1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,580 - One, time is up. 2 00:00:01,580 --> 00:00:05,040 Greg, alcoholic. 3 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:11,120 Thank you so much for asking me to come and speak. 4 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:12,660 Welcome to everyone. 5 00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,760 If you are new, welcome. 6 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,460 If you are old, welcome. 7 00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:18,920 If you're in between, welcome. 8 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:20,080 What? 9 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:20,920 Oh, that's good. 10 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,480 You said skip this. 11 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,000 That's all good. 12 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,720 I am, if you hear nothing, 13 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:31,320 know that I am so grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous. 14 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,960 Alcoholics Anonymous has changed my life 15 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,240 and has helped me do something 16 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,400 that I now pray for every day. 17 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,640 And that is to stand in the center 18 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,400 of God's intention for me. 19 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,280 That's what I want. 20 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,660 I've always been, thank you, Tracy, 21 00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,760 for your experience, strength, and hope. 22 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,880 I identify, we look different, 23 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:53,800 but it's almost the same story. 24 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,200 So I just should just defer to you and sit down. 25 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,840 It's, I just want to read. 26 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,460 I was in a meeting earlier this morning 27 00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:05,040 and I become that person who pulls out the big book 28 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,540 and reads and that's okay. 29 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:10,200 This is from page 123 and it says, 30 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:15,200 "We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors 31 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,760 and convert them into asset. 32 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:22,000 The alcoholics past thus becomes the principal asset 33 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:26,000 of the family and frequently it is almost the only one." 34 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:26,840 I love that. 35 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:31,320 Because it tells me that no matter what has happened, 36 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:34,600 I have the opportunity to change it, to rectify, 37 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:35,880 to turn it around. 38 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:40,320 And that is what Alcoholics Anonymous has given. 39 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,600 The greatest gift this program has given me 40 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,140 is my relationship with God. 41 00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:46,640 It's the absolute greatest gift. 42 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,840 I too came from a childhood 43 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,480 that I didn't necessarily like. 44 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,480 I was a beautiful little spirit 45 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,080 who loved to dance around the living room. 46 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:05,080 I loved flowy clothes and Detroit, my race, my parents, 47 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:10,200 they were not equipped to nurture that beautiful little spirit 48 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,360 but they told that beautiful little spirit 49 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:13,640 that he needed to change. 50 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,160 He needed to be something different. 51 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:19,240 He needed to dress and show up a certain way 52 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,600 in order to be accepted. 53 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:26,600 And it's so funny because when Abraham texts me and said, 54 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:31,980 it is suggested that you wear a shirt, tie and a jacket. 55 00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:34,480 Look, everything I do is contingent 56 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,740 on my spiritual maintenance on the day of it. 57 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,440 And what I realized today, and it's something I know, 58 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,220 I have a character defect of, 59 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:46,220 I am so willing to do anything as long as it's my idea. 60 00:02:48,220 --> 00:02:49,940 As soon as you tell me, 61 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:53,040 we want you to put a jacket and a tie on. 62 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,080 I'm like, who do you, and I had to laugh 63 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,520 because I texted back, I was like, jacket, tie, okay. 64 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:04,640 And he was like, you know, it's suggested. 65 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,720 But it made me laugh because I went, oh my God, 66 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,440 who I wanna be is so contingent 67 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,520 on how close I stay to higher power 68 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,520 because left to my own devices, I will say no. 69 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,680 Left to my own devices, when I have an option 70 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,800 of being comfortable or having to put out effort, 71 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,200 I'm gonna take comfortability. 72 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:29,200 When he gave me the option of Zoom, nothing wrong with Zoom. 73 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,500 It's awesome. 74 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:34,640 I did a Zoom meeting this morning or show up in person. 75 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:38,360 I knew that I needed to show up for myself. 76 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,200 I needed to get in my car. 77 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,120 Thank you, and bring my friend, Armand. 