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 Wow. Do you think my name is Elmer and I am an orthoholic?

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 My last week was April 27th, 2018. April 28th, 2018 I woke up and I did not drink.

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 I think it was one of them. It was the day that I made the decision and I remember it was kind of

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 like going through a breakup you know. It was me that bottle never talked back to me and she never

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 actually where are you, who are you with, even though I walked higher. And later I came to find

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 out that my mind is kind of swerving. The squirrels hide things and they forget where they leave

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 things. So I was kind of like that. My drinking took me to a point where it was like a mission

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 impossible to hide it. And I kind of got tricked into doing it. Well, somebody texted me today like

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 can you speak for me? And I'm like sure, quality of life. I'm like quality of life. I've been

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 coming to quality of life before. The podium was the same. The meeting at another place but the

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 parking was kind of weird. But back then I didn't have a car and treatment would bring me there.

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 You know, I went to treatment and I've been to PG. I've been to the yard. I'm grateful that I

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 got to meet Clancy and he's watching girls play volleyball. It's fun but I had to go across the

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 street to play softball. But it was a good fellowship. But anyways, I'm very grateful

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 for that. I have lots of good friends in that. He would take our goal with him to PG, you know,

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 to support him because you know, I believe in all the fellowships. They'll help, right? Anyways,

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 he recently passed away. Mom texted me that he's no longer here. He ended up relaxing and he was

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 on a ventilator. Then he had to learn how to walk again and he was too embarrassed to go into

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 disability. So, you know, depression is real guys. But anyways, my journey began April 2018.

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 I am a New York transplant. I came from New York to conduct rehab. Yay! Anyways, it wasn't my first

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 time. I was like 42 years old now. I was 25 the first time that I went to treatment but I went

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 there because apparently the way I drink is not normal. And I kept waiting for the hospital,

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 5150s. I like wearing slip-resistant socks. I'm an escape risk. So every time I wake up

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 I'm handcuffed or tied down to the bed. Tied down to the bed meant that they found me somewhere,

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 passed out and they were trying to bring me back to life. Because if I was handcuffed that means

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 that I committed a crime. And that's the worst when they're reading what you did the night before.

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 So I am a, what do they call it? A retired black art artist. I am, I drank like a pirate and the

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 nurses was, it was all come out of it. And there were times that I'll drink on like on a Friday

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 and I'll come out of here once again, you know, and then I felt, I felt that shame and guilt,

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 you know, disgusted like, oh not again, you know, why Elmer? Why can't you just drink like a

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 gentleman? And an accident nurse said, you know, is it Saturday? And they're like, no honey,

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 it's Tuesday. It's Monday today. Oh, my first view is being in a holding cell. A man is sitting

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 on the toilet. And if you've ever been in an eight by 10 in a holding cell, you know what I'm talking

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 about, you know, that's not a good vision, you know, to wake up like that. And I'll get released

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 and I'm taking multiple showers and I still feel disgusted by myself. And what do I do to feel

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 better? Anyways, so I lasted like a year and six months. My parents are from El Salvador. I was

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 born in New York, Long Island. I grew up in Hempstead. My area code is still 516. I do not

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 want to trade that because I am very proud of where I am from. My first rehab was a place called

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 Pelagram State. It's a site work. It's a 5150. It's called CK Post. And that's where people go

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 and they have their developing web brain, you know, because apparently the way I drink is like

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 a boxer. I have a lot of stagging and I will fall. I have a lot of scars today. But a lot of my

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 career was bar backing. That's the bartender's assistant. I worked for the Irish a lot. My mom,

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 you know, growing up playing bars and restaurants. So they started to bring me and they would see me

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 and they're like, oh, you're a big fellow. We could use you, you know, maybe no stock bottles,

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 empties put away. We could marry liquor and do all this. Move kegs and wash glasses and all that.

