1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,080 Our main speaker tonight, Bruce T. 2 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:03,920 - Yeah. 3 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:08,120 - My name is Bruce, I'm an alcoholic. 4 00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,560 - Hi Bruce. 5 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,720 - Thank you Abraham for asking me to speak tonight. 6 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,840 It's always a pleasure to speak 7 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,040 at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. 8 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,740 I had to remind myself tonight 9 00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:26,480 that my primary purpose is to stay clean and sober 10 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,160 and be of service. 11 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,220 I did have a conflict of interest. 12 00:00:30,220 --> 00:00:36,160 However, my primary purpose is extremely important to me. 13 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:40,120 And here I am tonight as I was last night 14 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,000 at another meeting that I led. 15 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:48,240 So it just wasn't meant for me to be anywhere else 16 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,120 but at an AA meeting at this time. 17 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,560 So again, I wanna thank you 18 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,560 and tell you that my sobriety date is September 1st 19 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:03,200 1987, I have a sponsor and I sponsor people. 20 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:11,440 And it's an honor and a privilege to be and do and have. 21 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:15,880 And one of the things I've learned over the years was 22 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:20,880 that I really came here with no life skills. 23 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,260 I came here with survival skills. 24 00:01:23,260 --> 00:01:25,640 I didn't know how to be honest. 25 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:30,160 My fear was too great and I didn't know how to be present 26 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,440 or a true friend to anybody. 27 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:37,280 I was selfish and self-centered like it tells us. 28 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,120 And I fit the bill for an alcoholic 29 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,800 whether I drank or injury. 30 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:47,880 I came from New Jersey originally, suburb of New York 31 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:53,000 and grew up there with my family. 32 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,760 I had two sisters, my parents stayed together 33 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,340 till I was a teenager. 34 00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:02,840 And I had a normal childhood as far as I can tell. 35 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:08,840 I had friends and I had a nice place to live 36 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:13,000 and went to school and had friends outside 37 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:17,120 and life was as far as I knew good. 38 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:22,120 And I started working early on with a paper route 39 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,840 where I rode my bicycle and delivered to newspapers 40 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,480 and made collection once a week 41 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,820 and the Sunday paper weighed a ton. 42 00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:36,840 And when I was old enough, I got my first job 43 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,600 and worked all through high school. 44 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,240 And I went to college. 45 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,400 I went to college and I wound up paying for it myself 46 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:50,080 with three different jobs while I was there. 47 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:55,080 And yeah, I was responsible and I was showing up 48 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:58,880 and doing my part. 49 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,920 And my parents split up when I was 16 50 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:06,180 and things changed with them and the extended family. 51 00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:09,320 And we were kind of isolated after that. 52 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,280 And when I was in high school, 53 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,280 started to drink with my friends. 54 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:19,160 And what I realized looking back was, 55 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,020 'cause I was never in the moment. 56 00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:26,020 I was truly an alcoholic even before I knew what that was. 57 00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:30,960 My drinking was always too excess. 58 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,360 I never had just a few drinks. 59 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,280 And I was the guy who would throw up in your car 60 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:41,280 or throw up in your bedroom or your bathroom and pass out. 61 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:47,520 And I didn't realize that that might be symptoms 62 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,840 of something more serious. 63 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,840 I just felt I drank too much 64 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:56,840 and I would not drink that much next time. 65 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,600 But of course I did. 66 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,800 And when I went on to college, it was the fraternities. 67 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:06,240 It was, I went to college at the Jersey Shore 68 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:11,240 at a college that was small comparatively speaking. 69 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:16,640 And it was a party school and we partied a lot. 70 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,080 And the fraternities really brought that out in me. 71 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,240 And my drinking got worse in terms of more frequently. 72 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,360 The results are still the same. 73 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,560 And I heard a speaker once share 74 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:31,260 that he never understood why they didn't put headrests 75 00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:34,480 on toilets because we had spent so much time 76 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,280 on the bathroom floor, the tile 'cause it was cool. 77 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,120 And that made sense to me. 78 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,340 I totally got that. 79 00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:45,600 I did spend a lot of time on the bathroom floor. 80 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,120 So I graduated college. 