1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,240 Good evening, everyone, Zach Alcoholic. 2 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:03,920 Nobody said I could do this from the couch. 3 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,120 I mean, I would have taken that option. 4 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,520 I'd have done Pacific, I'd have done Pacific group 5 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:09,200 from the waist up. 6 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:13,800 I was the secretary of a Tuesday night Pacific group meeting 7 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,700 right at the beginning of, right before COVID happened. 8 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,680 And so I want to say a solid nine months, 9 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,960 I ran a meeting with a coat and tie 10 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,280 and gym shorts or boxers on, 11 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,880 and nobody knew the difference. 12 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,800 But thank you, John, for your share. 13 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:31,800 I appreciate that. 14 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,000 I'll be in Oregon on Monday, 15 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,560 so maybe we're gonna have to link up for a meeting. 16 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,980 You'll have to show me some good Oregon AA. 17 00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:39,480 You know, I'm glad to be here. 18 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:44,120 My sobriety date is April 4th, 2012. 19 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,400 I have a sponsor who has a sponsor, 20 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,580 who has a sponsor, and I sponsor guys. 21 00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:52,400 I want to thank Abraham for asking me to be here. 22 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,800 He sent me a text message 23 00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:57,840 and said that I come highly recommended. 24 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,920 And I hope that you guys considered your source 25 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:02,280 for that high recommendation, 26 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,040 'cause this is someone who also might recommend 27 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,200 that you buy a personal breathalyzer to test yourself 28 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,880 before you get into your car 29 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,080 that has a state-sponsored breathalyzer in it 30 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,200 and still think it's a good idea to drink 31 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,480 and get locked out of that car 32 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,240 and have your husband come pick you up in downtown LA 33 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:20,400 'cause your car is locked. 34 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,920 So just saying, lower your expectations. 35 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,640 You know, I'm grateful to be here. 36 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:29,640 I woke up this morning at 5 a.m. to go be an adult, 37 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:34,080 which sucks, but I woke up at five this morning 38 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,320 and I got ready, you know, got everything together 39 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,660 as quiet as I could to not wake the family. 40 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:42,000 Got in the car at 6 a.m. 41 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,400 and got on my Saturday morning 6 a.m. Zoom 42 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,760 with some gentlemen that I met traveling the country. 43 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,400 I met these guys from all over the country 44 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,800 and we had such a bond from this experience 45 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,920 we had in Milwaukee of hitting, you know, 46 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,000 guys from everywhere. 47 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,080 And we hit this random meeting in Milwaukee 48 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,520 and just, you know, it was this tiny little, 49 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,120 there was one guy there when we got there, 50 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,920 he was missing, it was one-armed Bob, 51 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,860 he had one arm and then a couple other folks showed up 52 00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:11,600 and we just laughed so hard, 53 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,160 a bunch of strangers and built this bond. 54 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,840 And so we meet every morning on Saturday 55 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,880 at 6 a.m. on Zoom to just, you know, 56 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,360 have a little mini meeting and so I'm on this meeting 57 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,740 this morning at 6 a.m. and when we started it 58 00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:28,740 we decided to make it a gratitude meeting. 59 00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:30,720 So we share about gratitude and I get in there 60 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:34,060 and I was just, you know, I was sharing how grateful I am. 61 00:02:34,060 --> 00:02:36,520 I was this morning, right? 62 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,840 It was, you know, everything that Alcoholics Anonymous 63 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,300 has given me in this wonderful, beautiful life 64 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:43,560 where I get to wake up and go be an adult 65 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,520 and go run this work meeting that people have put me 66 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,960 in charge of and then come home and spend time 67 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,320 with my family, you know, I came home and I met my wife 68 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,080 and my daughter at the mall, which I don't recommend 69 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,780 a three-year-old at the mall, just saying. 70 00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:01,660 But I met them at the mall and we, you know, 71 00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:05,760 just did sober things and got to experience life 72 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,800 that I didn't have prior to this. 73 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,300 And I was sharing all about this in the meeting 74 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,440 and I get off and I'm just, you know, it's 7 a.m. 75 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,540 and I'm just rimming over with gratitude. 76 00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:18,480 And then I, you know, I have my day 77 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,240 and I swing by the Starbucks on the way here 78 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,880 'cause I'm exhausted from waking up early, 79 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,640 swing by Starbucks on the way over here 80 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,860 and I get a triple shot of espresso, 81 00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:32,120 the usual for like 6 p.m. 82 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,400 And I pick it up and I go, it's a little light, you know, 83 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,520 might be like maybe two shots, I just paid for two shots 84 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,160 of espresso and, you know, or I paid for three 85 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,400 and I got two and I walk over to my car 86 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,460 and there's a ding on my door, 87 00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:48,000 which I just noticed, a nice big ding. 88 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,820 I'm going, I'm not as grateful as I was 89 00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:51,880 at six in the morning, like, right? 