78 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,920 Thank you for showing up, coming with me. 79 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,280 I needed to pick up my friend 80 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,800 and we needed to drive here in the rain. 81 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,920 And I am weeks away from having hip replacement surgery, 82 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,620 so I'm in so much pain. 83 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:58,920 I mean, it's so, the last year, y'all, can we talk? 84 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,840 The last year has been so challenging, this hit. 85 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,920 But what it has taught me, it's so funny, 86 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,400 I was supposed to have, and all of this has so much to do 87 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,340 with my alcoholism, I promise you. 88 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:16,040 Because I was reading in a vision for you, 89 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,200 I was in a meeting yesterday, 90 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,040 I spoke at a meeting yesterday, 91 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,880 and we were reading a vision for you 92 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,000 when they were having the three-way conversation 93 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,440 with the non-alcoholic and they were telling him, 94 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,480 "This is how our lives have changed." 95 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,700 And he's like, "Oh my God, you guys." 96 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:34,060 And the words spiritual experience 97 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,360 were used like four times. 98 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,780 And what I've come to understand more than anything, 99 00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:41,840 alcohol is what, but a symptom. 100 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,680 I had to get down the causes and conditions. 101 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,200 I originally got sober in 2000, 102 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,760 and I have not left these rooms since 2000, 103 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:54,360 but I relapsed in 2009 on prescription pills. 104 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:58,840 And I currently have 14 years, eight months 105 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,440 of continuous sobriety. 106 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,360 I don't put, I don't have anything in my house 107 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,680 that threatens my recovery. 108 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:09,080 I have a huge respect for my disease and fear. 109 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,280 So I don't have anything with PM. 110 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,640 I just bought Advil the other day 111 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,680 and it came with two free PM tablets. 112 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:21,040 And I was like, "Oh no, girl, nope, cut it up, 113 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,020 put it in trash." 114 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:23,560 I don't even wanna test it. 115 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,040 My disease, because my disease is sneaky. 116 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,960 She shows up in different costumes. 117 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,160 She's not just gonna show up in a bottle of vodka. 118 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,960 I have been so blessed over the last 25 years 119 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,800 that the obsession to drink and use has been lifted. 120 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:41,480 But my disease, my ism has manifested itself 121 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:45,640 in my body image, going to the gym, weighing myself. 122 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,040 It's manifested in how I spend my money. 123 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,920 The obsession I have with purchasing things, 124 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,360 I mean the program for that, that has changed, 125 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,200 that has rocketed my recovery to a whole nother level. 126 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,200 Because now I finally got to a frontier 127 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,640 where I was able to bring God into my money. 128 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,480 I wanna go back to that little boy in Detroit. 129 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:11,480 So at nine years old, I too watched my parents 130 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:15,920 navigate their marriage with a bottle of Hennessy 131 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,460 because they had fallen in love with each other. 132 00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:21,800 And I watched my parents physically 133 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,280 and verbally abuse each other. 134 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,880 That's all I know, my whole childhood, 135 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,260 is watching my parents fight. 136 00:06:29,260 --> 00:06:32,040 And going back to that little boy 137 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,200 who loved to dance around the living room, 138 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,440 I would go to school and the kids would circle me 139 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,760 on the playground and they would tease me and taunt me 140 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,200 and call me sissy and beat me up and break my glasses. 141 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,200 And my parents never taught me 142 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,320 how to take care of myself and fight. 143 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,680 So I kind of stood there and just let it happen. 144 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,040 So that's my foundation. 145 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,200 And then when I would go home, 146 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,080 my mother would be like, "Boy, why are you crying?" 147 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,720 And I'm like, "Well, the kids will call me sissy." 148 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,360 And she was like, "Well, if you don't act like a sissy, 149 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,280 "they won't call you one." 150 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:04,620 Now, let me tell you this. 151 00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:06,760 I hated my, Jimmy Lou, I love you. 152 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,020 I hated my mother for years because of that. 153 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:11,200 Alcoholics anonymous, the 12 steps, 154 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,060 the principles that I live by, and outside help, 155 00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:16,440 a therapy, helped me heal that relationship. 