81 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,940 I got a job, started, I wanted to work 82 00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:52,880 in the healthcare field in administration. 83 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,240 And I started in the personnel department 84 00:04:56,240 --> 00:05:00,300 and worked my way up, this is in New York, 85 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:04,960 worked my way up to an administrator for human resources. 86 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:09,960 And I did that for a good 14 years, maybe more. 87 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:14,760 And the problem was that I was married. 88 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,920 And we had kids already. 89 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,620 And I came out of the sixties in terms 90 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,960 of graduated high school in '63. 91 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:28,360 And by '64, I was in college. 92 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:32,680 Those four years I started going to Manhattan to New York. 93 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:37,680 We were talking bell bottoms, platform shoes, shag haircuts, 94 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:42,800 head shops, black light posters, water pipes. 95 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,640 You know, the whole deal. 96 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:51,440 And it was just a way of life and of course drinking. 97 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,920 I drank alcoholically, I used drugs alcoholically 98 00:05:54,920 --> 00:06:00,880 and I still showed up for work right up until 1986. 99 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:10,120 And I'd gotten divorced from my first wife 100 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,120 and I was living in Manhattan alone. 101 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,600 And as you may recall, there were discos, 102 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:22,600 there were sex clubs, there were after work bars, 103 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,920 there were after hour clubs. 104 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,480 I mean, literally you could go 105 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,360 to a club all hours of the day and night. 106 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:34,360 And New York was very supportive of alcoholics 107 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,860 in the sense that it provided for you. 108 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:42,340 And you know, my drinking, my using got worse 109 00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:46,720 and you know, did things that I put myself 110 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,800 in dangerous situations and positions 111 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:54,240 and never thought anything would ever happen to me. 112 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:59,120 And you know, it was naive in that sense. 113 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,360 And so what happened was is I was working 114 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,120 for this hospital in Long Island 115 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:08,340 and wasn't showing up for work on a regular basis. 116 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,600 And in the days that I did show up, 117 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,920 I often had to go and hide in the employee health service 118 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,280 for about four or five hours in the morning 119 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,000 to like to function. 120 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,280 And then eventually, you know, 121 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,240 I started doing drugs to an extreme 122 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:30,240 and that made it impossible for me to show up for work. 123 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:35,920 And I remember all too clearly as the night would wear on 124 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,620 and come in the morning, just dreading daylight. 125 00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:42,480 And I swear I could hear the sun 126 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,640 coming through the Venetian blinds. 127 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,920 You know, it was kind of like, if the hours wore away, 128 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,620 knowing I wasn't gonna go to work. 129 00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:54,620 And finally, my boss had that conversation with me about, 130 00:07:54,620 --> 00:08:00,200 you don't come to work, we're gonna have to fire you. 131 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,000 And I'd been at this job for 10 years 132 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,160 and I was director of human resources, 133 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,560 responsible for the employee health service. 134 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,080 And the welfare of the employees. 135 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,440 And this was a big hospital. 136 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,080 And of course, I was out the next day. 137 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,320 And when I did show up for work and call him, 138 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,780 he almost fired me, he had tears in his eyes. 139 00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:23,720 And, you know, and he never had a fire in his body. 140 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,800 And I put him in that position. 141 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,440 And he was one of the first people I made an amends to 142 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,440 and thanked him for firing me. 143 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,960 'Cause had he not, I probably would have died. 144 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,680 At least it slowed me down to the point 145 00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:39,560 where my life started to catch up 146 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,440 and I could take affirmative action for myself. 147 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,560 I had two kids who, you know, that are now grown. 148 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:52,560 And they witnessed some of my behavior at the end. 149 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:55,480 Of course, I had lost a lot of weight 150 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,720 and I looked like somebody who was struggling 151 00:08:58,720 --> 00:08:59,900 with the problem. 152 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,720 And my answer to anybody who said, 153 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:02,960 "Are you having a problem?" 154 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,200 Was, "No, no, I'm fine, fine." 155 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,380 When I lost that job, it took a while 156 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,820 for everything to fall apart in terms of, 157 00:09:10,820 --> 00:09:13,360 not a long while, a fairly short while. 158 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,960 I got evicted from my apartment. 159 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,200 I lived on 89th and 1st in New York. 160 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,340 And I remember being evicted and standing outside, 161 00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:21,640 looking up at my apartment thinking, 162 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,280 "How did this happen, how did this happen?" 