90 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:56,580 It was a nice reminder of how quick that gets depleted 91 00:03:56,580 --> 00:03:59,600 in my life and why it's important to continue 92 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,800 to come to Alcoholics Anonymous for someone like me. 93 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,080 Like I have to come back and I have to stay busy, 94 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,680 I have to stay active in my program 95 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,440 because my gratitude runs out really quick. 96 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,840 I could be top of the food chain in the morning 97 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:16,680 on gratitude and then 6 a.m., 6 p.m., it's all gone. 98 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,960 And again, that's why I'm grateful to be here. 99 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,700 I just, I have this amazing life 100 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,560 that I never thought possible for someone like me, 101 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,540 someone who, I mean, I'll get deeper into it, 102 00:04:27,540 --> 00:04:30,540 but someone who woke up at seven in the morning, 103 00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:32,440 my alarm was set for seven in the morning 104 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,240 because that's when the liquor store opened. 105 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:40,200 If I woke up any later than that, I was too far into detox 106 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,000 and I was shaking and uncomfortable. 107 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,320 So I needed to get up as soon as they opened 108 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,080 to get where I needed to get. 109 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,620 And I would start my drinking at seven in the morning 110 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,960 and spend the day alone 111 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,440 'cause nobody wanted to hang out with me. 112 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,320 I just, the person you see in front of you 113 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:58,440 was not the person I was almost 14 years ago. 114 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,480 But, you know, to go back a little further, right? 115 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:05,480 I was born and raised in the valley to two loving parents 116 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,760 who may or may not have had their own issues, 117 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,800 may or may not still have their own issues, 118 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,600 that's for them to, that's for my father to determine, 119 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,960 not me. 120 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,160 But I always say, I grew up having everything we needed. 121 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,640 Like I had everything, we had a roof over our head. 122 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:26,640 If I had toys, I had food, I had whatever it was. 123 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,760 But for some reason, for me, it wasn't enough. 124 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:30,920 I don't know what it was. 125 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,600 I've always identified with the people 126 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,680 that get up to the podium and say that they felt like 127 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,560 everyone was given the book of life and I wasn't. 128 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,680 I mean, I can't identify more with a feeling 129 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,600 than feeling like I just, I mean, still to this day, 130 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,640 there's things that I'm like, how do these people know? 131 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,480 I've started to figure it out a little bit more 132 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,760 that nobody really knows what they're doing. 133 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:55,480 When I became a, when I started running big jobs 134 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,180 in my trade now, I started running big construction jobs, 135 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,520 that's when I realized that nobody knows what they're doing. 136 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:02,920 'Cause all the guys that I was like, 137 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:03,880 how do they know all this stuff? 138 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,200 I figured out that they just go home. 139 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,000 So that's the book of life, it's right here. 140 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:14,000 Yeah, so I didn't know, I wasn't comfortable being me. 141 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:20,160 I remember feelings as a young kid of not wanting to be me. 142 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,520 I wanted to be someone else. 143 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,360 I had this friend named Sean and I wanted whatever Sean had. 144 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:29,200 I wanted Sean's parents, Sean's house, Sean's toys, 145 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,120 Sean's name, I mean, I would call myself Sean by myself 146 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:33,400 'cause I didn't wanna be Zach. 147 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,900 Like, I just wanna be Sean. 148 00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:37,460 And then I started figuring out like, 149 00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,040 so I could have these things, right? 150 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,320 I could call myself a different name. 151 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,360 I could also have their things. 152 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,480 Nobody taught me that when I was a kid, but real young, 153 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,280 I figured out like, if I wanted your toys, 154 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,520 I would just put them in my pocket and leave with them. 155 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,200 Like, again, nobody taught me that, 156 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,580 but that was just like something that I did. 157 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:58,780 And that maybe was one of those early kind of rushes for me, 158 00:06:58,780 --> 00:07:01,080 but yeah, I started stealing at a young age 159 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,760 and always from people I loved, 160 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,240 never from like institutions. 161 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,880 I never really got in trouble for stealing from stores 162 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:09,720 or anything like that. 163 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,560 It was always people I cared about. 164 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,920 So yeah, this just uncomfortable feeling. 165 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,880 And then I was diagnosed with ADD, ADHD at a young age 166 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,160 and they put me on medication. 