1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 Monty I call it. Hi 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,920 All I like is my home group. Wow, my sponsor is Bruce 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:12,760 And my sobriety day is February 10th, 2017 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:19,080 When I got sober didn't want to be sober. I never wanted to be sober wasn't even like a thought my head 5 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,640 but it happened and 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,680 I'll get to that but I guess I'll just start at the beginning 7 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:32,060 When I was born I was born in Manan knock Hospital in Peterborough, New Hampshire 8 00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:39,100 And my mom flew to America to have me because she was American and my father was Dutch and on the Dutch island at the time 9 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:43,200 The father had rights to the child not the mother like they do in America 10 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:49,040 So my mom flew up here to make sure that I was all good and squared away there and you know 11 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,480 Then we went back and the first five years of my life 12 00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:56,720 I spoke French and English and then was in the Caribbean we had several hurricanes 13 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:02,600 And I bring this up because my first sponsor before Bruce before I came to quality of life 14 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,840 I'm just gonna say quality of life like every five minutes of this 15 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,520 I'm just gonna but I know my first sponsor told me to you know 16 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:14,520 Always talk about the first time I felt really powerless and in the Caribbean. I was really having good time 17 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,080 I had on my cousin's life was great 18 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:21,280 I was running around the boardwalk being a menace with the tourists this and that 19 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:27,480 And then hurricane Luis hit and that was in 1994 1995. I was a baby. I don't remember it 20 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:33,480 But I remember the hurricane because I just have memories of my mom like freaking out 21 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,720 we had no power the bugs were coming inside to escape the weather and 22 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,240 She's like trying to push all the water out 23 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:48,840 Our apartment was flooding and our apartment building was concrete on the first floor where we lived and the second floor was wood and 24 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:54,200 the lady above us died because the house collapsed on top of her and I remember seeing her dead and 25 00:01:54,200 --> 00:02:00,440 I remember like walking around after the storm kind of passed there was like pieces of wood that would 26 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:07,160 If it impaled you you'd be dead and it was stuck into like trees and stuff and that wasn't even really when I first felt powerless 27 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,260 I was just like the first time seeing like oh the world isn't great all the time 28 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:15,880 World was really messed up and when I really felt powerless for the first time was when my mom 29 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:20,160 Left the Caribbean with me and you know took me away from my dad now 30 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:25,560 My dad used to beat the living shit out of my mom and I and you know 31 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,240 I didn't care cuz I was a kid and you know, my dad beat my mom 32 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,720 Well, she's pregnant one time and you know 33 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:34,740 I would I would have had a slimmer that I don't have and so that was the kind of environment that 34 00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:38,680 We were in but as a kid, you don't care or realize these things 35 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:43,040 And so I was mad at my mom for taking me away from my dad, right? 36 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:50,040 so I'm five and so I moved to America and that that was when I really felt like powerless for the first time like that that 37 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:57,760 would like come into America and I start going to school in Jaffrey, New Hampshire, and I'm a little black kid from the Caribbean in 38 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,480 like Hicksville, New Hampshire with a population of like 39 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,460 2,500 and you know 40 00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:08,400 I was called the n-word in like elementary school and all this and that I started to get like getting to fights and 41 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:12,900 That didn't last long because I would like, you know, cuz I knew violence cuz I'd seen it 42 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:15,320 So I'd be like, oh well, I don't like what you're saying to me 43 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,860 so I'm gonna hit you and so like that that's how I was when I was young and 44 00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:26,880 It kind of gave me control because it almost controlled how people treated me at least my peers and I would get in trouble 45 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,800 For running away from school. I was in the first time I did it 46 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:36,160 I was at first grade and it just ran just left school. They're like, where's this kid because I knew how to get home 47 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:40,160 I was pretty good at going and walking places in the Caribbean. I would go places and like, you know 48 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,160 It's not like I guess it was last year. So maybe it was like that in America, too 