163 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,720 And I eventually wound up in an abandoned house 164 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,040 in the Bronx through some people that I knew 165 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,080 and of like mind. 166 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:35,440 And my sister, who lived in New York at the time 167 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,320 and moved to California out here, 168 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,280 had asked to help me six months before 169 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,880 and I told her I wasn't ready. 170 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:45,880 And at this point, I was ready, you know? 171 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,760 I said that alcoholic prayer, "God, please help me. 172 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,260 Please help me." 173 00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:54,000 And something happened. 174 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,680 I could feel it. 175 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:59,480 I got the courage to walk down to a payphone on the corner. 176 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,360 Smelled like urine and feces. 177 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,340 The handle was sticky, the glass was filthy. 178 00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:08,320 And I called her and I asked for help. 179 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,880 And she said, "Well, you know, I'm happy to help you. 180 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,680 The deal is you stay clean for a year 181 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,000 and get into a program." 182 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,380 And I agreed. 183 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:18,320 And she got me a plane ticket 184 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,960 and I had to pick it up at the airport. 185 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,460 And I went and said goodbye to my kids 186 00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:28,800 and told them why I was leaving and what I was doing. 187 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,480 And I hoped they would understand. 188 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,680 And I took my match set of luggage, 189 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,780 it was two green garbage bags. 190 00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:37,760 I walked on that plane with one shoe 191 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,600 and one contact lens sideways so I could see better. 192 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,220 Sat down after I put my baggage in the overhead wrap. 193 00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:47,640 And halfway through the flight, 194 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,940 I remember saying, "God, am I doing the right thing?" 195 00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:54,440 Like leaving this glorious lifestyle behind me. 196 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,480 And I loved it on September 1st, 1987, 197 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,360 my first day of sobriety. 198 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,960 I didn't know those words, sobriety. 199 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,480 And true to my word, 200 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,000 I had to get into a program and stay clean for a year. 201 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,800 She had enrolled me in St. John's outpatient, 202 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:16,800 St. Joseph's outpatient program in Burbank, it was 1987. 203 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:22,160 And I went there for a year at night. 204 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:28,000 And I lived with her at her condo 205 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:32,680 in Studio City and I was introduced to Los Angeles. 206 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,720 I was introduced to California. 207 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,260 I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. 208 00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:41,320 And I needed that outpatient program 209 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:46,320 because it let me gently enter the world 210 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,800 of sobriety and Alcoholics Anonymous. 211 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:53,160 And I met some great people in that outpatient program. 212 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,960 September 2nd, I went to my first AA meeting 213 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,580 'cause that was part of the deal. 214 00:11:57,580 --> 00:11:59,520 And it was a Chandler Lodge. 215 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,560 I knew nothing about AA. 216 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,640 I knew nothing about sobriety. 217 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:08,200 And certainly nothing about meetings or meeting halls. 218 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:13,200 And Chandler Lodge has been open since 1960. 219 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,400 It's events over living. 220 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,000 And it also has a large hall, 221 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,200 which has been used for meetings since 1960. 222 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:28,200 And I walked in hearing loud voices, laughter, shouting. 223 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:35,600 And I was a little put off not knowing what to expect. 224 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:39,520 And I walked in that room and packed. 225 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,080 And there was smoking back then. 226 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,280 And I remember looking around the room 227 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,200 and there was a lot of older people there, my age now. 228 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:53,200 And younger people that were around my age 229 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,080 and younger than that. 230 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,480 And it was packed. 231 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,580 And we smoked back then. 232 00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:02,920 And I smoked and smoked for the first year of my sobriety. 233 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:06,720 And looking around and this guy all of a sudden 234 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:10,080 takes his artificial leg off and slams it on the table. 235 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:15,760 And yelling, shouting, and I'm thinking to myself, 236 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:16,600 this is okay. 237 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,000 It's like being in a bar. 238 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,120 And I felt comfortable. 239 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,320 The meeting started. 240 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,760 And people came and introduced themselves to me. 241 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:30,400 And they just told me to relax, take it easy. 242 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,240 Good, I was there. 243 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,640 And then the sharing started. 