167 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:21,840 And for someone who already felt different 168 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,280 and like I didn't fit in, 169 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,460 that just put me on this other level of, 170 00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:27,400 you're different, right? 171 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,880 Now I'm the kid in school who gets special privileges 172 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,440 that any other kid would be like, this is incredible. 173 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:34,800 I get to eat food in class 174 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,160 where nobody else gets to eat food. 175 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,520 I get to take breaks when I want. 176 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,100 If I fall asleep in class, they're like, it's okay. 177 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,120 He's on medication. 178 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,320 He's got blah, blah, blah. 179 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,740 But like, to me, that was, everyone was staring at me 180 00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:47,940 and everyone was, I just felt different. 181 00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:49,880 So I hated it. 182 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,680 And as soon as I figured out that I could like cheek pills 183 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,240 and spit them out in the bush, I started doing that. 184 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,120 It's like a lot of these weird things that I figured out 185 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,040 at a young age on how to do that would serve me very well 186 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,120 as an adult. 187 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:07,040 So anyway, yeah, just this uncomfortable feeling as a youth. 188 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:12,040 But at the same time, I had a father who drank regularly 189 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,040 and was what I would consider at the time, 190 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,320 a heavy pot smoker. 191 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,480 And me and him really didn't get along. 192 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,720 Like we butted heads at every corner 193 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,320 and I told myself at a young age 194 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,760 that I'm gonna be nothing like him. 195 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,580 So I'm not gonna drink and I'm not gonna do drugs. 196 00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:31,480 And so I was this super straight kid. 197 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:35,240 I got into marching band and was doing the band thing. 198 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,080 Yeah, go band kids. 199 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,040 And I did it for a while. 200 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,480 Like I didn't drink, I didn't use drugs. 201 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:45,560 I'm gonna be this clean kid until I didn't. 202 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,840 Like it was like, I'm never gonna do drugs 203 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:48,700 and I'm never gonna drink. 204 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,960 And then someone was like, hey, do you wanna do drugs 205 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:51,800 and drink? 206 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:52,620 And I'm like, sure. 207 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:55,000 Like, I don't know why it was that quick and easy 208 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:55,880 for someone like me, 209 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,840 but someone offered me to be part of the cool kids club. 210 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,760 And I was real quick to join in. 211 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,540 Again, maybe that sort of, I don't fit in, 212 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,380 I'm not comfortable. 213 00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:07,600 This was my opportunity to the in crowd. 214 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:12,080 And so, and I took it and I started smoking weed. 215 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,000 Like my first time was at school. 216 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,240 Like I did it at school. 217 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,280 I was high risk from the get go. 218 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,180 And it took off from there. 219 00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:23,180 Everything kind of took off from there. 220 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,680 And I remember, I think I was, 221 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,120 I wanna say I was about 15 years old 222 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,280 when I finally, my father and I's relationship 223 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,440 hit this point where we just could not be in the same house. 224 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,420 And I spent a couple nights in the park, 225 00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:40,920 down the street from the house. 226 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:45,920 And then my grandmother who was like my best enabler. 227 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,680 I mean, best friend, best friend, also best enabler. 228 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,360 My best, she let me move in with her. 229 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,320 And my grandfather had already passed at the time. 230 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:59,920 And he bequeathed me this phenomenal liquor cabinet. 231 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,920 Just everything you could possibly imagine. 232 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:07,920 I mean, all the liqueurs and the vodkas, tequilas, 233 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:11,120 Kentucky bourbon proof whiskey, 234 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,640 everything was in this cabinet. 235 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,440 And I moved in with my grandmother 236 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:18,320 and I realized that at the time, 237 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,240 when alcohol works, it works, right? 238 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,120 I found three shots was my like, 239 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,600 if I took three shots or whatever was in that cabinet, 240 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,680 I was at my mark and I was comfortable 241 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:31,320 and I could talk to people and I just felt myself. 242 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,720 And so I'd do that, I'd get home from school 243 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,040 and I'd take a couple shots and I'd feel comfortable 244 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,840 and I'd make phone calls and whatever 245 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,240 and just be friendly and outgoing. 246 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,880 And then I realized, 247 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,920 oh, you could just bring this to school with you. 248 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,240 And so I started doing that and I would drink before school. 249 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:51,360 And like I said, my alcoholism really took off 250 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,640 in my high school years. 