156 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,040 I was able to sit down with my mother before she passed 157 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,280 and we were able to heal 158 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,360 because I was able to see her as a woman 159 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,300 who was just living her life and doing the best she could. 160 00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:30,320 She had a gay child, her oldest child was gay. 161 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,960 She couldn't protect him all the time. 162 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,640 She was trying to toughen me up 163 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:38,940 so that when I left 3017 Richton, I would not be her. 164 00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:40,360 I didn't get that at nine. 165 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,200 My little nine-year-old brain just went, 166 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,260 "She doesn't like me." 167 00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:44,680 So there was no refuge. 168 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,240 So where did I find refuge? 169 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,640 TV, it was my best friend. 170 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:52,100 It was my first addiction, as we all say, fantasy. 171 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,720 I was, you know, in that little box 172 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,600 and back then it was black and white. 173 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,840 That's how old I am. 174 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,060 And it was little. 175 00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,540 You know, I saw, like, 176 00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:05,080 Lynn Vereen and Ann Reinking and Sammy Davis Jr. 177 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,640 and Lola Falon and all these people, 178 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,200 Chita Rivera, Bob Fosse. 179 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,440 And I was like, "I don't know who these people are, 180 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:12,920 but I need to be there. 181 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,080 I need to get there." 182 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,560 And lo and behold, at 14, I started dancing. 183 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,040 I grew up in the church. 184 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,360 My parents knew how to dress it up on Sunday 185 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,840 while they were fighting and hurting each other 186 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:26,720 the rest of the week. 187 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,020 But they knew, they taught me how to, 188 00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:30,440 my mother would say, 189 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:34,260 "Nobody needs to know what goes on inside 3017 Richton. 190 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:35,100 You don't tell them." 191 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,900 So I learned how to keep secret. 192 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:41,780 I did not let people know how much fear and pain I was in. 193 00:08:41,780 --> 00:08:43,960 You know, when the big book talks about, 194 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,760 we share in a general way, telling you what I was like, 195 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:52,320 what happened and what I'm like now, this is who I was. 196 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,180 I was a little boy who was brought into this world 197 00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:58,280 in a lot of confusion and a lot of drama 198 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,800 and a lot of trauma. 199 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,360 So very early, I was afraid. 200 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,140 I was afraid you weren't gonna like me. 201 00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:08,240 I was afraid I wasn't gonna be handsome enough, big enough. 202 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,200 I wasn't gonna be talented enough. 203 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,080 I wasn't worthy of love. 204 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,040 My mother, and again, this is not beat up my mother 205 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,680 because I worked it out. 206 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,200 Believe me, did a lot of four steps on Jimmy Lou. 207 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:25,200 But you know, my mother wasn't the hug you, 208 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,920 hold your hand type of mom. 209 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:28,760 She just wasn't. 210 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,280 You know, she grew up rough. 211 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,520 You know, she grew up in Columbus, Georgia, 212 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,120 and she had to walk to school. 213 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,420 Believe me, I heard it. 214 00:09:35,420 --> 00:09:37,720 You know, it's like, you all have said 215 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,240 you've got to walk four blocks. 216 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,520 I had to walk 14 miles to school. 217 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:46,040 I know, Ma, I know, but yeah, that's right. 218 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,920 But you know, that was her experience 219 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,020 and that's what created who she was. 220 00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:53,040 I didn't understand it as a little boy, 221 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,560 but I learned to, I learned to. 222 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,560 So I started dancing at 14. 223 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,520 I swore up and down because I watched my parents 224 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,040 drink and smoke that I would never drink 225 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,320 and smoke ever in my life. 226 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,920 I didn't want to be like either of them. 227 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,640 So luckily, you know, I ended up getting a scholarship 228 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,160 to a big old fancy school in New York 229 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,440 and that's what got me to New York. 230 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,800 And I had started dancing and singing 231 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,400 and acting professionally. 232 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,600 And I went to New York and the ballerinas taught me 233 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,760 how to drink and smoke. 234 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,560 And I was a good student. 