244 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:38,640 And the leader led and this is my first exposure 245 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,320 to Alcoholics Anonymous. 246 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,360 And what I heard with people talking about problems 247 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,600 they were having in their life, 248 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:50,880 what was going on and what they were doing about it. 249 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,000 It just wasn't complaints. 250 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,760 And I'm thinking to myself, 251 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,680 how can these people talk about their selves now? 252 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,700 How can they be so open and honest? 253 00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:05,380 So far from where I was coming from the world of secrets. 254 00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:09,520 And I realized in looking back a couple of things. 255 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:13,280 One was I truly had to come away from New York 256 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,440 where everything was familiar to a place 257 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,200 where everything was unfamiliar. 258 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,600 I had to come to a new group of people 259 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:23,320 who were willing to show me how to live my life, 260 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,960 to share with me living skills. 261 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,600 And I was just in awe that they were talking about 262 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:33,000 so openly what was going on in their life. 263 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:39,760 And I could relate to pretty much almost everything 264 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,200 that was being shared. 265 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,980 So the truth was is I kept secrets. 266 00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:49,600 Nobody really knew who I was, what was going on with me. 267 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,780 I presented an image that I wanted you to see. 268 00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:57,080 And it usually was based on what you expected of me 269 00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:00,520 in terms of who I was and what I was doing. 270 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,480 And I was doing what you were doing is what I said. 271 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,320 And I wanted to be a part of, 272 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,220 but nobody really knew who I was. 273 00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:11,700 And I realized that no matter how many people I was with, 274 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,840 how many people I went through, 275 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,200 I was still very, very lonely 276 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,240 'cause nobody really knew me. 277 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,000 They didn't know who I was, what I liked, 278 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,320 what I didn't like. 279 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,280 I was a communion. 280 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,640 I was whatever you were. 281 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,060 And I wanted to fit in and I wanted to be a part of. 282 00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:32,040 And that was a major realization for me 283 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,920 as to why I drank and used so much 284 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,600 because that's what people were doing. 285 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,400 And that was the group of people I chose to be with. 286 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,600 So here I am and, you know, 287 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:46,520 and I got a job with one of the guys 288 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,200 from the outpatient program 289 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,400 that had a studio rental truck, two or three. 290 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,400 And I cleaned out those rental trucks 291 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,000 for a couple of months for him. 292 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,880 And I got paid a little bit of money and, you know, 293 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:04,160 and then I started, you know, looking for work. 294 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,760 And I also was kind of frustrated 295 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,260 in the sense that I didn't have a date. 296 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,960 And, you know, in the sober world, 297 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,460 it's like you date people. 298 00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:16,920 You just go say hello and have sex with them. 299 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,720 It didn't work that way. 300 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,060 And I started to pray to God. 301 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:25,640 You know, it's been a while. 302 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,680 A little sex wouldn't be bad, wouldn't hurt. 303 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:33,680 And people say, you're not supposed to ask God for sex. 304 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,840 That's not what it's about. 305 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,440 And I said, well, I read in the book 306 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,520 that you can ask God for things for yourself, you know, 307 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,560 if it's of service to other people. 308 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,000 No, I didn't understand. 309 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,200 And, well, I changed my prayer 310 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,820 because a little sex would be nice if it be thy will. 311 00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:59,960 And within a week, within a week, I got a job 312 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,680 selling X-rated movies over the phone. 313 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,360 And I realized I needed to be more specific. 314 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:08,400 And that was my prayer. 315 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,960 But I did that for nine months. 316 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,680 And I got out of the X-rated business 317 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:17,400 and went into the general release movies. 318 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,640 This is video movies now. 319 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,800 And it was all telemarketing, 320 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,620 talking to people all over the country, 321 00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:27,180 selling Westerns, mostly was my biggest seller. 322 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:31,160 And I did that for 10 years. 