251 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:57,400 It went from zero to 60 and I went from nothing to, 252 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,240 I'm gonna bring a water bottle 253 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,200 with a hundred proof Kentucky bourbon whiskey 254 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,240 and a bottle of Coke to school in the morning 255 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,840 and drink throughout my day. 256 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:09,560 And again, I was an excellent band student, 257 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,400 really good with music. 258 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,600 I'm a trumpet player, I still play, 259 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,240 I've been playing for 31 years. 260 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,880 But I was like, early on I was top of the class 261 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,240 and I didn't realize until sobriety 262 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,080 that that was the first thing, 263 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,440 someone said this from the podium 264 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,640 and it resonated really well. 265 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,240 That was the first thing I gave up for alcohol 266 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:32,080 was my music career or whatever, it was gonna be one. 267 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,280 But I started drinking so much 268 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,120 that I wasn't doing well in school 269 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,520 and they started pulling me back from these extracurriculars. 270 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,920 And at the time it was your fault, it was the school's, 271 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,280 it was this person pulled me, this person, 272 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,840 it was always everybody else's fault 273 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,880 that I couldn't do the things I wanted and it was never, 274 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,520 well, I mean, you were absolutely hammered in jazz band, 275 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,600 you couldn't read the music. 276 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:59,160 That's maybe why, but that would be years 277 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,840 before I figured that out. 278 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:05,840 So, like I said, took off and I dropped out of high school. 279 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:12,040 I didn't go my senior year and got out, got my GED 280 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,880 and went off to just go live life. 281 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,160 I was still out of my parents' house, 282 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,880 so I kinda got a little leeway to do as I wanted. 283 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:24,880 I got a couple odd jobs until I turned 17, I think, 284 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,360 and I got into the family business, 285 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:32,360 a little pharmaceutical entrepreneurial ships. 286 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:36,400 You know, that's what the family, that's what, 287 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,800 you know, I have cousins and blah, blah, extended family 288 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:39,880 that was in this business. 289 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,760 And so I got into the drug business 290 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,640 and started making crazy money. 291 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,200 Like, you know, as a young kid, 292 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,480 just living this wild, extravagant life. 293 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,040 I won't get into crazy details on the stories, 294 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:59,040 but I mean, by like 19 years old, 295 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:03,920 I was living a life where I was living in houses 296 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:08,180 with guys who were the sketchiest of sketchy. 297 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,440 Working for people who just, you know, 298 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,320 I had roommates who would make bad deals 299 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,840 and then not come home. 300 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,960 And the people I worked for would just swing by 301 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,760 and be like, you can go ahead and clean out his room, 302 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:24,920 he's not coming back. 303 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,800 And I knew what that meant. 304 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,480 Like, I knew he was not coming back. 305 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,840 So living this kind of wild life and, 306 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,160 but again, making lots of money 307 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,560 and not a ton of consequences, 308 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:39,640 but partying it up and having this interesting life. 309 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:44,160 But again, that sort of a feeling of not enough sank in. 310 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,600 And what happened was I was, 311 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,760 we were running this big warehouse in Chatsworth 312 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:56,220 and my partner and I in this business, 313 00:13:56,220 --> 00:14:00,920 I felt like I was taking on a little more risk than he was. 314 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:05,400 So I just started to steal extra product 315 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,920 and, you know, turn that into extra cash. 316 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:12,760 And I got caught and I had some people hold me down 317 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,000 while someone beat the living S out of me. 318 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,120 I gotta remember, like, no profanity from the microphone. 319 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,920 My six o'clock this morning is mandatory profanity. 320 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,860 So like, I gotta reel it back. 321 00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:28,200 So I wound up going into kind of like a hiding for a while. 322 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:33,240 And I think, again, another one of those, 323 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,640 I don't know if it was a moment of clarity, 324 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,480 but looking back on it again, 325 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:39,000 realized that I've always had a higher power 326 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,960 looking out for me, something looking out for me 327 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:45,960 because three days after that incident happened, 328 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,480 the warehouse was raided by the DEA. 329 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,060 Everyone went to jail. 330 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:53,300 I was already in hiding 331 00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:57,400 and they thought I had called it in 332 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,360 'cause I just got my butt kicked. 333 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:04,360 And fortunately, no, there was like months and months 334 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,180 of videotape of surveillance on the building. 