1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000
 You know, my, as my drinking progressed, so did my problems.

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,300
 My problems with my stepdad, my family,

3
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:11,340
 I became very defiant, argumentative,

4
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:15,400
 and just really just running amok, running wild.

5
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,240
 And hanging out with the bad crowd, you know,

6
00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:21,800
 and my legal issues grew, my arrests.

7
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:26,240
 I, excuse me, I also started to get arrested.

8
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:29,120
 Felonies, you know, drunk in stores.

9
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,120
 I remember one, you know, I,

10
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,040
 they thought I was stealing, and I wasn't,

11
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,900
 and this guy put his hands on me,

12
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,540
 and I was still in the store, and he was in plain clothes,

13
00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:40,000
 and I hit him in the face, and shattered his nose,

14
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,840
 and was bleeding, and he was like their security

15
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,040
 in this off-duty cop who was moonlighting as a security.

16
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,860
 He took me, and you know, I ended up in the county jail,

17
00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:51,440
 and it was just, you know, thing after thing after thing.

18
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,560
 And my family, you know, tried to intervene,

19
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,480
 they tried to help me, everything under the sun, you know.

20
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:01,760
 They would take me to the rooms of AA, wait outside,

21
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,420
 they'd take me, they'd sit in the meeting,

22
00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:05,560
 they'd expose me to the rooms,

23
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,320
 and you know, I would hear bits and pieces.

24
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,360
 But I didn't, you know, what you guys had at that time,

25
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,840
 I certainly didn't want, you know.

26
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,120
 There was no fun in there, there was nothing I,

27
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,080
 and you know, they would try and take me to doctors,

28
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,120
 and you know, soon enough it was I couldn't be at home,

29
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,240
 and you know, I moved out, and then I'd lose that place,

30
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,960
 and wind up, you know, they found out about, you know,

31
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:33,200
 rehabs and sober livings, and then that was a,

32
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,680
 you know, just a never-ending train of treatment.

33
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,860
 And you know, as time went on,

34
00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:39,560
 just in and out of the rooms,

35
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,440
 the exposure to the rooms, treatment,

36
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,160
 my drinking and partying progressed,

37
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:48,440
 my parents got divorced, and my mom let me come

38
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,160
 and live with her and my younger brother,

39
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,980
 her younger brother with special needs,

40
00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:54,340
 and you know, I would try and clean up and do good,

41
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:57,160
 and you know, fall off, you know,

42
00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:01,000
 as we do with no program, and no support.

43
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,720
 You know, I just didn't want to be honest,

44
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,080
 I didn't want to try something else.

45
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,320
 And you know, that whole period,

46
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,080
 gosh it was probably a period of like eight or nine years,

47
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:16,280
 just arrests, jail, treatment, go back home,

48
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:19,280
 just this never-ending vicious cycle.

49
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,120
 At one point they like, I think I was in the county jail

50
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,880
 for like six or seven months,

51
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,840
 I think it was in 2009 or 10.

52
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,080
 And I remember they were releasing me,

53
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,320
 it was like the day before, and I looked around,

54
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,680
 and I had been in there, in and out, you know,

55
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,760
 enough times to know the whole deal,

56
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,440
 and you know, overall be fairly comfortable there

57
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,980
 with the whole process and whatnot, and how things work.

58
00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:45,280
 And you know, I looked around and I just,

59
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,000
 I thought I had this moment of clarity,

60
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,720
 and I couldn't let this be my life,

61
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,080
 'cause I had already been in and out in treatment,

62
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,520
 you know, probably a hand five, six times.

63
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,280
 And I was like, this is going to be my life,

64
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,280
 this is it if I don't change something.

65
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,860
 And it was just a brief moment, you know.

66
00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:05,240
 And on top of that, I remember this custody deputy said,

67
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,480
 you'll be back, you know, they always come back,

68
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:08,740
 you'll be back, sure.

69
00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,300
 And you know, I just thought he was, you know,

70
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,920
 the biggest a-hole, and you know,

71
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,360
 I didn't let him know that.