323 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,920 And I eventually started my own business, 324 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,440 buying and selling, I didn't know how to do this, 325 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,480 buying and selling movies, you know? 326 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,640 And then 10 years in, blockbuster video, 327 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,640 the 2020 video, Hollywood video, 328 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,760 they all started taking over the market 329 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,600 and the mom and pop stores who were my customers 330 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,800 got put out of business, really. 331 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,480 So I had to figure what am I gonna do now, you know? 332 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,080 And I hated sales. 333 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,160 It was easy. 334 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,200 I just hated it. 335 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:03,280 I was not a slam dunk salesperson, but I was honest. 336 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,600 And that's what seemed to be a quality 337 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,720 that the store owners appreciated. 338 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,560 So I decided, well, what am I gonna do now, you know? 339 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,280 And I didn't wanna work in the healthcare field again, 340 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,880 but I decided I wanted to be a therapist. 341 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,080 So I went back and got my master's degree. 342 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:26,360 Now my head immediately on that decision 343 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,800 said what it always said, who are you kidding? 344 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,760 You're too old. 345 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,520 Everyone's gonna laugh at you. 346 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,680 You don't even know how to use a computer. 347 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,480 You're gonna make a fool of yourself. 348 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:36,800 You may as well not do it. 349 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,120 None of my head always said. 350 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,520 And, you know, I had a sponsor at the time 351 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,280 and he was my sponsor for 26 years. 352 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:47,480 And he was an old Norwegian 353 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,640 who had him more to some odd leaders at that times. 354 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:55,200 And, you know, he helped me understand 355 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,880 that I had every right to do this if I wanted to. 356 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,200 And all I had to do was make my mind up to do it 357 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,320 and to be willing. 358 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,120 So I went through this and I did, 359 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,840 that's exactly what I did. 360 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,440 And everything fell into place 361 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,280 so that I could get student loans. 362 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:17,280 And I went to school, graduated in two years 363 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,880 with honors, I might add. 364 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:24,800 And, you know, became a marriage family therapist. 365 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,320 And, you know, through the course of my internship 366 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,520 and getting my hours, 367 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,480 I realized that there's a niche for me 368 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,000 in the treatment field in as much as being a program director 369 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,160 or clinical director, that kind of thing. 370 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,400 I liked that. 371 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:43,760 And I felt it was an area that I could do good in 372 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,560 and do good work in and be of service to people 373 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,840 in a different way. 374 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,440 And that's what I did. 375 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:57,120 And, you know, I worked for a nonprofit 376 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,720 and eventually went to the profit area 377 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:04,360 and stayed in that profit area till about five years ago 378 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:05,760 where I retired. 379 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:10,760 So I have 38 years of sobriety. 380 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:15,840 I'm 38 years older and it's a different time in my life. 381 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:23,200 And I've had a great run and I attribute it all 382 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,880 to being sober and I attribute it to having people 383 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,440 in my life who are supportive. 384 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:35,440 My kids are now 56 and 50, 55 and 53. 385 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,720 My daughter is a restaurateur. 386 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:43,880 My son, the teachers outside of Columbus, Ohio, 387 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,040 he's got his doctorate degree 388 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:49,360 and I'm very, very close with both of them. 389 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:53,120 And I've been married now one year 390 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,480 after 19 year engagement. 391 00:20:55,480 --> 00:21:00,480 So they've been together and my wife is 27 years old 392 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:07,040 and I have a sponsor. 393 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:11,360 My first sponsor died and took me two years 394 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,680 to find another sponsor. 395 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,760 I asked two people and we gave it a try 396 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,280 and it didn't work out 'cause they just had time constraints 397 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,200 and we just didn't have time. 398 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,880 So I asked a friend of mine who I hadn't met 399 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,880 when I first got sober and though we were friends, 400 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,720 I said, "Would you sponsor me?" 401 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:36,600 And he's turning 40 this December, 40 years older 402 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,160 and he's been my sponsor for the last 12 years. 403 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:44,160 So now I see my job is to be of service, 404 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:50,960 to work with new guys and I have several sponsors 405 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:56,120 and I go to a meeting just about six days a week, 406 00:21:56,120 --> 00:22:02,280 I do panels and like Abraham asked me 407 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,600 and I never say no, unless there's something 408 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:06,520 that's happening. 