you're you know 111 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:11,000 If you're an alcoholic like me, there is nothing better than fighting parents 112 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,840 I could get what I want 113 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,760 But I had a program and I had to be really honest and kind about it 114 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:22,520 And I remember my dad one day saying, you know, your mom has a drinking problem, you know when you were younger 115 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,520 I used to go to the liquor cabinet 116 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:31,080 It was empty all the time and we'd always buy more and she was drinking it and I had to sit there and say dad 117 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:35,760 That wasn't her. That was me. And I remember you know, you talked about reflecting 118 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,760 I remember going home after that 119 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:45,080 Conversation saying this is what it's like to have a disease that affects other people and we don't even realize it 120 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:49,640 You know, um, I I have two sisters who were perfect, you know 121 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:56,320 and when my father was really sick, um, he had to stay with us for a bit and 122 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,920 My older sister I had kept trying to make amends 123 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:03,480 I had apologized as you know, and there was nothing I could do 124 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:08,360 I was being a good sister and all that but she had a lot of anger towards me for things 125 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,880 She knew I had done to the family and when my father got sick 126 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:19,000 I had about 24 years of sobriety and she flew down to see him and she flew back up north and she called me and 127 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:22,200 She said my you've changed now. Those are words 128 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:28,980 I've never expected those are words I had given up and it was it changed our relationship. She trusted me 129 00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:34,600 I'm the one she came to when she left her husband and had a lot of other life changes 130 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,800 You know, um, you know, I got sober in the Pacific group 131 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:43,880 I had been going there for a few weeks and like I said I came in with spiked white hair 132 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:48,800 I looked I walked in and you knew I was new you knew I was loud and you knew I was new 133 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:53,380 And there were a lot of people running up different. Oh, she'd be a good sponsor for you 134 00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:59,960 She'd be you know all this and it was always like women with chopsticks in their hair or you know outrageous outfits 135 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:04,060 I'm like whatever and I sat in the meeting and I don't know what the speaker said 136 00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:07,480 But and I don't know if you've experienced this but I was sitting that meeting 137 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:14,600 I wasn't sure if a was for me and whatever the speaker said that night opened that little spot where all of a sudden I thought 138 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:20,280 This could work. It probably won't but it could it might um, the girl next to me 139 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,920 It's my friend Michelle and the couple behind me 140 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:29,440 The woman handed me her card when I raised my hand for being a newcomer and Michelle said she'd be good and I've had Pat 141 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:34,220 Now for you know, 38 years and seven months and whatever, you know 142 00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:39,080 I haven't had Pat all that time because I'm a perfect sponsee 143 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,600 I haven't had Pat for all that time because she's a perfect sponsor 144 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:49,800 I've had Pat all that time because she lives an example of a life a sober life that I want 145 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:53,720 You know when I had a couple of years of sobriety 146 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,360 Um, so I would say, you know 147 00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:02,520 I was listening to someone recently who said like they got involved in their first year and my sponsor was very big 148 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:07,580 Like you do not get involved with anyone your first year. So I didn't I just slept around and to me 149 00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:09,580 That was not getting involved 150 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:15,360 And so, you know, you can't do that in a big group and try to keep it a secret 151 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,840 but I was pretty good at it and my I 152 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:23,180 Came to the Saturday night meeting and my friend Jim comes up and he's like, oh my gosh 153 00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:30,120 You're seeing so-and-so and I'm like what and he said well Pat said in front of the whole finance class that you're seeing and I 154 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:36,480 Was devastated. This is my sponsor and I remember going up to her at the meeting saying we need to talk 155 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:42,860 We sat outside and it was the break before the main speaker and I said Pat Jim said you said this and she goes 156 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:43,240 No 157 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:49,140 I didn't and I'm like Pat Jim said I never ever said anything like that and I was like, okay 158 00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:53,640 All right, and I went back into the meeting and I started looking around for other old-time women 159 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,660 You know, who am I gonna get to sponsor the meeting ended? 