72
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,360
 But you know, so I got out and, you know,

73
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,560
 I tried to clean up and I would try and go to meetings

74
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,880
 and do it on my own.

75
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,960
 And I never really stuck my hand out.

76
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,220
 I didn't do what was suggested of others.

77
00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:31,760
 You know, I would be in the back, I would be quiet.

78
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:35,780
 I would, you know, come late, leave early, you know,

79
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,680
 pick apart and judge people and whatnot.

80
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,100
 And you know, not realizing that, you know,

81
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,660
 this is what I need.

82
00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:45,000
 And you know, that didn't last very long.

83
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,000
 Of course, it just, you know, it kept,

84
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,680
 it was just as vicious, like.

85
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,720
 And I think I got arrested again.

86
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:55,360
 Went, you know, went back to jail one last time

87
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,520
 and, you know, got out.

88
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,280
 I forgot, I forgot what happened.

89
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,680
 It was like a serious charge.

90
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,600
 And I had this attorney and he like got me probation

91
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,500
 and basically got it, you know, pretty much reduced.

92
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,080
 You know, they were talking at first.

93
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,720
 They were like, look, you've been in and out.

94
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,640
 And they were trying to sentence me to all these years.

95
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,200
 And I was like, this is crazy.

96
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,640
 You know, I had been blacked out

97
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,520
 and I was at a friend's house and something transpired

98
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,480
 and the police came and somehow they said,

99
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:20,800
 well, you've crossed the threshold.

100
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,420
 Well, they were in the house and that's technically,

101
00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:24,880
 you know, breaking and entering.

102
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,320
 And I was like, what, you're crazy.

103
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:27,580
 And it's a big old thing.

104
00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:30,160
 But anyway, I was given this second chance

105
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,660
 or third, whatever, seventh chance.

106
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:35,900
 And you know, everybody even said,

107
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,240
 I remember I was in, you know, the courtroom

108
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,120
 and afterwards and people were like, you know,

109
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,720
 your attorney really fought for you.

110
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,000
 Like, you're really lucky you got this chance.

111
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,960
 And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

112
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,560
 And I'm gonna do good.

113
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,160
 And you know, through the grace of God,

114
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,400
 I was able to keep it together somewhat

115
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,420
 and still really struggled though, you know,

116
00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:59,040
 with stop drinking and partying for a few days a week

117
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,280
 and then fall off.

118
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:04,600
 And you know, this was in about 2012.

119
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,200
 I didn't know what else to do.

120
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,440
 And so I think I was living with my stepdad.

121
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,840
 My parents were divorced

122
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,280
 and he was trying to take me to meetings.

123
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,680
 I think my license was suspended or something.

124
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,480
 You know, I just wasn't able to do it.

125
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,880
 And I didn't wanna go back to rehab.

126
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,720
 You know, that was not for me.

127
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:26,640
 And I decided to reach out to this rehab here

128
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,160
 in the valley that I knew about that I had went through

129
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,920
 that took a lot of court commitments.

130
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,640
 And I called other rehabs, they were all full

131
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,080
 or they couldn't take me or whatever it may be.

132
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,620
 And this place had a bed and I just knew

133
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:42,600
 that I couldn't keep going on like this.

134
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,520
 And you know, the day I was, the day before,

135
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,520
 I think the night before I was set to go,

136
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,360
 I tried with all my heart and my mind to white knuckle it.

137
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,860
 And you know, I found myself, you know, yet again,

138
00:05:55,860 --> 00:05:57,440
 getting in the car, you know,

139
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,120
 going and getting drunk and partying.

140
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,080
 And I remember on my way to do all that,

141
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,800
 I had stopped and threw up because I was so sick.

142
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:08,400
 I didn't wanna do it, but I had no control of my body.

143
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,620
 You know, my alcoholism was just running my mind so bad.

144
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:12,760
 And I just, I couldn't do it.

145
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,320
 It's like, it wasn't even me going to do these things.

146
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,640
 And so, you know, I went and did what we do.