49 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,480 I don't know, but I would just leave and I could get home from school 50 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,440 So I just went home and I knew how to get into my house 51 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:52,160 And so that was a whole thing and then it then the teachers would like walk for me to be running and so they like 52 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:56,260 Chased me down. I remember laughing while this one teacher was like high stepping through the snow trying to catch me 53 00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,260 I just don't think it was really funny and 54 00:03:58,260 --> 00:04:00,840 You know, so that's how it was. I feel bad for my mom 55 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,820 He's a single mom with a menace as a child and you know 56 00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:09,440 I kept acting out and I would steal things there was a whole issue of me stealing kids Pokemon cards 57 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,360 I love from after school club and summer camp 58 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,600 So I would steal lots of cards and then I and then I was like, I can't steal them anymore 59 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,700 I got in trouble. So I'm gonna make trades with them 60 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:23,920 And so I trade them like, you know for those who know like, you know water energy for Charizard 61 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,760 Those are the trades I was making but you know 62 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:32,100 So that's how it was and I and then I kind of got code flipped into that society 63 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:37,880 Like I lost my Caribbean accent. I started talking with a New England accent saying wicked awesome stuff like that 64 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,160 And then my mom got a better job and my mom used to bring me to work all the time 65 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:47,080 Which you can't afford babysitter. So there'd be times or just like running around this hospital like she worked at a mental health hospital 66 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:52,720 So I'm just running around like mentally unwell people with zero supervision as a kid running around all the time 67 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:59,960 And you know that she got a better job. We moved to DC. So then my cultures changed again, right? 68 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:04,440 So I went from being too black for the white kids and I'm too white for the black kids in DC 69 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,880 And it was a whole other switch up and then I started learning about weed and stuff 70 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:13,880 And so the first time I ever I guess technically the first I like while I was a kid 71 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:18,700 I would drink wine and beer just sips in there because family members thought it was funny to see my reaction 72 00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:25,040 But the first time I took a mind-altering substance into my body was weed when I was 11 and I was like, oh, this is whatever 73 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,760 I didn't really think too much about it 74 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:31,480 But that was when it happened and it was my cousin was like hey do you want some of this? I was like sure 75 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:37,320 It's like the school whatever didn't really do it much and then did a couple times into my mom found out and then I was also 76 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,080 getting I 77 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:43,240 Was always getting into fights and I actually got into a really really bad fight when I was in sixth grade and I hope 78 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:48,500 This kid had to go to the hospital. I think that they were playing it up, but that's not for me to decide 79 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:53,000 So he I did crack his skull and yet to get staples 80 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:58,320 so I guess that makes sense actually, but so anyways, I was sent to military school because 81 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:03,540 The court my uncle helped my mom be the lawyer and instead of doing juvie or anything like that 82 00:06:03,540 --> 00:06:05,540 I was able to go to military school 83 00:06:05,540 --> 00:06:09,960 So I did that and I did really well in military school. I do well with good structure 84 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:15,000 I like strong leadership and strong direction. I do well with it. It's very easy to follow orders 85 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,440 So I did well with that 86 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:21,000 And in military school, I smoked some cigarettes and stuff and I you know 87 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,480 I still I still kept getting away with stuff like, you know 88 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:28,920 I was doing I was I'd been the rules as much as I could to get what I wanted and like I was I 89 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:36,480 Thrill-seek a lot. Like I wanna I like getting away with things. I've always enjoyed that that's almost like a high and it's of itself 90 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:43,480 So we'd like sneak out past curfew and go try to get the girls to come out with us and like, you know 91 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,540 Just just got cause mayhem 92 00:06:45,540 --> 00:06:51,120 I used to like hang out in the graveyard because there was an old graveyard from the Civil War behind the military school 93 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,740 It was supposed to be haunted. So we just hang out there and smoke cigarettes 94 00:06:54,400 --> 00:07:01,280 And then, you know, I again like in even in the military school. It was in the DC area. It was very culture 95 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:04,000 There's a lot of black kids. There was more there was a very more 96 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,060 it was more mixed and a lot of actually South Koreans like a 97 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:11,200 Sue Kim Sue Kim was my girlfriend in middle school 98 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,160 she was from South Korea and she had made me like a little 99 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,600 Book about why she liked me because she couldn't really like speaking this was a little bit. She could write it 100 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,180 Well, I was like, okay, she's very pretty but that's not here. No there 101 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:28,960 And so but then that changed because my mom got another better job now mind you we were poor and then less poor and less 102 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:34,500 Poor my mom my mom worked us out of you know, not poverty poverty, but we weren't like super wealthy, right? 