409 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:12,440 I don't keep secrets anymore, which is big for me. 410 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,640 My wife and I have a very open relationship with each other. 411 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,560 We're very different people. 412 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,800 It's difficult for her to see me not really working, 413 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,840 but when I was working, she complained I worked too much. 414 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:30,840 And so I'm having a lot of fun. 415 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:35,840 She's still working and I just shared with Abraham. 416 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:42,400 I gave up driving a year ago, September. 417 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,160 I had a few accidents that were my fault. 418 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,800 Thank God nobody was hurt, but it was a sign 419 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,320 that I need to not drive anymore. 420 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,280 And I've been getting around on bus and access 421 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:58,280 and Uber and Lyft and I find that I can get around. 422 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,160 I can do the things I need to do. 423 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,720 So although it's a big change, it's inconvenient, 424 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,160 still can do the things that I wanna do. 425 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:12,160 And I never thought my life would be like this 426 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,960 in a good way. 427 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,160 I always struggled because I was so dishonest. 428 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,360 And I was a terrible liar. 429 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,000 I could never remember what I said to who. 430 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:30,440 And another example of what had happened, 431 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,000 when I got fired from that job, 432 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,600 where I had been for so long, 433 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,520 my secretary was a woman from West Indies, Jamaica. 434 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:43,520 I knew her, her husband, her kids, and she was my enabler. 435 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,640 She covered for me when I was out all the time. 436 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:52,640 And when I got fired, people actually gave me a party 437 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,520 when I knew who I worked with. 438 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,320 And she knew I loved West Indian food 439 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:02,160 and she made this dinner for me in honor of me. 440 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,960 And spent hours with the West Indian food. 441 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,640 And the night before, I of course was partying 442 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:14,200 and up all night and I knew I wasn't going. 443 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:18,240 And they came and I called and told her I was sick, 444 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,560 I couldn't go. 445 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,600 And I had the good fortune to be able to talk to her 446 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:27,720 when I was sober and thank her and made an amends to her 447 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,200 for not showing up after all the hard work she had done. 448 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:35,200 And I was in my disease and I was selfish and inconsiderate. 449 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:40,120 I'm tearing to the point where all that mattered was me. 450 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,360 And she accepted my amends, 451 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,360 as did the hospital administrator, 452 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,200 as did the other people in my life 453 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:50,080 who I made amends to, my kids, my sisters. 454 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:54,840 And the small family that I have left, 455 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,180 my sister who helped me lives in Hawaii now, 456 00:24:58,180 --> 00:25:01,080 Kauai, and we two are very close. 457 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,160 The rest of my other sister had passed away some years ago. 458 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,720 I give everything to my kids in terms of attention 459 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,040 and support and love. 460 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,640 And I have a granddaughter who's 15 now. 461 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:21,640 And she lives in Ohio and I just saw her in June. 462 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:26,000 And I go out there once or twice a year. 463 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,400 And my life is just so different. 464 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,440 It's so different because alcoholics anonymous. 465 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,600 I have living skills today. 466 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:41,320 I can say that, and I can say that I'm responsible. 467 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,520 I pay my bills, I even paid my taxes. 468 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,600 I don't owe any money. 469 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:55,040 And I'm living out the rest of my life 470 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,840 kind of in a place that is very comfortable 471 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,440 for me right now. 472 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:05,440 I truly use Alcoholics Anonymous as a foundation 473 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,680 for everything that I do. 474 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,080 And I wouldn't have it any other way. 475 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:15,760 And my job now is to get back, 476 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:22,480 to help people who want to be helped, to be of service. 477 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,080 And although I would have loved to watch 478 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,200 the End of the World series, whatever happened. 479 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:32,560 You know, I chose to come here and that's what I do. 480 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:33,520 That's what I know. 481 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,320 That's what I was taught. 482 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,080 So I think that's it for me. 483 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:39,480 Thank you again, Abraham. 484 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:40,320 Thank you all. 485 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:44,240 - I would like to introduce our secretary, Abraham.