335 00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:09,060 But yeah, I mean, that would have been my story. 336 00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:11,520 I wouldn't be here telling that story. 337 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,360 I'd be in jail. 338 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,620 But again, at the time, I think this is just a lucky break 339 00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:20,120 and I go about my business and continue to do what I do 340 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,120 and just went out on my own to do this. 341 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,680 And I continued drinking and drinking has been 342 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,160 this entire part of my life from beginning to end. 343 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,960 And a little bit of this loneliness, 344 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,720 I always tell this story about nobody wanted, 345 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,800 at that point, I was drinking so much. 346 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,880 This was kind of towards that drinking morning tonight 347 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,380 where I was drinking so much, 348 00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:44,640 people didn't wanna spend time with me. 349 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:45,840 I didn't really have friends. 350 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:50,680 And so I would tell people who came over to buy stuff from me 351 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,360 that someone might be watching the house. 352 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,620 So you should probably stay for at least an hour 353 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:58,340 so it doesn't seem sketchy. 354 00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:01,140 And then I'd be like, well, I'm gonna put a movie on 355 00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,440 or some music, like, have you heard this? 356 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,300 Like, I was forcing people to hang out with me. 357 00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:06,400 People did not wanna hang out with me. 358 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,160 So I would just convince them that we were being watched 359 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,920 so that I had people to spend time with. 360 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,400 And yeah, I think back on it, it's absolutely wild. 361 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,420 But I wound up getting married. 362 00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:21,480 I was young, I was 24. 363 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:26,480 And I met this woman who we used to work with 364 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,280 back in the day at the shop. 365 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,920 And we got married kind of in a blackout. 366 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,520 Like I proposed in a black, 367 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,560 like I wasn't really trying to propose, 368 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,040 but it got taken that way. 369 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,440 And I was a little too much of a wuss to say anything. 370 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,940 So, you know, it's just like that kind of lifestyle I lived. 371 00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:43,360 I was like, you know what? 372 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,440 Sure, let's get married and we'll give it a shot. 373 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,880 And I wound up going, getting married 374 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,480 and staying married for five years 375 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,240 to someone who like I didn't really intend to propose to 376 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,920 in the first place, not her, nothing against her. 377 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,360 Just, I mean, it's the kind of person I was. 378 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,600 And so I got married young and just drank my way 379 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:04,440 through that marriage. 380 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:09,440 Like I just, I was a manipulator and a gaslighter, 381 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,440 just hiding alcohol and just this really, 382 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,320 really dark point in my life. 383 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,040 And what happened to me was she'd had enough. 384 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,240 She called my cousin, my cousin came to my house. 385 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,480 This was about a year and a half into our marriage. 386 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:25,660 My cousin came to my house. 387 00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:28,040 He said, you know, your wife's gonna leave you 388 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,000 if you don't stop drinking. 389 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,240 I was like, oop. 390 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,200 And then he said something interesting. 391 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,080 He said, and when she does, 392 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,680 I'm gonna make sure that she gets all your stuff. 393 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:38,840 And I was like, all right, cool. 394 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,840 Like let's go get sober. 395 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,200 Again, this just kind of tells you 396 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,880 the kind of person I was, not that like nothing about her. 397 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,720 This tells you that to me, 398 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,320 the important things were stuff and not people. 399 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,240 And the very interesting thing was I didn't have, 400 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,440 I mean, at that point in my life, 401 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:57,880 I didn't have any stuff to take. 402 00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,240 It was dark times. 403 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:03,400 Like she would have kept debt, a beaten up car, 404 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,560 you know, a bunch of stuff stuffed in a garage. 405 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,280 So there was nothing much to keep, 406 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,520 but it was enough to get me to pack a bag. 407 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,520 And he told her we were going to a rehab. 408 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,720 He was gonna take me to a rehab and I get in his truck 409 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,940 and I got my bag pack and he goes, 410 00:18:18,940 --> 00:18:20,340 we're not going to rehab. 411 00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:21,440 I'm taking you to Glamis. 412 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,280 We're gonna go ride dirt bikes for six days 413 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,400 and have a great time. 414 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:29,400 I was a 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. vodka out of the bottle drinker. 415 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,640 I would drink until I passed out 416 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,360 and I would wake up and I'd do it again. 417 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,600 This was going on for like three years. 