147
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,680
 And, you know, the next day or the day after that,

148
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,240
 I went to this rehab and I had known pretty much

149
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,600
 how it worked and whatnot.

150
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,100
 And it was just, I was so done and broken in.

151
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,320
 I didn't know, I didn't know how to live.

152
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,260
 I didn't know, I was just a kid.

153
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:37,840
 And you know, I was broken spiritually, emotionally.

154
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,600
 You know, even though I was 28,

155
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,080
 I didn't have a sense of purpose.

156
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,880
 And I got into this rehab and you know, my alcoholic mind,

157
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,320
 they thought it was a bright idea to sneak this cell phone

158
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,000
 in 'cause you couldn't have cell phones.

159
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,100
 So I snuck the cell phone in and somebody found out,

160
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,920
 one of the clients there and they,

161
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,720
 he approached me and he's like, I'll give you, you know,

162
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,540
 I think it was $100, $150 to use your phone just twice.

163
00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:03,440
 I wanna call, you know, my guy,

164
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,060
 drop off some alcohol and whatnot and just let me use it.

165
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,440
 And I didn't want him to use it.

166
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,440
 And I avoided it.

167
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,640
 And I remember that night, I didn't know what to do.

168
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,360
 And I broke down and I just got on my knees

169
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,580
 and I prayed to God who, you know,

170
00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:21,720
 I had a time I had a relationship with on, you know,

171
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,840
 holiday occasions, we were brought up Catholic,

172
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,080
 but you know, and I believed in him.

173
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,800
 And so I just asked God to take away the obsession.

174
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,100
 I can't do this anymore.

175
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,920
 I don't know what to do, I'm gonna die.

176
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,080
 And I remember I started crying

177
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,000
 and I just went to bed that night.

178
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,640
 And I had thought about throwing the cell phone away

179
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,040
 and breaking it or something.

180
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,400
 And I just went to bed that night and you know,

181
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:48,080
 we woke up the next morning and something transpired.

182
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,320
 And this guy who I was worried about,

183
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,560
 'cause I didn't wanna give in to him

184
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,940
 'cause I knew that this was just gonna be getting over

185
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,120
 coaster and I didn't have,

186
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,280
 I didn't have the willpower to say no fully.

187
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,680
 And they had kicked this guy out overnight.

188
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,920
 And I remember that it was just like a God shot.

189
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,760
 And I took that and I, you know,

190
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,280
 put my best foot forward in this rehab.

191
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,560
 We went to meetings and I just,

192
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,840
 every day I would pray and I'd do the groups.

193
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,680
 And we went to a meeting in Granada Hills.

194
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,980
 And I remember I have to do everything.

195
00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:23,740
 I have to do everything that I don't wanna do.

196
00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:25,640
 I have to take contrary action.

197
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,240
 And I remember I told myself,

198
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,760
 the first person I hear speak when I walk in that door,

199
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,600
 I'm gonna ask to be my temporary sponsor or sponsor.

200
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,440
 And I did.

201
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,240
 And we came back the next week and he did say yes.

202
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,600
 And, you know, I called him every day.

203
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,280
 I did what was suggested and, you know,

204
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:46,080
 I was able to, you know, put weeks together and months.

205
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,220
 And then I think it was like six months to five months.

206
00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:51,340
 I was in that rehab center by choice.

207
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:52,860
 Everybody else was court committed.

208
00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:55,500
 I wasn't, I just came, you know, 'cause I needed the help.

209
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:59,480
 And so the time came to leave and I only knew, you know,

210
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,880
 that part of the valley, Granada Hills, Porter Ranch.

211
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,320
 I only knew like the valley

212
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,600
 and I wanted nothing more than to set up roots

213
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,200
 and continue to build a foundation

214
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,520
 in my super guiding meetings.

215
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,280
 And, you know, that's what I did.

216
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,440
 And, you know, it was like, I was 28.

217
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,140
 It was like starting over, I guess, for normies.

218
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:18,100
 But for me, it was, I've never started.

219
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:18,940
 This was it.