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 And because my mom works two jobs, you know, she, you know, she never drank with me, never sat down

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 and said, let's smoke a cigarette. And, you know, she always told me that you have to work with what

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 you want. At eight, I went to school. So my first problem was lying and stealing. My first problem.

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 I'm not going to stand here and tell you that at the age of 10, 11, 12, it was, you know, slamming

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 and doing drinking and doing all the other things. No, my problem was lying and stealing. Because my

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 mom only provided a place for me to sleep and find what I needed and go to garage sales because I

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 didn't grow up with my dad. My dad was an alcohol addict. He would hate her. So he left and he had

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 her, you know, apparently he would leave me on the streets and all that. But anyway, she provided to

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 the best that she could. She worked really hard. And she told me at the age of 18, if you know,

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 I'm grateful that before Columbine happened, because I come from bullying and I remember,

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 you know, lining up bathroom on fire at school and I got charged with that. And this is before

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 Columbine even happened because I didn't know how to, you know, control my anger, how to express

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 things. Nobody believed me. So I grew up on the streets and I don't see these guys on the streets,

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 which are gang members. And, you know, I would look up to them and I see that how they will handle

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 things. So I thought that violence was the answer. I ended up going to, you know, juvenile detention

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 centers, seeing psychiatrists at a young age. And then at fifth grade, they put me in special ed

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 because apparently it's not normal to lock teachers out of class with them. Hate other kids.

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 Once I reached ninth grade is when I really was angry. I was really angry. So I was, you know,

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 calling, I ended up towards the end, I called a bomb threat and because I didn't want to go to

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 school and I was tired of these kids making fun of me. So I was going to show them. But I was

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 hanging out with the kids, you know, smoking cigarettes, drink some Budweiser. And I thought

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 that was cool. You know, mama gave me $20 and she's like, oh, you know, and I will. And then

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 I started barbecuing at the age of 16 and I'm waiting to get paid and I can drink. And, you know,

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 and it was, it was fun. You know, I thought this is, this is life. $200 a night for a 16 year old.

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 Um, so I got, you know, I, I, um, and then I have a brother that follows me and we were drinking

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 buddies either here or he was a year younger than me. It's seven of us than my mom and I have

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 different dads, you know, I'm the oldest and I have another, I had another step that I've had a

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 couple of step-dads. Um, and they were all, you know, being mean to my mom. They would hate her

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 and I would try to defend her. And, but they were always trying to give me advice and I'm like,

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 you're not my dad. Don't tell me how to live my life, you know, for you, you know? Anyways,

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 but there's one right now towards the end that he really helped my mom and I really put her

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 and him through a lot. I'm very grateful when I had to make amends to him. And he's like,

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 I'm just grateful that you're not living the way you were, that you're not living the way you were

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 before. So I ended up just blessing a year and six months. I kept working in the bar industry and

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 bar backing. And I remember that day that I made the decision because I started, I was basically

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 really taking dirty chips and I took a dirty cake cause I was drinking, you know, Meason eggs and

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 other things. And I thought it's okay. I'm like, they're not going to know the best is going to a

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 meeting in a parking lot, charging a Meason eggs and going in there and be like, Oh no, it's over.

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 Yay. But anyways, I, it didn't take long before, you know, beer was not giving me the effects that

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 I needed. I went straight to liquor. No, if I drank with you, I, if you were drinking, I mean,

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 I will go to dive bars where if I had a little bottle of water, they would have, you know,

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 make a little more, a high degree in order, of course, because to an alcoholic that's water,

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 you know, to rehydrate, but, you know, and heavy pour when I will order, you know, spray from the

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 rail, no top show. Cause I'm trying to make my money scratch anyways. So it got worse. This time,

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 you know, I finally, I, you know, they say that you have to remember your last drink and I did

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 run on my last drink. That's why I stayed. My sober date is 4/27. My last drink was 4/27/2018

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 and I came to California. And what I did differently this time, I was, I went to treatment.