418 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,000 And we went out to the desert and I sat in the trailer. 419 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,220 I didn't ride any dirt bikes. 420 00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:44,040 I shook in the back of the trailer for six days and detoxed. 421 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,880 It was absolutely miserable and he is a bad person 422 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,400 who should have taken me to the hospital. 423 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,680 But at the same time, he saved my life, right? 424 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,020 That was the longest I had been sober since I started 425 00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:55,860 drinking and using. 426 00:18:55,860 --> 00:18:57,940 Six days, never done that before. 427 00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:01,720 And I came back kind of on this like high horse of like, 428 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,600 and I got six days of sobriety. 429 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,440 Like everybody should show a little respect. 430 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,080 Especially my wife. 431 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,820 She should be very proud of me. 432 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,400 And I'd remembered that I promised her 433 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,340 that I'd go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting 434 00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:18,760 when I got back from this sabbatical. 435 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,160 And I had never been to Alcoholics Anonymous before. 436 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,080 I knew nothing about it. 437 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,120 I've heard about it. 438 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,980 I joked with friends that like, 439 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:28,760 "Oh yeah, I know I'm an alcoholic." 440 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,560 Like, you know, you kind of say those things 441 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:35,920 but never with that depth and weight of when I say it now. 442 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,640 And so it was a Saturday I got home. 443 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,400 A Saturday morning we got back. 444 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:42,640 And I told her I'd go to this meeting. 445 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,960 So I found an AA meeting. 446 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:48,680 It was a Saturday night meeting at the St. Luke's Church 447 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,240 on Canoga and Ventura. 448 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,200 And I said I just got to make it over to this meeting, right? 449 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,040 Like, cool. 450 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,000 I've been sober six days. 451 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,320 I just got to make it over to this meeting. 452 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,900 And it was like a seven o'clock meeting maybe. 453 00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:00,740 I don't know. 454 00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:02,160 At five o'clock I thought, 455 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,720 well I should leave a little early 456 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,920 'cause I don't know where I'm going. 457 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:05,760 I'm not quite sure. 458 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,980 Maybe I need to suss the meeting out before I actually go in. 459 00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:13,240 And I got in my truck and I started heading that direction. 460 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,280 And I found myself in the parking lot of the liquor store 461 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:20,680 that I went to every morning at seven a.m. 462 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,220 And I sat in my car and thought, 463 00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:25,600 well, you know what, no, let's just go to the meeting. 464 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,680 I sat and then I thought, you know what, 465 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,180 maybe I'll just buy a bottle and take it with me. 466 00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:30,520 And if I don't like the meeting, 467 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,060 then I can go back to do what I was doing. 468 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:37,920 And I walked inside and I bought three airplane bottle, 469 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:42,920 little three vodkas 'cause those are easily transportable. 470 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,480 And I thought, well, this is perfect. 471 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,460 I'll just take these with me if I don't like it. 472 00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:49,400 And then next thing you know, 473 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,920 I'm standing there outside my car 474 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,400 in the parking lot of the liquor store, 475 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,160 finishing the third bottle. 476 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,960 And that was, I mean, for me, that was my moment of clarity. 477 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,220 I looked up and I was like, 478 00:20:58,220 --> 00:21:00,840 oh my God, I can't do this by myself. 479 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,400 I can't not drink given the opportunity. 480 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,600 So I drove down to that meeting 481 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,800 and raised my hand as an alcoholic 482 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,120 when they asked if there were any alcoholics, 483 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:10,960 if there were any new people. 484 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,120 I don't know why I raised my hand 485 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,020 and said I was an alcoholic. 486 00:21:13,020 --> 00:21:16,000 I'd never done it before at that capacity, 487 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,620 but I did and I started crying. 488 00:21:17,620 --> 00:21:20,060 And everyone clapped for me. 489 00:21:20,060 --> 00:21:22,180 And after the meeting, everyone came and gave me a hug. 490 00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,800 And I got a bunch of business cards 491 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,840 and toss those in the trash on my way out of the meeting. 492 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,280 But there was something about that meeting 493 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,560 'cause I thought I'd try it again on Sunday. 494 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,800 And I found another meeting on Sunday 495 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,320 and I went to that one and I found some love there. 496 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:38,960 And I went to a meeting on Monday 497 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,280 and I found some love there. 498 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,440 And I met a man who was like, 499 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:46,220 well, hey, I got this Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday. 500 00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:48,200 And he's like, come meet me at all these meetings 501 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,360 and kind of introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous. 502 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:51,880 He drugged me around. 