103 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:39,840 And so my mom worked us up from lower class to middle class and she got another job 104 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:44,440 When I was going into ninth grade and at that point I was like, I'm just gonna you know 105 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,600 Stay in the DC area maybe right out military school joined the army 106 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,920 Whatever and then we moved to California and we moved to Simi Valley, California 107 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,720 Which is a whole different type of culture and again 108 00:07:53,720 --> 00:08:00,240 You know not having control of the situation and being angry and having a banding banding banding mint issues 109 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:04,880 I was very upset, you know, I was thought my world is over. I had a girlfriend 110 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:11,040 I had my I had my friends my cousin my cousin Elijah is like my best friend and we still talk and hang out 111 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,640 But he's lives in the East Coast and he's coming out this summer that it's neither here nor there 112 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:18,720 But uh, so I was very upset and I moved to Simi Valley, California 113 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:24,560 And that's kind of where I really went off the rails. I got it's a pump rock and like skateboarding and just being 114 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,520 Degenerate like I met this kid Joey long res 115 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,840 he was a real scumbag and him and I would uh 116 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:36,080 We would like we would drink and smoke weed and we would we had this thing where we go around the school asking all the rich 117 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,480 Kids for money because again, my mom brought us up 118 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,960 But there are some really rich kids in California and that was another thing too kids in California 119 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:47,000 They just did not realize like I remember there in ninth grade at least in Simi Valley 120 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,280 I'm sure kids in LA would get it 121 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,040 But it's Simi Valley those kids like well 122 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:55,400 They talk a lot and they want to like make a lot of noise and no one actually wants to fight and they talk and they 123 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:59,000 Act really hard and then like dude, I'm just gonna hit you in the face. What are we doing right now? 124 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:02,640 And so that was a whole thing that happened. I almost got kicked out of seen a C9th grade year 125 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:07,080 But yeah, so I'm doing all that and I'm having a lot of fun though 126 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,240 I'm not gonna be the one like the reality of 127 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:16,320 Alcohol and all mind-altering substances is that it feels good when you use it, especially initially, right? 128 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,760 That's why we use it. It doesn't feel bad. I know it's like oh that hurts so much 129 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:27,620 I'm gonna do it again. All right until it does but initially it was it was awesome, you know, and I remember that's when I 130 00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:35,040 started drinking in ninth grade and I started I was smoking pretty regularly before I started drinking smoking pot because that's just part of my 131 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:40,960 Story and when I started drinking I was like, oh, this is whatever I like more but as high school progressed 132 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:45,880 We started doing other things and we would acquire and distribute other things 133 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,920 For other kids as well and you know make a little money on the side. We would steal kids iPods 134 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:57,160 You're just head lumps. We were not good people in high school. We were really not it's like it's looking back on it 135 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,040 It's like dude, that's crazy 136 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:03,800 like we were scumbags, but I started to feel more comfortable because as I had access to 137 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:09,680 Alcohol and other substances because we had people who could buy us booze and other things 138 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:15,960 People would talk to me more like oh people want these things for me and they'll hang out with me to get them 139 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:20,960 So I was like, oh this is pretty cool. And I've never been a shy person 140 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:25,680 I've always been able to like talk to people and alcohol didn't I didn't drink 141 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:30,720 To be better at speaking to people or like feel comfortable speaking to people. That's not why I drink 142 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:35,960 I drink purely because it feels really good and I like the feeling of being drunk and it makes me happy, right? 