160 00:12:57,660 --> 00:13:03,040 There was gonna be a party and Pat pulled me outside because I need to talk to you and I said what she goes 161 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:08,680 you know, I didn't say it that way but this is what I said and she owned it and I had two years and I'm an 162 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:14,880 Arrogant little brat in sobriety and I'm like, well, I don't know if I can be sponsored by you, you know 163 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:19,960 Just like and she was so great in her example of like I understand 164 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:27,000 You let me know and I went home and I started to write about what happened and I realized if I wasn't taking bad actions 165 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:33,180 She could talk about me all she wanted if I'm taking bad actions and she talks about me 166 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:38,540 It's not her fault. It's my fault and it really changed the way I was 167 00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:41,400 Like I said, I was a thief 168 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:46,620 And it's funny because today I work in a business and I have for the last 18 years 169 00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:49,680 Where I take people's money for the good 170 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:56,240 I'm a major gifts officer and everybody says how honest I am and how much integrity I have in blah blah blah and inside 171 00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:03,000 I'm dying, you know, I I'm I'm anonymous out there and anonymity is really important to me 172 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,640 And I know that there are a lot of people who can go there and they say all the time, you know 173 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,520 I'm sober and blah blah blah. That's great 174 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,820 But for me, it was really important to be anonymous out there 175 00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,820 and I remember I was going to a 176 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:19,480 faculty dinner one night and I had brought my husband at the time Jim and we sat down and one of my 177 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:25,920 Colleagues pulled me aside and he said Kathy. I hate to do this. Um, do you guys mind moving tables? 178 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,360 And I was like, mmm sure what's the problem? 179 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:32,020 he says well Greg over here got a DUI last year and he 180 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:37,680 Recognizes your husband from meetings and he wants to drink and it's so funny because I didn't sit there and go well 181 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:41,960 You know, I'm sober too. I just went okay. All right. Okay, I understand 182 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:46,120 It's not my place to tell you to get sober years later Greg got sober, you know 183 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:52,080 And he walked up to me and he said, you know, I didn't realize you were sober and I'm like, what's what should I've said? 184 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,940 you know, it's the example I have a 185 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,960 So the last few years have been kind of crazy 186 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:03,720 let's just say that we all know we all went through COVID and I had worked really hard in sobriety to 187 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:11,960 Repair that relationship with my mom and she lived in Calabasas and I had a town home in Sherman Oaks 188 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:19,060 I had moved my son's family in because they were struggling and I was really happy with my life and COVID hits and my mom 189 00:15:19,060 --> 00:15:20,600 Asked me to come over one day 190 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,880 This is the woman who kicked me out at 17 and she asked if I'd move in with her and I told her well if I 191 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:26,840 move in with you 192 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,320 everyone has to move in with you because they're living with me and she's like 193 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:37,220 I love that idea of a multi-generational home and I remember leaving her place crying calling my sponsor 194 00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:40,880 Not out of gratitude out of sheer terror 195 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:47,520 I'm like Pat I've got this relationship down when I only have to see her every so often 196 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:51,400 Living with her is a whole different thing, you know 197 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:59,320 meetings were all on zoom and I would be asked to speak and I couldn't speak because she's in the next room and 198 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:05,360 She came to one one a meeting when I was taking a cake and the main speaker was a guy named 199 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:11,320 Don Newcomb some of you may have known and she's sitting there and he's talking about drinking wood alcohol 200 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:16,960 And she's just like looks at me. She goes he should be dead and I'm like, yeah a lot of us should be you know 201 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:24,840 But in her eyes it was like my daughter couldn't be here and while we had our struggles and we worked it out 202 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:30,960 my sponsor was like the last thing you need to do in her late stage of life is 203 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:36,860 Tell her your entire story and we've thought about is that's a form of anonymity, you know 204 00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:41,980 I don't have to tell everyone but I do need to be there for the women I sponsor for my friends 205 00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:48,280 They need to be there for me for my sponsor and I need to have the hand of a a out there and available 206 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:53,200 you know, I um, so we moved in and my mom got very very sick and in 207 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:59,820 2023 February she passed away and it's so funny because she wanted to die in her home 208 00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:05,880 She was in a rehab facility and she was really falling apart and the doctors like she's not gonna make it. I said great 209 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:10,440 Let's bring her home because that's what she wants and we move the furniture in the living room 210 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,960 So she could look out on her 211 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:17,920 she had this beautiful view of the whole valley and they roll her in on the gurney and her first comment to me is 212 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:22,400 You move the couches and I just like I love her 213 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:29,380 That's my mom a month after she passed away. Um, I ended up in the emergency room and Nate 214 00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:34,160 Thank you so much for all your patience. He has booked me a few times and we've had to change 215 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,920 