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 The first time I went to treatment, I went there with, I guess, a reservation to show my mom that

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 I don't have a problem. You know, there's unfortunate events happen, supernatural things

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 happen when I drink and, you know, this, you know, but I wanted, you know, the delusion that I could,

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 I was very delusional that I could drink like a gentleman one day. And then what happened this

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 time, I remember, you know, my last, I remember shoving a bottle of vodka cause mine makes it 151

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 of vodka cause I had to get right to the point. Because beer became too bloated, I'm burping and

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 hiding it cause like I mentioned, I'm always hiding it. So I'm 35, you know, I was like 35,

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 still living with mom. I try to get hostages and victims, but the ones that I would be would be at

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 the bar or parties and they drank like I did. So there was an attraction, but they ended up,

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 you know, sleeping with somebody else. And these things happen when we black out, you know. So

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 it didn't work out. I'm grateful I never brought kids to this world cause I was not even ready to

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 be at that, that I know of to this day. But what ended up happening is that I woke up that day and

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 I remember shoving a bottle of vodka cause it was like, I would drink the big ones. And I remember

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 putting it down in that black down and then I woke up and I had, I knew that I was in hospital

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 cause I would wake up with the little bracelet or I'll be taking a shower and I feel these ETGs or

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 sometimes it will leave that factor in me. And that's the worst when you have a catheter and,

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 you know, um, if you haven't had one of those, you might as well just don't drink or use, you know,

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 they're not very comfortable. But anyways, that's how I knew something was wrong. So I remember

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 sitting in my room, my bed did not have any sheets on it cause I tend to lose control of my bowel

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 movements when I drink and use. Um, and I was sitting there, like they say, covered in my own

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 piss. Um, there were times that I would hear the knock and she's like, we need to talk. This is my

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 mom. And she'll be in tears sometimes cause the guy, her husband, my stepdad was like, no, he has,

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 he has to leave. Stop being nice to him. And she will fight the world. Like I could be setting the

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 world on fire and committing a crime and she'll be standing there going, my son is just going through

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 something. He's a good boy. Um, so I was very cold dependent as well. Um, cause I knew if I relapse

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 and I mess everything up, then she'll play hard at first, but then she'll, you know, let me in.

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 My grandma passed away at the age of 99. Um, and now it's another person that really stood up for

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 me. And I'm really grateful that I got to make amends to her before she left this world. Cause

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 that was a woman that raised me and, you know, and she'll be struggling. And there were times that I

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 would steal from her just to go get my fix, you know, while she's struggling and paying for me to

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 have a roof and all these things. And I'm grateful that I, that I, that she, she told me before she

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 left this world, I could be in this world knowing now that you're not suffering, you know, cause she

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 hated to see me on the streets and, you know, covered in stuff and people make talking about

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 me. Anyways, I came to California this time because I remember waking up my, I had a car,

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 but my mom believed in me. She, you know, she put insurance on it cause I couldn't afford a lot of

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 things. And HR would deposit the money into her account because I was not good at managing my own

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 money. Like I mentioned, 35 years old, still living with mom and I kept trying to reach goals,

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 but I could never reach them. I can never reach like, and she did a lot of comparison, you know,

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 my cousins had kids, they have houses. Elmer has, you know, jobs that are not, they're not,

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 they don't pay well, but you know, you could, he has opportunity to get better, but I never like,

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 I thought towards the end of my drinking that this is it. Like a lot of people I've heard before,

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 you know, I would drink and I say, I hope this is the last time, you know, I hope I passed away

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 cause I was too scared to actually hurt myself. But apparently the MTA, Metro Transit Authority

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 in New York states it and they've shown me videos that I will walk the tracks and tell them that I

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 went ahead myself. That didn't work. I believe, you know, I've heard that I'm on borrowed time.