235 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:29,240 I didn't know that I needed to exhale 236 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,080 because my entire childhood, I was like this, 237 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,780 who's got my back? 238 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:35,320 Who's gonna come and hit me? 239 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:39,120 You know, I didn't realize how guarded I was. 240 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,960 So when I took that first drink, you know, 241 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,560 it wasn't even like an exhale as it was 242 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,040 like I stood up straight. 243 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,680 I was kind of like, oh, I feel different. 244 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,040 Okay, and that's what happened. 245 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,520 Until age 38, when I originally got sober, I drank. 246 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:58,520 And because of my journey, that drinking and my ism, 247 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,560 it manifested in other substances. 248 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:05,840 But I was a functioning alcoholic from age 20 to 30. 249 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,080 I mean, when I originally got sober, 250 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,080 I was actually doing a show in New York 251 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,620 and my friends, you know, was there just another day. 252 00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:15,160 And they were like, oh my God, we're gonna go 253 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,200 and we're going to his house. 254 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,560 We're going, all right, done. 255 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,000 And I was like, oh, I'm not drinking. 256 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,080 They're like, what? 257 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,280 And I was like, oh yeah, I'm sober. 258 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,320 And they were like, why? 259 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,360 We never see you drink. 260 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,320 We never see you drunk. 261 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,880 And I was like, girl, y'all never go home with me. 262 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,400 Because what I was, I was functioning. 263 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:37,400 So in my business life, I am so detailed and on point. 264 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:42,440 I set schedules, I rehearse people, I get it all done. 265 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:46,360 In my personal life, was not opening mail, 266 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:50,480 was not paying bills, was using credit cards, was, 267 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,160 I knew I did a good job when I went home. 268 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:57,240 If I was brushing my teeth at the base in the bathroom 269 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,320 and holding on with my other hand, 270 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,420 I knew I did a good job because that's what I would do. 271 00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:05,720 I would go home after work and start drinking by myself 272 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,280 and my friends on the low peak. 273 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:13,280 And that's how I live my life from age 20 to 38. 274 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:18,680 At age 28, my ism manifested itself in going to the gym 275 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:23,140 because I was doing a show and a guy said, 276 00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:26,080 oh, I bet if you go to the gym, you'll start bulking up. 277 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,640 And I was like, okay, I'll go with you. 278 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:31,520 And I went and he put 225s and it was really heavy. 279 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:35,120 But what I realized is I like doing it. 280 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,040 And the more I went to the gym and my body changed, 281 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,000 I started to get attention. 282 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,200 So all of a sudden I wasn't Gregory the sissy. 283 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:47,720 I was Gregory, oh, look, oh, I'm so masculine. 284 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,160 Oh, so I can hide behind my body. 285 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:54,760 So my body got big and I was getting jobs and I was working 286 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,720 and I was meeting all the right, right, right people 287 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,640 who had the right substances. 288 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:04,640 And this obsession with my body, because it was rewarded, 289 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,280 I went with it. 290 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,780 It was just like drinking for me. 291 00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,860 I would stay in the gym for two and a half to three hours. 292 00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:12,760 Nobody needs to be working out that long. 293 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:13,840 But I was afraid. 294 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:18,240 I would go to the gym, pop up and put on a t-shirt 295 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,600 that I bought at Baby Gap and I would get on a subway 296 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,220 and people would stare at me. 297 00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,520 And I'd be, and I would have a panic attack 298 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,480 because I'm like, why are you looking at me? 299 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,520 Because in my head, this little boy, 300 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,400 the little nine-year-olds thinking they're gonna go, 301 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,680 no, no, they're gonna call you sissy. 302 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:35,640 They know you're a sissy. 303 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,680 And I'm standing there on the train unable to move 304 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:43,040 because I'm thinking my diseased head is going, 305 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,680 they can tell, they can tell, they can tell. 306 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,880 But all the while they're looking at, you know, 307 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:51,600 this big guy in his t-shirt that's way tight, you know? 308 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,560 And I would get off the subway and would have to, 309 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:58,720 and I realized I didn't breathe the entire ride 310 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,320 and I would get off and I'd tell. 311 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,200 And that was kind of my MO. 312 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,960 I think about it now and I'm like, 313 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,400 how did you day in and day out live like that? 314 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,960 Even with that, I couldn't love myself 315 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,000 because people would say, oh my God, you look amazing. 