Anyway a month after my mom died. I ended up in the emergency room 216 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:43,260 They weren't sure if I was having a heart attack. They did blood work. They found out I was severely anemic 217 00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:49,020 You know, I'm in the hospital bed and I'm calling people like getting commitments covered, you know 218 00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:53,520 I call my friend whose husband is on the board of directors at our school and I'm like 219 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:57,400 I just want you guys to know I'm in the hospital and she's like 220 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:02,420 And I said I just don't want Ed showing up there and hearing it from someone else. She's like what? 221 00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:07,460 I said, I don't know they're running tests and all that and the cardiologist walks in and he's like 222 00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:12,380 I have great news because your heart is perfect. Your veins are perfect 223 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:16,680 you are perfect in that way, but the pulmonologist is gonna come talk to you and I'm like 224 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:23,840 And he came in and they had done a scan and basically from here down to the top of my thighs 225 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,580 I have cancer everywhere. I look like a Dalmatian 226 00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:33,260 I have a stage four cancer and the pulmonologist says to me. This is the second day. I'm in the house 227 00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:39,800 Um, yeah, you should get your affairs in order and enjoy your days. Just remember that I mean Ferlet remembers 228 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:45,460 I was like enjoy your days, you know, but lucky for me. I've seen miracles happen 229 00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:49,700 I have another disease other than cancer. I have a disease of alcoholism 230 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:57,460 I'm not promised tomorrow if I follow these steps if I follow the treatment plan of alcohol synonymous 231 00:18:57,460 --> 00:19:02,460 Calling my sponsor being of service working the steps, you know all of this stuff 232 00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:05,300 I haven't and I don't drink I have another day 233 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:12,060 And so I applied that thought process that lifestyle to cancer and I you know 234 00:19:12,060 --> 00:19:17,560 I went to cancer support groups in the beginning and you know, this is a fun lively group 235 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,020 You guys love each other. Like you said Adam, it's a fun group 236 00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:26,820 There are a groups that are really depressing and it's the same with cancer and like I'm sitting in the first support group 237 00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:28,820 And it's like yeah, I'm gonna die next week 238 00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:35,140 It's awful. And I'm like get me out of here. Like I can't do this 239 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:39,340 They put me on very heavy-duty chemo 240 00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:47,260 Keytruda my sponsees and my friends saw my hair fall out saw my skin go wild, you know weak 241 00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:53,100 I had points where I couldn't even lift up my cell phone and AA was always around people are always there 242 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:58,860 But the other thing that happened was people in the community were around and that really surprised me 243 00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:02,100 Like I expect my tribe of alcoholics to be around 244 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:08,220 But that means I carried this out there and people have hair were around and that blew my mind, you know 245 00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:13,340 Two and a half years later. So I'm enjoying my taste, you know my 246 00:20:13,340 --> 00:20:15,940 Oncologists, I have a couple 247 00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:19,540 They and their entire team are like you were the happiest person 248 00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:22,660 One of my oncologists said if I saw you on the street 249 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:27,940 I'd not I wouldn't know how sick you are and all I'm thinking is yeah, and you're talking about cancer 250 00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:34,900 You don't know what all it's like. It's really sick, you know, um, I have truly been blessed 251 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:40,820 I had I got married in sobriety a week before I got married. I told you I'd jump around a bit 252 00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:46,740 Um, so I told you in the beginning of my sobriety. I kind of slept around I had a hard time committing 253 00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:51,060 Um, I like options. Um, I ended up meeting this guy, you know 254 00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:54,900 They always said you'll meet the guy you least you'll get to get a guy you least suspect 255 00:20:54,900 --> 00:20:58,540 So I'd watch the guys come off the skid row bus like 256 00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:01,140 But it was the guy I least suspected 257 00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:06,980 it was the guy sitting next to me at meetings and we got married and we had three wonderful kids and 258 00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:12,820 our middle child came down with spinal meningitis and encephalitis and we went on a 259 00:21:12,820 --> 00:21:19,900 series of years of therapies for cat and then therapies for my oldest and we found out he was autistic my my 260 00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:25,060 Youngest child is dyslexic and we're like, oh, that's easy. Like we can deal with dyslexia 261 00:21:25,060 --> 00:21:31,460 um when my youngest was in so when my children were in high school, my oldest would come in and 262 00:21:31,460 --> 00:21:39,020 You could see he was stoned and I'm like Sheamus. Come on, and he's like what nothing and his eyes are dilated 263 00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:44,980 I'm like you're forgetting who you're talking to, you know, um and my youngest during that time 264 00:21:44,980 --> 00:21:52,540 Um Thanksgiving before his of his senior year. He went mom. I'm just going over to my phone to Luke's house 265 00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:59,260 We're just gonna hang out. We're not gonna go anywhere, you know, and I don't know about you an alcoholic like me 266 00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:01,820 We're not gonna do anything means we're gonna do something 267 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:07,700 So the next