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 I've heard that sometimes for us it's they sober me that we're pushing our death date a little

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 back. But anyways, I came, I remember that they, my sister took the plates off the car cause my

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 thing was straight getting, cause I used to work at a lab where they test salmonella in the Syria

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 and I did a lot of work there under the influence. The worst is coming out of a blackout while you're

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 driving or working, you know? And then, so I had, I had a good policy to come and they could go,

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 you can go to California for treatment cause my sister took the plates off the car and she's like,

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 you gotta get help. And the worst is when they would send me videos, you know? And I'm like, damn,

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 I don't remember that. Oh my God, did I do that? No. Family gatherings are like, oh my God,

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 do you remember that on my mind? I'm like, no, I don't remember. But yeah, wow, it was great.

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 But you know, those are the things, and I used to hate that feeling that I can't remember the

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 memories that I will make with people or things that would happen. I didn't go to a lot of

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 concerts. I didn't really have a, towards the end of my drinking, my drinking isolates. My drinking,

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 you know, I was like, I mentioned like a squirrel. I go to, it's like a magnet. My car was like a

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 magnet or me walking. Liquor store, home, liquors, work, work. And then, you know, like that. I don't

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 think, when am I going to drink today? Vodka, whiskey. How much can I afford? Oh, $20? Maybe

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 to buy a $10 gallon and pack a cigarette. And that's not a way to live. You know, my room

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 looked like a sanctuary. Well, fine. Like I mentioned before, my mom would try to talk to

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 me and they would try to get me out of the room. And there were times that I would wake up and my

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 throat so dry that I'll be so dehydrated that I did not want to face the music out there that

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 I would drink thinking that there's liquor in those bottles that I will have in my room,

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 but they're actually me and I will drink it. Yes, do not face the music. Do not talk to this woman.

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 And I'm sharing this because this is where it took me. And these are the things that I think about

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 when the thought to have one sitcom. So I really want to go back to that. And now I understand why

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 when they make you do step work, why you write things out because I could forget things. And

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 there's times now because I do have a room now in an apartment and I clean and I organize. These are

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 the coping skills that I learned in treatment. And I open that book and it's like the book of runs,

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 like rappers, rappers, you know, when you write things, you know, and then you forget things. But

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 when you open that book, damn, that's how I felt. It's not worth it for me to take that first sip.

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 No, maybe I, maybe no, because, but anyways, so I came to treatment. That's what brought me to

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 treatment. So I came to California and I've been here since April 20, 2018. I saw a sign like the

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 ones that are over there, but, and it said think, but it was upside down. And I asked, you know,

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 the tech there, why is that upside down? And he's like, because you're thinking this upside down

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 because you don't know anything. Are you willing to do what I, what we suggest here? Are you willing

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 to, you know, participate in group, fix your bed, take a shower, shave, take the mask off, you know,

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 do these other, like all these things that I didn't know any coping skills. And I know how to

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 interact with people. I was like a pirate. I'm very grateful for the man that taught me things

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 like this, me right now. Like, like I mentioned, like my suit is actually at, at the dry cleaners

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 because I get to be of service at the convention today. Now, one of my bosses that I, I think he's

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 on the Roxbury group, he bought me my first soup and a suit, I mean, and he bought me a couple of

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 suits and shirts because he's like, you're going to need these to go to celebrations of life where

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 they ask you to speak. And this tie was given to me by an old timer, which, you know, he's a really

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 good guy. And I remember having this because I'm not used to wearing this. The only time I wear

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 this is if I'm going to court, I'm in a, trying to get a job. But I believe that this is, it makes

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 you feel good. I think people, you know, like to say, actually speak louder than words, you know,

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 this is showing people that look, numbers different. Yay. Anyways, I went to treatment.

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 I did things differently. I participated. I spent a lot of time at the Valley Club.

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 That was my first meeting. I did two, three years of sober living. So, you know, like I mentioned,

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 I came with a bag of change. Not a lot. And I remember trying to compare myself to other guys

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 in treatment when I was in rehab because they were going like, oh, we're going to go explore LA.