316 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,560 I didn't believe it because what's in my head? 317 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,400 You're a sissy. 318 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,040 Now, what did that do? 319 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:22,560 It made me go to multiple liquor stores in my neighborhood 320 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,040 because you know how we do. 321 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,800 We go to one and then we go there too many times. 322 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,080 We're like, they must be thinking he drinks a lot. 323 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,480 So now I gotta find another liquor store. 324 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,440 And then when I go there too much, 325 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,320 they must be thinking every time I come in, 326 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,680 he drinks so much, they're not thinking about me. 327 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,680 They don't care, but that's my head. 328 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,360 So now I have multiple liquor stores in my neighborhood 329 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,440 and a few drug dealers that I go to 330 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,360 because I didn't want one to know all my business. 331 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,240 'Cause again, my mother taught me well, 332 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,440 don't tell anybody what's happening inside this house. 333 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,360 Nobody needs to know that. 334 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,480 And then finally, did I mention other substances? 335 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,960 Okay, I won't say what it is. 336 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,480 A substance, 'cause I respect alcohols and none. 337 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,560 So a substance came into my life, 338 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,680 the last five years of my years. 339 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:13,200 And I believe it was a protected gift from my higher power 340 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:17,160 because it, the train went from local to express, 341 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,680 really quick, express. 342 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,600 And again, I am a high bottom, 343 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,960 meaning when I got sober at 38, 344 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:28,160 I still had my money, my home, my, you know, 345 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,360 career, my prestige, all these things. 346 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,160 But what I didn't have was my soul. 347 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,040 I had lost who I was. 348 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:39,000 I had done a bunch of embarrassing, demoralizing things 349 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,240 because of these drugs that was put in my body. 350 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,360 And what I realized, I was like, 351 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,760 you're gonna lose everything. 352 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,480 You're about, I had an amazing job in New York 353 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,600 and I was on the brink of losing it 354 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,120 because now I was doing drugs at work 355 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,720 and also calling in sick for a job that I love, 356 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,080 but my disease loved me more. 357 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,920 And then finally, it was not anything crazy. 358 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,600 It was just another day. 359 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,440 And God, my higher power, 360 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,880 whom I had had such a hard time with, 361 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:11,840 because as a child, I used to go to Second Baptist Church. 362 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:16,760 I'm a church boy, went every week. 363 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,960 But I had a God that was damning and judgmental 364 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,200 and a God that told me because of who I was, 365 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,360 I was going to burn eternally in hell. 366 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,920 So needless to say, when I moved to New York, 367 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,480 I didn't take that God with me. 368 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,680 But the fear of that God stayed with me. 369 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,840 This 20 year old didn't have any tools. 370 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:41,840 He had fear and he had his career, this talent that he had. 371 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,560 At age 24, I became HIV positive. 372 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,480 I thought at that age I was gonna die 373 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,160 because at that time, everyone was just, 374 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,120 it was AZT and prayers, thoughts and prayers. 375 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,120 That's all they had. 376 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:59,520 And I was a young kid who was walking the streets 377 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,960 of Eighth Avenue where I lived in Chelsea, 378 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,960 watching these men who looked like zombies. 379 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,800 And I knew that that was my faith. 380 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,240 Instead of stopping drinking and drugging, 381 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,840 it increased because I thought there's no cure. 382 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:14,680 I'm gonna die anyway. 383 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:19,520 So in 2000, my higher power who has always been there, 384 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,640 even though I didn't care about this higher power, 385 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,040 I didn't believe that this higher power loved me 386 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,440 because when I left Detroit, 387 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,320 there were three things I wanted and I prayed for, 388 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,080 that my parents would stop drinking, 389 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,600 they would stop fighting 390 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,240 and they would see me for who I was. 391 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,040 And those three things did not happen 392 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,000 by the time I left the eighth magazine. 