503 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:56,240 And at that first week, I went to this Friday meeting 504 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,680 and a couple of guys that I'd seen 505 00:21:58,680 --> 00:21:59,800 at some of the other meetings, 506 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,620 these two guys, they cornered me in the back of the room 507 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:02,720 and they're like, do you got a sponsor? 508 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,680 And I was like, no, I don't have a sponsor. 509 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,120 I was looking, I had heard about sponsor 510 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,480 when I first got here. 511 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:11,080 And again, a lot of financial problems. 512 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,440 So I was looking for the right sponsor. 513 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,920 I thought, I wasn't really sure, 514 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,960 but I thought a sponsor was like someone 515 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,160 who helps you get back on your feet, right? 516 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,800 Maybe someone who could loan me some cash 517 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,040 until I was doing a little bit better. 518 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,400 So I was looking for the guy who had the nice watch 519 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,400 and the nice car and some nice clothes on. 520 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,800 And unfortunately I didn't see him. 521 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,220 So I thought I'd kept going and try to find, 522 00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:35,920 but they cornered me at the back of this Friday meeting 523 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,920 and they said, you're gonna find a sponsor tonight 524 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,320 or one of us is gonna sponsor you. 525 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,040 And I knew I didn't want either of those guys to sponsor me. 526 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,800 So I went back and I grabbed that man 527 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,440 who was dragging me around to meetings. 528 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,880 And funny enough, I know this now, I didn't know what that. 529 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,240 Very well off, he probably could have lent me some money. 530 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,920 But when I met like, as I've known him, 531 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,620 he's the most simple in his life. 532 00:23:00,620 --> 00:23:03,600 He drives the same, at the time he drove 533 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,800 the same beat up old car, lives in a small apartment, 534 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,520 doesn't have any of the flashy things. 535 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:12,040 But man, when you see him always at the door 536 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,480 of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, 537 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,880 he's always there at the door and he always has a handout. 538 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,560 He always had a big smile on his face 539 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,960 and he looked happy and comfortable. 540 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,040 And I think that's what I always wanted. 541 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,280 Maybe not the nice stuff. 542 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,240 And that's what really attracted me. 543 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,840 And so that man became my sponsor 544 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,760 and he took me through the steps 545 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,360 and introduced me to this thing, not by force. 546 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,000 He never told me like, you have to do this 547 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:36,840 and you have to do that. 548 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,200 He said, I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna be doing this. 549 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,280 Come with me if you want. 550 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,000 And whatever he was doing seemed to be working. 551 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,080 So I was like, all right, I'm gonna do all that. 552 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,200 I'm gonna try it. 553 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,480 And so I followed him around. 554 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:53,280 And at two years sober, I wound up getting divorced. 555 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,280 I cleaned out that garage and found a big book 556 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,760 that someone had came and talked to me about 557 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,720 when I was still drinking. 558 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,700 My ex-wife had had someone come 559 00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,220 and I remembered it when I found that book. 560 00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:05,160 Someone came to my house and pitched me Alcoholics Anonymous 561 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,520 and said, you might need this thing. 562 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,800 And I flashed back and I remember throwing the book 563 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,560 into the back of the garage and saying, 564 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,080 I'm not gonna need this. 565 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,840 And it's the big book I use today, right? 566 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,800 This big book that I found in my garage 567 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,600 that now has notes taken in it 568 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,360 of 14 years of going through the steps. 569 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,800 I belong to this Thursday night meeting 570 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,040 where we go through the steps. 571 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,160 Every couple of years, we get a hair up our butt 572 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,040 and we're like, hey, we're gonna redo the steps 573 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,640 and we do this 20 week step workshop and we go through it. 574 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,640 So I have all these notes in this big book 575 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,800 and I have this absolutely beautiful life today. 576 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,840 Just doing the things that you do 577 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,080 here in Alcoholics Anonymous, I wound up getting divorced. 578 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,800 I had some rough times, right? 579 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:54,800 Like they say, you get sober, life doesn't get amazing. 580 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:59,360 Life still happens and life happened really, really hard 581 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:03,800 at year two, year three, I get divorced. 582 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,160 I lose the house that I've been living in for nine years. 583 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,440 So I went from a three bedroom house with stuff 584 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,560 and family and blah, blah, blah. 585 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:15,280 And I have to move into a garage, a converted garage 586 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,200 and get rid of everything. 