220
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:22,040
 I'm gonna go rent an apartment or room for rent, I remember.

221
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:25,640
 And, you know, build my life.

222
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,280
 And, you know, I used to hear people sharing meetings,

223
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:30,600
 you know, early on.

224
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,440
 And they used to say, you know, "Oh, you know, AA

225
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,800
 and God has given me more than I could ever imagine."

226
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,760
 You know, the gifts of sobriety or more.

227
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,360
 And, you know, I always thought they were kind of lying

228
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,600
 or, you know, not telling the truth.

229
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,760
 But, you know, all I wanted was like my own place

230
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,820
 and a car and, you know, a girlfriend.

231
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:53,760
 And I would've been fine for life.

232
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,600
 That's all I wanted.

233
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,180
 And, you know, I left that rehab.

234
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,080
 I took commitments.

235
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,440
 I went to the same meetings.

236
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:03,080
 I got to know people and I used to set goals for myself,

237
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,120
 like just nightly goals.

238
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,760
 Like I have to go and shake three people's hands.

239
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,320
 I need to get two phone numbers.

240
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,360
 I need to, I didn't want to do this.

241
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,880
 I was, you know, scared.

242
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:13,960
 What would you think of me?

243
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,480
 You know, I look, you know, weak or, you know,

244
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,480
 like I have no friends and it was just, you know,

245
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:23,040
 this very just low self-esteem factor.

246
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,520
 And so I would do this and, you know,

247
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,200
 I got to know people in the meetings.

248
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,360
 And as I got to know people in the meetings,

249
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,160
 I gravitated towards, you know, men that regularly went

250
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,960
 and I made friends and I had a friend group and, you know,

251
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,360
 we started to do stuff outside of the meetings

252
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,920
 and we started to do, you know, trips

253
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,300
 and different activities and all kinds of, you know,

254
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:45,320
 great fun stuff.

255
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,560
 And, you know, slowly but surely, you know,

256
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,700
 months turned to a year, a year turned into two.

257
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,320
 And, you know, I was able to, you know,

258
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,160
 start working and all of that stuff

259
00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:01,280
 and build a higher power, connect with a higher power,

260
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:06,220
 you know, and meditate and try and stop being selfish

261
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:10,440
 and give back, be of service so I can get out of my head.

262
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,300
 You know, in early on in sobriety, you know,

263
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:17,960
 I had a mountain problem, legal problems, family problems.

264
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,360
 I mean, I had burned so many bridges and, you know,

265
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,040
 slowly but surely, you know,

266
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,560
 my sponsor and men in these rooms would say, you know,

267
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,520
 just deal with it when it comes, you know,

268
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,320
 let's suit up and show up.

269
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:33,200
 And I did, you know, I used to have so many legal problems

270
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,980
 and probation and just a mountain of stuff.

271
00:11:35,980 --> 00:11:38,520
 And I didn't, you know, I didn't know how I was gonna,

272
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,680
 you know, do this and that's okay.

273
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:43,240
 You know, I asked others, how did they do this?

274
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,320
 How did they cross this bridge?

275
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,920
 How did they make this amends?

276
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:50,960
 And, you know, slowly I was starting to put a life together,

277
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,040
 you know, being of service,

278
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,920
 meeting new people in the program,

279
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:58,200
 putting myself out there and, you know,

280
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,540
 I really, really developed a really good foundation.

281
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:04,080
 And during that time, you know,

282
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,300
 making amends, going through the steps and, you know,

283
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:10,660
 making living amends in my family who I really hurt,

284
00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,880
 you know, I mean, you name it, I've done it.

285
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:16,960
 I mean, everything, you know, from, you know, yelling,

286
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,040
 cursing at your family, stealing my mom's money,

287
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:24,660
 everything, their cars, crashing them, you know, my mom,

288
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:28,040
 I had to make an amends to my mom for stealing her car

289
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:32,080
 when I was blacked out on Christmas Eve and crashing it

290
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,600
 with all my brother's Christmas presents in the trunk

291
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,580
 and they towed her car, but magically they let me go.