393 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,600 So I figured God didn't love me 394 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,640 and I couldn't go to God with any of my problems. 395 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,040 So God working with me, not going, 396 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:50,960 moved a person, Jeffrey D from LA to New York. 397 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,280 Jeffrey at that time, I think was 14 years sober. 398 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,560 When I first saw him, 399 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,800 I was working with a friend of Jeffrey's 400 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,080 and Jeffrey came to pick this friend up. 401 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,120 And right when I saw him, I was like, 402 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,560 is something different about him? 403 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,400 Don't know what? 404 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,680 I thought I was attracted to him 405 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,440 because I'm confused, you know, that's it. 406 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:13,240 If I'm attracted to you, it must be sexual. 407 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,400 It can't be spiritual. 408 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,440 And I had to learn that in these rooms too, 409 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:20,000 that sometimes it's spirit to spirit attraction. 410 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,880 Jeffrey told me that he was sober. 411 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:27,320 And after a few weeks, I asked him to take me to a meeting, 412 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,360 but I wasn't ready to give up alcohol. 413 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:33,000 I said, I'm a drug addict, so let's go to NA. 414 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,960 So that's what we did and I kept drinking. 415 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,800 I stopped drinking, I stopped doing drugs 416 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:42,000 on the week before November 28th in 2000. 417 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:47,000 That following the 27th, I went out to the limelight, 418 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,800 no drugs and drank and ended up doing 419 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,320 the same demoralizing behavior on alcohol. 420 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,920 And I remember standing on 6th Avenue going, 421 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,800 oh my God, you're a drunk too, okay. 422 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,960 And the next day, November 28th, I got sold. 423 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,720 Meaning I went to a meeting and said, 424 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,480 I'm an alcoholic and my name is Gregory. 425 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,480 And that started my journey. 426 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:10,680 My job became my higher power in 2004. 427 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:16,520 I had been promoted to a lot of prestige 428 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,100 and a lot of fanciness, which I love. 429 00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:23,880 And I was coming to meetings right when they started 430 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:24,800 and I was leaving. 431 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:29,160 Through those nine years, because I got sober in 2000, 432 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,840 and then this was around 2009, I would, 433 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:33,960 I never had sponse. 434 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,120 I wasn't of service. 435 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,760 Like I said, I came and I left. 436 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,300 I had the surgery. 437 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:42,320 I was given prescription pills. 438 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,840 When the prescription ran out, 439 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,360 I called the doctor and asked for more. 440 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,200 He said, no. 441 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,880 I called my best friend Linda and said, 442 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:51,240 can you believe he did not renew this prescription? 443 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:52,620 And she was like, I have some. 444 00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:54,840 I put that net brace on, got in a cab 445 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,240 and went up to 96th street and got Linda's pills. 446 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,880 And when she went into the kitchen, 447 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,880 I grabbed the bottle and stole some. 448 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,880 Because when I'm that alcoholic addict who says, 449 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,880 I love you and steals from you. 450 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,600 And I didn't have to steal from Linda. 451 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,000 Linda was my best friend. 452 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,800 Linda let me smoke crack in her apartment 453 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,400 because she didn't want me on the street doing it. 454 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,880 So I didn't have to steal from her, 455 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:17,920 but that's who I am. 456 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,100 And that is at nine years of sobriety. 457 00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:22,580 So anyway, I moved, like I said, 458 00:20:22,580 --> 00:20:25,840 I moved to LA and I started over. 459 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,240 I started my career over and unbeknownst to me, 460 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,800 I started my recovery over. 461 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:35,800 I got revealed to me that I had not been sober since 2009. 462 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:41,300 And my sponsor and I did a lot of work around this issue. 463 00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:44,940 And I came to the conclusion that I needed to start over. 464 00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:46,440 It was the best thing that ever happened. 465 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:47,920 The best thing that ever happened. 