143 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,640 It's not and then or so I thought right and as this is happening 144 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,520 I'm like, I just want to party more. I just want to party more and then I end up certain 145 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:47,040 I started having consequences. Sorry, I start getting in more trouble. I lose my football scholarships 146 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,400 through my partying and 147 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:55,160 When that happened, I was pretty upset and the solution was to drink more and I don't know 148 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:59,440 I can't tell you when I became an alcoholic if it was like for my first sip or whatever 149 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,040 But at some point in my drinking it took over 150 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:08,960 me in the sense that to deal with stuff I would drink and maybe that was always the case because I always was out of 151 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:14,000 Control and I always I like to not be in my own head. I like to not think like I love not thinking 152 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:18,000 I like watching reality TV because I want to think right but my I 153 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:22,440 Didn't I wasn't able to recognize it. I wasn't able to recognize that so years later 154 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:29,640 But when I was drinking I lost the ability to cope without drinking and I say I'm an alcoholic and I mean it, right? 155 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,200 I did a lot of other stuff 156 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:36,280 But alcohol is my favorite thing and alcohol when people don't like to hear this alcohol is a drug 157 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:41,760 Like well, it's the only reason why it's not a drug is cuz somebody wrote all the things on paper saying well 158 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,680 This isn't a drug and it's now it's law but alcohol is a drug 159 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:49,200 I would dare say it's more detrimental for you than cocaine is that's what my opinion but it kills more 160 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,640 I mean other than the drug trafficking that cocaine kills people with alcohol probably kills more people 161 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:57,480 Okay, and if you actually look at it, but that's not in there nor there. I 162 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,680 Lost my scholarships and I was like, I'm gonna you know, it's fine 163 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:07,200 I'm just gonna get a minimum wage job and sell drugs on the side and the government's never gonna catch on and no one's gonna 164 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,680 Find figure out what I'm doing and I'll be okay and I was like, this is cool 165 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:14,420 And so I slowly started hanging out with lower and lower quality people except for Joey 166 00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:19,140 He was right there with me the whole time, but I I I was doing actually okay 167 00:12:19,140 --> 00:12:25,700 Like my mom is a hard-working woman and she instilled, you know work ethic with me. Like I'm a good worker 168 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:31,120 I work hard and I get what I need to get done and so I was able to make money and you know for a 169 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,440 While I did fine, you know, I got kicked out of my house when I was 18 170 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:38,240 I should also mention that my mom kicked me out because I had younger my brother's 11 years younger than me 171 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,880 My sister's 20 years younger than me and you know 172 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,560 She didn't want to have that around the kids my little brother at the time when I got kicked out 173 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:49,980 And so I couch surfed and then eventually I ended up in an apartment 174 00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:54,880 I went to a JUCO to play football if you guys don't know what hard knocks is. It's essentially a 175 00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:02,800 system where you go to a junior college, which is a JUCO and you play football and you prove yourself in that system and then 176 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,120 The big universities will take you back if you've proved yourself 177 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:10,560 I got arrested again and they're kind of like that and the only offers I had were to d2 schools and I was 178 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,820 Too good to be playing at a d2 with my ego, right? 179 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:18,560 Like I thought that's like I'm a I'm a top tier, you know player like I'm not gonna go to a d2 180 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:22,260 I'm better than that. So I'm gonna sell made my mind you when I say I was selling stuff 181 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,800 I'm not like a big kingpin like I'm in my head 182 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,820 I thought it was awesome 183 00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:31,840 But I'm like selling minuscule minuscule amounts of stuff and using half of it and not making much money and thinking that I'm doing good 184 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,600 It wasn't like I was like good at it or like had any real connections 185 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:41,600 So in my delusions, that's that's how I was I did I was able to have an affinity 186 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:47,080 And I was able to rent a house until I wasn't and then I bounced around a couple more places 187 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,600 I couldn't repair my infinity 188 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:53,480 So it's all janky and beat up and it has