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 Like, damn, I wish I can do that. I wish I could go get some Jordans or some shoes and new clothes,

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 but no, I don't want shoes that have holes. The pants are faded. The pockets are falling apart.

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 And I remember the guy that was sponsoring me, my first sponsor, I met him at chapter 12,

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 Dr. Bob's Nightmare in Sherman Oaks, because it took me a lot of men's time. And he's like,

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 you don't need that right now. You know? And I remember when I told him that I really,

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 I think I liked her at six months. She's the one, she is the one. And he's like, dude, you don't

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 have a place to live. Go over and live. You're not going to be able to bring us here a little.

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 What are you going to do? Bush therapy? You're going to go hiking? You're going to take her to

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 Jack in the Box with your pal French and take everything she wants on the menu? You know,

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 like, how about you work for yourself, buddy? You know, you could be friends with them, you know,

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 or you have to, you know, connection and talk to people. And I've had my experiences with that,

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 you know, relationships, intimacy. That was a hard one for me, you know, being vulnerable to

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 another person and opening up. I remember when I did the fourth step, it took me a while to do

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 that because there's a lot of things that I'm ashamed that I did. And then when I think about

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 them, I feel really disgusted. Like, why didn't you do that? I wish I could go back in time,

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 but unfortunately they told me I have to keep looking forward. And it's kind of like a

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 confession. You know, I was baptized. I grew up Catholic. I really struggle with the higher power

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 thing because I'm like, if God is real, why does he make, why did he have my brother get killed in

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 front of me? Why did I end up in prison? Why did I end up in all these other things? Like, why was

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 I touched as a boy? Why did all these things, if he's real, why, you know? And, you know, why didn't

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 my dad leave me when I, because my dad is on my fourth step and that was a hard one because what

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 did I do for him to be the way he was? Why did he leave? You know, why did he hit my mom? And I had

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 to realize now that he's an alcoholic, how it works. He's very sick. And now he, you know, he's

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 like, he lives in Canada. I have a sister of the same age as me because he got one mom pregnant,

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 another woman pregnant, but that woman stayed with him. And I'm friends with her today. You know,

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 I talked to her. My mom still has hate towards him, but inside of me, I'm like, I forgive him,

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 you know? I know that kids, I ended up kind of being like him, you know? But I know that today

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 my life is, it's getting better. I thought, like I mentioned, I went to special ed and I thought

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 I graduated, but apparently I did not because when I signed, when I signed up for the school

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 at this police corps for then a treatment centers in college, everything was going great. And I'm

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 all excited, you know? And they're like, your transcripts, this says that you didn't graduate.

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 No, I was really pissed off because apparently they told me I did. But now that I think about it,

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 most of the time I was drunk in school. And now I'm working towards getting that, you know,

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 like I first, my first thing was an apartment. Then I got a car. Then I, you know, I'm starting

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 to save money and it's hard. It's expensive. And fellowshipping sometimes gets a little crazy.

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 You know, when I say, let's do this. And when I talk to my mom now, you know, cause now she does

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 want to talk to me and you know, she's the one that's calling me and I'm like, I'm struggling

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 with this. And I try to help her with as much as I can. When COVID happened, I was in rehab and I

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 ended up giving her the money that I was getting, you know, until we just keep it, you know? And

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 today my life, you know, is it's getting better. And I still, I'm still learning as much as I can.

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 I don't see any of these lights turning on. So I mean, I have to keep going, but at two or three

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 o'clock in the afternoon, she asked me to come. It was like nine or 10, 11, when they asked me to

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 come do this. And it was, I was like, damn, why did I say yes? I thought it was going to be the

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 10 minutes, but it was the 35 minutes and I was really worried. I don't have to wear a tie and a

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 suit. And then the pants that I'm wearing right now don't fit me anymore because they're old.

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 This is why I was late because I was overthinking it. And then I'm driving

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 then people driving slow. And then I had to boost it up to 60 miles an hour at 35 miles.