466 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,840 My ego was so attached to the time. 467 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,000 Even now I would joke with my friends. 468 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,640 I would say, you know, technically I had 25 years. 469 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,360 And they're like, girl, come on. 470 00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,200 Technically what page is that on? 471 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,200 (laughing) 472 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,480 Face number, show it to us, show it to us. 473 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:08,480 And the time, my recovery is not based on time now. 474 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,800 It's based on moments between me and my higher power. 475 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,700 And that sounds so cheesy. 476 00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:18,320 But I tell you through these last 14 years, 477 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,600 and especially during the pandemic, 478 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,600 because during the pandemic, I was in a meeting 479 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,980 and I heard this gentleman say, my God is crazy about me. 480 00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:29,720 And I watched him light up. 481 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,560 And I was like, I want what you have. 482 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,220 And I found someone in the rooms 483 00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:36,880 who had a spiritual program that I wanted. 484 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:41,500 And he worked with me and I was able to get myself 485 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,220 through some writing and a lot of prayer and meditation 486 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:47,920 to a place where y'all, I have a God who's crazy about me. 487 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:48,900 My God loves me. 488 00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:51,960 My God and I co-create this beautiful life 489 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,760 that I am so grateful to have. 490 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,540 I have done nothing perfect, but I have stayed. 491 00:21:58,540 --> 00:22:00,280 And because I have stayed, 492 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,780 God has been able to reveal to me over these last 25 years, 493 00:22:04,780 --> 00:22:05,980 a whole lot of stuff. 494 00:22:05,980 --> 00:22:09,580 And over the last 14 years and eight months, 495 00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:12,480 I have worked out my internalized homophobia, 496 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:17,480 my internalized racism, my insecurities, my self value. 497 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:18,920 And look, I understand. 498 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,040 I'm not a self-help program, but I'm here to tell you, 499 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,160 I have helped myself to the 12 steps 500 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,760 and that has changed my life. 501 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,480 A lot of times, because when I go online, 502 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,960 we really lay into the stories and what it was like 503 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,040 and what we're like and we're able to tell the stories 504 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,820 and passionately, well, I'm on the other side of that. 505 00:22:40,820 --> 00:22:44,160 I passionately tell you this works. 506 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,760 And I live a life now that is happy, joyous and free. 507 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,500 And I have a serenity that I protect fiercely. 508 00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:52,720 One of the things I have my sponsees do, 509 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,640 yep, I have sponsees now. 510 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,800 Okay, I have amazing sponsees. 511 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,520 And one of the greatest gifts in my whole recovery 512 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,800 in my life is watching another alcoholic 513 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,360 have that light bulb moment to see themselves. 514 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,640 To be able, that childhood that I hated, 515 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,600 I now get to use it. 516 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,680 I get to share it with, 517 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,780 when young alcoholic men sit in front of me 518 00:23:14,780 --> 00:23:18,640 and talk about their broken relationship with God, 519 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,920 I am honestly able to say, I totally get it. 520 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,040 Here's my experience. 521 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,920 And I'm here to tell you my experience is 522 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,680 that relationship can be healed. 523 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,040 I have my sponsees break down the serenity prayer 524 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,300 because it's something that we say so much 525 00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:35,960 that it becomes white noise. 526 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,640 It's like, what are you praying for? 527 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,240 So we break it down, we personalize it. 528 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,200 I say, if you're gonna pray for that serenity, 529 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,040 then why are you living like that? 530 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,800 'Cause it's choices and decisions. 531 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:50,680 One of the things I will tell them is remove the 12 steps, 532 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,640 the principles in Alcoholics Anonymous, 533 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,640 you're still a grown person 534 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,000 who needs to make some grown decisions. 535 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,280 So what is it gonna be? 536 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,780 I believe this program for me is very practical. 537 00:24:01,780 --> 00:24:05,160 I'm a dancer, I'm a five, six, seven, eight kind of guy. 538 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,960 And to sit down and do steps one through 12, 539 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,160 that's heaven for me. 540 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,880 I understand how to do that. 541 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:17,580 I'm used to putting myself in a room and working hard, 542 00:24:17,580 --> 00:24:20,940 not just for today, but for the long haul, 543 00:24:20,940 --> 00:24:23,480 because I know if I work really hard today, 544 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,580 I'm gonna have those four turns mastered. 