issues and dense from when I'm crashing because I'm drinking is driving all the time 189 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,640 Least of practice drifting while drunk because I thought if you could drift drunk drifts over and so 190 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:03,180 You know, I was becoming more and more of a mess in the thing that in this whole time 191 00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:07,440 I'm not realizing but I can't now now at this point. I can't talk to you anymore 192 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:11,600 Let's enjoy like I can't socialize with people once I'm drunk and that was never a thing for me 193 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,280 Like I I did not need liquid courage to speak at first 194 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,240 But then all of a sudden I couldn't talk to you instead of strong 195 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:24,680 I couldn't interact or deal with anything. That's not strong and I was living with a felon who? 196 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,840 Had gotten he was like he had done some time and like he would he did math 197 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:33,640 So that was the thing and he was like, hey, dude, I think you got a problem. What are we talking about? 198 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:39,480 But he made a bet with me that I couldn't stop drinking for 30 days 199 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,440 This is when I was 22 and he uh, he said he'd give me a hundred dollars 200 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,880 I couldn't drink for the whole month 201 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,720 so I didn't drink for the whole month and I had three seizures and literally fell on the floor and 202 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,280 Shipped myself having a seizure one of the times because I didn't have alcohol 203 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:57,720 Because I didn't have alcohol in my system and I was 22 and I was that dependent on alcohol, but I'm like everything's fine 204 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,400 This is okay 205 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,080 This is normal. This is this normally happens to people 206 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:07,660 And I just kept on continuing and then I got a job at a brewery 207 00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:11,680 Around that right like right after I got my hundred dollars because I was right 208 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:17,720 And so I was working at this brewery and I funnily enough actually had to use chemistry for part of my life 209 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,040 You know because you do need to do a little very low-level chemistry 210 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,680 But there is chemistry involved with working in alcohol 211 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,560 I would make it was a brewery in a winery and I actually worked on the wine side 212 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:32,480 But I'd help the beer guys so I could make wine and I could make beer and then I started dabbling into making hard liquor 213 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:38,800 and I would like get these little po boys if you know that is it's and then like I'd be percolating all the like gases out so 214 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:44,360 I could distill grapefruits into liquor in my actually I did that at Joey's house. I don't know if Joey knew about that 215 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:51,080 I also had the kegs of alcohol that I would just steal like mind you I stole thousands of dollars worth of wine and like 216 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:55,040 You know just materials to make alcohol from the places that I was working at 217 00:15:55,040 --> 00:16:02,440 So I just always would have alcohol available and but I really liked I just really like to drinking like like cheap beer by 218 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,920 The 40, you know, it's just it's just nice. It's like a casual sipper, right? 219 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:11,360 Like I drink hard liquor at night for a third of the day all day. I was drinking beer like that was all day 220 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,000 I was drinking beers like walk and and Brett I need to eat 221 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:18,400 So I continue living like this. I've got multiple DUIs. I 222 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:25,800 Got one DUI my second DUI happens not mind you I was in and out of jail throughout all this time like going in 223 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:30,240 You know and I last time I was in I had written on the wall never again 224 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:35,840 And this is in Ventura County jail and I'm out one night and I get to an altercation 225 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:40,560 I'm not supposed to be in a bar because I'm already on probation for it and I get to a fight and in my head 226 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:41,960 I'm like, oh, I can't be here any longer 227 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:47,960 I need to leave and so I get to my car and I drive away and while I was driving home 228 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,600 I don't remember really I remember flashes of this 229 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:56,600 But basically I tried to merge lanes and was pretty messed up and just went real hard 230 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:02,360 Shot in between two cars hit the center on the 118 and spun out. I'm lucky I didn't kill anybody the cops get there 231 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:06,800 I'm like someone almost killed me someone ran me off the road or whatever and you know 232 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:12,240 Obviously I get arrested get booked and then the fight gets comes to light luckily on camera 233 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,240 I'm not the one who started it and 234 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:19,440 You know, it was at a bar and so that that that ended in my favor the issue 235 