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 But these are the qualities that I'm going to get to have today. And it could be worse,

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 you know, I could, who knows how it will still be a lot if I didn't choose that day to come to

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 treatment and turn my thinking upside down and accept that Elmer's thinking is not right. So I

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 need to come to places like this and hear other people's experience, you know? And if you're new,

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 hopefully I said something to give you, you know, courage and have an open mind and the courage that

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 things are not going to get fixed right away. And that was something that I had to learn, like with,

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 like it's like, well, they told the contents, like it's like a wound. Sometimes when we scratch it

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 too much, it gets, it gets irritated and it gets worse. Instead of healing it TLC, put it in lotion,

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 like somebody mentioned before, it's like charging the center block, the cell phone. I have to charge

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 it or else it's going to stop working. So for me is that I have to come to meetings. I have to wake

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 up. And first thing I do is I think my highest power for another day of life. Then I wake up in

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 eight by 10. I'm not walking like a penguin. Meaning I'm not shackled. Living out of an envelope

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 is not fun. Or that's, you know, you know, eating fake meat, you know, you don't know what you're

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 eating when you're in there. The freedom, right, that I get to have today, I can wake up and open

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 my window. I get to, you know, take a shower when I want or do all these things, you know? But I know

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 that if I was to, not that I'm saying I would relax, but I hope my higher power doesn't scare

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 me that way. And for me, I have to stay, you know, in the middle, like to say, stay connected,

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 talk to other people, express when I'm going through something. Because a lot of times I can,

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 I'm a hermit. I like to be a hermit crab. And that's why I got an apartment with somebody

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 else because I can isolate. And that was one of my biggest ones is isolation. You know,

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 I still like to stare at my shoes if I'm in a room with you. I still have anxiety. I still get

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 nervous to move people in the eyes because I'm like, I look weird and they see my pants is not

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 fully buttoned, like the belt is holding it. My hair is falling, it's fading. I'm really

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 pissed off at that. But I'm an acceptance student. Like, like I think what he said earlier is like,

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 let me just be yourself, you know? And that's the good thing about this program because I,

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 I got nervous with the higher power thing, you know? And I heard that it's like a builder bear,

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 you know? When I had to write my higher power, what does he look like to me? He's loving,

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 caring, understanding, and forgiving. And he told me how to forgive myself first. And every day,

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 you know, when I wake up, I have a sign in my bathroom that says, good morning, handsome,

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 positive affirmations, brushing my teeth. And I'm like, you're handsome, Elmer. Yes, you are.

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 And then I have to drive and I accept people the way they're going to drive and go to 7-Eleven.

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 The guy goes and hold the door for me. And it's like, no, just let it go over acceptance,

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 acceptance. And it's like, it's like, because my problem today is not,

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 not to urge to drink or use. It's like, how do I handle life? This is, and this little inequality

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 of life, you know, it used to, I kind of, I'm attracted to it a little bit, but I really am

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 uncomfortable with this and the shirt and these collars. But like they say that you have to do

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 things towards, you know, the opposite, contrary actions. So I'm doing the contrary today. I could

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 have said no when she told me it's for quality of life. I'm like, oh my God, no. She's like,

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 can you cover for me? I'm like, yes. And then I find out it's this. And I'm like, oh my God.

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 And then I called a bunch of people and even texted Nancy. I'm like, Nancy thought I really

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 have to wear a coat. And she's like, you have one? I'm like, no, it's in a drawer. And she's

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 like, oh, okay. But anyways, I'm grateful that I got to come here today. There's a reason why

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 I believe the universe does things for a reason. Like a lot of you are here today. Maybe you were

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 meant to come here and share today. You know, I believe that we're miracles. I believe in that

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 we should be nice to each other. I like this book called The Poor Agreements that a lot of times,

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 like I mentioned, I don't, some people piss me off in here. And sometimes when I, when I think

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 about it, like when you do this, what was my part? Like what happened? And I'm like, or the number

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 10. And I go, wow, they were actually right. They told me things that I don't want to hear.