morning I get a call from the uncle of Luke says you may want to take Brendan to the emergency room 268 00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:10,500 We didn't want to do it last night because we know he was on then 269 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:16,260 Gonna be on the national rugby team and we don't want to ruin that and I'm like, hey, and so we rush him to the 270 00:22:16,260 --> 00:22:21,660 emergency room he had fallen down um and hit a 271 00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:27,060 fire pit and then concrete and shattered his jaw and the funny thing is I know 272 00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:33,840 Only an alcoholic would say the funny thing is I have a friend who's past Susie who fell into a fire pit 273 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,740 So I'm like, oh we've got this down 274 00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:42,000 don't work and I remember walking into the emergency room and my husband was like we are gonna sue them this is awful and like 275 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:48,640 Calm down because my son is flipped out because he's an alcoholic and he knows he's not hiding it anymore 276 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:54,260 And he's scared to death and I kind of pushed my husband said calm down and I went up to my son 277 00:22:54,260 --> 00:22:55,940 I said you don't have to live like this 278 00:22:55,940 --> 00:22:58,460 It doesn't have to get worse and I gave him 279 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:05,620 the program and I said I pulled out the meeting directory and I circled the meetings that my husband and I went to and I 280 00:23:05,620 --> 00:23:10,700 said if you want to see us go to these meetings if you don't want to see us don't go to those meetings and he got 281 00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:16,460 Involved in a really spectacular group out here. They I mean they were so funny when they would see him they'd 282 00:23:16,460 --> 00:23:24,060 Sing Ring of Fire and I just thought that's that's alcoholics and others. I mean we make light of absurd things 283 00:23:24,060 --> 00:23:24,860 um 284 00:23:24,860 --> 00:23:31,180 Brendan ended up getting married and moving to Alabama and I went to visit him one day and he sat me down and he says 285 00:23:31,180 --> 00:23:34,300 Mom, you know, I want to let you know. I don't think I'm an alcoholic now 286 00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:39,740 I'm sitting there going. Oh, no, honey, you are but I live the program of alcoholics anonymous 287 00:23:39,740 --> 00:23:45,380 I can't tell someone you're an alcoholic if they don't think they are I can't make them so I said Brendan 288 00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:49,700 I want you to know I will always love you whether you're sober or not. I just hope it works out 289 00:23:49,700 --> 00:23:55,260 So fast forward I'm in Calabasas taking care of my mother living in this crazy house 290 00:23:55,260 --> 00:24:01,960 And he calls me and I'm sitting outside in my car and he's in tears. He's like mom Mickey's gonna leave me 291 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,660 I've been drinking a lot. He would he worked from home 292 00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:09,100 And so when she would leave with the kids he'd drink all day and she'd come back, you know 293 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:11,460 And he's crying and I said Brendan 294 00:24:11,460 --> 00:24:15,580 I happen to know there's a lot and he was in he was in Nashville by this point 295 00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:20,380 I said I happen to know there's a lot of good AA in Nashville and why don't you go he says I don't want to 296 00:24:20,380 --> 00:24:26,700 I said don't go for you go for your family have an open mind. That was about three years ago. He is super active 297 00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:30,740 He runs a panel. He has a group of guys 298 00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:33,180 he is so in love with a 299 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:39,580 My middle child when my mom was sick in the ICU and I'm driving up to the hospital 300 00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:45,020 I get a call from my kids boyfriend and he's like I can't take her anymore 301 00:24:45,020 --> 00:24:50,520 I need to drop her off. She's drinking. I'm like, okay drop her off at the house 302 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:51,020 I mean 303 00:24:51,020 --> 00:24:56,880 I don't know what to do and comes in and literally goes into the bedroom and 304 00:24:57,220 --> 00:25:03,000 detoxes and my older son is furious at her, you know, and I'm like, she's an alcoholic now call it 305 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:10,060 Um, we were able to get cat into treatment and we were laughing because now cat works at that treatment facility 306 00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:17,740 you know and cat is very involved in their a not my a very and we and and that's the 307 00:25:17,740 --> 00:25:23,240 Blessing we have in LA of so many different meetings because I don't know about you 308 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,260 I don't know that I could sit in a meeting with my parents here though. They weren't alcoholics 309 00:25:27,260 --> 00:25:32,340 I've always invited my kids to hear my story. Thank God. They haven't come and heard it 310 00:25:32,340 --> 00:25:37,420 But they knew you know when they were growing up we had parties 311 00:25:37,420 --> 00:25:42,220 We had a lot of AA people over they knew a lot of the people from Pacific group 312 00:25:42,220 --> 00:25:43,780 Which is why they didn't want to go there 313 00:25:43,780 --> 00:25:45,700 I was laughing about it 314 00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:49,500 But AA has been a blessing and I was reflecting on it today 315 00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:55,440 When it says you will know a new freedom and a new happiness and the little words 316 00:25:55,440 --> 00:26:00,220 Little words make a difference because they don't say you're gonna have freedom and happiness 317 00:26:00,220 --> 00:26:05,940 You're gonna have something new and it's absolutely true. This is not any happiness. I ever had 318 00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:09,900 Drinking shots of Jack Daniels. This is not happiness 319 00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:14,860 I ever had of getting away with stealing money from people the freedom the freedom 320 00:26:15,220 --> 00:26:21,500 to be able to walk in the world to drive and not worry that the police are gonna pull me over to be able to 321 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:28,120 Open my mail when it arrives. I couldn't do that before and it sounds silly to people outside of AA 322 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,500 I don't live in fear 323 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:35,560 I live with a new freedom and a new happiness and I am so grateful for all of you and for AA and let it 324 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,560 Thank you for letting me share