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:25,320 I did face though was excessive violence because I was smashing his head repeatedly on the bar and that was where it got 236 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:29,280 That's where I got into a little bit more trouble because that wasn't apparently necessary 237 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:33,740 um, but when I and I'm not like I don't think I'm a violent person, but I 238 00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:37,760 hate when I'm sharing my story because I always there's so much violence in my life and like 239 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,680 You know, I saw as young age and stuff, but you know when I'm drunk 240 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,040 There is that possibility and I go to jail and I get out of jail 241 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,720 My mom is I haven't really been speaking with my mother for years at this point 242 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:54,960 But I was talking to my sister and she had told my mom what had happened and they reach out to me like hey 243 00:17:54,960 --> 00:18:01,440 We're gonna get you the lawyer. So cuz I was looking at doing one to three years in jail and I was like, okay 244 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:05,800 I'll do that. And so at this time at this point I was living in Joey's living room. That was my room 245 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:09,760 I had built a wall to wall off my area of Joey's living room and 246 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:15,500 I go I get out I bail myself out of jail so I can watch the Super Bowl that being said is because of my 247 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:21,480 Pats I'm a Patriots fan the Pats are the best team in the NFL's history and they were playing the Falcons and I just remember 248 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:26,960 being so mad because I'm like I bailed myself out of jail to watch him lose and the greatest and then the greatest come back in 249 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,880 NFL history Super Bowl happens and I was like it was worth it 250 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:36,400 It was worth all that bail money, but Bruce wouldn't really understand it. I guess isn't they won't well, but anyways, um, I go home 251 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:42,040 I have a keg of hard cider and I had broken my kegerator so I couldn't get into it 252 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,580 Luckily, it was one of those plastic eggs 253 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:46,240 I don't know if you guys have ever worked at a bar, but they don't only have metal kegs 254 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:51,340 They have plastic kids are easier cheaper. So I just cut into it with a knife now 255 00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:57,180 She's drinking out of this five gallon keg as much as I could. I did all my other substances as well 256 00:18:57,180 --> 00:19:01,840 I was pretty also that wasn't that was a lit. I was a mess and thank you 257 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,680 I go and go to rehab and I'm in my head 258 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,120 I'm like, I'll be there for two weeks and I don't I have no to be sober 259 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,780 I just don't want to go to jail for a long time or for an extended period of time and 260 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:18,900 While I'm there I meet this girl her name was Lauren and she was from Texas and had blue hair and I was like 261 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,900 Maybe I'll stay longer than two weeks 262 00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:25,040 And so I did and then Lauren went out Lauren actually went out 263 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:30,720 But at that point I had made friends with enough the guys there that I stayed and something had started to happen where I wasn't 264 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,680 Drinking so I was dealing with my emotions and my anger and my feelings 265 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:39,580 but I was able to talk to these other people who are going through the same thing and having the same feelings and 266 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:46,520 Feeling the same way as me and it really felt good and refreshing and I didn't have to worry about really 267 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:52,000 My behavior I just got to exist and be at peace almost for the first time in a long time 268 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:58,600 And I started going to meetings and the first meeting I went to I was very irritable and discontent 269 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:03,340 And I remember it was every two minutes the timer go off and I was like just text it who's texting right now 270 00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:04,400 We're all sharing our lines 271 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,480 I'm like in my head who's texting the guy and the guy and I'm losing my mind and getting real aggressive the guy next to me 272 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:13,360 He's like dude, it's the timer that means their time zone for sharing and I was like, I'm not coming back to this me 273 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:16,360 So I go through all that and I just still didn't really want to be sober us 274 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,360 It's like whatever you guys are called don't talk to me 275 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:23,360 I'm smarter than everyone around me. No, I don't act like it. But I 276 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:30,240 Started to enjoy going to the meetings. I started boy hanging out before the meeting and after the meeting and going to 277 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:35,740 What's it called Mel's diner on Lincoln Boulevard after a meeting, right? 