587 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,240 And then my dog dies and my mom dies 588 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,040 and then both my grandmothers die. 589 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:28,560 And like, just these things happen that are life, right? 590 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,800 The big one was of course, my mom passing away. 591 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,040 But I was sober when it happened. 592 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,640 She got to come and give me, in her last 10 months, 593 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:40,080 she got a very aggressive, rare form of cancer 594 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,920 and passed away within 10 months of receiving her diagnosis. 595 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,080 But I got to be there through that whole process. 596 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,520 And she got to come give me a cake 597 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,440 on my third year of sobriety. 598 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,240 I have this great photo on Sunday morning 599 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:56,240 of her giving me a cake, yeah, when I turned three. 600 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,400 And I got to be there by her side, right? 601 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,520 There were other family members that passed away 602 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,200 when I was drinking and I couldn't make it to funerals 603 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:04,720 'cause I was so drunk. 604 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,840 I was outside throwing up in the bushes or whatever 605 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,240 and I missed a lot of funerals. 606 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:14,240 So like, again, being able to be a member of my family 607 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,160 has been an absolute blessing. 608 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,400 But like I said, life happens and you still get through it. 609 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,720 She passed away on a Friday 610 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,000 and my feet took me to my Friday night men's stag 611 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,680 'cause that's why I knew where I needed to be. 612 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,240 And I was surrounded by the people who love me 613 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,680 and support me and I stayed sober through that. 614 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,720 And I stayed sober through the divorce. 615 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,240 And then great things happened, right? 616 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:34,800 I get remarried. 617 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:40,120 I meet my wife who spoke here last week. 618 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,680 And I normally don't talk about it, 619 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,800 but I'll briefly share about our meeting. 620 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,800 We met online. 621 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,720 I did not disclose that I was a sober member 622 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,160 of Alcoholics Anonymous. 623 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,920 And when she asked where we should meet, 624 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,600 she suggested this bar in downtown LA. 625 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,160 And I said, "Sure." 626 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,400 Not knowing anything about her, but when we meet 627 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,960 and her first order is, what is she ordered? 628 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,440 She ordered a shot of Jack Daniels 629 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,240 or a shot of Jameson and a beer. 630 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,880 And I ordered a Coke and she said, 631 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,800 "Oh, that's smart 'cause you gotta drive home." 632 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,600 And I said, "Yeah, yeah, that's it." 633 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:22,440 And then when she got her second shot of Jameson and beer 634 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:26,200 and I ordered my second Coke and some conversation later 635 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,360 and she said, "Wait a minute, you're sober, aren't you?" 636 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,480 Yeah, yeah, actually I am. 637 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,320 I wound up hitting it off that night. 638 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,600 Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe not. 639 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:38,080 But she stuck around and later told me 640 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,720 that if my profile had said 641 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,640 that I was a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, 642 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,400 she wouldn't have gone on that first date with me. 643 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,680 And we've been married for, 644 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,880 well, we've been together over 10 years now. 645 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,480 And we have this beautiful life. 646 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,480 We have a three-year-old, as you all saw. 647 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,480 We are about two weeks away from another, 648 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,520 our second and final child. 649 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,240 But I have this beautiful life 650 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,200 and I owe it all to Alcoholics Anonymous. 651 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,640 I have a sober household. 652 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,480 My family's all gone, so my brother's sober. 653 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,480 It's about the same amount of time as my wife. 654 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,240 My sister-in-law's sober. 655 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,000 I'm surrounded by Alcoholics Anonymous. 656 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,080 All my friends are sober. 657 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:21,000 I wanna thank my guys for coming out and supporting me. 658 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,480 I get the absolute honor of working with guys 659 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,440 who wanna work the steps, right? 660 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,720 I've worked with a lot of people that don't wanna do this. 661 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,480 And it's a pleasure to work with people who do 662 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,520 because they help keep me sober, right? 663 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,640 My sponsor is fantastic. 664 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:39,640 He helps keep me sober, 665 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,800 but the guys I work with really help keep me sober. 666 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,440 I absolutely love my life. 667 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,760 Thank Alcoholics Anonymous. 668 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,360 Thank my sponsor. 669 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,040 Thank you guys for having me out and thanks.