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 They were right. I mean, mistakes didn't survive. And I'm part of the, no matter what club, you know,

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 I've been through death. My grandma passed away and that was a hard one. I've been through breakups

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 you know, cause now that I'm, you know, not numbing no more, the feelings suck and emotions. Oh my God,

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 I hate them. I hate the emotion. But today I get to be vulnerable. And it's okay to cry because I

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 was afraid to cry in front of people. It's, you know, I cannot look weak. Hey, five minutes.

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 But anyways, so if, you know, today I get, I have, I have friends. This, this one guy that ended up

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 leaving this world that really helped me too. Then I got to be in the room. There's a lot of

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 old timers that I've met. And sometimes when I go to meetings, I, I used, I come to this meeting too,

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 you know, all in, all out on Sundays. And there's a lot of people that are passing away that at least

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 hold pressure when you're trying to help them. And he texts you like, I can't do this girl no more.

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 Then you find out that they're no longer here. So when I first came to this meeting, there's a

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 picture right there, it's a revolver. It's like plenty of Russian roulette that night. No, I don't

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 know if I'm going to make it back. No, I don't know if I take that first sip. What's going to

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 happen? I know what's going to happen. The gorilla is going to come out of the cage and sometimes he

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 rattles the cage and you know, I have to, you know, keep it tamed and remain teachable. I pray for

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 humility, humbleness. There's a lot of things that I want, but I know that I have to get into

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 more action and that I need to perseverance. There's times I wake up, I'm like, this sucks.

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 You know, cause a lot of times the world thinks that we wake up and they sit in there and Omer

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 says, I'm going to be an alcoholic today. They don't know what it's like to wake up with anxiety,

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 with depression, I'm worthless and all this. And like, I don't believe in myself and, and I need to

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 go to meetings so I can hear other people say, and they like that clapping, you know, I keep telling

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 me to have a DUI, you know, and I remember when I used to be like, why, why do they think that's

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 funny? And like, cause we can relate. And when, you know, and today now I get to give up to other

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 people. I've tried to help other guys. I'm not a big brasher of the people that I helped today,

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 you know, and want to help you give you a ride, you know, I'll give you a ride cause I know what

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 it's like to take the bus to Wada. But today my life is much better. I'm still a work in progress.

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 I still do not know what I'm doing. So I think that, um, me coming and doing this today was

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 really helpful to get me back. Cause you know, I do a lot of service. I've done HNI, San Fernando

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 Valley Convention. I'm going to do security for the third, fourth, I think third or fourth year.

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 And I remember the first guy that got up and they gave me my sweater doing that. His name was Roland.

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 I could say his name today cause he passed away and he made me my first sweater. And that means

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 like this is your sober date and your only sober date. I'm very grateful for that. That he taught

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 me that I'm grateful for the men that need time to show me things and to talk to me to three or

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 four o'clock in the morning to the woman too that taught me how to sit at a table and eat with a

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 fork and had a fellowship. Cause I remember when I went to fellowship, they took me hostage and

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 told me they were going to give me a ride home, but they took me to Denny's. And then one time

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 I had to do a watch. I don't know what the hell was going on. And I'm grateful that today

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 there's a lot of meetings in the Valley. This is, I believe the Mecca of recovery. There's a

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 lot of events going on right now, guys. There's a lot of meetings, a lot of things going on,

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 but I'm grateful that I got to come here today. Hopefully I get to go home and go to sleep sober.

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 And I hope that something that I shared today helps you. And then you get to write to me in

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 your journal, if you do. But may the virus always keep blessing your journey and believing

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 yourself. And then, you know, in reality, we just have to be nicer. So give ourselves a hug

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 and say, you're worth it. Yay. Thank you. There's a lot of news.