278 00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:38,800 And so we were doing stuff like that and you know 279 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:43,360 I would hang out with these guys and we'd get into trouble and it was fun, you know 280 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:48,320 Like we I remember 1/4 of July the year. I got sober. We were skateboarding on 281 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:55,680 Federal and we had bottle rockets like we're skateboarding the road shooting a Roman candles into the air while skateboarding 282 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,480 And then like we heard the sirens coming we're all like just split up 283 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,420 And so it's just fun, you know doing stupid stuff 284 00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:05,580 But like I didn't have to be drunk to do that and it was fun and I started to have fun 285 00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:08,480 doing things while sober and then what really 286 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,920 Got me is the guy who I really looked up to and was my ended up being my first sponsor 287 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:17,280 You know, I started talking to was like like how are you so cool and chill and handle these situations? 288 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,680 So that some handle some conversations and I was like, okay 289 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,800 Why don't we talk about it? 290 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,560 And so I ended up working the 12 steps with him and you know 291 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:30,240 He told he's the one who told me that being sober isn't not drinking. It's really easy to not drink 292 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,080 It's it's difficult to behave the right way and take the right action 293 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:39,240 so he didn't say the right action but like like cuz it came out because I was stealing food still from the store because the 294 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:43,840 Rehab I went to they only gave us $50 a week for food and I was like, that's not enough. So I needed to get 295 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:50,840 So I was like stealing dry aged steak and ringing them up as bananas like you can't do that and say that you're sober 296 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,520 And so, you know, I started doing all that 297 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:59,240 I would I started going to meetings and I started working this 12 steps and I was about four months sober 298 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:04,480 So when I started working the 12 steps, it was four months in I do not recommend that 299 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,540 I recommend that you get a sponsor you get a home group and you work the 12 steps as fast as you can if you're 300 00:22:08,540 --> 00:22:10,060 Not already. I didn't do that 301 00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:14,800 It's just my story, but I did have for like four months and then when I started to do that 302 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,460 I was not the first three steps. I was like, whatever. I was almost going through the motions 303 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:25,240 but the fourth step really and the fourth step really hit me hit me hard and I had to like look at my part and 304 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:29,760 These resentments that I had and you know, like especially with certain people in my life 305 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:35,760 like you were like it's my mom in particular really like it made me cry and I'm not like a big crier, but I did and 306 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:42,600 I started to feel better because I started to like take pride in my actions and how I conducted myself and you know people as 307 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:48,080 I as I come up upon my first year other people now are like hey, dude, you're doing the sober thing good 308 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,520 How can we like hang out with you and like a lot of people want me to be their sponsor? 309 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:55,500 but I'm pretty serious on like actually working the program when 310 00:22:55,500 --> 00:23:01,360 like with all my with all my joking and behavior when it comes to working the 12 steps like I take that very seriously and 311 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:06,260 you know people aren't ready for that and when I got out of rehab, I moved into a 312 00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:12,160 sober living and then from there I wound up getting my own apartment and you know throughout all this I've 313 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:17,220 Started to become myself again and I ended up meeting this girl and I never thought I'd be married 314 00:23:17,220 --> 00:23:21,760 I didn't know what life had for me because I was like I'm just gonna be a drunk mess my whole life and I 315 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:28,240 met my now wife Hannah and we are married and we have a house and we have a son and we're about to have us we're 316 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:34,560 Having a second son coming later this year. I don't know if it's Sun yet, but I have a feeling I have a feeling that it is 317 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,160 But you know 318 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:40,200 I wouldn't have any of that if I didn't go through what I went through 319 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:45,800 Because that brought me to AA and I had to reach a level of spiritual bankruptcy 320 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:52,440 really that made me want to change and want to be a different person and work the 12 steps and you have to you can't 321 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,120 I haven't yet to see someone who can do it without working a program 322 00:23:55,120 --> 00:24:01,160 So again get a sponsor get a home group and get to work and you know with that 323 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:07,040 I'd like to thank God my sponsor in a is a whole lot. So I get five minutes right Monte alcohol 324 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:12,960 Yeah, I'm just gonna thank God my sponsoring quality of life. You guys heard me share 325 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,160 I worked this whole steps in because I did that I'm sober today. That's it