545 00:24:26,580 --> 00:24:28,780 And it's the same thing I know my disease does. 546 00:24:28,780 --> 00:24:31,840 My disease, when I talk about it being cunning and baffling, 547 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,880 it doesn't need me drunk or high right now. 548 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,440 My disease is like, you know what, girl, 549 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,680 I'm not even gonna, you don't even have to go to Beth Mo. 550 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,840 All you gotta do is sit home and isolate. 551 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,800 If I can get you to sit home and not tell anybody 552 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,840 what's actually going on, I got you, I got you. 553 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:51,560 And eventually you may one day have the dream 554 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:52,680 and I'm gonna be right there. 555 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,480 That's what I know my disease does. 556 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,240 So I am on guard. 557 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,600 I have a prayer life and a meditation life. 558 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,380 I love using gospel music and inspirational music 559 00:25:04,380 --> 00:25:05,400 as my meditation. 560 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,660 I just sit and I let God talk to me. 561 00:25:07,660 --> 00:25:09,480 It's from my childhood. 562 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,080 And the fact that I can listen to gospel music, 563 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:13,320 that is a miracle. 564 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,320 Because that's the same church that told me 565 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,080 I was going to hell for being me. 566 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:22,320 And now I can listen to it because now what I also realized 567 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,560 when we say create a God in my understanding, 568 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,200 I used to fight so hard against this God 569 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,440 that I grew up with. 570 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,120 And my sponsor was like, well, was there any good 571 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:31,960 with that God? 572 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,160 Write down what's good about it. 573 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:34,940 And then you can fill in the rest. 574 00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:36,080 And that's what I did. 575 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,300 And now I have a God that I don't have to fight 576 00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:41,000 with understanding because it's still a part of me. 577 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,480 And when I look back over my life with perspective, 578 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,060 my God's always been there. 579 00:25:45,060 --> 00:25:48,920 The fact that I, me, little black Gregory Butler 580 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,780 in Detroit, Michigan with two parents 581 00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:53,460 who did not understand entertainment, 582 00:25:53,460 --> 00:25:55,200 I started dancing at 14. 583 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:56,280 That is God. 584 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,080 God brought Phyllis Stowe, Cara Maruso, 585 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,000 all these Warren Spears, 586 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,900 all these amazing dance teachers into my life. 587 00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:05,740 God did that. 588 00:26:05,740 --> 00:26:06,680 My God did that. 589 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,280 Because my God had a journey for me. 590 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:10,280 I didn't know it. 591 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,280 And I thought God wasn't looking out for me. 592 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,000 And look at God. 593 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:14,840 My God was so big. 594 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,080 My God was like, oh, that little boy who loved to dance 595 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,960 around the living room with flowy clothes. 596 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,340 The reason why you're like that. 597 00:26:20,340 --> 00:26:21,260 You're created. 598 00:26:21,260 --> 00:26:22,800 You have art inside of you. 599 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,560 You're gonna do amazing things. 600 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,040 And then I'm going to tell them I do it 601 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,760 because I have this fierce relationship with a higher God. 602 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,060 When I work with actors, they don't even know 603 00:26:32,060 --> 00:26:33,620 that I am sponsoring them. 604 00:26:33,620 --> 00:26:35,000 And I sponsor them. 605 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,160 That's what I'm doing. 606 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,000 I'm just sponsoring. 607 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,760 I'm in rehearsal talking. 608 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,080 It's a sponsorship. 609 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,940 I just want to say this last thing. 610 00:26:41,940 --> 00:26:44,740 One of the things I have my sponsors do 611 00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:46,120 is write a priority list. 612 00:26:46,120 --> 00:26:48,120 And it's one thing that I did for myself. 613 00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:51,720 I wrote a priority list that I put on these things, 614 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,820 things that were very important to me. 615 00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:58,820 And I did not do this so that I would come off looking good. 616 00:26:58,820 --> 00:27:00,240 I wanted the truth. 617 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,200 So I have six things on this list. 618 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,200 And here's the order in which they really are. 619 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:09,320 And the things that I care about, money, prestige, job, 620 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,120 my body, God, recovery. 621 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,480 And everything I do daily is to get God in recovery 622 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,600 to that one, two spot. 623 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,440 And I wake up and I go, what's at number one? 624 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:19,760 What's at number two today? 625 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:20,600 Thank you. 626 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:21,440 - Yeah, thank you. 627 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:22,260 - There we go. 628 00:27:22,260 --> 00:27:23,100 - Yeah. 629 00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:23,940 - Awesome.