292
00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:42,160
 And so, you know, that was hard, you know,

293
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,720
 amongst other things and, you know,

294
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:47,660
 learning to be of service to my mom, make living amends,

295
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:51,320
 you know, help out, help others and really, you know,

296
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,040
 uncover through these steps, you know, why I drink,

297
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,600
 why I drink.

298
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,860
 You know, walking through and dealing with the feelings

299
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:02,080
 and emotions that I had been trying to numb for so long,

300
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,360
 you know, and as I was able to get sober,

301
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,780
 I, you know, started experiencing new things sober

302
00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:09,280
 or for the first time in my life, which were great.

303
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:13,740
 You know, I, you know, early on, I was so just,

304
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:16,880
 I feel like timid and very shy and I would just sit

305
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,360
 in the back, but I would stick my hand out, you know,

306
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,800
 in big social groups, but you know, it's amazing, you know,

307
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,440
 and all I used to want in the beginning was just my own

308
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:29,200
 place and car and just the life of, you know,

309
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,720
 and this program has given me so much more.

310
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,680
 I can't even begin.

311
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,680
 It's unreal, really, you know,

312
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:39,020
 I have been able to build a career.

313
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:40,680
 I work in the mental health field.

314
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,720
 I work with special needs individuals who suffer

315
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,360
 from schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, you know,

316
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,480
 I went back to school and graduated college, you know,

317
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,560
 and I got married in this program.

318
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,760
 The men in these rooms have been able to, you know,

319
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,240
 be a part of that, which is very meaningful.

320
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,200
 I've been able to be a son to my mother and be a brother

321
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,040
 to my brothers again, I was able to, you know,

322
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,640
 my brother a few years ago had his own battles with,

323
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,080
 you know, alcoholism and mental health.

324
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,040
 And, you know, it was very much a crisis,

325
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,400
 but I was able to, you know,

326
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,880
 help my mom as she's getting older.

327
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,120
 She didn't really know what to do and, you know,

328
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,840
 I've been able to be there for him as well, you know,

329
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:25,440
 and that's truly an amazing gift that I'm very lucky to have

330
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:30,040
 just being present, being sober and being in their life.

331
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,280
 You know, I got married in this program.

332
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,920
 I, you know, the legal problems,

333
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,800
 I was able to go through the process,

334
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:39,920
 though it took a long time and many tries to finally,

335
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,280
 you know, go back into court, I think for all seven cases,

336
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:48,280
 which is a period of eight years and get those reduced

337
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,800
 and ultimately dismissed and expunged

338
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,840
 so I can further my career and, you know, different things.

339
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,240
 I, you know, my wife, I met my beautiful wife,

340
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,680
 you know, in these rooms and, you know, God's funny.

341
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,760
 She works in, she works for the federal government,

342
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,000
 you know, so my past was presented to her.

343
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,760
 She knew, she knew, I've told her, you know, I'm sober.

344
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,280
 I had thought I had explained it very thorough,

345
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,680
 but when they presented it to her,

346
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,440
 it was a shock and surprise,

347
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,280
 but I had thought I had presented it well

348
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,960
 and it was all understood, but, you know,

349
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,920
 this program has been able to teach me

350
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,480
 how to walk through that and be accountable,

351
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:34,240
 be honest and forthcoming, you know, and be a husband,

352
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,320
 be a partner, 'cause it's not all about me and, you know,

353
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,920
 that's one thing that this program has taught me,

354
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,920
 you know, others are in need and I'm able to,

355
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,280
 to step up and help and give a helping hand,

356
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,160
 you know, AA's there and I need to be there too.

357
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,560
 You know, I love this program and thank you again,

358
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:55,080
 Abraham, for asking me to come out, you know,

359
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,200
 'cause without this program,

360
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,760
 I know for sure that I would be either dead

361
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,360
 or just in some jail cell somewhere, but probably dead,

362
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,680
 you know, and without AA and all of you and my higher power,

363
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,280
 I would have nothing, thank you.